#I'm not paying for waxes AND shaving

[navybluetriangles]

.

[fayes-fics]

Textual Encounter

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Text fic. Wrong number meet-cute over text.

Warnings: none... this is fluff and humour.

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Fic request fill for Anon (HERE). I kept it fun and fluffy, but yeah, I can see a sequel where they sext. Thanks to @colettebronte for the read-through. Enjoy! <3

Y/N: Hey Liz, it’s y/n y/l/n. Kindle Spa gave me your mobile. Said you had moved to another salon. I don’t trust anyone else to wax me tbh. Big date this week, kwim 😉 Can I get an appt? I’ll come to you. Doesn’t matter where. 

BB: Errr, I think you have the wrong number…

Y/N: Not Liz?

BB: Nope, Ben here. 

Y/N: Not a waxer, I presume?

BB: I may have waxed lyrical in my time, may even have lit a few candles. Have not waxed anyone no - my own body or anyone else’s. Yet. But I’m game to try anything once...

Y/N: Lol.

BB: Big date, eh?

Y/N: ….Yeah. Not that it's any of your business, stranger Ben.

BB: Fair. BB: Does it hurt?

Y/N: ??

BB: Getting waxed.

Y/N: Oh. Yeah. Like a motherfucker. But you sorta get used to it, tbh. And it’s so much less itchy than shaving regrowth, especially in sensitive areas… Wait, why am I having this convo with a complete stranger?!

BB: We don’t have to be strangers. BB: I’m Ben, 33, London. BB: I have no strong opinions on hair removal methods.

Y/N: lol. K. I’m y/n, 28, also London. Y/N: I, as you can see, do have some opinions.

BB: Hi y/n 👋 BB: I hope you can find Liz. Or someone else to assist with your hair needs.

Y/N: I would like it stated, for the record, I’m not hairy like a troll. I just like to keep things neat.

BB: The lady doth protest too much…

Y/N: You are cheeky for a stranger.

BB: Hey, I thought we agreed. Not strangers. Me Ben. You hairy troll.

Y/N: BLOCK.

BB: Just typing it doesn't work, you know.

Y/N: You should work at the Apple Genius Bar.

BB: Hmm, possibly. I do look good in blue. Or so I've been told.

Y/N: Always glad to provide career counselling.

BB: 🫡

4 days later.

BB: How’d your date go?

Y/N: That's odd. I don’t see a Genius Bar appt in my calendar…?

BB: iCal is a lying bastard. BB: I also assume you now can move faster through water.

Y/N: ??

BB: Waxed smooth like a dolphin…?

Y/N: 😆 Y/N: Entirely none of your business, but yes, actually. Well mostly. I leave some. Why am I telling you this?! Y/N: The guy was such a dud tho, I didn't get to show it off 🙁

BB: Please don't stop on my account. This is just delightful.  BB: I apologise on behalf of all men.

Y/N: For what?

BB: Having 4 sisters, I find the safest answer here is usually… everything, of course.  BB: But specifically, your rubbish date.

Y/N: Apology conditionally accepted. Y/N: 4 sisters?! 

BB: Only conditional? What do I gots to do to make it unconditional? BB: Yeah, I know… I’ve got 3 brothers too. My parents were really into each other. 

Y/N: IDK, serve a mean martini? Y/N: Understatement.

BB: That could be arranged. I took an online mixology course during lockdown.  BB: My sister El declared I'm better than Stanley Tucci. Admittedly, that was after 4 espresso martinis… but I'm taking it. She's opinionated but the best one. They are a weird bunch tho 🤔

Y/N: WOAH WOAH WOAH. That's a bold claim.

BB: Well, there’s only one way to dispute it: try one for yourself…

Y/N: Smooth, Genius Bar, smooth.

BB: I do my best 🤷

1 day later.

Y/N: I can't get my AirPods to work.

BB: You do realise I didn’t actually follow your career advice?

Y/N: Urgh. Inconvenient. What use are you then?

BB: As I said. Cocktails. I’ll try my hand at waxing if you want.

Y/N: Best stick to the day job. Which is…?

BB: Graphic design.

Y/N: Oh, that’s quite cool. 

BB: It pays the bills. You?

Y/N: MI-5

BB: Wow, you're a shit spy.

Y/N: It could be an excellent double bluff…

BB:

Y/N: Oh, we’ve graduated to memes now, have we, Genius Bar?

BB: It was called for.

Y/N: I’ll take it. Purely cos it's a Hemsworth.

BB: I would too, tbh.

Y/N: Bi?

BB: For a Hemsworth? Always.

Y/N: Anyone else?

BB: I’ll keep you posted.

Y/N: I'm on the edge of my seat.

3 days later.

BB: Oscar Issac.

Y/N: Good non sequitur evening to you, too, Genius Bar Ben.

BB: For the bi thing.

Y/N: Ahh. Got it. I can respect that.

BB: This is me, btw: www.instagram.com/benbridgerdesign.  BB: Figured you can decide for yourself if I'm a creeper.

Y/N: Appreciated.

3 minutes later.

Y/N: You paint?

BB: I dabble

Y/N: Modesty will only make me like you more.

BB: You like me?! 🥹

Y/N: You didn't mention you were handsome.

BB: There is no way to respond to that without me sounding like a twat.

BB: But thank you 😊

Y/N: This is me: www.instagram.com/ynhandle 

7 minutes later.

BB: Oh, Amalfi is so beautiful, isn't it?

Y/N: Wow. That's a deep cut. How far did you scroll back??

BB: 👀

Y/N: Yeah, it's beautiful. Shame it's tainted for me now. Was there with an ex.

BB: I saw. Very handsome.

Y/N: Are you sure you're not just into men full-stop?

BB: 🤷 BB: You’re very pretty, too.

Y/N: I’d believe it if you didn't mention my “very handsome” ex first…

BB: I call it like I see it. BB: I have had 4 whiskeys, tho, so make of that what you will.

Y/N: On a school night?!

BB: It’s my brother Ant's birthday. This is like non-optional drunk, I’ll have you know.

Y/N: Happy birthday to him. 

BB: He says thanks. He’s also told me to get off my fucking phone. Which is rich. He is texting his wife nonstop.

Y/N: Hah! Safe travels through Whiskeytown, BenBridger 🫡

BB: I kinda miss Genius Bar…. 😞

Y/N: I can't win…

2 days later.

BB: Settle an argument for me.

Y/N: 🍿

BB: Col, younger brother, never stops eating... He claims Katz Deli is overrated. I argue it's touristy but still good. You’ve been. Where do you sit on this matter?

Y/N: You really did go thru my Insta, didn't you?? Y/N: Thanks for the follow, BTW.

BB: It's a compliment, I assure you. BB: Welcome. And same.

Y/N: Not complaining. And yeah, I agree with you, actually.

BB: Hah! Excellent!!

Y/N: Wait… your older brother is Ant, and your younger brother is Col? You’re Ben. So, like ABC?

BB:  … I already warned you my family was weird.

Y/N: You did. You did.

BB: Now, please excuse me while I go gloat.

Y/N: 👍

5 mins later.

BB: Hi. This is Col. You must be the famous y/n. Ben’s in the bogs, and the mug left his phone on the table unlocked, so this is on him.  BB: He like really likes you. Like a lot. Will you go on a date with him pls? 

Y/N: Err, ok, hi Col. Y/N: Umm, I think Ben should be the one to ask me that. Don’t you?

BB: He’s too scared you’ll say no.

Y/N: I won't…

BB: EXCELLENT.

2 minutes later.

BB: I am so SO sorry about that 😬 He’s such a shit. BB: But… do you mean it?

Y/N: Ask me properly…

BB: Would you, y/n, like to go on a date with me? Please?

Y/N: I would be delighted to Ben. 😀

BB: 🙏 BB: Are you free on Thursday? Could I take you to dinner?

Y/N: Sounds wonderful. 

BB: 7pm? Meet at Picadilly Circus? By Brasserie Zedel?

Y/N: I’ll be there 😀

BB: 😀

10 days later.

BB: I think you should know… Liz is an artiste 😮‍💨

Y/N: Stop texting me from my bed, you dork. 😘 Y/N: How do you take your coffee?

BB: I'm like 10 meters away. Why not just ask me?

Y/N: You started this, Genius Bar…

BB: Come back to bed, Mostly Hairless Troll.

Y/N: I asked for that, didn't I? 🤦

Benedict taglist, pt 1: @makaylan @longingintheuniverse @iboopedyournose @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kmc1989 @desert-fern @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @sya-skies

[being-addie]

Sunday Resets

Setting aside time for yourself is so important. I don't think people understand how vital it is to pay attention to your body and just take a day to let your body r-e-l-a-x. We're all so busy fighting to reach the top, that while climbing the corporate ladder, we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. Burnout, depression, and monotony come into play when we don't listen to our bodies telling us they need a break.

Once every two weeks or so, on a Sunday, I turn off all my notifications and have a day dedicated to me. Giving my body some TLC, resting and preparing for the next week. If I have plans on a Sunday, such as brunch or a meeting, I shift that day to Saturday, or at the very least, a day where I have at least 4-5 hours to spend leisurely.

Things I like to do on my Sunday resets:

Wake up early/sleep in: Depending on my mood, and how much sleep I've had during the week, I'll either be up at the crack of dawn or still in bed till it's nearly noon. There's no shame in staying in bed till 11:30 if you're particularly exhausted, but I recommend waking up at least before 11 AM because then you'll feel tired and groggy (of course, this doesn't apply to everyone)

Clean my room: I always make my bed without fail, and if my room is messy, then I'll clean it. Clean the vanity table, my desk, closet, art cupboard and bookshelf, and then the bathroom. If my mom needs help around the house, I do that too.

Food: I make myself a good breakfast, taking time to move around the kitchen and just breathe. I'm getting to eat good food, the sun is shining and I'm alive. It's great. Sometimes my dad cooks for the whole family and we just sit and eat together.

The Everything Shower: I take my Everything Shower on Sundays, where I wash my hair, deep condition, use a hair and face mask, exfoliate and do a face massage. I don't shave because I get my waxing done in a salon. I then slather myself in cocoa butter lotion and apply lip balm. Then do my hair routine (curly hair). It takes a few hours, but it's worth it.

The Next Week: I prep for the next week by cooking something I can take to my classes, like granola bars or homemade pita chips. I also sit down and plan my schedule (any dinners, meetings, parties, etc) and make a rough plan of my goals for the week, like assignments and deadlines.

Errands: I usually make a list of things I need to do during the week, like any specific separate groceries that I use, art supplies I'm low on, or needing to top up the air in my tyres. Then I go complete all of those in the afternoon.

Walks: In the evening, I take a walk around the block with a friend. I usually am too busy to do this during the week, so getting some fresh air is always a treat.

Relax: The rest of the evening is spent relaxing. I watch Netflix with my family, chat with my younger sister, read a novel/play the piano/write poetry. We have dinner together and then either watch a movie or just spend the time talking about our week, or the news. It's fun.

Double-check: Before I go to sleep, I make sure to double-check that my work is done, my bag is packed, clothes are folded and all my devices are charged. I'm in bed by 10:30 PM.

Remember that not all Sundays will be like this. Sometimes I'm extremely drained, so I'll sleep in, order food and just lay in bed recuperating. It's okay to take a rest day. This guide is if you want to be more productive, and it helps the week go smoother. Be the person who has their life in charge. You've got this.

<3

[screampied]

I GOT MORE FOR YA QUEEN AOWBDNDIHE

thinking abt how toji, kuna, and choso probably don't care that we aren't shaved down there FUUUUCCCKKK KUNA ESPECIALLY CUZ THAT MAN IS JUST STRAIGHT UP PRIMAL AND FERAL ALSO???? HELLO??? HAPPY TRAILS???? not kuna wanting to cum on our bush to make his scent stick longer 😫😫😫😫 but also happy trails??? ab riding with happy trails??? did i mention happy trails??? I'm for sure gonna leave some happy trails iykyk 👀

WHAT ABOUT BEING TOJI'S YOUNGER AND INNOCENT GF AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO SHAVE AND gawwwddd imagine being his younger gf and not knowing how to shave cuz u scared u might cut urself or smth and your fav being all sweet and accepting abt it like "a little hair don't scare me, baby" BUT LIKE INAGINE THEM TEACHING US HOW TO SHAVE OR SHAVING FOR US OR TAKING US TO GET WAXED AHAHAHAHAHA I COULD GO ONNNN

but ngl i think im ovulating lol😭😭

send prayers to sleepy feral bf cuz i wanna recreate some ideas🤭

—reading sesh anon✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

ouuuugh ur so right ☝️ they def wouldn’t mind the bush. EEEE UR RIGHT AB KUNA hes such a freak, couldn’t care less, he’ll tame it 🧎‍♀️. oh wow oh wow i need a min

AB RIDING !!!!!!!!!! HAPPY TRAILS !!!!!!!!!!! my two fav combos ngh. i love happy trails, my fav thing ever. feel like toji n suguru has the prettiest happy trails by far.

older bf toji 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫. UR RIIIIGHT he’d show us how to shave him, pay for our nails, take us for waxes n everything omg i need it. it’s okay bestie me too </3 BUT U COOKED

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Itachi:

I swear I'm not mad just give it back

You're STILL not over that?!

What are you even shaving? You don't have a single hair on your face!

Not my business who you date, just keep them from fighting all the time!

That's funny because Hidan said it was you, asshole.

I never ask you questions like that about Sasori, do I?!

You better hide, Kakuzu's going around collecting rent

God you're a worse gossip than Tobi!

I know it was you my whole room smells like clay!

That's a really lewd thing to say ... are you really hitting on me or are you just drunk off your ass?

Yeah but considering I use nothing in mine and you use like 200 products in yours, I'd say mine is better.

Stop it. You're not a pet person.

Okay can you just come with me? I don't ever ask you for favors do I?!

Pay me back what you owe me first.

From Hidan:

Yeah but I'm hotter. Like WAY hotter.

He loves to say stupid shit like that, he's not being serious.

Bet his dick is bigger tho.

That's literally the most stupid shit I've ever heard. We're MEANT to eat meat, fucker!

Yeah but if shark dick catches us he'll beat our asses and Kakuzu already said he's not putting me back together if it happens again!

I'll pray to Jashin for you, you pathetic atheist.

Let's get the fuck out of here and get something to eat. Kakuzu's sleeping I can swipe his wallet!

Me and you? In your DREAMS, kid. You couldn't handle this immortal dick.

Why tf would I care about that? Tits or not me and you are brothers, man.

Crablegs.

No, steak. Rare-rare. Still mooing.

Fuck a vegetable. Load it up with meat.

No wait corn is good but make sure it's seasoned with the meat blood.

That cunt did not beat my ass he caught me by surprise! I'll kill him next time I see his ugly face!

From Konan:

I don't remember my siblings so you all are it for me.

When a girl asks how old you think she is always answer like 10 years younger than you actually think! But seriously, 40?! FORTY??

Did you always know or did it take you a little bit to figure it out?

Rose petal or honeysuckle. Sometimes lilac if it's not too overwhelming.

It's a complicated situation for sure. They both feel something strongly for you but if my opinion counts? I'd stay with Sasori. At least you know what to expect from him, and I think he genuinely loves you.

I've narrowed it down to you or Hidan. If you confess I'll go easy on you. :-)

Please be gentler with him. He may hide it but he's gotten really fragile these last few months and he's in pain almost constantly.

Threatening to "beat people's asses" isn't my style. I go for the silent kill.

Wow, HE did that for YOU? That's interesting.

Take it up with Kakuzu. He's supposed to provide you all with extra money for exactly these types of things.

I would just do it, Dei. Be grateful your punishment is so light compared to what you did.

Are you two serious? You realize we're all trying our hardest NOT to attract negative attention?!

Perkier if it's chilly out ;)

I thought about it but I've had it this length for forever. It'd probably look weird long.

Only if you promise to sit still this time. I'm not gonna have you complain if it gets smudged again.

From Kakuzu

Brat. Stop.

I don't give a shit if you don't like him. He's valuable and this organization can't afford to lose him. So SUCK IT UP.

The waxing poetic was one thing but the actual poetry was nauseating.

That's coming out of your paycheck.

How is that an "emergency expense"?!

I don't care what you feel it is, "unfair" or not EVERYONE is expected to contribute to the bills. You use the lights? You pay. You take showers? You pay. You eat the food? You. PAY.

I know you two are friends. You have fairly good ideas about what he likes. Help me and I'll take off that debt you owe me from last month.

Sasori can do that for you, can't he??

Nice try, kid, but you still owe me. And you couldn’t handle my immortal love anyway.

From Tobi

I'd ask you to come with but Itachi thinks you'll try and blow him up while he's asleep.

Diabetes was just made up by assholes who don't want us to eat all the good sugar!

He's really so selfish he wouldn't let me borrow you for one night?

Hidan said it was you ...

I KNOW you like older men! Hey what if I told you I was 31, what then??

Of all the things that could be under this mask, why would "sharingan" be one of your guesses? That's ridiculous Senpai!

Come on Senpai! Leader would be mad at first but I think everyone would like a puppy!

Just tell him that you were only home 10 days this month so you should only have to pay 1/3 of the rent

If you want to but Hidan would probably call you a lot of names for wearing it

Marry me and I'll carry you everywhere all the time. It's a good deal!

Let's see if one of the others will trade with us, I hate going to really cold places

Try if you want to but Konan hit me so hard last time I saw stars for three days

Can you make me a bomb shaped like a scythe? Hidan is getting on my nerves.

From Zetsu

It's complicated, but everybody's blood has a distinct scent. Your's smells like lava and ash. It's very unique.

"Love" or not I'd watch my back, child. You'd make a prettier puppet for him than anyone else.

The years don't go by but centuries do.

Come now, you could have left SOME of those bodies in-tact for me!

I can't imagine that it would matter in the long run.

If you three don't stop attracting so much attention we'll have to pick up and move yet again!

I can tolerate human food but it doesn't compare to humans as food.

Neither. Neither of them is a suitable match for you. I'd run as far as I could from both of them.

Thank you for the offer but I don't believe your moisturizer would be effective on my plant skin.

No, not especially. Things are much the same to me.

If Kakuzu said no then there's no point in asking Leader. Kakuzu holds the money with an iron fist and Nagato has never once interfered with his decisions.

A bit more rest and some decent food would do you a world of good.

From Nagato

Then I must not understand true art because all I can see is property damage and unwanted negative attention being drawn towards our organization.

I understand your frustration but please continue to work with him. I need Sasori to stay here and you're the only one Tobi will listen to.

Oh? It seems it may be time I had a talk with you young ones then.

I see no need for further recruits.

Yes, thank you. Konan used it on my hair and it worked wonderfully.

I'm aware you don't like him but please endeavor to coexist in this group with him. Also remember how precarious his health is before you pull another stunt like the one you and Hidan did yesterday.

I won't stand in the way of your personal goals but surely you realize how extreme self-detonation sounds?

I got you all these phones as a way to communicate efficiently with your partners and with the entire group over long distances. NOT to play games. Kakuzu tells me the phone bill is $200 over it's usual amount due to unathorized games and extra features. If this keeps up I'll take them back.

Next time please be sure you're checking who you're sending explicit pictures to. I assume that was meant only for Sasori's eyes? Now I have Tobi and two others ready to kill him to be your partner.

From Kisame

I shouldn't admit it but it WAS very funny.

But what would be the purpose? Samehada steals chakra, aesthetics don't matter.

I can't tell the future but I can guess that if he's stayed this long, then he probably means to stay with you for life.

Yeah well if one more "accidentally" goes off under his window while he's napping I'm going to make a sandwich of your fingers, kid.

I suppose that would be fun but good luck getting the money from Kakuzu.

I can't even imagine the lives they live. It's really more merciful for them that we extract their demon and send them to the afterlife.

Our relationship is so much more than that but all you immature brats ever ask about is the sex aspect. Shameful.

There's no way he bought that fresh, I can smell it all the way back in my room!

Wear your cloak and perhaps borrow Sasori's as well, it's extremely windy and chilly.

Have you considered a haircut, maybe? Or to dye it black like my Itachi's?

Lol relax it was a joke, no need for threats.

From Sasori

I did get them. Beautiful, but Kakuzu would kill you if he knew you were using these phones for such lewd purposes.

A "magic cure" doesn't beat eating right, going to bed at a decent hour, and exercising once in a while, brat.

Funny how they all think I'M the pervert here when YOU'RE the one who came at ME so aggressively. Brat.

I can think of a much better use for all of those pretty mouths of yours, Dei. Come see me and I'll show you what I mean.

Maybe I need to get you a dictionary for Christmas. Because you STILL don't seem to understand what "covert" and "stealth" mean.

Yeah well you nearly dying because of your own carelessness isn't what I'd call fun. So stop it before I end you myself.

I would never.

"<3" is not a heart. I don't care what idiots say. A real human heart is NOT shaped like that. I'll bring you one of my anatomy textbooks so you can see for yourself.

Yes, I suppose. But don't make it a habit please.

Your breathing sounded strange. Come see me for a checkup. Now.

I don't care for when he sends us on missions to cold places. Bad for you and puts a lot of wear on Hiroku.

Trust me, you DO snore. Like a steam engine.

Why you can't simply ignore him, I'll never understand.

Your eating habits are atrocious, brat.

You're quite the silly one, aren't you?

Mm. You know it's not in me to be jealous. But. If I *ever* see him touch you like that again it'll be the last time his fucking hand is attached to his body. You're MINE.

It's just baffling to me that you won't do it. You'd be the centerpiece of the entire collection! Come on I KNOW you love attention!

I wouldn't trust Hidan around something like that.

Goodnight, my sweet prince. See you in the morning ... if the poison doesn't take you out :-)

As per the Inbox request of @tulipunainenruusu 😊

[n30nwrites]

[Spicy Edition] Which of the Lost Boys do you think is the most likely to…

Undress their partner using their teeth?

Have handcuffs in their bedroom (which they may or my not have actually used)?

Have sex on their motorcycle?

Want pillow talk?

Be a voyeur?

Experiment with different sexual positions?

Have sex in the weirdest places?

Have a porn magazine or nude photos stashed away?

Be dominant or have rough sex?

Go commando?

Talk dirty while doing it?

Give oral when someone is on their period?

Walk around the cave naked or sleep naked (or at least attempt it)?

Love early morning sex?

Wax or shave their privates?

Try a threesome?

ALRIGHT EVERYONE THIS ONE IS NSFW 18++ AND ALL THAT JAZZ, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Some of these will have little snippets

Marko, a play on for his hunger. He lusts after his partner, fangs revealed as he will rip their clothes to shreds, the quicker he can to satiate his hunger, the better he feels. He always promises to pay it back in full though, just usually with his mouth rather than cash.

David will of course have handcuffs, probably from a security guard he killed. He's definitely used them too, not even as a punishment, just sometimes he likes watching his partner struggle, David likes control. He likes being able to do what he wants with no one to stop him (theres obviously a safe word though)

David or Paul. I believe Paul would do it with fun, he'd have his partner naked whilst he drove, them sitting in front of him while he had one hand steering and the other touching his partner, he's determined to make them cum on the bike. David would do it just to showcase that his partner was his, he'd sit his partner on the seat while jutting his cock inside as they struggled to be still.

Paul, my man is just a talker. He won't talk you through sex (he'll definitely talk about how good his partner takes him) but he definitely gives compliments afterwards.

David is more likely to fuck you right in the cave, especially when he knows the boys will be back soon. He'd do it right on the wheelchair, have them witness it all.

Paul will try everything once, and probably once again because he forgets. Want to peg him? Go for it. Cowgirl? 69? Seashell? He just wants to fuck everyway he can.

Marko will have sex in the strangest of places. He just likes it, not other people seeing him but just an experience of somewhere new.

Dwayne, it takes him a while to have sex with someone so my man just has to jerk himself off. He's definitely the type (if in a long term relationship) to take polaroids of his partner to masturbate too.

David for Dominent and rough sex. This doesn't necessarily make him a top, just someone who likes being in control. He likes choking and leaving marks, proof that he was in charge.

Paul, he just finds it easier. He'll just command his partner to get on their knees and whip it out. He's a horny dude, and he loves blow jobs.

Dwayne will talk you through it, I'm talking "such a good (person)" "You take me so well" "Gonna cum? You can hold it." he's going on and on about how his cock feels and how good his partner is.

Marko is insatiable. You think the minute he finds out his partner is on their period he's not gonna be a munch? My man is hungry and he's getting two meals. He will devour everything.

Paul, but the guys shut that shit up real quick. You ever wake up to a dick just there, Marko has because he's the smallest and with the way they slept, it was just right there.

Dwayne, he just loves the idea of it. He loves fucking his partner being the last thing he does before he sleeps.

Dwayne is the most tame out of all of them. David doesn't care (but keeps it tidy), Paul is a bush of a man, and Marko doesn't shave, but doesn't have a lot of hair down there.

Marko and Paul they've definitely had threesomes before. I do believe all of the boys are open to it, but Marko and Paul are more likely to do it. They've definitely been in the Eiffel Tower situation and just high fived each other.

[cinnamonanddean]

Okay Smallville friends, here we go: finale time.

"And now, the series finale of Smallville" WHAT IF I'M ALREADY SAD

"Special Guest Star: Michael Rosenbaum" wow spoilers much?? I mean not for me obviously but for OG viewers. I would have SCREAMED.

Lois, sweetie, he could be saving people every minute he's doing anything, by that logic. Why is his working at the Planet, etc, any different than spending time with you?

Aww, bye Luthor Mansion. You've been a fun place to stage so, so many Clex fics. Hmm I wonder if there are more fics set there or in the barn loft? I'm torn between them, personally.

Kind of rich for Martha to complain about Clark moving on when she hasn't been around for years. "This is our home" okay but you left him here. He's had to cope without you. It's not fair to put the responsibility of keeping the past alive on his shoulders alone.

Oh no his vows 😭😭😭

I feel like we don't have enough time to wrap up this (rather dull) Darkseid plotline AND have a wedding AND bring Lex back? I know this is a double episode but still. Although I suppose Lex's scene will be short and right near the end.

Oh no her vows 😭😭😭

Again I ask: has there ever been a TV wedding that just goes smoothly?

At least Lois's dress is nicer than Lana's. That bow haunts me.

Is he gonna walk down with her AGGHHHH this is so sweet 😭

Uh oh. Lois girl, pay attention, that's not the right ring. Oh thank god for Chloe.

Can't believe they're doing this to Oliver ☹️ hasn't he suffered enough?

So wait: did Clark Luthor not have powers? Did I miss that? I swear he was throwing people around and shit.

Lol is that a Herve Leger bandage dress on Lois?

Agggh Tom does vulnerable so well. "I can't, Dad" just like a little baby boy, I weep.

OH GOD I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT ALT!LIONEL, it's a fucking jump scare every time.

Oh my god so this Lex is a fucking Frankenstein?? That's...weird. A Frankenlex.

OH MY GOD HE'S GONNA TAKE TESS'S HEART

IS THAT MICHAEL?? Wait probably not, we didn't see his face.

YES GIRL KICK THEIR ASSES

YES GIRL KILL THAT OLD BASTARD!

God this Darkseid CG is so bad

Omg omg omg omg omg OH MY GODDDDD

Oh I hate when they take an already blurry photo and then CSI-style ENHANCE! it to magically unblur it

OH MY GOD OKAY HERE WE GO

I see one of the Franken-pieces was his sassy ass mouth. God I've missed him.

Lex, honey, you've been back for thirty seconds and you're already waxing poetic about how he says your name??? I see another of the Franken-pieces was the need to make every interaction so incredibly gay. "Yet...with a hopeful finish" oh my god honestly

Apologies in advance: I might have a comment on every line of this dialogue.

Oh dear, you can see the bald cap a bit when he raises his eyebrows. I remember Michael said the bald cap was more trouble than just shaving his head lol

Lord, it wouldn't be a proper Lex return without a history speech. HONEY I'VE MISSED YOUUU!

"that's the thing about memories: you can't forget them" mmmm I don't think that's true baby.

Oh gosh the vitriol.

"You and I - we will both be great men. Because of each other." Honey the WAY you talk about the two of you. THE VOICE CRACK. "We have a destiny together, Clark, only on different sides."

Everything he says sounds like a love confession I'M SO SORRY BUT IT DOES

Stop wait one fucking minute here. The last piece of Clark's little "am I strong enough to face this threat" puzzle, the last person to give him the courage and the conviction to do what he needs to do - is LEX FUCKING LUTHOR??? NOT LOIS NOT HIS PARENTS NOT CHLOE BUT LEX??????? oh my god what is happening that is INSANE OF THEM

I need to watch that again. Gosh I haven't done that since the Lexana scene from Fracture.

HAHA I missed Lex's joke about Lionel's heart the first time around. Why is he so funny

God Michael is so fucking good. He just elevates the tone. It's really what's been missing from these last seasons. The others are good - Tom is so good, I'm not discounting him at all - but Michael is on another level.

Hmm seemed a bit too easy killing the Prophets

Oh poor John Glover. This is Not Good. He was always so suave and cool as Lionel, this is a step down.

Aww look how far our sweet boy has come 😭 I'm so proud of him.

HE'S FLYING 😭😭😭

OH I DIDN'T KNOW WE GOT MORE LEX I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE SCENE WITH CLARK

Ahh jeez. I kinda came around to Tess. She wasn't Lex but she was fun.

Oh riiiiiiight, I forgot he gets his memory wiped. Again.

OH MY GOD THE LAST MEMORY IS HIM AND CLARK OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS

Lol what the fuck does he think is happening, now that he can't remember?

THE LUTHORCORP SIGN TURNING INTO LEXCORP THAT WAS SO RAD

Our baby finally in the suit 😭

Girl I don't think they just let you film the President like that. That camera is gonna be taken away IMMEDIATELY.

Oh yeah I forgot about Jimmy. That was...a choice.

ALL HAIL PRESIDENT LEX!!!!

"yes Miss Lane" "that's so hot" girl yes it is.

Oh the theme 😭 what an ending

That was so great. A bit hokey in parts, but overall such a satisfying finale. What a ride.

[thegrimreaperisanerd]

About DUCKLINGS, can you tell us more about Julien? I am so curious to know what he was/is like and what was your thought process for creating an ex boyfriend for Kim.

(You don't have to answer everything of course, especially if you plan on expanding on that later as you write more)

Sure, he's not a fleshed out character or important to the plot in any way so I'll condense what I've got in my head. Under a readmore since I'm waxing poetic about fic stuff again.

I actually didn't think this would be interesting to anyone! It just made sense to give him a name since Kim's probably not going to think "my ex" but whatever the guy's name was. Hence "Julien" (named after my favourite song from Placebo's Battle For The Sun album; which is underrated, but that's entirely irrelevant...)

I don't have an appearance in mind for the guy since that's usually the last thing I conceptualise about characters (apart from instances where it's important OR I just get a vibe from them. The shopkeeper from Imprinting popped into my head with red hair and teardrop shaped glasses for example, I knew Dom was going to look "exceptionally white" as part of his narrative foil)

Anyway: This is a relationship Kim entered into due to its convenience. I imagined Juvie cop Kim being sent to a school to do a "join the RCM" (boo) stall at a careers fair, then *clocking* a guy putting WAY too much effort into his role in a "don't do drugs!" play for the kiddies.

They bone a couple times, the guy does RCM adjacent work so he's not put off by Kim's job (tends to be a deal breaker), they go on a few dates and Kim generally has a good time during. J: "Do you want to make this exclusive?" Kim (wasn't having sex with anyone else anyway): "Sure." A few months pass. J: "My lease is up, can I move in with you?" Kim (paying rent for a flat he only really sleeps, shits, and shaves in): "Okay."

Suddenly (as can happen when you spend most of your waking life working) a significant amount of time has passed, J has become significantly attached and Kim didn't really notice until he has to decide how to respond to "I love you." "Oh..." (O-O)¬ "Okay." Wasn't really the response Julien wanted.

There's a fight, and Kim *does* feel bad about being a bit blasé with the guy's feelings, but when J says "You work way too hard for a place that doesn't respect or appreciate you anyway." It hits *a bit* too close to home, and as such when that's punctuated by "You need to spend less time working and more time with me, or I'm gone." Kim let's the guy pack his bags and go.

I haven't thought about how *long* the relationship lasted but they probably knew each other for a year at the minimum.

Main concrete personality type for the guy would be egotistical and self-obsessed, despite not being particularly good at what he does. <- Kim finds this grating.

He wouldn't care to ask Kim how his day was when he comes home from work. <- Kim actually prefers this.

He has opinions on art and acting and speaks about that *a lot*. <- Kim doesn't care, but was happy to let Julien talk since it meant he could sit quietly and drink his coffee in relative peace.

Despite the time they spent together J never really got to know Kim that well, Kim doesn't like to talk about himself unprompted and J didn't care enough to badger him like Harry does.

He would have been honest with Kim at least (which he appreciated) hence Kim knowing that J thought he was a bad cook.

Kim would have been in his late 20s - early 30s, not as mature, *genuinely* still believes he's just not working hard enough and THAT'S why he's been passed over for promotions. He's still scared of his Captain, and most superiors, at this point and EASILY bullied into picking up extra shifts.

At the age I'm writing Kim now he would have ended the relationship himself rather than let it fizzle out over time.

Kim at least liked him enough to share a living space, and still thinks about the guy fairly often considering a decade has passed. <- lonely.

That's about all I've got concrete! Thanks for the ask!

[balkanradfem]

Hello, I have an issue and I don't really have anyone to talk to about that specific thing. I stopped waxing my body hair two years ago when I stumbled across radical feminism on tumblr, and it's been amazing! My confidence is through the roof and I stopped caring about men. Except. For the body hair. I mean, I still don't shave or anything. But I have very thick body hair due to hormonal issues and repeated waxing/shaving since I was 12. Especially on my chin where I have very thick duvet. I caved and allowed my mother to pay for laser hair removal. But it makes me crazy because I want to do it all over now. I used to swim regularly but I lost my only swimsuit where my "luscious" pubic hair was not visible (kind of... it basically goes halfway down my thigh) and they are really rare and expensive, most swimsuits are basically pubic hair out. And even while I had that one, I was very uncomfortable with my armpit hair which is literally longer than my hair. I have my hair until my ears but still, that's really long. Do you have advice, or I don't know really, stuff to make me change my mind about pubic/armpit hair and laser hair removal? I know it's not good for skin, causes skin cancer I think? But I feel so alone and idk, like a hairy beast. It gets lonely.

Ah I can relate to being scrutinized and judged in public for your body hair, even if I don't have the extra hormonal, but I remember struggling to feel normal and always feeling like I'm being watched.

I can only offer a part of what helped me: there's actually no law stating that you have to wear a woman's swimming suit on the beach or anywhere else. I wear swimming trunks and a whole t-shirt when I'm swimming and nobody has said one word to me, and I've felt super comfortable in those! It's not very eye-drawing and it's great for a transition before you are able to feel comfortable - or in some cases, if there's males around, I understand never being able to feel comfortable because they will objectify you, but that has nothing to do with your body hair, that's just the way they are.

But you don't have to wear swimming clothing that's been designed for male fantasies and fetishes, you can absolutely make or get something that makes you comfortable and un-selfconscious.

It does take years and years to become comfortable with body hair, even the normal amount. I remember at one point realizing that what I'm having, the full body hair, is normal, and being completely shaved and bare is weird, mimicking children's immature bodies, and also making your body vulnerable to infections and diseases, as well as causing discomfort. Most of body hair we have is so that our skin wouldn't chafe together, to make our movement more comfortable! So seeing women shaved naked makes me uncomfortable, I know they're undergoing discomfort, itching, bleeding, chafing, prickling and all other stuff that comes with shaving. Seeing a woman with full body hair just makes me relax and I feel so happy that she's comfortable too. Being completely shaved to me is a sign of oppression.

And later when I became even more comfortable, the thought of being a bit more repulsive and unpalatable to males made me happy. It's slightly harder to objectify a woman who is fully comfortable and unwilling to mimic a child's body with her own. So I'm displaying full freedom from their desires in front of them and don't have to care. I am however, still sad for all the women who can't do it, and are undergoing discomfort only to be slightly more palatable to their oppressors.

I don't know if my opinions can help you see it in a different way at all, it was a long journey for me, and the best I can say is, take your time. It's okay if it takes a decade to feel fully comfortable, I believe that you'll get there! There's nothing but comfort and joy waiting for you at the end of it.

[hellfirebride]

Below The Belt

Death Note Edition

Minors get the fuck out of my house, I'm talking abt cock.

L

Don't make me laugh. A lot of coarse, dark hair that he doesn't even attempt to touch. The man's got a bush.

Around 14.13 cm (roughly 5.6 inches), a little below average on the girth but if anyone can find a way to make up for it, it'd be him. I want to say uncut but the idea scares me. Please wash your dick, Mr. Lawliet.

More of a grower than a shower, so those baggy pants aren't hiding much at a first glance.

Curved slightly to the left and darker than the rest of his skin. Throbs a lot.

Light

Keeps himself tidy, but not to the point that he's obsessive over it.

Around 14.58 cm (roughly 5.7 inches), average girth. Cut.

A shower. Hello yes, normal man with average cock and balls, not at all a narcissistic serial murderer.

Very small right curve, barely noticeable. Very veiny.

Mello

Well groomed or outright waxed depending on circumstances. If he let it grow in, it'd be a bit shaggy and a few shades darker than the rest of the hair on his body.

Around 15.77 cm (roughly 6.2 inches), about average girth. Uncut.

Absolutely a grower. You think he could get away with leather pants that tight if he wasn't? Have you seen how he poses in them?

Honestly kinda pretty as far as dicks go. A slight curve upwards and a particularly sensitive tip.

Near

Surprisingly thin and soft hair, a little curly. He doesn't pay any attention to it and probably won't without you mentioning it to him.

Around 16.71 cm (roughly 6.6 inches, don't tell Mello), average girth. Cut

A shower, but you can hardly tell with how loose the clothes he wears usually are.

Straight as an arrow and a very pretty soft pink. Absolutely leaks pre the moment you start touching him.

Matt

Wirey, thick hair he shaves into a manageable patch. Would probably fuck around and try to shave it into shapes at your request.

Around 15.52 cm (roughly 6.1 inches) . Fat cock Matt, fat cock Matt, fat cock Matt. Uncut.

A shower and he knows it. Ahem, his goggles are up here, thank you very much.

No curves, but it looks angry as hell when he's turned on. So red it's almost purple.

Don't ask me for more accurate conversions to exact inch-age. I went into the arts specifically so I didn't have to do math, you think I'm gonna do dick math? The length estimations originated from me looking at the average lengths of people from the places I think the guys came from, but I gave everyone an extra centimeter (call that inflation lmao.) From an American perspective, it's sorta surprising to see all the places that don't commonly practice circumcision. So I guess I've learned something from my cock research.

[retainerstainer]

Why self care so much more "caring" than any mans actions in a relationship.

"But my man loves me more than anything. blah blah blah" "You're just jealous you don't have one" "You literally don't know what you're talking I love doing my man more than doing things I like for myself because I care more about me and what I want for my needs and desires besides other people's judgements , such as my boyfriends preference, or dislike about my appearance." Ladies, we get it, you have a man, he pays for the bill, he opens the door for you, gentleman and chivalry characteristics are blooming from him, we're happy for you. But let's be honest, does his words say more than his actions?

Having or being in a relationship with man can be both, limerence fever in the air, or questioning your title as the "candid girlfriend of your mans dreams" or even questioning your sexuality at times. For girlfriends or women in general, that are accustomed to doing things for their man, (I'M not saying every WOMAN) not because they're forced to, but because it is apart of their love language of saying "I love you". Those kind of woman either KNOW how to maintain themselves for the benefit of simplicity and to just make them feel like them, in their time, their space, their small little hours of me moment, or panic and calculate how long it take for him to drive to work, finish work, change in to workout clothes, go workout, change and shower again, go to the bar with the boys, hang out at said boys house and play game and smoke the MJ, come home, POUNDTOWN, sleep, repeat.

To the girls who do that, let me hold your timer when I say this, YOU NEED A HOBBY. Me time. A moment to yourself that DOESN'T INVOLVE HIM. Your life shouldn't revolve around him because he is APART; an ADDITION to YOUR life. YOUR LIFE. Read it again. YOUR LIFE. That's where self care comes in.

I write this piece hours after I just did my everything technic, to staying healthy, clean, and hairless for the next month or two. A routine that reminds me of care, self love, and calm that I needed to reground myself and to maybe think of what I want in my life and what I really need. A routine/system that I continued since I could wax every inch and place of my body that people question why I didn't do gymnastics as a career.

The technic goes as follows: - turn on wax heater - gather hair products: coconut oil, (the best if you want to have that shine for your hair to make it look so really healthy), Carols Hair Oil, OGX Renewing Hair Oil and Coconut Hair Mist (for the morning), Shea Moisture Hydrate and Repair Multi-Action Leave in, Shea Moisture Hold and Shine Moisture Mist. - Separate hair into two parts from the back (like to make pigtails), and part by part add in the coconut oil. The oil will melt very fast in your hands. From top to bottom, From scalp to tips. After your done with the one side, add in Carols Daughter in the scalp, very little goes a long way, and message all the way down. Repeat to the other side. When finished, tie the two parts into braids or weird looking buns to keep them in the air. - Wax every part including her down there if you're up for it, if not then you can shave which I will write later. - Wax eyebrows - Turn on bath and add in scent free soap and Dr. Teals lavender salts or your own kind. - foot scrubber and foot massage. -In tub, shave miss kat and legs (optional) - Wash off hair oils and shampoo twice, and condition your hair once - Dry off, add in body lotion, cream, oils, etc. - Castor OIL! - TEEF! flossing, crest white strips, and oil pulling - paint your toenails if you want - TOWEL dry your hair, add in the Multi-action leave in, then put your hair in the towel again for 5 minutes. - After the 5, blow dry your hair until really dry, - Dry brush - Spray the Hold and Shine Moisture Mist. - add a dime size of the OGX Renewing hair oil, heat the oil in between your hairs and run it through your hair, tips, on the top of hair then tie it up on for a messy bun. (Next morning just spray the coconut oil mist and you're good) This routine has kept me smelling vanilla, fluffy cloud on ecstasy for 5 days I kid you not. But this whole routine itself has made me alone with my thoughts, wonders of the future and rethink some things that I need to change or I need to add for my character. My point of this piece is, Self-care often feels more "caring" than actions from a partner because it’s rooted in self-awareness and personal responsibility. When you practice self-care, you are directly addressing your own needs—whether they are emotional, physical, or mental. It’s an act of prioritizing yourself and understanding what genuinely nourishes your well-being. This deep level of understanding can make self-care feel more fulfilling because you are in control of giving yourself exactly what you need without relying on someone else. In relationships, even if a partner is caring, their actions might not always align with your needs or expectations. Sometimes, partners may express love or care in ways that don’t fully resonate with you, or there might be external factors (like miscommunication or emotional distance) that make their care feel insufficient. Self-care, on the other hand, is personal and doesn’t depend on anyone else, making it feel more consistent and reliable.

[a-pocket-full-of-rodents]

And so on Judgement Day I am not worried.

What is there to fret over the presence of the divine?

And I know I have already let my grandparents bury their grandchild,

But what has ever been the harm in a little teeth and claws?

What am I if not an old portrait on a desk somewhere?

Judgement day is creeping closer and I have never felt more doomed.

Another bath should cleanse me hopelessly free of myself.

On Mondays I work at an art gallery that has exactly one hole near the ancient history section and a puddle near the impressionism.

It doesn't pay well and it makes me cry more than anything but when has art ever done the opposite? When have I been able to gaze into oils and truly admit I had not unravelled myself a thousand times over to recognise it?

And anyway this art gallery has all these sculptures and to tell you the truth I'm more of a portrait man myself but there is one that has lived through every last rendition of me yet

And he sits at the back behind a peeling gate and his artist statement is broken over with blood and small hands and he's nothing special, really, and it's silly to wax poetics about sticks in the mud

But I think I like it no more than I have grown fond of it. As every morning I touch-up the glaze and I paint him over in fresh polish and I fix up his skin with new, uncracked clay

And you know I'm standing here, a bleeding corpse with an eye for the wretched, and I wonder just how old this really is? Cuz sure, it's got the date of creation (day of mourning, day of funeral bells) right there next to it but oh god he's been sculpted and twisted so often is it even him anymore? Is any part of him whole?

When I repair the cracking in his skin what am I adding? What did I just take away? When my father scrubbed this artwork and when his father and his father and his did the same they weren't really cleaning so much as they were praying, huh? How much of this clay has been set from the beginning? How much modernism seeps in his bones?

My english teacher tells me poems aren't meant to be this long, Monty, you're meant to break them up into little words and say only the essentials so if I make a cut here and here and you can see, can't you, how condensed it now is? How much more palatable your words sound now that you aren't rushing them?

And when I went home that day and carved Eve's rib out and shaved my head and dumped my words heaved over into my sink until they clogged I think I understood. And I think, this understanding of relatability, of "is this even really a poem you're just saying things by now", I think that gave me the driving force to submit my resume

And so I think, Father, forsaken as you may be, I was not right and it was immoral and still you are wrong to deny me my wings and still you are wrong to chain my knees to your temple and god I know pretty little girls like me aren't any good for begging or howling or cursing but really when you've taken all my teeth and they've been stained a horrible shade of yellow and the tips are sharp as the claws on the lambs feet no Father I do not repent for myself and yes Father I will drag this helpless screaming body down your catacombs through my digestive track out of the gates of eden and Yes father I will love love love in anyway I can and No father I quite like my disgustingly miserable face and honestly I can't even recall what this was about and I don't know why your churches get the best architecture when there is an art gallery right next door do you see it? Do you see me? Exit stage left on the cabaret of displacement look at your beautiful lamb close your eyes and enjoy the buffet and so, in the grand scheme of things, Father, I think your prophetic day of Binaries will do me no good and I think I will skip today's pressured reinvention and then tomorrow I will wipe at my sculpture as I always do and I will wipe and scrub and clean it completely free of fingerprints of humanity of relation and I will clean this hollowed-out misshapen shell of a man as I always do as I always have and as you never cared to and Father I swear to you I will make something holy of your hands creation and I swear to you I will make something of this body. I swear to you I will not kill the one thing that I love.

On Monday mornings I take the blade and I carve myself up and on Monday evenings I take my artwork home wrapped in an almost smothering sheet.

Baths are good remedies for atheism, I have found.

And devotion is nice for Hell but really who's keeping score nowadays?

Portraits are not so good for the escapists, but there is always the chisel,

And wool on a lamb glints dark in the shadows of claws and howls.

And I do feel bad about mutilating that sweet grandchild of theirs into a burnt family portrait, I must admit.

But Jesus watches me scrub my hands till they bleed gold and he sees me puking up prayers over Sunday dinner so what's the fear in a little Religion?

Judgement day never seems to end and I am hopelessly doomed.

[mrsackermannx]

Thank you for your reply. You are really kind ily 🥹🥹

Pcos is really hard to deal with. It has fucked me up so bad. From facial hair to hyperpigmented private parts, it has given me everything. I'm so fucking insecure. It's hard not to be😭 I wanna look pretty. My doc gave me heavy meds I was nauseous the whole time I took the tablet. It was hell. Besides i had severse foodpipe ulcers. Now I'm off tablet. I'm just so much so worried about my hair only. I also had to have dandruff!!! Just my life ugh. I had hair down upto my knees. I had to cut it short as it got tangled all the time and it made extra hairloss. Im jsut 18. Haven't even joined university yet. Other girls are pretty ugh. Sorry I jsut ranted. I'm tempted to just shave my head at times. I cry every night lmao.

It is kinda good to know that I'm not alone (although I hope none of us have to grow through this) and thanks for the "don't"s 🫶🫶

Do you have any scalp washing tips btw?

If I touch my head, there's no hair..it's just touching my scalp directly lol bald me

BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF COURSE! I never want my pcos girlies to feel silenced???😚😚 first of all….Oh the facial hair has been kicking my ass since i was 15 and im 21 girl 😭😭 but i will say, at 19-20 it peaked for me, i hit rock bottom and i do think that the external stress of uni pushed it but i also thing it’s a genuine like canon event for us pcos girlies, i truly believe that until ur pcos really gets you down, you can’t rise up from it. i was the biggest id ever been, lost all my hair, facial hair was insane!!

i mean this in the best way, because I’ve been there girl, i still am there, i get laser on my face and neck, i wash my hair and like it gives me anxiety just washing my hair and seeing the loss, feeling the loss of density, like you i had hair down my back my whole life and i cut it over a year ago and now it has grown back thicker at least bc mine was all straggly at the worst point😭 i KNOW your pain.

BUT everybody always told me that the older i get it will level out and trust me it does!! and it did. im 21 and things have settled, we can only go through this process. i promise you, it gets better. my hair is still thinner but it shines and i put love into it!! i oil my scalp every time i wash it, I’ve been doing it for 8 months religiously.

and girl you are pretty!! i used to read the r/pcos thread a lot bc it made me feel less alone and like, i saw a post once venting about how hard it is having so much maintenance, to wake up and have to shave your face, to be conscious, to have to cover hair loss. that constant weight of having to get up and do all these steps that you feel other women don’t. i know the frustration, i have bumps and marks and body hair that makes me sob if I don’t shave it and then I look down in the shower and it hits me. but it’s also okay to pay for the things like laser or waxing, or learning how to wax etc, we have to manage in any way, we are allowed to prioritise and do things that make us feel beautiful bc we deserve it. we have to adapt rather than hoping it might just disappear, and we have to accept it🥺🩷

but diet is huge!! at least try and have a protein heavy breakfast!! 30g of protein is such an important aim, I promise that makes such a difference. definitely try not to have a lot of sugar in the morning. i only drink water or spearmint tea. matcha tea can be good bc it’s better then coffee, but I never drink caffeine because it’s so bad for us pcos girls especially on an empty stomach!! try and eat good fats!! and also integrating exercise!! and also MANAGE STRESS BABE I MEAN IT

but you are still beautiful, effortlessly and with your ways of coping. there is nothing wrong with us!! don’t be sorry for ranting at all, i also wanted to shave my head at the height of my weight loss i had a huge bald spot and it’s still kinda there 😭 i know this shit is REAL

but definitely check in with a doctor if you can get any advice/meds that could help, maybe a birth control pill could help you but again I don’t recommend that due to my own experiences bc it gave me severe acne, migraines and other things but tbf my hair was lucious😜, pcos is a lot of trial and error and seeing what might work for you.

as far as tips go!! look into Indian/arab/ayuverdic routines on TikTok/youtube!!! look up ways to massage your scalp!!!

here are my fave creators !!

@golabbeauty on tiktok for hair loss, hair oiling, diet, she has pcos herself!

@zoeantonia_ tiktok + instagram!! pcos positivity for facial hair, bloating, skin!! she also gives great diet and workout advice and she’s amazing!!

@mila.magnani on tiktok! pcos creator amazing!!!!!!

but i want you to know that you don’t have to start everything now, that you can eat something one creator says not to!! you will find your rhythm with this! steal, twist, tailor everything you hear and see creators doing !! whether it’s making your own mixture of oils for oiling or making some kind of nightly mock tail for your hormones you’ve found!! either way i believe in you and im always here <3333 educate yourself but don’t overwhelm yourself! time is your biggest ally, my heart goes out to you angel <3

[codename-mom]

Rebellion

Summary: Emily rised from the dead and Doyle is not a threat anymore. The team is ready to celebrate its reunion, but Penelope has something to say to her boss.

Characters: Aaron Hotchner and Penelope Garcia (platonic)

Contents: this text is part of a self-challenge on the theme "It's cute but...". So, it's supposed to be funny and/or cute with a slice of bitterswitness. Hope you'll enjoy it!

TW: anxiety (because it is known that Hotch is just a ball of anxiety)

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

___

Hotch had returned to his office, while the whole team was bustling about downstairs in the open-plan office. The whole thing was finally over, and his agents were looking forward to releasing the pressure together in a local bar. After several months of separation and an emotional rollercoaster, they needed to reconnect and take stock of everything that had happened to each other during that time. He was setting foot within these walls again after a handful of weeks away from it all, and he felt as if he had a swarm of bees for brains. His eyelids closed by themselves as soon as he stopped moving, and he felt that if he sat up for even a quarter of a second, he would fall asleep immediately. And yet, his day wasn't quite over yet.

                Sensing a presence behind his back, he turned his head to see Penelope standing in the doorway. Upright as an “i” on the threshold, she waited for his authorization, looking determined.

“Come in, Garcia," he said, placing the file in his hands back on his desk.

“I'm so sorry, you must want to go home and get some sleep, but I need to talk to you," she declared, stepping towards him.

“Don’t worry. I was expecting your visit. Sit down," he suggested, pointing to the bench.

“No, I’d rather stand.”

The BAU supervisor frowned. He had always seen the young woman address him with a random mixture of exaggerated respect and unrestrained frankness, but this time her attitude was different from the ordinary. She looked… pissed off. Then he recoiled as she planted herself right next to him and began to stare at him with redoubled attention.

“Gee!” she hissed after too long a silence.

“What?” he asked defensively.

She was smaller than him, but so unpredictable that he dreaded her reactions. This day more than any other, given recent events.

“I haven't had time to pay attention until now, but you're skeletal," remarked the analyst, aghast.

“Really?”

Since he'd been sent on a mission to the other side of the world, he hadn't really had a chance to look in the mirror. On site, the only one available to him and the soldiers was an A5 format used to help the men shave without disfiguring themselves. An activity he had more or less ignored in order to focus solely on what he had been sent there to do. In fact, he had no idea what he looked like at this hour. The most he knew was that he'd lost weight, since he'd had to tighten a few notches on his belt and was floating in his largest T-shirts.

“When was the last time you ate?" she asked, regaining a respectable distance.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know which day is it.”

It was the truth. He'd left the military camp in a hurry, jumped from one vehicle to another to get to the nearest international airport as quickly as possible, then caught the first available plane closer to his destination, made a mandatory stopover before boarding again and hopping in a cab to Quantico. And all without worrying about jet lag. In fact, he was in a confused space-time where he would have been unable to date anything.

“Didn’t they feed you there, or what?”

“Garcia, you wanted to talk to me," he cut her off, as he knew she was quick to wax on about trivial matters, forgetting the crucial information she had to deliver.

Normally, this wouldn't have bothered him, but at the moment, he didn't have the strength to endure this kind of conversation.

“Oh, yes. Sorry, she apologized immediately, before she put her fists on her hips, her eyebrows furrowed. Do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now?”

“Give me something to eat?”

The young woman's painted lips quivered, a sign that, despite her irritation, she had been sensitive to this sensible but humorous supposition.

“… Okay, she conceded serious again. The other thing I want to do to you.”

“Tell me.”

“To slap you! She exclaimed spreading her arms. How could you have done such thing? You… you have carried her coffin! You saw me cry her death! When you knew! You knew that… that everything was fake!”

With tears in her eyes, Penelope fidgeted under his nose, both upset and furious. Hotch wasn't surprised by this sudden outpouring of energy against him; in fact, he'd been prepared for it since the plan had been drawn up. He knew that sooner or later the truth would come out, and that those who had been scorned would undeniably turn against those responsible for this machination. However, it would have been a lie to say that his interlocutor's charge didn't affect him.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, there is no “I’m sorry”, she retorted glaring at him. It’s too easy. It’s not you who suffered during the last seven months.”

“It was the only solution to protect her from Doyle.”

“You don’t know that! You set all this up with JJ without telling us.”

“The fewer people who knew, the safer she was.”

“Enough!”

Without warning, she struck his arm violently before realizing what she had just done.

“Sorry.”

He didn’t say anything, considering he deserved it. The bespectacled blonde's shoulders slumped, and her fury gave way to another emotion. Her cheeks flushed, her eyes shining, she asked in a strangled voice:

“Why didn’t you tell us anything? You don’t trust us, that’s it?”

“Of course not,” he defended himself, trying to maintain eye contact.

The giant would entrust his life to the hands of his agents without the slightest hesitation, for their efficiency was matched only by their loyalty, but he had made this choice in spite of everything. He weighed the pros and cons of this solution at length before making his decision. Quickly realizing that this would be a very painful moment for his relatives – and even more so for him and his accomplice – he had armored himself more than ever to take the brunt of the backlash. Clearly not enough, as his confidence waned in the face of Garcia's bruised expression. Her friendship with him, which transcended all the gulfs that should have separated them, was of paramount importance to him and, without him realizing it, he clung to it daily to avoid becoming the block of marble that everyone saw in him. Seeing her so hurt by his silence, he began to wonder if he'd pushed his luck too far. Was he going to lose her? Was she going to walk away from him for good?

“Everyone knew about Foyet, and we all pulled together to support and help you," she reminded him, trying to meet his gaze again.

“And we have seen the result.”

He had answered without thinking and regretted his words on the spot. Haley’s death wasn’t just on his mind. The members of his team had taken part in the hunt for her murderer, each in their own way, and not being able to save her was a serious blow to their morale. For all of them, it was a gash that they would carry with them for life, and which would come back to their memory more or less regularly. It was nothing compared to the gaping wound that would never heal in his own heart, but it was there, all the same. Including the woman standing in front of him, who looked like she'd just been slapped in the face.

“Penelope, I understand that you don't take it well – I was expecting it, to be honest – but I had to, he continued, diving back into the rhetoric he had sketched out several months earlier in order to justify himself. Emily could never have worked normally knowing Doyle was out there. She would have been afraid for us and for herself the whole time.”

“Why? Blew the luscious blonde shaking her head. What was going through your head to make you decide that this was the best solution?”

Many things, he wished to answer. Too much, surely, since he obviously hadn't done the right thing. His only obsession had been to protect Prentiss by all means. When he realized she'd gone off alone to face her adversary, he'd imagined right away her bathed in blood in a gutter, dying or already dead. So when, by some miracle, she had escaped – badly wounded, but alive – he'd known he had no choice but to keep her away from her target. She certainly wouldn't have been so lucky a second time. But it also implied that her predator had to be prevented from tracking her, and for as long as necessary. The man stalking her was a real eel, with far greater resources than the Ripper ever had. It had therefore proved essential to redouble his caution, and to do so he'd had to plunge a few knives into the backs of people on whom he could – should – have relied, as he had done in the past.

“I… I imagined what would happen if we couldn't get our hands on Doyle, he explained, embarrassed. I was expecting JJ to offer to make her disappear – administratively – but I didn't have the means to do it. That’s why JJ was the only one to know. She was the only one who could have done it.”

Inwardly, he crossed his fingers that the wrath of his disgruntled employees would not fall on his former liaison officer. With her position at the Pentagon, she knew the right people more than he did, so he naturally turned to her for help. Help she had given him without question. Intelligent, she had understood, as he had, that they had few options before them to preserve Emily's life. But she hadn't done anything without his approval. It was he – and he alone – who had launched the process.

“Did you know where she was?”

“No. Not precisely, at last. I didn’t have any contact with her.”

“You've played with our feelings," Penelope said, folding her arms across her chest.

Angered, she stared at him with an intensity he'd never known and struggled to sustain. He knew that honesty was a cornerstone of the technical analyst's personality. She hated lying and didn't hide when she cried or laughed, expressing her feelings without any particular concern for what people might say. And she expected the same from the people around her, whom she considered friends. For some reason, she had forgiven his silence and coldness, and continued to support him through thick and thin; but this betrayal seemed to have been the last straw.

“I didn’t do it out of joy, believe me.”

“But you did, she scolded in a dull voice. You watched us fall apart. You’ve even pretended to evaluate us.”

“No, I really wanted to know how you were doing.”

“And? Satisfied?”

She didn't scream, she didn't gesticulate, she didn't cry, she didn't tremble. She stood there on her two legs, her brown eyes darting at him through the lenses of her colored glasses, her thin, light eyebrows close together. An aura of cold anger emanated from every pore of her skin, and Hotch felt like cowering in the corner of his desk. With a tight throat and a lump in his stomach, he felt worse than ever.

“Penelope, I was never amused by this situation. Far from it.”

“And Spencer? Do you think he enjoyed crying in JJ's arms every day for two months?”

“No, he agreed, his heart pounding against his ribs; and neither did JJ.”

Garcia opened her mouth and eyes, dumbfounded.

“You knew?”

“She called me every time, he admitted. It was extremely difficult for her not to spill the beans. And I’ve been dying to tell you myself. But I knew that it would put her in danger.”

Never before had he been so aware of the feelings he had for his team members as he had been over the past seven months. Watching them mope around every day, laughing briefly then crying, dragging their feet, flashing fake smiles, and sinking into interminable silences, had given him sleepless nights after sleepless nights. Unable to reason with himself about the wisdom of his decision, he had only managed to close his eyes because he had been terribly tired. But he invariably woke with a start two or three hours later, his chest compressed by anguish, his skin shiny with sweat. And JJ's pleas for help didn’t do any good. However, he had never pushed her away, instead urging her to confide in him as much as she wished, so that she could be relieved of the burden weighing down on her.

“And if Derek hadn't managed to get his hands on Doyle, how much longer would this charade have gone on?”

Hotch first lowered his eyes, stalling for time before delivering his answer, then raised them to meet Penelope's gaze.

“… As long as necessary.”

Her irises even brighter, the technician swallowed her words for a moment, staring into space for the time of an inspiration, then, cheeks flushed, spoke again:

“You were ready to spend your entire life with this lie for Emily?”

“I would have done it and would do it for any of you if I had to.”

His words seemed outrageously pompous when he heard them, but they were entirely sincere. If any of his men were to find themselves in the same situation, he would inflict the same priesthood on himself, at any price. Anything rather than having to kneel one day beside the inanimate body of one of them, with no possibility of doing anything to bring him or her back to life. Anything rather than have to clutch the bloody corpse of another loved one again.

“Why? Pursued Garcia, a tear escaping from her eyelid. … Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Because it’s my job. It’s my duty as unit chief.”

She shook her head, but he was unable to understand the meaning of it. Was she doubtful? Or disillusioned? Exhausted, perhaps, from having gone to so much effort to excuse his unacceptable behavior. In vain. Unless she was still furious and hesitated to give him this slap he so richly deserved... He didn’t know. His mind was full of so many confused thoughts that he could no longer think straight. He was just tired. Drained of all his strength. And, with the adrenaline crashing in, he had the feeling that his body was going to collapse at any moment.

“… Were you aware that Derek was doing research on his own?”

“Let's just say I suspected, he confessed, raising his eyebrows. He was so angry that he hadn't been able to do anything to save Emily that it was obvious he was going to try to get his hands on Doyle again. Like I did some research to find Foyet in the past.”

“But you’ve never giving him your permission?”

“Unless you consider the fact that I had strong suspicions and let him do it as a form of authorization, no.”

She squinted her eyes but did not stop staring. He imagined that she had asked him this question to verify what the former policeman had said. The fact that he'd told her without batting an eyelid that he'd agreed to investigate on his own time didn't surprise him that much, and he wouldn't hold it against him. Without this initiative, Prentiss would still be on the run and Doyle a threat to her and Declan. Clearly, Morgan had counted on his indulgence to do the right thing without worrying about any repercussions.

“One day, you're really going to have to learn to communicate with each other," stressed the young woman, dropping her arms.

“We communicate.”

“No. You bark at each other, she corrected. And when you're not stepping on each other's toes, you keep as far apart as possible. You look like two opposite magnets.”

He would have been truly blind if he hadn't noticed that the relationship he had with his cadet was rather stormy, but he didn't think it was that obvious. He thought he'd done all he could to ensure that their spat would go unwitnessed, if only so that his agent's honor wouldn't be offended by a public attack; but this was undeniably another failure. Proof of this was that his subordinate, who didn't come to the field with the rest of the team, had noticed.

“… Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh, he commented, lost. That must be why he still hasn't punched me in the face.”

“Is this what you expected him to do?" strangled Penelope, shocked.

“It would have not surprised me, actually.”

To tell the truth, he was even certain that if Emily hadn't burst into the meeting room a number of hours earlier, just after the truth had been announced, he would have found himself on the floor, his mouth full of blood. And he wouldn't have retaliated because his employee would have been within his rights.

“So I'm going to talk to him to make sure he doesn't do it.”

“Why?”

“But, have you looked at yourself in a mirror? she snapped, her eyebrows furrowing again. You’re skin deep. If Derek flicked you, you'd fall apart.”

“This is exaggerated.”

“You’re kidding! I could fax you under the door, she said, pointing to the exit behind her. Come on, come with me, I’ll fill you up real quick.”

She approached him, probably to grab his arm, but he stepped back.

“Garcia, if you bring me to the same restaurant than the last time…”

“Hotch, if your mother sees you like this, she'll sue us for abuse.”

A shiver ran down his back. Although he had informed his mother of his departure abroad for several weeks, he had not been particularly forthcoming with news. The little time he had been given to call within the U.S., he had used for the benefit of his son. In fact, Ada Hotchner didn't even know that, one, her son was alive and, two, that he was even back home. She and Aaron had always had a very complicated relationship and although, with age, they had been able to iron out some of their differences, there were still many sticking points between them that regularly set them against each other. Thus, the director was torn between calling her immediately to reassure her, knowing that she would keep him chatting for hours to bombard him with questions; or waiting a day or two, even if it meant being seriously admonished for his obvious lack of empathy towards her, by the time he had regained a normal appearance and put his affairs in order, left in the lurch during his stay across the seas.

“… Before or after she washes me with a Kärcher?" he said, half-seriously.

“Come, instead of talking nonsense.”

She took another step towards him, but he raised his palms between them to stop her.

“Penelope, I… Thanks for the invitation, but I'm so exhausted I don't even know what day it is, he revealed, his head in a vice. I stink, my clothes are so dirty they stand up on their own and I still have to call Jack to at least tell him I'm home.”

The analyst immediately showed her disappointment but, all her rage gone, she sighed.

“… I see. For your information, it’s Thursday.”

“… Are you sure?” he said, confused.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Well, when I left, it was already Thursday. And yet, I've seen the sun rise and set in the meantime.”

The young woman momentarily widened her eyes before smiling. For his part, he tried to gather his memories precisely, without success. He felt as if he were floating in a cottony atmosphere that anaesthetized his senses and slowed his train of thought.

“Okay. You need to go home and get some sleep indeed.”

“I think it’s the right thing to do.”

Truth be told, he wouldn't last long tonight. Once he'd had his son on the phone, he'd run off to the shower before collapsing into bed, without lingering any longer. He was probably starving, but fatigue at this moment outweighed any other sensation he might be experiencing. His body longed only for sleep.

“One more question before I leave.”

“Go on,” he agreed, pushing from his mind the image of that pillow and comforter waiting for him at home.

“Are you going to keep the beard?”

“No.”

Why?”

“It itches.”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it.”

“We’ll talk about it when you’ll let yours grow.”

“It will be long.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself.”

The strange duo smiled in unison after this much more relaxed exchange. Hotch was relieved to find that his most fervent supporter had forgiven him – or at least accepted – this new incongruity on his part. He wouldn't have known how to continue his task knowing the luscious blonde was angry with him.

“Can I have a hug?”

“What?” he croaked, caught off guard.

“Let me rephrase, she announced, surely aware of the suddenness of this request. Can I give you a hug?”

Very tactile, unlike him, Garcia was always ready to hug people she liked, regardless of their gender, age or social status. When the team returned from a case, it was not uncommon for her to wait for them as they exited the elevator to renew her ties with the agents, momentarily distended by geographical distance. It had almost become an indispensable behavior for her, as much as amassing dozens of colorful knick-knacks in her office. This activity ruffled the feathers of Erin Strauss, Aaron's superior, but didn't bother him in the least. On the other hand, even if he hadn't reached the point of repulsion of Spencer Reid, the youngest of his employees, hugging was clearly not his cup of tea. His nerves became tense as soon as hands closed on him, and he invariably felt uncomfortable when he had to return the favor. He never knew how much force, energy or pressure to instill into his muscles to make the moment pleasant for the other without misinterpreting it. As a result, he limited this kind of interaction to as few partners as possible.

“Is it necessary?”

“You made me mourn someone who wasn’t dead.”

The argument was unstoppable. Realizing that he couldn't cut short the embrace she craved, he sighed and spread his arms. Penelope immediately came and snuggled up to him, the top of her head sliding under his chin. She didn't recoil, didn't give a thought to the foul-smelling aroma – a mixture of perspiration, dust and dirt – that he must be giving off at this moment, and gently placed her fingers in the middle of his back. The giant's heart thumped against his ribs, panicking as it did every time someone entered his vital space. Inhaling deeply to calm his heartbeat, he in turn clasped the young woman's shoulders.

“Hotch, promise me one thing," she continued, her voice echoing in his ribcage.

“What?”

“Never do that again.”

The director moved away from her without pushing her away completely.

“I can’t promise such a thing,” he affirmed, honest.

“Why?”

“Because that would mean giving up every possible method of protecting or saving yourselves. And it is out of question.”

In the back of his mind, he hoped he would never have to face this kind of situation again; but if he did, he could not concede to abandoning this solution because, as painful as it was, it was still the one that ensured the highest survival rate for the "deceased" person. Which, from his point of view, was worth every sacrifice.

“At least, tell me before.”

“I will if you’re involved.”

“And then you wonder why Jack is so tough on business," she threw, shaking her head.

She gave him a smile in spite of everything, then left the office after placing her hand on his arm one last time. Through the window, he saw her join the rest of the group, exchange a few words with her colleagues and then head off towards the elevators. Exhausted, Aaron nevertheless felt undeniably lighter.

___

They are idiots, but I love them, your honor! X3

[translucent-at-best]

Cons of Dating Me:

Somebody asked this question on Instagram and it got me to thinking... here's what I came up with off top:

If we're having a conversation and we're not in person... it's only so much texting I'm willing to do. I'd prefer a phone call, facetime, or voice note (especially since, if we're dating, it's very likely that your voice turns me on).

I have an Android. It don't bother me, but apparently it's a dealbreaker to some of y'all.

I'm not interested in experiencing pregnancy or birthing children.

My bed consistently makes a liar out of me. I'll swear to you I'm awake ("Let's watch a movie/binge a show/play 21 questions/etc..."), and - what's worse - I'll actually believe it, but once I get in that bed... you probably got an hour, and that's being generous.

Also... I snore 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm going to apologize in advance for all the names you'll have to learn if you make it to meeting my family. It's a lot of us. Also, you'd be the first person I'd be bringing home to them, so... just uh... there's no real way to prepare, but be prepared.

I hate mint. Real bad. I wish I didn't (Lord knows it would make life so much easier), but I do. So... there will be things to navigate with that, I'm sure.

I can't sit by and say nothing if you're out here referring to women as bitches and females. Not around me you not (name calling in general makes me cringe; if you don't fuck with somebody, fine, but name calling is just too close to dehumanizing someone to me and I don't like that).

I'll shave when I feel like it, but I have a hard rule of not paying for waxes. If you'd like to pay, cool - I'll go get it done. But I'm not paying some lady to torture me. Because that's exactly what it is.

Also I may or may not have at least two gray coochie hairs, so... there's that.

[atinycupofpositivitea]

Journaling our 🍵 life tea 🍵

Today in a nutshell 🥜

I had too busy of a day. Worked my first job, had to work an extra 2 hours on my second job, continued an AH game with my partner and friends, spent 3 hours with my partner watching stuff and doing puzzles together (which was cute). I only had time to eat dinner and have a quick shower. Not feeling the best at the moment, because I keep thinking it cannot continue like this. With two part time jobs I still earn less than a livable wage, I can't support myself with rent or groceries, I have enough for my medicines and needs that don't involve those. I need a job that pays me enough to pay rent, buy groceries AND support all of my other needs. I'm not even a high maintenance person... I do everything on my own. Shaving, waxing, haircare (I only have dry haircuts), nails, make-up. I go out for lunch or dinner once every two weeks, and never in overly expensive places. I have about 1 coffee out per week, if not less. If I'm treating myself, I'm having a 3-4 euros smoothie on a day out. Prepping all my meals with cheap ingredients where possible... I'm just like. I'd like enough to have my own room in another country. And be close to my love and family. Is that too much to ask in this capitalistic hellscape? Maybe sleeping will help.

Things we feel grateful for 🐦

I'm grateful for how far I have come.

Positive affirmations and self-love 💖

Bad days are nothing more than bad days.

Things we hope and look forward to ☘️

I hope I can feel better tomorrow.

Date: 07/02/2023