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bloop-bl00p · 2 months ago

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In defense of Octavia

TW: Lots of Trauma Dumping, Mention of abuse

She’s been wronged way too many times in this fandom for some reason. Look at her vibing, how can you hate her?

I’m a fan of Helluva Boss, mainly because of its potential but the quality dropped dead in the second season. We’re gonna talk about a character I’ve seen other fans misinterpreting in favor of the so-great Prince Stolass.

I want to talk about her mainly because I do what I want and because after studying her character I just realized that she’s just like me. Especially regarding her relationship with her father, I see myself in my younger years.

All of that to say…

She has all the right to feel abandoned.

Octavia obliviously has a stronger bond with her father, it shows in her behavior and little background details

When she wants to draw her family, she draws her and Stolas, we mostly see her being happy with him which leads me to think that she’s emotionally neglected by Stella. To her, Octavia is just an ‘egg’ that fell off her and she doesn't care about the impact killing Stolas could have on her daughter.

Despite being emotionally absent, Stella has a much more physical presence than Stolas. Most of the time Stolas is alone in his castle which leads me to think that Octavia is somewhere else with Stella. They did mention the two went on a weekend somewhere. This leads us to this question…

How can Octavia feel more close to her father?

Here’s the thing, I see a lot of my family dynamic here. My mom doesn’t pay attention to me at all, she doesn't want me to bother her and she makes it clear. My dad, however, who’s absent like 90% of the time, always tried to spare time with me. He explained to me that he was working and why he was doing all of this (I was like barely ten) but it never prevented him from trying to play with me, sharing his hobbies, going on a walk, and else.

He was there emotionally and, as a kid who was bullied, had no friends at all, and a mother who didn't give a damn, I cherished this relationship.

I believe the exact same thing happened with Octavia, we never see her with friends or even outside the castle, she’s isolated. Stolas has Prince duties, we’ve seen him carry them in the shows, hence why he’s mostly absent leaving her with her mother. But, at least when she was a kid, he tried to do stuff bringing her to Loo-Loo Land or being the one to comfort her. That is why she clings to her father, he’s the only one who actually shows her love and she’s terrified of losing that.

Regarding her mother, Stella obliviously doesn't care about her so the feeling is reciprocated. From a narrative standpoint, Stella is an unpredictable force of nature getting angry for pretty much anything that doesn't go her way. So Octativa learned to not cross her mother's path.

I know this expression, this is the “Oh fuck… they’re at it again?” she’s used to her mother's constant screaming, she's used to her parents fighting.

She did say they were a time when a parent didn't hate each other, which to me refers to the time when Stolas tanked Stella’s abuse. But, that doesn’t mean that Stella wasn't abusing him in front of a younger Octavia, she’s erratic and they did imply that she can get physical in her toxic behavior. Since Stella was passive, it was probably mostly harmful comments.

Putting personal things here, my mom was also very abusive to my older sibling. Since I was extremely young I learned not to ‘be a burden’ to avoid being abused as well, which includes things like not talking to her unless she does it first. Whether Octavia is aware of the physical abuse or not, she must know enough to know that it’s a bad idea to annoy Stella.

This is the only picture where we see her seemingly having a good relationship with Stolas, which to me feels like she’s faking it considering all we know about the family.

She has a pretty shitty household but her relationship with her father make it bearable until Stolas did a 180°

He randomly started to prioritize Blitz and don’t spill me the bullshit of ‘he’s trying’ he stopped trying long ago.

Let’s analyze this episode by episode:

In Loo Loo Land, Stolas seemingly tries to rebuild a visibly strained relationship with his daughter by bringing her to a park she liked when she was a kid. To this, she immediately responds with an “I’m not 5 anymore.” and an “I rather kill myself.” There’s no room for miscommunication, she doesn't want to go there, and she won’t enjoy it as much as she did back then. Still, he decides to go there, showing that he doesn't listen, and, he brings the one the thing that is currently ruining his already horrible marriage because of his own actions. Blitzø.

He’s trying to spend time with his daughter after a long time (this is mentioned in the episode) and he decides to bring in that one guy he’s hooking up with to deliberately make sexual remarks about him in front of her.

She’s uncomfortable the whole time, not just because she allegedly doesn’t like listening to her father's comments but because she doesn't like the park. She said it, yet Stolas doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't realize the faces she makes which are to me pretty communicative of her annoyance and discomfort.

This is not even subtle body language, yet he only notices it when she runs off. The worst part is that he still finds a way to think about Blitzø when his daughter leaves.

He looked upset that Blitzø didn't follow him! Did he expect that guy to pursue him constantly? He was in the middle of an argument with his daughter, I personally would have stepped away to give them space to talk and reconcile. But no, apparently Blitzø should be at his beck and call all the time.

But you know what, after all of this. He still apologized. That absolutely does not negate everything he did during the day but, at the end of it, he finally listened to her and even brought her to a place she actually wanted to be. Which is good, he acknowledged her discomfort and did something she liked.

Until Seeing Star.

Look I know Stolas was busy with Stella but he clearly doesn't care about her and her stuff.

Don’t tell me he couldn’t pinpoint Stella’s location with magic and teleport all of her belongings to her. Their discussion was barely about the furniture, he could have said that they were gonna be delivered and hung up the second he saw Octavia. Arguing with Stella is pointless, he’s the number one guy that should know that! Why does he continue to insult her, he’s just fuelling the fire!

Moving out her belongings would have been 10 times faster if he just hung up the phone, then he could have had a more mindful talk with Octavia without the constant bickering of his ex-wife.

But he didn't for some reason, fair enough, I guess. The writers do whatever they want. Anyway, Octavia got angry and ran to go see the stars on her own.

So, Stolas’ castle is in Pride but my point still stands, Octavia had the time to run from home and make the way all from her father's place to the city, find the specific building Blitzø held his organization in and Stolas didn't notice a thing.

You cannot tell me Stella managed to get his attention for that long AND you cannot tell me that his castle is close to the shitty disaffected building and the populace. His daughter ran off and he did not notice a thing.

Not only that but he has the nerve of blaming Blitzø for not watching the book. Like, dude! You should have watched your daughter instead!

Then he spills out more bullshit.

I don’t know Stolas, how could you possibly find her when you were shown to have countless abilities to do so?

Like bubbles projecting the image and locations of people.

Or that on time when you possessed corpses and one woman just to go full eldritch monstrosity just for one that one guy you’re cheating your wife with. And don’t whine about “They don’t love each other.” it’s still affecting his family, mainly his daughter so it’s still bad.

Of course, you do all of that without your grimoire without any problem, brushing it off with a…

I guess he forgot his ‘ways’ when it came to Octavia. But honestly, Loona literally found her easily just by looking at her Instagram account, couldn't he just call her or something? The girl had her phone the whole time and he didn't just think of calling her.

Me when I forget that I have teleportation power when I am in an enclosed space with nobody is looking.

You’re certainly not worrying right now. Via literally told him to his face that she was scared and he kept flirting with him even though he once again caused her to run away because of his neglect.

He’s not trying his best, THIS IS NOT TRYING!

No Loona, his daughter communicated very clearly issues related to their relationship, rather than reassuring her and being there for her as much as it’s realistically possible (he still has duties to carry), he gets in an avoidable petty fight with his ex and keeps an unhealthy dynamics with an imp he's been obsessing over. He doesn't focus, his priorities aren’t straight, and now Octavia feels abandoned.

I did mention that I had a good relationship with my father back then, but it stopped abruptly. His focus changed and he went out with friends after work and gradually stopped spending time with me. Until we never spent time together again, (to give you an idea the only moment where I could see him was in the morning for breakfast) now that can sound silly but I was a child, with no friends and a neglectful mom, losing the only good thing I had in life broke me. I knew his schedule, I knew he was spending time with work buddies and that just stung my self-esteem even more leaving me feeling like a burden when I was just a kid who wanted to feel love.

This is why I don’t like the “He’s trying.” I know what a trying struggling parent looks like and I know what happens when they stop. If you keep trying to do something and you’re constantly failing, either your technique isn’t the right one or you’re not and you’re convincing yourself you are.

And then there are people that’ll tell me that “He lived through the abuse of Stella for years for her.”

If you read all of this then I don’t feel like I need to explain how Octavia was at least partially exposed to Stella's toxic behavior and was affected by it.

For those who don’t know how it feels to live with an erratic mood-swinging person, it’s pure constant stress. You have to think constantly before you talk or move because you know that if you fuck up you’re gonna pay the price. And if you still eventually mess up you can never know with these types of people! You can’t defend yourself because the punishment will be far worse. You are ALWAYS in the wrong.

So he lived through the abuse of Stella just so his daughter could get neglected and abused in a less physical way?

The difference between my parents and Octavia is that they love each other. Stolas doesn't give a damn about Stella, he did say he was nice at first because he empathized with her they were in this shitty situation together, and fine, it's reasonable. But she never changed! Stella stayed the same! Why didn’t he leave her when he stopped carrying about her?! There’s no trauma bounding, Stella isn’t guilt-tripping or manipulating him, they got the child he could have divorced her easily without consequences! If anything, she’s the losing part of this divorce she’s lower in the hierarchy! “Andreaphul will get angry.” HE’S A MARQUIS! Hierarchically speaking Stolas is far more important and he mopes the floor with his peacock ass!

Am I supposed to be empathetic with that one dude who willingly let his daughter grow up in a hyper-toxic environment with an emotionally neglectful and unpredictable wife?! Am I supposed to believe he cares when he kept sleeping in his house in his bed with the same guy his daughter clearly is worried he’s going to leave her with?! Really?!

Don’t ever tell me that this is trying.

#anti vivziepop #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #vivziepop critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critical #helluva fanart #anti stolas #anti stolitz #octavia

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dragoncat223 · 2 years ago

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I’ve been thinking about this for the past couple of days. A more mature Scooby-Doo series can be done, and it can be done well. I’ve seen a lot of proposals for an adult Scooby-Doo series, so here’s mine.

Fred doesn’t have family. His parents change from series to series. The only consistent thing about Fred’s family is that it is uncertain, so it starts like this: Something strange and unexplained happened to Fred’s parents when he was a child. He was five years old and ever since he’s been filled with only questions. So he grows up with a curiosity that can never be satisfied. He goes to college, and gets a degree in physics. All the moving parts of any kind of machine is have always fascinated him. As a little ten year old he’d stand for hours in Krispy Kreme watching the machine that makes the donuts. So he’s an inventor. His pride and joy is his old van he paid $100 for an fixed up himself.

The Blakes are old money. They haven’t known financial insecurity since the 1610s. So they’ve got houses, and planes, and helicopters, and cars. Old cars. But the head of the family, (picks name out of hat) Robert “Dick” Blake has no idea how to take care of them. He’s a business man. He finds Fred Jones, a genius mechanic, and hires him on the spot.

Now, Dick loves his daughters dearly. All six of them. He’s been grooming his oldest to take over the company when he retires. Unfortunately that means he gets to spend less and less time with his other daughters to the point where his youngest daughter, Daphne, only gets to see him on holidays and her birthday (he’s trying, he really is). But Daphne is fine with that. After being raised in the lap of luxury, silver spoon in her mouth, she has had access to almost every hobby imaginable. She got excellent grades at her fancy private schools, and in her free time she did Karate, Boxing, Kick boxing, Mixed Martial arts, gymnastics, Ballet, tap dancing, tennis, basketball, soccer, volley ball, skiing, knitting, crochet, baking, embroidery, sewing, synchronized swimming, you name it, she’s done it. She graduated college with a degree in marketing she didn’t really want, wondering what she was going to do with her life. So, she wonders into the garage one day and discovers Fred working on a car. So she asks him about it. She listens and she learns. Eventually, they stop talking about cars. Daphne asks about Fred’s inventions and Fred asks about Daphne’s hobbies. They are fast friends and once they get close enough, Fred tells Daphne about his parents. Daphne immediately pledges to help her friend (and now secret crush) figure out what happened to his parents.

Velma is Daphne’s genius best friend. They were roommates in college. The building Velma had all her lab classes in had Daphne’s last name on it. Velma worked hard to get her scholarship for her forensic chemistry degree, and she was not going to let some spoiled, rich, daddy’s girl, ruin it for her. But one night Velma was walking back to her dorm after dark. Everyone knows to be wary on a college campus after dark, but Velma had just studied her brain into mush. She got cornered by some drunk asshole. Velma in her fear and panic, froze. Her voice wouldn’t work, and she feared for her life, when suddenly, the guy gets punched in the face. By Daphne. The guy crumples to the ground, Daphne grabs Velma by the wrist, and they don’t stop running until they are safely back in their dorm. Velma never doubts her again.

Now, for all their skills and knowledge, none of the three of them, know how to cook. Which is where Shaggy and Scooby come in. I saw someone (on Twitter, I think) say that Shaggy could have diabetes (I don’t know anything about diabetes so I am really sorry about any inaccuracies) and Scooby is Shaggy’s low blood sugar alert dog. I really like the idea that Shaggy is a licensed dietitian, and the only one who knows how to cook. After every case, shaggy herds them all back home and makes a nice, home cooked meal for everyone. Lasagna, stir fry, curry, soup, idk food.

Shaggy is Fred’s roommate, after college. They have a deal, Shaggy cooks, Fred cleans.

In my mind, Scooby starts off as a normal dog. On the gang’s very first case together, they encounter the series’ over all villain, or maybe the first villain they face is an actual witch or something I don’t know, but this witch is caught and tries to put a curse on the gang, but it hits Scooby instead, and now he’s a talking dog. He’s still very much Shaggy’s alert dog, but I like to think he becomes concerned with everyone’s health at least a little bit. They do all that running around, and all these mysteries they solve are very high stress, so he likes to make sure they get plenty of rest.

I’m not really sure about their first case, but I think every episode would start with a grizzly murder. We are using the R rating for blood and guts and bones and death. Not sex or nudity. And Fred is the only one who gets to swear.

Now, Daphne is the one that talks to clients. If they’re particularly shaken up, Shaggy will make them a hot drink and maybe give them a blanket.

I call it Scooby Doo: Private Investigators

I have more thoughts about this, so if you want to know more please ask!!

#scooby doo #shaggy rogers #daphne blake #fred jones #velma dinkley #shaggy and scooby #Scooby Doo PI

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pinkanonwrites · 10 months ago

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HI same anon from last night I’ve been going absolutely bonkers over you rambling about Bee since you posted it. I love that guy… 😭. If you want more specific (and this is only if you wanna!) do you wanna expand on maybe g1, animated or earthspark? how they’d be in a relationship, maybe? it’s totally up to you. i’m just excited to be fed good content about my favorite guy 🙏

Yes yes yes of course! I covered what Earthspark Bee would be like if he had a crush in the last ask, so I'll gladly go over what these Bees would be like in a relationship!

G1 Bumblebee

Of these three, I think G1 Bee is the shyest, even when the two of you are already in a relationship. The puppy love doesn't wear off when you start dating with him. If he had it his way he'd trail behind you wherever you went, dopey and lovesick and unbelievably fond.

He's incredibly gentle with you, never picking you up without asking first, always checking in on you to make sure you're comfortable when he takes you for a drive. He's also a much more careful driver than the other two versions of Bee when you're riding with him. As much as he loves to feel the wind between his plates and tear up the road, he's a lot more hesitant to do so when you're his ride-along.

He loves the human cliche of getting your partner flowers, and he especially loves the way your whole face lights up when he presents them to you, even if he just spent an hour delicately picking them out of the nearby woods. He'd be a complete, flustered mess if you ever returned the favor or, better yet, went out of your way to court him in a way more familiar to Cybertronians. Bring him a cool rock or pretty gemstone you found at a hobby shop and he'll fall to pieces right there in front of you.

Whether you're a alone or in public, he absolutely melts under any affection from you. Even a kiss on the cheek can turn his processor to a staticky mess. He's so whipped for you and he absolutely loves it.

Animated Bumblebee

Even in a relationship, he still loves to tease and play with you. Teasing is your shared love language, he shows his affection best when you're calling him a giant dork and he's responding 'Yeah, but you love this giant dork!' The only times he gets really soft and embarrassed are when you genuinely compliment him or tell him how much you love him without some silly goof to cushion the blow. You can practically see his whole faceplate glowing with the force of his blush.

Anything fun is doubly fun when he's doing it with you. Listening to music, ripping around downtown Detroit, or even just vegging out on the couch playing video games. Having you there makes everything ten times better. Even things that you enjoy that he isn't as fond of are better with you. He'll gladly watch a documentary or go stargazing if it makes you happy. Besides, you can still bounce jokes off of each other, so he'll enjoy it no matter what.

He's such a showoff about you it's adorable. He brags about you whenever the chance comes up, and NOBODY gets away with talking smack about you if he's around. Especially other bots that don't like organics, that's when he gets to his most protective.

He's not always the best at reading the room, so you need to be pretty up front with him if he ever says or does anything that genuinely upsets you. After all, teasing isn't very fun if it's something that you're genuinely self-conscious about. And he knows you'd never tease him for stuff like his height, so all you have to do is point out the lines that you don't want crossed, and he'll never let himself or anyone else cross them.

Earthspark Bumblebee

Like Animated Bee, Earthspark be loves loves loves to go racing with you. But he's also painfully aware of how much more fragile humans are than Cybertronians, so he saves it for routes he knows like the back of his hand, or racetracks where there's absolutely no chance of you getting hurt. It makes his spark sing whenever you cheer around a tight turn, warm hands gripping his steering wheel like you never want to let go.

He's not a bragger by any definition of the word, but the people around him that know him well can tell just how proud he is of you. He gets this incredibly fond, dreamy look on his face whenever he sees you teaching the Terrans something new, like it's taking everything in him not to scoop you up and smooch you right then and there.

He's okay with casual displays of affection, hugs and chaste kisses and carrying you around in his arms or on his shoulder. But he does get pretty embarrassed if he ever gets caught in a more affectionate position with you. He can handle the teasing from the Maltobots just fine, but Primus forbid Optimus or Megatron start ribbing him for how cuddly he likes to be with you when no one else is around.

Speaking of cuddly, I think ES Bee is the MOST touchstarved out of these three. He's incredibly tactile and if he could he'd literally always be touching you, but he's been on his own for so long that he doesn't really know how to voice when he needs that kind of casual physical affection. He loves to cuddle but almost never brings it up. After all, a soft, gentle human like yourself can't possibly get as much out of cuddling a angular slab of metal as he gets out of cuddling you. Please cuddle the man, he needs it so bad.

#transformers #bumblebee #tfa bumblebee #es bumblebee #g1 bumblebee #maccadam #transformers x reader #x reader #bumblebee x reader #'transformers imagines #long post #anon

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luv-indigo · 4 months ago

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okay so, redesigning nadine for the third and (hopefully) final time. i felt she looked too similar to soraya (my keyframes fall mc) so i changed nadine up a bit. also!! i was trying to find oc templates to fill out for my visual novel ocs and although there’s so many out there, none were exactly what i was looking for soooo…. I made my own! i’ll post my other our life ocs with them soon but first, nadine ! (again)

I’ve also changed my own mind. Nadine will be my MC for Qiu’s route.

Nadine introduction <3

Nadine spent much of her early childhood moving from place to place, all within her home state of California but oftentimes in different cities. Moving around so often made it hard to keep in contact with friends and after a while made it especially hard making friends in the first place.

When Opal tells Nadine they‘re moving once again, Nadine is surprised to learn they’re moving to Oregon, their neighboring state. This time, she learns it’ll be a more permanent location. Nadine doesn’t know exactly how to feel. She’s so used to moving around that being in a place for so long sounds foreign, weird and new. However, part of her can’t help but feel excited, especially since she gets her own room now! But no matter what, she knows mama will be with her every step of the way.

Upon meeting Qiu and Tamarack, Nadine quickly feels they can be the best of friends. Nadine has always been more of a quiet person but not necessarily shy. Spend enough time with her and you’ll find she can talk quite a lot. Yet she’s perfectly content with simply listening as well.

Nadine is mostly a rule follower. Rules are there for a reason right? She prides herself on being neat and orderly. All her belongings are pristine and in their place because that’s just how she likes it. During step 1, Nadine strongly dislikes getting dirty. Which can be difficult to avoid if you’re playing outside in the woods.

Step Two !!

After four years, Nadine has adjusted well into her new home. Although Nadine needs glasses she very much prefers to use eye contacts instead. It’s also the most convenient when ice skating. She’s taken on ice skating as her main past time and she’s fairly good. Her transportation of choice has been rollerblading so it makes sense she got into ice skating as well.

Her other hobbies are more on the creative side. She enjoys crafting and drawing on occasion. Cosplaying is also one of her major hobbies. For years she has worked on making her Halloween costumes with the help of Mama.

During this time Nadine becomes more of a shy person. During her earlier childhood, she had no problem voicing her thoughts and opinions but it seems now that sort of thing gets harder to do as you age. Thankfully, she has her two close friends to turn to whenever she needs a hand, and in turn she will be there for them as well.

Step Three !!

Nadine has less and less time to do things she wants. If this is how adult life is she wants zero part of it </3

Nadine has always prioritized their studies (although that became much harder to do when middle school started due to her procrastination habits). Now college is weighing on their mind. Nadine still very much enjoys ice skating yet she struggles to make time to practice. Similarly, cosplaying has turning into a year long project (for Halloween of course). Doing multiple cosplays a year is something she doesn’t have time for anymore. Although they are often busy, Nadine will always make time for a special someone and her best friend, Tamarack.

Step Four !!

Nadine’s all grown up </3

Throughout many years Nadine has learned things about themselves and grown into the person they are today. Her experiences and the people she has been around since she was ten years old have impacted her life to mold her into who she is, for better or worse. And honestly, they wouldn’t have it any other way.

And finally this little thing I made with all of Nadine’s doll icons. I had to edit many of them to fit the hair style and clothing options I wanted and it literally took forever </3 ouGh

Also, I apologize for the quality. I tried to preserve it as I was inserting the drawings into the template but resizing may have messed up the quality </3

#our life now and forever #our life #our life mc #qiu lin mc #tamarack baumann #qiu lin #our life games #my ocs <3 #my art <3 #nadine espinoza

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wickblr · 2 months ago

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October is coming up soon! What if we had a spooky Wicktober event, like those writing events with a prompt for each day of the month (or every other day or something)? People could answer the prompts with a piece of writing or a drawing, and the prompts could be things like:

Helen Wick’s Ghost

Vampire AU

Serial Killer Santino

Dog’s Halloween Costume

That sort of thing! Would anyone be interested in that?

I’m supposed to be replying w nothing but this is a great idea!

This should have been done like a month ago but I really didn’t think anyone would be interested, so, uh anyways;

I’ve made 2 versions of this since I know a lot of the writers on Wickblr are adults who only do writing as a hobby, so here’s both Wicktober and Wick Week! I don’t know if there’s been a writing event for the John Wick community, but here!

Wicktober is a month long event where people submit their drabbles/fics based off the prompts listed! Considering we aren’t really a strict fanbase, you can switch around the days and prompts—skip a day or few, or just do one! You’re free to use this as a writing ask game for October. Any day can be switched around except Day 24 which is the ten year anniversary of the first John Wick movie and the John Wick series as a whole (happy birthday to the movies!!!)

Feel free to run rampant on the prompts with your own interpretation of it, be more symbolic, be more realistic—just as long as you want to contribute to this event and want to write for it.

Wick Week is a seven day long event, which can be started on any day in October honestly since it’s a week of prompts. It has the same thing going as with Wicktober.

Rules:

- No harassment (some anons are really mean when it comes to people’s writing which is no good since Wickblr is a pretty damn small community)

- No derogatory comments made in the ask box of this blog since I know SOME people really wanna fucking discuss how “bad” some fics are (which you should write yourself if you really think it’s that bad)

- NSFW is allowed, and unlike this blog; x readers, x OCs are allowed, or cc x ccs (ex: helen x john which I will be doing on @marquisedegramont if you wanna see that)

- Make sure to tag #wicktober 2024 or #wick week 2024

- Creators can produce fics/drabbles or drawings

- Add the necessary warnings before every fic, thank you! Some fics may be triggering for some people and they would appreciate warnings beforehand :)

- Post it on ao3! (If you want)

- Do as little or as much as you want. Be self indulgent

- Prompts are free to use after October ends

shameless plug from the mod: art -> @evrensadwrn | writing -> @marquisedegramont and on ao3

and also my furry friends: art -> @tobytheeggo | writing -> @bluelolblue

reblog maybe ?

cr ; cross divider

#john wick #wickblr #🪙 ; not an ask #john wick x reader #<- HEY SO IF YOU WRITE THE FOREST PROMPT #PLS TAG ME @evrensadwrn or @marquisedegramont #PLEASE AND THANK YOU #john wick fanfiction #john wick fanfic #john wick fic

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daydreamwritting · 9 months ago

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Hi! Any thoughts about Jasper, please 🙏

This was so vague that I’ve been sitting on this for a few weeks because I have a lot of thoughts about this man. Here are some moments I came up with, things I’d imagine that take place on those normal days around Forks <3 hope you enjoy!

First off, any hobby you like is also his hobby. And if he doesn’t end up liking it he sure as hell is funding it because he loves seeing you happy. Even if it all goes to waste when you abandon one project for the next one.

He’d probably take you on more hikes you thought were physically possible. Insistent that you don’t get out in nature enough to just take a breather. He makes sure to find good trails with spot to sit and explore, knowing you’ll be extra happy if there’s a waterfall. You slowly join his family’s “hiking days” on sunny days as much as your parents allow. Even though the hiking/camping trips were always the excuse, you and Jasper ironically spent most of those days doing just that. I mean, when else are you suppose to hike? Between school, homework, and supernatural threats, there’s not enough time in the day!

When it comes to your protection it’s always a bit hard for him. All he wants to do is stand in front of you and protect you from any dangers of the world, but he knows that you can stand your own ground, and he lets you, especially when it comes to you bickering with his siblings. Whole arguments have been made by asking if Jasper is such a bad gentleman that he can’t open a car door which lead to the whole I’m my own person and am fully capable of opening my own door argument. For a bunch of old vampires, some of them truly argued like teenagers.

He 100% uses his gift on you. Of course he respect you and your boundaries if you want him to back off. But sometimes you’ll be stubborn and tell him to back off and he has to politely explain that you literally look like you’re going to pass out and if you don’t calm down in the next ten seconds he will do it anyways because your physical safety comes first.

Being with you meant being around your best friend, something Jasper was nervous about in the beginning, he’s not very familiar with the human friend department. However, he was relieved to find out your best friend is a lot like you. Easily fitting in with both of you and your activities. He often joined you two when going to the library or shopping. You also learned there’s a whole lot more board games you guys can play with three people. Board games became a specialty when hanging out with your best friend since Edward, Alice, and sometimes even Emmett cheat. They are impossible to play with.

Your favorite days were the rainy ones. Jaspers bedroom had floor to ceiling windows and you practically demanded he put a bed in there so you can get all cozy and watch the rain fall and totally not to use as an excuse for cuddling. You got what you wished for and you and Jasper started an exclusive book club with just the two of you. In rainy days, you’d read a book together and talk about it. Of course you can’t stand reading out loud so you insist on getting two copies of every book so you could both read at your own pace. Jasper thought this was silly as first, but understood the appeal when he laid down next to you on the bed and started reading to the relaxing sound of rain in the background. It was nice, and almost distracted him from the rest of the chatter he was forced to hear around the rest of the house.

#twilight saga #twilight #jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #headcanon #oneshot #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #the cullens #sorry this took so long #i still have no idea what i'm doing #how do you use tumblr

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writingquestionsanswered · 10 months ago

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Hey! I was just wondering if you have any ideas of how I can display the fact that a character has aged (not necessarily from adult to elder but just in general) without describing appearance. I’ve tried searching it up but they never really want into detail or they simply advised on changing the character slightly as in giving them old fashioned hobbies. I’m sorry if this has already been answered or does not simply have a direct way and must be decided by the author. Again I am very sorry if this has already been asked I really don’t mind if you either direct me to the answer or copy and paste it if so :)

Showing a Character Has Aged

When it comes to illustrating that someone has aged, you basically have four choices: describe physical characteristics that illustrate age, describe physical activities that illustrate age, indicate the passage of time, flat-out state that the character has aged.

The problem is that aging isn't a wildly specific thing. People don't take on certain physical characteristics, appearance, or activities at exactly the same age. While there are certainly some activities and behaviors that are broadly specific to age categories, age is not accurately defined by behavior, thought process, personality, etc.

If I say, "The last time I'd seen my nephew he was barely crawling, and now he was not just walking, but climbing on everything..." that's a pretty good indicator that this child has aged. But how much? Because babies don't all learn to crawl at the exact same age, or learn to walk at the exact same age for that matter. Some babies skip crawling and go straight to walking. Other babies seem like they'll never go from crawling to walking and suddenly do. This child could be two weeks older than last time or two years older. It isn't clear at all.

Complicating things is the fact that physical appearance is also not a good indicator of age. I mean... as I've pointed out in the past, Paul. Rudd:

Carrol O'Connor (on the left) is the same age in that photo as Paul Rudd is in the photo on the right (both are early 50s here). And while things like hairstyle and fashion do have an impact on how we view someone's age, some people just get wrinkles/gray hair/gain weight/lose muscle tone sooner or later than others.

And, the advice to "give them old-fashioned hobbies" is terrible. "Old-fashioned hobbies"? What, like candle-making and churning butter? What does that even mean? Maybe these people view hobbies like knitting, stamp collecting, and wood-working as "old-fashioned," but I guarantee those are hobbies that are broadly enjoyed by young people to this day.

If I write, "She sat on the couch lovingly knitting a sweater," that tells me nothing about her actual age because:

And, again, the woman on the left could be sixteen or thirty-five, and the woman on the right could be sixty-two or eighty-six.

So, outside of flat out stating that a character has aged, your best bet is to use a combination of these methods to get the point across...

"It had been over ten years since I last saw Mr. Smith. At the time, he'd recently returned from hiking in the Alps. Now he was hunched over a walker, his formerly salt-and-pepper hair now stark white. The deep grooves that had once made his face look handsome and worldly now made him look wizened and tired."

Between stating the amount of time that has passed (over ten years), physical activities (hunched over a walker vs hiking in the alps), and physical appearance (white hair and tired wrinkles vs salt-and-pepper hair and handsome lines), it is very clear that Mr. Smith has aged quite a bit in the decade since the POV character last saw them.

I hope that helps!

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seakicker · 1 year ago

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I’ve been writing for about ten years privately and publicly and across multiple different websites, fandoms, and eras of favorite characters. I first started writing fanfiction physically in notebooks I stashed under my bed since I didn’t own my own laptop until I was 18, lol. I had originally started writing as a means to cope with feeling like The Ugly Kid because I never had a serious relationship in my pre-teen and teenage years. I was always on the chubby side and, given fanfiction’s tendency to depict readers as extremely thin and physically much smaller than the character in question, I sought to make my own stuff that would, hopefully, alleviate some insecurities and give a place to people who felt similarly to me as a kid. Well, I also started writing because I was horny and hormonal and just wanted to fuck pixels, but that much goes without saying.

I don’t think writing has much of a place in my current life for a variety of reasons and, despite what I said the other day, I don’t see it being a part of my future and I’m okay with that! It’s a hobby that has served me very, very well for nearly ten years (roughly half of my life now since I’m 22)— I’ve learned to like myself so much more than I ever thought I would have as a teenager, I’ve opened myself up to different ways to express myself and my sexuality, I’ve met a lot of really cool people, and I think I’ve been able to help other people out quite a bit, too. I always worry about coming off as overly pretentious or self-righteous when I talk about helping people through the power of porn fanfiction, but when I’ve received so many messages over the years about how I’ve helped other plus size people learn to feel a little more secure or how I’ve helped people feel less guilty about masturbating and enjoying sex, I think it’s a fair statement to make. I’ve had tons and tons and tons of good times as a writer, but I think reading these messages about helping other people are absolutely my favorite times to look back on. It makes me feel really good.

I’m in a completely different stage of my life now compared to when I first started writing and I don’t think the hobby appeals to me much anymore. I do think the tumblr game of notes and numbers and interactions has stressed me out some, but it’s by no means my main motivation to hang up my hat and move on to a new era of my life. I don’t care about getting a bazillion notes or a million followers, I just like to be a slut online and help other people feel good about themselves in the process, but any person who makes content will be the first to tell you that it does hurt at least a little when you make something you’re insanely proud of and it gets an amount of likes/reblogs/kudos/comments/etc you find disproportionate to your follower count or subscriber count. Nevertheless, I try not to focus on numbers too much and, while I’m somewhat successful at that, I and many other writers and artists do feel that tumblr has a major problem with interaction, reblogs vs likes, and engagement and tumblr staff’s own decisions to introduce things like community labels certainly don’t help.

As I said, numbers are not my main inspiration to quit. I’ve experienced near endless burnout since about January of this year where none of my ideas feel unique and original, none of them excite me, and nearly all of them make me worry that other people won’t enjoy them. It’s hard to want to write when you don’t feel like you’re making anything good, and, as I’m sure you all have noticed, I’ve taken a lot of breaks this year to hopefully get myself back in the swing of things, but I never return feeling refreshed and excited by new ideas, so that was the biggest indication to me that I’ve simply grown out of another hobby and I’m a changing person with changing interests and desires, and that’s okay! I’m emerging into a new stage of adulthood after graduating college and beginning to move out of my parents’ house, and so a shift in my hobbies and likes is to be expected. I had a conversation with another writing friend of mine who gave up writing publicly about six months ago, and my feelings sounded a lot like his, so that also suggested to me that I’m just ready to be done.

I’m infinitely thankful to everyone who’s ever been a part of my writing journey, whether you reblogged a fic once or were a regular emoji anon who stopped in frequently. I really cherish the memories I’ve made and I was always insanely excited to see people claim new emojis, see regulars in my inbox talking to me, and read nice comments and messages. When I say that writing has been a pivotal part of my life for a decade now, I mean that in so many ways, especially in the way that it has brought so many cool and nice people to me. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve said and done things that hurt other people, and I’m grateful for the forgiveness and reconciliation others have given me just as I am thankful for all the people who have supported me throughout my online presence.

I do feel guilty about leaving, but you guys deserve a proper goodbye instead of me putting my blog on hiatus again and just leaving it there to sit. I’d like to formally leave instead of just going dormant or disappearing, and this is that formal departure. I’ve had thoughts of quitting in the past, but those were when I was already feeling upset with other things in my life so I knew they weren’t real, but I’ve been thinking about this consistently for about four months now in clear mindsets and headspaces so I know it’s a little more real. I put myself on hiatus this last month to really think about it and, while it’s natural to go back and forth on such a decision and try to talk myself out of it, I really am ready and I don’t feel like I need to convince myself to stay when I’m not happy with my content. I owe you guys regularity and consistency, and I’ve failed to be a consistent writer or poster these past few months or so, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve talked about it a lot with my boyfriend and my close friends, and I feel it’s best for me to move on now and try some new things! I’m excited for this next stage of my life as I seek out a new career, look to move in with my boyfriend and get out of my parents’ place, and maybe get engaged too ☺️

My tumblr and AO3 will remain up with the same usernames and whatnot. I can’t even thank you guys enough for everything you’ve given me in the past years. I’m happy to call you guys friends and the “parasocial BAD!!!!!” debate that pops up in fandom circles needs to stfu because building a friendship with your audience and allowing yourself to be human with human feelings instead of some blank figure behind a screen is literally normal, lol. When people say nice things to you, it’s normal for it to feel good. When people say rude things to you, it’s normal for it to feel bad.

Thank you for 10 years of love and thank you for reading!

💛💛 Juju

ps think of me whenever you see pregnancy

#lots of love forever and ever and ever #so much love in my heart for you all and excitement for my future #uhh i don’t have a twitter or anything but my discord is tartagliawife if anybody wants to say hi!

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sabsturned · 4 months ago

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ABOUT ME!! 🎀

NAME: hi!! my name is sabrina, but my close friends call me sab, and you’re all my close friends 🩷🩷

AGE: i’m eighteen years old and i still don’t know how to drive a car

GENDER: i’m a female and i use she/her pronouns :)

BIRTHDAY: june 24th 2006 (and i’m a cancer!)

🎀 i also love pink and bows as you can tell!! 🎀

HOBBIES!! 🎀

WRITING: i really enjoy writing and have ever since i was young. when we wrote essays in ela class i went all out because i just loved shit like that

CROCHETING: i first self-taught myself how to crochet when i was like seven or eight, and started doing it again when i was ten. now i crochet gifts for my friends birthdays, for christmas, and i also make myself clothes a lot

VOLLEYBALL: volleyball was just always my go-to sport and i still love it now. i love going to the beach and playing beach volleyball

NAILS: i also really enjoy doing gel and acrylic nails on people. obviously getting your nails done is kind of expensive, so i just learned how to do it myself and now i do my own nails and my friends nails for free. i also do nail services for random people and that’s where most of my money comes from.

SINGING: don’t really know if it counts as a hobby but i absolutely love love love singing. i’m constantly singing around the house. i also did musical theatre in high school and i was in drama club in middle school. my favorite role i played was regina george when i was 15. i also just have a passion for theatre and musicals.

MUSIC TASTE!! 🎀

i have very generic white girl music taste, so it’s not really anything special lol

TOP ARTISTS (NOT IN ORDER): taylor swift, olivia rodrigo, kesha, melanie martinez, billie eilish, ariana grande, madison beer, chappell roan, doja cat, megan thee stallion, rihanna, katy perry, macklemore

TOP SONGS RIGHT NOW (IN ORDER)

1. joyride - kesha

2. femininomenom - chappell roan

3. you need to calm down - taylor swift

4. hope ur ok - olivia rodrigo

5. all american bitch - olivia rodrigo

CONCERTS I’VE BEEN TO: kesha, billie eilish, olivia rodrigo, melanie martinez, taylor swift

i absolutely love concerts. i think they are so fun and i enjoy them sooo much.

STUFF I WATCH!! 🎀

FAV SHOWS: grey’s anatomy, victorious, sam and cat, icarly, stranger things, creeped out, jessie, heart stopper, never have i ever, sofia the first (hey don’t judge)

FAV MOVIES: fear street part one, fear street part two, jumanji, jumanji : the next level, legally blonde, ten things i hate about you, inside out two, mean girls (2024), sleepover

FAV YOUTUBERS: sturniolo triplets, brittany broski, quenlin blackwell, larray, kamryn cain (check her out she’s so underrated), flamingo, avascreams, caseoh

give me show and movie recs!! i always need them

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE STURNIOLO’S!! 🎀

WHEN DID YOU FIRST START WATCHING THE TRIPLETS: late 2022!

ARE YOU A NICK, MATT, OR CHRIS GIRL: chris girl all the way no doubt about it

FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDEO: we filmed this video as bros….

FAVORITE CHALLENGE: disgusting food roulette *matt almost throws up*

FAVORITE VLOG: nick gets his wisdom teeth removed!!

FAVORITE FRIENDSHIP: madison 🩷🩷

FAVORITE MERCH/BRAND: space camp

WHAT WAS THE FIRST VIDEO YOU SAW: sturniolo zombie apocalypse survival guide

HAVE YOU EVER MET THEM: nope, and i don’t plan to or rlly want to because i feel like i would be way too awkward 😭😭

WHY DO YOU LIKE THE TRIPLETS: a lot of it is their humor and the fact that they make me laugh more than literally anybody in this entire world, but i also just love watching them live life and hang out with their friends. i find joy in seeing other people happy, and seeing them live happily like this makes me happier than ever. i love vlogs and watching them have fun. their bond together is also unmatched. they love each other so much and it’s so clear to see that, and i just love it. i also just feel so safe when i watch them. i feel like i would trust them with my life. they’re the only grown men that don’t absolutely terrify me 🩷

thanks for reading!! with love, sabrina 🤍🎀

(working on a fic rn!! please leave requests and lmk if the “leave requests” box doesn’t show up in my description)

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prettyplumpkitty · 3 months ago

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I have this issue in my life and I have nowhere else to really present it.

It’s the longest story in the world but I will try to be concise.

My brother in law & his wife are a wreck.

They are both mentally ill; him physically ill as well with an autoimmune thing. They have two kids, both autistic, one non verbal. So a lot on their plate. They are also fifteen & ten years younger than me, respectively.

They live 4 miles from us in a 250K+ home that my mother in law bought for them and helps pays to maintain. She is also semi-retired and spends any time not working at her health care job cleaning their house & taking care of their kids so my brother in law can do…nothing.

He has no real hobbies other than video games and no other interests. He is bitter about “living at home” again and refuses to go into town, lest someone he knew from the past “see” him. His wife is the breadwinner and their interpersonal relationship can be very toxic at times.

Suffice it to say, they are just very unhappy. My brother in law looks up to mister, his 9 years older brother, especially since they lost their dad almost a decade ago. But there has become a very negative, horrible bias against us where these two think our lives are super easy & have been.

Brother in law is currently not speaking to mister and ignoring messages and attempts to communicate. He will, however, continue to text & talk to our 14 year old son. This is not the first time this has happened at all. Brother in law will get it in his head that we’ve slighted him by not coming to visit him at his house enough (he won’t step foot in our house) and that everyone hates him and thinks he’s a loser (which is kinda true cause he acts this way…self fulfilling prophecy).

What’s recently come out is that brother in law and his wife are mad jealous.

Which in a way I understand because I know how my life presents on paper so to speak. I am excellent at curating a beautiful existence on Facebook & Instagram which is the only way those two look in on us. I am so good at it, I’ve made a position for myself at work with my skills and no college degree.

But more than anything, it’s that mister and I chose to have a positive attitude about the difficulties & struggles we’ve encountered in this life.

THAT’S what makes things look “easy” for us.

But it really hasn’t been and I’m growing very resentful for these very much younger folks thinking everything has been peachy keen when I was parenting a child while they were still fucking babies themselves. There are parts to my life they know NOTHING about and mister’s too.

We have gotten to the point where we are ready to cut all ties because it is too toxic and they always target us when things are going especially rough for them or my brother in law is in some bipolar mood. However, my mother in law LIVES with us so it is very hard to avoid the topic. It is all very drama-inducing and I hate drama.

So, any advice? Not sure what I’m asking specifically but I had to get some off my chest. It just sucks knowing people are super jealous of you AND think you’ve taken easy street when it’s not at all the case. Mister doesn’t let other people have that kind of authority over his own narrative but I am always plagued by feeling, is there truth to this? when someone is upset with me.

#personal #kitty things #kitty thoughts #kitty times

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theseeingfawn · 3 months ago

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Summary:

Azriel and Elain confront the implications of their choice and set boundaries.

Chapter 5 | Read on AO3

Azriel

“How’s Mayberry?” asks Devlon as I walk, fully clothed down Main Street. He’s not thrilled that I’ve chosen to settle in Hewn Hills temporarily. I can’t tell if he is genuinely concerned for the town folk or if he just likes to nettle me. To be perfectly honest, the town, while charming, is not ideal for the lifestyle I typically lead. There are no nightclubs, shooting ranges, twenty-four hour gyms or quick access to an airport. There’s not much for me to do. “Things are fine. Maybe a tad boring.”

I officially moved into the townhouse and for obvious reasons, I don’t want my mail delivered to Rhys and Feyre’s home. The last thing I need is Feyre snooping through my stuff. Which brings me to why I am currently walking down the street at 10 am on a Sunday subjecting myself to the staring of suspicious townies. A PO box is the safest way to make sure my private matters stay private.

I wave at a gawking lady as she walks into a diner. She blushes and quickly waves back. “Maybe you can pick up a new hobby, you’ve been working non-stop since we met. I don’t want you to start getting sloppy.” I growl into my phone. “I don’t need a hobby.” I hear Devlon chuckle before he adds, “a girlfriend then, you need to blow off some steam.”

“That’s not…” as if on cue I see Elain across the street. She’s walking down the sidewalk beaming and waving at every person passing her. They all seem equally as thrilled to see her and I practically hear them cooing over her from where I’m standing. She’s wearing a pair of cut off denim shorts that show off her lean legs and a pink tank top. Her wavy hair is unbound and blowing in the wind. It’s like she’s moving in slow motion but she’s not, I’m just going insane apparently. Her expression is one of utter happiness. Her skin is glowing, no doubt from hours spent outside toiling in her garden. She’s so deliciously sweet. It’s exactly the distraction I need from my boredom.

She stops outside the hardware store and chats with an older man. He says something that makes her laugh. The sight of her smile is enough to make my heart clench. “Hello! Rosehall!? Are you still there?” Devlon practically shouts at me. “Sorry, I lost service for a second, you know how these small towns are.” I clear my throat since I can’t seem to clear my head. “Listen, I called because there was a report of suspicious activity at Amarantha’s last night. I'm going to need you to go into the bar and make yourself acquainted… if you know what I mean.” I watch as Elain heads into the market. “Look Devlon, I have to go, just email the details and I’ll take care of it.” I hang up before he can reply.

Elain

I reach for a box of cocoa pebbles when I hear a soft masculine voice behind me say “Hello.” I nearly jump out of my skin at the man’s sudden appearance until I see a scarred hand pull a box of the protein cereal into his waiting basket.

“What are you doing here?” I ask suspiciously mainly because I wasn’t expecting him and I am slightly mortified that I basically begged him to date me last night. It may also have something to do with the fact that I typically need ten good minutes to mentally prepare for interacting with him. You know, to keep my wayward mind from descending into the gutter and what not.

“I believe it’s called shopping.” I frown down at his poor choice in cereal. Choosing to ignore the dry humor in his voice. How can he eat that cereal? Oh my gods, I bet he eats boiled chicken and rice for dinner. That simply won’t do. I pull his cereal out and replace it with cocoa pebbles. The man deserves to live a little after all.

“Shouldn't you be out scaring the town folk?” Unimpressed, he grabs the box protein cereal and places it in my basket, “You need strength Elain Archeron if you’re going to be my girlfriend.” I gasp a little. Of course he wouldn’t let me forget. “You came all this way to make sure I eat enough protein?”

“All the way from the townhouse? Yes.”I notice a hint of a smail at the corner of his deliciously full lips. I realize I’ve got no defense against this man. I may need my strength after all.

I turn toward him, allowing myself to take a moment and appreciate him. How can someone so large and intimidating have the most beautiful face? His hazel eyes sparkling with mischief. His clothes, well he is sort of dressed for combat which is amusing and sexy at the same time. I see the edges of black ink peeking out from beneath his collar and I have the sudden urge to trace it with my tongue. He is mine now, surely I can lick him. Get a grip Elain, what kind of deranged thought was that? Pauline is literally twenty feet away.

The reminder we are in public and the fact that he called me his girlfriend has me turning in the other direction. The last thing I need is to do something regrettable like climb him on aisle four.

He follows quickly, “Are you on a lunch break?”

“No, I have the day off. I actually plan to visit Nesta. I usually pop into the store and get her a few things. She’s too proud to admit she needs help so I pretend that I bought too much food for myself.”

Oh gods, why did I tell him that? Nesta would kill me if she knew I was talking about her behind her back. Feyre would probably be disappointed I was still offering her help. The last thing I need is to start another round of fighting between my sisters. I feel a headache forming just thinking about it. I pinch my forehead, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that. Feyre might kill her if she knew I was helping out.” Azriel gives me a sympathetic look before asking, “How is Nesta?”

“You saw her yesterday, she is… the same.” He nods, “But you know her best, how is she really ?” I let out a long exhale. Nesta hasn’t been the same since our father died, perhaps even before that. Our father was once a successful business man but got caught up in some gambling scheme involving the mob. He had to declare bankruptcy after they took every dime we had. And if that wasn’t enough they busted his knee caps as a reminder not to wrong the boss again. He had been lucky really, they could have done so much worse.

After that, I became a full time caregiver. Feyre was forced to drop out of high school to help make ends meet. Nesta hated father for our downfall and refused to help, Feyre thinks it was out of spite but deep down it was more than just that, Nesta was broken-hearted. When he was killed two years ago, Nesta shut down entirely. She began drinking and doing the gods knew what with any man she could find. I stop in front of the toothpaste section and take a steadying breath.

“She won’t face what’s happened. I’ve tried to get her to go to therapy but she shoots the idea down every time. Most people think she’s cold and harsh but deep down Nesta loves more fiercely and deeply than anyone I know. She just doesn’t know how to forgive herself. I used to be able to get through to her but lately, she won’t even let me in.”

Azriel places a hand on my shoulder, “That sounds really tough,” his voice gentle and kind. He leans closer to me, like he wants to comfort me more but isn’t sure how. I look up at him and the tenderness in his eyes does nothing to help the tears that begin to well in mine. I turn away before they can spill. I grab a tube of toothpaste and throw it in my basket, “It’ll be alright. She just needs time, I have to believe that she’ll find her happy ending.” I say willing myself to smile. Being upset doesn’t help her. It doesn’t bring our father back. It doesn’t undo the years of poverty or fix our strained relationship. It’s better to cling to hope no matter how fleeting it may be instead of giving in to despair.

Azriel grabs a tube of denture paste and throws it into my basket. My somber mood instantly lifted as my tears give way to a small smile. I reach for the tube and place it into his, “silly you, you missed your basket.” He begins to object before I quickly add, “forgetfulness is common with old age.” I walk to the next aisle as he stands there stunned. Unfortunately for me Pauline is there stocking the shelf just around the corner and I freeze when I see her. Azriel nearly bumps into me but catches himself quickly.

He smiles at Pauline, “Hi there, do you know where Elain can find the intimate care section?” I choke on a breath as I look back at him and glare. How he is able to look impassive at all times astounds me. Pauline glowers at him but gestures for us to follow. All the while my cheeks are burning hot with embarrassment. Pauline vaguely gestures to the aisle on the left and goes back to her work, not before she gives Azriel a look that would melt bark off a tree. “She likes me,” he says confidently. I laugh and steer us down the aisle, fully aware that Pauline is likely mentally sharpening her pitchfork. “You know, you're not doing yourself any favors by taunting Pauline.”

We pass the intimate care section and I toss a package of heavy duty overnight pads into his basket. I try not to snicker at the look on his face. With a self satisfied smile I round the corner and Azriel meets me half way down the aisle, no pads to be seen in his basket. How the hell did he do that?

I face the impressive display of baked goods and he stands shoulder to shoulder with me. I know I shouldn’t be buying baked goods from here because I own my own bakery but I can’t resist the smells. I cut my eyes to him and fight a smile as I see he is doing the same. And then he turns toward me, “you know I’ve been thinking about last night.”

Shock whips through me as I drop a package of eclairs. Using my bewilderment to his advantage, Azriel slyly slips a bottle of stool softener into my basket and strolls away.

Horror, curiosity and unease all tangle inside of me. I spent most of the morning pretending last night didn’t happen. I don’t want to know what he’s been thinking about.

Well that’s not true. A part of me wants nothing more than to know what he’s thinking. Sure it wasn’t exactly comforting to know I got drunk and begged him to be my boyfriend. But there was that moment where he brushed my fingers with his. Then there was the way he held me in his arms and comforted me. The way he nearly fell over himself when I touched his chest.

I can’t help it, I have to know so I chase after him, “What have you been thinking?” My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I’m pretty sure Pauline is watching us through the security cameras.

“I've been thinking about how you asked me to be your boyfriend ,” I can see the arrogant smirk starting to form on his face. He is enjoying this, taunting me. “I’ve been thinking about how we should sit down and discuss what we want out of this… arrangement.” I bite the inside of my cheek so I don’t smile. I love the sound of we .

I suddenly feel the prying eyes of the other shoppers. He didn’t yell it out or anything but I don’t trust these people to not eavesdrop on us. The last thing I need is the town crier sharing that Azriel and I are dating. Are we dating? I lean in closer, “As I recall you told me you would be my boyfriend after I found an alternative.” Azriel steps into my space to avoid a passerby, his hard chest now pressing into my side. “As I recall you begged me to date you. I believe the word please was involved.” His eyes lock onto my lips as he adds seductively “I do love it when you beg.”

Mother save me. I avoid making eye contact because if I look into those eyes I would surely melt into a puddle on the floor. How dare he talk to me that way! Like… like… I’ve always wanted him to.

His hand sweeps under my chin. Oh right, he’s still here. My attempt to imagine him away didn’t work. Our eyes meet and the air whooshes out of my lungs. The thread that ties me to him pulls me closer until our baskets are tangled together. He leans down and whispers, “You liked it too, didn’t you?” My heart thumps in my chest at the wild glint in his eyes. “Like what?” I ask innocently. He tuts before leaning down to whisper in my ear, “begging for me.” My whole body responds to him. Goosebumps break out all over my skin. My heart is pounding. My panties are quite literally soaked.

“How would you know that?” No one in the world would suspect me of liking such a thing. No one would even dare say such filthy things to me. Now I feel like Azriel has unlocked a deep dark secret about me. A quiver of need rumbles through me at the thought.

His eyes return to mine, his rough fingers holding me captive. “Because contrary to what everyone else seems to think about you, I can see that wicked spark behind those innocent doe eyes, Elain. I know there’s a secret side to you” His eyes drop back to my lips, and I’m ready to beg him again. Desire pulses through the air around us - thick and heady- making it impossible to think clearly.

“But it’s our secret, isn't it Azriel?’ He practically purrs as I say his name. “This thing between us, we can’t let them know.” His body stiffens next to mine, “Why can’t they know?” He doesn’t have to ask who they are, he already knows.

“They just… they can’t.” I take a step away. “If they find out they will be full of opinions. They’ll make suggestions or worse try to intervene and I don’t want that. Do you want that?” He shakes his head no. I feel his hand rub my arm comfortingly. I can hear Feyre now, asking me a million questions or telling Lucien in the hopes that he can somehow stop it. I can see the town passing around a petition banning Azriel from dating me. I hear Nesta’s mocking me for not being enough. I’ll end up caving and doing what they want to avoid hurting their feelings or creating problems. I look up and nearly flinch at the intensity of Azriel’s gaze. “I just want something for myself - is that so bad?”

“I don’t think it’s wrong Elain but I’m not necessarily the best judge on what’s good. I lead a pretty selfish life… Besides isn’t the whole point of this,” he waves a hand between us, “to be bad.” He gives me a devil may care smile that would make James Deen look like a kitten.

I swallow, “I don’t think you're selfish Azriel.” His eyes soften a little. “Elain I don’t want you to get the wrong ideas about me. I’m not a good guy.” I want to protest. How can he say that about himself? He’s going to date me out of… out of… oh gods, is it pity? I force the thought away. I opt to just quietly nod instead.

He steps away but I don’t miss the moment his thumb glides over my hand before he releases it. “I’ll sneak into your place tonight around eight? We can talk about how this will work between us.” I barely notice as he slides something into my basket. I’m too panicked thinking about Azriel in my place. “Wait, why do you need to sneak in?”

He shrugs one shoulder before saying, “When you’re being bad you need to be sneaky. Besides, the people in this town have eyes everywhere. We will have to be careful.” He sits his basket down and doesn’t glance back as he heads toward the door. I look down and his basket is empty. Did he come in here just to talk to me?

At the checkout counter, I set my basket down and start to pull items out for Pauline to scan. And it’s too late when I realize I’m holding a box of magnum xl condoms. Oh gods, that’s what he slipped into my basket. I look up to see Pauline’s scowling face. I blurt out, “You know how Nesta is.” Pauline narrows her eyes at me like she doesn’t know whether she believes me or not but she isn’t pleased either way. Great, a new topic of conversation for the knitting circle.

“You stay away from that man, Elain. He’s a ruffian and not the kind of man you need in your life.”

I turn toward the window and catch a glimpse of Azriel smiling as he walks away. Clearly he is pleased with himself, the sneaky devil.

I realize then that there is truth in what Pauline said. He isn’t good for me. Too bad he’s exactly the man I want.

Azriel

I hear a shriek and the sound of a panicking Elain tripping over something. I pull myself through her window and watch amused as she crawls over a fallen kitchen chair. “My goodness Azriel, you scared me!” I give her a flat look, “I told you I was sneaking in.” She stands and blows a fallen curl off her face. “Remind me why I agreed to that?” I walk closer and lift the chair off the floor, “because we’re being sneaky. Are you alright?'' I sit the chair down and give her a once over to make sure she isn’t injured. I try and fail to stop my eyes from lingering on all the places they shouldn’t. She gives me a sidelong glance and the corner of her lips teases a smile. “Yes, I’m quite alright.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. If she were to get injured because of me I would never forgive myself.

She gestures for me to take a seat at her small kitchen table. I sit down slightly charmed by what I see. There is a cute floral teapot, little cakes, tea sandwiches, pastries and my favorite cookies. I didn't think she remembered . As I sit down, she starts to serve me. It feels nice to be tended to. Like there is someone who wants to care for me. The whole situation feels like a picture perfect domestic scene. I imagine myself becoming used to this kind of care and attention. I chide myself for such wistful thoughts. She pours me a cup of tea, remembering that I prefer one sugar and no cream.

I take a moment to look over her place as she fusses over me. It's a charming little second floor apartment with a large arched window overlooking the street. There is a wide variety of potted plants lining the window’s bench seat. A small kitchenette is tucked along the back wall with open shelves filled with delicate cups and plates. She has a small seating area with a white slipcovered couch and a well loved wooden coffee table. There are a few bookshelves lining the wall with a scattering of nicknacks. A TV sits on a low lying console table with more plants surrounding it. Off to the side I see a small bathroom with a pedestal sink. In the very back is her bedroom. It’s dark without a light on but I can make out a lush bed. I turn back to my tea before I think too long about her in that bed.

I take a long sip and revel in the comfortable silence that sits between us. Most people don’t like that I prefer the quiet to strained small talk or the general bloviating others indulge in. Something about her soothes me. Her gentle manners and soft spirit lulls me into a state of calm I can so rarely achieve on my own and certainly not with others. The constant hum of dark whisperings that plague my mind are quieted by her lightness. It’s why I crave her presence more than anyone else's. Why I’m sometimes overcome by the need to seek her out even though I know I shouldn’t.

Which brings me to why I’m here. Elain literally asked me to corrupt her. It was like having my deepest darkest fantasy brought to life. I spent last night dreaming of all the ways we could be bad together. How I wanted to devour every inch of that supple body until she couldn't wash away the smell of me. I need clarity on her expectations so that I can reign mine in.

Damn that dream.

I take a deep breath and interrupt the silence, “I think we should lay out some ground rules before we start dating.” She looks at me a little hesitant and then nods again. She is being shy which is adorable. I wonder what happened to the confident Elain who practically shoved me against the wall. I look her over as if to search out the answer. She’s changed out of her jean shorts and tank top. Now she’s wearing a lilac sundress, the style she typically favors. The ones that make me drool like a love sick puppy. Her long thick hair is braided back with a few unruly curls framing her perfect neck. She clearly put in effort toward her appearance. Did she do that for me?

Gods she looks delicious. I just want to take a bite.

I take a deep breath. I absolutely cannot go there. It’s one thing to date her for a few weeks. It’s another to have her completely. I clear my throat and try to remind myself of why I’m here. “You told me you want me to be your boyfriend to prove that you’re interesting. To break out of the box you're in. You also said you wanted to be… bad . I need you to elaborate on what your expectations are and how you want this to go.” She gives me a small smile, before biting her plump pink lower lip. I watch her completely enraptured, I want to pull that lip between my teeth.

“When I'm with you I feel different.” My cold heart flutters a little, “different how?” She lets out a nervous breath, “you make me feel bold. Like I could do anything. That I can be myself” She shakes her head nervously and smiles, “you don't see me the way the others do.” I nod. I know what she means, she’s coddled and often overlooked by those with louder personalities. The town is also bizarrely interested in her personal life. She continues on, “So, when I asked you to be my boyfriend, I thought you could help me discover the parts of myself I've hidden away, either because I haven't been allowed to or I've been too scared to try.”

I want nothing more than to draw her out of her shell. I’ve always suspected there was more to her than meets the eye. When she thinks no one is watching, Elain does the most fascinating things. She observes and understands more than people realize. She is always the first to know a secret. Well besides me . There was the time we lost Cassian after a night of drinking and Elain found him hiding in a closet quietly singing Abba to himself. All of us howled with laughter and teased him relentlessly. But to Elain it was old news, as if this was a regular occurance for her to rescue him. Cassian would have stayed mad at her if he could have managed it. But, it is impossible to be mad at Elain. She is the only one who can get Nesta to listen. She is charming and can convince anyone to do anything. It’s like magic. Just her smile could bring Rhys to heel and he is notoriously stubborn.

“I also think I need practice dating. As much as I want to blame the worst date ever on Lucien, I'm certain I played a role as well. There is also…” She quiets and is wringing her hands in her lap. She seems sad and at a loss of words. “Also what, Elain?” I ask gently.

“Graysen. He was so willing to end things with me. It felt like maybe the situation with Lucien was just an excuse to be rid of me.”

“What happened with Graysen?” She sighs and nervously twists a loose lock of hair with her finger, “He was jealous of Lucien, he had just won the election. Feyre was bragging about him every chance she got. Nesta was also making snide remarks… she never liked him. Anyway, all the chatter made him suspicious that Lucien and I were having an affair. Jurian and his drunk rambling didn't help. So, when he saw Lucien walk me home from a town meeting late one night he ended it.”

I take a calming breath, what is it with the men of this town that made them act like utter jackasses. “You think he just used that situation as an excuse?” She nods, “if he really loved me he would have at least heard me out or fought for what we had. It’s like he had one foot out the door.”

She lets out a shaky breath, “I think I need lessons in not giving a shit.” I laugh. How can she think she’s not interesting, she’s the only one who can make me laugh like this.

She taps her pointer finger against her chin, “I think my recent date proved I'm a little rusty when it comes to dating. There were a lot of awkward silences with Lucien.” She gasps suddenly and buries her head in her hands and muffles a scream. I laugh again, “that bad, huh?” Without lifting her face she replies, “I don't think I asked him a single question. I mean I know about him and I just accepted there was nothing else to learn. Man, I am such an asshole.” I smile, “see you are already on your way to being bad.” She smiles and throws a cookie at me. I'd do anything to see that smile, “so we have lessons in not giving a shit and dating.” She nods.

I take a minute to consider how best to phrase my next question. “And you don’t want people to know we are dating?” She thinks about it for a moment before she says, “I'm so tired of everyone in my business. People think they are entitled to every aspect of my life.”

It would also solve a few problems for me. For starters, there is Rhys and then there is my job. It would be too risky to publicly date Elain. If word got out, it could put her in danger. I have to be careful. This isn’t just some romantic comedy plot, it’s her safety that matters most. “I agree and I think it would be safer if we keep it just between us.” She narrows her eyes, “Safer?” I nod, “my job can be dangerous and I don’t want to put you at risk.”

Her eyes widen in shock, “Risk?” I nod again. She asks carefully, “Azriel, what is your job exactly?” The sound of my name on her lips always undoes me. Normally I’d tell her anything she wants to hear but not this. A part of me knows I can’t have it both ways. I can’t date her and keep secrets. It's not fair but I’ve never been a good guy and right now I’m too selfish. I won’t outright lie to her but I won’t put her in unnecessary danger either.

“I do bad things, Elain. Bad things done extremely well.” I watch as her cheeks turn a perfect shade of rosy pink. I think I’ve rendered her speechless. I’m going to enjoy this. I ask, “anything else?” She studies me for a second and says, “you forgot that you're not allowed to fall in love with me.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms, “uh huh, sure. Won't be a problem.” She mimics my posture, leaning back and crossing her arms as she asks, “what about you Mr. Naked, do you have any rules or expectations?” Damn that nickname.

I was hoping she would ask. After last night, I spent most of today thinking about all the pitfalls… If I should keep things close to the chest. How much of myself am I willing to share? Elain has a way of lowering my guard without me realizing it and worse still, I don't think she’s trying to. It's just the natural effect she had on me. My biggest fear is the same one I had with Mor, that I will develop feelings and she won't reciprocate. In the back of my mind, I know that’s not an issue with Elain. But that’s somehow even more terrifying. I’m not sure I’m prepared for that. I’ve never settled down with anyone. I’ve never had the sort of intimacy a relationship requires. I don’t know if I can give her what she needs. Elain said I wasn't allowed to fall in love with her. That is exactly what I did with Mor but I’ve learned my lesson. I won't be sticking around Hewn Hills after this mission which is my safety net. The only thing that could possibly unravel me is if I got a taste of her. She is too sweet, too big of a temptation. Since I returned, I've lost count of how many times I initiated contact with Elain. If I start, really start, I won't be able to stop. I would ruin her completely.

I take a steadying breath before I say, “My only rule is that we keep this PG.” Her brows furrowed in confusion, “PG?” I smile at her sinless thoughts, “I mean, no fucking.” I watch as my words land, her cheeks flush and spread down to her perky little chest, disappearing behind the top of her dress. Her eyes flare as she stutters, “I didn't… I wasn't… Azriel, that's not what I…” I smile at her desperate attempt to form a sentence. “I know that's not what you intended Elain but you said I wasn't allowed to fall in love with you. My rule makes sure you won't fall in love with me.”

Her cute little jaw drops, “Excuse me?!” I shrug, “I am aware of the effect I have on women, if we sleep together you'll become… attached.” She snorts as if the idea is ridiculous. But, I know better. We have always shared a quiet understanding. A longing perhaps, a mutual desire that is palpable anytime our eyes meet. The jolt of electricity that passes between us every time our fingers graze. The way I can't resist her like I'm a moth and she's the flame.

I stay quiet, letting my eyes slowly roam over her body. I marvel at her flawless skin. The curve of her body, those long lean legs crossed demurely. I watch the way her chest rises and falls, in sync with my own breath. The way her throat bobs as I silently drink in the way her body reacts to mine. So responsive. I give her the full weight of my attention. Just for her, only for her . I can see little goosebumps start to rise on her arms despite the flush of her skin. I cock my head to the side as her wet little tongue licks her lips. When my eyes finally meet hers they are heavy and full of heat. I give her a knowing smirk, “do we have a deal?” All she can manage is a small nod.

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I leave Elains the way I came in, out the back window. I pause for a moment in her garden and catch my breath. I go over every detail of her in my mind. I feel delirious. I’ve made this rule for myself, for my own sake but I’ve never been good at following the rules. A part of me knows I made it just for the thrill of breaking it. I enjoy torturing myself like that. There would be pleasure, beauty even, in the exquisite pain of denying myself of her… for now.

#elriel #azriel x elain #elain x azriel #elriel fic #elriel fanfic

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