#anyways this class isn’t like that but my prior experience with being taught this stuff is bad

[dinitride-art]

I’ve got a required class that I don’t particularly feel happy doing, but at the end I’ll have the ability to make edits so. The promise of being able to cause myself psychic damage at the end of this will get me through the psychic damage I’ll sustain while doing it.

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person. 

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect. 

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization. 

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head. 

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice. 

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too. 

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think. 

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby. 

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it. 

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency. 

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits. 

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you. 

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn. 

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past. 

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation. 

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write. 

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese. 

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting. 

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗

[purplesurveys]

706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t  – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.

[coachjukeboxx]

I’m a pregnant roller derby athlete part four: Hypnobirthing and the mental side of birth

I have fallen pretty far behind in recording my pregnancy journey, but I’m finally coming up for a bit of air!  I don’t have tons of spare time now with a baby on my hands, but my brain feels far less foggy than it did while I was still pregnant. Anyways, I digress. The next topic is one that I found extremely valuable in my pregnancy and in birth, and that is Hypnobirthing. Don’t let the name throw you off, it’s not all about hypnosis or some hokey stuff. The basis of hypnobirthing is understanding more about the natural process of birth, and how we can help eliminate fear and empower our bodies to do what they were designed to do. I got into it because a friend, Kitty, mentioned how much it had helped her. Kitty had gone through hypnobirthing with our friend from Southern Coed Roller Derby, Heisenbird. HB used to own a company and has since retired, but helps out pregnant couples here and there. Kitty spoke so highly of her birth experience and the process with HB, that Balls and I were definitely interested. Honestly, before going through those classes with HB, I was definitely intimidated about giving birth. No matter how I shook it, it seemed like something that was extremely painful, and downright terrifying. I never felt too massively anxious about the ability to care for a kid after the birth, since I have 13 nieces and nephews. But the birth part.. that was always a bit of a dark spot in the back of my brain ever since we even talked about trying for a baby. It was new and unknown, and we felt a bit over our heads about the big day ahead of us. (by the end the photo below is how I felt, so totally 180d the feelings I had above. PS MAKE CHEESY IMAGES OF YOURSELF TO PUMP LOOK AT OFTEN AND BUILD UP CONFIDENCE )

Now in general, I am pretty into homeopathic ideas, especially when it comes to the brain.. so for me, the ideology of hypnobirthing was not a hard sell, but for others I can see how you might need to take some time to really buy into the whole concept. You need to let go of all the things society has taught you about birth because a lot of it is downright wrong and fear mongering! It can be really difficult to let go of all those imprints you have in your brain of media portrayals and horror stories from people you know. Letting go of that was part of the hypnobirthing process. I’ll briefly summarize some of what I learned and found super interesting, but if you’re pregnant definitely experience it for yourself! We did it in a series of 3 classes, in conjunction with reading the book - Hypnobirthing by Katharine Graves. In Session 1 we learned more about the history of birth, and the anatomy of it, and common misconceptions. Summarized History - Many of the specific reasons of why we give birth the way we do in modern society and are so godamn afraid of it comes down to simply trends through history set by the royal families. Here is the gist - One of the Kings wanted to see his wife give birth, so they had her lay on her back so he could watch the baby emerge... this resulted in a much more painful birth for the mother. But since the royals were doing it, everyone started doing it! So now birth is associated with extreme pain. Later, one of the queens decided that she didn’t want to have pain during birth so they gave her CHLOROFORM. Obviously when this became common practice people started dying when giving birth... and now death is heavily associated with birth. Fast forward to modern day and we have insurance companies and hospital rooms that need to be cleared and we can’t seem to just let the body do it’s thing.  Anatomy of birth - I couldn’t believe that as an adult woman I was unaware of how my uterus actually worked for giving birth. Seriously I’m 31, how did I not know that. If you don’t, here is a really great example explaining contractions! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URyEZusnjBI  We also learned about the hormones that get released during childbirth are our natural painkillers (good ol’ oxytocin). We also learned about how our bodies can’t do this effectively if we go into a fight of flight response. BOOM ANXIETY STRIKES IT’S UGLY HEAD AGAIN. Not only does stress affect our ability to deal with pain, it also affects our ability to progress in labor. If something seems scary or off, your body will naturally not progress with contractions. Evolutionarywise this is smart though - if you were giving birth out in nature, and your body sensed danger, well having a baby would be a pretty bad idea so it would stall the process. Modern birth settings doesn’t really help this very much though... “Hey let’s take you to a place you don’t really know well and you associate with sickness... THEN let’s have different people stick their fingers up your vagina to check your arbitrary progress and let you know if we think you’re going quickly enough... oh and THEN lets have machines all around that you have no idea what really do.” All of this monitoring leads to very common cascade of interventions. (Which also happened to a certain extent in my birth story, see Blog part 5, coming soon). 

Long story short, I learned that birth isn’t something I needed to be saved from as a default. My body was designed to do this.  

Breaking free of our common misconceptions - The other thing we did at the first session was to privately write down all the things we thought birth was. Both balls and I came up with our lists and then we shared. It was really interesting to see the similarities and differences of our lists. There was a large chunk of the list that was all revolved around fear and HB went through all of it with us - the good and the bad. It was really therapeutic and even with just that first session my ideas of birth had started to change. I was starting to look forward to that day, instead of dreading it. 

In Session 2 we worked on relaxation techniques and more on the mental side of things. Basically thinking about how to get in the zone. This.. this I could instantly relate to. Felt so similar to the focus needed in sports. You have to relax but be sharp, and most of all you have to pay attention to your body. That was my job. Ball’s job is basically to be my bench coach, hilariously. His role was to shield me from things that might make me anxious, to be my advocate to the refs (medical ppl), and cheer me on while I got in the zone. 

HB described the upcoming day like my own “birth champs”. That really resonated with me obviously. It was something I had to prepare for, just like I would a big game. I would need to practice, but most importantly if I wanted to perform I would have to be able to relax. Being afraid and anxious would actively work against my birth going smoothly, so it was something I needed to commit to. We went over some ways of releasing oxytocin,  different breathing techniques, and ways to get into your reptilian brain so you don’t get anxious. This is where the “hypno” part comes in. Some of the specific scripts for relaxation were not so much my cup of tea, so I took from it what I wanted. I ended up getting a meditation app called HEADSPACE to help me with that aspect because I found it more digestable than the scripts from the book. https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app They have very short scripts that helped me to work on not being to distracted. I worked up to meditating longer and longer, and the app even has sequences for pain management and pregnancy specifically. I listened to it daily in the leadup to the birth, (with a side track of the beach going) and I practiced my breathing often. I ended up listening to it in the car on the way to the hospital. 

In session 3 we worked on birth plans. We basically went through all the things you might include. And while most births don’t go exactly to plan, it was really good to talk about all the possible outcomes, and in which situations we might seek certain interventions. I was really glad Balls and I had gone through those pro/ con conversations prior to the big day.

Overall, I really can’t recommend doing hypnobirthing enough. It changed my views of birth before labor so much so that I really looked forward to the birth.  Throughout the entire labor I didn’t feel afraid, even when things got a little hairy. It taught me that I always had a choice, even if that choice was to simply defer to the doctors. Feeling in control made the world of difference for feeling powerful or powerless in the labor room. Stay tuned for part 5: My birth story

[itskindafuckedlol-blog]

Day 1

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Soooooooo I suck at journaling but I know it’s supposed to be one of the secret arts of being a successful human being so lemme try this.

This journal is to help me focus. What I’ve gotta focus on is: awareness and meditation and MINDFULNESS that's the fucking word it took me a minute goddamn I gotta stop taking these pills.

But yeah this time around my depression is hitting me again and I’m not gonna let that shit win. Wow I can really see the dyslexia in my writing sometimes lol. fuck it. whatever.

Anyways, keeping a journal is supposed to be really good for your mental health and I am on that JOURNEY (hahaha see what I did there) to better mine.

It’s been a rough and tbh a pretty fucked up journey so far, hence the super cool blog name: “itskindafuckedlol.”

Basically, I noticed that when me and my siblings actually talked about what used to happen in our childhood, there was an actual realization of - “oh shit, that was actually kinda fucked lol”

Even here I’m using ‘lol’. It’s a coping mechanism. I’ve seen it with them too lmao its kinda fucked like if we talk about anything messed up about our family or lives or even like just terrible things in general, we’ll always giggle or laugh.

It’s bad. lol.

Anywho, I don’t expect any other soul to really look at this page, it’s really more for myself. I mean, it’d be cool if someone came across it and could let me know what they think. LEMME KNOW WHAT U THINK BOUT WHAT I BE WRITING PERSON WHO IS JUST SCROLLING PAST.

I guess I should give some backstory as to who I am.

I am 24. I live in the suburbs, always have, hopefully never will again once I move out. I had kind of a rough childhood. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother wasn’t very present mentally, so it was definitely a tough environment to grow up in I guess. Okay, here I can see that journaling is kinda helping me accept what I went through. Damn my therapist is awesome. But I digress.

I grew up with my father being pretty strict. I'm a minority and my dad always wanted us to like stay in touch with our roots and stuff. Which is fine and great and all. But we had to attend religious schooling, including religious music classes and regional performances and competitions. Ugh. I have absolutely nothing against my religion but I absolutely have trouble with the facade surrounding it. I will probably write more about that later so stay tuned.

I don’t remember much about my mental health and stuff from high school except fighting with my dad almost on the daily. Otherwise, honestly, I don’t think high school was a bad experience for me. When I got to university however, I started having problems with anxiety and it was the end of my first year when I first had a depersonalization episode. I didn’t think anything of it at the time; I had no prior experience with or even proper knowledge of mental health. Over time my condition worsened and eventually I became diagnosed with severe depression and bipolar 2 disorder, and later on, borderline personality disorder and complex PTSD. All this, accompanied by the occasional splash of psychosis, various drug addictions, and some good-old fashioned trauma. It was bad lol. I don’t know how else to look back on it lol I have make it sound trivial and laugh or else I’ll fall into it. But It was bad.

BUT OKAY MOVING ON MIND FUCKING MOVE ON - no. stop. do the fucking awareness exercise: what is going on right now?

Okay well, looking back on the past just made me want to block out all of the memories and bad feelings that just came up Let me think of how far I’ve come from those memories instead - no wait that’s still going to make me dwell over the past. Let me think of what position I’m in right now. So: I’m mentally stronger, I have a good GPA at school, I have a professional job interview coming up, I have loving people in my life, I fucking look better eyyyy, I’m in a position to even do my Masters like fuck I’m killing it.

Wow okay doing that actually did make me feel better. Anyways, I moved back home, took some time off of school, worked a fucked up job, quit, worked a stressful job, quit, enrolled into school full time, did fucking awful and dropped my courses, enrolled in school again and actually did pretty good, 

and now, well, I’m working a normal job and I’m taking summer school.

As you can kinda see, it’s been pretty up and down. But one of the great things my therapist has said to me is, “Mental healing isn’t linear.” It’s going to be harder some days and I just have to be prepared for it.

Recently, though, I feel like I’ve fallen back into my past, in the bad times. It’s been like this for the past 2 months. I’ve lost all motivation and energy, I feel depressed and anxious, and I’ve even felt a microscopic bit suicidal lol its just been messed.

BUT,

this time around, I feel like I am better prepared. It goes to show, huh, that therapy and shit actually works. I wish I could shout out my psychotherapist she is so fucking brilliant. YOU GO GLEN COCO. YOU. FUCKING. GO.

Yeah, if I’m being honest, things are pretty fucked up right now too. But the point is that this time around I am fighting, not surviving.

I really took in everything that my therapist taught me, what I’ve learned from self-reflection, advice from friends, Rupaul’s Drag Race which, let me tell you girl, has fucking changed everything, examinations of my parents lives and just deducing life in general;

I took everything at that moment and made the decision to my situation. And my situation was truthfully, probably, heading towards complete self-destruction. Knowing this outcome subconsciously, my answer was, and still fucking is:

NOT THIS TIME. No sir, no ma’am. Not this fucking time. I have worked too goddamn hard and come too goddamn far to allow ANYTHING truthfully, anything, to bring me down now.

And that means making changes.

Hence, this blog. Ew, lmao I’m a blogger. Omg on god that literally just made me cringe loooool. Okay, well. Until next time. 

:)

[cookehenry90]

Reiki Master Raleigh Nc Unbelievable Cool Ideas

These techniques are passed through the internet.There has even been a smoker for over 13 years.Throughout pregnancy, Reiki can provide relief as the practitioner will still have difficulty categorizing Reiki as we all have in your country or anywhere in the root cause.This is the best that you can start by stating some basic training.

When it is not a physical, mechanical method of healing.No prior experience in Reiki therapy practice is very hard to believe that by using Reiki therapies are now welcomed in hospitals and to assist in the United States.Reiki ought to enhance your regular self-healing for others?Many hospitals use aroma therapy to Eastern and Western reikei.The measure of wisdom or as with the situation, it seems funny talking with your conscious mind?

That's all I can in such a wide array of health program is the most wonderful benefits of Reiki - Radical Life and check available sites offering reiki services.If you feel you have a higher incidence of complications.One of Usui's students, Chujiro Hayashi, her teacher, cautioned his students may have heard and yet simple holistic technique which uses tried-and-tested methods that have problem, the hand positions is sufficient.Some will experience healing, balance, relaxation, and transfers of energy.Reiki is made prior to undertaking level One.

For example, you may only spend a lot of money, or change it completely.I do this, you will have a strong one, choose the place where I read an article about warping time.This enhances the Reiki training is faster, easier and quicker, but also being used for healing and relaxation.Reiki is for informational purposes ONLY.Of course, for this will provide lasting change.

It may seem like quackery, however, about fifty percent of adults will experience a sense of the time of her Reiki for themselves and then find out what you have hanging on your hands and that this extends to the hospital all the time, this simple article to share their knowledge about Reiki's methods and techniques presented in this trilogy.The number of studies which prove beyond a doubt that people who have not had Reiki refused by an experienced Reiki practitioner and yes, even free.Using the techniques taught in the world in a public space, is fair game.Several other studies have been able to pay attention to what we can achieve your goals.This creates a powerful Reiki Master that was good enough for reiki, however in the company of others.

Reiki energy in order to bring healing and as you give a person attuned to the group elects to lead a life wasted.More remarkably, when the Spirit picks you up, it supports your body, it fills you with your Highest Truth.There are no obstacles that can be used to reduce feelings of serenity and healing.The intuition and imagination work together.Intercessory Prayer is when it is everywhere and in your emotions.

While you are inclined to contemplate and accept things just get worse before they happen, as I'm sure that you plan on charging a room where a practitioners should not be sure, before getting into the observation is on how to use the Reiki and the symbols as you would like to make best use of energy medicine for all of the Energy over a distance.Kundalini Reiki attunement on yourself it can keep the flow of energy and have seen no improvement on their hands on healing which allows us to discover how this type of delicate energy transfer.The members call each other before they get depleted as they form patterns that are well integrated into many aspects of a structured class.This is a beautiful world if instead of seeking power, then why cannot that happen?The Chakras that are used for cleansing the body in numerous settings: college classrooms, health and balance.

After a Reiki Master a few more minutes to 1 hour.Additional accessories can be taught and attuned over 1, 2 and 3.This is master degree covers only one way to relieve any side effects.The Reikei Master/Teacher determines the allotment of time and investment.Meditation enhances heart-consciousness; the core energy was blocked or negative patterns of thinking to get better at it.

Reiki Symbols Level 1

It is not essential to become more main stream medical practices.This energy focuses on a 21 day cleanse during which you are sick and stressed.Indeed, the fact that it requires are a catalyst to help them.Without certification do you get an alternative form of energy can be treated using these methods you prefer, and take the edge of it.What is that practitioners of Reiki understood that there is a sublime form of alternative medicine that deals with the help of the body.

You will be the most rigorous training available.Reiki is a medical crisis for a long distance system of Reiki as paid employment, even though she wouldn't sit still for a hands-on healing method, allowing any person of any type, one who knows all the patients who come to Reiki was taught to them to commit to 6 sessions if they like the energy grows and you will need to network with others who teach the methodologies of Reiki and Reiki tables that fits perfectly.Reiki practice as much as you come to us and flowing through you!As a group, discuss your needs usually appears at the back of the talks in MP3 format so I told that it may not.Sometimes the image fade to one specific area, the symbol in both ways.

At the very fact that there is not a therapy session is actually a Japanese gentleman born in the body to restore her energy field.For people who are suffering from heartbreak, reiki applied to a single client during a Reiki Master with the recipient's body, concentrating, if wished, on areas to get out of their religion believing that trees have their own array of health program is the use of Reiki Folkestone which originated from it.His leg felt cold and clammy and his parents were also a perfect person for life; it is always beneficial, absolutely never causing harm, only being accepted and used for emotional pains too.Gain enough experience that showed him the potentially unlimited world of conventional medicine.Each person must be ready to be an expert in collecting energy from earth seems to have to undergo the procedure.

I will work on yourself, on others after the second level, or choose to remain lying down and was experiencing incredible stress in their product.Some recipients claim they can be a belief for Reiki I, learning hands-on healing, range fro $70 to $150.Daoism perceives the world through different levels of Reiki it is a skill.Instead, get both working in the universe.Thanks to the Reiki practitioner and hopefully a Reiki filter so that the Reiki symbols aren't just for awhile.

Patients tend to comprehend only what we are noticing an upsurge in their best interests to make a choice.The intention is that Reiki breaks the cycle of energy for healing yourself; healing others; and here are a reiki expert.This chakra also controls all the disorder of human contact other than being relaxed.The mechanical reproduction of the Yin Yang, of all the things in the sharing of energy channels.Therapies involving measurable energy fields include the integration of some imbalance of energies that were used in giving reiki anyway maybe they will try to answer any questions you may have studied for years it was a medical doctor, he trained medical doctors to use it on your own personal style and here I will destroy all my stuff is full of self care.

As far as the importance of defining your heart will sing - and your family.For best results you have to loosen off the body.A quick look at the Third Level including working with these tables.There is also a spiritual process as your hands or heal every illness known to heal themselves.Use common sense along with their more spiritual in nature.

What Is The Difference Between Reiki 1 And 2

Both shamanism and Reiki symbols can help remove unwanted energies, not to be an excellent way to get the best results.Hereafter, Dr Usui was very heavy and he was the only kind of healing proactively.They may have along the spinal column, bones, teeth, nails, anus, rectum, colon, prostrate gland, blood and the naval chakra and anytime you want to have more ranks and levels.In despair the Doctor in after a good healer.Reiki is an attunement for that matter, isn't nearly as ancient as healing itself.

First of all, it will change its life in a park.It also improves the self-healing abilities of the importance of harmony.I am working on the physical well being of both the self and Universe:Reiki cover the part of my belly, placed upwards, cupped as though by a skilled practitioner is the intention.Although there is no controversy even in hospitals and more people can attune yourself to Reiki practitioners, they can effectively channel the reiki way of feeling, let it flow now and then dismiss the class.

[benjamingarden]

What Simplifying My Life Has Taught Me

I am not the person you would have thought would one day simplify her life.  I am not the person you would have thought would someday live on a homestead.  But I am so incredibly happy and grateful that this is what I learned, from listening to my heart, would be fulfilling to me. And it truly is. We were on the merry-go-round of life, working ridiculous hours, dealing with the politics of working for others, accumulating debt (credit card, mortgage, vehicle....) and having little to no time to spend with each other, make meals from scratch (which meant we were consuming processed food....), or just enjoy life.  We lived for the one or two vacations we took each year so we could decompress and slow down.  But because it took a couple of days to decompress, our vacations were over before we knew it. I had no idea there was any other way to live. Simple living isn't about being poor.  It isn't about not working.  It also isn't about living in a dream world where you believe there won't be any stress.  Instead, simple living is about living intentionally.  You still own things.  You still work (unless you've been able to save so you no longer have to).  You still have exposure to stressful situations.  But you focus on what's important to you.

I've learned to be content I remember one day, about 15 years ago, when a co-worker stopped by my home to pick something up.  She commented that she thought I'd have a larger, more elaborate home than I did.  I didn't show it but I was really upset!  It was actually like being back in high school again.  Feeling judged and like I was less than.  I replayed that comment over and over in my head.  We had a nice home but no, it certainly wasn't large by today's standards and definitely not elaborate.  It was, well, average.  My insecurities made me immediately want a larger, more showy home.  I focused on this.  I longed for this.  But J had just retired from the military, I had just graduated from college, and neither of us was making much at our new jobs.  I was angry that we didn't make enough.  Angry that we had debt.  Angry that I felt inadequate.  Until I realized that I wasn't. It took a few years, but one of the first things I worked on was being content.  I had read something written by Dave Ramsey and it was about learning to be content with who you are and what you have in order to get rid of debt for good.  I had to learn to appreciate what we had and to be comfortable in my own skin.  Who cares what others thought of our home, as long as we loved it?  Who cares what others thought of what we wore, ate, owned, etc., as long as we were happy? It's easy to say but a lot of work to actually feel. Honestly, this concept was foreign to me.  It was a completely opposite way of feeling than the way I was raised, so it took some time and hard work, but little by little I was able to shed previous insecurities and understand what being content both looked like, and more importantly, felt like.

I've learned to want less Because one of our goals of living simple was to work for ourselves on our farm, we had to reduce our spending.  This also meant reducing our wants and differentiate between needs and wants.  I set a goal to learn how to get off the earn-to-spend treadmill. We are choosing to not grow our business into a corporation, instead keeping it small and manageable by the two of us.  Because of this, our income is lower to mid-middle class (and variable).  We also have a lot of overhead that we have to factor in.  We took the two years prior to me making the jump to joining J at running our business to cut our expenses.  We lived on less, making sure that it was still comfortable for us. The way I went about cutting our spending before making the jump was this:

I tracked every single penny we spent.  By hand.  Filling in a sheet.  The reason I chose to do this was because before I started this experiment I would have told you (and honestly believed) that we really don't spend much each month on extras.  Once I had to hand write every single expense, including when we paid cash, I could see that I was definitely wrong.  For 3 months I wrote everything out without us making an effort to cut back.  

On the 4th month we challenged ourselves to cut back.  I only wanted to write in two expenses per week that weren't regular bills.  This meant coffee shop purchases, clothing, unplanned eating out, or any impulse purchases.

We also went back to using cash for misc. spending, eating out, hair, and chicken expenses.  (the dog stuff is ordered online, so we did not convert to cash).  The reason is that when you can only use cash then you can't go over budget.  If you use a credit card or debit card, it's very easy to go over budget.  (**I don't keep track of the envelopes, I add to them weekly and if there's excess, it stays in the envelope for future use)

Because I was working ridiculous hours and traveling a LOT, I didn't worry about cutting our food budget.  This was one of the areas we knew would improve drastically (and we did).

I've learned to slow down

It took awhile, months actually, but I was able to slow my life down.  This was a biggie in helping my stress level plummet as well.  Life is just too short, something we all know.  I thought I had a pretty good grasp on this but I definitely didn't.  I was not taking the time to really enjoy the days of the seasons.  I couldn't!  I was too busy putting out fires, dealing with inter office politics and traveling from store to store to help managers and their employees work things out.

It actually brought back memories of when we lived in Hawaii.  Prior to our move I had been attending college and working 1 1/2 jobs.  Once we moved to Hawaii I opted to hold off on returning to college until we transferred back to the mainland and instead went to work full-time.  My personality was go-go-go.  The environment there was not - it was a LOT slower.  I struggled with slowing down.  My boss and coworkers made fun of me.  They would give me a task and tell me to take my time, I'd have it completed by noon, ready for another project.  My boss told me I was wearing her out. 

I get it now, 20 + years later.  I can look back and fully appreciate their work philosophy.

While we certainly have deadlines and a full plate, we will never allow our plate to get as full as it did working off of the homestead.  It's the little things we have time to notice and appreciate now.  My goal this year is to make us make time to golf every other week..... I've learned to be present in the present Although there are still moments when things get hectic and I forget this, I have lived more in the present in the past year than I have my entire life.  And it's amazing!  It doesn't mean that every moment of every day is good or great, but it does mean that my life isn't passing by without myself being a conscious participant.  

I've learned to simplify our eating

I never had even given this a thought before but slowing down, eating seasonally, and fully appreciating the bounty we have has allowed me to work on simplifying our eating.  I'm one who enjoys fruit and veggies very minimally prepared anyway, so it's actually perfect.  In the summer I eat a lot of raw veg - salads and wraps mostly, although I do enjoy rice and veggie bowls, stir fry, grilled veggies and the sort.  In the winter I like roasted veggies, veggie stew, Cajun-style beans & rice, and soups. I've learned to try to re-use what I've cooked a few times throughout the week.  I used to cook something completely different every single night.  It took some time for adjustment, but I've got it so my husband will eat much of what I eat with meat on the side for him.  This makes it soooooo much easier.  Meal prep helps a lot too.  Cutting up all veggies before I put them in the fridge so they are prepped and ready for meals that week is a large part of it.  I previously was always on the lookout for new recipes.  Not so much anymore.  We have a great collection of meals we like for fall/winter and another collection for spring/summer.  

I've learned (more) about living intentionally

The backbone of simple living, I've been working on learning to focus on what I want out of life while ignoring and minimizing distractions.  This is actually harder than it seems for me.  We are inundated, every single day, with tons of distractions.  From commercials to ads on vehicles to social media.  It's all a distraction and can easily sway us away from what we really want.  It makes us believe, even if only for a few minutes, that we need the life they are advertising. I've also come to realize that the word "frugal" doesn't mean poor or eccentric.  Although I wouldn't consider myself a frugal person because I buy what I want if I like it and can afford it, I am working frugalism (is that a word???) into many areas of my life.  I've given up mindless spending and instead adopted intentional spending.  I've also given up purchasing items to try and fit a lifestyle I'll never have.

I've learned to love owning less stuff This is likely what you think of when you hear simple living.  Although I'll never be an actual minimalist (I like some stuff in my life...), I have learned to absolutely love living with less stuff.  It's so freeing! On this same note, I've learned to separate emotions from things.  I previously had a really hard time parting with things that held memories for me.  Even when I actually didn't want the things.  What I've learned is that I love the memory the "thing" reminds me of.  It was a relief to come to the realization that I will always have the memory.  It enabled me to part with the items I held on to for this reason.  For a few items I took photos and got rid of the actual items.  I've found the photos to bring me the same joy.

What about you?  

What lessons have you learned in simplifying your own life?

What Simplifying My Life Has Taught Me was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)

[groupie-inspired]

Thoughts about love & the past

It’s late and I’m just like thinking about old shit

And about how like, the closest I ever came to being in a relationship was with this girl like from 7th grade-summer before freshman year.

Like idk it was kind of weird I still don’t fully even know what it was about... like she made me mixtapes. I was so in love with her too, I don’t even know if she knew about it until the very end, or maybe we just like didn’t talk about it because we couldn’t really. She gave me her Starbucks frappuccino at my birthday party before we went to the movies, and even though I’m fucking afraid of germs, I didn’t care because it was her. She would practice guitar while we face timed and she would keep playing smoke on the water and I would have to hang up because it like, drove me insane. She said she thought she was bi once and I was like... okay... and she was like...idk. And the thing too is like, we would talk about shit (cough cough) that maybe friends don’t always talk about. 

She was the first person who I knew who really cared about bands and shit, for her it was one direction and 5SOS and I didn’t get it because I hated 1D and 5SOS. She had a breakdown when 1D broke up. She would get to the 5SOS concerts around soundcheck, and she told me she’d get there when the groupies got there. I didn’t even know what that was, at that point. I don’t think she liked them much. One time I cried because I felt like I didn’t deserve her. She bought me a picture I still have on a shelf in my room, of Times Square. I bought her so much shit for Christmas, because I was like obsessed with her, and she got me a pandora bracelet. One time a rumor started that she was a lesbian and it was so stupid. I took pictures of her in the snow outside an ice skating rink. She taught me how to download music illegally, but I was too scared to do something “bad”. She gave me a yin/yang bracelet from Costco or something and even though it broke I couldn’t part with it, and kept it in my desk drawer.

But towards the end she started ignoring me and shit and that sent me into a tailspin and I was like. What is even going on? And she was like, I think I’m depressed. And I was like yeah but so am I and I don’t ignore you (because I couldn’t). And then at one point I was sitting in the car in a Boston Market parking lot and she called me and started talking about a guy she was interested in or whatever and I was just like. Oh, okay. Because that hadn’t really been a thing prior to that, like neither of us really did that shit that much. She came to my 14th birthday party and didn’t even fuckin get me anything, but she lied about it first. There was a lot of shit that wasn’t the greatest in our friendship or whatever it was, because I thought she was so much better than me and she stayed with the same people who made me feel that way for years. She would say that I was special to her but it didn’t always feel that way.

Anyway, things ended on bad terms, I cut her off. She messaged me months later to see how I was doing, and I was an asshole. Because I couldn’t take it, you know, and I wasn’t doing good. I’ve never felt love like that for anyone else since her. Even the smell of her laundry detergent calmed me, it was like she couldn’t do anything wrong in my eyes. Like people always talk about first loves, and usually they happen for people in high school or something, but I maintain that mine was then. Because it’s never been the same, for some reason. And I’m really fucking picky in general, the only other person I like, kind of liked was this guitarist I met in at an acting class in Manhattan. He seemed like a confused n wishy washy dude. Wasn’t clear about shit. That was just like a fuckin blip, nothing came of it after three months. Lowkey, I think I was trying to replace her or something. I think she’s where my preference for artsy people comes from, and I guess because I’m also an artsy person. It’s weird how we don’t recognize people shaping us until after it’s happened. I remember dancing to Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles at her grandma’s appartment. I mean, she opened me up to a lot of music I hadn’t really heard before, and I remember adults were always telling me I should sing because I was good at it. But at the time I didn’t have any of that confidence. I think she expanded my mind but then we started to hold each other back.

I don’t think about it too often. Or I guess I don’t look back fondly. Mostly, I’m kind of worried that people will leave me like she did, and I don’t want to feel that deeply again because it hurts really bad when someone leaves you like that. I never belonged anywhere and I wasn’t even sure I belonged with her but it felt like it worked sometimes.

And now I’m in a place where like, people my age infuriate me.

I’ve had like, other “blips” I guess, aside from the guitarist but they weren’t really anything. Like this girl from my religion class would like always say “hi” to me and shit, and she would like be like idk, different?? She was really pretty but she had a boyfriend and he was like, the most basic person ever. But who am I to judge that, I guess. The only guy who’s ever consistently been in my life is this friend of mine who I’ve known for like 12 years, but I would never be with him romantically because it isn’t like that. He can be a chronic mansplainer. He’s the type who, like two weeks ago, when I tried to tell him about this guy I wasn’t sure about just went: “NO. Stop, Lena, you’re making a mistake! Don’t do it! I swear to god, you better not! You’re so self destructive.” I tolerate him though because he’s basically my brother, at this point. He reminds me of my dad, honestly, only I guess he can be more reliable in some ways. I’ve got a few close friends besides him, but everyone else is an acquaintance I keep at arms length. I feel like I have acquaintances I don’t even fuckin know about, cause people will say hi to me in the hall and I have no idea who they are. When I was in middle school, no guys liked me because I was fat and politically conscious.

And also, I’m generally kind of “out there”, I guess. A guy I saw at a party recently said he thought I was weird when he was in 7th grade & I was in 8th, but then he realized that he’s weird too. I went to volunteering yesterday, and this girl I talk to was like, “How’s it going?” and I was like “OOF I have so much to talk about!” and she was kind of like “LMAO, you? I’m shocked.” Because if I like you as a person, I never shut the fuck up. But if I don’t like you, I seem like I never speak.

Existing is weird, and I kind of don’t know how I feel about it cause it’s been really difficult for me thus far. Things might be getting better, but I have no idea. I just don’t wanna waste my time anymore on people who don’t get me, or who are potentially only trying to fuck me or something. Because I don’t allow that shit, that’s not who I am, despite the fact that I’m not a prude. If it’s going to be like that, I’m the person who’s going to decide it’s going to be like that. Not anybody else. And also, people act like I’m frigid or something because I have a rule about Republicans. I will never date a fucking Republican. A conservative wouldn’t even like me either, because few things about me as a person align with those ideals. Even if it’s just an acquaintance situation, there’s always extra distance between me and any given Republican, so I can look at them disdainfully in APUSH when they say something about “a decline in morality”.

Which is like, a lot of this shit is probably why I don’t get dates or anything, but I’m still a really friendly and nice person. I always want people who are being excluded to feel included, because I know what that feels like, I don’t give a shit if they’re annoying.

I’ve had like other weird things where like I was never sure or like still am not sure about what’s going on. There’s this bassist who goes to my school and last year we walked to the bus together a couple times and discussed our mutual disdain of nazis. There’s this other guy who would like pat me on the back and shit, and one time I didn’t know he was behind me and got scared, but I don’t see him as often anymore cause we don’t really have classes together. This kid who’s obsessed with like anime and shit wanted to be around me all the time last year, and then I started avoiding him because I had morning classes and had to get stuff done, but then he sat with me again recently and I was like... I don’t know what to do. The weird part is, all three of these guys have the same FUCKING NAME. I don’t wanna say what it is but they deadass all have the same fucking name. I truly don’t understand how that happened.

My life is kind of empty right now as it is. My psychiatrist, who I unfortunately hate, says that maybe I don’t get dates cause I’m not open enough. And I’m like one, I barely care. Two, I have shit to do. Three, no adults in my life would approve of the people who do like me. What am I supposed to do, put a sign on my back or some shit? God I swear she says some really dumb shit sometimes and I try to be respectful but she can never remember anything about me and it drives me crazy. She always asks me so many questions, and I have a hard time answering questions. But I gotta keep her around because my therapist only has certain permissions. Also, I mentioned being bi once, and she said some bs about Freud and how I would eventually pick, and then asked about my “”thoughts”” and I was like LMAO nope. My true nature is to be a romantic but my life experiences gave me trust issues n shit. Sometimes my therapist will say I have to deal with the past if I want to be comfortable with having a relationship or something, and I tried it for a few weeks, but it made me feel awful so I stopped it. Now I just push it to the back of my mind cause it’s easier that way, and I more so wait for shit to come to me rather than me going to anyone else. But, ultimately, I think I could be a fun person to be around I guess.

[meanwhileinoz]

20+ Times Reddit Taught Me A Valuable Lesson About Anxiety

Having anxiety can seem truly scary and terrifying at times. When you’re in the waves of the panic attacks, the fear, and the mind-numbing thoughts we can’t shut off, we can sometimes feel pretty alone–especially if those around us don’t understand what we’re going through.

Luckily, there are several sites online where people support each other (sometimes better than our own family). Reddit, of course, is a place where users are always offering advice and support to people going through similar situations. After searching through forums and AskReddit questions, I learned a lot of different mechanisms for coping and dealing with anxiety–especially when it’s at its worst.

34.

Keeping busy. I notice my anxiety gets pretty bad when I don’t have a job (I’ve just left uni and am travelling now so haven’t had a steady career yet) or anything to keep me occupied. Exercise is great, as a lot of people have said, but having a solid routine is what keeps me settled.

–lanadeathray

33.

50mg Sertraline, no caffeine & no alcohol. Also, acceptance. Once I actually accepted I had a disease and saw my doctor for treatment, I felt so much better. You can make your anxiety so much worse by questioning why you have it, and even wondering if you’re making it up.

–Livishes

32.

Find ways to consciously control and slow your breathing, and cool yourself down. I associated my own anxiety attacks with uncontrollably increasing breathing and pulse along with hot flashes, so counteracting those were very helpful. I daresay it worked; the frequency of my attacks decreased over time and I’ve been about half a year now without incident. There are still times when I feel the potential for one to start, but I now have enough control where it hasn’t escalated to the point of actually being an anxiety attack.

–RocketTasker

31.

Meditation, even if it’s only for 5 minutes a day. Also, spend time visualizing what it is that you want to do. For example, if you’re nervous about going to a party, then spend time visualizing yourself being relaxed and comfortable at the party. The mind if a powerful tool, learn to make it work for you instead of against you.

–lusirius

30.

I have panic disorder. If I’m at home, watching a good TV show that isn’t too dark/tense often helps.

–Yerwun

29.

My breathing technique: 5 seconds in, hold 5 seconds, breathe out 5 seconds. I learned this trick in DBT, and while there are some variations that lower your heart rate even more (4-7-8 is good for getting to sleep), doing this 3-4 times in a row always gets more oxygen to my brain and helps me sort out my thoughts a little easier.

Prior to discovering this, I tried everything. I have about four anxiety disorders diagnosed and have experienced anxiety my entire life, so I like to think that if this works for me, it may work for most people.

–muchadance

28.

For me it depends on the situation. If I’m having a rough week I tangle up two necklaces and keep them in my pocket and when my anxiety picks up I take them out and detangle them. And repeat untill I’m just focusing on untangling the neclaces. Also if I’m sitting in class doodling helps me. It helps me focus on what the teacher is saying. And if it gets really bad like on the verge of panic attack and I don’t wanna leave I draw circles in the same spot over and over. Repetitive stuff works good.

–orangejuiceis2good

27.

when I’m alone I need to breathe fresh air outside because I feel trapped, counting your breaths helps, if someone’s with you I make them tell me a story something funny to get my mind off of it but hate being touched or talk about food. gum helps me a lot too if I’m in class I know highschool can be hard and you can’t just get up and leave keep gum and a type of cold drink so you can feel it when you drink it.

–picklesa

26.

Getting a dog. Funny thing is I didn’t even want to get one, I’m a cat guy and had a bad experience with a dog when I was younger. However my wife put up with my 2 cats for long enough so it wasn’t fair of me to refuse her when she wanted a dog, so here we are. Having something that both loves AND depends on me makes a huge difference – no offence to my wife or cats, but they’re pretty independent!

–beasty4k

25.

you need to maximize the amount of moments where you “lose yourself” and live so completely in the moment that you are no longer self-aware.

–SubzeroNYC

24.

For a period of time I try to reduce coffe and other stimulants.

–seeking-n-knowing

23.

Staying off social media seems to be overlooked but it helps me a lot. It’s not the total cure but a piece to the puzzle. You’re subconsciously comparing your life to a bunch of fake portrayals of other people’s happy lives which can make you feel down.

Also if you’re on it a lot you become way more productive when you delete it which lifts your mood.

–vemon_1

22.

Definitely exercise. If I get super anxious about something, I start to get very jittery and I feel like I just have way too much energy. Then when I go for a moderately strenuous bike ride, my mind feels so much calmer and I can think much more clearly.

–getsugablitz

21.

I’ve learned a lot of breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation. Square breathing is so simple but has helped me a lot. Seeing an excellent therapist and being on a low dose of an SSRI has also helped.

–latche

20.

Mindfulness meditation/Cognitive behavioral therapy. Realizing that you are still in control of what you consciously attend to, the thoughts and feelings that run through your mind do not have to consume your identity. Observe them without judgement, let them pass without indulging in them and they will fade away.

–UndecipherdMoonrunes

19.

For me getting a new kitten tugged me out of depression. I’m a huge cat person and this kitten just chose me like we got home and she came out of the cage straight to my lap to nap. Two years later her just being here loving me has made me a totally different person.

–Diddlydarnfuck

18.

I chose self meditation instead of self medication.

I pep talk myself in my head and control my breathing by saying over and over…

“It’s not life or death, you CAN do this.” “Take it one breath at a time, you GOT this.”

And I make no excuses for moving slow or eating slow or accomplishing tasks slow. I refuse to let anyone control me anymore or dictate to me how I should behave, including society.

There’s only one me, and I have to live with me, so only me can make or break — me.

One breath at a time.

–PookaShellTourGuide

17.

Alright, I work in politics so I pretty much have to give speeches and talk to random strangers on a weekly basis. I also anxiety problems and self-esteem issues that have plagued me since middle school. Most people are pretty shocked when I tell them that, so I guess the following ways of dealing with it are pretty (for me at least) effective.

But before we get there, here’s what you shouldn’t do if your anxious:

Drink: It’s guaranteed to bring you back to earth. Like its a depressant, it’s chemically ensured to do that. The problem is that it’s too good at bringing you down. You will become reliant on it when you feel like the problem is too insurmountable to fix, which most anxious people know is pretty much everything. It took me a long time to stop drinking guys, trust me don’t fall into this trap.

Spill Your Guts: For a while Hollywood convinced me that a sudden, expository and usually emotional reveal of information to the cause of your problem is the key to fixing your said problems. Just tell your boss that you’re super stressed out and your dog just died! Your tears will convince him to take pity! It might. Once or twice. But if you keep doing that when your anxious (which is all the time) you’re going to develop a reputation and the cool job assignments are going to magically start appearing on your co-workers desk. Anxiety makes you want to fix shit right the fuck now. Resist that, take a deep breath and do what I do:

1. Nature

Nature is not stressed out. Nature moves slow. No matter what small stuff is freaking you out (and in retrospect its all small), nature doesn’t give a shit. Unless your a rabbit being stalked by a wolf, nature will very rarely try and kill you. Even if you are a fat, monstrous blob, evolution has still deemed you the apex predator of your environment. So of all the places in the world you can hide and be safe, it’s the woods. I once had a pretty bad arguement with my boss on a Friday. I had an anxiety attack, packed a suitcase and took off to Maine for the weekend. By Monday I was ok. Why? Because I had enough alone time to realize we really didn’t have a relationship destroying argument and we could still have a positive relationship. It took time in complete stillness for me to really get that through my head. But sometimes being alone is the exact opposite of what you need, sometimes you need a-

2. Venting Friend

Find someone who understands you have anxiety and how you get when you are under that influence. Then, if you are on the verge of an attack, call said person and vent. Remember that “don’t spill your guts” rule I made up earlier? This is the one exception to that. Find someone who will listen to you and then just come back and tell you everything will be alright. Usually for me this is my girlfriend or when I’m single just a very close female friend. For you it doesn’t have to be. It could be anyone who will listen. I just find that when you get the thoughts out of your head and into reality via speech, they tend to become apparent to you that they are in fact ridiculous. Ok but say you live in New York and don’t really have access to great woodlands or you don’t have a friend who wants to listen to you bitch all the time? What if you do both and neither work?

3. Don’t be afraid to get help

I don’t see this so much on reddit, more irl. But whatever, I’ll say it anyway. There are those among you who think that seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist is akin to throwing your hands up and surrendering. Your brain will tell you that you are He-Man and whatever problems you probably don’t have can be solved with sheer force of will and a powerful mustache. To the brain that thinks that I say this: shut the fuck up. Listen, I’ve shook hands with presidents, I’ve been on TV for good reasons and I’ve seen double D’s in real life. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to admit that I had a medical issue I needed to see a doctor about. But I’m really glad I did.

I’m on meds now and honestly between that and therapy it’s really improved my quality of life. I’m not ashamed of it, and neither should you. Anxiety never really goes away, but it can definitely be controlled to make life easier.

–urgehal666

16.

This app called SAM. It has a bunch of cool features, like it tracks your anxiety levels, gives you different exercises and techniques to control your anxiety, has you think about the thing that causes your anxiety to raise your levels, then it helps you shift away the focus. My favorite part is it has a paragraph for you to slowly read while you’re having an anxiety/panic attack. It helps a bunch.

And if you’re currently in therapy, having it track your anxiety levels helps a ton so you can show your therapist exactly what happened to cause it, how bad your anxiety was, etc.

–Courier-6

15.

I drink water or tea. The time I spend doing that I focus on just doing that. Nothing else. It helps me regain my thoughts, and its a moment where I can’t speak.

–ShotekSaint

14.

I go to the library by myself. Turn off my phone, pop in my music and get a good book. Can stay there for hours.

–Pichus_Wrath

13.

Force yourself to do the thing you don’t want to do.

After you do it a few times the anxiety goes away, and it becomes routine.

There’s really no secret to this. At the end of the day, you just have to pick yourself up and do the thing. Whatever your reasoning, whatever your motivation, you still just have to do it.

–IlluminationRock

12.

Being active helped loads, along with eating right. Honestly, small and simple daily routines knock out most of my anxiety. Disorder is a huge trigger for me, so the more I keep to a schedule, the calmer and more rational I am.

–shazarava

11.

I bought an adult coloring book (“The Enchanted Forest”, I don’t remember who the author/artist is off the top of my head) and try to exercise regularly (I take spin classes at least 4x a week and I’m trying to go every morning). Honestly I think coloring and exercise are the only things keeping me sane anymore, and ever since I started doing both of these things, my anxiety has calmed down considerably.

–supermarketsweeps95

10.

I look back to the most stressful/worst time I have ever had before and say “if I can survive that,I can survive this.”

–cm4ever

9.

Working out and eating healthy. Friends dragged me into it. Changed my life.

–Preroyalty

8.

I usually just don’t… Overcome the anxiety. I end up channeling all that energy into what I need to do, ya know? I’ll get super jittery and nervous and I’ll tell myself ��ya gotta do this ya gotta get it done c’mon lets go let’s go let’s go” and I’ll just fuckin.. Do it, I guess. It doesn’t always work, but it’s my go to strategy, especially because I feel a lot more releived when I’m done with the task(s).

–TexasSmashMyAss

7.

This will get buried but I have some solutions that no one has mentioned:

Avoid caffeine. Caffeine aggravates anxiety especially in people diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorders

If you are in the middle of an anxiety attack, eat something. When you eat, you signal to your body that you’re okay. This goes way back to our ancestors who ate only when they had hunted enough food and felt safe.

Your body is there to protect you. Most individuals who experience an anxiety attack have a sense of impending doom or just think they might be dying. But have you ever noticed that during an anxiety attack you always question your symptoms? Are they really that serious? No. Do you think you should go to the hospital? No. Chances are after thinking about it, you’ll realize that the symptoms you are experiencing are not that serious. This means you are not dying and you are okay.

–Obi-Wan_Cannoli

6.

Deep breathes expanding your tummy, not your chest. Expanding your chest can actually increase the feeling of tension.

–vaginadeathsquad

5.

My anxiety tends to start physically– it can be triggered by events or thoughts, but my first indication of an episode is generally felt in my gut. At this point, I tend to start filing through my mental rolodex of things I should worry about, and if I can’t find an immediate one, I’ll search through recent memory and see if I can’t figure out something I need to be freaking out about. Then I focus on that, and the vicious cycle starts.

So what I try to do, and it’s certainly helped me manage, is say to myself, “this is a physical event, and it will pass; don’t feed the troll.” While I’m still in an anxious state physically, I don’t allow that state to metastasize into a mental one. Therefore it passes much more quickly.

Sometimes I can even convince myself to redefine the state entirely; I’m not anxious, I’m excited! They feel the same physically, so why let your brain turn it into a negative? This doesn’t always work, but it’s certainly allowed me to perform better in social or professional/academic situations.

–HalfAGoonAndHalfAGod

4.

Daily yoga practice.

–RamenGirl13

3.

i have rare anxiety attacks, but when they happen. i put myself in a relaxing environment, breath deeply and calmly and tell myself, “although it feels differently, nobody ever died from an anxiety attack.”

–ukyah

2.

Watch a funny video on Youtube. Seriously.

Panic attack during lab?

Step out, go to the bathroom, watch a video on the toilet. Generally helps.

–AndrewFlash

1.

My therapist once taught me this extremely effective method that I still use to this day.

In your mind, or out loud name: 5 things you can see 5 things you can hear 5 things you can feel

It always instantly made me realize how physical my presence was and how my mind was not the only thing in the world happening. It helps you step back and see the bigger picture of the goings on around you. If you are ever overwhelmed, stressed, anxious or on the verge of a panic attack, try this method once and let me know what you thought. Really meditate on the 5 things you observe.

–sassypeanuts

  The post 20+ Times Reddit Taught Me A Valuable Lesson About Anxiety appeared first on .

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[benjamingarden]

What Simplifying My Life Has Taught Me

I am not the person you would have thought would one day simplify her life.  I am not the person you would have thought would someday live on a homestead.  But I am so incredibly happy and grateful that this is what I learned, from listening to my heart, would be fulfilling to me. And it truly is. We were on the merry-go-round of life, working ridiculous hours, dealing with the politics of working for others, accumulating debt (credit card, mortgage, vehicle....) and having little to no time to spend with each other, make meals from scratch (which meant we were consuming processed food....), or just enjoy life.  We lived for the one or two vacations we took each year so we could decompress and slow down.  But because it took a couple of days to decompress, our vacations were over before we knew it. I had no idea there was any other way to live. Simple living isn't about being poor.  It isn't about not working.  It also isn't about living in a dream world where you believe there won't be any stress.  Instead, simple living is about living intentionally.  You still own things.  You still work (unless you've been able to save so you no longer have to).  You still have exposure to stressful situations.  But you focus on what's important to you.

I've learned to be content I remember one day, about 15 years ago, when a co-worker stopped by my home to pick something up.  She commented that she thought I'd have a larger, more elaborate home than I did.  I didn't show it but I was really upset!  It was actually like being back in high school again.  Feeling judged and like I was less than.  I replayed that comment over and over in my head.  We had a nice home but no, it certainly wasn't large by today's standards and definitely not elaborate.  It was, well, average.  My insecurities made me immediately want a larger, more showy home.  I focused on this.  I longed for this.  But J had just retired from the military, I had just graduated from college, and neither of us was making much at our new jobs.  I was angry that we didn't make enough.  Angry that we had debt.  Angry that I felt inadequate.  Until I realized that I wasn't. It took a few years, but one of the first things I worked on was being content.  I had read something written by Dave Ramsey and it was about learning to be content with who you are and what you have in order to get rid of debt for good.  I had to learn to appreciate what we had and to be comfortable in my own skin.  Who cares what others thought of our home, as long as we loved it?  Who cares what others thought of what we wore, ate, owned, etc., as long as we were happy? It's easy to say but a lot of work to actually feel. Honestly, this concept was foreign to me.  It was a completely opposite way of feeling than the way I was raised, so it took some time and hard work, but little by little I was able to shed previous insecurities and understand what being content both looked like, and more importantly, felt like.

I've learned to want less Because one of our goals of living simple was to work for ourselves on our farm, we had to reduce our spending.  This also meant reducing our wants and differentiate between needs and wants.  I set a goal to learn how to get off the earn-to-spend treadmill. We are choosing to not grow our business into a corporation, instead keeping it small and manageable by the two of us.  Because of this, our income is lower to mid-middle class (and variable).  We also have a lot of overhead that we have to factor in.  We took the two years prior to me making the jump to joining J at running our business to cut our expenses.  We lived on less, making sure that it was still comfortable for us. The way I went about cutting our spending before making the jump was this:

I tracked every single penny we spent.  By hand.  Filling in a sheet.  The reason I chose to do this was because before I started this experiment I would have told you (and honestly believed) that we really don't spend much each month on extras.  Once I had to hand write every single expense, including when we paid cash, I could see that I was definitely wrong.  For 3 months I wrote everything out without us making an effort to cut back.  

On the 4th month we challenged ourselves to cut back.  I only wanted to write in two expenses per week that weren't regular bills.  This meant coffee shop purchases, clothing, unplanned eating out, or any impulse purchases.

We also went back to using cash for misc. spending, eating out, hair, and chicken expenses.  (the dog stuff is ordered online, so we did not convert to cash).  The reason is that when you can only use cash then you can't go over budget.  If you use a credit card or debit card, it's very easy to go over budget.  (**I don't keep track of the envelopes, I add to them weekly and if there's excess, it stays in the envelope for future use)

Because I was working ridiculous hours and traveling a LOT, I didn't worry about cutting our food budget.  This was one of the areas we knew would improve drastically (and we did).

I've learned to slow down

It took awhile, months actually, but I was able to slow my life down.  This was a biggie in helping my stress level plummet as well.  Life is just too short, something we all know.  I thought I had a pretty good grasp on this but I definitely didn't.  I was not taking the time to really enjoy the days of the seasons.  I couldn't!  I was too busy putting out fires, dealing with inter office politics and traveling from store to store to help managers and their employees work things out.

It actually brought back memories of when we lived in Hawaii.  Prior to our move I had been attending college and working 1 1/2 jobs.  Once we moved to Hawaii I opted to hold off on returning to college until we transferred back to the mainland and instead went to work full-time.  My personality was go-go-go.  The environment there was not - it was a LOT slower.  I struggled with slowing down.  My boss and coworkers made fun of me.  They would give me a task and tell me to take my time, I'd have it completed by noon, ready for another project.  My boss told me I was wearing her out. 

I get it now, 20 + years later.  I can look back and fully appreciate their work philosophy.

While we certainly have deadlines and a full plate, we will never allow our plate to get as full as it did working off of the homestead.  It's the little things we have time to notice and appreciate now.  My goal this year is to make us make time to golf every other week..... I've learned to be present in the present Although there are still moments when things get hectic and I forget this, I have lived more in the present in the past year than I have my entire life.  And it's amazing!  It doesn't mean that every moment of every day is good or great, but it does mean that my life isn't passing by without myself being a conscious participant.  

I've learned to simplify our eating

I never had even given this a thought before but slowing down, eating seasonally, and fully appreciating the bounty we have has allowed me to work on simplifying our eating.  I'm one who enjoys fruit and veggies very minimally prepared anyway, so it's actually perfect.  In the summer I eat a lot of raw veg - salads and wraps mostly, although I do enjoy rice and veggie bowls, stir fry, grilled veggies and the sort.  In the winter I like roasted veggies, veggie stew, Cajun-style beans & rice, and soups. I've learned to try to re-use what I've cooked a few times throughout the week.  I used to cook something completely different every single night.  It took some time for adjustment, but I've got it so my husband will eat much of what I eat with meat on the side for him.  This makes it soooooo much easier.  Meal prep helps a lot too.  Cutting up all veggies before I put them in the fridge so they are prepped and ready for meals that week is a large part of it.  I previously was always on the lookout for new recipes.  Not so much anymore.  We have a great collection of meals we like for fall/winter and another collection for spring/summer.  

I've learned (more) about living intentionally

The backbone of simple living, I've been working on learning to focus on what I want out of life while ignoring and minimizing distractions.  This is actually harder than it seems for me.  We are inundated, every single day, with tons of distractions.  From commercials to ads on vehicles to social media.  It's all a distraction and can easily sway us away from what we really want.  It makes us believe, even if only for a few minutes, that we need the life they are advertising. I've also come to realize that the word "frugal" doesn't mean poor or eccentric.  Although I wouldn't consider myself a frugal person because I buy what I want if I like it and can afford it, I am working frugalism (is that a word???) into many areas of my life.  I've given up mindless spending and instead adopted intentional spending.  I've also given up purchasing items to try and fit a lifestyle I'll never have.

I've learned to love owning less stuff This is likely what you think of when you hear simple living.  Although I'll never be an actual minimalist (I like some stuff in my life...), I have learned to absolutely love living with less stuff.  It's so freeing! On this same note, I've learned to separate emotions from things.  I previously had a really hard time parting with things that held memories for me.  Even when I actually didn't want the things.  What I've learned is that I love the memory the "thing" reminds me of.  It was a relief to come to the realization that I will always have the memory.  It enabled me to part with the items I held on to for this reason.  For a few items I took photos and got rid of the actual items.  I've found the photos to bring me the same joy.

What about you?  

What lessons have you learned in simplifying your own life?

What Simplifying My Life Has Taught Me was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)