#I'm running out of things to read

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

[tagarilaghost]

I SWEAR CELEBI'S THINGY IS COMING SOON BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS ALRIGHT

yeaah... future trio got me too...

and Darkrai is there too, because of course he is.

hey look i drew a cute Drifloon :D

...ignore the rest

whatever started at Darkrai doodles ended in brainrot of future trio + darkrai and I'm blaming @scribz-ag24 for this

[yukipri]

feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta

[fictionadventurer]

@thatscarletflycatcher I'm only four chapters in, but I'm already onboard with a forgiveness-focused reading of Jane Eyre. My jaw dropped when, in the middle of explaining how she was traumatized for life by the Red Room experience, Jane was like, "I should forgive her. She didn't know what she was doing." She only says she should forgive her, not that she does, but even recognizing the possibility of forgiveness is something you'd never see in a modern take on this situation.

[kirby-the-gorb]

[adhdo5]

Whatever. Sanzun Situationship Saturday

[imerian]

My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for

More pictures under cut

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

[simandy]

Yesterday: rain clouds and thunders. Only a few drops here. No alert on my climate app. Ridiculous storm going on the next city. We got the gov alert. They didn't.

Today: rain clouds and thunders. Heavy rain here. Orange alert on my climate app. Ridiculous storm going on here right above me. Nobody got the gov alert. Anywhere.

Clown country (sertanejo ver.)

[kanerallels]

(rant incoming)

[starpros-sunshine]

Eichi gives away the mask so easily because it was never meant to be an "engagement ring" like you delulu wataeis imagined it to be lmao. It was wataru saying that he will continue playing tsumugi clown role in fine and won't leave it for hokuto's mother troupe after graduation. Do you dumb fucks even read the stories? Eichi didn't even understand tf that mask meant when wataru gave it to him and wataru referenced fucking tsumugi in his "proporsal". I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link. Cope

PS: how do you live with the fact that Eichi clearly admitted to never being in love in his life and Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives?

I love you anon thank you for giving me a nice reason to ramble again beautiful ask 10/10 I'm sorry this is probably not how you hoped this would go but this is such a funny block of text delightful really thank you for the enrichment please marry me

But okay yes now to get down to the actual ask just to disclaim I am solely relying on translations seeing as I do not speak japanese well enough to understant the original text so if anyone has anything to add to this or to correct me on please feel free to do so.

Now to get started I'm not sure if one could say Eichi gave away the mask "So easily" seeing as he claimed that it was "a hard choice to make"? Which, as one might know, implies unease with an idea and pondering and debating and a general amount of thinking behind a decision so? I know this isn't really the main focus of this ask but I'm just a tad miffed with the semantics of it is all. And in either case giving the mask back to Wataru while expecting it back still shows a certain degree of trust in their relationship it wouldn't have been such a big deal for him (as it apparently was) if the mask didn't have a lot of sentimental value to him (the both of them really if we look at the whole exchange).

Now to the claim that the mask was "only" Watarus promise to stay with fine and "continue playing Tsumugis clown role". This is not entirely incorrect. Regarding the acting troupe and staying with fine bit at least.

I'm assuming this bit in EP:Link Deadend/7 is what you are referencing, and I see where you're coming from. But the bluebird line

from literally three dialogue lines further down, which references this line of dialogue (notorious Eichi line everyone should be familiar with)

kind of somewhat really recontextualises that? Because you see this is a reference to a fairytale about a pair of siblings and they get sent out by a nice fairy to find the bluebird of happiness for her sad daughter to make her happy again so they both go on an adventure and travel far and search and search but they can not find the bluebird of happiness and then when they return home again, disappointed because they couldn't find the blue bird, they realise only one night has actually passed and the journey was probably just a dream. But then their eyes fall upon their pet dove in it's cage which appears blue all of a sudden and so they gift it to the fairies sad daughter which becomes happy again and sets the bird free. The real bluebird of happiness is a dove. At least in the version of the story I'm familiar with but I mean everyone sees the symbolism right? It's. very hard to miss.

And then dropping this?

I'm not sure how to say this properly but in the overall context this makes it pretty clear that Tsumugi has nothing to do with this anymore this is Fully between Wataru and Eichi. And I am the last person to dismiss Tsumugis significance in the course of Wataeis relationship as characters I will be among the first to protest when someone dismisses the importance of Tsumugis and Eichis relationship in favour of some image they have of Wataei but he has nothing to do with this one.

Yes Tsumugi gets namedropped but - again - I don't really see how that would lessen the sentiment Wataru is triying to convey here? Because. Yes. Why wouldn't he mention Tsumugi?

The entire conversation pretty much boils down to "Yes I was initially only in this because I thought I could replace Tsumugis role in your life and then I wanted to leave but we have spent so much time together that I realised that that is definitely not working out because I really do love you. I love you as a teammate; I love you as a friend; I love you as a person and I am very angry at myself for not managing to get that into your head. So please allow me to stay with you for as long as you'll have me." And then also Eichi not understanding because he has the emotional self awareness of a very emotionally unaware loaf of bread and also because he hates himself that is a very big thing about his character huge part of his character arc actually that he. you know? Hates himself? And feels guitly for his actions during the war? And doesn't think he deserves love and companionship? Which is why Wataru wanting to stay with him for him and not for some twisted form of revenge is such an alien concept to him? Because he is projecting his insecurities onto Wataru? As one is wont to do when they hate themself? "EiChi Didn'T eVen UnDErStanD WhAt tf ThAT Mask MEAnt" Yeah. That's. That's the point? So he can think about it and come to that conclusion himself which works as a keymoment in his characters journey from hating life and himself to enjoying being alive and wanting to live on because of the people he's surrounded with? He literally explains why he didn't immediately understand the mask during the EP:Link Epilogue/4

And to get back to the "I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" about which I have two things to say:

"Lying" implies further intent and an effort. Neither of which exist in this case.

He literally went down on one knee while making a big proclamation of offering himself to Eichi with a very personal item that works as a symbol for their commitment to each other on a starlit rooftop. The comparison writes itself.

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke

And then I expected there to be a proper reason given and instead you proceed to follow that up with "when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link". I know the shame is on me for expecting something sensical from an ask which has been near constant in it's lack of correct statements but such is human nature I suppose. And you are not wrong. Deadend/7 isn't very close to the end of EP:Link. That is true.

But do you know what Is very close to the end of EP:Link? The Epilogue Chapters 3-5.

Do you know what the content of those chapters is? I do. Very well actually :)

(Eichi literally explains why he didn't get it)

So if this answers your "Do you dumb fucks even read the stories?" questions, Yes. And I think I'm a lot better at it than you. So I'd say I'm coping quite well over here :p

PS: Regarding your PS, I take the "I've never been in love before so I wouldn't know" comment with a lot of humour actually as an aroace person who's emotional self awareness also ends at "good" and "Not good" I think it's very funny all things considered especially because he mentioned the loving Wataru thing several times before that and I'm generally of the belief that actions speak louder than words and also am in a happy long term relationship with the concept of "Reading Subtext". So please excuse me for not breaking down in tears everytime someone reminds me of that one singuar line of text in one of my favourite all time enstars stories that came out three years ago which also brought us the single best card set in the entire game

as well as absolute banger dialogue such as

Among others <33

And there are soooooo many other examples of wataei dialogue that simply make me swoon but I have already had to take out so many of the one's I wish I could put here so this wouldn't get "Do you love the colour of the sky" long

And also, regarding your "Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives" I'll just say that no he absolutely could not. I mean he'd say that and if pull comes to shove and he has no other option then he might seriously consider it but may I mention that Wataru was gone for a few days at most but really not that long of a time during Sanctuary and Eichi stopped considering being a normal rational person that doesn't leave helpless 17 year olds in the midst of a construction site. Very different situation but I feel like it's worth mentioninh here. Another example is Eichis almost not being able to go through with the war because of Wataru. Wataru had to actively come and tell Eichi to go through with it. Wataru isn't the reason Eichi started the war, that is wrong, but he is the reason Eichi almost didn't finish it. and during the war era that was his Main objective. Again I'm part of the fraction "actions speak louder than words" Show don't tell and all that, but even the words are pushing it.

And that concludes my essay :)

[the-oracle-of-the-lost]

wip ask/tag game, i would like to know about your "Pure Trash" wip. for fun:3

from this wip ask game

okay so idk why i called the doc "Pure Trash" because it's actually a pretty solid concept even if it would take so long to write that it'll probably never come into fruition but the idea is a re-write of new who where Romana was the last of the Time Lords instead of the Doctor (not an original concept by far but still fun to think about).

i only really outlined s1 but essentially the conceit is that Romana (still Romana II), much like Nine, is convinced that she didn't deserve to live through the end of the War but ends up finding the Doctor's TARDIS and starts to play as the Doctor to remember how to be a hero and get away from all of her War-related guilt but the lies she's told to both herself and Rose start to unfurl around The End of the World where she's recognized as the former President of Gallifrey and really crumble during Dalek and The Parting of Ways where it's revealed that she helped start this horrific War she's always alluding to.

i don't have much properly written (and what i do have written isn't the best quality because it's a few years old), so it's mostly just vague planning and a few pieces of dialogue, but i'd imagine her relationship to Rose would be a little different – playing into Romana's tendency to emotionally shut down and be a lot more numb to death and more willing to make hard calls than the Doctor while Rose is a lot less willing to trust her after finding out how much of Romana's heroism comes down to pretending to be someone else.

i'd also think Romana, like the Doctor, is still exasperated with Jack but more because he treats temporal intervention so cavalierly and less because of the romantic jealously (Romana and Rose still have the kiss in The Parting of Ways but their relationship in general is much less romantic than Rose & the Doctor). but they end up both gaining mutual respect for each other more than Jack & the Doctor ever really did (and Romana does not abandon him at the end of the season! though i have yet to work out the implications of that.)

anyways the one bit i have worked out that i'm still happy with is Romana confronting the Dalek Emperor at the end of The Parting of Ways because it's such a wonderful pairing with Romana's character all throughout Gallifrey and would be a wonderful way for Romana II's story to end:

EMPEROR: BECOME A DALEK. THE LAST OF THE TIME LORDS IS TO BECOME THE GREAT EXTERMINATOR. ROMANA: [quietly] The Destroyer of Worlds. EMPEROR: SO WHAT TO YOU DECIDE? COWARD OR KILLER? MADAM PRESIDENT. ROMANA: [grips the device and still speaks quietly] If I press this button, it will be far from the worst thing I have done in the name of peace. You speak of godhood… I’ve killed so many others who have claimed that title. I’ve also killed innocent people and innocent worlds to bring peace. And I’ve seen what the Daleks are capable of first hand. I think one planet is such a small cost to end you forever. EMPEROR: YOU HAVE CHOSEN DEATH. ROMANA: Oh so many times. I’ve tried to sacrifice my life in the name of peace more than I can remember. But… I think it was chosen for me. It was chosen by you when you claimed me as your prisoner and death has haunted me ever since. You really would be getting the fate you deserve because you pushed me to do this. Before Etra Prime, or even before the war, I would never have done this – this cold blooded murder.  EMPEROR: EVEN YOU ADMIT DALEK SUPREMACY. I MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE. ROMANA: And that is why I would never press that button again. [drops the device] You did make me a killer. You made me the person who ended the Time War. But I will deny you ownership of me. I am not Unit 117. I am not a killer. I am Romanadvoratrelundar and I say no. I make my own future.

[yuseirra]

Analysis and rant(on what was this piece trying to say and all maybe)

Sorry... I keep talking about this because it really weighs on my mind. From a thematic perspective, this manga touches on some incredibly sensitive topics, and while it doesn’t completely shy away from them, it also doesn’t fully address them. This lack of explanation leaves me constantly unsettled and preoccupied with unresolved aspects of the story.

When it comes to understanding the emotional undercurrents of this manga, I was quite confident.

For example, figuring out who Aqua truly loves, what kind of feelings Ai might have had for her boyfriend, and why they broke up—

I had already deduced these things with accuracy even before the story revealed the full details.

I’m very confident when it comes to this sort of analysis!

well, the rest.. I'll cut and place in the read more.

*has analysis of the plot, thoughts on the work and the subjects it touched, some psychological analysis, etc

As for the extent of Ai’s feelings toward her boyfriend, I had to approach this cautiously and conservatively. After all, throughout the story, the protagonist outright accuses him of being her murderer, and others don’t view him favorably either. The allegations against him were so heinous that I couldn’t confidently claim Ai genuinely loved him until the story confirmed it. At a point where Ai seemed to be the victim, it felt only right to tread carefully and analyze the situation with utmost caution before drawing any conclusions.

Still, I came to the tentative conclusion that Ai probably liked him quite a bit. Given that Ai herself admitted she didn’t fully understand love and had never really experienced it, perhaps what she felt didn’t quite reach the level of “love.” But it must have been an emotion close to it—that was the best I could deduce.

And ultimately, before the story revealed what Ai said in the video, why they broke up, and other details, my predictions turned out to be incredibly accurate.

For example, I wrote something like this before CH 154 was introduced:

++ Early on in the series, there’s a key phrase: “Lies are also a form of love.” Do you think this idea of a 15-year lie could have two meanings?

To her fans, she lied by saying she loved them.

To her boyfriend, she lied by saying she couldn’t love him, even though she did have feelings for him.

In this way, Ai told two lies about love.

I ACTUALLY PREDICTED THE CONTENT OF AI'S VIDEO. I couldn't be more correct about it.

Is this something so obvious that anyone could figure it out? I’m not sure... But that’s why I really thought I had a solid grasp of the emotional dynamics in this manga.

So, despite my anxiety toward the latter half of the story, I felt, This seems right, doesn’t it? I even thought that Ai’s boyfriend might not have tried to scare her at all. What if he only intended to send flowers but things spiraled out of control, leaving him in utter despair? I had already started sketching this idea out around chapters 154–155.

Then, as the manga went on, it had so many breaks! I kept thinking, What if next week the story flips, and he turns out to be an irredeemable villain? But the breaks gave me time to reflect and continue drawing. Even with those worries, I couldn’t stop because the details and the song were so intense.

The accusations were truly horrifying. The situation was dreadful. But the two of them seemed to have cared deeply for each other, and I believed that to be true. So I interpreted their relationship in that direction and expressed it a lot in my work—but can you imagine how nerve-wracking and stressful that was?

Even so, I wasn’t completely uncertain about this interpretation.

Even until the end of the story, Kamiki never acts violently or aggressively, not even once. Threatening or intimidating someone stems from aggression, and he simply doesn’t exhibit that kind of behavior. On the contrary, the way he’s portrayed shows he couldn’t even bring himself to take such an attitude, and it caused him immense suffering. There was no narrative reason to depict him that way if it wasn’t true.

Looking at the story as a whole, you could argue that Kamiki was actually written rather consistently. (really, he COULD be.)

But then, the conclusion becomes this:

That for a significant portion of the story, the events surrounding Kamiki didn’t unfold according to his will. He didn't want things to become like this, but things must have still spiraled into disaster. And if that’s the case, how could that even happen?

This person really seems to be a god. The story HAS another god in human form within the work, the related foreshadowing appears, and they say that there isn't just one of such beings! The actions they take are also so deeply significant...

Why don't they just go on and state this out? LOL;; Seriously.

It feels like the story is about this:

A godly couple protecting the entertainment industry—when the wife is murdered, the husband can’t endure it, abandons his virtues, falls from grace, and deserts his duties. He starts reclaiming the blessings (+ the wife’s love) that they had bestowed on the industry, wandering around, only to eventually face retribution for his actions. That’s what I think it’s about.

The gods loved and cherished humanity, granting them protection and various blessings (like the abilities linked to those star-shaped eyes), and they came down to live as humans for once. But both lost their memories, grew up under abuse, and finally met, barely managing to live happily. However, due to the darkness of the entertainment industry or whatever, they were separated again.

To make it worse, the wife had the husband’s child, and under the twisted logic of “how can an idol have a child,” she was murdered. (At that time, the husband was already in bad shape, so the other gods decided the he needed to be replaced, preparing a surrogate candidate as their proxy-Ruby-.)

Witnessing this drove the husband insane, it seems. He went mad, endlessly searching for a way to bring his wife back. Eventually, a divine decree was issued that he must die since he could no longer fulfill his godly duties, leading to his elimination.

From the moment I heard Fatal, I felt like something was up.

This person doesn’t seem like an ordinary human. It feels like some non-human being, unable to live without their loved one, became so consumed by that purpose that they fell from grace.

I’m pretty sure the story is about that.

This manga... It’s incredibly heavy in terms of its themes, with parts that are very hard to watch, yet the creators didn’t seem entirely thoughtless about how they handle it. For example, Kamiki is a victim of child sexual abuse. If the character had been written as falling into being a serial killer or something like that as a direct consequence, I would have been furious. That would be a disrespectful way to use that subject matter. While it’s not entirely impossible for that to happen, writing it so conveniently would show a lack of deep thought about the people in those situations. It’s a theme that shouldn’t be used as the sole reason for someone’s downfall. There were interpretations of Kamiki’s character like that but I'm so thankful this wasn't the case. I'd have dropped this work if that were to be real.

However, In my opinion, sometimes this manga constructs its narrative in ways that allow for such interpretations, which can feel careless. For instance, there was a time when someone directly messaged me saying, “Isn’t it fine for a 15-year-old to have a child?” I'm sorry, but that had me really baffled; I don’t actively seek out other people’s opinions about the works I’m reading, especially with this manga. I feel like doing so would leave me feeling stifled.

Stories have the power to draw people in, but this manga, despite using sensitive themes, doesn’t feel definitive in its stance on them. It tends to gloss over things or just brush past them. While it did handle the issue of child sexual abuse somewhat strongly, I wouldn’t say I was fully satisfied with it. That aspect of the manga is not something I find to be its strength and I feel it can do much, much better while it's not the worst it can ever be.

As for Ai’s death and the theme of teenage pregnancy, I felt like it wasn’t thoughtless, and it reached a level where I could accept it.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have supported Ai’s relationship if her boyfriend hadn’t been younger than her. (I’m fine if they’re the same age.) Ai is petite, and it’s even mentioned that she might have needed a C-section. She had children at such a young age (though the president’s wife helped with childcare, and the kids were reincarnators, so they weren’t very high-maintenance) and endured so much hardship.

If her boyfriend were older than Ai? That would make him an incredibly thoughtless person. He’d have had to take on responsibility for raising the kids (though many do run away or shirk responsibility). From what’s presented in the story, Ai’s boyfriend also seems like someone who had a tough life up until the time they were dating. The two were just very vulnerable, and they both did their best under the circumstances.

They were simply too young. I think they both needed to be at least five years older at the bare minimum for it to have worked in a realistic sense.

Ai had a personality and circumstances that made it plausible for her to shoulder everything herself, thinking she had to solve it because she was the older one. That aspect of her character and situation was portrayed convincingly, showing how events could unfold that way for someone like her.

The issue of Ai’s death... I think it has to be framed as Ryosuke’s problem. The excessive expectations placed on idols and entertainers, as well as twisted fandom culture, are undeniable realities. There are real-life cases of entertainers being murdered like this, or at least becoming targets of stalking and various crimes.

However, if the story made her boyfriend the one who orchestrated it, it would dilute the message about these societal issues. While this manga may not aim to deliver a profound social commentary, making the boyfriend the culprit would serve as an entertainment-driven choice to propel the protagonist’s goals. It’s a narrative choice that could work, but the creators seemed to lean toward depicting it differently at the end, and I thought that’s the right approach.

If there’s a message they want to convey, it’s better for the boyfriend not to be the culprit.

Initially, when Aqua assumed so, I thought, “Is that the case?” because there was no evidence to the contrary. Naturally, the story led me in that direction. At the time, the boyfriend seemed involved in something shady, but there was always no clear indication that he harbored animosity toward Ai. In fact, there were hints of lingering affection, to the point where I wondered if there was at least some mixed emotion, if not just outright love.

For example, he still visited Ai’s grave and spoke tenderly. This suggests either he didn’t harm her, or he’s a complete psychopath. After all, visiting the grave of someone you killed and referring to “our child” while looking at their offspring is bizarre behavior.

He also seemed excessively self-blaming. It was clear he wasn’t normal, but his responses towards Yura's death was strangely peculiar. What was he even saying? At that point in the story, his words were incomprehensible, and even by the end, things still remain ambiguous regarding what he actually meant by all that.

To add, when looking at the past, it seems like Ai was like a savior to him, but in reality, they were each other's saviors. They comforted each other and got along quite well, but there were so many things they couldn’t handle due to their circumstances. Both of them really cared about each other, but it seems they ended up parting ways.

And this person was, if anything, naive and excessively gentle, lacking any sense of aggression. Even while being mistreated, he couldn’t speak up, so Ai protected him, and he relied on her. When you break it down, Ai really cared about him. Her actions were those of someone cherishing a deeply loved person. Although she said some very cruel things when they broke up, would that alone make him so ungrateful as to harm Ai? After their breakup, he didn’t do anything for years. If he had intended to get revenge, wouldn’t he have done so back then? And the idea that he would harm her out of anger for being called to see the children? That makes no sense to me. Given his personality, Isn’t that the kind of situation he would like? Like in chapter 160, where he’s smiling while holding a bouquet—that feels like the most likely scenario, doesn’t it?

If you analyze how the authors portray him, it really doesn’t seem like he’s the culprit. Why would they write the character like this if they want to show him as the one responsible for Ai's murder??

The way he describes or remembers Ai is consistently filled with affection.

Once again, it’s hard to depict someone with such a purely positive impression if they’re the person you’ve harmed. Humans tend to rationalize their actions, convincing themselves that they have a reason to do what they did. If he had done something as horrible as that, he’d find fault with Ai in some way, even if there were lingering mixed feelings. It’s nearly impossible to recall her with nothing but beautiful memories. You could say his memory of Ai was firm and cruel when they parted, but from what I see, that was just objectively showing what happened. And the Ai he remembers is always radiant, smiling alongside him. Even the lighting in those scenes is bright. Furthermore, the impression Ai seemed to have of him was also very positive.

How Ai perceived him is critical to understanding their relationship. If a stalker claimed they were in love with the victim, would that hold any weight? This is why I couldn’t say anything until it was made clear. But now that I’ve seen it, the conclusion is that both held very strong affection for each other and thought highly of one another.

Could he have intended to harm Ai? Could he have tried to scare her because she left him? Judging by his personality, I don’t think so. This person—he wasn’t acting. His naturally gentle and kind personality is likely why Ai liked him.

It seems like he has an ingrained tendency to blame himself. If anything, he seems like someone who’d take responsibility for things that weren’t even his fault.

Moreover, he never blames Ai. He says he loved her so much he’d give up his life for her.

And that doesn’t seem like a lie. When you compare it with how he was in his youth, a faint outline of his character starts to emerge. Then, the content of the song comes to mind.

He keeps talking about offering everything, saying he can’t live without her, that he wants to see her. In a previous song, there were lyrics about how he’d give everything, even his life, if her life could return. At first, I thought it was Aqua’s perspective, but it’s not. Looking closely, both songs are about Kamiki.

Given that he feels this way about Ai and has this kind of backstory, could he have harmed Ai? I feel like the probability is just too low. Rather than finding evidence to support that, the more we learn, the less likely it seems. Why? For what reason? And it seems like people around him keep dying. Each time, he appears genuinely tormented.

Looking at the first instance at least, it seems clear that the event was entirely out of his control.

In Japanese mythology, there’s a couple among the gods of entertainment. The husband of the couple, the god of light, has the ability to guide people’s futures, and he's later replaced by Amaterasu. The wife’s name has been directly mentioned by the protagonist in the story, and the shrine where the characters made their wishes is the place where this divine couple was wed. Together, those gods grant wishes.

So, doesn’t this mean Ai and her partner’s essence is those gods?

That’s how my thought process naturally pieced things together, though it wasn’t intentionally organized step by step—it just clicked. (That’s what I mean by intuition.) That’s when I started thinking, "Is this what the story is about?"

And the husband god drowned.

So, if that’s what this is referencing, then it fits perfectly.

But how are people who don’t know the mythology supposed to grasp this?

Even now, people still don’t understand.

The story doesn’t explicitly establish that this is the case, either.

Seriously, how am I even supposed to interpret this manga? It’s exhausting.

I’m not actively trying to piece it together—my mind just connects the dots, and when I wake up, it all comes to me. I wonder if it’s not the case, but...

People call Kamiki a lunatic and an evil criminal. Well, they’re not entirely wrong. He’s clearly committed many crimes, but that’s also what’s so frustrating. He deserves to be punished, but shouldn’t it be done properly? Shouldn’t we figure out who he really is first? Regarding Ai, maybe he doesn’t deserve the criticism. I can’t speak on something I don’t understand, which is why I’ve been carefully analyzing him. To form an opinion, I need to know the details. But he’s such an ambiguous character. We never fully learn what he was doing, what he was thinking, or his true intentions. He doesn’t express them outright, and even Tsukuyomi? She does tell us about what his motives were but... she speaks so vague and I don't think I can buy it so fully.

If the above backstory is true, wouldn’t that significantly change how we evaluate the character? Based on his personality and when you break down the story as a whole, I genuinely think that interpretation fits.

I can’t let go of this. What kind of manga is this, seriously?

Regarding Aqua again. Honestly, the ending left such a bitter aftertaste!!!;;; And even Aqua’s actions—well, in that kind of situation, it’s like, “Oh, okay… I guess you really had no other choice, with your dad being a corrupted god and all... What else could you have done?”—are understandable to a degree.

But the authors are just so cruel. It’s hard for me to go back and read the earlier volumes because they leave such a bad taste. This is a product for sale, after all. Yet, all the earlier parts where Aqua is running around, helping people, torn between two girls, and just wandering aimlessly… None of that ends up affecting the conclusion. It’s meaningless!;; The story just follows the mythology, so all that messy, dramatic buildup earlier? It wasn’t necessary at all.

Sure, Aqua helped Kana and Akane to some extent, allowing them to continue their careers in the entertainment industry, but from a realistic perspective? To me, the experience of losing someone dear to you in such a way would be far more traumatic and overwhelming—a wound that would scar your life forever. So when those two are shown smiling happily at Ruby in the later chapters, is that even convincing? I don’t know. Maybe if the story had allocated more time to those related episodes, it might have worked better, but they didn’t include that, did they?

In the end, Ruby shone as the new sun god after eliminating the maddened former sun god. < This narrative makes it seem like Aqua was just intruding on the story, like he didn’t need to be there. That's how the myth goes, except for the fact that Sarutahiko never went mad and just drowned on his own. The writers made him grow mad after the loss of his wife and had Aqua drown him, that's the change they brought to that basic outline. He would have drowned ANYWAY. If that’s the case, couldn’t the story have worked just as well without Aqua? Just Ruby, Akane, and Kana navigating the entertainment industry together? I feel bitter even making such an evaluation of the protagonist, but with this ending, I don't feel happy revisiting the story and rereading anything related to Aqua. After all, he's going to die anyway, right?;; As I mentioned in my analysis earlier, the story’s narrative structure revolves around the mythological elements, and everything is decided based on the myth’s progression. Aqua doesn’t really matter. He wasn’t supposed to have a role in the myth—he was an addition, something forced into the framework.

Ruby, Kamiki, Ai, and Tsukuyomi? Those guys are the core elements. If you understood what they were, you could have predicted the ending far in advance, regardless of what Aqua was doing. That’s probably why Kamiki’s true nature wasn’t revealed earlier. If the truth about Ai’s boyfriend had been made clear, you could have known exactly how that character’s story would end.

It feels like I’ve ended up saying so much…

Maybe it’s because I care about this manga? Hmm...;; I think I just see a lot of things here, like potential answers the story didn’t give us. There are so many unresolved, painful emotions lingering, and none of it feels properly addressed. It’s frustrating and exhausting.

How do people who’ve followed this series from the very beginning—buying merchandise and everything—evaluate the ending? I suppose it varies from person to person?;; It's too much though; It would’ve been better if the message, or whatever they were trying to convey, was more definitive. But it’s not. You can’t even say, “Oh, they left it as a mystery on purpose,” because the supernatural elements make it impossible to definitively confirm anything unless the author outright says, “This is what happened.” This isn’t a realm of logical deduction—it’s all up to the author’s intent.

Still, I feel the only way any of this explanation makes sense is if my interpretation is correct. I'm never so entitled but I really can't think of a better explanation. In that case, the author should’ve clarified things.

At least I think I got the emotional beats right??; Who else thought after chapter 154 that the context of chapter 160 would come back again? I don’t think many people did. But if you consider Kamiki’s characterization, this should be it. It makes sense that this would happen!; But if that’s the case, it immediately invalidates everything Aqua has done so far. I think that's why they had him rebut him swiftly. What's the point of including those if what Kamiki said isn't the truth? Why include those scenes then? I say Kamiki's stated the truth right there, the lie about it would that he now does intend to hurt people to some extent in order to get Ai back. Since he's given up being kind after what's happened.

And Kamiki—he was 19 at the time. Did him showing Ryosuke a toothbrush really provoke him to kill Ai? That’s more about how terrible Ryosuke was. Do you think Kamiki explicitly told him to go kill or harm Ai? He definitely wouldn't have. If he had, Nino would’ve said so—she would’ve told on it. Why wouldn’t she? What probably happened is that Kamiki’s ability to “guide” people (michihiraki) twisted and drove others in evil directions. It didn’t suddenly make them bad people either; it just amplified their darker tendencies.

Honestly, I can’t stop thinking about this character. Based on the accusations against him, it makes it hard to believe he was a good person… but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s been misjudged. It’s like when someone in prison for a heinous crime still seems suspiciously innocent. That bothers me a lot, you know, so I keep bringing it up because it feels unjust.

I never believed he was completely innocent of course, but…

Even until the very end!!!;;; They left things so ambiguous.

Still, one thing is certain: he genuinely loved Ai and couldn’t live without her. Looking at his backstory, it makes sense why he is so, but there seems to be a deeper, external narrative at play here. It feels like he’s on the level of a husband god who can’t live without his wife. Why else would the Aratate Shrine show up? Why did he listen to Ruby’s wish? He’s that god—the god of light! That’s why the white star shone too!

Wasn’t it Ai and Kamiki together who granted Ruby’s wish in 147? That’s why it came true. The white star must be Ai. She became a star! How can a regular person become a star? Ai is Ame-no-Uzume! She returned to the heavens, while Kamiki, being an earthly god, couldn’t follow her. That’s why, like in the Mephisto song, he kept wishing upon the stars and striving to be with her. He was desperate. Collecting Ai’s light? It was all out of desperation.

If only the story had explained this clearly, it would’ve made so much more sense.

And if he’s a god, it’s understandable that he might grow disillusioned after protecting humans all this time. It’s not like he handled it well. But in the life he lived as a human, aside from Ai, he didn’t have a single good relationship; he was probably an incredibly benevolent god who ended up falling into corruption.

It’s such an exhausting manga.

If nothing stood out to me, maybe I could’ve just moved on. But because it’s all so vague, it lingers in my mind.

I once said before I wished I could feel nothing about this because it's painful, and it would’ve been easier. Once I finish what I’m working on, I just want to let go. No matter what comes next—whether there’s a third season—I won’t care. I’m not watching season 3. Why would I, after an ending like this? I don’t want to watch Aqua die. Even if I like Kamiki and Ai a lot, and the movie arc is actually my favorite, watching it would just be painful.

I also don’t trust the authors to handle the characters properly anymore. If this is how the story ends, they’ll likely turn Kamiki into some irredeemably evil villain for the sake of convenience in anime S3 because that's what's easier for the audience to handle and understand. And I’d hate that. They'll never explain this character in depth. They didn't do it in the source material, it's far too late to do that anytime now.

I have no expectations anymore. Do you think there’s any reason to hope for something good? It’ll just be painful.

I don’t usually speak this way about a work, but I guess I'm really disappointed. To have a fan this dedicated to feel this way, haha...

well, the authors can do what they want, I have my feelings too. If only they explain things!!!;;; but now, I don't want to care, I keep preparing for the worst to come, I don't want to be disappointed anymore, so I hope I lose my expectations and even some degree of my love for it so that it doesn't affect me as much. And that's a lot to say.. for me to wish to say I want to lose my feelings for something. I felt terrible reading the ending though and I don't want to feel that way again. That's what I get for having read this manga, huh. Maybe I only want the love to last but you can't have both...that's impossible.

it really hurts to love something sometimes, I don't want to think I loved the wrong thing, and I learned a lot from it, but it's sad I couldn't be as happy about it as I thought it would.

[necrotic-nephilim]

Hello! New to comics and I don't really feel like the New-52 comics are for me and would really like to read and understand Pre-flashpoint and all the dark and good stuff there. Is there an order or starting point you would recommend? Thanks for your time, and I hope you have a great day!

hi! i'm so glad you want to get into comics! i'd love to help with some recs! since you're here, i'm going to assume you're a Batfamily fan and most of my recs will cater to that, but i will try to encompass a bit of everything to help you just understand some big moments and all this mess that is DC canon. adding a cut bc jesus this got long.

so your starting point for pre-Flashpoint is going to be Crisis on Infinite Earths. the TLDR of this event is: DC had a big multiverse in the 70s and early 80s that wasn't friendly to new readers. to try to push their titles more and become a proper competitor to Marvel, they created an in-universe storyline that nuked the multiverse and gave a solid entry point for new fans going forward. this is why you hear terms like Pre-Crisis and Post-Crisis. it refers to the comics canon before and after this event, in 1985. some characters had some big changes (for example: pre-Crisis Jason Todd was a circus kid whose parents were killed by Killer Croc) but most remained largely the same, just simplified. you don't *have* to start with Crisis on Infinite Earths if you don't want to. it's a *good* storyline, but it's a big one and a lot of big multiverse-scale stuff happens. so as long as you understand it as "big event that nuked DC's multiverse and gave the world a clean slate in 1985", then you've basically got the gist. also Barry Allen dies during it, but he comes back so don't worry about it.

in general, if DC has some big timeline/canon-altering event, they're going to call it a Crisis Event. the only Crisis Events that will matter to you, trying to get into pre-Flashpoint are

Crisis On Infinite Earths - the above, starts the Post-Crisis/pre-Flashpoint timeline

Zero Hour: Crisis In Time - an event in the 90s that sought to fix some of the kinks that the above Crisis caused, like fixing the origins of the Legion of Superheroes and other Golden/Silver Age characters, not *super* important tbh

Infinite Crisis - this was a big event that brought back some characters who got nuked by Crisis on Infinite Earths, unfucked Power Girl's backstory, and set the groundwork to bring back the multiverse. if you've heard "Superboy Prime punched a hole in reality and it brought back Jason Todd" yeah, this is the story where it happened

Final Crisis - a big event that was partly meta commentary but heroes fought Darkseid, Batman died for a hot second, it was all a big deal about evil winning and all that

Flashpoint - the event that nuked this timeline, a big storyline to do with Flash and the timeline that would result in the New-52 in 2011

are you confused yet? good embrace the confusion it's going to become second nature of a comic fan. you don't need to read these events as a beginner. you really don't i promise. they'll sound big and important, but besides Crisis On Infinite Earths and Flashpoint, the start and end of this era, the rest you can just kind of breeze by so long as you understand the big plot points like Batman dying or Superboy Prime punching reality. unless you really care about a character central to these stories, skip 'em for now.

now for any character, if they have a Year One comic? that is a very safe bet as a place to start. it is what it sounds like. Batman: Year One is going to be Bruce's first year as Batman. same as Green Arrow: Year One, Batgirl: Year One, etc. when in doubt, if there's a Year One, start with Year One. (note: for Superman, his "year one" type story is called Superman: Birthright and it is worth reading if you like Superman)

for Batman, i am holding you by the shoulders when i say this: people will tell you to read The Killing Joke. they're liars. do not listen to them. it's a bad story. you don't need it. do not let the Joker fanboys lie to you. people will also say Dark Knight Returns. don't listen to *them* either. i *like* DKR, i talk about it a lot here. it's not a good intro to Batman. it's an AU story, it's not canon, ignore it for now.

now where you *should* start with Batman, imo, is as followed

Batman: Year One - as said above, Year Ones are good, this is solid to start with

Batman: The Long Halloween - this is an iconic story and it's a followup to year One

Batman: Dark Legacy - the followup to Long Halloween, also a very good story

Batman: Hush - this story is a solid starter if you want to understand the general vibe of Gotham, the typical characters you see in the Batfamily, and a good Batman villain

once you've got the basics down, you *can* get into the big boy storylines like Batman: Knightfall and Batman: No Man's Land, but don't worry about those right now. they're long and complicated and shouldn't really be your starting point no matter how good they are.

other very good pre-Flashpoint comics that are easy to pick up and iconic storylines

Death of Superman - this is a long arc in the Superman run that if you collect in trades, goes Death of Superman, Funeral For A Friend, Reign of the Supermen, Return of Superman, Doomsday. it's long, but a very iconic storyline

Wonder Woman by George Perez - this the run that helped define modern Wonder Woman within the pre-Flashpoint era

JLA: Year One - if you want a good Justice League story where you get characters besides Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman taking the shine, this is a great place to start

Green Arrow by Mike Grell - start with Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters and then go into Green Arrow (1988). this has the darker, very 80s vibes that gets a bit gritty and very realistic with the issues it faces bc Green Arrow comics tend to be more rooted

The New Teen Titans by Marv Wolfman - this technically starts before pre-Flashpoint, don't worry about it it's fine. a good run for all of these characters, can get a little confusing, it is okay to be confused do not be afraid to google shit

so, some big stories out of the way i'm just. honestly going to run down the line of the major pre-Flashpoint Batfamily members and give you comic recs for them that you can start with. (besides Bruce obviously, bc well. see above)

Dick Grayson

NIghtwing: Year One

Robin: Year One

Nightwing (1995)

Tim Drake

Batman: A Lonely Place of Dying

Robin (1990)

Robin II: Joker's Wild

Robin III: Cry of the Huntress

Robin (1993)

Barbara Gordon

Batgirl: Year One

Birds of Prey (1999)

Jason Todd

Batman: The Cult (as Robin)

Batman: Death in the Family (as Robin)

Batman: Under The Red Hood

Red Hood: Lost Days

Cassandra Cain

Batgirl (2000)

Batman: No Man's Land

Jean-Paul Valley

Batman: Sword of Azrael

Batman: Knightfall

Stephanie Brown

Huntress/Spoiler: Blunt Trauma

Batgirl (2009)

Selina Kyle

Catwoman by Ed Brubaker

Helena Bertinelli

Batman/Huntress: Cry For Blood

Huntress: Year One

Birds of Prey: Manhunt

Damian Wayne

Batman & Robin (2009)

there are other very important pre-Flashpoint stories for all of these characters, but these are starting points more than anything. figure out what characters you're interested and go from there. understanding the universe at large helps, do not get me wrong. but at the end of the day, comics are a choose your own adventure of who you want to give a shit about. you're *never* going to read everything "important" and you're probably not going to understand everything. that's okay. don't treat it like a media you need to "complete" like a tv show or a movie, but more like an open world game where you decide what characters/teams/stories you like the most.

pre-Flashpoint covers a lot of ground. some stuff will be darker and grittier, some stuff will be more light-hearted. it will all be about what titles you pick up and what characters you decide you want to read about. you're obviously going to get a much more grounded storyline out of Green Arrow than you are say, a JLA comic. i prefer the more grounded, "street level" sorts of characters. (if you like gritty detective stories, i will be biased and highly recommend the Question (1987) just because. i love him okay.) but you might find you like sometimes more worldly and big scale. at the end of the day: don't force yourself to love a comic you're not enjoying, even if you like that character. you can put that shit down. sometimes, "important stories" are by shitty writers that you won't enjoy reading and you shouldn't make this hobby a chore. i don't care how "critically acclaimed" it is, you don't have to like it if it doesn't click for you. and on the flipside, a comic might be considered "bad" but you may enjoy it (a personal example: Robin III: Cry of the Huntress is considered a very weak comic. don't care. i love it anyway.) accept the cringe, have fun, and enjoy yourself at the end of the day. none of it will make sense anyway so just read what sounds cool to you.

this was all over the place and rambly, but i hope it helps at least a little! welcome to comics anon! if you or anyone else would like more character-specific recs, feel free to ask! if i don't know, i can at the very least hopefully point you in the right direction <3

[hussyknee]

The very specific paralyzing fear as a person of colour with OCD, that you might be acting like a white person to other marginalized people.