#I’ve just been very happy lately
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I’m so exhausted and finished the biggest speech tournament of the semester(got 4th in my speech on butch lesbians btw. LESBIAN W) and still have a few showcases + I’m in the midst of writing final essays + just got back from the beach and need to rest for realsies but. I so severely miss creepypasta. Driving home from the ocean with my friend and it was freezing cold and pitch black and my eyes felt swollen and numb from the wind but we lamented on creepypasta for the hour long drive because we have been neglecting it lately for school. This will change. I miss it. I gotta draw Toby.
#ok I’m lying I don’t think I have time to be a creeptpasta fan right now#HAHAHAH#I’ve just been very happy lately#life is better when I’m busy#BUSY DOING THINGS I LOVE… for clarity …#cuz I’ve had months of 10hr shifts and nonstop babysitting and homework and finals and it was hell. BAHAHAH#but when it’s 10 hour days of speech competition I’m so joyful and pleased and I go to bed excited for the next day#I love life I wish I could find a better way to share that love with everyone#imagine holding a tiny sack of microwaved rice in your hands
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I just read “Loveless” by Alice Oseman as someone who’s aroace and I am. Struggling.
I was expecting to love the book and I’m so, so happy to see aromanticism/asexuality in the public eye, but as far as the story/characters went I was really struggling. Maybe I’m too old for it but I found it… very lackluster. The characters felt deeply one-dimensional and I did not like the protagonist at all.
If any of you have read this book and really enjoyed the characters, I would love to hear more about it. Maybe I’m just missing something. But also if any of you have recommendations for LGBTQA+ media with engaging characters and an engaging story I would love some recommendations.
I also just watched Nimona for the first time and I absolutely adored it. Would absolutely recommend it to anyone.
#cloud rambles#book review#ish? I’ve been reading more lately#I really really really wanted to love this book#and I know a lot of people found it incredibly relatable#and there were a lot of times that I found it relatable too and the relatability of it isn’t really what I’m criticizing#I just didn’t like the characters#outside of being very very happy to see aromanticism and asexuality in the public eye acknowledged as a real identity#I don’t have anything positive to say about this book#and I really really really wish I did#negative review#I have no idea how to tag this#my thoughts line up well with the one-star goodreads reviews written by asexuals/aromanticists
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look at the way i ride ~
#lyss.vent#been feeling very much on the edge lately#of what? i’m not really sure#a classic Meltdown ™ maybe#i have a therapist i talk to weekly now and that’s been a huge help fs#but it’s still like#my boat has a hole#too many to count actually#i’m constantly dumping out the water but it doesn’t matter yk?#i’m still sinking#there are so many things i should be thankful for#friends and family that care about me#i have hobbies that i enjoy#a good consistent job that pays well#i’m working 40 hrs a week and making enough to save monthly#this is what it means to be successful right ?#i should be happy…i have everything i need…#yet i feel rundown and empty#i’ve also realized that there are horrible ugly things that still live deep inside my bones#why do i blame myself for them when i was just there? when i was the victim?#i’m the only one who can save myself from it all so why can’t i?#what’s even worse is that i have to watch from the sidelines while life single-handedly fucks up my loved ones too#i’m so powerless in all aspects of my life#everything’s out of my control#and it hurts so much :(((#tbh old me would’ve given up by now but that dumb bitch isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore#she’s just along for the ride now but she won’t give me the aux#tho new me is stubborn and has something to prove so i’ll keep driving :3 vroom vroommm#i’ll play my own music soon#i love queue ☆〜(ゝ。∂)
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still thinking about the baby cows…. guys did you know that cows can get the zoomies. and sometimes wag their tails when they’re happy. and even excitedly jump up on you like doggies when they’re small. personally I knew most of this already before meeting the babies but I have never seen it in person and ohhhh my goddddd it was so cute. they’re so fucking cute. she nibbled and licked me and head-butted my chin and ran around in circles and wagged her tail because she was such a happy girl. fuck anyone who says cows are boring or ugly they have so much personality and most importantly are SOOOOO FUCKING CUTEEE
#sorry I just. *sniff* I just fucking love cows man#and u could tell they were all comfy and happy bc they were all chewing their cud and relaxed :)))#also the people who hosted it were so so nice and even gave me this freaking adorable cow-themed gift bag for free when I left?? bro 🥺#it even had a little wooden cow shaped charm with my name written on it#just such a good day man :)#I’ve been super anxious lately for no real reason but today was so so good#and I have a shit ton to look forward to very very soon!!!#I hope I can just relax and feel good for a little while bc the past few months have been so fucking hard#but here’s to hopeful futures :)
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how you got me feeling tonight
I hope you feel a bit better now, Sen 💗 Make sure to get all the nutrients your body needs + enough rest and natural vitamin D
#𓏲ׂ 📮₊˚ʾʾ#i heart user seneon#i’ve been missing you so much on my dash lately#i think ‘ts because i just got back from my dorm#and finally being able to open tumblr and see you there is just very happy-inducing 🙂↕️#WHY DID IT SUDDENLY GET SENTIMENTAL WHAT#just take care of urself bb <33 mahal din kita mwah mwah
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will someone come to my house and do my dishes for me plz 😔
#i feel rlly sick today :(#i have been pushing myself a lot lately#making lots of plans and i have more plans this weekend#i’ve been very social the past 2 weeks and im happy ab it but also just so exhausted its making me physically sick#but alas the dishes must be done theyre so bad rn 😭#im ngl im a huge slob yall#definitely a lot better than i used to be but the kitchen is my weak point its always so messy lmao
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absolutely insane how doing things a lot makes you better at them!!! like wdym I’m good at this now, when did that happen djdjdjfkdfkfs
#personal#I’m feeling very happy about my art rn#it’s a good feeling#the progress I’ve made since lockdown lit a fire under me? unprecedented#but I’m glad something good came of that shit#this makes me feel more motivated to practice other things too#I need to put more time into my Spanish#I am GOING to speak it confidently in a few years#we are MANIFEST#ING#sjdjfjfjfjfjjf#yeah#I’m just hmmmmm <3#been very stressed lately but this feels nice I’m gonna just marinade myself in it lol
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nobody asked but these are probably my favourite live looks hayama-san gave us lol
#vee queued to fill the void#FOLLOWED VERY VERY V E R Y CLOSELY BY HIS 7TH LIVE DAY ONE LOOK (MAX CUTE AND I WISH HIS SUKAJAN SHIRT WAS ON SALE TO THIS DAY)#AND HIS 8TH LIVE DAY 2 LOOK (BIASED BUT ALSO HE LOOKS GOOD IN GOLD AND HE WAS IN A SKIRT THAT HAD THIS RLY CUTE BELT BUCKLE ON HIS HIP)#are they in order?????? idk lol but maybe#my hayama brainrot has been on 💯 lately as we get closer to the next hangout stream and his return to it lol#it’s!!!!!!!!!!!!! been too long since i’ve seen his face in content i haven’t been looping for ages lmao#(what????? i got three new videos with him in it in the past two weeks and a very entertaining radio ft sakakihara-san???? idkwym lol 😌😌😌)#abema removed their bonus 6th live content effectively making it lost media i think and i’ve really depressed about it#it was so charming to listen to hayama-san’s voice just perpetually stuck on his kuukou baritone#since that was the first time he’d performed as kuukou for as long as he did and as intensely too (bat’s first kaigen 🥹🥹🥹)#like even takeuchi-san’s voice was going out towards the end of their interviews that’s how hard they went on that live#and sakakihara-san’s post live excitement for kaigen the way he happy clapped getting to talk about kaigen ABEMA I RLY DO HATE THIS#so i’m trying to make myself feel better by tag rambling about them lol#anyway that haircut for the 6th live was so inspired i miss his long hair era everyday and 💜💜💜 to the first time he wowed the entire world#(if you feel there’s some type of energy going into the 5th live shot i posted instead a more uniform shot with the others eh heh⭐️)
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What I see when I wake on the other Side
With my bones too large for my body
My skin too taught
My flesh will rot
And I forever reach for something I’m not
My dreams are filled with terror and dread
I scream within how I
“Wish for Death”
And wake knowing I dont.
The shadows I see stretch across the floor
I search and I search forevermore
Until I tuck against myself and see
Yet another version looking back at me
His face so long
His bones so white
Moss clings to him and his eyes shed light
He stares at me through a curious tilt
His tongue snakes out and words are hissed
“You are me and I am you
Fear not, for I am what awaits beyond
I am everything and nothing and whatever inbetween
I’m exactly what you want but never what you need
I am time and space and endless breath
I am you you’re me
We are endless death”
His fur is an inky curtian
His spines jutt out across his back
His neck snaps and creaks and wails at me
He reaches down, claws spread out
He picks me up and pats me down
“Your sun has yet to set
Your dusk to come
Live on and rot
So you return to sand”
He is I and I am him
Our flesh is different
Yet our minds are Kin
#my poetry#poetry#deathkin#godkin#horrorkin#my kin thoughts are very cryptic#tw suicide mention#idk what to tag this tbh#ask to tag#i’ve just been having a lot of dreams lately#where i verbally say the words ‘im going to die’ or ‘im going to kill myself’#and then i wake up scared out of my fucking mind because no????#i dont feel like that actually????#like in my day to day life im so happy to be alive#so i dont know why i dream of my own death#its super weird really#but POETRYYYY#for the complicated thoughts#this one is definitely slam poetry cause there is a specific pattern of speaking i wrote this with#its very breathy like quiet forest chanting#dont know what im processing but boy it sure is something#ask to tw#dark poetry#dark poem#otherkin#alterhuman#therian#light vent#i guess#just to be safe
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Happy birthday to my first created cos character
#cos is the name of my wip btw#HAPPY BDAY JAIDEN!!#fun facts about her and her creation#- I made her in the 8th grade. she was very typical of a 13 year olds oc but as i got older and became a better writer/character creator#rather than just scrap her I held onto her and changed and improved hef#*her#very happy with her progress!#and I’m not ashamed of her early stages#yes I consider her early stages to have been a not well made character BUT young me loved her so much (and I still do!)#- she was actually created as response to the end of gravity falls cuz that was my hyperfixation for a long time and I was sad when it ende#but if I remember right after the finale Alex hirsch tweeted something like ‘find your own gravity falls’ cuz ppl were sad the show ended#which lead to young me sitting down and wondering what that could have been#and tada! I created an oc I’ve been obsessed with since I was in middle school!#(cos has become new hyperfixation I ain’t gonna lie)#- she is so old (creation timeline wise) that she existed years before I called my wip cos#cos stands for ‘child of stars’ which I decided on in mid-late high school?#but anyways ‘Jaiden’ (her name wasn’t Jaiden for a long time bc I kept changing it) existed a few years before any of my other cos characte#Akira I believe was the second one I made?#I just wrote an entire essay in the tags here dang#congrats on reading it tho!!
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🌸
#some happy things lately:#I’ve been more diligent in work the last two days and it’s paid off#I’m really satisfied with my work and turned in a big project#my supervisor really liked it#I originally started work on it back in Dec 2021 so!!!!#it’s so fun to see it taking shape#(it’s a journalism feature story :)#also! just bought myself two very pretty dresses for my birthday coming up#one is blue with stars on it!!#AND I got a letter from a dear friend who’s living in Scotland rn#it was long and detailed and so sweet#I’ve been feeling like a bad friend for being kinda disconnected from her these days so it was really cheering#AND I got asked to help crew two short film shoots this weekend (by a friend of mine from the scarlet pimpernel play)#(I was asked specifically bc he was impressed by my stage managing work so it’s an honor and I’m excited)
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#cops tw#bro I cannot handle one more thing happening istg#got pulled over on my way home after a 13 hour day#was already scared to drive at night and that just confirmed that I’m right to be scared#it was for running a red light n it was one of those situations of just not having time to stop on yellow#I was fully aware as it was happening that I was either going to slam on my brakes in the intersection or run a red and I could see the cop#so I knew I was getting pulled over either way I just hoped the yellow would be longer than .5 seconds. not so lucky#except I also Am so lucky bc he let me off with a warning#ig bc I don’t have any sort of serious history + with it being 420 once he saw I was sober he prob went easier#it’s the second time I’ve been pulled over in my life tho and it’s scary bc this is the first time since the accident#which maybe that was also ok bc it wasn’t my fault#I just know every warning or unlucky moment costs u more in the future if u happen to get unlucky again#like I know I got out of that bc I’m white. it was still a scary moment bc there were multiple cop cars#so it’s like is this guy abt to ruin my life am I gonna lose my license for being at the wrong place wrong time#when I’m already salty to be driving this late involuntarily#so it’s like I got unlucky And very very lucky#I just hate the confirmation that u can get pulled over at any given moment#I constantly rehearse every possible convo w cops in my head bc if u come off disabled u can die#or get arrested or whatever#and then they like don’t follow the script and u didn’t expect this to happen to u today anyway and I get flustered#anyway my point is. I’m fucking exhausted and too many things keep happening#it’s long day after long day w no end in sight rn and I’m like half asleep every day#I just want to sleep. without feeling like I’m already tired tomorrow#it’s too much. just all of it#and on top of it all. it’s 420 so the whole dorm building is basically a cloud of weed#happy u guys are having fun but u are physically harming me in my home#mine#txt#vent post#personal
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I gotta new CGM for the first time in four years and I’m so happy that this updated version is so much better 😭 it doesn’t even hurt to lay on and it’s so small and I love it :(((
#the last one made me bleed like crazy and I was Traumatized#but this one was so simple and easy!!!! no pain whatsoever!!!#and the last one said it wouldn’t hurt to lay on and that was a LIE!!!!!!#also hello everyone how r u all doing#I’ve been feeling kind of down lately for some reason#but I think it’s bc I started a new bc and it’s just making me feel weird#but I’ve been doing a lot during my short little break which I’m very happy about!!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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#okay i need to vent a second#im literally heartbroken rn#this friend of mine just told me that she feels that ‘our friendship is starting to revolve around me’ bcs i asked her to help me once with#wheelchair practice and i was late to a meet up once and i am genuinely without words rn#like she’s been late multiple times and i’ve always let it go bcs i don’t think it’s that big of a deal but im late once and suddenly im an#awful friend#and yeah i need some more accommodations than most people but i feel like it’s obvious why#and to say that it weighs on u is genuinely cruel to me#cause i always try to make myself smaller so i dont bother people and u know that very well so to call me a weight is the cruelest thing#and she said that she feels like our friendship now is just about me discovering the world and her just being there#an insane thing to say when she knows how hellish these past years have been for me and how now im finally able to go out#it’s like am i not allowed to be happy?#i am so sad but also so angry#also the fact that she sent me this when she knows i’ve just started uni and im so stressed and overwhelmed is just beyond me#like does she even like me? does she care about me? she claims she does and then does this like wth#and i dont wanna be a bad friend and maybe she’s right and i am but im trying my best here#and im always there for her when she needs me so i dont get why she’s trying to make it seem like im not#like idek how to answer her#this is really not what i needed rn
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BWAHAHAHAHAHA WATCH ME MAKE FANART FOR CHARACTERS WHO HAVE BARELY EXISTED FOR A FEW DAYS >:D
Before and during the horrors/From the freedom of the woods to the cold bareness of the morgue :>
Before lyrics are from Wildflowers - Maddie Poppe
During lyrics are from Things to Do - Alex G (snatched from TLLR playlists lol)
Personally I find “you were born inside your head, and that is where you’ll be when you are dead” ironic for Aspen bc he keeps dying be never stays dead
-@vidawhump :)
AAAHHHH GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET RIGHT NOW I LOVE THIS SOOO MUCHHHHH!!!!! ASPEN MY BOY!!!! those lyrics fit so well i’m obsessed with this like i love that Alex G song and it’s perfect for Aspen!!! this is so amazing thank u so much!!!
i love the way you drew it before and during the horrors, that’s so creative and shows how suddenly his life could change. the cat is SO CUTE and it definitely needs a name… yayyy this is just so amazing it’s making me so happy that someone likes my new ocs :DDD thank u!!! i love it :3
#ask#aspen oc#this made me so happy#i love my new ocs sm#they’re all i’ve been thinking about lately and to see other people liking them is just SO COOLL#very excited about these guys in general i’m excited to write about them#yippee :DDD#brc fanart
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you guys are not ready for this grian I drew however the wifi here is shit and tumblr won’t let me post it so you’re spared for now
#10piecetalks#I’m really happy with it vv excited#just a sketch atm but I might paint him…….#slight rant in the tags here but schools been kicking my ass and I’ve been so tired lately and had a hard time#making time for doing art and I haven’t been happy with some of the things I’ve made as of late#but I really like the drawing I made last night and the one I did just now and idk it’s just very nice to make a full on finished art piece#that im actually happy with#everyone say thank you to grian for absolutely obliterating my art block
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