#I wish I could punch walls
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feeling like James Wilson rn because I too believe I'm not an angry person and then enough things happen to make me angry and I feel like throwing shit into a mirror
#me and wilson both getting so angry we're vibrating#and also we're both trans#hey chat how do you deal with anger when you were raised catholic i have no metric for this#my posts#wish i was a cis guy so i could just punch a wall and then feel better#house md#james wilson
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In this post, I will attempt to calmly, reasonably, and in-a-good-faith-manner argue all the points raised by tumblr user @library-bat-girl in the following posts. I am starting a new thread so as not to further destroy the original poster, @skitterenjoyer's, tumblr notifications. Worm (+MHA) spoilers ahead. This will be a long post.
Firstly, I would like to apologize on the worm fandom's behalf. We will not engage in ableism of any kind. I sincerely hope that this was a singular incident and @skittersdrippygirlcock will be better about this in the future.
"MHA has better characters,"
My Hero Academia's primary achievement, I think, is managing to make many decently well rounded characters in a fairly short time-span. It certainly has very good visual character design, with easily memorable character designs, like Mina Ashido or Tsuyu Asui. Most of Class 1A is shown to be more than single-note gimmick characters. For a story with such a tight schedule, and only so much page real-estate, that's impressive! For instance, a character decidedly outside of the main cast, Fumikage Tokoyami, is shown to have more to his personality than "is an edgelord," showing a humility and friendliness that is highly against-type. This is very different than a lot of its peers, especially in Shonen manga, where side characters (and sometimes even main characters) are never more than their tropes (see Fairy Tale, One Punch Man*, The Seven Deadly Sins, or Black Clover). My Hero Academia does clear that bar, by making side characters little more than their tropes. This is to say nothing of the primary cast, who, again, is largely defined by tropes and easily slotted into standardized interchangeable Shonen roles. Rival, Love Interest, Rival but Nice About It. Additionally, MHA has an uncomfortably sexualized main cast, for one composed primarily of minors.
This is compared to Worm, in which many characters are fully realized and could have been the protagonist (and often were in older drafts of the story, due to Worm's 10-year development hell). Every character that gets an interlude, and most that don't, all have fully realized interiority, traumas, and wants. In fact, this is one of the major themes of Worm. Every character, from the protagonist Taylor, to characters so minor they're seen only once (see Damsel of Distress, Dauntless), to major antagonists and monsters (see Jack Slash, Bonesaw) all have their own story, even if this is never shown on-screen. There are no "side characters" in the same manner as in My Hero Academia, because every character is a protagonist of their own story, and not in a trite "life is so beautiful" way.
Taylor isn't the center of the universe, there's an entire world outside of her 3-block bubble. The mechanism by which all characters get their superpowers means that the mere fact of having powers implies this about them. Even the seeming exceptions, aren't (see Alexandria, Garotte). Taylor is a good character. I don't even know how to elaborate on that. She just is. Worm does not have the character Minoru Mineta.
"a better plot,"
What... what is the plot of My Hero Academia? For the life of me, I can't seem to recall. I can tell you the general formula of most of the arcs for the first ~2/3rds of the story. Class 1A goes to do a hero high school thing, like do rescue training, or on-the-job training, or on-the-job-training, or on-the-job-training (they do it like 4 times for some reason), the League Of Villains shows up (even when it's seemingly not the league of villains it actually is the league of villains) they fight about it, the class beats all the villains, and Deku beats up strongest bad guy and also breaks his bones. Repeat step 1. But like. What's... the plot? The League of Villains is evil and wants to kill people and do bad stuff. They explicitly do not have greater motivations. There's generally themes of passing-on-to-the-new-generation, so there's Tomura Shigaraki as the arch nemesis to Izuku Midoriya, just as All Might's Nemesis is All For One. Eventually they fight a big fight about it and I stop reading because I find out about Worm. From what I understand (I have not read the conclusion) the series ends without addressing any long-running questions, wrapping up any character arcs, or concluding anything in a narratively satisfying manner. As if severely rushed.
Worm, there are maybe 15 main stories going on simultaneously, which are all tied into the final confrontation with Scion. The most obvious is Taylor's and the Undersiders' story, about taking over Brockton Bay and defeating Coil, which is a smaller part of Coil's story about taking over the bay, until their confrontation with him in arc 17, when it supersedes Coil's story, and then intersects with Cauldron's story, the Traveler's story, the Case 53s' stories, the Wards' story, all of it, in arcs 18-19. This is one example. A great deal of attention is spent making sure the reader knows that Taylor, the Undersiders, Coil, all of them, are bit players in a very large game. Despite this, it's never hard to follow, because Wildbow, while lacking some of the more flowery prose, manages extremely well at making his stories easy to understand.
"I feel like even people who like Worm can agree that Worm is not the most consistent piece of fiction ever written. The disjointed way it was written meant that emphasis was primarily put on 'What Wildbow thought was cool in the moment', [sic] and the story RADICALLY shifts gears every time a new arc starts."
What? Huh? Worm is extremely consistent. Like. 1.1 to E.x. It's, like. Not disjointed? Oh my god, are you talking about interludes? Is that what you mean? The interludes shift gears? Because that makes sense. It's one of the hardest things about worm, yeah. It's gripping! The interludes are a great idea to expand the world of worm, but the problem is that taylor's story is so intriguing that stepping away from it to focus on something else is hard, no matter how individually interesting. I want to read about taylor's escalation spiral, not the travelers! (As opposed to My Hero Academia having random escalation and de-escalation between arcs with no real explanation. We're reading about lives-on-the-line battles with child-slavers and then move to playing on a playground with little kids? Best I can think of is that this whiplash is intentional, but this is never communicated to the reader. Worm does not do this. Any de-escalation is met with the explicit understanding that this is merely a period of calm before things get even worse). Taylor's story wraps up in an extremely narratively satisfying fashion, following her story to its logical conclusion. There were so many ways it could have been avoided, but there was really only one way that it could have ended.
"better worldbuilding,"
This actually offends me. MHA could have had great world-building. It doesn't. Every potentially interesting bit of world-building is backpedaled out of or stopped before it could get anywhere. Or it's just never elaborated or expanded upon. Everyone having a superpower could have been cool, but the implications of this are nonexistent. The reasons for this having no real implications, that being the banning of quirks, also has implications that are also immediately backpedaled out of. It's been hundreds of years since our time, yet life is exactly the same. Nothing ever happens. Endeavor is a cool concept. I like Endeavor. his existence implies such interesting things about the world, how important hero ranking is to these people's lives, that he would create this horrific system of domestic abuse to try and get to the #1 spot. What does this say about this system of heroes that operates like a popularity contest? It could have said a lot. It says nothing. What does the League of Villains, a league of people who call themselves out-and-out villains, who base their ideology in opposing this system of heroes, say about society? Nothing. On purpose. Worm does something with this. One Punch Man does something with this. My Hero Academia puts it in the story, and lets it sit, unused, for a decade.
Worm has... unique world-building. Because it's both good and bad at the same time. Worm's #1 feature is its world. It's brilliant, full stop. Triggers, The Birdcage, the PRT, Exclusion Zones! Why does the status quo exist? what does it say about that society? What does it say about our society? Why hasn't society radically changed from how it is in our world? This is explained. This plays into the themes. The story wants to say something about this world, and so it does. There are characters whose stories explicitly delve into these themes that are set up in the worldbuilding, like Armsmaster, or Battery, or Bonesaw, or Coil, or Piggot or Alexandria or Taylor herself or Brian or Lisa or ANY OF THEM THEY ALL DO THIS. Sorry.
Anyway, the bad part is that the actual world is not well built (and is kind of racist). What's going on in Europe? There's a 3 blasphemies! a 3 what? never explained. What's going on in Asia, aside from Japan? China is a monarchy for some reason. Why? It's never elaborated on. India gets a little bit of elaboration, we're told its different but not how it's different. Wildbow uses machine translation wrong and names some guy caliph of dogs. This is like worm's #2 problem honestly (#1 is Amy). Wildbow tries to make the implication of a well thought out globe without actually making a well thought out globe.
"stronger themes,"
It really doesn't. As I said in the worldbuilding section, MHA makes a point out of not saying or doing anything. I don't know if editors made Horikoshi walk back the more ambitious story beats or what, but there are multiple points in the story where the author pretty much looks you directly in the eye and goes "This Story Isn't Saying Anything At All Even Though It Looked Like It Would. Lmao."
Worm has lots of themes. I think Armsmaster/Defiant's story is my favorite. His entire character arc (which is fully realized despite him being a background character for nearly the entire story) has a point to it. It says something. It's misanthropic and uplifting simultaneously, and manages to feel like it earns both. It's a shared theme with Bonesaw/Riley's story, explored in two different ways.
"Meanwhile MHA establishes an actual overall theme/message right from the start that expands and develops throughout the story. The worldbuilding is informed by the message, which informs the characters arcs and the people they become by the end of the story."
I notice that you never actually say what that message is. What is it? Like, for real. I'm not being confrontational or anything, like what is the message? Cuz' I can't think of one. My Hero Academia, at its very core, is a defense of the status quo. Much like its world-building, but much less forgivable, because it does do something new and unique with its world-building. MHA could have done some extremely interesting stuff with its early implicit critique of heroic society as shown with characters like Bakugo, or Shigaraki, or Endeavor, or Overhaul, or Midoriya himself! It just doesn't! It doesn't do stuff that Worm does do!
Worm does have a message. It has a lot of messages, actually, some that the author disagrees with somehow. Prison abolition, for one. We know Wildbow loves prison. Anyway, the big one is in the subtitle: doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Taylor's constant spiral of escalation, her dwindling attachments to her friends and greater focus on treating herself like a soldier is prevalent, and it is to be avoided. Taylor isn't a sin-eater. They don't exist. From what I remember, this is sort of explored in Deku's character arc for a short period of time, but much like everything else in MHA, it is backpedaled out of.
The funniest is "don't text and drive" though.
"Just on a basic level the way that the audience is meant to feel about Taylor oscillates wildly between being directed to think of her as a misunderstood victim of circumstance, or history's greatest monster."
That's kind of the point. Like. the audience isn't meant to look at Taylor the same way throughout the entire story. It's meant to change as she changes. Taylor's opinion of Taylor changes. The mistake here is saying it "oscillates wildly." it doesn't. It's a slow and steady change for the worse, as Taylor gets more violent and starts throwing away greater and greater parts of herself to become more like a robot and less like a person.
"But a bigger issue in general is tone. It's very focused on being dark and gritty and edgy, and it makes the mistake a lot of consciously edgy media does. IE: it thinks that all it has to do to be smart is be bleak and/or graphic. It doesn't really try to say anything, in fact it contradicts itself throughout the book as I mentioned before, it just throws in extremely graphic scenes and content periodically to remind the audience how fucked everything is."
Did you read the boys and think it was worm? What? It's not being smart when it's bleak or graphic? I actually personally like the endbringers or the slaughterhouse 9, and not because I like watching people suffer. These things exist for a reason. It's not being dark for the sake of being dark. The heroes could stop the slaughterhouse 9. We see that, when they almost stop the slaughterhouse 9 (it's explicitly shown that they are stopped from destroying the slaughterhouse 9). The question then becomes why don't they? It's a grim, brutal calculus, and one that wasn't worth it. That's the point. The Endbringers are different. It's not until arc 27 that they're really explained. You could either read them as a criticism of Eidolon or of ableism, honestly. I mean, it wasn't intentional, he didn't create them on purpose, he needed something to fight, because without that he's nothing. His powers are all he has.
"Worm spends so much time trying to be edgy that as with a lot of edgy media the edginess loses all impact quite quickly and becomes sort of cringe."
I don't really think so, but like. Okay. I don't think this is a reconcilable viewpoint (none of this is really but this especially), so like we're probably gonna have to agree to disagree. The only thing I can really think of as edgy for the sake of edginess is Amy's arc. But even that's not really true. It's meant to be an utterly avoidable tragedy that could never have been stopped because of the people involved. Much like Taylor, actually. Amy could have stepped back from the brink, but she didn't, because Amy could never have done that, and nobody else was willing/able to help. It's supposed to be a thing where you sit back and think of all the tiny ways this could have easily been avoided, but wasn't.
"When body horror happens it still has impact because it's not happening constantly."
I mean, I guess. But like. I never got desensitized to the body horror in Worm. It hit pretty consistently for me throughout. As opposed to MHA, where it was usually walked back by the end of every arc. I never felt much tension or suspense because it felt as if there weren't actual consequences. In Worm, when Brian was strung up on his nerves, it felt disgusting because I was fully aware Worm would explore the ripple effects of this. It felt entirely possible he would die there, or never recover, because Worm didn't pull its punches. MHA did. This is a matter of opinion. We'll just have to agree to disagree about it.
"But most importantly - you root for the heroes because the world actually seems like it's worth saving."
that's just, um. sorry. I'm really trying here. That's just. Uh. Dumb. Do you root for Batman cause Gotham is a nice city? Everything's worth saving, that's, like, at its most basic what the concept of a superhero is about.
"Not only that but MHA simply does villain protagonists objectively better than Worm."
um. No? There straight up aren't villain protagonists in MHA. The villains are the POV characters for, like, one arc? You know what, here's a good spot for it. It's stated throughout the story that Shigaraki and the League of Villains have a goal, beyond just death and destruction. They're here to stop the corrupt society of heroes (that MHA hints at the existence of before backpedaling away from), and bring about a fairer society. But then, and this part pissed me off, one of the characters, I think Bakugo, says: "you're just using that as cover! you just want to kill people, you have no noble goal!" and shigaraki's like "dang you caught me." and then it happens again with Deku! Because My Hero Academia is allergic to saying something. Nope! They're villains! No moral depth here! They're Villains, We're Heroes, Go Put Them In Jail.
This is opposed to Worm, where- "The characters of the villains and their origins are used to highlight the flaws in the Superhuman society"
"Most of the villains are only villains because society failed them in some way, and the specific ways in which that happened become big plot points that then play into the future arc of our heroic characters."
I had to walk away from my computer for this one. It's hard to be civil. It's really hard. Polite and reasonable.
So Worm is about this. To even say this without a shred of irony makes me thing you've never once read a single word of Worm and are doing this purely as bait. Or you've read all of Worm and are doing this purely as bait.
"They're actually extremely complex in a way that ends up being fundamentally important to the overall story - where in Worm the villains are either based heroes fighting a corrupt system or they're histories [sic] greatest monsters... until they're presented as heroes again."
I think I get it now. I really think I do. You're not supposed to agree with all the characters. Like. Worm is inconsistent, in that it follows the perspectives of inconsistent people. Of course Triumph and Armsmaster don't agree on what is right! They're different people, they have different perspectives!
"See. Worm fans keep saying "This is Bait." It's not Bait, you all are simply ridiculous and obsessed with this series to such a degree that you feel compelled to say "This is Bait" instead of just... ignoring it, because you have no actual counterargument."
Perhaps worm fans are inclined to believe you posted rage bait because you brazenly walked into another fandom's post and wholeheartedly proclaimed that the thing they liked was Stupid Idiot Bullshit For Fucking Morons, and refused to elaborate until prompted, at which point you said several things that are demonstrably false about Worm.
"Your only response to anything I've said is pedantry, bigotry, and deflection. If it was obviously just bait why are you engaging?"
Well, I'm engaging because I've been in a foul mood since I woke up this morning. Also because you, again, said some very rude and patently false statements about a story that I really enjoy and find narratively rich, even in its faults.
"MHA's characters do fall into archetypal shounen character roles - but they are all given a solid amount of focus explaining why they are like that and developing them into something bigger."
Again, as I said, it's a genuinely impressive feat to have an ensemble cast like what My Hero Academia has, and give so many of the characters a degree of depth, with such little manga to work with. I think worm does it better, but worm doesn't have to be economical about it. MHA does. The problem I have with this statement is that it becomes a question of scale. How much bigger? They're no longer defined by their tropes, instead defined by their opposition to their tropes. It's still a one-note character, you've merely changed the note from C to C sharp.
"so almost every member of the cast has an arc that either develops them past the person they initially seemed to be or explains why they're like that."
This is probably my favorite part about MHA. They do have arcs! I love ensemble casts! it does a much better job in this than all of its contemporaries, even One Piece. However, they are comparatively simplistic arcs that all follow a similar formula.
"I've heard people say MHA is neocon or pro-establishment but the story literally concludes by showing that society HAS TO FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGE or the same problems that created the villains in the first place will keep happening. The entire time skip specifically focuses on the fact that for eight years the main characters have been forcing change in the world and addressing the issues the villains brought up."
Now, I'm going to be clear. I stopped reading My Hero Academia around chapter 275. I don't know the exact number, but it was the latest chapter in ~mid 2020. I would occasionally attempt to reread, in an attempt to catch up, but give up around chapter 200 out of boredom. I don't know exactly how the story ends, but I have read ~2/3rds of the story. I feel this gives me a pretty good understanding of the general tone of the story, unless it wildly changes tone at the 3/4ths mark, which you have explicitly said it does not, as it is extremely coherent and consistent. Therefore, I believe I can state with some degree of confidence that MHA does not do that.
I would certainly believe that it tries (and fails) to SFP it, but SFP does not promote a fundamental societal change. That's the problem. Strong Female Protagonist was willing to come up and say that Alison lived in a fundamentally unjust world, even if it was never willing or able to offer real change. And hey. You do what you can. I sincerely doubt My Hero Academia is even willing to call its world fundamentally unjust, from the 200+ chapters that I did read.
"In the case of the actual main characters, they have extremely comprehensive character arcs."
Adding this behind the last point just so that I don't have to reiterate I haven't finished the book. I am, however, very much not inclined to believe the actual main characters had extremely comprehensive character arcs.
Which plays back into the initial theory that ANYONE CAN BE A HERO.
man, spider-man did that better (not a real argument, but like, spider-man totally did that better). Not least because midoriya specifically could not become a hero were it not for all might giving him a power.
No, the Villains don't get happy endings,
Why not? Why do they go to jail, even the ones who changed and wanted to redeem themselves? Endeavor never goes to jail. He did some horrible stuff. He's redeemed himself in the eyes of the story, right? Anyone can be a hero, right? So why not them? Why haven't they redeemed themselves in the eyes of the story?
You may wish to turn this back on me and ask why doesn't Armsmaster go to prison? Because he's similar in some respects. But worm never calls prison justice. (for some reason, even though wildbow totally loves prison). Prison is punitive, a tool for those in charge to control those it manages to capture. Maybe some deserve life in the birdcage. Many don't. It doesn't matter. Because the birdcage isn't a tool of justice. It's not meant to be. it's a box to put the uncontrollable capes in, until they can be used as meat shields. So Armsmaster doesn't go to prison because the story says explicitly there is no point to it. But MHA? MHA says there is a point to it. Endeavor needs to go to prison if he wants to atone. He's escaping justice every second he's outside.
I have actually read Worm, and for the first half to two thirds I loved it.
Weird. That's exactly how long I really enjoyed MHA. Not, like relevant, to anything. Just odd. I mean, I don't actually dislike MHA. I think it's fine, actually. It feels like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to me. Funny (when Mineta isn't around), bombastic, and a good time, even if I don't think it's super thematically rich.
I'm not coming at this from the perspective of someone who has never seen any of the merits of Worm, I'm coming at it from the perspective of someone who really liked it, gave it a fair shot, and was eventually disappointed when it ended up not tying together right.
See, this makes me more inclined to think it's bait, actually. since you said "Oh yeah. MHA is published. MHA's been an ongoing publication with a large following for ten years, in a notoriously competitive industry. Now this might seem kind of unimpressive, it's a very low bar to clear I know. But it's one Worm hasn't, so. I dunno, I'd say that's fairly objective. Now you may think "Yeah, but Trash fiction gets published all the time." And that's true but again - Worm hasn't. The worst piece of fiction you can think of got published and Worm didn't. You wanna be an asshole about this? The thing you love is so mid that it was self published in 2013, couldn't get picked up for professional publishing until 2019 and as far as I can see has stayed in development hell since then." in your previous post. Sure, perhaps we can say you were pissed at the time, but "the thing you love is worse than trash fiction, an altogether nothing piece of literature that isn't even worth the paper it would hypothetically be printed on" does not strike me as the words of someone who "really liked it, gave it a fair shot, and was eventually disappointed when it ended up not tying together right." In fact, going back through your other statements on the story, you seem to have genuinely disliked it from the very beginning, on grounds of being too edgy (which I can fully understand the logic of): "IE: it thinks that all it has to do to be smart is be bleak and/or graphic," thematically incoherent: "It doesn't really try to say anything, in fact it contradicts itself throughout the book as I mentioned before, it just throws in extremely graphic scenes and content periodically to remind the audience how fucked everything is," and utterly devoid of purpose or meaning. "When it does introduce new lore that new lore is almost always overly convoluted and acts as a catalyst for things happening, but not really things happening that play into a wider theme or message. It's just "Oh and here's this team of god-level serial killers who are gonna string a dude up by his nervous system." Like yeah, cool visual, but what is any of this actually saying?" This does not sound like a ringing endorsement of the first half of Worm to me. In fact, this sounds like you hated every second of it.
"And frankly given the number of comments that are just people saying "Bait" - I don't think any of y'all have engaged with this in a fair or honest way"
I'm going to reiterate on my previous statement. I like my hero academia. Capeshit is my favorite genre, it probably always will be. They're my favorite genre of story. While I find the themes—or lack thereof—extremely frustrating, I still think of it as fun. I gave it a fair shake. I would probably really enjoy the ending if I didn't have a reading list that was 300 books long.
#worm spoilers#MHA spoilers#*One Punch Man is partially an exception as characters are “never more than their tropes” for the sake of parody.#i don't dislike my hero academia by the way. in fact i rather like it. at least the first three quarters or so#L style contessa should have hit eidolon with a car and been like “look at that the endbringers stopped crazy.”#well it would have actually been crazy considering she had no way to know he was causing them#sorry n0brainjustvibes i never finished that MHA fanfic you recced me#quote text is colored to stop your eyes glazing over at the wall of text#armsmaster is what endeavor could/should have been#like they have a very similar arc. but they differ in that armsmaster's redemption is earned and endeavor's isn't#how so? there's like a reason armsmaster has an epiphany about his previous behavior#endeavor's like “oh the narrative is focusing on me as a protagonist i better be a good guy now!”#the fixing society thing is what ward should have been about but wasn't. but we're not talking about ward#by the way i wish they just killed teacher instead of birdcaging him. ward would have been so much better#^that was a joke#sorry about making the quotes smaller i'm trying to save some space in this tumor of a post somewhere#please don't say “god-level serial killers” by the way. for my sake if nothing else#you know i made the comparison to gotham being a shithole somehow without any thought that the person i am disagreeing with is a batman fan#or at least a batgirl fan
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"this man, is weird.. CRAZY weird.." "he was always very bright.."
#i think abt this soo often u have no idea#no one understands them like i do.. sighh..#platonic or romantic idc There is something Happening there#this also implies that sammy doesn't hate norman/displays some form of positive feeling towards him#bc it's shown in canon that he doesn't rlly like many ppl in the studio#and despite sammy's descent into insanity norman still appreciated him for who he was#they way norman talks abt sammy in his first audio log feels so personal too#probably kicked his feet and giggled abt him idk man#like okaayy what u kno abt him pooks... something u wanna tell me.. twirls my hair/..#IM SO ILL OH MY GODDDDDDDD#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#i could go on a full 2 hour youtube rant abt how tragic they are#both together and as separate people#and dont even get me STARTED on the reason for norman's heart obsession while in the cycle and why he collects them#UGGHHHHHHHH KICKS THE WALL PUNCHES THE FLOOR I HATE THE FLOOR#been mentally ill about them since 2017 ❤ we up#at least until my pea sized 8 yr old child brain found out normmy was a thing#finding that shitty ms paint ship art changed my life..#theyre literally my og otp 5eva nothing will top them ever#smushing their faces together like barbies type shit#i do wish they had some kind of interaction actual gameplay wise in batim (or even batdr)#idc what kind i just need to see them in the same room together interacting in some way#batim#bendy and the ink machine#normmy#sammy lawrence#norman polk#norman x sammy#rosey rambles#I LOVE DOOMED YAOI
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Do you think it's lathe and plaster walls? I know here in the US that was commonly used before drywall, but I also know a lot of European buildings are way older than the US buildings so it could be something else
I honestly don't think our houses were ever made from lath and plaster but could be wrong either way my house was only built in the 80s as a council house it's made with concrete and bricks the whole way through
#ask#anon#cant be punching through these walls bby#i wish you could#fun fact tho#the oldest house ive ever lived in#was older then America#the house was built around 450 years ago#the walls were so thick we couldnt get Internet#it was an awful haunted place to live#at one point in its history it was an insane asylum for children
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I am beyond anger rn and I don't know what to do to cool off bc it's 1 am here and I can't just watch a comfort movie or blast music.
Does anyone have any recs for fluffy Azriel fics? No angst, just pure, tooth rotting, making-you-giggle-and-kick-your-feet kind of fluff. I want to stare at my screen with a stupid smile as I fall in love with him again. And if this won't help, then I won't be held accountable for my actions istg.
#now I understand why men punch holes through the walls#I wish I could say I was overreacting but it's been 5 hours :)#probably tmi I'm sorry#sorry about the rant#nobody cares and that's totally fine but I needed to get it out#and to ask for recs to get my mind off it#azriel fic recs please 🥺🙏🏻#send them my way#acotar#azriel#yenni yaps
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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As a rule of thumb I generally go with "do not call someone affectionate pet names unless they make it clear they'd be comfortable with it" because obviously a lot of people. Aren't. But also what am I supposed to do. Ask <- almost platonically called someone sweetheart for the fourth time in two days
#i wish this was anime world where i could platonically call someone babe and have that not be weird /JOKE#PUNCHES A WALL. SOME WORDS ARE JUST NICE TO SAY!!!! WHY DID PEOPLE MAKE IT WEIRDJDMQHSKQJD#💛
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here's my hot take
#your boyfriend game#i forgot who the other characters are but heres little miss cockblocker and my beloved TK 💚✨💕💖🫀💔#i call him that becuase he keeps COCKBLOCKING me by committing murder and thats crine.#cringe#i like thinking about the high school au because i have confidence that if he went to school with me i could drive him to suicide.#i have the opposite of rizz. like instead of making people want me i make them hate themselves. only when i want to tho#and it's not like i have anything against bald people or violent criminals. the warden from human centipede 3 is both of those and i want#him so fucking badly. all day all night no lube no protection god is dead and we have killed him knock me out and attach me to the prison c#ntipede.#anyway i tried to play this game because he reminded me of said warden. but i got kind of attached to the landlord character#and when i found out theres no way to have sex with him i got so mad i threw up & punched a wall & now my real landlord is mad at me for p#unching a wall.#god's whims are cruel and i am a plaything of life😃#and its all this eggcel (pre-trans femcel) (my headcanon) 's fault i hope everyone die slowly and painfully#except TK i want them to live. they deserve to be happy 💖#anyway i wish p*t*r was real so i could send him this image. i think he would kill himself if he saw this. i would if i was him#i would also kill myself as soon as i found out i was named after a f*mily g*y character tho. so obviously he's not very similar to me.#hate. let me tell you how much ive come to hate you since i began to live. tehre are 387.44 mi9llion miles of#hey if you censor f*m*ly g*y like f***** g*y people will think you're just being homophobic instead of a show hater#gonna start censoring it ike that. teehee#anywway#miku binder the joker and vivziepop heffley. fight#my posts
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My grip on my sanity is questionable at best and my knuckles are swollen but I am,,, fine??? now???
#vent#my mom didn't see me fuck up my other fist before but she has caught me violently punching a wall and is worried now so that sucks#anyway I am not better but I will be online to not think about shit atm#I really REALLY hate my fucking family I wish I could run away and take my mom away from here too#she doesn't deserve all this shit either and tbh she's the only reason I'm not ending it all#I couldn't do that to her#but I'm so fucking tired#and my hands hurt reay fuckin bad rn#which is my fault#but it was either that or my head I couldn't fucking think#anyway yeah#fuck everything
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i'm so serious when i say that school makes me wanna rip my flesh off
#feeling murderous rage#i hate devoting every minute of my day to doing these stupid math questions (and i actually used to like math!!!)#i wanna go out for like a walk or something rn but it's late and i still have so much to finish. like i've been working on hw for 4 hours#like i miss having time to myself#it's like everytime i think of school i break down... what a fucked up education system#i don't want to go back to school tomorrow... literally want to throw up#it's so stressful i hate it so much#all i do is get home. eat something. do hw for like 4 hours. sob for like 15 minutes. stare at the wall. and sleep. how miserable is that#and i just wanna punch someone rn. wish i could tell my teachers that assingning so much hw everyday only makes me wanna kick them#trapped in a simulation where all i can do is try my best to finish all my hw. and still not be able to complete it!!!#i just wanna be a teenage girl doing stuff that isn't school related.... is that too much to ask for#gonna sob soon bye ✌️#personal
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Trying to fix my resume ☝️🤓 Small problem: I sound like a loser no matter what
#not really lol. I have a lot of experience in this field#for someone my age anyway#but like. idk �� I wanna get out of journalism I HATE journalism#I’m applying for publishing internships and idk I just wish I had more publishing experience….#a lot of my extracurriculars are music related and idk if I should include them or not#just to fill space ig#bc I have only ever had one singular job#and one other piece of experience as editor in chief#idk maybe I just feel this way bc I’m using Harvard resume templates#and so I’m seeing everything that’s on a Harvard student’s resume 😭 like damn. I hope they’re not applying for this internship..#it’s based in NYC so I doubt I’ll get it? but like? idk how many applicants they get??? hm#there are also lots of different internships with the same company all listed rn so idk#I have until the end of the month to fix this shit hehahah#hopefully my cover letter will better demonstrate my relevance to this position#bc all of my journalism experience feels kinda irrelevant on paper. editing news is VERY different from editing communications research lol#ellyposting#🤓posting#<- kinda. it’s about work not school but I did start doing this (researching internships) for a class#and now I’m kinda invested bc I need an internship in the next year anyway… I could get it over with over the summer#idk. if I get a job this summer I will make a job tag like. jobposting. workposting. perhaps hellposting if it sucks really bad (again 🥲)#that’s why I’m scared of another internship. even though the last one was paid and so is this one… people are straight up abusive to interns#😅😅😅😅😅 AUGH. SCREAMS PUNCHES WALL etc#okay goodnight :3c
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man with anger issues coded girl
#wish i could punch a wall but i care too much about my hands#wish i had a rage room in my city#unironically#also the fact that im just a weak little girl who cant even carry her groceries makes me even more pissed i wish i was the hulk#sigh cant wait for the day i can pay a fight or martial art class#i want to punch and kick shit!!!!!!#talking to the wall
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that moment when internet dies every 2 minutes <3
#3rd world country issues#cant even google shit in here#I'm so annoyed like normally im a patient person but when technology fails?? im punching walls#why do i have to wait and reload the page 938347 times just to see a stupid ass web page like. shithole country#i know realistically this could and would probably happen all around the world but#i just cant ever make peace with living in an unserious ass country <3#so everything is His fault#oh u should see me when it rains heavily for example#i am always like m*lih g*kcek i hope u live a miserable life and die painfully im not even kidding#i say this everytime it rains and everywhere floods...#cant even have decent infrastructure because of these clowns#one time someone i knew went to germany and they jokingly said 'did you know it doesnt even flood after it rains heavily there?????' lmao#imagine that. no I mean. people literally die here after it rains i wish it was a joke#anyway. all this bitching wont bring back internet#mobile data sacrifice time ig#🗒#tr times
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being gay and home for the holidays in your small hick town with your conservative family is like well can i please please please just hide in my room and write gay fanfic to take the edge off PLEASE
#i wish i could but my mother is the type to yell and berate me for being antisocial and rude if i dare take a moment to breathe so. hiding#in the bathroom for long intervals it is#i haven't been able to write for like a week cause i have to play cards all day and frankly my adhd is KILLING me i am so deprived#cards are only entertaing for like. 20 minutes. now i need to feed my brainworms or im gonna punch a wall#this is a vent post sorry#i am close to being done editing the next chapter tho i just need to finesse a 🔥🔥 scene ;)
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The saddest thing about my anger issues is that he isn’t even like my step dad or whatever he’s just some dude who’s dating my mom but like. I wish I had eye lasers.
#me vs wanting to punch a hole thru a wall every time I see his stuff in the house like get out!!!!!! THIS IS MY DADS HOUSE BARK BARK BARK#BARK BARK BARK BARK GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT BARK BARK BARK#I wish I could deep deep bark and get in that angry dog stance with the curled up lips#that’s how I feel on the inside#need images need dog motif please
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THE FINE ASS MAN THAT WAS IN MY CLASS LAST SEMESTER IS IN THE SAME CLASS THIS SEMESRER
#the way i almost left#he always sits towards the front so im kinda in the clear#punching the wall rn#man i wish i was pretty so i could have the confidence to say something#and im pretty sure he lives in the same apartment building as me#smh#🥝.rambles
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