#I will stop hating Way when he stops being obsessed with his bestie's dick he ain't ever getting

[kennyomegasweave]

Personally, I hate the "one sided love with your best friend" trope. It's pathetic and sad and it's just not entertaining to me, sorry I'm not sorry. And for this one to have gone on for TEN YEARS? With the added "you can only trust [Way] and Alan" bit? It's very much "if I stick around long enough as your best friend, you'll love me one day when you get your whoring out of your system." He even said as much as that in the first or second episode to Alan! And personally, I thought we had all agreed that shit ain't cute in a man. And a grown ass man pushing 30 at that!

Getting possessive over dick you ain't getting and won't ever get it? Nah. Sorry, I don't respect that. The fact that Way doesn't have not one homegirl to pull him aside and tell him this isn't it tells me a lot about him as a person. 💅💅💅

Plus I assume Babe doesn't like how Way smells since we know the only alpha smell he's ever seemed to not only tolerate, but like, is Charlie. So. Like. What are we doing here Way. What are we doing. At this point, he's just hurting his own feelings AND hurting Babe with his lies, manipulations, and isolation, That's just too many struggles and I've put him back.

[there-goes-my-sanity]

An Umbrella academy Season 4 Follow Along: Part 2

Episode 4: The Cleanse

-Jesus they have a personal superjet?

-So they have a superjet but not nightvision masks and have to wear shoulder flashlights? Come on, step it up Reggie.

-Seriously how did she get in the squid guys

-REGGIE YOU DICK.

-am I the only one who loves Eliot Page's voice?

-how did durango get in Jennifer? like why does everyone else have marigold and she have durango?

-Like, did she come and release it in the umbrella world? Or....?

-So why is Ben that's obsessed with Jennifer, like I get that if a brellie and her connect that they'll explode or something but like...he's weirdly obsessed.

-Tell him Viktor!

-Why does Klaus have to be on side quests all the time and not part of the main group

-Seriously...possessed sex? No. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. Didn't Klaus hate being possessed by Ben? Isn't this technically rape? no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

-Seriously why is Lila all 'hey let's go back to the subway" so out of left field

-ANOTHER fat joke

-Why is the deputy director of the CIA at a random crime scene?

-Ah yes, we finally remember Claire exists.

-"What happened to your face mom?"-touches literally nothing on her face. not a single scratch

-we are just skipping over the fact that Klaus is once again being held hostage and now a prostitute...

-So Sy set the brellies up, didn't we already establish that?

-seriously why is Ben obsessed

-"they must have tossed me overboard" that's it. that's the explanation?

-ah a convenient travel map of the weird subway...

-seriously more prostitute Klaus?

-So he lied about the money so he could steal it...doesn't he know more than one drug dealer? Like...this whole side plot seems really unnecessary...

-oh that's not good.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 5: Six Years, Five Months, and Two Days

-okay but how did they get lost on the subway. Couldn't Five just go up to a timeline and blink them back to the main terminal or something?

-Why don't they just go upstairs and use a shower and get some clothes...

-the cleanse is radioactive and they are just out in the open, like if you stop the apocalypse but you are going to die from radiation poisoning

-I do not like Ben this season...

-Five is giving up...FIVE? Mr. I was in the apocalypse for 40 years and didn't give up. That Five?

-I'm pretty certain Klaus would have run out of oxygen by now

-So does Alison have super strength now or was that just a shitty door? and telekinesis? Why did she get a power upgrade and no one else does?

-I think he would have passed out from pain if his balls exploded

-Did Claire know her mom got her powers back?

-what fucking time period are they in? Why is the CIA using rotary phones?

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no why the fuck did they do that. no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

-did they just parody Captain America Winter Soldier?

-also that is the fastest elevator I've ever seen

-Isn't Diego's whole thing that he doesn't miss when he throws things?

-where did that cat come from?

-why is that lady just kicking in the area in front of Diego why he just stands there?

-oh look Lila and Five just being bestie siblings and not at all in a romantic relationship. *barf*

-he just conveniently found a journal with how to get home??? when was it written? How did it get there?

-seriously, you aren't going to show it to Lila?

-once again, there should be approximately no oxygen in that coffin.

-hE CaNt GiVe YoU WhAt YoU NeEd. bullshit. who are you and what did you do with Five.

-well good for Reggie for seeing the errors of his ways but this isn't about him?

-how did she get there so quickly?

-So Sy is just Reggie's wife in a weird skin suit?

-what is the point of Gene and Jean. Like, okay they explained the cleanse and stuff but...like now they just seem pointless?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 6: End of the Beginning:

-So the conspiracy theorists are nation wide and ready to kill people?

-I do have to admit, this is a banger of a song.

-So a bunch of rednecks with guns are going to stop the CIA and the umbrella academy?...does the Waco Siege not exist in this timeline?

-once again. Luther is clearly intelligent

-oh i had no idea he was going to kill her, who could have seen this coming (Sarcasm)

-they were all literally standing there watching them argue. So they just went along with Jean dying because...?

-and no one is going to acknowledge Five? Like, full minute scene of Lila saying high to everyone and Five just stands there?

-Okay does no one see Viktor's powers when he uses them, because that guy dead legged him in the middle of a power up

-so they don't explode they pull a weird Vecna stranger things thing?

-seriously fuckface? The wittiest character used fuckface?

-Didn't Lila have a bracelet all through the last season

-So the cheating was for what exactly? Like, was end of the world not enough or...

-and Five's power conveniently works again

-since when can viktor pull out the durango?

-What in the actual fuck. So now they are the weird merged monster thing?

-really, you think a gun is going to kill that thing?

-Seriously did they just need a reason to have Diego and Five fight during the main fight so the team isn't at full power?

-wait, so Lila still has her copy power but also random laser eyes?

-did Five just leave?! Because a girl broke up with him?? What the fuck, he's acting like a child and NOT A 60 YEAR OLD MAN

-I'm confused. he released marigold not durango. or can you not release one without the other?

-She wanted to end the world because...she wanted to teach her husband a lesson about hubris?

-"it's the siblings broke the timeline by existing" sounds a lot like a gaslighting version of Reggie broke the timeline

-so just remove the marigold? the marigold caused it then removing it would stop it right?

-can't they just create a machine to remove the marigold and then like, inject it into the weird ben/jennifer monster?

-this hug would be sweet if it was still siblings comforting each other.

-this is how it ends. just standing in a circle, willing to die at the hands of their weird monster brother because "we broke the timeline".

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

-well that sucked.

[thecommunalfoolboy]

What your favorite Lupin The Third Character says about you

When people make these they always just say nice things and traits of the character and it’s dumb so here’s me being right

Anyway my reputation for misogyny is legendary

Ok this largely depends on if you like edgy Jigen or goofy ah Jigen but

You desperately need to stop getting into arguments online, both in general and on whether Jigen is deep and emo or a silly guy

Gay Gay homosexual gay 🫵

You took one look at him and Lupin and said “Damn these bitches gay!” In a half joking way but the show itself proved you right in 10 seconds

Lol emo

Ok but actually seek psychiatric care

You either write porn about him in your head or you’re extremely asexual

There’s something weird going on with your gender but that’s kinda true if you watch this show in general

You’re too broke to get that next piercing don’t do it

You’re either as devastated about them whitewashing our boy as I am or you should be

Hey remember they whitewashed Goemon too you should be equally as mad about that

You head canon he speaks Spanish

Go to bed

He’s a nice man

Seek help brother

You play with jpegs like dolls

Beneath your eyes is a deep dark hole of information on this show’s lore

You also hate him so much and you want to see him die painfully <3

You want that twink OBLITERATED

You should really raise the price on your art it is so much better than you think it is

Some of you have only seen the first and it shows

“Brother,,,,, help me,,,,,,”

“Long live the king……”

Lol you thought I’m not letting you off that easy you’re deeply traumatized You’ve never felt safe in your life and the most inner hurt part of you desperately needed an adult to help you at a time in your life when you should’ve been worried about learning your times tables not whether you’d survive another day and one of the reasons you’re drawn to characters like this and collect fictional fathers is because you see a glowing smile and an infallible hero who could’ve saved you when you needed it the most

Or you’re Japanese native but like

Autism 👿

Woah dude are you like… autistic???

Stop looking at his tits

A small but significant subsection of you people are just racist and cannot be normal about Japan

If someone asked your thoughts on him you’d just be like :)))) the silly

You have way too many screenshots of him looking weird in the background

You def hate part 5 and twcfm

Whenever tms forgets he exists for a while you still watch it but you look like a wet kitten

You’re def short

You need to stop coping and accept it he looked fully insane in part 3 the hair is so so bad

You’re probably transmasc

I just wanna say I’m so sorry

She’s an ugly bitch there I said it

STROP BEING HORNY

You’re probably a girl

And definitely bi

Y’all probably know the least about the show as a whole

Good for you!! You actually touch grass

Or again you’re in the racist subgroup

The titles for each character confuse you but you only realized this one’s Fujiko because either I just said it or you saw the “stop being horny” and knew

You probably have insanely hot takes on the show

They did your girl dirty im so sorry

You’d die on the hill of whichever of her hair colors you think is best but at least you’re dead

I’m scared of you

Hey you should watch the first if you haven’t already

Zemigamna 🥺

You cry every time someone says Yata was boring and didn’t need to be in the show

Miyazaki studio gibli ass 🫵

Please you still have time left you can get out before you become obsessed you’re not in too deep yet RUN RUN SAVE YOURSEL

Or this show is all you have left and it’s infinitely too late for you no in between

Again probably a girl

You’re definitely not normal about fujiko either

You hate that one movie where he’s a dick with a burning passion and you would write 20 page essays on it

If you’re obsessed with him you probably have a chronic illness (same bestie) or major physical disability

Anyway if I fully clocked you let me know I think it’s funny to see you guys suffer

[ghostsbaby]

pairing - ghost x babygirl!reader blurbs and hc’s PART 1

word count - smol. 520

warnings - mix of things. talk about sex, jealousy, possessiveness and daddy kink

a/n - THIS IS ALSO AU DON’T COME AT ME. please i’m sensitive. i’ll be posting some more blurbs/hc’s in the future but for now enjoy just a lil something! have some ghost and his babygirl! 🖤 probably some written mistakes in here but i’m lazy to check and this is for fun. hope you like!

-

jealous before. jealous AND possessive as FUCK now. i’ll have to get into the extensive smutty details if y’all want part 2 🥵

like i’ve said a few times already, that mans lap is the only seat you’re allowed to sit on. besides his face. he fucjing loves when you sit on his face

“but i can sit in my own seat.”

“no. not safe, baby. safe with daddy.”

pats his lap and the rest of the squad just fucking look at both of you in disbelief.

simon?! baby talking?!

he’s also just obsessed with the way you softly grind in his lap every time and his dick gets insanely hard. he likes you seated on his cock

and he knows you used to do it on purpose around the guys, but now it’s just natural. there’s been more than one occasion where he’s came in his pants because you wouldn’t stop being a tease 😭

the first time he did get a lil angry for being slightly embarrassed that he snarled and threw you over his lap and spanked you in front of them 🫣 oh my l

WELCOME TO POUND TOWN. WE FUCKING LOVED IT BESTIE

but you were VERY quickly whisked away and not seen for a whole week after because soap made a comment on the colour of your panties 🤪

“you know what i keep thinking about? the colour pink.”

“you’re dead.”

ghost says while already jumping across the table to pound his face in like the jealous boyfriend he is. if he could, you’d have a ring bigger than the moon on your finger right now but you’re not even actually officially dating yet 🙊

well you are. he’s just never asked you. he didn’t have to because he never leaves your side and you never ask him to so he just assumes

soap had a black eye the next time you saw him and when asked about it, told you he got in a fight with a ghost. there were no more questions

fucks you constantly. in the morning, after the morning. afternoon and after the afternoon. oh, don’t forget the evening because he’s fucking you before then, during and after. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?

soap, gaz, price are all obviously fucking jealous they have to listen to the two of you fuck like rabbits every night. BUT WHO WOULD BE COMPLAINING HONEST. they get to listen to you! all jack off to the sound of your moans imagining it was them instead.

oh my god if only ghost knew they did that 😳 you would really never see daylight again. so they better shut up and CLEAN THE FUCK UP

you think he even lets them speak to you?? NO. you’re always attached to him or he’s hiding you in his room. hates you being friendly to other guys if you don’t have to be.

“i’m allowed to talk to other guys. all he did was say hi.”

“what? fuck no. you don’t know what they’re thinking. you can’t trust them.”

daddy knows best.

DADDY KNOWS BEST

-

a/n - hey cutie 🥰

[jmoriarty-221b]

So I saw somewhere a post that talked about how some fictional characters just have a divorce vibe going on, like, at no point in time were they ever married but they just give off that feeling that they got divorced

And now I can only think of Clark Kent and Lex Luthor having that vibe

And I spent close to an hour talking about this to my sibling and how it would be a good idea for a new DC show like, you can make so much money off of just the main Batfam alone and there are literally so many people in there that it’s just an amazing idea to have them all in a show together but kind of like a Good Luck Charlie kinda thing because there’s more than enough angst in the world

But in the case of not having enough of a budget for so many characters in one show I turned to the Superfam (Batfam is Huge like, I don’t even know half of the extended family version and that’s like at least ten characters so I could see why it wouldn’t be entirely feasible to have a show that included everyone while still being good with nice character development without having a billion dollars for the budget)

The Superfam, in my personal experience, is composed of Ma & Pa Kent (farm vibes plus I refuse to have either of them die in my AU), Clark Kent (main Superman), Lois Lane (Lana? was Smallville Lois i guess??? But idk enough about her so she’s not here), Jon Kent (Superboi II), Kara Danvers (Supergirl) & Conner Kent (Superboi I)

Now I’ve stopped watching CW shows like, forever ago??? But my brother kinda keeps up with them and basically the gist is that the ratings of every other show suck Except for the Superman & Lois show (because it’s 💫new💫) and I saw the cover of the poster like “Ah, the werewolf dude. . . mmmhhmmm that’s Lois yes, yes that’s Johnny boi, and um is that???? Nooooo, they wouldn’t do that to Conner right???? Please tell me they didn’t make Conner blonde” and I was informed that the blonde teen is Chris???? Like

Whoms’t do ye speak of

I’m not even joking but the only way I even know of Chris is from a random fanfic I read where Dick Grayson gets his own super from an alternate reality named Chris, that’s my only point of reference for this character

But let’s talk about how Conner Kent (OG Superboi) was excluded

Now I haven’t seen any episodes of this and I probably never will (no hate I’m just really unmotivated to start new shows at all) so idk if they might mention Conner or even allude to him in one scene or something

But this was my main motivator as to my new Superfam TV Show Idea

Have Lex Luthor not be a Superman villain, he’s mainly a successful businessman, a little shady but who isn’t, and he doesn’t want to Kill Superman, he just wants to be able to have some sort of viable protection against a Kryptonian in case of an invasion (see Man of Steel + CW’s Supergirl) or suddenly having a mind controlled Superman on their hands (see Justice League series or just look up what Red Krytonite does) so he makes it like his side thing to figure out ways to neutralize or hold back a Kryptonian, Clark totally thinks that Lex is obsessed with finding a way to kill Superman because they had a bad end to their friendship in high school so he’s always suspicious of Lex, Lex hasn’t really ever tried to kill him though because 1. It’s not that deep Clark ok? And 2. He’s a busy busy man with a very important job position and a company to run so does he look like he has time to harbor an obsession over someone who rejected him back in high school??? You’re more of a constant side quest Clark, so stop trying to put him on the JL watchlist ( btw ik about Lena Luthor, haven’t forgotten her but she doesn’t really play a part in this AU so let’s just have her and Kara off to the side doing their own thing ok? Ok)

Lex, Bruce & Oliver all knew each other when they were kids and went to the same school, this is just an extra detail I wanted to happen because Lex and Ollie definitely know Bruce is Batman and absolutely HATE having to deal with Brucie Wayne because “I know you’re just doing this to irritate me Bruce, you just want to see if you can make a vein throb in my forehead but I will valiantly ignore your dumbassery because I know you hate being Brucie just as much as we hate having to put up with Brucie so suck on that you petty bitch” because they bonded in ye olden days, childhood friends so to speak

Anyway so Cadmus tries to get Lex to make an investment in their company, seeing as Cadmus is shadier than Gotham when it rains Lex is basically like ‘no ❤️’ and doesn’t make a deal with them, Cadmus gets mad at not having Lexcorp financially backing them so Lex has an ‘accident’ and they steal his DNA, then they steal Superman’s DNA somehow and *boom* a Superboi is formed

Because I don’t know much about how the Core Four became friends in the first place (Robin Tim Drake, Impulse Bart Allen, Wonder Girl Cassie Sandsmark & Superboy Conner Kent) I’m just gonna go with what happens in the show Young Justice except it’s the Core Four becoming the Core Four when they liberated Conner (who at this point believes himself to be a clone of Superman and has only been given Superboy as a name) from Cadmus, same shit goes down meaning that Clark is just straight up NOT vibing with Conner, Conner just wants a mentor please, and the Bats kinda give Clark a passive aggressive treatment for not taking Superboy under his wing or at least agreeing to teach him how to control his powers, especially Tim because that’s his Bestie so yes

Anyway, YJ saves ppl and is on the news or whatever and Lex finds out about Superboy’s existence that way, so he researches this new super on his free time, finds out that he came from Cadmus and claims to be a clone of Superman, yet doesn’t have the whole power set Superman has??? Wait, didn’t Lex reject Cadmus’ proposal and the got into a mysterious accident??? Long story short Lex goes connecting the dots, hacks into Cadmus’ files, finds out he technically has a son with Superman and decides to take Superboy under his wing (I’ll go more in depth as to why Lex would want to do this in this AU later but the abridged version would be that he wants a kid but doesn’t have the time nor interest in finding a wife??? Also the radiation that made him bald as a kid also affected his reproductive system so while it’s not impossible for him to conceive kids he would have a very hard time actually getting to father a kid)

Him and Conner, who still goes by Superboy at this point in time, meet up and Conner finds out that here is a parent figure that is both available and actively wants to be a part of his life, so he agrees to get to know Lex and the series would focus on them becoming a family, with a special episode when Conner asks Lex for help in choosing a name for himself and it ends up with him agreeing to become Conner Luthor, it would be heartwarming and Mercy would make sure it happens within a day (Mercy is Lex’s bodyguard/PA but they’re also besties and she becomes the Responsible yet Chaotic Aunt as Lex and Conner’s father-son relationship progresses)

Obviously Clark becomes super suspicious of Lex getting close to his ‘clone’ and when Conner decides to go public as Lex’s son he’s like *GASP* and calls up Bruce because we need to get on this Bruce, Lex is a villain and blah blah blah but Bruce would be over Clark’s shit and hit him with that “actually, Lex was also an unwilling genetic donor to Superboy, who actually is not your clone either, and has agreed to take him in, I’ve been on this shit since they first met and the kid is doing just fine so if you keep poking your nose in their business then that’s your problem but you better be ready to pay child support bitch . . . have a good day ❤️”

The series would just focus on Conner getting to have a good parent figure in Lex and go more into their civilian lives rather than focusing on the superhero thing, Conner, Bart, Tim & Cassie have a sleepover at Lex’s house at one point, Lex totally Knows what’s up but it’s all good because these are his baby’s friends and they’re good people who are more than willing to prank Superman for rejecting his kid and giving his baby self worth issues (Mercy supports them)

Anyway, that’s basically the idea for a new Superhero Show

[unimportant-ramblings]

Okay I'm finally done the Bridgerton books, here's my official ranking, a guide, a best and worst aggregate, a post so I don't forget these books in a month

The good ones

These books are all great and could easily be my favorite depending on my mood

The Viscount Who Loved Me (Anthony and Kate) the closest Bridgeton gets to enemies to lovers, with a compelling and funny hero and heroine. Best moment? Bees baby! Their wedding night! They're obsessed with each other and they hate it! That's my jam Worst moment? Kate loses a bit of personality after she gets married, the dick literally can't be that good.

When He Was Wicked (Francesca and Michael) in love with your best friends girl! this is the hot one! Also the saddest one! Francesca is the best Bridgerton sister by a lot. Best? Michael is doing the most in this book guys, also this book made me cry? Fran, love of my life Worst: it's sad. It's not the one I would pick if I want to turn off by brain, which is not bad! But it's a consideration

Romancing Mr. Bridgeton (Colin and Penelope) proving that friends to lovers can occasionally have rights. Best? The carriage scene/trophy husband Colin/etc they are crackling. Worst? Colin sulking about Pen's success. Also stop mentioning that Penelope is thinner now I hate-

The ones that are fine

Not bad! But not great

It's in His Kiss (Hyacinth and Gareth) this books is kind of a redo of The Duke and I? Gareth has a messy family secret and needs a Bridgeton to make it better. Hyacinth is much more interesting that Daphne, there's this almost heist thing going on? It's fun Best? Just generally Hyacinth is good fun, and they've got chemistry. She wears pants at one point. Worst? This book is in offensive to the extreme, it's just kind of dull.

On the Way to the Wedding (Gregory and Lucy) le grande finale, lots of references to other books. Lucy is a nerd and Gregory has not read any of the Bridgerton books. Best? Kate is there :) Worst? BORING

The Duke and I (Daphne and Simon) le grande beginning! A kind of lackluster start but you gotta start somewhere. You can picture how pretty everything is in the show so that's a plus. Best? Fake dating got them again Worst? You know what's worst :/

The ones that are bad

I know I'm burning bridges here, this is my personal taste, but, I mean, is it surprising that these are the 2 in the show that have the most not hetro implications?

An Offer from a Gentleman (Benedict and Sophie) the Cinderella story. Sophie (imo) is the most boring heroine and Benedict lacks either Anthony's burden and angst or Colin's humor and self assurance. He's boring and a dick. Best? Violet and Sophie have a really cute mother daughter relationship, legit made me emotional. I like Cinderella too I mean I'm not heartless Worst? Benedict and Sophie have the worst sex scene in the series.

To Sir Philip, With Love (Eloise and Philip) look, Quinn seemed to want to change things up a bit after the whistledown arc concluded. Both Eloise and Francesca's books take place far from the London season (the county somewhere I don't remember for this one, Scotland for whww) dealing with heavier themes (depression and being a step parent here, miscarriage and grief in whww) both have non standard courtships even for this series. For me, when he was wicked is wholly successful, and to Sir Philip with love fails. Eloise and Philip have very little chemistry, Philip is supposed to be our manly man but not in a hot way ladies! It's not like he's a wild mountain man, he's an intellectual who just treats people poorly. Best? When the brothers come. Which says a lot about our couple tbh. I also liked benophie better here. Worst? Everything about how they treat Marina. I just hate Philip tbh.

So my ranking is 2 6 4 7 8 1 3 5 please send me all the reasons I am wrong besties

[starlight-writes-stuff]

SO HEAR ME OUT an nsfw alphabet for draco

hey bestie - im literally so excited to do this (: i have a guilty pleasure of reading nsfw alphabets so u really hit the nail on the head with this request . n e ways , enjoy !

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (duh but still) , hair pulling , breeding k!nk , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it) , masturbation , choking , light bondage , praise kink , general adult themes and content so please only read if ur okay with that .

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3 ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

draco is the literal definition of a fluff fic after sex - hes so soft and loving and affectionate . if the sex was on the rougher side , draco goes out of his way to kiss any bruises , cuts , or red marks he may have left on you, soothing the sinfully painful spots with soft touches of his suddenly gentle fingertips.  

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

draco is built like a greek mf god , and he knows it . he’s all lean , toned muscles and his alabaster pale skin only makes him look more ethereal . draco is quite proud of his body and isn’t afraid to show off if needed.

draco literally loves everything about you , and you’ve tried over and over to get him to pick his most favorite - he never does it because he’s a stubborn little shit and refuses to let you think that he values one part of you over any other . finally , you wore him down to coming up with a top 3 : your hands , your hair , and your chest .

 your hands as they fit perfectly in his , they brush his hair out of his eyes with a gentleness that melts him every time (and the way you dig your nails into his back or his arms iykyk) . 

draco loves your hair mostly because its the exact opposite of his own ; long , thick , and chocolate brown . he’s constantly playing with your hair , whether that's running his hands through it or gently tugging on it to get your attention . he would kill you if you ever told anyone , but draco taught himself how to braid your hair so he would have something repetitive to do to calm his anxiety .

 draco loves your chest : he's such a boob guy . he is such a boob guy . even in a non-sexual context , draco loves having his hands up your shirt just feeling how soft your breasts are , the way that he can feel your heartbeat if you’re still enough . when things are getting *frisky* draco loves your tits - in his hands , using his mouth on them , titty-fucking you , literally everything . 

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

draco has a huge breeding kink , but is simultaneously terrified of getting you pregnant. he knows that he wants to be a dad eventually , but draco malfoy is the king of daddy issues™ and can’t fathom having a child right now .

that doesn’t stop him from filling you up with his cum every time you guys fuck - draco loves watching your face as you take his entire load , begging him not to pull out . 

once he does , though , draco’s head is immediately between your legs watching his manhood drip out of you , fingering it out of you while you whimper at the way he seems to hit all the right spots . 

he’s extremely thankful for the tiny , yellow birth control pills that you’re on , and he reminds you every day to take them .

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

draco had never , ever said i love you to someone during or after sex until the two of you had your first time . now , its a normal occurrence for draco to tell you how much he loves you as he thrusts into your pretty , fucked out body . he lets his forehead fall to yours , moaning the words in between heavy breaths as he finishes inside you .

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

draco had a couple of hookups , and a complicated friends with benefits situation before the two of you got together , so he was somewhat experienced by the time you guys finally got down to it . he made sure you felt so good the entire time , using every trick in his book to make you cum around him over and over until he reached completion as well . 

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

draco is a sucker for regular old missionary . he likes being able to watch your face as you take every inch of him , watching your facial expressions change and morph under the influence of his pleasure . if he’s eager to feel you - all of you - draco will hook one of your legs over his shoulders , giving him better access to your sex . this is the one instance where draco wont keep eye contact with you : he can't resist watching himself slide in and out of you , coated in your cum .

however

he's an absolute sucker for you riding him , too . he loves to let you take control and chase your pleasure - plus the visual of you bouncing up and down on his cock , eyes rolling back into your head as you hit all the right spots is enough to send him over the edge . if you get tired while on top , draco will gladly hold your hips in place , fucking up into you until you practically collapse into him , entirely taken over by the force of your orgasm. 

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

intimacy is something that didn’t come easy for you and draco; he’d never been with someone that he actually loved before you . there was a deep intensity to the emotions shared between you two during sex , and draco viewed that time between the both of you as something almost sacred . foreplay , or just general teasing can be silly with you two , but making love is more serious . 

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

draco keeps himself trimmed , but not entirely clean shaven , and the hair down there is darker than his signature white-blond locs .

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

(refer back to g but i could talk about this for days) draco is incredibly romantic when it comes to sex . your first time was like something out of a movie - draco had lit candles everywhere , filling the room with soft , flickering light , as well as changing the sheets on your bed to a soft , white cotton . he’d taken his time making you comfortable ; you and draco had talked through all your fears for hours before he laid a hand on you . once you were ready , draco’s touches had been soft and slow and tender all over your body - he’d made you feel like the angel you were . quickly , you learned that draco wasn’t like that just because it had been your first time ; draco made an effort to make sex just as special every time. 

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

draco was raised thinking that masturbation was a shameful act , something dirty and below him (you literally can not tell me that this isn't true i'll fight it until the day i die . as much as i love narcissa the malfoy family fkn sucks and they damaged draco so bad . anyways) so it’s very rare that he’ll get himself off. when he does , its somewhere where he can quickly get rid of the evidence , such as the shower . 

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

while draco makes sex between you two meaningful and special , that doesn’t mean that he’s afraid to be rough (after yall have had a long talk about it before where you gave him enthusiastic consent ofc . ) 

draco loves to pull your hair or wrap a hand around your throat while he’s hitting it from the back , so much so that he’ll bring your back up to his chest . 

he really enjoys a bit of light choking here and there - just enough to watch your pretty face flush with blood , making your moans the slightest bit weaker . 

draco loves to tie your hands up above your head while he’s eating you out as well ; it makes you take all the pleasure he’s willing to give , and he lives for the way your body writhes and bucks under his skillful tongue. 

you literally can not tell me that draco doesn’t have a praise kink - both giving and receiving . draco loves to tell you how good of a job your doing whether you're sucking him off or taking all of him inside you , and he’s constantly reassuring you that you’re doing such a good job.

however

he fucking loves when you praise him as well (my theory as to why is so fkn sad so we wont go over that here) but that boy lives for you telling him how good he’s making you feel , and when you encourage him nodding and whining for him to go faster . its the one thing that undoes him almost immediately , and he flushes furiously every time you tell him just how fantastic he’s doing .  

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

you and draco rarely get it on outside of your bedrooms at hogwarts , or your childhood rooms when you’re home for the summer - but there’s an exception to every rule. draco has absolutely ruined you in the quidditch changing rooms after a rather brutal loss , and he’s the king of shower sex , too.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

praise !! draco loves you telling him how good his dick feels , or his tongue , or his hands . he also appreciates when you’re rather direct with him - telling draco exactly where you want him , what you want him to do - it drives him absolutely insane . hearing such dirty words come from your sweet , innocent mouth kills him , and it makes draco that much more excited.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

there's nothing draco wouldn’t try at least once , but he’s rather uncomfortable with voyeurism. he hates the idea of anyone else seeing your body , watching how you wriggle and whine underneath him as he makes you cum . while the two of you have done it in some questionable locations , draco had made sure that no one could see . 

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

while draco loves your mouth wrapped around him , that boy could spend all day between your legs . he's nothing short of obsessed with eating you out , and its one of his favorite things to do for you . he cant help the way it makes him feel - hearing you whimper and moan while you pull on his hair , your back arching off the bed when his tongue flicks in just the right way . he gets a sort of high from it , and absolutely prides himself on making you cum with just his tongue . 

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it really depends on the day . draco loves fucking you slow , watching his manhood slide in and out of your pretty body coated in your arousal , but he cant resist fucking you so hard he leaves bruises , either . if its just a regular day , the two of you fall somewhere in between , a perfect mix of rough and sweet . 

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

draco loves a good quickie every once in a while ! sometimes he needs a release , and your body is his favorite vessel . usually quickies are where the two of you get a little more risky - he’ll grab your arm , pulling you into an empty classroom or the shower and take you then and there . 

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

yes and no . draco would try anything and everything , especially if you asked him to , but there are some things that are a one-and-done for him . the two of you are good at talking about that stuff - if something made one of you uncomfortable , the other would understand 100% . its all about the balance of boundaries and still being adventurous. 

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

draco would fuck you all day if you would let him . he can make you cum many , many times before he’ll allow himself to even get close , and even then his stamina is through the roof . he can go at least 3 rounds if not more , and switch positions as many times as you’d like . 

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

while draco doesn’t mind you using toys on yourself , they do make him slightly jealous . you gently tease him about this sometimes , how he works himself into a sulk over an inanimate object - however, that usually leads to your hands tied to his headboard , draco holding a vibrator on your clit until you can’t take anymore orgasms. 

you two have expirimented with using your vibrator during sex , but draco much prefers playing with your clit over using an outside source , and seretly , you do too . he’s amazing with his hands , and rubs tight , fast circles onto your sensitive nub while his hips snap against yours only intensifying the sensation .

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

draco loves to tease you - he likes to watch the way you come undone under the slightest touches of his hands . very rarely does he tease you for long - he can’t resist giving you what you want , what you’re begging him for in that high , breathy voice .

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s a loud motherfucker all the time , and the bedroom is no exception . draco’s moans are music to your ears , and they turn you on more than anything . his already rough voice only gets raspier , and deeper , too . he loves to talk dirty to you , but as he approaches his orgasm , he can barely form full sentences . his cocky pillow talk turns to almost desperate moans and whimpers as his thrusts get sloppier and quicker , his hips snapping against yours hard . his groans as he cums are heavenly , especially since he’s usually buried his head in your neck or dropped his forehead to yours by then . 

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

we all know that draco have a superiority / god complex (as he should 😌) , and this manifests in the bedroom - you would’ve never known , though , if it weren’t for a complete accident . you and draco had been studying together , and he’d asked one of the yes or no questions written on a flashcard .  not thinking about your actions , you’d answered the question with “no, sir” - then physically felt draco’s entire body stiffen underneath you . you’d picked up on it immediately , blood flooding your face as you’d asked him if he liked it .

yes , he did .

he loves when you call him sir as he’s fucking the life out of you - like , he has to stop himself from cumming on the spot . 

when you want to fuck with him for whatever reason , you’ll jokingly call him ‘sir’ in front of your friends

you’ll pay for it later , though

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

mans is built in every sense of the word . draco is quite well endowed , which was something that took you a bit to get used to . he was never one to measure - it just seemed wrong to him , like he was doing something dirty - but by your estimations , draco is about 7 inches . he’s thicker than most , too , which only adds to your pleasure . 

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

draco lives in a constant state of horny™ . he can’t help it - something about you brings out his most primal instincts . he’s so in love with you and your body that he can rarely keep his hands off of it , but he knows how to control himself . he tries to match your sex drive ; when yours is high , his is too , but he doesn’t mind waiting on you to give him the green light if you’re libido has been lower . 

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

its safe to say that the both of you are extremley tired after sex - its quite the workout . draco is so soft once he’s finished , and he would live in that post-sex haze forever if he could ; he’s all sweet kisses and skin-to-skin contact , but he’ll usually wait until you fall asleep on him before he can drift off . something about making sure that you’re comfortable enough to sleep on him fills draco with a sense of immense pride . once you’ve fallen asleep, depending on how vigorous everything was , draco will usually fade pretty soon after ; on the off chance that he still has some energy , draco stays up and watches you . he looks at you as if you were a piece of art , usually following the soft lines and curves of your face with a gentle finger ; admiring you like the angel you are .

[honeytea8]

✨✨La Squadra Boyfriend Headcanons✨✨

[Alexa, play Boyfriend by Big Time Rush]

Guys, I spend an ungodly amount of time thinking about La Squadra, so here are some bf headcanons for the sexiest group of assassins in Naples. No one asked but I am bringing it straight to your dash anyway! (under the cut for length lmao)

I’m going to start with Prosciutto, who has recently fallen on my radar pretty heavy! 

He’s a good and decent boyfriend, if not a busy one. Not that he doesn’t care about the relationship, but most of his energy was going to Passione things before you waltzed in and so he’ll struggle a bit between his work responsibilities and maintaining his relationship with you, but only in the beginning. 

If you are also a part of Passione, it’s a hell of a lot easier to manage. 

I see Prosciutto as the gift-giving type: lingerie, sweets, perfume, designers, etc. His salary isn’t the best, but he manages it as well as he can just to accommodate you! 

I just can’t get the idea out of my head that Pro was raised by a strict mama, that’s why he can be a bit of a stickler sometimes. He’ll catch you still lounging in bed at nine am, and be like “Why are you still in bed? Get dressed, we’re going out.” Dude!

I’m sorry to say, but Prosciutto is absolutely the ‘lecturing’ type. (He lectured someone in nearly every scene in the anime, Formaggio once and Pesci numerously and Bucci too) 

He will lecture you when you make mistakes, especially because as his s/o, he has high expectations for you and believes you’re capable of so much more. It’s never, ever out of hate. He loves you, and that’s why he chides you a bit lol. 

This does not negate the fact that he doesn't mind when you lean on him for support. He likes when you count on him, because he always comes through especially for you!

Depending on whether you’re in the mafia or not, I totally see him sparring with you, or working out with you in an effort to make you tough. Prosciutto wants you to be able to defend yourself, just in case. If you complain, he’ll tell you, “Better safe than sorry, tesoro”.

Prosciutto will respect you, period.

A good listener, goddamn! He’s up there with Risotto when it comes to who listens to their s/o more! If you have an issue, he’ll hear you out and offer advice if you want it. If you give him advice, he’ll take it into serious consideration. He’s honestly a good partner, can’t stress that enough.

Finally, sex with Pro is an entire event. Romantic dinner, candles lit, wine, the whole nine yards before he gives you nine inches of something else :) (I’m kidding!! Lmao, kinda). 

But as I said, Prosciutto is quite deliberate, and a bit of a perfectionist. He knows what to do and how to do it, you can trust him.

Ghiaccio is next only because he’s my favorite. 

The ice gremlin is probably the most interesting (and hilarious) boyfriend out of the bunch (I say this with only a tidbit of bias). He isn’t funny himself, but funny shit just happens to him. 

Because of this, he will use you as a soundboard when everyone else refuses to listen to him. He’s got a lot to say, so be prepared for his TEDtalks. LMAO!

It will take some perception on your part to notice when he actually expects a response from you, and other times he’s just ranting to get his point out. 

He will correct your grammar when you text, but barely notices when he makes a similar mistake (his brain moves in mph). Please use the proper names like Venezia, Italia, Roma and Napoli when talking to this man; save yourself from the headache.

When it comes to dates, please have mercy on him, he’s a textbook over-thinker! You’ll just have to plan something simple at home for you both to enjoy. 

He isn’t incapable of planning dates, but he’ll want everything to be so absolutely perfect for his s/o and will throw a fit when it ultimately isn’t. 

Contrary to popular belief, I think that Ghiaccio is a pretty attentive partner. He’s super intelligent and I think a part of it stems from his innate ability to read people (I’m referencing the part in the anime where he deduced what Giorno and Mista had come to look for, while going off very little information). 

The more time he spends with you, the better he gets at it. 

His form of affection will be shown through the amount of time you both spend together. When it comes to sex or anything related to that, be gentle and slow as Ghiaccio will likely be a flustered mess. 

As he becomes more comfortable and confident, he will be bolder and just ask out right if you’ll suck him off tonight or not. The man appreciates directness, so don’t bother being coy. “You want me to give you head? Cool, lay down a towel or something.” is what he’ll probably say.

Very practical 👌🏾👌🏾

Melone, good lord, he’s kind of perfect. 

A bit of a doting boyfriend here and there—very much concerned about your health. Expect him to ask if you’ve eaten, or taken your multivitamin. How are your bowel movements?  LMAO

It can become a bit much, but he really genuinely cares. He’s not asking to be intrusive or nasty! If he was, you’d know. 🤣

But I seriously consider Melone to be the one (at least among La Squadra) who is way, way invested in his relationships. He will know every little detail about you; will ask you lots of questions and expects you to ask him just as many. 

This may be annoying to some, but this dude will definitely bring up your horoscope in an argument. He’ll be like “I honestly can’t fathom why you’re being this way, though it’s to be expected from a libra.” 

Peg this bitch so he can shut up.  

Melone is also touchy as hell, but not in a clingy way. He loves touching, and just to tag onto the headcanon about his partial blindness, I want to say that he’s so touchy because that’s how he ‘sees’ you best.

Just know that half the time, he isn’t touching you to be lecherous, even if he genuinely does like the feel of your skin under his fingertips. Melone will even encourage you to touch him back. 

Rub his thigh or back and he’ll be simping.

He is obsessed with your legs, and will paint your toes if you let him. 

LOVES PDA! Melone will also tongue-kiss you in public if you let him!

Notice how I keep saying ‘if you let him’. Give him an inch and he’ll press you for a mile, so if there are boundaries you would like to establish, please do, cuz he sure as hell won’t, just saying!

When it comes to sex, Melone is a dick and coochie sensei. Oral is his favorite thing to do, probably enjoys giving more than receiving to be honest. I’d say he’s pretty much mastered sex for what it is. 

That being said, if he’s ever talking out of his neck, just invite him to put his mouth to better use. He’ll even thank you for your gracious request.

Formaggio is next 💀 

According to my JoJo compatriots from discord, he’s like the Optimus Prime of fuckboi’s so let’s ride that wave for a bit! LMAO

I hope it doesn’t come as a surprise that Formaggio is pretty shameless. He will send you a dick pic on Sunday morning before church and have the audacity to say “Just wanted to bless you real quick”. 

@autumn-kouhai mentioned him giving his s/o sickly sweet pet names and I just have to agree. 

Expect to be hit upside the head with: baby-boo, sugar plum, honey bunches, sweetums. I can imagine them becoming really ridiculous too like “the last piece of red velvet cake” or “cheddar bae biscuits from Red Lobster”

His catch phrase is “Got nudes?”

Send them, and he won’t be afraid to reply with something equally sexy. 

Be warned though, he will stockpile whatever you send him and then be careless with his phone. If you don’t mind Illuso’s snoopy ass seeing your nudes then by all means, have at it. Otherwise, send them through snapchat, so they disappear later. 

As far as La Squadra boyfriends go, he’s the most fun! Y’all don’t even go anywhere because man’s is broke. BUT, Formaggio knows how to have a good time without any need to spend money (my kind of dude tbh) you guys just crank up the tunes, dance, and get lit until the neighbors complain. 

Formi is also the CEO of jokes/memes, and will have you in absolute tears almost always! I literally tell my friends that funny guys are so dangerous, don’t sleep on them! They will make you laugh until your panties drop, it’s magic, I swear. Formaggio has that same energy. 

No matter how bad of a day his s/o is having, rest assured, he will draw the biggest laugh out of you.

Besides his fuckboi tendencies, his most redeeming quality is the fact that he’s super cool and fun to hang with. You’ll literally have a good time, always, because his energy is right! Very good vibes around this man, I swear! It’ll be exactly like dating your best friend, because essentially, he will be your bestie.

Formi has many moments of tenderness that aren’t sexually charged too—moments where the jokes stop and he’ll just rub your back or feet, this is usually when you aren’t feeling well and need some quiet. 

However, Formaggio won’t let you mope all day, he’ll pull out the big guns and call you his “sweetie baby” and when you try to resist he’ll say “What, I’m just tryna show you some love.”

He’s a good dude lmao I’d date a guy like him irl 😭

Pesci stans wya??! Let’s get into this baby boy. 

Pesci is boyfriend material, idgaf what anyone says. 

He is pretty much the least problematic to be with among all of La Squadra, even more so than Risotto (don’t argue with me). 

Pesci is hyper aware of your likes and dislikes and will literally go out of his way to make sure that you’re well and okay. 

Arguments are basically nonexistent and if they occur it ain’t coming from his side. 

I also think that Pesci has a lot of empathy, so when you’re going through something, he’s right there in the thick of it with you. If you’ve seen that meme that goes ‘when my gf is on her period it’s UterUS’ lmao that’s Pesci’s energy 100%. 

Sometimes, he’s more of a lover and not a fight, that is perfectly okay!

However, if someone tries up his s/o, say farewell to Mr. Niceguy. He will defend your honor to his dying breath. And with you in his corner, trust me, he’s not going down. 

A romantic at heart, Pesci will plan little date trips like picnics in the park or boat trips to Capri, actually, I’d like to point out that he excels in the art of date planning. If you’re the adventurous type, he’ll plan outings where you both will be more active, like biking through the city or renting a mop-ed and going sight-seeing. 

Because Pesci has a sensitive stomach, he’s very much considerate of what you both put in your bodies. If you have dietary restrictions or allergies, this guy knows all about it and will cater to you perfectly. 

A true gentleman through and through, he will never force himself on you, ever. In fact, he really doesn’t like engaging in anything sexual when you’re drunk or high, sorry if you’re into that! 

Pesci is the kind of guy who keeps up with your favorite shows.

If ya’ll have similar taste in media or literature, he will immerse himself in it so that he can relate to you all the more.

If there’s anyone who will entertain anime-related discourse, no matter how nonsensical, it’s Pesci. And he isn’t just putting up with it, he’s actively engaging in the conversation so you are always heard and validated. 

He’s an A+ boyfriend, that’s all I gotta say! Haters can stay mad :)

Goddamn Illuso... idk man.

I really feel like you have to have thick/tough skin to handle this guy, for various reasons. 

The first being that Illuso can be a bit mean at first. He’ll push your buttons on purpose just to see what’ll make you tick. Will tease the living heck out of you, always, kind of a bully lmao but not to the extreme, it’s just his brand of humor—and the thing is, he won’t be mad when you dish it right back, so it’s cool. 

Secondly, Illuso has big dick energy!! 

I mean rightfully so, because he is indeed packing! But my word, he ain’t humble about it at all! 

He is not above making jokes about ‘splitting you in half’. In fact all of his jokes have hidden, dirty undertones! 

His affection is shown through speech mostly. Illuso will drop subtle innuendos and provocations, half to see you flustered and half because he wants you to know how much he wants you. 

Illuso isn’t incredibly vocal about his feelings outside of ‘I’m tryna hit that thang’ but you won’t doubt that he loves you because Illuso doesn’t waste his own time. 

If he’s spending his time with you, you can rest assured that it’s because he wants to. 

Illuso is a voyeur and you’ll just have to understand/accept that and move on. 

He loves watching you and will even creep over to your place through the mirror world just to hang or watch you do chores. Loves to surprise you and give you jump scares lmao it’ll make you a tad paranoid but it’s also fun. 

Illuso is prone to random bouts of sweetness; it’s very sporadic, very touch-and-go. 

One day, you’ll wake up to chocolates on your dresser or new shoes, lingerie, or makeup if you wear it. I imagine that if you’re low on funds, he will even help you buy your groceries that week. 

It’ll surprise the hell out of you, but that’s just how Illuso is. He enjoys keeping you on your toes! 

He’s prideful and smug as hell, so he will definitely expect a thank you, because even if he does it out of the kindness in his heart, he also wants to hear that you appreciate him

Same goes for the bedroom scene. Illuso loves making you vocal, it’s his favorite thing in the world, so he’ll make a game out of doing the things that get the biggest reaction out of you. Like I said, it's that big dick energy at work here, smh.

Sorbet and Gelato in a polyamorous relationship with you? Let’s get it! 

We don’t get anything substantial about these two except that Sorbet follows the money, so these are all personal headcanons for how I see and write them. 

Here’s the juice: when it comes to you as their s/o, these two are possessive as hell. You are theirs and that’s that on that! 😭 Don’t ask questions, just go with it.

Sorbet is the chill one of the duo. He can be a bit smug at times, but he’s mostly a laid back dude who doesn’t get bothered by much.

When it comes to you, Sorbet likes to spend quality time with you more than anything, and will ask you to cook for him at your place so he ain’t gotta spend money. Oh? Did I not mention that I kinda think of him as a cheapskate? Lmao cuz I do.

Sorbet will come by your place just to steal your coupons from the mail then head out; you’re not using ‘em so why should he let them go to waste?

Gelato is the complete opposite; personality wise, I headcanon him as a mix between Melone and Formaggio lmao

But it’s not as crazy as it sounds, he’s cute and outspoken like Melone, while maintaining a free-spirit like Formaggio. One quality that I like is that he’s quite devoted to you and Sorbet. If anyone crosses either of you, goodluck to them!

I like to think Gelato’s also just really boujee and high maintenance. He loves to pamper and be pampered. You and him tag-team Sorbet’s wallet and go on spa dates together at his expense (not that he ever really stood a chance)

While Sorbet is cool with just being in the same room as you, Gelato loves hugging/cuddling with you and Sorbet—will definitely fight for the middle spot between the two of you on the couch during movie nights.

He baby, so let him have it lol

In the bedroom, I would salute anyone with the guts to take the two of them on. They both lay down that work, period. 

Sorbet gets his kicks from teasing and edging you (his sadistic side comes out a bit), while Gelato loves when you give him extra TLC. To put it short, they know how to take care of you, so there are no issues there. 

Last but not least, Mr. Risotto Nero himself.

Man, idc on the lowest of keys, he seems a little bit like a grandpa to me

The type to sit at home and do crosswords, has a bird feeder in his yard and plays old Italian hits while washing the dishes. It’s very domestic 💀 (I find it cute, whatever!)

As a boyfriend, I can’t imagine him suddenly being spontaneous or outgoing unless you drag him out of his home/comfort zone.

Be patient with Mr. Nero, and he can come to surprise you

After a while, it won’t be just you dragging him out and about; one day he’ll ask you to come over and you’ll be greeted with a nice, traditional, homemade meal

Pay attention and you will notice him watching your face to see if you like his cooking 🥺

After seeing his fight with Doppio, I must admit that Risotto is very, very observant, almost scarily so.

I can totally picture him pointing out random things about his s/o that even they don’t know

One night, Risotto may come up to you and say “I talked to your neighbor about the dog, they’ll keep it inside now.” And you’re just staring like 😳 how did he know the barking was keeping you up at night????

He’s sweet, and will take good care of you as a boyfriend should.

Very good listener, won’t talk as much but will hang on to your every word, I promise. He could even recite it to you verbatim.

He’s a big dude, that ain’t news, so expect to be swallowed up in hugs and sometimes even picked up (as a tall girl myself, I simp!!!)

Gives A1 piggyback rides, lol

ALSO RISOTTO IS HUMBLE ASF!

Big dick energy, but on low volume 👏🏾 after all, he doesn’t need to do much talking, because a night with him is more than enough!

Listen babe, you better stretch, do some squats, and prep in whatever way you can before Mr. Nero gives you that work. 🤐

Lowkey a freak, but it’s well hidden behind his ‘quiet giant’ exterior

So, who are y'all dating? Personally, I’m going for Formaggio and Pesci hehe

[deniigi]

MORE POLYCULE SHIT

here this is mostly Sam/Ned from Matt’s POV. (this piece assumes Matt didn’t know about the negotiations until later)

Title: soda bottles

Summary: Matt finds out about Sam’s involvement with Ned and then with Peter’s polycule. He tries to talk to Sam about it, but fails. On like, every front.

---------------

The apprentice told him to stay out of his room and his life and his business and he should have known better by now, truly.

Matt knew that voice. And he also knew that what Sam, Samuel, Sammy-my-darling was doing right now at this present moment was giggling.

Unacceptable. There would be no joy in this house.

Matt removed himself from the door and declared war in silence.

 ---

 The dogs were instrumental in luring Samuel out to open space. And by luring, Matt meant knocking on his bedroom door with leashes in hand and asking Sam if he wanted a walk.

In no time Matt had zero leashes and zero dogs and, while he was at it, zero apprentices.

In fact, he had been abandoned.

In his own house.

Again.

How did this keep happening?

 ---

 Foggy told Matt to let Sam have his little crush on Ned. Ned was a good boy. Foggy had maintained this for years. He skirted around the fact that he’d grabbed Ned’s shoulders when he was 17 and had told him to stare him in the eyes and to never fall in love with his best friend.

Matt pointed this out to him and got a pillow to the face, then a huff and an uncalled-for reminder that he was a fucking idiot and no one loved him.

This was Foggy’s love language though, so Matt didn’t take it to heart. Instead, he abandoned him for the only person in the world who truly understood him.

Jenn.

 ---

  Jenn had to spend fifteen minutes cooing over the fact that Matt had acquired an apprentice and then she had to spend another ten being an asshole about it and then she spent a solid 5 making dad jokes at him when he tried to talk and so he waited until she was done with her cackling and personal jabs.

She told him that it was cute that Peter’s bestie was gushing over Matt’s apprentice.

She told him that he should be happy for them.

And Matt was. Happy for them, that is.

He was thrilled.

Sam’s track record with long-term partners, as far as Matt could tell, was a solid nil for nil. The boy refused to be attached to anyone, which Matt totally got.

But it was like standing by, watching your own young moronic self making a series of unfortunate decisions that were not only whole unnecessary, but also had solutions within easy reach, like headstones in a damn cemetery.

Sam had a string of guys and girls that he’d picked up at clubs and bars and fuckin’ hipster literature readings downtown who were literally, actually falling over themselves to be with him. And he texted them and laughed about them and joked with Leilani and Achara about them, and then never spoke of them ever again.

Matt got it, okay?

He’d been that guy.

Maybe a little more on the jock side of things and maybe a little less, say, refined than Sammy—but he still got it. A slightly longer relationship was good for Sam. And Ned was a good egg—no, a great egg.

But he just couldn’t shake this feeling, Jenn.

He didn’t even know what it was, but it made him paranoid and want Sam to go back to the self-destructive nonsense, because at least Matt knew what that felt like. He could push back against that after dumping the kid out of the ring in training.

“Matty,” Jenn said affectionately, “You’re trying to protect Sam, Ned, and Peter. But you don’t have to do that. They’re all grown. Let them make their decisions.”

Ooooohohoho

How dare she.

Matt knew they were grown. Sam was nearly 25. Peter was almost 27—oh god, Peter was almost 27. FUCK. Jesus. Lord. Someone—Christ.

Sammy was a baby.

He couldn’t be playing with these big kids, he’d have his heart broken.

What if Ned got bored of him, Jenn??

Matt couldn’t beat the shit out of Ned. Ned was a good boy. And Peter would lose his damn gourd and that was how Matt would end up under two tons of concrete and rebar with an angry spider perched on top, stomping and spitting.

“Matt,” Jenn said soothingly. “Peter learned how to be polyamorous from you, dear heart.”

Oh shit.

Oh right.

Oh no.

“I’ve gotta go,” Matt said. “Lovely talking to you, next time you’re in town, come around for a foursome or a twosome or a three if Kirsten’s down—okay BYE.”

Jenn laughed at him when he hung up.

Matt clutched at his chest.

 ---

 He’d inadvertently taught Peter what polyamory looked like by flinging himself down on many disgusting surfaces and moaning and writhing in agony and despair about Foggy being monogamous and everyone in the world being unspeakably brilliant and strong and no-doubt gorgeous.

Fuckin’ Kirsten.

Fuckin’ Wade.

Fuckin’ Karen.

And Heather and Marci and ONE TIME ONLY Frank.

UGH.

Disgusting. Matt needed Lysol to scrub that moment of weakness from his brain.

The point was that he’d been a chump, and baby Peter had observed these various moaning sessions and had apparently, at some point, started taking notes.

Gah.

Peter. Why?

Stop loving your friends. Stop copying me. Get your own breakdown material.

Uuuuuuugh.

Okay, okay. Rally, Murdock. It’s fine.

This is simply a conversation to have with Sammy about how to negotiate such--hng. Actually maybe this was a Kirsten conversation.

 ---

 He went to visit Kirsten.

He got a little distracted because Kirsten was Kirsten and she required thorough smelling and like, minimum two kisses and she deserved to have at his bare chest if she wanted it—who was he to deny her—THE POINT.

The point. Was.

That he told Kirsten about things and she told him not to talk about work when she was taking her shirt off, and he told her to leave it on for just like, five minutes longer and that came out wrong and she was insulted and Matt had to backtrack for half an hour.

But he got there in the end, alright?

Kirsten said she didn’t know that Sam was polyamorous.

Matt said that he didn’t know if he was, but he sure as shit was flirting with Ned like, constantly.

Kirsten said that that explained why Sam kept telling her that he couldn’t come to dinner with them because he already had a date. Kirsten then went rigid and said, “Wait, you mean Ned-Ned?”

Yes.

Yes, Matt did.

“Oh.”

Correct reaction.

“Is that—do you think that’s –hm.”

Correct reaction maintained and appreciated. Matt no longer felt like a monumental ass.

“That might be a little, uh, cuttin’ it close there,” Kirsten said. “Does Peter know?”

Presumably. Ned couldn’t lie for shit.

“Maybe we should ask Peter what the negotiations there are. He’s pretty on top of that stuff.”

Shockingly, that was true.

Good plan.

“If Sammy’s gonna get involved with them, then he should at least know what he’s getting into,” Kirsten said.

Yes, but also—why is this feeling happening, Kirsten, beloved life partner number 2?

“Oh, that? That’s called ‘you’re a territorial dick,’” Kirsten said. “Get over yourself.”

“But he’s 24,” Matt said. “A child.”

“He’ll be twenty-five in a few months, Matthew,” Kirsten said. “That’s bad-decision-making prime-time. This is inevitable. My concern is that he’s not going into a relationship with Ned, thinking that he’s the primary partner there.”

Okay, fair.

“Are we done with this conversation now?”

Yes.

“Thank god. I hate your dad impulses. Cleanse yourself of them and get on the bed.”

Would do.

 ---

 Kirsten made Matt call Peter and be awkward for the both of them which, Matt would like it stated for the record, was extremely unfair and manipulative of her.

Peter told him that Sam was fine.

Peter told him that he and Sam had maybe fooled around a little bit without Matt and Foggy and Kirsten’s knowledge which was. Hm.

Troublemakers. Stop laughing, Franklin. This is nothing like the time we inducted Kirsten into our life and lied about it to everyone we knew for 3 years.

Nothing.

Peter thought not. Peter thought that Sam had told Matt about this whole thing. He then got a little huffy and said that Ned was the one who had swept Sam off his feet while Peter had been standing right there, man. As Spiderman. Primed for feet-sweeping.

That was satisfying.

Peter took the next ten minutes to complain about how Sam didn’t want to talk to him as much as he wanted to talk to Ned and how Ned was always begging off dinners with Peter and MJ to go have dinner with Sam and how Peter and MJ had to make do with Johnny in his absence.

Matt would never understand why Peter pretended that he and Johnny Storm were nothing more than fuck buddies, but okay, sure. If that’s what helps you sleep at night, little lion man.

Peter went on to say that the worst part of Sam and Ned’s mutual obsession was how fucking cute it was.

Disgusting, Peter maintained.

There were matching bracelets and drawn out decisions about matching sneakers. And there was nattering on until past midnight about Transformers lore and there was non-stop texting and complaints about various tools and coding languages and all this shit that Peter’s own flavor of nerd had diverged from about six years ago.

Kirsten made a little squeak that told Matt that she was highly entertained by Peter’s ‘complaints.’

It sounded more to Matt like Peter and MJ were hunkered down behind the couch, narrating all Ned’s behavior to Johnny (the totally uninvolved fuckbuddy) in whispers.  

Foggy curled up on the edge of their own couch to muffle his wheezy giggles.

Exhausting.

The youth were exhausting. How had no one just shot Matt straight through the heart at 27?

“I will speak to Sam about emotional repression,” he promised Peter only to receive a “NO WAIT” from both him and, from the sound of it, MJ and (only fuckbuddy) Johnny a little ways away.

Peter hurriedly explained that Sammy was really shy and skittish about being around their polycule and had just connected with Ned as the least threatening member and it had taken ages, so please don’t say anything and destroy all of the rest of their hard work.

This hit a strange note.

Foggy and Kirsten weren’t snickering anymore either.

Sam?

Wasn’t?

Shy?

Like, if anything, Sammy was shameless. Always lying in people’s laps and snatching their open hands to swing back and forth.

Sure, he was teasing. But shy? Shy?

Sam was sick.

“No,” Peter said. “Double D, he’s not sick.”

Very sick. Terminally ill.

“DD. He’s not sick.”

Bullshit. Matt was taking him to the doctor. Too bad, Sam. You couldn’t avoid it forever.

“Matt. He’s just. Emotionally. Repressed. You should recognize it because its your whole way of being.”

Wow, hadn’t this conversation been going on for a while now? Time to go.

“MATT. Leave him alone,” Peter said. “I’m looking after him, okay? Chill.”

Chill. Yes. Okay, fine. Matt would chill.

For now. Goodbye, Peter.

 ---

 Matt hadn’t chilled about anything in his life and he didn’t intend to start now. So instead he confronted the apprentice.

The apprentice leaned very hard against his door and told Matt that he would rather die than speak of such things, so Matt told him to bare his neck.

Sammy was convinced. But only just.

He made himself frighteningly small and grumpy on his bed and allowed Matt to sit only on the last four inches of it. Matt kind of wanted to take the opportunity to teach him how to hiss.

But alas. That was a skill for another time.

“I talked to Peter,” he said.

Sam mumbled.

“He says you’re shy. Are you feeling okay?”

Sam mumbled in a more prolonged, growly kind of way. He was muffled by something. Probably jeans. Or sweats. Hard to tell.

“Why are you being shy? We both know you’re not shy. Ned’s a nice boy,” Matt told him. “You can trust him.”

Sam jerked his body in some way strongly enough to make the bed shake.

Matt sighed.

“Sam,” he said.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sam said.

“Listen, kid,” Matt said. “You’re gonna do what you want. You’re grown, those are your decisions to make. But if you’re ever uncomfortable or you want to spend time with one person in particular, you’ve gotta communicate that to the others. I know that’s not like, smoothly done or whatever. But it’s what you’ve gotta do in these kinds of relationships.”

Sam made an unhappy sound.

“I don’t want a relationship,” he said quietly.

Ehn.

Same, pal.

They’re a lot of work.

“They’re worth it,” Matt promised him. “And it’s okay to be a little in love, you know. I’m in love every day. It’s not shameful. You don’t have to hide it.”

Sam huffed.

“People’ll stare,” he finally said. “If we ever went out. People would stare.”

Ahhh.

“That’s what you think,” Matt said. “But then you go and do it and it turns out that no one actually cares. People are very self-centered, Sam. You spend all this time worrying about how others perceive you and, at the end of the day, 90% of people literally don’t care. You don’t have to talk to Ned in your room all the time.”

Sam did something with his body that concentrated it even further into a dense mass.

“I like him,” he admitted. “He’s nice.”

Matt hummed.

“He’s a peaceful person,” he said.

“He talks so I don’t have to,” Sam said.

Aw.

Matt felt across the bed and eventually found Sam’s cheek to pinch.

“So shy for such a loudmouth,” he teased.

Sam bit his hand. Matt snickered.

“It’s okay, when I met Fogs I was shy, too,” he said.

Sam grumbled.

“It’s true,” Matt said. “Could not fathom having another human around who I didn’t have to put on an act for.”

He waited.

Sam didn’t even seem to realize that his heart was slowing down.

“I don’t like talking all the time,” he said after a long few beats.

Matt ruffled his hair.

“Ned knows a lot about Star Wars,” he said.

“And computers,” Sam added.

“And code,” Matt said.

Sam’s foot shook a little. Matt schooled his face. Sam crunched into a tighter ball.

Adorable.

Matt got up.

“Long distance is rough,” he said. “Maybe you guys can watch a movie together.”

Sam made a disgruntled sound. Matt left him to be miserable.

 ---

 “You’ve sure turned your opinion around.”

Yes, Husband. Matt had indeed. But that was because Sam was clearly and obviously suffering as a result of this crush, which was precisely where Matt needed him to be.

Misery was familiar. Resentment was nearly as good as spite in terms of skill development.

Dopey-ness was asking for trouble.

“Matt, you cannot be serious.”

Oh, but he could.

“Matthew, what did you tell that boy?”

Nothing he didn’t need to know.

Foggy abandoned him at the table. Matt sipped his coffee. It tasted oh-so-sweet.

 ---

 Things did not change until Matt got a text from Peter that said simply ‘when the fuck is Sam’s birthday?’

In February. Why was he asking?

Peter said ‘damn. Okay, thanks.’

Peter then said that he’d seemed a little sad lately and Ned was freaking out about it and fixating, so they were collectively looking for an excuse to cheer Sam up a little.

Oh, Matt realized. No, that wasn’t sad.

The night nurse had given Sammy the good drugs after last week. He was high as a kite, bless him. Kept running into walls and shit. Matt had dragged him up out of the dog beds twice now.

He informed Peter of the damaged elbow and got nothing but keyboard smashes in return.

This was followed by Sam stumbling out of his room and half up the stairs to make pitiful sounds when he couldn’t make them stay still long enough to climb the rest of them. Foggy shook his head and told Matt to go “strap that kid to the bed, for god’s sake. He’s gonna tear more stitches. And go text for him before he drops his phone again.”

Sammy was coming along great.

He held his phone out to Matt when Matt came down to stand over him on the stairs.

“They’re yellin’,” he slurred.

Yeah, Matt figured.

“Bed,” he said.

“It’s too hot,” Sam said.

No, pathetic ball of humanity. That was the fever, bud.

“Open the window,” Matt said.

“I have a window?”

Bless.

“Up you go,” Matt said.

“DON’T TOUCH ME. Nooooo. Teach, noooooo.”

 ---

 MM: Peter stop texting him. he can’t read his texts rn. Zero tolerance for opioids.

PP: for WHAT

MM: he’s fine. lightly stabbed. Fractured elbow.

MJ: MATT

MM: yes?

MJ: tell him to get better for us

NL: ;__; please?

MM: he will be fine. He’s supposed to be sleeping this off.  

MJ: can you keep us updated?

MM: why

PP: he’s our partner?

MM: ?

MM: I thought he was Ned’s main

NL: AJDF:AKSDFJASDFa

NL: DOES HE TALK ABOUT ME??

MJ: dude

NL: my b my b sry sry

NL: does he talk about me DD?

MM: no

NL: cool cool cool that’s fine

PP: ned

NL: it’s casual that’s cool

MJ: oh my god

NL: it doesn’t mean anything. That makes sense.

MM: peter what is happening?

PP: ned has decided that no texting means that sam hates him and no longer wants to be part of our relationship

NL: TELL HIM IM SORRY

PP: remember how you told me I have rejection issues?

MM: Ned he’s fine. He’s not mad. He’s high.

NL: [pikawat.png]

MJ: *coughs*

NL: oh shit my bad. I mean.

NL: what do you mean?

MM: I mean he likes you. He just hates talking about weaknesses. Ergo he hates talking about you.

MJ: ah, yes. I see now. The superhero logic. The forest has reappeared before me.

NL: OWO

MM: what does this mean?

PP: it’s a face. Like a super interested cat

NL: shut up

NL: so he likes me back?

MJ: no

PP: no

MM: I presume so? I don’t know kid. I just said he doesn’t talk about it.

NL: DD I will pay you in computer repairs to find out for me

MM: to find out if Sam likes you??

NL: yes

MM: what part of his obsession is confusing you

MJ: ASHDAF:SDF

PP: harsh

NL: all of it.

NL: okay so here’s the thing. We got like, matchy matchy stuff, right? Cause that’s what couples do. But he never wears his?? And like, we’ve been playing these games online, like, trying to beat each other, but he just stops playing halfway through? And if we’re watching a movie, it’s fine for the first half, but then he gets quiet and I just end up nattering away about nothing for like an hour and I can’t read the silence DD. I can’t read it. And Peter’s a liar

PP: okay no it is WELL established that I can’t lie what are you even talking about

NL: and he keeps going on about how sam’s shy, but he’s NOT shy. And we were fine until this week, but like, obviously, he’s high and not reading his messages and stuff, but idk am I making this into a big deal? From your end?

MM: What was that face, Peter?

PP: OwO

MM: OwO

MJ: ASDFAeirwieawewdflajwe

MJ: NED LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO THE OLD MAN

NL: SHUT UP. DD, please. Help me. Should I apologize? Is he bored of me? Does he want more time with Peter?

PP: what

PP: no pal I’m just a piece of ass in this situ

MJ: as you should be

PP: awwww

MM: ned Sammy’s fine?

NL:  omg ‘sammy’ that’s really cute do you think he’d mind if I called him that? You know. If he ever speaks to me again?

PP: DD just tell him everything is fine so we can all go to sleep without being woken up every 20 min for a crisis.

MM: I literally don’t know. He doesn’t talk about any of you.

NL: can you sneaky-ninja ask him?

  Matt could not with these children. Sam’s heartbeat was evening out. He was nearly back to sleep. Matt’s back couldn’t take hauling him up off the stairs in another half an hour, so he was going to stay right where he was, that was for damn sure.

“Samuel, you are dating three different flavors of spazz,” he told him.

Sam wriggled over and snuffled into his duvet.

Matt decided that that was an affirmative.

  MM: he says you’re all dramatic and to leave him alone to sleep.

NL: ;__;

PP: ned that is not rejection

NL: ok

MJ: this is embarrassing

NL: I’m just gonna crawl under the floorboards and waste away👍

PP: for fuck’s sake this is me-levels of drama

NL: DD can you tell him that if he’s ever down to just watch shit as friends that’s okay too?

MJ: NED. Matt’s literally out of this loop. And Sam’s probably unconscious.

MM: can confirm is now unconscious. I am exiting your drama.

PP: Dude remember when I said I was gonna drown myself in the sea? You are reaching those levels

NL: I JUST LOVE HIM

  Oh, aw.

  NL: And it’s okay if he doesn’t feel the same way, that’s okay, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t like uncomfortable. I can text him less and let him do his work things and we don’t have to organize shit on the weekends. It’s totally fine

  These fuckin’ kids.

Matt grabbed Sam before he cracked his head against the wall and felt around for something to put between his forehead and it.

He fumbled out his phone in the meantime.

“Samuel,” he said into it, “When you wake up, come upstairs before taking the next pill.”

 ---

 Sam was in pain and grumpy as shit and his mood did not improve as he read through Matt’s messages.

“Two days and everyone loses their goddamn minds,” he said.

Pretty much.

“Ned loves you,” Matt teased.

“Ned needs one of those happy pills,” Sam deadpanned.

Hm. How about no?

Sam groaned and carefully melded himself to the table.

“Why don’t you wear the matchy-matchy stuff?” Matt asked, setting a bag of icy water on Sam’s shoulders. He made a soft sound of relief.

“I don’t want to get ‘em dirty,” Sam hummed.

Hm.

“Maybe if you wore them out a little bit, Ned would like that,” Matt offered.

Sam mulled this over.

“Nah,” he said. “I’ll just tell him I wear it to sleep.”

Matt was so proud.

He missed Foggy coming in halfway through that discussion.

He did not miss the lecture Foggy laid on both of them about lying to loved ones.

 ---

 Matt decided that Sam was far, far more emotionally repressed than he’d given the kid credit for. He was tickled pink.

Kirsten and Foggy were not. They called this ‘concerning behavior’ that needed ‘to be monitored in case of hidden injuries and self-harm.’

And like, man, it was as if they’d hard experience with this shit or something.

Matt decided to bypass their waffling and cornered Sam by trapping him in his duvet and demanding to know if he was hiding any injuries or self-harm.

Sam told him to get out of his room. His heartbeat did not react to the accusations, but rather to Matt’s ‘giant, heavy, albatross body’ assaulting him in his safe place.

Matt decided that this was proof that the emotional repression was, as he had always argued, doing exactly what it needed to: making Sam three times more functional as a human being.

Foggy took from that explanation that Matt was lying to him again.

Which, like, obviously.

But did Foggy need to know any of that?

Fuck no.

Only happy times with Matt Murdock here.

Smiling was somehow the wrong answer.

Smiling resulted in yelling. And then lots of loud heartbeats. And then something that looked a little like a fight, probably, to people with working eyes. But Matt knew that it wasn’t that.

It was just Foggy being hurt that Matt couldn’t tell him that Foggy’s homesickness was digging holes in his own resolve and mental wellbeing.

Sam popped up when Foggy went to go lay down to calm down and asked if everything was okay.

Matt told him it was.

Sam’s heart was not convinced. It started beating faster somehow.

Matt fully anticipated the texts that arrived later that night.

 ---

 PP: yo DD, you guys okay?

MM: why

PP: ‘cause Sam’s freaking out saying that you and Foggy were shouting again?

MM: ah

MM: no we’re okay. No biggie

PP: I smell bullshit

MM: carry on smelling then

PP: Matt do you ever think about how you’re like, an example to us all of how not to live?

MM: beg your pardon?

PP: I just mean like, you do shit and we all learn from your shit. Like, every day.

MM: ?

PP: Sam like dumped a pile of lies he’d been telling Ned in his lap and started crying for like half an hour and apologized for another 40 minutes and then hung up and won’t answer his phone.

MM: what was that face again? The cat one?

PP: OwO

MM: OwO

PP: lol

 ---

 The apprentice was perhaps absorbing too much too fast. He flat out denied having had any emotional crisis.

His heart was dead even when he said it. He was getting too good at out-maneuvering that trick.

“Peter seems to think that you had one the other night,” Matt mused.

“Peter needs to mind his own business,” Sam sniffed.

Aha.

“You like Peter,” Matt pointed out.

“He’s fine,” Sam said.

“Fine or fine?”

“That’s nasty, Teach. Don’t be gross. That’s like your little brother.”

Oh, sure it was.

“If Peter is sussing out your lies, you’re not doing a good enough job,” Matt said. “What you need, kiddo, is an aura and a starting point.”

Sam paused in making a horrible grating noise with some tool in his hand.

“A starting point?” he asked.

Why yes, apprentice.

As in, if you start off with your walls up and don’t let them buckle so easily, so many of these problems can be avoided.

“Isn’t that, like, the opposite of what Foggy said to do?” Sam asked suspiciously.

Well, technically. The husband might be correct for normal humans, but they weren’t normal humans. And as much as Matt loved him and thought he was brilliant, Foggy would never truly grasp that Matt needed those lies.

He needed the repression. The bottling. The anger.

He needed all that shit to be shaken up in him and then capped by the helmet every night.

Doing that kept Matt safe. It kept others safe.

It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t pretty and yeah, Matt was pretty fucked up because of it.

But Stick hadn’t been wrong about everything.

Not even he could be wrong about everything.

“It’s called balance,” Matt said. “Think about it like this. You’re a teacher. You’re about to walk into a new class. You need to establish a respectful relationship between yourself and these kids. How do you do it? Do you start off nice? Or do you start off strict?”

Sam said nothing.

“I start off strict,” Matt said. “Because it’s infinitely easier to become nicer and to keep respect than it is to start off nice and get meaner.”  

Sam processed this.

“This sounds like an anti-Foggy sentiment,” he said.

No. It wasn’t anti-Foggy. Nothing was anti-Foggy.

“It’s nuance,” Matt said. “Intrapersonal relationships? Minimal repression. Interpersonal relationships, maximum repression. Don’t give them something to use against you”

Sam’s teeth clicked together as he worked his jaw.

“Talk to Ned and Peter,” he said. “Walls up to everyone else.”

Everyone else. Yes.

“I can do that.”

Yeah, Matt knew. Sam did it to pretty much anyone he didn’t immediately take a liking to at the firm.

“I can do that,” Sam repeated.

Woah. Wait. Hold on there, slugger. Nuance, remember?

“I’m just gonna hate the entire world,” Sam said. “Thanks, Teach. That’s a big help.”

 ---

 PP: Matt

MM: Peter

PP: you know that Sam fucks with you daily right?

MM: …I forget sometimes

PP: lol you guys are funny

  That little shit. Fine.

Do whatever. See if Matt cared.

Goddamn kids and their goddamn love affairs.

Whatever. Fuck ‘em.

Let them learn the bullshit on their own time. Matt had better things to do.

 ---------------

Matt and Foggy and Kirsten have their own polycule goin on with folks entering and leaving it as need be. And sometimes you just have to make Sam/Ned content because it is unerringly adorable.

[comeplayandgoaway]

Eagles start of S2 thoughts

Okay I just re-watched Eagles S1 (which I haven't watched since it first came out) and now I'm 7 mins into S02E02.

Thoughts:

I hate Amie and Ludde and I will never forgive them and I hate that I know Felicia x Ludde are endgame and so are Amie x Elias

I hate Amie more than I hate Ludde bc that was her BEST FRIEND like HELLO. And even if it was a mistake both of them didn't tell Felicia!!!

So in s2 ep1 and beg of ep2:

NOT AMIE AND LUDDE FUCKING FLIRTING W EACH OTHER TALKING BOUT AMIE'S MUSIC!! This made my blood BOIL like they both legit have NO RESPECT for Felicia AT ALL it makes me SICK.

Then Felicia went up to Ludde and Amie in the lunchroom and only poured mash on Amie, I was like POUR SOME ON LUDDE TOO THE BASTARD!!

Then Klara came up to Amie to be friendly again and Amie said "Happy now?" like um Klara is a bitch but Amie you hooked up with Ludde all by yourself sweetie!! I'm getting more on Klara's side (in Klara v Amie, not Klara v Felicia) every day

But then when Felicia and Ludde have a domestic like in the middle of the corridor... Felicia you are a nepo baby influencer, you are so much better than this little hs boy pls don't lower yourself to his level.

Then Felicia yelled at Ludde to stop liking her pics but babe you can literally block him!!! The way Amie and Ludde are both obsessed w Felicia still yet they flirt w each other... mental illness.

My dream is that Klara and Felicia become besties; Felicia makes Klara nicer and they both get cute boyfriends and Amie and Ludde are left in the DUST

And that Jack guy who is Mats' (the dad's) friend's son is defs going to be a love interest for Felicia and I wish with all my being he is nice and lovely and they acc have fun together.

And pls more wholesome ride-or-die Felicia x Elias sibling stuff!!!

Also back from s1 like Ludde would always be like Elias is lying I didn't talk about our sex life to the team but he basically did bc he let his best friends chat shit about where his dick had been and ask him how good Felicia was in bed and at BJs (like if she bit as well!!) and he just LAUGHED!!! Team Anti-Ludde!!!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: Did you even tell anyone you were staying out?? 🤔🤔 Janis: Did YOU warn the fam you were inviting the devil inside? 🤔🤔 Grace: Rude! Grace: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the barista's bed Grace: OMG is he that bad? How shaming Janis: Wouldn't you all love to know Grace: Like you would anyway, you don't have anything to compare him too Janis: Again, you wish you knew Janis: but yes, I text them Janis: that it? Grace: Oh honey, we ALL knew you were a virgin Grace: Did he? Grace: Before you made it obvious, I mean Grace: You should have come home first, me & the girls could have helped you out Janis: It's cute Janis: all the things you THINK you know Janis: yeah, that'd be fun Janis: Mia must've dropped the invite on her way out Janis: with the story, likw Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: girl please Grace: Mia'll get over it Grace: Unlike ME! You could've told me! Janis: Get over herself? Janis: Unlikely Janis: Told you what? Grace: OMG how hungover are you!? Don't be dense Grace: THE GOSSIP obvs Grace: I have to hear it from Mia Grace: so UNACCEPTABLE Janis: It's gossip 'cos she made it Janis: as if I had a chance to tell you or anyone, even if I wanted, when she went live with it Grace: There's always time to give me the real story Grace: You've got a phone Grace: Look how quick you answered this morning 🙄 Janis: 'Cos I thought you might have some real concern Janis: shoulda known better Grace: I AM concerned bitch Grace: you could be in a ditch Janis: Yeah, new boy's a serial killer Janis: this ain't the CW Grace: I didn't even know you were with HIM, did I? Grace: You never tell me anything Janis: Now who's being dense Janis: 1+1=2 Grace: Excuse me for having a nun for a sister Grace: Usually Janis: Again Janis: get a clue Grace: OMG Grace: I'm trying Janis: Bless 💕 Grace: Are you coming home TODAY? Janis: Are the coven gone Grace: I wouldn't bother asking if they hadn't Grace: I'm not stupid Janis: Probably then Janis: I got stuff to do Grace: One of them better be 🚿 Grace: Whelan's is soooooooo gross Janis: Not like you've ever got inside to know Grace: It's not like I want to Grace: like I said, ew Janis: Not with that baby face 😂 Grace: Shut up Janis: Like I said, bless Grace: I hate you so much Grace: This is what I get for being nice Janis: Nice Janis: Where? Grace: This WHOLE convo Grace: From the moment I checked you were still alive Grace: & I defended you last night GOD KNOWS why Janis: Shouldn't have to Janis: if your friends weren't cunts you wouldn't be in such a mood Grace: You're the only one being a bitch to me, Janis Grace: Newsflash Janis: Nah Janis: I'd have to be interested for that Grace: Yeah we KNOW you're only into barista boy Janis: Why would I be interested in anything you're doing Janis: it's them with the fucked priorities for giving a shit Grace: OMG get over yourself Grace: getting one boy to sleep with you doesn't make you God's gift Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: Like I told you before, he'll get bored Janis: You first Janis: Like I told you before, get a hobby Janis: pass it on Grace: Whatever Grace: Don't come crying to me when he realises how much of a bitch you are Janis: 😰 Janis: Don't come to me when you grow a backbone and/or personality of your own Janis: still won't be interested Grace: I already have both thanks Janis: 👌 Grace: 👋 Janis: Cute 😂 Grace: At least one of us is Janis: Sick burn Janis: If only someone that weren't Mia thought so, eh babe? Janis: Sad times 💔 Grace: Take your own advice and get a clue Janis: 😂 #exposed Janis: get some self-esteem Grace: You need it more Grace: Letting that boy use you like this....tragic Janis: I'm God's gift, remember Janis: Can't have it both ways baby Grace: I said you think you are Grace: Not that he does Janis: SELF-esteem, Gracie Janis: not 'this boy would chuck it up me from behind' esteem Janis: poor thing Grace: Faking having it doesn't mean you really do, hun Grace: We can all flex on the snap Grace: You're honestly so embarrassing Janis: I don't need facetune to flex Janis: no filters gonna fix all...that 💋 Grace: You DO need it, you just don't USE it Janis: Nah, I don't though Janis: tragedy Grace: Sure Jan Grace: Keep telling yourself that, babes Janis: You keep telling yourself Janis: can't talk someone into feeling as bad as you do Janis: let your bestie in on the secret and maybe you'll both stop being such poisonous little trolls 💕 Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: You wish Grace: Can't be bullied without a bully, but you're not that important to Mia 💔 Janis: Oh no Janis: not queen Mia Janis: suck her dick a lil better and she might love you back Janis: story of your life though, that 🤷 Grace: You're actually disgusting Grace: Save it for your boyfriend, I'm sure it makes him really 😍😍😍 Janis: Yeah, and I'm the Nun Janis: the swings and roundabouts you have to go on to make me the bad guy Janis: no wonder you're braindead 😵 Grace: Yeah sure 🙄 Grace: I don't have to say things to cover up the fact I don't know what I'm doing Grace: You sound 12 Janis: Lie of the year goes to Janis: that's all that comes out your mouth Janis: fuck what's going in it 😂 Janis: I'm glad I don't like you, it'd be exhausting having to pity you as hard as is needed Grace: Again, you wish Grace: You tell me to get a hobby, you make the same 'argument' over and over again Janis: it ain't an argument Janis: irrefutable facts Janis: don't like it, change it up Janis: we all got bored a long time ago Grace: Exactly, it isn't, it's you trying to throw shade TERRIBLY Grace: You don't know a single fact about me, babe Grace: Clearly you don't like THAT if you have to keep pretending you do Grace: Hm? Sounds like me with his convo Grace: Don't you have a boy getting bored rn? You might wanna focus on that Janis: Nothing to know Janis: Shadow of a shadow Janis: Literally how are you the blandest granola ass bitch outta the lot and they're all white as hell Janis: not even earning them mixed points, it's a real talent how uninteresting you are, truly Janis: tutorial on that, please Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: But you're STILL talking to me instead of him Grace: What's the matter? Not everything you hoped it'd be? So sad Janis: I got more than one braincell Janis: can talk about put mascara on Janis: though the memes of you failing in your last vid have been amusing, tah for that Grace: You should try doing it Grace: Obvs you need more that mascara but every little helps Janis: Not with a face like that Janis: but you know, more is more and it almost constitutes a mask at this point Grace: 👏👏👏 Janis: There you go, now when you cry like a little bitch about it, you've got reason beyond your victim complex Janis: welcome ✌ Grace: MINE? You're the one who thinks that we're so invested in your little love story that we're all out for sabotage Grace: Please Janis: You know you can see when people watch your stories, yeah? Janis: she was like, the first view Janis: so much for not being important, don't worry, I won't steal your girl Grace: She's mad 'cause you outshined her coffee date moment Grace: Like I said, she'll get over it Janis: Should stop making herself vom Janis: wreaks havoc on your natural glow, but that's neither here nor there Grace: And she's the evil one Grace: That's not funny or true Janis: Cry me a river Janis: not gonna if she kills herself making herself look even worse than her personality Grace: OMG STOP Grace: You're as bad as she is Grace: Obsessed with each other 🙄 Grace: Get a room or something Janis: Awh, wanna be BFFs then?! Janis: 😏 Grace: Shut up Grace: I'd rather be the one who dies Janis: Didn't think so Grace: The first thing you've got right this whole time Grace: Well done, babes Janis: I ain't the one in remedials with the rest of the thickos Grace: Stop calling me stupid Janis: Any time you fancy stopping Janis: be my guest Grace: And what? Be more like you? 😂 Janis: You wish Janis: Be less braindead, would be a start Grace: YOU wish Grace: Caring about what I look like doesn't make me braindead Grace: It makes you a judgey bitch Janis: Yeah, that's the issue Janis: look like Sephora threw up on your face all you want Janis: at least be a person with it, not a painted fuckdoll Grace: So sorry I can't get top marks in maths or whatever OMG Janis: 🔬 Grace: I don't even know what you're talking about now Janis: Just trying to find your last surviving braincell Grace: Find it with the last place you cared about anything Janis: 🔭 Janis: Nope Janis: no signs of life Janis: soz Grace: So glad I could make you feel better about your crap shag by insulting me Grace: But I'm the idiot 👌 Janis: Awh, don't do yourself down Janis: never let it be said you don't have your uses Grace: I'm not here to be used by you, hun Grace: Deal with that Janis: Just a cumdump and Mia's personal bitch Janis: coolio 👍 Grace: Says you Grace: You've known that boy for like a day Grace: & Mia's more concerned with you right now, like I said Janis: 😱 Janis: Are you SLUT SHAMING me Janis: dundundun Janis: know you're 💔 but babes, girl code Grace: I'm stating a fact Grace: You think you're better than me, you aren't Janis: You think I am Janis: I just don't disagree, that's all Grace: I think you're the worst person this family has so far produced Grace: But whatever you need to tell yourself Janis: A dagger through my heart Janis: good thing you've got no place then init Grace: Yeah Grace: Bad enough I have to have the same last name as you all Janis: Marry the first boring white boy who will settle for you and no one ever need know Grace: And follow in your footsteps? No thanks Janis: You couldn't fill these shoes, figuratively and literally Grace: I don't want to Grace: You dress worse than your boyfriend Grace: At least he gets paid to look like that some of the time Janis: as much as I'd LOVE to look like topshop's sale rack Janis: you rinse 'em every time, what's a girl to do Grace: Obvs Grace: It's all my fault you look a state Janis: I don't, so don't trouble yourself Grace: You do, but I won't Janis: Mia don't seem to think so 😘 Grace: She hates you, that's her obsession Grace: Keep looking like that, it fuels her Janis: What, the body she's actually killing herself for? Janis: Will do and it's so effortless Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I'm the one who needs a hobby and is soooo uninteresting but you keep talking about Mia cos that's really not Grace: Go into her inbox, please Janis: Like I said, get a personality and we might stand a chance Janis: surgically remove yourself or are you less of a Siamese and more parasite? Grace: Sure, I'll turn myself into her so you can be obsessed with me Grace: You two are ridiculous Janis: 😂😂 Janis: Oh honey Janis: you clearly can't, been trying for years Grace: You wish Grace: Does your boyfriend know you're in love with my best friend? Grace: You might wanna share before he catches feelings Janis: Do you know your best friend kinda hates you? Janis: 😬 too late for you, awkies Grace: Rn the feeling is mutual Grace: Get over it Jan-Jan Janis: 💔 Janis: You'll get over it Janis: well, she'll walk over you, doormat Grace: Like you care Grace: either way Janis: What's the point Janis: You're never going to Grace: I care bitch Janis: You're never going to stand up to her Janis: Why should I be waiting on it with baited breath Grace: You've never waited on me Grace: Don't act like it's Mia's fault Janis: It ain't, it's yours Janis: she's a decent scapegoat though Grace: Again, you wish Grace: Nothing's all my fault, sorry about it Janis: Trust, no part of me wishes for you as my sister Janis: especially what you've become Grace: That makes two of us Janis: You said Janis: with all the care and concern you're claiming Grace: I do care, I just wish I didn't Grace: and that you weren't my sister Janis: Get over it Grace: You can try and tell me what to do as much as you like Grace: Not gonna happen Janis: I know, you're hopelessly pathetic Janis: like I said, no baited breath here Grace: Me? Oh babes Grace: Like I said, tragic Janis: Yeah, you Grace: 😂 Janis: 😥

[dreadhaus-literature]

{January Collection} #18

I really just had some fun with this; it’s already late, I have to leave early for an airport run, and I can’t spend hours writing another smutty piece so I went with a more...light-hearted take on obsession. It’s not as wordy, meant to be fast-paced and sweep Monica right off her feet in the process.

Used this for inspiration.

Hometown

Friday’s Theme: Surveys

The census is boring; make up your own!

“I can’t believe how easy this is!”

Monica looked over at her full-time bestie and 24 hour on-call girlfriend, who was gesturing with one arm out in a wide arc, the other cradling a cup of coffee from their favorite shop. The shorter woman laughed good-naturedly, nodding as she switched the sheets of paper on her clipboard to a blank survey page.

“Normally I’d argue, we’re having to talk to strangers but...today hasn’t been too bad.”

Dot slung that free arm around her girlfriend’s waist. “I told you making up these ridiculous questions was the way to go. No need for us to be the only ones uncomfortable through this whole process.”

“True,” Monica adjusted her glasses, “but I don’t see how asking people about their weirdest dream is going to count as a census for our stats class.”

“The census is for nerds,” Dot took a sip of her coffee with a scowl. “This isn’t 1955, if you wanna know how many people are in the world google it. This is the heart and soul of the population! Which is way more important in my opinion.”

Monica just shook her head; she’d let her emotional half take the lead on this particular project for their mutual college class and she was only mildly worried about their project grade. When she got back to their apartment she may have to double check just what the percentage of this project counts toward their final grade...but as long as Dot as having fun, Monica wasn’t going to complain. She’d hated the idea of having to go door to door in New York City, of all places, but this professor of theirs was real old school and wanted an accurate picture of their hometown so door to door was the assigned task. The subject of the survey that students were supposed to ask about was at their own discretion--which was exactly what Dot was wanting to hear. She volunteered to put together a questionnaire that was “guaranteed to make the recipients just as uncomfortable answering the questions as we are asking them!” Monica didn’t know...how she felt about that, but in the end at least asking silly questions made up for the annoying and oftentimes ugly participants as they navigated down another street.

“How many more of these do we have?” Dot tilted her head down, watching Monica count the slips.

“Twelve, so not too bad!” She responded, almost missing Dot’s grimace.

“Seriously? We’ve been at this all damn day, I thought we’d be closer to done.”

“Weren’t you just saying how easy this is?”

Dot poked Monica’s nose with an audible, “Boop,” before continuing. “I said it was easy, not quick, which it isn’t. Gimme six of those, we can split up for the last dozen and get ‘em done faster.”

Monica raised both brows, drawing to a stop on the sidewalk. “You wanna talk to people alone?”

“It’ll make me all the more appreciative when I get to talk to you, alone,” Dot answered with a wry grin, before putting on a pout. “Come on, angel, the new issue of Super-Spider and Deadman comes out tonight and you promised you’d read it to me.”

“i still don’t get why you ask me to read it to you, it’s got pictures.”

“It also has words and your reading voice is the best.”

“I sound like R. Kelly.”

“Who is a gross bag of limp dicks but also has several platinum selling records for having a bomb ass voice so what is your argument again, sweet peach?” Dot fluttered her eyelashes, which earned her a swat to the face with her half of the surveys.

“Fine, fine. Split up and leave your girlfriend all by herself--”

“That fuss isn’t going to work on me, I know last week you got that cute barista’s number because I wasn’t sucking your face in the coffee line,” Dot snatched up the surveys, leaning down to give Monica’s Crentist face a kiss. “Which, by the way, you should text him? He’s gonna think you’re not interested since he’s already text you three times.”

“I-I’m not!”

“Not interested? Reaaaally,” Dot put on her best Kevin Hart voice as she started further down the sidewalk. “He’s Russian and broods when he’s not serving up lattes like a champ. Tell me he’s not your type with a straight face?”

“You’re going to get hit by a car walking backward and I’m not going to help you if that happens!” Monica shot after her.

Dot took a swig of her coffee, in the process of facing forward with a point. “No, you won’t, because you’re going to go--wow, you’re going to go knock on that castle’s front door.”

Monica was so distracted by the word castle she momentarily forgot the argument she was having with Dot about the barista that she...absolutely did find attractive and was too shy to text back because she saw him almost every day thanks to Dot’s coffee addiction. What if she said something lame? ...And when did their hometown get a castle? Monica adjusted her glasses with her free hand, amending her thoughts after another moment or two of staring. This place wasn’t a castle but it definitely did not fit in with the rest of New York’s ever modernizing architecture and Monica definitely did not remember this building always being here. It was stone, several stories high, and seemed like it would be better suited somewhere in Europe than on a bustling city block. Monica glanced a little up the street and saw Dot was already knocking on the door of the next building and it...really was up to her to go ring this doorbell, huh?

This was the last time Dot was in charge of a college project.

“Gonna go knock on this door and greet some ugly motherfucker with a lazy eye and droopy skin because he’s 600 years old,” Monica grumbled, tucking her clipboard closer as she started up the walkway toward what was very likely a haunted mansion. “And he’ll curse me to steal my beauty and then where will I be? Ugly, too, just like him, that’s where.”

The stone steps leading up to the intimidating double front door gave Monica enough time to rethink her decision, but her knuckles had barely tapped against the wood before the door swung open and revealed an...unfairly attractive middle-aged man who immediately locked eyes with her.

“Yes?”

Monica’s voice failed her; she’d been prepared for some frog-looking cretin but she was not prepared for handsome billionaire behind door number one. “I--A-Ah...”

Dr. Stephen Strange lifted his dark brows at the adorable little girl stammering on his front step, but he didn’t interrupt, content to listen to her flounder if only to hear her speak. How long had he been waiting? A glance at the otherwordly watch on the wrist holding the door open told him he’d been waiting nearly 6 weeks for her to arrive, but then that was what he got for using the Eye of Agamotto to peer into the future and ruin things for himself. It was just...he’d never had a fortune so intriguing before.

A beautiful, dark-haired stranger will arrive on your doorstep, asking questions you’ll struggle to answer--not because they are difficult, Strange, but because your heart will be too loud for you to hear them.

Ask her name, bind her as only you know to do, and take the gift the universe has bestowed upon the Sorcerer Supreme.

For weeks, the doorbell had Stephen’s heart racing but it had been nothing but false alarms--but surely, this had to be his stranger. She was stunning. Simply looking at her had the Sorcerer Supreme rethinking his policy on love spells--something he’d staunchly denied even existed because Tony Stark insists that’s the only way he’ll ever find a girlfriend.

Honestly, what does an idiot in a tin can know about magic? Or fashion sense, for that matter?

“I-I am...l-looking for the...A-Are you the...” Monica gripped the clipboard to steady herself, holding in front of her chest like a shield. “Is t-this your home, sir?”

“It is,” Stephen’s regal features softened and he offered Monica a smile, taking his hand off the door frame to offer to her. “Dr. Stephen Strange.”

Monica glanced down at his hand before gingerly putting hers in his. “N-Nice to meet you, Dr. Strange.”

Stephen closed his hand around hers, bending his spine to press a kiss to the back even as his gaze remained riveted to hers. It was an Old World greeting, a call to European roots, and it was a thousand percent an excuse to touch her, and he took it a step further and urged her past the threshold of the Sanctum Sanctorum. He had a better hope of keeping her if she was already inside his ever-changing magical home, after all.

“Stephen, please, my dear.” Stephen swept his free hand around the small of her back as the door closed behind her. “And you are?”

“M-Monica.”

“Monica...what a beautiful name.” Stephen’s long legs drew her deeper into the Sanctorum with a smile she couldn’t help to decode. “Tell me, dear, what are your thoughts on magicians?”

[echelonlab-blog]

Bound by Ink -- Chapter 39

Disclaimer: Fiction.

Warnings: Viiolence

Tagging: @hazeleyedleto @msroxyblog @letojokerownsme @miss-shannanigans @snewsome756   @maliciousalishious   @nikkitasevoli@meghan12151977@sanellv@ambolton@bradlea23@spillinginkwithlove@alexis7215@dezmarz@pezziecoyote@whoistheprettiest@avaj99@iridescxntsolitude@pheenixpeterson@guccilowell@blondiefrommars@rowen1976@phoebehalliwell1984@thathipstaninja@darthjokerisyourfather@letsbemybatman @prettymisc@lylabell2013@mandyglam@pandaliciouz@just-me-obsessing@echelon-1969@carolinapb-me@marilyndioncre

As I stood there watching Mark and Stephanie talking I found myself frozen in place. She certainly didn't look like someone who had spent the night worrying about the kid she had nearly killed with her selfish antics. She was already dressed to the nines, bleached blonde hair carefully styled, false eyelashes and red lipstick in place, head to toe in white like she was trying to suggest innocence. What I wanted to do was walk up to her and punch her in her stupid perfect nose. The problem was I also wanted to be in Jayce's room when he woke up again, and that was going to be hard to do if I had to call Shannon to bail me out of jail. And I was pretty sure that Stephanie was just petty enough to press charges.

Some of the gang from the shop had come in – which made sense, as much time as Jayce spent at Reckless Ink he was in some ways our communal child – and Callie was there too. She spotted me frozen in the hallway and rushed over to me, throwing her arms around me.  

“Blue, I'm so sorry you're all having to go through this. I'm glad Jayce did so good with surgery though.”

I hugged her back but my eyes stayed locked on Stephanie. “Thanks, Callie. Thanks for coming down,” I replied woodenly.

Callie turned and looked over her shoulder at Stephanie. “So is that the wildebeest Mark has been seeing? I guess it was nice of her to come by and check on things, right?”

“What? Didn't anyone tell you?” I asked in disbelief, finally waking up enough to walk into the waiting room where everyone else was. “Stephanie here nearly killed my son,” I said loudly as I planted myself in front of her.

“Dammit, Blue, not this again,” Mark said. “It was an accident.”

“What was an accident?” Nadia asked with a sniffle. Her face was red and puffy and her eyes were bloodshot. Jared seemed to have made a hasty exit at some point and I wondered if her tears were related to that rather than Jayce's now rapidly improving condition.

“Stephanie locked Jayce in his bedroom then the two of them went out into the backyard for beers and god knows what else,” I explained. “Jayce had to call Shannon and I to come rescue him because his own father, who was supposed to be watching him, was too busy sucking up to his current piece of ass to know what was going on with his son.”

Stephanie's face became stone. “I said I did not lock him in his room. Not on purpose anyway. You can't seriously believe him. He hates me, he'd say anything...”

“My son does not lie to me, and he certainly wouldn't start over something this important,” I retorted, squaring off. I was determined not to hit her but she didn't know that. “You've done nothing but be rude and dismissive to him since you met him, which makes me wonder why you are dating a guy you had to have known from the beginning had a teenage son, since you seem to hate kids so much.”

“Well perhaps if you would teach him some manners and to respect his elders....”

“Ladies!” Mark said loudly, trying to step in between Stephanie and me. I was done with his apologizing for her.

“Why are you even standing up for her? Why aren't you looking out for your son? What's gotten into you?” I demanded of him.

Mark ignored my question. “Look, I know it's been hard, us starting to date for real is a big adjustment. But you have got to stop imagining insults where none are intended.”

“She isn't imagining shit,” Nadia piped up. “Stephanie is horrible to Jayce. I don't know why you're not seeing it but Blue isn't the problem here.”

Stephanie crossed her arms and huffed. “Well of course you would take her side. Maybe if she would pay attention her son and discipline him properly instead of whoring around with musicians the way the two of you do...”

It happened so fast that it was over before I realized it even started. Nadia's eyes went narrow and her fist flew at Stephanie, catching her in her right eye. Stephanie shrieked and spluttered and then lunged at Nadia, grabbing her vibrant pink hair and yanking it for all she was worth. I had to admit she was scrappier than I anticipated, but Nadia wasn't having any of it, punching Stephanie again before tackling her to the floor. Mark and I both jumped into the fray, me pulling Nadia away and Mark grabbing Stephanie. I looked around quickly to make sure security didn't look as if they were about to swoop in and then steered Nadia out the door, intending to take her out for a smoke and to cool down.

“Are you going to let your employee treat me like that? You're going to fire her aren't you?” Stephanie whined before turning on the waterworks. “Someone call the police. I've been assaulted!”

I let go of Nadia long enough to wheel around and put my face inches from Stephanie's. “You can the police and while they're here I'll be having a little chat with them about unlawful confinement and inflicting medical harm on a minor,” I growled. Then I turned to Mark. “I had better not hear she has been within a hundred yards of Jayce or I swear to Christ, Mark, I will take you to court for custody.”

I didn't give him time to answer, just grabbed Nadia and hurried her out of there.

Once we were outside Nadia lit a cigarette with shaking hands, inhaling deeply and then blowing out a great plume of smoke before speaking. “I'm sorry, Blue. I shouldn't have hit her, I know I probably just made things worse. But she's so awful, and when I heard what she had done to Jayce....”

“Don't worry about it,” I said as I slumped bag against the concrete wall of the parking garage. The adrenaline that had flooded my system in the moment was already starting to wear off and I felt shaky and nauseated. “I would have hit her myself if it didn't mean risking not being here for Jayce.”

“What the fuck does Mark see in her anyway?” Nadia asked. “I mean, I admit, she's very pretty if you like the type. But I didn't think Mark did. Like that type.” She took another drag from her cigarette and I mentally filled in the “I thought Mark liked women like us,” part of that thought myself.

“I don't know, Nadia. It's like I don't even know him anymore. If anyone had told me Mark would let a woman endanger his relationship with his son, I would have said they were crazy. But here we are...”

We stood there quietly contemplating the situation for several minutes before Callile joined us. “She left,” she reported. “She threw a big hissy fit and threatened again to call the cops but Mark said something to her and she took off.” She gestured toward Nadia, getting a nod from her before taking her cigarette and helping herself to a long drag. “This is all really fucked up.”

I nodded. “I don't know how to get through to Mark. He just doesn't see her for what she is. Is he just that desperate to get laid? Is her pussy made of gold or something?”

Callie laughed. “Men are so easily led astray by their dicks,” she observed. “It would be funnier if it weren't so pathetic.”

“I have kid upstairs recovering from surgery that says this isn't funny at all,” I groused.

“Shit, hon, I didn't mean it like that,” Callie quickly apologized. “Besides, you've got a good one now.”

“I always thought Mark was a good one,” I said. “Just not for me. But lately, I just don't know.”

Callie reached over and patted me on the back. “How are things going with Shannon?” she asked by way of changing the subject.

In all the commotion I had nearly forgotten Shannon's little bombshell. “if I tell you guys something, can you promise not to repeat it under pain of death?” I asked.

“Oh my god you're pregnant!” Callie blurted out.

“NO,” I said rolling my eyes. “But Shannon wants me and Jayce to move in with him.”

Callie squealed for joy, throwing her arms around me but I wasn't  prepared for Nadia's reaction – she burst into full on sobs.

“Nadia?” I asked, bewildered. “What's wrong?”

“I'm sorry,” she managed to squeeze out between sucking in great sniffling lungfuls of air. “Don't mind me.”

“No, something is clearly wrong. What's up?”

Nadia sobbed for another minute before replying. “Jared dumped me.”

“Oh I'm sorry,” I told her, and Callie and both gave her big hugs, even though my head was saying “Finally!” From the way she had reacted about mine and Shannon's big news, I wondered if she'd had visions of the four of us together as some sort of besties, hanging out as couples with me on Shannon's arm and her on Jared's. Things never should have gotten that far. I resolved to give Jared a good chewing out the next time I saw him.

“I guess I should have known better,” Nadia said. “I'm so stupid when it comes to men.”

“We've all been there,” Callie told her as she patted her back reassuringly.

Nadia nodded and started digging through her pockets, looking for something to blow her nose or wipe her face with. Her expression changed to one of panic quickly. “Fuck, I can't find my phone. I must have dropped it when that bitch jumped me.”

We quickly hurried back upstairs but no matter how thoroughly we searched that waiting room the phone was nowhere to be found. Nadia confirmed that she had insurance on it, and I reassured her that it would be inconvenient to replace it, sure, but she could probably get it taken care of pretty quickly. She wasn't placated, however, and continued to search frantically, leaving word with security to notify her immediately if anyone turned it in. I finally had to leave her to her search as I knew Jayce would be waking up again soon and I had promised him I would be there.

[morelovelyandmoretemperate]

All from A to Z :)

Oh my Lanta. Really? I mean, I’ll do it, but wowza. Thank you, anon. :D

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I’m not honestly a huge shipper. I prefer bromance to romance... if I HAD to pick a ship or two? Demitri/Anastasia from “Anastasia”, and Mr. Darcy/Elizabeth Bennet from “Pride and Prejudice”. Always get me every time.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Mmm... Spirk (Star Trek) and McKirk (Star Trek). Damnit, I didn’t want to get sucked into this hell hole, but here I am.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Sherlock/Anyone. I just don’t see romantic relationships there. I mean I can see how people get the Johnlock thing going, but honestly... I don’t ship him with anyone. Again, bromance before romance for this one.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Dean Winchester/Lisa (Supernatural). But that might be because that storyline was pretty weak.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Some of you may well remember that there is a little known one-shot lurking out there inspired by @faragonart‘s Hiccup in Aperture Science drawings from... Jeez, like a year and a half ago? Not sure. But it’s out there. It’s cracky as hell.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Been in the Teen Titans fandom for... jeez uh... 13 years? Harry Potter is closely behind at 12.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Again, not super shippy. When I was a wee tot I adored Robin/Starfire on Teen Titans, but the older I got the more I was like “I just don’t see it.” I do love me some Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter).

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

Usually tv shows. Almost always. Sometimes movies. Rarely books.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Tumblr has turned me off of so many fandoms before I ever even saw the show, because I was sick of it before I ever got a chance to enjoy it, including but not limited to: Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, Voltron, Troll Hunters, Hannibal, etc.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Supernatural. Honestly had no idea what it even was before I saw it on here, and then of course I got obsessed.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Ooohhh. Sherlock is one of my faves, just watching him become more.. human, is great. Jesse Pinkman and Walter White (Breaking Bad)... there are so MANY.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

John Winchester has a pleasant sounding voice when he isn’t screaming at his children? Does that count?

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls). I want to be her.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

Jesse Pinkman character analysis and canon compliant Harry Potter learning to deal with his upbringing.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

“Reflecting Light” by Sam Phillips- Luke/Lorelai (Gilmore Girls)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

I actually developed a relatively in depth baby bots AU for Portal in one of @faragonart‘s streams. The idea was more or less that in an effort to tame Glad0s, they scientists desperately tried to bring the human part of her (whatever was left of Caroline) back into control by appealing to her maternal instinct with android baby bots, creating first Virgil (who was too soft spoken and non-assertive, and brushed aside before being reassigned to maintenance) then Wheatley (who was too curious and outgoing, and caused her to become increasingly hostile against him to the point that his memory of it was wiped, and he was left with nothing more than an inherent fear of her), and finally having no choice but to bring in Caroline’s actual daughter: Chel. If anyone wants more than that, I have it all written down somewhere and I’ll hunt it down and share.

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Ooooh. LOST. Too weird, my dudes. Far too weird. And Grey’s Anatomy.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Merlin/Arthur, Sherlock/John, Harry/Hermione, this is a looong list.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Hmm... alright, so @orhowfar and I were watching Anastasia a few weeks back and I went dark af and just proclaimed that I think Dimitri was abused by the staff of the palace. He very clearly gets manhandled rather aggressively on a fairly frequent basis, and his self esteem is virtually nothing. So we came up with this whole big thing where his favorite of the nobility was always Vlad, who had kind eyes and a big belly and would sneak him sweets when he assisted, and after helping the princess escape and being knocked unconscious (by a blow to the head from a gun which 100% broke his nose btw have you ever noticed?) He finds himself with nowhere to go. He runs into Vlad and there’s a moment of pure panic because Vlad knows how bad things are right then, but they both just nod, and wind up taking care of each other. Vlad becomes something of a father figure to Dimitri. He notices pretty early on that Dimitri doesn’t like contact unless he’s initiated it, something that carries over into adulthood, despite his best efforts, but it does get better. Vlad just makes sure to let Dimitri come to him as often as possible instead of reaching out first. Etc. etc. it was a LONG thing.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Hiccup’s hair looks the way it does because he won’t sit still for a haircut- he’s always off doing something or other- so his father will just randomly grab a handful of his hair and slice through it with his knife to keep it manageable. Hiccup barely notices until after Stoick’s death when his hair is suddenly longer than it’s been in years and then he remembers and ouch.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Merlin- self sacrificing, intelligent, lovable little dork with immense power.

Dean Winchester- self sacrificing, intelligent, lovable little dork with virtually no self esteem or self preservation skills.

Jesse Pinkman- self sacrificing, intelligent, lovable little dork with virtually no self esteem or self preservation skills who is far too broken and has seen far too much but is desperate for love.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

It varies... I related to Jesse Pinkman more than I probably should have but... given current circumstances.. yeah. I understand Lorelai Gilmore on a spiritual level as well.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

“Bad guy is reformed and becomes besties with the gang”. Get away from meeeeeeeee.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

One character slowly humanizes another through little acts of affection and teaching and both learn from the other and become best friends in the process.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Hmmm... does The Office count? I see a lot of The Office second hand.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

They have never once cast a decent Dick Grayson (Batman) and let me tell you why because when a child is of Romani descent they are not some little pale white boy with dark hair. They have a very specific look and I have yet to see it. Not to mention they never pick the right body type. Dick is an acrobat first and foremost; he just learned to adapt that into a fighting style. He would not be some top heavy bulky af ripped dude with giant shoulders and biceps and thighs as wide as a tire, he’d be lean and wiry and small. He needs to be fast, be able to get and keep himself airborne, and fold into all sorts of weird shapes (the kid is basically a damn contortionist). He’s strong as hell, but it’s not just big ass muscles, it’s... *deep breath* he’s not the body type they keep casting. Furthermore, that kid is definitely his own special brand of damaged and I get very tired of seeing the “so sarcastic and carefree” attitude given to him in movies and tv shows, but I also can’t stand the other extreme: the cold, clinical, calculating, trying to be Batman nonsense. That’s not who he is. He’s smart and capable, and certainly can be serious, he’s been playing a part in public for most of his life, just as Bruce does, but he’s also very careful not to become what Bruce has... I could go on about this for a long time... @cinemamind, help me? 

Thanks for the request, anon, sorry this is SO long...

[mustapleko]

So yall remember how I promised I was done with Sherlock like five years ago oh you do good because I made a word vomit about s4 click here or don’t because Idk how this happened I don’t have anything new to add it’s literally all the same crap that we have all seen already from mofftiss. Or at least was until the third episode because boy was that really fucked up or whaaaat??????????????  

 under the cut also spoilers or whatever. ↓ sorry mobile users :^)

I procrastinated 4 weeks watching the new eps. Yesterday I saw new cute fanart and was warmed and energized by my love for Sherlock Holmes *stops to wipe a tear* and found the willpower to sit through them. Initially I hoped that I’d be able to just enjoy the shittiness of it all. That I’d finally managed to break my emotional ties with this series (burning love for season 1 to deep disappointment in the rest)  Still wrote a rant nobody asked for. And to the person who convinced me to finish this: fuck you this took me all night now im tired and feel stupid abt this but it’s too late to backpedal so fuck it.

EP 1:

And there went my fun bc the first episode ended up being so... bland. Plot was rushed and pointless. I laughed at one joke. The rest of them were so embarrassing, oh my god. The “lol sherlock is awkward” gag is so old and tired. And his characterization is all over the place. Like.... I don’t even know what to say. I’m not a film critic, I’m not here to say what I just said, I came here to laugh at stupid shit and be offended as a Holmes fan.

But I started a rant and so I shall do because the second half of the episode actually gave me two reasons: There is one thing that I judge harshly in every Holmes adaptation, and that is how they treat their Watson. And there’s one thing that really bothers me about this series, and that is Mary. All of her. This had both problems.

Summary: So Sherly is off the hook for shooting a guy in the face in the last episode bc he’s needed to solve shit for the government. He then proceeds to be a huge dick to everyone. The Watsons successfully have a baby and it’s small and cute and all. The three (four) of them go off to solve crimes but everyone keeps shitting on John and we get this really weird Mary x Sherlock episode. Then one of Mary’s ex-co-assassins turns up wanting to kill her because of some misunderstanding. That crap is solved (with guns) and we are again assured that her history as a secret killer agent is in no way a problem and everyone loves her unconditionally. Then at the conclusion of the case some more guns are involved and Mary jumps in front of a bullet to save Sherlock and kicks the bucket. rip. 

I admit I’ve never had much interest in Mary in any adaptation. (Dumb personal preference. please I don’t wanna fight anyone over this, I do understand her importance.) Not because I think her a ship breaker or anything. I’m fine with her being involved. But she usually just kinda exists in the background. And ends up being disposed at some point This show tried to involve her properly but they made it so complicated. There’s no way to make her backstory fit comfortably into the setting. Not with John and Sherlock being more or less regular people. I don’t want to sympathize with her assassin ass. Again, my personal problem probably. But watching an episode centered around her was not fun.

I don’t mind them being a trio, but with this Mary the group is unbalanced. She’s too sassy and smart. Like having two Sherlocks. And considering what a charmer he is in this show...... brings us back to the problem I mentioned first. Which tbh existed before. Everyone’s really terrible towards John all the time! Still, after 4 seasons. I get that he’s supposed to be the normal dude who reacts to all the crazy shit happening around but....  He’s constantly being lied to, kidnapped, dismissed, manipulated and provoked into violence. My enjoyment of all things Holmes comes pretty much from the beautiful broship. But nooo, that’s too lame for this series, no homo.

I don’t wanna go too deep into that, it was talked about enough last season (“Is everyone I know a psychopath??”, “Why is everything always my fault??” & other Moffatty Stories). They do kinda try to convey how shitty this all is for John but it falls really flat. And that is so weird and frustrating because this show doesn’t actually suffer from a bad Watson like many others. They just don’t let him be a competent character. Meanwhile the person Sherlock is being besties with is Mary. Idk if they were trying to pander to the female audience or make her inevitable death sadder, but that was really weird.

I was happy to be rid of her in the end. Again, not in “hated the bitch” kinda way. That’s just the best course for the story to take. In that moment I had hope in the writers of this godforsaken mess. (Then her ghosting and becoming the fucking narrator later on ruined it.) It was dramatic and sad and all but they made that too all about Sherlock. And his angst. John’s been completely pushed aside??  And as rare as it is, I actually really like the single-dad-watson -trope. But you gotta let the man have some screen time

I just spent several paragraphs politely rambling when all I wanted to say was that Mary is terrible and I don’t like her and Sherlock is being a dick and I don’t like that either and the episode was boring

Time to list the good thing eyyyyy:

1. They gave John a new hairstyle for the season and it looks really good!

2. Yet another shitty dingy plastic skeleton in a serious crime drama. I 100% unironically love these to death no pun inteded

3. I was gonna write that I still actually really like Cucumberboy and he’s still very pretty but it took the episode 15 seconds for Sherlock’s personality to be too annoying for that to help lol

4. Yeah that’s all, it wasn’t great.

EP 2:

Now, looking at my summary you probably would not believe it, but God help me I had so much fun watching this one. Looking back, the plot is garbage. But how this was shot and acted out was exactly the kind of “so weird it’s funny” content I had been waiting for. I was in tears by the end if it. Most of it might have been late night hysteria I admit, but now afterwards it doesn’t matter. The episode is ridiculous, loud and energetic and idk how I’m gonna express that in a positive light the middle of a long ass complaint post. I’m not gonna say that this was the best episode off the three, I’ll just say I had the most fun watching it. Biggest minus points are for having to look at sherlock’s ginger teenstache through the entirety of it.

Summary: John is sad bc his wife is dead. And he keeps seeing and hearing Mary everywhere he goes. And we need her ghost to narrate the plot for us. But that’s not important. Because Sherlock is even sadder cos he feels responsible for her death. John wants nothing to do with him so Sherlock angsts alone, does a lot of unspecified drugs and spends the rest of the episode shouting at things coked off his tits. Then he makes a big show from trying prove that some rich famous old dude is a cereal serial killer, because the old bastard’s daughter visited Sherlock to tell him about her suspicions. But she was also sad and suicidal so they spent a lovely night walking out and talking about feelings. Or did they??????? *dun dun dunnn* Don’t do drugs, kids.  Nobody believes him because he’s weird and high. Sherly is then convinced that he’s actually going mad, then tries to murder someone again, then gets beaten up by John again, then almost gets mudered again and somehow the bad guy still gets caught they get a happy ending from all of that.

And in the end it was ~all part of a plan~ bc mary told sherlo that if she were to die, he had to make himself as miserable as possible to guiltrip john into saving him to make him feel better about himself or some shit because we can’t have john having any control over his life now can we what the fuck.

Now, I understand that a drama about a super smart people like has to have some elaborate plotting going on that is all revealed in the end, but this show has a really fucked up obsession with it. Everything is according to plan, everything that is going to happen Sherlock already knew weeks ago. That really sucks the fun out of the story and makes the actions of all the other characters meaningless. Previous episode even had a whole thing about how predeterminism is bad, you are not listening to your own advice!

Yeah the original story of the Dying Detective was kinda fucked up. Culverton Smith (the shitty old dude) was some asshat who went around poisoning people. Holmes pretended that he became one of his victims and that was dying in order to get a confession from Smith. Then he lied to Watson about this all because reasons and used him as a just pawn in the plot. Not his finest moment, but in right hands has lots of potential as fuel for some angst. I don’t know why I’m bringing this up. It’s not like team mofftiss knew how to use any of that. Gotta say I’m not really feeling the canon references anyway. Either they are relevant to the plot, meaning they make the stupid twists even easier to guess, or they they are just awkwardly forced in “we just wanted someone to say this name, look at us we read the books”  kinda of things ://

I took a lot of notes while watching this but now that I look at them I can’t really separate single things comment on. The show is trying too hard at everything it does and ends up being an all around fuck up. Middle of the night is also not the time for writing these, I’ve got nothing.

MMMMmmgood things listing!:

1. I really appreciate them hiring that one weird looking fucker to play Culverton! He keeps popping up in films and such and I’ve kinda wanted to see him play a holmes villain! He was fun!

2. Had some fun cinematography, especially for sherls’ deduction making pantomime

3. Sherlock’s a fun character to beat up and make cry ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and no no no no no no please don’t bring irene back

.....oh good you just needed to mention her because no homo.

(actually I can’t leave my jab at that. because that wasn’t a suble no homo, that was sherly straight up gettin told straight dude to another -talk how he needs to get together with her specifically in order to be happy. and that was the most forced and desperate scene I’ve ever seen and I’m not gonna let that slide)

4. irene didnt do a comeback

EP:3

Summary:

*takes a deep breath*

Sherlock finds out he secretly has a younger sister who is a total psychopath (hi moffat). She looks like the creepy woman from The Ring and she’s locked in a super secret mental hospital slash prison in the middle of the sea because she did terrible things when she was a child and is supernaturally intelligent and super dangerous because she’s able to take control of anyone who talks with or gets too close to her. So she’s secretly in control of the whole facility of course. We had already seen her in several disguises in previous 2 episodes (I’m so bad at remembering faces, I fall for all twists where they have one actor play several roles) and Sherlock doesn’t remember her because he was so traumatized when she killed his beloved dog when they were little kids. We get some flashbacks about the Holmes siblings’ childhood and then the sister locks Sherlock, John and Mycroft in a Jigsaw kinda game / psychological experiment, which they have to pass by solving puzzles and killing several people. And it was all because she was so much smarter than everyone else in the goddamn universe so she was lonely and saaaaad.

........

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I... know this show was not supposed to be a crime drama anymore but.....

whaaaaaaaaaa...?

that was straight up a shitty horror flick. how.... did this happen....? who was it that was so salty that they didn’t get to work on Saw? I hope all the east wind references to the last Holmes story and the name of the episode actually mean that this show dies here because where do you fucking go from there? Like.... not to add to their charming mental institution plotline but that was absolute insanity.

2/10, have read better fuck or die fics before. with much less no homo. (I swear I didn’t even watch this shit in search of homo, this show has started overcompensating. hard.) spent half of this giggling madly like the 2nd episode and half barely looking at the screen out of secondhand embarrassment for the shitty “shoot me” “no shoot me” dialogue

(though: not gonna lie, really liked the reveal at the end when it turns out it wasn’t actually Sherlock’s dog the sister had fucked up, but lil six year old Victor Trevor )

(oh my god! Remember how people used to joke about the “old friend of mine” skull above the fireplace being Trevor??)

fucking hell

Oh yeah and of course no one important dies and then the whole thing ends with “All the sister needed was love and then everyone is friends again and it’s just like the good old times *coughseasononecough*. John and Sherlock are back to living together and now they are dads no homo tho and they gonna go and solve fun crimes and do detective shit again. A pretty violin cover of the theme song plays and we all ignore ghost mary’s terrible cheesy narration over it” all of which should have happened three episodes ago!!! this whole season was pointless.

[halfblood-princes-crown]

Wow…

This is what I’m talking about^

They talk so much shit about a character they CLEARLY know dick about and turn their noses up at us, but they can’t have the simple decency to stop comparing a fictional hate group to N*zis…even after being told to stop by the Jewish community…but WE’RE the bad ones…ok.

“There’s so many other characters you could hyperfixate on that are better than that uncle dude”

There’s so many other characters to hyperfixate on who are better than James too but look at the fandom 😑

I mean cmon, someone explain it to me because I don’t get the mindset…

“Snape bullied children”

James, Sirius, Bystander Lupin and Pete bullied Snape, James Sexually assaulted him, Sirius broke Ron’s leg…but please, keep going

“Severus isnt redeemed just because he was a spy against Voldemort”

So why is James redeemed for joining the order?

“He was racist! He said The Slur!”

The slur he belongs to? Aye, all my fellow AA’s, even though we’re black, yall betta not be using the N word…according to this logic, that would be racist of you…🤐

“He was obsessed with Lily!”

Where? Show me. I want receipts…I want the book, chapter, page number AND the line…

“He traumatized and abused children”

Didn’t Minerva send children into the forbidden forest as a punishment?…Didn’t Remus put the students in danger by not taking the potion SNAPE made FOR HIM?…

“How to say you were never abused by a teacher or authority figure without saying it”

Me personally, yes tf I have bestie! Teachers, parent, grandparent, you name it! But you wanna know what I learned from it? They way people act is a reflection of their life…my teacher was very offensive towards me because that’s what they were taught and how they were raised. My parent had VERY bad anger issues because that’s the environment she was raised in…my grandparents…oof..anyways, has anyone ever stopped to consider Severus’ behavior is him being a product of his environment? Trauma tends to mess you up in one way or another. Some get shifts in their personality, or they pick up bad habits, some even develop mental disorders. Severus isn’t necessarily a bad person, he needs help…that’s how people get better…they get help…

He was abused and neglected at home, he was relentlessly bullied AND sexually assaulted at school, he was nearly killed and was told to stfu about it, he lost his only friend (not that she was a good friend), and probably more…and he never had anyone he could trust and open up to…you can’t expect him to be perfect, obviously he was gonna act the way he does (I’m not excusing his behavior but damn, villainizing him isn’t fair either).

Child abuse victims survivors may have emotional outbursts, changes in mood, changes in behavior, sadness, withdrawal, aggressiveness, violence, hyperactivity, bed-wetting, low self-esteem, etc. Some of these behaviors can continue into adulthood 👈🏽link

Also…He was still pretty young when he joined the DE’s…

A young, poor, abused boy who wanted to fit in somewhere…does that sound familiar to irl situations? Groomers tend to pray on weak, desperate people…whos to say that’s not why he was in the group?Maybe they saw this kid and thought he’d be an easy addition? And you can’t say that it isn’t mentioned in the book because A LOT of the things Snaters claim isn’t mentioned either…

As much as I hate JKR, she did a damn good job developing Snapes character, and if you can’t see that then you can’t read, simple.

Public service announcement

Warning: I’m about to be a bit aggressive

(I’m tagging this in anti Snape cause I need you to hear me loud and clear)

DEAR SNATERS,

I don’t care if you hate Severus. You can hate him all the live long day for all I care…

But what we’re NOT gonna do is ignore when people tell you that you’re being offensive when trying to prove your point…

If Jewish people say to stop comparing death eaters to N*zi’s…YOU FUCKING STOP

If us POC’s say to stop calling Severus racist for using a slur he technically belongs to…YOU FUCKING STOP

(You’d think y’all would be big brain enough to listen to POC’s about how slurs work right?)

And if you don’t know what someone looks like and you feel the need to call them racist for liking a fictional character…REFRAIN FROM DOING SO

It’s not FUCKING rocket science!

Y’all can’t say shit to Snape stans about morals and racism, ESPECIALLY when you can’t shut up and listen to save your damn lives

If I get called racist one more time for liking a fictional fucking character, I might just lose my shit…so stop

Sincerely, a bitch who’s sick and tired

🖕🏽