#I have to laugh because if I don’t I’ll cry
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hard to sleep — c.s ⋅˚₊‧ 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
in which . . . you and chris can’t seem to fall asleep after you both argue.
warnings . . . resolved angst, arguing, yelling, crying.
written by @delilahsturniolo. do not copy, steal, or modify any of my works. do not take inspiration without permission or credits. happy reading! :)
tonight had been a total mess, there was no doubt about it. you and chris never argued, but when you did it usually was dumb and small, you’d usually laugh it off with him and apologize. however, this time was different. it was more…intense. you hadn’t meant to get into a screaming match with your boyfriend, it just happened.
chris had never yelled at you before, it was an odd situation for you to be in. all of this was happening out of anger, and stress from the day. deep down, you knew he didn’t mean anything he was saying, but it still hurt like a knife twisting cruelly in your heart, slowly ripping all the life and emotion away from you as you stood there.
“I can’t believe you!” chris scoffed, running his hand through his hair in frustration as you leaned against the kitchen counter.
“what can’t you believe, chris? you barely even spend time with me anymore!” you matched his frustrated tone, your voice rising.
your comment seemed to hit him harder than you thought it would. “is that what this is about? you think i don’t care about you? you’re fuckin’ wrong, you need to grow up and realize i have a job that requires me to be away!” chris spoke in anger, his fists clenched by his sides.
“you aren’t listening to me! i wake up and you’re gone, i go to sleep without you next to me because you’re always working! and when you’re home you don’t fucking acknowledge me!” you yelled.
chris quickly lost his patience with you. “stop it, just stop it. while you’re over here actin’ like a spoiled brat, i’m working my ass off and trying to make you happy! you sit around this house all day and complain!” you bit your lip, your heart sinking at his words. nothing felt real, absolutely nothing.
the corner’s of your eyes were quick to fill with tears, chris’s gaze softened as he looked into your hurt eyes. you sniffled, wiping your tears with your sleeve in aggression.
“fine then! i’ll get out of your way.” you replied in frustration, walking away before chris could even stop you. you were done, you just wanted to end the day, you wanted all of this to just be over.
chris sighed softly, his breaths coming out shaky as he watched you run upstairs before you could break down in front of him. he felt horrible, especially because he was seeing the woman he loved most cry. but he couldn’t talk to you right now, he had to let his anger boil over.
about an hour had passed since you and chris argued. you were laying in bed, the lamp on your side table casting a warm and dim light into the room. the house was silent, you weren’t sure what chris was doing at the moment. you laid on your side, your head buried into your tear soaked blanket as your soft sniffles were muffled.
the silence after an argument was always the worst, considering the fact that you had fought with the man you loved most. you let out a soft sob into your pillow, your thoughts racing through your mind rapidly.
suddenly, the door to the room opened. chris walked in, not even batting you an eye. you watched as he stumbled over to his closet in exhaustion, changing into a plain white shirt and blue plaid pajama pants.
chris shut off the lamp on the side table, climbing in bed next to you while still creating a small gap of distance between the both of you, as he was still slightly frustrated, but not as much as before. you could feel the tension between the two of you in the atmosphere of the room, it took everything in you not to break the silence.
chris laid with his back facing you, his breaths were heavy as his body was completely still. you stared up at the ceiling, tossing and turning with restlessness. you couldn’t sleep at all, especially knowing that chris was angry with you.
chris laid awake, although he refused to face you. he listened to your restless tossing and turning on the bed, and your frustrated grunts. he was in the same boat, he couldn’t shut his eyes and rest without thinking of the overwhelming amount of guilt he felt from earlier. he knew you both couldn’t go to bed angry with each other, it wasn’t right.
chris sighed softly, turning over on the bed to look at you through the dark room. “baby?” he called out for you, his voice as gentle as ever, contrast to his anger earlier. you tensed up as you could feel his eyes on you as he waited for an answer.
“y-yeah?” you answered, your voice barely above a whisper. chris gently touched your arm, slowly beginning to turn you over so he could get a proper look at you.
the both of you locked eyes, chris felt his heart sink by just looking at the guilt and regret in your eyes, the same eyes that had such a bright and contagious spark inside of them, were now dull and sad.
“you okay?” he asked, his hand coming up to your face, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes. you nodded, leaning into his touch, you felt a sense of comfort knowing that he still loved and cared about you despite everything.
“i’m sorry sweetheart, i’m so sorry. i shouldn’t have yelled at you. i shouldn’t have said all those mean things, you didn’t deserve that.” chris apologized, your heart felt warm as you listened to what he had to say.
“i’m sorry too, chris. i know you care about me, and i appreciate you for that, i’m sorry for doubting you and raising my voice at you.” you spoke, chris gently wiped your stray tears, leaning into you and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.
“it’s okay, love. i just want you to talk to me about these things instead of keeping it to yourself, okay? i’m here for you, i want to know how you’re feeling. i can’t help you if i don’t know what’s going on.” chris explained to you.
“i promise, i’ll try to communicate with you more.” you agreed, a smile formed on chris’s face as you guys were now on the same page.
“and i promise i’ll try to make more time for you, and listen to you.” chris added on, you nodded. chris gently wrapped his arms around you securely, you buried your head into his chest, holding onto him tightly, as if he’d disappear if you let go. chris looked down at you as you began to slowly drift off in his arms. he whispered a small “i love you” before covering the both of you with the blanket and falling asleep himself, feeling reassured that you were safe in his arms.
it wasn’t so hard to sleep when you were in his arms.
© delilahsturniolo do not copy, re use, or modify any of my works.
taglist
#sturniolo triplets#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets angst#chris sturniolo angst#chris sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo x reader#chris x y/n#chris x reader#sturniolo angst#angst#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo x you#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets fanfic#sturniolo fandom#fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo triplets x reader#sturniolo triplets x you
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I have an idea for bully!au so imagine kailm having a dream or saw something of a couple with a pet play fetish and liked to the idea of the dog collar and decided to put one in reader
Like kailm getting reader a dog leash and collar on them and tells them to keep the dog collar on but he puts the leash on whenever he seems them
How do you think the others would feel see kailm practically say he owns them as his
tw/cw: humiliation, forced pet play, dehumanization.
It’s not particularly a fetish, to Kalim at least. He doesn’t take any sexual pleasure, you are treated like a dog and that’s that. Kalim knows you aren’t a dog, but he likes it when your by his side where he can run his hands on top of your head, the small jingle of your collar letting him know you’re alive under his care.
You don’t just get the collar because what not, you have to earn it! So then does he let you walk around with a collar of his initials. Anyone outside would think you’re some sort of pervert walking around with a blinged out dog collar, but that’s punishment if you’ve been snappy at him. Then yes, he would let you have it on until he tells you to take it off when it’s bath time. The collar is handmade to fit comfortably and stand out.
He’s not a exhibitionist, but he knows it bothers you when you wear the collar outside of his bedroom. Again, don’t be a brat and he won’t have to drag you around with a leash and have you bark for forgiveness, he gets upset if you cry during the process.
In fact Kalim has a collection of collars for you depending on the occasion or outfit he puts you in.
This is who you choose, if you choose Kalim then he’ll gladly call you his. Everything you have and own is his anyways, so thank him nicely by rolling over. I’ll pick out three interesting characters seeing this side of Kalim.
Jade would be so curious as to how Kalim has you so obedient. To him, it’s hilarious seeing you prance around with shiny collar, because you look so comfortable. Kalim has no issue having Jade circle around you like a shark as he cups his chin, he’s polite to keep his hands to himself but his eyes assault you entirely.
It’s rude to laugh in Kalim’s presence, so once he corners you alone he’s pressing his knuckles to his lips to hide his grin. Aren’t you embarrassed? You can’t even stand for yourself, but it was bound to see you being treated like a dog. A well taken care of dog at that, you learn to respect and appreciate. Don’t go crying to Kalim, he’s just messing with you, a little tug at your collar shouldn’t bruise, but Jade enjoys having his gloved hands scratch at the top of your head as if ears were actually there.
Kalim managed to do it before he could. Lilia is a little jealous he didn’t think of it sooner. You look so nice with a collar around your neck. Pray he isn’t around Kalim when you’re present, Kalim has an issue of letting his friends push you around for laughs. Whether Kalim knows of Lilia’s behavior towards you you’re royally fucked. It’s the same when being punished except Kalim doesn’t see it that way, so he smiles through when Lilia asks if you could play ball for a while. He doesn’t play fair by the way.
Lilia has you bark for him when he’s chatting idly with Kalim. You need something? Just whine and bat those lashes, then will be put whatever he was focused on down and place his elbows on his knees to give you his fullest attention. Lilia is obsessed with this dynamic that he uses it on you regularly but with a more aggressive approach.
So humiliating, he would never show his face anywhere ever again. Luckily, it’s you and not Idia. At first Idia had mixed feelings about it, of course Mr. Sunshine is a freak hiding behind bright smiles. Although, he is a bit envious he gets all of your attention, if you were with him he would have made you into a beastmen if you wanted to be a dog so bad. Idia’s intentions and view point on you being treated like a dog is way different than what Kalim had in mind. Who’s the freak now?
You know some people are into these sort of things? Forcing and treating a human being like a pet, (mind you Idia prefers felines so as a mutt breed it’s what you deserve) degraded as to nothing worth more than a responsibility. Idia could make some good money for this, not that he needs it but it’s priceless watching you beg him not to encourage Kalim to agree. He won’t, Kalim isn’t dumb, he’ll scold Idia with how unruly he’s treating his puppy. Idea definitely gained some new fetish.
#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twisted wonderland#bully!au#yandere kalim al asim x reader#yandere jade leech x reader#yandere idia shroud x reader#yandere lilia vanrouge x reader
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HAH BACK IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS! I was working on a little Christmas piece but ran out of time it’s 11:55 so have a little foot ball Sukuna head canon 🤍🤍🎄🎄🌟 and-
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sukuna is the kind of player who if you’re talking to him when he needs to go change in the locker room, will drop his helmet on your head and rip his jersey off and throw it over the helmet and guid your blind into the locker rooms and you’ll just stand there yapping and all his teammates are spilt between hating it, or smiling because “No way in hell Sukuna brought her in here”
On away games, it’s a given that for your boyfriend you make him a little care pack, and I don’t mean a blanket a pillow and lip gloss and all that stuff, he was confused at first when you said you wanted to give him something, he was ready to roll his eyes and say “No I don’t need your Hello Kitty keychain bullshit to remember you, I’ll literally be backing in the morning” he actually does hang your Sanrio keychain on his duffle bag and flexes it hard and flips off his teammates for trying to bully it, but some of them low key think it’s cute and kinda funny so some of them end up getting funny little plush keychains for their own bags- but that’s not what happens, he’s actually surprised when you give him a little bag with icy hot patches, Gatorade, little snack protein bars he carries around, candies he usually steals from you ZzzQuill, he actually cracks a small smile and laughs amused, nodding as he tied the bag taking it away with him
When it’s a long day, and he’s groaning in aches and pains, he’ll lay face down shirtless in bed, and just hand you a bottle of Icy Hot, Tiger Balm or Cortisone cream, he showed you how to wrap a gauze so you can rub him down and wrap up his achey parts, sure the room smells and your eyes water a bit, but he loves you all the more, he’ll hug you into his side and order takeout and let you choose a movie more often than not, he’ll fall asleep in the weirdest positions if he’s not crushing you with his weigh
Your purse, bag, book bag, pockets (if you have em) sometimes even your jacket hood will have one of his snacks stored away in it and you won’t even know, there you are talking to him and he casually pulls your purse from you opens it up and there’s a magically a protein bar he starts eating, he walking with you as you complain about your bag being heavy and he gives you a weird look and leans back to look ah your bag, “Oh, that’s where I left it” and he’ll pull out a blender bottle full of whatever drink he chose that morning, not his favorite as when you run up to hug him during the winter, he’ll wrap an arm around your shoulder, look down and use his free hand to drop something into the hood of your jacket and once again at the most unexpected time he’ll reach behind you, pull it out and offer you some as if he didn’t just shake you around by your hood just to get a snack out of you
Games: if he doesn’t see you immediately and it’s not play time yet, you can see him just yawning and looking around bored, but internally he’s looking for your face and mumbling “Where’s that woman at?” It’s a related process, as he stands and walks around, just looking, the same sentence reworded, “Woman, where are you?” Where’s my woman? “I can’t see her, where the hells she a- oh there she is”
People think he’s a flirt, and likes the attention, the truth is, he doesn’t care much for female or male attention, he’s doing it all for the chance to make it big and make big money, so when women are crying out for him, he just seems uninterested and says “let me introduce you too” and drags whoever is closest to him to deal with whoever was trying to touch him
When he’s making impressive plays, in the moment he doesn’t dare look at you, he says if he wants to see you smile it’s not going to be a sympathy smile because he fucked up, it better be a smile because you saw the complicated shit he just pulled
When he lands a touch down, he doesn’t gloat or look at cameras, he looks directly at you with a hard stare (it’s not intentional, he’s just in the zone) and he point at you, that’s it, no heart or air kiss, no you just need to know, that’s his way of saying ‘That’s for you short stack’
Winning games, go one of two ways, he loves to just go home and groan and lay on the bed or sofa and doesn’t even shower just stretches out all his sore muscles and just relaxes with you i til he decides you can get up and shower and order in whatever food, or he showers and changed in the locker room and takes you out to eat, he actually hates bars, he hates fast cheap drinks, even at expensive bars he feels like his drinking experience should end in 5 minutes, so he takes you out to dinner in a nice place, sit down and just celebrate his win slowly unwinding the day
Losing game, if he’s angry, it’s best to just sit in silence with him and let him think over it and process it. What went wrong, what did he do wrong. Where does he need to improve, sometimes he just needs to rant it out and figure it out himself so he can understand. If it’s a sad loss, there are just some times where you’ll go home in silence, he’ll walk straight to shower, you’ll have to fix his bed and get him clean clothes, turn on the ac and leave something running on the tv, he’ll come out the shower, quiet, staring down laps in whatever thought clouds his mind, lay down and let him play between your legs with his head on your chest, hold him and let him rest, run your hand through his hair gently and run your hand over his back, let him have his moments of peace and just be with him <3
I know nothing about American football but picturing college bf!sukuna all sweaty in an American football uniform makes me feel things
bonus if he gives you his college jersey to wear at his games for good luck, he likes to show off on purpose for you
#bf!sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader fluff#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna headcanons#jjk sukuna#jjk ryomen#jujutsu ryomen sukuna#jujutsu ryomen#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#ryomen sukuna#sukuna ryomen#sukunas wife
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“Are you okay?” Levi asks you.
“No.”
“I know, you don’t look it. What’s wrong?”
“Everything is wrong, Levi. I’m exhausted…I wonder what it’s like to have a brain that functions the way it’s supposed to.”
His eyebrows furrow slightly. “Your brain is fine.”
“But that’s the thing, it’s not!” You say exasperatingly. “It’s wired differently and so it makes everything more difficult. I switch between three modes: Not wanting to exist, Surviving, and Beyond Surviving. Guess how much time I spend in each mode?”
Levi doesn’t say anything in response. His expression shows more concern than confusion this time.
“Fine, I’ll tell you. Most of my time is spent surviving. Some of my time is spent not wanting to exist. And just a little of my time is spent beyond suriving…what kind of life is that?”
Levi’s eyes look at you with sadness. “Not much of one, to be honest…but it’s yours and you only have one.” He counters.
“Well, I don’t even know if I want it half of the time. Y’know, someone told me that life is basically climbing mountains. You climb a mountain, which represents a challenge or obstacle, once you get to the top you enjoy the view for a moment…then you climb back down and do the same thing all over again. Rinse and repeat.”
Levi seems to identify with what you’re saying and he knows you’re frustrated right now but he needs to keep you from spiraling. He’s not letting you give up. That’s not the way. “It’s what we have to do, Y/N.” He says gently.
“And what if I don’t want to do anything? What if I don’t want to climb fucking mountains? What if I don’t want to constantly be challenged and given obstacles? What if I just want to sit at the top of the mountain and just be?”
Levi knows these feelings all too well…he’s wrestled with them a few times throughout his life but he’s continued to push through because that’s what you just do. And you’re going to do the same even if he has to do the pushing for you. You snap Levi out of his thoughts with your next statement.
“It would be so much easier if I just…”
“Stop.”
“But-“
“Stop.” He repeats sternly, his steel eyes boring into yours.
You grunt angrily. “You’re not even real, Levi!” You yell out at him. You’re not angry with him. You’re angry at the world, angry for the universe and your parents for putting you in this predicament, angry for placing you into a world that doesn’t accommodate you. “You are a 2-dimensional character I use to cope. There’s no way for you to actually soothe or help me. You. Are. Fictional.”
Your words don’t seem to phase him. He shrugs. “I’m real enough.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I’m real enough to you. Y/N. You are the one who brings me to life. You are the one who decides how real I should be. What does it matter if I’m not a real person?”
“It’s silly.”
“Who says it’s silly?”
“I don’t know, a bunch of people.”
“Well, fuck all of those people then. Just fuck them.” He states as if it’s obvious.
You sigh. “It doesn’t work that way, Levi…”
“So make it work that way. No one else is keeping you alive but yourself.”
“And you…” You say softly.
Levi shakes his head. “I don’t do anything. Like I said before, you’re the one who does the all the heavy lifting. I exist because you want me to. I function the way I do because you want me to.”
“So I control you?”
Levi rolls his eyes at that. “Don’t be a brat. What I’m saying is I’m just an outlet for you.”
You pause, thinking of his words. He’s not wrong. He’s just a character but he’s also not just a character because of you. “I wish you were real.” You admit sadly.
“I wish I were real too…for you.” He sighs as he runs a hand through his raven hair. “But it doesn’t matter if I’m real or not. I still occupy your brain. I still make you happy, that’s all that matters. As long as you let me live in your mind, I’m always going to be here for you.
You nod, not saying anything further.
“Okay?” He asks.
“Okay.”
“Good.”
#I don’t know what this is I’m just not well I’m on my period and I’m sick and I go back to work in about a day and I just feel awful#Life is SO exhausting and I’m so upset about it#I don’t even know what to title this so I’m not going to#It got a little meta because I also got upset that Levi’s not a real person#Everything’s just a hot mess#I have to laugh because if I don’t I’ll cry#Anyway sorry for this weird ass…whatever it is#As always I hope you find some comfort in it#You’re not alone#We’re all buddies here#levi#levi ackerman#levi aot#levi x reader#levi x you#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman x you#levi drabble#levi x y/n#tw: mental health#tw: sui ideation
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Book Fiyero: *immediately recognizes Elphaba and stations himself at the backdoor to prevent her from evading him, stalks her halfway across town to her aerie (even though at that point in time she was only a college friend he hadn’t seen in five years), insists on seeing her again, instinctively goes to comfort her when she first cries, gets sucked into increasingly deep and fraught conversations with her about collateral damage and freedom fighter terrorism, calls her the “most individual, the most separate, the most real” DURING AN ARGUMENT, says he adores Elphaba’s looks IN THAT SAME ARGUMENT, doesn’t understand Elphaba’s “being born with a talent or an inclination for goodness is the aberration” comment because (implied) he sincerely believes Elphaba isn’t evil, changes his mind about the plight of the Animals all by himself but doesn’t mention it to Elphaba because he is afraid she would distance himself from him, buys scarves for both his wife and Elphaba even though only Elphaba likes scarves, is so concerned for Elphaba and her dangerous Lurlinemas Eve mission that he stalks her instead of staying at his club or just leaving town altogether, and is so worried about her that he returns to the aerie just to see her*
Also Book Fiyero: Am I in love with Elphaba?
#😭😭😭😭😭😭#wicked#wicked meta#wicked book#faeyero#fiyeraba#re reading wicked and i am crying#maybe the musical was right all along in making him the scarecrow#jk fiyero’s wicked smart no pun intended#i think he was protecting himself subconsciously from heartache#because he had sarima and the kids#if he got in too deep with elphie…well…#but sarima believing he was a little in love with glinda makes me laugh so hard. so off base#honestly the intensity with which fiyero just latched onto elphaba when he sees her again. real I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE HER AGAIN vibes#it almost makes me wonder#because it’s been five years dude#crope saw her too#but he didn’t stalk her halfway across town just to say hi#and he knew her for much less time than glinda boq crope AND tibbett. they literally had only (1) line of dialogue during the shiz years#don’t get me wrong#typically when you have to ask yourself if you love that person the answer is usually no#but i think in this case actions speak louder than words#no shade to musical fiyero btw he also got the sauce. especially bailey!fiyero oh god#but book fiyero is something else#‘my wife is from nest hardings’ ELPHABA WAS BORN IN NEST HARDINGS#he could have said ‘my girlfriend or friend or cousin’ but nooo it had to be wife#also the fact that he refused to sleep with sarima’s sisters or be unfaithful to sarima because he didn’t want to compromise his power#but then sleeps with elphaba when she sheds (1) tear#i’ll shut up now
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THIS!!! THIS RIGHT HERE!!! Dia, you absolute genius—👏👏👏—you nailed it!
We just want to be seen, you know? That feeling of someone out there catching the light in your words… it fuels us.
And oh, how true this hits. Writing my original story has made me realize just how much I crave that connection. Fanfiction is like a message in a bottle—I write it for myself, yes, but the intention is always to cast it out into the sea and hope someone picks it up. But my original story? That’s a secret garden, locked away, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever let anyone in. Maybe one day. If I finish it. If. But therein lies the cruel twist—it’s hard to feel motivated when there’s no feedback, no readers to react, no sparks to bounce off. So, yeah… it’s going reeeeeeal slow (thank god for my husband, who’s volunteered as tribute to read it—bless his patient soul).
And those people demanding updates? I honestly don’t know how writers survive that! The stress alone would bury me alive. This is supposed to be our escape, our joy, not another 9-to-5 hustle. I’ve only written so much because I was on sick leave, and honestly? It was therapy. Writing saved me when I felt like I was falling apart.
Dia, let me just say it: I FUCKING LOVE YOUR STORIES. Like, seriously, every single word is a masterpiece. You are stupidly talented—it’s unreal—and that brilliant brain of yours? Sexy as hell 💕
These last few weeks, though… Ugh, I feel this. Even comments don’t hit the same anymore. Don’t get me wrong—I’m still grateful, always. But it’s not about the praise anymore. (Okay, maybe early on I did have a little praise kink 😂) Now, I just want to know that people felt something. Tell me what resonated. What weirded you out. What made you laugh or cry or scream into your pillow. What detail of worldbuilding caught your eye. Tell me anything, as long as it’s real 🫶
But honestly, Dia… I feel like I’m standing at the edge of something. It feels too late for me. The comments are lovely, but they’re not enough to pull me back from this weird, liminal space I’m in. I don’t know if I’ll ever finish the rest of my WIP list. Maybe I’ve crossed that point of no return line, the one where you can’t go back. And that thought makes me ache in ways I can’t quite put into words 😢Still, thank you for being here—for reading (just adding stuff to your tbr counts too!), for listening, for existing. You’re a star, Dia. And stars don’t go unnoticed, even if the sky feels lonely sometimes 🫂✨
So… yesterday, I received an email from AO3, and I’ve been crying ever since. Perhaps it’s silly—this flood of emotion over a comment, a review—but it felt like a light cutting through the fog. You see, I’ve been slowly coming to terms with the idea that maybe I shouldn’t write fanfiction anymore, and yet… this single moment of kindness warmed my heart in ways I can’t quite describe 🥹🫂
It doesn’t take much to move me; just a few words can brighten my day, lift me up from the quiet doubts that linger. That’s why I, as a writer, keep yearning for comments and reviews—not out of vanity, but out of a simple question: Do you even like my stories? Should I keep going? Without an echo to my words, with only silence or the faintest of replies, the answer feels like a quiet, heavy no.
And it stings. It really does. That’s why I haven’t been here much. Because if I’m being honest? It hurts. But still, it’s okay. I look back at everything I’ve written, and my heart swells with pride. These stories have been my solace, my healing, my way of pouring out hurt, sadness, pain, and trauma—and transforming them into characters who struggle, grow, and, in the end, find comfort. Writing has always been my way of giving myself a hug—a quiet reminder that everything will be okay. And it will. I know that.
Maybe I’ll keep writing, not fanfiction, but something just for me. Something I’ll tuck away, like a secret world where my heart can wander freely.
I know this all sounds a bit dramatic, and maybe it is—after all, it’s Christmas Day here, and nothing has gone quite the way I hoped. And so, here I am, sitting on Tumblr with tears in my eyes. But I needed to say this:
Thank you.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading my stories. Thank you for existing. Each and every one of you means more to me than you’ll ever know.
I wish you the warmest, most peaceful Holiday season, and may it be filled with love, light, and little moments that heal🎄💜
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I would like it if I was good at things
#soph’s posts#I’m literally a main character and I still feel fucking stupid whenever I’m onstage#Because I’m fat. So no matter how good I get no one will ever want to watch me dance except to laugh at me#Maybe it would all just get better if I stopped eating so fucking much#Or maybe I’m just a big fat failure of a human being who nobody is ever going to take seriously#I don’t think I’ll ever do a musical again#Anyway I have to stop crying before I get to my grandma’s house 🤪
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My first conversation of the morning -
Mum - I've got bad news.
Me - Is the world over?
Mum - Yeah, pretty much.
Me - We're all going to die.
I wasn't kidding. You guys could have made history with the first female president (who has a long political career and knows how things work - like her of hate her you can't deny she'd be competent) - instead you go for a guy who loves Putin and once blackmailed Zelensky in order to try and gain an advantage over a political opponent - REALLY!? What the fuck America!? (Obviously that doesn't count for everyone who voted Harris)
I'm going to start considering becoming a prepper and anyone who voted Trump can go fuck themselves 😡
*edit*
Could have sworn I posted this around 10am but it's fine to out now - I'm no longer yelling but my sentiments are exactly the same - I've felt a little dizzy all day - this is honestly terrifying
For the record - I don't care if you don't like Harris - neither do I - it's not about whether you like her - it's about how she's not very likely to cause WW3 compared to the guy who thinks bombs are cool (like a fucking 6 year old)
#us elections#the uk sucks right now but thanks for the reminder that it could be worse#at least our half arsed PM has never complimented lunatics who want to take over the world#at least our half arsed PM doesn't want to take over the world#at least our half arsed PM has never been caught talking about women as though they're objects#you think you're the greatest country in the world?#then why do people go bankrupt paying for cancer treatment?#why did your police throw tear gas at peaceful protestors?#as an additional point - your police terrify me so much i'd never want to visit america#another additional point - whether or not you agree with abortion people will still seek them out - only now they might die trying#you think you prefer the 1950s? congrats you're heading back there#think i shouldn't have an opinion because it's not my country? it's still my world arsehole#we all live here so i can judge america all i fucking want#if i don’t laugh i’ll cry
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I missed amongus server drama? 🥲
Qwerty no amount of update accounts could describe what happened
#don’t stop the party#his ass did not get hired NDA loving wife potato farm swag priest I’ll use him later the interview cyrus copper house Cyrus farm underside#the village armor spells out chef well he underwater mines tools named after master chef winners red light district what amendment is the ri#ght ti remain silent THEYRE fuckinng at the red light district all the time clings reciting poetry maybe if I finish his gift he’ll like me#when is the divorce is clings socks son because he’s mixed who is the father church so trinkets the pope then is it priest or pastor I’m not#calling him father cyrus how are you doing Cyrus I’m feeling swaggy bedrock minecraft isn’t on mac Nintendo online is $20 a year you did#lore and you’re not even on our server can I get the family tree when will my husband return from the war cyrus has the nda why are you at#the red light district trinket crying laughing#I’m gonna listen to YCGMA is your husband faithful oh well he works csn cyrus deafen the king solomon baby story recited from a techno quote#in a Cyrus fic please areus don’t tell you know clings I just want my family to be okay you don’t know what this would do to him please#he doesn’t even have a priest outfit you are not allowed to build in swag nation afyer some debate the council has considered you for the#job of pastor so how are Andy and clings related#cyrus gets tagged 5 times consecutively on a burger post. clings is in the backrooms. it’s jover.#amogus server#asks#qwerty
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ellen bass, “marriage”
#connor leon. to me.#now I can stop being afraid I’ll curse them by saying this for them when they win because there’s next year sunrise louise glück#rip @ photo edit i was daydreaming of this with the laurenkyle1 not a wedding photos… raising the cup the hoarse cry… oh the things i’d do#connor/leon carrying each other on their backs… the sisyphean act of years and years and years… how to bear the weight/when it is gone#THE STUBBORN HUNGER!!!!#it is SOLELY for ash’s puckbunny matthew but every time i see the rabbit line my brain goes matthew? and it would go so hard in the edit#like. the can no longer hold it up alone with a cup hand off can you IMAGINE just a cluster of them together celebrating the champagne soak#ice that carries the minutes!!! ellen I love you so much I love your poetry but my GOD did you write this about hockey no do i see it YES#yes the deep illness is the oilers years of suffering. yes if you know me well of course i would have a baby picture for the strata line#connor charmed and delighted at leon… leon a charm and delight…visceral bloody union a fight ofc. ofc#hmmm. thinking. actually. could i still do this. it ends in the stubborn hunger it would just be sad instead of happy#and actually. i think i could swing cml here and contribute to the Narrative which i usually don’t & haven’t been#also yes Matthew holding up a rat for the rabbit line even if they’re not the same at all. we have to laugh somewhere#the Connor conn smythe win is in here too somewhere
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OMGGGG DID U SEE THE SPOILERS TOUYA MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE
bnha manga spoilers
i saw the summary, but there was nothing in there that made me think of him at all??? either way, if he is still alive that’ll be a huge disappointment—he deserved to die a helluva lot more than tomura did.
i’ve said this a billion times before but dabi/touya is such an important + special character to me and i love him to absolute death, so i was really hoping he’d get a well-written ending: something that befit him and his entire narrative arc; something that made sense and ended his story well, even if that meant a tragic ending with him dying. i’ve mostly given up on that hope now, seeing the way hori has decided to go about all of this, but it is still disappointing (◞‸◟;)
#unless you’re talking about enji being in a wheelchair but#idk man touya looked pretty charred on the battlefield LMAO#i guess we’ll have to wait n see!!!#if touya is alive the only place he should be is prison lmao#we have him admitting to the murder of 30+ innocent people in 4k#the judge can’t just pardon him because uwu he had trauma 🥺🥺🥺#you know??? idk i could rant about this forever but like#it just feels like such a disservice to his character#which clearly seems to be the route horikoshi is taking if tomura’s ending is anything to go off of LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO#idk man at this point i just have to laugh#if i don’t laugh i’ll cry#sorry to be such a downer anon LMAO#it’s just that like !!!!!! UGH. we *know* hori has the capacity to be a good writer and tell a good story#which is what i think makes this hurt even MORE#because it’s like ????? what happened???#rae and i have had this talk a million times over it boggles our minds LMAO#IS tomura even actually really dead?????#like it seems like he is but???#i hope that shadowy figure is shirakumo 😌😌😌#aNYWAY#pls have a great thursday bb n stay safe!!#bnha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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honestly if all the people over my many years of living were in fact correct in their horrible horrible assumptions I was the most evil despicable inhuman person.
I’d still not care,
does the dog that bites because it’s only known pain evil?
Is the cat that kills a bird to show you it’s love evil?
is the plants that grow through the pipes in the ground cracking and puncturing them evil?
is the curious shark evil for taking a inquisitive bite?
Are the strikes that take the young and skewer them on thorns evil?
are the parasites that depend on its host evil for having no choice?
Am I evil or unsavory, who knows.
but if people wish to dehumanize me I shall make myself happy with the creatures you call evil, the ones who are scary and cruel the ones who hurt and chew and claw.
for we are one in the same, and I will happily accept that from you.
#-pop#Blep. Don’t mind me just poetry hours#why am i like this#shout out again to everyone who’s been dealing with death threats and hate speech recently#I’ve just been called horrible horrible things like I always do lol. So poetry time#bah. I wish I didn’t care as much but sometimes it hurts if I am evil let me be the kind that patches up your wounds and sings sweet-#lullabies.#as I laugh and laugh and cry#I’m human#I’m not infallible and I’m not perfect I’ll never be. I gave up on symmetry as soon as I learned I’m asymmetrical#I’m not pure or beautiful I’m rotten and foul. I’m scarred by things outside of my control and with a heart empathic and apathetic#So I am covered in blood and gore and scars and tears. I’m not perfect or just. I am me and me is enough#if I am a monster I still deserve love. Because even the worst monsters can love#I’m just a guy who exists and tries to love all. And it’s hard because I try to assume people want to love first. When they only want -#blood spilled.#I try and that’s all I have#and my best is horrible and my worst is a nightmare#but even through all this I still care and I still am kind#so be it if people label me a monster I shan’t be one to be loved by all for that is a fools errand. But I can try to be kind#well life is life. And people will try to label me things I;m not#I am a coward I am an idiot and maybe I am a monster#but I try to be kind. And that’s all I can do in the end. All anyone can do. I hold no malice but loss at the people and friends I could-#Have gained. Maybe a heart that’s so broken can only love in pain. Who knows I don’t
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I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer,,
#Random I know but spring and summer (esp summer) are much more home to me#Something about it just hits different yknow?#Like yeah don’t get me wrong I love fall and winter but they’re such cold and lonely months to me#I like the summer when I can just go outside and feel warm…it’s a nice feeling#And I can’t wait to travel again…to have at least one night where my sister is inside and my parents are out for a little#And I get to do my traditional sit on the balcony and admire the beauty of it all routine#Where I can’t go back inside for a good while because my face is stained with tears#And any time I say something to myself my voice cracks and I can’t help but laugh at how cheesy I am#But it’s truly amazing to know I can look forward to that#And I’ll always take pictures and they’ll be better than the ones I took last year but they’ll never fully capture how it felt to me#It’s a kind of intimacy that only exists for a brief moment on summer nights between me and my surroundings#With one AirPod in playing Mrs magic of resonance#And for a moment I’ll take it out and I’ll probably cry some more because the silence is even better#So yeah. I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer#S.K thinks#Live laugh luv ranting in the tags
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just saw guardians of the galaxy 3 with my friends, and i’m genuinely trying not to be biased by my general dislike towards the mcu, but it was godawful oh my god
#i’m not kidding when i say i spent the last 15 minutes in a constant eye roll#like it was just!!! arrgghhgh!!! /neg#there were a couple of moments that did make me laugh. i’ll admit it.#and there were a couple of moments that almost made me cry#that probably would have made me cry if it was in a different movie#but i (a very emotional movie watcher) wasn’t able to cry#BECAUSE I WAS SO GODDAMN ANNOYED ABOUT THE REST OF THE MOVIE#anyway yeah. can confidently say that i still don’t like the mcu.#the three friends i went with (who are all marvel fans) enjoyed it though so idk
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I’ve been teaching my sister how to play Genshin for some of the past hours today and I hope she quits bc now I feel really guilty about it I don’t want her to waste all her time on it and Im thinking abt why she even wanted to start the game and now I feel even more horrible bc of some reasons that I kinda feel guilty explaining
#dora daily#idk how to tell her maybe she should focus on other things and games#I don’t know I’m overthinking bc everything rn is such a mess and my heart hurt so bad earlier and I felt like throwing up and stuff idk#what to do#everything is somehow going worse and worse it feels like it’s snowballing out of control but it’s because why is everyone so mean to me#like all I have ever wanted is just to be seen but I’m always invisible to everyone and people OFTEN tell me they forget abt me so many#times that it’s more often they forget me than remember#why am I so forgettable and why do I get replaced like idk what’s wrong with me#what’s so horrible abt my personality I don’t understand like is it the way I think ? I think it’s the way I think#but I can’t change how my brain is wired or how it functions I just don’t know how to fix it#I swear I’ve tried everything for years and years I’ve spent since my very early years trying to find out what’s wrong with me and why#it’s so hard for ppl to like me I’ve tried to change everything it doesn’t work and only six months ago I found out why people don’t like me#just by trial and error#it’s my brain and the way I think it’s just all wrong idk how I’m meant to think but it’s not meant to be like this#my personality is all wrong my likes are all wrong my thinking and everything is all wrong and I’m stuck like this unless I somehow do#some surgery on my brain to fix how I think I’ll be like this forever#I wish I could just fold myself up into a little version of myself and just put it away to take up the least amount of space in this world#I’ll never belong in this world and I don’t want to be here anymore#shoot I can barely even see the text on my keyboard bc I just can’t stop crying#I always said my parents should’ve never gotten married they were never a match my mum should’ve gotten an abortion when she found out like#she never even liked my dad anyways#fuck how do I stop crying my mum is gonna be here soon and she’s gonna start laughing at me like she usually does when I tear up I’m#straight up bawling LOL imagine she sees that I’ll be made a mockery more than I already am this is so humiliating and pathetic. why do I#care sm now I’ve never wanted to be alive but now I’m so sad because I really don’t want to be here anymore but I don’t know what to do#my head hurts now maybe I should go to sleep maybe it’ll help me forget about this at least for a while longer#I’m just so sad I have to manually ask ppl to care about me I’m so tired I have to do this with everyone#I’m not even angry anymore I’m just so sad I’m sad that others get that care like it’s second nature but with me I have to ask and beg forit#oh ik if my mum sees I’ll just tell her I’ve been itching my eyes if she asks why they’re red LOL#It’s okay if nobodyll ever like me like I like them right ? I don’t have to get liked back as long as I give love to others right ? then I#won’t be useless like my mum says I am at least I can have a tiny bit of use even though my love means absolutely nothing I bet it’s okay iv
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