#I'm not paying for waxes AND shaving

[navybluetriangles]

.

[hoshifighting]

Hi. I've been here for 2 years but it's the first time I've sent a request, idkw. 1. I love your new theme. 2. I love u. 3. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, ignore me if it does. 4. I'm curious about how svt vs body hair are like. Are they hairy or do they shave? How do you like your s/o, waxed or hairy? Idk. Let me know your thoughts.

a/n: welcome anon! thank you sooo much! i love you too! ❤️ and I think this is actually interesting? I've never really thought ab it, but we're just playing out there, nothing serious

seventeen + body hair

WARNINGS: shaving and ... body hair? [all i can think about, is chan with his shaving machine]

seungcheol: trims neatly but doesn’t fuss over it. for him, it’s more about feeling comfortable than appearances. if he’s in a long-term relationship, he might even ask what his partner prefers

jeonghan: jeonghan strikes me as someone who could go either way, depending on his mood. he might keep it completely shaved for that super smooth, or let it grow out

joshua: probably shave it all off? i would even risk to say that he might wax. prob shaves like everything bc he just doesn’t like the feeling of hair

junhui: keeps it natural but pays attention to it occasionally. he doesn’t obsess over grooming but will trim or clean up when he feels it’s necessary

hoshi: i see him doing fun shapes 😭 you just never know with him... but definitely a "leave a lil line" kinda guy bc he thinks it’s tasteful. tries to do cute lil designs sometimes but always messes it up and ends up shaving it all off

wonwoo: neat but natural. wonwoo seems like the kind of guy who trims enough to keep things comfortable but wouldn’t bother shaving it all off. it’s more about maintenance than aesthetics for him

woozi: trims everything neat. might even shave in certain spots bc he knows he thinks he looks good smooth there, and it’s about aesthetics for him. but he’s not doing it daily.

minghao: trims out of pure aesthetics. like, he doesn’t mind some hair, but it’s gotta be controlled. probably uses fancy-ass scissors for precision.

mingyu: trims, but only bc someone roasted him for not doing it once (def a svt member). now he keeps it neat out of spite. he’s not overly hairy, so it’s not a huge job, but he does it like he’s clocking into work.

seokmin: probs trims bc it’s just easier for him to move around???, but he doesn’t stress about it. lowkey asks you to help sometimes bc he’s scared of nicking himself.

seungkwan: not fully shaved bc he thinks it looks like a naked mole rat (his words), but he keeps it clean. manscaped but not bald

vernon: trims, but he doesn’t stress about it. like, if he remembers, cool. if not? “it’s winter, who’s gonna see it?” he probably doesn’t have much body hair to begin with

chan: shaves EVERYTHING. no hair except for his eyebrows and the hair on his head. if you asked why, he’d just shrug and be like “it’s efficient.” smooth like a damn wax figure down there, and somehow, it’s extremely on-brand for him.

[fayes-fics]

Textual Encounter

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Text fic. Wrong number meet-cute over text.

Warnings: none... this is fluff and humour.

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Fic request fill for Anon (HERE). I kept it fun and fluffy, but yeah, I can see a sequel where they sext. Thanks to @colettebronte for the read-through. Enjoy! <3

Y/N: Hey Liz, it’s y/n y/l/n. Kindle Spa gave me your mobile. Said you had moved to another salon. I don’t trust anyone else to wax me tbh. Big date this week, kwim 😉 Can I get an appt? I’ll come to you. Doesn’t matter where. 

BB: Errr, I think you have the wrong number…

Y/N: Not Liz?

BB: Nope, Ben here. 

Y/N: Not a waxer, I presume?

BB: I may have waxed lyrical in my time, may even have lit a few candles. Have not waxed anyone no - my own body or anyone else’s. Yet. But I’m game to try anything once...

Y/N: Lol.

BB: Big date, eh?

Y/N: ….Yeah. Not that it's any of your business, stranger Ben.

BB: Fair. BB: Does it hurt?

Y/N: ??

BB: Getting waxed.

Y/N: Oh. Yeah. Like a motherfucker. But you sorta get used to it, tbh. And it’s so much less itchy than shaving regrowth, especially in sensitive areas… Wait, why am I having this convo with a complete stranger?!

BB: We don’t have to be strangers. BB: I’m Ben, 33, London. BB: I have no strong opinions on hair removal methods.

Y/N: lol. K. I’m y/n, 28, also London. Y/N: I, as you can see, do have some opinions.

BB: Hi y/n 👋 BB: I hope you can find Liz. Or someone else to assist with your hair needs.

Y/N: I would like it stated, for the record, I’m not hairy like a troll. I just like to keep things neat.

BB: The lady doth protest too much…

Y/N: You are cheeky for a stranger.

BB: Hey, I thought we agreed. Not strangers. Me Ben. You hairy troll.

Y/N: BLOCK.

BB: Just typing it doesn't work, you know.

Y/N: You should work at the Apple Genius Bar.

BB: Hmm, possibly. I do look good in blue. Or so I've been told.

Y/N: Always glad to provide career counselling.

BB: 🫡

4 days later.

BB: How’d your date go?

Y/N: That's odd. I don’t see a Genius Bar appt in my calendar…?

BB: iCal is a lying bastard. BB: I also assume you now can move faster through water.

Y/N: ??

BB: Waxed smooth like a dolphin…?

Y/N: 😆 Y/N: Entirely none of your business, but yes, actually. Well mostly. I leave some. Why am I telling you this?! Y/N: The guy was such a dud tho, I didn't get to show it off 🙁

BB: Please don't stop on my account. This is just delightful.  BB: I apologise on behalf of all men.

Y/N: For what?

BB: Having 4 sisters, I find the safest answer here is usually… everything, of course.  BB: But specifically, your rubbish date.

Y/N: Apology conditionally accepted. Y/N: 4 sisters?! 

BB: Only conditional? What do I gots to do to make it unconditional? BB: Yeah, I know… I’ve got 3 brothers too. My parents were really into each other. 

Y/N: IDK, serve a mean martini? Y/N: Understatement.

BB: That could be arranged. I took an online mixology course during lockdown.  BB: My sister El declared I'm better than Stanley Tucci. Admittedly, that was after 4 espresso martinis… but I'm taking it. She's opinionated but the best one. They are a weird bunch tho 🤔

Y/N: WOAH WOAH WOAH. That's a bold claim.

BB: Well, there’s only one way to dispute it: try one for yourself…

Y/N: Smooth, Genius Bar, smooth.

BB: I do my best 🤷

1 day later.

Y/N: I can't get my AirPods to work.

BB: You do realise I didn’t actually follow your career advice?

Y/N: Urgh. Inconvenient. What use are you then?

BB: As I said. Cocktails. I’ll try my hand at waxing if you want.

Y/N: Best stick to the day job. Which is…?

BB: Graphic design.

Y/N: Oh, that’s quite cool. 

BB: It pays the bills. You?

Y/N: MI-5

BB: Wow, you're a shit spy.

Y/N: It could be an excellent double bluff…

BB:

Y/N: Oh, we’ve graduated to memes now, have we, Genius Bar?

BB: It was called for.

Y/N: I’ll take it. Purely cos it's a Hemsworth.

BB: I would too, tbh.

Y/N: Bi?

BB: For a Hemsworth? Always.

Y/N: Anyone else?

BB: I’ll keep you posted.

Y/N: I'm on the edge of my seat.

3 days later.

BB: Oscar Issac.

Y/N: Good non sequitur evening to you, too, Genius Bar Ben.

BB: For the bi thing.

Y/N: Ahh. Got it. I can respect that.

BB: This is me, btw: www.instagram.com/benbridgerdesign.  BB: Figured you can decide for yourself if I'm a creeper.

Y/N: Appreciated.

3 minutes later.

Y/N: You paint?

BB: I dabble

Y/N: Modesty will only make me like you more.

BB: You like me?! 🥹

Y/N: You didn't mention you were handsome.

BB: There is no way to respond to that without me sounding like a twat.

BB: But thank you 😊

Y/N: This is me: www.instagram.com/ynhandle 

7 minutes later.

BB: Oh, Amalfi is so beautiful, isn't it?

Y/N: Wow. That's a deep cut. How far did you scroll back??

BB: 👀

Y/N: Yeah, it's beautiful. Shame it's tainted for me now. Was there with an ex.

BB: I saw. Very handsome.

Y/N: Are you sure you're not just into men full-stop?

BB: 🤷 BB: You’re very pretty, too.

Y/N: I’d believe it if you didn't mention my “very handsome” ex first…

BB: I call it like I see it. BB: I have had 4 whiskeys, tho, so make of that what you will.

Y/N: On a school night?!

BB: It’s my brother Ant's birthday. This is like non-optional drunk, I’ll have you know.

Y/N: Happy birthday to him. 

BB: He says thanks. He’s also told me to get off my fucking phone. Which is rich. He is texting his wife nonstop.

Y/N: Hah! Safe travels through Whiskeytown, BenBridger 🫡

BB: I kinda miss Genius Bar…. 😞

Y/N: I can't win…

2 days later.

BB: Settle an argument for me.

Y/N: 🍿

BB: Col, younger brother, never stops eating... He claims Katz Deli is overrated. I argue it's touristy but still good. You’ve been. Where do you sit on this matter?

Y/N: You really did go thru my Insta, didn't you?? Y/N: Thanks for the follow, BTW.

BB: It's a compliment, I assure you. BB: Welcome. And same.

Y/N: Not complaining. And yeah, I agree with you, actually.

BB: Hah! Excellent!!

Y/N: Wait… your older brother is Ant, and your younger brother is Col? You’re Ben. So, like ABC?

BB:  … I already warned you my family was weird.

Y/N: You did. You did.

BB: Now, please excuse me while I go gloat.

Y/N: 👍

5 mins later.

BB: Hi. This is Col. You must be the famous y/n. Ben’s in the bogs, and the mug left his phone on the table unlocked, so this is on him.  BB: He like really likes you. Like a lot. Will you go on a date with him pls? 

Y/N: Err, ok, hi Col. Y/N: Umm, I think Ben should be the one to ask me that. Don’t you?

BB: He’s too scared you’ll say no.

Y/N: I won't…

BB: EXCELLENT.

2 minutes later.

BB: I am so SO sorry about that 😬 He’s such a shit. BB: But… do you mean it?

Y/N: Ask me properly…

BB: Would you, y/n, like to go on a date with me? Please?

Y/N: I would be delighted to Ben. 😀

BB: 🙏 BB: Are you free on Thursday? Could I take you to dinner?

Y/N: Sounds wonderful. 

BB: 7pm? Meet at Picadilly Circus? By Brasserie Zedel?

Y/N: I’ll be there 😀

BB: 😀

10 days later.

BB: I think you should know… Liz is an artiste 😮‍💨

Y/N: Stop texting me from my bed, you dork. 😘 Y/N: How do you take your coffee?

BB: I'm like 10 meters away. Why not just ask me?

Y/N: You started this, Genius Bar…

BB: Come back to bed, Mostly Hairless Troll.

Y/N: I asked for that, didn't I? 🤦

Benedict taglist, pt 1: @makaylan @longingintheuniverse @iboopedyournose @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kmc1989 @desert-fern @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @sya-skies

[cosmerelists]

How Cosmere Characters Would Deal With Getting a Bad Haircut

1. Shallan

She and her alters have a big fight about it.

Shallan: Look, it's all fine. I'll lightweave my hair to look normal. Forever. Veil: Hats, Shallan. H-A-T-S. Hats hide all sins! Shallan: I don't wear hats as Shallan! Radiant: [hopefully holds up a pair of scissors and a shaving razor] No hair? No bad haircut! Shallan: I AM NOT SHAVING MY HEAD

2. Sarene

Asks everybody if they like her new haircut, just to be a little shit.

Sarene (talking to a hapless court lady): Yeah, the style was my idea. I'm SO glad you like it! Sarene: You should get the same one when you go!

3. Dalinar

Honestly and sincerely does not care.

Navani: You know that I love you, but it looks as though your hair was cut by an assassin trying to scalp you with a rusty knife. Dalinar: Used to cut my hair myself with a knife. Dalinar: Honestly, it looked better then. Dalinar: But eh.

4. Tress

Immediately regrets her impulse to be accommodating in all situations.

Tress: ...and then I said I loved it... 😞 Charlie (putting a sympathetic hand on her shoulder): W-We'll get someone else to fix it!

5. Leshwi

Floats ever higher in the sky.

Leshwi: From up here, no one can see my terrible haircut. Leshwi: Yes, the train of my robe is approximately 47 pounds, but it is a small price to pay. Kaladin: Hello! Leshwi: ...Almost no one.

6. Steris

Withdraws from society for exactly 16 days.

Steris: It is how long it takes for my hair to look presentable again. Wax: I really don't think it's that noticeable!

7. Adolin

Goes to another hairdresser to get it fixed. He does allow everyone to playfully roast him in the meantime, though.

Shallan: I think you should have kept it. Shallan: Men everywhere would have felt just a little bit better about themselves. Kaladin: It would have been a great advantage in battle, too. Kaladin: Scaring your opponent right off the bat. Adolin: I wear a helmet in battle, you know. Kaladin: Eh, that's a bit less scary than the hair was.

8. Vin

Let's be real. Sazed would never give her a bad haircut and if he did, he would fix it.

Sazed: I am sorry, again, that I sneezed while cutting your hair. Vin: It's really okay. Sazed: I think we can make the half shaved, half long haircut into a new style if we play it right. Sazed: We'll call it "punk." Elend: I think it looks nice. Sazed: See? It's already trending.

9. Jasnah

Kills her hairdresser. Just kidding! Probably.

Wit (holding a pair of scissors): Would it help if I told you that this, uh, style is all the rage on the far-off planet of Nalthis? Jasnah: Tell me. How confident are you in your immortality? Wit: Never less confident than in this moment.

10. Kaladin

Despite how horribly botched his haircut was, Kaladin's hair somehow looks entirely normal.

Kaladin: [standing nearby, hair blowing dramatically in the breeze] Adolin (muttering): How does he do it?? Shallan: It is honestly infuriating.

[being-addie]

Sunday Resets

Setting aside time for yourself is so important. I don't think people understand how vital it is to pay attention to your body and just take a day to let your body r-e-l-a-x. We're all so busy fighting to reach the top, that while climbing the corporate ladder, we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. Burnout, depression, and monotony come into play when we don't listen to our bodies telling us they need a break.

Once every two weeks or so, on a Sunday, I turn off all my notifications and have a day dedicated to me. Giving my body some TLC, resting and preparing for the next week. If I have plans on a Sunday, such as brunch or a meeting, I shift that day to Saturday, or at the very least, a day where I have at least 4-5 hours to spend leisurely.

Things I like to do on my Sunday resets:

Wake up early/sleep in: Depending on my mood, and how much sleep I've had during the week, I'll either be up at the crack of dawn or still in bed till it's nearly noon. There's no shame in staying in bed till 11:30 if you're particularly exhausted, but I recommend waking up at least before 11 AM because then you'll feel tired and groggy (of course, this doesn't apply to everyone)

Clean my room: I always make my bed without fail, and if my room is messy, then I'll clean it. Clean the vanity table, my desk, closet, art cupboard and bookshelf, and then the bathroom. If my mom needs help around the house, I do that too.

Food: I make myself a good breakfast, taking time to move around the kitchen and just breathe. I'm getting to eat good food, the sun is shining and I'm alive. It's great. Sometimes my dad cooks for the whole family and we just sit and eat together.

The Everything Shower: I take my Everything Shower on Sundays, where I wash my hair, deep condition, use a hair and face mask, exfoliate and do a face massage. I don't shave because I get my waxing done in a salon. I then slather myself in cocoa butter lotion and apply lip balm. Then do my hair routine (curly hair). It takes a few hours, but it's worth it.

The Next Week: I prep for the next week by cooking something I can take to my classes, like granola bars or homemade pita chips. I also sit down and plan my schedule (any dinners, meetings, parties, etc) and make a rough plan of my goals for the week, like assignments and deadlines.

Errands: I usually make a list of things I need to do during the week, like any specific separate groceries that I use, art supplies I'm low on, or needing to top up the air in my tyres. Then I go complete all of those in the afternoon.

Walks: In the evening, I take a walk around the block with a friend. I usually am too busy to do this during the week, so getting some fresh air is always a treat.

Relax: The rest of the evening is spent relaxing. I watch Netflix with my family, chat with my younger sister, read a novel/play the piano/write poetry. We have dinner together and then either watch a movie or just spend the time talking about our week, or the news. It's fun.

Double-check: Before I go to sleep, I make sure to double-check that my work is done, my bag is packed, clothes are folded and all my devices are charged. I'm in bed by 10:30 PM.

Remember that not all Sundays will be like this. Sometimes I'm extremely drained, so I'll sleep in, order food and just lay in bed recuperating. It's okay to take a rest day. This guide is if you want to be more productive, and it helps the week go smoother. Be the person who has their life in charge. You've got this.

<3

[screampied]

I GOT MORE FOR YA QUEEN AOWBDNDIHE

thinking abt how toji, kuna, and choso probably don't care that we aren't shaved down there FUUUUCCCKKK KUNA ESPECIALLY CUZ THAT MAN IS JUST STRAIGHT UP PRIMAL AND FERAL ALSO???? HELLO??? HAPPY TRAILS???? not kuna wanting to cum on our bush to make his scent stick longer 😫😫😫😫 but also happy trails??? ab riding with happy trails??? did i mention happy trails??? I'm for sure gonna leave some happy trails iykyk 👀

WHAT ABOUT BEING TOJI'S YOUNGER AND INNOCENT GF AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO SHAVE AND gawwwddd imagine being his younger gf and not knowing how to shave cuz u scared u might cut urself or smth and your fav being all sweet and accepting abt it like "a little hair don't scare me, baby" BUT LIKE INAGINE THEM TEACHING US HOW TO SHAVE OR SHAVING FOR US OR TAKING US TO GET WAXED AHAHAHAHAHA I COULD GO ONNNN

but ngl i think im ovulating lol😭😭

send prayers to sleepy feral bf cuz i wanna recreate some ideas🤭

—reading sesh anon✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

ouuuugh ur so right ☝️ they def wouldn’t mind the bush. EEEE UR RIGHT AB KUNA hes such a freak, couldn’t care less, he’ll tame it 🧎‍♀️. oh wow oh wow i need a min

AB RIDING !!!!!!!!!! HAPPY TRAILS !!!!!!!!!!! my two fav combos ngh. i love happy trails, my fav thing ever. feel like toji n suguru has the prettiest happy trails by far.

older bf toji 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫. UR RIIIIGHT he’d show us how to shave him, pay for our nails, take us for waxes n everything omg i need it. it’s okay bestie me too </3 BUT U COOKED

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara's Daily Texts from the Akatsuki, Part Two

From Itachi:

I swear I'm not mad just give it back

You're STILL not over that?!

What are you even shaving? You don't have a single hair on your face!

Not my business who you date, just keep them from fighting all the time!

That's funny because Hidan said it was you, asshole.

I never ask you questions like that about Sasori, do I?!

You better hide, Kakuzu's going around collecting rent

God you're a worse gossip than Tobi!

I know it was you my whole room smells like clay!

That's a really lewd thing to say ... are you really hitting on me or are you just drunk off your ass?

Yeah but considering I use nothing in mine and you use like 200 products in yours, I'd say mine is better.

Stop it. You're not a pet person.

Okay can you just come with me? I don't ever ask you for favors do I?!

Pay me back what you owe me first.

From Hidan:

Yeah but I'm hotter. Like WAY hotter.

He loves to say stupid shit like that, he's not being serious.

Bet his dick is bigger tho.

That's literally the most stupid shit I've ever heard. We're MEANT to eat meat, fucker!

Yeah but if shark dick catches us he'll beat our asses and Kakuzu already said he's not putting me back together if it happens again!

I'll pray to Jashin for you, you pathetic atheist.

Let's get the fuck out of here and get something to eat. Kakuzu's sleeping I can swipe his wallet!

Me and you? In your DREAMS, kid. You couldn't handle this immortal dick.

Why tf would I care about that? Tits or not me and you are brothers, man.

Crablegs.

No, steak. Rare-rare. Still mooing.

Fuck a vegetable. Load it up with meat.

No wait corn is good but make sure it's seasoned with the meat blood.

That cunt did not beat my ass he caught me by surprise! I'll kill him next time I see his ugly face!

From Konan:

I don't remember my siblings so you all are it for me.

When a girl asks how old you think she is always answer like 10 years younger than you actually think! But seriously, 40?! FORTY??

Did you always know or did it take you a little bit to figure it out?

Rose petal or honeysuckle. Sometimes lilac if it's not too overwhelming.

It's a complicated situation for sure. They both feel something strongly for you but if my opinion counts? I'd stay with Sasori. At least you know what to expect from him, and I think he genuinely loves you.

I've narrowed it down to you or Hidan. If you confess I'll go easy on you. :-)

Please be gentler with him. He may hide it but he's gotten really fragile these last few months and he's in pain almost constantly.

Threatening to "beat people's asses" isn't my style. I go for the silent kill.

Wow, HE did that for YOU? That's interesting.

Take it up with Kakuzu. He's supposed to provide you all with extra money for exactly these types of things.

I would just do it, Dei. Be grateful your punishment is so light compared to what you did.

Are you two serious? You realize we're all trying our hardest NOT to attract negative attention?!

Perkier if it's chilly out ;)

I thought about it but I've had it this length for forever. It'd probably look weird long.

Only if you promise to sit still this time. I'm not gonna have you complain if it gets smudged again.

From Kakuzu

Brat. Stop.

I don't give a shit if you don't like him. He's valuable and this organization can't afford to lose him. So SUCK IT UP.

The waxing poetic was one thing but the actual poetry was nauseating.

That's coming out of your paycheck.

How is that an "emergency expense"?!

I don't care what you feel it is, "unfair" or not EVERYONE is expected to contribute to the bills. You use the lights? You pay. You take showers? You pay. You eat the food? You. PAY.

I know you two are friends. You have fairly good ideas about what he likes. Help me and I'll take off that debt you owe me from last month.

Sasori can do that for you, can't he??

Nice try, kid, but you still owe me. And you couldn’t handle my immortal love anyway.

From Tobi

I'd ask you to come with but Itachi thinks you'll try and blow him up while he's asleep.

Diabetes was just made up by assholes who don't want us to eat all the good sugar!

He's really so selfish he wouldn't let me borrow you for one night?

Hidan said it was you ...

I KNOW you like older men! Hey what if I told you I was 31, what then??

Of all the things that could be under this mask, why would "sharingan" be one of your guesses? That's ridiculous Senpai!

Come on Senpai! Leader would be mad at first but I think everyone would like a puppy!

Just tell him that you were only home 10 days this month so you should only have to pay 1/3 of the rent

If you want to but Hidan would probably call you a lot of names for wearing it

Marry me and I'll carry you everywhere all the time. It's a good deal!

Let's see if one of the others will trade with us, I hate going to really cold places

Try if you want to but Konan hit me so hard last time I saw stars for three days

Can you make me a bomb shaped like a scythe? Hidan is getting on my nerves.

From Zetsu

It's complicated, but everybody's blood has a distinct scent. Your's smells like lava and ash. It's very unique.

"Love" or not I'd watch my back, child. You'd make a prettier puppet for him than anyone else.

The years don't go by but centuries do.

Come now, you could have left SOME of those bodies in-tact for me!

I can't imagine that it would matter in the long run.

If you three don't stop attracting so much attention we'll have to pick up and move yet again!

I can tolerate human food but it doesn't compare to humans as food.

Neither. Neither of them is a suitable match for you. I'd run as far as I could from both of them.

Thank you for the offer but I don't believe your moisturizer would be effective on my plant skin.

No, not especially. Things are much the same to me.

If Kakuzu said no then there's no point in asking Leader. Kakuzu holds the money with an iron fist and Nagato has never once interfered with his decisions.

A bit more rest and some decent food would do you a world of good.

From Nagato

Then I must not understand true art because all I can see is property damage and unwanted negative attention being drawn towards our organization.

I understand your frustration but please continue to work with him. I need Sasori to stay here and you're the only one Tobi will listen to.

Oh? It seems it may be time I had a talk with you young ones then.

I see no need for further recruits.

Yes, thank you. Konan used it on my hair and it worked wonderfully.

I'm aware you don't like him but please endeavor to coexist in this group with him. Also remember how precarious his health is before you pull another stunt like the one you and Hidan did yesterday.

I won't stand in the way of your personal goals but surely you realize how extreme self-detonation sounds?

I got you all these phones as a way to communicate efficiently with your partners and with the entire group over long distances. NOT to play games. Kakuzu tells me the phone bill is $200 over it's usual amount due to unathorized games and extra features. If this keeps up I'll take them back.

Next time please be sure you're checking who you're sending explicit pictures to. I assume that was meant only for Sasori's eyes? Now I have Tobi and two others ready to kill him to be your partner.

From Kisame

I shouldn't admit it but it WAS very funny.

But what would be the purpose? Samehada steals chakra, aesthetics don't matter.

I can't tell the future but I can guess that if he's stayed this long, then he probably means to stay with you for life.

Yeah well if one more "accidentally" goes off under his window while he's napping I'm going to make a sandwich of your fingers, kid.

I suppose that would be fun but good luck getting the money from Kakuzu.

I can't even imagine the lives they live. It's really more merciful for them that we extract their demon and send them to the afterlife.

Our relationship is so much more than that but all you immature brats ever ask about is the sex aspect. Shameful.

There's no way he bought that fresh, I can smell it all the way back in my room!

Wear your cloak and perhaps borrow Sasori's as well, it's extremely windy and chilly.

Have you considered a haircut, maybe? Or to dye it black like my Itachi's?

Lol relax it was a joke, no need for threats.

From Sasori

I did get them. Beautiful, but Kakuzu would kill you if he knew you were using these phones for such lewd purposes.

A "magic cure" doesn't beat eating right, going to bed at a decent hour, and exercising once in a while, brat.

Funny how they all think I'M the pervert here when YOU'RE the one who came at ME so aggressively. Brat.

I can think of a much better use for all of those pretty mouths of yours, Dei. Come see me and I'll show you what I mean.

Maybe I need to get you a dictionary for Christmas. Because you STILL don't seem to understand what "covert" and "stealth" mean.

Yeah well you nearly dying because of your own carelessness isn't what I'd call fun. So stop it before I end you myself.

I would never.

"<3" is not a heart. I don't care what idiots say. A real human heart is NOT shaped like that. I'll bring you one of my anatomy textbooks so you can see for yourself.

Yes, I suppose. But don't make it a habit please.

Your breathing sounded strange. Come see me for a checkup. Now.

I don't care for when he sends us on missions to cold places. Bad for you and puts a lot of wear on Hiroku.

Trust me, you DO snore. Like a steam engine.

Why you can't simply ignore him, I'll never understand.

Your eating habits are atrocious, brat.

You're quite the silly one, aren't you?

Mm. You know it's not in me to be jealous. But. If I *ever* see him touch you like that again it'll be the last time his fucking hand is attached to his body. You're MINE.

It's just baffling to me that you won't do it. You'd be the centerpiece of the entire collection! Come on I KNOW you love attention!

I wouldn't trust Hidan around something like that.

Goodnight, my sweet prince. See you in the morning ... if the poison doesn't take you out :-)

As per the Inbox request of @tulipunainenruusu 😊

[n30nwrites]

[Spicy Edition] Which of the Lost Boys do you think is the most likely to…

Undress their partner using their teeth?

Have handcuffs in their bedroom (which they may or my not have actually used)?

Have sex on their motorcycle?

Want pillow talk?

Be a voyeur?

Experiment with different sexual positions?

Have sex in the weirdest places?

Have a porn magazine or nude photos stashed away?

Be dominant or have rough sex?

Go commando?

Talk dirty while doing it?

Give oral when someone is on their period?

Walk around the cave naked or sleep naked (or at least attempt it)?

Love early morning sex?

Wax or shave their privates?

Try a threesome?

ALRIGHT EVERYONE THIS ONE IS NSFW 18++ AND ALL THAT JAZZ, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Some of these will have little snippets

Marko, a play on for his hunger. He lusts after his partner, fangs revealed as he will rip their clothes to shreds, the quicker he can to satiate his hunger, the better he feels. He always promises to pay it back in full though, just usually with his mouth rather than cash.

David will of course have handcuffs, probably from a security guard he killed. He's definitely used them too, not even as a punishment, just sometimes he likes watching his partner struggle, David likes control. He likes being able to do what he wants with no one to stop him (theres obviously a safe word though)

David or Paul. I believe Paul would do it with fun, he'd have his partner naked whilst he drove, them sitting in front of him while he had one hand steering and the other touching his partner, he's determined to make them cum on the bike. David would do it just to showcase that his partner was his, he'd sit his partner on the seat while jutting his cock inside as they struggled to be still.

Paul, my man is just a talker. He won't talk you through sex (he'll definitely talk about how good his partner takes him) but he definitely gives compliments afterwards.

David is more likely to fuck you right in the cave, especially when he knows the boys will be back soon. He'd do it right on the wheelchair, have them witness it all.

Paul will try everything once, and probably once again because he forgets. Want to peg him? Go for it. Cowgirl? 69? Seashell? He just wants to fuck everyway he can.

Marko will have sex in the strangest of places. He just likes it, not other people seeing him but just an experience of somewhere new.

Dwayne, it takes him a while to have sex with someone so my man just has to jerk himself off. He's definitely the type (if in a long term relationship) to take polaroids of his partner to masturbate too.

David for Dominent and rough sex. This doesn't necessarily make him a top, just someone who likes being in control. He likes choking and leaving marks, proof that he was in charge.

Paul, he just finds it easier. He'll just command his partner to get on their knees and whip it out. He's a horny dude, and he loves blow jobs.

Dwayne will talk you through it, I'm talking "such a good (person)" "You take me so well" "Gonna cum? You can hold it." he's going on and on about how his cock feels and how good his partner is.

Marko is insatiable. You think the minute he finds out his partner is on their period he's not gonna be a munch? My man is hungry and he's getting two meals. He will devour everything.

Paul, but the guys shut that shit up real quick. You ever wake up to a dick just there, Marko has because he's the smallest and with the way they slept, it was just right there.

Dwayne, he just loves the idea of it. He loves fucking his partner being the last thing he does before he sleeps.

Dwayne is the most tame out of all of them. David doesn't care (but keeps it tidy), Paul is a bush of a man, and Marko doesn't shave, but doesn't have a lot of hair down there.

Marko and Paul they've definitely had threesomes before. I do believe all of the boys are open to it, but Marko and Paul are more likely to do it. They've definitely been in the Eiffel Tower situation and just high fived each other.

[cinnamonanddean]

Okay Smallville friends, here we go: finale time.

"And now, the series finale of Smallville" WHAT IF I'M ALREADY SAD

"Special Guest Star: Michael Rosenbaum" wow spoilers much?? I mean not for me obviously but for OG viewers. I would have SCREAMED.

Lois, sweetie, he could be saving people every minute he's doing anything, by that logic. Why is his working at the Planet, etc, any different than spending time with you?

Aww, bye Luthor Mansion. You've been a fun place to stage so, so many Clex fics. Hmm I wonder if there are more fics set there or in the barn loft? I'm torn between them, personally.

Kind of rich for Martha to complain about Clark moving on when she hasn't been around for years. "This is our home" okay but you left him here. He's had to cope without you. It's not fair to put the responsibility of keeping the past alive on his shoulders alone.

Oh no his vows 😭😭😭

I feel like we don't have enough time to wrap up this (rather dull) Darkseid plotline AND have a wedding AND bring Lex back? I know this is a double episode but still. Although I suppose Lex's scene will be short and right near the end.

Oh no her vows 😭😭😭

Again I ask: has there ever been a TV wedding that just goes smoothly?

At least Lois's dress is nicer than Lana's. That bow haunts me.

Is he gonna walk down with her AGGHHHH this is so sweet 😭

Uh oh. Lois girl, pay attention, that's not the right ring. Oh thank god for Chloe.

Can't believe they're doing this to Oliver ☹️ hasn't he suffered enough?

So wait: did Clark Luthor not have powers? Did I miss that? I swear he was throwing people around and shit.

Lol is that a Herve Leger bandage dress on Lois?

Agggh Tom does vulnerable so well. "I can't, Dad" just like a little baby boy, I weep.

OH GOD I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT ALT!LIONEL, it's a fucking jump scare every time.

Oh my god so this Lex is a fucking Frankenstein?? That's...weird. A Frankenlex.

OH MY GOD HE'S GONNA TAKE TESS'S HEART

IS THAT MICHAEL?? Wait probably not, we didn't see his face.

YES GIRL KICK THEIR ASSES

YES GIRL KILL THAT OLD BASTARD!

God this Darkseid CG is so bad

Omg omg omg omg omg OH MY GODDDDD

Oh I hate when they take an already blurry photo and then CSI-style ENHANCE! it to magically unblur it

OH MY GOD OKAY HERE WE GO

I see one of the Franken-pieces was his sassy ass mouth. God I've missed him.

Lex, honey, you've been back for thirty seconds and you're already waxing poetic about how he says your name??? I see another of the Franken-pieces was the need to make every interaction so incredibly gay. "Yet...with a hopeful finish" oh my god honestly

Apologies in advance: I might have a comment on every line of this dialogue.

Oh dear, you can see the bald cap a bit when he raises his eyebrows. I remember Michael said the bald cap was more trouble than just shaving his head lol

Lord, it wouldn't be a proper Lex return without a history speech. HONEY I'VE MISSED YOUUU!

"that's the thing about memories: you can't forget them" mmmm I don't think that's true baby.

Oh gosh the vitriol.

"You and I - we will both be great men. Because of each other." Honey the WAY you talk about the two of you. THE VOICE CRACK. "We have a destiny together, Clark, only on different sides."

Everything he says sounds like a love confession I'M SO SORRY BUT IT DOES

Stop wait one fucking minute here. The last piece of Clark's little "am I strong enough to face this threat" puzzle, the last person to give him the courage and the conviction to do what he needs to do - is LEX FUCKING LUTHOR??? NOT LOIS NOT HIS PARENTS NOT CHLOE BUT LEX??????? oh my god what is happening that is INSANE OF THEM

I need to watch that again. Gosh I haven't done that since the Lexana scene from Fracture.

HAHA I missed Lex's joke about Lionel's heart the first time around. Why is he so funny

God Michael is so fucking good. He just elevates the tone. It's really what's been missing from these last seasons. The others are good - Tom is so good, I'm not discounting him at all - but Michael is on another level.

Hmm seemed a bit too easy killing the Prophets

Oh poor John Glover. This is Not Good. He was always so suave and cool as Lionel, this is a step down.

Aww look how far our sweet boy has come 😭 I'm so proud of him.

HE'S FLYING 😭😭😭

OH I DIDN'T KNOW WE GOT MORE LEX I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST THE SCENE WITH CLARK

Ahh jeez. I kinda came around to Tess. She wasn't Lex but she was fun.

Oh riiiiiiight, I forgot he gets his memory wiped. Again.

OH MY GOD THE LAST MEMORY IS HIM AND CLARK OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS

Lol what the fuck does he think is happening, now that he can't remember?

THE LUTHORCORP SIGN TURNING INTO LEXCORP THAT WAS SO RAD

Our baby finally in the suit 😭

Girl I don't think they just let you film the President like that. That camera is gonna be taken away IMMEDIATELY.

Oh yeah I forgot about Jimmy. That was...a choice.

ALL HAIL PRESIDENT LEX!!!!

"yes Miss Lane" "that's so hot" girl yes it is.

Oh the theme 😭 what an ending

That was so great. A bit hokey in parts, but overall such a satisfying finale. What a ride.

[thegrimreaperisanerd]

About DUCKLINGS, can you tell us more about Julien? I am so curious to know what he was/is like and what was your thought process for creating an ex boyfriend for Kim.

(You don't have to answer everything of course, especially if you plan on expanding on that later as you write more)

Sure, he's not a fleshed out character or important to the plot in any way so I'll condense what I've got in my head. Under a readmore since I'm waxing poetic about fic stuff again.

I actually didn't think this would be interesting to anyone! It just made sense to give him a name since Kim's probably not going to think "my ex" but whatever the guy's name was. Hence "Julien" (named after my favourite song from Placebo's Battle For The Sun album; which is underrated, but that's entirely irrelevant...)

I don't have an appearance in mind for the guy since that's usually the last thing I conceptualise about characters (apart from instances where it's important OR I just get a vibe from them. The shopkeeper from Imprinting popped into my head with red hair and teardrop shaped glasses for example, I knew Dom was going to look "exceptionally white" as part of his narrative foil)

Anyway: This is a relationship Kim entered into due to its convenience. I imagined Juvie cop Kim being sent to a school to do a "join the RCM" (boo) stall at a careers fair, then *clocking* a guy putting WAY too much effort into his role in a "don't do drugs!" play for the kiddies.

They bone a couple times, the guy does RCM adjacent work so he's not put off by Kim's job (tends to be a deal breaker), they go on a few dates and Kim generally has a good time during. J: "Do you want to make this exclusive?" Kim (wasn't having sex with anyone else anyway): "Sure." A few months pass. J: "My lease is up, can I move in with you?" Kim (paying rent for a flat he only really sleeps, shits, and shaves in): "Okay."

Suddenly (as can happen when you spend most of your waking life working) a significant amount of time has passed, J has become significantly attached and Kim didn't really notice until he has to decide how to respond to "I love you." "Oh..." (O-O)¬ "Okay." Wasn't really the response Julien wanted.

There's a fight, and Kim *does* feel bad about being a bit blasé with the guy's feelings, but when J says "You work way too hard for a place that doesn't respect or appreciate you anyway." It hits *a bit* too close to home, and as such when that's punctuated by "You need to spend less time working and more time with me, or I'm gone." Kim let's the guy pack his bags and go.

I haven't thought about how *long* the relationship lasted but they probably knew each other for a year at the minimum.

Main concrete personality type for the guy would be egotistical and self-obsessed, despite not being particularly good at what he does. <- Kim finds this grating.

He wouldn't care to ask Kim how his day was when he comes home from work. <- Kim actually prefers this.

He has opinions on art and acting and speaks about that *a lot*. <- Kim doesn't care, but was happy to let Julien talk since it meant he could sit quietly and drink his coffee in relative peace.

Despite the time they spent together J never really got to know Kim that well, Kim doesn't like to talk about himself unprompted and J didn't care enough to badger him like Harry does.

He would have been honest with Kim at least (which he appreciated) hence Kim knowing that J thought he was a bad cook.

Kim would have been in his late 20s - early 30s, not as mature, *genuinely* still believes he's just not working hard enough and THAT'S why he's been passed over for promotions. He's still scared of his Captain, and most superiors, at this point and EASILY bullied into picking up extra shifts.

At the age I'm writing Kim now he would have ended the relationship himself rather than let it fizzle out over time.

Kim at least liked him enough to share a living space, and still thinks about the guy fairly often considering a decade has passed. <- lonely.

That's about all I've got concrete! Thanks for the ask!

[balkanradfem]

Hello, I have an issue and I don't really have anyone to talk to about that specific thing. I stopped waxing my body hair two years ago when I stumbled across radical feminism on tumblr, and it's been amazing! My confidence is through the roof and I stopped caring about men. Except. For the body hair. I mean, I still don't shave or anything. But I have very thick body hair due to hormonal issues and repeated waxing/shaving since I was 12. Especially on my chin where I have very thick duvet. I caved and allowed my mother to pay for laser hair removal. But it makes me crazy because I want to do it all over now. I used to swim regularly but I lost my only swimsuit where my "luscious" pubic hair was not visible (kind of... it basically goes halfway down my thigh) and they are really rare and expensive, most swimsuits are basically pubic hair out. And even while I had that one, I was very uncomfortable with my armpit hair which is literally longer than my hair. I have my hair until my ears but still, that's really long. Do you have advice, or I don't know really, stuff to make me change my mind about pubic/armpit hair and laser hair removal? I know it's not good for skin, causes skin cancer I think? But I feel so alone and idk, like a hairy beast. It gets lonely.

Ah I can relate to being scrutinized and judged in public for your body hair, even if I don't have the extra hormonal, but I remember struggling to feel normal and always feeling like I'm being watched.

I can only offer a part of what helped me: there's actually no law stating that you have to wear a woman's swimming suit on the beach or anywhere else. I wear swimming trunks and a whole t-shirt when I'm swimming and nobody has said one word to me, and I've felt super comfortable in those! It's not very eye-drawing and it's great for a transition before you are able to feel comfortable - or in some cases, if there's males around, I understand never being able to feel comfortable because they will objectify you, but that has nothing to do with your body hair, that's just the way they are.

But you don't have to wear swimming clothing that's been designed for male fantasies and fetishes, you can absolutely make or get something that makes you comfortable and un-selfconscious.

It does take years and years to become comfortable with body hair, even the normal amount. I remember at one point realizing that what I'm having, the full body hair, is normal, and being completely shaved and bare is weird, mimicking children's immature bodies, and also making your body vulnerable to infections and diseases, as well as causing discomfort. Most of body hair we have is so that our skin wouldn't chafe together, to make our movement more comfortable! So seeing women shaved naked makes me uncomfortable, I know they're undergoing discomfort, itching, bleeding, chafing, prickling and all other stuff that comes with shaving. Seeing a woman with full body hair just makes me relax and I feel so happy that she's comfortable too. Being completely shaved to me is a sign of oppression.

And later when I became even more comfortable, the thought of being a bit more repulsive and unpalatable to males made me happy. It's slightly harder to objectify a woman who is fully comfortable and unwilling to mimic a child's body with her own. So I'm displaying full freedom from their desires in front of them and don't have to care. I am however, still sad for all the women who can't do it, and are undergoing discomfort only to be slightly more palatable to their oppressors.

I don't know if my opinions can help you see it in a different way at all, it was a long journey for me, and the best I can say is, take your time. It's okay if it takes a decade to feel fully comfortable, I believe that you'll get there! There's nothing but comfort and joy waiting for you at the end of it.

[translucent-at-best]

Cons of Dating Me:

Somebody asked this question on Instagram and it got me to thinking... here's what I came up with off top:

If we're having a conversation and we're not in person... it's only so much texting I'm willing to do. I'd prefer a phone call, facetime, or voice note (especially since, if we're dating, it's very likely that your voice turns me on).

I have an Android. It don't bother me, but apparently it's a dealbreaker to some of y'all.

I'm not interested in experiencing pregnancy or birthing children. In this country, in this economy, with this misogynoir, and this fatphobia, and this government, and these police, and these mass shootings, and this healthcare system... it's a no for me, dawg. If you're someone who desires to be a father, I'm open to adopting or fostering children. I think I'd be a good parent, but I'm drawn more so to helping the kids that are already here. I grapple with it feeling selfish to bring more kids into this mess of a world.

My bed consistently makes a liar out of me. I'll swear to you I'm awake ("Let's watch a movie/binge a show/play 21 questions/etc..."), and - what's worse - I'll actually believe it, but once I get in that bed... you probably got an hour, and that's being generous.

Also... I snore 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm going to apologize in advance for all the names you'll have to learn if you make it to meeting my family. It's a lot of us. Also, you'd be the first person I'd be bringing home to them, so... just uh... there's no real way to prepare, but be prepared.

I hate mint. Real bad. I wish I didn't (Lord knows it would make life so much easier), but I do. So... there will be things to navigate with that, I'm sure.

I can't sit by and say nothing if you're out here referring to women as bitches and females. Not around me you not (name calling in general makes me cringe; if you don't fuck with somebody, fine, but name calling is just too close to dehumanizing someone to me and I don't like that).

I'll shave when I feel like it, but I have a hard rule of not paying for waxes. If you'd like to pay, cool - I'll go get it done. But I'm not paying some lady to torture me. Because that's exactly what it is.

Also I may or may not have at least two gray coochie hairs, so... there's that.

[dramas-vs-novels]

You've read Love Sea, right? Tell me... What does Mahasamut look like.... down there?

I kinda have, and it isn't really specific (unless I missed a bit, I was reading bits here and there and then went on to the end of the book from one. I'm planning a whole re-read as I do my Love Sea watch-through).

He doesn't seem the type for "frivolous" expenditures in the hair removal sphere, and doesn't seem like he'd be willing to get anything waxed (hard to seduce a customer (if they offered to pay) while crying).

He mentioned his pubes get super itchy when they grow out, so he either shaves (let's be honest, he seems the type who'd use the same razor for face and crotch) or keeps it trimmed (let's be honest, he seems the type to just use the same pair of scissors on his nails and bush).

There is never mention of anything more than "dark", implying there might be some hair down there. Unless it meant his crotch was in shadow or something..

[hellfirebride]

Below The Belt

Death Note Edition

Minors get the fuck out of my house, I'm talking abt cock.

L

Don't make me laugh. A lot of coarse, dark hair that he doesn't even attempt to touch. The man's got a bush.

Around 14.13 cm (roughly 5.6 inches), a little below average on the girth but if anyone can find a way to make up for it, it'd be him. I want to say uncut but the idea scares me. Please wash your dick, Mr. Lawliet.

More of a grower than a shower, so those baggy pants aren't hiding much at a first glance.

Curved slightly to the left and darker than the rest of his skin. Throbs a lot.

Light

Keeps himself tidy, but not to the point that he's obsessive over it.

Around 14.58 cm (roughly 5.7 inches), average girth. Cut.

A shower. Hello yes, normal man with average cock and balls, not at all a narcissistic serial murderer.

Very small right curve, barely noticeable. Very veiny.

Mello

Well groomed or outright waxed depending on circumstances. If he let it grow in, it'd be a bit shaggy and a few shades darker than the rest of the hair on his body.

Around 15.77 cm (roughly 6.2 inches), about average girth. Uncut.

Absolutely a grower. You think he could get away with leather pants that tight if he wasn't? Have you seen how he poses in them?

Honestly kinda pretty as far as dicks go. A slight curve upwards and a particularly sensitive tip.

Near

Surprisingly thin and soft hair, a little curly. He doesn't pay any attention to it and probably won't without you mentioning it to him.

Around 16.71 cm (roughly 6.6 inches, don't tell Mello), average girth. Cut

A shower, but you can hardly tell with how loose the clothes he wears usually are.

Straight as an arrow and a very pretty soft pink. Absolutely leaks pre the moment you start touching him.

Matt

Wirey, thick hair he shaves into a manageable patch. Would probably fuck around and try to shave it into shapes at your request.

Around 15.52 cm (roughly 6.1 inches) . Fat cock Matt, fat cock Matt, fat cock Matt. Uncut.

A shower and he knows it. Ahem, his goggles are up here, thank you very much.

No curves, but it looks angry as hell when he's turned on. So red it's almost purple.

Don't ask me for more accurate conversions to exact inch-age. I went into the arts specifically so I didn't have to do math, you think I'm gonna do dick math? The length estimations originated from me looking at the average lengths of people from the places I think the guys came from, but I gave everyone an extra centimeter (call that inflation lmao.) From an American perspective, it's sorta surprising to see all the places that don't commonly practice circumcision. So I guess I've learned something from my cock research.

[retainerstainer]

Why self care so much more "caring" than any mans actions in a relationship.

"But my man loves me more than anything. blah blah blah" "You're just jealous you don't have one" "You literally don't know what you're talking I love doing my man more than doing things I like for myself because I care more about me and what I want for my needs and desires besides other people's judgements , such as my boyfriends preference, or dislike about my appearance." Ladies, we get it, you have a man, he pays for the bill, he opens the door for you, gentleman and chivalry characteristics are blooming from him, we're happy for you. But let's be honest, does his words say more than his actions?

Having or being in a relationship with man can be both, limerence fever in the air, or questioning your title as the "candid girlfriend of your mans dreams" or even questioning your sexuality at times. For girlfriends or women in general, that are accustomed to doing things for their man, (I'M not saying every WOMAN) not because they're forced to, but because it is apart of their love language of saying "I love you". Those kind of woman either KNOW how to maintain themselves for the benefit of simplicity and to just make them feel like them, in their time, their space, their small little hours of me moment, or panic and calculate how long it take for him to drive to work, finish work, change in to workout clothes, go workout, change and shower again, go to the bar with the boys, hang out at said boys house and play game and smoke the MJ, come home, POUNDTOWN, sleep, repeat.

To the girls who do that, let me hold your timer when I say this, YOU NEED A HOBBY. Me time. A moment to yourself that DOESN'T INVOLVE HIM. Your life shouldn't revolve around him because he is APART; an ADDITION to YOUR life. YOUR LIFE. Read it again. YOUR LIFE. That's where self care comes in.

I write this piece hours after I just did my everything technic, to staying healthy, clean, and hairless for the next month or two. A routine that reminds me of care, self love, and calm that I needed to reground myself and to maybe think of what I want in my life and what I really need. A routine/system that I continued since I could wax every inch and place of my body that people question why I didn't do gymnastics as a career.

The technic goes as follows: - turn on wax heater - gather hair products: coconut oil, (the best if you want to have that shine for your hair to make it look so really healthy), Carols Hair Oil, OGX Renewing Hair Oil and Coconut Hair Mist (for the morning), Shea Moisture Hydrate and Repair Multi-Action Leave in, Shea Moisture Hold and Shine Moisture Mist. - Separate hair into two parts from the back (like to make pigtails), and part by part add in the coconut oil. The oil will melt very fast in your hands. From top to bottom, From scalp to tips. After your done with the one side, add in Carols Daughter in the scalp, very little goes a long way, and message all the way down. Repeat to the other side. When finished, tie the two parts into braids or weird looking buns to keep them in the air. - Wax every part including her down there if you're up for it, if not then you can shave which I will write later. - Wax eyebrows - Turn on bath and add in scent free soap and Dr. Teals lavender salts or your own kind. - foot scrubber and foot massage. -In tub, shave miss kat and legs (optional) - Wash off hair oils and shampoo twice, and condition your hair once - Dry off, add in body lotion, cream, oils, etc. - Castor OIL! - TEEF! flossing, crest white strips, and oil pulling - paint your toenails if you want - TOWEL dry your hair, add in the Multi-action leave in, then put your hair in the towel again for 5 minutes. - After the 5, blow dry your hair until really dry, - Dry brush - Spray the Hold and Shine Moisture Mist. - add a dime size of the OGX Renewing hair oil, heat the oil in between your hairs and run it through your hair, tips, on the top of hair then tie it up on for a messy bun. (Next morning just spray the coconut oil mist and you're good) This routine has kept me smelling vanilla, fluffy cloud on ecstasy for 5 days I kid you not. But this whole routine itself has made me alone with my thoughts, wonders of the future and rethink some things that I need to change or I need to add for my character. My point of this piece is, Self-care often feels more "caring" than actions from a partner because it’s rooted in self-awareness and personal responsibility. When you practice self-care, you are directly addressing your own needs—whether they are emotional, physical, or mental. It’s an act of prioritizing yourself and understanding what genuinely nourishes your well-being. This deep level of understanding can make self-care feel more fulfilling because you are in control of giving yourself exactly what you need without relying on someone else. In relationships, even if a partner is caring, their actions might not always align with your needs or expectations. Sometimes, partners may express love or care in ways that don’t fully resonate with you, or there might be external factors (like miscommunication or emotional distance) that make their care feel insufficient. Self-care, on the other hand, is personal and doesn’t depend on anyone else, making it feel more consistent and reliable.

[a-pocket-full-of-rodents]

And so on Judgement Day I am not worried.

What is there to fret over the presence of the divine?

And I know I have already let my grandparents bury their grandchild,

But what has ever been the harm in a little teeth and claws?

What am I if not an old portrait on a desk somewhere?

Judgement day is creeping closer and I have never felt more doomed.

Another bath should cleanse me hopelessly free of myself.

On Mondays I work at an art gallery that has exactly one hole near the ancient history section and a puddle near the impressionism.

It doesn't pay well and it makes me cry more than anything but when has art ever done the opposite? When have I been able to gaze into oils and truly admit I had not unravelled myself a thousand times over to recognise it?

And anyway this art gallery has all these sculptures and to tell you the truth I'm more of a portrait man myself but there is one that has lived through every last rendition of me yet

And he sits at the back behind a peeling gate and his artist statement is broken over with blood and small hands and he's nothing special, really, and it's silly to wax poetics about sticks in the mud

But I think I like it no more than I have grown fond of it. As every morning I touch-up the glaze and I paint him over in fresh polish and I fix up his skin with new, uncracked clay

And you know I'm standing here, a bleeding corpse with an eye for the wretched, and I wonder just how old this really is? Cuz sure, it's got the date of creation (day of mourning, day of funeral bells) right there next to it but oh god he's been sculpted and twisted so often is it even him anymore? Is any part of him whole?

When I repair the cracking in his skin what am I adding? What did I just take away? When my father scrubbed this artwork and when his father and his father and his did the same they weren't really cleaning so much as they were praying, huh? How much of this clay has been set from the beginning? How much modernism seeps in his bones?

My english teacher tells me poems aren't meant to be this long, Monty, you're meant to break them up into little words and say only the essentials so if I make a cut here and here and you can see, can't you, how condensed it now is? How much more palatable your words sound now that you aren't rushing them?

And when I went home that day and carved Eve's rib out and shaved my head and dumped my words heaved over into my sink until they clogged I think I understood. And I think, this understanding of relatability, of "is this even really a poem you're just saying things by now", I think that gave me the driving force to submit my resume

And so I think, Father, forsaken as you may be, I was not right and it was immoral and still you are wrong to deny me my wings and still you are wrong to chain my knees to your temple and god I know pretty little girls like me aren't any good for begging or howling or cursing but really when you've taken all my teeth and they've been stained a horrible shade of yellow and the tips are sharp as the claws on the lambs feet no Father I do not repent for myself and yes Father I will drag this helpless screaming body down your catacombs through my digestive track out of the gates of eden and Yes father I will love love love in anyway I can and No father I quite like my disgustingly miserable face and honestly I can't even recall what this was about and I don't know why your churches get the best architecture when there is an art gallery right next door do you see it? Do you see me? Exit stage left on the cabaret of displacement look at your beautiful lamb close your eyes and enjoy the buffet and so, in the grand scheme of things, Father, I think your prophetic day of Binaries will do me no good and I think I will skip today's pressured reinvention and then tomorrow I will wipe at my sculpture as I always do and I will wipe and scrub and clean it completely free of fingerprints of humanity of relation and I will clean this hollowed-out misshapen shell of a man as I always do as I always have and as you never cared to and Father I swear to you I will make something holy of your hands creation and I swear to you I will make something of this body. I swear to you I will not kill the one thing that I love.

On Monday mornings I take the blade and I carve myself up and on Monday evenings I take my artwork home wrapped in an almost smothering sheet.

Baths are good remedies for atheism, I have found.

And devotion is nice for Hell but really who's keeping score nowadays?

Portraits are not so good for the escapists, but there is always the chisel,

And wool on a lamb glints dark in the shadows of claws and howls.

And I do feel bad about mutilating that sweet grandchild of theirs into a burnt family portrait, I must admit.

But Jesus watches me scrub my hands till they bleed gold and he sees me puking up prayers over Sunday dinner so what's the fear in a little Religion?

Judgement day never seems to end and I am hopelessly doomed.