#I’m losing my mind im losing my mind im losing it

[sturn5iolo]

BECOMING THIS

synopsis: you and matt broke up and now your slowly losing yourself, and becoming someone you hate.

pairing: ex! matt sturniolo x f!reader

warnings: angst (not really) , drinking / drugs , use of y/n (i’m sorry)

you grab another plastic red cup, filing it with random alcohol siting on the counters not even daring to look at what they are. taking the mixed concoction, chugging the whole thing in seconds. you feel the burn go down your throat as you stumble forward onto the cold counter of a strangers house. 

a few hours before, your friends had to beg you to come to this party. of course when they asked you were high off your mind and you agreed.

you feel your friend ava come up behind you, “hey do you wanna come sit with me, you don’t look too good..” she spoke in your ear.

“noooo im fine let me do what i want.” you slurred out to her, pouring yourself another drink. ava walked away not wanting to budge anymore.

you move your body to a couch nearby. a brunette boy sat on the farthest side of the couch, you sit down a few inches away from him. he had a joint in between his lips and a lighter in one of his hands, you watch him from the corner of your eye.

he takes one long drag before pulling it away from his lips, suddenly as he blows the smoke out he turns and faces you, “you wanna hit?” he asks. you scoot closer to him while slurring out a “okay..”

the unknown boy moves the joint from his lips to yours, watching closely as you inhale the smoke. after a few long hits and passing the joint back and forth, you start coughing, feeling the alcohol and weed start to mix together and make you cross faded.

while sitting with the boy, your other friend gia comes running towards you and grabbed your arm, “there you are! i was looking all over for you,” she yells out loud to you over the music, pulling you away.

as you get pulled around someone bumps into you, making you stumble backwards a bit. it was matt.

“oh my bad i didn-” he starts but cuts himself off as he looks at your face. “y/n.”

your lips form a straight line as you nod. matt takes in your bloodshot eyes and immediately understands what is up, “are you fucking high right now?”

you scoff at him and giggle, “none of your business.” you say walking outside but matt follows you, “uhm actually yes it is.” he defends.

feeling the cold air hit your body was a relief, “how matt we broke up like two months ago?” you question, still having the weed and alcohol in your system barely processing this conversation.

“because y/n, you always hated stuff like that! you would try convincing people not to drink or smoke and here you are!” matt says to you. he knows exactly why your doing all this, and it’s because of him. he’s the one who broke your heart.

“i don’t understand the problem matt.” you bluntly replied. “the problem is this! you becoming this! i know we’re broken up but i can’t live knowing this is happening.” he cried out to you.

you run your hands through your frizzy hair, “well that’s too bad matt. your going to have to.” you smile, walking off into the darkness with just your phone in hand.

a/n : this is so horrible but i’m posting it anyways erm first fic on this account 🥲👏

[hello-sweetheart]

Fame and Fortune

Do you dream of glory? Crowds of thousands all adoring beneath you. The roaring cheers echoing in the arena. Countless of small white lights held up like beacons creating a sea of waving stars all for you. Breathless exhilaration has your chest heaving, skin glistening and damn. To feel like a god: never ending, eternal.

What would you be willing to do to get it?

What are you willing to sacrifice for fame?

Who are you prepared to lose?

Could the love of millions be worth the love of one?

——

[Backstage: Corroded Coffin Global Tour-Los Angeles, Ca]

Eddie is pacing, more than just pre-show nerves numb his hands. His cigarette burns quickly, ash falling on the carpeted floor, but no amount of nicotine filled lungs will fix this. Gareth, his drummer and long time friend, is watching him pace, eyes pleading.

“Is it worth it, Eddie?

We all got what we wanted; why are we miserable? You can’t lie to me, we all feel it. I see it in everyone, even you! You haven’t been the same since—“ He receives a withering glare from the frontman and sighs, speaking softer.

“I miss mom and my little sister. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them… I’m no longer drawn in her crayon family portraits, did you know that? Does Anne even remember me, anymore?

How can you keep going like this and expect us to do the same? I’m grateful—I really am—for you. You got us where we are now, a fantasy that we never even dreamed would become reality. It was amazing, I’m glad I got to experience it all with you, but I’m tired. I’m so tired guys.

I just want to go home.”

The long drag he takes burns his throat,

“Look, we’re all tired, I get it. Really, I do, this tour has been… particularly grueling I’ll admit, but come on. This is our last show, the big finale! We’ll give them all we got and then we’ll be able to take a break to freshen up before doing what we do best: creating kick ass music.

Like always. You’ll feel better after this, we always do after the last show—“

Gareth cuts him off, his patience clearly stretched thin.

“No, Eddie, listen to me! It’s different this time. I’m happy with the money we’ve made, we all have enough to live comfortably and I’ve been thinking that, you know, it’s time to settle down. I can’t do that if I’m always working. This, the band, it doesn’t… it doesn’t make me happy anymore.”

Jeff stands and his imposing figure makes Eddie pause from wearing a path into the floor.

“He’s not the only one, man. Im sorry, but its killing me. We don’t expect you to give it up either, you can keep the band name, find new members, keep signing… But for us? We can’t keep going, man. This is the end of the line.”

‘Not him too. Fuck. Fuck!’

“No! What am I—I’ve given up too much for this, you can’t just, fucking, bail on me!” This band, playing with his friends, it’s become his entire world. He’s lost too much to get here.

“Woah, woah, hey! No one fucking told you to and you know it. We’ve always had your back no matter what, but anything you chose to do is on you. Not us. The least you could do is extend us the same fucking curtesy and respect the fact that we’re fucking done with this bullshit.”

His gaze is venom as he looks at band, Grant and ‘Freak’ silent but agreeing with the rest. They refuse to meet his gaze.

“Fine. Do whatever you want.” He turns and leaves. They’ll be starting in 15 minutes.

Fucking cowards. Ungrateful bastards.

A memory plays in his head. Brief and intrusive. The voice of someone long gone from his life rings in his mind.

“I’ve missed you, Ed. Are you done at the studio, yet? When are you coming home?”

“Steve, this is important. You know this. I’ll be pulling a few more all nighters here—this album has to be perfect, baby.”

A crackling sigh is barely audible through the phone.

“I know, I know. I’m just being selfish. I’m sorry. Miss waking up to you next to me.”

“Miss you too, baby. You’re my world you know. Love you more than anything.”

“More than music?” It’s a timid question.

“Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he’s the only one to laugh into the receiver.

“Right… night, Eddie.”

“Wait, Stev—“ fuck. It was only joke. Whatever, he’ll apologize tomorrow.

Right now, he has music history in the making.

[mintux]

Act 3 spoilers !

I accidentally deleted the whole paragraph so here we go. FUCKKKKKK RIOT GAMES, FUCK THE WRITERS. AND TO THE PEOPLE THAT SAID JINX DESERVED TO DIE….all I have to say - WHATTT THE FUCKK. She deserved to SEE her happy ending but INSTEAD vi got it. Jinx had been trough hell and back and my girl shouldn’t have gone out like that. THEREFOR, SHE IS NOT DEAD AND NEVER WILL BE DEAD. I don’t care if it wasn’t real. It was real to me.

no im seriously still upset and im finding ways to fucking process this shit through my brain. I want to bash my head into a wall because like I’m so baffled like I cannot say enough- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT OF AN ENDING???????? I’m losing my mind.

[asklordnoel]

“At you admit to having an ego, I know of a person who doesn’t.. Anywho— Wait..

Why am I still in this filthy peasants place?! im dirtying up my shoes by just standing here.. how do you live like this?! I’m quite sure I’d lose my mind here.”

“Oohh, Natalia~ it’s your favorite, the greatest, the most magnificent person in all of Snezhnaya.. Lord noel!

Aren’t I so kind, im visiting you while you’re in this.. filthy filthy peasants place.”

- @asklordnoel

Natalia keeps her head low to avoid looking at him, and sits on her psych ward bed.

What causes you to pay me a visit?

[nrmlgrl32]

characters who seem kind of lame at first but are actually fucking crazy >>>>

[leafatlaw]

Nimona (2023) really said protect trans youth, fuck the police, and question all authority. And it was the best movie of the year

[devilandacat]

ARE YOU SEEING THIS??? I NEED MORE OF THIS SHIT IN MY LIFE.

[jaylaxies]

i need him in ways that are concerning to humanity i fear

[bunnyangelssky]

Life is hard but I’m harder 🧍‍♂️🔫 (shoot me)

[dxmianwaynesstuff]

jayce and viktor.

on love and betrayal.

[ a history of my brief body — billy-ray belcourt | last days of judas iscariot — stephen adly guirgis | @/orpheuslament | last days of judas iscariot — stephen adly guirgis | the looking glass war — john le carré | matthew 26:50 ]

[prayingfordemise]

FUCK THIS PLACE, FUCK EVERYTHING, FUCK EVERYONE, I HATE EVERYTHING. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE OMG

[crystallizsch]

*screaming*

[lurkinglilyrice]

Humbling moment during dark rise reread #1: (don’t even know if I will continue this, just felt like numbering it)

Katherine: “‘Cousin’?” she whispered, once the shopkeeper had gone. “We don’t look a thing alike!”

Will: “I wasn’t sure I could pass as your brother.”

WHEN I TELL YOU MY MOUTH DROPPED

[blue-boxes-magic-and-tea]

reading lockwood and co (especially the first two books) i’m like wow lockwood so in love lucy so in love that’s crazy

but waTCHING IT???? seeing the way their eyes linger on each others????? seeing the way everyone immediately clocks them????? the way they can’t stop yearning for the other???? seeing his tiny smile that’s just for her???? HOW HE LEANS INTO HER?????? THE AMOUNT OF VALUE AND RESPECT HE HAS FOR HER???????

[festering-bacteria]

Confucius in my regular style + some other doodles

ALSO THE NEW EPISODES BROUGHT ME SO MUCH ANGUISH OH MY GODDD

[girlblogger222yara]

Abusing substances everyday to avoid your thoughts is a vibe