#I’m not fucking giving up though

[thegoblinpit]

Nobody in my life seems to understand how upsetting this is. All of it. It took me 4 years of filling an apartment patio with every native plant I can get to grow for me to start seeing butterflies and moths. If I go in the woods, half of what I find are invasive (cultivated) plant species. Everyone defaults to poison to remove every inconvenient life form. I remember having breakdowns as early as 6 years old because of the deliberate and vengeful destruction of Nature by the people in my rural pasture of a hometown. I remember the way they celebrated when only lawn grasses would grow and not enough bugs were alive to meet death on a windshield. I watched the biodiversity of ants in my yard growing up go from at least 6 species to only invasive fire ants. I’ve held so many bugs and small animals in their death throes from contact with spectrum killers. I’ve asked forgiveness from so many things who were killed for the crime of living in front of humans. I am always enraged. I am always in despair. I am always ashamed. Humanity has robbed me and the generations to come of the miracle of diverse life and sustainable coexistence.

How people in the USA loved nature and knew the ways of the plants in the past vs. nowadays

I have been in the stacks at the library, reading a lot of magazine and journal articles, selecting those that are from over fifty years ago.

I do this because I want to see how people thought and the tools they had to come up with their ideas, and see if I can get perspective on the thoughts and ideas of nowadays

I've been looking at the journals and magazines about nature, gardening, plants, and wildlife, focusing on those from 1950-1970 or thereabouts. These are some unstructured observations.

The discourse about spraying poisons on everything in your garden/lawn has been virtually unchanged for the past 70 years; the main thing that's changed is the specific chemicals used, which in the past were chemicals now known to be horribly dangerous and toxic. In many cases, just as today, the people who opposed the poisons were considered as whackos overreacting to something mostly safe with a few risks that could be easily minimized. In short, history is not on the pesticides' side.

Compared with 50-70 years ago, today the "wilderness" areas of the USA are doing much better nowadays, but it actually appears that the areas with lots of human habitation are doing much worse nowadays.

I am especially stricken by references to wildflowers. There has definitely been a MASSIVE disappearance of flowers in the Eastern United States. I can tell this because of what flowers the old magazines reference as common or familiar wildflowers. Many of them are flowers that seem rare to me, which I have only seen in designated preserves.

There are a lot more lepidopterans (butterflies and moths) presumed to be familiar to the reader. And birds.

Yes, land ownership in the USA originated with colonization, but it appears that the preoccupation with who owns every little piece of land on a very nitpicking level has emerged more recently? In the magazines there is a sense of natural places as an unacknowledged commons. It is assumed that a person has access to "The creek," "The woods," "The field," "The pond" for simple rambling or enjoyment without personally owning property or directly asking permission to go onto another person's property.

There is very little talk of hiking and backpacking. I don't think I saw anything in the magazines about hiking or going on hikes, which is strange because nowadays hiking is the main outdoor activity people think of. Nature lovers 50-70 years ago described many more activities that were not very physically active, simply watching the birds or tending to one's garden or going on a nice walk. I feel this HAS to do with the immediately above point.

Gardening seems like it was more common, like in general. The discussion is about gardening without poisons or unsustainable practices, instead of trying to convince people to garden at all.

Overall, the range of animals and plants culturally considered to be common or familiar "backyard" creatures has narrowed significantly, even as the overall conservation status of animals and plants has improved.

This, to me, suggests two things that each may be possible: first, that the soils and environments of our suburbs and houses have sustained such a high level of cumulative damage that the life forms they once supported are no longer able to live, or second, that our way of managing our yards and inhabited areas has become steadily more destructive. Perhaps it may be the case that the minimum "acceptable" standard of lawn management has become more fastidious.

In conclusion, I feel that our relationship with nature has become more distant, even as the number of people who abstractly support the preservation of "wilderness" has increased. In the past, these wilderness preservation initiatives were a harder sell, but somehow, more people were in more direct contact with the more mundane parts of nature like flowers and birds, and had a personal relationship with those things.

And somehow, even with all the DDT and arsenic, the everyday outdoor spaces surrounding people's homes were not as broadly hostile to life even though the people might have FELT more hostile towards life. In 1960, a person hates woodpeckers, snakes and moths and his yard is constantly plagued by them: in 2024, a person enjoys the concept of woodpeckers, snakes and moths but rarely sees them, and is more likely to think of parks and preserves as the place they live and need to be protected. Large animals are mostly doing better in 2024, but the littlest ones, the wildflowers and bugs and birds, have declined steeply. It's not because "wilderness" is less; it seems more because non-wilderness has declined in quality.

[puppyeared]

personal character design headcanons + brainrot

Note: the re-bound!au does NOT belong to me, it belongs to @chipper-smol I’m just not normal about it lol

[fantasykiri5]

A pair of birds of prey for days 15 and 16 of @hermitadaymay !!! Definitely not a day and a half (?) late

[stinkythehutt]

also. something about palpatine being so adept at seeing into the future that all of his successes feel completely joyless by the time he achieves them because he’s just going through the motions… how fucked up and nihilistic and brutal that would make you…

[againstme]

hello my fellow autistics. i’m asking you a question and giving you two options only sorry but i’m curious if this is just a me experience or just not liking my ex lmao:

i personally thought i would be all about smooching and making out but like. lips are slimy. and i never know what i’m doing sowwwy. 🫣 also my ex used to bite my lips, very hard. what the fuck was up with that

[imthursdaysyme]

Guinevere convincing the officer she can chill her husband out

[eddiemunson-reader-shame]

Good morning Hawkins this is your daily reminder from a fellow plus size person that if you are plus size, Eddie Munson would still date the hell out of you and marry you. And since he’s fictional it’s 100% acceptable to write him as being able to lift you up because in my head he can do whatever the hell he wants and I’m not denying myself the pleasure of having the princess carry experience just because I am fat irl.

Self care is allowing yourself to have good experiences in fiction and not worrying about bullshit semantics.

[camgoloud]

he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

Sophie Shepard & Kaidan Alenko (ME2) 1/?

MIRA'S MORE CANON ME2 "The wrong place at the right time..." AKA: The aftermath of Stealing Memory. Mass Effect 2: Legendary Edition (2021)

[ssruis]

Hi hi i think youre completely right about characterization so I wanted to ask if you have any pjsk fic recs? Thank you :3

Oh god you know not what you have done

Primary ruikasa/emunene focus as is expected on ssruis dot tumblr dot com so keep that in mind but there’s a few gen fics on here.

The world offers itself - thrillingwhiteday (In progress) (ruikasa)

Super underrated… the characterization is so good… saki + rui interactions (I cheered). Lives in my head rent free.

You and a Skull’s Flower - Revelry_in_serenity (In progress) (no relationship focus but there are bg relationships)

Pandemonium gang experiences The Horrors. Recommend the author’s other works as well - Supporting Roles/Lasting Embraces/Overwritten are some other ones I really enjoyed - but I’m Very Intrigued by the plot in this one.

Warm - pyrotechpuffs (One shot) (ruikasa)

Also recommend the authors other works but this is a fave.

Soul to Wreck - sleepieash (In progress) (ruikasa)

Literally anything by helloitsaiza or calculatrice. The characterization/writing… chefs kiss… their brains are so massive. Best stuff in the tag. Rewired my brain. However this is a list of fic recs and not author recs so I’ll link some of my favorites:

Roles - helloitsaiza (one shot) (ruikasa)

Eternal sunshine - helloitsaiza (One shot) (emunene)

Special shout-out because Peak Emunene I’m actually obsessed with it.

Confess, Confess - helloitsaiza (In progress) (ruikasa)

Yours - helloitsaiza and calculatrice (one shot) (ruikasa)

Backstage after the curtain call - calculatrice (One shot) (ruikasa)

To sear the sky - calculatrice (One shot) (ruikasa)

A study in performance - calculatrice (One shot) (ruikasa)

Funhouse mirror - calculatrice (in progress) (no relationship focus, wxs & niigo)

Special shout-out because tsukasa + mafuyu body swap is such a galaxy brained idea

Rui’s doki-doki seishun school life - calculatrice (one shot) (ruikasa)

^ read all of these they go so hard 10/10

Because it’s you - sleepy_macchi (one shot) (ruikasa)

Act I of our story - Asteromeda (one shot) (ruikasa)

The show must go on - literallyjustsomeguy (in progress but it’s been like 2 years so it might be abandoned) (ruikasa)

I don’t like recommending stuff that may remain unfinished but I’ll make an exception for very funny tsukasa tenma stupidity moments

X marks the spot - seatrix (in progress) (ruikasa)

Underrated… love the characterization & plot.

Voted most likely to run away with you - eightyeightstars (one shot) (ruikasa)

Sharing is caring - underwaternature (one shot) (ruikasa)

Tête-à-tête - kuiperbelts (one shot) (ruikasa)

Also recommend the authors other works I just really like the tsukasa characterization in this one

All I want (is you) - sorasekai (one shot) (emunene)

Recommend their other works as well for good emunene

Ikanaide - gummysaur (finished) (tsukasa focus, gen wxs)

Also recommend their other works but (chefs kiss) tsukasa characterization

Closeness - lyriablackfrost (one shot) (ruikasa)

Find out who you are, and then do it on purpose - weepingstars (transfem rui focus, gen wxs)

And I will still live here - utayoru (one shot) (ruikasa)

Their other works are good as well but this is a fave for the early pjsk days rui characterization

With me all along - jeiseny (one shot) (saki focus, gen)

SAKI… (ugly crying) beautiful exploration of chronic illness. And it doesn’t focus on her fucking brother (staring with homicidal intent @ wider pjsk fanbase). Made me go ouuggh relatable several times.

[ahalliance]

how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another

[puppyeared]

Forever and ever

[athymelyreply]

i have had a horrid work day and also got medical news that is going to make my life miserable. Shoutout to all the ao3 writers whose fics are gettin me through this

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

[goldkirk]

.

[vmbrq]

ovulation horny is something neither ethan landry nor charlie walker is equipped to handle LMAOO

unless.