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midlifemusingsfromthemidwest · 4 years ago

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Charlatans, Liars, and Frauds

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction, and this is one of those times. I have long been an avid reader of the trashy British tabloid that masquerades as a newspaper, The Daily Mail. Every morning for years, I have enjoyed reading the DM as I drink my morning coffee. I read the stories and laugh at the acerbic comments, as the Brits do have a way with words. When Meghan Markle arrived upon the scene while dating Prince Harry, suddenly every story was about them. As an American, I was amused by their painting of her as a star and well-known actress, because no one, and I mean no one, outside her immediate family and friends, had ever heard of this chick. Not only that, no one I have ever talked to watched the show Suits, where she played a supporting role. Suddenly, Meghan Markle was everywhere, and quickly I came to the conclusion that she was a complete social climber who was dating poor dumb Harry to advance her desire for fame. In the comments of the Daily Mail, someone mentioned a Facebook group devoted to shared dislike for Meghan, and on a lark, I joined it. The group was known as Meghan Markle The Charlatan Duchess, often shortened to MMTCD. I'll be honest, the group was a lot of fun as women from all over the world dished and bitched about what a fraud Meghan Markle was. We laughed at her horrific wigs and her clothes that cost millions, yet were always ill-fitting. We chuckled over how dim Harry was, and we guessed how long it would be before the divorce proceedings were started. Some of the women believed more outlandish tales such as that Meghan was born a man, that she wore a moonbump and was never pregnant, and that Archie (I am still scratching my head over that choice of name…Archie????) was, in fact, a doll, and not a real boy. Maybe Meghan should have named him Pinocchio instead of Archie. All in all, it was good fun…not nice, yet good fun.

Now, the interesting part of the story is that the founder of the group was a woman who referred to herself as "Lady L”. Lady L claimed she was a high-ranking member of the British aristocracy with strong ties to the British Royal Family. She wrote in flowery prose about how she felt compelled to start a facebook group to help expose Meghan Markle as a fraud and charlatan. She was single-handedly going to save the British monarchy from the grubby clutches of the American interloper. Lady L claimed her grandmother had been a lady-in-waiting to the Queen, and that she had a huge ancestral home outside of Edinburgh. In fact, she often wrote that once Meghan and Harry divorced, she was going to host a huge party for the group in her ancestral pile in Scotland, oooh la la! Sadly, some women in the group actually started saving money for the trip so they would be able to afford to go. Seriously, shame on her for that. She wove the tale that she was a successful antique shoppe owner (notice the British spelling, which meant it had to be true), and that she came to the United States every year to buy antiques for her stores and shipped them back to the UK. Um, what? Why in the world would someone come from the UK, where antiques simply had to be older and more valuable, to the United States to buy antiques that were generally far less old and far less valuable. How odd, and the first red flag that made me think the Lady wasn't all she proclaimed herself to be.

After some time, Lady L introduced us to her cousin, Lilly Beth, whom she had recruited to help run the group, as Lady L simply couldn't keep up with it all by her little old blue-blooded self. Shortly after that, Lilly Beth became the self-appointed Queen of the group with every member hanging on her every post, all while competing for her attention. Lady L rarely posted in the group once Lilly Beth was brought on board to run the place. Occasionally when the group members became unruly, Lady L would pop in and shout at everyone to stop whatever they were doing to anger her, post a giant red angry emoji, and then "feck off" back from whence she had come. Lilly Beth claimed that her husband, fondly known as “Mister”, worked for the Crown and that she had "grown up with Wills and Harry." Hmmmm….ok then, it seemed somewhat implausible, but I was game to play along on the off chance it was true. Maybe she was just some rich bored British aristocrat hiding behind a laptop. I had been a member for just a few weeks when the group was rocked by a Daily Mail article that doxed or exposed, several anti-Meghan private citizens in a story that shared the pictures, names, and even twitter names of several women who happened to be members of the group. I still believe that Meghan Markle's people were behind the doxing, and it made me dislike her even more. The members of MMTCD panicked, and most of us then created fake facebook profile identities and rejoined the group under nom de plums. It might seem like an overreaction, but many of the women in the group whom I had become friends with were successful professionals. They didn't want to see their faces and names publicly shamed on the Daily Mail for having the audacity to dislike Meghan Markle. Not only that, but it was quickly become the modus operandi of Meghan and her band of flying monkeys, I mean supporters, to harass, defame, dox, and call every person who didn't like her a racist. Despite the influx of anonymous Facebook profiles, the group MMTCD flourished.

Over the next year, Lilly Beth became increasingly over the top, and she was an incessant braggart. She claimed that her husband, Mister, not only supposedly worked for the Crown, but that he also was a member of the House of Commons, owned a village, and that he had even surprised her with a mansion in upper New York where they would summer, amidst the ungodly heat and humidity. Who in their right mind would summer in New York where it is 100-plus degrees when one could be in much more temperate UK? Mmmhmm…sure. As time went on, Lilly Beth bragged more and more and more. She claimed she brought their entire household staff with them to the United States to the new mansion. She bragged that her daughter Violet was friends with Prince George and that there was a possibility she could even marry him someday. My goodness, was it possible that our humble Lilly Beth could someday be the mother-in-law to a future King? Would we all get invitations to the wedding? Should I start saving for a bespoke dress? She bragged that she was invited by the Queen herself to an upcoming ceremony—and that the queen had insisted that she attend. Well, goodness me, wasn't Lilly Beth becoming more and more important with every passing day? She would regale the breathless fans of hers in the group with tales of how Cook would whip up ten-course meals, and how she was ordering bespoke gowns. She tooted her own horn more than Meghan Markle, and that is no easy feat. Lilly Beth kept us up to date on her pregnancy and her newborn, "Master Jack" and even shared pictures of him and his sister little Violet with bright auburn hair and vivid green eyes, clearly photoshopped and poorly at that. The list of Lilly Beth's tall tales was vast. They included that she had met Kate several times, Mister was a RAF pilot, Cook make enough stew for their entire village of shut-ins, Mister waved rent for the entire village because of covid, she was a barrister, she was a buyer for an auction house, she was a violinist, she could sing beautifully, she was a muse for a famous artist, she got her ice cold milk straight from the village dairy (insert eye roll here), and on and on.

A monster was born. The more attention Lilly Beth got, the more she loved it, and the bigger the tales got. Not only that, but she also started getting sloppy. Her use of British words began to slip, her photoshopping skills were appalling, and her tales were becoming increasingly unbelievable. With each embellishment, I became even more convinced that Lilly Beth was a con artist who was no more a British aristocract than I was. During this time, Lilly Beth also set up a second group where she and other group members would verbally duke it out with Meghan Markle fans and then try to recruit members to come to their defense. It was like watching an episode of Jenny Jones show when it devolved into a fistfight amongst the guests. I got to the point where I posted less often, and I would go days or weeks without visiting the group. When I did, I would post and fly out of there. The entire group became like primary school kids trying to outdo each other to attract Lilly Beth's attention with their tricks. Watch this, Lilly Beth…No, watch me, Lilly Beth…Look at this Lilly Beth. A few times, I knew Lilly Beth was lying and full of "shite" as she would put it. Once, she said her husband, Mister, had been at a wine-tasting with Harry and that Harry had come in "knackered." I asked why Harry was tired, and she said, Nooooo, knackered means he was drunk. Hmmm…while I don't pretend to be British, I do have Brits as friends and have only heard of knackered meaning tired. As usual, when questioned, she slithered away and stayed gone for several days.

Finally, the beginning of the end happened one day when two former members who were booted from the group—something that happened on a weekly basis for one offense or another— blogged on tumbler some of Lilly's supposed "tea." Tea was the term the group used for inside information. The supposed inside information was a bit like the overly vague guesses of a carnival psychic. If the “tea” was specific, then it was usually a rewording of a DM or other tabloid story. Then, shortly after the Tumblr brouhaha, Lilly Beth posted that someone on twitter was saying she lived in Alaska and that Lady L lived in Arizona and how hilarious it was that someone was making such crazy accusations. She laughed maniacally about it…LOLOLOLOL!!!!! This was her trademark over the top response to anything even mildly humorous. Then, the balloon popped, the air escaped from the overstretched bladder in a split second with a whoosh. When members tried to access the site all that was there was a message that the group been archived. Like the carnies they were, the frauds scurried off into the shadows leaving behind hundreds of confused and incredulous former members. It turned out that Lady L and Lilly Beth were no more connected to the British Royal Family than am I. In fact, they were a mother and at least one of her daughters, posing as British aristocrats all the while living in the United States. For a year and a half, they had perpetrated a gigantic fraud on hundreds of unsuspecting, and some suspecting like myself, women from nearly every continent and country on the planet. Former members quickly found other groups to join to maintain the friendships formed within MMTCD. Everyone wondered, why would these women have gone to such lengths to fabricate such intricate and detailed lies? What was their end game? Were they setting the group up for financial fraud, were they data-mining for identity theft, were they just stroking their egos, or were they creating an alternative reality vastly more interesting than their mundane, sad lives? I doubt we will never know, but how very ironic that two complete charlatans and frauds created a group dedicated to uncovering another charlatan and fraud. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

#MMTCD #Charlatans

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wallpaperpainter · 4 years ago

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My retirement occurred two weeks afore the abeyance of Ohio due to the coronavirus.

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wallpapernifty · 4 years ago

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Seven Unbelievable Facts About Flower Tattoo Meaning | Flower Tattoo Meaning

Five months afterwards above L.A Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old babe Gianna Bryant anesthetized abroad in a adverse helicopter crash, Vanessa Bryant has appear two new tattoos in account of her backward bedmate and daughter.

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READ MORE: Vanessa Bryant shares appropriate photo of Kobe Bryant in ‘I Can’t Breathe’ shirt

Wednesday, the 38-year-old took to her Instagram to allotment a video of herself accepting tattooed afterwards months of aching and acknowledging her actual 3 daughters in adjusting to activity afterwards their ancestor and sister.

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wallpaperpainting · 4 years ago

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16 Solid Evidences Attending Easy Couple Painting Ideas Is Good For Your Career Development | easy couple painting ideas

If Joanna Gaines were to pen her adulation story, she acceptable wouldn’t use agreement like fairytale romance. Love at aboriginal afterimage would be out as well.

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Discovery

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hermanwatts · 4 years ago

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Sensor Sweep: Year’s Best Horror, Blood Sundown, Al Williamson, Northworld

RPG (Modiphius Entertainment): Before Conan, there was Kull! DANGER BREEDS CAUTION, AND ONLY A WARY MAN LIVES LONG IN THAT WILD COUNTRY WHERE THE HOT VENDHYAN PLAINS MEET THE CRAGS OF THE HIMELIANS AN HOUR’S RIDE WESTWARD OR NORTHWARD AND ONE CROSSED THE BORDER AND WAS AMONG THE HILLS WHERE MEN LIVED BY THE LAW OF THE KNIFE. Here, for the first time in roleplaying gaming, Kull and his world are described in all their savage, dreamlike glory.

Writing (Larry Correia): Of course the article is trash. It comes from Buzzfeed. They get everything wrong. But worse, some of the quotes in there from certain writers are agenda driven garbage, which give aspiring writers a completely ass backwards view of how publishing works. I want to see writers be successful. I’m rooting for you guys. This crap right here? It is defeatist garbage, and if you buy into this pity party, you are going to artificially limit your career.

Fantasy (DMR Books): Lin Carter (1930-1988) blazed a trail in fantasy literary criticism, and for that we owe him a debt. Today on what would have been his 90th birthday I celebrate his pioneering efforts as a historian and guide, thank him for treating fantastic material with respect and enthusiasm—and also offer some critique I think he might have welcomed.

Science Fiction (Black Gate): First, it’s Heinlein’s first novel in that it’s the first one he wrote, way back in 1938 and 1939, when he hadn’t yet broken into print. But it didn’t sell, was never published at the time, and went unknown for decades. In fact the manuscript was thought lost; Heinlein and his wife had destroyed copies in their possession in the approach to Heinlein’s death. Yet another copy of the ms. was found years later, after Heinlein’s death in 1988, and, as Robert James explains in an afterword here, was published in 2004, with an introduction by Spider Robinson. (Spider Robinson would later publish Variable Star, based on a Heinlein outline, in 2006.

Edgar Rice Burroughs (Dark Worlds Quarterly): Edgar Rice Burroughs was a professional in the best sense of the word. This meant he worked hard at producing the best work he could. It also meant he knew you didn’t stop a successful franchise but always left a back door for more stories in the future. With Tarzan, Pellucidar and John Carter he used pretty much the same method (which I think was largely instinctual and certainly not planned).

REH and HPL (Westhunt): Just as Robert E. Howard’s take on prehistory was closer to the truth than the one promulgated by archaeologists in the past few decades, H.P. Lovecraft’s views on insanity were more realistic than the common ones in American popular culture – where people are thought to be driven insane by trauma, where your mum and dad fuck you up by their actions, rather than their genes.

Comic Books (Bleeding Cool): Robert E. Howard’s Conan is brought to life UNCENSORED! Discover the true Conan, unrestrained, violent, and sexual. Read the story as he intended!

In the kingdom of Vendhya, the king has just died, struck down by the spells of the black prophets of Yimsha.The king’s sister, Yasmina, decides to avenge him…and contacts Conan, then chief of the Afghuli tribe. But several of Conan’s warriors have just been killed by the men of the kingdom of Vendhya, further complicating the matter. The princess thought she could use the Cimmerian, but rather it is she who will serve his interests…

Fiction (Misha Burnett): I love it when a plan comes together! Yes, I do have a plan, although it may not be evident from my publishing schedule. Ever since I realized that short fiction is the ideal medium for me, I have been working towards building a body of work. As I’ve said several times in this blog, I am now writing stories with an eye not just to first publication, but to inclusion into a series of collections.

Fiction (Marzaat): My multi-part look at this John Buchan collection concludes. Buchan took a cruise to the Aegean in 1910 and that’s the setting of “Basilissa”. This 1914 story is my least favorite in the collection. It mixes precognitive dreams with a standard damsel-in-distress romantic plot. Every April since boyhood Vernon has had a dream where he enters a house with many rooms and senses a danger. On each repetition of the dream, the danger draws closer.

RPG (Tenkars Tavern): Using my Soapbox to “Discourage” a Problem at Some Tables… So I’m not 100% when this post will be, well posted, but I’m running with the assumption that this will be my 1st weekly entry here at the Tavern. There’s so many things I could write about, but one thing popped into my head, something I feel strongly about and something that has a back story. There are probably three things I’m passionate about, well maybe five things, or 50……..I really don’t keep track, but clearly I’m a passionate, passionate man…..

History (Brandywine Books): I’ve been doing a little translation lately (I’ll tell you more about it later) which reminded me of one of my favorite passages from Snorri Sturlusson’s Heimskringla. This story involves King Eystein I, far from the most renowned of Norway’s kings, but very possibly the most likeable. He was part of a set, sharing a joint monarchy with his brother, Sigurd Magnusson. They were both the sons of King Magnus Bareleg, who never got the memo that the Viking Age was over, and died young and outnumbered in Ireland, declaring, “Kings were made for glory, not for long life.”

Pulp Magazines (Pulp Net): Adventure magazine was one of the “Big Four” of pulp magazines. For those not aware, the other three are Argosy, Blue Book, and Short Stories. Adventure existed from 1910 to 1971, though not always as a pulp fiction magazine. Ridgeway, which had been bought by Butterick Publishing, who published sewing patterns and related magazines, published Adventure, along with Everybody’s and Romance, until selling these to Popular Publications in 1934. I suspect Butterick basically sold Ridgeway to Popular, similar to Popular buying out Munsey in 1941.

Art (DMR Books): The great Al Williamson died on this date in 2010. Not to be confused with the equally cool Jack Williamson—wouldn’t it have been awesome if Al had adapted Jack’s “Legion of Space” tales to comics?—Al was the “kid brother” and child prodigy at the Cartoonists and Illustrators School which was run by the legendary Burne Hogarth. Al would fill the same role at EC Comics, where he worked with the likes of Frank Frazetta, Roy Krenkel and Wally Wood. Here’s an excellent bio from the Inkwell Awards website:

Science Fiction (Science fiction fantasy blog): The Northworld Trilogy, by David Drake. This trilogy was first published as three individual novels: Northworld (published 1990), Northworld Vengeance (1991) and Northworld Justice (1992), although I have all three in one paperback omnibus, published by Baen in 1999. The first novel (but not the others) has the distinction of its own Wikipedia page, so if you want a thorough plot summary – complete with spoilers – you can look it up. The principal character of the story is Nils Hansen, a classic SF hero; an intelligent and highly capable leader of a special police unit on the planet Annunciation, and exceptionally skilled in close combat.

RPG (Dr Bargle blogspot): I’ve been running the sample adventure in Blood Sundown for the past few nights for players who are relatively new to RPGs and it has worked a treat. Everywhen’s simple mechanics with little bookkeeping or arithmetic make it ideal for new or casual players, and the range of pregenerated characters included mean you can be up and running almost straight away. The sample adventure could probably be played in an evening if players most fast, but it’ll have taken us three sessions of 2(ish) hours.

Cartoons (Black Gate): The show’s setup couldn’t be simpler. Sometime in the near future – near enough for there to be no such thing as microwave ovens but future enough for personal hovercraft to be no big deal – Dr. Benton Quest (one of the world’s “top scientists”) roams the globe, troubleshooting various problems for the U.S. and other friendly governments. (We’re never told what Dr. Quest is a doctor of, and it’s impossible to pin down his specialty. Is it nuclear physics? Chemistry? Geology? Botany? Oceanography? Molecular biology? Who knows? He shows a deep knowledge of all of these fields and more, like that guy they had to retire from Jeopardy.)

Horror (Jayro Thermal): 8 stories from Year’s Best Horror Stories 1980 The Year’s Best Horror Stories Series VIII, Edited by Karl Edward Wagner (1980, DAW) Volume VIII was the first edited by Karl Edward Wagner. In 1980 the boom was underway. When I first landed a copy of this paperback, I read the stories by Dennis Etchison, Ramsey Campbell, Harlan Ellison, Alan Ryan, and Charles L. Grant, but I left money on the table when I got distracted and picked up another book instead.

Publishing (Kairos): Imagine that you’re an artist of some sort desiring to make a living through your art. In the case of novelists, this used to mean seeking approval from an agent and then an editor before landing a book deal with one of the big New York publishers. That publishing model is on the way out, thanks to decades of literary malpractice on the big publishers’ part brought to a head by the Kindle revolution and finished off by Corona-chan. We can expect another round of mergers and mid list contract cancellations. When the dust settles, old pub will be reduced to pimping a handful of name authors at Costco.

Sensor Sweep: Year’s Best Horror, Blood Sundown, Al Williamson, Northworld published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

0 notes

kathrinwithak · 6 years ago

Text

L-O-V-E

I’m nervous and antsy because I’m not sure what is the story I’m trying to tell. Is it about love? Is it about my skeleton-filled closet that I’m valiantly trying to clear, day in and day out? Is it about the beautiful conversations I have had over these past few days? Is it about the few women and men I know who remind me that we are not alone, we are a community, that we all feel the same way? Is it about my family? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Nevertheless, let me try to tell this story. It has been brewing for so long; it needs a release.

I write a lot about love. If you follow me on Twitter, you will see that the little anecdotes I share, the little quotes that I post, the articles that I retweet, are inadvertently linked to this grand, old concept. I am a romantic, and an idealist, but these facets of my personality are not the main reasons why I keep coming back to this seed of thought over and over again. I write so much about love because truthfully, I don’t understand it.

And that is how I deal with things I don’t understand. I write about them, rearrange words on blank sheets over and over until there is some semblance of order to the mess in my head (or heart, these days, they are both the same, I tell you). It’s my way of feeling that I am in control of what I don’t know. I am aware it is quite farcical, but it helps in soothing the anxiety in my mind. And so, another day will pass.

I also write a lot about love because I have an abysmal, abysmal, abysmal track record with it. (Even as I write this statement, I know it is not altogether true. But let me come to that in a while). I spent most of my teenage years being in love with someone who never quite felt the same way about me. Then I was in a long-term relationship that, as most of these tales go, ended badly and left me half the person I was. I am not blaming this on my partner; I was young, and I had many other things that contributed to the slow whittling of my person and my heart. By the time I got out of it, I had spent close to ten years on two people who were, simply put, no longer around. By the time a decade passed, and by the time I figured out it was time to start putting myself back together, I felt older and more tired than ever before. I was also deeply miserable, and yearning, but for what, I didn’t quite understand.

As a rule, I don’t date much. I am terrible with small talk, I can’t stand fake niceties, and I’m a forced extrovert. Dating generally is a conglomerate of the above, and it takes more out of me than the satisfaction it gives. The only reason I even began, was because my best friend Phil reminded me that I had to give life a try again. I couldn’t be sitting in a cave and moping. I had been doing that for a long time, you see.

I met a few men, all of whom exhibited similar patterns of behavior. Enamored on the first date, around for a few weeks, and then radio silence. An event happening once could be one of chance, the same event happening twice could be a strange incident of coincidence, but anything more than that is a clear sign of a pattern being played out. I talked about this with Phil.

“Is there an inherent flaw?” The unsaid part of the question was whether this was a flaw in me. I couldn’t bear to say it to Phil, but he knew exactly what I meant.

“No. It is not you. But, Demi, in a way, it is also you.”

I was quiet. My heart was hurting.

“You need to understand why this is what you think you deserve.”

Trust Phil to ask me to ask myself the hard questions. Perhaps that is why we are friends. Because he is never afraid, to be honest with me. Never afraid to break down the carefully constructed glass walls that glisten with what most would think to be awareness, but is mostly fragility, vulnerability, hurt.

I didn’t have an answer that day. But the question remained. Because it was true. We allow into our lives the people we think we deserve. We allow ourselves to be treated in a certain way because we feel we either deserve that much or that little. What was the reason I was constantly shortchanging myself, letting myself be a kind of waterhole where people came, received, and left? Why did I feel that I only deserved a part of someone’s attention? Why was I so goddamn afraid to ask for time or for an answer?

I was sharing my frustrations with another friend, Katie. I asked her, why was it that men were so strange. (Forgive me, this was not a sexist question, but one that was just borne out of weeks and months of perplexity). She said she didn’t know, that she asked herself the same questions herself. We shared our mutual exasperations and then I went, “You know, Katie, if women did it for me, I would have asked you out by now.” She laughed and told me that she felt the same. We agreed we were soul mates. I felt happier, content that I could share my honest thoughts with someone and not be judged. Someone who would ask after my day and after my heart, the two things that got to me each and every time. Here, was love. This too was love. Just not the kind the world was used to hearing about, or understanding.

A few weeks ago, I met a friend from Twitter whom I have been meaning to meet for a while. These online friendships are always a worrying thing, aren’t they? You know these people’s words and the shades of their lives that they so readily share on social media, you build impressions of them in your head which you hope and pray are similar to the real deal, and then you take the friendship to a next level by meeting the living, breathing heart behind that person. Sometimes, you hit the nail on the head and find a friend for life. Other times, you leave the scene shaking, and wondering how completely disparate a person’s online personality is vis-a-vis their real person.

Sydney was a case of the former, a complete and utter gem of a person. We sat by the river and exchanged snippets of our lives before the conversation inadvertently turned to love. (Really, sometimes I think it is the only thing worth talking about, worth thinking about, but this is me. You may wish to disagree). We talked about love, and we talked about men, and we talked about ourselves, and wherein we tried to deconstruct why we were the way we were, we ended up talking about our mothers.

I expressed the same frustrations that I had earlier shared with Phil and Katie; Sydney and I found ourselves agreeing with each other that we had both exhibited similar behaviors. This fear to ask, this inability to demand, this need to give, this assumed facade of being strong all the time, this deep sense of disappointment we carried when the few expectations we had never came to fruition….

It was mindblowing. It was mindblowing because as Katie had rightly asked me earlier, it had to do with me. It had to do with the roles that I had assumed as a child. It had to do with the fact that my mother basically abandoned my younger siblings and me when we were very young, and I had no choice but to step into shoes that I had not altogether been prepared for. My siblings, at that time, had needed me to be strong. They had needed me to be there for them. They had needed me to give. And like any other older sister who just wanted to make her sibling’s pain go away, I had taken it into myself, swallowed the responsibilities whole without quite digesting them, and let them build into these little boulders that sat in the pit of my stomach. It meant that I was constantly in a state of helplessness because I didn’t know what more I could do for my siblings, I didn’t know how much I could help, I didn’t know why I couldn’t just take all that pain away.

This helplessness, this need forgiving, then manifested strongly, and unhealthily in my relationships with men. It meant that I was willing to give, and give, and do and do, and be afraid to ask or demand things in return. It meant that the thought of loss and helplessness was so difficult for me to deal with that I would be okay with putting up with sub-standard behavior because really, that was all I thought I deserved. It meant that I attracted men who wanted to take, and who were selfish enough (I don’t say this with spite, just matter of factly) to not give much in return. And I had convinced myself that I was okay with it.

When, really, I wasn’t. At all. I was not okay with it at all.

I realized how not okay I was with this while I was talking to another friend, James. My conversation with James was so strikingly, uncannily similar to the one I had with Sydney, that I knew this was something that had to be shared. As James kindly, and lovingly reminded me, the awareness of why certain habits manifested the way they did was the first step in dealing with said habits. He also reminded me, ever nurturing that he is, that developing new habits was not that hard, that all I had to do was start. Like asking for what I wanted. For being unapologetic about the desires I had. For not being afraid to admit that I was angry, or unhappy, and to expect others to compromise for me. I agreed with James. Told him I loved him, and that I had needed to hear this.

And here I am, trying to write it all out so that there is some sense in this cacophony.

It all boils down to love. I wrote earlier that I have an abysmal track record with it, but the truth is, for all the disappointments and heartbreaks that I have gone through, I have also hit the damn jackpot with the people who continue to remain in my life. There is a community of men and women here who remind me that I am not alone, that they have got back my back, who have cleaned up my vomit on drunken days and fed me food on depressed nights. There are girlfriends who have never given up, even when I have. There are good men, who remind me that there are good men out there (not that the ones I met were not good, they were just not what I needed in my life) who would understand and appreciate what people like me would have to offer. Then, there is my family, which remains an oasis of comfort, strength, and support despite the different levels of asshole-ishness I exhibit on various days.

In my rabid, narrow-minded attempt to understand romantic love, I forget the daily blessings that are delivered to me on a plate every other hour. So this, this is my note of reminder to myself.

That I am healthy, that I am loved, and that I can and will receive completely, as I am.

And if your story carries shades of mine, I urge you, from the bottom of my heart, to start with me. We need to begin somewhere, after all.

#personal

0 notes

amyddaniels · 6 years ago

Text

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a massage shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

0 notes

cedarrrun · 6 years ago

Link

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

Your Brain on ASMR

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

remedialmassage · 6 years ago

Text

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

Your Brain on ASMR

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2PJDKcJ

#Yoga Journal

0 notes

krisiunicornio · 6 years ago

Link

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

wallpaperpainting · 4 years ago

Text

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wallpaperpainting · 4 years ago

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18 Ways On How To Get The Most From This Landscape Painting Beach | Landscape Painting Beach

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remedialmassage · 6 years ago

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Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2NapmbL

#Yoga Journal

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cedarrrun · 6 years ago

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One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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amyddaniels · 6 years ago

Text

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story.

See also How to Meditate Daily

What is ASMR Meditation?

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

0 notes