#I’m not doing fucking educational psych am I?

[bbyboybucket]

Welp I’m distraught, I’m crushed, I’m pissed, dumbfounded. Cause I guess I’m not doing clinicals now, even though for 3 fucking years I’ve been looking forward to it and have been counting down the fucking days. Literally I guess fuck me 🥲

[ceaseless-exhauster]

Strap in folks, this ended up being a long one.

I’m so fucking goddamn tired. Someone posted in a FB group (not related to Judaism, it’s a group for neurodivergent folks) with an infographic of some common dogwhistle symbols that float around in Nazi circles.

Literally, LITERALLY 100% of the comments fell into one or more of these categories:

- omg why do they have to co-opt everything? I’m a pagan and I’m not a Nazi!!

- most of these are sacred Runic symbols. I have several of them as tattoos and won’t cover them/have to cover them now/am “being targeted” because I have them

- swastikas were originally symbols for peace!!!1!!1!1!

- most of these symbols mean something deeply not-Nazi to me and I “love educating people” on why they’re not actually dogwhistles

- don’t judge people before you know them they probably don’t even have these symbols bc of that/I don’t have these symbols bc of that!!

Just. Shut the ever living fuck UP. Dogwhistles *are* dogwhistles because they can be represented as meaning something else!!!!! THATS THE FUCKING POINT.

I’m so sorry you got a tattoo because of yOuR aNcEsToRs (to be read as: an Ancestry DNA test told me I’m 28% Nordic and therefore am a Viking and needed these “sacred symbols” that I totally understand the history and meaning of and which totally even had a concrete and cohesive meaning across all Nordic cultures and no I’m not homogenising a dozen communities like people do with North American Indigenous nations) and now you think people will see you and immediately assume you’re a Nazi.

Do you think, somehow, that YOUR experience in that case is the one that sucks more? Does me feeling potentially unsafe around you based on a permanent physical change you decided to make to your body hurt you in some way? Or does the very IDEA of it wreak havoc on your psyche so gravely that it matters enough to literally say “that’s actually NOT a Nazi dogwhistle because that’s not why *I* have it/use it/display it”?

Don’t even fucking get me started on the overlap between Norse fanboy AND new age “pagan” (also a homogenisation of many cultures and practices, a great many of which are closed practices that were stolen) communities and deeply antisemitic ideology - suffice to say the Venn diagram isn’t quite a circle, but there’s a lotta crossover.

If I see some of these symbols on bold display by someone, I don’t necessarily assume off the bat that they’re a Nazi, but I damn sure am gonna have some pause as to whether their general values and life practices vibe with my general existence. And that’s just, how it is.

Tl;dr - don’t fucking hijack an educational post about dogwhistle symbolism to be like “but my precious personal connection to them!”

[spiritstar477]

I’m thinking of writing a fic where Sirius gets amnesia (unknown how as of yet) and such. Modern muggle au. I want it to be a pretty chill, happy story with probably not much plot just vibes.

Wolfstar as the main coupling.

These are my character descriptions for our marauders era peeps. Any ideas on any changes or additions to them?

See below the break ⬇️

Also, Sirius isn’t listed bc he doesn’t know who he is bc of the amnesia.

Remus: gay, five years old was attacked by Greyback and cut up, gets tremors on chronic pain now, uses a cane to walk, nerd (will read anything but mostly loves textbooks/educational books), lowkey autistic (you don’t know til you know), always spouting weird facts when he’s uncomfortable, obvi super pining for sirius

James: pansexual, dating Regulus, plays basketball, does one on one with Marlene and they gossip/vent about their day, works out all the time, super smart but a dumbass, actual sunshine with abandonment issues

Regulus: trans (formerly Lyra), bisexual, dating James, nerd (big into learning like remus, he and remus hang out to learn random shit together) plays badminton singles, autistic af, very quiet until he gets comfy then he never shuts up, likes legos (touch and you’ll die)

Peter: aroace, everyone’s bestie, chill and just living his best life, closest with Mary (both just chill but always judging everyone together)

Barty: gay af, dating Evan obvi, graffiti vandal/lowkey arsonist, besties with Pandora, intentionally does stereotypical ‘quiet kid’ stuff just to fuck with his peers, everyone’s afraid of him just how he likes,

Evan: asexual but will ruin Barty sexually (doesn’t get any sexual gratification but enjoys watching Barty squirm and have the best time), collects animal parts in jars and has a ‘bone room’, is that creepy kid, has definitely been to the psych ward before

Lily: lesbian, poly-ish, dating Mary and Pandora, huge chemistry nerd, in the debate club, very popular/friends with nearly everyone

Mary: bisexual, poly-ish, dating Lily and Pandora, very cottagecore, quiet vibes, besties with Peter, vegan/all about saving the planet (but not in a awful way), forgetful and always has a million alarms and reminders on her phone

Marlene: nonbinary they/them, so lesbian they never had to come out, obsessed with gf Dorcas, plays basketball, them and James often do one on one and vent, loves movies and will watch literally anything

Dorcas: lesbian, dating Marlene, most said words are probably “wtf Marlene”, party girl, cheerleader, legit hates men except Reggie but only because they were close before he transitioned and she’d miss him

Pandora: unknown sexuality (always just shrugs when asked), very manic pixie girl vibes, heavy on the manic, sometimes commits arson with bestie Barty, Evan’s unused dead things’ parts are made into fertilizer for her garden (which is impressive btw, mostly flowers but a hidden section of poisonous plants), always has something creepy or downright unsettling to say

Also…

-James is Indian

-Remus is technically white but he does not look it (and it always surprises people), and he’s conveniently unattractive bc I love ugly remus

-Pandora and Evan are black (with naturally white blond hair ofc) and Pandora has vitiligo

-Sirius and Regulus moved from France as children

-Mary is black

-Dorcas is black

It takes place in Canada bc I’m Canadian and I know fuck all about European anything and am too lazy to do research.

[psychabolition]

Hi. I was the person who sent the ask about what needs to be done instead of psychiatry. I only just read your response now. In the time between sending the ask and now I’ve done a lot more research into anti-psychiatry and psych abolition. I understand how it’s an oppressive system and how it harms people. I agree with the need to dismantle it. But as soon as I read the response to my ask I broke down crying.

You talk about the importance of community. Or being able to rely on friends in times of crisis rather than therapists and psychiatrists. I have no community. No friends. I used to think I was okay with that. But I guess I was lying to myself. I am considered distasteful to be around. Scratch that, I actively make myself distasteful to be around. Because then I can at least expect people to inevitably hate me rather than have high expectations and be let down every single time. I’m desperately waiting for my therapy appointment in two days. I know I need someone better. Someone who I can actually tell that I cut myself a couple days ago without them deciding that I need everything I love taken away from me for who knows how long. But I fear I will never have someone better. I fear that even my therapist only tolerates talking to me because they’re paid to tolerate it.

You post about the importance of community if we are to break free from oppressive systems. How do we build that community? How?

Hey !! Thank you for your ask !

I totally understand you . Like I literally know exactly what thats like , trust me.

Ik that "community" is such a vague word that it almost sounds meaningless . Like wtf is that? In my opinion most people just have work colleagues or school mates or other students in their lectures and then go home to a nuclear family or to their partner - this is not "living in community" 💀💀💀. Most people dont live in community, our society (at least western societies like in europe - idk about others) is so fucking alienating . Any emotional connection is replaced w a hierarchy - teacher, prof, therapist, the nuclear family , your boss at work, even intimate relationships with a partner are like that in our patriarchal society . And then the people who you are on the same page as, youre pit against them - you need to be better than your work colleagues to get that promotion or at least so you dont get fired, you need to be able to pass that test alone in university/school otherwise you fall behind your peers or are literally excluded from visiting school/uni , a lot of friendships between women (or FLINTA* to be more accurate) fall apart because of cis men ... FUCK this society .

And then theres those of us that dont fit into this bullshit society. I dont care for a career in a job that will definitely bore me to death or overwork me till suicide and I have 0 interest in creating my own nuclear family after all the awful bullshit Ive had to endure because of the one I was born into. Like these are the 2 life options for us . Of course I was suicidal all the time as a teenager😭I couldnt imagine a future in a world where these are the only options in life !!!! Why are so many people NOT insane ? Who actually likes living this way ????? And if we cant or dont want to submit to "career via education and/or nuclear family" we're worth nothing in this society . We're ostracized ,isolated, stigmatized .

What Im dealing w right now is also connected to all that . the nuclear family that I grew up in wants to stop supporting me financially bc I dont submit to societal expectations of career and education .💀 a lot of my friends are also struggling w literally paying rent bc their parents randomly stopped giving them money for similiar reasons, its awful . This is why the nuclear family is the opposite of community to me. I'd do anything for my friends so they dont go homeless or without food or without support no matter their life choices and especially if they struggle I want to be there for them MORE not less .FUCK our parents fuck the nuclear family . They all slowly start to cut us off and make our lives hell because they dont fucking care about us and they never did .

Anyway . You dont have to built a new community obviously. So the question you need to ask yourself is - where does community still/already exist in your area ? Especially for those of us who deviate A LOT from social norms and "normal" life experiences . I can only talk about myself - Ive found solace in Subcultures that are from and for people who deviate extremely from social norms. Ive linked another ask that Ive answered where I listed all the subcultures that Ive somehow somewhen have heard people around me be a part of. Ik that it can also be very hard to get to be a part of those subcultures if youre not used to being around people (especially groups) but literally . Just keep trying, any subculture thats made up out of outcasts is very welcoming and very accepting. Also usually (at least in my experience) the subcultures are all conntected which is really cool because once you know people from one community you start to know a lot of people from other communities too ! It can still take time though . For me it only took 1 good friendship to a person whos in a subculture in my city to get to know many other people who are all actually part of a real community.

If you have a political subject that youre passionate about like anti psych or abolishing prisons or if there are other subjects that are important to you (animal liberation, youth liberation, climate crisis, queerfeminism , ... ?) I highly recommend a political group as a way to find community and to get into the subcultures in your area . You'll finally stop feeling powerless against oppressive institutions if you manage to actually change something through activism . Any and all activism also connects you a lot to the place that youre living in and the people with similiar struggles around you. Go to Antifa or communists - they have open meetings for newcomers all the time . Or try to join any other subculture - read the ask that I linked !! If youre queer for example thats awesome - go to a queer event Now . Being queer has always had so much culture, so much community .

Also trust me youre not awful to be around . You'll realize that youre actually cool to be around when you spend time w your friends and they appreciate you . and youll also stop having thoughts and fears about not being able to trust them or about them judging you or about how it must be awful to spend time with you (or whatever else you might think) when you have fun spending time together and you regularly see each other and you value each others time. You just havent met your people yet. Dont worry , you will.

[applebees4prez]

i’m going into my sophomore year of college and am realizing that i don’t know how to learn. what the fuck am i supposed to do with that. in high school it was all about grades. nothing we learned was useful or important. but now things matter!! i’m going to be a teacher! i need to know the best way to deal with kids who cause trouble but i can’t remember what my education psych professor said! i knew in high school that was i was learning was bullshit and that is didn’t need it but what’s the point of high school if they aren’t even going to prepare you for college?

[loonarii]

Ranking EVERY Post-IZ*ONE Single

One thing about me is I like izone and ranking stuff, so a+b=c here we go, u read the title :)

(note 1: im not including jpop partly because this is a kpop blog, and mostly because i dont understand how akb48 hkt48 work)

(note 2: don't question my decisions in what qualifies as a single, i dont understand them either. is it to do with promotions? is it to do with mvs? is it to do with what spotify tells me? who knows)

from best to worst, lets gooooooo

Antifragile - Le Sserafim (one of the greatest songs of all time.)

Glitch - Kwon Eunbi (im aware that i dont shut the fuck up about this song but its a literal masterpiece ok the essay is coming)

After Like - IVE (its 2023 and i'm speaking my truth when i say after like outsold love dive)

Love Dive - IVE (ive are such hit makers trewly)

Fearless - Le Sserafim (what a debut honestly)

The Flash - Kwon Eunbi (ya i’m an eunbi stan what about it this is real music)

Eve, Psyche & The Bluebeard's wife - Le Sserafim (i have in fact overplayed it but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still slay)

Eleven - IVE (remember when people were like ‘how are they going to top this’ lmao)

Kitsch - IVE (wonyoung loves this song so i love this song)

Door - Kwon Eunbi (i will never forgive you all for not giving this song a chance)

Taxi - Jo Yuri (“get connected for free with education connection” typa beat and ooh does it slay)

Underwater - Kwon Eunbi (quintessential eunbi)

Hush Rush - Lee Chaeyeon (dem jointz can actually do no wrong)

Knock - Lee Chaeyeon (certified hit)

Glassy - Jo Yuri (slays but have u heard the bside from this album???? Life changing)

Love Shhh! - Jo Yuri (rlly cute but i can only hear ‘L-O-V-E is shit’ lmao)

I AM - IVE (catchy but kind of dated???)

Let’s Dance - Lee Chaeyeon (LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTEEEEEDDDD)

Like A Diamond - Kang Hyewon (lofi queen this is fucking amazing)

Love War - Yena (underrated excellence)

Smiley - Yena (she's hella cute but yena’s music is not my thing)

Unforgiven - Le Sserafim (omg the unforgiven stans are after me) (all five of u lol)

First Love Letter - Kang Hyewon (i'm actually legally obligated to never say a bad word towards my sister but this slays anyway)

Winter Poem - Kang Hyewon (pretty as hell ngl but im bored and its september)

Smartphone - Yena (ur lying if u say ur streaming this in 2023)

Loveable - Jo Yuri (is anyone else bored)

I Want - IVE (sponsored songs are such an ick and they are literally never good)

Hate Rodrigo - Yena (i can’t stand this song i really don’t understand what you all are hearing that slays so hard but good 4 u i guess)

[thefaultinoursprinkles]

I like. I need to process everything that’s been going on and I need to talk about how I’m feeling to be able to do that but I don’t.. want to I guess. I don’t want to bother people with my issues and I feel silly talking about how I feel. So then I think that I should go back to therapy so I have someone to talk to but I honestly really don’t want to unless it’s someone with a PhD because at this point I have as much education and training as a “mental health practitioner” and I’m about 2 years of internships away from an “LMFT” or other “licensed therapist”.

and that’s the other thing like, I’ve been in therapy for a long time, I’m a psych major, I did DBT, I feel like I’ve gotten everything I can out of “therapy” basically. So then like pursuing therapy just to talk through my emotions feels stupid and like a pointless waste of money to me. But then I go back and forth like would it actually help? Am I avoiding this out of shame or not wanting to damage my pride? Or as a form of self harm? Or do i genuinely think I won’t get anything out of it? Idk.

a big part of it too is that a lot of the stressors like with money and stuff are temporary and therapy isn’t going to help them. Like not to talk highly of myself but I’m pretty self actualized and the majority of my problems/stressors stem from external factors like not having enough money or my fiancee trying to kill themselves or close friends dying or work being stressful, which like therapy isn’t exactly going to solve any of those problems. It’s just supposed to teach you the skills to deal with those kind of things or change them or tolerate them which like. I already have. So again, pointless.

Even then, the problems i do have outside of external stuff are ones that I’m pretty confident cannot be treated through therapy. Like I really think a lot of my issues stem from unmediated adhd, and like I have skills that I use and I have work arounds and hacks and whatever else that are supposed to help me manage it better but it doesn’t work. like I take the notes and I track the things and I put trash cans everywhere and have other people remind me of stuff like. I can get by. but every fucking day of my life I am so overwhelmed by everything at work and at home and in relationships and I feel guilty and embarrassed that I can’t do the things that should be so easy.

Like every few days to every few weeks I find myself exasperated and thinking “WHY CANT I JUST DO IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. THIS IS SO SIMPLE. WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH ME” and like on some level I know it’s because I have symptoms syndrome and it affects me but I feel like there’s nothing to do.

like I’m doing all the stuff I’m supposed to do, I’m doing all the stuff that therapists and counselors have told me to do and I’m doing all the stuff that is recommended in the DSM V and I stay up to date on the current research in the causes, management, and treatment of specifically adhd but also generally all psych topics because I’m just genuinely interested in them so I read peer reviewed journals for fun.

And there are some things like. Idk exercise. And I’m like oh I should exercise then I’m like well not “should” but I want to exercise because I know it makes me feel better and it’s been proven to help with focus and clarity as well as alleviate symptoms of depression. And then I find myself being like “I can’t I can’t I can’t” so they I think about it. Why can’t I? And it’s like well, I don’t have enough time, I’m always tired, blah blah blah. And I think really the root is that I don’t want to spend “my” time doing something I don’t like doing and I don’t have any way to do the exercises I actually like (like biking or swimming).

So then I get back around to like okay we’ll I’m not actually doing EVERYTHING I can I’m not exercising or watching my diet, I could be doing more. So then I try to plan out time to do it and I set reminders and then I fail and fail and fail and fail and give up.

And it’s like what is therapy going to do? I know they’re gonna tell me to sleep and eat and exercise and be mindful. I know I need to do those things and I want to do those things but I CANT and I don’t know WHY.

AND THEN I loop back around to like what the fuck is wrong with me I know I need to do these things I want to fucking do these things I LIKE doing these things SO WHY CANT I JUST DO IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME and it starts all over.

And how do you explain that to someone? I’m objectively successful. I’m well educated. I have a high paying job. I don’t get into extreme legal or financial trouble. I have lots of very supportive and close friends and family. I don’t have the “right” things wrong with me to have people understand or recognize the struggle going on behind the scenes to do any of it. Like I know what to do, I do most of it, and it’s, by all accounts but mine, working well because I’m able to live independently and maintain relationships and hold a job and even get promoted at said job. So to any therapist I talk to it’s like. “Why are you here?” And I have to explain like yes I know I’m making it work I’m doing impressive things but I’m DYING I’m constantly stressed and overwhelmed and anxious and on the brink of a panic attack. I spend hours of my day staring at wall screaming inside my head about all the stuff I have to do but unable to do it. I’m smart enough to be really good at doing what I need to do to get by or knowing where to focus my efforts but I constantly feel like I’m in an out of control car spinning out with no brakes.

and I feel so stuck because I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t think there’s anything else I can realistically do to have a better handle on things, this is just the reality. Like I feel like I just need to accept that this is how it’s going to be and this is how it’s going to feel because I truly do not think there is anything that could possibly help me get out of this internal mess.

and of course, then I start thinking like, that’s pretty defeatist, am I giving up before I even try? So then I feel like, even more than before, i just need to try harder and do better and get further because it’s my own lazy ridiculous fault that im in this position in the first place.

[taxfraudhousewife]

hey toga it’s me again

holy shit every time i open instagram and see motaz post literally anything i tweak the fuck out

i come from there to here to cry to you again

he makes me think of you

these parasocial nothings are all i have of you

except for one

i met a boy who makes me think of you

as you can see israel has completely fucking shattered my psyche

i’m crushing on boys who make me think of you

it’s bad

i know

but anyway i come from there to here to cry to you again

i always do that

i wish i could show you every concerning gaza update

i wish you’d whisk them away with educated faith

im not ready to watch it by myself

it feels worse than crimea and donetsk

worse than kashi

worse than albion

i knew existence was supposed to be terrible and unfair

i thought it was the natural order of things to suck

how many times can i claim ITS NOT FAIR

before i have to grow callouses in the wrong places

it’s not fair

there is nothing more powerful than a white girl clawing for long unappreciated privilege

little more powerful than a white girl who knows her privilege intimately

if they want a white womans tears i will give it to them

i’ve never been muslim enough or chinese enough

but i will always be white enough

(until they decide im not)

they will regret the day they made me white

i’ll never be you but i promise to be worse

i will be the hyper specific weapon that is saskatchewan ukrainian

i’ll swallow every ounce of pain that comes with looking like what i’ll never be

i’ll turn myself on your enemies cause i’m related to mine

and breathe fire

cause making art is hard and i am so tired

i don’t think i’m capable of making something out of anything other than pain

i couldn’t sing about you til i assumed you were dead

couldn’t draw the motherland til i knew id never see it

i didn’t even know i could draw until i tried to draw how much it hurt

didn’t know i had pretty words til i tried to write about how much it hurt

but this is not a pain i can turn into art

i have tried and you might know it

if you hear my prayers you know my words are heavy and horrible and schizophrenic

you know that every poem is just the same lines in different orders

i miss you

you’re the only one who understands

i’m angry and reactionary and no better than them

you’re the only one who can point me in the right direction

i’m shitting my fucking pants watching an extinction event

you’re the only one who can save the world

only it wasn’t you so it has to be me

but you’re the only one who could’ve ever made me capable of saving the world

[dxsturbia]

Oooor mom

The inmates cannot run the asylum so you need me to believe whatever version of revisionist history makes you the fucking parent like that one time you tried to convince me that I was the one that wanted to move out here

While I’m sitting in the visiting room up on the psych floor because this man is holding me hostage and I wanna die

And he has your blessing

Yup That’s Anissa if she doesn’t get her way she’ll

shut up Mom it’s been six years and you can’t see what you did to me



Don’t do that Anissa you always rewrite history OK someone grab your phone and told me to stay in Kansas City because you and my father were talking well you’re the one that called me

Yes because I actually have to make it OK that I spent $2000 in college tuition for absolutely no reason because I’m using grants not Mom’s money

You fucking idiot how am I always the one to educate you on your own kid and you don’t even listen

Do you realize that you have spent your life sabotaging me

And now I have a $3000 loan I’ll never be able to pay it back 

And I could’ve started my credit with good credit a credit card if you were just gonna drop me off in his lap what was the point

[jebewonmorelike]

Okay so first of all....I LIVED AND SURVIVED BITCHES 😎😎😎

Sorry I was not online for so many weeks so imma about to give all the tea in this huge ass ask.

So first of all, my college fucked up BAD bad. Our education system varies from uni to uni so that is needed to be known for context.

The ex uni allowed only a certain number of seats for psychology as major and most of those seats were filled with students of the same uni and barely any outsiders were allowed. However, in our limited 72 seats, 13 fucking seats were given to outsiders in the first list and everyone has a really low cutoff like barely 300s out of 600 and yet they easily got in.

Next 40 seats were for the actual uni students and out of that too, half the seats were given to people who barely scored 60% and had failed previous semesters which according to the uni rules disqualifies them from even being eligible for a psych seat, no one knows how or why, the ex uni wasn't or isn't transparent at all which is a huge red flag.

And out of the remaining 19 seats, 15 were kept as management seats meaning you pay extra thousands of bucks to reserve yourself a seat leaving barely 4 more seats and there were too many people including me who had higher scores than 3/4 of people. It was a really stressful time about not getting admission.

However, drum rolls please....

YA GIRL GOT INTO ANOTHER UNI WHO WAS WILLING TO TAKE ME IN WITHOUT EXTRA COMPLICATED SHIT AND ALSO GIVES ASSURITY THAT I WOULD GET PSYCH AS MY MAJOR NONE THE LESS WITHOUT SUCH STUPID SHIT.

So yeah I am going to attend my new uni from tomorrow. It was a horrible month but atleast i have new things to look forward too.

-✨

holy wow. i am so curious to know where you live that college/university is operated this way. in the us we don’t even have like a seat system— you can literally get any degree you want as long as you pass the classes and pay the ridiculous amounts of money 😭 and i don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing tho but… you don’t need to answer where you live haha no pressure but i’m just curious!!

i’m SOOOO glad things worked out though, really!! good luck at your new uni— you are going to do AMAZING i just know it 🥰💕

[psychabolition]

Hai!! I felt like talking about this to someone, but since I have no available friends, I decided to send this here. It’s kind of a vent about a lot of things, but I’ll try to focus more on things about psych.

I’m sorry for any English mistakes as it isn’t my first language and I’m not fluent. I’ll use terms like “mental health”, “disorder”, “diagnosis”, etc. because I sincerely don’t know how to substitute them.

I started therapy for some years now, at first I wanted it but now it’s because of my parents (specifically mother). I’ve gone through two therapists/psychologists and a psychiatrist.

My first therapist was quieter than me and it was horrible, I used to pass most sessions completely in silence and feeling uncomfortable, and she would just look at me and occasionally ask questions. She fucked up my whole experience. One time, I told her I was purging food (I have trouble with my relationship with food since I was a very small kid), and later she told my mother with my consent. It made me trust her more, I talked to her about traits of autism I thought I had (I don’t think I’m autistic anymore, I have some traits, but not enough to affect my life seriously in my opinion). I told her to not tell my mom until I said it was okay to tell.

Then, since therapy doesn’t help shit, some stuff happened and I started self-harming. My mom discovered, and went to talk to her with me. My therapist said for me to get out so she could talk to my mother alone, and when I got back inside, she said “I had to tell her about the autism thing”. Like???? No tf you didn’t have. It had literally nothing to do.

Anyway, my relationship with my mother got worse. My mom would be mad at me at any sign of being uncomfortable in social situations, and she used to yell at me and cry and say I didn’t have anything. That’s why I told my therapist to not tell her, I knew she would act like this, I told her she would act like this.

Then after a while I started with other therapist. I’m much more interactive with her, but doesn’t mean she’s better. One time I told her an old man on the street told me I was very pretty, and she said “wow. if you believed it, he’s a very good liar” (I was literally twelve). When I expressed that I was having trouble with school and couldn’t finish most calculus tests, she said “if all your colleagues can and you can’t, then you’re wrong”.

One thing that I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be reassurance or something because it’s in my record that I had bulimia and body dysmorphia, is that she sometimes grabs my wrist and says I’m too skinny and need to eat more. It’s horrible to hear that. I’m trying to recover from a restrictive disorder right now, and everytime she says it, I feel shitty. I was a skinny kid my whole life, always told that I needed to eat more, then I got older and gained some more body fat. My grandma (an ex-psychologist by the way) once told me “you look fuller now, don’t you?”. I know it wasn’t because she wanted to upset me, but damn. And hearing my therapist saying I’m too skinny makes me not want to recover, because if I do, people will tell me I’m fat, and I always were skinny, I can’t be fat.

I hate how much of a validation seeker I am. I hate psych, I hate this system, I hate how it works, yet I feel like I will never be truly taken seriously if I don’t have a fucking paper full of stereotypes telling me my brain is difficult and I need to take meds to be able to exist in the capitalistic world. I wish life was easier, I wish we weren’t so stuck in the system we created ourselves. If we could at least see each other a community, as a family, which is what we are, it would be so, so much better. Instead, we kill our own species. I’m completely sure that most things like depression and anxiety wouldn’t exist if capitalism wasn’t a thing.

I was raised with an awesome education, I’m very privileged. I studied mostly in public schools, but now I’m in a private one and I’ll stay here until I graduate. My father is an incredible parent, he’s very smart, he always taught me about politics, since very young. He’s a believer of natural medicine and treating each other as a community/family too, he was a communist, then an anarchist, then now he believes in the anarchist way of doing a revolution but he likes the idea of a society like indigenous communities work. He was also a punk in his young years. He went to many tribes too, various rituals, was taught a lot by indigenous people.

Something that scares me is that in my country at least, there’s a wave of conservative teens/young adults. So many people talking about conservatism and classical gender roles, using the Bible to justify their mediocre ideas. It makes me upset. They are cowards, really. I don’t blame people who believe on conservatism and don’t have sources to study, it’s not their fault at all, but most people saying they are conservative and talking about stuff like this in their socials and so are obviously upper class.

That’s basically it. I wanted to take this out of my chest. I’m so damn sick of this system. Hopefully I’ll pass in all the subjects and be able to have more time to study about politics and be active.

Thank you so much for this blog, it’s amazing and I’m so glad I found it. I discovered about anti-psych by your blog, and I really want to know more.

— 🌾

First fuck your therapists .

Its so weird that a lot of therapists literally just look at you and say nothing in therapy. Its so common 😂😭 and they think this helps, how ?? It only makes meeting them awkward as hell and alienates you from them . Its so fucking weird ,and so typical for therapists. Also how did she manage to make your life even more complicated by worsening your relationship to your mom ??? Also all the things the other therapist said about how you look and about the random creepy dude that borderline harrassed you literally WTF

Also, you talk about how you hate that you have/had to depend on the psych system . I'll try to describe what made me stop feeling this way + stop having to do this.

I dont think capitalism creates mental illness. I think the social construct of "mental illness" (NOT the lived experience of those struggling) fits really well into capitalism and is created by a neoliberal capitalist society that loves to blame individuals for systemic issues. I think capitalism/imperialism/white supremacy/patriarchy/kyriarchy create so much distress in us that a lot of us want to kill ourselves and/or that a lot of us literally go insane.

What helped me get rid off the thought that I somehow need to rely on the psych system and diagnoses and their treatments was understanding the biomedical model better. The biomedical model is psychiatries' way to explain our deviation from neuronormativity (=what societally deemed 'normal' to think/feel/do depending on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...) - this includes the norm deviation of "suffering more severely than others" .No diagnosis label "causes" any mental pain/suffering. There is no "mental illness" that results in suffering. If youre struggling or in pain you dont have "symptoms" of an underlying "illness". All mental illness diagnoses are solely descriptive labels - they literally only summarize experiences that you have . Thinking "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x) and my brain is simply broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance" is a sure way to make you go to therapy and try meds again and again and again . Like if you say "Im suicidal because of my depression (which is a label I got because I am suicidal)" it is like saying "I'm suicidal because I'm suicidal" . Its a circular logic . The question remains: what is actually the cause of your pain ??? The biomedical model has never been proven to be true - you dont have low serotonin if you are labelled with depression this theory has been disproven several times for decades now, there has never been found a genetic defect for those labelled with schizophrenia and "neurotypicals" dont have a different brain than "neurodivergents" . This is not a secret, ask your psychologists/psychiatrists.

Also I repeat myself but all diagnoses and treatments have very little reliability and validity . Which means if you see 10 psychologists/psychiatrists they most likely all diagnose you with sth different and they all try different "treatments" . Theres no specific treatment that works for any specific diagnosis . This is scientific fact. Psychologists also openly admit this .💀 I dont want to make you feel hopeless though , my view on this inability of psychiatry to "help" is that since (in my opinion) there is no dubious illness , that apparently never has any definite cause and no one is ever really at fault for (but yourself), we can empower ourselves by actually naming the cause of our pain and then creating a world for each other where our needs are centred and madness is not seen as an individual failing but a greater incentive to solidify our communities.

Here are some examples I thought of on how you we can rid ourselves of psychiatry's oppression in your community . Theres much more we can do though these are just a few thoughts that I had on the subject of actively working on abolition.

Heres a anti psych harm reduction guide on "disorderly" eating .

Also read this book about a marxist analysis on mental illness and psychiatric hegemony (or at least the first chapter) . It will make you stop seeking validation from the psych system ,or at least thats the effect it had on me .

Also in my opininion the concept of recovery/health/wellness that psychiatry sells us sucks and I personally dont feel like I ever benefitted from the psychiatric narrative of "getting better" .

Also wow your dad sounds so cool !You should def talk w him about anti psych/psych abolition !!! He probably already knows a lot about prison abolition - which is probably the best way to get him to understand psych abolition haha . It works really similiar .

I hope my opinion and perspective on this subject was helpful somehow . But remember, what Im saying is only my perspective .theres lots of different anti psych stances and ways of doing anti psych activism ,theres no one truth . Im mostly speaking from my experience and the things I learned from them .

[leverage-ot3]

woohoohoo my social work class is KILLING IT today with our peer presentation fucking ROASTING the Prison Industrial System (PIC)

no one:

us in my oppression to empowerment class: PRISONS ARE EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY TORTURING CONVICTS. THEY ARE LEGAL VERSIONS OF SLAVERY. HERE ARE COMPANIES THAT PROFIT OFF OF THE PRISON INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX, CALL THEM OUT. HERE ARE THE ONES WE BULLIED ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM STOP. HERE IS HOW THEY ARE UNETHICAL, HERE ARE ALPHABETIZED READINGS ON IT. HERE ARE FREE PDFS OF THE READINGS.

[chopper-witch]

This has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now. Please take it while I finish a one-shot. 

Gender-neutral reader!!!

Mad inappropriate perv!eddie thought coming through (throwing some modern and college while I’m at it) (sorry if you hate influencers of any kind idc it’s my job to deal with them).

I went to an art college… there were sometimes sessions on Fridays (no classes Fridays, those were makeup/studio/project/etc days) where people would come to pose and students could draw. There were never nude people in classes, even if the class was about people and anatomy (a lot of bone drawings and clothed posing though) for privacy and safety reasons. 

(I am altering some of how this worked, mostly how the models actually came in and posing and such).

There were extremely strict rules since these people were naked or mostly though. No device that could take photos. None. Just you and your mediums of choice unless that medium is digital. Then absolutely not. Also, if you were not there when doors closed, you were not allowed in. You cannot leave during.

Now Eddie, dear Eddie. He considered sound design. Maybe performing arts. Film and TV sounds cool. But after years of drawing character sheets and scenes from campaigns, he chooses sequential art (comic books, basically. Or film storyboarding/concepting or video game storyboarding/concepting but most common job is comics and graphic novels).

He hears about one of these drawing sessions. Not by checking his email that is full of information about what’s available that week, but because his Life Drawing I professor mentions it (this would be like his sophomore or junior year). He is kind of mad that no one told him before, but there was really no reason to. Plus, he would have known if he checked his fucking email.

He’s late the first time. But they have four a quarter, so it’s fine. He’ll just come the second time. He is late again, though.

Third time he gets there early. Puts his phone away like everyone else and finds a seat a little bit more towards the far edge of the circle. He doesn’t want other people to see his drawing. Plus, he’s tall. He can see over others.

There is a chair like you see at a classic psych’s office set up, and he is wondering what is happening today. So is most of the room, but at this point in the quarter, it is mostly people who have been at least once.

The door to the room shuts.

One of the professors in charge reminds everyone of the various rules. You are allowed to move around the room. You are allowed to come as close as the lines on the floor. Please keep talking to a minimum. Do not distract the model. Do not say or do anything inappropriate. Do not try to get the model’s number or instagram handle or whatsapp or whatever you kids are using now. Don’t try to get the model’s name. They are here to help with your education.

It’s just one model today. And only two poses. Midterms were last week and finals are ridiculously soon after. So take your time. Breathe. Focus on this.

The professor goes to another door Eddie didn’t see and opens it. He whispers something and out comes you, wearing a robe. He and everyone else stare (he checks to make sure it isn’t weird to stare and apparently it’s normal) as you walk over to the couch-chair thing. Before you sit, however, you remove the robe and drape it over the head of the chair. 

Now he is definitely staring. 

Staring intently as you lie down completely nude, carefully leaning on your right arm with a grin. 

“Draw me like one of your french girls,” you tease once you’ve fully positioned yourself into nearly the same pose.

But your hips are positioned differently, head cocked differently, back curved more. Forces people to have to draw what they see even more, not what they think they see (as he has heard thousands of times from all his drawing professors). That line from you was intentional to get people in their heads.

It’s not the line that gets in his head though. It’s you. He can barely draw. He glances around several times to see if anyone else is struggling and while he sees a few heated faces and adjusting of pants, everyone is still doing what they came to do. Some are even right up to that line two feet away, getting angles of your body he wishes he could get. But there’s just no way he could. Not if he doesn’t want to be that person.

At about the halfway point, you switch poses.

On your stomach, head propped up on hands, elbows bent to also left your chest off the chair. Your feet are by the head, up and crossed. Like some school girl listening to her best friend. But then you push your hips into that chair just a little more and your back curves and the pose morphs enough that he can see several more experienced life artists nodding in interest at the prospect of new curves and lines and shadows.

Somehow he gets through the two-hour session without creaming his fucking pants.

His sketchpad is almost entirely clean as well.

He breaks a rule. He finds the model later. He finds you. On accident. Entirely. He swears. A friend he made freshman shares a post of yours on Instagram. Apparently, you are a local influencer. Super sweet. It’s sickly sweet as he scrolls. Small business this, small business that. A video labeled “forcing guilt over fast fashion is classist” that he watches that talks about how if you have the money, there is no reason not to be buying ethical fashion but to be guilting people who don’t is irresponsible when the onus is on the businesses themselves. But there are hundreds of photos and videos of you across town. He hits follow. You are now. the only person he is following that isn’t a band he likes or a franchise he likes or one of his friends. But other students follow you, so what’s the big deal?

He puts notifications on so he can see when you post.

Every post is a jolt of serotonin combined with a rush of arousal. And he finds himself going out more over the next three weeks, trying out the places you suggest and seeing if he might see you again.

And the lives? When he can see you are at a restaurant just three blocks down?

Yeah. He takes a break from his work just to see if he can get a glimpse of you. But you are usually gone by the time he can get himself dressed and presentable and not hard as hell.

He goes again on Week 9, hoping you will be there (he doesn’t understand why it is weeks 2, 4, 6, and 9 rather than 2, 4, 6 and 8. He doesn’t want to wait 3 weeks). It’s rare for models to come twice in a row, another student mentions. But you’ve come a few times over the past couple of years, and every time is so much fun. 

“They’re really good at giving us unique poses to draw. And super nice. They’ll sometimes repost our work if we tag them, even though the professors don’t want us to follow and all that,” the student finishes with.

The door shuts. The professor opens the other door.

You’re back.

[keilemlucent]

teacher’s pet

(r18+)

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

word count: ~3.2k

Keigo is a remarkably good listener and fast learner, especially when you're involved.

warnings: virgin keigo, gooey ass, soft, sweet smut, not too mention the softest keigo i’ve ever written probably?? first time oral baby, also praise kink

---

shoutout to @la-saffron for the lovely headcanons and feral shit that inspired this fic. and thank you to the wuv @keiqos for beta reading. enjoy some soft, gooey, smut. this fic is, at its root, keigo finding the clit. that’s the plot

||||||||||||||||

“J-just like this,” Your voice was soft and breaking, spit sticking in your throat. Touching yourself in front of Keigo like this should’ve been somewhat intimidating, especially with the rapt focus he had on every movement of your body and breaths. But, surprisingly, watching the way he nearly drooled at your form just made you hotter. 

When Keigo asked to date you, you’d never expected he’d be a virgin. But, with his work and his mutations, he’d never had sex or the opportunity to do so properly. Truthfully, he never even learned much beyond his own base needs to blow his load with his fist. 

But, you were more than a willing teacher.

Laying on your back atop his silken comforter was heaven, head propped up ever so nicely by a pillow that Keigo had placed under it. The night had started off with slow touches and soft kisses, all things the two of you had done before. But, it progressed to a little planned show-and-tell. 

You were splayed before him, naked over his sheets with your legs spread as he kneeled in between them. For all of his gusto and readiness, his wings were folded against his back, timidly tucked away as he took you in, gently palming his cock.

Every motion of yours seemed almost lazy. Fingers slowly pinched your nipples while your other hand played with your sex at a tortuously relaxed pace. All the while, you kept your voice low and liquidy. 

“Right here?” You circled your clit, back bending the slightest bit with the hums of heat it sent up your spine. “This is my clit. It feels really good if you touch it nice. It’s very sensitive though.”

Keigo nodded like the good boy he was, enraptured by you.

He had beads of sweat racing down his temples, hair mussed by his own touch. Other than gently pumping his own leaking cock, his only other moment was to occasionally fist his hair, a whine dribbling from his bitten lips.

This must’ve been scary for him, truthfully. All the vulnerability of not only being bare for someone else but them being bare for you. 

You had seen a bit of fear when Keigo had first started to help you disrobe, how his touch got so gentle, feather-like against you to the point of raising gooseflesh. He’d stared so cautiously at you when you first slipped down onto the covers. Despite the tenseness in his shoulders, he traced up your bare body with shaking breaths and clammy hands. 

When you had parted your legs around him, you watched how the gold of his eyes was eaten up by his widening pupils. His mouth had fallen open, cock twitching cutely in his boxers. 

But now that you two were in the heat of the moment? He was a perfect student despite his usual sarcasm and crassness out of the bedroom.

“And here,” You slipped a finger into your sex, feeling a bit of slick puddle around the digit. Keigo’s nostrils flared, wings twitching. “This is my pussy, where your pretty cock goes when you fuck me, right, Kei’?”

He nodded, thumbing over the head of his cock, smearing preek. His voice shook with his own tension and deep-focus, “Y-yeah.”

You smiled at him, shifting one of your legs to give his thigh a soft bump, “You’re doing so well, baby. You wanna know more?”

“I mean, yeah, but... I haven’t really done anything,” Keigo spoke with some remorse, averting his gaze from your body to somewhere far off. The corners of his lips tugged down, his arm going to guard over his chest as though it could protect him from his own internal fear.

That insecurity, that look of near humiliation just wouldn’t do.

“Keigo.” You spoke to pull him from his thoughts. It roused him well with the way he turned back to you, eyes widening as you slowly pumped your finger in your cunt. “You’re gonna do so much. I can’t wait for you to make me feel good. Can you help me?”

Oh, the call to help others was intrinsic and embedded in Keigo’s psyche. 

One of his half-taloned hands drifted to rest on your thigh. His expression went doughy, softening at your even softer words, “I can. I promise.”

You beamed at him with everything you had.

“Thank you. I know you can. God, Keigo,” You shook out a breath, withdrawing your finger from your sex. “Do you want to taste?”

Oh, the look he gave you. He may have been avian, but with the light in his eyes and the way his tongue dropped from his sweetly parted lips made him look far more like an obedient puppy than a bird.

You smiled at him, tilting your head as you slid your fingers into his mouth, pressing down to rub your digits on his tongue. 

“See how nice I taste? Imagine how good that will be all around you when you eat my cunt.” 

The thought had Keigo groaning around your fingers, squeezing his cock. His fist jerked from balls to tip as his eyes rolled back in his head.

Without even instructing him, he sucked at your fingers, lapping at them perfectly. You let him lave over them, his tongue dipping anywhere it could savor you. 

You pulled the digits away, admiring the way they glistened with his spit. You brought them down to your cunt, rubbing over your labia.

“Before we fuck, you gotta make sure I’m ready,” You told him, slowly pressing two fingers to your entrance. You could certainly go faster, but this was ‘educational’. “Gotta stretch me out nice, make sure I’m all wet. Well, that isn’t too hard with you around, is it?”

You send him a quick wink and marvel as he turns cherry red.

“And this is important, sweetheart,” You called his attention fully, slowing your movements. “There’s a little spot inside me, that if you hit it just right, will make me feel so good.”

You were just about to crook your fingers when Keigo stopped you, stilling your hand with his own. He gently tugged your wrist, bottom lip pushed out in a pout. 

“C-can... I try?” He was so tentative, looking shyly at you as you were so vulnerable beneath him. “I w-want to help you feel good.” 

“Of course, ‘Kei. You’re going to do so well.”

He shuddered at the praise. 

You took your fingers from your cunt to your lips, sucking off your own slick. Really, it was just to watch the way Keigo’s thighs clenched as you did. 

You flickered your eyes lower as you took your fingers from your mouth, wiping them on your hip, “Go for it, I’ll tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. Make sure you use the hand we clipped your nails on, okay?”

Ever diligent, Keigo genuinely checked his hand to make sure it was the correct one, talons tamed for the specific instruction that was occurring.

With all the grace and tenderness he could muster, Keigo gripped your thigh, massaging the muscles on his way to your cunt. It was cute, the way he fell forward as he did, ending up propped up on his elbows between your legs. There was pure awe in his eyes as his finger reached the apex of your thighs. 

He looked up at you, hesitantly. 

You nodded, shooting him a smile before settling a hand on his shoulder to rub at the tension he was still carrying in his shoulder. 

Gingerly, Keigo let his fingers drift from your hole to your clit, grinding the pad of his thumb down on the puffy nub. Keigo was a good student, truly, as his pressure and speed were enough to make you drop your head back on the pillow and let out a purely sinful moan.

He paused.

“Good?” 

His voice was so sweet.

“So good, ‘Kei. Keep going.”

He obeyed dutifully. 

His touch slipped downward, teasing the entrance before slipping one finger in. He moved slowly, but not in any way that was lazy. With the quivering of his feathers, you could tell Keigo was literally feeling the way you reacted to him. Every twitch and spasm of your cunt was his guide, as were your quickening breaths.

He pressed another in, shortly. Watching them coat with slick, slowly fucking into you again. 

“Good boy, ‘Kei. You’re doing so well for me.”

The praise made his eyes roll back in his head. 

You smirked.

“Now, baby,” You called his attention again. “To hit that special spot, all you need to do is curl your fingers.”

He frowned, flattening himself to the bed a bit more, “That seems... Very easy.”

You couldn’t help chuckle, carding a hand through his damp tresses, “It’s not hard, once you know what you’re doing. Why don’t you try for me?”

Oh, did Keigo obey so fucking sweetly for you.

You never thought that someone simply softly fingering you, so fucking kindly and gazing at you so reverently would turn you on as much as it did, but god, did it. 

Keigo’s fingers curled in your cunt, every movement precise, but not quite enough.

“A little more, baby. It’s a bit harsher of an angle than you think.”

Keigo’s brow pulled down as he bit his lip. You could feel his hot breath over your cunt and inner thighs as he crooked his fingers just right.

The cry that rang from your throat surprised both of you. Being gently touched like this, on your insides, was making you turn to liquid before him. Your nails dug into his scalp as you lightly rolled your hips into his touch. 

Your legs tensed around him as he massaged at the spongy spot. With your head thrown back on the pillow, you couldn’t see his face.

But holy fuck, could you feel it.

Keigo, apparently, decided to take some of your lessons for a spin. The searing breath you’d been feeling before was suddenly very close to your sex, just before you felt the light lap of his tongue against your clit. 

“Oh fuck, Keigo!” You fisted the sheets, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t think him kitten-licking your cunt (just once) would get you this worked up, yet you were sweating and needy for him.

“Am I doing this right?” Keigo drew his mouth away, pressing a sugary kiss to your thigh instead. 

You nodded, breathing a bit harsher. You needed more. 

“Yes, Kei’. Fuck,” Your voice trembled. “Do you want to keep going?”

There was a deliberate pause.

Keigo rose up from his spot between your legs, his actions met with a little whimper that was caught in the back of your throat.

He slid over you, straddling your hips and placing his hands on either side of your head.

You stared up, now wide-eyed yourself. 

Keigo had never looked this intense before. There was still something so fucking tender and raw about how he looked at you, a sweet smile on his face as he pressed a kiss to your nose, then your cheeks, and finally your lips. You cupped his jaw, tilting your head to get more of him.

He pulled away, his breath coming in little puffs as his wings slowly spread out behind him.

“Can I please make you cum? Please?” Keigo asked so sweetly, kissing down your neck. “Let me make you feel good.”

How quickly does the master become the student. Or, maybe receiver.

All the same, thoughts of training Keigo were gone. With the smoldering look he was beaming you from his amber eyes, all you could do was give him a breathless ‘yes, please.’

Keigo was smitten under your command. 

He slid down your body, leaving kisses in his wake. Nothing harsh, nothing that could hurt or be painful. Each movement was matched with a flicker of a grin from him with the way your body jumped with every touch. 

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” You lavished him in praise as he drifted down your body, settling between your legs once more.

This time, he gently hiked your calves over his shoulder, nestling between your thighs and adjusting as he needed.

You swallowed, the feel of Keigo so close making your cunt ache. You needed him in a way you’d rarely let yourself indulge before. Most of the time, the feeling of needing release after a particularly steamy makeout session with Keigo was sated with a well-used vibrator and a glass of wine.

But, to have Keigo so close and so ready?

You could feel the slick dripping from your hole at the mere thought. The coil in your gut already seemed tight with the anticipation of it all.

“God, dove,” Keigo breathed. Without missing a beat, he dragged his tongue up your cunt, stopping at your clit to swirl his tongue around it once. 

He pulled away, but not before dropping a kiss on the throbbing bud. All the while, you let out little keens and gasps, forcing your hips still so as to not overwhelm him. 

You looked down at him, lips parted and wet with spittle. His eyes met yours, lips curled in a smug grin, “You’re so beautiful. Can I taste you more?”

You could tell by the tone, look in his eye, and your knowledge of Keigo’s general demeanor that the moment he got the hang of making you feel good, he was going to take advantage of his prowess and become the most obnoxious tease. 

You savored the thought.  

“Please, Keigo. Show me how good you are.” You breathed back, letting yourself relax into the sheets as Keigo went to town.

At first, he only used his tongue. He left languid licks as he pressed as close as he could to just ravish you with what he had learned.

Keigo was obviously a very talented, well-trained person. He showed you with the way he ate your cunt like it was ambrosia and nectar, tracing shapes and sigils on your flesh with the way his touch bewitched your body, wracked with tremors and needy cries. 

Quickly, he was pressing a finger into you. This time, he wasn’t so slow, but still, the amount of care he put into the motion was almost startling. He gently pumped in and out of you, all the while still kissing at your clit. He lapped at it, nonsense words and sweet nothings being spelled out on the sensitive flesh, each movement causing hot pleasure to curl your toes and bend your spine.

You cried and moaned for him, giving him all the praise you could find your lust-fogged mind. With each utterance of how Keigo was a ‘good boy’, you felt his throaty groans vibrant against your sensitive bits. 

You cherished the feeling.

Keigo withdrew his fingers, taking a breather from licking you as well. Glancing up at you to check-in, he beamed up at your already fucked out expression.

“Feeling good?” He asked, kissing your thigh with a quick nip.

He’s getting bolder.

“Very good,” you hummed, yipping at the sensation of two of his fingers playing with your entrance. You weren’t above begging, despite knowing that allowing him to figure out how into it he would be was a dangerous move. “Please, Keigo. M-make me cum for you.”

He hummed, musing over it, Pandora’s box opened. 

Though, he seemed to decide to test out teasing on another day. Keigo was kind enough to fuck his two fingers into you, cunt nearly sucking them in with the way you were already so tense and ready. 

You could feel his smile against your clit as he tried sucking it into his mouth, curling his fingers at the exact same moment.

The gentleness, the carefulness and the love in it all nearly made your vision white out. You clung to lucidity, babbling sweetness to Keigo as he massaged at your insides, fucking them earnestly with his perfectly toned muscles behind each movement. 

As he tongued at your clit, he never took his eyes off you, watching each of your twitches and reactions and adjusting accordingly. He hardly had to, though. The slick drenching his fingers and the way your hands flew to his hair were more than enough of a sign that you were already getting close. 

“Fuck, fuck, Kei’, don’t stop—” You nearly sobbed as boiling pressure was so close to bubbling over in your belly. 

His fingers truly fucked into you as he grunted against your sex, moving with more vigor but not once losing rhythm or pace. You could vaguely tell that he was grinding against the bed, scarlet wings extended, and flapping every few moments. 

With one final kiss to your clit, you crested over the edge and let yourself go.

You spasmed around his fingers as you wailed out his name, hands flying to his hair to hold him to your cunt, grinding against his face as he sputtered out his own moans. His hips stuttered against the bed, wings beating the air a few times as your back arched and you sang for him.

He kept moving through your orgasm, pressing and rubbing at your cunt with all the technique and knowledge he could, guiding you to the last moments of your peak.

You fell against the sheets, boneless. Sweat laid sticky in your hair as your chest heaved with breath. 

Keigo, the surprisingly attentive lover, popped up from between your legs, “Was that okay, dove?”

“God, Keigo,” your vision still spun as you reached for him. “Fuck, it was so good. You’re such a good boy, such a good fucking boy, Keigo.” 

“I am, now?” Keigo’s normal teasing mood coming alive once more. “Glad to hear that. Can I do that again sometime?”

“Anytime, fuck,” You propped yourself up on your elbows, dragging him closer. It was then noticed his softened cock, wet with cum. “Did... you come? From eating me out?”

“And, uh, humping the bed.” That shame presented itself once more in his voice. Even as you dragged him closer, cuddles necessary, he looked a little ashamed. “I got a little excited.”

“Keigo,” You put your palms to his cheeks, squishing them and frowning softly, but the expression quickly turned melancholy. “That’s good. It’s all about both of us feeling good. And, did it feel good for you?”

“Fuck yes,” Keigo breathed, tension rolling out of his shoulders with your reminder. He snatched you up by the waist, dragging you to his chest as he fell to his side on the mattress. “It felt so good. Thank you.”

He peppered a smattering of kisses across your face as you giggled, all for him.  

“Thank you,” Quietly, you returned the sentiment, kissing the apple of his cheek. “For being so good, really. You really are a good listener when you want to be.”

“I guess I am, huh.” At that, Keigo chuckled, nuzzling his nose into our hair with a hum. He wrapped you up the best he could with his wings, allowing you to go gooey in his arms. 

“I’m excited to see what else you can teach me.”

|||||||||||||

taglist:  @sinclairsamess

[erwinsvow]

𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

note: part two to the college headcanons! part one can be found here! i had a lot of fun writing these and i hope everyone enjoys them :) teacher/student dynamic warning for zeke and hange's, and i guess bullying for annie's :/

𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐨 𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐝

the very definition of kind-hearted frat boy who doesn’t fit the stereotype he’s been assigned at all

starts off with accounting before realizing he hates math, moves into business management and marketing

the linkedin profile is absolutely popping, 500+ connections and details about every club and organization he’s ever been a part of

the friend that helps everyone find internships and fixes their resumes while offering helpful advice and not being condescending… anyways so that’s how you meet porco

he works at the career center 100% and does various coaching/prep help, and you, pieck’s friend, are in desperate need of an internship

so you’re complaining to your friend as usual, when she tells you to stop by the building and ask for a “pock”

so you do just that, walking in and asking for “pock” and porco is a little stunned by this pretty stranger calling him by a nickname reserved for his close friends, and even then he just barely tolerates it

but he doesn’t want to correct you, especially since you’re being so sweet and he can tell you need some help

so a meeting at the career center slowly turns into facetime calls to review applications and last-minute edits, stopping by your dorm to help you fill out paperwork and walking together to mail it out

i have a feeling porco doesn’t wanna be too forward, and he thinks he’s being very aloof and casual, when he really just seems oblivious

and you cannot tell for the life of you if he likes you or he’s just being friendly since you’re close with pieck

finally after you land the internship and won't have your normal excuse to spend time with him, you get the guts you've been searching for

you tell him about the position later in the day, stopping by the center for hopefully the last time

"by the way, my number's on my resume if you're ever gonna ask me out."

leaves pocky-boy flustered and red and scrambling to ask you out, and you have been happily dating since

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

oh boy

conny is a very typical college kid in the sense that he will sleep through every 8 am class he has, blow off class to go wait in line for the nacho bar, and has adopted the mantra ‘c’s get degrees’

but he is an extremely lovable education major with a focus in history

rarely seen without his shadow sasha, but now that she started dating niccolo, she thinks that conny could use a relationship too, and that it might do him some good to be with a funny, down-to-earth person

thus begins the most grueling two weeks for every girl on campus, as sasha hunts down girls that she thinks would be a good match for her best friend

this includes airdropping a photo of conny to the lecture hall with the caption “would you date this man? serious inquiries only”

creates a fake tinder complete with a google form to narrow down the options

however, none of this is necessary because sasha bumps into you in the smoothie line and causes your triple berry blend to go flying

she helps you clean up and idle conversation leads to you talking about dates and so forth

“well, i’d love to set you up with my best friend? how do you feel about a blind date?”

yes, conny met you, the love of his life, on a blind date set up by sasha with a stranger

it’s one of those funny stories that people don’t believe when you tell them, because how ridiculous is that, but you both think it’s perfect since you get along so well and it made all the waiting worth it

bonus: double dates with sasha and niccolo! fondue night at their apartment, going to the arcade and having to lug up sasha and her food baby while niccolo parks the car, just overall a grand time :)

𝐳𝐞𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫

zeke yeager, ph.d. started his new job at university with one rule in mind: absolutely no illicit affairs

he also coaches the club baseball team, because why not get involved on your campus

he really believes that he’s gonna stick with it too, despite the overwhelming number of students who come to his office hours with questions that his less handsome teaching assistants could answer

but no, he doesn’t want to earn a reputation as that professor, and so he heads into the new semester with absolutely no lingering thoughts of an exciting little dalliance to get him through the monotonous days

he knows his huge lecture classes would always come with a few pretty students, but it’s the smaller, upper-level psych class he’s teaching when he meets you for the first time

zeke has you all figured out, or so he thinks. sitting in the front row, raising your hand for questions he wasn’t expecting anyone to actually have an answer to, neatly handwritten notes in a color-coded notebook. he wouldn’t peg you for the type to jump and take the risk by starting a relationship with a professor.

but he soon realizes that he didn’t have you as figured out as he thought he did.

you avoid the gaggle of freshmen during office hours by scheduling meetings instead, sometimes right before class, coming to him with two cups of coffee and a wide smile that actually had him fooled into thinking you were here for academic reasons

this facade quickly fades though, because after a semester of interactions with you and getting more and more comfortable with each other, to the point where coffee orders are memorized and it’s zeke rather than professor yeager, you’ve had just about enough

he knows he’s fucked when you come visit him at practice for the baseball team, bringing him a drink and engaging in conversation while the players watch their coach flirt with you

he’s especially fucked when he realizes he’s looking forward to practice just because there’s a chance you’ll stop by on your way to your next class

you submit your final paper early, nearly a week before it’s due and of course the first in the class to do so, and waltz into his office the next day with another steaming cup of his favorite drink

“you submitted your paper pretty early, you know.”

“i know. i also know that it means i’m not your student anymore, so if you were going to make a move, now’s the time.”

no, he definitely had underestimated how much he knew about you.

𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐚 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

mikasa is a forensic sciences major and is still debating on the minor- she’s torn between criminal justice or history like armin.

she loves her major classes, but she just wants something else interesting to look forward to as well, so armin suggests sitting in on a couple classes early in the semester and getting a taste for it.

so you don’t really think twice when she claims the empty seat next to you on the first day of classes, smiling politely and paying attention to the professor. you do notice, however, that she’s not writing anything down or looking at the syllabus, leading you to strike a conversation on why that is.

she explains herself and then before you even know it, the lecture ends and you spent the last forty minutes talking to mikasa about anything and everything.

she’s sitting in on another class tomorrow, and absent mindedly invites you to come along, to which you agree all too quickly, because why wouldn’t you

numbers are exchanged, times are fixed, and mikasa leaves wondering why she’s so excited at the idea of sitting with you in class again.

you two hate the history class she had chosen, with the professor droning on and on and you being focused entirely on the conversation you’re having with mikasa

until the professor kicks the two of you out for not shutting up, that is

you’re both laughing hysterically once you reach the hallway

“i’m gonna have to discourage you from doing that history minor if that’s what all the classes are like.”

“well, i have to do criminal justice so we can have that class together, anyways.”

𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭

true to form, annie goes into one of the most difficult majors: cheg. definitely flies through intro courses with straight As and minimal effort, but that’s also mostly because all she and bertholdt do is study

reiner tries his hardest to get her to go to a party every once in a while, but usually to no avail because she always has an exam to study for

you’re a tutor, and honestly, you’d say you were pretty good at your job. you can answer questions and explain reasonings fairly well to confused students. but when annie comes to your office hours with some complicated problems and she’s asking for explanations that you just don’t have, you literally feel your face burn with heat for the entirety of the time she’s there

long story short, your first encounter is embarrassing, to say the least. you’re stumbling over words as you try to look through your old notes and piece together an answer for annie, who you cannot even look in the eyes.

anyways, she leaves eventually and you want a hole to open in the ground and swallow you up, but at least she won’t be back next week, right?

wrong.

miss leonhart doesn’t know how to express her feelings any better than you, so her way of flirting is spending time with you in the tutor center as you fail to answer her questions time and time again

you want to scream at her to stop coming because she and you both know you’re not helping either of you with this

but also you really don’t want her to stop coming because you don’t have any other ways to see her outside of class

both of you reach your wit’s end on the same day, her coming to you with the absolute easiest problems she could find in the textbook, and you with every intention of asking her out to dinner

she opens her book, and you reach and close it quickly

“unless this is the only way you know how to flirt, something has to change now.”

𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐳𝐨𝐞

dr. zoë teaches, just, way too many classes

we’re talking multiple chemistry labs and upper-level research courses as well

you’re just a ph.d. student doing rotations as per usual, and you’ve heard the comments from students senior to you about dr. zoë, who makes every student in rotation say hange instead of the formal way you’re used to

you’ve heard everything from crazy to genius and everything in between

what you weren’t expecting was… so good looking, and young? and comforting? and talking about all the things that you didn’t have the guts to bring up with other people, like how you always feel a little left out in the field and that you think no one cares about your research interests that much—a lot of stuff that you find yourself pouring out to hange on your very first day in the lab

you’re wondering why it’s so easy to talk to them, and why none of the other rotations ever felt this comfortable

and then you realize you’re spilling your guts to someone who probably doesn’t even care, and has way more to deal with on their plate than a ph.d. student with imposter syndrome

so you’re apologizing right after you’ve finished, when you’re met with the warmest look and a reassuring hand on your shoulder

it’s so easy to fall after that, with weekly meetings and regular check-ins, and you know it’s wrong to have this strange crush on your superior, but hange really feels like the one person you can count on here

you hide the crush in favor of getting the mentorship you desperately think you need, but it’s not long until you’re onto the next rotation and the next lab’s work is even closer to the stuff you love

you hate the way you feel, that you’re not gonna have any reason to keep in touch and you never even got to explain how you feel about them—and that you didn’t even get to experience hange’s energy because she was always listening and helping you out

it’s not until you get a text the night before your first day in the new lab from hange, filled with reassuring words and asking for a coffee date later in the week to talk about how it goes, that you realize just how well hange understood you

𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

last but not least, miss pieck is double majoring in french and public health

absolutely obsessed with her majors and loves the subjects, but works herself to death to keep up with it all

you don’t even realize that the pretty, studious girl you’re seeing in the library all the time is the same girl you spot with some of your friends from class

pieck is as oblivious as they come. you invite her on study dates after you two are introduced by reiner, invite her to get coffee after a particularly late night of studying, pretty much start spending most of your days together

you can’t help but be disappointed that pieck doesn’t see you in that way, because you’ve slowly been falling head over heels, but you accept that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and you still love the friendship you two have

it takes a while for things to click for pieck, but they do right as the semester eases up

once exams are over, you two decide to go to these famous parties porco and reiner never stop talking about

it’s not the usual scene you’re comfortable with, but what’s wrong with letting loose a little, especially after midterms? no harm in having fun, right?

wrong again! you definitely get plastered way too quickly, and eventually pieck takes you to a room to settle down

drunk confessions of love aren’t usually the way to go, but you can’t help but reveal everything you’ve been feeling for the last few months when pieck is taking care of you in your current state

you definitely wake up hungover and ignorant to last night’s shenanigans, but you’re in your dorm, with a bottle of water and ibuprofen on the nightstand, phone plugged in and shoes off

pieck comes back with breakfast, coffee and your favorite pastries, and checks up on you

“so.. about last night..”

“i’m so sorry, did i throw up on you?”

“no, but you did say you were in love with me. was that just a drunk thing, or is it a sober thing too? because i think i’m in love with you too.”

[garfieldsladybird]

MORE ABOUT MYSELF ➪☟︎

garfieldsladybird. this blog is a safe space for everyone. i do not have an age setting, so all are welcome!! requests for blurbs are currently open, i’ll try my best with them. dms and asks are always open to talk! — boundaries.

what im up too. — my dog finn <33.

hello, welcome to my blog!! im garfield or ladybird, up to you. you can call me garfy or birdy tho.

I’m genderfluid. 16. bisexual. Intp-t. stoner. Cabin 13, Hades child. slytherclaw/raverin- now Hufflepuff.

♈︎ aries, ♏︎ scorpio, ♊︎ gemini.

when i said i was a theater kid, I didn’t realize what a theater kid was. I’m not a fucking theater kid. nothing wrong with them though, just had a bad experience :|

in my free time; reading. playing the sims! (i wish that was true) reading on this app, Ao3, or wattpad. i love music and dancing! and hanging out with my friends! also smoking.

i would rather be alone than hang out with people. In my opinion, im like a popular loner :)

— future; i want to get into editing, like film work. i want to do something like being a camera man, making the movie come to life with good transitions, lighting, and scenery… idk if that makes sense but I want to do that. I also really want to be a paramedic EMT and/or a firefighter, maybe even a cop.

— other things; im a great procrastinator. maladaptive daydreamer. and i also deal with anxiety. I do not have a therapist to talk to yet so that’s fun. but wii ball!

🦄 — fandoms im in; anything i write for man— harry potter, includes the marauders era and tom era, etc. im also into marvel, twilight, peaky blinders, the witcher, the 100, stranger things, umbrella academy, teen wolf, sex education, psych, 911 & 911: lone star, Hawaii Five-0, Wednesday series, Glee, the rookie.

📖 — my books/dr’s; i have an acc for my books which are technically my dr’s but I look at them as my books. @bugsvenom. I have lots of books :)) i haven’t started any of them.

🎧 — my favorite artists -> billie eilish! Eminem! Tyler, The Creator! SZA! twenty one pilots! queen! — garfields playlist!! I have multiple playlists. ( <- im just talkin abt em)

👀 — my fav youtubers; Dylan is in trouble!! Brittany Broski!! Trisha Paytas!! Tana Mongeau!! Jeff FM!! Boze vs the World, Sturniolo Triplets, Dez Games, Rebal D, Xenoshot, Erick Khan, Courtreezy, Onyebabyyy, Madisyn Brown, Squidinkidink. Dropouts podcast.&& The Graham Norton Show!! — i also love asmr <33

📺 — favorite shows/movies: Psych. 911 & 911: Lone star. teen wolf. Jumanji 1&2. The witcher. The Spiderwick Chronicles. Alice in borderland.

this blog is used for a lot of things. i try writing but it’s difficult and so i would say i’ve had writers block for a long time. i have some writing posted but to me, it’s not the best.

warning — most of my writing includes smoking marijuana.

— i am a stoner. your local pothead started in nov 2021, and I do have permission. ask questions if you want too or need too!! — the high algorithm. <- (questions that have been answered)

i joined here in 2021, new years time so technically, i’ve been here since 2022 started. im usually always here, but school is also happening so im here but at the same time im not.

since i don’t write a lot, i usually just post me talking or i reblog a much of peoples works. i reblog anything i like.

I also make commentaries on any type of show or thing I’m watching. the thing is with commentaries is I don’t necessarily explain the scene, I just write my thoughts about it, and I might put the episode of the show too.

‎© 𝗀𝖺𝗋𝖿𝗂𝖾𝗅𝖽𝗌𝗅𝖺𝖽y𝖻𝗂𝗋𝖽.