#I’m just. so worried constantly
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I am once again asking for raising a teenager to be easier
#I’m so stressed out#tw for self harm in my tags here but#she’s cutting and therapy is so expensive but she’s gonna have to start going weekly and#I’m so worried#I’m just. so worried constantly#anyway sorry for oversharing on tumblr dot com
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One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.
When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.
It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.
To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me I’m tired lol#anyway#Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing#and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process#BUT also this isn’t necessarily a one way street#when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters he’s not really taken seriously#best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored#so it’s almost understandable that he doesn’t often open up about his thought process when it’s easier to just do it#than to try and fail to justify it#after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens#and that line of thinking doesn’t quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE#like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up#from showing off Donnie’s preference for tech vs magic/mystic#from showing Mikey’s innate talent for mysticism#from showing Raph’s anxieties and how easily they can stack up#there’s more but I’d have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired#so off the head rambles it is for now#sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep#it’s honestly just fun haha#EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and it’s super interesting and realistic#Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often#but each of them experiences this in some form
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Stranger Things x Breakfast Club AU (part ?)
#hopper is Vernon in this AU because damn them kids#billy is obviously Bender cause I mean#duh#Steve is Claire cause he’s princess s1 Steve who’s constantly trying to fit in and impress everyone#and then we get to the others#and we’re changing it up#cause we know the breakfast club explores the different challenges teens face#and tries to stereotype them etc#just hear me out cause I haven’t fully fleshed it out#but Jonathan is the weirdo quiet kid who billy mostly leaves alone because he isn’t pretending to be someone else#and Jonathan’s at home problems are his daddy issues and the (sometimes extreme) overprotectiveness of joyce#Robin is here#she’s GAY GAY GAY#I’m still trying to figure out her problems at home#something that causes her to make fun of people/push them away as a defence mechanism#and then there’s Nancy#who’s so afraid of becoming her mother#who everyone thinks is in a happy nuclear family#but she knows it’s all bullshit#and she’s so worried she’s gonna end up like that too#anyway#those are my rough hcs for this AU#my art#doodle of the day#stranger things#billy hargrove#traditional art#Jonathan byers#Jim hopper#breakfast club au
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twitter makes me feel like i need to fight for my life so that i can get people to see my art but tumblr feels safe enough where i can take a step back and breathe and i don’t have to worry about numbers bc i wanna admire all the cool art and sillies here and not feel negative emotions the entire time i’m on the app
#should probably make a tag for me yapping#para normal talks#para not normal talks#twitter only makes me feel envious and sad#and maybe that says something about my self image#but tumblr makes me feel a lot more chill#like i’m not constantly worrying about every single post blowing up or whatever#genuinely all the interactions i’ve had on here are so nice#people just going about their gay fandoms and sharing funnys and art#so cool#i love you guys sm you’re all so cool and nice thanks for being here 💖💖
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I’m gonna be super real as a gay trans man, the idea that people (especially those like me) MUST center women at all times, in their lives and identity and attraction and oppression, is not feminist and dare I say it’s not even progressive.
#when did pop feminism turn from ‘we literally just want women to be equal to men’#into the cartoonish man-hating woman supremacy people used to strawman feminism as being#there was a time when we all knew that was ridiculous and not a feasible goal and not helpful to anyone#so let’s put that down maybe yeah?#this post was inspired by the fact I feel paranoid about my own private enjoyment of media#because I happen to be gay and a man and therefore shockingly tend to prefer men in media#and I worry constantly that I’m secretly a misogynist for that#because the idea that if you aren’t thinking about women every second of the day then you’re a misogynist#has seeped into my brain#and I hate that#I hate that I can’t enjoy my identity and my main object of attraction in private#without feeling scared
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I made a lmk oc
#they’re supposed to be some sort of experiment to see if people could recreate Sun Wukongs stone egg. the goal was to make a more controlled#and tame version using carved wood and cultivation. but eventually they got worried about it becoming too powerful and scrapped it#eventually they come to life and live in the abandoned temple they were built in#their bottom half is made of wood because when they came to life their creator/s left them unfinished when they scrapped the project#they had to carve the rest of their body out of hunger and frustration because they couldn’t eat or move much by crawling on their top half#this is also why they spite their creators and hate irresponsible creation. because of abandonment issues and feeling like they have no#purpose or direction in life#their power is also very limited to due being man made since they were originally a wood carving#meo gave me the idea but one reason would be because they’re half finished. the sculpture was still half stump so it was completely untouche#that half can channel power in its raw form but the other half cannot once it’s been carved by man#so technically they could have the same level or potential for power as the stone but that was dampened#the other thing is how they were created to be a duplicate or recreation of a stone monkey and a celestial looked at that and was like#‘we’re not doing that again’ LMAO#i think the case of them carving their own legs doesn’t take away their power though. that balance was made#before they came to life so carving the legs or not can’t affect it anymore. like making a cake and slicing it#their energy levels are also naturally low because of that so their movements are sluggish and they aren’t very active overall#constantly lying in the sun to charge their batteries and get some stuff done. just like me fr#I actually don’t know what I’m gonna do with this character besides Put Them In Situations with other ppls ocs.. so if you have#a lmk oc you have been warned /lh /j#I wanna make some backstory art for them though.. maybe even the animatic treatment if I can get through dear wormwood which is 25#SECONDS OUT OF 3 MIN BTW#doodles#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#Monkie kid#lmk oc#monkie kid oc#myart#my art#xin ya
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Literally what the fuck does this even mean😭 like I don’t even know what this is supposed to imply
#there’s so many things#first off I have messages with this person from 2022#meaning they have been following my content for TWO YEARS#my pfp and username have ALWAYS been blatantly dnp related#I post constantly about them#I get not wanting to know about that that’s totally fine that’s not what I’m confused about#but what do they mean they don’t want to get cancelled???#are they worried someone will see that they’re following me?#but what does that have to do with dnp?#I have read this so many times and I have no idea what it means😭#please someone help#also why even tell me?#just unfollow me I won’t hunt you down for it??#rae’s rambles#dan and phil
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Pokemas canon but
#diino doodle#LISTEN…#ok there was no thought process behind this but like#Lisia and Dawn are friends. everyone makes comments about how similar Akari and Dawn look#I’m just saying it wouldn’t be hard for Lisia to confuse the two while looking for Dawn#plus Lisia is very friendly and might like talking to Akari#plus she needs to wear something besides a uniform 24/7 I can’t imagine it’s all that comfortable#so Lisia probably helps her find something less formal to wear#Rei was supposed to be in this image but I didn’t feel like drawing him. I’m srory Rei#pokemon lisia#coordinator Lisia#trainer Akari#pokemon masters#pokemon masters ex#I’d imagine living in Hisui does some crazy damage to your brain. being constantly told that everything in the area can(WILL) kill you#so Lisia suggest Akari get a little journal to write her thoughts in#and also is just generally a fun person to be around#I think it’s hard to be stressed or worried with Lisia around. which also helps whatever might be wrong with Akari#uh. speculation
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First of all, I just want to say. I called it lol
Finally an sskk face off since the sacrifice. I am going insane. I can’t articulate all my thoughts rn but something about the way Atsushi aimed a kick at Akutagawa that he fully expected the guy to block (because they know each other’s usual fighting styles!!!) only for it to connect and hurt him; Atsushi begging Akutagawa to recognize him because even if he still can’t consciously admit it, Atsushi has become convinced that Akutagawa wouldn’t be attacking him like this if he knew it was him; pleading for him to snap out of it and demanding to know why he saved him aghhhhh I’m going feral we know the reason Atsushi we know whyyyyy
I can’t believe it actually. We are at the point where sskk do not want to genuinely hurt each other. Atsushi attacked only out of self defence and was taken aback by actually breaking his wrist. Akutagawa refused to kill Atsushi in the Fukuchi fight and Atsushi is now convinced he’d stop attacking if he recognized him. Holy shit. Oh my god.
And Sigma badass moment! My boy, he pulled through! Either him or Chuuya had to break the stalemate; hell yeah, validation. Wasn’t there a meme someone made? “Prison arc -> prison arc if Sigma still had a gun”? Well Sigma’s got a gun and things are picking up babyyyy! His retort to Fyodor was quite possibly the funniest thing he could’ve said in response. Just completely shut him down. Using what he’s learned running the empty home Fyodor previously tried to buy his trust with. Beautiful. ADA Sigma real??? (I think the story will have to acknowledge his very public involvement with Taneda’s shooting and the acts of terrorism the Hunting Dogs now know he is responsible for… so I’m not sure how that will go but I’d like to see him end up with the Agency tbh… so long as it makes sense.)
Things I did not expect:
Mysterious note left in Russian??? It could be Mykola I suppose but… why? What happened? If he’s actually in trouble I doubt he’d need help escaping. Is it a trap? But what for? Alternatively… could it be Pushkin? He was in Meursault initially right? We never found out what his connection was. It could be a new Russian author too! Intriguing! There’s also the matter of it being written in Russian in the first place - who is it meant for? Sigma specifically? Or is it meant for someone else who speaks Russian?
Dazai is actually injured! I was certain he had something ready to get out on his own but I like this much better. Tbh I know this sounds bad but I’m actually way more invested now that Dazai has a broken leg and Fyodor was just shot. There’s higher stakes, you know? Damn though. I think Dazai’s injuries are. Worse. He’s being terribly self-sacrificial, and is apparently going to face off against Chuuya next time we see him. I do think now the stakes would be too low if Chuuya was completely free of the brainwashing tbh… I’m hoping for a double “I know you’re in there” fight between skk and sskk. Not that Dazai can do much physically but his strength has always been with words anyways, and I am certain Chuuya’s already fighting back. And I know Atsushi will reach Akutagawa. Manifesting sskk reunion where they challenge Fukuchi again and win this time via the power of unbreakable trust (delusional).
Sigma asks Fyodor “WHAT are you?” Which is interesting, and I’m hoping will acknowledge the way Fyodor doesn’t seem to age… but also intriguing is the “getting closer” part on the side which implies he’s not quite right. I think Fyodor will still turn out to be human tbh (it’d be weird otherwise, thematically), but now I’m starting to lend a little more weight to that theory about a Fyodor double…
Well anyways. This was a lot. I’m going to helplessly whir about it for a bit now.
#bsd#bsd spoilers#bsd chapter 107#storyrambles#I just want an incredibly homoerotic showdown between skk and sskk where Dazai and Atsushi snap their partners out#of the brainwashing so Chuuya can wreak havoc while Dazai watches him with stars in his eyes as he’s crumpled on the floor#and Akutagawa can immediately go off to fight Fukuchi so he doesn’t have to answer Atsushi who is behind him#relieved and irritated and asking him why he chose to save him on repeat#‘I am asking you a question here!’ ‘I cannot hear you jinko we have more pressing matters keep up’#aya leaning over to bram: ‘he-he’s dodging the question!’#I take my theorizing very seriously thank you very much :P#wait. Hold on. What if. What if dazai can nullify the vampire curse but only when he’s in contact.#what if chuuya has to carry him everywhere while dazai is in physical contact with him constantly. think of the comedy. think of the gay.#actually I’m going to cry that’s so funny to me. they’d be complaining about it constantly#meanwhile you just know chuuya is worried about the extent of dazai’s injuries and dazai is still livid about the mind control#hi this is unbelievably funny to me
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Everyday goes a little something like this. I open tumblr and check the pathologic tag to find art because the vibe patho artists capture is exquisite.
I immediately see someone making fun of Daniil for having highly specific special interests that he likes talking about.
I ignore it and scroll further only to see another 5 posts calling him annoying for oh wait give me a second *rereads text posts making fun of Daniil* showing symptoms of autism.
I sigh like a depressed disappointed father. I close tumblr.
#pathologic#daniil dankovsky#making fun of him can be funny#I’ve definitely laughed at a joke at his expense more than once#but I constantly see him being ridiculed for doing things that are just blatant acts of neurodiversity#he wears specific clothes oh what a whiny spoiled city boy#he speaks a language he learned as a mandatory part of his medical education that god forbid he actually enjoyed and uses in his day to day#he’s so annoying#he doesn’t understand social cues and responds in a way that I find weird let’s all laugh#he responds to certain situations aggressively because of trauma oh what an evil bad man let’s not examine this any further#he’s just mean and that’s it#I’m so tired of seeing a character I love being mocked for the exact same things I’m mocked for in real life#he actually values sanitation and hygiene and reacts to unsanitary medical practices with sceptisim what a ignorant jerk#I know I sound bitter don’t worry I’m not oblivious to it#but I think some people saw the way the townsfolk reacted to Daniil and immediately assumed they’re all right#as if one of the main components of the game isn’t how the townsfolk are abrasive and rude to strangers and outsiders#some of you for real sound like a judgemental isolated inhabitant of the town that saw daniil and immediately decided he’s not welcome
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Post S3. Steve — inspired by how out of shape the kids were, knowing they're about to enter highschool territory and will need even better stamina to protect themselves from bullies, and it's just good for them — harasses the party into doing morning cross-country style runs.
At first they obviously try to get out of it. But once Steve starts withholding their chauffeur privileges for a week per run they miss and proves that he means it, they begrudgingly go along with it.
Steve’s not mean about it. He doesn’t push them to run particularly fast or for excruciatingly long distances. As long as they keep themselves moving, he’s happy about it.
Of course even better are the few days where he’s able to convince Max to join them — usually through promised milkshakes afterwards.
She never jogs with them, instead skateboarding either behind them all or taunting them from in front. Which again — Steve’s just happy she’s out in the sun with them. And if the boys are too out of breath to try and strike up any kind of conversation with her when she’s not in the mood for it, then it’s all the better.
- -
Robin’s a special case. She is, of course, her own adult (as much as you can be at their age, anyway) and Steve loves her like no other, his Platonic Soulmate capital ‘P’. But Steve’s now finished his third round of Upside Down dealings, and he’ll be damned if he leaves her to deal with the aftermath all on her own. (Like he may have felt back in the beginning, but he doesn’t often like to acknowledge those particular feelings).
So when the Underground Bunker and Torture flavored nightmares finally start to make their appearance, Steve knows just the solution.
Much like the kids, it takes some convincing. Especially considering it’s nearly the middle of the night.
But Robin’s much more willing to indulge his jock tendencies. And once they get going, having snuck out Robin’s thankfully ground-floor window, she starts to see the benefit. Simultaneously releasing the body of its flight-or-fight adrenaline rush and helping to get them out of their heads.
She still hates the actual running part of it. Bemoans every time they come back covered in sweat (okay so mainly just Robin, Steve’s only “lightly damp” by his own words).
Yet Robin is the one to suggest moving their runs to the daytime as they slowly recover from Starcourt. Slowly able to get a proper night’s rest again.
Eventually it almost just becomes habit to quick change, grab their drinks, and go for a lap around the downtown shops if they both get off shift before the sun sets.
And if a certain unsuspecting metalhead happens to keep almost walking into signposts whenever the two of them jog past, well, Robin’s entitled to a little free entertainment. ;)
#steve himself probably started going for runs early on#to escape the emptiness of his house#see the sites#maybe a run through the woods is how he initially found skull rock#to just go out into the woods and exist where there's no expectations on you#but after getting into the upside down business I'd imagine the jogs through the woods mostly stop#constantly worried about not being able to hear if there were beasties nearby or flashing back to that sprint to the junkyard bus in S2#I’m not one for jogging much myself (I do enjoy an occasional walk)#but I feel like Steve would be#so now he’s slowly working to convert the group or at least Robin#no Eddies were seriously harmed in the making of this post#(just a bloody nose that is 100% because he walked into that signpost and NOT because he saw Steve jogging in those red short shorts…)#stranger things#steve harrington#The party#max mayfield#robin buckley#eddie munson#steddie#(hinted at anyway)#My posts#does this count as writing?? Sure I guess why not#my writing#stobin#platonic stobin
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“we mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they have come”
#are you kidding me#i haven’t stopped crying since the movie ended#rushed home so i could see my daughter before bed#the montage of the mom and daughter growing apart???#worst nightmare#like i constantly worry that i’m not doing this motherhood thing right#i just love her so much#and i want the world for her#barbie#barbie spoilers
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Kinda just want to do a fancomic now about CoralBob instead of the fic.
#the thing about comics is that once I draw out something I can easily think of the next drawing#unlike writing were I’m constantly worried about misspelling or grammar and all that junk#and setting a scene through words#and it’s the constant rewriting that messes me up the most#and I know I need to wrap up my scratchyenne comic but my SB story I been working on for years#like I’m not sure if I’ll make it fully colored or monochromatic sketches type of comic#but DAMN I been thinking about this for awhile now because Coraline is the closest to who I am irl personally wise#and her story means a lot to me#so I’m just trying to decide#because I sorta did an little fancomic of them meeting in the past but I might redo it or scrap it#💬 chy chatter 💬
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hanging out w ppl is great (I’m constantly nauseous)
#I don’t even like feel scared ??? Or wtv ??? The worry thoughts aren’t there I’m just like about to vomit.#yknow? I’m going to throw up.#And then when I think about being around ppl I’m like haha that would be fun (sick to my stomach)#Kind of insane. Alas. Such is life. (no I don’t think that’s it.)#though they have pointed out I literally don’t breath unless I’m thinking about it so that might be part of it.#hm. Anyway the diaries of guy who had no friends and thought that uni maybe he’d meet some nerd group#and instead is friends with the group who did so much shit constantly and are much more socially comfortable than he could ever be#I feel I may be punching above my weight. Yknow? like maybe they shouldnt think I’m cool ? Why do they think I’m cool?#I also haven’t been sleeping proper bros still 3 hours ahead I need to get on east coast time#there’s many reasons to be nauseous actually.
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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Not to make “tag vent sunday” a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.
#okay so here’s the thing#QB and I have been doing lil activities online lately#which helps him with his stuff he has going on and helps me to not feel fucking lonely all the time#bc i had another hangout friend but I Very Much Screwed That Up Tee-Bee-Aych#so I’ve been late to most hangouts. i constantly have little issues pop up where I’m so sure I’ll piss him off#friday night like an hour into the hangout I went ‘idk how to say this but like i recgonize I’m being quiet and if you want me to talk more#please lemme know’ and he told me that he was having some worries attached to that so we talked things out and it was fine#ITS ALWAYS FINE#AND SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT PUTS ME ON EDGE OR MAKES ME START FUCKING CRYING (off call) WHICH IS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT BUT LIKE#LOOK I LOVE THAT HE’S PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. ONLY OTHER PERSON I KNOW WHO HAS THAT LEVEL OF CHILL IS MY ACTUAL PARTNER#BUT I’M SO FUCKING SURE THAT I WILL SCREW IT UP TERRIBLY. LIKE DISASTROUSLY.#SO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? BECAUSE PART OF MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO JUST GHOST EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY#SO THAT I CAN AT LEAST CONTROL THE OUTCOME BUT LIKE#I REALLY WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH QB AND WB AND BB AND I’M STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH THIS#like lowkey the thought of screwing up in the same way I always have is literally painful and my chest is killing me I just—#god I fucking hate this shit#can I get the stardew heart ranking system please?? so I know exactly where I stand all the time???#I don’t necessarily trust people to tell me what I’m doing wrong until it’s too late
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