#I was stupid like always
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I’m still alive :/
yeah so uh @bloodied-dagger has a few things wrong about this story (my fault) so I’m gonna clear some stuff up.
After Dagger’s trip to Cali I noticed he was kinda online a little/lot less and I was wondering what was up, but I didn’t wanna so directly upfront say it, so I did send an anon ask saying “why are you so busy?” I should’ve worded it better because it does sound rude but I didn’t mean it like that. So anyway I sent him that and he responded and he was upset and I felt HELLA guilty for that for one, and I kinda forgot he had a 4th of July party that night because I have really crappy memory.
So I saw I was in the tags and I felt really bad but I didn’t want him to be mad at me because im really freaking bad with emotions and people being mad and whatever I have trauma and stuff not the point. I ended up sending another ask saying smth like “why’d u drag me into the tags” (as to sorta lighten the mood) “also I’m sure anon was just asking about cali.” So anyways he responded privately except by that time I was already asleep cuz I was tired from fireworks and night swimming.
So anyways I wake up at like 5 in the morning and read the response and I’m still really groggy so this sends a panic through me when I see he’s really mad and 100% called me out on my bullcrap (deserved) and in classic me fashion I get super freaked and have a panic attack and I deleted the reply cuz If I didn’t I would’ve read it over and over again and yeah. And I tend to do this bad overthinking thing where I assume one bad thing happens between me a friend and they hate me forever and never wanna talk to me again. So I go to my followers/mutuals list and I’m scrolling and I don’t see dagger on there so I’m like “oh crap he hates me he doesn’t even wanna be mutuals anymore”. Yeah. So I unfollowed him cuz I cut myself off from people, especially when they don’t wanna be friends anymore.
The rest of the day I stay away from tumblr and don’t check it until a few hours ago when I decided I’d kinda update my blog on how I wouldn’t be posting and vented a little by going “crap crap crap” etc.
Little context behind this, I actually was planning to update my blog because next week I have this super big thing which will most likely take up most of my day during the week for the next three weeks. But since I thought everyone would hate me I had to be dramatic and make it seem like I was leaving forever. Anyways I come back and I see dagger tagged me and whatever. And hes feeling bad too Ig and so that made me feel even more guilty (and he even remembered I love atsv) so I was like “alright I need to make a post about this.”
And now here we are. So. Yeah. I’m sorry if you hate me now Dagger. I followed you again but if you don’t want me to I understand. I just thought I’d put my input too. I feel really bad and I didn’t know how upset those asks would make you. And I’m sorry to all my mutuals for worrying them. I really hope you don’t see me as a bad person but I understand if you do. Yeah. I’m sorry.
#Ughhhhhhhhhh I’m legit crying over this#yeah#sorry dagger#I was stupid like always#but I really am sorry#so that’s it ig#i Hope you like atsv#It’s a really good movie#…#ugh this is stupid stupid stupid stupid
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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Every time I see that G--gle phone photoshop commercial my heart is filled with infinite sadness, like, yeah it's cool you can have a good family photo, it's cool you can do that, but god, there is something to be said for the honesty of a family photo where you're blinking, or crying, or have ugly wrinkles.
What is too unsightly for you? Would you swipe-click-replace out the image of my cousin crying on our Florida trip family reunion photo? Would you remove the plastic snake I have clenched in my grip, which I still have to this day? Would you scoff at the wrinkles around our eyes and the strands of hair on our faces as we squint into the wind, the day before the massive storm? Would I remember it if I didn't have these reminders, if the picture was perfect and clean, all children in a row with perfect gleaming white tombstone tooth smiles? No tears. No plastic snake.
Everyone is beautiful and no one looks genuine.
#like it's cool it's cool but also IT HURTS.#BE UGLY#HAVE AN UNFLATTERING PICTURE OF YOURSELF#it's who you are#people are often unflattering and it's genuine#anyway stupid candid camera shots will always be my favorite pictures of myself#I like to see how I look when I'm not posing#the dragoon diaries
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Thrift store ahegao t shirt lookin-ass
I only just realized how this looks now that they're all compiled here on a tumblr post....what. who drew these🧍🏻♀️
This is from something on my patreon. But dang it, these Ford expressions are too good to not share as a preview.
#I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH THESE DRAWINGS SO PLEASE GO SEE THE FULL THING!!! 5 drawings total in this set#IT'S HONESTLY SO STUPID#i always do my best to try to capture their dynamic as best as I can#which usually results in me making something super fucking ridiculous like this#His glasses are very fun to draw digitally#especially when you draw them all crooked#billford#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#billford fanart#bill cipher#stanford pines#ford pines#ford gravity falls#digital art
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From "Managerial Liberties" on AO3 by @miribalis (where they collect fallen angels like shiny Pokémon at the hotel), it makes me really happy (and has my heart).
#lucifer looks like shit in this but im gonna off myself if i have to touch this again#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#radioapple#alastor#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel comic#appleradio#my art#I LOVE ADAM SO MUCH IN THIS FIC!#i always liked him but he's just so stupid i like him even more now#drawing soft alastor is the bane of my existence#it always looks wrong and im just SO BAD at it#oh and i have a new ipad and im unstoppable now#and can i please have 100 more chapters of this fanfiction?#the writing is EVERYTHING god
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guh
#off#the batter#off zacharie#batterie#off game#i like it when the batter is closing his eyes#i love his stupid scary spider eyes but i like it when they r always closed too#ill just draw him winking all ther time
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the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical
#i love akechi but i sometimes i wish you could bully him like no matter which dialogue u pick it sounds like ur flirting back w him#“i'm going to be completely honest with you. i've always hated you” why can't u say smt unserious back#like “sorry i have a snatched waist and correct opinions on everything.” or like “ur loss lmao”#hate playing darts with this bitch bc i play on a steamdeck and i don't have a fucking gyroscope so like#it's trying to replicate how the joycons or pro controller would throw AND ITS SUCKS SO BAD#like i just see akechi get a hat trick every single fucking time with three bulls in a row and meanwhile im struggling to line the thing up#and then after u finish he's like “hmm i see. that's an interesting way to play it” WHAT THE FUCK THERES LITERALLY NO STRATEGY HERE SMARTAS#I JUST MISSED. IM NOT STRATEGIZING. THERES NOTHING “INTERESTING” ABOUT IT.#i hate going to penguin snipers so much i hope i can get this stupid game on switch so i can actually rank up akechi's baton pass#and not waste like 1000 yen every night bc i refuse to not let a party member be on rank 3#akechi fuck yourself why can't we play 501 like we do with everyone else. why do u have to make everything abt this stupid rivalry#im gonna kms i hate akeci and i hate darts#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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every aromantic person who has to witness someone say “there is no non-romantic explanation for these characters” should be financially compensated
EDIT: if i see another one of you fuckers arguing “but sometimes they ARE just super romantic” i’m tired of being nice. i’m just gonna let you know that 1. amanormativity has rotted your fucking brain and 2. it’s people like you that are the reason why aros are suffering. other aros you are not absolved of this. just fucking listen to us for once and stop denying our experiences and pleas.
#turned off reblogs because people can’t behave LMAO#there is always a nonromantic explanation if you opened your eyes wide enough#like just say arospec people don’t matter to you and go#aromantic#aspec#kiwi’s aspec posting#kiwi’s calls#had to add an edit because i got too many stupid comments#aphobia
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day twoe ah haha
#repostober#alphys#gaster#undertale#sorry i was busy the last few days and missed day 2&3#but i love her so#unpopular opinion but i like it better when alphys and gasters dynamic is more like this than alphys has a crush on another person that#everyone thinks is out of her league and will never choose her#cus you never see people genuinely shipping them its always just her pining and him being cold and stoic. like why. isnt them being silly#stupid work buddies so much better#isnt him taking one look at her and being like. ALRIGHT NEW CHILD. PAPYRUS. SANS. YOU NOW HAVE A SISTER. so much better than tormenting her#anyway#i love this animal. the ah fees.#i love drawing her like a real lizard i think thats cool i think she deserves it#hug an alphys and tell her you love her today
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how can you look at me like that
#hhheyyyyy#bakudeku#bkdk#mha#bnha#bnha fanart#mha fanart#bkdk fanart#dkbk#dekubaku#ktdk#izkt#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugo#katsudeku#izukatsu#kacchan#deku#my autism academia...#poof art#so do you guys know how ppl hc bkg having nightmares of izk jumping...#well here at poof autism headquarters we see the situation a bit differently#i think bkg has nightmares of going back and being his middle school bully self actually#he regrets it so much guys it consumes him. it poisons his interactions with izuku bc he thinks hes the worst person ever but izk#just smiles at him. like always. like its okay. like he should forgive himself too#this stupid fixation man im going to cry
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zantetsu needs to ditch those fake ass glasses and that crunchy hair gel bruh ik he’s trying to look smart and dignified but he is so FINE without them
HE LOOKS LIKE A SHOUJO MALE LEAD PLEASEEEE
#he’s so stupid i love him#like the DEFINITION of a himbo omg his character wiki is so cute#‘his strengths are that he's honest a good guy and an eager learner’#‘he spends his holidays meditating and walking his family's dog’#HE’S SO CUTEEE if only he didn’t look so goofy 90% of the time#hair down zantetsu you will always be famous (to me)#tsurugi zantetsu#blue lock
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“I tolerated Orin… but you…
You, I liked. “
Lord Gort or whatever he’s rotting my brain I’m shaking him vigorously in a box and rotating him in my brain rn
#good morning durgetash nation#goddamnit always falling for the stupid grimy villain#also how the heck do ppl draw his gauntlet like seriously#he’s such a LOSER I love him#fanart#art#digital art#my art#bg3#bg3 gortash#bg3 mc#bg3 fanart#bg3 durge#bg3 spoilers#gortash x durge#dark urge x gortash#lord gortash#gortash#enver gortash#baldurs gate gortash#durge#digital painting#artists on tumblr#baldurs gate fanart#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate spoilers#the dark urge#dark urge#durgetash#durge spoilers
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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Cnetizens: 'OMG TV shows in the 90's were much better than today''We were so well fed in the past'
#china#fashion#dramas#guzhuang#lmao#funny#that's jiao enjun#I like how he grits a little after he smiles at the other one 'Did you get a good look?'#he is like the ancestor of all guzhuang bl cp lmao#the actor was born in 1967 so that's why cnetizens call him jiaoshu (uncle jiao) for they grew up watching his wuxia dramas#not related but my favourite thing about cdrama is that they never dub the kissing sounds no matter how much kissing the scene has#unlike all hollywood movies or netflix dramas that make that stupid annoying smacking noise#they just have to do the cliche foley sound effect#and why the sound of locking lips is always wet?#Even in the most family-friendly films or sitcoms#they make sure to dub out that kissing sound even for a simple goodbye kiss between a couple in the morning#or a mother kiss her daughter quietly on the crown#it's really disgusting tbh
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POV you’re at a pub and three guys ask you to take a picture and you capture a Ghost on it
#zoom I’m on Ghost’s face#his expression is hilarious#Simon ghost Riley#johnny soap mactavish#sergeant soap mactavish#sergeant kyle gaz garrick#kyle garrick#gaz garrick#captain john price#john price#soap ghost gaz price#task force 141#cod mw2#my art#digital art#Soap is looking a little more ‘09 than ‘22 but it’s fine#John Price is stupid hard to draw I always have trouble with him#Gaz is easy to draw. like weirdly easy#and Ghost I draw all the time so he’s stupid easy to draw now
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this game breaks my heart…..! 💔
#mouthwashing#wrong organ#mouthwashing spoilers#mouthwashing fanart#captain curly#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#garliicdraws#last slide is not meant to be romantic it’s like… entwined with my own experience i suppose#with a dear friend#sometimes u gotta use characters to come to terms with some pretty terrible things!#tw blood#cw pills#cw gore#also kind of funny how i am really hesitant to post the last image it’s very personal but maybe if someone got any catharsis out of smth#stupid i’ve made i can feel satisfied. and that’s what art is right? i guess to share your deep feelings and not always hide from them or#from others
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