#just showered and now am gonna go to bed
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today was a good day! *collapses into bed and sobs uncontrollably*
#had a dentist appointment this morning#then had to go to work#bought myself a few things#got home around 8:20#had dinner#watched a bit of gilmore girls and supernatural#then had to unpack groceries#and almost had a meltdown#i feel like i’m doing so much around the house#and nobody else is doing anything#and like i was at work all day after my appointment#and it just feels like so much of the organization/cleaning of the house is on me#i’m so fucking exhausted#and i have to work an 8 hour shift tomorrow!#and i couldn’t even actually cry because i always shove it down! so.#anyway#just showered and now am gonna go to bed#it’s almost 11 so not bad i might read a bit of fanfic if i have the brain power#vent post ig lmao
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"You're pretty new at this whole relationship thing, huh?"
"... Yeah."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x01#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#rhett x maria#um... idk i love them#but why would they do this to me? it's gonna sting so much when they break up#her teasing him is my favorite thing#but also her calling him ''wonderful''? my god the squeal i let out...#the smallest little smile and the way he looked at her before he said ''good'' after she said she likes how she feels when she's with him?!#now i'm rhett going ''don't do this'' but instead of with his truck it's with the show#my biggest gripe is that she doesn't help him that much with his broken arm... except maybe to help him shower? /hj#i get why he was the one to get the snacks... it was for the impact of the scene but still#it's great to see them laughing and smiling so much! love that!#i think she smiled at least once while her poor boyfriend was getting freaked out by cats#he could not keep a straight face for that long after saying ''what does that leave me?''#i wonder what he was gonna say before she said she liked how she feels when she's with him... was he giving her an out?#he has NOTHING pleasant to say about her not even a ''thank you'' after being called wonderful smh /j#tw: food?#my girl didn't even say ''bless you'' when he starting sneezing :(#i switched the last picture because i like the way they were smiling at each other when he got onto the bed#after maria laughs in the car after the buffalo run past them i think i can hear the lowest ''so are we-'' or ''sorry''?#and i think that may be because lew thought isa broke character?? but i'm not too sure... maybe it's rhett apologizing#but idk? maybe it's just rhett saying sorry because he felt self-conscious about maybe sounding stupid... or maybe i'm just hearing things#i think the way he even said ''okay'' after she took all the snacks was similar to the way she said it before she grabbed the snacks#look i understand not getting a shower scene but they truly robbed me of seeing rhett and maria with wet hair...#just another little nitpick but i think the ''i like who i am when i'm with you'' would hit harder if we saw maria in scenes without rhett
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on the one hand 'i get to put up whatever shower curtain i want' is kind of a stupid hill to die on, but on the other hand i have acknowledged your claim on every other hill i could have picked, so fuckin acknowledge my claim on this one
#anyway this morning it was a hypothetical but now i am ordering one tonight#...well. i will.pick one tonight. and then order it tomorrow morning#just. to make sure i don't pick one i will also dislike purely out of spite lmao#....which is gonna have to happen before followup meeting or i will be back in spite mode#jesus fuck i am Dealing with and Not Complaining#but i am not! gonna pretend to be happy about it when you start tthe fuckin conversation!!#this is all so dumv and so petty and i hare this i hate this i hate this#storm's posts#personal#you can ignore this#also i shoulda gone to bikini barista (still open late night) rather than bar probably#...bar was warmer and i didn't mind sitting there for forty-five minutes reading tho#anyway#baking a frozen empanada. peeling the four tiny kiwis i bought before heading home#as little fuckin treat after an already frustrating fuckin day#browsing for shower curtains and reading and then going the fuck to bed#augh fuck it's so annoying bc she definitely didn't pick? the worst way to handle this?#but it was also sure as hell not the best way!#on the scale of terrible to perfect it was solidly a 'middling shitty'#...update: i have ordered shower curtain#but like it's stained glass style art of wisteria i love that shit and it's inoffensive at worst#so i'm fairly confident the only spite involved is. uh. my willingness to spend money on it rn.#...and the speed of my decision making but. i don't think i will regret the shower curtain itself#possibly other things around this.#most notably the part where tomorrow morning i am going to tell them i ordered a shower curtain#but will refuse to tell them what the design is#and defend that with (admittedly transparent but also unarguably true) claim that idk if it will actually be as pictured#until it arrives in one to two weeks#dad has the information available to him to find this post but idk if he will.#if he does okay! preview! i'm pissed and being passive-aggressive but not toally unreasonable about it!
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sighs and collapses and disintegrates into the wind
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent post#ah yes. another restless nights sleep in a cold room bc i was too upset and sick to eat enough yesterday and my nightmares won’t let up and#my heater isn’t enough to warm the room when it’s this fucking cold outside. but it’s fine bc i don’t think i deserve to be warmer anyway#i should get water but i’ve been stuck laying here for an hour wondering if im racist and feeling like i should just. leave. or smthn. idk#i need a caregiver so there’s someone here to stop me from doomscrolling tumblr and reddit discourse for two hours before bed. lol#but ig no matter how careful i try to be there’ll always be part of me thats. unconsciously? racist? bc im white so its just part of me#idk im not educated enough to talk about it so i guess the real lesson to learn here is to keep my fucking mouth shut. which i can do!#i don’t. know how to apologize correctly. bc no one wants to hear me piss and moan abt my white guilt. if that’s what it even is#im too stupid to understand what to do or say and the more i type the worse it sounds so im just. sorry. i apologize for anything i’ve said#or done. that wasn’t right or was insensitive or thoughtless or uneducated or. whatever else it is i rlly don’t know#i didn’t mean to use AAVE. i really didn’t know. so i’ll go edit the tag where i used it but. that’s only one example. how many more am i#unaware of? how often do i put my foot in my mouth and not know it? im sorry. i’ll try to do better#but there’s so much to be mindful of that i can’t keep track of it all and it’s overwhelming me so i think i should just. be quiet.#‘always a fanfic writer at the scene of the crime’ i. didn’t know there was a connection between racism and fanfic. now im worried#was that just an easy jab to make bc it’s cringe or is it actually problematic. why does it seem like theres smthn wrong w everything i do#anyways. i have to stop thinking abt it or im gonna anxiety vomit. i could go lay on the couch#it in the only warm room of the house but it’s covered in dog hair and i hate the smell from the stupid fucking propane heater#it gives me a headache and makes me paranoid. why did he install gas heat when he could’ve gone with a heat pump. all he did was make#everything harder on everybody. so now we have dangerous gas heat in the winter and shitty mold-filled window ac units in the summer#when he could’ve installed a heat pump/ac unit combo thingy and we would’ve been good to go. why is he like this.#YOURE A GODDAMN ELECTRICIAN. HAVE BEEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. SO ACT LIKE IT.#im staying in bed. the rest of the house reeks of burnt plastic bc SOMEONE decided to take FOUR sedatives and drink a couple beers before#trying to use the stove to cook dinner :))) so now i have to figure out how to clean that up. i take back everything i said about winter#being my favorite season. this shit fucking sucks. there’s so much more to stress over and it’s all so much more expensive and exhausting#i never want another dog or cat ever again after these two pass. im not the person i once was and i cannot care for them like i used to.#i can’t even care for myself. couldn’t if i Wanted to right now bc everything is frozen solid. can’t shower. can’t do any laundry.#just get to sit here filthy cold and miserable in the one clean-ish sweater i have left for ? days until temps get back above freezing#anyways thats enough bitching abt my first world problems. time to shut up and be grateful for what i Do have bc it could be a Lot worse
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also did jing yuan not sell well where the heck did his rerun go why are we on blade and kafka's...
#snow plays hsr#I'M JUST ASKING NOT BC I WANT HIM#i was just like 'huh. wAIT A FUCKING SECOND THAT MEANS IL RERUN SOON THEN?#well so much for trying to get any new characters#i mightve tried to get ruan mei bc i think shes pretty (also the bio references got me intrigued)#but sighs#oh this fuckers going to eat all my stellar jades (dan heng)... stop it....#other news: they revealed sunday's voice aND I SWEAR I HAVE HEARD THIS VOICE BEFORE#IT IS PAINING ME THAT I CANNOT TELL WHO IT IS....#moment he spoke i was like 'ohhh.... oh i am so fucked lmao'#i cant tell who.... its bugging me and i'm going to have to put his voice on repeat now to figure it out and slowly go insane by doing so#if anyone has an idea who the va might be...please.#eugh. and now i have to go back and write. and clean. i feel so dead adsjfasljh#nvm i think im just gonna go shower and rest in bed i shouldnt push myself and should get better over the weekend orz
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days without crying over them counter: 0
#rambles#delete later#like I actually am so fucking mad im SO MAD still#i need to move on but it’s like im stuck in that week#i don’t even think I have the words. i just feel so fucking betrayed. i feel insane#i hope they think of me and feel guilty. i hope they need advice and wonder what I would say#i hope they get HIT BY A CAR!!!!!!#i feel vaguely like I was preyed on. they admitted to trying to seduce me on purpose so I’d have sex with them#as an at-the-time-asexual virgin. and I was sooo flattered lol but now I’m just like. okay. what the fuck#they made me feel sooo loved and flattered and desired right up until they didn’t#and what was with the weird mixed signals. that was the reason I couldn’t move on from my crush#‘I don’t want anything right now’#okay then stop kissing my hand and cuddling me and calling me over to ask me unnecessary questions while you’re in the shower#stop mentioning how attractive I am and stop flirting with me#I’m killing myself what did I even mean to you was I just entertainment#like what did I even fucking mean I’m going insane#all I want to know is what I fucking was. yeah sure I was your ‘best friend’ who you had no issues with cutting off for no reason#i was your ‘best friend’ who you never texted first#what the hell WAS i#you came to me for advice and support and comfort so was I a therapist#that one night when I was crying and begging you not to leave me alone for the night#you promised me we’d call the next day#you hung up and we never called the next day. even though I asked twice#i bent over backward for you constantly and you couldn’t even be bothered to check in when I was having a fucking crisis like okay lmao#I’m gonna throw up I need to stop thinking and go to bed#and yet I still miss them so fucking much. so so so so much. i miss the affection. i miss being held. i miss their voice and smile#I’d let them mistreat me if it meant I got some kind of attention from them and that really makes me hate myself lol#maybe I’m just another creepy obsessed guy now#i FEEL obsessed. i feel insane. i feel disrespected and maltreated and also very very lonely#my face feels crusty from crying maybe it is bedtime
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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positives?
heartstopper season 3 and bubble tea !! joys !! what about the rest of y’all ?
#finally took a day of allowing myself to rest without being stressed ab assignments#mostly bc I knew I was getting nowhere like nothing was gonna happen I just need to cry and die#but I am now stressed again LMAO#just kidding im gonna have a shower and go to bed#actually im not kidding I am very stressed
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crazy how much better i feel after taking a shower 😔
#def made a vent post about feeling depressed and not being able to get out of bed again#but i Did it#and i showered#and unfortunately also put makeup on even tho i’m not going anywhere#just so i can pretend i am and can feel Normal#and i feel ok! better ish#gonna try and draw now#my hair is nice and soft and pretty 😔
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Random blackhands (with an steddyhands ending) came to me after my shower and I physically could not get myself to sleep until I wrote this so
Usually warning to give this one a skip if you're avoiding s2 spoilers rn bc it does pull from a big scene in s2 at one point. Otherwise please have at and hopefully enjoy!!! I'm going to try and actually sleep now lol
#text post#genuinely have no idea where this came from just sat down post shower and was like 'i have to write this or im gonna. fkn die or something'#and I think it turned out p well and is a fun lil thing (it's actually longer than my usual stuff lmao)#am I still too scared to ship tag for this? yup! But maybe folks will find it more via search on ao3 even if I'm not bold enough#to directly put it in the ship tags on here lol#I can hope at least#...I'm actually going to bed now I swear
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the way a day in home office can make me feel so much calmer and more sane in just 8 hours is insane 🥰 no putting on a fake smile, no masking, no jeans, no makeup, no one I have to talk to or stupid jokes I have to fake laugh at. just my quiet, calm self sitting in my lovely apartment in my favourite sweatpants with my nice skincare on and my favourite music in the background 🥰
#I have had the worst week and originally wanted to go call in sick today but decided to go through with wfh#and i feel sooo much better today#i've had the calmest day#and now i took a nice warm shower washed my hair put on my new body lotion and am about to slather my face in skincare again#then i'm gonna cuddle uo in bed with my dog and probably fall asleep to some asmr 🥰🥰#I really needed this just a day away from people#like i just want to not see anyone sometimes and just exist in silence#like i live silence because my head is racing all the time so i love it when my surroundings are quiet#personal#introverted#social anxiety#and other problems
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castiel dom brow save me. save me dom brow.
#supernatural#spn#castiel#spn rewatch#i just worked all weekend and i am wiped the fuck out right now#gonna eat and shower and go to bed because holy shit i literally cannot do anything else#strawbsposts
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i need a shower for like 12 tomorrow and i literally dont get up until like 1 usually i feel like when you meet a teenager and piss them off about waking up late except im the moody bitch fucking teenager and im quickly getting more and more pissed off and so you tell them to do something and then everyones just fuming and its just a really bad vibe
#please im so tired its midnight i should be asleep in bed and im so not gonna wake up before like 11#i need to live my old lady life why must i Leave ?? the House ???#please img onan cry i really dont wanna get a shower its so late i wanna go to BED i feel like a tired baby#i hope i DIE#i want to write about george daniel and do NOTHING else for the next three weeks#its TOO COLD literally why would you make me go out in this weather#it is ICY!!!!!!!!!!! i am not BUILT FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i am built for spring-summer warmth and NOTHING else.#im gonna start crying#LET ME HIBERNATE#@ scientists can you make human hibernation a thing please please please please please i would give you ALL my money i promise#i dont wanna do anything in autumn and winter i just get depressed#i need to go and live in finland#im gonna cry#ok but... wait...#waitttt........#if i wake up at... 10... and then. no thats not ognna work#FUCK#wait okay no if i get up at half nine i have an hour and a half and that is Not enough for a shower but also it doesnt matter if im late#so basically i just have to wake up at half 9 and its all gonna be fine YES ! ok whatever im gonna do that and then i can juts sleep now#OKAY !#i also need someone to go to a concert with and im kinda mad about it now#blah blah!#not 75 stuff
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my tags got out of hand
i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#oh my god i’m not the only person in the whole world who has Struggles and Difficulties#i am in pharmacy school which means i have no money no time etc and so every single thing that would bring an iota of joy or escape#must be cut for time because you haven’t studied for your exam next month so no you cannot start watching that the show.#and because you missed the deadline two weeks ago for that group project that the others did for you there will be no sitting at the piano#also you made a c and not a b on the exam yesterday so maybe instead of ordering takeout like you said you were going to#(because you know that you don’t buy real food on the rare occasion you go to the grocery store)#instead you’re gonna have to pick through your bare cabinets and empty fridge freezer for something. or just not eat#like you sometimes do#this is not a problem bc you’ve saved your money which you can’t afford to waste#that’s what they told you when you started: tell your friends you can’t see them much because a doctoral program is a time commitment#they said: you need to quit your side hustles and get an internship#they said: you need to ask for cleaning supplies for your birthday—and clothes and shoes bc tuition is very expensive#this isn’t some deficiency on your part. everyone else lives in isolation with no hobbies or entertainment too.#the only difference is that THEY spend all that time studying and reviewing and working and preparing—#while YOU are laying in bed all day because the thought of writing that paragraph is nauseating and tomorrows exam is slowly enveloping you#and you can tell because you had to retake those 2 classes and you have to retake another one this summer.#never mind that you still don’t know anything. just keep playing the part. stay afloat until this week’s exam is over#then you can worry about next week’s exams#(you WILL worry about next week’s exams)#learning the ukulele isn’t going to ease your stress it’s just gonna make you feel guilty#what do you mean you already feel guilty because you’ve pulled the ukelele out exactly twice since mom gave it to you for christmas?#that webseries updates 4 times a week. can you honestly tell me that you have 4 hours a week where you don’t feel shame#about not exceeding expectations anymore?#i thought not. close your compute— you didn’t even take it out of your bag.#do you ever take it out of your bag at home?#you don’t.#well i can see why you’re such a fucking failure#it’s 3:27 am but i won’t bother telling you to shower or brush your teeth- i know you don’t do that.#you went to bed three and a half hours ago now it’s time to sleep#maybe we’ll see what tomorrow has for us
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent#hahaha everything is spiraling out of my control again and i have no will to do anything about it haha ha#i don’t even want any help i just wanna be left alone to numb my brain with unhealthy indulgences until the consequences crash down on me#i mean i don’t Want the consequences but i know they’ll happen. i can feel them building. it’s inevitable.#but if i were Truly alone and had no one reaching out to me then it’d be like 2020 again and i don’t think i could survive that#so i should really force myself to talk to certain people and like. be a decent human and try to act like a decent friend. but ik im not#i take peoples presence in my life for granted until they stop putting up with my shit. as they should. as they really should.#my social drive and capacity is just so low. so so low. but thats not a good excuse. neither are any of my other excuses.#im just so. empty. brain feels like . a brick. sigh. my mouth hurts. will i go clean it out though? no. no im gonna sit here and eat#eat eat eat thats all i do. i need a shower. i have to go to the bank. the aquariums need tending. the house needs repairs. i need sleep#i need a drivers license and a trip to the dentist. an autism diagnosis. testosterone gel. a legal name change. a real hug.#but anyways. i’ve been told it’s annoying how much i repeat the things i need to do. so i should learn to be quiet about them.#i should learn to be more quiet in general. venting is just putting my negativity out into the world. and before the eyes of people with-#-enough on their plate. my head hurts. almost like doomscrolling Reddit for 3 hours was a bad idea huh#my back locked up after spending 3hrs standing in the exact same spot debating politics with someone bc i refuse to sit on his bed instead#the amount of time i’ve spent standing in that doorway over the years is insane. listening to him drunk-yap from the comfort of his bed.#but if i go get a chair he talks even longer so. anyways had to lay down to let my back loosen up afterwards and instead of playing a game#or catching up with a friend or doing anything that might actually improve my mood i just doomscrolled and triggered myself again. :)#now my head hurts and i’m hungry and thirsty and unclean and i just wish he was proud of me. i wish they were proud of me. but im nothing#what’s there to be proud of. what’s there to love. just a burden that he never wanted and the reason they both drink. apparently.#how in God’s name am i twenty five years old. i feel like a child. an overgrown child. fumbling around and playing pretend.#if i have to hear him say ‘suck my dick’ one more time im gonna break something. what a crude insult. stop putting that image in my head.#i guess there’s always gonna be a gaping hole where his unconditional love was supposed to be. as much as i try to ignore it. it hurts.#don’t even know why i want praise from someone so ignorant that i had to explain to him that frankenstein’s monster wasn’t ever real#this is hypocritical coming from a 7th grade dropout but lack of education or at least desire & ability to access factual information is-#-a fucking travesty. it’s sad but it’s also dangerous. ignorance is toxic. we have a fucking education crisis.#how the fuck we went from arguing over dr. frankenstein’s fictional status to fact-checking his statements on the national debt idfk#ah fuck its ten till midnight i have to speed run my dailies. whatever thats enough venting anyway. i should just delete it all
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Am I placebo effecting myself or is the caffeine actually working
#i just cleaned my snake's tank holy SHIT i have been putting that off for longer than I'd care to admit#i also managed to just get up and shower so i could wash my hair#i need to know if it is or isn't the caffeine itself bc i don't wanna like. give myself an addiction for funsies#but i mean. i do always say that going for a walk cleans the gunk out of my brain and. walking ups norepinephrine#so does the coffee so it all kind of tracks now that it's been brought up with me#oughhhhh cecil immediately dove into the bedding to burrow and it made me so happy#he likes tunnels but he hadn't been doing it lately with how compacted the bedding got and I'm so glad he's back to normal#dude i feel FANTASTIC i need to limit how and when i do this so i don't build up a massive tolerance/go into withdrawal#bc i went into caffeine withdrawl in college (got little coffees bc they tasted good) and had a massive headache after 3 days#and I'm not wanting to repeat that but man. it feels like time has slowed down#might get a few of these for days off 😳 fuck work i wanna feel like i can do hobbies on my days off!!!#i DO need to see a doc still bc I'm gonna run out of my trazodone in a month or two anyways and was. actually looking at docs#earlier which is. also insane behavior for me#holy shit holy shit this is amazing and i hope i can keep seeing it#placebo or not i am getting things DONE and it feels really good#shai speaks
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