#I've been so bad with tags
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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LET'S GET MISCHIEVOUS (AND POLYAMOROUS!)
shortly before
#COFFINCHAIN'S STRONGEST SOLDIER IS BACK!! well actually i never left i've just been So Busy#saw#coffinchain#chainshipping#hoffstrahm#coffinshipping#peter strahm#mark hoffman#lawrence gordon#adam faulkner stanheight#strahmdon#strahmheight#actually i'm not tagging every mix this time i'm so so so tired#guys please be nice i'm so on the fence abt this piece but i wanted to draw them all together again so bad#also pleaseplease please join me in the coffinchain pit it's so lonely and cold down here i haven't seen my family in 13 years
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it's sometimes so silly to look in the notes of a polyamory art/post and see people like "is this cheating art....?" when the characters in canon are all extremely close friends. i know it's not malicious because most people think of monogamy as the default and anything outside that Must be cheating, but truly i'm always like. guys. guys Please.
please think about this for like 2 seconds.
under what circumstances do we think this non-canon couple might hold hands directly in front of their canon partners. and under what circumstances do we think the canon partners might be okay with this. do we Truly think this is a secret relationship. do we Truly think these guys would sneak around behind their canon partners' backs when all of them are extremely close friends with a high level of trust and commitment to each other.
would assuming that these extremely close friends have actually communicated with one another Exactly The Same Way They Do In The Canon Source Material perhaps cause less despair.....
#and like. you guys know I LOVE RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. I LOVE EVERYONE BEING STUPID ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS#BUT SOEMTIMES WHEN THE ART IS JUST CUTE AND SWEET. WE CAN SIMPLY ASSUME. THAT IT'S CUTE AND SWEET. PLEASE...#i'm also a little sadder and more flabbergasted by how many shipping discourse lavwin posts are in the tag right now.#and how many posts i keep opening to see shipping discourse in the replies....#please guys i'm begging you. use the 'delete reply' function. It's So Good.#i've been deleting bad faith replies on my posts for YEARS and at this point it's extremely rare for me to get ANY#you simply can't give people wiggle room for bad faith arguing. you just have to not do that.#'i get this but don't like it / i'm confused and don't like this' 'okay? i don't care...?'#cuz when you reply 'aw that's okay! here's my good faith response <3' everyone else is like 'oh i see! someone i can air my grievances upon#you simply Have to say 'actually you're being rude and i don't like it.' and/or delete their response.#It Is That Simple. Please. Love Yourselves
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Slimecicle: Oh, hang on, that's actually so cool. Aw man, this is sick.
Ironmouse: A beautiful memorial.
Slimecicle: [Throws flowers in front of the ofrenda] It's actually really cool. I'm glad this is here.
Baghera: Yeah, that's really cool.
[Slimecicle leaves, then goes back to the ofrenda]
Slimecicle: JuanaFlippa, this is- this is Technoblade. You guys never got to meet, but... I only met him a couple of times, but every single time he kicked the sht out of me in Minecraft. You know, we would do mod videos where like, I was supposed to play like a big monster, like a Wither or something, and the whole thing, the whole premise of the video would get upended because he'd hide and destroy me so hard that I needed to be like, "Dude, you're actually popping off too much right now, like– Mods, give me more hearts!" [Laughs] 'cuz he was so fcking good. He was so funny too.
Slimecicle: ...Yeah, but he- he was- he was unbelievable. Still is.
[JuanaFlippa goes up to the ofrenda and throws a blue flower]
Slimecicle: This is cool, all these little things. [Slime looks through his inventory for something to give] Do I have any blood for the Blood God? [He throws some redstone dust in front of the ofrenda] I've got blood for the Blood God.
#Slimecicle#Charlie Slimecicle#Technoblade#QSMP#JuanaFlippa#Badboyhalo#Bad#Ironmouse#Tilin#Bobby#Baghera Jones#Baghera#FitMC#November 2 2023#Dia de los Muertos#I've been holding onto this clip for an entire year now#I still feel iffy about sharing moments like this#Because I hate how often clip channels put people's grief on display for clicks#But at the same time#It's Dia de los Muertos#And there's something about shared grief and storytelling that is so essential to keeping those memories of the people we love alive#There are still some moments I'll never clip or share though#I actually wrote all these previous tags out (and the full transcript out) before rewatching the clip and decided to cut a minute out#This abridged version feels more respectful#Q
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The Collective You
[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]
One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.
When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.
So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.
After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.
Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]
Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]
Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]
You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.
I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.
Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.
For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.
Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.
More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].
I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].
Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.
Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.
No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!
#THIS IS NOT SYSCOURSE. DO NOT MAKE IT SYSCOURSE. I WILL BITE UR ANKLES.#Also. if ur going to critique this post- be gentle. I've been going thru it because of bad news I got and I have RSD.#system posting#system resources#<- Don't know if this one really applies so feel free to correct the usage of this tag#syscovery#did recovery#did system#sysblr#osddid#did community#cdd community#system community#system stuff#did#did osdd#cdid system#cdid community#cdd system#dissociative identity disorder#complex dissociative disorder#If anyone wants to tag OSDD you can- I just don't know if this applies to OSDD bc Im a DID system#the bug speaks
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the fish that keeps appearing all over my recommended only that he's out of jail and happy
#✁ | freshly decorated | ✃#roblox#sebastian pressure#sebastian solace#roblox pressure#pressure#pressure sebastian#the way I just copy and pasted these tags because I really don't know what tags he would use#he makes me so mad I literally downloaded roblox because I was curious of him#AND I GOT THE WOMP WOMP LINE?????? I WAS SO LIKE. never speak to me again#also I've been only drawing him for a week it's driving me insane get him OUT#it's so bad getting muses because then suddenly you can ONLY draw the muse I hate this stupid fish#(loving)#also random but#I like to think that if he did manage to escape the blacksite#the idea where like#he can only live in like more rural areas (probably living with someone to help him um#get food#domestic life kinda thing#but like I just think like being cozy. drinking something hot. being next to the fireplace to be warm#warmth being something that he lost a long time ago and it feeling so nice that he can feel it with someone he loves#or cares idk#i need to shut up I WILL LITERALLY JUST SUDDENLY WRITE A FANFIC IN THE TAGS IF I CONTINUE ANY LONGER T_T
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#technoblade#im. not tagging him. you all know him 😭#i dont wanna be in their tag they'll probably yell at me#my art#if you see any mistakes umm no you dont <3 it was hard enough getting this lined as is i dont care how bad the lines are lol#comparing this to my pinned is so funny jgfjgh you can see all my energy left me ages ago#this was so fun tho. mama mia#BIG DISCLAIMER BTW I MOSTLY JUST POST ABOUT SKYBLOCK DONT COME HERE FOR CREATORS 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#i've been on a drawing kick the past two days but this will NOT last#dont follow for the pig you'll see him once a week at best 🐖
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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@vanweek2024 day 6 - spare
vanny goes bowling !
#my art#vanweek2024#this was the only prompt i prepared before the week started lol#the perspective might be Bad but idc. the colors might also be Bad but again idc#couldnt think of anything for the other definition of spare so... bowling it is#vanny#vanny fnaf#glamrock bonnie#anyway it's honestly so funny to me how i've been posting all this van stuff and the most popular post for it has like? less than 100 notes?#but i know the second i start posting 🌞🌜 stuff again that number will shoot back up#which just means my 🌞🌜 stuff is too easily consumable and i need to make it even worse ♡#i do have a lot of complex feelings regarding the 🌞🌜 fandom and the way van and ness are largely ignored despite how intertwined their#stories are. but i feel like if i talk about that i'll get harassed LMAOOO#and also these tags aren't really the place for it anyway#eyestrain#eye strain#<- oh i almost forgot HDKSKF
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#RWBY#Blake Belladonna#Yang Xiao Long#Bumbleby#rwby spoilers#GOD I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED#IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME COMING 😭😭😭😭#I've wanted a garden to bloom when they kissed so bad since Ruby crying made it rain#lmao which was honestly the real reason I wasn't completely hyped about the kiss being on a bridge#I wanted my garden#BUT OF COURSE THEY MADE IT WORK#WHEN DO THEY NOT MAKE IT WORK FOR THE BEES#otp: bumblebee#For my own tagging purposes
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me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))
#but after my thesis me & brains have been on a break bc got tired reading abt them during that (bc I had a topic that sorta allowed me to#sidetrack to brain stuff also) but seems I'm over the brain overload now#yay? i guess#also no one who actually studies medicine/brains/etc. yell at me abt wikipedia and like ''why are u studying that like that''#I'm just going through the wikipedia & reading article abstracts path; nothing serious#also my procrastination has reached inhuman levels like it's a full-time job now#bc I have like a chill week's worth of work to do and then I've done the courses for my bachelor's degree#but sending in that ''heyy i'm done with the courses let me graduate''-thing fills me up with sO MUCH anxiety & dread I'm working so slow#now (even tho couldn't send that in for like a month bc gotta first wait the courses to be graded and stuff so in actuality I should#not be slowing down even a bit bc I need to finally be done with this damn degree asap; gotta move on and should've ages ago (it's actually#super bad how late I'm with it (1.5 mf years jesus christ; I'm not even like a little bit proud abt getting a degree anymore like I'm sorta#just embarrassed if I have to tell ppl like ''yea I graduated'' bc dude ?? only now?? u were supposed to be done with that 1.5year#ago what have u been doing (fuck if I know) so I'm keeping it like ''if anyone asks'' basis)))#(the tags and parantheses started a life of their own lol sorry abt that)#studyblr#studyspo#bookblr#booklr#study#november 2024#2024
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an evil spirit and an ex-terrorist getting along? mayhaps.
#ekuseri#ekuserirei#serirei#(kind of. tagging it just in case)#serizawa katsuya#ekubo#mp100#mp100 fanart#mi art stuff#ok hiii tag reader :]]] i am once again gonna ramble#bc i have been thinking a LOT about these two.#and i desperately need more of them#idk why. i cant explain it either but i'm brainrotting so hard it's worrying /j#anyway thats all from now hehe#thanks for reading my rambling mwah have a nice day <333#i've already posted this on instagram but i'm bad at cross posting or smth HJDKFKRG
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Y’all. Y’all.
#yellowjackets#yj spoilers#I! am! frothing!#it has been 84 fuckin YEARS#dude if you thought i've been insufferable up until this point i have BAD news for you#do plan on liberally using the yj spoilers tag#because while i too would like to go into S3 completely blind...i am a disaster with no self-control#so i'll save anyone who needs it while also just. being a category 7 gremlin myself
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
–
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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you'd been begging daryl to take you hunting.
"why don't you take her?" rick implored. "she's not a bad shot."
"we'd be bowhunting, not rifle hunting." daryl distinguishes with a grunt.
"i can learn," you assure him, holding your compound bow in your hands. "technically, i've been shooting since i was seven."
"once a summer for fifteen minutes while peddling cookies," he states.
"c'mon, she learned a lot at camp." rick rebuts, grinning at you. "right, doll, didn't you learn how to build a fire and purify water?" you nod. "none of us have frozen to death or gotten diphtheria yet, so i'd say you should at least give her archery skills a chance."
"please?" you borderline beg, breath hitching as you see your morning not going how you planned. "i really wanna learn to track."
daryl doesn't say anything, just looks from you to the bow in your hand. rick interrupts whatever thoughts he has with a sigh. "daryl, why don't ya just take her? she clearly wants to go with you." he gestures to you. "how can you say no to her when she's asking so nicely? unless you think it's too hairy for her out there and we should just spend the day tucked inside here."
you whine at the idea. you want to be outside.
that spurs daryl into saying a rushed, "grab your heavy coat and your arrows."
you grin at rick who despite assisting in your victory, looks disappointed that you'll be gone for the day. while daryl is busy grabbing his crossbow, you slink over to rick, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“thanks,” you seal your gratitude with a kiss.
he wraps a firm arm around you. "you're welcome, sweetheart," your leader punctuates with a hand dug in your hair while he brings your face to his. you almost don't notice daryl until he's huffing by the doorway and you're kissing rick goodbye one last time and scrambling to grab your bow before dashing out the door after your boyfriend.
gone from alexandria, you and daryl take off on foot towards what he’d described as the best hunting grounds in the nearest fifty miles.
"be sure to quiet down," daryl tells you, abstaining from cringing as your boots crunch every leaf on the forest floor beneath them.
"sorry," you giggle. you try to quell your footsteps but it's hard when you're so captivated by the beauty of the woods.
before everything happened with the dead walking, you loved being outside. growing up in scouts and regularly camping had turned you into someone who was all too reckless outside for their knowledge of the woods. yes, you knew that predators and walkers lurked around every corner out here but you just want to crane your neck and stare at the sky through the trees, or let your eyes wander over the meandering streams.
that's why daryl is watching you like a hawk.
years of tracking has made him hip to everything going on around him. truth be told, if anyone or anything were on your trail, you were a dead giveaway. stomping about the way you are, you're bound to scare off any small game but he's trying to be patient with you. it's not like you had to keep it down at your hippie dippie kumbaya girl scout camp or on sunlit afternoon hikes. daryl, on the other hand, moved about undetected like it was second nature. had to be quiet if you wanted to actually to leave the forest with a meal.
he's watching you and the woods just to be safe. it's hard not getting distracted by you the way you're getting all caught up in the trees and the vivid greenery surrounding you.
the sight of you; pink lips parted just slightly with your head tipped all the way back to look for bird nests have his jeans getting cramped. you're just so excited to be outside.
it's not like you don't go on walks every day in alexandria with judith or join them on occasional outings beyond the walls. there's just not as much room for you to leave with how dangerous even just scavenging is turning out to be, so it's harder to get you out for a remote nature walk.
"what're we tracking for?" you ask.
daryl pushes a branch out of the way, holding it back as you pass under before catching up. "whatever you don't scare away with all that noise."
you snort. "so no deer?"
the redneck laughs. "not with the way you're tramping through here."
"what about pheasants?" you question, tiptoeing over a particularly rocky section of daryl's trail. "or do we need dogs to find them?"
"you don't need no damn dog to hunt pheasants."
"a decoy?"
"you just gotta' be patient." he clicks his tongue. "but it's not like you'd know anything about that." you let out a small whine and his breath hitches.
"just askin'."
"i know, girl."
"so what're you shooting for?"
daryl shrugs. "think' we can probably find something further up the ridge. rabbit, squirrel, something 'for you to aim at."
you nod and knock an arrow. following your boyfriend as he takes you past one of his favorite creeks outside of alexandria, leading the way as you pad along on the forest floor behind him.
your shotgun is slung on your back in its strap, understudying the compound bow you’d dug out of the armory. there were many fewer bow users in the apocalypse than there should’ve been. for every bow hunter, there were fifteen idiots blowing off the head of whatever or whoever they encountered with some barely functional, scavenged handgun. maintaining the skill and the arrows for a bow wasn't necessarily for the lazy.
you really didn't have much experience with archery or hunting for that matter. rick joked that you were a duck hunter but that had been dumb luck. while scavenging for gas along a riverside park, you'd seen some geese and fired your shotgun. rick couldn't be upset about the noise when your impulsive assault on the waterfowl was what filled your stomachs that night. and as a reward, rick filled you up just the way you liked it that night.
you'd go out firing on random flocks of geese more if it meant rick would fuck you the way he did that night. you were losing your mind - putty in his hands - from all the praise. his good girl who shot their dinner. marking every thrust with more praise.
the naughty bundle of nerves between your legs awakens at the thought of receiving the same treatment from daryl. he didn't love spanking your ass red or doling out punishments like rick, but you wanted to see his face after you caught something. after you shoot a deer with your bow. he would be so proud of you, giving you a celebratory kiss before helping you field dress your harvest.
whatever route daryl is following takes on an impressive incline, giving way to a fragmented vista of the tiny green valley. you wish you had binoculars. once your eyes stop scanning the sky for hawks, an auburn mess of hair catches your eye. even through his black windbreaker, you can see the outline of his muscles along his back. his form and thoughts of him taking you up against a tree cloud your brain until you hear your name.
"yeah," you answer, looking up at daryl who's stopped to pause below a short, dense pine. he motions for you to squat with him and you do, settling into a perched position with your loaded bow sat on your knees.
“right here is the perfect pass along the ridge to come up and over the mountain,” daryl explains, blue eyes catching a bit of sunlight. “a bunch of game will be scampering around as the day goes on. won’t see any deer right before noon though. not that they’d wanna walk up here with your loud ass.”
you snicker before sending him an apologetic look. “sorry, dare’. i’m not used to being quiet like that.”
i know, baby, he wants to say but just points to your knocked arrow. “wanna have that ready. never know when a squirrel’ll come skippin’ by.”
“yes, sir,” you croon, smirking at the way his eyes darken and he playfully ruffles your hair.
settling into a cozy state of surveillance, your eyes start to droop. rick had kept you up after daryl went to bed. this was before you woke up with the urge to accompany daryl on his hunt, so you probably only got four or five hours of sleep. typical rick keeping you up with sweet temptations like his hands on your breasts, his warm mouth on your torso, licking down to your clit and reigniting that fire that’s consumed your core earlier in the night.
you start to feel it stirring when your mind wanders to the man sitting beside you. you smile sweetly at him when he catches your gaze and ask an innocent question about pheasant hunting again that breaks the silence.
then you’re relaying the story about the time your cousin fell out of his tree stand after one too many beers.
daryl guffaws. “that’s some’ shit merle would do.”
"yeah, it was pretty stupid of him."
the quiet returns. you sigh. the silence meant to lull the local game into a false sense of security is boring you. you came out here for some one on one time with daryl and to learn to track, not to sit in silence in the cold for god knows how long.
you close the distance between you and daryl. tucking yourself into his side, you earn a look from him. "i'm cold," you commiserate.
the archer has to look away from your doe eyes to keep his zipper from popping. he mentally debates pulling you closer until he gives in and tugs you to his chest, ruining your position holding your bow.
both of you know you’re eventually going to do what you do best in the cold; get distracted by warming each other up. it’s evident from how you sink back further against daryl. nonchalant even when you feel his hardness against your ass.
“feeling warmer,” you update him.
“good,” he murmurs when you press your head back to his chest. you feel warmer; despite your layers, daryl has gotten your core going enough for you to feel it from head to toe.
you imagine a wave of pleasure, not just flickering body heat as you turn around and face his groin on your knees.
“not out here,” he mutters with a gasp of your name. his belt falls and your hands start on his zipper, progressing the metal zip all the way down until a sturdy hand grabs yours. “don’t you wanna catch something?” he reminds you of the reason you even trekked up here.
you shake your head yes.
“then what’s this all about?”
you roll your eyes. ���dare’, I’m bored!”
“i told you that half’a hunting is waitin’!” daryl chides, pushing your hands down.
tears well in your eyes. the older man exhales; he’s fucked.
“dare’-,”
“don’t you start.” he tells you, grasping your chin in his hand and leaning down to kiss you. you tilt upwards eagerly into the kiss from the pine needle littered ground. “you’re gonna scare anything left up here.”
daryl disconnects from you when your bow is lowered to the ground. his thumb slips into your mouth and without hesitation, you treat his thumb to the same treatment he’d gotten last night.
it’s not long before he’s finally saying, “fuck it!” declaring out loud what you’ve been yearning for the entire morning.
with another smirk, you strip him of his pants until he’s popping out of his boxers. your mouth is on him an instant - it’s cold after all. first thing, you envelope him in your mouth, pulsing downstairs again when his hands find warmth in your hair. you don’t need him to guide your head down to the base of your cock for you to take him into your throat.
the black shotgun you’d proudly toted - even after it’d been confiscated at terminus - is deposited hap-hazardously on the ground while your bow is on the other side of your legs. daryl’s ditched his crossbow at this point, opting to explore the far reaches of your throat with his cock while the bow stands against the other side of the tree.
your boyfriend’s breath hitches again. you overfill as much of his cock as you can into your mouth until you slide yourself up and off, taking a break to catch your breath.
fucked out and face flush in spite of the cold, daryl is pleasantly surprised when you dive down to pay his balls some serious attention. you loll each one into your mouth, leisurely progressing up his length with gentle licks until you’re gingerly kissing the head, locking eyes with him.
disregarding the chill beneath your knees, you dip your mouth down on him again, licking a new trail up his rock hard cock. thinking about how painful it must be in this cold, you give into him when he thrusts into your mouth.
hands in your hair, daryl is in heaven. getting head under the trees? sign him the fuck up. you two have fooled around outside before of course but that wasn't usually by choice. without having to worry about a horde of walkers hot on your trail or horrors like cannibals hunting you, he could lean back and just enjoy the sight of you between his legs, swirling your tongue around the head of his cock.
for a moment, he worries that the sounds you make as you swallow his length will attract walkers but he's too hard to care. you bob up and down, trying to take more of him each time. his hands guide you until he's bucking in your mouth and feel him spill down your throat.
daryl's gonna have to take you hunting more often.
#daryl dixon#the walking dead#daryl dixon x reader#rick grimes#twd imagine#daryl dixon imagine#rick grimes x reader#former girlscout!reader#reader is down bad for both of them as per usual#rickyl#rickyl x reader#daryl dixon smut#established relationship#thinking about writing a part two...#guys i've been meaning to get to writing school aka the words to use instead of said tag but life's been busy!#once im not on the gap year doing random environmental intern shit the smut will be so good#i'll be in creative writing iii workshopping my brain dont worry guys#still getting the hang of writing smut#not beta read#darylcentric#dacryphilia if you squint#grimesgirll#getting it on in the great outdoors#blowy
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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