#even though my mom and sister have had tons of cavities!
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goldkirk · 30 days ago
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#it should be noted that I tried distracting myself from wanting to be dead in a hole and no longer have teeth or shame or the horrors#by watching Grey’s Anatomy#because other people’s made up drama is better than whatever my brain is giving me right now#and I ended up watching an episode where a major character#has a dental abscess that gives her a bacterial heart infection and heart attack and all the complications that follow.#I would just like to say#fuck my life#I KNOW THIS IS FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS#I JUST#WANT TO ***#RATHER THAN EVER DEAL WITH TEETH EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE#I’ll never forgive my mom and my old dentist and hygienists for being ‘kind’ but shaming me so much for so many years without ever once help#*helping me#what was I supposed to do with that?#I can’t hate myself into taking better care of my teeth#and it’s such a beast to overcome that I barely make a dent before something throws me off the bandwagon and I’m terrified to even feel that#I have a mouth all over again!!!#shh katie#there’s no way that one of my teeth at least will be savagely#*salvagable#it needed a root canal in 2021 there’s no way#but if I need teeth pulled I genuinely will spiral#it’s the ultimate shame#EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY HAVE HAD TO HAVE THAT DONE#even though my mom and sister have had tons of cavities!#it was never allowed for ME#I was supposed to be the PERFECT one#who never ever had any of the issues my older siblings or parents did#and it’s all taken as me not caring or being lazy or being stupid and uninformed and it’s NOT#I DON’T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS EITHER CAN NO ONE UNDERSTAND THAT
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icemankazansky · 11 months ago
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Tag Game: Get to Know Me
Thanks for the tag, @brendaonao3! (Note for people who tag me in tag games: I love to be tagged in tag games, even though my typical response time suggests otherwise.)
Name: Carly
Pronouns: she/her
Star sign: Maverick sun, Iceman rising Sagittarius sun, Leo rising, Pisces moon
Number of siblings (+ any fun facts): One of each, both younger. They look like each other, but I don't look like them at all. (Oddly, my sister and I both look like our mother, but in different ways.) When my sister and I were little, my mom used to have to tell people that yes, we had the same father. (Bc people think it's fine to ask stuff like that? Also I have very curly hair, and it's a recessive trait that one person in every generation on my mom's side gets, but people are so weird about natural curls, and every new hair dresser I see asks, "Who did you get them from?" and a disturbing number of them have made jokes about my mother's infidelity and my questionable parentage when I inform them no, neither of my parents have curls. Who raised y'all?)
Number of pets & their names: Currently, I myself only have one animal, my dog, Elio. But 1. I am actively looking for another dog, 2. My family has a ton of dogs, and 3. We all volunteer for dog rescues (Yes, plural. My sister actually started her own 503c NPO rescue a couple years ago bc her own, like, extra credit financing of homeless dog medical bills was going to bankrupt her, so she had to start a charity so people could donate. She specializes in senior and special needs dogs, but works with local city and county animal control agencies so she gets a lot of breeder and hoarder surrenders, and subsequently ends up with, for example, 18 purebred Bernese Mountain Dog puppies several times a year.) The point is, there's, like, a whole lot of dogs in here.
Fandoms: They are legion. Mostly active in Top Gun rn. Again. Still. Still again.
Favorite song: They too are legion, but include Fiona Apple - I Know, Fleetwood Mac - Silver Springs, Hozier - From Eden, Lake Street Dive - Good Kisser, Bad Company - Bad Company, Natalie Merchant - My Skin. Lately, I'm listening to the following a very normal amount: Tracy Chapman - You're the One (it is Icemav af BTW check it out)
Favorite author: Fiction: Neil Gaiman. Nonfiction: Mary Roach.
Favorite fic type: I like established relationships, true love and people just enjoying each other, and happy endings.
Favorite holiday: Ugh I hate this. Um, New Years Eve.
Do you have a partner (romantic, qpr, etc)?: I already told you I have a dog. Nope.
Hobbies: Dogs, writing, art of various kinds (mostly drawing, some painting, and I am always trying new things like building a tufted headboard, teaching myself to sew, or making custom funko pops), gif making, Val Kilmer.
Fun facts about you: I've never had a cavity. I ran over myself with my own car. I can't figure out if I have 12 tattoos or 13. I can French and Dutch braid my own hair. My favorite perfume is Chance by Chanel, but I also wear Daisy by Marc Jacobs if I want something lighter.
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clemjolichose · 3 years ago
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Okay, I finally wrote on @quodekash 's demus/dukeceit prompt. The thing is: it's wrecked and maybe too personal. So hear me out: Roman is an antagonist here and the words he says are words spoken by my own sister in the very same situation as Remus was in. I was a depressed child and I'm now a depressed adult, and it fucked me up as bad as I write it. This one-shot is *extremely* self-indulgent and probably has no sense.
TW: discussing death, suicide, blood, mental illness, self-harm, (familial) abuse, sanism/ableism, mental hospital, sex (mention of genitals) and please tell me if I'm missing any.
Enjoy ❤
My mother never told me why my heart, my blood-pumping organ, one day floated into the clouds never to be seen again.
My brother, my twin, we have the same face, the same eyes, the same body and sometimes the same mind, but not the same heart. He was always telling me to eat mine out, whatever the situation was. Drawing, singing, performing, dancing, writing... It was like what I did never was good enough, and when I tried to complain I was only silenced. So that I did: I ate my heart out. Bottled up all my resentment towards my own blood. I knew our mother would never admit Roman is her favourite, I knew I would never be enough while they would never say it out loud. And maybe it is true, maybe I'm not good enough, deserving of all the praise and love and awards Roman has received through his life. I'm stuck with being Peter Pan's shadow no matter how hard I'm trying to escape. I guess that what I do isn't good, nor sane.
I remember drawing eyes and crosses and tears and writing shit on a piece of paper out of boredom, it didn't really mean anything, it looked like a shit tons of crap that made no sense; to me it was the most self-representative drawing I had ever made. But what do I know? I was just a brainless teen that couldn't even draw a straight line. It's not that I can't, it's really that I don't want to. Huge difference there. So I was writing and drawing and scraching tge paper trying to paint my emotions because boredom just makes you do shit like that, it makes you think about your heart, and when you find emptiness, there's a void for your thoughts to fill. And oh boy, they filled it so well... And then I looked at my work, an artwork I could finally be proud of, a masterpiece that looked like me... I felt content, happy even. I felt calmer and found myself smiling, and this smile had faltered as soon as my brother looked at the paper. He snorted and shouted with arrogance:
"Stop drawing that, it's freaking me out. Mom and dad will throw you in a mental hospital! It's ugly anyway."
What monster would say that to their friend? Because I truly believed, once upon a time, that we were friends. Not so much anymore, huh? And when my parents acquiesced, I knew I needed to get out as soon as possible. I felt unsafe and unreasonably angry. At what? Everything. It was all bullshit anyway. Love your family? They would eat your flesh if it was covered in candy, and mine must have been delicious. Hatred settled in the cavity of my chest, slowly taking out the love I once felt for them. It's still there to this day, the love, and maybe I would forgive them as soon as I get an apology. Or not even an apology, you know? Maybe I would try to comply to their standards again if I ever see them once more. But that's why I left, right? I left to never deal with their shit again, to live my true self and who cares if it's someone of madness? I don't! I actually love it. I love thinking about arson and getting to draw their house on fire. I love feeling suicidal- well, not good phrasing, but hear me out: feeling suicidal is not great, but being able to put words and drawings upon it? And then feeling relieved because the very image of yourself bleeding out that was stuck in your head for days on end while you couldn't get out of bed was finally realised in some ways? Best feeling in the world.
Not quite, though. There is an even better feeling I got to indulge myself in: being mentally ill with someone who cares.
I met Janus when I finally got out of the house. I was 20, with no clothes and only my drawing stuff, trying to live my own life instead of someone else's because being the brother of Prince Roman™️ wasn't meant for me, and I think it's not meant for anyone. Life is an ass but at least it sometimes gives you a dick to ride on, non-sexually. Pleasant metaphors aren't my strong suit.
But at least Janus doesn't mind. He doesn't mind anything I do, in fact. From the first time I met him and through years of intimacy, he never judged me for the blood, the tears and the urge to rip my skin off and crack my skull open (or his, affectionately). He's supporting me, actually. When I'm at a low point because depression is a bitch, when I start hallucinating monsters more terrifying than my own imagination, when all is black, he is the one to put a brush or a pencil in my hand and to toss me in front of a white blank canva, where I can represent anything. What a dream. What a dream, right? A dream, it's just a dream, it must be a dream, it has to be a dream, it cannot be anything but a dream, a fucking dream, ah! But he holds me oh so gently, he talls to me slowly, and stroke my hair like my mother should have, and he tells me I'm real. I'm real. Am I? It's "cogito ergo sum" after all, not "morior ergo sum". How can I be sure? He kisses me, on my forehead, on my temple, on my cheek, on my nose, on my jaw, on my neck, on my chest, on my hands, on my lips, he would have kissed my feet if I didn't have my boots on, and he says:
"Do you even want to? You can float. You can be a god."
I know it's a lie but this is what's comforting. It's lies that never disguise themselves around me, it's destructive imagination that matches mine in the most fucked up and beautiful ways, it's the doors to Heaven slightly opening in front of me because a creature of God loves me and I can love it back. The snake who tempted was once a loving being, too. It gives me hope, it gives me ideas that do not rely solely on my pain - though it is my greatest muse - and how would great poets have written their masterpiece if they weren't a little bit dying too? People say I have a peculiar way of thinking, in a strange, scary way, just like my parents said, just like my brothers shouted and his voice still resonates in my ears to this day. At least, now, it is covered in the sweet praises of Janus, it is nothing but muffled echos of distant wailing, hushed by the need to hear my sweet lover describing my latest drawing without using "madness", "demented" or "hospital". And I thought it was untrue, but it really takes one person to make a world, a world of freedom and oh my God I can be myself, oh Lord I can love, oh Jesus I can hate because those who have wronged me were the ones judging while I was a lost lamb. There is something divine in a love that heals even the most wrecked soul, a heartless one, that awaits to rejoice with its blood-pumping organ every single day withoit crossing the bridge yet. Now is not the time. Tomorrow? Maybe. Let's wait and see.
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heyitsyn · 4 years ago
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RANDOM SEIJOH HCs ACCORDING TO GIGI
a/n: this is a thing i cooked up between doing trig exam and ap gov review akdsjfldskfj
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IM PRETTY SURE I ALREADY USED THIS GIF BUT IM WANTING TO RE-DO MY ENTIRE PAGE AND MAKING BANNERS SO THIS IS A TEMPORARY THING AJDJDJJD ALSO I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THE KEEP READING THING ON THE APP BYE
oikawa def listens to indie music just bc he wants to feel unique and the 'iM diFfErENt fRoM oTHeR gUrLs' vibes
i FIRMLY BELIEVE IWAIZUMI HAJIME IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CHOMPS ON HIS ICE CREAM BC HE LIKES TO FEEL THE COLD ON HIS TEETH AKSJSKSKSK
meanwhile kunimi eats a kitkat like its pizza just CHOMP
makki caNNOT sleep without a pillow between his thighs LIKE LISTEN he has 2 sisters and they all told him its so comfortable and at first he was like,, ??,, then he tried and now cant sleep without it
bUT MATTSUN LIKES TO SLEEP WITH PILLOWS SURROUNDING HIM bc it makes him feel safe and like there are two body pillows on either side of him and hes kinda trapped in the middle aksjskdk
when kyo was younger, he was really short and although he had other pants, he loved this one pair but they were really long on him and he wore it all the time and the part of the pants that touched the ground is torn in shreds
kindaichi steps on the sofa before sitting LIKE puts one foot on the cushion then the other until hes literally standing on the couch before folding to sit with his knees up to his chest (i do this)
watari sniffs his food before eating it no matter if its something he eats all the time or something new, he still sniffs it either way
yahaba is really particular with his feet and he likes to get a really big tupperware (duh one only meant for his feet) and fill it up with warm almost boiling water and he just soaks them
oikawa has sleep paralysis and he oftens hallucinates about aliens in the corner of his room
kunimi does this thing where he makes weird noises with his mouth like sounds of his mouth opening LIKE when youre tastinf something new and you do that sound with your tongue (I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE IT AJDKSKKD)
makki bends his knees just to crack his ankles
iwa sneezes a ton but he has those sneezes where theyre quiet that you dont even notice or really loudly that it just echoes throughout the gym
kyo sleeps with one sock on bc his feet gets cold easily but both socks make him feel really hot so only one sock is perfect
for a tall and hunk of a guy, mattsun is a very light walker like his footsteps are very light and if he wants to, it can be practically silent
watari actually hates vegetables ajssksksk he particularly hates zucchini, eggplants, any vegetables that are that shape
kindaichi likes to stick or lean against walls because to him, they feel cold and can decrease his body heat
oikawa stands and places his feet at V position like \/ instead of ll because his sister did ballet and he was taught that was the right way of standing and it was considered graceful
yahaba has a fear of cactuses
mattsun does so badly in the heat because his body temp runs so high and the hot surroundings make him feel so uncomfortable and so he takes a lot of cold showers
iwa cannot swim like he freaks out immediately when his toetips can no longer feel the bottom and he panics with thoughts of drowning
watari has really small feet that he still buys big kids shoes to save money
kyotani considered playing baseball because he thought baseball bats were cool but he got angry and threw tantrum after missing his first pitch
iwa chomps on a whole raw chili while eating ramen akskksks
oikawa actually hates sweets bc when he was younger, he had cavities and iwa showed him a cartoon of cavities eating his teeth and will make him toothless
kindaichi really really likes hugs but hes too awkward to ask them even from his parents
yahaba chomps on mints so he goes through boxes of them in a week
i feel like theres a boy in the team who doesnt brush their teeth everyday and rubs a towel on their teeth to make it look clean and take mints to hide their bad breath
iwaizumi is actually iron deficient so he bruises super super fast and he even developed iron defiency anemia when he was younger bc his parents didnt catch on which caused him to be put on strong medication for months and still takes it now
WAIT,, OIKAWA IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT BUT HE LIKES MILK SO HE EATS MILK BREAD TO MAKE HIM FEEL NOT SO BAD OR GUILTY OF CONSUMING STRAIGHT DAIRY
seijoh four bonding time is watching gordom ramsey shows and yelling and screaming 'YEA! EXACTLY!' as if theyre also cooking genuises
watari used to eat grapes all the time until his mom got worried and told him if he doesnt stop, he will eventually turn into one. he only eats it every few weeks
when he was younger, kunimi cried because he had befriended a chicken on a trip to a farm and his mom took him to eat fried chicken after and he thought it was Chicky (his chicken friend :"))
kyotani used to stick out his tongue when it was raining so he could taste the raindrops. they taste better than bottled water
one time, during a seijoh sleepover, they dared oikawa to wear his sisters old uniform, skirt and all, and it backfired so everyone turned red and couldnt look at him in the face
their pregame ritual is touching each other's shoe tips
they tried doing yoga at yahaba's house before by watching yoga youtube videos but everyone ended up having to go to the chiropractor after (how did makki even turn into the human pretzel?)
the local gym gets so scared when they see the team coming through the doors bc these men are so LOUD like they HYPE EACH OTHER UP SO MUCH THEYRE SO ANNOYING AKSKSKDK
also never take them to an all you can eat sushi place. if you do, bring them earlier of the day like 30 mins after opening time so the cooks can cook enough for them without running out of ingredients (even then sometimes they still run out)
oikawa used to eat his mom's roses from her garden because he thought it would make his farts smell good like roses
takahiro is a surprisingly good artist like he draws really cool action fighting scenes in the corner of his papers and stuff
in my work: it's canon that iwa is half filo and his nanay used to dress him up in a barong all the time during halloween bc she wanted him to showcase his heritage
yahaba drinks a lot of milk because he hopes to one day grow strong and bulky like the 3rd years instead of being seen as a pretty boy
kindaichi's mom is a hairstylist and she always scolds him for using a lot of gel bc she's always the one who washes his hair
makki never learned how to do taxes and hes had the government knocking on his door a handful of times (BOKUTO AKKDJSKKS)
kyo has a dog: a chiweenie
there's someone on the team who wears those socks with individual pockets for toes
their pinterest is so different from what they look like for example, mattsun has a board of different flower decorations and arrangements
kunimi throws up during intense horror movies
watari's celeb crush is emma watson
the team alternates from different music genres like from ateez and bts to mxmtoon and beach bunny
they still dont know how to pronounce camila cabello's name
theyre all active in social media but only oikawa is on it 24/7 and in all platforms while the others have insta and snap
mattsun has twins as little siblings and he used to get them mixed up all the time that he used to draw a sharpie dot on the girl's forehead to determine she was his sister
watari hates sitting on the floor bc his butt bone hurts really easily so he can only sit on cushions for long periods of time
the team was supposed to have a party but everyone didnt know what to bring so they proved they shared the same braincell by bringing the same thing: a box of pizza
makki's an old soul and prefers to play records on a record player or watch old movies
kyo is surprisingly good at giving massages because he really pushed hard on those tense muscles
kindaichi knows how to crack necks so everyone goes to him a lot to do it (a friend of mine does this and can i say its terrifying yet so good?)
the only one who has a license is matsukawa and thats because granny needs to go to the doctor a lot and he hates her walking by herself and cabs are expensive
kyotani and yahaba are actually,,, lowkey close,,, not like best friends but theyre nice to each other and they got a stick and poke together (yahaba's was: :) while kyo's was: >:))
watari has a collection of mangas (some bl maybe 👀)
WARNING SAD: mattsun’s future job is a funeral person right? he ends up taking care of granny’s funeral free of charge and he had to take a week off because it was really painful for him
oikawa learned spanish SUPER fast to the point he forgets japanese sometimes but there are moments where he forgets both languages and hes just,,,, ???
makki’s unemployed yea but he rooms with mattsun in exchange of cooking because makki’s surprisingly good at cooking
iwa is practically the nutritionist of the team because he knows everything about proteins, carbs, iron, and needed vitamins so they all go to him to know what to eat and what they need
kunimi has lots and lots of shoes but usually only wears 2
kindaichi has a habit of pretending hes chewing gum even though he doesnt have gum, his mouth just chomps and moves with air akasldfjkf
there was a clown phenomenon in america but in their city, they had a mascots and seijoh 4 went around scaring kids :”(
oikawa never manspreads he gets too insecure to spread out like that akdjfkd
kyotani can easily sleep anywhere like he would be standing and just fall asleep or he sleeps with his eyes open
yahaba’s parents own a restaurant somewhere in the city and he works there sometimes
IM REALLY GOING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS YALL AKSDJFKL
SORRY IM WRITING TOO MUCH I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVENT UPDATED BUT IM IN A CAR RIDE RN AND I WAS ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN AND MY EXAMS HAVE FINISHED THIS WEEK IMMA CRY
PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH ANY OTHER HCS YOU GUYS KNOW OF SO I CAN PUT IT IN HERE AND CREDIT YOU WITH IT SO WE CAN HAVE LIKE A HCS BOOK FROM EVERYONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I STARTED WITH
oikawa screams a lot according to gigi but he’s actually a really quiet guy and not easy to scare
OKAY YOU GUYS DONT KILL ME I SWEAR IVE BEEN SO TERRIBLE AT WRITING BUT YOU KNOW WHO TURNED ONE TODAY? THIS PAGE!!! MY BABY IS ONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS, HOPE THIS CAN MAKE YOU GUYS SMILE TODAY AND SCHOOL ENDS NEXT WEEK AND IM ALREADY AT 132 DRAFTS AMSJKSDKSK SO OH MY GOD THERES GOING TO BE SO MUCH COMING AND IM SO EXCITED TO GET THEM OUT 😩😩
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altarflame · 4 years ago
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Let me give you this real country music breakdown.
Keeping in mind that 2019 involved lots of gut wrenching transition, including divorce and selling my home of 11 years (the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere). Moving away from the tropics, to a place where the ocean is usually too far and my plants can’t live outside through the winter. I had a kid move out and away, for the first time.   My oldest friend also died last August, after a scant 3 month long battle with cancer. It was a real plague upon my proverbial dog, wife, and pickup truck. And, of course, I’m living through a pandemic, and a long overdue but very emotional racial justice uprising, with the rest of you, now. Anyway. OTHER than those things, my 2020 has been like...My sister’s gradually, gut wrenchingly cut off all contact with me over the past couple of years, culminating in the last couple of months, whenst we no longer speaketh at all. I’ve fought hard for this to be different and it’s still very sharp. I don’t think I’ll ever give up hope, or stop making a fool of myself about it. A new friend I was starting to really care about hung herself in April. I’ve tried to be there for her husband and 5 year old daughter when and how I can, which is honestly not much. I’ve taken several people who were scared to go alone, to her grave.  I felt forced to break up with the person I thought was my soul mate, these past 3 years, and wanted to be with forever, and I have grieved it hard over the last couple of months. I’m still processing this. I’m gonna be processing this for awhile. My threshold for being anywhere near him without overwhelming sobbing is apparently approximately 45 seconds. In the beginning we were scrambled together, mixed in a celestial bowl and hand fluffed with a feather. And the tears of bliss were not amiss - it was a good day.  But the story nears the present time Of restlessness and wake up calls Wake up! Years have flown fast but then who's counting The wars have been won but there's few left standing between us And the shadows of Christmas past... Critically acclaimed but sadly underrated - Fortune definitely favored us, but no one celebrated. Our wits were splitting at their ends... We gazed upon the city lights We each laughed aloud one final time and agreed: This is one thing we'll miss... On his way out, he sabotaged my part time foster child’s mom’s tenuous, fragile relationship with me, so I no longer have the ability to connect with or help that child who he brought into my life. Who I love and wonder about and periodically hear horror stories about via mutual friends. I bent over backwards, I burned calories straining for that trust between the mom and myself.  
It’s so terrible sometimes. It hurts so bad. Jean-Paul. LAURA.   *MILLS*  . Coralye. FUCK. This post brought to you with plenty of hard crying, and no shortage of echoing painful music. I’m physically sick about this shit semi often.  I don’t normally let go of anybody, guys. But certainly not my fucking nearest and dearest.  I have a lot. I have SO MUCH. I know this. I feel good a lot of the time.  I have all 5 of my kids under this roof while the pandemic rages on, and they’re all healthy and beautiful and they all love me and talk with me. It’s mostly all cake these days with them, Elise telling me where she is in her own solitary reading for pleasure, Ananda cracking me up, Jake biking to the grocery store for treats to share, Aaron showing me something amazing in the yard, Isaac washing dishes and giving me weirdly helpful and totally unanticipated advice. They’re almost no work now, it’s all return on investment and I have tons of privacy and I use the fuck out of it.  I’m deeply in love with somebody these past 7 months. Being deeply in new love AND devastated-heartbroken about lost love at the same time is honestly dizzying, I spent a first destitute day thinking maybe I can’t do polyamory anymore, period. Maybe this is too fucking much and I’m gonna be alone and focus on my career and my goddamned plants. (<--not fucking really, obv I am not gonna let the pain win and go full hermit. Brief compelling temptation, though.) My career and my plants are great, btw, thanks for asking. I’ve got basically my dream job, it’s flexible and lackadaisical AND meaningful and challenging, it’s salaried with bonuses and hella benefits and amazing job security. It’s the whole thing, the culmination of 6 years in school and unpaid internships and volunteering. I even have a spare PRN position elsewhere that I mostly hang on to because it’s fun when they want me to come make $200 for a shift, to mix it up a little.  And I have solo projects, writing and web and mental health, all in the works, and they’re good.  I have seedlings sprouting. I have a yard that is pure magic, revealing new secrets each day.  I’ve got some of my oldest people, like Jess. I’ve got some exciting new people, like Jill.  The love, did I mention it? Holy shit. I’ve got Sterling, and that is a whole other story. That it’s been this good while things are this bad is pretty astounding. His own drama quotient has been off the charts, too. I almost can’t imagine how wonderful it would be if we weren’t constantly adrift in a sea of bullshit, though I also strongly suspect we both need a certain staggering minimum quota of bullshit. It’s no accident that we met mutually chasing along after the wake of the same madman’s chaos. We’re nursing some deep wounds in each other, waking up some old old hurts and soothing them back down smaller and smaller. Anytime we’re touching it’s either syrupy soma sweet, blazing inferno hot, or a staggering blend of the two - and then we pull apart to try to actually speak with whole brains, and inevitably take turns being baffled, just hilariously relieved, at how easy it is to communicate. We alternate coming at each other on tiptoe, braced, and then feeling confused and just.... amused? Skeptical? that the other is totally able to empathize with what was just said and is accepting it gently.  We don’t have a ton of objective stuff in common, on paper. We’re both very wordy and linguistic, we’re analyzers, we draw unusual people who will feel safe telling us insane things. We’re both hypersexual perverts, chronic pickers, we both wear too much black. It doesn’t go a lot further than that at a glance. We both have PTSD and ironclad outward facing coping skills, nostalgia for the Florida Keys, scientific skepticism mixed with some faith in magic.... we were both brilliant children who felt pretty isolated. But I haven’t ever really felt like anyone is loving me the way I love people, before. I’ve never even felt like anyone else received my love, the same way I intended it, or at least not all of it. It’s like the intensity of what I’m conveying and meaning when I kiss somebody’s cheek, I dunno man, he experiences it. The goofy flowing sense I have, of holding hands, he comments on it all the time. I’m not just like.... alone, in my overwhelm with being touched, or my enthusiasm for sensations, and that is honestly pretty new to me. Sterling is not tolerating my affection for my sake, and I’m still gradually adapting to that with periodic backsliding into hesitance, and unneeded apologies. It’s like we’re totally fluent in the precise same love language, so nothing gets lost, and the feedback loop is instantaneous.  He’s dark inside, but dark like Nine Inch Nail’s A Warm Place. Dark like the womb.  So as I was saying. I have so much. Including a candle that’s about Mills, and is burning behind me, giving me this slipping sense that I need to blow it out, I need to reserve it, it’s gonna be gone soon. This one spans so many feelings, it’s been positive, some new candle would be what, voodoo? Meddling? I don’t know. This one’s been in a drawer, with our ring buried in it (my dragon). What will I do with that ring? What will I do with all this love?  How can I contain so much, anyway? Why can’t anything ever replace anything else? It’s like infinite space, and the empty places just keep throbbing, and it’s like I sprout new spots for new fullness and the cavities pulse on.  I’m deeply grateful for a certain self-completeness I’ve come to understand that I have, and that not everyone does. I am resiliant A-motherfucking-F (<--meta vulgar!). AND YET. OW OW OW.  I’m sitting here trying to exposure therapy my way through my Mills playlist, as I write this, so Spotify can’t surprise me into sads anymore. I’ve gotten already to a place where sometimes i remember positive things purely positively, and laugh and tell a story and it’s ok. I’m bitter as all hell that I can’t even talk to my sister about this breakup, after she had so many stupid goddamned feelings about the relationship itself, about polyamory in general, about ever knowing him (which might have allowed her to help me grieve at all).  Sigh. I love the internet, maybe feel free to send me a message if you’re still reading, whoever the fuck you are <3
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fortunatelycooltrash · 5 years ago
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So people love to say that America doesn’t have free healthcare because the quality would sink and the waits would go up. Now, while those are valid worries despite being no excuse for the atrociously high prices of even minior procedures, I’d like to share some bullshit that I’ve experienced involving normal US hospitals and medical branches alike.
My root canal is going to cost 2500 dollars because it is not covered by most dental plans despite it being a completely necessary procedure that directly affects my health. Absorb that then absorb the fact this plan covers some of braces. The crown alone is costing over 1200.
I almost died in a hospital waiting room because my ‘stomach ache’ that was causing me so much pain I was sick with it wasn’t severe enough to qualify for immediate attention. Undiagnosed Appendicitis.
My nephew and sister almost met their end because an incompetent doctor misdiagnosed my sister with a URI. She had type A flu.
My cousins father had a doctor who refused to diagnose him despite him coming back constantly because of lethargy. Said he couldn’t find anything wrong. Her father was poor and had really bad insurance. Finally he went to another doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He could have lived if he had been diagnosed a year or two prior before it spead but by the time he got his diagnosis, it was too late. He died, I believe, a few months later but I was young so he might have made it a year or longer.
I suffered from chronic nosebleeds as a child to the point that blood didn’t even scare me anymore. The doctor told my mother that it was coming from wounds inside my nose and I was most likely picking at it and there was nothing medically wrong with me. My mother, knowing even as a child I knew not to waste her money, took me to another doctor. Severe Anemia. Still suffer from it too this day. Have to take those horrid tasting red pills🤢.
My aunt constantly butchering her budget because she needs her insulin and it’s cost keeps getting higher despite it remaining relatively the same. Luckily my state is looking to cap it at 100 though if that will actually go into effect isn’t determined yet.
My mom, bless her, repeatedly going in for her back aching only to be told pain was normal for someone of her weight and age. Nope, she is a nurse and turned people that were 300 pounds or more. She had completely blown her back and had a pinched nerve that was so severe she could barely stand without pain. The doctor that diagnosed her was surprised she could even walk.
My sister, having a grand mal seizure in the nurses office of a high school. They told her to stop faking. That bitch wasn’t even a real nurse so this one doesn’t count but I had to mention this because why the fuck wasn’t a registered nurse hired?
My (other) aunt having minor chest pain then suffering a heart attack in the waiting room because they had her wait so long since she didn’t seem serious. I’m sure that’s going to have lasting damage that could have been easily prevented.
My sister giving birth and getting a 28,000 dollar bill for a room and care for her and the baby. She was there for a day and a half. She didn’t even have a long or complicated delivery.
My mother being told she was completely fine to continue working despite having an off feeling about her third pregnancy(about 24 years ago) the doctor told her there were no complications and she could go on as normal. She miscarried her seven month along daughter three days later because her placenta was underneath the baby and tore. That doctor is still in practice.
The nurses in my mothers delivery room ignoring both her and the monitor. Which, if they had been looking at, clearly desplayed my older brother with his umbilical core wrapped tight around his neck. He lived because my moms main doctor walked in and had a conniption fit when he noticed the vitals dropping. He’s the doc my sis uses now. A good man.
(Same bro)My older brother turning blue everytime he cried being brushed off. Hole in his heart that has since closed.
When I was younger, I slipped in the shower and hit my head so hard against the metal lining of it(stall shower) that the skin split open and abscessed. My doc treated the abscess but did no further testing after a 4 hour wait. As we were leaving, I don’t remember much of this week my mom told me, I vomited and passed out in the parking lot. Had a concussion.
My brother being misdiagnosed with the flu, strep, and a few other things over the course of a few weeks before one doctor finally tested him for HIV. It was positive. Luckily he only had one partner. Unluckily, the partner was the one that gave it to him via cheating on him.
Me, almost dying of a violent case of strep throat because they said I had a sinus infection. My fever peaked at 104 then, blessedly, broke. I do not remember this as the memories of the days I was sick are incredibly fever burned but I remember wrapping blankets around me because I was so cold.
The strep attacked so quick and harshly that if I had lived alone it probably would have killed me since I wouldn’t have been able to get help and I would’ve kept trying to get ‘warmer’ and helped raise my temp over 106. You typically don’t come back from that one unharmed. If at all.
My older bro(cord baby) being told suffering from auditory hallucinations was a common thing(not wrong but they should have actually asked about his family history and idk, did more??) he had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He is medicated and much happier now.
Me breaking my gotdamn pointer knuckle and the x-ray person getting blurry x-rays that she used despite the fact that they weren’t accurate. Thank you bitch, now my abnormally short pointer finger clicks because it began to set wrong.
Theres a few more but I’m currently giving my bro a hard time for texting me a text meant for his bf so imma bounce for now. May add more later. The whole point to this was to show people that don’t want free health care because the ‘quality would go down’ or the ‘wait would be too long’ that the wait is already long enough for you to die anyway and the quality already sucks ass if you’re poor because they will not diagnose you correctly.
Or They will misdiagnose you then blame YOU when you sue(happened to my mom in that miscarriage one but because he hadn’t wrote a release back to work she had no actual proof he’d told her she could.)
Or They will overcharge you for things that have a far cheaper value simply because they can and you can’t do anything about it because you need that procedure or medicine to keep your health good.
I can understand things like heart surgery or transplants, you know, the big major stuff not being free because yeah that shit takes a fuck ton of resources and care so I get it, I do. I can reasonably say “Yup that should cost thousands.” I mean, I’m don’t even avocate for fully FREE healthcare, I just want a limit on their overpricing bull shit to where it matches with economic standards.
You can’t expect someone with an average 7-4 job that pays 10/hr(oooh ya, y’all think I’d go higher? Guess what, young people starting out their careers also get sick!) to drop thousands upon thousands of dollars for whatever. The sad thing is I can say ‘whatever’ and you can actually think of multiple things that aren’t that major or that resource draining yet still cost thousands.
Even someone making 15/hour couldn’t do that and I’d be hard pressed to say even 20-25/hr could do that. They may have it better and be able to pay it off faster but they’d still be in debt for a while or have to work years after their planned retirement to make up for the lost savings if they were lucky enough to have them.
I’ve also heard people complaining about it raising taxes but you’ll spend way more getting something done at a hospital then you’d spend on those taxes in a year.
Besides, if you’re so pissed about taxes then to even it out protest the stupid taxes. Your house? Taxed. Your inheritance that you gain but also leave behind to care for your family? Taxed. Your property that you bought 100% full price paid? Taxed every year. Your car? Taxed.
How bout getting pissed about those instead of getting pissy about people getting their health fixed? There are plenty of ridiculous taxes so I don’t know why people are so against having one that actually helps people.
Sorry for this rant, I know it’s not centered around my profile theme but I am majorly pissed off that I’m about to have to let a tooth rot out of my head because my insurance decided that: covering something cosmetic like braces? Yeah! Covering a completely necessary surgery that can actually harm/kill the person via infection if left untreated? Nope, that costs us more!
I can’t drop two fucking grand on dental surgery. It’s just not happening. I don’t know anyone who can do that shit. Anyone who gets pissed off about me posting this: go slam a hammer against your tooth until it cracks down the middle, exposing your nerve to the harsh unforgiving world then let it develop a cavity around it.
Afterwards, try to eat literally anything: hot, cold, hard, soft, it doesn’t matter. You’ll cry, I promise. Now imagine being told the only way to fix that is to cough up over two grand and if you can’t well then oh fucking well? Kinda hurts ya a bit. Not nearly as much as the tooth but still.
Hell, I know dental probably wouldnt even get covered if they made healthcare reduced or free but this whole situation has reminded me just how fucked you are if you get anything remotely wrong with you in the U.S
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Will i have to buy individual health insurance starting 2014?
I have a job I am paying Medicare tax. Is it still mandatory for me to buy individual health insurance starting 2014?
Do you have to buy insurance before you get a car?
I would like to buy an used car (from a private owner). But I was told before I do that I must have a license, tag and insurance on the car. But another person told me that its best for me to get the car first and then get the other stuff... I am so confused.. which way is the best way for me to do? please help.""
MAZDA3 with insurance questions?
u think i'll be charge high cost of car insurance by getting mazda3 sedan..im 18 first time driver and a female i live in san francisco. and how much is mazda3? like with the taxes and everything?? serious answers are greatly appreciated. i want to stay under $20k
Where can a 16 year old get cheap moped insurance?
I'm 16 a need a moped to commute to college. Where can I find an insurer that doesn't think that every teenager is a boy racer! I've had several years of cycling on the road, would that reduce my quote? Thanks :)""
Car insurance rates for massachusetts?
I'm a new driver in Massachusetts and I was wondering what the average cost for car insurance is. I read from a place that it would cost about $3,500 and that seemed unreasonably high.""
Does having a Husky effect my insurance?
I live on the same property as my parents so they have the same house insurance. Well they are telling me that if i get a Husky they will loose there insurance. I have never heard of such a think. I have heard of it going up but not losing it. I just really want this dog, but I dont know if they will approve. I just dont think they approve of having another dog on there land. What do you think?""
Insurance Question!Can ya help?
If i have a 2002 isuzu rodeo with 100k miles on it and i pay $150/month for insurance, how much would my insurance go up or if even at all, if i got a 2001 Audi A6 with 100k miles on it? Plus do you think thats a good car trade :)""
Registered my private car reg with DVLA but insurance companies can't find it?
I bought a private plate for my car and have registered it with DVLA and received my new tax disc. My new V5 arrived today but when going to change my car reg online with my insurance company .. they dont find my car reg and basically put a new quote through for my car and it increases my insurance premium. The company i am with is Quote Me Happy and is an online company i tried to run a new insurance quote through Go Compare and it doesnt find my car reg? What's going on and what can i do? I want to put my new private plate on as soon as possible ... :(
""Does your car ins really drop at 25, and how much?""
How much does it typically drop for a woman? If I pay 82 a month now, how much can I expect it will go down? I have nothing on my drivers record, no accidents or tickets, claims, ...show more""
Can anybody tell me what impairment rating have to do with an auto settlement?
my lawyer tells me she cant make a demand to the insurance company till i get an impairment rating from my doctor. what does that mean and what is a good rating?
Being sued by an insurance company?
Hello, I got in a car accident about two years ago and i didn't have insurance, i was found at fault and now im getting sued for $20,000 by the other driver's insurance company, The original amount was $17,000, They have been trying to collect for a longgg time now. I know i blew it off for a long time but now im ready to take responsibility and start trying to pay it. The car i was driving was under my moms name and they are trying to go after her also but i want to take full responsibility. I have to go to court next month, and im wondering if I should get a lawyer to represent me even though i'm guilty. I'm hoping that I can make a payment plan or anything I need to get my life back on track""
Am I insured to drive a company van?
My employer does not pay me until I arrive at a job. Which in my book means I am not yet at work. Does this mean I am not covered by the insurance to drive that van?
Life Insurance company inactive and I have a policy?
Federal Life and Casualty in Battle Creek, MI is now inactive. My dad had a 5k life insurance policy and has passed on. He has a fully paid policy on file. Is this a situation where the family is out of luck?""
Jason wants to buy a car. He has $2500 in his savings account. He also needs to pay $600 for insurance. How?
Jason wants to buy a car. He has $2500 in his savings account. He also needs to pay $600 for insurance. How much can Jason spend on a car? A. c < 1900 B. c > 3100 C. c < 3100 D. c > 1900
touring caravan insurance quote
touring caravan insurance quote
Question on buying new insurance policy with previous insurance company?
Recently I was involved in a collision where the other driver was at fault and their insurance company paid out for my written off vehicle. Now I have 7 days to find another car before my courtesy car gets taken away, so after using money supermarket website the cheapest quote that came up is with my current insurance company. But the issue that makes me concerned is that I recently also go a renewal quote as my insurance is about to run out and the quote was ridicously HIGH but why it is so much cheaper if I go through the comparison website? so does this mean they will make me pay that high fee of I'm not joking 29,509.43 even though the other insurance company paid out and I was not at fault? On the website the quote is 1,454 for the year which is a bit more than what I paid last year but I don't mind but I'm just worried if I bought that online would they later ask me a different price that I must pay.""
Negative impacts on making all drivers have insurance?
also what are some positive impacts of making all drivers have insurance how would it help stop boy racers?
How much do you pay for Insurance in your state?
I live in New Jersey and the Insurance for an auto is so high here. I pay $168 a month for a 2003 ford explorer that is loaded. I have no tickets, my record is clean. I also have lived in Utah and my Insurance was only $50 a month. Just wondering what everyone pays in different states?""
Which car insurance companies are cheapest for teen girls?
I am a girl going on 17 years old and I finally just got my license. Now my dad and I are looking for the cheapest plan in the cheapest insurance company to go on for my car insurance. Help?
Why is my car insurance so high?
I'm paying about $1,800 every sixth months, and now it's increasing. I had my driver's licence since sixteen, I'm twenty-four now. And I've been clean my entire life, except a few years ago when I received a speeding ticket. Then I took its courses to deduct points, and everything's cleaned out. But why is my insurance still high?""
""If my mom adds me onto her car insurance, about how much would it go up?""
I'm 17 Shes with GEICO Its a Buick Rendezvous SUV (2004) Our zip is 33312 (South florida, if this helps for those answering that may be in my area) I have a clean record B Average in school""
Mom forgot to list me as a driver on car insurance?
So i've been driving four years , and i'm about to buy a new car as a 20yr old. I call to get a quote, and they tell me i'm not listed as a driver on my mom's insurance. What does this mean?""
16 yr old car insurance?
I'm about to turn 16, and about to get a car (Volvo cross country) I will have another 2 main drivers on the account. How much will it be in a roundabout? Also I will be 16^ I have a completely clean record C average And a male""
I'm have been paying for a car and insurance for 3 years but the car is not under my name and that person report a car stolen what can i do?
ai'm paying the car and insurance for 3 years and that person report the car that i have stolen the car only way to store what can i do
""A life insurance company sells a $250,000 1-year term life insurance policy to a 20-year-old female?""
for $200. According to the National Vital Statistics Report. 56(9), the probability that the female survives the year is 0.999544. Compute and interpret the expected value of this policy to the insurance company - I also have to find the probability that the company has to pay the female Im suppose to get .000456 but don't know how to get this?""
Why do teen girls get cheaper car insurance than men?
I see teen girls driving like. Morons all the time. I've also witnessed many women drivers texting their phone, not once have I seen a male driver texting their phone. It's not ******* fair that I almost get totaled because this teen girl at are school accelerates when I go into her lane forcing me to swerve back into mine to avoid being hit? Just yesterday I was driving my MG down the road and this teenage girl in her big Ford pick up texting while taking up both lanes by driving in the middle to drive down a road making me have to take my car off the road to avoid a collision. So how is it fair that I me, a seasoned male driver of the age of 18 have to pay far more in insurance than teenage drivers who have no since of awareness?""
Do I need to have my own insurance to drive a friend's car?
I have my driver's license but don't own a car. Do I need to buy insurance for myself if I want to drive a friend's car, or am I covered under his policy? The car is insured in Florida and I have a Georgia license.""
What type of term life insurance to get?
I am a 23 year old male that has type II diabetes. I have around $40,000 worth of debt from student loans, and I'm going to be getting married in a year. My parents currently ...show more""
Medical Insurance Question?!?
I'm 24, and I've been reading a lot of posts online about people who have many health ailments and do not have insurance to get treated or go to the ER then have a massive bill afterwards. I don't understand why these individuals are not hunting around for the cheapest medical insurance they can find prior. There are individual plans out there, directly through the insurance companies, also family plans. You can pick and choose your premiums/deductibles/co-pays, hunt around for what suits your needs best. The single plans especially, can be and most of the time are, affordable. I don't understand why people do not apply for basic health insurance that would cover them in an emergency, or for general routine health-care. Premiums can be as low as 60-100 a month for a single person. Please can someone explain to me why these people are not taking advantage of what is out there? Or even possibly applying for the government assistance plans if they're not employed, especially after an ER visit with no insurance? This is an honest question. Thanks""
How to reduce my car insurance?
Hey people, I'm 18, living with parents, just got my licence in the UK about 4 months ago. So I went out today and bought a 1.0 engine size KIA PICANTO. Heres the annoying part...we've been looking for insurance within our budget (realistically 1500p/a), All companies we've looked at have been giving us quotes of about 3500 which I find astonishing for a 1.0!! We've tried confused, admiral, churchill and compare the market. We've tried putting my parents as the main drivers and its still too expensive. Looks like pass plus is also useless! However, its the latest edition. It's a 2011 KIA picanto....do you think maybe if I returned the car and purchased something from 2004-05, insurance would drop to a reasonable rate? I do have loads of friends who managed to get car insurance below 1000!! Many thanks""
""How to significantly lower my car insurance, just got fired, can't afford more than $50 or so a month...?""
I'm only 18 and I was just fired from my first job, I worked there for 8 months or so. I still live at home and don't owe any money on credit cards, so my only real problem is car insurance/gas. My parents refuse to help me at all. I currently pay $133 a month in car insurance; I have Statefarm. I've been driving for a year or so and have been in 1 fender bender, my insurance didn't even go up because of it. I've been paying my own insurance for a few months, maybe 6 or so. Is there anyway I can lower my car insurance? One of my friends only pays $80 a month and he's my age. By the way, the car is a 2004, dark blue, not flashy, four door car. If the type of car matters at all. I'm not sure what the $133 a month I'm paying covers, but is there anyway I can pay less and have it cover less stuff? I'm a very safe driver and have never been in any type of accident my entire life (the fender bender was my boyfriends fault -- he was driving my car, not me). I live in Virginia. Is there like a $50 a month option or something that doesn't cover me or the person I hit if I were to get in an accident, and the $50 a month is just so I don't get pulled over and charged with driving without insurance? I need some options because I have very limited funds and I'm not sure how long it will take me to find a new job. Thank you for any help!""
What questions should i ask before getting LIFE Insurance?
Im about to get life insurance, but i dont know how it works. What are some questions i should ask the insurance agent before signing any papers? Please help!""
I recently got a dui and crashed my car how much will my insurance go up?
right now im paying 45$ a month on car insurance
Car Insurance for a 16 year old?
I Plan on trying to get these three type of cars Toyota Corolla SR5 1983 Nissan 240sx 1989 Mazda Rx-7 1991 You might notice two of these cars are sports cars but they're 20 years old so I just thought the insurance might be cheaper but anyway, Would you guys like estiamte how much insurance would be if I had bought any three of these cars. Also if anybody has any of these cars how much do you pay for insurance for that car and how old are you?""
Car Insurance Rates: Wyoming vs Nevada?
Car Insurance Rates: Wyoming vs Nevada?
How much will my insurance go up for a leaving the scene ticket?
How much will my insurance go up for an 18 year old male, with a leaving the scene ticket and driving with an expired license ticket go up? I was at college yesterday, I hit a car. I didnt leave a note, i was not thinking straight from pulling an all nighter for an exam. And I did not call the police because no one hurt, in fact, the other person was not even in his car. And i did not want to miss my exam.. I know, i could of wrote a note, but im an idiot... i feel like ****. i feel bad for my father, his car and stuff.. Im going to get a job to pay for it.. i cant let him pay for my shitty mistakes.. so i was wondering, how much will my insurance go up.. :(""
Few questions on cars and insurance UK ONLY?
i live in the uk and im 16 but 17 soon after my tests and things i want to buy a renualt clio 1.2 and the insurance group is 3E. now is this a high insurance group for a 17 year old as a first car? also if you buy a car and put a body kit on it your insurance goes up. so if i bought a car put a body kit on it and then insured it would it be as much or will it still go up?
""How much would car insurance be if i'm 18 years old, own an audi A5?""
I live in Ontario, i never been in an accident and do not have a criminal record. i am just looking for an estimate number of how much it would cost.""
Generally how much is car insurance for a teenager with a learners permit in california?
I will be driving my parents car and they currently have Esurance.
Do I need Owner's title insurance in a new construction home?
I'm buying a new home. The seller built the house for me over an existing lot of his property. Do I need to buy a regular owner's title insurance? or might I save some money buying it only for the land?. Since the house is a new construction it should not be any liens. is this a right assumption? The house is located in TX. Also if I need to buy owner's title insurance does it has to be from the same company providing the lender's title insurance.
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touring caravan insurance quote
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