#I was supposed to go last week on Friday
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nerdnag · 1 year ago
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Btw did I mention that I officially went on summer holiday today? Because I did 🥳
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otaku553 · 11 months ago
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I am bored and sad about schoolwork so I want to interact a little bit,,, please send me some asks!
Can’t promise any fancy pieces but if you want a small doodle of a character (preferably not ocs please) feel free to send in a request as well!
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fridayyy-13th · 4 months ago
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i'm going to a queer school event tomorrow but i'm literally feeling so paranoid about it. what if my mom checks life360 while i'm there, then looks up which event is at that location, and puts the very obvious two and two together. if i put on airplane mode to freeze my location, what if she texts me and freaks out when i don't respond for a good few hours. what if a family friend somehow spots me there and passes the information along. i really wanna go and connect with other queer people here but holy SHIT the thought i could inadvertently out myself simply by taking my phone along is terrifying.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#see like the school was very nice to put all their events on one webpage for everyone to browse#but alas everyone means Everyone and not just students#why can't it just be like. bye mom and dad see you in a couple weeks when you come up for a football game#and then no contact until then#(i know it's bc they care about me. but Actually what they care about is the idea of me they have in their heads#and if they knew i'm queer they would be Oh So Disappointed In Me. spin their homophobia and betrayal into ''''concern'''' yknow)#i guess if i froze my location i could say i was sleeping in#but if anyone calls me at any point on airplane mode doesn't the phone go straight to voicemail??#suppose i could say my phone was shut off#but like. something something panopticon surveillance something. i feel like i have to look over my shoulder constantly#for the people i'm supposed to feel safest with#and it's fucked up! it's fucked up and i hate it#(also i mention her looking up the event bc she has used that website to show me things there is to do. i Know she knows it exists#and that she's looked at it. and she's obviously invested in whether her baby girl is alright or not.#first kid to go off to college problems 👍)#the last example is the most unlikely though. a friend of MY parents?? at a QUEER event??? unheard of.#but idk i'm still scared#so that's. fun.#fuck wait actually i don't know how to get there without gps#i'll look up the route beforehand and try to remember it. shit man.
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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months ago
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I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago
#bro the absolute sodding emotional rollercoaster i have been through this past week should be studied by scientists#thursday: unsuccessful job interview. friday: found out that the job interview was unsuccessful. but one of the interviewers (actually a#former colleague of mine lol) gave me a piece of feedback that made me feel like i’d cracked the code for all future interviews#it was this: keep. talking. give as many details as humanly fucking possible. talk about policy. drop in words like safeguarding#list as many examples of stuff as you can. tell stories. bamboozle them#OH i forgot to even fucking mention we had builders at our house until friday. friday was the last day they woke me up with a cacophony#so the weekend was uneventful aside from there was a skip in the driveway and scaffolding all down the side of the house but zero men#monday: successful interview. found out it was successful 5 hours later. got off the phone having accepted the job…… and found a text from#my old boss (the boss i had at the job i really enjoyed. that old boss) inviting me to come back this summer#i had a bit of a mental breakdown but eventually decided to stick with the job i’d just got because it’s a permanent contract and they will#let me sit down#yesterday: found out that the foster doggy i applied for and really wanted is going to her forever home on thursday (which is now tomorrow)#obviously i love this for her but i was like ‘damn. okay’#today: the foster co-ordinator was like ‘hey do you want to foster this rambunctious 3 year old unneutered terrier?’#i was like ‘sure yeah what the fuck. that might as well happen’#(they are neutering him beforehand. and he looks really cute. he’s not aggressive he’s just a young terrier with like 3 brain cells)#unless something finally kills me in the meantime i’m picking him up on monday. i cancelled therapy in order to do this. yes i’m well aware#that there’s a metaphor somewhere in there but it’s fine. i rescheduled therapy#i also have realised i do not know how and when i’m going to get my ssri prescription renewed… i know the pharmacy will call me in a couple#of weeks to make sure i haven’t died. but i think i was supposed to get a prescription renewal at therapy#the therapy i won’t be going to until like 5 days after my prescription runs out. that therapy. foook#honestly withdrawal symptoms would probably just spice up the situation at this point. they’d just make things interesting#i swear to god everything always gets crazy and stupid right before my birthday… remember when i turned 26 and couldn’t drink because i#was on antibiotics for a kidney infection. and when i turned 27 and one of my wisdom teeth tried to emerge#this is like that except with dogs and jobs. at least the skip and the scaffolding are gone now#i AM trying to sell a sofa on facebook marketplace so wish me luck with that ig#personal
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theoldaeroplane · 2 years ago
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I need things to stop HAPPENING
#nothing's wrong i just seem unable to catch my breath#i work for eight hours and then i have something almost every night when i get home#movie nights or social nights or volunteering nights or nights where i just can't do anything because i had therapy that day#don't get me started on weekends#i volunteer for 2-4 hours on Saturday mornings and i have hangouts on Saturday afternoons and DND on Sundays#and that's without counting any of the many variable things that i may attend on a Saturday#pride is this weekend and don't get me wrong I'm really looking forward to going#but i need like 3 days where i sit in my house and no one asks me to go anywhere#i want to make as many of the volunteer things as i can bc it only happens for about 18 weeks out of the year and there's only 12 left#what about Thursday and Friday you ask? Thursday is also volunteering#because that is when the miniature horses have their classes and what am i supposed to do? NOT go help with miniature horses???#fridays are usually clear except for the occasional hangout#i don't know why i can't seem to keep a balance in my life#es dificil#anyway i have to leave for work thirty minutes early today so i can make it to the barn in time to get the minis ready#yesterday i had to leave two hours early because i had an anxiety attack that lasted well over two hours and persisted through a nap#where is the balance.... i enjoy doing all these things... but my energy doesn't....#anyway i need a rich person to decide I'm entertaining and sponsor me so i only have to work part time and i can do my funny little arts#that seems realistic right?
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mashmouths · 1 year ago
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it's supposed to be 85° tomorrow are you fucking kidding me
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freakylilnutjob · 2 years ago
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why did I just enter for a chance to be in the band camino’s music video they’re shooing on friday
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loveofmylouis · 2 years ago
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#I got an amazing like out of this world job offer today#like one that I didn’t even think was possible at this point in my career because I don’t graduate until next month#like I’m shocked about it#it’s supposed to be confidential but this is tumblr so anyways I’ve been in the dental assisting program for the past year and I’ll be done#in a few weeks#and I also have a previous associates degree and my last professor texted me earlier this week asking me to meet with her Friday#and I’ve honestly been terrified all week because I could only think it would be bad news#but she freaking offered me a job teaching dental assisting at the college with her#I’m shocked#teaching dental assisting and I’m not even graduated yet I’m the literal definition of flabbergasted#it would only be part time as an adjunct but I’d still be making almost double an hour than I would as a dental assistant#and I could also since it’s only part time be a temp traveling dental assistant#so it’s like an amazing opportunity#but I’d be so nervous about it because I know nothing about teaching and teaching people your age seems so weird and stressful#she gave me a couple of weeks to think about it so I’ll definitely be thinking#it’s a great opportunity but I’m scared she has too much faith in me#but she did say she’s been teaching this program for 19 years and has never approached a student with something like this#so it’s really like once in a lifetime#I’m leaning towards yes but I’ll definitely need to think more about it#the only downside is if I wanted to go on to do it full time I’d need to get a bachelors degree which shouldn’t be too hard I have a lot of#credits to would tranfer#I think typing this has made me lean even more towards yes#but I had to share I can’t really tell anyone else besides people close to me
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you-will-return · 2 years ago
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britneyshakespeare · 2 years ago
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why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
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maddy-ferguson · 1 month ago
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is having a friend crush more embarrassing than having a real crush. maybe
#and like i say: brf slt#like oh i am so excited that we 'sat next to each other at lunch again and had yet another great conversation with my bff' AAAAAH#it's crazy because i'm normal kind of but can also feel myself being obnoxious. I'M JUST EXCITED#the only thing that's gonna get me to calm down is us becoming even better friends than we are now...and it's like idk we're friends#now but the way people call people i wouldn't use the word friend in relation to their friend in english. we're very casual friends. but we#did get a drink just me that person and my bff the other day so like we do hang out...anyway...#we went to the movies last week and we're going again next week and we're gonna get dinner together and everything so😁#and we've been planning a party like the three of us it's very funny at this point i'm convinced it's never gonna happen it was supposed to#at my bff's before break like in october. didn't happen. then last week we said like the three of us that next friday (the 22nd) was a good#day for all of us (all 3 of us) and then (we were literally 3 when we made the plans) that person was like hm actually i can't❤️ and now#it's not supposed to be at my bff's place anymore it's supposed to be at this person's place and we said december 12th like a month from#now😭 it's funny because. it's a RACLETTE PARTY and i'm supposed to bring the machine that's why i said the 3 of us it was her idea and it's#my machine and just. anyway. i actually have faith this time it's a month from now i don't think people are gonna be busy a month from now#they'll be free!#anyway. friend crush AAAAAAH#i love saying my bff i'll always call her that she's my best new friend we've known each other for two months now she's ACTUALLY the only#person i would consider my actual friend. and the person i'm talking about is my second favorite person in the group of people we're#hanging out with like guyyyys. idk. second bff by the end of the year. school year i'm not that ambitious i can be patient#group of people we're hanging out with: 13 people it's just everyone getting this same degree i said this last time so like we get along#but obviously i don't have great conversations with everyone#anyway. i'm not attracted to this person btw like i've looked at them through that lens and i was like no i don't even really like the#face...not a nice thing to say about my future best friend but like. they're very cool and i'm not into them. which is nice!
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orcelito · 2 months ago
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My brain is. Goop. Running at about quarter speed right now. It's a little bit embarrassing, actually.
#speculation nation#i was poking around the class website and saw the class participation for today wasnt open#which made me remember that my professor mentioned not being here one day this week#and it took me. too long to remember if she said today or thursday.#literally checked the calendar over it (it wasnt stated on there) before i Finally remembered that class participation doesnt open until#class time starts.#so im Prettyyy sure that she said she'd be here today. and it's thursday she wont be.#it just got so lost over the weekend. most things. have been. lol.#between the stress of finishing that midterm on Thursday and then hanging out with friends and procrastinating my essay exam#(while also still being stressed about procrastinating my essay exam)#a lot left my mind. i straight up forgot that we were supposed to have dnd yesterday night#i got up from my failed nap and realized it was an *hour and a half* after when it was supposed to start. i felt so bad.#thankfully it turned out others couldnt make it either so it ended up canceled but Man.#i need to get a grip. i need to stop procrastinatng. i have an online exam on thursday tho & a video audition to finish Preferably by friday#and im going driving practicing tomorrow & im determined to make it the last one before i take my driving test. which means parking practice#really really really remembering why i hate college. dear fucking god please help me.#also have a book to finish by the end of the month. im probably going to be working on that over the weekend.#buuuut after that i have. uhh. like 6 more weeks of the semester? which means im gonna keep roughin it#but. it also means im getting closer to the end. and at least i'll have a few weeks break.#and then... my final semester... and so much more work.... aughhhh#im doing my best though. i may be struggling but im still finishing all my fucking work and im finishing it well.#i will bend but i will not break!!!!!! i will get good fucking grades!!!!! just watch me!!!!!!!!!
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onrainynights · 3 months ago
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I'm about to fight the universe I swear
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batsplat · 4 months ago
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can we have a conversation about how much ktm is in shambles? cause i’m hearing they’re having so many problems financially and apparently even technically. it seems like they got stuck from the start of the season and they are just not progressing. i get that the last few circuits weren’t stop and go circuits that ktm prefers but the performances were really worrying. now, no offense to binder but he clearly has no backbone, but pedro already scolded them this weekend because they are not working the way they should, is there a chance they finally decide to take a risk and develop a project around him? because i feel like that’s what they need to do, a bit like yamaha or honda did for vale and marc. also i’ve thought about the fact that a lot of ktm engineers are leaving ktm for honda, if honda is actually working on a good project for 2027, is there a chance that perhaps a rider like pedro could get them out of the hole they got stuck into? cause i think that would be very interesting to see. of course only if he decides to leave ktm which i hope he doesn’t cause i’d like to see him become the first motogp wdc winner with a ktm. also i can’t really see where else he could go if one day he decides he’s unsatisfied with ktm
love asks that clearly come from the heart. I've been holding off on being too mean about ktm because in a way I do want to save it for after the NEXT race. we're in austria now!! ktm's home race! which they've actually been remarkably successful at, given they're the only non-ducati manufacturer to ever win in the modern iteration of this race in the premier class - first in that quirky last corner shoot-out courtesy of oliveira in 2020 and then in that bizarre slicks in the wet performance by binder in 2021. which, okay, unusual races and all that, but it's a track they should be doing well at!! binder got two second places here last year. if they flop here, then the alarm bells will really be ringing
I guess we can get into an argument about what 'flopping' would even look like. it's entirely plausible that, hm, the first 4-5 slots at minimum are locked out by ducati again - honestly, at the minute another ducati podium lock out feels like the expected scenario. I have heard there's a decent possibility of rain on sunday, but by this point of the year I've been promised rain quite a few times so I'll believe it when I see it. if it rains, sure, anything's possible. a positive result for ktm right now would probably be... a podium, right, which in itself is pretty damning - how are ktm still this bad at actually winning races? last year, binder got a podium at silverstone, which isn't a massively ktm-friendly track. this year, they didn't get even remotely close to that. the ktm defence argument goes 'well, look at what everyone else is doing'. silverstone is a very aprilia-friendly track and they had a pretty disastrous weekend themselves this year. the less said about the japanese manufacturers, the better. but... well, ktm was kinda supposed to take it to ducati this year. they finished last year on a very promising note, with what really should have been a 1-2 at valencia. (the fact that they didn't convert on that maybe should've gotten some alarm bells ringing about the ultimate potential of that rider line-up, but let's not get into that.) after binder's performance at qatar, ktm surely should have been determined to be in the title hunt. they are extremely not in the title hunt
the thing is, anon, ktm does know that pedro is their title winner. the idea of 'developing a project' around him is tricky - because to the extent that ktm is capable of that, they will do it!! they're not going to develop the bike in a direction that suits binder over him, for instance, or completely disregard his feedback or any of that. manufacturers can struggle with being reactive enough to rider concerns... my sense is that ktm likes to throw a lot of stuff at problems, it likes to flex its muscles and use a lot of data and come up with big update packages and all of that - and for all the progress they've made in their bike development, clearly all is not yet well on the in-season development front. (cf the whole chattering thing that ducati has gotten a handle on and ktm hasn't.) manufacturers do sometimes have a tendency to believe they know best and not listen enough to their riders, especially when there's a disconnect between the riders and 'the factory' that's actually designing the bikes. yamaha is an interesting example of that at the minute, where a lot of their current problems are so long-running that you can find their roots in stuff jorge and valentino were complaining about YEARS and years back. they've become a lot more reactive in recent years and did do a lot to tackle fabio's complaints about the bike's top speed... but by that point, they were in such a hole that just 'fixing the top speed' really wasn't enough to actually make a competitive bike. still, part of the reason why fabio's decided to stick with that project is he feels like yamaha is finally listening to him - and if they'd lost him, they'd really be fucked, so that has to count as at least a little bit of a W
in terms of the valentino and marc comparisons, they are just about different enough that it'll only take you so far. with valentino, the simple truth is that nobody today could do what he did for the yamaha project in 2004. he couldn't do that nowadays; it just isn't possible for a rider and his team to make that sort of instant impact anymore. motogp is so different now, with all the aero and devices and all the other stuff casey hates. the balance of power, if you will, has shifted pretty decisively from riders to engineers. also, valentino by that point was a fair bit more experienced and a lot of the credit has to go to his even more experienced team for what they were able to do with yamaha's carte blanche. a rookie, however gifted, just won't be able to provide quite the same level of direction. with marc... well, the honda was fantastic when he showed up! best bike on the grid! it's not exactly an analogous situation to pedro in that what honda needed to do was 'keep being good'. they did listen to marc's feedback and it did bag them enough titles to make it worth their while, but it also did not send their bike down a particularly happy development route for anyone else riding that thing - which ultimately as a manufacturer is not a situation you should want. honda was already losing the development arms race to ducati in the late 2010s, but giving marc a fast if capricious bike and relying on his natural talent to ride around the issues managed to disguise the problems for a while... or at least make them hurt less. all in all, I'm not really convinced 2010s honda is a model anyone should be particularly interested in copying
what ktm should do is listen to pedro, obviously. I assume they're already treating him as their championship contender elect, but if they're not then, yes, they'd be idiots. and given how long it took for them to actually confirm his place in motogp last year, I am open to the possibility that ktm are being idiots here. whether there's a workable system in place to actually make use of that feedback and continue to progress is more open for debate, and that's kinda what pedro went to the factory to check in on. pedro today was talking up a "big, big step" in the coming few races, in part due to the impact of their two test riders and the more ktm-friendly circuits to come, so it'll be interesting to see if it lives up to that. beyond that, who knows? ktm does have money and resources and a track record of success outside of motogp to give it faith, but of course this year has been a disappointment. (quick note: I have seen the stuff about ktm being in trouble financially and obviously that would massively change all of this, but at this stage it's quite hard to judge how seriously to take that - so the rest of this ask will assume that ktm will continue having a lot of money at its disposal. if they don't, my analysis is that they're probably fucked.) the first bit of the season made everyone doubt whether the bike was actually better than thought and the riders were simply not taking advantage of it - which a few signs last year like 'surely dani shouldn't be this competitive' and the whole valencia thing already pointed to. now, it's definitely less competitive than last year and even their superstar rookie can't do all that much with it, so that's not great. they do have a little time to play with here, but not that much. pedro's signed for 2025-26, but if ktm doesn't start next season more competitive, it won't take long for him to start looking around. and even though you can't do valentino 2004 things in quite the same way anymore, this is clearly going to be a project that needs an alien-level talent to actually get it over the line. they've kinda managed to fail upwards into a very strong set of riders next year and they should be able to extract a lot of them for bike development purposes, but also their rider management has traditionally been godawful so it remains to be seen how that'll work out
that being said, pedro will be fine! I mean, idk if he'll be ktm's first premier class world champion. if I had to put money on it, I'd say it's pretty likely, yeah? but the 'where would he go' thing isn't really a big concern. all the big names have kinda hunkered down (as have the teams who signed them) with two year contracts that take us very neatly to the next rule cycle kicking in, which everyone expects will majorly shake things up. while this whole japanese manufacturer situation is massively annoying, I would be shocked if at least one of them aren't regular race winners again in 2027, and hopefully will already be so before that. most manufacturers except maybe honda have at least one star rider they're intending to be a title contender in 2027, and ducati has two. they probably won't all stay in the same place (even if they all remain reasonably healthy in that time) and there's bound to be at least one manufacturer hunting for a big name. pecco will be in his late prime and possibly grey-haired, god knows what state marc will be in *taps wood*, we have no idea how the whole jorge aprilia situation will work out. maybe yamaha will be so competitive again that they actually decide they want TWO riders fighting it out for a championship and we get a proper throwback in blue to the good old garage cold war days - which is where my imagination sadly fails me because I can't picture fabio putting up a wall or yamaha not sucking. maybe, like you say, pedro is just what honda needs to... well, honestly I don't think he could get them out of this hole - but perhaps in a couple years time when honda is looking healthier again, he's the kind of rider that could make it a title winner again. it'll be a new world! if pedro is as good as we all think he is, then obviously any manufacturer would be thrilled to get their hands on him, not least to deprive the competition of having him. how old will he be in 2026? about nine years old, I think? if I had to guess, I do kinda see him being a title contender around 2026-ish, because I just can't quite picture ktm making the necessary leap by next year so 2026 feels like a good way of hedging my bets and trusting his sickening levels of natural talent to make up the bike difference. one of my big remaining doubts is... well, it's actually been quite a while since a new manufacturer has won a rider's title. the last time was ducati way back in 2007 when they nailed the new regulations cycle and also kinda lucked into signing the casey stoner, but ducati had already been regular race winners for quite a few years before that. capirossi was third in the championship in 2006. I suppose aprilia got vaguely close in 2022, but that was a chaos season we don't have much reason to expect to see a repeat of any time soon, and in the end they also didn't get that close. ktm really needs to be getting into race winning form soon if they want to be thinking about titles. it's ridiculous that it's been over three years since their last win in the dry, and nearly two since their last win full stop. if I were them, I would maybe consider winning some races, instead of continuing to lose them idk. let's see how they do on sunday, eh
#this has been languishing unanswered for a good week but crucially i can get in my hot take before friday practise#also the binder dig lol. honestly i've never really got what his deal is supposed to be but i don't think a backbone would really hELP him#binder becoming ktm's golden boy of all golden boys was always kinda a weird situation#i haven't understood a lot of what ktm's been up to these last few years really. never been a believer in this set up#my ktm takes have gone from being very contrarian to incredibly mainstream this year which has been a satisfying journey#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#i think i've mentioned this before but i do have to state in the interest of fairness that i'm broadly rooting for ktm to fail here#i just have such deep contempt for their whole deal and *especially* their incompetent rider management#that it'd just be deeply funny to me personally if they fucked THAT line up. like you convinced them all to trust you and now what#and i'm not really invested enough in any non-pedro bit of next year's line up to feel all too bad if things go south. he'll be fine!!#i've basically existed in a very casey-ish state of schadenfreude about the ktm project since the start of the year#both when pedro was doing well and now they're all flopping. because at each stage it was kinda proof ktm had been fucking about#but i'm aware that all good things come to an end and am broadly expecting ktm to get their act together and win a lot to piss me off#by contrast i have a lot of respect for the aprilia operation but am deeply pessimistic about that thing's future. so goes life#it's the money thing unfortunately. that's what it all comes back to. ktm will fail upwards because they'll never run out of the shit#or ktm goes bankrupt and then we're all free!!#whereas my poor scrappy underdogs over at aprilia are relying on hopes and a prayer on that front#the fact they're so much better than honda and yamaha is... god let's not even talk about them don't get me started#current tag
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lemontartc · 5 months ago
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doll customizing is a normal hobby
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fadingstrawberrynightmare · 6 months ago
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order of writing. below is first. tags second. picture of text from friend and text after it are last.
by anticipating my needs when you thought I was distressed you are continuing to carve a place in my heart
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I do think I would be at my best with two. specifically these two.
my friend is right. but do I even have the capacity to employ this in a way that allows me to enjoy you in all of the ways that I want
#I can't believe you were there. I can't believe I walked around the corner and there you were and I had to stop and fall against the wall#i/Y#and then you come around the corner when I'm starting to stim cuz I'm struggling and then your lips are brushing my neck and i. ofk#you came and found me again outside#God I feel so stupid doing this sometimes#every time I start to feel too much my brain goes. that's stupid. what are you doing? to which I think well he is displaying x#so I view him as x. And I'm not supposed to but I can't help it. especially with wonderful! I think you are and the continuous care#You keep making an effort to be there and my heart. My heart looks at you and sees boyfriend. And when I get weird like I was by your car#it's because my wires are too crossed to really be able to connect all of those things and I am just I don't know. work isn't a safe place#it's so stupid thinking these things and feeling them because we haven't even spent any time together in my brain is going when you do#it's going to change because you're going to be too much and he's going to view you differently. and and then and then it's just going to b#You and your stupid stupid heart and you did it to yourself#I'm getting closer to setting a movie date night. I need our in-person selves to match up like we do over chat and text. or not..#if I reject myself first in this it will hurt less when you do#I am so tired of being this mess of a person#it's truly not who I am and I feel like you've seen that with us chatting . And as amazing as you were today#I feel like it's it's a good example of why I'm not good enough for you. And that's not a nice way to say it. I know. but today has been so#part of me wishes I could just stop because of a part of my heart that's going. he's going to leave just like everyone else.why wouldn't he#I hate feeling like too much and not enough all at the same time#Tumblr only recognizes the first five tags for searching purposes but#🌌#eta - that smile from what was it last week on the Friday when I came around the corner at work? how that's when I knew how I felt for sure#You absolutely bowl me over every time I see you and you look at me like that that softness that affection I'm dead#not me wanting to delete all of this and turn inward to isolate because I'm afraid that I am predicting the future correctly 💀🙄
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