#I was supposed to go last week on Friday
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Btw did I mention that I officially went on summer holiday today? Because I did 🥳
#I was supposed to go last week on Friday#Buuuut then something came up that I had to do today.#BUT NOW I AM OFF WORK FOR A MONTH#(except if I'm urgently needed for something but hopefully I won't be)#I am so unbelievably happy and relieved right now you have no ide#no idea*#😭😭😭😭😭#nagnerd
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I am bored and sad about schoolwork so I want to interact a little bit,,, please send me some asks!
Can’t promise any fancy pieces but if you want a small doodle of a character (preferably not ocs please) feel free to send in a request as well!
#I didn’t realize that this problem set was due Friday and I am going insane over it because#the last problem set that they said was supposed to be easy and take only a few hours took me like 20 hours#and I have things due tomorrow so I can’t work on the thing due Friday until I finish these and it’s just gonna be this endless loop of wor#work*#until the 10 weeks of term are over and I get a 2 week break and then go back to classes yet again#when will it end#never.#hghhh
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i'm going to a queer school event tomorrow but i'm literally feeling so paranoid about it. what if my mom checks life360 while i'm there, then looks up which event is at that location, and puts the very obvious two and two together. if i put on airplane mode to freeze my location, what if she texts me and freaks out when i don't respond for a good few hours. what if a family friend somehow spots me there and passes the information along. i really wanna go and connect with other queer people here but holy SHIT the thought i could inadvertently out myself simply by taking my phone along is terrifying.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#see like the school was very nice to put all their events on one webpage for everyone to browse#but alas everyone means Everyone and not just students#why can't it just be like. bye mom and dad see you in a couple weeks when you come up for a football game#and then no contact until then#(i know it's bc they care about me. but Actually what they care about is the idea of me they have in their heads#and if they knew i'm queer they would be Oh So Disappointed In Me. spin their homophobia and betrayal into ''''concern'''' yknow)#i guess if i froze my location i could say i was sleeping in#but if anyone calls me at any point on airplane mode doesn't the phone go straight to voicemail??#suppose i could say my phone was shut off#but like. something something panopticon surveillance something. i feel like i have to look over my shoulder constantly#for the people i'm supposed to feel safest with#and it's fucked up! it's fucked up and i hate it#(also i mention her looking up the event bc she has used that website to show me things there is to do. i Know she knows it exists#and that she's looked at it. and she's obviously invested in whether her baby girl is alright or not.#first kid to go off to college problems 👍)#the last example is the most unlikely though. a friend of MY parents?? at a QUEER event??? unheard of.#but idk i'm still scared#so that's. fun.#fuck wait actually i don't know how to get there without gps#i'll look up the route beforehand and try to remember it. shit man.
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I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago
#bro the absolute sodding emotional rollercoaster i have been through this past week should be studied by scientists#thursday: unsuccessful job interview. friday: found out that the job interview was unsuccessful. but one of the interviewers (actually a#former colleague of mine lol) gave me a piece of feedback that made me feel like i’d cracked the code for all future interviews#it was this: keep. talking. give as many details as humanly fucking possible. talk about policy. drop in words like safeguarding#list as many examples of stuff as you can. tell stories. bamboozle them#OH i forgot to even fucking mention we had builders at our house until friday. friday was the last day they woke me up with a cacophony#so the weekend was uneventful aside from there was a skip in the driveway and scaffolding all down the side of the house but zero men#monday: successful interview. found out it was successful 5 hours later. got off the phone having accepted the job…… and found a text from#my old boss (the boss i had at the job i really enjoyed. that old boss) inviting me to come back this summer#i had a bit of a mental breakdown but eventually decided to stick with the job i’d just got because it’s a permanent contract and they will#let me sit down#yesterday: found out that the foster doggy i applied for and really wanted is going to her forever home on thursday (which is now tomorrow)#obviously i love this for her but i was like ‘damn. okay’#today: the foster co-ordinator was like ‘hey do you want to foster this rambunctious 3 year old unneutered terrier?’#i was like ‘sure yeah what the fuck. that might as well happen’#(they are neutering him beforehand. and he looks really cute. he’s not aggressive he’s just a young terrier with like 3 brain cells)#unless something finally kills me in the meantime i’m picking him up on monday. i cancelled therapy in order to do this. yes i’m well aware#that there’s a metaphor somewhere in there but it’s fine. i rescheduled therapy#i also have realised i do not know how and when i’m going to get my ssri prescription renewed… i know the pharmacy will call me in a couple#of weeks to make sure i haven’t died. but i think i was supposed to get a prescription renewal at therapy#the therapy i won’t be going to until like 5 days after my prescription runs out. that therapy. foook#honestly withdrawal symptoms would probably just spice up the situation at this point. they’d just make things interesting#i swear to god everything always gets crazy and stupid right before my birthday… remember when i turned 26 and couldn’t drink because i#was on antibiotics for a kidney infection. and when i turned 27 and one of my wisdom teeth tried to emerge#this is like that except with dogs and jobs. at least the skip and the scaffolding are gone now#i AM trying to sell a sofa on facebook marketplace so wish me luck with that ig#personal
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I need things to stop HAPPENING
#nothing's wrong i just seem unable to catch my breath#i work for eight hours and then i have something almost every night when i get home#movie nights or social nights or volunteering nights or nights where i just can't do anything because i had therapy that day#don't get me started on weekends#i volunteer for 2-4 hours on Saturday mornings and i have hangouts on Saturday afternoons and DND on Sundays#and that's without counting any of the many variable things that i may attend on a Saturday#pride is this weekend and don't get me wrong I'm really looking forward to going#but i need like 3 days where i sit in my house and no one asks me to go anywhere#i want to make as many of the volunteer things as i can bc it only happens for about 18 weeks out of the year and there's only 12 left#what about Thursday and Friday you ask? Thursday is also volunteering#because that is when the miniature horses have their classes and what am i supposed to do? NOT go help with miniature horses???#fridays are usually clear except for the occasional hangout#i don't know why i can't seem to keep a balance in my life#es dificil#anyway i have to leave for work thirty minutes early today so i can make it to the barn in time to get the minis ready#yesterday i had to leave two hours early because i had an anxiety attack that lasted well over two hours and persisted through a nap#where is the balance.... i enjoy doing all these things... but my energy doesn't....#anyway i need a rich person to decide I'm entertaining and sponsor me so i only have to work part time and i can do my funny little arts#that seems realistic right?
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it's supposed to be 85° tomorrow are you fucking kidding me
#IT'S DECEMBER CAN I GET A COOL BREEZE AT LEAST. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MID 50S MONTH. GIRL.#i have a big presentation tomorrow and i don't have time to wash my hair so dressing nice was my only option but my only nice school tops#are sweaters. what the fuck do you mean 85° in december i'm going to kill myself.#girl the dead week stress is becoming dead week apathy i already know i'm failing a class and i have until like friday to write a 5 page#paper with no prompt and pray my prof is feeling merciful enough to accept it even though it'll be late#i can feel myself shutting down and i won't be able to explain myself to my parents or my family at the holiday shitfests but! might be#getting diagnosed in the nearish future if 1) my new dr believes in adhd and 2) i can convince her i have it so fucking bad#sorry gang i feel like i do this every finals season but oh? my god am i having a genuinely bad time <3 also i sprained my ankle last night#and it hurts So Bad today so i'm hoping if i limp into class and also up to the front tomorrow they'll grade me easy#i do have to finish my fucking slides first. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh.#a post
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Literally so happy that I have tomorrow off. Two days off in a row, what bliss.
#I was supposed to have the full weekend off last week#but I covered someone who was sick#thus heroically sacrificing my rare saturday off#I would have felt like a complete heel if I hadn't offered#my co-worker limped in late on friday full of antibiotics prepared to work until closing and then do a full day on saturday#so I just said 'hey I'll cover [co-worker] so she can go home and rest' to my manager#even though I had quietly said 'you only have to work four hours today and then you have the whole weekend off' to psyche myself up#right before I clocked on#minutes before that lol#werq bitch
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listen idk if this is a weird type of bullying or if shes genuinely just dumb or thinks im someone else but why the FUCK does the class rep keep asking ME if we have work due the next day ESPECIALLY today I WAS ABSENT FROM SCHOOL ON THURSDAY AND FRIDAY HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
#eli.txt#i dont know if shes trying to bully me with this bc if she is its not working im just confused#does she. know who shes asking??? does she think im someone else#i never answer bc its in the class group chat and i am not touching that thing#but like??? howww what#what r you talking about what are you saying#i literally did not go to school on thursday and friday#*AND* i left early on wednesday#i have basically not been to school the whole last week#and YOU. the CLASS REP. are asking ME. about WORK?#ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW????
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why did I just enter for a chance to be in the band camino’s music video they’re shooing on friday
#they announce winners tomorrow#it’s supposed to be like 100 people I think#winner have to pay their own way for travel/food/lodging (understandable)#I’ll have to take off probably Thursday and Friday#which means I’d only work one day this week#and then booking a last minute flight and hotel and trying to con my brother into taking me to the airport…#idk how many people entered… honestly there might be a 50/50 chance#oh god#why did I do this#now I have an adrenaline rush and feel like I might have a panic attack#jesus christ#watch me have gotten this worked up for nothing#sav speaks#sav is going insane
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#I got an amazing like out of this world job offer today#like one that I didn’t even think was possible at this point in my career because I don’t graduate until next month#like I’m shocked about it#it’s supposed to be confidential but this is tumblr so anyways I’ve been in the dental assisting program for the past year and I’ll be done#in a few weeks#and I also have a previous associates degree and my last professor texted me earlier this week asking me to meet with her Friday#and I’ve honestly been terrified all week because I could only think it would be bad news#but she freaking offered me a job teaching dental assisting at the college with her#I’m shocked#teaching dental assisting and I’m not even graduated yet I’m the literal definition of flabbergasted#it would only be part time as an adjunct but I’d still be making almost double an hour than I would as a dental assistant#and I could also since it’s only part time be a temp traveling dental assistant#so it’s like an amazing opportunity#but I’d be so nervous about it because I know nothing about teaching and teaching people your age seems so weird and stressful#she gave me a couple of weeks to think about it so I’ll definitely be thinking#it’s a great opportunity but I’m scared she has too much faith in me#but she did say she’s been teaching this program for 19 years and has never approached a student with something like this#so it’s really like once in a lifetime#I’m leaning towards yes but I’ll definitely need to think more about it#the only downside is if I wanted to go on to do it full time I’d need to get a bachelors degree which shouldn’t be too hard I have a lot of#credits to would tranfer#I think typing this has made me lean even more towards yes#but I had to share I can’t really tell anyone else besides people close to me
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#absolutely nothing is going right today#my mom's mad at me for going to a festival next week#my friend who i wanted to visit this weekend cancelled on me last minute#my group partner hasn't done the work he was supposed to do#i only just now got my sources for a research question that's due on friday#we stay silly but god at what cost
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why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
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#i think i might be having a nervous breakdown#i dont think there will ever be a good time to have one but this week is a very bad week for me to have one#so uh idk what im doing tbh#im not going to school tomorrow#friday? who knows#i havent been in all week#it started with me being sick and now im still sick but also feeling like complete and utter shit#i havent done half the things im supposed to do#and it should be fine in that regard because my mum told me shell email people for me to ask for extensions#but theres one thing due next week which is an official deadline which cannot be moved#and its piece of work that i can only to in school because i dont have the technology or software at home#technically im not allowed to do it at home but thats besides the point#I’m actually terrified of that deadline rn its making me feel physically sick#ive been writing a second chapter for pull on my strings recently#and thats literally the only thing thats holding me together#being able to do that and enjoy it although progress is slow is all i have rn tbh#so i dont think im gonna meet all the fic deadlines i set for myself which im totally fine with its just one of those things#ive gone to bed but i havent taken any of the medication i was supposed to#its been five days and i still dont have my prescription#(i was only first prescribed it last week so im not being affected by that its just annoying because i guess that could help me)#i havent started useing the cream the doctor gave me yet but it has only been a week#so yeah im really stressed out about everything#i didnt shower today and i barely ate anything proper until dinner#i did eat but it wasnt anything that substantial#i just feel like my life is falling apart a bit#i think i have therapy next week but im not sure#i hope i do#yall dont have to worry too much about me i guess screaming into the void helps and i like being honest with people about where im at#louie says shit#tw vent
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is having a friend crush more embarrassing than having a real crush. maybe
#and like i say: brf slt#like oh i am so excited that we 'sat next to each other at lunch again and had yet another great conversation with my bff' AAAAAH#it's crazy because i'm normal kind of but can also feel myself being obnoxious. I'M JUST EXCITED#the only thing that's gonna get me to calm down is us becoming even better friends than we are now...and it's like idk we're friends#now but the way people call people i wouldn't use the word friend in relation to their friend in english. we're very casual friends. but we#did get a drink just me that person and my bff the other day so like we do hang out...anyway...#we went to the movies last week and we're going again next week and we're gonna get dinner together and everything so😁#and we've been planning a party like the three of us it's very funny at this point i'm convinced it's never gonna happen it was supposed to#at my bff's before break like in october. didn't happen. then last week we said like the three of us that next friday (the 22nd) was a good#day for all of us (all 3 of us) and then (we were literally 3 when we made the plans) that person was like hm actually i can't❤️ and now#it's not supposed to be at my bff's place anymore it's supposed to be at this person's place and we said december 12th like a month from#now😭 it's funny because. it's a RACLETTE PARTY and i'm supposed to bring the machine that's why i said the 3 of us it was her idea and it's#my machine and just. anyway. i actually have faith this time it's a month from now i don't think people are gonna be busy a month from now#they'll be free!#anyway. friend crush AAAAAAH#i love saying my bff i'll always call her that she's my best new friend we've known each other for two months now she's ACTUALLY the only#person i would consider my actual friend. and the person i'm talking about is my second favorite person in the group of people we're#hanging out with like guyyyys. idk. second bff by the end of the year. school year i'm not that ambitious i can be patient#group of people we're hanging out with: 13 people it's just everyone getting this same degree i said this last time so like we get along#but obviously i don't have great conversations with everyone#anyway. i'm not attracted to this person btw like i've looked at them through that lens and i was like no i don't even really like the#face...not a nice thing to say about my future best friend but like. they're very cool and i'm not into them. which is nice!
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My brain is. Goop. Running at about quarter speed right now. It's a little bit embarrassing, actually.
#speculation nation#i was poking around the class website and saw the class participation for today wasnt open#which made me remember that my professor mentioned not being here one day this week#and it took me. too long to remember if she said today or thursday.#literally checked the calendar over it (it wasnt stated on there) before i Finally remembered that class participation doesnt open until#class time starts.#so im Prettyyy sure that she said she'd be here today. and it's thursday she wont be.#it just got so lost over the weekend. most things. have been. lol.#between the stress of finishing that midterm on Thursday and then hanging out with friends and procrastinating my essay exam#(while also still being stressed about procrastinating my essay exam)#a lot left my mind. i straight up forgot that we were supposed to have dnd yesterday night#i got up from my failed nap and realized it was an *hour and a half* after when it was supposed to start. i felt so bad.#thankfully it turned out others couldnt make it either so it ended up canceled but Man.#i need to get a grip. i need to stop procrastinatng. i have an online exam on thursday tho & a video audition to finish Preferably by friday#and im going driving practicing tomorrow & im determined to make it the last one before i take my driving test. which means parking practice#really really really remembering why i hate college. dear fucking god please help me.#also have a book to finish by the end of the month. im probably going to be working on that over the weekend.#buuuut after that i have. uhh. like 6 more weeks of the semester? which means im gonna keep roughin it#but. it also means im getting closer to the end. and at least i'll have a few weeks break.#and then... my final semester... and so much more work.... aughhhh#im doing my best though. i may be struggling but im still finishing all my fucking work and im finishing it well.#i will bend but i will not break!!!!!! i will get good fucking grades!!!!! just watch me!!!!!!!!!
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I'm about to fight the universe I swear
#our last remaining cat is sick and we can't afford to take him to an emergency vet but the soonest regular appointment is friday#he's displaying symptoms that are potentially fatal though like it IS an emergency#and we know he just needs some fucking antibiotics!! but we can't get a prescription without the vet visit and I just. what the FUCK#I literally JUST lost my cat last week and we lost another cat a few months before that and we lost YET ANOTHER cat in january#and if this year takes ALL of them from me I don't know what I'm going to do#how can you start a year with 4 alive cats and end it with 4 dead ones. I don't understand like are we just cursed? are we not allowed to#have cats anymore? the universe just wants us to suffer? wtd#wtf*#and like. patch is the baby he's supposed to be the healthy one it hurts so much to see him sick like this#god#tw animal death
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