#I'm more than happy to be monogamous but poly is who I am

[autistichalsin]

When considering Halsin's polygamy, do you think it is just his way of coping with the scars and traumas of his past? He does admit that monogamy is acceptable, but not for him, and he often talks about roaming. However, the more I play this game, get to know him better, and analyze his character, the more I start to doubt that polygamy is not truly what Halsin wants. He has been through so much - pain, suffering, and torture. What if his polygamy is a shield he uses to protect himself from further pain? Perhaps he has realized that he's fallen in love with Tav and now he is afraid of losing them. Just as you mentioned in your previous post, he is afraid of being alone, rejected, and abandoned.

Just a note- it's polyamory, not polygamy. Polygamy refers specifically to marrying more than one woman.

I absolutely do not in any way, shape, or form, think that he's only polyamorous because of his trauma. Polyamory is who Halsin is. There's a devnote in Halsin's scene that says "sincere- this is a core belief of his."

Wood elves are polyamorous by default. The entire cultural belief is that jealousy is a waste of time, and exploring multiple relationships, as long as all people involved consent, is only natural. That is how he was even before becoming a druid.

This isn't an attack against you, anon, I know you were asking a genuine question in earnest, but I am so beyond tired of people trying to reinterpret all of the polyamorous characters in this game as actually monogamous people who are afraid/broken. Why do people insist on doing this? Is it that hard to conceive of a character with an alternative sexuality who actually is happy that way?

Let's just set aside the characterization reasons and look at it from a pure logical perspective. Halsin is the one to bring up polyamory with the player. He is the one to say this is a fundamental part of who he is. If the player answers that they don't have the same nature as he does and don't want a polyamorous relationship, the relationship doesn't progress. If Halsin was actually just pretending to be poly to avoid being abandoned, why would he not jump in at that point and go "oh, actually I'm okay with a monogamous relationship too, please don't leave?" Why would he be okay with the player leaving over this part of himself if it wasn't actually part of himself, just a lie he told to avoid being left alone? Because poly is who he actually is, not a lie he tells himself to engage in emotional self-harm.

Further, if he was so desperate not to be alone that he would deny who he is, he would actually be more likely to lie about being monogamous, not the other way around. Most people will flat-out refuse poly relationships (because it's not for them) and even call poly people perverts or cheaters. Halsin has probably forewent many other relationships before just because of this fundamental incompatibility. If he was scared of being alone, he would be far likelier to pretend he was happy with one person, so that he would be able to find a partner without navigating that situation, than he would to pretend to be some identity that already makes it harder to find a partner to begin with, and that often causes intense strain on relationships when mismanaged to the point that it can easily be the cause of many relationships ending.

Being poly isn't something you lie about because you want not to be alone- being poly makes it infinitely harder to find a relationship just by its nature.

Halsin is "poly and traumatized" not "poly because he's traumatized." It is absolutely absurd to deny his repeated statements that this is who he is and what he wants. Again, no offense, anon, and I hope this doesn't upset you, but I really have no patience for attempts to dismiss a core part of Halsin's identity as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

[polyamorousmood]

Hii!!

So I'm questioning polyamoury rn and I figured your blog would be the best place to ask so uhh yeah

Basically, I really like the idea of being able to flirt around with people and kiss people and js rly be out there. But not like. romantically. Like, I am (probably) monogamous. I'm not sure if this is even sexual, I js want to kiss people and meet strangers at parties and make out with them and be a flirt even though I'm in a relationship.

My bf is polyam so this isn't rly an issue it's js idk how to label it or what to do with these feelings cus I still feel bad for wanting this cus like even tho my bf is polyam, we're in a closed polycule like nobody is going around and flirting with other ppl and I would be rly jealous (but I wouldn't say anything cus I don't wanna sound controlling), so I feel like if I told my bf that I feel like this he'll probably do what I want to do too. Which is fine ofc! It's js I have an anxious attachment style and I worry that he'll like more than me and there's js this whole fear of abandonment thing going on soooo..

Yeah sorry this is all rly confusing like I don't want to seem controlling of my bf and ik it's js my own shit causing me to be anxious abt all of this and he should be allowed to do what he wants. But like do you know what I could do with this cus idfk 😭

Byeee sry for the long ask!! -🫀 (I'm back)

Hey 🫀! Been awhile~

I see you're still in the poly relationship and its opening your horizons a little bit, I'm happy for you!!!

The answer is very simple: you won't know unless you talk to your partner about it.

I personally would be okay giving my partner who is new to exploring polyamory provisional privileges I do not have while they test the waters🌊. Then I'd want to revisit it after they've gotten a chance to try it and see how they feel. But of course, your partner might not.

Or maybe it could be traded for some other privilege they want that wouldn't bother you so much 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like in any case, you might benefit from doing some more work on your jealousy/anxiety though. There's no dynamic that will gaurentee someone will forever be interested in you, but I personally consider the intimacy of sharing desires with one another (even if you both determine its not in the best interests to act on them right now) very rewarding and something that strengthens bonds. I don't think there's any harm mentioning it to your (already polyamorous, therefore they get it) partner that its something you've been thinking about. From there you guys can work together on whether it makes sense to actually pursue.

If I were in your partner's shoes, I'd feel kinda flattered I "converted" someone, ngl 😂😂

Best of luck, and thanks for saying hey!!

[throneofsapphics]

Hi

Erm I’ve never done a request before so I hope im doing this right :)

I also adore the way you write so I trust that if anyone can sort of get where my weird little brain is then you’ll capture it the best haha

So I was wanting a virgin or inexperienced reader who has a lot of like shame/guilt around sex - and then her first time with Rowan and/or Ruhn guiding her and each other through it - but not like becoming this super sappy uncharacteristic versions of themselves (I’ve seen some people do it like that with others and it just didn’t read right to me). I like the idea of them and a female as a poly relationship- Ruhn being a little more laid back than Rowan as a commanding presence (but both still dominant males like in the books) however, I’m not sure if u do that kind of crossover so I’d be happy for them to be monogamous relationship scenarios too.

Can’t wait to read more of your work it’s soooooo good!

Thanks and have a happy day 🍄

First of all, I'm honored to be your first request and hopefully it lives up to what you pictured, and thank you so much you are so sweet <3

It'll be up in the morning 9/16 around 11 am EST !!

[pfhwrittes]

Aroace 141 my beloved.

Aro Price who's qpr is his team not that he will acknowledge it. But that man is a dragon with his horde when it comes to those he trusts. But never has more then the occasional one night stand because most people don't understand.

Greysexual Gaz who needs to build that trust and love before he even thinks about doing more than just kissing his partner. It hurts when he realizes most people don't want to wait that long. But he would rather be true to himself than live inauthenticity.

Demi aro Soap who is the perfect one night stand never asks for your number but makes sure you have breakfast in the morning and don't feel used. Who rarely realizes he's in love and normally it's with his teammates. Who's had to put up with people trying to change him and force their love upon him it makes his teeth grit.

Aroace Ghost who had a therapist tell him once he's broken this way because of his trauma he never went back. He refuses to accept any kind of bond or relationship until the 141 then with the damn Scot who breaks his mile high walls. Realizes how much more there is to life beyond a "relationship" like the ones on tv.

(I'm not a dog who needs their pills wrapped in peanut butter)

c’mere anon because you deserve flowers and nice socks and a beverage of the perfect temperature.

absolutely yes to all of these! completely obsessed with all of these headcanons of yours and i can feel myself going “oh yeah, i’m adopting those ideas.”

and no, you don’t need your pills slipped in peanut butter. you NEVER need your pills slipped in peanut butter. you are NOT broken just because you don’t want or need sex or romance OR if you do want/need sex or romance under specific circumstances. you are not broken if you don’t know what those circumstances are.

i’m just going to get a bit personal under the cut if that’s okay, anon.

i’ve recently learned that i’m aro. i had an inkling but i always denied it because i’ve been in romantic relationships before. and then the introspection started.

was i happy in those relationships? not particularly. do i understand those feelings of “the one”? not really. i understand infatuation. i understand feeling so sexually attracted to someone it feels like i might burn up if they didn’t touch me or if i didn’t get to touch them. but the sticking around part? no. that fills me with dread and anxiety now.

i’m not actually good at being in a relationship. i don’t understand making a fuss about anniversaries. i don’t actually know when to say “i love you” to a partner. i am capable of love, i know i am because i love my friends and i love some of my family but i don’t really get the being in love thing so it makes it difficult.

i have two decade long FWB things going on. i have another that’s about 7(?) years old at this point. at no point during these friendships (because they are friendships, we just fuck occasionally) have i ever thought “god, i really wish i could be their person. i wish i could be around them all the time. my life would be complete if they just stayed.” because i don’t feel that way! i love the weekends we have together, i love cooking for them and messing around on the sofa. i love tumbling into bed with them. but when they leave? there’s a moment where i heave a sigh of relief and i put my life back together after they’ve left.

the thought of having someone with me all the time? terrifying. the thought of buying a house with someone terrifies me. the thought of being legally bound to them? my worst nightmare.

my happiest relationship was with S. we lived an hour apart and had no intention of moving in together. we were poly so i could still see my FWBs and they could go on dates with people they wanted to get to know better. and when they broke up with me because they wanted to be monogamous with D? i breathed a sigh of relief (and then i was very VERY sad because i realised we wouldn’t get to be as good friends any more and we wouldn’t be able to fuck any more).

so yeah. hello, my name is p and i learned i was aro at the age of 28.

[22degreehalo]

Man, I know this isn't really anything new to anyone who's in the right audience and is going to be entirely incomprehensible to anyone who isn't. But I really am just enjoying 100 Kanojo ('The 100 Girlfriends Who Really Really Really Really Really Love You') lately, and I really gotta echo that it's a surprisingly great example of positive polyamory!

The last episode of the anime really impressed that on me, that it's not *just* about being poly-positive insofar as it supports the harem. When Hahari talked about still being in love with Hakari's father, I was really expecting some cliche advice about how he'd want her to move on and be happy, blah blah blah. But no: Rentarou tells her there's no reason why she can't love both him AND her ex all the same!!

It's not the sort of thing usually associated with polyamory, but I've seen it brought up in poly circles as an example of toxic monogamy, that current partners are supposed to *despise* their partner's exes, and that people are supposed to never have any relationship with their ex or it comes across as 'unfaithful.' I've even seen widowers saying they relate strongly to the poly community even if they're technically monogamous, because they can only ever love another person *in addition* to their old spouse, and any new lover will just have to be okay with that.

And then it goes even further when Rentarou meets the ghostly spirit of Hahari's old boyfriend (or maybe it was just a dream~?), and once again, Rentarou shows not so much as a lick of jealousy or possessiveness. Rather, he clasps hands with him as a comrade, as someone who made Hahari very happy back in the day, and as someone he still would like to make proud alongside, working together to keep making her happy! (And then the spirit is so satisfied that he has no earthly connections anymore and ascends from ghosthood... which is a bit convenient but which is also funny in context, so. Well!)

But honestly, even aside from all that... I'm reading the manga now, and it's just so. Refreshing. To see a romcom like this where everyone is just so happy and in love all the time...? Harem manga sorta have a reputation for everyone beating up on the protagonist, and of course all the silent angsty pining that lasts unendingly for hundreds of chapters because the 'plot' can never actually be resolved until the story is over. But in this story, everyone really does win! And that doesn't make it less interesting: it's still so crazy and weird and dumb, and just seeing all of these characters bounce off one another and be themselves is entertaining enough without the need for external stresses.

And that all just makes it so... almost wholesome? Everyone is so happy!!! And it isn't boring at all!!!!! Everyone really really really really Really loves each other (the protagonist even more than the girlfriends, if anything), and they gush over romantic stories and get really excited about kissing their boyfriend/girlfriends and love and support their entire family, and it fills me with such warm and fuzzy feelings that I really can't think of anything else to compare it to!

It's just so nice. Characters who really, genuinely love and like each other and work hard for one another and get what they want. And also, truly wacked-out comedy that has made me laugh aloud just reading it.

It's just great. It's so, so nice. :)

[polyamorouscultureis]

Hey, I was wondering if you could maybe help me with this, because I am incredibly now at polyamory, I have no onw around me that I could talk to and I don't know how to act.

Okay so basically, i have been with my partner for almost 3 years now. We were completly monogamous until a few months ago, when they went to study abroad. We have a huge time difference (9h) and we have never been apart for more than 1 month, so long distance has been hard on us. Not even 2 weeks of being aborad they met someone and started to develop a crush.

I had no worries and said it would be okay for me if they would try something out, but I also said that i don't know if I would be comfortable with them developing feelings for each other. Fast forward a few weeks, they actually developed feelings for each other and I stopped feeling comfortable with them kissing or having sex. My partner and I talked about it and we came to the conclusion that we want to try to actually open our relationship.

See the problem isn't with my partner or the guy they found, because both of them are 100% okay with everything. I am the only one who feels terrible about my partner having romantic feelings for someone other than me. But I really want to try for my partner. (I dont know if a non-monogamous relationship is for me, right now it doesn't feel like I can do this, but like I said I really want to try for them).

I feel jealous and anxious and sometimes angry. I don't want to feel this way. We talked about things that could help me get over these feelings, including my partner spending more time with me and me actually getting to know the other person.

(I also thought that it could maybe help if I also had someone else, but I don't know if I actually want that. Also it hurts when my partner says that they don't care if I have someone else.)

Moreover we made the "rule" that we should take it slow and that I am currently not comfortable with them sharing bodily affection, like kissing or having sex. We're hoping that as time passes my bad feelings would go away and they can slowly start doing these things again.

Now coming to my question: Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? How can I figure out where my bad feelings are coming from? What else can we do to reduce my bad feelings? I would appreciate your help soo much. Thank you!

To me, it sounds like you love your partner very much, but the two of you aren't romantically compatible.

It absolutely sucks when this happens, for everyone involved. But do not compromise your own comfort just to appease your partner. Don't hide your feelings of jealousy and blame yourself for not "trying hard enough" to be poly "for them" if it's genuinely something you're not comfortable with.

It's okay if this is a dealbreaker for you. If you would be happier with just one person, and they would be happier with more than one, it's okay to end the relationship and wish each other the best. You can still love each other, still root for the other's happiness in life, and date separately. You both deserve to have the types of connections that you want. If this isn't what you want, the best you will be able to do is learn to tolerate it. Being actually happy with it may not ever happen.

It's so, so hard. And I'm sorry you're going through this. But I hope both of you can take a look at your relationship together and determine whether it's something you still want or not. It's okay if it isn't. But don't force yourself to change for them. <3

[bratty-telepath]

It has come to my attention that people often don't consider I'm poly and I am a multi-shipper meaning that if I see a range of characters, I will devise a way for them all to be happy together in some way, shape or form, with each other, this includes redacted so…

Bratty Telepath's Poly Redacted Stuff/Multi-shipping shit

(I am a disgrace for not coming up w a better title)*

In this, I will be giving you, dear reader, my poly headcanons and thoughts regarding the redacted universe (this will probably come up again as time goes on). If that's not your cuppa and you prefer monogamous content then that's great! I'll just be over here making people have feelings for each other to make myself happy and you can be over there! Also none of this is organized. It's me rambling off about the things that invade my brain

David /Angel/Asher - happens after David meets and dates Angel and he's able to actually loosen up enough to see that Ash has always cared for him before he starts realizing "oh shit, I'm in love with my best friend" before they go on a bout of him avoiding Asher to avoid his feelings as Asher think David's drifting away again. Angel is who pulls these idiots back together and is like "fix yo shit".

Darlin/Sweetheart/Sam - is long running and went on for a while before Darlin left Dahlia. They were highschool sweethearts who were still dating while SH was at DAMN. At the same time, SH was also seeing Sam unofficially before he got turned and dropped out. Both these bitches really ran and SH was like "I am never letting you shits go" when they met again. SH/Darlin is very much a danger duo situation while SH/Sam is a flirty old roommates situation.

The DAMN polycule - them bitches hanging out and FL was like "what if we dated each other" cuz like they were all not actually seeing anyone they figured "eh, we can try", it started out as a joke...but then they caught feelings and now they're all dating :3

Aaron/Bäbe(aka Smartass)/Asher - Bäbe's old job was with Aaron where they met Asher and when they got a new job, they started dating Aaron. Asher and Aaron know about each other and hang but they're not dating

DAMN polycule/Lovely/Vincent - I think Lovely should know more people and more people should know Lovely. I also think Vincent and Gavin have fucked and they both push Damien's buttons and Huxley has them both on a leash. They'd all be cute together, I know it.

Milo/Lasko/SH - All of my loves, in one ship? Absolutely. After inversion, Lasko started talking to Milo when he was isolating from the group because Milo made him feel bigger than he ever felt when they met and not long afterwards, Lasko ended getting pursued by Milo and SH. It's a very fun relationship.

Sam/FL/Darlin - *Ahem* FL finds Sam w Lovely's help and they ask him to teach them about healing magic. He takes them on as their tutor because he recognizes the same spark he had in them and they both start falling for each other. Darlin is chill w it and doesn't join in the relationship until they get to know FL better and are like "you are amazing and I am going to keep you close forever now".

Milo/Darlin/David/Asher - THEY ALL USED TO BE BEST FRIENDS GROWING UP AND NOW THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AS ADULTS. That's it. That's the plot. That's the idea.

David/SH/Milo - Milo realizes he likes David when he talks to SH about him and SH's like "you should tell him then" but Milo's hesitant because they're not as close as they used to be. David however does like Milo but he also likes SH because of their small back and forths with each other and how much he respects their dedication so SH who's noticing all of this is like "He likes you, and he likes you. I think both of you are idiots but you're hot and have a good personality sooo let's all date".

Asher/FL - They're so good together, I promise. Asher and FL bounce energy between one another like a particle accelerator of sorts so they multiply each other's vibes but they both know how recognize and help each other through their shit.

Guy/Seer(Honey)/Morgan - Honey has been a seer obscura all along and was fine dating Guy cuz he was unempowered and they never needed to worry about him finding out about seers but when they have the inversion vision, they meet Morgan who's like "I can help". Morgan requires stress relief which Guy is great at, and Guy+Morgan are also amazing at helping slow down Honey.

SH/Vince/Lovely - These three have a dyanmic where Vince used to get in trouble with the department and used to flirt w SH a lot but SH always kept him ar a distance cuz he didn't have any damn sense. Then SH started liking the person Vince was when he was actually with Lovely. Vince has always liked SH but they just never visibly returned his feelings so he thought they weren't interested but Lovely was like "maybe, talk and like figure that shit out so my boyfriend can stop acting like a fuckin' loser". Vince's dyanmic w SH is absolutely flirty back and forths in contrast to complete adoration of Lovely.

That's all for now, I'm tired of writing but if you're curious about my thoughts on a ship, shoot it my way in a ask🤷🏾‍♂️

[cbrownjc]

loumand shippers are mostly brown and black people who are first and foremost happy to see and interracial gay relationship without a white in it.

they will never turn on loumand or assad because for them it's less about the show and more about the representation.

they're also the smallest group in the fandom when you think of the three main ships. loustat, loumand, dm.

Hey Anon,

I mean, I kinda don't want to assume. I'm sure there are some white fans who ship Armand and Louis too. But I admit I do feel like many who do are as you say, people are drawn to a non-white interracial couple.

And I don't have a problem with that. I fully understand that. Hell, it's a rare thing to see in any medium. And if they are fine with accepting that Armand isn't going to morph into some noble good guy and will be doing some problematic things, just like other characters in this story, that's fine too. Again I and no one has ever asked them to stop shipping Armand and Louis because of the things Armand will do. Or turn on the ship.

The actors however no, I'm not confident about that. And not just because of what some of them are saying about Sam. But because of what I'm hearing is being said about Jacob too.

Apparently, some people have called Jacob a sell-out in regard to this stuff, particularly it seems because he's friends and close with Sam. Jacob, who went through some of the most racist backlashes in almost any fandom due to his casting, is being called this and having people question why he is so close with and hangs out with Sam so much instead of Assad.

So forgive me but no, at the moment I have little faith Assad is going to escape some of this when even Jacob hasn't, apparently.

And lord forbid either one of them say anything nice about Sam, or that their characters both actually love Lestat. Because, you know, as far as canon goes, Louis and Armand both do love Lestat too. Deeply.

This does not negate the love and understanding Armand and Louis have for each other, of course. But that is just a nuance here that I feel is going to go over a lot of these people's heads. It seems to whenever many of us in fandom have tried to explain it before now.

I don't usually mind shipper back and forths. I've engaged in my own in different fandoms, as anyone who goes through my Tumblr archives can see. I don't really do it for IWTV and VC fandom simply because I'm so drawn to the poly nature of Rice's vampires than I am for any sort of monogamous shipping aspect or idea. I am deeply looking forward to seeing the combinations of everything that's coming in S2.

But I am not looking forward to the actors being attacked or having disparaging things said about them just because Jacob or Assad aren't hanging out with each other more like some think they should, or because they both actually like Sam, or will at some point talk about how each of the characters they play love Sam's character and being called sell-outs for that, or anything else.

Because, again, nothing I'm seeing right now wrt all of this is giving me pause to not expect it to happen. Nothing at all.

And I speak from experience when I say . . . the actors do see or hear this personal stuff that's said about them. You might think they don't, especially if they have limited or no social media. But they still hear about it, even if just through a second hand. For sure.

[1yyyyyy1]

what do you think about poly? i hate it because i don't think its possible to actually be in love with 2 people without pair bonding more with one, or value someone while having sex with someone else. i feel like it's a cover for how shitty men and some women are at commitment. a part of me believes men don't feel true love or intimacy, but admitting that only makes me feel like i'm validating them when they say they can't commit and it's "unrealistic" but it's really just being a good partner.

I like not to think about it :) Everything I've learned about polygamy has been against my will… I distinctly remember a male on Reddit describe his experience with polygamy, in which he spoke about having a "polygamous mindset" for a lack of a better word. He was in a committed relationship with a monogamous woman and chose monogamy because he liked her as a person (I'm guessing polygamy was a hard boundary for her). He said that, aside from the pull to be with multiple people, him being polygamous meant that he was genuinely happy with his partner seeing (and sleeping with) other people and enjoying it; it didn't sound like he was describing a fetish and it was in general different from the idea of polygamy I previously had in mind. It stood out to me because he was mostly talking about his attitude towards his girlfriend partnering others and not his personal gain, so I could see how it could be a mutual dynamic between compatible partners. This kind of changed my opinion on what polygamy could be like if it involved emotionally mature and self-aware people, even if didn't make me understand the appeal any better.

Generally speaking, I don't have a strong opinion on polygamy (or polyamory) because I prefer to concern myself with the things that are for me. I can imagine polygamy working out for people, even if only within the confines of a thought experiment, so I'm not going to dismiss it on the premise that it is inherently dysfunctional. I'm not going to dismiss it in favor of monogamy either because I don't view monogamy as a sign of adjustment. Some people are into monogamy because they are obsessive and controlling, and monogamous partnerships are still notorious for cheating and turning into an "open relationship". I'm less and less inclined to be picking a side as people always seem to find a way to pervert whatever it is I would be supportive of... It is possible to stand up for your preferences without disparaging the other option — and risking being wrong in the process. The reason I would only ever consider monogamy is very simple — I don't like sharing my life on a profoundly personal level with multiple people. My overall personality traits coincide in a way that makes this unfeasible for me. I am very private about my life experiences and I would not share them with someone who is not fully invested. I also see relationships as a learning experience, and since I like getting to the bottom of things I would be genuinely distressed if me getting closer with someone were diluted by some other person's contribution. This may sound like a self-absorbed approach to something as reciprocal as a relationship, but laying down the precise terms on which you enter one makes it impossible for people to sway your opinion in a direction that doesn't benefit you. It doesn't matter to me if my standards are framed as "a desire for ownership" or "controlling", which are all common accusations made against monogamy. The point is that I would never consent to a relationship (let alone sexual contact) with a person who is not willing to match my commitment and views on privacy, it would violate my personal boundaries and I am better off not entering a relationship altogether until my conditions are met.

I would argue that there is an issue with commitment on people's part, but I would attribute it to something other than a specific relationship model. What I see is that most relationships are formed out of convenience, and revolve around reproduction, shared finances and sexual gratification. The reason I believe this results in commitment issues is because these are all non-specific traits most functional adults can perform and provide. There is not much ground for personalized bonding, and this approach can result in indecisiveness about which partner to commit to (if at all). This, of course, can also lead to multiple partners being a valid option at the cost of them being entirely replaceable... To answer the question the second time — I do think that relationships that involve multiple people can be a sign of poor commitment and superficial bonding.

As for men's inability to love, I don't see acknowledgement as endorsement and I don't understand why it is such a common notion. My negative assessment of people is there for me to have an understanding of what I am dealing with, not to validate said people. In acknowledging that men are incapable of commitment, I choose to allocate my efforts to someplace else because attempting to change a person's behavior is a waste of my time. I don't feel responsible for men's stance on faithfulness; I believe them to be capable enough to live in accordance with their convictions regardless of outside influence. I know for a fact that no amount of external validation would make me cheat on my partner, so it is not a stretch to extend these expectations to other people, including men.

[doubledoublezero]

I wrote this on Reddit, but maybe here is good too:

I may be poly.

So my (32M) last break up took me much longer than I originally thought it would mostly because I never allowed myself to fully process it. My ex partner (29M) recently had a long conversation about everything where I gained more clarity on both of us and how to move forward.

When I kept seeing him and his new partner, I was devastated. I came to terms that the reason why was because I was afraid of losing him. Our relationship was perfect and we love each other so much, however, ended due to distance. We both live in different countries and he felt it was un-equivalent if I am able to afford to visit him more often than he could and that I can get my affairs in order to move down to live with him. As he put it, If I moved to him, he would want to give me the house. And that's just where he feels he is. He wants to be able to give me what he feels I deserve and currently, he doesn't feel we're at an equal point in our lives.

Before it ended, my partner suggested that he may be polyamorous because of how he loves. He is able to love different people in different ways and says its like he offers a part of his heart to everyone he's with. I never understood why he was so able to go from one partner to the next, but this helped gain clarity after our breakup. He also told me more about his new partner. His partner knows about our feelings for each other and empathizes with me and is also afraid of something out of his control coming in the way of the relationship. To be honest, I really like him for him. Coming from a traditionally monogamous mindset in the past, at first seeing them together just made me emotional. I hated seeing my partner happy with someone else doing the things that I wanted to do with him. But after our talk, its no longer the case. I actually like seeing them together and I'm legitimately happy for them, though still jealous a bit obviously.

At first in our conversation, he wanted to find a way for us to keep each other in our lives. We agreed we can never be friends and we will be something more to each other always. He wants me to move on and go on with my life while still being part of it in some way (which I also want too), but after realizing that I will always want to be with him in some way or another romantically, he decided a break might be needed. Granted I originally suggested no contact when we first broke up, but he never followed through. Now after I gained clarity and am now more open to his relationship is when he suggests no contact...the irony lol. But I do agree space is needed to plan what we want next for each other.

Now when he first told me he might be polyamorous in the past, I was at first taken a back but also was the ones doing research for him to find out more about it. He said a triad lifestyle makes sense for him. We never got to discuss it more because we broke up and originally we were in an open relationship already due to distance, but honestly I was open to trying it. And before I just didn't want to know what he did with his sexual partners while we were together due to jealousy, I guess my own ego, and the fear of losing him, but after he assured me his love for me and we really got to talk about everything I am really accepting of all of it.

The last message I sent to him was to tell his partner I wanted to thank him for the kindness and empathy and that I do support their relationship. I am happy that the man I love gets to be loved the way he deserves from someone worthy. Its been a few days since we agreed to not speak for a while to reevaluate, but during that time if I'm being honest I actually would've wanted us all to date...Why couldn't I keep a romantic relationship with a man I love more than anything while he gets to date someone who can love him in a way I can't? Why can't we share the love? Even when we were open just the two of us, I wouldn't have minded him dating and I would do the same. He's afraid that my love for him would keep me from moving on, but truthfully I would be ok loving him and also loving someone else. Unfortunately because of no contact I haven't had the chance to talk any of this out with him. I'm focusing on myself now, but also eagerly wanting to explain this to him. I'm not sure where his current relationship lies in terms with how open it is, so I also know I have to take that into account.

And I also realized that I have experienced a similar situation in the past. My last ex before him was with me for 2 years. We weren't the most compatible and monogamous, but I now know that ended up being one of the reasons of our break up. We took space for a year and were reunited around the time I started dating my most recent partner. We agreed to be friends and would regularly hang out, but I think because I had needs being fulfilled by my current partner, I saw him a bit differently. We admitted that our friendship was also more than that as well and we still had a love for each other. I would be lying to say that even though I know we don't work in a traditional relationship, I don't still have strong romantic feelings for him. I first was confused because how could I have feelings for him while still having feelings for my other ex partner as well? This realization helped me process that I too am able to love multiple people I form a deep connection with. I feel that the limitations of monogamy is really what got in the way of each of these relationships. In an ideal scenario, I would love a romantic relationship with both while both are able to explore new romantic relationships as well, but I know that comes with a lot of discussion. And even in new relationships going forward, I would like to explore that as well. I know my most recent partner wants to give space so his love doesn't hold me back from finding something new...but I have realized that isn't the case. If he was willing, I really would prefer to do/have both.

After everything that was discussed and exploring my feelings i realized that I really am a non-monogamous person. I was coming to the terms that I don't want a traditional relationship going forward (meaning just an open relationship for sexual reasons), but now I understand that I might want to explore having different variations of romantic partners if all parties are willing. I think going through my break up outside of a monogamous perspective really helped me process it better and I wish I realized this sooner. I want to be open and honest with my most recent partner when we are ready to speak again (though I will admit I am fighting the urge to just message him but will hold off out of respect), and I want to explore this idea with my other ex partner as well. This experience made me realize that I can still love someone deeply while still forming new love which has been life changing :)

Can anyone relate? Since this is all new to me, any tips and advice is appreciated

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

Ohhh if you're comforable, can you describe how dating more people has been for you? :)

sure! keep in mind, i'm no expert lol, so don't take my word as the Absolute Law And Truth, this is just my experience. i just do what i wanna do!

calling myself polyamorous is sort of a new thing for me, even though i have always sorta acted polyamorous, if that makes sense. not in the sense that i'd cheat lol, but i'd make it clear that i am seeing other ppl and would take great care to not let it be implied that things are exclusive if i'm seeing someone.

however!! it was always expected that once i "like someone enough" i need to sorta commit and "make it serious" (a term i hate), and that's what i'd always do. i'd just like. pick one. lol. and it felt weird and unnatural and always gave me terrible anxiety, which i thought were like. commitment issues. but i actually don't really have those? like i am very happy to commit, but for me that doesn't include being romantically/sexually exclusive to that one person. i think commitment comes in many forms. i can be there for you, and also be there for others. i don't understand why me having sex with someone else would mean i don't value you. i honestly can't grasp that concept at all, never could.

to get back to "being serious abt someone" i also can't comprehend how me also being with other ppl would mean that i am not serious about someone i'm with. like, i just don't get it, i guess. and i really, really dislike that whole idea of oh, you can fuck around but then monogamy is like The Next Level That Is Expected At Some Point, which is how many of my irl friends view it. they're like yeah yeah, but you will Commit at some point, right?? and i'm like... i'm Already Committed lol, as much as i can be. bc i guess i'm in sorta ldr atm, and they're like oh yeah, so you're now poly bc she's not here so you wanna fuck right. and like.... no lol. i'd be poly even if she were right in this room with me haha. i'm not poly bc i can't control my sexual desire and my pussy would shrivel up and die unless i Fuck Someone Right Now (also it REALLY isn't just abt fucking). if i decided to be monogamous, i would be, no matter where my partner was.

like, i find the way most ppl look at relationships very perplexing, and i just always thought i was weird like that, until recently i was like...... Wait A Minute. i don't have to perform monogamy lol.

i had a gf prior to this realisation. i was in a committed relationship that lasted 3 years that wasn't the healthiest, but We Tried lol. and then after i broke up with her, the idea of being in a monogamous relationship just seemed so... unnatural to me? like, i literally made myself be monogamous. and i didn't mind it! it was a choice i consciously made. i was willing to make that sacrifice for her bc i knew she would be very uncomfortable with me seeing other ppl and i did love her very much. the relationship didn't work out for other reasons that are irrelevant rn.

however what Got Me was that each time i had to consciously decide to be monogamous. and i was like hey wait a min. if i have to Decide this every time, perhaps it's not what's natural to me? if i'm like, oof, okay, now i must Act In This Way! perhaps i should just... stop?? why WOULD i make that sacrifice for anyone if there are ppl out there who will love me as i am? i can just be polyamorous?? idk why that hasn't occurred to me before, i guess just bc i thought no one like... Does That except very Woke ppl lol. and i was like yeah idk if that's realistic for me (???? what does that even mean????).

so yeah, i guess i'm identifying as polyamorous now, even if i always have been! as for how the experience of dating (idk if i would even call anything i do dating, i just vibe with ppl while we vibe lol) more than one person is for me? natural, liberating, normal, non-stressful. i just slipped into it like it was the most natural thing in the world, bc to me, it is. i had zero angst abt it once i allowed myself to just do it. my relationships are healthier, i am happier, i feel at peace, i attract more ppl than ever. i don't have that scarcity mindset like OOF better catch One!!!! unless you wanna Die Alone!!!! thing lol. i would always be like but sadjkhfdashfdsa wdym catch one adskhdsafdshfdhjsjfdhs this is so stressful. like that part is totally gone. i'm so so so happy. i feel loved and i have much loved to give. it feels like it's always been like this.

hope that answers your question!

[polyamorousmood]

My gf (mtf) is fairly monogamous but I'm not necessarily, especially with sex. I have an offer from our mutual male friend (cis) to try penetration since I (afab nb) am terrified but curious about it and he's one of the only cis guys I'd feel comfortable trying that with. I have hooked up with him once before, prior to meeting my gf, and it was really good. My gf is fairly supportive about it, one of the things that really works for us sex-wise is that neither of us want penetration in our relationship. I'm just absolutely terrified of making her insecure and ruining her friendship with our friend. I know I can function fine with blurring the lines between sex, friends, and partners, but she's got the trauma of an ultra-Christian childhood and has so much constant dysphoria that I'm scared something like this could ruin our relationship. We talked so much when he first offered and I know she's not opposed, but I just keep thinking about all the horror stories I've read about couples opening up their relationship or trying poly after being mono and it ruining them. Especially if I end up wanting it more than just once with our friend. I don't particularly need advice, I'm just laying in bed next to her in the dark scrolling horrifying stories on Reddit while talking with our friend over text getting all up in my head about our dynamics and I don't have anyone to vent to about this right now. I figure a polyam blog on tumblr will at least understand that nuances that come with figuring this stuff out. Thanks for listening

It's really fair that you'd be worried about this, and it's a really good sign for everything that you want to do this consciously and carefully - if at all. Sincerely the worst thing about polyamory (and related things) is how isolating it can be. 😣Oftentimes, the only person you can even discuss problems with is the partner who is also all up in the problem. Which I clearly don't need to explain to you how that sucks.

You said you didn't need anything but listening. But like, it's me. So.... 🤷‍♀️

Reddit and the forums are the mother of all selection biases: happy people generally don't feel the need to post about their lives online, and people who have found something sustainable but not completely perfect don't feel like their input is valuable because they "still have problems" even though how things can work really well or well enough is probably some of the most valuable information to you!

It's not your fault if your partner lies about or grossly mis-estimates her okayness level on this. And if she is the type of person to usually lies about or grossly mis-estimates her okayness level with things, its bound to be a problem at some point, even if you can successfully avoid it being a problem on this one issue by being really anxious.

🗣📢EXPLICITLY UNSOLICITED ADVICE WARNING🚨🚨 Everything up to this point could be construed as "just thoughts" but the following is unambiguously advice. Stop reading now if you want to continue in your unadvized state. She cannot assure you with 100% certainty she will not have a problem with it. If she tries, all she'll do is lock herself into not being able to tell you if she does. The only helpful thing in these situations I have found is to establish a procedure for what to do if there is a problem. Give her the tools to find something that's comfortable for her. Give her the certainty that you will listen to her, talk things through (which is sometimes a solution on its own!), and not hold it against her if you need to make changes. Then you can rest assured if there are problems, they won't last.

When you're doing "but I don't want to hurt herrrrrr😖" anxiety calculus, remember your non monogamous tendencies probably aren't going to stop! So also evaluate if you'd be okay with never ever doing anything with someone besides your gf. And if you're not. It will probably hurt her worse if you say you're fine with staying monogamous forever now, and then feel like you're about to snap two years later. So just like. Factor that into your calculations, too, haha!😅

And as a close

I'm with you. I feel you. This blog has DMs open if you want to talk more organically or about details you don't want to be public. No matter how this shakes out, you will get through to the other side.💙💖🖤

[switchy-bastard]

Well, I finally broke down and made a horny blog. Welcome! It's nice to have you here. This is my pinned post, and I will probably edit it fairly often as this blog develops.

I guess let's get the rough part out of the way first.

Do not interact:

Minors- this is an 18+ blog. Please leave immediately.

Terfs- get the fuck out. You will be blocked.

If you would judge someone for anything outside of their control - like race, gender, orientation, sexuality, nationality, etc. - then you're an asshole, and I don't want to talk to you.

About me:

I'm amab, and I use he/him pronouns. If you're very nice to me, there are others I may tell you are okay.

I am bisexual, and I love all genders/genitalia. DMs are open for flirtation with other adults, so long as you understand that I'm not looking for a long-term monogamous partner at the moment. I'm also happy to talk academically about kink-related things.

I'm a top-leaning verse with an oral fixation.

Kinks and kinky preferences:

As my blog title says, I am a switch. I tend to default to submission online, since it's easier/more acceptable/less aggressive, but I do genuinely enjoy both.

Very much have a praise kink, both as a dom and as a sub. Love to be praised, and love to praise. Sometimes, it can be nice to mix in a little degradation, but only if we've agreed to it beforehand.

Bondage is lovely- I can think of very little more intimate than the act of tying someone up, or trusting them enough to be tied. Big into ropes, chains, cuffs, etc.

Hypnosis is cool- I've never been successfully put under, but I like it as a dom, and I like the concept as a sub.

I tend to prefer a gentle style of dominance for myself, but I can get rougher if you like- the trust involved in being asked for that is a huge turn on for me.

If I'm domming you, you can call me Sir, or Master. Please don't call me Daddy without asking first.

If you're domming me, I enjoy being a Good Boy.

Here are some graphics of my kinks (last updated 22 September 2024):

From https://bdsmtest.org

From https://goctionni.github.io/kinklist-v2/

Some elaboration on some of these results:

I'd be willing to wear heels for play only if we found them in my size- I have wide feet, which makes shoe shopping difficult, and I don't get enough out of cross-dressing myself to bother looking for them, but if that's your kink, I'll work to indulge you, as I have nothing against it.

Calling people Daddy/Mommy is hot. Taking it further, to the point of age regression or incest roleplay, is not my kink, but this is not a moral indictment against those who enjoy it. Live your freaky truth!

I'm fairly neutral about age gaps. I wouldn't seek out someone too much younger or older, but I'm open to adult conversations with other adults.

I will not be tickled. This is not open to negotiation.

I will not participate in cheating, even as roleplay. If you have a cuckold/cuckqueen fetish, this is not to shame you- it just isn't for me.

If you've made it this far, my asks (including anons if you're shy) and DMs are open. I hope you like it here!

I'm still figuring out my personal stance on polyamory/ethical non-monogamy. I'm certainly not looking for anything monogamous myself right now, but I've got some hang-ups from my upbringing that make it difficult to engage fully with the poly lifestyle. Patience is appreciated as I work through this. I'm usually down to have fun, though!

Claimed anons: 🦇, 😇 (maybe), 🪼

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

hihi!! i'm not sure if your requests are open atm, but i'd like to request a romantic TWST matchup pls? if not you can just ignore this, no worries! :) i tried to split this up as much as what seemed to make sense so it’s not so hard to read :’)

i'm two-spirit and i use they/she pronouns! i spend a lot of my time sleeping (i'm a very eepy gal lmao) and foraging outside with my friends! i also love video games (my favs being animal crossing, the last of us, twst, obey me, stardew valley, resident evil, etc) and cooking/baking! i'm quite ditsy to be perfectly honest and forget things very easily. but i am quite smart when i want to be! i've been described before as a very humble and dedicated person, but i tend to be very emotionally intense. my best friend florence said this abt me when i asked for a friend's desc of me:

"you tend to be really kind and emotional. you aren't afraid to express yourself in any manner. you also value connections that you forge with people and will always push those around you to do the best that they can. you're very stubborn, especially when it comes to conflicts; you won't stop until you've reached a resolution. you also value passion, both in yourself and others. i've never met anyone so determined for those that they love."

 i'm a leo sun, scorpio moon (again emotionally intense lmao), and a pisces rising! in typology i'm an entp 7w6 721 sp/sx! i’m rather short (a good 5’3”), i have black hair with neon blue roots in a shag/hush cut style. my hair is very thick and very wild and i tend to have a couple of small braids in to represent my indigenous culture (with beads as well to make it pretty hehe). i have nice tan going on (again cause i’m native) and i’m a bit more on the thicker side when it comes to my body and i’m VERY feminine presenting. i have several piercings: (two nostrils, one septum, left eyebrow, spider bites, and too many to count on my ears) and three tattoos: one of the vivienne westwood logo on my shoulder blade, one that says “trns pwr” (trans power) on my wrist, and one of the two-headed calf (the one from the poem GAH i love that poem sm) on my upper arm.

 i’m bi with a preference towards masc individuals, and i’m open to poly relationships although i’ve only had experience with monogamous relationships. when it comes to relationships, i tend to be a bit of a worrywart about my partner’s satisfaction and happiness in the relationship, and thus a bit self-conscious. i spend a lot of time doting on my partner and put their well-being before anything else, but when i don’t receive affirmation from them in return i immediately feel like i’ve screwed up somehow. i tend to view romantic love as like a joining of two people’s souls, and for me romantic love is very much a spiritual and intense feeling/ordeal. i’m very spiritual myself and i put lots of attention into my growth and well-being in every facet of my life, esp spiritually though.

 i tend to look for partners who are at least a tad clingy so my doting is reciprocated, have some sort of trauma(s) or issues (yes i try to fix them T-T), and are emotionally intelligent. i LOVE domesticity and my biggest daydream is living in a cottage with my s/o and being completely off-grid and like, having a dairy farm or something no-kill. i ADORE all animals i prefer partners who do as well, in fact not liking animals or not respecting them is a huge red flag for me. i also get romantically turned off by people who take no time to process or take into account their emotions or other people’s emotions, or by people who are “holier-than-thou” and narcissistic. also very much a red flag to me. in terms of affection, i show it mainly through quality time and physical touch, though i don’t feel limited to just those two languages. im also very autistic so i also show affection through parallel play and info-dumping. when it comes to receiving affection, i also love quality time and physical affection and parallel play, but i can find appreciation through any love language as well.

and i think that’s about it! if you need any more info just message me at @ur-paramour :)

Hi Elio! Your formatting was great, and I have plenty of info to plot how to make hearts melt!

Let us see, oh, silly me, you have two hands for a reason!

Cater Diamond & Lilia Vanrouge

The eepiness does remind Lilia of Silver, so he just chuckles softly and tucks you in. Cater will place a kiss to your forehead whenever he finds you asleep. They both adore that even though you are kind, you are as equally stubborn. Both of them would also understand the emotional intensity; for different reasons.

I hope you’re prepared for this duo because they both are very clingy. The three of you could be out and about and people just see them trying their very best to melt into you. Someone gives you a weird look? Boom, face covered in kisses.

Speaking of kisses, they will kiss your tattoos and piercings. Lilia would be curious about the meanings, whereas Cater would gently trace over the line work. You would just be surrounded with tonnes of physical affection, and they also love getting it back, so please, drown them with it.

As for trauma, Cater finds it difficult to let people in due to his upbringing, and then Lilia definitely at least has PTSD. But it’s still trauma for both of them, both will have rough days. [You said you like to fix ‘em, well here’s two of them.]

Hair-dying sessions with both of them. Lilia would be touching up your roots, and Cater would be fixing up Lilia’s colour. It’s up to you if you can trust Lilia with your hair when it comes to maintaining the haircut. Cater would probably be the better option, he can also braid and bead your hair in cute styles.

INFODUMP TO THEM! They love seeing you get passionate and talk about hyper-fixations! Cater would mainly be quiet and looking at you all softly, whereas Lilia would occasionally join in with you, especially on topics that he himself enjoys; this can go on for hours at a time.

Lilia would LOVE the off-grid cottage lifestyle! The two of you would be out tending to the cows, and any other animal friends you have. Cater less so, but he comes to enjoy it eventually; he can be mostly found in the vegetable garden or with the barn cats.

You can and will have dates where you sit around and play video games together, and then go foraging. Cater would probably enjoy Stardew Valley, whereas Lilia would like Resident Evil.

DO NOT LET LILIA COOK! Cater will body slam Lilia to stay out of the kitchen. Please, for all of your well-being, please be the only cook.

I hope you like your match-up @ur-paramour. Honestly, I had to restrain myself from writing more, as I like keeping match-ups at a relative same word count. Saw 'polyam ok' and I went, "It's free real estate."

But I hope you enjoy Cater and Lilia! It would overall be a somewhat chaotic, but very cuddly relationship. They would also be very curious and eager to learn about any and all of your spiritual practices. Plus some bovine hugs from the cows.

[yourmoonmomma]

What made you choose poly life rather than monogamy? What's your favorite song? Who's your favorite artist?

I wouldn't say I really chose the polyam life, it's more like I chose... to be happy? I am polyamorous, living monogamous is uncomfortable for me and makes me feel like I'm having to squander a part of myself. So I chose to be happy and to be myself!

Fave song right now is probably Let It Cover Me Up by Lydia, and my fave band is Chase Atlantic!

[ace-and-slutty]

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

24. What do you want right this second?

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another person?

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

62. What do you wear to bed?

22. No but only because I'm not a strong swimmer haha. Definitely gonna try to fix that this summer

24. I am on my period and that shit hurteds!! So I'd really love to feel better or to have my electric heating pad with me. Its also making me even needier than usual lol so I'd really love to be held rn

25. Depends on the context but I've honestly been cheated on and I wanted to work things out, he actually dumped me, so it's unlikely to be a deal breaker for me. Also, I'm not poly, I definitely want to settle down and get married one day but I am happy to date someone who is poly! So if that was the case I'd probably just high five them lol. If it's a situation where I'm crushing on the person from afar, I probably wouldn't say anything. It's not fun but I'm very used to my feelings not being reciprocated and others finding me unattractive. If It's a monogamous relationship, it'd depend on some factors but more than likely I'd be hurt but absolutely willing to work things out. I'm not someone who trusts easily despite how friendly and outgoing I may seem, but once I do, I am absolutely ride or die for you.

39. Depends on your definition of dancing! I danced a lot in my show that just closed but not like partner dancing. It was more how you dance in a club and occasionally we all did stuff as a group. In terms of partner dancing, probably my ex? We went to a couple school dances together although we didn't dance very much, especially at prom. Even with my ear defenders, the noise was EXCRUCIATING.

62. It depends! A lot of the time though? Nothing. Texas is Too Fucking hot and I just got in the habit of it. I try to wear underwear when I'm at college just in case but I'm not perfect about it. If it's not too hot, I'll also wear sleep shorts or a night gown! My black slip dress is definitely my default haha

Thank you for the asks!