#I'm so fucking tired man.
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can't believe i have to wait til jan at the earliest to find out if i have the scary disease that causes silent heart attacks that i tick almost every symptom of..... if i die between now and then im going to haunt my doctors so hard
#and then there's the psychiatrist who i don't get to see until???? sometime in march im still waiting to be given a date!!!#AND THE HIP AND LUMBAR MRI I NEED IS A THREE MONTH WAIT AT ALEAST TOO SO BASICALLY I JUST HAVE TO PUT UP UNTIL NEXT YEAR#if anyone's wondering why i lost my shit and ended up in hospital suicidal and psychotic this is fucking why#i'm so FUCKING TIRED MAN.#apologies for being so negative i'm just hella overwhelmed lately tbh and i feel fucking helpless when it comes to doctors and specialists#like they just truly don't give a fuck if i die#it's been proven again and again#they don't give a fuck#sidhsksb#sorry. just. ugh.#i shouldn't have to wait this fucking long#i'm so anxious about this potentially really fucked nerve damage thing#because like the likelihood that i have it is really high i have all the risk factors and most of the symptoms#and yet no one wants to do anything to help me while i wait to see the specialist and my doctor straight up wouldn't refer me to a neuro#until a DIFFERENT specialist was like yeah you should see a neurologist#LIKE I KNOW I SHOULD IVE BEEN FUCKING ASKING FOR LITERAL YEARS AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT AGAIN IM GOING INSANE
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General PSA/Information Post (I Guess?)
Hey, Mod Eridan here.
I wanted to address a few asks that have been cropping up recently, and also open the doors a little bit to what's going on behind the scenes here at the blog. I know there's a good handful of you who actively watch for updates from us, even for asks that aren't yours, and there are even more of you who are patiently waiting (which we so greatly appreciate, I would hug all of you if I could) for responses to said asks. This post is long overdue, but it's important, so I'm sitting my ass down and getting to work with it. Let's get into it.
No cut because, like I said, this is important and needs addressing.
"Where are my asks?"/"Why hasn't X been responded to/posted yet?"/VERBATIM asks.
The above is a very shitty logline of what I'm getting at, but I think the point is clear. As Meu has said before, we do not do inbox checks. Those are nonsense. We are not a corporation with deadlines. All of our time, resources, and effort are voluntarily given here. Asking us to see if X post is still in the box or just to give a rundown of what asks we have is ridiculous. If you're so worried about a timeframe for something to be answered, I cannot stress enough that this is not the place for you. I understand Tumblr has a horrible habit of eating asks as well. However, there has been a seemingly recent (to us moderators) influx of "Did my ask for Y get eaten?" to the point where it's become a problem.
As I am writing this, Tumblr (assuming it hasn't glitched out) is showing 49 asks in our inbox. Not including ones that have been drafted (mostly by me, because my energy for these things is extremely touch and go, coupled with my own real-life responsibilities; don't grow up kids, it sucks). However, most of these are asks that a lot of us cover. We just do not have the time/energy/[insert reason applicable to whichever moderator] to do them. Some of these are ones that only one or two moderators do as well, which means the odds are it'll take even longer to get to them. The more "niche" (i.e. the fewer mods that do the particular ask type) there are, the longer it takes for those ones to get pushed out. Please note that I am not saying that this is a reason not to send these asks-- This is just me explaining why it may take so long.
As outlined before, a lot of us also have jobs and other life dilemmas that of course take larger priority over this blog. I can't speak for the other moderators on this blog, but I work 40 hours a week right now at a coffee shop. I'm trying to get promoted to management by the end of the year, which entails a whole lot of back work, even on my off time. What other off time I have goes to doing chores/daily living things. Any extra off time goes to not doing those things, and this blog is one of those-- to an extent. This blog is something I would classify as socializing, for me, personally. Socializing drains my battery, but I enjoy doing it. Most people do. However, opening the box to see more people wondering where their things are is... It's gotten frustrating. It makes me not want to do these requests.
"So why not leave the blog then?"
Because, like the others, I enjoy doing these requests. They're fun. I have fun. I love interacting with you guys. The overbearing demand is just becoming a bit much. It's also not fair to just dump the load onto the others because I just want to call it quits; they're as busy as I am with other things, and I can't speak for them.
In essence though, the TLDR is that this is volunteer work at the end of the day. We'll get to asks when we get to them. It may take a long time, and if that's a problem?
Bye felica. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Regards, Mod Eridan
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wish i could show things i enjoy and make to people without feeling like they don't even care and feel ashamed for some reason
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I have been sketching. So much tma. Here's some expansions on my Jon and Martin designs I've been doing.
Another note I forgor to mention is I love how after hearing Simon go "it's enough to make your hair turn white" about Martin's office in s4 many of us collectively agreed his hair turned white because of his association with the Lonely. The shared consciousness is real and we use it to play hot potato with the communal brain cell dedicated to the sillies.
Closeup of apocalypse boyfriends (also to the person who said they love my s5 Jon's fancy white girl updo: I think about that every day)
#s5 Jon in his white girl era#whatever the fuck that means#I'm still not done w the archives cuz busy n stuff but Jon needs to let Martin know wtf goin on#God may work in mysterious ways but you do not have to. Communicate with your man please#my art#the magnus archives#tma fanart#tma#tma season 5#tma spoilers#jonathan sims#tma podcast#martin blackwood#tma jmart#jmart#jmart fanart#jonmartin#there's so much going on in these and I am not sorry welcome to my chaotic mind#hope y'all read the tags cuz I need to announce before I fully make my Jon character sheet that his favorite band is linkin park#it's so funny and just right#tbf linkin park goes hard I'm tired of pretending it doesnt#but come on he totally was totally an edgey prick when he was younger#and older. he hasnt changed huh#anygays he totally loves linkin park and type o negative and three days grace and green day and evanescence#georgie was a paramore girlie I just know it#wish gerry were here he and jon would jam to type o negative so much :( and jon could introduce him to this cold night :(((#ok enough byeeeee
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HELAENA WAS A BELOVED QUEEN IN F&B SO OF COURSE RYAN CONDOM HAS TO MAKE THE SMALLFOLK PRAISE THE PERSON WHO WAS BLOCKADING THEIR FOOD TO BEGIN WITH BC PROPAGANDA ONLY WORKS WHEN RHA EN YRA DOES IT AND THROW THE FOOD THEY WERE RIOTING OVER AT HELAENA. I CURSE HIM AND HIS UGLY WRITING.
#i hate condal so much#anti rhaenyra#anti ryan condal#anti hotd#hotd critical#helaena targaryen#pro team green#i am so tired of this ugly man using helaena only to showcase brutality#feminism but only if they're not greens#and like it never gets better for her and knowing condom he'll do the worst he can to her#anyway phia saban is a great actress and i loved alicent protecting her#i'm just so fucking sick of this man#also the one who went 'let them eat cake' while she ruled saves them with food condal you are#so intentionally malicious in your biases and i hate you#blood and cheese was totally forgotten#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon spoilers
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A character looks straight into the camera and says "I'm not interested in romance" and people will still say "No, it's not confirmed they're aromantic!!!" "They could change their mind!!!" "it's a challenge for them to overcome!!!" "They'll have character development that makes them fall in love"
It's like they are given the most blatant answer to a character romantic orientation and they actively ignore it. all the while all it takes is subtext for people to speak as if it is fact for a character to be any other sexuality.
#text#yes I'm calling out the hypocrisy within queer readings of a text and how often people dont see aromanticism as queer#and thus they will hear a blatant omission that a character is aromantic and still say it is not enough#mean while a character saying 'im not interested in the opposite gender' is rightfully taken as the character being queer#the queer community hates aspec characters because they don't match their perfect idea of sex sex relationships as being peak queerness#aphobia#aro#aromantic#aspec#aroace#im sorry but n oit isn't a difference of opinion if you blatantly ignore a character outright saying 'im not into this'#like y'all complain abt ppl turning gay ppl straight but will defend ppl erasing aro identities all the time#fandoms will throw a fit if you ship gay characters in straight relationships but ppl shit aro characters and we r told to shut up#im so fucking tired of this bs#I will keep complaining and keep calling this shit out#until it is drilled into ur skulls that you are being APHOBIC becaue WHAT? You want to REALLLLLY SHIP a character?#Because you'll die if you dont???#fuck man just say you hate aspec ppl and move on#it's easier than dealing with your 'im not aphobic ur being unfair i supposed aspec people really' bs
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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happy Friday everyone
#pizza tower#fake peppino#y’all…this is so stupid#“Hey I thought you were doing pizzatober?” Listen. Shut up.#man idk I’m so tired#october is midterm month and lemme just say: i’m an academic victim#the american education system is jumping me fr fr#additional context: IT'S FUCKING THURSDAY#I'M ACTUALLY LOSING IT OH MY GOD
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cannot believe i gotta say this but please don't follow me if you're comfortable selfshipping with canon racists. i don't care if you headcanon them as otherwise, because if their racism against a real group of people is a key facet of their character (much less incredibly important to the telling of the story that this character is a racist) then i do not wanna see it. this is not the safe space for you
#jay's jots#vaguepost about someone f/oing a hugely anti-romani character in the tags. i'm so fucking tired man#THIS IS ABOUT NAZI F/OS TOO WHILE WE'RE HERE STOP FUCKING F/OING CANON NAZIS#NOT AN INVITE FOR DISCOURSE BTW if you come in my notes to rebuttal this you're getting blocked#''but austin you have problematic f/os'' sorry i don't view unrealistic horror villains on par with realistic levels of racism#i don't wanna fucking hear it this is the line i am drawing. i don't care if they aren't real#you can in general find interest in characters like that especially bc it's good to deconstruct how bigots act and whatnot#but you don't have to f/o them??? you don't have to f/o every character you think is interestingly written??? oh my god???
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hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.
yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.
because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.
but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.
because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."
and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.
is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.
just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.
#eliot posts#suicide mention#animal abuse mention#i guess#ive said similar before and i just said this in the tags of another post but it deserves its own post#i am fucking TIRED of reading this shit so often#i frequently block people for saying it#sometimes i report ppl over it too if they're shitty in other ways too#i luckily don't have the ''i'm a worthless piece of shit and deserve the death penalty'' flavour of depression#but i do have the ''life is endless suffering and i want to euthanize myself'' variety of depression (or. technically bipolar.)#and reading the phrase kys Feels Bad Man w my mental illness#and i have froends w the first type and i worry about them#and one of em has told me it does affect them quite negatively to read kys#so yeah! fucking stop it!
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You Know what I need?
Pirate Batfamily. Pirate batfamily who plunder other pirates and have both several smaller ones designed for outmaneuvering larger gally ships, and their big "batcave" ship.
Like, a mixture of historical piracy period of privateers and some fantasy, because honestly? It could and would fit.
Give me sea cryptid Batfamily that others tell tales of alongside ghost ships and sirens. Of a notorious ship with a blackened hull and a captain said to be made of shadow that appears in the dead of night to the laughter of sea nymphs.
#prompts?#prompts#pirate batfam#batman au#batman#dc#dcu#Look seafolk are superstitious as fuck and that needs to be used that's all I'm saying#This man had assassin training and he'll use it#Selkie Jason would honestly fit well#If you watch PricklyAlpaca on Youtube look at her bird pirate art#and her other pirate character designs I adore it all#cryptid batman#cryptid batfam#batfamily#cryptid batfamily#batfam prompts#batfam prompt#Even funnier is if it's Battinson Bruce#Intimidating AF under the hat and mask & everything else but has the deadliest sad dad face#And goes completely unrecognized in ports#Meanwhile Gordon is looking at the note Barbara left of sneaking onto a pirate ship and is So Tired
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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"Bo-Katan isn't mean" Okay because I'm so tired of hearing this:
[/mēn/] adjective: unkind, spiteful, or unfair. vicious or aggressive in behaviour. Not mean? Okay definitely not vicious or aggressive in behavior Like her first appearance where she's part of Death Watch, a terrorist group and slaps Ahsoka's ass without consent to demean her?
Or when she shoves Ahsoka to the ground and *laughs* in a tent where Death Watch (including Bo-Katan) has stolen women from the local village on Carlac and put them into forced servitude?
OR when she helps slaughter the village and burn down said village for asking Death Watch to leave them alone? (that's her on top of the roof)?
Or after when she tried to kill Ahsoka and Lux for trying to help the villagers and leave?
Or when she aided in a plot to cause intentional destruction and fear to manipulate the people of Mandalore into deposing her own sister and overturn Satine's very successful government that ended the clan wars (the Traditionalists then were given the lush moon of Concordia and their own political agency and government in which Pre Vizsla was the governor)? Then forcefully deposed Satine at gunpoint after she had abdicated because of the will of the people who no longer accepted her rule due to the manipulation of public perception by Death Watch.
While Bo-Katan was likely traumatized by the Mandalorian Civil War/Clan Wars at a young age and there's no solid canon evidence but It's widely believed by fans that Bo-Katan was groomed and/or radicalized by Pre into DW from a young age--even if you believe this, IT DOES NOT EXCUSE HER HORRIFIC ACTIONS. None of it justifies her wrongdoing. She still had agency.
Okay so what about unkind or unfair?
Surely that can't apply to her sarcastic comment to Ahsoka when approaching her after she had watched her struggle on Kessel and made no move to assister her, only watching her to use her to fight back against Maul and reclaim Mandalore. While she does respect and befriend Ahsoka by the end of the Siege, she still initially saw her as someone to be used for her agenda.
Or when she uses Obi-Wan's guilt over his relationship with Satine to convince him to aid her forces in retaking Mandalore, which Republic intervention would disintegrate treaties over a hundred years old and start another war on top of the ongoing Clone Wars. Which to her was a legitimate, even desperate method to reclaim her planet from Maul who was only serving his own agenda, but it wasn't a very nice way to do it. In some ways Bo-Katan is justified in how she is mean, but it doesn't make her not mean.
Then there's her anger towards Sabine after she discovering what the Duchess does and that Sabine created it (after hearing how guilt ridden she is and how she already destroyed it.) Was her anger valid, oh yeah. Was it kind and and fair? No.
What about in The Mandalorian you ask? She's not a literal terrorist anymore in the Mandalorian. She's surely not still spiteful or unkind. Definitely not when she insulted Din's religious beliefs and way of life and called the COTW a cult.
Or when she took credit for killing that one guy's brother without any remorse.
Or when she changed the terms of her agreement with Din and forced him into helping her by withholding the agreed upon information after Din upheld his side of the deal. Which was her plan all along. And then on top of that, mocks him by using his own mantra.
And then there's the disdainful opinion she has of Din and her own superiority.
Only agreeing to help Din save his kid when he has something to offer her to serve her own agenda. Which again, valid but not something she does out of the kindness of her heart.
Oh and then she's so direct and straightforward to Boba, not mean at all.
Then in season 3 when Din shows up to help her reclaim Mandalore the first thing she does is take out her anger on him and once again insult his religion/COTW and invalidate his belief that the Mines will restore his place in his religion. All unnecessary.
TO BE EXTREMELY CLEAR: I'm not discrediting Bo-Katan's personal progress into a better person or when she does do good--a hero even by the end of Mando season 3--that's the whole point of a redemption arc, you have to be redeemed from something. And at her core is a commitment to Mandalore, but you can't ignore the cruelty and ego and dare I say it meanness that has gone with it, that's the beauty of her complexity is that she can be a character that grows and evolves and becomes honorable and also still be bitchy. Bo-Katan doesn't have to be morally squeaky clean or a victim to enjoy her character and her sometimes ruthless determination for Mandalore or appreciate her compassionate aspects and letting go of her ego. She's not an easily consumable or morally black and white character. This is in fact, what I love about her.
Thank you @armoralor for assistance with the screenshots from The Mandalorian!
#If you think Bo-Katan is “not mean” after this man I don't know what to say media literacy is at a historic low#i'm so tired of people saying she's this uwu soft victim Bo-Katan like who the fuck is that woman#SHE WAS A LITERAL TERRORIST#she has experienced horrors but she has also committed them#bo-katan kryze#bo katan kryze#tcw#the clone wars#the mandalorian#din djarin#sabine wren#pre vizsla#satine kryze#star wars#this is my magnum opus
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said it before and will say it again. if you stand with islam but somehow still believe it is 'forcing' women to wear hijab and niqab you are just as islamphobic as other islamphobes. if you blame the religion itself and not the government you are islamphobic. if you think the religion as a whole is bad just because of a specific group of people you. are. islamphobic.
#levi's ted talks#not ninjago#I'm so tired man#I'm so glad I never left outside of arab countries people are so fucking braindead
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how am I supposed to draw and focus on art right now when my primordial mammal brain just wants to dig a big deep hole and hide in it
#leafie speaks#I'm so tired man...#I'm just gonna make tea and depression nap I think#I want to stay strong and positive but it's hard when everything's scary and sucks and hurts all the time#like fuck! this sucks!!
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