#I’m just rambling about my problems

[rain-tumbling-through-a-vent]

I’m disgusted by my own body. I’ve been spiraling for THREE AND A HALF weeks now and I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth the whole time. I think I’ve got, like, 3 or four cavities. My parents also stopped paying my medical bills so every treatment I get comes out of my own pocket. I need wisdom teeth surgery too, I spent FIVE WHOLE YEARS in braces only to fuck my teeth up after I get them off. I suck so fucking much. I can’t stop scratching out holes in my face either. I started the week with nothing but small acne sores that’d go away in a week and now I’ve got three massive gashes on my face. That’s not even to mention the fact that I didn’t take a shower for THREE WHOLE WEEKS. I’m so fucking disgusting, why can’t I hyperfixate on being healthy or making myself beautiful? Oh yeah, MY MIND IS A PRISON THAT I CANNOT EVER ESCAPE. When I finished my shower yesterday, I pulled a hairball the size of both my fists put together off of my wet brush. I have curly hair so shedding in the shower is pretty normal, but that much hair? It’s too much! I’m scared to take a shower again and pulling enough hair out to create a bald spot. I already broke a whole lick of hair off right at my hairline so that it looks like I have the worst bangs ever. It also doesn’t help that my arms, back, and thighs are covered in scars from where I picked at sores. And when I say covered, I mean fuckin COVERED. I look like an ambidextrous heroine addict with really bad aim and a lying mother. And even on top of all of that, I’m a trans girl as well. So all of my failings only serve to compound the dysphoria that I feel at a base level every fucking day. I know that these behaviors are indicative of chronic anxiety and/or depression and/or adhd, but I’ve never been this bad. I’m borderline suicidal and incredibly lonely, I think I’m an extrovert with such terrible anxiety that it prevents me from refilling my energy. I think that the worst part of all of this is the fact that I have friends that want to talk to me, they just live far enough away to be too expensive to drive over for an afternoon. And I cannot properly put into words how much I HATE talking on the phone and texting. It’s too stressful trying to figure out how to get the time of a message across, and talking on the phone is just terrible. I had a long term partner of two and a half years until relatively recently. I initiated a break in the relationship because we were extremely co-dependent and had been driving apart for a few months anyways. Long story short, he ended up crossing my boundaries and being an asshole to my friends so I ended the relationship. He didn’t take it very well and now we aren’t in communication with each other anymore. The wild thing about it is we were unhealthily codependent, but I didn’t realize how much I needed him. I’ve been in a prolonged spiral ever since I pushed him away, just feeling absolutely empty and all at once overwhelmed. He was my purpose and I threw him away. All of that was pretty terrible, but almost nothing trumps my mostly fiscally supportive parents. My home life sucks and not just because I’m a fucking loser 20 year old that lives with her parents. There’s only one rule for them, one line I can’t cross, don’t be visibly trans at their house. I must note that I’m the eldest of four and all of my siblings hate me for causing my parent’s terrible mental health. They’re not wrong, but I was outed so I didn’t mean to. So one rule, you’re in the closet over here, okay that doesn’t sound so bad. Literally every conversation I have with either of them always ends up being about their feelings towards my transness. They seem to think I’ve been brainwashed by the trans agenda and am going to mutilate myself and immediately regret it. Every conversation ends like this, over and over again I’m constantly reminded that I’m an abomination or that I’m ruining my life. But here’s the real kicker, they continue to support me financially; even going so far as to offer to pay for college if I can ever get my shit together and get back over there. (1/?)

[shepscapades]

Why does Ren have 4 ears? Are they all real or is one set fake?

Hehe I’ve gotten this question a lot actually! They’re all real— I like to think hybridization isn’t always a clean balance of traits, so Ren just unfortunately ended up with two sets of ears— his Dog ears being much more receptive to sound, naturally— and sometimes when the extra intake of sound is too overwhelming, I imagine he wears earplugs in his human ears to help adjust :> it’s a bit weird, but idk! i like to make designs funky and nonconventional! I liked the idea that Ren had hearing struggles due to wonky hybridization and just kept the concept :>

[fumifooms]

What if we were both magic prodigies and it otherized us in different ways and we devoted ourselves to protecting a family member who has general other goals & priorities. What if we both did self-sacrifical devotion in opposite ways.

What if we were dark mirrors of each other and where I've grown overcontrolling you've grown complacent. What if, bought as a servant into a pretty loving home, ownership and control is what love looks like to me, and to you neglected and lonely growing up, love is gratefully taking any scraps of it you’re lent.

By belonging to someone, even if she comes back injured or fails at finding Delgal, she feels like she belongs and is cherished, by owning someone he feels safe in them not leaving him.

She’s what’s tethering him do you see… And he’s the only thing giving her direction and purpose in her state. She needs a compass and he needs a support.

They’re both so out of it 😭 It’s the weirdly intense and unearned mutual trust and reliance on each other?? They’re each other’s weird little comfort codependent teddy bear. Or at least they were headed towards that before SHE DIED THEN HE DIED THEN THEY BOTH FORGOT ABOUT EACH OTHER AND NEVER MET EVER AGAIN. Though she’s also the guard attack hound keeping him safe… And vice versa he heals her and can rewrite her very being with just one wave of his hand. They’re both so so mentally and physically vulnerable both but they cling onto each other. They can’t perceive things accurately but despite it all someway somehow they stumble into something closer to resembling companionship just before they both die. Falin is just that kind and Thistle is just that lonely. Overworked. We both haven’t lived for ourselves in a very long time, haven’t we.

They both have a similar devotion to the people they love but again the difference is that Thistle starts overtsepping while Falin is self-effacing. The other difference between them is that people care about Falin <3 People have given up on Thistle long ago, and he has given people reasons to, while people refuse to give up on Falin. Yaad has a mini arc about it dw about it it’s ok he’s not all alone in the end 😭😭 He reached out for Marcille’s hand but they already all wanted to help him, they just had to be given the chance to, Yaad just had to be given the chance to, it’s okay I’m okay

Hey what if we learned to get in touch with our own identity and the world around us and living in the present again through being in the worst codependent situationship ever.

Falin and Thistle sitting in a tree, sucking on flowers together because they’re h-u-n-g-r-y 💕💕💕

I bet he’s only ever thought of flowers as useless ornaments. Weak weeds. But she shows him they’re tasty and useful and good and pretty in their own right too and deserve existing without proving their worth and waaa <33 Thistles…... Did you know thistles taste sweet if you remove the thorns and eat them?

"Even as a chimera, her kind nature remains" you can’t suppress her in the way that matters. You can’t soothe him in the way that matters. It’s doomed. You’re doomed. It’s all doomed. Save me.

[what-even-is-thiss]

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[littlecrow4]

Tfw you wanted to get some Halloween outfits out for Fiddlestan and BillFord (possibly the twins too) on Halloween but your schedule is fucked, your busy with other projects and inspiration for costumes flew out the window so you’ll have to post way later then you actually wanted 😭

If I could plan my art better and ya know WORK DURING THE DAY INSTEAD OF SOLEY AT NIGHT this would be way easier lmfao

[prim-moth]

Just write bad just write bad pick up ur pen and paper and just write bad just do it . Write bad write ur ocs badly quantity vs quality always the quantity please please please please

[goldensunset]

i bring a sort of opening my mouth to ask simple innocent questions and make harmless comments to a public room that my acquaintances don’t really like

[watermelonsloth]

So I’ve recently rewatched My Adventures With Superman and I wanted to share a qualm I’ve had with it. That being its use of Superman being an alien as an allegory for immigration and racism. It’s not the execution that I have a problem with—this not being the only idea explored and how the characters and the villains’ motivations are written largely save this from hurting the series—but rather the idea because it forgets the same thing Zootopia and Detroit: Become Human’s allegories forgot: racism is fundamentally irrational.

Even if there are differences between cultures, no group is more or less capable of violence than another. No individual from any group is automatically stronger or more weaponized than an individual from another. Thus fearing a specific group’s capacity for violence is absurd, irrational, and ✨racist✨. Now, with that in mind, is it irrational to fear Superman? I’d say no.

Maybe you could argue that after a certain amount of time there would be enough evidence of him putting himself on the line just to help people that it would be harder to defend fearing him, but if we’re talking about a Superman who’s just starting out like in MAWS… well… Let’s put ourselves in the shoes of some random person in Metropolis. Some random guy from a planet we’ve never heard of shows up one day saying he’s here to help and he wants nothing in return. He never gave us a name and we have no way of knowing where his similarities to humans end or if he’s lying. All we know is what he’s told us, what he’s done, and that he has a laundry list of extremely powerful superpowers with little to no weaknesses. Now maybe y’all are saints compared to me, but I tend to be wary around strangers—especially strangers I know are fully capable of killing me without consequence—and when I hear someone say that their motives are exclusively altruistic, I assume it’s an act. If I was in Metropolis and I didn’t know Superman personally, I’d, at minimum, be concerned about him one day becoming resentful of doing so much for so little. So from my perspective, fearing Superman and wanting to have countermeasures on standby isn’t exactly what I’d consider irrational.

(When you take into account all of the universes with “evil Superman” this perspective makes even more sense. I just didn’t bring that up because the average person wouldn’t know about that.)

My point is that maybe instead of using Superman, an alien with godlike powers, to tell a story about immigration and racism, we could just use a superhero who’s an immigrant or a person of color. Or we could make a new character. Or we could at least make Superman an actual immigrant (he was created by Jewish immigrants, we could make him a Jewish immigrant). I’m just saying that if you want to write about racism, you should use race to talk about it.

[def-not-kaz-brekker]

once I was scrolling through Tumblr and my friend was watching my screen and he was like “it’s irritating me how much you’re reblogging things” like?? my brother in Christ how do you thing blogging works. liking doesnt do anything. you have to reblog to boost a post. like bro.

[avelera]

Things that can be simultaneously true:

1 ) Codependency that would be unhealthy in real life can be really sexy and appealing in fic, and in romance stories in general, because those aren’t real life. We want to see the excesses of that emotion so we can feel it vicariously as far removed as we are as readers by the barrier of the written word. Writing characters who are obsessively in love is an effective tool in that regard even if they shouldn’t serve as educational models of an ideal relationship (whatever that is).

2 ) Some of what y’all are labeling as “unhealthily codependent” (even if it’s praise of a story where y’all find the codependency appealing as part of the story!)… isn’t unhealthily codependent?? Sometimes people do just spend a lot of time together when they love each other and make one another their priority? Oftentimes, that’s the person that people choose to marry (or equivalent) and the whole point of that decision and arrangement is you become one another’s priority???

Like I’m just gonna throw this out there as a litmus test for fandom to try out but maybe (when it’s adult characters involved) just ask “is this unhealthily, clinically codependent, like these people can’t psychologically function without the other, OR would they just be really sad without the other because they’re effectively married and they’ve made one another a priority and they could, in fact, after they’ve grieved pull themselves together and continue to function, even if it’s not instantaneous??”

[sadgirlautumn]

So today in job struggles my mom heard from someone that this one job I was considering is hiring but I’d have to go through indeed first and I kept telling my mom that it’s not listed on indeed and I just checked and it’s still not listed. I need to bite the bullet and walk down there to see what’s up but I find the whole process so embarrassing and since I dropped out of school I never learned anything about job interviews/application stuff and my parents are really lucky and haven’t had to do either of those things in decades and I’m just overwhelmed 🙃

[achingly-shy]

personally, if you dislike benvi, i just assume you’ve never been pining for your longstanding friend who’s also an academic rival who you suck at communicating with and like hate their guts but you know you’ll always care about them regardless and the competition is just too much of who you both are to give it up

[fatale-distraction]

I keep seeing dirty BG3 secrets that talk about “pussy conversion therapy” and Barcus or the most recent one about “riding Barcus until he swears off cock” and not to start Discourse™️ but I just want to be clear:

You can be assured that you will NEVER see that on my blog.

It’s not cool, it’s not funny, it’s super gross, and if it crosses my dash, I will be utilizing my block button.

You can interact with this post, but be civil or you’re blocked. I’m too old for flame wars.

[puppyeared]

footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

[philsmeatylegss]

If you claim to be a feminist, you should be outraged by the situation in Sudan.

The lack of gynecological care for nearly two million pregnant people aside as well as little to no access to period products, rape has become a common tool.

Mass rapes happen daily.

Though happening to men too, women and girls are targets at any moment.

That’s not to mention there are not any birth control or STI prevention implemented. Leading to more pregnancy that cannot be given proper medical attention or treatment for STIs.

You may be aware it is a civil war taking place, and there are reports from Sudanese women claiming that soldiers from both sides are perpetrating.

About 1 in 5 are displaced.

The war began only a year ago.

Villages are being looted and burned. Men and boys are killed or kidnapped. Women and girls are attacked and raped. Everyone is starving. Children aren’t going to school. People are no longer people.

This is a women’s issues, as well as a major humans rights issue.

Here are places to donate if you can. If not, please stay informed and spread the message as much as you can.

-Fight Hunger in Sudan: The Khartoum Kitchen appeal

-Women for Women International

-Dafur Women Action

-One Million Pads

-UNHCR

-Islamic Relief

[maxgicalgirl]

Carlos is the kind of autistic I am and Cecil is the kind of autistic I want to be