#I've felt like this most of my life and when I did complain my parents were like that's normal

[tiny-space-platypus]

Never really fit back in

Part 2 Daniel or Danyal or Danny?

previous

Danyal took a deep breath. There was only one person who could bring him to his brother. One person who could get him into the Wayne household. Vlad Masters, his godfather, though things were getting better with Vlad it was still awkward. He doubted he'd ever fully trust him but he was the only adult around who knew what he was and at least for right now wasn't trying to kill him for it. Plus he had access to the Wayne Galas and as his heir Danny did too.

"Daniel" Vlad smiled at him and offered him a seat at his table. "I was quite surprised when you asked to have a meeting with me" Danyal took a seat as dinner was served to them. He hesitated before speaking. Danny had been trying to prepare what to say to Vlad all day but now he was here, his mind went blank.

"I-" He paused as he pursed his lips before stealing his nerves once again. "I'd like to take up your offer of being your heir." Vlad stopped moving for a second as his smile faltered. he stared at Daniel. The silence was deafening. Danyal continued or well rambled after an uncomfortably long few minutes of silence. "The Fenton household hasn't felt safe in.. Well it's never been safe but ever since my accident it's just gotten worse. The house is always attacking me, even though my parents- Even though Maddie and Jack know I'm Phantom now that hasn't stopped them- actually I think they've just been ignoring me. And-"

"Daniel,"

"Since Jazz left for college, I've only really had Sam and Tucker but-"

"Daniel"

"They're now busy preparing for their own futures and all that-"

"Daniel!" Vlad spoke a little louder silencing Danny again then sighed. "I will gladly take you in, Daniel. It's the least I can do for you" Danyal relaxed a bit, though not too much. Vlad might be better now but he's still a power hungry fruitloop. Danny still had to be careful but at least Vlad's manor wasn't actively trying to destroy him. At least Vlad acknowledged his existence. And so Danny's new life began.

A few new changes happened after he started to live with Vlad. One he changed his legal name to Danyal (it just felt more real), he and Vlad still argue over changing his last name over to Masters but Danny's not ready for that. Danny had to start taking etiquette classes from both Dorothy and Vlad, Vlad had gotten him plenty of suits and other more comfortable clothes, and Danny had full access to his lab. Though Danny didn't go down there often, it gave him the creeps in a bad way. Most labs did at this point. Instead he had taken over a large room and had a work desk where he tinkered on what ever her felt like tinkering on, or schoolwork, or the loads of paper work he had to do for the Infinite Realms. It was kind of nice having Vlad help with that though at least someone could explain what half of it meant and wasn't as secretive as Clockwork.

Four months passed and things were going great actually. Things were finally starting to feel alright again, maybe this was the best decision. Eventually Danny did tell Vlad about being Damian's brother only because he would have to confront Damian at the Wayne Christmas gala.

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Damian just like his other siblings dreaded the galas but they were important. It was important to keep building relationships with the public and the rich. It was important to keep a mask on and play the very rich found family of Brucie Wayne. It was important to keep their night life out of the picture.

Damian got ready with his siblings as usual. He listened and complained with them about the Gala as Jason laughed and praised being "dead". At least being the youngest meant he wasn't as bothered by the guests as the rest of his siblings were. All he had to do was introduce himself to the guests, have his picture taken a thousand times and lurk around the party. A boring night that would be much better spent on patrol. Though he was just has confident that the others could Patrol Gotham without them as his father.

The gala was about normal, he greeted guests with his father as Tim went out to do some networking. Dick playing as his usual self, Cass lurking around, Steph tormenting people by being her eccentric self, and Duke wandering around and making small talk. The night was normal till Masters arrived.

By that point Damian had broken off from his father and went to see and spend time with his siblings. Though something felt off after about a half hour. Damian went to report this to his father only to find him still speaking with Masters who had a boy with him. He paid no mind to him. "Father there's-" Damian paused then looked at the boy standing next to Masters who was smiling at him.

Danyal. That was Danyal. That was Danyal. That was Danyal.

Damian just stared at Danny with a look of horror that his father caught quickly. Before Bruce could pull Damian away he heard his brother speak.

"Hello, Damian. It's nice to see you again"

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Bruce had never seen his son like that before. He had never seen that look on his son's face before. Something had to be wrong he just didn't know what yet. Bruce excused both himself and Damian from the Masters and brought Damian over to the others. He looked at his son who looked both terrified and shell shocked. Bruce spoke softly.

"Damian, are you alright chum?"

Damian started to hyperventilate and mumble in Arabic. Damian normally spoke in Arabic when upset but this was very clearly different. Bruce brought Damian to his room, not because he was in trouble but because he was freaking out and needed some quiet. That night for the first time Damian openly cried in front of Bruce. That night for the first time Damian held onto Bruce like his life depended on it and sobbed. That night for the first time Damian sobbed into his father.

Bruce didn't know what the Masters did to his son but they won't get away with it. That he swore. He'll have Tim and Barbara look into them later for now his son needs him.

Next

[ploonets]

PEOPLE GET TO WAKE UP FEELING LIKE THIS EVERYDAY??????

my bfs family gave me a cpap machine and I am trying it out tonight for the first time

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my friend spoiled?

So my friend still lives with her parents. She is 27 years old and still has dinner cooked for her every night, has her parents clean her room, has them do her laundry, etc. They only just asked her this month to pay some money towards house bills like internet etc and she complained for hours about them “stealing her money”. Now being spoiled isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s great her parents are willing to still do all that for her. The problem is my friend tells anyone and everyone that her parents are abusive.

To be honest she’s pretty bad at remembering events accurately. For example someone will give her constructive criticism, she’ll be a little upset, then with each retelling and the more time that passes she’ll build it up and up in her head until it becomes “this person SCREAMED INSULTS at me” and she’ll be genuinely distressed over it. She genuinely remembers stuff this way, she’s not lying exactly. She’s been upset with me over stuff I’ve supposedly said or done and when I’ve asked her to find the conversation she’s talking about in chat logs etc she’ll look back and realise it never happened or it was said completely differently and then she’ll be shocked and apologise.

The stuff with her parents is the same kind of deal. We’ll be on call, I’ll hear her dad calmly say “Can you put your clothes away in the bathroom please?”, and by the time she’s back she’ll be upset and ask me “Did you hear my dad scream that at me?”

She tells all our friends that her parents are abusive and constantly screaming at her and forcing her to do stuff.

For context as to why this upsets me a bit, I grew up in a hellishly abusive household. Not going to get into details but it went as far as having knives held to me, having my fingers broken, being homeless for almost a year. So hearing her call her parents abusive all the time when they do so much for her and treat her so well and all our friends offering support and joking they'll fight her parents really frustrates me. I watch her and her dad chase each other down the driveway to give each other hugs and I feel so envious of how comfortable and good their relationship is.

I recently stayed with her for a few months while I recovered from a surgery over Christmas and. it just got worse from there.

On Christmas she got more presents than I've ever seen in my LIFE. Her parents got ME more gifts than I've ever gotten! One gift she threw out the instructions and then got frustrated she couldn't work it, and in front of me she called her mom through, and snapped at her that her gift didn't work and it was useless. Her mom apologised and asked if she should return it, and my friend was just like "Well it's too late now isn't it!" I was just sitting there in shock because it felt so rude and ungrateful

The other night we were with friends and she was telling them about how her dad had made a joke about her being spoiled. She turned to me and said “AM I spoiled?” in a way that clearly expected me to say no and back her up.

I just kind of snapped and had enough and I said “Honestly? You’re one of the most spoiled people I’ve ever met.”

I said it in a kind of light-hearted tone and she played it off like a joke, but she seemed really mad I’d said it in front of our friends considering she’s been telling them how bad they are all this time.

Since then I’ve had a couple of our friends come to me and ask what her family is really like and I’ve said I don’t feel right talking to them about it if my friend doesn’t want me to, but it’s made me wonder if I was an asshole for saying it considering it’s clearly made our friends distrust her word now. And they potentially realised I wasn’t joking with the fact they’ve come to ask me privately about it.

AITA for saying it in the way and situation I did?

What are these acronyms?

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This is a personal post about boarding school experience and its later effects in life. It will be under keep reading so anyone can scroll over it if they don't want to read it. It's mostly for me and the need to express the thoughts I've been having and I need an outlet for that.

I've been reading once again about boarding school syndrome all day since this morning. I don't know why I do this to myself. Why I feel the need to go back to all that as if to check if all the damage is still there. Or like a way to pity myself and then to hate it for feeling sorry for myself once again. It's a cycle. I must have remembered something last night before falling asleep because I found myself today at 10 am reading a research paper on it and then looking up testimonials in reddit.

But the thing is, most of the research is done on English boarding schools and as much as the overall experience is similar, there are so many nuances in the differences that exist.

I vividly remember looking out the window and watching my parents get in the car and leave. It was Sunday evening and they had the car parked on a smaller street in downtown where I was left to stay. The next day was the first day of school and I was 11, starting 5th grade.

I read that in cases of children going to boarding school, a lot of them remember in detail the moment the separation took place. And it's true even if it's been almost 20 years since then. That's when my stomach issues began. Of course the cause was emotional stress, but that didn't stop from going to medical clinics weekly to do full check ups when any adult should have realized that I was just homesick. The year after, I began to feel nausea each Monday morning. I used to beg my parents to postpone my return as much as possible so I would only leave home on Monday and arrive an hour before classes would start. For five years I went to school in the afternoon. The nausea became a constant. I would complain on that day, hoping my mother would tell me that I don't have to go to school. But I couldn't understand at that time that my mother was emotionally unavailable and had no idea how to deal with her daughter's real needs.

But I kept going and as years went by, I got used to it and it felt easier by the time I finished high school. When I was already in college, I had forgotten half of my experience and I would gloss over what happened. I would act proud of how fast I had become independent, without needing any help, as if that was a good thing.

Of course that at some point I slowly started to realize that not everything went that well, but either way, that perhaps it was worth the sacrifice if I manage to do something well professionally. Eight years of boarding school meant sacrifices and financial investment. For me to go to the most prestigious middle school (I had to take an English exam for 5th grade, that was unheard of at that time in any other school!), then to the most prestigious high school to receive the best grades which would help to get into the most prestigious university so I can study exactly what I want because by then I found my passion. And I was encouraged. So I worked for it for more than a decade because all the pain had to have been worth it. Yes, parts of life sucks, but perhaps a uni position while I teach and research would compensate for it. But it never did and that entire plan fell to pieces because life doesn't work how I wanted to.

So was all that worth it in the end? Absolutely not.

For years I would think and say that I never suffered bullying in school because my colleagues were nice and for the most part, I had nice experiences. And that's still true. While at the same time forgetting that I also had that other life in boarding school where 17-18 year girls found abuse a form of entertainment.

Bullying is such a common occurence but it gets worse in boarding school because you can't get to any space that feels safe. You can't get home to your own room and to your own parents who might notice something and intervene. In boarding school you have to sleep in the same room and next to the same bed as your abusers. You take showers next to them, hoping that nothing happens. It's living in constant fear.

All my emotional mechanisms have developed during those years, especially between the ages of 11-13. I quickly learned to avoid any type of conflict because that would mess up whatever aparent peace that existed from time to time. I learned that speaking up and telling the adults responsible meant that I was in more danger.

As adults, those who went through the boarding school experience have trouble maintaining relationships. We become self sufficient because we had to. There was no help so we learned to take care of ourselves. Consequently, we don't need other people, especially if we know they will eventually abandon us. Of course attempts are made because it's in our nature. I've lost friendships because rather than making myself heard and to be an active participant in a relationship, I distanced myself. It's easier than to speak because there's a risk that the other person would certainly decide to break the friendship. Avoid conflict at all costs, even it rots everything from the inside. I'm still actively doing this.

When I told my therapist about these experiences (which I don't think I'll talk about in detail here), she used the word trauma. To this day, I have a hard time accepting it. Because deep down I still don't believe that my experience was that bad to be labeled that way. It's not real trauma if nothing really actually "bad" happens.

It's only bad enough that it infiltrated and influenced all aspects of my entire life. From personal relationships to professional. The latter I used to think it was independent and untouchable of all the things I had going on personally. But of course to realize as an adult that the need for perfection, the impostor syndrome, all are a result of never feeling good enough which stems from the initial abandonment.

I find it hard to accept that some decisions taken 20 years ago without me having any real say in it (I was asked and I said yes because my parents know best) and the consequent experiences that I had to go through have negatively influenced my entire life. For many years I never looked at aspects of my life, thinking that something is not well and should be investigated. I was busy in my 20s with other thoughts without realizing the root cause of why I was doing some things. But by the time that decade was over, it's like everything is crashing down. Piece by piece. Every single aspect of my life had been fucked by that thing my therapist calls trauma.

[backtothefanfiction]

One Last Date For Christmas | PART ONE: An Arrangement At The Christmas Party

Summary: Another year, The same Christmas party and holiday hook up... or is it?

Warnings: 18+ Only, Smut (oral M & F receiving, p in v, mild dirty talk with Christmas references), Mentions of Cancer/Death, Fake Dating, Fuck Buddies to Lovers, this is basically Hallmark/Netflix Christmas movie vibes

Word Count: 5.9K+

A/N: Okay, so I've been feeling crumby lately and really need a boost, so although we took a poll and it was decided this whole story would go up as one piece at the same time, I need the motivation and have had a crumby week mentally and need a boost. So here is part 1. If you do enjoy PLEASE LEAVE ME FEEDBACK!!! I am like Tinkerbell, if I don't get attention I will die haha. But seriously my mental health needs the kind words for energy so please take a moment to share some if you like this part and not just like it. Anyway... ENJOY!!!

Another year, another fancy corporate business party Peter was obliged to attend due to his job. It had become such a regular routine over these last 7 years J. Jonah Jameson didn’t even bother asking if he was available to come anymore, just automatically emailed over the details so he could attend. 

Peter couldn’t completely complain. He got free drinks and fancy food for the night. I mean in reality he got to act just like any other guest, despite the camera he had around his neck for the night. And instead of paying to be there, he was instead getting paid to be there. Sure it was only an extra couple hundred bucks, but at this time of year it really did make all the difference.

Being a freelance photographer only made him so much a year, especially when the rest of his time was spent moonlighting as the local superhero which didn’t pay a thing. Not that he couldn’t have made some money as a public figure. A couple grand here to endorse a few products. A donation of thanks or two from business owners or generous members of the community there. All of which had been options that he had turned down. That wasn’t who Spider-Man was and definitely not who he wanted Spider-Man to be. And so at almost 40 years old, this was Peter’s life.

No wife. No kids. Not even a pet, because he couldn’t commit to spending enough time at home in his tiny run down box of a studio apartment, to look after it. He sometimes brought girls home, he did have needs after all, but no matter how interested they had been in him, he’d never let himself get attached. After Gwen he would never get attached again.

The only one to ever even come close was you. He had met you 5 years ago now at this very event. Just like him, you always felt like a fish out of water at these parties, despite always being on the guest list. Your Father was one of the big business benefactors of the party and ever since the divorce you had become his regular plus one. 

Just like Peter you were a chronic singleton, always too busy traveling for work to be able to sustain an actual relationship, despite your Mother trying her best every time you were home to set you up with some poor soul. She just didn’t get it. You didn’t believe in marriage anymore as most of them ended in divorce, your parents marriage and even two of your Uncle’s marriages prime examples alone; and as for children? You had decided at the age of 13 you wouldn’t have kids and no matter how many times your Mother, Grandmother or Aunt Sarah told you, you would change your mind, you hadn’t. If anything the birth of your brother’s kids had only cemented things more. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t like your niece and nephew, you were just always glad you could pass them back off to your brother and his wife after a few hours of their shrieking play and demands for cookies and ice cream, while fighting over what to watch on the telly. No, you had never wanted kids and you never would. You had however always wanted to get a cat, but until you changed jobs or just simply didn’t have to travel for work anymore, that would just remain a lovely little dream for the future.

Peter always arrived to the party early. After all, he was getting paid by the hour, so the longer he was there taking photos, the more money he could claim from the Daily Bugle finance department on Monday. He aimlessly wandered around taking photos of the venue and the table settings and the odd entering guest as people arrived. He helped himself to horderves off of shiny platters and the odd glass of champagne as he worked, seamlessly floating through the crowd, formally stopping people every now and again for more posed group shots, other times just taking candid photos of people mingling. He took the occasional booming order from J. Jonah Jameson, “Hey Parker! Make sure you get a shot of me with the Mayor. Parker! Come here and take a photo of me and Mrs Perez! Parker! Take a picture of me and my wife!”

“Yes, sir.” Peter would respond with a smile. Usually you were here by now to laugh at the way he followed the head of the Daily Bugle around like his lap dog, but as of yet you still hadn’t arrived. Then a horrible thought crossed Peter’s mind, ‘what if you weren’t coming this year.’ He had seen your Father walking about, had even taken a couple of photos of him with various business partners and city officials, but as of yet there had been no sign of you.

Peter checked his watch again hoping you were just running late, but the closer it got to 8.30pm and the start of the meal portion of the night, he started to give up hope. He knew you were busy, always flying between Tokyo, Milan, London and Paris for work; but you were always usually back home for the holidays. He was just about to check his watch again when you came through the door like a whirlwind in red.

He watched you like a Spider sizing up his prey as you made a beeline for your Father. You gave him a rushed greeting and an apologetic kiss to the cheek, before you followed him and the rest of his group to their table, placed closer to the small makeshift stage that had been erected at one end of the long window lined room. He kept his focus on you as you took your seat, your father pushing your chair in for you as you turned to greet one of the other women at the table a couple seats away from you. That was, until J. Jonah Jameson’s booming voice called him away again.

“Parker! You’re over here with us!” He barked as he ushered Peter over to a table on the other side of the room. He was just able to lock eyes with you and give you a friendly smile before he took his seat. “I’ve sat you on this side so you can get the wife’s good side.” Jameson continued to say.

There was a couple of speeches and awards before the food was served. Peter was pleased to find that he was in fact in a good vantage point in which he could take pictures of the stage this year without having to move. He also had a clear sightline to you too, his lens unconsciously moving in your direction every few shots then back again.

Peter had chosen the steak and hasselback potatoes for his dinner with a rich chocolate pudding for dessert. When he finished his meal, he dismissed himself from the table, as he traditionally did, to go around the tables and take a few more candid shots of people before taking a break at the bar. 

“I’ll take an old fashioned, please.” Your familiar voice suddenly came from beside him. “I’m sorry I was late.” you said as you leaned into him as if conspiratorially. “My flight got delayed.”

“Where were you coming from this time?” Peter asked as he took a sip from his own drink.

“Boston.” You said with a sigh. It definitely hadn’t been the answer he was expecting and his quizzical look at you said as much. “I was visiting my Mother. Her and her new partner Brad moved there a few months back to be closer to his grandchildren.” You explained.

“I’m guessing that means you got away with not being set up on a blind date this visit.” Peter fished, knowing your Mother’s habits and routines well after these last 5 years of annual hookups.

“You’d think so.” You said as you took a sip of your stiff drink, just to emphasize the drama of it all. “Turns out Maggie’s teacher is single and available.” you say with mock enthusiasm.

“Maggie?” Peter questions.

“One of Brad’s grandchildren.” you fill in with another sigh and eyebrow raise. “I wish she’d just give it a rest, you know?” You pause as you take another sip of your drink before you tell him, “I’m thinking of coming up with a fake boyfriend just to get her off my back. But then I know she’ll be all like ‘when do I get to meet him?’” you say doing an exaggerated impersonation of your Mother’s voice.

“Yeah, I think about doing the same thing with Aunt May sometimes, but I’d hate lying to her.” Peter confided.

“How is your Aunt?” you ask. The one blessing of only seeing each other once a year meant there were always things for you both to talk about and catch up on.

You watch as his face falls, his eyes turning sad as he looks into his drink. “Umm, they’re not good actually. We found out this year she has stage 4 breast cancer. The doctor said this is probably gonna be her last Christmas.” He struggles to look at you.

“Peter, I’m so sorry.” you say, mustering up as much empathy as you can as your hand instinctively comes to rub at his back. “Is there nothing they can do?”

“They said they could try a few different treatments but it wasn’t guaranteed to work and May ultimately decided that… Well she said that she’s lived to a good age and if this is how she is meant to go, this is how she is meant to go.” He paused, blinking hard as he continued to stare at the liquid in his glass. “She said I was a grown man and didn’t need her anymore.” He let out a small unsatisfied chuckle that wreaked of denial, before he finally looked at you again. “I just… I just feel guilty, you know?”

“What for?” You asked him.

“It’s just. I know she was always holding onto this hope that I’d meet someone. That I’d end up finding someone and settling down. Live a life like her and Ben did.”

“But that’s not what you want from your life?” you question him now unsure, as you finally sit yourself on the bar stool next to him. “I mean, if you wanted that, isn’t that what you would have done? Gone out, met a girl. Settled down. You can’t be someone you’re not just to please others.”

“But it was what I wanted.” he suddenly confides. “And that’s why I feel guilty because she knows that. When I first introduced her to Gwen, I said, ‘that’s the girl I’m going to marry Aunt May.’” he says with gusto, like he’s saying it exactly how he had said it to her, before his body deflates again.

“But things change. People change. We’re allowed to change Peter.”

“I know, but… she just, I know she never gave up hope.”

“You know what they say about hope?” You say.

“It breeds eternal misery,” he bristles.

“No.” You chastise. “It’s like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it, you’ll never make it through the night.”

Peter’s brow furrows as his head turns back to you. “Did you just quote Star Wars to me?”

“Princess Leia.” you smile.

“God I love you.” he says casually with a smile.

“I know.” you continue to beam back before you raise your glass towards him. “For Aunt May?”

“For Aunt May.” he agrees before clinking your glass with his own.

You both creep away a little before midnight, catching a cab back to your apartment. You always went back to your apartment. Peter said it was because he wanted you to be comfortable and said it was more homelier than his place, but the truth was, Peter was ashamed to take you back to his own apartment. It looked like a dingy run down squat or some really dodgy student housing in comparison to your place. 

He didn’t want to kid himself, he knew he was definitely punching above his weight a little when it came to you, not because he necessarily thought he was ugly, but more simply because you had more money than him. You’d never made him feel inferior for it. In fact you’d always wanted to help him by offering to put him in contact with some galleries so he could get more of his work out there. Maybe make some extra cash by selling some of his photos as art for the rich and wealthy, not just to a local paper, but Peter had never had the guts to take you up on the offer. It would make him feel indebted to you and throw the balance of your relationship off even more than it somewhat already was.

“Did you choose red because it’s my favourite color or just for the festivities?” He nibbled on your ear as his fingers ran across the velvet skirt of the dress, dragging it up to your thigh as he pressed himself against your back.

You hadn’t bothered turning on any other lights than the Christmas tree, before you stopped to take a moment to look out your window at the city. Christmas in New York was your favorite time of year. Every year to mark the occasion, you would go down to Rockefeller Plaza, grab a hot chocolate and watch as they turned on the lights. As kids you would go ice skating there. Less so now you were adults, your brother and his own kids had their own tradition of skating in Central Park on Christmas Eve, but some years you would still partake.

“I chose it for the season.” You sighed, your body relaxing back into him, head resting on his shoulder as he kissed his way down your neck.

“My festive little elf.” He teased as his fingers continued to work up the hem of your dress until they could reach your panties, which you had in fact bought new and chosen with Peter in mind.

“I even brought presents.” You plaid along teasingly.

Your breathing hitched slightly as the pads of his fingers dragged over your lace covered clit.

“Really? For me?” You could feel him smiling into the exposed skin of your collarbone.

“Mhmm.” You hum. “Maybe, you should unwrap me.” You tease back.

“Mmm.” He hums back deeply in delight as he turns you around to face him. The hand that was just ghosting at your centre, now wraps firmly around the back of your neck, as he smashes your rouge stained lips into his. 

His other hand begins pawing at the velvety fabric of your dress again before he’s pulling his face away from you, his grin growing too big and you can’t help but give a satisfying smile back as you notice how your lipstick has transferred from your lips to his, marking him as yours for the evening. Your hand reaches for his and you begin taking steps backwards, pulling him in the direction of your bedroom and awaiting bed.

Your room is a slight mess from your hasty packing before you left for Boston and your equally hasty unpacking upon your return. You’d just had enough time to get home and get changed, rushing your make up and hair, before you left to go to the party. Your suitcase lay open on the floor, some of the contents lay spilling out from where you had hunted around for your makeup bag. The little pink bag from Victoria Secret sat upside down on the floor beside it. Peter spies it the moment he enters the room.

He feigns shock, “Did you buy this for me?” He teases as he picks up the bag.

“Don’t get too excited Parker, they were having a sale.”

“I don’t care.” He says with a boyish grin, despite his 39 years of age. “Come here and let me see.”

You smile at him as you begin to step closer to him before calling out into the room, “Alexa, turn on mood lighting.”

His eyebrows raise as a lamp in the corner of the room turns on, illuminating your bedroom in a magenta hue. “Mood lighting huh?”

“Do you wanna be able to see your Christmas gift or not?” You sass back with a hand on your hip.

“I mean, I’ve always thought of you as my Christmas present, regardless of what you wear.” He says as his fingers begin to grab for you again and pull you into him.

“Next year I won’t bother then.”

“Oh no, you’ve made it a thing now. I’m gonna expect this, every- single- year- from now on.” He says between kisses across your cheek and down your neck and upper chest. You begin to giggle and shriek in delight as his lips gently nibble at your skin. “Mmm.  Come on then. Let’s see what you got for me.” He says ripping himself away from you so you have the space to reach behind you for the zipper to your dress. 

The dress begins to relax its hold on your body, slowly exposing the black strapless lace bra to Peter before you slide the dress down the rest of your body to show off the matching lacey bikini briefs. You carefully step out of the puddle that now is the red velvet dress on your floor, your ankles only wobbling slightly as you still stand in your heels for him to take in the full sight.

He pauses for a moment silently taking you in before he gives a small nod. “Yes. Yes, this will do. Excuse me a moment while I go and write my thank you letter to San-“

“Peter.” You whine.

“Oh come on, don’t be bratty with me now.” He says jokingly as he steps closer and wraps you in his arms again.

“I thought you liked it when I was bratty.” You joke back as your arms wrap around his neck.

“Nope. You become completely intolerable and insufferable and…” You roll your eyes as he continues to list words, but nonetheless, begin to snake your arms from around his neck, trailing them down his chest as you begin to get down on your knees before him.

You begin to work open the button of his jeans, freeing his semi hard cock from its confines. He only stops his fake monologue about you acting like a brat when you take his length into your mouth and his hand involuntarily reaches out for the side of your head as he sighs. 

The only sounds that fill the room now are his small gasps and moans and your saliva slick lips around his cock. One of your hands braces itself on his thigh, whilst the other works the rest of his shaft your mouth won’t reach.

You pull off him with a sloppy pop of your lips and Peter groans before you begin to circle the tip of his cock with your tongue and he jumps away from you with sensitivity, suddenly worried he’d blow his load too soon if you continue like that. It makes you giggle.

His fingers reach around the flesh of your bicep and he pulls you up off the floor before pulling you into him, his head nuzzling into your neck, lips and teeth nibbling and teasing at your skin and driving you crazy. He’d worked out that you liked that on the second Christmas you had slept together. He loved the way it made you sigh but also giggle and shriek when the sensation grew too much.

“Ahhh Peter.” you cried out with a high pitched moan. 

He reluctantly broke himself away from you and the intoxicating smell of your favorite perfume so you could latch your mouth onto his, a satisfied smile struggling to be contained on your lips. He can’t help but smile back.

“Peter!” you shriek and giggle as he reaches around to pick you up and drop you back onto the covers of your bed.

Your hands get lost in his hair as he begins kissing his way down your chest. Your stomach involuntarily twitches as his lips move across it and the way his hands reach for your hips to forcefully hold you in place sends you reeling, a wave of arousal soaking your panties. His lips skip over your underwear, instead kissing at the inside of your thigh as his hands begin to relax on your hips, his fingers curling under the waistband of your underwear, ready to pull them down.

As he removes you of your underwear, he also takes the opportunity to rid himself of the flattering black long sleeved top he’d been wearing all evening. The removal of his shirt reveals a silver necklace that had been hiding beneath the shirt and the way the chain hangs off his neck has you biting your lip. It is so rare to see a man wear jewelry so you never realized the effect the sight had on you before, but there's something about the connotations and hidden meaning to it, his choice and confidence to wear it, makes you want to rub your thighs together in want. 

His fingers are suddenly teasing at your entrance though and its almost enough to take the edge off, or it would be if his finger hadn’t stopped at the first knuckle of his middle finger. You realize he’s only done it so he can spread the arousal that was already leaking out of your cunt around between your folds and across your clit so he can then go in and lick it all off. Your head falls back into the pillows of your bed as you sigh out his name in relief.

You can feel the focus he has radiating off of him without even looking as he begins to expertly lick up from your entrance, swirl his tongue around your clit and then back down again as he draws moans, ever increasing in volume, from your lips. You found out very early on in your yearly dalliances that he was an expert with that tongue, making you cum not once, not twice, but three times just from his tongue alone, when you told him no one had ever actually gotten you off that way before.

You could feel your first climax of the night building low within you, your muscles growing tight, clit growing extra sensitive as your fingers tangled themselves into his hair, encouraging him and guiding him and not allowing him to pull away until you finished. The pressure of his tongue grew firmer and you ground your clit down against it until that tight thread within you snapped, your hips stuttering as pleasure rippled through you. He held tightly onto you, lapping up everything you gave him and helping you ride it out until you were actively pushing him away from you. He gave your bare thighs a small satisfactory slap as he gave you his smug tight lipped  smile that seemed to say ‘another happy customer’ and you couldn’t help but let out a little giggle before turning your head and trying to hide the ear to ear smile that was on your face.

You were able to compose yourself as he shifted from the bed to shuck himself fully off the rest of his clothes, his jeans joining your red dress in a puddle on the floor, before he carefully lifted the necklace off over his head and placed it on your bedside table. You shifted yourself over on the bed as he came down to rest beside you, his hand reaching out to pull your face to him as he gave you a kiss before he encouraged you to climb up on top of him.  Your lips didn’t part from his as you straddled his waist, your cunt involuntarily rubbing itself along his hard length as your tongues intermingled with one another.

His fingers reached round to grab a hold of your ass cheeks, squeezing the flesh as he encouraged you to grind down harder. You moaned and gasped against his lips at the drag of your clit across his skin. Your open mouth before him allowed him to reach out for your lower lip, sucking it into his mouth making you moan louder, before he began to trail kisses down your chin and neck. You closed your eyes, getting lost in the feeling and the sounds of your own voice. It sent a new flood of arousal between your legs and you could feel Peter grinning against your skin as you worked your slick over his length.

You paused only long enough to reach over to your chest of drawers, pulling a box of condoms out of the second drawer. The position allowed Peter to attach his mouth over your breasts, his teeth biting at them over the lace bra. You reached behind you to unclasp it and take it off as you sat upright, Peter’s hands resting patiently on the tops of your thighs as he waited for you to then open the condom. You held out the torn open packet for him to take the condom and start rolling it down onto his length as you reached back over the side of the bed to drop the wrapper in the bin. 

You shifted your legs back slightly as you recentred yourself, one hand balancing on the bed, the other on his bare chest as he lined himself up with your entrance. He glided the tip of his cock against your folds, covering the tip of his cock with your slick before he began to encourage you back onto it. The slow fill of his cock inside you had you letting out a long sigh of satisfaction, your eyes falling closed, head tilting back as you savored the feeling.

It had been a slow year. Despite a brief hook up with a guy over the summer after a night out with friends and a quick tinder hookup in your hotel in Rome (where the guy spoke barely a lick of English), your only companion had been your old reliable rabbit toy. You’d be lying if you hadn’t been counting down the days to tonight the whole time you had been visiting your Mother. When your flight had been delayed, it was the thought of missing out on your one good and guaranteed fuck of the year that had stressed you out. Now it all seemed worth it.

Peter started slowly, his hips pushing up into you at an agonizing pace as he guided you down and your hips back with every thrust, the contours of his cock dragging agonizingly slowly across every sensitive spot inside you, working you up gradually to another earth shattering climax. Your body bowed over him as you let out small gasps of praise into his forehead, your fingers gripping tightly into the sheets either side of his head. You felt one of his hands run soothingly up your back and it sent shivers down your spine that only added to the sensation building in between your legs.

“Peter.” you sighed against him, as you pressed your forehead into his, your eyes closed in concentration as you chased that feeling inside you.

“What is it? What do you need?” his voice gently calls to you as he moves the hand that was caressing your back round behind your neck, pulling your lips down to his for a kiss.

“More. I need more.” you say equally as gently back into his lips. 

You feel his head give a small nod in acknowledgment before he seals the deal with a kiss, as his thrusts begin to grow quicker and firmer in pace. It makes him hit something deep inside you that has you crying out. Your eyes fly open, desperate to lock onto his. He looks up at you with such beauty and gratitude. It makes you want to kiss him again and you do, your tongue licking deeply and slowly into his mouth in rhythm with his thrusts.

Your thighs shudder slightly as the sensation between your legs changes and you know your cumming again but the feeling of his cock moving between your legs doesn’t stop. It works you through the high and he still doesn’t stop. Instead his thrusts grow fast as he searches for his own release. You brace yourself, holding yourself over him as he just takes what he wants. If he holds out long enough you think you can get out one more orgasm of your own.

You balance yourself on one arm as your other hand reaches between your legs, swirling rapidly at your clit as you push yourself against his length, feeling every sensation of his rapid thrust. Peter grunts in response at the sensation of your fluttering cunt and it forces him to find one final push, his hips sputtering only slightly before he increases his angle and speed one last time, then he’s embracing you.

His arms wrap tightly around you as your final climax soaks his cock. Your head is buried into his neck as you try to shut out the overstimulation for just a few more strokes of his cock before he stills, his length pulsating as he finishes, only adding to the sensitivity between your legs making you squirm. He’s quick to push you off him as you do, his own sensitivity unable to take the feeling.

You both pause breathing deeply as you come down before he gives you a small tap and you flop onto your side on the bed. He quickly gets up, kicking his legs out to disperse the blood around them as his cock softens. You close your eyes to revel in the last dregs of your orgasm as he goes to your adjoining ensuite to sort himself out.

He takes a little longer than usual and you begin to frown, but then you hear the flush of the toilet and the door opening and you settle. You quickly get up, flashing him a smile as you hobble to your bathroom with legs like a newborn calf. Usual he’d let out a proud little chuffing laugh but this year he doesn’t.

When you return to see him sat on the side of the bed in his underwear, his fingers reaching to fix the necklace he had taken off back over his head and around his neck, you realize he looks distracted. “What is it? What’s wrong?” you ask him as you climb over the bed to your rightful side and slip between the covers.

His head turns, eyebrows raising as if he’s only just noticed you’re back in the room. “Huh?” he says. “Oh, nothing.”

“Really?” you say as he shuffles himself round to face you, put he doesn’t get under the covers. Peter doesn’t sleep over. He stays for a debrief and a chat for maybe another hour, some years two, but always leaves to return to his own apartment and bed.

“It’s just,” he says as he places an arm under his head as he gets himself comfortable, “I was just thinking about what you said earlier.”

“What did I say earlier?” you reply as you shift into a similar position to his, facing him. You look like two kids at a slumber party who have moved so close to each other so you can whisper really quietly and not disturb the others who are sleeping.

“About pretending to have a boyfriend to get your Mom off your case.”

You frown at him, “Yeah, but it’d never work because she’d want to meet him.”

“Okay, yeah.” he says, but his tone isn’t one of defeat, it instead says ‘wait, hear me out’. “But what if you had someone to take home and pretend to be said boyfriend?”

You’re still confused. “What are you trying to get at here Parker?” You suddenly sit up, placing distance between the two of you as a realization hits you. “Wait, this isn’t you asking me out or trying to be my boyfriend is it? You know I don’t really do the whole dating thing. We have our arrangement and that's-”

“No. NO. Would you just hear me out.” he speaks over you and cuts you off as he too sits up defensively. “Look, I just thought we could come to some sort of arrangement.” You’re silent as he pauses and takes a deep breath and you wait for him to continue. “Okay.” he says, his hands folding in his lap, “This is probably gonna be my Aunt May’s last Christmas.” he says and the implication of his words make you bristle. He struggles to look at you, but your eyes remain fixed on him so he know that you are listening and paying attention, even if his words are starting to make you uncomfortable. “I don’t want her to die thinking I’m gonna spend the rest of my life alone, you know? I mean,” he sighs, collecting his thoughts before he continues, “I don’t want her to die without hope.”

“Okay.” you acknowledge quietly as you follow his words.

“So I was thinking, what if- just for this christmas,” he emphasizes, “what if we pretend to you know, actually date. Come the New Year we go our separate ways as normal, no strings attached, but you know, just to get our families off our backs so we can live our chosenly single lives.” He screws up his face a little at the word chosenly, which he’s all but sure he’s made up but figures he’s gotten his point across.

“So, we pretend to date for the holidays to get our parents off our backs?” you frown, checking you’ve got his proposal right.

“Yeah. You’d come for Christmas Eve dinner with my Aunt and I’ll…” his voice trails off as he wracks his brain for an equal solution for you.

“You’ll come to Boston with me for my Mother’s New Years party.” You fill in for him.

He hesitates a second realizing he’d actually need to travel and stay with you and your family to make things even on your side of things, but the thought of letting May die thinking he’s going to be lonely forever, has his stomach turning more so he hastily agrees. “Fine, but-” he interjects, knowing a single day with his Aunt for a supposedly 2-3 day trip with your family isn’t a fair exchange, “if my Aunt is still with us in February, you have to stop by on Valentines day.”

“I thought you just said we go our separate ways come January.” You respond.

“Yes, but one meal with my Aunt in comparison to a multi day trip to Boston is hardly an equal-”

“Fine. Fine.” You concede with your hands raised.

He relaxes slightly as you come to an agreement. “You wanna shake hands on it or something?” he offers. You roll your eyes, your fingers reaching for the pillow you’d pulled into your lap to nervously fiddle with instead, picking it up and throwing it at him. “Hey.” he jokingly exclaims as he holds his hands up to catch the pillow before it hits him in the face. “Is that any way to treat your new boyfriend?” he deadpans.

“Uuuhhgg.” you scoff back with another eye roll but you can’t help the tiny smirk that creeps into the corner of your mouth.

I'm going to upload the other parts of this mini series on the dates that match up with the story (Christmas Eve, New Years Eve), if you want to be added to the list below, please put it in writing. All current tags have been taken from likes, reblogs or comments from other posts about this series, if you wish to be removed, just let me know. (I had a few more names who liked posts but it wouldn't let me tag you, apologies, I'm not sure how to fix that but I hope this finds you anyway.) Once again if you did like this, please don't just like it, respond with some words of your own to give me a boost.

@sincericida @tarzinnia @raindropsandteaandtears @xenasolos @dil3mma @ms-wild-card-56 @shivani1902

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

Absolutely anything

Platonic yandere older brother Azul with an adopted human sibling reader.............. I think that could be cool.......

Warning(s): platonic yandere, manipulation, not sure how good this will be but I hope you like it!!

One day, a human baby was abandoned at sea.

Before the baby could succumb to hypothermia or tip over the small raft it was in and drown, A kind octopus lady found it. She fed the baby a potent water breathing potion so she can take care of it while she tries to find out who its parents are...

The parents never come forward, and seeing no other option, she adopts the baby as her own.

That baby was you, (Y/N) Ashengrotto. You're a human child who grew up under the sea...

For the longest time, you and your brother, Azul, were frequently bullied and felt like you could only rely on each other. It didn't matter that you two were bullied, as long as you had each other, you could handle anything...

Absolutely anything.

Recently, you started attending Night Raven College, the same school Azul goes to! An elite college for mages!

But... the most important part is... it's on land.

You've rarely ever gone on land... it feels so strange. Your body is built for the land, but you've lived underwater your whole life, so the situation just feels... wrong.

You were placed into Scarabia, but you still made sure to check in with your brother and give him a hug before you made your way to your new dorm...

However, the very next morning, right after orientation, you say the Headmage in your dorm room, who then told you that you were being transferred to Octavinelle. When you asked why, you were simply told that a student who wished to remain anonymous complained about you.

You were so sad. You were so excited to begin your new life on land, and had you loved how warm it was in Scarabia, it was so much nicer than the cold temperatures of the northern Coral Sea... but, it seems things just don't work out some times...

...

At least your brother is in Octavinelle.

...as long as you two are together, you can... you can handle anything, right...?

"Someone complained about you?" Azul asked you as he helped you set up your dorm room. "But it's the day after orientation! How did you manage to make such a bad first impression that someone wanted you gone on the first day?"

"I... I really don't know..." You said.

"Well, regardless, I'm sure you'll love it here in Octavinelle. I'll make sure you have a good time." Azul smiled and patted you on the back.

"...thanks."

Azul simply couldn't have his precious little sibling being in a different dorm than him.

Ah, but he doesn't want you to be miserable, of course... he'll take every precaution to make sure you enjoy yourself!!

You've really enjoyed your time on land! It feels so much more... natural to you...

"Azul..." You began one day.

"Yes? What is it?"

"I've been thinking..." You paused. Do you really want this? ...yes, you do. "I've been considering staying on land after graduation."

Azul's hearts dropped the moment he heard you say that.

"Staying on land? That's absurd! Your family lives underwater! Why would you... want to leave your family...?" Azul cautiously asked.

"No, it's not like that!" You insisted. "Of course I don't want to leave my family... I love you, and mom, and dad, but I..." You sighed. "I just want to figure myself out..."

"Figure yourself out? What are you talking about?!" Azul yelled, looking almost betrayed.

"I just want to know more about myself, you know...? I want to know why I was abandoned, what life on the surface is really like, and why-"

"Your human family abandoned you, what more do you need to know?!" Azul yelled. "...you should just stay under the sea. Isn't life better down there?"

You stared at Azul for a moment.

"No. I want to learn what it really means to live on land... I want-"

"We're done discussing this."

You noticed your life slowly getting worse after that day.

People started bullying you for not knowing how things worked on land. You started getting made fun of for things you weren't before...

And it all came out of nowhere.

But it's ok... just as he always was, your brother was there for you.

As long as the two of you are together... you can handle... anything...

...

Can't you...?

That would be the case for the rest of your life at NRC.

You hated it, you absolutely hated it...

That completely ruined your view of the surface. You didn't want to live above the waves anymore.

You just wanted to go back home...

When you graduated and returned home to the sea, you were met once more with your lovely brother.

He looked so happy to see you...

"I'm so glad you decided to stay under the sea with your family... with me..." Azul sighed as he gave you a tight hug. "...(Y/N). I have something I want to talk to you about..."

"What is it...?" You asked, cautiously.

"Follow me."

Azul led you somewhere...

A spot only the two of you knew about... a place you would hide together when he wasn't in his octopus pot...

It gave you a nostalgic feeling... as if, for just a second, you were back in your childhood... like nothing truly mattered...

"(Y/N), I... I have a deal for you." Azul told you.

"You... y-you do...?" You were surprised and confused.

"Yes. It's all right here." He snapped his fingers and summoned a golden contract and fishbone pen. "I remember, when you were a kid... you'd talk about how you just wanted to be like all the other kids... I remember you cried to me about wishing you had a tail, or tentacles like mom and I..." He handed you the contract and pen. "If you just sign here, you'll get everything you ever wanted... you'll get to be just like the other kids."

You grabbed the contract and began to read it over, before Azul grabbed it back from you again.

"N-no no, no...! There's no need to read it over, just... sign it." Azul paused, before smiling. "You trust your brother... don't you...?"

...

Of course you do.

Of course you trust your brother.

After all, when you're together, you can handle anything...

Absolutely anything.

You signed your name.

"That's good." Azul said as some kind of magic bubble encased you... and the spell began to take it's effect.

The spell was painful, you could hardly stop yourself from screaming out in pain.

"I know it hurts, (Y/N), I'm sorry... but this is what's best for you..." Azul sighed. "Of course, this means you'll never be allowed to go to the surface again, but... it's not like it matters... you have everything you could ever want down here!"

He's right...

Everything you could ever want, it's here, under the sea...

Sure, Azul will make sure you never go to the surface again, but does that really matter if you're surrounded by your loving family?

...no.

No, it doesn't...

Because when you and Azul are together...

You can handle anything the world throws at you.

[khiphop-discussions]

What are some fun facts or funny/wholesome khiphop stories, events, whatever they may be that you heard of? I feel like I always see the tea and beef but nothing else somehow 😆

Hold on let me think back. I think I've talked about most of these before but they are scattered across different years and posts:

Giriboy thought he was the best rapper in Korea until he heard Lil Boi (I think Giriboy said this when he was the producer on SMTM)

Epik High was at a phone store a LONG time ago (NOTE: Epik High used to kinda be assholes sometimes back in the earlier days). A lady came in to get a new phone screen or a screen protector (can't remember which). DJ Tukutz just said out loud "Just buy a new one". The lady just walked out without finishing any transactions. It turns out that lady was Kang Hyejung (Actress/Tablo's wife)! I guess it didn't leave TOO bad of an impression as Tablo and Hyejung were still able to get married and have a family later when they officially met BUT I wonder how awkward it was when Tukutz actually met her officially. Also if he ever apologized for being a jerk LOL . I'm honestly shocked AF she didn't tell him off cause Tablo has told other stories about her before and she seems to have a strong personality. Maybe she wasn't in the mood that day or she was just embarrassed. I can't remember where this story was told. Probably an interview or a variety show.

When DPR Live/Dabin worked at a Subway when he first came to Korea, Christian used to always come in and get the most basic sandwich. Like turkey/ham (can't remember exactly which meat. maybe both), lettuce, and then other basic sandwich ingredients. Dabin wanted to make something more fancy but Christian just liked the basic sandwich. Story told on IG live w/ Christian and Live

The Quiett gave the TERRBLE advice to LeellaMarz that he shouldn't save any money until he turns 30. I'm honestly shocked The Quiett would give such terrible advice like this but then again, younger Quiett did seem like he spent excessively too. Leella has actually been listening to that advice too. He has 3 luxury cars and doesn't save. HOWEVER, Leella comes from money so I guess it's not really an issue. I can't remember the jobs but both of his parents have good, well respected jobs. This story was told on Psick show.

Changmo complained about his relationships (and potentially other life struggles) so much that eventually The Quiett got annoyed. IT was just an sigh tbh but apprently that's more frustration than anyone else in Ambition has ever seen The Quiett show. I can't remember where this was but it might be from the "Tomorrows Hangover" episode with Changmo, Ash Island, and Hash Swan

Queen Wasabii used to have a crush on the YouTuber/Variety Star Dex when they were doing the show Bloody Game 1 together (I don't really like wasabii but this story is cute so I put it). This was shown on Bloody Game 1.

When Yun B was on Bloody Game 2, he was kidnapped by the outdoors team and taken to the forest. This was done while he was sleeping in the middle of the night. So he was still in his underwear when they took him. He didn't think he'd be gone long when they woke him up. Luckily he took a backpack and it had some of his clothes in it LOL. This was shown on Bloody Game 2.

Ash Island slipped and fell while he was performing "Melody" at one of the festivals last year. I can't remember which one but it's still on Youtube if you wanna go look. It's the outside festival and I think he was wearing all Black.

YEARS ago I was in B-Free's IG live and he was talking about Dok2's old hairline. I typed "Don't make fun of/talk about that boy" (I can't remember whether I said "don't talk about" or "don't make fun of") in the comments. I was just kidding and put LOL and everything but I guess B-Free thought I was serious. So he was like "Oh my bad, I'm sorry". Then I started to feel bad because I felt like I was killing the vibe LOL. He was also saying that BeWhy's hair looked painted on LOL. (Again this was a SUPER long time ago. Probably 2016 or 2017).

[The wholesome/heartwarming part] Coogie said Code Kunst is his role model now that he's in AOMG. [The not so wholesome but funny part] When Code Kunst asked why not Kian84 or Simon D. Coogie said that Kian is a writer and Simon D is handsome... He thinks him and Code Kunst are on the same tier lookswise so that's why he chooses him.

REALLY old Khiphop stuff but Masta Wu and Danny Im (1tym) used to be really close to the level of a bromance LOL. Obviously Danny and Teddy Park were really close back then but I didn't know that Masta Wu was that type LOL. But I guess it checks out cause Wu told Danny that Danny "taught him humility" when Danny was leaving Korea for the US. From Danny From LA show

More REALLY old Khiphop stuff but YG Entertainment used to have a ping pong tournament back in the days (seems like this story was at some point during the 2nd gen kpop days but possibly from before). It was fun but apparently people got too serious. Teddy went and bought a professional paddle and started kicking everyone's ass. So then EVERYONE participating at YG had to go buy a professional paddle so it wasn't so unbalanced. I don't remember who ended up winning. From Danny Im's podcast

Loopy scolded one of the mkitain members (I think Bloo but maybe it was more than one member) in front of Kid Milli. The story seemed serious when it was told but I just think it's funny to get scolded in front of Kid Milli. It was probably so awkward for everyone. I think this was old during the Mkitwon series.

Apparently, Cha Cha ends up getting more girls if him and Jay go out together. from Ben Baller's OLD podcast. I don't even know if this episode with Jay is still available or not.

I can't think of anything else right now but I think this is a nice list.

[andreal831]

Hey, I just discovered your vlog and I've been enjoying reading your replies very much. Idk if this has been asked before but I wanted to know if you think having Legacies in the making influenced The Originals ending. I think killing most, if not all parental figures was done because them existing in the same universe where the kids were in life thretening situation and not coming to help them wouldn't make sense.

Hi! Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed them.

I think it was very clear that Legacies ruined The Originals. To the extent that even the cast discussed it. Daniel Gillies was always very open about this, which is why (in my opinion) they did what they did to Elijah's character. He mentioned rushing through the last couple of seasons in this interview. I used to be more into the cast and would watch interviews, but I unfortunately never saved them so I don't have all of the receipts. But here are some quotes by Daniel regarding TO:

"That time was so complicated and difficult that to walk away from it knowing I had given it a great shot, it felt good – to walk away from the inherent difficulty of it."  "I was exhausted at the time, almost more exhausted than I have ever been. I had just directed an episode, I was sort of in these throes of the edit. I was consumed with having worked for long hours. I hadn't seen my family in weeks. We were also making a lot of changes to the scripts because scripts were struggling at that point. We had a backdoor pilot come in for another spin-off for the character of Hope Mikaelson in episode 11 or so, and because of that there was this tremendous pressure on the show. We were basically doing another show, another project, when we ought to have been wrapping up ourselves."

There is also a video interview where I distinctly remember Daniel talking about feeling abandoned by the producers, but I can't find it. We do know that Michael Narducci left after Season 4, as well as a lot of the crew. Daniel talks about a lot of upheaval on set that I find hard to believe was just normal business. He also complains about so many new characters in Season 5 which cut into the main characters storylines. With actors who have devoted years of their lives to these characters, it must have been difficult to watch them get ruined by the writers.

It is clear that none of the actors were happy when they left, which is why so many of them refused to come back. Phoebe even refused to sign off on them using her likeness and was only a "guest role" in Season 5.

I also think it is very telling that there are so many rumors that TO was supposed to be more seasons. It had good ratings and yet they decided to not even give us five full seasons. JP was definitely rushing to get to Legacies. That was always her goal, TO was just a means to an end. Season 5 wasn't about the TO characters, rather about launching Legacies. So much of Season 5 made no sense.

You're absolutely correct. Hayley, Elijah, and Klaus all dying was simply so Hope would be orphaned. Although they should have just killed the entire family because how the rest of them abandoned Hope was terrible. But, Hayley, Elijah, and Klaus would never have done it. There was no way Legacies was happening with those three around. It goes to show just how much of a parental figure Elijah was because JP also wanted that same pattern for Legacies. All three shows' lead woman is an orphaned teen thrown into the chaos of supernatural. Hayley and Klaus were never going to survive TO because JP wanted that for Legacies. Elijah got thrown in because in no world does he abandon Hope. I guess they could have left him with amnesia, but she wanted more drama than TVD.

But yeah, JP can deny it all she wants but she rushed the best show in the TVDU to create the worst. She wanted to create her own legacy (pun in tended) by creating a never ending spinoff universe.

Thanks for the ask!

Also feel free to send me the interviews if you can find them!

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Short reviews because I'm so busy trying to study and work at the same time.

In the meantime, I caught up with every BL I have put on hold or lost interest in throughout its run.

Wandee Goodday

The first episodes were really promising. They have very good chemistry and both of them are very good at acting out heart-eyes, making me wish for somebody to look at me like that. The pacing was good as well, the pilot really hit it off. But then the show kind of lost itself, episodes kept being uneventful and I still don't understand why they are oficially together in episode 10 when they both knew they are having feelings since episode 3. It's unnessecarily stretched out while them both overcoming their trauma is poorly written. They both had some issues regarding their parents and self-love and while that is interesting, I feel like their traumas weren't talked about a lot. Dee's trauma was "solved" within one of the four parts of episode 8 (I think?). And Yak overcame his guilt in 3 seconds after Dee showed up at his fight and told him to just let go. In what world does anyone heal that quickly?

The vaccine ads were more present than them overcoming their traumas.

Most episodes felt so long and I've skipped throught the last three. There are so many cringey speeches in front of audiences and love confessions that feel like the same lines are repeated over and over again. And don't get me started on Cher and Yei. I do not care about their relationship even if Cher is cute and Yei is good-looking. I like them with Yak and Dee but they barely had any scenes and then there's a random sex scene, so we feel like we are invested in their story but it's just a poor attempt to make us believe we're having a good time with them.

Rating: 5/10

My stand-in

I was really excited about Up's new series. I LOVED him in "lovely writer" and I couldn't wait to see the angst this show would bring. I still think the first 4 episodes are the best. Joe keeps hinting that something grand is about to happen, that meeting Ming meant his life will turn into a nightmare. I was really shocked when he died but I just cannot agree with Joe's choices. I'm not saying it doesn't make sense but it's very self-destructive to go back to the same agency and be around the same friends and have the same job while people can't recognize you but keep on talking about your past self. Joe complains about being Tong's stand-in, he repeats how much pain it caused him but he chooses to be his own stand-in and complains again? It frustrates me so much.

But I have to say, the amout of joy I felt when Tong was without money and helpless and chased after. He absolutly deserved it and I dislike they try to redeem him at the end. Throughout this whole show, I never felt like he truly loves May, yet in the end he says he does and she's like "okay". No. That's not how redemption works. And Joe helps him, takes a bullet for him and forgives him after one tiny "thank you"...? Tong has to do a lot more than that.

I don't like the way Ming doesn't respect Joe. They have an eye-opening conversation in the car, when Ming forces Joe to go with him and Joe loses it because he doesn't want to be there. In the end, the car stops, he storms off and Ming runs after him and hugs him from behind. After shaking Ming off, Joe keeps leaving and Ming hugs him again. Ming hugs Joe three times in that scene. I feel like Joe should just leave.

The story also feels like it's losing itself a bit at some points. It's not really necessary to have that whole "dad doesn't approve" story when it's clear as day he will come around. They went to such extremes, terrorizing Ming and Joe but it doesn't really make sense. Ming's parents change their minds within like 20 mins (at least it felt like it), so why did we get so many tears? Why was I invested? And why did Joe help Tong? Why in the world would Joe switch places with Tong? They just brush it off with "that's just what Joe does because he's so kind" but no, Joe is just unreasonable.

Rating: 7/10

We are

This show starts with Peem painting and his off voice introduces us to him in a "hi, I'm Peem, I'm an arts student" kind of way. Honestly, the first time I watched this first scene, I immediatly closed the tab because most GMMTV shows that start like this end up being extremely boring. And after "never let me go", I was not convinced about Pond and Phuwin. I honestly didn't want to watch a show with them as the main leads and some of my problems were still seen in We are. But I'm not gonna name them since I'm not trying to badmouth people here.

But YouTube desperatly wanted me to watch this show, so I clicked on the first episode again and then I kinda bindged it lol. It's very funny, I love the friend group so much. Some people say there were too many couples but I feel like it was exactly right because if this show would have had two couples only, it would have been very boring. There is not much happening but the relationships make up for it. I felt alive watching this show and some scenes are so fast paced.

I hoenstly didn't expect Peem to bluntly kick Phum within the first 3 minutes. There were many scenes like that, especially when the friends were all together. There were some nice twists and jokes I didn't see coming but felt so authentic and not staged. The script is pretty good and it's an absolute gem.

Rating: 9/10

[bokettochild]

with my father's funeral today and your perchance to write excellent "Wars/Time/Sky going dad", felt like telling you about a rather fitting song for any of the Link-Dads (although im mostly focusing on Sky and Legend)

it's called "My Father's Eyes" by Eric Clapton. he wrote it as his whole life, he never met his father. one lyric from it "I feel like a bridge that was washed away. My foundations were made of clay" made me think of Legend and how although he had his uncle, you do have part of him longing to have had parents at some point. knowing they love you helps, but it's quite different when they're gone forever

trust me, i know

another fitting line was "As my soul, slides down to die, how did I lose him, what did i try? Bit by bit, I've realized. That he was here with me, I looked into my father's eyes." it reminded me of when Legend realizes that Sky is pretty much his dad now. even though he never had his father, he looked up and saw him in Sky

it's a great song, my dad loved it

I'm sorry I didn't get to this over the weekend when you sent it, but as soon as I could, i sat down and listened to the song.

I don't know why or how I came out writing what I did, but I hope it helps at least a little (I think you were asking for a story? Sorry if I read this wrong)

Anyways, my brain's been trapped by the last update, and the song made me listen to other similar ones and I got this

Midnight Skies

Legend won’t lie and say he doesn’t feel jealous when, the moment they arrive at Hyrule castle, Four runs and jumps into the arms of the first knight they see. Not that he’d freely admit to said jealousy though as it churns in his gut when the man swings their smallest hero around with a deep laugh before settling small feet again to the earth and ruffling already mused and messy blonde hair. Height aside, there’s enough resemblance; something in the eyes and the set of the jaw, that leaves no doubt as to the fact that the armored soldier is their smithy’s father. 

And doesn’t that just sting. 

He’s pretty sure he doesn’t let on anything over dinner, as not one but two men sit to their smithy’s side, father and grandfather all too eager to hear how their boy has been, egging stories out of the heroes and sharing some of their own. All while Four groans into the table and tries, desperately, to discredit all present and deny any and all accusations. Legend manages, somehow, to smile and laugh along, all while something dark twists inside his gut, hating the smithy for the way the other hero groans and complains about father and grandfather both. 

As if he isn’t the luckiest one among them to have both. 

Time’s father was a tree, or so the joke goes. 

Twilight was raised by a whole village, the local blacksmith taking primary care of teaching him as he grew up, but even then, the relationship isn’t exactly father and son. 

Warriors keeps any word of family held close to his chest, but the brief mentions in past imply that any father he knew was distant and typically drunk. 

Wild doesn’t remember being a kid, much less having a family. 

Wind was raised by his grandmother. 

Hyrule’s father was gone before he was ever born. 

Sky was an orphan raised in the academy by the elderly housekeeper and her husband. 

And well, Legend had his uncle. For all of eight years before Ganon’s knights killed the man in a sewer beneath the castle. And even after the triforce brought him back, the man was... different. 

It hurt. 

Four’s father is warm. And when the smithy splits, four persons now rather than one, all are greeted by color and treated with fondness. 

Uncle could never understand why he’d changed. Why the little boy who had wanted to run an orchard and live in the country would suddenly wake up crying most nights. Why warm hugs were fought off in panic. He’d been startled when Legend couldn’t stand to so much look at a dog, never mind pet one. There’d been endless confusion, and on some nights, he’d overheard Uncle talking with the Elder’s wife. She’d come up to check on them, on him specifically, but they’d both thought he was asleep. He wishes he had been. He'd never have heard Uncle admit he didn’t know how to handle him anymore. He'd never have heard the man call him a stranger. 

Legend had set out the next day, claiming to visit Zelda.  

A visit turned into a plea for anything to get him out, which itself turned to a mission to Holodrum to find Din. 

Some days, he regrets having left. 

The house was empty when he came home. He’s still not exactly sure what happened, and he couldn’t bear to ask, but he hopes, wherever he went, that Uncle’s life got easier without him. 

Sometimes he wishes he’d fought back the screaming of his mind and just allowed strong arms to wrap around him one last time. Wishes he’d hid it better. Realistically, at nine years old, there was no way to hide the demons in his mind. Not while living in a little one room cottage. Not when Uncle stayed up late anyways, or late for Legend anyway. Now, nine o’clock hardly seems late at all, especially when sleep evades him so often, but back then, it’d seemed so very late indeed, especially in winter. 

Sometimes, when Warriors takes out his pipe or someone cleans their sword, he can almost smell the heavy tobacco and sword grease scent the old knight always carried on him. Even now, sitting in Four’s house, the smell is everywhere. Grandpa Smith smells just like him, and doesn’t that just rub it all in deeper? Doesn’t watching the little touches, the hands on shoulders, the hair ruffles, the slaps of the back that nearly send the smithy flying, just make his heart scream and fists clench with the desperate urge to punch the smithy in his smiling face. 

Four just had to have it all, didn’t he? And the smithy doesn’t even realize it. 

Legend excuses himself as soon as dinner is over. 

He doesn’t make a big deal about it, is careful to smile and duck out when the others are all talking. It’s just all too much to stand and watch, and it hurts a part of him that he thought he’d numbed ages ago. So, the moment he gets out, a breathe of relief escapes into the night air around him. 

He’s fine. 

No really, he is. He’s fine. 

Gnarled fingers catch old wood. The roof over the forge isn’t low, but it’s lower than the one in the house, and with the slope of it, so common in add-ons, it’s easy to hoist himself up onto the thatching, to settle back against weathered straw and stare up at the skies. 

The night is a cool one, but any breeze there is exists in only a whisper, and he manages to not shiver against it as he lays, tracing constellations and finding long familiar ones. 

Well, until he remembers how Uncle had been the one who’d taught him how to find them, then it’s ruined. 

He’s not mad, he really isn’t. 

But it does hurt. 

It hurts like finding his parent’s house. Like knowing they were alive for years, that they weren’t dead like everyone said, or at least not when they’d said it. They’d been out there; lost, but thinking of him, and if he’d only come sooner, set out instead of lingering, innocent and clueless at home with Uncle, he might have had a chance to meet them. 

Legend pushes himself up, arms wrapping around his knees as he stares to the stoney path that leads to the forge door. 

Did he have his mother’s eyes? Before the dark world’s transformations changed their color for good? Did he get the pretty crystal blue from her? His father? Zelda has the same color as he used to; which parent did she get it from? They’re almost each others’ reflections, past scars and pain, the streaks of silver in her hair and the creases beneath his eyes. Life hasn’t been kind to either of them, but they had each other. 

He wishes they’d had more. 

He hasn’t been around as much as he wishes, but they’ve sat up and talked about it once or twice. What were they like- Zelda once mused into his arms- their parents? Was their father tall? Was their mother pretty? Do they have his nose? Which one had slender hands? Which one did the two of them get their sharp ears from? Who was the strong one? 

And when the sun had set lower, and it’d been too dark in the keep for them to see each other anymore: would they have loved them? Would they be proud? Would their parents have looked at what they’ve done with their lives and smile? Would they be sad? 

He’d never said it, kept it close, but tonight, staring up at the sky, Legend wonders if they would have understood. 

Or maybe they would have been like Uncle, and the fate that got its claws into their children would have made them turn away in despair as well. 

His throat hurts. 

“Legend?”  

The voice is soft, but it makes him start all the same. He hadn’t heard the door open at all, but there’s a shadow on the path below, framed in the light from the open cottage door. 

Quickly, he runs a sleeve over his face. He hasn’t cried in a long time, but he checks just to be sure. After all, you can never be too cautious around other people. Especially adults. 

“Vet?” the voice repeats, a tick of concern in it. 

For a moment he debates just waiting for them to go in again and give up. He’s tired of people, and he doesn’t want to deal with whomever it is. He thinks it’s Twilight, that or Warriors, because the voice isn’t rough enough for Time, and the shadow is too tall for anyone else. 

But after the time on the road that they’ve had, after he’s scolded Wild and Hyrule both for wandering off so often, he doesn’t exactly have the right to let the others worry. Not when he’s scolded so much for them doing the same. 

“Up here,” it’s more sigh than call, drawn out reluctantly as he hunches forwards a bit further, chin settling on his folded arms. 

The shadow on the path shifts. There’s the sound of everyone in the house still laughing and talking, but it fades as the door falls shut, the light and thus the shadow below disappearing with the noise. 

He breathes again. They went in. He’s alone again. 

He kind of wishes he wasn’t. 

“You alright?” 

So, he isn’t? Legend straightens, looking down below the thatching and catching sight of sideswept bangs and dark eyes. Twilight’s stare is shadowed, by his hair, the light, and some emotion the veteran can’t name, but it’s intense. If he hadn’t been fixed by it so many times before, it would make Legend squirm. It doesn’t though. He’s had the rancher up his tail enough before to be used to his stare. Scolding him for bullying Sky (he’d just been frustrated, but who even cared really?) for snarking back, or teasing Time. Twilight’s stare was on him almost the whole time he got turned into a rabbit, and while it wasn’t nearly as stern, it held a similar weight. Now it’s more similar to the night after that horrid battle with the shadow. Twilight’s eyes aren’t harsh or accusing, but there’s something warm in them for the brief moment he can see them before the man disappears beneath the awning. 

Callused hands catch the beam at the edge of the rood, and it’s only a moment or so before the rancher is swinging up in front of him, puffing and grinning crookedly as midnight blue eyes catch his own. “Up for some company?” 

He shrugs, but motions to the roof around him, settling further into his slump. 

Twilight’s smile fades into a frown in moments. “Something bothering you?” 

He shakes his head. 

Dark brows draw low as the rancher swings up fully, crawling across the roof before settling at his side, heavy eyes fixed on him all the while. “What’s eating you?” 

“Nothing,” he mumbles into his arms, but even as he says it, he knows Twilight won’t believe him. 

The rancher’s hand lifts from the roof, hovering between them, uncertain. 

Legend turns his stare back to the path below them. “’m just tired, rancher. ‘s fine.” 

Heavy eyes scream disbelief more than words bother to utter. 

Legend shifts, curling a bit tighter and setting his jaw, gaze fixing on the ground below. If he doesn’t look, Twilight’s pained stare can’t make him talk. If he doesn’t move, maybe Twilight too will give up and just walk away. It would make trying to sort his head out easier. 

“Ledge, hey, talk to me.” 

The rancher’s voice is so soft it physically hurts. 

“You’ve been tense all evening, bunny-” 

And that is just the breaking point because that’s Uncle’s pet name for him! He can’t help the way he turns, scowling, ready to hiss that Twilight cannot call him that, only to pause as predicted at the man’s heavy stare. Twilight looks all so familiarly pained, like he does when Wild’s struggling with his memories or Time’s being especially harsh. He’s never seen it directed at him though. 

He's not sure what to do with it. 

Dark hair sweeps forwards as the older man shifts, leaning against his own raised legs to mimic the veteran’s pose, stare heavy and seeking, but not expectant. “Did something happen?” 

It takes a moment for him to remember to respond, but when he does he shakes his head quickly. Breaking eye contact helps, and he drops his gaze back to the path below, chin settling in the folds of his sleeves to stop him glancing back. 

“Well somethings eating you.” 

Not anything that’s the rancher’s business though. 

“You’re not normally this quiet.” 

That earns a look. A scowl that has Twilight chuckling, deep and throaty, shoulders shaking as the man turns glittering eyes back to the path.  

Legend follows his gaze. There's nothing down there, but at least it’s something to look at. He needs that; if his mind doesn’t settle on something he just knows his thoughts will spiral out to places even he doesn’t recognize. 

It’s quiet for a moment, only the deep sounds of Twilight’s breathing and the rustle of trees filling the air around them, and despite himself, Legend tunes himself to their sound, matching the rancher’s breath with his own until his heart slows a little in his chest and some of the knot that’s curled there loosens. It’s only then, as he matches the pace of the other, that Twilight breaks it to speak.  

“Almost makes me miss home.” 

“Ordon?” He’s not sure why he asked. 

The rancher nods. “Yeah.” There’s another little chuckle, the shaking of the rancher’s head as he moves to lean back against his arms, eyes drifting upwards towards the sky. Legend tracks his stare, turned upwards to the Ancient Beast; the stars of its eyes twinkling extra bright against the expanse, as it stares down as though to meet it’s match. He huffs a little at the thought, silent, and turns back to stare at the path below them. 

There’s a few stones missing on the left side, cracked and overgrown on the right. 

It needs repair. 

“I’ll bet Uli’s singing the baby to sleep right now,” the rancher muses, smile fond and lonesome. “Colin will have drifted off ages ago, and Rusl is probably still out in the forge, getting the last of the fall work done before the snow sets in.” The man hums, rolling his shoulders. “Goat kids’ll be nearly grown about now, ready for slaughter.” 

Legend winces, and it earns another laugh from the man as sparkling eyes turn down to him again, grin still present but all too aware. “How about you? What will it be like at home for you?” 

He debates answering, before at least deciding it’s not worth it to let Twi keep pushing. “The trees are probably ready for harvest. Orchard will be all full of fallen fruit right about now.” 

“And?” the other man prods. 

The veteran shrugs. “Fields are probably being cleared. I dunno, I’m not a farmer.” 

“What is your family probably doing?” 

Something sharp and bitter inside whispers ‘lying in graves’ but he keeps that to himself, instead answering “don’t have one.” 

Again the soft smile fades, warm eyes all too pained, all too knowing, all too frustratingly warm as he sits and tries to ignore them. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s life.” 

“So you have no one?” 

Silence. 

“Not even a friend somewhere, waiting for you to come home?” 

He shrugs again, he’s not sure. Zelda is out there, but she knows he’s gone and won’t be expecting him back. Syrup and Irene might notice he’s gone, Gully will, but they won’t be waiting either. They all know he comes and goes like the autumn wind, there one moment and gone the next. It’s almost a saying back in Kakariko that if you see the hero you’d better catch him before he fades away, as there’s no telling where he is from day to day. 

Seeing as there’s no place to linger for long, he doesn’t know what they expect. 

Twilight twists around, gaze heavy and eyes sorrowful. “Is that what it is? Seeing Four at home?” 

He huddles down a bit furtehr, as though the flinch off the blow the words deal. 

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” And it’s less question than it is sigh, the rancher turning back to the sky, pain still present in midnight blue, the stars dimming within. “When there’s no one at home waiting-” 

“Do you have to rub it in?” 

Twilight starts, flushes slightly and moves to rub at his neck. “Sorry.” 

“It’s not the end of the world,” he mumbles into his sleeves, fingers gripping tight in dark folds. “’s just how things are. No point crying about it.” 

“Makes things awful lonely though.” 

As though Twilight needed to tell him. 

Legend curls just a bit tighter into himself, eyes falling shut. It’s childish, but a part of him hopes that if he closes his eyes, Twilight will just go away and stop reminding him of it all. “Don’t you have a champion to be wrangling right about now?” 

The thatch beneath them rustles, betraying some sort of movement from his companion, but this time he has the sense to keep his eyes shut as Twilight answers, has the sense to leave himself in the dark as to the look on the other man’s face, or what he’s doing. “Wild seemed pretty content to sit and listen to Time trying to out match Leon and Mister Smith.” 

“And you weren’t content to stay with them?” 

There’s a soft little hum and then “I wanted to be out here with you.” 

What the actual- 

“Why?” 

“Because.” As though it’s the simplest thing in the world. 

And it seems like to Twilight it must be, because when he lifts his face to stare at the man, bright eyes are turned up towards the sky, face peaceful and undisturbed, even as Legend stares in utter and complete confusion. He keeps staring too, waiting for Twilight to admit some real reason, or to look at him and laugh at him for believing the words, but the man doesn’t. Twilight just keeps watching the sky, gaze darting from one constellation to another until at last the man frowns, face creasing in confusion as he stares upwards. 

Curious, Legend tries to follow his gaze. He has to edge a bit closer to the other man, but the flick of an ear is the only response to his motion, so that even when he's only a few inches away, there’s no complaint.  

When he looks up, he sees the Holy Maiden cradling the moon in her arms. 

“Four said there’s something round the moon,” it’s like Twi knows he’s looking too, although he knows there’s been nary a glance spared his way since last words were spoken. “but I can’t fathom what the heck it is.” 

Legend huffs. “It’s the Holy Maiden.” 

“The wha?” Twilight’s smile is almost infectuous. 

He rolls his eyes, leaning a bit closer to trace the stars, showing the rancher how they mesh and weave into the image. “It’s Lolia, goddess of the Mirror World.” His hand falls, and it’s only then he realizes just how close he’s pressed himself to his brother’s side, Twilight’s gaze on him though stops him from shifting away, almost wary to move at all as the man watches. “She’s Hylia’s reflection.” 

There’s a furrow in dark brows, but nothing said. Rather, an arm comes up around behind him, warm and solid against his back.  

He's not sure what prompts him to continue, gaze trailing up to stare at the crescent cradled in star formed arms. “They say that when darkness first fell on the world, the people were afraid the world was ending, so Lolia crafted the moon to give them light and assurance, even on the longest and harshest of nights. They say she holds it up herself each night to give promise to her people, and whenever it’s light fades, she renews it so they’ll never be without.” 

“Always just thought it was a big rock in the sky,” comes the answering hum. 

Legend snorts. 

The arm behind him shifts, lifting to settle around his shoulder and pull him closer as the rancher’s other hand points upwards, towards the Great Triangle. “What about that bunch over there.” 

Laughter escapes him despite himself at the man’s incompetance. “You really were brough up human, huh?” 

He’s expecting some scolding or huff, but Twilight just glances down, arching a brow expectantly. 

Legend rolls his eyes and gives in. “it’s the Great Triangle, the stars that point the way to Hyrule Castle. Once upon a time, they say the Triforce was formed up there.”  

~~~~~~~~~ 

[fangirlmedstudentblog]

You know, while watching My School President, it was one of the most pleasant surprises in a long long while. But one thing I truly did NOT expect was to develop such an attachment to Tinn.

I've loved watching these two boys fall in love, pine and help each other through the ups and downs of school, but I don't think I ever expected just HOW MUCH I would relate to Tinn. And this was legit 2 episodes in. (This post was written after ep8 and before ep9, for reference)

So following is a bit of a long-ish post on why Tinn is my favourite character in MSP and a bit on why his behaviour in the latest episode isn't that surprising to me and was, a while in the making, i feel.

At the risk of being overly personal and sappy on main, I would do SO much to just hug those two boys.

Also it's gonna be a bit of a long one, so strap in.

Spoilers till Ep 8 of My School President

Tinn, i was surprised to see had a very similar upbringing to mine. Like him, I am also an only child. Like him, I also have a strict mom, who is ALSO a teacher and a surgeon dad, who, despite not wanting to, was not able to be with me as much when I was younger because of his work, just like Tinn's dad, who is a writer.

Looking at the initial few episodes of MSP, it's pretty clear that both of Tinn's parents, while loving him so much, had to sometimes give up on time with tinn for their work. (It's something that i think is very common when both parents are working, or writing, as with Tinn's dad) And that Tinn loves his parents a lot.

Not to speculate on Tinn's upbringing, but based on my own experiences, and that scene around Tinn's birthday (spectacled nobi tinn is so CUTE, I just wanna punch his cheeks, my baby) it's a bit obvious that it's not the first time he's had to wait alone due to his mom and dad being busy. You have his mom being apologetic due to unexpectedly being called into a work dinner, her asking to celebrate with his dad, who himself is away at a book signing so, not exactly available himself (on his son's birthday too!).

You might call it a reach, but I don't know, it's something I feel isn't wrong.

If he was immature and spoiled, he might have been petulant and whining and complaining about how no one is wanting to celebrate HIS birthday with him. But he doesn't. He just accepts it. He smiles when his mom offers to let him come to work dinner, refusing with a smile so that his mom doesn't worry about him. He says (with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes) that he'll celebrate with his friend. Maybe this scene was to show that Tinn is mature, doesn't worry his parents and independent, maybe it was just a reason for Tinn to be sad before meeting Gun, i don't know man, I'm not the scriptwriter.

And inferring from the phone call with Tiwson, we can see that he IS sad that his parents can't celebrate with him. He KNOWS in his heart that it's ok, they love him, and sometimes life can just get in the way of things you want and you can't celebrate all your birthdays the way you want. But still, he's still a boy, and can't help but feel sad.

Maybe it's that resigned acceptance you see on his face and the call to Tiwson, where he fakes being ok since he doesn't want to inconvenience Tiw to come celebrate his birthday because he's already at home. Even though he's actually feeling a bit sad and lonely. And he knows that if he asked Tiwson, he would've come just because his friend asked him to. Just because he's feeling alone doesn't mean he should inconvenience people, that's what i think Tinn feels.

(I have a feeling the reason I've felt so attached to this scene at Gun's mom's shop is because I've BEEN in this situation way more times than I can count. And way to go when you write a whole ass ramble based on like just 1 minute of a drama)

When you see as you're growing up that your parents are super busy, and / or your parent(s) is very strict, especially with regards to academics (Tinn's mom is a very typical asian mum, in that regard), you grow up with the desire to keep your parents happy by becoming one less source of stress to them.

And being an only child can get lonely at times. Combine that with a strict mother, who is a bit too controlling over their child, and consistently expects the best from their child, you get yourself a kid who tries to show themselves as mature for their age and is a bit more independent than the parents would think. Also a pretty good liar and good at hiding their true emotions as well. Added if you're an introvert, you become a bit socially awkward and have a hard time making real friends.

(Personal experience talking here)

Plus from what I've seen so far about Tinn's parents, it's obvious that out of the two, it's Tinn's dad who is the more emotionally supportive one in the family. During that dinner scene in Ep 2, we can see that it's Tinn's dad who seems more open with his emotions, and Tinn is very cautious when talking about the music club (which his mother doesn't seem to like) to his mother. He mostly goes along with what his mother says, trying to not rock the boat as one does.

When you have that kind of strict parent(s) growing up, especially if you're a single child and have all of the focus of your parents, is that you become a bit reliant on your parent(s) making your decisions for you and you don't push boundaries and just go about life doing what's expected of you.

You become someone who constantly tries to please the strict parent, because you're afraid of them being disappointed in you. Because sometimes you're more scared of disappointing your parents than actually making them angry.

You more often than not, are seen as the 'golden child' who has ideal behaviour at school, and in studies and extra-curriculars. It's what expected of you and it's not like it's difficult to do so, why rock the boat unnecessarily?

And then when you start discovering that your own wishes and desires and priorities are different from your parent's (which more than often happens, because you are not your parents) and it's something that they might not like or even disapprove of.

That realisation makes you scared because you know you can't show what your true feelings and opinions on stuff because it's NOT what is expected of you. Then you double down on showing the perfect you that everyone likes (especially authority figures and teachers) and hide your imperfections.

That's where the people pleasing part of you comes into play. But inside you might be getting more frustrated and angry.

And then you get into your emo phase

Ahem.

Anyways.

Back to where you're wondering that what has this long winded tangent to do with Tinn.

Now, nobi-tinn, aka Tinn in first year, a bit of a resigned to being the perfect kid who never complains, meets Gun when he's all sad about his birthday.

Gun, who's all cute and handsome faced kid with a bright smile who just sets down a treat in front of you without you knowing who he is and why did he just do that.

Then he introduces himself and it's someone from your own class. And he's entranced by his cute little smile. And a bit gobsmacked as well because 'oh my he's cute' is running through that boy's head on loop.

Then his mother comes in and Gun is like oh, I'm just being friendly so that i can mooch off him and his work. That makes Tinn a little bit disappointed, because he thought maybe Gun wanted to be friends with him for real, but he just wants to be friends to 'borrow' stuff from you. Still he's pleased at atleast SOMEONE cares. Plus it helps that the boy IS cute so he's like, eh, whatever.

But then Gun goes up and is like if you're feeling lonely people, here's a song we can share. And you can see that Tinn is surprised, oh he's a singer?

Then this cute boy he just met busts out a song that RESONATES so much with him and he's like OH. OH HELL. I LIKE HIM. OH NOOOOOOO

Cut to Tinn's trying to get closer to him. But FAILING. MISERABLY. CONSTANTLY.

Poor guy even decide to clean up, change his look and try to confess at the Hot wave contest but only to be thwarted by a damn fight breaking out, which leads to Gun not hearing what was said.

Then both of them are in their final year of high school and Tinn, to his shock discovers that his mom DISAPPROVES of the music club (understandable, since they caused that huge fight, plus all those near fire and probable noise complaints), the place which Gun is an integral part of and where he thrives. And to his horror, wants to shut it down, which is like the last thing Tinn wants because then there's NO way Gun will even like you as a friend, much less have a crush on him. Poor guy, can't catch a break in his romantic life.

He's now stuck on how to help his crush without letting anyone know that he's helping him (because it's NOT what is expected of you)

Then Tiwson gives the idea that become the school president and prevent the club from shutting down. That way Gun might even be impressed by all that Tinn did to help him. Tinn does that. Becomes the School Council President. You're like ok, now the club is safe.

But then Tinn discovers that not only does your crush NOT remember him, but he actually HATES him.

We all know how it all then follows as we can see in the show. You have Tinn defying the school rules, manipulating folk music competitions, offering help anonymously online, ensuring the band actually has instruments to play on, giving him your own DAD'S PRIZED GUITAR (I have a feeling this might play a role in a future episode), lying to your own parents about what you're doing MULTIPLE TIMES and basically giving Gun as leniency as much as possible to help him save his club and actually win the hot wave so that you can actually confess.

All the while going all Elsa in front of him with conceal, don't feel mode because from what Tinn knows Gun hates him and won't accept his help if he knew. PLUS he's realising his mom's probable disapproval and disappointment in his actions. But Tinn has decided that it's time to stand up for what he wants to do and not what his parents want, for what seems like the first time in his life.

Awww Tinn is entering his rebellious phase, all so as to let Gun's dreams come true and let him be happy. Because don't forget, Tinn actually never ever pressurised Gun into liking him back or ever actually let him know just HOW much Tinn has done for him behind the scenes.

Then Tinn and Gun start becoming closer and closer and then they realise he actually reciprocates Tinn's feelings!!! YAY HALLELUJAH 🎉🎉🎉 But you two still can't date because of a stupid arbitrary rule that was put there because your previous club leader was a jealous man so they decide to shamelessly flirt with each other for now and stay somewhere in between mutual pining to secretly dating.

Meanwhile, adulthood and deciding on career is approaching and Tinn's mom decides that Tinn should be a doctor because it's a stable field. (which, personally, i think is bs. It's just the plain old insistence of wanting your kids to be a doctor, a lawyer ir an engineer that is drilled onto an asian parent's heads)

Tinn himself is very unclear about what to take in the future, understandably because this is something your parents can't decide for you. Plus while being with Gun and helping him, Tinn is gradually coming out of under his mother's thumb and letting himself feel what he wants to feel and have his own opinions. He is becoming a bit more rebellious and liking making decisions for himself.

So while Tinn doesn't necessarily want to become a doctor, he's not exactly protesting against it and is still unsure if he really wants to become one, and WHY. (I personally would love if Tinn did NOT become a doctor, or even if he does, atleast makes that choice with his own free will. Becoming a doctor requires a LOT of personal motivation, and being forced into being one is just damaging to one's mental health. This is speaking as someone who has just become a doctor herself a while back)

Then he realises that he wants to become a doctor to take care of his loved ones (admirable and a lofty goal tinn) after taking care of Gun's mom.

At the beginning of ep 8, we have Tinn talking to his mom to get permission for the club to stay over at nights for a week. Then his mom asks if he's started studying for an exam that is coming up in a month and he says he hasn't (I'm the same Tinn 😮‍💨🤜🏻🤛🏻)

But then we get Tinn standing up to his mom to get permission to stay overnight, with some crafty manipulation on his part to get her to agree. If you look carefully, his mom is confused about why Tinn is being this insistent about helping the music club. His mom has had that look before too, at the beginning of the show when he's asking to go in her place during the folk music festival.

And looking at it from Tinn's mom's perspective, Gun and his club are more of a nuisance than anything. And she probably is wary that they might drag Tinn to the wrong path. We as viewers know that is profoundly incorrect, but his mom doesn't.

And then we have Tinn and Gun hiding from his mom in the pool and then using the lousiest excuse I've EVER heard (Tinn you weren't even trying my boy). Can someone please tell me that does it actually abruptly rain out of nowhere in Thailand and then it stops just as abruptly??

Like the only reason Tinn's mom seemed to buy that excuse is that she hasn't caught him lying to her before. Also why do I have a feeling that she really some bias against the band kids? Because why only offer the towel to Tinn when both Tinn AND GUN are soaked????

Then we find out that Tinn's mom has arranged for him to meet with a doctor from the college Tinn might be applying for later who's having a seminar in his school. This is in order to have Tinn give a favorable impression to the doctor.

Contrary to what many were thinking, it's JUST an introduction, not an actual interview or anything. It's kind of like a mom showing off her kid to another so as to improve Tinn's chances of getting in.

One thing I noticed about Tinn while he was being told this was just how uncomfortable he looked. I'm still not clear myself whether it was because he was gonna miss being able to watch Gun perform openly (something he's been wanting to for YEARS at this point) or that he was benefiting from being the principal's son and getting this advantage over his peers who were as interested as him in that field. I personally like to believe it's a mixture of the two, with the former being a larger reason than the latter.

Moving on to the late night school ground heart to heart, you can see just how affected Tinn was by Gun's confession of gaining strength from performing in front of the people he loves. Especially since he knew that he couldn't actually go and watch him. We as audience and Gun could tell that just how sad he was at not being able to attend.

Then we had the wonderful piece of Gun deciding that it was FINE and both of them deserved to go after their dreams and encouraged Tinn to work hard towards his dreams, like Tinn encouraged Gun to do.

Now what follows is a bit of speculation, but not unnecessarily untrue, i think.

But what Gun doesn't know that the only reason Tinn even WANTS to become a doctor on the first place is in some way to take care of Gun and his own parents and Gun's mom.

It isn't Tinn's dream to be a doctor, it is his mom's. It's just something that he's going along with because he doesn't exactly hate the thought of being a doctor. Tinn's dream, atleast for the moment is to be at Gun's side, help HIM achieve his dream of winning the hot wave and be his boyfriend, in that order.

On that note, if Tinn you ever want to become a doctor, I think being a pediatrician would suit you a lot (as suggested by my lovely friend @sarahandtheninjas and i agree with them)

While, he might have gotten a good reason why to want to pursue medicine, his priority is still Gun and passing his school.

And his priority at that moment is watching Gun perform because he wants to provide Gun that support during such an important time of his life. Tinn has enough confidence in himself that he knows he can get in medical school by himself without any prior introductions from his mother. (I don't know how exactly do you even get in medical school in Thailand so if anyone could provide some information, that would be highly appreciated!!)

Plus i believe that Tinn is beginning to chafe from his mother's constant hovering. It comes from a place of love, but i think it would feel very annoying when you're a teen. Like when they both were rehearsing answers to give to the doctor, (which by the way were super generic and expected answers, exactly the ones they would look for, but still boring) you could see that Tinn could NOT CARE LESS about that *stupid* doctor and just wants to see Gun perform.

So in a fit of extreme bravery (seriously, it takes guts to talk back to your mom, especially if she's as strict with Tinn as I think she might be) he says sorry to mom and runs away to the Hot Wave.

Then that absolutely LOVELY conversation between TinnGun follows where Tinn reveals that that introduction wasn't actually that necessary and what's the use of becoming a doctor of he can't take care of the ones he loves.

Also Tinn, becoming a doctor means accepting that you might not being able to spend a lot of time with your family and loved ones, especially if you go into something like emergency medicine or surgery or ob-gyn or even medicine, especially during your specialisation years. I SHOULD KNOW, I'm not only a child of a surgeon, but a doctor in my own right.

(Also, dropping the love word so early Tinn???? That's pretty gosh darn brave of you my boy, but seriously Tinn, do not decide to become a doctor on a whim)

All of those actually reading till this point I love you all so much 😘😘

And after all of that, what I am personally looking forward to in the future episodes is how exactly does Tinn's late stage rebellion play out, because I have a feeling that his mom might be shaping up to be the final boss.

And thanks a LOT for reading

(I might edit this post later after all the episodes are over to add more thoughts and add some screenshots, maybe)

[soft-pine]

my mom kicked my dad out when i was six. from then on, the time i spent with my dad was mostly spent being dragged to the car at odd hours in the morning to get driven for hours and hours (he'd never tell me how long) to get to locations that weren't revealed until the end. most often this was old civil war battle sights where the gruesome photography horrified me and the feeling that i was walking on the graves of so many people haunted me. during the car rides, he would tell me over and over how torn up he was about losing my mom. how i had to help him get her back somehow. he would say how only i was there for him - and i would have to be there for him - and i would want to be. he was my dad.

in the evenings i would sit on a crappy little cot in whatever motel we'd pulled over at and watch him drink his nightly beer to help him sleep and listen to him talk about my mom. and how it wasn't fair he'd lost her. and how no one ever really supported him enough and everyone left him and only i was ever there for him and how i always had to be cause he didn't have anyone else.

he had a list of all the people who'd failed him and all the communities it wasn't worth spending time with because they were all fakes who couldn't be trusted. but sometimes still, he'd bring me to his strange friends falling-down split-level houses with cars sinking into their lawns and i'd sit patiently on gritty, smelly couches from the 70s listening to them talk about their grievances in the other room while staring at the sunlight trying to creep under the closed blinds.

both my parents were christians but my dad didn't believe in going to church because he said it was all full of fakers. but at my mom's church, they told me that it was my responsibility to try to save every single person i met. they made it clear that in every interaction i had, i had to carry the weight of that person's whole life - their soul - and make sure i did everything to convince them to believe in jesus so they wouldn't go to hell. and i did it. i didn't want them to go to hell.

both my parents were poor. and i remember how ashamed i was of wanting things or telling them because i knew they couldn't afford it. my mom tried to protect me from this knowledge but my dad always complained how he never had money. how he wanted to get me nice things but couldn't - how he wanted to get himself nice things but couldn't. he used to ask me to give him things i had so he could have them - as a joke, he would say. as a joke. i remember the day he took me to a jewelry store to sell the engagement ring my mom had returned to him. i sat and watched the watches spin in their little display case.

i always wanted to be a mechanic. i loved classic cars. their shape. their sound. when i was a toddler, i used to put a hotwheels on the couch cushions and then crawl under the couch and pretend i was fixing the car from below.

when i was 16, i dropped out of high school and got a GED. the future never really felt real to me. i could never really picture making it there. figured at some point i'd just /stop/. but i did really like baking & eating pies.

around that time, i also started writing fic. some weird cross-over shit with self-insert characters and no intended to be shared with anyone blah blah. but it was helpful to process my own experiences. eventually, the fic culminated in the revelation of an evil, capricious god who was trying to control the whole narrative - and specifically the protagonist's sacrificial-lamb-core, chronically-resurrected suffering - and had to be broken free from.

i'm gay but i didn't know and i got married cause that's what my family wanted from me and i didn't know and i thought something was wrong with me. and i loved them, i did. because love is very big and has so much room in it beyond sexual attraction but something was wrong. and i thought it was me.

and i've been so mad at my dad for so many years but if i think about this story he told me where these bullies broke the lemonade stand he built as a kid, i start to cry. every time. and want to fix it for him and want to fix it for him and want to fix it for him.

anyway then i watched supernatural.

[jazzmckay]

today's the 15 month anniversary of my mother's passing. between the date and mother's day weekend, i've had a lot of thoughts rattling through my head.

at this point, i wouldn't even notice the monthly anniversaries anymore if not for my dad always marking them on the calendar. he puts a little number of how many months it has been in the top corner of the 13th. he's a surprisingly dedicated man. i didn't know that until my mom got sick.

she had alzheimer's and passed away from complications (an infection), as most do. i never visited her in long-term care. i meant to, when the infection was worsening, but she didn't make it long enough for me to have a chance. i remember being in the living room, which is by the front door, when my dad came home that day. he had a bag with some of her belongings in it, and i instantly knew.

we procrastinated on choosing our gravestone design. it is an extremely permanent thing that is the final mark of a person's life, and making that kind of decision paralyzed me. i'd never been part of that process before. i'd never had to think about a lot of things until this. death has felt more real to me than it ever did before. i've now thought about what i would want my own funeral to be like, and if i should have a will already. i've made the decision that i want to be cremated. there's a bit of space on the gravestone for my name if i want to have my urn buried with my parents, but i can't say if i do want that. my relationship with my mother never got the chance to improve, and likely wouldn't have even if there was time. but there are so many other factors--personal, monetary, the fact that my legal name isn't me.

the stone is there now, though, after having to wait through the snow in winter. it looks nice, even if a bit smudged with dirt. if my name never goes on there, it will still look natural.

there were a lot of flowers at the cemetery today, the day after mother's day. i realized it never occurred to me to bring anything. ironically, my mother always used to complain that my dad never bought her flowers. seems that's a tradition that will continue on.

having only one parent has been an ongoing change i didn't expect. i'm more protective of my dad now, even though we still aren't as close as i wish i could have been with either of my parents. my dad and i are better now than we've ever been, but nothing can rewrite the 30 years before that. i think about the fact that if something happens to him, i'll be on my own. considering my health issues, that's a scary thought.

there's this little thing that keeps coming up, something i never could have anticipated. when i talk about my parents as a pair, just in casual conversation, sometimes i get tripped up on verb tense. "are" or "were"? my mother was, my father is. every time it comes up, the phrasing is awkward, and it can feel so glaringly obvious, in any conversation, when i refer to my mother in the past tense. like i'm yelling "my mom is dead" for everyone to understand. it feels like a taboo topic--i'm not so old that it's expected. younger people with a dead parent are tragic. it feels like i'm bringing up something upsetting that no one wants to hear about unprompted, but it's my life, it's just how it is, i can't verb tense my way around that. i wonder how long it'll take before i stop feeling like this. it's easier once people already know, at least.

going from a 3-person family to a 2-person family is a bigger shift than i thought it would be. in some ways, it's better, because while i never would have wished for it to happen the way it did, i always knew that i'd breathe easier when i no longer had to handle my mother, but in some ways, it's a challenge. meal planning for a household of 2 after always being used to 3+ is surprisingly difficult. we have to make sure we communicate with each other better than we used to. her office is still her office. i had to print something recently and still said "i'll use mom's computer". we have cleaned up a lot, but she was a bit of a hoarder and it's a difficult task to deal with someone's whole life belongings. so much of her stuff is still here, and probably will be for a while. how soon is it customary to clear out someone's belongings entirely? i'm not sure my dad will ever apply himself to the task completely. he told me he doesn't plan to remarry. her side of the bed will always be her side, i think.

doesn't feel like it's been a year and 3 months already. it feels like so many of these changes should be old news by now. or maybe these things never really go away.

i would lose track of the time so quickly if not for my dad's marks on the calendar. i wonder how long he'll do it. maybe after two years, he'll switch to just marking the year, instead of the month.

it was a nice day for a cemetery visit. the weather called for storms starting in the afternoon and carrying through the night, but it was sunny and warm all day. i'm looking forward to when the storm finally comes, though, because i like storms, and i'm eager for a break in humidity. it'll also be nice for the spring dust and dirt to get cleared off our gravestone.

[fenmere]

thank you @the-letterbox-archives for the tag!

This is an OC questionaire, and these questions were chosen by letter. We're going to have the cast of The End of the Tunnel answer them, because that's our upcoming book!

"what's your relationship with your family like?" Ashwin: "I've left them, permanently, most likely to never see most of them again, to visit another planet - Earth. Even though I've lived more than a full life already, and have existed several decades beyond the end of my vessel's lifespan, I do think I regret it. I was more than desperately ready for something new, but I was not so ready to lose those connections." Phage: "I am not a living being. I do not have a lineage like you may be familiar with. And I am the kind of thing that doesn't tend to have equals. But I have had a child, Ni'a, and I find that I love them very dearly. I do not think that I have been a good parent to them. Not by anybody else's standards. I don't know how. But they have never complained. I will not pretend that this experience helps me understand people any better." Sarah: "Goreth and I were an only child. Our parents tried to raise us better than their parents did, but they screwed up a lot. And besides our surviving Grandma, our extended family are all bigots. We've got a lot of trauma from all this and are estranged from almost all of them. In many ways, Phage has been more of a family member for us than anybody else. Anyway, Goreth and I are basically twins, and we're the core of any family we may have now. We're hoping we can build a new one from our queer friends." Goreth: "To elaborate on what Sarah's saying, I think we've actually got a family going with Peter and Abigail, our housemates. And with Erik and the Audreys, too. We've been there for each other in ways our biological families never were." Erik: "They're... a lot. If we're talking about my folks and sibs. I love them, but also I can't deal with them a lot of the time. I need them, but they honestly don't seem to need me, and it shows. They think they need the person they think I am. And I'm a whole different thing than that." the Audreys: *shrugs* "I got to take my computer with me when I moved out."

"do you have any hobbies? if so, what ones?" Ashwin: "The concept of hobbies is fascinating to me. Where I come from we only have an Art and then we have other skills. These things maybe classify as hobbies to most humans, at least those that live in and around Portland. But, it seems to me that a hobby is defined as something one does for oneself when one is not working. Is that correct? We don't have work on the Sunspot. We only have our Art and our distractions and the things we do to make others happy. We just... It's a totally different way of thinking and I don't know if I can explain it well enough. In any case, I used to think I didn't have an Art. But lately I've been finding that studying anything about linguistics fills me with this profound sense of calm and purpose that I've never felt before." Phage: "My hobby is life itself. In all of its expressions and experiences." Sarah: "Well, we're unemployed and unable to work, but we have a Patreon and the people who donate to it do so in order to keep us healthy enough to do what we love when we have time. Which makes our hobbies our work, I guess? I draw. That's my favorite thing. I also like to watch movies and the newer cartoon shows. I used to read a lot, but that's been really hard to do lately." Goreth: "I want to be a writer. I want to write novels. But, I've never had any luck making one work, so I've been getting that energy out by keeping our Patreon and social media accounts up to date. It's really more of a creative outlet than it sounds, though. In a way I've already written a novel. It's just scattered across several blogs. Oh, and I guess I collect things. I don't really think about it though, it just happens. Kind of my nature." Erik: "Horror movies, horror novels, horror shows, and experiencing horror in real life. Also dancing and being a smart ass. Oh, and monster spotting. It's like bird watching, but with monsters. There's probably other hobbies, but since my other headmates aren't awake right now, I can't remember them." the Audreys: "We kind of have a lot. But we don't really have the time for any of them. Too busy with work, which used to be a hobby. Hanging out with Erik and the Ampersands is really where we get our big break. But we rewatch Venture Brothers a lot, I guess. Also Disney movies. But that's like in the background while we work."

"do you dream often? what about?" Ashwin: "I'm not sure I know the difference between a dream and experiencing most of my life in the inworld of someone else's psyche. I was originally a fellow system member of the Minbàoni, and I gained consciousness and identity before I ever took the front and piloted their vessel. Once we got our neural terminal, I spent a lot of time on the Network, away from my system, and that was a lot like vividly dreaming in and of itself. Sarah and Goreth dream quite a bit, and I've been part of that since I've joined them. I'm still trying to make sense of that." Phage: "No. But I appear in dreams on occasion. I find it's an excellent way to talk to someone who isn't otherwise able to see or hear me." Sarah: "We have had so many recurring nightmares, even after our mom taught us how to face them. There's just always something. The nightmares of our childhood are our empowerment dreams now, and we often go flying or chasing monsters when we have them. But then, the next night, we'll have a nightmare about arguing with our parents in their kitchen. Our better dreams are the ones where our headmates hold a council meeting, or get together with us to play some kind of internal role playing game." Goreth: *gestures at Sarah* "That. Except, also, lately, I've been learning how to assert my actual shape in our dreams, and I get to spend a lot of time as the dragon I am. To the point where I think I prefer dreaming to being awake." Erik: "If I could remember my dreams, I'm pretty sure I could write the best movie scripts. But I'm glad I can't. I dream enough when I'm awake, I really don't need to experience that shit at night too." the Audreys: "Some of us do, and some of us can't even visualize an apple. It's kinda weird. Those of us that do dream have pretty vivid memories of exploring our inworld, to the point we've been able to map it out. You can read about it and see our diagrams on our wiki. But I don't think our dreams are anything like anybody else's. They're almost all internal politics."

We're not going to tag anybody else. Consider yourself invited to do this, and go ahead an tag us if you answer our questions. Questions for your OCs: 1. What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?

2. If you could choose anyone in your world to be your sibling, who would it be?

3. What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten, and why?

[thepirarucuandtheorca]

Goonya Monster Oneshot: Aquarium Hangout Day

AN: I was inspired to write this after the many aquarium trips I've been to, aquarium trips being another big inspiration for my AU besides sea monsters and traditional mercreatures. Here's a oneshot about the topic that I thought about one day.

His train of thought broke after when his uber asked him to drop him off at a location Octo only gave the directions to. "Oh uh, yeah. This looks like it." He had no clue what he was being roped up into, only for Octo just to say that it was a surprise and that it would be something that he'd like. Getting out of the uber, he looked around in hopes of finding anyone he knew. He was a tad nervous, especially with being around a huge crowd of people. He's rather be near the people he worked with or his friends for comfort.

"Hey! HEYYYYYYYYY!!" Toad heard Octo's voice, soon seeing the ten year old waving one hand up in the air. Sure enough, Snail and Pirarucu were there too along with Clione, since she insisted him to come with so he didn't get lost. "I told you he'd make it!" Snail piped up, making Pirarucu roll her eyes. "Yeah yeah sure. I knew that from the start," she then said. He was completely surprised to see everyone here, but being with them made him feel comfortable in a way. "I guess...thanks for having me?" he asked nervously, still sweating over the sight of all the people.

Pirarucu only crossed her arms at seeing the mercreature's expressions. He's nervous about being exposed in front of a huge group of people. If I was someone like him, I'd be the same way, she thought. "Where exactly-" Toad cut himself off as soon as he saw where they were, eyes becoming shocked over what he was seeing. "Surprise!" Octo exclaimed with a smile on his face. "I figured you'd like it." 

He was lost for words. It was an aquarium of all places. It had been awhile since he last came, last time being when he was a kid around Octo and Snail's age. It was true that his parents still might of taken him and his siblings there even after that day in his life, but seeing it again almost gave him a hint of nostalgia. He couldn't stay too shocked and surprised over where this trip was planned. "You planned this?" he then asked Octo. "Wouldn't shut up about it all day," Pirarucu then said. "Me and Clione have been here before, but it's been awhile. When Octo mentioned it, I felt like it wouldn't hurt to come back." Snail was just excited, since it was her first time here.

"Is it just us?" he finally asked, soon jinxing it when he heard some familiar voices. "I swear that birdbrain better behave you know!" the familiar voice of Anemone said as it got closer. "They said they were going to behave! You think they would just pop out at the most random times?" Moray's voice followed suit, a bit of panic on their face. It was really Petrel's idea to join the four, dragging Anemone along with them. Moray didn't mind, and Anemone finally gave in after some puppy dog eyes and a happy bird noise from the Nega-Birdman after when they popped out just before they left base.

Even Goonyan came with too, covering their ears from the loudness of the two of them complaining. Are you kidding me?! Toad's brain screamed upon seeing the half Monster feline. They then waved to him as soon as they saw his face. "Hi Toad!" they exclaimed, nyamoing happily. He only waved in response as the others came. "This must be the place. It's quite shocking I never took Snail here." Slug's voice was first, and he was seen with Orca and Manta. "You've been here before?" Orca's voice said to Manta who responded, "Yeah. Made me think of you, too. The sea is also apart of nature, and I think you'd like it."

Everyone gathered together, surprising the heck out of him. "E-Everyone-!" he exclaimed at first, almost wanting to leave. He did have nothing to worry about since the whole group knew who he was despite still trying to process over Anemone also being a sea creature. After all, both him and her didn't know that she secretly had a hidden tail(Moray still was trying to get used over both of their bosses being sea creatures). "Octo didn't invite us. Well, he did ask me and Orca to come with. The others came on their own," Manta then reassured him.

It made him sigh in relief. "Look. I just wanted all of us to have fun. Are you alright with that?" When he heard Octo's voice, Toad could tell that this was the case. "I understand, and I appreciate it." He then smiled. "Cheers." He then turned to look at Moray, who flinched a bit. "Uh you do realize that it was Petrel's idea for me to come right? I mean, I did want to but they just pestered it further," they explained, Anemone grumbling to herself about getting dragged along. He and Moray went to a quick private spot, hoping to get less suspicion from anyone. 

"Listen. I know they love the water and everything but they better not poof out one time during this trip. I don't want to drive any unwanted attention if they saw a Negative walking with a group of people like us," he then said, Moray then saying about how they said they were going to behave. Petrel was known for being like that sometimes, popping out at the most unexpected times. Moray had been able to restrain them from coming out when they wanted to, but if pressured too much, Petrel would pop out into a half baked version of themselves with Moray's personality kicking in every so often.

After the talk, the two rejoined the others. "Took you long enough," Anemone sighed. "You had the talk didn't you?" They both nodded, yet Moray could still hear Petrel's excited chirping from their mind about the trip. They did say they were going to behave, but at the same time, both him and her had their suspicions. "Let's just get this show on the road," Pirarucu then said, not wanting to wait any longer. Of course Snail rushed in to bear hug Slug, a smile forming on his face as they both followed suit. "Well? Shall we go?" Manta asked Orca. "Absolutely," she replied with a smile. The final four then followed after.

-----------------

Everyone chose to be in their own personal group and enjoy the time at their own pace, Octo choosing to hang with Toad and the others after when Manta had asked him if he wanted to cruise around with her and Orca. "You sure you wanna let him tag with us?" is what Moray had asked Toad with a bit of a concerned look on their face while Anemone wasn't paying attention and was trying to restrain Goonyan to prevent them from wandering off. "It's going to be fine. Don't worry about it. Let's have fun, alright?" he responded. "I-If you say so..."

The four did end up having fun without any casualties happening whatsoever, despite Petrel getting excited about seeing all the colorful fish as they walked towards them and almost poofed out if it wasn't for Moray scolding them. The group did run into the others as they walked, each pair already having their best time to themselves. Octo did enjoy hearing what Toad had to say about a lot of the marine life they encountered, him talking about his own personal experience with those that he had seen like eels.

Seeing all of this still gave him chills down his spine knowing about how Monsters originated from the depths of the sea. Seeing how each different one took on an appearance similar to some of these marine life almost made him want to step back from the exhibit after remembering the many Monster encounters he'd been through since the Minotaur's attack. He had Octo and Moray to reassure him he was going to be alright, Anemone eventually rolling her eyes and also giving him with a small grumble since she now was apart of everything with the cost of finding out she had a tail.

There was one time where he took off ahead of the others, Goonyan being the one to point it out. "Hey. Where's he going, nyamo?" is what they asked as they watched him leave and head to another part of the building. The other three hesitated before seeing him head off on his own. "Oh yeah. He is heading somewhere. Wonder what that one is..." Moray trailed at the end, not knowing how to finish their sentence whatsoever. Well, let's follow him! is what Petrel chimed in just before they could finish their sentence.

Octo was already heading that direction, Anemone tapping their arm to get their attention. "The kid just left us," she said, pointing to the now wandering off Octo. He looked back at them, saying that he was going to be fine as he entered the exhibit. "Toad! Where'd you go?" he slightly shouted, hoping to find his friend. Looking around, he seemed to notice that it was themed around coral reefs and topic environments. It was true that they had a bit of a reef in the sea near them, but this hit different in a way.

"Toad where are you-" he was cut off upon seeing him standing in front of an exhibit that happened to be one of the more larger ones in the whole building. "I figured you'd be here," he said with a smile. There were tiger sharks. Actual ones. "I can understand why you came here. You're one of them. Are you like...related to the actual shark or something?" Toad's head shot at Octo just as he said that. "What made you think that?!" he shouted, a tad embarrassed. "I dunno...it just came to me. Maybe it's the tail." He shrugged at the end, making Toad facepalm.

Of course, the ten year old apologized quickly to lessen things. "It's fine. Normally that would be the first thing you'd think about." He turned back to face the sharks. "If I'm being honest, Anemone doing those studies made me realize things I didn't even know about myself even though yeah, I still did hate it with every inch of my being." Anemone still did studies on him despite knowing the truth about herself, and it still made him shudder thinking about it.

He then walked up to the glass, soon touching it with one hand. Some of the sharks happened to stop and stare at him, as if they could sense his presence near them. "If I'm being honest, I didn't even know that I had shark DNA in me after that one test Anemone did. I guess the theme does run in the family, but we're all not the same kind if you get what I mean." As Toad sighed at the end, Octo watched from the sidelines, wanting to walk up to him but not interrupting the moment. "Well yeah, I do understand that. Not every being of the water would be the same species," he then said, remembering one of his books back at home.

To his shock, Toad actually laughed a bit. "Even if you became a Monster through the potion, I'm still happy you understand." Octo finally walked up next to him, watching one of the sharks come to their eye level. It did have a striking similarity to Toad's underwater form, especially with the tiger like markings the shark had on its body. "How are you doing that?" he asked finally, curious as to what was happening. It hit him: "Can you talk with marine life?" Toad chuckled a bit, but then nodded. "I'm kind of good at it as well as sensing the thoughts of different things. Of course there's the chance of encountering rogue sharks since not all of them are nice. Heck, there was one time I had to attack some that wouldn't stop pestering me."

Octo laughed a bit at that story. "Well it's the truth!" he exclaimed, making Octo nod in response. "Alright alright I get it," he then said. He too reached out to touch the glass, the shark's focus turning to him. It sensed that he was a friend to the mercreature beside him, making him smile and look at a smiling Toad. Their time together with the tiger sharks went on for a few more moments before Anemone and Moray rushed in, Goonyan catching up from behind. "There you are my dear Toad!" she exclaimed, the two taking their hands off of the glass and the sharks returning to normal. "Don't take off like that! You scared me!"

"Sorry for making you all worry. Just wanted to be alone for a bit," he said. "I had a little bit of fun too." He wrapped his arm around Octo's back, making him smile. "Everyone is ready to go if you are," Moray then said, seeing that everyone else had joined them. He nodded, saying that he had his fun and was ready to head out. "This was a good idea. I appreciate you planning this," he then said to Octo as they walked out of the room. As they talked, the others talked too about the experience they had today. When Pirarucu had asked Slug if he and Snail had fun, she was glad to get a happy response from the two siblings. Today really was a great experience, and everyone, including the very sea creature within their group, admitted it.

[kooktrash]

I'm struggling to process his smoking, but not for reasons most people are complaining about. I lost my grandma at a young age to emphysema. The only memories I really have of her are her oxygen tanks all over her home. She couldn't even leave her house because she was oxygen dependent. My uncle has emphysema and it's hard seeing him go through really bad coughing spells. There have been times where I thought he was going to pass out from coughing so hard. My parents have been heavy smokers for 40+ years, so I'm worried about them too. My mom's lips have ugly brown stains on them from all the smoking. My uncle's fingernails are stained brown. All of their teeth are stained brown. It's really hard seeing the people you love look like that and die from that.

Aside from that, I had first hand experience what living with smokers is really like. It's not a glamorous lifestyle. I lived at home with my parents for about 25 years. There is nothing worse than watching the pretty color you picked for your walls in your bedroom turn brown within a year of painting. There is nothing worse than picking up a picture frame of you and your best friend and feeling how sticky it is from nicotine. It covers everything and turns it all brown and sticky. And washing it? Forget about it. Just throw it away. And there is nothing worse than at 13/14 years old going to a friend's birthday party and your friends asking why you smell like an ashtray. And there's nothing worse than your friends not wanting to come to your house because of how bad the smell of smoke. I can't tell you how alienated I felt as a teenager because all of my friends hated the smell of smoke. My parents were the only smoking parents out of my friend group.

All I have are bad memories relating to people smoking. It led to a lot of embarrassment for me. So for me to see JK smoking, all I picture is him at 50 years old looking like my parents and uncle with their stained lips, teeth and fingernails, or worse, being oxygen dependent and dying like my grandma. It's very hard for me to process that JK isn't going to turn out like that. I just keep seeing the negative side of it, and the images are horrifying to me.

I know that he is a grown adult that is well aware of the risks of smoking. It's his decision to ignore those risks. I'm not about to parent him. I don't even know him, so my opinion doesn't matter to him. I hope he's smoking casually, or socially with friends. I hope he's not smoking several packs a day like my family members do. I know how important singing is to him, and I want him to have a happy, healthy, successful career. I don't want to see his career cut short because of the decisions he made in his 20s. I wish he would not only think about today, but also think 10, 20, 30 years down the line. Your body does not stay young forever. The things you do when you're young affect you greatly as you age. Once you hit your 40s and 50s, you wind up regretting a lot of stuff you did in your 20s. Trust me, I know from experience. It's true.

None of what I've said will ever change the way I adore him. I think he is an amazing person, and a wonderful singer. He will always be my bias. I will never abandon him as a fan. I will always support him. But I don't have to support or like every decision he makes. We are all unique and we all have different opinions because we have experienced different things in life. For me, smoking has always been negative. So I come at his smoking from a negative point of view. Somehow I will have to accept it and move on and not let it bother me so much. But for now it's fresh in my mind and bothering me. I hope you can understand why I feel the way I feel.

i totally get it and this is just my opinion now but I’ve also always been surrounded by smokers all my life and I guess for ME I just don’t think of it as that big of a deal. Not to mention, most of us already knew that he vaped and like we knew Taehyung did too y’know and i think Yoongi but im not sure, I guess I just don’t see how it’s that big of a surprise to some [not saying you <3] to see him smoke and then attack him for it. he’s grown and he knows the dangers of smoking and like you don’t have to support his decisions but it’s the people villainizehim for a norm thing that drive me nuts