#I’ll just have a little cry here

[starrylevi]

“Are you okay?” Levi asks you.

“No.”

“I know, you don’t look it. What’s wrong?”

“Everything is wrong, Levi. I’m exhausted…I wonder what it’s like to have a brain that functions the way it’s supposed to.”

His eyebrows furrow slightly. “Your brain is fine.”

“But that’s the thing, it’s not!” You say exasperatingly. “It’s wired differently and so it makes everything more difficult. I switch between three modes: Not wanting to exist, Surviving, and Beyond Surviving. Guess how much time I spend in each mode?”

Levi doesn’t say anything in response. His expression shows more concern than confusion this time.

“Fine, I’ll tell you. Most of my time is spent surviving. Some of my time is spent not wanting to exist. And just a little of my time is spent beyond suriving…what kind of life is that?”

Levi’s eyes look at you with sadness. “Not much of one, to be honest…but it’s yours and you only have one.” He counters.

“Well, I don’t even know if I want it half of the time. Y’know, someone told me that life is basically climbing mountains. You climb a mountain, which represents a challenge or obstacle, once you get to the top you enjoy the view for a moment…then you climb back down and do the same thing all over again. Rinse and repeat.”

Levi seems to identify with what you’re saying and he knows you’re frustrated right now but he needs to keep you from spiraling. He’s not letting you give up. That’s not the way. “It’s what we have to do, Y/N.” He says gently.

“And what if I don’t want to do anything? What if I don’t want to climb fucking mountains? What if I don’t want to constantly be challenged and given obstacles? What if I just want to sit at the top of the mountain and just be?”

Levi knows these feelings all too well…he’s wrestled with them a few times throughout his life but he’s continued to push through because that’s what you just do. And you’re going to do the same even if he has to do the pushing for you. You snap Levi out of his thoughts with your next statement.

“It would be so much easier if I just…”

“Stop.”

“But-“

“Stop.” He repeats sternly, his steel eyes boring into yours.

You grunt angrily. “You’re not even real, Levi!” You yell out at him. You’re not angry with him. You’re angry at the world, angry for the universe and your parents for putting you in this predicament, angry for placing you into a world that doesn’t accommodate you. “You are a 2-dimensional character I use to cope. There’s no way for you to actually soothe or help me. You. Are. Fictional.”

Your words don’t seem to phase him. He shrugs. “I’m real enough.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I’m real enough to you. Y/N. You are the one who brings me to life. You are the one who decides how real I should be. What does it matter if I’m not a real person?”

“It’s silly.”

“Who says it’s silly?”

“I don’t know, a bunch of people.”

“Well, fuck all of those people then. Just fuck them.” He states as if it’s obvious.

You sigh. “It doesn’t work that way, Levi…”

“So make it work that way. No one else is keeping you alive but yourself.”

“And you…” You say softly.

Levi shakes his head. “I don’t do anything. Like I said before, you’re the one who does the all the heavy lifting. I exist because you want me to. I function the way I do because you want me to.”

“So I control you?”

Levi rolls his eyes at that. “Don’t be a brat. What I’m saying is I’m just an outlet for you.”

You pause, thinking of his words. He’s not wrong. He’s just a character but he’s also not just a character because of you. “I wish you were real.” You admit sadly.

“I wish I were real too…for you.” He sighs as he runs a hand through his raven hair. “But it doesn’t matter if I’m real or not. I still occupy your brain. I still make you happy, that’s all that matters. As long as you let me live in your mind, I’m always going to be here for you.

You nod, not saying anything further.

“Okay?” He asks.

“Okay.”

“Good.”

[dismas-n-dismay]

Marcille would go literally insane if she met Lady D. Like she would EXPLODE. Hot rich vampire woman who is a loving mother of 3, milf as hell, lives in a large mansion, loves wine, hates men, and is an immortal lesbian?? Tell me right now that she would not try and rizz her up only to stumble over her words or be shocked as Alcina tries to charm Marcille instead. I need this content PLEASE

[sarumint]

pop!

[raddestrose]

I’ve been cursed by a dark force (college) and now I can no longer experience joy (reading books that tear my heart out and make me sad)

[chibishortdeath]

R.I.P Simon Belmont, he woulda loved the 80s 😔

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

[floral-hex]

One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.

[freefolkfightorflight]

It’s just all so unbelievable. So fantastical. I can’t imagine meeting someone who will believe the shit I’ve been through. Going through. I wish I had someone to fucking talk to. Just cry to. To be heard and understood. No silver lining my trauma. No “it’ll all be ok”. Because it won’t. It never has been. This is grief. Mourning. It’ll never be ok. I’ll never be ok. Rent my dress and cover me in ash. Today I fucking mourn. But I’ll learn to live with this pain. I just don’t have a choice I guess. I mean i do have a choice…kind of. I choose not to die today. I choose not to die. I have a choice. This is probably my only choice. But i fucking choose not to die today. I choose not to treat people with hatred. I choose to cry and not hide my tears. I choose to show my pain. I choose to love. I choose to be giddy with joy when I see sunshine. I choose not to become a fucking villain. I have a choice. I choose to be alive and that’s all I got.

[pepprs]

ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting

[dinitride-art]

I’ve got a required class that I don’t particularly feel happy doing, but at the end I’ll have the ability to make edits so. The promise of being able to cause myself psychic damage at the end of this will get me through the psychic damage I’ll sustain while doing it.

[bo0zey]

being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩‍🍳👌💋

[caterpillarinacave]

I want words with the parent who decided to bring their kid to an intro to skating lesson while Covid positive.

[munamania]

oh my god i am like horrifically awkward at dr appts it’s stupid

[fingertipsmp3]

Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars

[chronicallyzagreus]

A hair dresser really fucked up my shit today and I’m honestly just,, awed by it?

My bangs were longer than this when I had a traditional men’s cut. I have shoulder length hair

Worstie I asked for long bangs, how’d I end up with micro bangs

[yuomizuu]

are you the same author who used to write kazuha botanist and historical aus? i feel like your works and layout resemble that author I'm trying to find 😭 I'm sorry if it's too vague but I remember seeing early 2024 someone consistently commenting on your posts, one of them said your writing was almost Shakespearen

hello anon!! ^w^

yes i am! i believe you’re referring back to when i had my previous blog @/uuyuomi (+ @/mwahkazu as my side) since that’s where i had my kazuha x botanist! reader au uploaded and basically all my other historical au ideas lol

that blog was deactivated a while ago mainly due to me just wanting to have a fresh start and all that www i answered a similar ask here that gives a bit more detail!