#I wish I didn’t want to say something nasty and crushing

[scrunchie-face]

Sometimes I wish I didn’t care about anything

[kneelingshadowsalome]

this has been on my mind for a while, how would König react to a reader who was around when he was being bullied, not one of the bullies since I doubt he would forgive that even tho the sex would be nasty but like a girl who was on the side lines doing nothing and just hanging out with the bullies coming to him apologetically and wanting to make amends??

Oh what a delicious idea!

I meant to answer this with a quick reply but alas 🙄 this turned into a short drabble almost

She wasn’t one of the bullies, which means she’s not someone who König would want to actively terminate (I hc him in some of my darker fics as someone who may or may not have killed his childhood bullies... and/or his father, which means König can’t go back to Austria bc MEMORIES and also bc he has like a raging criminal record there). But she’s an onlooker, practically an enabler, and used to hang out with his bullies, oh dear. König wouldn’t be all too welcoming with her.

Chances are she was someone who König crushed on during school. Unattainable, he daydreamed about having her as his first girlfriend, but naturally that never happened... Now he’s suspicious to the point of being a little paranoid: he built a tough shell because of his past, so doe eyes and apologies won’t get you very far, even if König is intrigued. To be honest, his interest is piqued, but he won't let you see that in a million years.

Perhaps you reach out after a class meeting, some get together he never attended. You always wondered what happened to the cute, awkward nerd who sat behind you in class, the clumsy boy who talked of Rome, chivalry and knights while other boys wanted to be F1 drivers... Maybe you fantasized about asking him to help you with your history or math test, maybe you even blew him a kiss one time on dare to see if he'd walk straight into a wall (he did).

Maybe you dolled yourself up, just for him, excited to see König after over 10 years. To see if the awkward boy would still blush, to see what kind of man he has become... Chirp your regrets after a few blunts and some booze and see if he still fancied you.

But König never came. And of course he didn’t, that’s hardly a surprise. The regret within you builds until you bite the bullet and send a message to his old number, and after a few months, a reply finally arrives, but it’s not the most genial one.

König wants to meet you though… And the man, the thing he has become, makes it clear that he's not the shy awkward boy anymore.

You spend the whole evening trying to get over the sheer size of him, the lack of shaking hands, the distant cold stare with which he looks down at you. The fact that he works as a mercenary, that the boy who never hit anyone now kills people for money... The fact that he looks like someone who could wipe the floor with the young men you used to think were kinda cool.

König, however, is trying to decide what you want from him. Do you still think he’s a loser who never hit back because he wanted to be the better person? Do you think he’s a good for nothing man, even now, upon seeing that he finally succumbed to his hate?

Why do you even want to apologize after all these years?

Do you want an official pardon so that you can sleep your nights better? Or do you want to gawk at him because he chose to skip that stupid get together, perhaps gossip about him to the others and see if you could still find something to laugh at?

He’s the perfect gentleman during your “date”, offers to pay for the food and wishes you all the best. You can see the hurt in his eyes, of course – he wants to make you feel even worse about yourself by being such a good joe, so you break before him when he tries to leave, apologizing again, even crying in front of him.

“I just wanted to know if you’re happy,” you say. “I just hope that everything’s alright now…”

You lay your whole heart out in front of this man, but he's not the boy you used to know, not anymore.

He doesn’t tell you that he’s not happy; he never was. Neither does he heed the wishes of his darker self, wanting to tell you that he’d be happy for a while if you blew him in the restroom. He’s fucking better than that.

“We were just kids,” he says instead.

And that’s it: that’s the apology. But you can’t let him go, and neither can he, not when you humbly decided to come and rip all his wounds open.

Cue to a few months from the first date, you’re neck deep in love with him while König tells himself he’s only having fun. You could say he’s using you for sex; yes, he’s just dating this chick from high school... You’re just someone he comes to fuck and cuddle during leaves. It's nothing serious, no. He can do without serious for a while.

And he’s not going to fall for your charms, no matter how sweet, authentic and loving you are... You make yourself so fucking easy to love, but he's not going to fall for that. Any other woman he'd worship, but not you.

Not you.

Not you…

[spikesbunny]

♥︎ LESSONS IN... ANATOMY? ♥︎

+ warnings: sub!afab reader, masturbation, panty stealing, nipple play, unprotected sex, spitting, biting, licking, breeding kink, overstim, having sex w glasses on, somewhat feral zhongli?

+ ft: pervy college au zhongli 

nsfw under the cut,, mdni !! 

i didn’t proof read, srry for any errors (also may i mention this is like, ancient?? like throw back post LMAO)

reposting from @/roronoaism, all content is mine!!

zhongli knew he was fucked as soon as he got assigned you for the project. you. fucking you. you were the smartest (or at least, one of the smartest, since albedo held that title with a chokehold) students, and you was gracefully (or should he say devilishly) assigned his partner. 

that wasn’t the worst part. the worst part was the point of the assignment was to compare your anatomies (of course, excluding your “swimsuit parts”, as your teacher had called it). that plus the fact he had a nasty, large crush on you, proving to him that this assignment would be difficult.

zhongli had liked you for a while. actually, he first developed feelings in high school, when he saw you enter his home room. god, it drove him crazy (and still does), how you wear such short ass skirts that he could see the plush of your thighs pressed together. he’d rather it be him pressed in between them, devouring the sweet sweet pussy you hid behind your pretty lace panties, the ones he wanted to rip off so SO bad. 

he was so down bad, he’d even stolen pairs of your lace panties, and rubbed them against his aching dick, wishing it was use making his pretty pink head leak and cum instead of an article of yours. not that it wasn’t good, he just wanted you.

he had your number. he always had it, and always considered texting you, or god, sending you a picture of his monster cock leaking pre-cum and asking you to come and suck out his soul :( zhongli never sent those messages, and never even texted you - that is, until today. 

after all, you two did have to work on that project,,, even if it ment he would be rock hard and begging, practically begging, to bend you over his desk and stuff your pretty cunny with his dick.

trying to take his mind off of the nasty lewd thoughts swirling in his head, zhongli shot you a text asking if you wanted to come over and get a head start on the project. you responded instantly with a Sure, be right there!

lord it turned him on so much how you typed with correct grammar. and it brought another lewd daydream crashing down on the 6′2 male. fuck was the only thought going on in his head as he heard the knock on his dorm room. “c,come in” zhongli muttered out. fuck, he was already forgetting how to speak.

you opened the door, and smiled and your knew partner. “hello, zhongli!! it’s been a while since we’ve talked, huh?”

“y-yeah” was all he could say. god, his cock was straining against the fabric of his sweatpants. he pushed his glasses up, hoping you couldn’t see his massive boner.

“may i sit down on your bed? i was hoping to get to know you a little better since, you know, it’s been so long.”

you. YOU wanted to sit on his BED?? his mind was going a thousand miles per hour. he scooted over a little, making room for you. “sure, y-you can sit here”.

you took your seat next to zhongli, and it was instant over for him. he couldn’t stop staring at your thighs, the way they were pressed together and a little bit ready from the pressure, and oh, you skirt hitched up a little too high, exposing the top juicy part of thsoe precious thighs, the ones he wanted to bite and through over his shoulders.

“zhongli, i know you called me over here for the project, but i can tell u want something else” you looked over at zhongli, turning his brain to mush.

“and what do you mean by that?” he spat. zhongli hated how you could read him, yet it turned him on so much. 

“li, i can see you staring at my thighs. it’s okay, you know, if you like me.” you placed your hand over zhongli’s, causing him to lose full control of himself. 

“fine, since you apparently can see through me like glass. yes, i’ve liked you forever, and god i think you’re the sexist person to walk this earth. please, let me take you, im begging you”. zhongli grabbed your hand, and started kissing it and slightly up your arm, begging for an answer. 

“aww, you’re so cute like this, all flustered and shy!! i won’t lie, i’ve had my eye on you too, and i guess you can take m-” 

before you could finish your sentence, zhongli crawled ontop of you, smashing his lips into yours. he bit and nibbled at your lip, before slipping his tounge in and letting his hands roam your body. fuck, he’s good was all you could think right now. the makeout session was going so fast, and you felt his hard-on brushing your leg.

hongli was getting needier by the minute, his crotch grinding against your clothed cunt. he lifted off your shirt and unclipped your bra, just so he could start pinching and squeezing your nipples between his slender fingers. “f,fuck you’re so goddamn perfect” he moaned into your ear, causing a whimper to fall from your lips.

“l,li, please, just do it already”. you whined. oh, if only he could see how wet you were, you pussy was just drooling at this small touch. 

“i don’t know what that means, you might have to speak up, love~”. zhongli cupped your face in his hands, before moving off your lap and teasingly tracing his fingers on your thighs.

“i, i need you to fuck me, please!! fuck em stupid, please please!”. god, you were already whiny and desperate, and you hadn’t even seen his dick. 

“fine, just dont expect me to take pity if it’s too tight”. zhongli pulled down his sweatpants and boxers, and oh lord, was it the biggest cock you’ve seen. 

“uhhh, it’s big” you whispered, seeing him smirk down at you. 

“whats wrong love, you dont wanna do this?” he kissed your cheek and down your jawline, before tenderly biting your neck and shoulder. 

“l,li please, just put it in already!”. you whimpered, pulling his face closer to your neck. 

zhongli looked at you, moved between your thighs, and bite. hard. you squealed in slight pain, but it soon faded to pleasure, as he bit and licked all the way up your thighs and to your pussy. he peeled off the sopping wet panties, and put hid them. “those are mine now, princess” he hissed, before sitting up. 

he grabbed your thighs and spread them apart, moving his face closer to your ear. “be a good girl and keep them wide open for me, would ya?” he hissed, before returning to biting and licking your neck.

the next moment was a blur, as he thrusted his giant cock straight into your cunt. “f,fuck!!” you moaned, but the only response from zhongli was a grunt.

he was plowing into your insides at this point, and without any warning. his glasses were cold against your skin, and the love bites he left were covering your neck. the whole campus would know about this just from looking at you.

you moaned and whimpered even more, begging zhongli for mercy as he hit your cervix with no regards. “love, please, im giving you what you asked for.” he moved his face closer to yours, pressing his forehead to you. 

the lewd noises of him pounding your poor cunny filled the room, and it made him even more feral. “li, y,your going to fast!” 

a knot grew in your tummy, and zhongli’s thrust were becoming relentless and sloppy, showing he too was reaching his climax. "li!! i, im gonna cum!! ugh li please!” you moaned. 

“mm, f,fuck” zhongli grunted, before spilling his cum inside of you. you came shortly after, panting and shaking. 

he pulled out, watching his milky sperm spill out of your pussy lips. without any warning, he spit on it, then used his fingers to shove the flowing liquid back inside. 

“h,huh?? li, what are you-ah!”

zhongli pushed himself back inside of you, thrusting even faster than before. the room filled with your whines, mewls and protest.

“li, please, s’ too much!!” you were whimpering and drooling, his dick pounding and twitching inside your abused cunt. 

“s,shut up please, i, i need to breed you, need to feel you wrapped around my dick, fuck, please, just let me empty myself inside you”. zhongli grunted into your chest, taking on of your nipples and flicking it around with his tongue.

“a,ah!! li, please,, gah, you feel so good,!!” he looked up at you, his eyes hazy and his glasses lopsided. fuck, he was hot. 

“fuck, im gonna c,cum!” he pounded harder into you, completely stealing any chance of you speaking. all you let out was a small whimper to let him know you were close.

zhongli thrusted into you roughly one more time, before spilling his milky strands into your walls once again. 

the two of you panted, looking at each other.

“m,maybe we do work” you softly said.

he shook his head. “no, i, i need more of you”

you two definatly weren’t going to get anything done tonight.....

©2022 spikesbunny - please do not repost or translate my works on other media sites ♡

[gamesofmuggles]

warren and june.

a little image.

summary : june, billy's and graham's little sister is a part of the band in her own way. she told us in exclusivity how she found the inspiration for all the most successful songs!

Billy's little sister, Graham's little sister, The Dunne Sister. In the background, discreet, calm, sweet as honey. The secret ingredient that not many people know of regarding Daisy Jones and the Six.

Interviewer : You’ve been secretly writing most of the band songs over time without people knowing about it. Why?

June : (chuckles) well not everybody wants the spotlight.

Interviewer : The most beautiful lyrics, the more remembered, the critics' favorites are songs with a common factor: love. Where does everything start for you?

I agreed to come to the house in LA, of course. Graham was so pushy about it, I think he was afraid that I would get bored without them and that ill wouldn’t write for them anymore. Billy, oh Billy was just happy to be my big brother and protect me. I was the first fan you know, and I will be the last. I remember there wasn’t enough room in the house, but Graham and Camila urge me to accept the nicest room. « To keep her mind fresh,» said Graham before dropping my suitcase on the bed. « I’m coquette too you know » I heard Warren say to Graham after he closed the door.

Warren: I slept in the bathtub for a while.

June: Karen arrived a few days after, finding Graham, Warren, and Eddie fighting in the living room. I was on the couch supervising the points, it was my first encounter with her. She asked « is it always like this » with a raised eyebrow. « Most of the time » I answered. Then I show her her room.

Warren: I wore her hoops back then, I looked fabulous in them.

June: I said to Warren I needed the hoop back. But he did look fabulous in it. To return to the question, my inspiration, well all the nights at the Filthy Mc Nasty, in the back writing while smoking and listening to the band play, alone except for the barman sometimes with more crowd. All the hangover brunch near the beach. The movie nights on a dusty screen. The fighting was because nobody -especially not women- wanted to clean those boys' mess. The adventurous meal cooked with cheap cans. Yeah, that was the inspiration. « June, how is your mind so powerful? » Graham asked me one day reading some of my last work. « can’t recall some of the highest heights / but I’ve memorized you, yeah we need to use this in the future» he added. Lyrics that were used for Midnight, I’m very proud of this song. I remembered I tried to hide blushing, cause every writing was always easy when I was thinking of Warren.

I had found the perfect spot in the Filthy McNasty so I could have an eye on him behind all those men on stage. I knew how he liked his eggs and his beer. His taste in movies. The curve on every one of his hair. I watched him a lot, a writer needed a muse you know? But also what a muse if he didn’t know he was one. Cause I never wanted to meddle with the band whatsoever and wished to keep my feelings very private, except when I wrote the songs of course. Every flirting interaction Warren may had have with me was pure imagination, it must be. Also, Warren was always a flirty guy.

Warren: It was no imagination. We were all clueless, awkward, and well, a little bit high back then. Every time I thought about it, I had to go out and smoke some. The small idea that everything could go to shit because of a tiny crush was frightening. But how could something could go wrong with June, sweet June who makes my eggs, perfect eggs every morning she can. Who went to search for the best curls cream for my hair. Imagine how someone could be this important that no matter the numbers of tits fans show you, you only want one?

June: He said that? How romantic. Where was I?

I remembered one night. We were on the beach, Graham and Billy playing guitars. Eddie Karen, Warren, and I are in the waves. Eddie wanted to fight, he’s such a fighter sometimes. He picked up Karen on his shoulder, Warren did the same with me. I was on top of his shoulder alarmed to move after the sudden physical touch. I was no prude and it was the 70s there was no secret but yeah. Karen took my hesitation for a win and pushed the both of us in the waves, Warren's hands still holding onto me. He asked if I was alright. Yeah. He had brushed my hair away from my face, a big smile on his. I remembered, ok. I need to have this smile in my life forever.

Billy: Are you asking me If I knew my little sister had a crush on Warren? Well, Ringo Starr was always her favorite so take a guess. Graham: I knew of course. Karen: Graham is gonna say he knew but he was clueless. They were pretty damn secret at first. But Warren was taking too many drugs to keep his mouth shut you know? Daisy: June still sends me Christmas cards. She was what glued this band I can tell you that. Eddie: I still can’t believe Warren scored this well.

June: I was scared of Billy’s reaction. Nothing happened at this point but I kept thinking about it. We were at a diner, the band suffered from the lack of notoriety while working their ass off. I wanted to comfort him. At least the band had a shiny new name.

Eddie: About damn time!

Warren: That night, I was ready to join that couch as always. Breaking my back. When June ask me to meet her in her room after everybody was asleep. So I did. At 2 am, I knocked and enter. She was wearing Billy’s old Black Sabbath tee shirt, writing on her stomach. Man oh, man.

June: I was very nervous, but It was time I also lived a little bit. Also whatever occurred it would have been good materials for the band you know (chuckles). He entered and he was wearing his flannel pant. I nearly jumped out of bed and I ran to his side, practically smashing him against the door and I kissed him. I (blushing) I never was nearly as adventurous as Karen, or Camila. It was a bold move for me you have to know that.

Karen: I heard a bang, yeah. Thought it was the ghost of my room. Or a bird.

Warren: Man oh man, I can’t tell you more about that night.

June: You have your answer, but you knew about it don't you?

Warren: You just wanted the sweet story to cover the bad ones don't you?

Interview : (smiles) sunshine after the rain, and by the way congrats on your 10th anniversary.

June: thank you.

[ratwife77]

Outsiders from Johnny’s perspective

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55868605

usual Outsiders warnings. Suicidal ideation (will get kind of detailed in later chapters), violence, etc

please give me criticism, but main thing is just that you enjoy, I hope whoever’s reading likes this

That day, I had probably been off on my own, at the lot or something. Soon enough, things got crazy, as Ponyboy had been jumped. He was taken care of and all, but Darry told him off. I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him, but I wish he didn’t have to watch out. Tulsa, and who knows where else- people like us, greasers, we’re targeted. It bummed Pony out, and me too, but it hurt him the most. He couldn’t get over it, and sometimes I felt like it was childish, saying the world wasn’t fair, but I knew it wasn’t right. It had messed with all of us, and I wondered if it’d ever end. Answering my own question, I knew it wouldn’t, but all we could do was try to do what we could with what we had. Ultimately, we’d always be cut down. I found my feet moving without thought, keeping up with the others till we got to the Curtises. Quickly, the tension in the otherwise warm home grew thick enough to be cut with a knife as Darry, Soda, and Pone began to argue. All I could do was stay quiet, there. Any interference made things worse, added fuel to the fire. Changing the subject, Dal piped up easily, “Speakin’ of movies,” he yawned, then continued after flicking his cigarette, “I’m walking over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?” Steve replied with something about him and Soda going to a game, and I looked between Steve and Pony as the tension rose again. Sometimes, Steve saw Pone as a tag along. Pony, obviously, wasn’t always like that, so he took offense to Steve’s nasty look. I think Steve was jealous of Pony getting Soda’s attention, but Pone had a skewed view of himself. He took it personally, ‘cause he didn’t seem to think people liked him. Feeling like that- I understood him, and I stuck by his side. Suddenly, Darry interjected with something about work. I felt awful for him, having a lot on his shoulders, and the responsibility crushed a lot of opportunities for him. Pony couldn’t quite see it for what it was, so they tended to argue. I just hoped that they would figure things out, because I knew that they both cared about each other. Interrupting my thoughts, Pony answered for the both of us about going with Dally. I was glad for that, because I hadn’t been paying attention, and I didn’t really feel like talkin’. Darry said he could go, and I wasn’t surprised, ‘cause he wasn’t the most strict on him going out. He may’ve had him on a tight leash as far as school and all, but he meant well. I didn’t ever try to convince Pone, because I knew they’d have to work it out themselves, and he wouldn’t take me seriously. Dally updated us all on Sylvia, and they had broken up again. She had two-timed him. Honestly, I wished Dally could find someone who really loved him. But it ain’t like any good girls would give us a chance. Sylvia had even tried hittin’ on me once, but Steve chased her off. Dally deserved better than whatever he had made up in his head about it all. He was gallant, and all he could think of himself was that he was a hood. Well, he was good, and he could be better, but I knew he never would. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met, but he’d just accepted that for himself. Tryin’ to convince him otherwise would be like trying to control the sea; it simply didn’t do any good, ineffective. I think we could all be that way sometimes, but Dal would get what he wanted till the end. I swallowed hard. At least he had that. All I was, all the worth I brought.. they all thought of me as a pet, at best. I was someone to be protected, and I didn’t feel sixteen. I’d never have thought that I’d make it even that far, and sometimes I wished I hadn’t. In my messy thoughts, I couldn’t make sense of what was reasonable or not. I wanted to clear my head, smoke.

Tumblr is being stupid and not saving so this is part one part two will be in the reblogs

[weanonme]

17 year old Ava Silva is used to not being wanted. The last 10 years of her life have consisted of moving from family to family and house to house and never finding a home. 6 months before her 18th birthday she gets moved to a new family in a small town after a particularly nasty incident caused Ava to be removed from her last family. Ava, who believes that no family will ever want her, has decided that she is going to do her best to keep her head down and just try to survive the last six months she has until she ages out of the system and eventually gets put on the street. Her plan to make no connections with anyone is quickly ruined when the people of this small town she’s been placed in, make her feel more at home than she’s ever felt since her mom died when she was seven.

A poorly written fanfic summary of an Avatrice found family fanfic I would write if I could actually write. If anyone would like to actually write it please go for it! The ideas I had for the story I’ll write below. You obviously don’t have to listen to them and can totally make the story your own but I figured I’d share what I thought of that made me make this post

Jillian and mother superion would be married and the foster parents of Ava. They would already have Michael. I toyed around with the idea of them also having adopted Lilith as a way to make a really nice sisterly bond between her and Ava that would start rocky and then become iron tight. And also as a reason why she would see Beatrice a lot.

Meets the gang at the highschool and gets seated with Beatrice in one of their classes

Really cute like small town vibes. Like everyone knows everyone but it’s only mildly annoying bc most everyone really cares about each other

Bea’s parents still suck tho like a lot so she stays at Lilith’s a lot. They don’t kick her out for being gay though they just are occasionally mean to her and ignore her existence for the most part and have some insane expectations for her

Mary and Shannon dating ofc

Lilith and Camila have some serious crushes on each other.

Beatrice being the one to crack through Ava’s walls first

They have like almost immediate crushes on each other but they’re both extremely guarded so there would be SOOOOOOO MUCH PINING

SLOW BURN

The reason I thought this much about this is because I had this idea of this super intense scene of Ava having this big ass breakdown bc her birthday is nearing and she’s fallen in love with this town and family she’s been put in and she’s had this big realization that she doesn’t want to leave and she gets scared and started pushing everyone away and I had this vision of Suzanne and Jillian and Ava in a living room and Ava was soaking wet bc it was storming and she was coming home way after curfew and they started arguing about her behavior lately and how they love her and they hate seeing her close herself off like she was when she first got there and she breaks down and screams WHY WONT YOU ADOPT ME THEN and immediately the room went quiet and Suzanne walks out of the room and came back with adoption papers and says to her that they did want to adopt her and they were going to ask her the week of her birthday and Jillian said the only reason that hadn’t asked already was they wanted to be sure that it was what Ava wanted too. And then Michael and Lilith appeared bc they were eavesdropping and it became this super sweet moment.

I thought that maybe Jillian could be the town doctor and that maybe Suzanne could work at the school or something

I’m personally kind of a fan of father Vincent and think it would be sick if he had some kind of role

I didn’t have a set Michael age in mind for this really just that Jillian had him before she married Suzanne and that he loves his stepmom so much

Oh Yasmine should definitely be part of the friend group !

That’s all I really had thought of. If someone writes this or just a version of this I think it would be really cool. I seriously wish I had the ability to do it really. If not that is fine too I just hope you guys like the idea!

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

I recently had a discussion with besty about pride month. Let me preface this by saying that I am an ally. I do feel that lgbtq+ folks deserve to love and be loved as straight folks do. I have seen some folks consider we asexuals as part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Some folks are uncomfortable with us being part of pride, because it’s meant to celebrate romantic/sexual love. (From what I’m told).

For some asexuals, having a connection to pride makes more sense. There are some people who are both asexual and lgbtq+. Asexuality is a very complicated thing. Sadly, many folks see us just as any other sexuality. U r either this - or ur not. N there some degrees. Some people claiming to be asexual do get ridiculous.

I thought I was straight. I tried to be straight for decades. I had a marriage. It was devoid of sex and romance, and tho me ex wasn’t nasty, he never communicated how he really felt with me. I was left to feel ugly and unwanted. We never had sex in the nearly 20 years we were married. Once, he even had a tantrum because I looked up at him when we were in the tube. Of course, he sticks to his ridiculous argument to this day. I went from being devastated about our lack of sex to being indifferent. He also began to change. He wasn’t the mature, quiet, intelligent bloke I’d met. He criticised me for gaining weight. He didn’t come to help with mum or the grandparents. He was too focused on his own things. He partied and travelled. I took care of 5 relatives like a stay at home mother. I faced many traumatic moments, as those 5 people had both mental and physical health issues. I tried to date. I was constantly lied to and used by men. Even then, I had limited attraction. I only wanted mature men who had never been with other women, n stayed off social media.People acted like this was something I could just choose to change. As if I would be happy if I had been with men who had been with other women n such. I experimented, just to see if everyone else was right. Spoiler alert: they weren’t. It was more traumatic. I felt disgusting, I felt lost. I was more depressed. I was desperate. The more desperate I got, the more I despised meself. I was starting to feel like I was losing who I thought I was. I didn’t know me anyone. It was horrifying.

Genitals were something u tried to enjoy without looking at. I didn’t want them near me face. I tried to accommodate, n felt miserable. Sometimes the eejits would sneak their bits where they didn’t belong, and I had to slap them away. Once I even tried to get drunk, thinking that would change things. It didn’t. I honestly felt worse and worse. I was conditioned to think I had to be straight if I wasn’t into women. (I’ve never been into women.) Once I realised I was aromantic asexual, I felt better for and about meself. The game was not over, however. Just because I finally am living my truth, doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to do things that other lgbtq+ people havnt done - I have come out. Never thought I’d be doing some like that, but here we r. I face adversity from ignorant folk who don’t understand Asexuality, and don’t wish to. Even in your 40’s, they think it’s a phase….or that u just havnt found the right person. Some even think we r paedos, especially if we crush on childhood characters instead of people. We don’t always fit into anyone’s neat little box.

With that being said, if folks want to include me/us into the lgbtq+ spectrum, cool. I meself don’t really use the term, as I don’t really relate other than being an ally. I think this may also be a source of confusion for those who are lgbtq+ and who get upset at us aces. THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE OFTEN DONT REALLY KNOW WHERE WE BELONG. And different people define the spectrum differently. There’s an immense amount of confusion. We tend to not really fit into anyone’s neat little box. I don’t really identify as much because I’m not lesbian, bi, or trans. I also don’t want to take attention away from their struggles.

However, we aces are a silent group too. We are what the lgbtq+ community was before it was given more of a mainstream voice. We are largely misunderstood, and not properly represented. Both straight and some lgbtq+ folks tend to not wish to educate themselves about us, who we really are, our struggles. We have little to no voice, and some aces try to cling to whatever we can get. It’s very sad.

Even we don’t want to harsh anyone’s vibes, but see the love is love thing as if someone was trying to force their sexual beliefs on you. It doesn’t matter which ones. Any of them really - and you are not attracted to anyone. You don’t want or need romantic/sexual love. Yet, you are still being goaded into trying to comply. Everyone else thinks you should love…..someone. And then they make up insane misconceptions about you when you can’t live up to their expectations. We need allies. We need more to help our voice be heard, instead of others trying to push us down. We have enough of that from some within our own community. We have ‘sex positive’ aces who think everyone should be ok with bodies, nudity and sex. That we need to agree with them if support their feelings, and we have no right to ours. Ours aren’t valid. Others think we should all want to cuddle and join in QPR’s (queer platonic relationships- which are apparently more than friends, it can include cuddling n kissing, but often no sex.) If we don’t want any of that, we are mocked and harassed. We have a right to NOT want anything just as anyone else does. We aren’t saying u can’t have what works for you, we just don’t want it constantly shoved down our throats either.

I don’t want QPRS. I don’t want sex, especially with someone I’m not attracted to. I’m not attracted to any people. Looking back now, I admit that what I perceived as attraction, was probably an attempt at acceptance and attention, as it was so very lacking in me life. I realised how toxic this was.

[scary-friend]

This is for me, it’s been eating away at my brain and I just need to make a vent piece. So view at your own risk.

I have been in therapy, but this is something I need to cope with in my own way.

Tw, csa, violence, and foul language.

I fucking hate you so goddam much. You fucking price of human waste. I truly hope that you’re dead, every time I think of you I want to throw up. I WAS A FUCKING CHILD. I WAS 12 YOU FUCKING NASTY FUCKER! I just found out my parents were divorced, my dad moved out and I haven’t seen him in months. I was so fragile emotionally, I was all alone, and YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I hope your wife left you, I’m so glad you got fired, I just wish it happened sooner. Everyone knows you’re a nasty motherfucker. Even if its not the reason you finally got fired, everyone fucking knows now you piece of shit!

It’s been so long now, every time I had to walk into that class room I felt off, like something was wrong. I was so young I didn’t even understand what you did to me. You nasty fucking freak. I hope you get hit my car, I hope you get set on fire, and more than anything I want you to rot. I what you to get stabbed, one knife for each of your victims. We were children, you had children of your own. I hope they fucking resent you, I hope you die alone. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING NASTY FACE AGAIN! I WANNA KICK YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN!

I thought everything would be okay that year, but then you showed up and RUINED MY LIFE. I WANT MY FUCKING CHILDHOOD BACK YOU VILE MONSTER.

I remember a teacher said you got fired, and I felt so happy, i hated you then and I didn’t even understand how fucking sick you were yet. And then he admitted it was just a joke, and I felt so fucking crushed. I’d fake being sick just to avoid seeing you. How fucking dare you. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU LOOK AT ME, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TOUCH ME, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SMILE AT ME IN THE HALLS LIKE YOUR NOT THE FREAK WHO RUINED MY CHILDHOOD.

How fucking dare you sign my year book, wishing me well, I fucking hate you so much.

I was a child who just wanted a friend, i just wanted my family to be whole again. I was so lonely, and you victimized me for it. Well fucking guess what! I have more love and friends than you ever did or ever will for that matter. I’M NOT THE ONE WHOS UNLOVABLE, IM NOT DISGUSTING, AND IM NOT RUINED, THATS YOU! HOW DARE YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME! I HOPE YOU ROT, I HOPE YOUR LIFE CONTINUES TO FALL APART, AND YOU’RE LEFT WITH NOTHING!

You got fired because you shoved a kid into a wall, how fucking pathetic are you. You can’t just let us be happy or enjoy our lives, you have to fuck it up because YOU’RE A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT! No one believes you retired. Every single student knows how much of a fucking creep you are. ROT IN HELL!

It’s been years, but I’ve finally forgotten your face. I’m so thankful, you don’t deserve to be remembered. You’re just a filthy parasite. I’ve dreamed of you, you were taunting me, saying I can’t do anything now. But then, you were gone, just a red pile on my floor. I killed you that night in my dreams and I’d never been so happy.

My therapist thinks you’re fucking pathetic too. She wishes she could hit you with her car, and that you would just die already. I feel the same way. I might not ever fully heal from what you did. But at least I can go to sleep knowing I’m loved and cherished such wonderful people. While you have no one. I’m so much more, I’m not a fucking victim, I’m a survivor. You can’t victimize me anymore. It’s not my fault, I WAS A FUCKING CHILD, HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS DISGUSTING. YOU FUCKING MONSTER!

I hope you don’t rest, I hope you get dragged kicking and screaming to hell. And I hope you get eaten alive.

It’s been almost nine years now. I finally figured it out when I was 17. I googled the term, I had to learn it from a fucking tv show. I read that definition and I cried for 30 minutes, I screamed. I fucking remembered what you did. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t real, that I was just overthinking it. But I know what you did. I’m not lying to myself anymore. IF I EVER FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL FUCKING END YOU.

I don’t even think of you often, I only think of my dreams where you die. How dare you seep into my mind like a fucking disease. All I picture is my dream of you getting swarmed by bugs and eaten alive. That’s what you fucking deserve.

I’m not making it up, I’m not a lier as some dumbasses would tell me. You’re the Fucking Freak who hurt me. I’m not disgusting, YOU ARE!

You’re nothing more than a bad thought, when I wake up in the morning. You’ll be a distant memory. I hope you’re dead.

I’m tired of being told to forgive you. You don’t deserve anything, let alone my forgiveness. I’m never going to forgive you for what you did. The only thing you deserve is to be run over and set on fire. FUCK YOU!

Breath in, 1-2-3-4, Hold, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, Breath out, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8

You’re okay, he’s gone now, clear your mind.

( ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹, ❤️‍🩹)

To all of you reading this, who made it this far, I love you all so much. You make me feel loved, you make me smile, you make me feel beautiful, you make me feel worthy of everything. You’ve helped me so much more than you know. And if you’ve also suffered I truly hope we can heal together💕 You’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, you’re amazing, and you’re a survivor. Don’t let anyone make you feel lesser for being as strong as you are.

[thedeathsgrim]

Tarot Microfics – Five of Pentacles – Reversed

Recovery from financial loss, Spiritual Poverty, Charity (kinda cheated here)

Rough times are coming to an end. Although you may feel like something is still out of place, know that there is a light at the end of all of this. Be thankful for the things you do have and don’t spend time focusing on the negatives.

(Again, kinda cheated here, but this is what came to my mind.)

He truly tried to feel anything, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t like the hollow emptiness he felt during the worst times, nor like the forced calm in which he drowned every feeling he couldn’t handle at the moment – which, to be honest, was every one of them.

No, it was just… It was done. Over. And he didn’t even feel the need to grieve. Surprising, considering how long he had loved, and hoped, and wished, just to be crushed again, and again, and again.

Sirius stepped next to his brother and put a hand on his shoulder. “You doing alright?”, he asked quietly, ignoring the nasty looks of their mother and other relatives. He was here on the request of Lord Black, so they could all go fuck themselves. A title he never wanted, but oh, how he wished to take this burden off his little brother. But he had been disowned, and with the death of their father, Regulus was now the head of their family. The only good thing? He immediately summoned Sirius back to the house, and with the older at his side actually threatened to kick Walburga out if she didn’t behave. Because he could do that now.

Needless to say, the duties and traditions were still pressing down on him. The responsibilities tied to the position, the expectations and scrutinizing looks. His father had not even been dead for a fucking hour and his mother had already talked about wives and heirs and how they – he – had to continue the line. The thought alone made him sick.

Which made the feeling of relief even bigger when Sirius had stumbled through the fireplace and without hesitation pulled Regulus in a bone-crushing hug. It wasn’t like any of them mourned their father, but they both knew what this meant, especially for the younger Black, the new lord. They could almost consider themselves lucky for this to happen during the summer, so neither had to deal with the condolences of their classmates and teachers. This would have made everything more exhausting than it already was.

Regulus shook the memories off and nodded curtly. “Yeah, I’m just looking forward to going back home.”, he mumbled, both brothers knowing he didn’t mean Grimauld Place. “By the way, thank you for coming with me.”

Sirius shrugged and wrapped his arm around the shoulders of the smaller boy. “Don’t mention it. You know I love to piss those snobs off.” He shot his brother a quick grin, but Regulus could see the strained edges. Once again a reminder that this wasn’t easy for any of them, but a year ago they had sworn to never let their stuck up family get between them again.

Which is why, once they turned away from the grave, both of them raised their chins and walked past their relatives, an obvious sign of unity and strength, a sign that, if they messed with one, they had to deal with the other. For a moment Sirius was glad for all of the lessons he had as a child, because he could feel how everyone around them seethed at their display.

“You know, now, since I am Lord Black, it is my decision who gets to live on which estate. Do you think Remus would enjoy the one up in the highlands, the one with the forest that you loved so much? At least for the time we are not in France, James once mentioned that he didn’t see the point of French wine, and we have to correct that.”

Sirius couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. “I better not tell you then that he once said all pasta tastes the same?”, he teased, actually laughing out loud at the scandalized look Regulus threw him. Because the fucker that was now buried in a wooden box didn’t deserve any of their respect. Not. One. Ounce.

Once Regulus recovered, his eyes took a determined glint. “Italy it is, then.”

[sidhewrites]

Fourteen! (forteen? 14.) I am legally required to include Ruby in every single writing project I make ever, and this is no different. I hope you like my misanthropic bibliophile :0

Project Info

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It's Josie's idea to research the guy possessing my cat. She texted me a little after breakfast to meet up at the library and see if we can find any record of this Magnus guy. I would rather do literally anything else, honestly, but I'm starting to think my best bet is to just do what she says at this point, especially with how suspicious I am of my cat's every move.

I watch Renfield closely, phone in hand, ready to record any odd behavior, but he seems to be back to his normal kitty self -- for now. He waddles around, sniffing at his salmon pate before lapping it up with as many nasty slurping sounds as possible. Then he makes his way over to the litter box before finally trundling up the little ramp to his bed on the windowsill

He paused, looking at the view. For a second, I think Magnus is back. I picture Renfield's head turning around like in the exorcist, and opening his mouth to speak backwards. But nothing happens. He just adjusts his position, lays down, and starts to snore.

I shouldn't be so on edge right now. It's my cat. I've had him for five years now. I know his routine by heart. I can translate his meows to know if he wants a treat or wants pets.

With a sigh, I text Josie back. I don't want to go to the library, or research, or do any of this. I shouldn't have to do any of this. I want my cat back, but I still drag my feet on the way out the door.

Let the record show, however, that I'm not scared of the Sutton University Library. 

True, its old and creepy, and I always feel like I’m being watched the second I walk through the door, but that’s because it’s one of the oldest buildings in town. I only avoid it because I'm not the biggest fan of research, and, also, [something punchy and silly]. During Sutton’s mining boom, an old rich widow moved in with her only child and commissioned a place for her hundreds of books. For the longest time, it doubled as a school house for local kids, not that she ever taught anyone. Legend says that she was so scary that she made kids cry just by looking at them. Kids wrote in their journals that she could even turn you to stone. 

According to legend, she died when a bookcase in the basement fell over on her, and crushed her. Even if her daughter later sold the building to the municipality, legend says that the Librarian never left, and she still reshelves books in the night to this day. 

I don’t think that’s the case, honestly. Or. I didn’t. I’m starting to doubt myself which I kind of hate since being overconfident and stupid has always been my thing.

But I'm not about to start acting different just because of a little thing like my whole world view being shaken. No, I waltz right in through the old doors, pleased as punch, and look to my right. Josie, done up in all black with a spiky leather duster vest, follows in my footsteps with far less gusto. "Do you even know where you're going?"

I wish I had the right to be offended. I really wish I did. But it's not like I'm known for being bookish and worldly. "The microfiche is down in basement level two," I inform her confidently, with only the slightest hint of bitterness, and head on to the stairs. There's an elevator, but it was installed over fifty years ago, and no matter how many annual [ safety exams] it's passed, I wouldn't trust that thing with a coffee mug, much less my own life.

So we take the stairs down into the depths of the old building, past the first landing and its creepy door, and down to the second. The doors seem to close on their own, and seem determined to creak no matter how much WD40 they slather on the hinges, so we enter the basement with a low, ominous groan.

"This place is creepy," Josie says.

"Ayup."

I make myself waltz in, carefree and unbothered, because, even if ghosts are apparently now real and also have been all along, this creepy basement is neither haunted nor supernatural. It's just creepy.

[Transition]

The librarian down here is tall, and gorgeous in that way that feels dangerous. High cheekbones, piercing blue eyes, and a gaze that says she'd murder me for thinking too loud.

"You're back," she says,

[stuff]

"Uh, Kaz, who are you talking to?"

"Miss Lark. She's in charge of the historical records?" I feel like if anyone knew [the historical librarians] by name, it should have been Josie, not me.

She gives me a look.

[Rambles about the librarian] and oh my god, she's a ghost, isn't she?"

Josie purses her lips.

I look to the librarian. She's looking at me like my very presence offends her, but, to be fair, that's sort of always how she looks at me. "So..."

"Did you want something?" the librarian asks. Or, I suppose, the Librarian with a capital L.

“Uh,” I say, because I’m very cool in the face of uncertainty. “Did I ever get your name?”

The Librarian gives me a look. I kind of want to die on the spot, but I think i would only end up haunting this place with her for eternity. 

“Microfiche?” Josie whispers. 

Why couldn’t she have been the one to be able to see and talk to ghosts? I don’t want this responsibility. 

Researching is as painful as always. You'd think that trying to find the guy possessing my cat would keep

“Hey look at this one,” Josie says, and steps back to let me see the obituary of Magnus Sunthorpe, one of the earlier residents of Sutton, who funded a lot of the town’s growth. He was extremely rich, with six children. Apparently it was a freak logging accident that got him, while they were felling trees to clear space for the mine entrance. He would be dearly missed, claims the writer, but I had my doubts. 

“You think he’s our guy?” I ask. “He might not be the only Magnus who lived here.”

“No, but I think it’s worth a shot. so far he’s the only one who fits the bill. Of course, this would be much easier if we could ask someone who knows more than we do.” She gives me a pointed look. 

“What?” I ask. 

She raises her brows, then sighs and spells it out for me. “The librarian?”

“Oh. Uh.” feel the blood drain from my face at the idea. “Not another seance though, right? We’re not gonna….?” I make a few obscure gestures that hopefully get across the process of setting up candles and raising the dead. 

[Josie talks her into it]

I feel like I’m back in grade school all of a sudden, being stared down at by my evil history teacher in tenth grade. The Librarian clearly hears me approaching, since she very pointedly picks up another book and slowly puts it back on the shelf. I briefly wonder what this must look like to Josie, then wonder if ghosts have the power of murdering people based off vibes alone. 

“Um,” I say. “Uh.” My mouth is dry, and suddenly my head is too filled with thoughts that can’t quite form into words. It takes more than a little effort to clear my throat and try again. “Excuse me, ma’am?”

She stops, book in one hand, eyes still on the shelf where it belongs. 

“Hi. My name is Kaz. I think you already knew that, but, uh, you know. Thanks for all those times you helped me find the right book for my research papers.” It was part of the urban legend, I realize now. She leads you to the shelf that has the book you need, then disappears when you aren’t looking. Frankly I just thought that’s what librarians are like. She never made much sound walking, but I do my best to silence my footsteps whenever I’m down here as it is. "So, I kind of need your help now, too. We're trying to find a specific guy. See, I think my friend's cat got possessed by a ghost. Um. Spirit. Uh..." I swallow hard, and gesture awkwardly to Josie behind me.

She waves, and shoots me a look that says she's as entirely at a loss as I am.

"Jose," I whisper, as if the Librarian can't hear me. "Is it rude to call them ghosts to their faces?"

She shrugs and gesticulates in a way that really emphasizes that, yes, she is as much at a loss as I am.

Right. Cool. Cool, I'm so cool.

But by the time I turn around, the Librarian is turning into one of the poorly lit aisles, and I stumble to catch up to her. I feel like I'm losing my mind. The Librarian had helped me out a hundred times before. Her outfit was vaguely vintage, or retro, or something, but it was far from unusual in a college town like this. She never exactly walked through walls or floated a few inches off the ground.

Wait.

I glance down. No, she's indeed walking around like a normal human would, with pants and shoes and everything.

Thank god I was looking at her feet, because she makes no sound as she pulls to a stop, and I manage to just barely fall short of walking into her. Through her? Fuck, man, I don't know. She gives me a pointed look, and nods at the shelf in front of her.

"Is that the droid we're looking for?"

Her already sour expression turns angry.

"Star Wars? No?"

[Brief conversation]

"It's not that I can't speak," she says, and a cold wave of dread shoots down my spine. It's her voice that gives her away -- a strange, whispery voice that sounds as much like a woman as it does a stack of papers rustling in the wind. "I just hate people." The flickering light goes out entirely, plunging me into darkness for juts a second. When it returns, I'm alone.

The filing box falls off the shelf with a thud.

I jump back with a shriek, and a ghostly Shhhh! echoes out of the shadows.

"Kaz?" Josie rounds the corner, walking slowly. Like she's been following the whole time. "Are you okay? What happened?"

I vaguely remember that when it comes to the supernatural, time can be wonky. If that's truly the case, I'd like to throw the towel in now. That's it, universe. I'm haunted, I'm seeing ghosts, and now I entered into some weird afterlife dimension where no time passed in the real world. I'm done, and I want to go to bed. But instead of saying all that, I point to the overturned box at my feet, and say, "Ghost box."

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[miss-tc-nova]

Org. XIII Awful Co-Workers?

“Interview” #2 I did for the Kingdom Haute zine. I had a lot of fun with this one. 

~~~~~

Have you ever looked at the sassy, confident, admittedly-sexy Organization XIII and wished you could stand among their rank? Don’t we all? Well, according to our newest source, you may want to think twice before donning that black coat and giving up your heart in servitude to Kingdom Hearts.

We at Kingdom Haute were recently contacted by a reliable, anonymous, member of the Organization itself who has done the honors of ranking who’s the worst of the worst to work with.

13. Xion – The Secret Manipulator

“By far, Xion is the easiest to get along with, but you can bet you’re a** she’s not innocent. Deny that girly what she wants, she’ll guilt you with the biggest puppy eyes you’ve ever seen. And if that don’t work, she’ll turn on Lexaeus and I don’t think he’s ever told her no.”

12. Lexaeus – The Guilt Tripper

“Man’s got a stony disposition. Won’t say anything if you do something wrong, but he just stares until the guilt eats you up. He’s got a soft spot for the younger ones though and they’ve all learned how to get anything from him, even at the expense of others.”

11. Xemnas – The Judgmental

“Boss-Man himself is probably one of the more bearable ones. Still, he’s as bad as Lexaeus if he catches you slacking off. The way he stares is unnerving, like a cat watching their next meal.”

10. Zexion – The Emo Teen

“That guy knows how to brood. Everything that comes from his mouth is some soliloquy of how existence sucks. I’m like ninety percent sure he only became a Nobody to add to his tragic backstory.”

9. Xaldin – The Nice Guy

“I thought them d*mn Pot Scorpion were toxic, but Xaldin’s got some issues. Guy’s just nasty and pessimistic all the time. I like taking candy from kids, but he takes it to a whole ‘nother level, you know. Not satisfied until the kid’s already got thousands of dollars of student loans in pre-school.”

8. Luxord – The Game Freak

“You ever had to pee so bad only to have someone stop you to guess what number they’re thinking of? No? Lucky you. Everything is a game to Luxord, even walking down the hall. And he cheats. But if you don’t play, you get to spend the next hour as one of his stupid cards, so I hope you didn’t have any plans.”

7. Demyx – The Man Child

“Demyx is actually pretty chill, but he’s got a whole bucket of loose bolts if you know what I mean. Man can burn toast and you can’t leave him in charge of anything. Xemnas must’ve been desperate to let him join the Organization. But he acts just like the kids, even cheering if he hears the words ‘ice cream.’”

6. Roxas – The Angry Puppy

“Speaking of ice cream, this kid’s got an enormous sweet tooth, but he’s definitely not made of sugar. He’ll fight you about everything, even if he’s completely wrong. I once watched him jump out a third story window because Saïx told him not to. Gotta give him props though; he told Saïx to go to hell and didn’t hesitate for even a second.”

5. Vexen – The Nagging

“I’ve gotta give it to this guy: he makes walking around with a stick up his a** look easy. You’d think that he made the rules around here. To be honest, he probably did since Xemnas doesn’t really give a hoot as long as our work gets done.”

4. Axel – The Bad Influence

“Xion and Roxas are pretty manageable, even together, but you throw this hot head into the mix and something is bound to end up on fire. I don’t think Saïx is ever gonna let him live down the time he accidentally set Vexen on fire with actual flaming Ch**tos.”

3. Saïx – The Kiss A**

“That brown-noser is next by the way. I swear he’s got some sort of crush on Xemnas. He’s like some sort of love sick puppy, following the leader around and enforcing the rules harder than Vexen, especially if Xemnas is around. Good luck enjoying anything with him around.”

2. Larxene – The B*tch

“Crossing that viper is one of the last things you wanna do. But at the same time, when aren’t you crossing her? You so much as sneeze and she gets all ticked off and threatens to stab your other eye.”

1. Marluxia – The Big B*tch

“Yeah, the other half of the B*tch Duo. He’s the worst of ‘em all. Walks around like he owns the place and we’re all just side characters. Everything is beneath him and he gets what he wants when he wants it. He once dragged Demyx out of the bathroom by his hair because the idiot forgot it was Marly’s shower hour. And you can forget about asking him to clean his hair out of the drain. He’s nasty and demanding and he knows it. But d*mn if he doesn’t look good doing it.”

~~~~~

Nova’s Kingdom Hearts Masterlist

[weirdo09]

i wish

a bywheelclair fic series: chapter one(based on a song of the same name)

you know, being in highschool really seemed to shit up mike’s interest in women. well in his defense, they cake themself in makeup, they have nasty attitudes(*cough* *cough*max*cough* *cough*) and they’re really not that hot. besides it’s not like they like him anyway, he’s too tall and lanky, he’s a freak and he’s not athletic. every girl seems to go for ballers now, not that he could blame them. though, they’re literally the bane of his existence(besides his best friend, lucas) he gotta hand it to them that they’re hot, not that he’d tell anybody that is.

truth be told, mike just found out he liked guys and it hit him like a double decker bus. not to mention, his first friend ever, will happened to be his crush. bad news, he’s been crushing on lucas like today, will called him telling him that they’re dating which mike was obviously happy for him and give his congratulations. he couldn’t help but wonder if he was a baller or maybe even a little taller. mike was close to 6’0 so maybe someone would find him attractive then and maybe if he was a baller, he’d finally get some validation from his peers but enough of that, he couldn’t betray hellfire if you could even call it that now. since eddie died, no one felt like taking his place so they soon disbanded. it hurt dustin the most, he didn’t come to school for a few days and when he got back, he never was the same again. it reminded mike of when the byers moved away.

sure, they moved back but it still effected him though he couldn’t pinpoint why. as the days progressed, will and lucas’ relationship grew stronger. not that mike was jealous, i mean why would he when lucas practically had taken his first best friend away from him. they almost never hung out and it was seriously bugging mike. they were all lovey dovey, constantly flirting and being all coupley. you could always count on dustin to use his straight-dar for some weird cause. “are you prissy about you and el breaking up?” dustin asked smugly, practically inhaling his food. mike gave him a scowl, “what? no, what the hell, dustin? that breakup was mutual. we didn’t like each other anymore that’s it.” mike snapped, dustin smirked. “yup, still prissy.” dustin confirmed, mike huffed at him and left the table to go to the restroom.

sometimes, mike really hates himself. sure, his friends can also be an absolute pain but this hatred is way worse. he just couldn’t figure out how lucas’ better than him. yeah, lucas could play ball, he had a pretty nice body, had a nice, warm personality too and he was charismatic. all these qualities made him a great friend and possibly a great boyfriend. what the fuck? why is he thinking about this right now? ‘your best friend is dating him, you sicko.’ mike thought to himself, sitting onto of the toilet seat. as he got out, he took a look at his face. he had the same pale skin that would burn easily in the sun, freckles that made his face look sunkissed, (one of the only good things the sun ever done for him) dark brown eyes that complimented his jet black hair and dark pink lips that matched his skin tone. noting these feature, mike could say that he’s decent looking. “certainly, not decent enough for will.” mike grumbled and went out the restroom.

dustin stood outside the door. “you ok, drama queen?” dustin said sincerely. mike rolled his eyes,”yeah, why?” he asked, not really wanting an answer. “i mean you just ran out after i mentioned el.” dustin said, mike sent him a glare. “you are so stupid sometimes, you know that?” he said, walking away. “well, i would know something if you actually told me anything!” dustin exclaimed. “you know what, it doesn’t even matter, ok? i’m fine, i’m fine!” mike exclaimed back, facing dustin when he said it. “dude, i know you’re not ok, just tell me.” dustin begged. mike kept a straight face, “it really doesn’t matter besides i’m going to be late for next period.” mike said before walking away again. ‘something’s up and i’m going to find out what.’ dustin thought as he walked to his next period.

after school, dustin went over to talk with will and lucas. “hey, you guys, have you noticed how weird mike’s acting?” dustin asked, the two looked at him. “i have noticed some things.” will noted, grimacing. lucas just shrugged, “why? did you talk to him?” he asked, dustin nodded. “i talked to him on my way to my last period, he seemed… not ok.” dustin declared. will sighed, “i’ll talk to him on my way home.” he said, dustin grinned. “so it’s settled, operation help mike is a go!” the three of them laughed, mike watched from the sideline.

mike huffed in frustration and made his way to nancy’s car. as he got in, nancy instantly recognized his mood. “what’s wrong with you today?” she asked, a hint of concern flowed in her voice. mike crossed his arms and looked out the window. “nothing, nancy, just drive.” he grumbled, nancy sighed. “so this is what i get acting like a sister, huh?” nancy remarked, mike snapped, “nobody asked you to act like one.” nancy said nothing and started driving.

the past few weeks, mike went into a spiral. sormtimes, it got so bad, he couldn’t even look in the mirror, the pain was too unbearable. will visited sometimes too but mike couldn’t seem to face him. a week after not being in school, mike finally got the courage to go. well not exactly, nancy kept bugging him so eventually he went. mike knew that he was going to be bombarded with questions about why he was gone but he didn’t really feel like answering them. surprisingly, no one said a word about it well except dustin, who was running mike’s ear off.

“you missed so much stuff! like lucas’ basketball game, still don’t get the hang of basketball but he was pretty much the coolest one there!” dustin rambled on, mike chuckled. lucas puffed out his chest, “i sure was.” he declared, for some reason that made mike’s knee go weak. just like the first time he had heard will’s voice change. lucas’ voice had always been velvety, rich and sweet but something about it now seemed to make mike wanna spend every living day with him and will, being so physically close to each other that they wouldn’t want to let go.(no freaky stuff,y’all) will noticed that mike looked out of it, he began waving his hand in front of mike’s face.

“hello, mike? you in here?” will asked with a small smile. seeing will made mike snap out of whatever trance he was in. mike shook his head, “yeah, i’m here.” he slurred out, he suddenly felt sleepy. something about will calmed down his senses, especially his racing head full of thoughts. mike couldn’t help but think about laying his head down on will’s thigh, his hands playing with his hair. he snapped out of it, ‘what is wrong with me?’ mike thought as dustin continued rambling on about what he missed.

“you also have some homework you have to do.” dustin added, mike groaned and let his head fall on the table. “that’s our mikey!” will exclaimed fondly, mike’s face started to heat up. ‘i can’t wait to go home, at least there, i don’t have weird feelings about my friends..’ mike thought as the rest of the gang cracked up. mike was once again proven wrong when he got home. it seemed like his ‘weird’ feelings only increased as he got up to his bedroom. even with his crush on will, he’s never felt this strongly about him(will) and lucas before and it’s seriously messing with him. he couldn’t sleep until 5:00 am, thinking about them. mike felt so pathetic, ‘having crushes on two of your best friends really isn’t idle.” mike thought before nodding off.

running off an hour of sleep also isn’t idle but besides the point, mike was running off of one hour of sleep and very soon he felt like he was about to fall out. in his sleepy haze, mike barely noticed his friends trying to talk to him and fell asleep. “is he ok? he looks like by a truck.” max remarked with a hint of sympathy. will looked anxious, “i don’t know but, it looks like it’s getting worse.” he said softly in a saddened voice. lucas pulled will close to him, “i’m sure he’s gonna be okay, baby, it’s alright.” he said reassuringly, will nodded not really hearing him. he was just worried about his best friend. “maybe me and you can check up on him later?” will proposed, the worries look still shadowing his features. lucas nodded, kissing will’s temple. max cackled, “i see you two are getting all coupley..” she said smugly, will flushed light pink and lucas grinned.

after lunch, will and lucas woke mike up to take him to his next class. “m’ok, i can go on my way-.” mike slurred out before nodding off again. will grabbed his face, “hey, mikey, wake up, you can sleep when we take you home, ok? just this class and you’ll be out. i’ll be right in there with you.” will coaxed softly, mike opened his eyes and looked up at him. “okay.” he whispered softly, will hoisted him up by the waist and mike leaned in, grabbing onto him. after that, the three of them walked to their next classes. once will got mike to his seat, he found his next to him. mike fell asleep through most of the lesson so will just wrote notes for the both of them and was sure to occasionally check if he was comfortable, he slept like a rock throughout.

at the end of the day, will dragged mike to his car where lucas was meeting them up at. “hey, baby, did he sleep the whole time?” lucas asked, opening the backseat door for will and mike, who cling to will like a koala bear. lucas found it cute how mike acted when he was sleepy, like a little baby. he chuckled before getting in the driver’s seat. in the back, will was comforting mike, who began to whine when he tried to move him off. “hey, mikey it’s ok, i wasn’t trying to get you off me.” will said sweetly, running a hand through mike’s hair. he hummed before nodding off, soft snores could be heard throughout the car. lucas smiled softly, he’d also had a crush on both will and mike but never knew when to act upon it until now that was, well with will being his boyfriend, who he loved very dearly.

the car ride to mike’s was mostly silent except for the occasional snoring of mike himself and will softly humming to him. lucas would say that will was soft with his friends and family but with mike, it was like he’d perfected his softness towards him since forever, of course he knew that he was because mike’s home life wasn’t the best but he was happy all the same. once they got to mike’s, will gently shook mike awake, he groaned but opened his eyes. “hey, are you okay?” will asked softly, mike nodded. “do you want me to carry you?” will asked, mike nodded again. lucas felt that he should be jealous that his best friend is practically all over his boyfriend but he just couldn’t. he knew he was natural for the boys to enact physical intimacy between each other and hell, it was pretty cute.

will carried mike bridal style to the door, “are your parents home?” he asked, mike shook his head. “just uh me and nance’s there sometimes.” mike replied softly, will nodded. “do you have a key?” will asked, mike nodded. he unlocked the door and pushed it open. mike was right, nobody was here, it looked depressing and will despised that. “let’s getcha ya up to your room, ok? we can cuddle.” will whispered to mike, who beamed at his words. lucas huffed with fake annoyance. “what, so i can’t join the cuddle party?” he questioned, will started laughing. “of course you can, babe. i’ll just set it up, ok? call me if you need anything!” will exclaimed as he walked up the stairs with mike in tow.

once the two made it to mike’s room, will placed him down on his bed and went to find him and himself some pajamas. after that and they changed, they began cuddling. mike’s back was turned facing will’s chest, it felt nice with will playing with mike’s hair. a few minutes later, lucas came upstairs and jumped in mike’s bed with them. he wrapped his arms around will’s waist, placing his cheek in the crook of will’s neck, placing a light kiss on one of his neck moles. the three laid there until they eventually fell asleep.

tags list: @foodiewithdahoodie @eefonline @atbyler @pimplepogue @willelfanpage @hoteadepresso @xhavibee @yelenapines @verashalurks @finalgirlharrison @finalgirlkaspbrak

[sofias-diary]

Period hasn’t come yet. Only a matter of time now… that’s what’s awful about starting your period at FOURTEEN. Who starts their period that late??? I’m fifteen now though, don’t you worry about that. But my periods are like suuuuuper irregular so I have no idea when it’s going to appear!

I started watching Killing Eve. And I finished the third series of What We Do In The Shadows and can’t watch any more unless I get Disney+ (that’s never going to happen).

I think about Leia a lot. Like, more than friends normally think about their friends. But I don’t think I have a crush on her, right? Because when I had a crush on Christabelle that was SO different. I don’t feel about Leia that way. But it’s definitely a greater feeling than normal friendship. When I first properly met her I thought I had a crush on her but I know now that was just me wanting to be friends with her as I had no other friends at the time. The way Dilpreet mentions that sometimes is actually soul-crushing because every once in a while she’ll say “Hey, remember when you sat on your own all the time?/when you would go to class super early to avoid other people seeing you be totally alone?” as if it wasn’t one of the worst times of my life. Whatever.

I think the reason I like Leia so much is because she’s so perfect and I can’t understand it. She has this way of being so sincere when she tells me she missed me on the few days I was sick, and I could tell she genuinely genuinely meant it. I like that about her because it means I can tell her how much I love her (which is a LOT!). And when we have conversations it’s like when you’ve been sat in a car for hours and you finally step outside and you get that fresh clean air. And when she compliments me or reassures me about something it feels like it’s the middle of summer and the sun is rising and all the flowers have begun to bloom.

I don’t like her boyfriend much. I don’t dislike him. He’s incredibly kind to her and about once a week she’ll tell me something wonderfully sweet he said to her, usually about how he wishes she saw herself how he sees her. I could bet a million pounds I see her in a far better light! And he went to ARMY SCHOOL… and she showed me his six pack… ew… he literally failed his GCSES. Oh, did I mention he’s 17 and she’s my age? And he sent her a dick pic she didn’t ask for. As if anyone would ask for that! He’s an idiot and he’s disrespectful.

Tegan (the girl Leia used to be best friends with) clearly hated him. Why would she do that? She would talk about how much she hated him to her face. I would never do that. I couldn’t hurt her feelings like that! I think Tegan likes Leia a bit. Clearly not a lot though, because she’s always so nasty to her. Maybe she’s just a bit controlling - I know she gets jealous when Leia sits with me and my friends instead of Tegan and her friends. Not that it’s a competition or anything.

I’m never ever mean to Leia! God I sound like such a nice guy. I’m not, I swear. Well I mean I am nice. You know what I mean… When Leia was trying to convince me not to buy her anything for Christmas and I told her I would because she deserved it, I feel like nobody ever really tells her that because she had a real reaction to it. And when she told me about how she went on a bus for the first time I saw how her eyes lit up with wonder! Over a bus! She’s so cute. And once in English, when Emily and Natalija weren’t in (thank GOD) Leia said to me that it was the highlight of her day. How precious is that?!

I think it’s more that I just want to be her best friend. I think.

Should I start adding tags to these? Because I genuinely do not care if people can read them. I just write them when I can’t write in my proper diary.

More later, Sofia xx

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

Dunno why I’m back so soon, guess my anxiety has been acting up or something. I’m surprised to see I didn’t get as much harassment posts thank god. Saw one person say bullshit that seems aimed towards me but aside from that one psycho all is good I guess.

I had a panic attack last week and ending up confessing to my older sister about everything that happened. I even told her about my fetish, which had me so scared to do I almost vomited. I was scared she was going to think I’m a freak and disown me as a sister as some people in my past did. She took it better than I thought and said it was a normal and a healthy thing. It is a part of being human. I was so grateful to learn my sister still loves me for being born this way. I am still too scared to tell my parents though as they are old fashioned and would definitely not get it. To help make me feel better she invited me over to her place to try and help me recover as my anxiety has been worse as of late. I had lots of fun! Sadly my parents fucking car got fucked up because some girl at McDonald’s messed up the hot chocolate cup and it spilled all over the controls so I had to take some meds after that scary almost car crash experience. The car seems to have somehow fixed itself the next day though? Still kinda nervous about it though.

I got quests of yore the board game! We found a game shop and she decided to play a game with me, I sort of went in blind as I know nothing about DND. We got it and played and it was fun, I got a companion which was a bear. I was struggling to come up with a name and she said Gary. We proceed to laugh a long time. We are on a quest to make lots of money to pay rent that will allow us to keep a bear. LOL

I’ve been up and down lately really, my social anxiety is way worse and I’m currently questing my sexuality and identity. I am thinking I may be agender and only into boys I’m not sure. I get bullied by lots of girls so even though I am attracted to all kinds of body types and I’m not fused by gender and have crushes on fictional girls I’m absolutely terrified of real life girls now. I was thinking I may be pansexual as well but yeah...women are SCARY dude. It’s very confusing... I wish girls like Abigail from Stardew valley were real...*sigh* in my country we get lots of what we call sheep. So if you’re not into make up and Twilight the girls in my country are immediately like “fuck you!”. Guys and non binaries aren’t like that tho. Not sure why.

And yeah, Barley and Abigail, I have a type LOL

We are trying to look for a new therapist but they’re all booked out. I have been getting lots of trauma related panic attacks but my family is helping me through it. I came here again because of anxiety of course like I said but uh....thanks to everyone who supports me. And please don’t listen to any bullshit rumours you might hear about me. People just don’t know how to fucking chill. You guys have anything better to do than to bitch and moan? Just write and draw things you love, don’t complain about people or make up nasty stories to try and gain more haters to join you. I know you’re watching me. You say I should grow up but who really is the immature one? Yes I had a bad panic attack that time. Yes I should have kept it anonymous. But I’m not evil. I just wish to be myself without seeing nasty posts. I said sorry but did you guys say sorry to me? No you didn’t. You kept going and did a lot of damage. So who is really the immature one? The one who felt bad and tried to explain why I was hurt and how we can make things better or the one who wanted to keep assuming the worst in me? Just enjoy the things you love instead of thriving in things you hate and trying to guilt trip others who like the things you hate. Stop making rumours and harassing others. Just stop. And not just me, anyone in general, I know there’s others who suffered from your wrath. Much like a dear friend of mine in December 2021 who practically saved me life. You know who I’m talking about, you hated on him for being like me. So just calm down, do you and I will do me. If you choose to hate someone over ONE mistake or one tiny trait like personal preferences than that’s just sad. Do what makes you happy, don’t go out of your way to make yourself angry by LOOKING UP the things you dislike. You do you, I will do me. Just learn to chill.

Again thanks to the people here who didn’t harass me. I really do appreciate it. I will just post and disappear again as tumblr does tend to be a DANGEROUS website. Place is practically crawling with cyber bullies. You guys should be careful too, please stay safe and if people try to attack you block them and maybe get off of tumblr. I hear shit about Twitter but I will not lie, there’s actually less cyber bullies there apparently. Deviantart is a totally safe place too. I did have some BS happen there before but the people behind the website don’t allow bullying and band people. So yeah. Thanks and stay safe everyone.

[slut4sway]

Hall/Smith there was only one bed pleek

someone lit from within

blurring out my periphery

my smile is like i won a contest

and to hide that would be so dishonest

and it’s fine to fake it till you make it

til you do, til it’s true

and it’s like snow on the beach

weird but fuckin beautiful

🎧••••••••••••••••••••••••••••🫙

and they were roommates

tags : sharing a bed, getting together, friends to lovers, crush denial/internalized hatred, awkward, bro cuddling, fluff, requested, breakup recovery, taylor hall/craig smith, bruins ensemble

notes : i’ve never written this rare pair hope it’s all good!!

the boys were in new york for an away game, tensions were high as the rangers were playing pretty good this season. it’s been a rough couple of weeks for the entire team; but especially smith. he’s had some pretty nasty shit go down with his ex girlfriend and another guy. poor guy hasn’t been able to sleep for more than 3 hours without waking up on the verge of tears. everything’s been kind of difficult, with all the stress of the team and working out roomates hassle. because he zoned out, craig ended up sharing a room with taylor because everyone else had made arrangements to share a room with their best friends, and maybe the boys just figured. honestly, was it a blessing or a curse? he’s had a heart-wrenching crush on his best friend for years, but knowing he couldn’t have him made everything a living hell. he’s tried to deny it; get a girlfriend as a cover up but it just seemed to make matters worse, bottling up his emotions like that. something in taylor and the way he treated him just put him in a chokehold.

“okay there, bud?” the canadian beside him called out. craig had been so obviously pondering over something, and obviously caught taylor’s attention.

“um- great. just thinking… i guess” he awkwardly fibbed. he was definitely not fine. being in love with taylor and his ex still running through his mind stressed him out.

“you don’t look okay.. i can tell when your lying, smitty.” god that stupid nickname. taylor replied, tilting his head to match the angle of his friends.

“really i’m fine..” craig responded, slightly irritated by his observation. really he didn’t want to be ‘not okay’.

“cmon, i can tell. what’s on your mind? is it your ex?” the younger man interrogated, determined to find the reason to his friends stoic yet tense expression.

smith silently nodded his head. why did he absolutely despise the way he knew? he didn’t want him to know the real reason. he wasn’t completely lying, though. his ex was still running around his mind.

“she was a fucking bitch. i hated her im sorry but it had to be said. maybe this would be a good time to tell you i never got a good feeling about her but i just- wanted to keep you happy.” taylor insulted, following up with a confession.

craig clenched his jaw at his swears, but mostly of all his secret he had released so non-chalantly. he seriously wanted to keep him happy? he really wanted to say how much he hated big, dumb taylor. how he hated his best friend. how he hated he loved him more than a friend should. how he hated him and how he cared so much. how he didn’t tell him the truth just so he could stay content. but he hated most of all how he didn’t hate him. how he wishes he could just tell him he belonged with taylor. but those words would never be said, right?

“maybe you were right. i kind of knew you didn’t like her.” smith trailed off, still staring off into the passing trees as the bus rolled down the slow transition from trees to the mountains of barely upstate new york.

“i’m sorry for bringing her up.. on the bright side i’ve got you as a a roommate again” taylor tried to lighten the mood. he rested a hand on the older man’s knee, pushing out an awkward apology. maybe that made things worse.

craig tensed up at the touch, he hoped he didn’t hear him right. it wasn’t really a surprise they were going to be staying in the same room, but ever since the breakup hes wanted taylor more than ever. scared to say or do something he might regret, he just looked away at his sleeping teammates.

•••

the drive was long and dreary, the dead of winter in new york was not pretty at all. city traffic of downtown manhattan wasn’t much better. it felt like a release as soon as they pulled up to their hotel, looking up at the industrial style and sleek structure. the bus came to a quiet halt, the loss of movement in the vehicle breaking the constance of the boys’ naps.

“fucking new york.. i hate it here” fliggy groaned in the back.

“it’s not that bad.. i mean it could be worse right?” mcavoy chimed in.

“well you think so cause you grew up like half an hour from here or whatever the fuck-“ waking fliggy from his nap and speaking to him wasn’t the smartest decision.

smith tuned out the bickering in the background, as he got out of his seat to stretch. taylor followed, as he brought his arms over his head and released the pressure. craig subtly took a glance at his exposed midriff, keeping the picture of his happy trail and tanned abs in his mind. what the hell was he thinking? this was gonna be a long night.

taylor rubbed his stubble, cracking his neck while he trodded off the bus. he followed craig into the building.

“i’ll get us checked in with the boys, alright? just go take a minute.. i know things are uh- pretty rough right now.” he told smith. everything just felt more awkward, they weren’t the friends they were when smith had just ignored his feelings. it seemed like taylor knew, the way he bit his lip to self soothe seemed to tell craig everything he needed to know but left him with so many questions.

smith just gave him a thankful glance before he trudged over to a seating area by a semi enclosed sun room. the sky grew dull, more so than it had been on the drive here. darker as well, as the evening progressed. raindrops started to trickle down onto the glass. a thousand thoughts came rushing into his head the second he sat down, it was so overwhelming it almost made him dizzy. he couldn’t be left alone with his own thoughts, not now. he dropped his head into his hands propped up on his knees, running a hand through his hair. the ambient sound of people walking and speaking slowly faded, his mind just getting even louder. finally it was interrupted.

“smitty, you feelin okay?” taylor asked, eyeing the way his body language subtly perceived his mood.

“i got it all figured out, the doormen are even bringing our bags up. it’s gonna be okay, i swear”

the way he spoke to him so patiently just sparked something inside of the older man. why did he have to be in love with his best friend? of all people, for fucks sake.

“yeah, thank you; sorry really i’ve just been out of it.” he rasped, wiping away some sneaking tears from his eyes.

“don’t apologize, please bud.. just come up to the room we can talk about it there alright?” taylor coerced, canadian accent laying in quite thick; more than normal.

smith nodded, biting the inside of his cheek as he stood up from the cushioned seat and followed his friend to the elevator. everything just seemed like a blur, one second he was pressing the call button and the next they were at the door to their room. was he really that disoriented?

taylor inserted the key into the reader, as it clicked open with a green light. he stepped into the room and flicked the light on. their bags were already neatly laid out in a corner. he studied the room and the way it was decorated but then it hit him; there was only one queen sized bed.

“fuck..” smith whispered under his breath. this day couldn’t have gotten any worse, but now he had to share a bed with his best friend and the man he’s loved in secret for years.

“i’ll take the floor-“ he blurted out. he didn’t want this to be more awkward than it already was, given how they both weren’t really their bubbly, dumb selves.

“no, smitty. don’t make it weird. it’s a big bed, we can just share” taylor suggested. maybe he didn’t realize that two 6”1 men would have to barely be able to lay comfortably in a mediocrely sized bed.

“fine.” craig didn’t really want to protest. he sighed and made a beeline to his bags to the bathroom. maybe cause he was just tired. or maybe he’s been wanting this all along and he didn’t want to say anything.

they both went their seperate ways in the spacious room. smith made his way over to his own duffel bag and searched for a change of clothes. he picked out some grey sweats and thumbed through the folded clothes for a pair of boxers. he unzipped another compartment and took a pair of fluffy socks. he got up off his knees to his feet and turned the corner to the door to the bathroom. the automatic light turned on as the fan whirred to life. he flicked on the light that outlined the large circular mirror and took a look around at his surroundings. he set down his clothes and pulled a folded towel from the shelf. turning on the shower, it heated up quickly and the steam began fill the room and make his tired head spin. he groaned quietly, rubbing his eyes as he started to slip off each article of remaining clothing until he was bare. he stepped into the hot stream of water pouring from the rainfall shower head. it seemed like forever, those past couple of minutes. he just thought of his interactions with taylor and how awkward they were. he missed when they could fuck around and be themselves with the aftersilence feeling intimate instead of awkward. the past couple of weeks felt like everything was falling apart, nothing was as it once was. these thoughts filled his head as he let the hot water turn his carved body red. after breathing in the thick air for a while, it seemed to give him a false high. maybe this gave him the motivation to actually get cleaned up so he can maybe decide if sharing a bed with his friend was a blessing or a sign from hell. he pumped some shampoo out of the bottle mounted on the wall and lathered it into his dark, soaked hair. he massaged it to his scalp, excess rinsing off along with letting the water rinse off his head and all the product out of his hair. following the same procedure with conditioner, but while waiting for it to set he scrubbed his body with sage scented body wash.

after what seemed like forever, he finally let the water run all over him and rinse off the all the soap. the constant sound of water running suddenly stopped with a creak of the faucet handle turning. craig stepped out of the shower onto a fluffy white bathmat that absorbed each stray droplet of water. he wrapped the towel around his waist and turned towards the fogged up mirror to his left, drying it with one of the smaller towels. he took another folded up different sized towel and wrung out all of the excess, now cold water from his hair. the remaining steam in the room just seemed to make him more dizzy than he already was. smith ran his hands through his dark, silky flow, separating and fluffing up parts that were slicked back with water. after fixing his hair he slipped on the pair of plaid boxers and let the waistband snap to his hips. following, he stepped into his sweatpants and pulled them up just below his waistband. mindlessly just muscle memory as he just slid on the fluffy socks.

taylor scrolled through some random shows on netflix, resting his head on a stack of pillows with an arm slung over his waist and another holding the remote. his attention was lapsed from the endless scrolling on the tv to the smith walking out of the bathroom as steam billowed from the doorway.

“holy shit, smitty.. you were in there for like an hour and a half!” he nervously laughed, studying the redness on his shoulders.

“really? i didn’t feel like i-“ smith was interrupted by the sight of his best friend laid out on the bed, tanned abs, v line, grey sweatpants, the way his overdue-haircut messy flow fell perfectly over his forehead; the whole deal. he could have sworn he turned as red as a god damn fire truck with the way blood rushed to his cheeks and drifted all the way to his chest. he’d always seen taylor shirtless, but it was just different this time.

“alright there?” the younger man questioned, his casual expression turning worried.

“mhm. just… dizzy from the hot shower i guess-“ he lied, trying to make an excuse for how flustered he got.

“oh, fuck.” taylor swore under his breath as he glided of the bed and hurried over, gently taking hold of his friends wrists as he snaked a hand up to his bicep.

“just sit down alright? i’ll get you something to drink.” he said, leading smith to the bed. the dark haired man just let him move his body, head overloaded with his lingering thoughts and everything to do with his best friend.

taylor made sure he got comfortable on the bed while he fumbled in the mini fridge under the tv for some juice to bring him back to full awareness. he rushed over to his side, climbing back to his spot next to him. maybe he was too close for being “just friends”. he softly passed him the small bottle of chilled apple juice.

smith fixed his dull eyes to his ever so gentle calloused hands that rested on his inner thigh and passed him the juice.

“drink some, for me?”

taylor unscrewed the cap to the small bottle, as he laced their fingers together with each of their free hands, caressing his hand with his thumb. were both of them so sure they were and always will be “just friends”?

“damn you really turn into a mother as soon as i get sick, or hurt, or some bullshit like this.” the older man teased, if he hadn’t said this maybe taylor wouldn’t pull his hand away and turned so red.

“i mean- you’re my best friend and like.. i didn’t realize.. just fucking drink it smith.” taylor retaliated, taking his hands off him. there it is. there’s the returning awkwardness.

the ends of the dark haired man’s lips uncurled, as he shifted his gaze from their hands to the wall, taking a sip. unbeknownst to we’re taylor’s hands were. he didn’t want to imagine them anywhere else but on him. some random netflix show was playing in the background, maybe continuing from the trailer. he mindlessly downed the small bottle, reaching over taylor to put the empty glass bottle on the nightstand. more and more thoughts just came running to his head, yelling and screaming and reminders that he fucked up with his ex, and just made this situation silent agony. his eyes grew slightly glassy. he tried to blink away some tears but it seemed to just make them fall from his eyes.

“hey, hey, don’t cry.. it’s okay” taylor cooed to him like a child, as he noticed a change in smiths face. he kind of already caught on to why he was upset. he turned his head and shifted so he could face him.

“i’m- oh my god, tay; it’s all my fucking fault.. if i were good enough maybe she would have stayed.. if i were better she could still be here” he sobbed into his hands, just letting out every emotion he’s been holding in.

“don’t you ever talk down on yourself like that, smitty” taylor said harshly but somehow turned his tone to be forgiving in a way.

“it’s her fault she couldn’t see what i see, you’re more than enough. you don’t need validation from a woman, you’re too good for her and she didn’t deserve you at all” he reassured.

“..what you see? whaddya mean?” craig questioned, a chill running down his back.

“i mean.. where do i even start? you’re my best friend, you have such nasty flow; like come on she couldn’t do better if she tried! and you’re just such an amazing person i cant put it into words. i love everything about you and nobody could compare. smitty you’re so perfect and don’t you ever forget that, hear me?” compliment after compliment, taylor really poured his heart out even if they weren’t as deep of words as he meant them to be.

the “perfect” and “i love everything about you” just played over and over again in smiths head. if he meant it platonically or more than that would remain a mystery for the time being. the tears still fell from his puffy eyes. damn it, taylor made his life so complete but so difficult.

“i- i honestly don’t even know what to say back”

“you don’t have to, just let it all out”

and with that statement he did. he let out all his hopeless sobs and whines, falling into taylor’s gentle embrace. his salty tears fell from his glassy eyes to either taylor’s shoulder or off the sharp of his jaw onto his friends pectorals. he gripped onto taylor’s back so hard his fingers probably turned white.

“i’m here, i got you” taylor continued to reassure him, massaging the back of the brunettes head as he wrapped an arm around his trembling body. smith really had a hold on his back, but anything for his best friend really.

“fuck i’m not gonna be able to sleep after this”

“what can i do to help, i’ll do anything i can” the younger man warmly said to the crying man in his arms.

“just.. hold me” smith asked, quite hit or miss of him.

“i mean.. yeah if bro cuddling helps i’m fine with it” the canadian hesitated, but he really would go to so many lengths to keep his friend happy.

smith silently cheered and mentally jumped up and down like a happy little kid. maybe this was his awakening he didn’t have to deny it anymore. he shifted his position so taylor could get comfortable. they both lied flat on the bed as taylor finally turned off the tv in the background and flipped off the lights, just leaving the dim glow from the city skyline in the window that shone onto their faces. his nose grazed the tender skin of taylor’s neck, as his skin tensed under his touch. smith gently slung a leg over his thigh, taking in every second as taylor wrapped his chiseled arms around him. minutes of silence passed.

“tay, can i be dead honest with you?” he sort of choked through tears. finally he took a real risk.

“always, what’s up” taylor rasped, making blazing eye contact with him from their close position.

“this is really hard for me to say but i feel like you really should know and like..” smith sucked back a little bit, just beating around the bush.

“go ahead, i’m listening” the younger man said with a sleepy tone.

every one of taylor’s words just sent a new shock through his body.

“i mean.. i kind of- like i.. i’ve had feelings for you since you were signed. i got a girlfriend as a cover up and maybe i got a little too wrapped up in it but.. now i’m not really gonna ignore my issues anymore. it’s been bothering me for a while but just got worse since the breakup; and that’s why i’ve been acting so off, i’m really sorry i didn’t tell you before..” smith finally confessed, took him long enough as he ended his rambling and bit his lip to self soothe. he couldn’t bare to hold eye contact after what he just said, so he decided to stare off into the skyline.

“wow.. smitty. i’m really proud of you for being able to say that.. and now that i know for sure you’ve got a thing for me it would probably be a good time to tell you there’s a reason ive been turning everyone down, because honestly it’s always been you; you’re all i want and all i need, smitty” he finally confessed. the younger man gently stroked his soon to be lovers hair, rubbing his back and tracing hearts and shapes on his smooth bare skin lovingly.

“hallsy i-“ smith was already emotional, and this news just made his tears of pain turn into happiness. he shifted his weight so he was lying atop taylor. he released his right grip on his back and ran his hands up the the nape of his neck, twirling the ends of his hair.

taylor didn’t have to say much. he gently took cupped his cheek and brought him down to his level. the amount of want smith had cooled down. now they were just in each others presence and nothing felt rushed. their lips barely brushed one another, just feeling their lungs expand under them until they finally closed the centimeter of space between them. there was nothing that had to be finished by a deadline. just them. the kids was soft and sweet, nothing rough could come of it. the warmth of their tongues collided, sharing each others saliva as their prolonged kiss took their breath. smith rested his forehead on taylor’s, pulling away to catch his breath. the way his full lips felt against his was something different and unmatched. they made eye contact, even with heavy, half lidded gazes. taylor caressed his back, a hand rested just beneath his waistband on his hip and another cupping his cheek.

“i don’t think you understand how long i’ve wanted you, i don’t ever wanna imagine having to go back to a time when you weren’t mine.” smith told, almost going cross eyed from the way they were looking at each other.

“i’m here now, i’m all yours my love” taylor said breathlessly, connecting them once again; their lips making contact as needed. it was so right, the way their bodies fell together like a puzzle piece.

“god you get me so high” smith whined through the kiss, until they finally parted for air. taylor still continued to whisper sweet nothings and leave constant stray kisses along his neck. he finally relaxed his muscles and melted onto the younger man’s body.

“tay.. what are we now?” the brunette asked, his stubble rubbing against taylor’s jawline.

“i mean would you do this with someone who’s not your boyfriend? cause then i think you have your answer, smitty.” the canadian warmly spoke.

smith just chuckled at his snarky comment, now the after silence didnt feel so awkward. maybe things were going back to normal because they are supposed to be each others normal. the silence finally felt intimate again. he felt taylor play with his hair and fold over his waistband. his touch just made him relaxed enough to fall asleep slowly. he struggled to stay awake , no light in the room besides the downtown manhattan glow.

notes : denial is a river in egypt.

[starwarspurgefan]

My cute scarecrow (embry x Ryo fanfic) is literally a story I made……and…..it’s didn’t age well I guess……

(Notes this is a au where dr d light and her parents didn't die in inmimb also embry is non-binary in this story so yeah)

Embry POV:I miss him........I didn't made to yell at him and hurt his feelings........Ryo I am sorry..........

Ryo POV: embry......I miss them it's have been months i am worried about them.......

Ryo walk out of his house to talk with his friends and brother.

Necrotary:hey ryo

Ryo:hey necrotary......

Necrotary:ryo are you okay? You look depressed......oh wait.let me guess....you are still upset about the argument that you and embry have?

Ryo:yes.........I don't know if they get over it or they is still mad at me......why would they yell at me for something i didn't do?

Necrotary:ryo it's time I tell you truth....the truth is....embry has a crush on you

Ryo:wait......WHAT?!

Necrotary:yes and before you could say that I am joking but it's not.it's true.....embry has A

crush on you ever since the day when you first came to the school when we are kids every year has past by the time we grew older they started having feelings for you!

Ryo:but they hate romance stuff! Why would they have a crush on me?

Necrotary:Is because you help them.hanging out with us.been a nice kid you are nice to them and me that is why they has a crush on you.

Ryo:but why would they have a crush on me after they yell at me?

Necrotary:we'll it's going to be hard but....The reason why they is mad at you it's because you hang out with sunny you know the girl from Halloween.they thought the you have feelings for sunny and thought that you kiss sunny when you and sunny trip.because of this their heart is broken and they is really angry at sunny I try to get them to calm down.but when they is about to hit her.I kinda went way too far by telling them how they is nothing but a bossy kid....and other crap.....wish ending up making things worse.and also begin the argument you and embry had.wish is the reason why they is mad at you!

Ryo was confused at first but then he remembered the note.he connecting the puzzle together.

Ryo POV:what........that why they mad at me? I...broke their heart and they mad at me......what have I done?.............I didn't mean to break their heart............I need to fixed this

Ingram:holy crap! you and embry really have a nasty fight!

Ryo:.....yes......at first I don't understand why but Now I know why they is mad at

me...it's because I broken her heart.I didn't not know about it until I read the note

Necrotary:how did you find out about the note?

Ryo:after the fight when I saw embry walk to they house angry.I found a note And I pick it up. When I got home.I yeet it at the wall in my room after I get home angrily about the fight.but then after some months I read the the note.and after reading it.........i feel guilty after reading this....I guess they hate now.........this was all my fault........

Necrotary:ryo it's wasn't your fault it's was my fault!I shouldn't never be in the way.you can't still fix it!

Ryo:but what if they still hate me?

Ingram:look Ryo.it's wasn't you fault.I know they well forgive you.because the fight was like a month ago.and she probably felt guilt about what she said to you.and maybe she want to apologize about what she said.

Necrotary:you brother is right ryo.they still love you.I know it's because she is still our friends.I just want everything to be back the way it's was.

Ryo:thank you guys.it's was really sweet of you.but we haven't see them in like forever!

Necrotary:ryo I agree.we haven't see them in like a month! Something bad is happening we need to go to their house to find out what happened!

Ryo:you are right we need to find out if they is okay!

Necrotary:good now let go!

After telling his father to go to embry house his father agrees to do it.but he has to do some chores first.so Ryo has to do them first.before they go ryo make a note about how sorry he is.after he done he is doing his chores first and then they want to embry house.

Dear embry if you are reading this I am sorry.

Embry I didn't know you have a crush on me embry I didn't mean to yell at you I really am sorry.embry you may be sometime a jerk but I still like you.and yes I be your boyfriend embry I did have feelings for you but I was too afraid to tell.I sorry I yell at you and I am sorry for ruined you change to confess your feelings for me.if you are still mad at me and hate me now I understand.we'll try forgive for this.I want to fix what have I done.I want everything to be the way it's was again.

By Ryo