#I’m R&L trash

[kaluwa-del-conte]

Werewoof Rhett and Vampire Link 🐺🌕🧛‍♂️

Under the more tab ‼️tw Blood‼️ And line art

[haredjarris]

ordinary normal ebay basket

[thearunadragon]

Quotes:

1. Murtagh: Finally drowning your sorrows, brother? Eragon (inconsolable): I think they can f*cking sWim— [commence miserable sound effects]

2. Eragon (drunk): So I got skewered this week

Vanir: Like a kebab? Eragon: ✨Rider R o t i s s e r i e ✨

3.

Orrin (cackling): Where do bad rainbows go?

Nasuada: …

Nasuada: Where.

Orrin: PRISM. Murtagh: It’s a light sentence, but it gives them time to…

Murtagh: ✨r e f l e c t✨

4. Saphira: What’s the thing someone least expects for their birthday? Murtagh: Vegetables? Nasuada: Insects. Thorn: Murder.

(Eragon, walking by: Happiness.)

5.

Vanir: You are an uncultured bastardly cripple. Nobody f*cking loves you. Eragon: TWINKLE TWINKLE REBEL CASH, YOUR OPINION’S F**KING TRASH-

Eragon: *dramatically jigs out of frame*

(Saphira proceeds to admire the script she gave Eragon.)

6.

Orrin: How are we going to save the army? Orik: Willpower.

Garzhvog: Strength! Angela: Frogs. Elva: Manipulation. Nasuada:

Nasuada: ✨l a c e✨

7.

Murtagh: WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GO OUT AND KILL THEM YOURSELF??

Galbatorix: …

Galbatorix: …I don’t know if you realize this, but I’m really f**king bored.

Random soldier: He’s telling the truth. This is the most entertainment he’s had since the Fall!

8.

Varden Soldier: You’re ugly

Eragon (has not slept in 36 hours) thank you

Varden Soldier: You’re welco— what? Eragon: we can all look like ass T OG ETH ER-

9.

Trianna: I propose—

Eragon: I consent—

Saphira: Tough luck, dirttoast.

10.

Murtagh: what do women even like? Animals? Gold? Silver? Eyelashes? Talking daisies? Ass? Eragon: …Cheese. Murtagh: Wh—

Nasuada: …He’s not wrong. Arya: I will neither confirm nor deny this.

[fortunateisle]

is it so hard to find somewhere where i can be l o v e d? 🖤

someone to take my hand and actually mean it when they smile at me. like someone who wouldn’t rather be anywhere else in that moment and something about the way their eyes crease as they smile makes me so sure of that like it’s some kind of truth buried in the dirt stuck in the soles of my converse.

i promise i’ll care about you that same way in return. or i’ll try my best.

maybe what i need is r e b i r t h. maybe i’m not the life destined for a blissful eternity. like maybe if i hadn’t come in here i’d be giving another version of myself a better shot at heaven.

it’s not like i’ve done anything to deserve it HERE. 💒

i guess i just thought with all the bad happening to me something g o o d had to be at the end of the tunnel, you know?

but i don’t think so.

baby birds fall out of their nests and get eaten and run over and stuff all the time. and i don’t think they deserve that, if they’ve only been alive for a few days or something. sometimes the world is just s h i t 💔

or maybe there’s just something about me something wrong like, i’m not stupid. i know i wasn’t, like, popular in school. but it was fine. i wasn’t bullied either. just kinda ignored, i guess.

but i had friends online. even if they were, like, a bit inconsistent. they got tired of me too, after a while. but by the time they did, i would’ve already found the next one.

you don’t really run out of people when you’re online. and you control what they see, from the moment you meet them. 🖤

like i don’t really know what my classmates in real life saw like maybe i had really bad b.o. or never closed my mouth when i chewed or talked way too loud in class or something

but i don’t know. i’ll never know.

i guess i do know i was annoying in other ways to my online friends annoying in ways that were harder to hide like when you fill up something glass with something too hot too fast and it just shatters

but online you can always try to change, right? you can always try to improve yourself for the next person. you can always mold your reality. and if you heard that kind of h e a v e n could be your f o r e v e r, wouldn’t you come in too?

spoilers: it’s not all that. and you can’t change yourself from the trash you are.

l m a o.

sorry.

[call-sign-shark]

Hi Shark. I was wondering if I could be cheeky and request something from you. I was wondering if you could release a headcanon for Heaven with a list of fun facts about her (i.e. fave food, color, animal, vacation spot, book, song, drink...if she went to university what d'you think she'd study that kind of thing). She's just so interesting that I'd like to know more about her. Also, I read a fic she was mentioned in the other day and I thought you'd be interested. It was just a mention but I thought it was cool. Also, I can't wait for The woods whisper part 2. I'm on edge.

Hi sweet anon, thank you so much for your wonderful ask! As for the fic, please do send me the link. I probably have it in my reading list if the mutual has tagged me but I reckon I need to catch up with a lot of things. I've been feeling quite tired lately and I’m starting a new job as a bartender so it's quite tiring. I’m delighted you find the murderous angel interesting so here we go. 🖤

𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝐿𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓎 𝒮𝒽𝑒𝓁𝒷𝓎 headcanons

𝒫𝑒𝒶𝓀𝓎 𝐵𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓈

♢ Her favorite animals are hyenas. She dreams about owning one?? She’s weird asf I know.

♢ I personally imagine her voice like the singer of Sohodolls (by the way, this song from the group is her main theme song)

♢ Surprisingly enough her favorite color is not white, but red and gold.

♢ She's multilingual and speaks: French, Russian, German, and English all fluently.

♢ She's 25 at the beginning of HYE, even if throughout her life people struggle to give her an age since she has this very woman-child aspect.

♢ Her style is quite modern for the era. When she doesn’t wear elegant and revealing dresses with gold jewels, capes or fur coats, she loves stealing one of Arthur’s shirts and tuck it in her skirt. Similarly, he had to buy a second coat ‘cause she had stolen his. Most of the time she either dresses like a goddess or a forest nymph.

♢ She loves fun fairs and circuses! When they started flirting together and meeting at church every night, Arthur sometimes brought her candied apples.

♢ She might be an enchanting singer and she might love music but she's awful at playing an instrument. She tried piano, guitar, harp, and violin but she was terrible at all of them.

♢ She has empathy issues she hides quite well. Now, I’m not saying she has 0 Empathy but she lacks of it most of the time except with Arthur or on a few occasions. It leads her to be cold and sardonic with people outside of her private circle when she doesn’t “mask”.

♢ Did someone said “lemon pie”? She’d kill for lemon pies. It’s her favorite dessert of all time.

♢ Her Birthday is the 22 January.

♢ She's fond of myths, legends, and fairy tales. If she had to pick one tale and one myth she would go for the Red Little Riding Hood and the Beast of Gevaudan. But her favorite story is Alice’s Adventures.

♢ She's a "mama bear", which means she doesn't lose her temper easily despite being gifted with an ability for extreme violence but touch her husband, kids or family and she'll go f e r a l.

♢ She talked several times with Linda at church, unknowing Heaven was already fucking her husband (and she enjoyed it). I know, that's a dick move.

𝑀𝑜𝒹𝑒𝓇𝓃 𝒜𝒰

*most of the hc above still works for her modern!self

♢ Her favorite book is The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris.

♢ She works as an exotic pole dancer and aerial performer. Considering this, she also masters aerial hoop, silks, and Chinese pole.

♢ She is currently applying to study forensic medicine after several years of gaps.

♢ She has spent years locked up in a mental institute, in the dangerous patients ward.

♢ Her favorite food is Japanese Udon soup with gyoza and Nikuman as side dishes.

♢ She loves listening to brutal music, such as metal, hard rock, or alternative trash/bimbo music even if her playlist is actually quite varied. You can go from Rammstein and Angerfist to Britney Spears and Lana Del Rey.

♢ She smokes weed.

♢ If she had to choose a drink it would be red wine for alcohol and pumpkin spice latte for sweet. But in truth, she’s that annoying gym girl so she mostly drinks water and homemade protein smoothies. She also loves boba milk teas.

♢ She's a huge fan of horror movies and games (especially FNAF), with a fascination for cannibalism. With that being said, she organizes the best girl nights ever, especially during Halloween.

Heaven is reader in the Arthur Shelby x you series Heaven in Your Eyes. Why don't you join the ride? We have drama, sex and gore.

[theantarwitch]

Cheap Divination Method: Witchy Alphabet Soup

An idea came to my mind today: How can I guess specific words, names, without use a pendulum? I don’t want use the Ouija and I can’t tune with pendulums, so I was short of methods, and for a while wondered what to do. And today I got the idea. CHEAP idea (Trash Witch at the rescue).

The idea is: Make an alphabet soup in a paper and drop anything ring-ish, so the letters that are inside the ring, are the used letters of the word.

How tow make it? Two “ingredients”: Paper and rings.

First you need to get a paper (A4 kind of paper is the perfect size), it can be blank but if is squared sheet, damn it will be way easier. Then you fill it with letters. You can be savage and do it randomly, or follow a typical alphabet soup squared form (which is not needed, I just use squared sheet because I can measure better how big the letters are and how far they are from each other).

The tricky part is which letter and how many from each other are needed. In English speaker people is easier. Here https://wordsearches.brightsprout.com/word-search-maker?gad_source=1 is an alphabet soup maker, quite cool, just follow it and you will be fine. Have in mind that the frequency of letters in English (from most to less common) are etaoinshrdlcumwfgypbvkjxqz. So make sure to have enough of the first half at least. A good rule to make it is writing that first etaoinshr word 4 times, then dlcumwfg 2 times and ypbvkjxqz one time. Repeat it until fill the page (I think repeat it 5 times give you a good chunk of letters with which you can work, but it depends of how big is your page). Make sure to make it a little messy, but just flow with it, who I’m to tell you what to do.

DISCLAMER: Different languages have a different letter frequency, so you will have to check that if you want to do it on your native language. In my case (Spanish), the frequency is e, a, o, s, r, n, i, d, l, c, t, u, m, p, b, g, v, y, q, h, f, z, j, ñ, x, k, w. But in any language, do the same, part the set of letters in 3 (very frequent, common and less frequent) and do the same than in English.

So after that you will have a nice page of letters. So now with the ring part.

Here the trick is found something ring shaped where the center is empty, so it let you see the letter inside, and heavy enough to toss it in the paper. If you do it with rings made of paper, will be maybe too light. A firm cardboard can maybe work. My favorite are these ring links used in jewelry to put different pieces together. They are heavy enough for the work.

If you drink a lot, you can maybe use the ring pull, but you will need letters big enough because the joke is that you need one letter fitting perfectly inside (If inside the ring is two half letters, is not an answer. It must be at least 90% the letter to consider it a firm YES).

You can also play with what you have. If you have one ring, good, throw it one time, take note the letter, throw it again and again, until you have a word that have some sense (Yes, it can have mistakes but if the final word is something like HELTP you can know that say HELP. But if it says INWLSW is like nonsense).

If you have several rings, you can throw them all together. I personally use 5 because witchy pentacle, right?

In my case will look like this:

So yes, that’s my initial idea. Be free to use and experiment with it, see if works for you. Plus, it looks innocent enough to witches in the closet!

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

König HCs

Because why not lads. These are some of my personal ones regarding the lore I’ve put together for him. TW: untreated mental illness, childhood neglect, burn injuries, surgical trauma. Uh, some other shit, too, probably. Idfk reader beweader you’re in for a sceader.

Bro has BPD. It covers a lot of the beloved fanon interpretation of him being clingy and hot/cold and scared of being left. He’s got Fear Of Abandonment Syndrome, and he’s like 10% more likely to make a fucky wucky on himself and end up sleeping in the forever box.

Source: I have it and my baby girl only gets the best of the worst from me.

H a t e s d o c t o r s. And hospitals, and surgical procedures, and anything of the like. He’s probably already got more health issues than a blue blood racehorse just from his sheer size alone - prone to heart issues and musculoskeletal strain - but there’s no way on god’s green earth that he hasn’t been through a handful of major procedures because he’s diagnosed with human knife block and bullet sponge disorders respectively.

Sub-point A: born with a cleft palette and lip. Palette was corrected, has a turned second incisor as a result. Lip was botched. Pulled a pot of boiling sugar off a stove and burnt a big-ass portion of his face, neck, chest, and stomach. Multiple painful reconstructive and corrective surgeries to deal with keloid scarring.

Sub-point B: psychology might help OTHER people, but HE is built DIFFERENT. He’s not crazy, you see, and if you suggest otherwise you’ll suddenly develop a case of Backpfeifengesicht and he’ll provide the violence. DBT? That’s Dick and Ball Torture, babey.

Despite this, he lies through his teeth at psych evals. He knows the “right” answers, and he is not going to get his livelihood taken away from him, even if it’s not exactly what he wanted. If he’s answering for his own actions, he can swerve and intuit what thing will calm things down the most and get him the smallest punishment.

Developed most of his wheedling skills as a kid, parents were neglectful as shit. Mostly disregarded him during his upbringing. Youngest of three, an eldest sister and a brother. Not in contact with any of them.

He’s 34. I don’t know if I’ve accepted him being a Colonel into my heart as my lord and savior, I’m still figuring that one out until there’s more concrete canon material besides a loading screen.

Grew up in a hoarder house of apathy, alcoholism, and depression and it was DISGUSTING. Black mold, water damage, trash everywhere, travel lanes carved through the most useless fucking junk. His parents bred Doberman dogs to sell as guard/security dogs, and some lived in the house, adding to the filth and destruction. He can’t stand a dirty house, and as an adult has an insane cleaning routine. Often stress cleans. You could eat off his bathroom floors.

He Does Not Like Dogs. Period. He especially hates Dobermans. He doesn’t like dog breeders worth a fuck either, good or bad.

Did not have any sort of media or anything as a kid. Parents didn’t spend money on tech or pop culture stuff, they were kind of stuck 30 years behind everyone else. His parents were older when he was born, he was very unplanned and not particularly warmly welcomed. Kept himself entertained out in the boonies, did a lot of reading, learned to juggle, learned to juggle knives. Had a big brokedown half-draft horse to take the kennel dogs on longer walks in the country, horsebacked a lot.

Soon as he was in the army, away from his family home, and living on his own, he got his first cell phone and computer and pretty much started living on the internet. He’s self taught in a couple of programming languages, very tech literate, halfway kind of lives on Reddit (narrowly swerved getting redpilled, thank fuck) on his personal time, and built his own PC set up. Built one for Horangi, too, and gives Stiletto advice on her own build when she asks for it.

H E H A T E S K L A U S

Bc I said so, everyone I love hates Klaus. All my homies fuckin hate Klaus.

König was raised secular Jewish, really doesn’t know all that much about it and didn’t get a bris or bar mitzvah, it’s just like Yeah That’s What I Put On Papers to him. Klaus is always getting in his shit about Austria and WW2. König’s grandparents made it out of the camps and went on to become: a microbiologist, a professor at the Austrian University of Veterinary Medicine, a multi term mayor of a small village/candy maker, and a beloved homemaker. The brilliance of the family seemed to leech out with each passing generation, and König sees himself as the dead end of it all.

König has rocked Klaus’s shit about the shitty jokes before and will do it again.

Favorite rugby club is South Africa, and he has an intense crush on Faf de Klerk even though he’s been traded to Japan. He’s kind of hot for all scrum halves tho lbr here.

Lunch break is over and this is ridiculous, will probably do more later.

[thatsrightice]

You know that audio trending a while back going “Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Nononono, their names were supposed to be Jet, Turbo, and Rebel!” And then then one of them is like “I could have been Turbo???? I coULD HAVE BEEN TURBO??!?”

That’s me. Right now. Like literally just right now when I found out we could have had a

CARRIER-BASED

SWEPT-WING

NAVAL VARIANT OF THE

F-22 RAPTOR

J U S T L O O K A T H E R

The US CONGRESS literally went “hey, you should totally do that like we just made that Naval Advanced Tactical Fighter (NAFT) program for you in 1988 so you should def do it.” And in order to make it more appealing, they told the Air Force to evaluate the carrier-based stealth bomber as a potential replacement for their F-111, basically saying the Navy and Air Force would share development costs in theory as both branches could employ both variants or some shit because having an aircraft be multi-role is super appealing.

So thus the NATF-22 was created and very shortly thereafter crumbled up and thrown into the trash by an Admiral Richard Dunleavy as if it were nothing because it was (and I’m using a mocking tone of voice here) too expensive.

And for the record, I see no difference in how the rest of fighter jet history played out, we ended up with a multi-role fighter just as expensive. Like don’t get me wrong, I love the F-35 and it’s quirks like it’s not its fault it was brought up in a society with so much attention on it. The media outreach and coverage in todays world is unprecedented, like no aircraft has been scrutinized or so intensely studied and watched before her.

BUT WE COULD HAVE HAD A TOMCAT RAPTOR DUDE COME ONE

I imagine this program would have been Iceman’s BABY. He may not have been nearly high enough up in the chain at the time to have any knowledge of it let alone say in the matter, but you just know that when he found out what they could have had he was DEVASTATED. Full on, “WE COULD HAVE HAD A TOMCAT?!?!” moment right there. He mourned. He was inconsolable he straight up mourned his Rapcat. Or is it Tomtor?

And when the F-35 program rolled around you know he ain’t letting that happen again, with or without swept wings. He’s getting his F-35C.

[glitchyk]

Hey! Welcome to the random incorrect quotes of the mafia au, mostly by Dia.

For those of you wondering, it's pretty much a random idea I said and these cool artists I admire created it— and well now we're all (kinda?) friends, and so l decided to do a goofy thing of all of our mafia characters with incorrect quotes. Only the aces/blacks.

Just canon characters— sorry for all the cool fanon ones, just canon for now.

Characters are

• M!Dash

• M!Kay

• M!Jeffery

• M!Moshieee

• M!Dia

• M!Rabid

• M!Bun.

Dia and Jeffery both belong to @dia-smthidk

Rabid belongs to @rabid-mercenary15 obv

Moshie belongs to @moshieee obv

Bun belongs to Milo/Bun - @bunnybunnsowo

Dash belongs to @ner5y

And lastly Kay belongs to me! Most of these are sonas, so that's why they might have the same or similar name to the creator, you should check all of them out!

A lot of them do tadc content mostly (or at least as of current times) but their all amazing at so many other things, like this AU they all made, so go and check them out! (And their all amazing artists and just fun to interact with or see)

There’s also one for just more overall characters, if ya wanna check it out!

And remember, a lot of these situations would never happen for multiple reasons, but, I still found them funny!

This is short but like, I’ve had it in my drafts for days so why not

Other mafia sona incorrect quotes

💃🕺

——————

M!Jeffery: What did M!Rabid do this time?

M!Bun: More like WHO did M!Rabid do this time?

••+^+••

M!Dia: M!Bun… I’m bleeding…

M!Bun: Oh god… what’s your blood type?!

M!Dia: B positive…

M!Bun: I’m trying to but you’re bleeding-

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!

M!Jeffery, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack.

M!Dash, deadpanning at M!Jeffery: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.

••+^+••

M!Bun: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

••+^+••

M!Dia: I know one person who finds me funny!

M!Rabid: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself!

M!Dia: Okay then I'm out.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Guess what?

M!Jeffery: What?

M!Dash: No, you have to guess.

M!Jeffery, thinking: I don’t know.

M!Dash: M!Moshieee is in the hospital.

M!Jeffery: Why would you make me guess that?!

M!Jeffery: What happened?!

••+^+••

M!Dia: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: M!Dash, you risked your life to save me!

M!Dash: And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: *running towards M!Kay with open arms*

M!Kay: *moves out of the way*

M!Jeffery: Hey, why'd you move?!

M!Kay: I thought you were going to attack me.

M!Jeffery: I was going to hug you!

M!Kay: Why would you hug me?

M!Jeffery: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

••+^+••

M!Rabid: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

M!Moshieee: wHat?

M!Rabid: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

M!Moshieee: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

••+^+••

M!Bun: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!

M!Kay: ...

M!Bun: Oh, right. The lying.

••+^+••

M!Dia: Raisins. It's nature's candy.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Any idiot would know that.

M!Jeffery: I knew that!

M!Kay: See?

••+^+••

*the Squad cleaning up*

M!Rabid: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away.

M!Dia, to M!Kay: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

••+^+••

M!Jeffery to M!Kay: Turn that frown upside-down!

*a little while later*

M!Jeffery: What are you doing?

M!Kay, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .

••+^+••

M!Rabid: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?

M!Moshieee, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: Don’t stay up all night, M!Bun. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

••+^+••

M!Dash, about M!Rabid: They're speaking some kind of French.

M!Jeffery: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

M!Bun:

M!Bun: I like you.

••+^+••

M!Dash: What happened to your nose?

M!Jeffery: I used it to break some guy's fist.

••+^+••

M!Kay: I want a trip down memory lane.

M!Dash: *proceeds to grab every warrior cats book they have and sets them in M!Kay's lap*

M!Dash: I heard you needed these?

M!Kay: YES! ALL OF THEM!

••+^+••

M!Bun: I told M!Rabid to grab snacks for everyone.

M!Moshieee, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*M!Bun, M!Rabid, and M!Jeffery raise their hands*

••+^+••

*M!Bun and M!Jeffery are fighting*

M!Kay, taking aspirin: I have a headache! Can you guys just be cool?!

*M!Bun and M!Jeffery start fighting while wearing sunglasses and riding skateboards*

••+^+••

M!Kay: I’m in love with you.

M!Rabid: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

M!Kay: I know.

M!Rabid: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

••+^+••

M!Bun: I just saw M!Dash for the first time in years.

M!Moshieee: No way! And…?

M!Bun: I told them I’m an Olympic gymnast.

M!Moshieee: Why?

M!Bun: Well, you know when you get nervous socially, you end up lying to impress?

M!Moshieee: No.

M!Bun: Exactly, we’ve all done it.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: M!Kay is the bravest person I know. They can go into the Spirit Halloween without crying.

••+^+••

M!Rabid: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

M!Kay: AS ENEMIES?!

M!Rabid:

••+^+••

M!Kay: Why are you late?

M!Bun: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.

M!Kay: Overslept?

M!Bun: Overslept.

••+^+••

M!Dia: I know what a prism is! It's where you put bad people.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?

M!Kay: I only like dark humor.

M!Dash, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?

M!Kay:

M!Dash: An IMPASTA!

••+^+••

*M!Kay comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in M!Rabid’s bedroom.*

M!Rabid: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?

M!Kay: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.

M!Kay: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

M!Rabid: ...

••+^+••

M!Dash: oh fiddlesticks

M!Rabid: I know this is a really stressful situation, but let’s try and watch the fucking language

••+^+••

M!Bun: If you water water, it grows.

M!Dash: ...What.

M!Moshieee: They've got a point.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: What's the worst thing you guys have done?

M!Bun: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.

M!Kay: I kicked M!Dia in the shin-

M!Dia: -So I kicked M!Kay between the legs.

M!Moshieee: I burned a town down.

M!Jeffery: What?!

M!Dia: What the hell is wrong with you?!?

M!Moshieee: A lot of things.

M!Kay: No shit.

••+^+••

M!Kay: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.

M!Bun: Why not?

M!Kay: Because I don't know what they mean.

••+^+••

M!Rabid: I have a bad feeling about this, guys.

M!Jeffery: Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine.

M!Bun: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen?

M!Rabid, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: Oh, hey, I didn’t see you come in! You should have come by and said hello!

M!Bun: Oh! Yeah, I uh...

M!Bun: Didn’t want to bother you.

M!Bun: Or talk to or listen to or be around you.

••+^+••

M!Bun: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

M!Jeffery: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

M!Kay: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

M!Jeffery: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

••+^+••

M!Kay: That’s a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn’t make sense.

M!Dash: You’ll do it?

M!Kay: Of course.

••+^+••

M!Kay: Would you take a bullet for me?

M!Rabid: ...yes?

*M!Moshieee angrily burst into the room*

M!Kay: *running away* Great, thanks!

••+^+••

M!Dash: Be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive... urges. Addiction can be a powerful thing.

M!Rabid: So am I. Bow down before your new supreme overlord, bitches.

••+^+••

M!Dia: M!Kay just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.

••+^+••

M!Dia: If you aren't someone the church wanted dead 300 years ago, are you really living?

••+^+••

M!Dia: Time for plan G.

M!Rabid: Don’t you mean plan B?

M!Dia: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

M!Kay: What about plan D?

M!Dia: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

M!Bun: What about plan E?

M!Dia: I’m hoping not to use it. M!Moshieee dies in plan E.

M!Moshieee: I like plan E.

••+^+••

M!Dash: Oh shoot!

M!Dash: Excuse my vulgarity.

M!Bun: I’ll let it slide.

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: Don’t preach to me about romance, M!Dash. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

M!Jeffery, used to M!Moshieee being dumb: Sure...

M!Moshieee: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

M!Jeffery: Okay?

M!Moshieee: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

M!Jeffery:

M!Moshieee: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

M!Jeffery: Jesus, that one is a little-

M!Rabid, interested: No, no, M!Moshieee, keep going.

••+^+••

M!Moshieee: What’s your biggest fear?

M!Bun: I am incredibly arachnophobic.

M!Moshieee, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

••+^+••

*The Squad is on a hike*

M!Bun: It’s beautiful out here.

M!Moshieee: And quiet.

M!Bun: Too quiet.

M!Moshieee: Did we lose someone?

*cut to M!Dia with a bear in a headlock*

••+^+••

M!Bun, being robbed: Please! Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids… a dog…

M!Dia: Literally none of that is true, M!Bun.

M!Bun: Okay, but I’m sexy! That’s gotta count for something, right?

••+^+••

M!Jeffery: How do you tell someone their breath stinks?

M!Moshieee: Hey, I'm bored, let's drink mouthwash.

————

[illogicalnordictales]

Here’s a story I often forget about.

So it’s also a story not many of y’all (EXCEPT MAYBE YOU BRANDON. Though to be fair I don’t know if I told you or not) have heard.

I helped a bird fly one last time back in 2023.

“One last time? Illogical, how does that work?”

Well, disembodied voice in my wall, I’m glad you asked.

The bird was dead.

No, I was not the one to kill it.

So it’s a Sunday morning, and I’m walking into my church for Sunday School. And as I’m walking in, I glance down and see this dead songbird, y’know the type: the little ones with the tiny stilt legs that hop around and make nests in your ferns. That kind.

So I’m like, “Ok well it’s dead, that’s unfortunate, someone’s gotta clean it up. We don’t wanna traumatize the people walking in”.

(Fun side note: I may or may not have traumatized one of the younger girls one time by donning my Mickey Mouse voice and chasing her.)

Anyway. So I walk into the student center and two girls are already there. So I just casually go, “Hey where’s James? I need a trash bag. (That’s not his real name, I’m not gonna dox him, deal with it).

And so they’re like, “…why?”

“There’s a dead bird. Did you not see it?”

“…no.”

So later James walks in and I’m like, “James I need a trash bag?”

“A what?”

“A trash bag. Yknow, like a grocery bag.”

“Why?”

“Did you not see the bird?”

“No, we came in the back way.”

“Ok well there’s a bird by the front door. I’m gonna need a plastic bag and some lemon juice.”

(I didn’t get the lemon juice but that’s fine, a wet paper towel worked.)

“We don’t have a plastic bag. How does a bowl sound?”

“Well I still need to pick it up to get it in the bowl. Toni (again, not a real name), go to the bathroom and get me some paper towels.”

So I get this bird, y’know, pick it up in the paper towels, wrap it up, and now I’m like, “I need to take it to the dumpster.”

And James is like, “Why don’t you just chuck it into the field?”

I’M SORRY SIR, THAT WAS AN OPTION? ABSOLUTELY, LET’S CHUCK A DEAD BIRD INTO A FIELD.

But before I do that, the girl who got me the paper towels (also the one I may have traumatized with the Mickey Mouse voice) was like, “Wait I wanna see it.”

And so in like, “Aight, sure, here.”

And so I uncover the bird, and stretch my arm out in her direction, and its little head just like lolls to one side. (Chances are, with the speed with which it hit the window, it was most likely an instant death cause by its neck snapping.)

And she’s instantly like “Oh no, never mind.”

So I’m like, “Aight cool.” And legit just…

H U R L that poor bird into the field.

10/10 would do again.

Mind you, I was basically like, completely unfazed by this whole thing, and was super casual about it, which makes it even better lol

[kaluwa-del-conte]

Finally finished it!!!✨🫠❤️

Rhett and Link cyberpunk/sci-fi outfits!!!!✨🔥

[amirealanyways]

Are you sorry?

Just a random short story I made, don’t know if I should finish it! Please tell me what you guys think.

TW: PTSD, break in, implied death/murder, idk what else !

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” My mother asks in her strong Latino accent, looking at me through the kitchen as I eat my breakfast.

“Yes mom, I’ll be fine.” I reassure her though I don’t know if I truly will be fine.

“Okay then, but if anything happens. Call me alright?”

“Yeah, yeah; I’ll call you.”

“I don’t need ese stupid niño viniendo acá a hacerte algo! / don’t need that stupid boy coming here and doing something to you!” She rolls her eyes at the thought as she walks towards the dining room where I am.

I would chuckle if it wouldn’t get me smacked in the head.

“I’ll be fine, okay?” I reassure her again, getting up from the dining table.

“Segura? / you sure?”

“Yes. Now go on, vas a llegar tarde. / you’re going to get there late.” I grab her work bag and shove her in her arms as I hurry her towards the door.

“Te amo hija, con cuidado! / I love you daughter, be careful!”

“You too. Love you.” I say before i close the door and watch her get inside the car by the window.

I sigh in relief. Wondering if she bought the fact I’m okay. I’m not.

My head hurts and eating breakfast almost made me throw up too many times, not because the food is bad— no never would I say that. The thing is I feel full, I feel like if I eat a little more it’ll throw up, I’ll explode.

So I walk towards my breakfast, barely eaten. I threw it out without hesitation, knowing I would have to throw away the trash later anyways.

My phone buzzes and I smile as I see my best friend, Layla, text me.

L>{’how r u feeling Evie?’}

I like knowing that Lay cares about me, but this ‘are you okay’ thing that’s been happening over and over again is tiring me.

Yes I’m okay!

>{better, thanks for checking in <3’}

L>{‘Of course!! I hope you can come to school quickly, it’s getting boring w/o u! :((‘}

>{‘maybe I’ll go next week. I’ll ask my mom, I miss you too bby! :/‘}

L>{‘okie! Text me what your mom tells you, love you!’}

>{‘Love you too!’}

I stare at our texts. Will my mom really let me come back to school? Especially after all that happened? Maybe not but let’s hope she does. For lay’s and mine’s sake and friendship especially.

I walk to my room, falling down on my bed with a groan.

“God, I’m not ready to go back to school. Especially if he’s there.” I whisper to myself.

I start to doze off, I focus on the things around me. My room was cold, not as cold as that night though. I can hear the sound of my AC like background music.

I feel myself start to dream…

It's my house. I can see the bright pink tulips In Front of the big living room window, and that awful pale yellow color of the outside walls that we all hated. I glanced around just to find a white void, as our house was the only one in the neighborhood.

I walk towards my door unwillingly , I can’t feel the ground as I walk though. As I walk I realize how numb I feel. My body feels robotic, like if someone else is controlling it.

I get to the front of my house, I open the glass door just to find the bigger one behind it, I open the wood door too. Everything is as it always was, when I walk in I can finally feel my feet again, I can feel the cold feeling of the ground then the soft feeling of the carpet of my living room.

I glance towards the back wall to see the big couch that —sadly for my younger sister, Kairy, covers the big glass window to see outside; way too big T.V. We got that doesn’t let anything else fit is there too.

My feet drag me towards the hallway, even though I can feel the ground and I probably could walk away, my body still feels controlled. I pass by my middle sister’s room, and then by my bathroom.

I know the hallway is a small one, I know that. But my acknowledgment of that doesn’t change the fact I feel the hallway to last almost forever, I can’t see the end of it.

I’m finally at the end of the hallway, there’s two doors at both of my sides. To my right, it’s my parents' room; and to my left is my own room.

I wish I would’ve chosen to walk on my free will while I was in the living room. I could’ve explored my kitchen, my back yard, but I didn’t so now my feet are dragging me inside. Though the rest of my house looks the same as before, even feels the same.

My bedroom is different, I can feel the rush of cold wind hit my face as I enter through my door. Even though my floor is carpet, I can't help but feel cold and hard. My bed is still on the bed, and I can almost feel my fuzzy old pink blankets I had. My plushies are all on my bed, I remember I had to sleep with all of them or throw them on the floor just to sleep. My mother hadn’t been able to get me some kind of shelf yet.

I feel my body tense when I hear the sound of a window breaking.

When my eyes focus again, and I gain my consciousness again I feel how cold my room has gotten. The sky outside my window is unusually dark too.

“Yo nerd. You here?”

The voice brings me unusual discomfort. I look at my parents room to run towards it.

In minutes I’m already there, locking myself since it’s the only room in the house with a lock on the door. I curse under my breath as I remember I didn’t get my phone, but there’s no time for that as I hear him sing outside, searching around the house.

It’s my favorite song:

‘Dog days are over.’

“ The dog days are over. The dog days are done. The horses are running.”

My breath hitches as I hide in my parents room. His voice gets somehow louder, even though it should get quieter. It’s like he’s singing right in my head.

His tone is sweet but I know his intentions aren’t.

“… so you better run.” He continues. He starts banging on my parents door, I’m glad I locked it.

“Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father.” He sings and it's making me sick.

“Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers. Leave all your love and belonging behind. You can’t carry it with you…”

“If you want to survive.”

I can hear the door get broken by something. I’m getting sick just by thinking of what he could do to me.

“The dog days are over. The dog's days are done. Can you hear the horses?”

I move closer to one side of my parent’s small closet hoping the clothes make it harder for him to find me.

“‘Cause they’re here for you.”

With that the closet door opens, and I can’t help but close my eyes.

“Little bitch, think you can hide from me? You have a big ego to think that.”

No. No, no, no, no. I’m hidden. He can’t find me. I’m not here.

My mind is spinning but before I can think properly I can feel him picking me up and throwing me to the ground where I fall next to a hatchet, I glance up to the door.

He broke through the door with a hatchet.

“You fucking bitch. Telling the principal about me? What? That I torment you? I’m going to show your ass torment.” He threatens me and I feel frozen.

My mind is screaming for me to run, to get up and run outside.

I can hear my mind but the fear I feel as I see him pick up the hatchet next to me is far enough to make me stay frozen.

He races the hatchet up with both of his hands and all I can think about is my sisters, my mother, my father, my friends.

I can still hear that voice in the back, telling me to run. To get up and run.

‘Run. Run. Fucking run! He’s going to kill you! Why did you tell the principal! You need to run now. Run. Run, run. Run!’

But I stay still as I close my eyes.

I gasp awake, sitting up in my bed.

“Holy shit.” I murmur.

Another nightmare

Again, please tell me what I can do to improve !!

[tutuandscoot]

Ok my beautiful people! I have a bit of a treat for you today (we’ll idk if it’s a ‘treat’ like a good thing/ like something y’all want but.. anyway).

Since I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty over not posting regularly lately (soz..life/mental health/my love of sleep) I’ve got a new kind of post for you today that I’ve kinda wanted to do for a while but didn’t really have the balls to/not sure if it’s what people want/turn out good.

So. I FINALLY found a working link to Prince at 2017 nationals! Its not on yt or vimeo or any other standard video site and i just randomly stumbled across it in this master post (i will be spending some time working my way through all of this). So THANK YOU OP.

So i thought it would be fun to do a little live commentary/first reaction video since i cant do this on any other comp skate bc i think ive seen them all! (Other than bby/junior vm comps).

I apologise for the voice reveal in advance and if the quality is trash.. its my first time doing this:

So here it is with my commentary below. And here is a link to the actual video with TSN commentary

https://vimeo.com/844170347

*writing this next part after recording it:

•I’m sorry I didn’t realised I said ‘like’ so much but I didn’t say ‘um’ as much as I thought. so I’ll work on that.

•apologies for the scratchy sound the whole way through I was playing with my earphone mic

•Things I didn’t say watching it that I’d wish I had:

-FUCK, Tessa just looks so damn good in that costume. Like her L E G S. the quality of her leg extensions and toe point- like she doesn’t have the longest legs in the world but in this they do look so long.

-Scootie is precious AF in this whole thing- esp the K+C when the score comes up he was so excited and happy bc he thought maybe it wasn’t good with the music being wrong/twizzles sloppy

-Hip hop isnt my thing (knowledge wise) so there wasn’t a lot of technical/dance analysis that I would maybe do in more balletic/contemporary programs

-I know WP and CP were still to skate so the gap would shrink but can we just take a moment for the 22 point gap between them and the next team!

- I say in it it’s great how R+T don’t talk through the program but I wish they’d shut up when VM are in the k+c so we can hear them.

SO, if y’all found that interesting/bearable I’d love to do more but won’t bombard you with them if it’s not what people want- I love writing detailed posts and still plan to do that bc I don’t speak anywhere near as eloquently/comprehensively as I write, but these are quicker (but more expensive) to make and I guess I naturally would say things out loud that I don’t think to write and vis versa, so it could be good for that reason (for myself as well seeing what I pick up on in the moment). So even though all the others won’t be ‘first reaction’ videos I think it still might be fun. I would also be SUPER KEEN to do a group commentary with some of you fine people, after I watched this one, getting others takes live I think would be really cool.. but we can get to that later/work it out if anyone is interested.

Let me know what y’all think of this please. Again, soz for the voice reveal, the ‘shits’ (yes, I swear). Hopefully I can do some more nuanced ones in the future with more practice.

[harrowharr0w]

music

hi hello im just gonna throw down (milgram pun haha) a bunch of music here that i like. um. yeah it’s

artist - favs

noa aburasoba - honey trap, any angle

aimi - help, meritocracy

shunichi toki - science, envy

satsuki - mesmerizer, juvenile

yorushika/n-buna - just a sunny day for you, thats why i gave up on music, tale of the deep sea lily

visty - endless dream, for my stella

gokuluck - catharsis, stronger

deco*27 - vampire, literally all of milgram, covers included

yoshino - vampire cover

miho okasaki - mirror

vane lily - butcher vanity, paparazzi murder party

ghost and pals - honey i’m home, happy days

yuu miyashita - deus ex machina, grain, kirin ga shinu made, kuruoze, parasite piano, coquetterie dancer, kilmer cover, yuuka (i love yuu miyashita so much) (go listen to doctrine doctrine too!!!)

mafumafu - keitairenwa (also all of soramafuurasaka’s songs)

eve - fightsong, insomnia

hya - snake, mad mermaid

raise a suilen - twin tale, vip monster, bring it on cover

azari - wink, black out, casino (really all of azari but ykyk)

more more jump - the peachy key, milk crown on sonnechka (or however u spell it) cover

vivid bad squad - rad dogs, flyer

kankan - fiction, all fool, nightless city, boost anima

the alien stage soundtrack

nightcord at 25:00 - idsmile, bug, jackpot sad girl

rondo - 雨音 (forgot what it’s called in english so i js typed it in chinese)

roselia - flashlight, r, charles cover

wadatakeaki kuragep - my r, trash&trash (shoutout to lollia’s english my r cover thought because that azula animatic changed little me’s life)

did i say all of milgram already

leo/need - needLe, ikanaide cover, teratera, stage of sekai (live laugh love l/n)

hifumi - i am too lazy to find out what the songs are called in english

mili - world.execute(me);, summoning 101, rtrt

96neko - buriki no dance cover

afterglow - sensenfukoku, mental chainsaw cover

mygo!!!!! - silhouette dance, non breath oblige cover

ho-kago tea time - no, thank you!, cageyake girls, fuwa fuwa time, rice is a side dish, tenshi ni fureta yo (makes me cry literally)

[volleyball-crow]

Rules!! Aoba Johsai Volleyball Team

Rejected titles, written above and crossed out: Resistance is Futile, Oikawa-san’s Rules, OIKAWA-SAN RULES, Seijoh Commandments, Aoba Johsai Laws, Shittykawa can’t come up with decent titles to save his life, Vice-captain please stop antagonizing him

-

Rule #1: Oikawa-san is the master commander in this ship and you shall obey him in all matters.

lol l o l lol lol Mutiny! Mutiny, I say!

Rule #2: First-years must rotate setting up duties, as well as cleaning up duties.

Oikawa, if you’re going to do this, then at least do it decently why must you suck the fun out of everything, Iwa-chan? interesting choice of words there Oikawa-kun! Matsukawa. Laps. Yes, sir. On it, sir.

Rule #2.1. if Kunimi pretends to forget his turn again, he’ll get a life sentence

why is there a rule just for me, Hanamaki-san, that’s so unfair i n s t e a d   o f   a   r u l e,   w e   c o u l d   a s k   t h e    v i c e-c a p t a i n   t o   t h i n k    u p   s o m e   k i n d   o f    s p e c i a l   p u n i s h m e n t    f o r   y o u actually, you know what, Kindaichi, I’m fine with this

Rule #3: You bleed on it, you wash it

how do I get blood out of fabric, again? hydrogen peroxide, Mattsun. or you could just put that ugly yellow shirt in the trash where it belongs don’t even, Oikawa, I know the nasty stuff you have hidden in that wardrobe

Rule #4: Mandatory yearly field trip to look at the stars for team bonding purposes!

Is this just an excuse to spend an entire night looking for UFOs and discussing the possibility of alien life? Y e s. Y e s. Yeeep. What say you, Dr. Expert-in-Oikawa-Matters I say he probably needs his Star Trek collection confiscated to calm down a little YOU’RE NOT CUTE! YOU’RE NOT CUTE AT ALL! THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T GET A GIRLFRIEND, IWA-CHAN! lol no it’s not

Rule #5: If you bring a water bottle to practice, then take it home with you

The club room is small enough, don’t waste space on stupid stuff, we already have Oikawa that hurt even me UNCALLED FOR IWA-CHAN!

Rule #6: Occasionally the vice-captain will fuck up and end up petting the captain’s hair in apology. Pretend you don’t see this.

I’d like to know who had the balls to write this because he deserves a medal h a p p y   p e o p l e   s h o u l d   a l l   e x p l o d e

Rule #6: For fuck’s sake, no fangirls.

someone explain to me how come Oikawa-san’s presence makes us all invisible? l o l   m i s d i r e c t i o n

Rule #7: Iwa-chan needs some loving every now and then~ Oikawa needs a kick in the ass every now and then

N o   t h a n k s,   I   e n j o y   l i v i n g I also happen to be quite attached to my life r e l a x,   l i t t l e   f i r s t   y e a r s,   I w a i z u m i    m e a n t   t h i s   r u l e   j u s t   f o r   h i m s e l f,   h e’ d   k i l l   y o u   i f   y o u   t r i e d   i t o h    g o d not to worry, Kindaichi, Oikawa-senpai would kill us himself first s o m e h o w    I’ m    n o t   c o m f o r t e d Iwa-chan, how dare you talk about the great Oikawa-san like this! that’s exactly why why does no one respect me in this house. I guess we should show our respect for you more, shouldn’t we, Captain Mattsun~ you’re my favourite♥

Rule #8: We must greet Oikawa’s greatness every morning with a salute and 2 yoga exercises done on the spot.

Downward dog is preferred. I w a i z u m i - s a n,   n o o o o   X D D D Mattsun, you’re no longer my favourite. lol disowned it was all worth it HANAMAKI-SAN DID IT HANAMAKI-SAN DID IT OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA M A T S U K A W A - S A N  T O O!   O M G this is why everyone thinks the volleyball team is not normal well, they’re not wrong

Rule #9: Funny guys who think they’re funnier than they actually are will run laps until they puke♥

Sorry =(   Sorry        S O R R Y       s o r r y ! !       oops We’re really sorry, please don’t kill us Whoever said Captain is not a hardass, my thousand bruises and missing tooth would like to have a word he just wanted to see if your eyebrows get thinner when you’re tired Iwaizumi-san. Not helping. [you’re all so strange - Sawamura] Z I P    I T    K A R A S U N O !

Rule #10: If we’re playing poker, Oikawa-senpai is not allowed in the room

just -how- does he know everyone’s tells? it’s not that bad, is it? m a y b e    i f    y o u    c o u l d   r e s i s t   t h e    u r g e   t o   d o   a   l i v e  a u d i o   c o m m e n t a r y   a n d   d i d n ’t   o u t   e v e r y   s i n g l e   b l u f f   g o i n g  o n I’d also appreciate my eyebrows not being the topic of a 5-minute monologue for once

Rule #11: Monopoly is BANNED.

L e t   i t    b e   n o t e d   h e r e    t h a t    I   o w n e d   a l l   y o u r   a s s e s. Makki, dude, let it go.

Rule #12: No dog jokes, practical or otherwise. Kyotani is enough of a pain in the ass already.

personally I thought the leash was a very nice touch because he didn’t get the joke? because he didn’t get the joke. y o u ’ r e   s o   l u c k y    h e   r e a d   t h e   w o r d   “R u l e s”   a n d   s t a r t e d   p r e t e n d i n g   t h i s   b o a r d   d o e s n’ t   e x i s t

Rule #13: Liberos are precious creatures that must be protected at all costs.

I need to know who wrote this, so I can figure out if I should be feeling the love or the sarcasm Watari, dear, it’s probably both O i k a w a - s a n   o n   p o i n t   a s    a l w a y s

Rule #14: Iwa-chan is a beautiful cinnamon roll, too perfect for this world, too pure

d i d   O i k a w a - s a n   s u r v i v e   w r i t i n g   t h i s ? he’s been missing for three days O H    M Y   G O D    W H A T Kindaichi you saw him less than an hour ago o h.   o h   y e a h.

Rule #15: If you’re drunk, we don’t know you.

But I hear he still carried Captain’s ass home [but did he cop a feel, tho] NEKOMA WHEN I FIND YOU I’M GONNA KILL YOU [that was not a no] please don’t kill another team’s captain, Iwaizumi-san

Rule #16: If you don’t know me, I can do whatever I want

a h.   t h e y ’r e   s t i l l    f i g h t i n g,   a r e n ’t    t h e y ? how observant of you. Does nothing escape your all-seeing eye, Kindaichi?

Rule #17: Team dinners after every match. No exceptions.

good to hear they made up

Rule #18: The next person to start an underwear-stealing chain will be hung up from the school’s flag mast in their socks. And only their socks.

is this actually physically possible? wanna find out?

Rule #19: Iwaizumi-san is always serious, and must always be taken at his word, please don’t ever think he’s kidding because he’ll really do it oh god

and they said high school wouldn’t be a traumatic experience

Rule #20: CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES FOR FUCK’S SAKE THAT WAS DISGUSTING

this day will go down in Aoba Johsai history as the smelliest there ever was i t    l o o k s    l i k e    a   d i r t y    l a u n d r y    b o m b   f r o m   h e l l   w e n t    o f f    i n    t h e r e.   w h a t    t h e   h e l l   h a p p e n e d I   n e e d    t o   kn o w:   w h o    d o   t h e   s p a r k l y    a l i e n   b o x e r s   b e l o n g   t o ? lolololol Oikawa-san, Kindaichi found your underwear w h a t ? nooooo, Kin-chan, don’t believe his lies! I know for a fact you have three more pairs in different colours STOP MESSING IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER HAJIME stop hiding the TV remote in there when you’re sulking C a p t a i n… ah, Captain just broke Kindaichi’s little hero-worshipping heart. he should buy him dinner as compensation. and me too. oh no. I feel so disillusioned. only free food can heal the wound in my soul. in fact, he should buy all of us dinner, after all this hard work, isn’t that right, Hanamaki-san? I   w o u l d n’ t    s a y   n o    t o    t h a t,    M a t s u k a w a - s a n. you’re all horrible, horrible people, I should just go to Shiratorizawa you’d be back in three days, tops. you’re so uncute, Iwa-chan. no wonder you can’t get a girlfriend. lolololol that’s not why

Rule #21: don’t underestimate other teams, no matter how weak they seem.

d a m n.   d a m n    d a m n    d a m n   d a m n. next time, man. we’ll only get better from here. stay focused.

Rule #22: Karasuno and Shiratorizawa are going down first - and then we’re going for the Champions Cup. First place will be ours.

Scribbled several times all over the remaining space below rule #22 in different handwritings: Yes, Captain.

RULE THE COURT

(tiny drawing of an adorable, but somehow incredibly menacing chibi!Oikawa, with a cheerful smile full of teeth. The speech bubble next to him reads: “…. or else.”)

[lichtecht]

PART 21

of the dfk audiobook translation

@cnka

Narrator (audiobook): The next morning the Externs amuse themselves with our friends' film in the classroom.

They are especially laughing at Uli and his costume. („Oh my god!“ „Look at the hair!“)

Uli sits at his table and stares into the air.

Uli (whispers): "12 days left until Sylt."

Musti: „But can we talk about how… sexy he looks?“ Externs: (loud laughter) Eggi: „She wouldn’t be my type!“

Narrator (audiobook): Uli has noticed the laughter and walks up to the group of Externs.

The laughter dies.

Uli: „Uh, what have you got there?“ Ruda: „Nothing. Just a very funny clip.“ Uli: „Is that Jo's phone?“ Ruda, in a sing-song voice: „No, that’s mine now!“ Uli: „Hey, give it back!“

Narrator (audiobook): Uli tries to snatch the phone from Ruda's hand, but she escapes from him.

Matze also jumps up and chases after to help Uli. Eggi grabs him.

Eggi: „You stand still!“ Ruda: „I’m posting that now!“ Uli: „Leave it! Just give back the phone...!"

Narrator (audiobook): Ruda is merciless and goes one step further.

Ruda: „I’m posting it now.“ Uli: „Please don’t! Come on, leave it, please.“

Narrator (audiobook): The Externs have snatched Uli and stuck him in a big trash can.

Matze: „Leave Uli alone! He’s far too weak!“

Narrator (audiobook): Matze wants to help his friend, but a few Externs put him in a headlock.

Ruda: „Guys, take him up!“ Uli: „No, nononono, no! Please don’t!“

Narrator (audiobook): The Externs know no pity. They hoist the trash can, in which the little Uli is stuck helplessly, onto the big closet that is standing right next to the blackboard. Then Frau Kreuzkamm enters the classroom.

Uli: „Please let me down! Please!“ Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „What is going on here?!“

Narrator (audiobook): So far, Frau Kreuzkamm hasn’t noticed Uli.

Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Quiet, please! Sit down!“

The kids scamper to their seats and sit down.

Martina and Jo arrive.

Matze, whispering to the girls: „Hey guys! Uli!“

Martina turns around and sees Uli.

Martina: "Oh God."

Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Good Morning!“ The class, in unison: „Good Morning, Frau Kreuzkamm!“ Uli, quietly, on the top of his shelf: „Good Morning, Frau Kreuzkamm…“

Narrator (audiobook): Ruda provocatively waves Jo's phone in her direction. Our friend is fed up. She jumps up from her seat, snatches her phone from Ruda’s table and sits back down.

Ruda, whispering: „Hey, are you crazy?“

Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Jo! Stay seated!“ Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Cell phones are not permitted in class. We’ll start striking a different tone in here now. Sebi? Spell the word 'libretto'.“ Sebi: „L… I-B-R-E-T-T-O.“ Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Uli, spell the word… 'ensemble'.“ (quiet laughter from some of the students) Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Herr von Simmern?!“

Narrator (audiobook): Frau Kreuzkamm still hasn’t noticed where Uli is. He starts spelling.

Uli: „E… N… S…“

Narrator (audiobook): Only now does she spot our poor friend in the garbage can.

Uli: „E…“ Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „What is going on here?!“ Uli: „M…“ Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „You guys must be nuts! Matze, why didn’t you stop this?!“ Uli: „B…“ Matze: „They were just too many!“ Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Get him down from there immediately!“

Matze, Martina and Jo jump up to help, but it's Sebi and some of the others who put Uli up there that get him back down.

Uli: „Careful!“ Random kid: „Sorry, Uli.“ Uli: „Please be careful…“

Narrator (audiobook): Finally, Uli has solid ground under his feet again and is freed from the garbage can. But the head master’s good mood has noticeably vanished.

Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „Notebooks out. We’re writing a surprise dictation.“

(Complaints from the class („Ugh!“ „What!?“ „Whyyy??“))

Direktorin Kreuzkamm: „All of the nonsense that happens is not only the fault of those who do it, but also those who do not prevent it.“

Narrator (Nichtraucher): Uli wasn’t listening. He didn’t notice how difficult the punctuation, the capitalization and the foreign terms were this time. To him, Frau Kreuzkamm's dictation, in which the best grade was a 3 and that was still talked about for years after, didn’t matter. He was only thinking about the few days left until the summer break and made a decision.

The school bell rings. The kids stand up and pack their things.