#I’m actually almost crying
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So. The Pokémon DLC huh. God. I’m not done with it yet. But I wanna hug Kieran so much. Please. Let me cry into his arms, apologize, and hug him. PLEASE.
#I’m actually almost crying#like no joke#Kieran is the best Pokémon character ever#and he deserves the world#Pokémon#pokémon sv#pokémon scarlet#dlc#Pokémon dlc#scarlet dlc#Kieran#Kieran Pokémon#alright I’ve finished#Nintendo#don’t you dare make Kieran the villain#I know he will be#but I’m gonna be super pissed about it
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I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”
#it’s soooooo easy#‘hey that thing you said was kind of insensitive’ -> feel awful and apologize immediately ->#try to explain that I’m a flawed human being in hopes that they don’t hate me as much -> realize I’m using it as an excuse -> feel worse ->#want to explain that I feel bad in hopes that it makes my apology sound genuine -> realize if I do I’m starting a pity party ->#Devil on my shoulder says that I SHOULD start a pity party bc then people have to console me even though I’m the one who fucked up ->#realize that if the devil on my shoulder thinks that that some part of me must think that. thinking that is kind of terrible ->#feel like I’m terrible -> start crying -> realize that crying will turn it into a pity party anyway ->#realize that I don’t want to feel like I’m terrible. that I do actually want people to console me -> realize I don’t deserve it ->#admit that I am truly horrible for trying to turn my fuck up into a way to make people comfort me ->#post about it on tumblr to vent (?) -> realize now I’m starting a pity party in front of almost 8k people ->#realize that makes me even worse. -> break down in tears feeling sorry for myself when. again. IM the one who fucked up#repeat at and slight inconvenience or mistake. feel like a piece of shit forever :)#it’s a flawless system. if someone sees me struggling and tries to console me I can redirect that to confirm that I’m a horrible person#try and tell myself that I’m spiraling bc of mental illness -> that’s an excuse ->#excuse = horrible person bc I’m not willing to own up to my mistakes -> return to spiral
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Happy 10th anniversary to the most handsome lady ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
#vocaloid#art#fanart#vocaart#procreate#cevio#vflower#flower friday#v3 flower#v4 flower#cevio flower#フラワ誕生祭2024#flower誕生祭2024#SHE’S TEN ALREADY I THOUGH SHE WAS TURNING 7 THIS YEAR I’MA CRY DHDHSNJS#I love her so much it actually hurts#the serotonin I get when I listen to her is just#I FEEL BAD THAT I DON’T HAVE SOMETHING WITH LOTS OF COLOR but like sketches should be fine right hehhehehehhe#also yes I’m the badass that decided she gets to wear a suit#I drew my favorite flower designs so far :DDDDD#it’s almost 2am I’m gonna be so exhausted in the morning#anyway happy birthday oh handsome one (step on me /j)
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Anyways. I know most of the fans prefer them romantically but QPR rune and brand is so real and so important to me. A book series where the main character has a love interest and yet the person who is most important to him, the person who is his soulmate and who he is sharing a love story with is unequivocally still his best friend is so. I don’t even know how to put it into words but it means everything to me
#reading the second half of the hanged man and getting hit with the lines ‘i know i am not the love of your life’ less than twenty four hours#after coming out to someone as aroace for the first time did something to me i think (it made me cry and cry and cry)#the tarot sequence#i think i made almost this exact post when i first finished this book actually. hang on i’m gonna find it
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oh my god… oh my god… look at this picture… look at this picture it’s so…
#was looking for my destiny mark Golurk a couple days ago#this actually happened twice but PLEASEEE THIS IS SO CUTE#I almost started crying when I saw that Goletts would spawn under Golurks#ITS LIKE. PENGUIN BEHAVIOR#MAMA PENGUINE PROTECTING BABY PENGUIN#I knew I had to shiny hunt this Pokémon but specifically in this formation#I’ll eventually try to find Golurk as well#but the little shiny baby under is so cute pleaseeeee#the fact that I’m the type to just shiny hunt random Pokémon just to get specific pictures of them#besides the Chandelure one I got a while back this is my favorite one#Golett#Golurk#shiny golett#shiny pokémon#shiny hunting#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#Pokémon scarlet#Pokémon violet#pokemon scarvio#The Kiwi Shines
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Is there an existing genre that contains both heavy angst and ridiculous comedy? Because whatever genre that is called, I’m gonna need its tag name soon 🥸😂
#this fic is a wild ride to write one second I’m making myself cry because it’s sad but the next the tears are laughter because GOD#feng xin is so stupid in this he’s so dumb I love him#I’m also going to make him cry in like every other sentence BUT HE BROUGHT THE SUFFERING ON HIMSELF OKAY#fanfic writing#it’s getting there guys#I almost have the entire summary done I’m so close!! it’s now 13 pages of ridiculousness and 8k words of angst/comedy#note that when I say 8k that’s just the plot summary 🥸 I’m a little afraid to know how long this fic is going to be once actually written#feng xin#tgcf feng xin#I’m going to make him cry so much#tgcf fengqing#fengqing fanfic#tgcf fanfic#fengqing#angst#angst with a happy ending#heavy angst#comedy of errors#romantic comedy#comedy
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today was a good day! *collapses into bed and sobs uncontrollably*
#had a dentist appointment this morning#then had to go to work#bought myself a few things#got home around 8:20#had dinner#watched a bit of gilmore girls and supernatural#then had to unpack groceries#and almost had a meltdown#i feel like i’m doing so much around the house#and nobody else is doing anything#and like i was at work all day after my appointment#and it just feels like so much of the organization/cleaning of the house is on me#i’m so fucking exhausted#and i have to work an 8 hour shift tomorrow!#and i couldn’t even actually cry because i always shove it down! so.#anyway#just showered and now am gonna go to bed#it’s almost 11 so not bad i might read a bit of fanfic if i have the brain power#vent post ig lmao
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spoilers for the game Disney Dreamlight valley, btw
my favorite thing about this game, in which you populate and manage a little valley full of Disney characters and put on little outfits and decorate, is that Minnie Mouse was trapped in an esoteric, ethereal between-dimension between the planes of existence for like idk? a long time. years? and the dialogue consistently gives you glimpses into the horror of this being her reality but Minnie is like teehee! when I was trapped in the hell dimension, I didn’t brush my teeth. I’m not even sure I had teeth. heehee! and it’s just like god Minnie are you okay
#the main quest line actually almost made me cry bc it deals with depression and anxiety in such a deep way#and meanwhile Minnie is like lmao! the horrors!#I’m pretty sure it’s on purpose and I thoroughly enjoy it
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does anyone know if it ever actually gets better
#almost ashamed to admit I spent practically the whole day crying#maybe bc of my period but there are other reasons too#I don’t know anymore I just feel helpless#I’m not asking for pity I just want to know if it actually gets better#personal
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me rn
Episodes come out at 5 am for me so I will be waking up to carnage on the tl/dashboard 😗✌️
#yellowjackets#mistynat#misty quigley#natalie scatorccio#please if they kill of my little guy I will actually cry#hey that rhymes#you know someone is really delusion when they start rhyming at half past midnight#like. let’s be real here. Jeff is the only one acceptable to die#cause he’s so so pathetically in love with sharan and honestly good for him I would be too#that he makes the ultimate sacrifice for her to be okay again#and it would just a beautiful end#but with nat?#it would be a half assessed redemption arc because of javi to die for someone else#which is all well and good but it’s a shitty end to a shitty life and she does not deserve that!!!#not with everything that she has suffered and survived through! she made it out! she did amazingly well#and it would be so so tragic and devastating at the end almost as if to say that the only ending that someone like nat can have is death#and that’s just so unfair#anyway I’m only a bit passionate about this I truly do love her character it means so much to me#also if they make misty kill nat that’s a really fucked up version of Romeo and Juliet#can you imagine?#Misty having to kill the one person that for some reason believed in her and trusted her against the odds. and she has to sacrifice AGAIN
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There’s a fanfic (I forget what that is) depicting that if - if - Will can feel jealous of anyone over Nico, that wouldn’t be Percy - his first crush, but Jason.
And I wholeheartedly agree.
#it’s a solangelo fanfic tho so there’s that#actually yeah if i were will jason would feel much. MUCH for threatening#percy is just. eh. a hero crush. maybe. something like that.#but jason#jason feels exactly like ‘it was almost love’#andddd i’m crying again#jealousy#nico di angelo#jason grace#will solace#jasico#solangelo#pjo#hoo#toa#percy jackson and the olympians#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo#riordanverse#yone rambling#fanfic talk again bc what’s new anw?
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it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too
#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude.#i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out#from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing#i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even#because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change#i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day#i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol#the more i fight my grief the worse it gets#if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol#anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term#it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected#and that’s it. and tired lol
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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Uhhhh I’m doing something that is very important to me but this is my call for help- a moment of desperation if you will because there are so low stakes to what I’m doing but it’s so high stakes in my mind-
These are some concept sketch for a TMA Oc named Elliot Allan (I don’t know if there are any notable characters with the last name Allan so whatever-) she is a ecologist and dabbles in articulating (taxidermy but it’s just the bones- it’s super cool-) on the side. From what I’ve gathered so far she also comes from a rich family (Elliot is a nepo baby) and won’t shut up about it. I want to make her an avatar and before I go ahead and draw more and refine her character design more I want to consider what fear she might be the avatar for- if anyone has suggestions please I’d love to hear it before I cave and make her either Lonely
#this is my cry for help#the magnus archives#tma oc#the magnus archives oc#I almost made her the Lonely because of like- forests and that specific terror of being in the deep forest just#there?#idk though#please please help#I’m sorry I’m very desperate and I sound lame#I want to make some art for an artist I really like who made a TMA oc recently#and people have been sending in fanart and obviously now I have to#also art with ocs interacting and stuff and like ajfisksnaj#I have a full spread done and one corner is blank and my friend said I should make it Elliot and the silly interacting and I go okay yeah#but Elliot needs actual theming-#crying crying crying
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i am now just realizing that even po, my favorite animated movie saga protagonist, meets the criteria to be a favorite of mine.
having died and came back
i mean danny fenton? jason todd? peter parker?
…it’s a fucking pattern.
#kung fu panda#omg if it wasn’t for Peter I could even put the black hair white stripe trait to#i was it’s a stretch#but apparently I got a type#the dragon warrior went to the spirit realm and came back and I’m absolutely counting that as unaliving#and plz the spirit realm is also almost danny phantom green#will the coincidences ever end#i think not#jason todd#ohhh also green eyes#srry peter you are the outlier#i mean jack frost can even make the list but he is not a favorite character of mine#or even a character I invested more than like a week of scouring through fics for#peter parker#i love the character overall#but endgame#man his death made me cry#but actually not the first time I saw it#i think I was in too much shock for that#danny fenton
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YALL i picked up my cap and gown and sash and tassel today I’m so excited I’m so fucking excited I’m almost there I’m so close I’m almost done I’m almost done I’m almost done. Im like 12 steps from hells back door this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. Fuck fuck fuck. It’s fucking HAPPENING YALLLLLL
#almost started crying in the college bookstore like I’m ALMOST DONE. it’s REALLY HAPPENING#college#adhd#actually adhd#<- tags bc i legit wasn’t sure i could do it w adhd but i COULD#proof an ADHD girlie can GRADUATE COLLEGE#caps#cursing
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