#I'M GONNA HYPERVENTILATE
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it just hit me that like. the reason kakashi was more upset with sasuke than naruto after they first attacked each other wasn't bc he was biased. it wasn't about either of them. it was bc he'd just seen his other student throw herself in front of a chidori and was having flashbacks like you wouldn't believe
#naruto#team seven#hatake kakashi#haruno sakura#uchiha sasuke#uzumaki naruto#sasuke: *leaves*#naruto: *is left severely injured with a chidori wound in his chest*#sakura: i'm gonna go train to be a medic nin#kakashi: that's nice i'm not going to talk to you for the next two years i think i need to go hyperventilate for a while
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I know no one gives a fuck about Oliver's actual ability to play basketball but the way he handles the ball, it's not the way someone playing it for fun or who tried to learn for a part plays, he actually knows how to play and I saw about 10 pictures and a video and I feel like I'm gonna die and when the episode drops I might have a stroke.
#basketball is my thing dude#you dont understand#the amount of below average dudes teenage me had a thing for because they were good in basketball and that made them hotter for me is#embarrassing#like legit theres nothing hotter for me than a guy being a good athlete and being good at basketball gives him more points#because it was my sport growing up#Oliver is already a solid 10#i cant do this#i legitimately feel like im gonna pass out#i am sick tho so maybe its unrelated#but I'm hyperventilating#jesus fucking christ#thoughts thoughts thoughts#911 spoilers
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I NEED MORE KIERAN I WANNA INVITE HIM TO THE LEAGUE CLUB SO THAT I CAN BATTLE HIM AND LOOSE AND THEN HELL HAVE ACTUAL DIALOUGE ABOUT BEING ABLE TO WIN
#kieran pokemon#pokemon indigo disk#rival kieran#pokemon dlc#pokemon teal mask#kieran sv#trainer kieran#pokemon kieran#i'm so normal about him#im gonna cry#losing my mind#GONNA FAINT#hyperventilating
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#well after an hour and a half of sobbing and hyperventilating and a 2 hour nap#i feel... better?#not really. i still want to kill myself and i still think like absolutely nothing matters#i also have a killer headache now (probably cause i was too busy cryong to have lunch)#and i still have an important email to reply to (which i will do tomorrow i guess)#but yeah... it was an experience#sorry for the many vent posts today#i'm not having a nice time lol#but it's fine#i'm actually fine#i won't actually kill myself so no worries there#i'm just dramatic and also in the worlds of freddie mercury#i don't want to die i just wish i'd never been born at all 👌🏻#anyways.. i'm gonna go ignore all my problems now and play some minecraft#that will solve things lol#angel talks#personal
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Walked out of my dog's grooming appointment and saw a guy selling puppies out of the back of his van. I really didn't want anything to do with that, but I couldn't just let it slide so I go back inside.
Cashier is busy so I go look for someone else. Guy is also concerned and says he's on my side, asks if I want a manager. Yes please I do not want to deal with this at all, thank you.
Manager marches outside. It's so decisive it reminds me of the skit I saw the other day where someone said "I've been wanting to yell at [someone.]" She immediately calls the police. I wouldn't have escalated that far, but okay go girl.
I ask if she got the license plate. She hadn't. The hatchback is raised so I'm like, I'm gonna have to walk past this guy and it's gonna be really obvious.
I get a video. He gets mad. I get it, I also got mad the time someone thought I was stealing (I was putting my hand sanitizer back in my purse and refused to show them my purse because they were strangers and it was my fucking purse) and got my license plate on their phone, but. In this specific instance. If me filming makes you angry instead of making you happy about the free advertising? Maybe. Possibly. It is because you KNOW you're doing something wrong.
I show her the video, she gets the license plate. Walk to my car. He's videoing me back. Whatever, buddy, I'm not doing anything wrong. The building has security cameras anyway, you're probably already on video.
He's got at least one parent with him. It's one of those bully type breeds guys have when they want to look tough. Ears cropped and everything. Dog's barking at everyone walking past, probably because he's been cooped up for a while. I don't know how long, this is a partial guess.
To his credit, he did have the a/c going, but I also drive a hatchback. There's very little airflow in the trunk, so it's the last to get the a/c, and the door is open. In 90 degree weather. Muggy, too, so sweating only does so much.
Sorry we didn't handle this one personally buddy but I do hope they get your ass.
#i'm shaking#i'm always shaking but y'know#more than usual#i haaate confrontation like that but i don't like letting the important things slide#personal#i want to curl into a little ball#and hyperventilate#i'm. i'm gonna go get a bagel dog.
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endlessly amused that I have one (1) dog that genuinely needs a cooling coat on especially hot days like this, not just our beleaguered AC and fans
and it's the one who was supposed to be developed for driving cows in the Australian outback and who was also born in California
#to be fair Tribble may in fact be part lizard#and it IS currently 94 F out which is actually a marked improvement from the high of 98#because climate change sucks okay#but also I'm gonna mock her endlessly about it#she haaaaaaaaaaates the cooling coat but she goes from hyperventilating to lying quietly wishing she and everyone else were dead#which is admittedly the point everyone but Benton and Tribble are at#Tribble is mostly basking#Benton is just sad no one will cuddle him because it is HOT#Matilda#10 months
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Now... I'm cooking an analysis about the possible meaning of the dorsals of some bllk characters on my drafts but I'm too scared to post it and then somebody debunking it (which is quite possible to happen since I'm dense as hell when reading pretty much anything and my English sucks)
#also I'm socially awkward on the Internet so it may just stay as a draft forever bruh#i hate being perceived dude but i also want to talk about bllk with literally anybody 😔#bllk#blue lock#fuck it I'll post it#Im just gonna say that I'll be hyperventilating and sobbing after doing so#probably nobady is gonna read it anyway and I'm just being dramatic😭🙏
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i LOVED the season two episode where they all got trapped in the lab crawling with demodogs and to think that we'll now get an entire season with those vibes cranked all the way up... monster apocalypse hell on earth nowhere to hide danger at every corner spores and blood everywhere and will's psychic connection being blown wide open i— head in hands sweating breathing heavy i'm shaking rn brother i am QUIVERING
#it's gonna be So Good#ppl running n screaming fighting the ultimate final fight i'm . hyperventilates so hard into a brown paper bag that it pops
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now how did I go from being one of the best students in my department to throwing up as soon as I need to open a textbook and probably failing all exams all within six months-
#ema rant#anxitey#I'm gonna explode into confetti#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#academic failure#not even being dramatic#hyperventilating#toodles :3
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the worst part of my ted lasso rewatch was realizing anew how much i care about ted/rebecca, which is too much, and if i don’t get to watch them live happily ever after romantic stylez i’m going to carry around that debilitating pain for the rest of my life, NO BIG DEAL
#the last time i cared this much was killing eve#make of that what you will#(like at least they got to have the best kiss scene ever; it's definitely gone worse for me in the past than killing eve did)#(however i would like ted and rebecca to be more successful than eve and v please)#dollsome's deep thoughts#anyway it's funny because i NEED season three to be about them falling in love#but also when i try to imagine actually watching it with my eyes i feel like i'm gonna hyperventilate#the stakes have become too high for me!!!!!!!!!!#but at least i am in fine company with y'all
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dead video links but in my heart i believe that is actually on the true blood drama CD i'm not delusional i'm not insane I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT
#rinshiki is real they're both brocons i'm SO RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME KASDFGBHGREHRFGBGFRE#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#gonna be hyperventilating for the rest of the day lmfao#FUCKING HELP ME
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me every day: yes, I understand that I have ptsd. yes, it will frequently disrupt my life in sometimes (seemingly) random ways. sometimes this will necessitate leaving work or disclosing things about myself to a supervisor or friend or bystander because it's freaking them out and THEY are now panicking and often wanting to call me an ambulance. this is just a fact. it's fine. i'm dealing with it. most years are easier than the ones before them. it's fine.
me when my ptsd is actually triggered: what is happening right now. why can't I breathe. why can't I stand up. why do I feel like I'm about to throw up and die. oh, I know!!! I must be having an allergic reaction to something!!!! I'm suddenly coming down with the flu in the span of 3 minutes!!! this is so weird!!!!!!!
#EDIT: talk of PTSD proceed with caution#it's morphed a little over the years lololol#used to present as very obvious and unmistakable panic attacks with crying and hyperventilating#10 years later and it's quieter. 70% of the time the whole world just shrinks to a 1 foot bubble around me and everything goes dark#at least i didn't actually throw up this time around#and i was able to pinpoint the trigger about 2 hours in#once i was able to think again#and it was a song. 30 seconds of a song.#noticed right away that something felt wrong so i hit stop#but it was too late lmao within 5 minutes it was hard to breathe and the room was spinning and within 10 i crawled upstairs and passed out#but yeah like in the moment i often don't understand what's happening#i don't realize until I've passed out and woken up again#i had to lay down on the floor in the backroom of my retail job once and it scared the shit out of everyone#i usually stay somewhat lucid but i rarely realize I'm reacting to a trigger until after I've recovered#which means then I'm laying on a floor woozily insisting I'm fine#and then have the SUPER FUN TIME of having to explain everything after the fact once my brain and body are working again#I have a few long time coworkers who realize I've been triggered before I do lmao#They're like. Bro. You need to sit down. Right fucking now or you're gonna fall#rray.txt
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Who has the best bromance on the team?
#i'm gonna need to do an entirely separate post reacting to this#i'm hyperventilating#how dare they#this is such incredible material#duker love triangle!#rutger and johnny are roommates!#jaybone's on board with the ************ agenda!#luca/johnny confirmed!#luca won't let luke confess to the sophomore polycule!#i am D Y I N G i can't handle any of this
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w.
wut.
#personal#random#WHAT#WH-WHA-HHUH-#GUYS WHAT SORRY WHAT WHAT WHAT#uhhhhh#sweet mother of radioactivity WHAT-#okay so after i recover from shock imma uhhh figure smthn out#cuz this probably calls for celebration#but this literally shattered my emotional capability so i'm just gonna uh#process#yeaaaaa#*screams into the void and descends*#do i do an art raffle or a ask box request thing or a comic orr-?#*hyperventilating and vibrating rapidly*
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after all the drama from this silly little comment, the overarching important detail of today was
i got the internship!!
#and tomorrow i find out about the job which i am not hyperventilating about at /all/#the internship i was much more confident in#but also it's a HUGE relief to know what my internship will be next year and that the content and the hours of it aren't gonna kill me#also i'll get to lead therapy groups with incarcerated individuals (in and out of jail) and even do 1 on 1 therapy with those who want to!!#AND possibly create and lead trainings on trans/queer birth and parenting (bc that's what my thesis is on)#like this internship is kind of whatever i want to make it and i'm so excited#charlie chats#me
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oughg
vp asked me how i was on a personal level during a call today, like actually Checking In (maybe it's because i've been more scattered/frazzled lately and i said i have been overwhelmed), and i froze, staring into the webcam like
"not great"
#i felt so pathetic LMFAOO#i told her i'd rather not let personal stuff bleed into work#(even though deep down i'm hyperventilating bc its been affecting my performance)#and she was like you're not a robot you're a human#and it was sweet but im still generally terrified 24/7#but she would still like to chat w me tomorrow#and id be mortified if i said something too personal/unprofessional so im just gonna have to be like '🧍♀️ challenges. family. things. yk!'#(((please give me a raise!! im dying!! im dying!!!)))))#i had 4-4.5 hrs of meetings every day for this past week. it happens to a lot of us but it's just insane rn.#but i have projects piling up.#and if i'm not working i'm either crying sleeping or puking up lunch LMAO#we had some restructuring lately and she was one of my supervisors now she's not#but we still have to check in re: projects in her dept#and we both want me to be reporting to her again so bad LMAO#xangoeswah
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