#I was just thinking about how I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since 2014

[bluesunflowers21]

I have no posts and no followers so this probably won’t see the light of day, but it’s 1:53 am and I’m up reading yumihisu fanfics from 2014 and I just had this thought I needed to share.

Does anyone ever read these older fics and just think about their age? It’s almost like time travel, right? You’re looking into a time in fandom where so many things hadn’t happened yet, secrets not yet revealed, ship wars that have yet to exist. To see a ship you hold close because even if it’s painful in canon it was the first you ever saw that matched who you were in some small way, and it’s young again. It’s all new, and the angst hasn’t hit, and the tragedy isn’t tragic yet.

And then I look at the comments. 2013, 2014, 2017, 2018. All are people, who at one time or another, have read the exact same work I have, and have enjoyed it enough to make a comment. And it’s not just fanfic either, it’s YouTube comments, it’s old vine compilations, it’s late 90s and early 2000s music. It goes beyond nostalgia, it is for just a moment, seeing peaks into peoples lives in a more in-depth way than any history book I have ever read. It is a diary of humanity when things were easier, when we were all young and bright eyed and full of hope.

I feel that since Covid, even before it, the world has been so dull. Colors are faded, and sounds are muted, and smiles aren’t as wide anymore. But tonight, even if for one moment, I caught a glimpse of what once was. I saw the beginning of a world I had just discovered over 10 years ago. I saw a hole in history, and I remembered myself. I remembered humanity. I remember when I cared about people beyond a surface level, when I had empathy and sympathy carved so deep into my heart that I bled comfort and love. I remembered the little things, the fallen log in the woods behind my papas house, just past the field that was decided by and electric pole, and the hill covered in cherry blossoms that I dug arrow heads up from, I remembered my wooden easel that I painted when I ran out of paper, and my bed frame that was once white and ended in an array of pastel colors. I remember when I liked pink and purple like the walls of my bedroom before first grade. I remembered when I started to hate pink and purple. I remembered the bullies from elementary school. I remember my fourth grade teacher convincing me to read The Stone Child, and how it was the first time I had finished a proper book. I remember looking for any horror book I could find after. I remember starting middle school and being so scared of what would come. I remember making a huge card for my seventh grade math teacher because he was retiring, and him hugging me and the other student who helped, because I don’t think he expected that from any of us. I remember starting highschool and trying to figure out who I was. I remember my mom getting cancer. I remember theatre being an escape. I remember friends I haven’t spoken to in years, and some I still speak to today. I remember the little kid who would think “future me, please tell me it will be okay” and I now think of the adult me who says, “yeah, it will be”.

Maybe this is all nonsensical rambling, but now I can’t help but think of a game I played for the first time after watching YouTubers play it online. There’s a specific quote that I don’t think I really understood until this moment, one that I saw make others cry in…I’m not sure, relief? Sadness? Happiness?

“Despite everything, it’s still you”

Despite everything, reading those comments on a random ballerina AU fic written over 10 years ago reminded me that yes, after everything that has happened, things I’ve caused and things I’ve never had control over, the little kid who believed in people still exists. She is a part of me that has never and always existed. Everything she was, and everything she ever will be, is who I am. Everything any child was and will ever be is who they are. Everything a child could have been and will be, is who humanity is.

We are angry, and selfish, and cruel.

But

We are kind, and we are hopeful, and we are love.

Not that we are loved, or that we do love

We are the embodiment of the concept.

And this is all the sleep deprived ramblings of a 21 year old who has no idea if I am actually writing this or if I am just dreaming it. Who knows, either way I won’t remember it in the morning. Tbh I barely remember it now.

[smoshsfavoritepizzaplace]

I'm curious what it is like for you when it comes to Shourtney/Shartney?

I didn't start watching Smosh when they first joined nor around the time they allegedly started dating. Let me tell you though when I heard about their ship, I was HOOKED.

Which is rather strange given I knew nothing about them or Smosh for the most part, but I felt like I did, ya know? Even with what little I had to go on, I could sense something brewing behind the scenes.

On top of that I never honestly cared about youtuber relationships or anything like that, so why them?

I would probably say its their genuineness. They always seemed to be connected no matter if the other was around or not. They always managed to bring each other up one way or the other. Quite The Invisible String, if you ask me.

Thank u Department Of Weird Sounds for supporting my brainrot🤘

So when people want to say it is unhealthy to be so infatuated with stranger's I don't know, I can understand in part. Clearly we shouldn't be too prosocial, at times people told me it was because I was envious and I couldn't disagree more.

Without question I think anyone would want what they have, just listen to Court on Perfect Person @ 1:10:28. Of course I would be crazy to not want what they have, but it would never come from a negative space.

Their story just has that intangible factor to it and I can't help but root for them in every way possible! I'm talking in life, Smosh videos, fan compilations, and my personal favorite fan fics!

P.S. If anybody wants to write more Shartney fan fics that would be amazing! I love oneshots to death, but I'd kill for a long story like Milkshake Hearts again.

-

I'd also like to thank all the talented writers out there for what they contributed over the years. You'll are incredible!

I can’t really give you a straight answer bc my memory is so wonky but I’m gonna try my best! So based on what I can remember, I can almost confidently say I’ve been watching smosh since 2015. 2012-2014 is very possible, especially the latter, but 2015 I know for sure I’ve been watching at least once every year since then. I don’t exactly remember at what point I started shipping the two of them, but I don’t ever think I was opposed to it. Even if you only watch a couple smosh videos you would still know how shipped they were/are, so I’m sure I was aware of it. I went through my yt history and it says I watched a couple shourtney comps sometime in 2020, so I assume it’s been at least 4 years of me liking them. BUT I don’t remember taking it seriously until the first half of last year. I think I watched their silent library and that’s when it clicked. I seen the video when it came out but I don’t recall my first impressions, but watching it sometime in April last year made me SO SUS of the two of them. Then it made me spiral into watching some compilations and I downloaded tumblr in early May and it confirmed everything for me. Then, the family guy reunion dropped and I was like OH MY GOD! So yeah, since last year is when I really knew about everything bc I’ve been a casual viewer and possibly casual shipper for 7 years so I wasn’t too wrapped up with everything. But watching everything over made me realize how sweet their love story really is. I’ve said this before, but they can really have a rom com made about them.

And here’s a little funny anecdote, as you can tell, I knew they were together for a while prior to their hard launch, but I was SO in denial of them being engaged. I seen so many people bring up a ring on here and I just did not believe they could be fiancés but I believed they were dating lol. So when they dropped the pictures, I was just as surprised as someone who didn’t know they were even together. Even though they had my heart for (at least) over a year, ever since they’ve officially announced it, I’ve been head over heels since. ☺️

[grace-williams-xo]

Rating a selection of the (main) fandoms I’ve been in over the years. This is just for shits and giggles, please don’t start a war. I truly sincerely don’t care that much. Peace and love. [my current level of engagement with these fandoms varies]

One Direction 7/10 (fandom since 2013)

Absolutely cooked, but looking back, not that bad

Very powerful. Live in fear if we ever properly reunite again (the last big thing was July 2020 iykyk) bc we have reach everywhere and it never leaves our souls

Ahead of its time, but also an exact summary of 2012–2014

The solos who fight are the worst please fucking chill

The best fandom ever when it comes to tagging fics I won’t be debating this

Larries still exist in 2024 I can’t believe it either and they are the blueprint for all toxic shipping culture. Larries get a 1/10 and that 1 is for the good au fics only

5SOS 8/10 (fan since 2013, fandom since 2018)

Lots of overlap with directioners so have always kind of just been the smaller version of that fandom

Smaller fandoms can be less toxic but also sometimes 5sos fam is/was an absolute mess for no reason at all

Has been much more toxic since 2020 onwards because the guys have lives and people get way too bored

Some fans with directioner roots can’t comprehend that the band actually like each other and that’s just funny to me

Fletcher 6/10 (fan since 2017, fandom since 2020)

It was a great fandom until the first album cycle started, and then it got bad, and then Becky’s so hot made it worse, and then last year Fletcher herself joined a cult and drove it off a cliff

Currently it’s a mess of fans either forgiving her entirely, stanning Chappell Roan and Renee Rapp instead but continuing to tweet about her problems once a month, or—my favourite—forgiving her when she tours near them

Taylor Swift 4/10 (fan since 2009, fandom since 2015)

Gets worse with every passing second. Rep era? Great. Lover era? Good. Folklore/evermore? Alright. Fearless/Red TV? Tolerable. Midnights/Eras onwards? Abhorrent.

Gaylors will either save the world or end it

Some of the most insane dick riding for a fave I’ve ever seen in a fandom in my life please have some perspective

Hawaii Five-0 10/10 (since 2017)

The most active fandom for a dead tv show, I feel like I’m clout farming every time I post a fic

Never seen a more headcannoned ship in my life than mcdanno

No controversial debates

Overall very chill, but we all give the people writing genuine Steve/Lynn or Danny/Amberlissa fics side eye

Glee 9/10 (since 2018)

If you watched glee, it will come as no surprise that no one in this fandom is mentally okay

Way too passionate about ranking the seasons

Entirely cooked, but very self aware so we’re having fun

Bridgerton 7/10 (since Apr 2024)

The shipper fights take years off my life PLEASE relax I am begging you

Some of the fandom think rich straight white women are the most oppressed class of society

Good fics but you do not know how to tag smh

White Collar 19/10 (since Jan 2024)

The best!!!

No drama the only debate is about what happened in/after the finale, but it isn’t toxic

I lied the debate is are Peter/Neal romantic

Speaking of, no one protects spoilers like this fandom. We will go to battle to make sure new watchers don’t get the big reveals spoiled

Would’ve gotten a 20 but y’all, respectfully, mostly suck ass at tagging fics it’s maybe the worst fandom I’ve ever come across

[themattress]

Character Perception Evolution

Sometimes, believe it or not, I change my views on fictional characters.

This post will be updated with any example of such characters I can think of.

Ahsoka Tano (Star Wars) - While most people cite her being considered an annoying, pointless, and all-around hated kid sidekick character and evolving into one of the most beloved characters in the franchise, I actually have a different take. I never minded Ahsoka when she debuted in 2008. I thought she was largely inoffensive and was happy to see another lead female character in the series given how little of them we had. And yes, she only got better and better as she grew, and totally deserved her popularity. But something’s been wrong with her ever since her time travel-based survival of her big duel with Darth Vader, accelerating with her depiction by Rosario Dawson (complete with some awkward as Hell interactions with Luke Skywalker) and Dave Filoni’s dumbfounding remark that Ahsoka’s voice being with the voices of other dead Jedi in The Rise of Skywalker doesn’t necessarily mean she’s dead. It feels like she’s become a Creator’s Pet, a character that Filoni refuses to let go of past her natural expiration date. That’s why the primary excitement I have for the upcoming Ahsoka series is for Thrawn, not for her. She just isn’t that interesting anymore.

Amarant Coral (Final Fantasy IX) - I disliked Amarant back when I first played Final Fantasy IX, seeing him as this generic badass loner edgelord character who didn’t have very well-written character development. However, a few years back I replayed the game. And while his character development remains as shoddy as I remember (I feel like the developers just ran out of time and both he and Freya suffered as a result), I found myself greatly enjoying Amarant because I now could see that he’s pretty clearly a knowing parody of a generic badass loner edgelord character! The game knows he’s a jerkish stick-in-the-mud for no good reason and has fun with it, with Amarant’s snarky comments and frustration at having to be dragged all over creation by Zidane and his merry band of idealists making him hilarious.

Cain Madhouse (To The Abandoned Sacred Beasts) - Refer to this post. I first encountered Cain through the anime, where I thought he was a cool villain but not much else than that. He seemed to be there purely for the sake of providing the series with a central antagonist. Then I read the manga, and was honestly taken aback at just how interesting, complex and even sympathetic Cain was as a character. He isn’t even the true villain of the story, a role actually shared by his abusive father and the evil religious nutcase he’s in cahoots with. While he’s certainly far from a blameless martyr, Cain truly is doing what he believes to be for the best, and in his own twisted way still loves the people in his life that he cares for and genuinely wishes to do right by them. And all this nuance despite being named “Cain Madhouse!”

Charmcaster (Ben 10) - Here I’m talking about one version of the character in particular: the one from Ben 10: Omniverse. Back in 2014 when she was fresh, I greatly enjoyed this take on Charmcaster. She was really funny and cute, her magic was badass, her design was wonderful, her voice-acting was entertaining, and in general she was a major step-up from the version we’d gotten in Alien Force and Ultimate Alien. Unfortunately, time has not been kind to her. I don’t hate her, but I can’t fully enjoy her when so many of those AF/UA aspects are still in play with her, which makes her and her trajectory somewhat nonsensical, not to mention tasteless and ultimately kind of pointless. That was OV’s whole problem, I suppose: trying desperately to reconcile the original Ben 10 with the retcon-ridden AF/UA and largely failing. It doesn’t help that the next incarnation of Charmcaster in the rebooted continuity is so much better, as are similar characters in other shows such as Lena from the new DuckTales.

Dawn (Pokémon) - In the Diamond & Pearl anime, I didn’t care for Dawn for a good while, partly because doing a rehash of May immediately after May had left was insulting especially when I loved May so much and partly because there were other issues with her character’s utilization that irked me. However, after her subsequent, much-improved appearances in Best Wishes and Journeys, I looked back at her in her anime series of origin and realized that it really wasn’t Dawn that was ever the problem - it was Ash and Brock! It’s a franchise-wide trend: whenever Dawn is paired up with literally anyone else, she shines. Even the rehashing of May and personal gripes I have don’t matter much because she’s so likable. But when with Ash and Brock as their traveling companion, she by and large becomes the most generic goodie-goodie shojou girl possible. Just detach her from them and she’s a solid character.

Eraqus (Kingdom Hearts) - That great character design and Mark Hamill’s impeccable voice-acting made me think he was sympathetic when I originally played Birth by Sleep. Overtime, that impression faded. Yes, I agree with him that darkness is a problem and vigilance against it is needed; even if he was supposed to be wrong about that, he isn’t. The problem is that he goes about that in the dumbest, most counter-productive way possible. Terra would literally not have a darkness problem if not for Eraqus’ dumbass teaching methods. Worse still, everything that goes wrong in the story could have been avoided if he was just honest with his pupils about everything, including the fact that Xehanort might not be on the up and up given his obsession with potentially causing an apocalypse, an obsession he literally scarred Eraqus over. And maybe he shouldn’t have jumped immediately to murder as the solution to Ventus’ awareness of his own special existence posing a danger to the universe. If that wasn’t enough, we later learn he openly cheats at chess and just expects everyone to take it. 

Katsuki Bakugo (My Hero Academia) - I used to hate this character; he was obnoxious and unlikable, yet the narrative and other characters never reacted to him the way they should and bended over backward to accommodate him. However, nowadays I don’t hate him so much as I feel sorry for him, on a meta level. Bakugo could have been a superb character with a great redemption arc, the pieces are all there.  But for some reason or other, Horikoshi instead decided to keep him the angry, violent, petty, egotistical asshole he’s always been, and justifies doing so while also playing at redeeming him by treating his super-dickery as comedic. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work when it didn’t start out as comedic and had terrible effects on people like Izuku. Bakugo’s only been funny when he’s the butt of the joke, not when others still have to suffer from his rage-outs. It’s sad that Bakugo can’t live up to his potential, especially when others in the series like Endeavor (who’s a far worse person) do.

Kevin 11 (Ben 10) - I loved Kevin as a villain in the original Ben 10, hated his sudden change in character complete with a quickie redemption and out of nowhere romance with Gwen in Alien Force but was willing to tolerate him and wait to see where they’d go with him because he was admittedly pretty funny, loathed what ended up happening with him in Ultimate Alien which turned me off him altogether, and in Omniverse...ditto what I said about Charmcaster. But then there’s the continuity reboot version, and because of it I now have to admit that while I’ll always hold a soft spot for him, the original Kevin doesn’t hold up too well either. He’s a pre-pubescent kid named Kevin 11, yet he’s a purely evil psychopath and his villainous appearance is that of a grotesque mutant chimera? Yeeeah, I think the school bully with a troubled home life who has his own evil version of Ben’s Omnitrix and its aliens makes a lot more sense. Him not changing his ways so easily, staying Ben’s rival no matter how much they might team up, and having feelings for Gwen that are comedically one-sided also helps.

Kyo Sohma (Fruits Basket) - Back in the day, Fruits Basket to me was just the 2001 anime series, and I honestly found Kyo pretty annoying. His hair-trigger temper and violent inclinations were a turn-off, as was his dub voice and that whole concluding arc with his true form. Then I read the manga and saw the faithful 2019 adaptation, complete with an incredibly improved performance by Jerry Jewell, and now I absolutely love the guy! No joke, he’s easily one of the best, most interesting and likable male leads in a shojou, as is Yuki.

Lysandre and Diantha (Pokémon) - Just see this post for details.

Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man) - I’m talking specifically about the version portrayed by Kirsten Dunst in the Sam Raimi trilogy. She came off as a generic superhero girlfriend in the first movie to me, a hodgepodge of several characters from the comics instead of a proper adaptation of Mary Jane. It got worse in the second movie, where she played the annoying obstructive love interest trope. But despite the stupidity of having her be kidnapped in the climax again, I found myself really enjoying her in the third movie. This made me pay closer attention to her in the first movie, and to check out all her deleted material (much of which was included in the novelization) in the second movie. Not only did I find her to be a strong, truly human-feeling character, but she was more faithful to the comics’ Mary Jane in several key areas than many give her credit for, and Kirsten Dunst always gave a great performance.

Prince Demande and the Black Moon Clan (Sailor Moon) - I recall liking these villains fine as a kid, but feeling like they weren’t as good as the Dark Kingdom. While the Dark Kingdom is still my personal favorite group of villains, I now have to concede that the Black Moon Clan in both the manga and anime are superior. They’ve got the more complex set-up, feel darker and more dangerous, and have by far the best of Chaos’ incarnations in the Death Phantom. Meanwhile, I recall feeling some sympathy for Demande when I was young; his situation wasn’t an easy one after all, and he did love his brother very much, not to mention in the anime he gave his life for Usagi. Then I grew up and learned what rape was. Fuck this guy. While I adore him as a villain, he’s a horrible person and no sacrificial death can change that.

Regina Mills (Once Upon a Time) - My stance for a long time has been that Regina was an overall good character in the first three seasons but then totally fell apart from some truly appalling creator favoritism. Having revisited the show recently, I don’t entirely revoke this stance, but it’s more complicated than I thought. When you get down to it, Regina only ever worked properly in Season 1, where she was a humanized yet still proudly evil antagonist. Season 2 not only dropped the ball in terms of consequences for her, but it fast-tracked her down the redemption path in a way that was ham-fisted and not believable. Season 3 handled her on the heroes’ side much better, but it’s nigh impossible to reconcile with the backslide she went through in the second half of Season 2, where she is depicted as this absolute psychopath delusional beyond the point of recovery, but Adam and Eddy genuinely don’t view her that way and weren’t meaning to make her come off that way - in their eyes, her grievances are all legitimate. And that’s really what I have a hard time ever getting around: the notion that the villainous Regina I loved in Season 1 was never the real Regina, just a stand-in until A&E had free reign to finally give us their Regina and re-orient the story to being “how the poor sad Evil Queen got her happy ending” like they originally envisioned. 

Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) - So TV Tropes had Roxas for this trope, saying he was divisive due to the KH2 prologue he starred in, but stuff like his FM boss battle, his presence in Coded, and especially 358/2 Days increased his popularity, to the point where KH3 resurrected him to give him a happy ending. I’m....kind of the exact opposite.  Honestly, I’ve always liked KH2′s prologue, warts and all, and while at first it was disappointing Roxas wasn’t a huge presence in KH2 given all the hype he was given, as time went on the more I appreciated his story and what was being said with it. It was genuinely complex and thought-provoking. I do not like the black-coated Organization XIII member Roxas that got shoved down our throats afterward, I tend to care about him the least out of 358/2 Days’ cast when playing that game, and I hate how such a nuanced story as what we had in KH2 gets undone, in a nonsensical way, solely for the sake of cheap fanservice (ditto for Xion’s case). Yeah, the FM boss battle is awesome, but for me mainly so because I get to kick that stupid black-coated Roxas’ ass!

Rumpelstiltskin (Once Upon a Time) - Another  character that was listed on TV Tropes, saying that his popularity waned because of him constantly going through the Heel Face Revolving Door, which especially damaged his relationship with Belle. For me, that in of itself wasn’t the problem. He’s the freaking Dark One, practically the show’s main villain! Of course it’s going to be hard for him to ever reform. What soured me on him for a long time was the narrative’s framing of him and other characters’ reactions to him, which were increasingly insufficient for what an utter bastard he truly was. Going back over the show, I’ve somewhat softened on him again since he himself was a mostly well-written, well-acted and consistent character across 5 whole seasons, and I don’t feel like taking mistakes from the narrative and other characters out on him; it’s not like he asked for any of that. It’s just in Seasons 6 and 7 where I feel he was out-of-character on the whole, to two opposite, incompatible extremes.

Seto Kaiba (Yu-Gi-Oh!) - When I first began watching the anime, I thought Kaiba was a cool and sympathetic rival character. As it went on, though, I got sick of him being such a one-man Spotlight Stealing Squad and how hard the makers of the anime were actively trying to make him look cool. It didn’t help when I read the manga and saw this wasn’t the case for him here; he wasn’t even the deuteragonist the way the anime positions him, Joey was. But enjoying him in The Abridged Series made me revisit the actual show, and I actually realized that while those issues I had are technically still there, the 4Kids English dub has always done its best to mitigate them with Eric Stuart’s voicework and lines, which actually keeps him far more in line with his original manga self, who isn’t an overtly sympathetic, honorable and “cool” rival but a crazy, extravagant jerkass. And I love him that way. Screw the rules, he has money!

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) - Shadow was awesome in Sonic Adventure 2, I was definitely a fan of him there. But then his popularity caused him to be immediately resurrected, to diminishing returns, which made me sour on the character and consider him emblematic of the Sonic franchise’s problems. I wished he had just stayed a one-shot. However, recent things such as the Sonic Boom TV series, the Sonic Prime TV series, the Sonic Forces DLC, The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog and the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog 3 movie have all made me re-evaluate Shadow. Now I think he’s not bad as a series mainstay, just subject to being mis-used...but hey, so is every other character, so it’s not an issue unique to him. Used well, he’s honesty one of the franchise’s best characters.

Slade Wilson (Teen Titans) - I used to truly buy into the notion of him as a badass Anti-Hero / Anti-Villain like many people did, but after reading his original stories up through “The Judas Contract” and especially Christopher Priest’s run on the Deathstroke comic series, I no longer hold that view of him. Slade’s a badass combatant, sure, and as a threatening villain you definitely have to appreciate him. But as a person, he is not a badass. At all. He’s a pitiful, prideful, predatory scumbag. He’s “badass” and “honorable” in the exact same way that Walter White is: it’s all a big smokescreen to compensate for what a small, lowly, wretched excuse for a human being he is. Great character, great villain, absolutely intolerable person.

Supreme Leader Snoke (Star Wars) - When The Force Awakens came out, I didn’t like Snoke at all. He was the cheapest of retreads (an old, decrepit Dark Side user who rules the Empire and corrupts a Skywalker into becoming his evil apprentice), the cheapest of plot contrivances (the remnants of the Empire can only become a powerful threat and the victory from Return of the Jedi undone due to this fucker from out of nowhere), and the cheapest of Mystery Boxes (who is he and where did he come from and why does he do what he does, isn’t it so mysterious, don’t you just wanna speculate and theorize all over the internet?) As annoyed as I was that he died without any answers in The Last Jedi, I also liked him better as just Kylo Ren’s stepping stone. Better effects for him and a hammier performance by Andy Serkis helped. And when The Rise of Skywalker revealed he was literally a puppet of the resurrected Palpatine, everything about him just clicked. Stupid people online rant about insufficient foreshadowing for Palpatine’s return, but rewatch the trilogy with Palpatine in mind and Snoke himself - everything about him - is the biggest piece of foreshadowing there is. 

Ulrich Stern (Code Lyoko) - Through Code Lyoko’s first two seasons, Ulrich was hands-down the weakest part of the show for me. I didn’t think he was interesting or likable, and his Will-They-Won’t-They romance with Yumi, who could honestly do much better, was so exhausting. But then we hit Season 3, and the two-part prequel. Everything about Ulrich’s depiction in that just screamed “This guy is an asshole, you’re not supposed to like him”. It reframed everything we’ve seen of him as deliberate; even his lust for Yumi now comes off as just a way for him to feel better about himself since deep down he’s aware of what a shithead he is. Then when we returned to the present day action, Yumi firmly breaks off any potential for dating him. From this point on, Ulrich has to develop on his own terms, and he becomes so much better as a character; I actually found myself liking him, sympathizing with him, and appreciating his willingness to change for the better; a great foil to William whose stubborn unwillingness to do the same costs him and everyone else around him. The season 3 finale reminding me of the reason Ulrich became the way he used to be in his absolute scumbag of a father also helped a lot. He’s not my favorite and still kind of a dick, but I like him now.

Venom (Spider-Man) - Like most kids, I thought Venom was awesome growing up. Once I got older and looked up his history, I found that the majority of it was not very flattering, making me feel more conflicted about the character. Where do I stand on him now, you may ask? It’s simple, really: I love Venom - the symbiote. It’s Eddie Brock who I feel is the problem. Beyond the name and bonding with the Venom symbiote, I don’t think there’s been a consistent thing about this guy across all of his incarnations. The issues with Venom can almost always be traced back to the human part of the equation, because he was thought up on the fly by David Micheline with very little about him solidified beyond being an angry psychopath. I much prefer Venom as the symbiote, the host body be damned, and I’m glad that depiction has been gaining traction in recent years in various comics, TV shows and video games.

Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts) - So I totally subscribe to what’s on TV Tropes about Xehanort the Keyblade Master (was hailed as a great villain in Birth by Sleep, now seen as a horrible villain for everything that followed). But I want to talk about Terra-Xehanort. Because while I love him and both split halves of him, back in the olden days I preferred Ansem over Xemnas. He had the cooler design, a more vivid personality, was tied far closer to the Disney Villains, and of course was the villain in the original Kingdom Hearts (forever my favorite even if KH2 is technically a better game - and even then KH still has the better story). Now it’s reversed. Even disregarding how (with the exception of Dream Drop Distance) Xemnas retained his dignity as a character going forward while Ansem didn’t, there is just a weight and presence to Xemnas that I’ve fallen in love with more and more as time passes. He has the same depth and darkness of character as Ansem but takes it even further. His plans are even smarter and with more direct involvement from him. And of course, there’s him being KH2′s Final Boss, which means he’s irrevocably associated with the peak of the series to me. He’s the only incarnation of Xehanort whom I can safely call both a great character and villain to this day.

[notagamersdey]

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 movie review

Spoilers ahead!

You guys. So back in 2014, we were introduced to these band of misfits that almost the entire world didn’t care about. No one knew who they were or what they were about but many went to theaters to quell that curiosity.

flashforward a pandemic later and this movie just saved the MCU. It was full of heart and soul. Every character had a chance to shine and James did a real good job of paying off set ups that were established way back before the events of endgame.

Rockets backstory was the backbone of this film. It brought out the absolute best of these characters and brought out the emotions of the audience. We had seen who rocket was in the last movie, and how he struggled with himself but here we see how the team struggles with the mere idea of losing him. Even the most stoic of characters (nebula) showed how much they cared.

did I cry yes. I think a total of three times. And it was all due to the actors. When the characters reacted to rocket either about to die or dying, it felt so real and believable that it brought me to tears. I feel like one of there had to be alternate scripts where rocket really did die because the actors reacting to it were so in touch with that immediate loss that it was hard not to believe the worst. I say this because when quill was about to die, the reactions from the other actors were not as impactful. So that makes me believe that they knew he was going to be okay anyways.

Fucking claps all around for Bradley cooper. From what I’ve seen, he is not usually on set for rocket, it’s usually Brother Gunn (who also plays kraglen) but when Lyla dies and Rocket gives this gut wrenching scream, It was fucking terrible (in a good way). You can feel the loss and sadness and UGHHH! I can’t! It was so fucking good.

fucking props to the writers. I’m so hyped that I’d have to rewatch the film again to point more stuff out but for now I want to point out two things. 1. nebulas reaction: throughout the film nebula had been a complete hard Ass being annoyed at everyone. We don’t see her break this facade until rocket wakes up from a coma. She cracks. It’s so obvious yet subtle. It was in character. But also, when you remember what her character has been through since infinity war, all she had was rocket. For OVER FIVE YEARS. Rocket is most likely whom she’d consider her best friend if she were to admit such a thing. 2. rocket raccoon: they’ve made rockets species a gag since the very beginning but the entire scene where he finally sees for himself what he is, and then accepts that as such is such a fucking good pay off! It felt like he finally knew himself. Almost a decade of “I’m not a raccoon.” To “rocket raccoon” just hit different. And it wasn’t uncalled for. It fit. It didn’t feel cringey or over the top. It fit perfectly. Honestly it’s almost akin to “I am iron man” that’s how natural it felt. anyways, 10/10 recommend. I have more to say but it’s 3AM and I’m tired!

[yea-baiyi]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

hi it’s been a while! i love getting asks from you because it lets me ramble about my favourite things, it makes me so happy so thank you!!! i hope you know how much joy you bring <3

(i’m sorry i haven’t replied to your last top 10 ask, i started the list and it got so humiliating that i’m unable to look at it again.)

anyway “top 10 media” is a broad question, so i have picked the top 10 media i love to ramble about. the kind where i could talk for hours about each one. are these objectively my favourites? maybe not. are they even good? only like half of them. but they certainly are top. enjoy!!

top 10 media of all time (not ranked):

1. tgcf (novel)

its still too early to say if this is a permanent top 10, but it has consumed my life for the better part of a year so it gets on this list. i have difficulty describing tgcf, it’s not particularly an excellent novel by many metrics, but it gives me endless satisfaction — the breadth of the story, spanning hundreds of years and a broad range of plotlines, plus the incredible depth of each moment, with sensitivity and humanity behind every hilarious-ridiculous-bombastic moment. i keep finding new things with every new chapter i annotate, even on my 4th/5th read. it’s rare that a piece of media gives me so much to think about, i’m just trying to savour the enjoyment for as long as it lasts.

2. the untamed/��情令 (tv show)

oh man what can i say about the untamed. what can i NOT say about the untamed. the show i resisted for two years before finally being pushed into it. and i have been hurtling down the danmei rabbit hole ever since. for all that it was my intro to danmei and into the modern cdrama fandom, it really is SO MUCH just on its own. i daresay no tv show will ever be able to deliver such pure insanity juice straight to my brain ever again. deserves its spot. show of all time.

3. fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (anime + manga)

i was a weeb for YEARS. consumed hundreds if not thousands of episodes of anime and manga. and this is the only one that stuck. obviously a masterpiece of storytelling. i revisit this constantly. i love stories that can be grim but still hopeful and endlessly sincere. also if you can’t tell i’m a huge sucker for stories where the side characters clearly have their own histories and relationships outside of what we get to see, and fmab has that for ages.

4. the legend of korra (tv show)

i cannot in good conscience say that i like this show. if you asked for my opinion, i would complain in your ear for an hour straight, minimum. (i have done this. multiple times. don’t ask me about the legend of korra.) and yet it is the piece of media i think about the most, that i have dedicated the most of my writing to, that i rewatch most often. lok aired when i was 13-17 and i grew up with it on tumblr. the people i followed and the things they talked about shaped how i interact with fandom today. maybe one day i will be able to move on, but this one has a sure spot in my top 10.

5. sense8 (tv show)

this one i can wholeheartedly recommend to any queer person trying to grow up in the world. yes, the orgies are gratuitous, the first season has some 2014 cliches, and overall who cares about the plot. but it’s such an unabashed expression of queer joy and unconditional love. there’s something so comforting in the idea that other people will volunteer to share your pain, your happiness, and your loneliness. that everyone in the world is connected by their ability to feel, to laugh, to scream, to cry, to love— you are only as alone as you let yourself be. this show carried me through so many dark times and helped me to keep believing in people. maybe i’ve outgrown my need for this show now, but i will always love sense8.

6. my ajusshi/my mister (kdrama)

is it one of the best kdramas ever made? yes. am i also incredibly biased because it’s IU? also yes. i strongly recommend it if you have the patience. this drama is slow and melancholy and washed out, its characters are weary and cynical and not always kind to each other. but that is precisely the point, because the drama dusts off their dull, exhausted lives and finds within them something worth living for. sometimes it’s enough to know that you have the power to make someone else’s life better. you might have lost the love of your life, but you have a spare mattress in your bedroom for a scared, lonely girl to sleep on. you might have lost your marriage, but you have enough money to pay for an old woman��s funeral. your career might be going nowhere, but you can be the cheerleader and inspiration for a silly woman that loves you. you might be a gang of sad, broke, middle-aged failures, but you can all walk a young woman home together and make her night a little less dark. my ajusshi is not an easy drama to watch, but similar to sense8, it’s one that gives me hope.

7. the k2 (kdrama)

firmly convinced that tumblr is sleeping on this drama. it is so absolutely batshit feral unhinged. let women be a mess!!! let women be so wrong!!! let women scheme and threaten and fight and manipulate, while the man looks on with protective anxiety and/or dead-eyed absolute competency. let a woman run barefoot through the streets of spain in a nightgown, tears streaming down her face. let a woman past her prime be psychosexually obsessed with her stepdaughter’s bodyguard whom she is locked in a blackmail revenge plot with. let him lead her at gunpoint into a car so he can escape the standoff, only for it to become a car chase with her enemies, and for him to flip the vehicle over. let him walk back into the burning car to carry her out.

8. man of steel (movie)

not gonna lie haven’t rewatched those one in a while! but officially my #1 favourite movie if anyone asks. i have moved on from capeshit but this movie still has everything i love: a world that breathes, people that live in it, and a clear message of hope despite how bleak things might seem.

9. rogue one (movie)

i mean. i mean. it says something that i was working on my (planned out, the story exists fully formed in my head) tgcf rogue one au when i opened up my writing notes and found that at some point last year i had written an entire mdzs rogue one au. brilliant. unparalleled. so blessed that this movie got to exist in between the endless cash grabs that are the other movies. as a star wars fan since age 13, i can say with full assurance this is the only star war that matters actually.

10. the infernal devices (novel series)

not sure if i’ve mentioned this series on this blog before, but to this day it’s one of my favourite YA series. yes it is your standard cliche fantasy series but it has will herondale, the best payoff to the typical angsty brooding male lead to ever exist. writers try to justify brooding characters like “they have valid reasons to be that way, deep down they’re really loving blah blah” but this series takes that and delivers. because the moment will is free from the legitimate reason he was acting that way, he is bursting at the seams to show his love. he runs to the girl he loves and tells her he loves her. he tells the woman who raised him that she’s awesome. he spends the rest of his life so, so incandescently happy, simply because he gets to love the people he loves. also the ending of the second book is possibly one of the wildest cliffhangers for a love triangle ever. i clearly love to have an Experience while consuming a piece of media.

(if you’ve read til here, thank you for reading and letting me ramble some of the words that go through my brain endlessly. if you’ve ever consumed and enjoyed any of the things i’ve mentioned, please feel absolutely welcome to message or dm me, i am dead serious about being able to talk about these for hours. in fact i would love to. please)

[jdgo51]

Eternal Perspective or the Black Dot on the String

Today's inspiration comes from:

Beyond Our Control

by Michael McAfee & Lauren Green McAfee

"Perspective can be thought of as the way we think about life. Think about life in terms of its brevity. If eternity were a string of yarn wrapped all the way around the world, our life is briefer than a single dot placed anywhere along that yarn with a marker. We can live with just that black dot on the yarn as our understanding about life, or we can form our understanding of our black dot of life considering the rest of the miles of string.

Viewing this life in light of eternity will ultimately bring more joy in the present.

How do we gain an eternal perspective? It starts with knowing Scripture. Michael and I are both passionate advocates for biblical literacy, which is why our first co-authorship was a book on that subject titled Not What You Think: Why the Bible Might Be Nothing We Expected Yet Everything We Need. We know the power of God’s Word. We don’t point people to Scripture for the sake of knowledge alone but for the sake of seeing their lives transformed as they strengthen their relationship and deepen their intimacy with God.

Our current culture, Christians included, has the lowest biblical literacy score ever recorded in the United States.1 According to the American Bible Society’s annual report, Bible engagement in America has been mostly trending downward since 2014. Every year it has maintained or gone down by one or two percentage points until 2021, when engagement increased by 2 percent. Most interestingly, in 2022 the percentage of Americans engaging in the Bible decreased by 10 percent. That means roughly twenty-six million Americans reduced or discontinued their engagement with the Bible in one year.2

Bible engagement matters. If people of faith don’t know what the Bible says, they can’t apply its truth as the foundation that shapes their ability to have an eternal perspective.

A Christian’s belief about God matters because with proper theology, our hearts can respond to God and our lives can be shaped by truth.3 There is a significant misunderstanding in our biblically illiterate culture about what the Bible teaches. Consider a recent report from Ligonier Ministries on the state of theology, which shows that in a broad survey of Americans, 67 percent of people agree that God accepts the worship of all religions, 53 percent say that Jesus was a great teacher but not God, 71 percent agree that “everyone is born innocent in the eyes of God,” and only 51 percent agree that “the Bible is accurate in all it teaches.”4

According to research from 2022, 63–69 percent of Americans identify as Christian.5 While this means that nearly three out of four claim Christianity as their religious preference, that statistic represents a significant decline from the early 1990s, when 90 percent of Americans identified as Christian.6

The Top of Our Heart’s Desire

For believers, having an eternal perspective comes from knowing what God says through His Word, the Bible; knowing what it teaches; and identifying how that is relevant for your life. When we are left with only an earthly perspective, then we live life trying to get all we can out of that tiny “black dot” of life, and the ups and downs in this short life are the only thing we have to affect how we feel.

Living with only the black dot in mind will move our hearts to become more desperate for what we can hold on to and control in this world.

Whenever I think about the loss of the son I expected to adopt, if I am in the mindset of the black dot — meaning that I’m stuck in my earthly circumstances alone — the pain of the here and now is all I can see. I question God. I want to find happiness in this life, and having my son would have brought that. So why did God take him away?

On the flip side, when I’m able to step back to consider things in light of eternity, I view the situation differently, taking into account what God might be doing in my son’s life that I’m not privy to because I don’t see all that God sees. I can also see my pain in light of the hopeful future that is mine, knowing God will use it and work it together for His good. Developing my trust in God’s providence is the key to finding peace in this life because we have more to live for than our earthly circumstances.

When Jesus spoke to His disciples about this earthly and heavenly divide, He said,

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. — Matthew 6:19–21

In verse 24 Jesus reminded us that ultimately

no one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

The word “money” is translated from the Greek word for mammon, which can mean riches, money, possessions, or property.7 The passage teaches us that we can’t have our heart devoted to two masters simultaneously, for one master will always trump the other.

We may have many different things we love and serve to varying degrees in life, but only one can take top spot. If that sole master is earthly — money, power, pleasure... and also family, parenting, ministry work, serving others — then our hearts can’t focus on our treasures being found in heaven. In claiming our best time and energy, they also take our hearts.

Viewing this life in light of eternity will ultimately bring more joy in the present.

Whole-Heart Commitment

Our identity is not made for an earthly gaze. Saint Augustine touched on this concept long before I did when he wrote, “Our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.”8 As image bearers created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), our heart’s very identity and desire is for our Creator, not the created. We are made to reflect God so that we can bring His glory into our world. Doing anything less than that will never bring us fulfillment and purpose.

God requires the whole heart, not our split attention. Focusing on earthly things as ultimate will bring anxiety; centering our hearts on the eternal will bring not only treasures in Heaven someday but also greater peace and enjoyment in life here and now.

CENTERING OUR HEARTS ON THE ETERNAL WILL BRING NOT ONLY TREASURES IN HEAVEN BUT GREATER PEACE AND ENJOYMENT RIGHT NOW.

Maybe your life isn’t centered on possessions and money but instead revolves around your relationships. Relationships aren’t possessions and wealth, but even so, they can become idols when we value them more than we value God. To value the relationships in our lives is good and right, but when those relationships, like possessions and money, take our gaze off God and onto worldly things, we are idolizing something we are not meant to worship.

Shifting our perspective from the temporal to the eternal is a daily practice that changes everything. Ultimately the perspective shift to the eternal is a shift that focuses on Jesus, our greatest treasure. In his letter to the Philippian church, the apostle Paul wrote,

What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ. — Philippians 3:8

Paul certainly had his fair share of suffering and hardship. He had faced death, been beaten and shipwrecked, and endured a variety of other hardships in his life — yet he still maintained his posture of gratitude (2 Corinthians 11:23–27). Paul’s hope was in Christ. He was looking to eternity and finding intimacy with God through the hardships and pain he faced in life.

Paul knew we would be wrestling between this earthly and heavenly perspective, admitting that

for we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in Heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling.

He then made this acknowledgment:

For we live by faith, not by sight. — 2 Corinthians 5:1–2, 7

We must walk in what we believe about eternity, not by what we see on this earth.

I don’t mean to sound trite or to imply that we should brush off the very real grief and hardships we will experience in this life. They are real and ridiculously tough. But while we acknowledge them, we must not forget to direct our hearts toward the hope we have in God and in His promises."

State of the Bible 2023, American Bible Society, accessed May 4, 2023, PDF, https://sotb.research.bible. State of the Bible 2023, x. Matt Capps, “Why Theology Matters,” Lifeway Research, August 3, 2015. https://research.lifeway.com/2015/08/03/why-theology-matters/ Ligonier Ministries, Ligonier State of Theology 2022, Lifeway Research, September 2022, PDF, https://research.lifeway.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Ligonier-State-of-Theology-2022-Full-Report.pdf Gregory A. Smith, “About Three-in-Ten U.S. Adults Are Now Religiously Unaffiliated,” Pew Research Center, December 14, 2021, https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/12/14/about-three-in-ten-u-s-adults-are-now-religiously-unaffiliated/ ; Jeffrey M. Jones, “How Religious Are Americans?,” Gallup, December 23, 2021, https://news.gallup.com/poll/358364/religious-americans.aspx. “How U.S. Religion Composition Has Changed in Recent Decades,” Pew Research Center, September 13, 2022, https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2022/09/13/how-u-s-religious-composition-has-changed-in-recent-decades/ Strong’s Greek Concordance, s.v. “3126. mamónas,” BibleHub, accessed May 4, 2023, https://biblehub.com/greek/3126.htm Augustine of Hippo, Confessions, 1, 1.5, archived on The Holy See, accessed May 4, 2023, https://www.vatican.va/spirit/documents/spirit_20020821_agostino_en.html

Excerpted with permission from Beyond Our Control by Lauren & Michael McAfee, copyright Lauren and Michael McAfee.

[aubigney]

the age old question.

[posted 8 days ago]

a couple of days ago, i moved my desk out from the wall and set my chair behind it. this means there will be a new set up for my youtube videos. begone, couch that made my hips hurt so badly i couldn’t move for days! avast!

but as i sit here sobbing my eyes out, with a clear view of the kitchen where my wife makes coffee, i have to reflect on whether things really do ever change. i mean, have i changed? i made an error, and when someone called me out on it, i burst into tears and i’ve been crying for about 20 minutes. what the hell, dude.

i want to tell myself to grow up, because i should be over this shit by now, but it seems like my rejection-sensitive dysphoria loves acting a mess. i know logically it’s because i haven’t gone to therapy in a while and my old anxieties are creeping back in, but it doesn’t make the anger any less real. it doesn’t make the sadness go away.

i’ve been seeing therapists since 2013, so 10 years now. it will be my 10 year therapiversary in august. in 2014, i started on medication, which changed my life. my therapists all said the same thing: medication doesn’t fix your problems. you still need therapy. and it’s like, brah, i know, shut up, fuck. and i DO know. i know this. i know this so well. the irritation i feel at having to remind myself of this for the last 10 years compounds every year. and yet i never learn. i never remember until i’m bawling my eyes out and throwing things.

i feel like a failure. realistically i know i’m just, in the words of jason mendoza, pre-successful, but i feel like i’ve tried and failed at so many things that i should just give up completely. i feel like this with each one, but somehow i never do. i never give up completely. no matter how many mistakes i make i am never satisfied with living an ordinary life.

AND THAT’S THE POINT! it’s not about NOT making mistakes. it’s not about having an easy life. it’s about making mistakes and overcoming all the shit garbage stupid crap that you go through to become extraordinary. and i do believe i’m extraordinary. and i do believe it’s okay to cry every once in a while. and i do believe it’s important, necessary, and — i can’t think of another word, so insert one yourself — to make mistakes. but when i get like this, it’s so easy to beat myself up and say, “you’re an awful piece of shit and you should just kill yourself.” it’s so easy. but then i do something fun and get over and get on with my life.

while it would be easy to say my life is shit garbage and everything sucks and i should kill myself and nothing ever gets better, none of that is true.

i’m looking at my perfect beautiful hot wife who has THEE most perfect fat ass i’ve ever seen, and she’s washing dishes in the kitchen and making a nice home for us. i can’t possibly believe that my life hasn’t improved because she’s the proof! she’s right there! my gorgeous kitten! my lovely sweet cupcake! she’s right there! and she loves me! i’m the most special person in the whole fucking world BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME.

but i can’t stop crying. i have a lesson in half an hour and i need the money, especially since i was almost fired and my hours have been reduced because of… some reason? but i can’t possibly turn up to my lesson bawling my dick off. i don’t know what to do. another difficult choice i have to make in a long line of difficult choices. they never stop. but i stay silly :3

at the end of every email i want to include a tip for the people in poverty reading my newsletter and paying attention to my youtube channel. i don’t know if they will even be beneficial.

my tip today is: dealing with roaches using bug bombs. in the last apartment i rented before i met my wife, there was a roach infestation under the house. i had a back deck i could sit at and whenever i’d be out there i could see them under the house. i told the owner and the real estate about this constantly. i would get roaches in my apartment every night, around 11pm for some reason, attacking me every time i got of bed. it got so bad that i made myself go to sleep before 11pm just so i wouldn’t see them.

then the owner (who would illegally turn up at the house whenever he wanted) suggested bug bombs. he actually gave me one, which i left sitting on my counter for months because i was so angry that he refused to get rid of the roaches.

but then one day i thought, “fuck it.” this shit wasn’t getting any better. so i put on one of the bug bombs and went to the library. after that, i didn’t see a roach for three months. when they came back, i put another one on. this happened about 4 or 5 times, and it saved me during the heart of summer. granted, my place was disgusting because i never cleaned it, but also it was disgusting before i arrived.

renting is the most horrid experience i can imagine. everything that goes along with it, including dealing with agents, paying rent, and having to look after someone else’s property, is dehumanising and awful. i can’t wait to own my own house, hopefully in spain. i have all these ideas of where we could live and what places to visit, but i don’t know how many of them will come to fruition. we’ll see.

i forgot the question. it’s “am i helping people?” yet to be seen.

[erforschen]

Well here I am again. Haven’t been on tumblr in a really fat minute but I was reading some old logs and thought I’d write here. It’s the beginning of the year and around this time I usually get this sense of motivation and stuff. I feel like I have so much to say yet I have no idea where to start. My 20s are interesting so far. I feel like time is moving fast and I have this little voice in the back of my head constantly telling me that time is slipping away or something. I really can’t believe it’s been almost 10 years since 2014. I keep saying that quarantine really messed things up and made time move strangely and we kinda lost out on all of that time. I feel like I need to talk about my career/goals, and sexuality (lol) a bit.

My sexuality is so fucking whack. Like why is this even a thing that I have to even think so much about for the past 10 years. Like what? Anyway, idk. I guess as time goes on I just imagine myself with a girl less and less. Even though I don’t really like girls that much. And I’ve always liked guys more than girls. It’s just kinda fucked but at the same time it’s like who cares I’m literally gonna die one day and nothing will matter. One thing about me these past couple years is I’ve really just stood my ground more with my beliefs or things like that. I’m not trying to do what makes other people happy as much anymore? I feel like it doesn’t sound right when I explain it but it makes sense in my head. Like I don’t care if people know about my sexuality… I’ve literally told a bunch of people. It just kinda sucks that I (because of my mom) have felt like I need to hide it or I at least just can’t be open or direct about it. I want to have a family and kids and a mother for them and be like a normal family but how is that going to work when I’m just not that interested in girls? There are certain girls that I would literally have kids with and I’m like damn I want to be in a relationship with them but it’s like rare. I’m way more attracted to guys. It’s really shit being bi (but more gay) in a way. So yeah that’s been on my mind forever but I think lately it’s been coming to the forefront as I’m getting older and accepting myself more and realizing things. It’s just whack that I was born like this when everyone around me wasn’t and I’m like wow nice cards I was dealt but at the same time I think there are a lot of pros to the way I was born too. I think there are a lot of great attributes that come from being lgbt. It’s weird for me to even refer to myself as lgbt. Like I’ll think these things but seeing it in writing is weird. I’ve been with guys but I’ve barely been with girls in any way. And I still want to be with girls and try it out and all that but kinda sucks when there’s not a huge drive to do so. I had a thing with a guy recently and that was just a whole experience and I could go on about that in another log. I’m glad it happened because it was the first romance I’d had but it was short lived and kinda ended strange. But another thing is like… when I’m on… a certain app… I’ve literally sent face pics (not disappearing) and like told a guy who I was (when we met) and like I’ve literally been on tinder for guys. So yeah. Big step for me cause it just shows how far I’ve come with accepting myself and being more public. I mean I’ve always thought (or maybe always as in like the past year or two) that if I was famous I’d be 100% open about my sexuality. Honestly I think if there just wasn’t that part of me that wanted kids and a normal family then I’d just be like ahhh I’m gonna have a husband and no kids. Honestly I’ve just really been imagining myself with guys lately though. Maybe I can have a bi gf and we can play around. LMAO. This is honestly the most whack log I’ve written on here. ANYWAY LETS MOVE ON TO GOALS

So my 20s are interesting… not tons of action, living at home and not really going after my dreams as much as I’d like… (I’m actually really happy and in a good place so don’t let this come across as if I’m like depressed or having a pity party)… but yeah like I just wish I would’ve studied or lived abroad and moved to nyc and just gone after all the things I wish I’d done. But hey I’ve done a lot of cool things in my life already. I’m working on music now but this voice in the back of my head is like… will it go anywhere… but like I truly believe it could. I hope I release music this year. Just gotta figure out how to be good at producing music lol. Also I want to work on the docuseries I’ve been thinking of. I feel like time is really flying though and I want to get all this stuff done but I also need that constant motivation and drive to do it. Also, I’ve really just not been into acting. I don’t really see it being a part of my future tbh. Don’t get me wrong I love the film world and I’d love to be a successful actor working on projects that I love but it just hasn’t been working out and I haven’t had the drive to want to keep doing it. And honestly at this point I’m like ehh whatever. Just crazy how you have all these visions for your future or things you want to do and then like life just has a completely different idea for you.

I really feel braindead at the moment so maybe I’ll come back later and write more when I collect my thoughts and don’t have to go to bed.

1.8.23 3:36am

[wishingicouldfly]

List of times Harry Styles has "Come Out"

Work in Progress

Over the weekend I was asked by a friend to help find some sources for a paper they were writing about the idea that Harry is queer baiting his fans. My friend was looking for instances where Harry has "come out" over the years.

Obviously, he hasn't really. He's still very much closeted with a large fan base who believes he's dated only women. It goes without saying that I believe he's been in a long term monogamous relationship with Louis Tomlinson since the early 2010s. This list is NOT about Larry though.

I thought it might be useful to someone else for me to share the sources I gave my friend of instances that H has alluded to not being straight.

It took less than an hour to pull these together. There are more.

Mario Cart Interview - https://youtu.be/xHclIjGG-0M start at 5:33 Alluding to sex as a metaphor for Mario Cart.

“Not that important” – https://youtu.be/Yi0wQPXzLoI  in reference to female being “what you look for in a lady?” question. Start at 2:10

“Don’t knock it til you try it” in response to Niall dating a man – https://youtu.be/RqmJ21-Qhjs  (I can’t find the full interview, but here’s the clip)

Harry reading a sign in 2017 (I think) saying “We’re all a little bit gay.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duxYxRl9y2Q

Article: Harry Styles Waves Pride Flag At First Show On Solo Tour (out.com)

In 2014 he wore out football star Michael Sam's jersey: Harry Styles Supports Michael Sam By Wearing His St. Louis Rams Jersey In Concert (PHOTO) | HuffPost Voices

I think this is the first time he waved a pride flag on stage: Harry Styles Wore a Gay Pride Flag as a Cape

Better Home and Gardens: Exclusive: Harry Styles Shares the Meaning Behind His New Album, 'Harry's House' (bhg.com)

Around the time of Fine Line, he faced scrutiny around his sexuality. People became incredulous that he wore dresses, waved Pride flags, and yet hadn't clarified with precision, publicly to a journalist or on social media, the specifics of who he'd slept with, how he defined. This expectation is, to him, bizarre, "outdated." "I've been really open with it with my friends, but that's my personal experience; it's mine," he said. "The whole point of where we should be heading, which is toward accepting everybody and being more open, is that it doesn't matter, and it's about not having to label everything, not having to clarify what boxes you're checking."

Harry Styles Says He Doesn't Label His Sexuality | Teen Vogue This is Teen Vogue reporting on another interview, but I can’t find the original.

In an interview with the Sun, Harry says he has never labeled his sexuality, going on to say he's never felt the need to explain that part of himself.

“No, I’ve never felt the need to really. No," Harry said when asked if he's labeled his sexuality. “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

“Being in a creative field, it’s important to be ­progressive. People doing stuff like that is great," Harry said, referring to Miley Cyrus opening up about her pansexuality. “It’s weird for me — everyone should just be who they want to be. It’s tough to justify somebody having to answer to someone else about stuff like that.”

There’s some stuff in this article about him talking about gay sex in film. Not sure if it’s relevant because it’s behind a pay wall for me. How Harry Styles Became the World’s Most Wanted Man – Rolling Stone

Singing Girl Crush https://youtu.be/rroc2y9if_ 

Helping people come out at his concerts. One example: https://youtu.be/R_fgdHttTg8

But Daddy I love him

Safe Sex

It's the freedom he screams at the end; https://youtube.com/shorts/lCC13QFepI0?feature=share

Do you have any crushes on girls: "No Never. Never again." https://youtu.be/84JICVwTnb4

This has a lot of moments: https://youtu.be/RqmJ21-Qhjs

From a really early point in 1D, he used gender neutral pronouns to describe his dream date when asked “what do you look for in a girl.” Some examples:

1.     https://youtu.be/tnrRXIvSCBY

2.     https://youtu.be/Ai16adQ1mZ0 (1:17)

3.     https://youtu.be/pvm_2deGwWo

This whole SNL skit from 2019: https://youtu.be/aeoxg8hx-lc

Talking with Nick Grimshaw about getting the part in Dunkirk

Covering Wet Dream: https://youtu.be/vMAPW7ZoOLw

The banana penis necklace: Harry Styles sports a phallic symbol necklace for his 2021 Grammys performance | Daily Mail Online

Vogue: December 2020 Harry Styles on Dressing Up, Making Music, and Living in the Moment | Vogue

Pleasing: Harry Styles launches his own fine beauty line— Pleasing (lifestyleasia.com)

Gucci rainbows

The outfit he wore at the red carpet for My Policeman included a green corsage on his lapel

Harry Styles Goes Green in Gucci Suit at ‘My Policeman’ TIFF Premiere – WWD

Green flower connection: About our symbol, the green carnation - Oscar Wilde Tours

Referencing the song 1950 by King Princess. (screen shot by me from Twitter on 9/16/22)

Studying rainbows. (screen shot by me from Twitter on 9/16/22)

Instagram post from June 12, 2016. Screen shot by me on 1/1/23.

There are more. I'll as I come across things. I think for me, it's about the consistency with which he's aligned himself with the LGBTQ+ community over the years. It's not isolated to recent times. It goes back more than a decade.

On June 4, 2024 - during the first week of Pride Month, Harry stepped out in Rome wearing a pink shirt, emblazoned with the word "TOP." (4) HL Daily on X: "Harry in Rome today! 📸: alxsare https://t.co/AD4MGTJEcn" / X

Companion piece: Louis Tomlinson - LGBTQ Icon

[steph-oe]

Ahehehehe sorry last, I'm new to the steph/klay community, is it alright to ask for fic recs regarding these two? :D

omg why did I get so excited about this ask ok omg

im gonna share a lil bit of my thoughts about these too bc this is what i live for!! this might be long so please read under the cut! 🤍

1. Can't Bring Myself to Light This Fuse - bones_2_be - Steph and Klay want the same thing, they just haven't figured it out yet. In which Steph and Klay get together, but it's not quite that simple.

I’ve reread this like 100000 times already and I wish I was kidding but it’s true! If there is one thing one should know about me is that I like angst but it has to be resolved at the end because im gonna die otherwise. This is just perfect. 100/10 will make you FEEL things and how vulnerable they both are with the way they feel about each other and their situation and all. God.

2. you're such a heavenly view - Taegookie1132 - Pain. That was the only thing that resonated through his mind. He was cold and everything hurt. Someone was screaming and it took a while before he realized it was him. It also took a while before he realized he was suddenly alone. He knows pain and he knows he shouldn’t be feeling it. Not like this. Not by this much.

Another fic that I am emotionally fixated with, like reread this for a gazillion time kind of fixated. Got me in my feelings in my bed at 3am because I don’t really know the reason but it happened and it happens every time I read it. Another angsty but resolved fic. Hurt/Comfort. I AM LIVING. I need more actually! Vulnerable KLAY! Sign me up.

3. you fallin' head over (right outta the sky) - blonde - steph and klay get into a bit of a (big) misunderstanding

Well I think there’s an on-going theme here already and I know you did not ask for recs of hurt/comfort, angst but resolved in the end fic rec but lol yes i seem to have a favorite i am so sorry. but this one! The scenarios made me feel like im watching a short movie scene PLEASE

4. the moments make up the life - timefortakeoff - Steph and Klay through the years as told through moments, or the popcorn fic.

I lost all my words really but please read this! You’ve mentioned that you have been a fan of the boys since 2014 and therefore I think you will definitely love this one! How it started and all that! Love love love this. Also, make sure to read the part 2/extra scene for this one that is so adorable and just aww.

5. take me to your holy places - penelopes - Steph never thought he'd find himself here, kneeling at the end of Klay's bed, being held in place by Klay as he fucks his mouth. But that's what happens when you fall into bed with your best friend and then fall in love with them.

Hot. Light Angst. Resolved. Hot. What more could you ask for? I feel like im losing words to describe how I feel about these fics but believe me it’s all right here inside my mind. I just don’t know how to express anymore! But, the PINING! the feelings that can’t help but show! Jealousy! Everything!

Sadly, I typed all this while waiting for my meeting to start and it’s about to start already so I can only do five for now but there is a LOT of great steph/klay fics that I have read that I failed to mention here. If you go through the steph/klay tags in ao3, that’s a whole world out there! I hope you enjoy these omg im excited for you. Happy reading! 💙

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

Kaoru Ongaku to Hito Interview  May 2021

DIR EN GREY  Endless originality. Don't shake, don't move, don't give up. As the leader and main composer of DIR EN GREY,  he made me realize in this interview that even if the band is in a situation in which they can't move forward, they are still striving toward their own determination without losing sight of their desire to create music. The new single "Oboro" is a ballad with a simple sound envision that insists on the melody and lyrics. In this single, which was made with the intention of being widely listened, you can feel a different stance on the sounds and the arrangements. I think his obsession with music and the pursuit of originality are changing because of his age and career. On the other hand, the latest promotional photos are still grotesque and chaotic. The future this band is heading for it’s held by his unchanging desire for music. Here there is a dialogue with him which makes you believe so.

Notes before reading: This is Kaoru’s interview featured in Ongaku to hito music magazine May 2021.

You can get this magazine at cdJapan (totally worth it!) Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) -----------

Text by Higuchi Yasuyuki Photographs by Amita Mari Hair & make-up by Yamaguchi Atsushi_ EKYQ

“I’m not in the mood to say ‘let’s do this now’ but recently,  making astounding/ crazy songs might be difficult”

(While turning over the latest issue ...)  Kaoru: Did M-AGE make a come back? 

*M-AGE is a Japanese electronic pop/rock band active during the early 90s. They were feature in the previous issue of Ongaku to hito, April 2021* -Are you affected by that band? (laughs). Kaoru: I was surprised (laughs). -A band that disbanded more than 20 years ago did a comeback, there are another band that the drummer who has been a member for 20 years has left, there have been various things happening (in the music industry) in the past year, but DIR EN GREY has not lost to Corona. K: When it comes to losing, there is nothing you can do about it. - What do you think is the reason why these five people are continuing, without stopping, as a band? K: Isn't it because every one of us think we can’t go beyond this band? If someone gives up, we are not confident we can do something better than what we are doing now. It’s like, we can't get away from each other. It's easier to express your opinion if you keep a certain distance in that sense, and you don't have to accumulate stress about it. -By the way, throughout this year you noticed things and had some thoughts about the band. K:  That’s right….well, since the creation process was originally done remotely, I rarely had the opportunity to meet with the members other than the tour, but in reality it was important to have casual conversations with the members during the tour. There was a moment when the ideas changed depending on the words I exchanged with the members on the spot like “we should try to make this kind of song”… But it was a year when I was making songs without this input, so  it’s like there was  a part of me that felt gloomy. -You felt the importance of talking with the members. K: Even if we communicate remotely, we can just communicate by voice or text but, the mood/situation, the temperature, facial expressions etc…that can only be perceived directly so I thought those things are important after all. -In that situation, did the band make a song that only can be made now or tried to aim for something in your work?

K: That’s not case. It was as usual. We are not in the mood to do something like that now. However, it has nothing to do with this situation but we talked about how recently  it’s becoming harder to make crazy songs. -A crazy song? K:  When the band tries to create a song, naturally it turns out quite relaxed/calm. It feels like it’s what our bodies want. -Why do you want that kind of thing? K: I think that kind of songs makes you feel good, isn’t it? If we want to make a song like “Gya!” (fierce), we can make it but if we do it naturally, there will be more calm/relaxed songs. In other words, our previous single (digital single ‘Ochita koto no aru Sora) was a song we made with the intention of creating something fierce. -Intentionally, you made a fierce song. K: So, there was a talk about what kind adjustments should be done. We did it this time as well, but for now we are not thinking too much about it. Originally, ‘ARCHE’ (album released in 2014) was an album that was closer to that feeling. I just tried to do things I liked. There were a lot of slow and calm songs, but maybe it's easier to come up with such songs these days. -That’s why you can’t let yourself go with your natural flow… K: That’s right. So, the next album ('The Insulated World') was shaken off in the opposite direction. Of course, there are still intense/fierce songs coming out from the members. However, the songs everyone selects and remains in the top ranks are generally calm/relaxed. - 'Oboro' is a song that was born in such a situation. K: There was a talk about this single like ‘let’s make it easy for people who listen to DIR EN GREY for the first time, having an easy-to-understand melody”, so this song became a single. -Why did you decide to go in that direction? K: Somehow, we thought there are quite a lot of people who only know the name DIR EN GREY these days, but don't know what kind of music we are playing. Then, we feel like trying to make it easy for such people to get into us. So, I think it's quite challenging for us. -You are not really a band that “goes outside”. But also this song,  it’s a song that can be classified as a ballad in DIR EN GREY. K: It’s the kind of song we usually would keep for the album. It’s also interesting to dare to release it as a single. -It’s certainly a relaxing song and the variety of sounds is small, so it seems easy to approach but the latest promotional photos….(laughs) I was like “what’s your intention?”. K: Fufufufu (laughs) -But it looks like because of those photos the door is going to be closed before they listened to your music (laughs). K: That's why it's not that simple, like the sound or the tone of the song is intense or not. The song is like this, but this band is actually called ‘fierce’. -You mentioned earlier it  may be a matter of age, but the taste of music changes just as the taste of food changes when you get older. K: That's right. -So, recently, I feel this band doesn't try to resist such changes so much, or like you have started to project a realistic/true-to-life self into music. K: By all means, it looks like we became adults, right? -That’s why I’m familiar with it because we are from the same generation, it just fits. You can listen to it and enjoy a song with faint sounds instead of roaring ones. K: That's right. Simply, this kind of song is the one that roots in me. For example, the synthesizer-like sound that comes out first. -The intro with a synthesizer-like sound? K: That's right. That's my roots, originally I liked  the New Wave and listened to it, so I tried to create  what I was waiting for. *New wave is a broad music genre that included numerous pop and rock styles from the late 1970s and the 1980s* -But I think DIR EN GREY was the kind of band in which the roots of each member weren't projected in that way. K: After all, if five people do it, chemical changes will occur and the result will be completely different. But lately, the things I created haven't changed much, and sometimes they reach the end point. Of course, it's arranged in detail, but for this song, it's pretty much the same shape than at the beginning. -So, I got the impression it was a song that was unlikely to be done by DIR EN GREY until now. K: Maybe if we tried to keep it for the album, the arrangement would have been different. Because it’s a single, maybe I tried to listen to the melody. -In other words, it doesn’t feel like DIR EN GREY. K: Yes, if you listen to it with your existing values/sense of values, you might think it's not like DIR EN GREY. But this time we wanted to do that. That’s why when the president of our label listened to the demo first, said something like ‘This, isn’t it a bit insufficient/unsatisfactory?’ the reply was ‘No, that’s not the case’ (laughs) -Ahahahaha K: So, I think it's a new type of song. But just because this song seems to happen once in a while, the other songs are going to change steadily due to chemical changes going on. "This new song isn't fierce or shocking. Certainly, you can listen to it smoothly but actually….” -Then, I have a question for you Kaoru, not for the band, but do you think your personality has changed a lot from 10 years ago? K: How is that in reality? - Specifically, "DUM SPIRO SPERO" that came out 10 years ago is your commitment and obsession/attachment. In other words, I think it's an album that is full of personality. So, this time 'Oboro' comes from your roots,In other words, it's a song that is full of personality. However, if you compare these two works, the contrast is so huge that you can't think they were made by the same person. K: That's not true. -Oh really? (laughs). K: That's not true (laughs). For me, both are the same me. -But as a listener, I get the impression that the music is exactly the opposite, or that it's completely different. K: Certainly it’s the exact opposite when you  are referring to a band called DIR EN GREY, but it’s not that different for me, rather, it’s connected. -What kind of connection do you have? K: The sound may be different, but the points we are focused are the same. Especially this time, it feels like we've created each sound in detail, so it's more like I'm playing with the precision of a machine inside rather than the outward appearance of the music. -I see. K: Anyway, the most particular thing about this song is the sound of the synthesizer at the intro  I mentioned earlier. I thought the sound at the beginning would determine everything in this song. - Since that kind of determination/passion has disappeared, I was wondering if it would be a song that would allow me to listen to the melody simply. K: That's not true. Is it natural to stick to that? For example, I bought a synthesizer,  and it makes interesting sounds so I tried to create something. But the preset sounds you got when you bought the synthesizer (Note: it's set in advance) don’t work for me. -Why not? K: You have to create your own original ones. Even if I think the preset sounds are are catchy the way they are, I dare to stick to my original ones. Otherwise I can't be satisfied. - I wondered if you had finally abandoned that kind of troublesome pickiness(laughs). K: I’m really picky about that (laughs). But I think that’s normal when you make music. Even commercial pop music can be really picky about it. -You're right. You're right. K: Because it was created with that detail,I think people who listen to it will say "Oh!".If it wasn’t created in that way, it won't convey anything, and if it's as simple as this song, it won't be interesting unless you are committed to it. That is why it is the same as "DUM ". -Surely, but what if you could make it smoothly without being so committed/picky about it? K: Sometimes it’s easy to create, still, it would be nice if it makes you feel something. -I agree. K: This new song isn’t intense or shocking when it comes to the music, so you can listen to it  smoothly, that’s why there is  something for sure that makes you go like  “this song!”. But in reality, there are several sounds, I’m just not trying to hear them properly. It sounds like something that makes you feel it, you can’t hear it clearly, but it’s there. It’s not something new, to stick to that kind that sound, but in that sense it might feel like different or new. -At first, I had the impression that it was new or something different from what I heard before , but that may be the result of your commitment, to the point  that you couldn't hear it. K: I don't know if the word "new" is correct, but now I want to create  in a way that makes easy to project ourselves, while blending  it with something that makes our guts/intestines stick out. If we can do that, I think it will be something different and interesting, like "DIR EN GREY is doing something interesting again". I feel like I'm exploring that aspect now. -We talked about age before but, Isn't this age the time to imagine something like the time remaining? Like taking it easy at this point…..that kind of idea. K: Rather the opposite. I don't know how long I'll be able to create something I'm compromised with, and whether if I will keep having this  energy or physical strength. I want to keep doing it as long as I can. I can only make music with what I have, so I'm not overdoing it in that sense, but I'm overdoing it in a different sense (laughs). You can't create it without straining yourself. -I see, you are not lying to yourself. K: Of course. However, if you rely only on yourself, it won’t beat your expectations. I don’t think that this will change, no matter how many things happen. Still, at last I started to think that our music has some power of persuasion. Do you think we can keep competing with just our music? -It's been like that for a long time. But this band is like asking for something impossible, it’s a band that won’t disappear. K: But isn’t it about creating things? -I agree. Is it still fun to create things? K: It's fun (laughs) -Immediate answer (laughs) K: If we can do it forever, I want to do it forever. There are a lot of difficult moments, but I really like it. -As long as these five people are able to share that feeling, this band will continue. K: I think so. It's okay as long as  I believe in myself and the members. -I see……your speech was  much worse than reading a bad self-help book (laughs). K: hahahaha

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: The Top Dan Memes of 2015

Date video was published: 01/12/2016 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 296

The first of Dan’s “memes in review” videos and his first video in 2016. Dan had tweeted asking people what their favorites were.

0:00 - the golden pig! I’m laughing that it’s in Dan’s background here and now it’s apparently his life mission to keep it out of Phil’s background.

0:17 - NO THANKS. Don’t need anymore too-close horrifying prophecies from Dan please.

0:35 - I really would have liked to see what that video would have been

0:48 - this is a disturbing metaphor 😳

0:56 - “the most disgusting sentence I have ever said” It is up there for on-video sentences

1:04 - “no meaning or importance whatsoever” that’s usually the opposite of what Dan wants to do with his videos, but he does actually seem to enjoy making the meme videos, at least this first one

1:23 - Dan (and Phil) really could not live down anything vaguely embarrassing they did, especially at that point

1:39 - clip from Dan and Tyler play NEVER HAVE I EVER! I talked about Dan lying about this in that post too.

2:11 - what a fantastic photo from that creepshot war

2:19 - “do you wanna lick that” 😳 He immediately knows that was a mistake but leaves it in anyway

2:26 - yeah, Phil’s glowing eyes in the background are disturbing slightly

2:40 - that photo that flashes up is the same one Phil showed in Reacting to Old Photos! back in 2014

2:41 - Dan is wrong about what video that sketch was for! It was actually his The Internet Is Mean video.

2:45 - yep, this one is Phi’s fault. “Sister Daniel” trended after Phil tweeted that photo

2:59 - I find this one hilarious. 😂 thanks, Phil

3:10 - why did he tweet this?! he had to know what edits were coming. Also, how did he even manage to take that photo, hahaha.

3:22 - that first DanAndPhilCRAFTS video is just so great”

3:42 - “a month” ...pretty sure that reference still hasn’t died lol

3:54 - “...the best video I uploaded last year” Dan was really proud of that and I love that we found out in one of the stereo shows that Dan was the one who edited it!

4:04 - DNP found that so funny they Instagramed about it. That channel still has over 700,000 subscribers!

4:22 - that was back at the Teen Awards in 2014

4:52 - that tweet is still up

5:19 - I love that Dan has no idea what he wanted 😂

5:27 - “I wanna...play it cool” was the tongue thing necessary

5:36 - poor Dan. I don’t think that helped him “play it cool”

5:44 - Dan’s been disturbed by being in teen magazines since 2014

5:52 - ahahahaha, this is amazing

6:14 - I love that Dan just rolled with it. He did eventually change it though.

6:33 - 😂 he turned it into a pretty stylish fall there! Pretty sure Dan is almost just as clumsy as Phil

6:50 - his freckles are particularly distinct in that photo

6:59 - Dan laughed hard at these

7:33 - “me and Phil” also it really is a nice photo of them except for the eyebrow thing

7:48 - I mean, his eyebrow on that side is a little thinner, but not as much as it looks in that photo!

8:27 - their faces in these are priceless

8:47 - they saw and talked about some of these horrifying morphs in TUMBLR TAG 3! as well

9:07 - wow that is a reference to an old video of his

9:15 - still can’t believe he called himself “phil trash #1″ on a panel at VidCon in front of that many people. In 2015. ahahaha

9:46 - he’s brought the twerking up in a couple of videos and does not seem comfortable about it 😕

10:07 - this is one of the extra ones they posted. I love Phil giggling in the background of it

10:24 - Dan may have brought these on himself by talking about how he never exercised so much

10:43 - “editing tips” indeed

10:53 - I love that Dan actually found these funny and shared them. A couple of years before this I’m guessing he would have been more uncomfortable about it

11:01 - “this will never escape me” ...no. But Dan’s still making references to it!

11:05 - I do remember this happening on the internet

11:15 - what even happened in that photo?! omg.

11:45 - “most of these photos were actually pretty cool” ummm...is he talking about the photos he has had on screen? because if so...no

11:49 - LMAO why

11:53 - I feel like they must have been so awkward at photo shoots

12:01 - “Phil gave me this look” I love Dan describing the silent communication they have

12:13 - “you’re welcome” 😂

12:21 - that pose really was just asking for edits

12:54 - “no regrets” ...many regrets.

This might be my favorite of the Dan meme videos. He really did cover all of the funny things from 2015 and seems happy to laugh at himself. Sister Daniel is probably my favorite bit, and I love that is was partially Phil’s fault!

[joshjacksons]

Joshua Jackson interview with "Mr Porter" (2021)

Minutes before Mr Joshua Jackson joins me in a booth for a Friday afternoon drink at a vibey hotel bar in Santa Monica, he’s confronted by his past. Or rather, a woman in her early twenties who is binge-watching Dawson’s Creek, the teen show about a close-knit group of high-school friends coming of age in a sleepy American town, which made Jackson incredibly famous between 1998 and 2003. The series, which also made household names of Ms Michelle Williams and Ms Katie Holmes, went off air 18 years ago, but is now streaming on Netflix, to the bemusement of Jackson, who played lovable rogue Pacey Witter. “This girl was like, ‘Are you...?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I am. He got old. I’m sorry to break it to you,’” he says, before ordering an iced tea and a charcuterie board to tide him over until dinner time. “It always surprises me when young people say they’ve just got into Dawson’s Creek. I’m like, ‘Is it a costume drama to you? Do you feel like you’re watching a historical documentary?’”

The idea of a Friends-style reunion episode or a Sex And The City revival feels equally far-fetched to Canadian-born Jackson, now 43 and wearing it well in a pale green linen shirt and tailored linen trousers by Oliver Spencer that complement his fading brown hair and Cali-tanned skin.

“I don’t know why you’d want to [bring it back],” he says. “Nobody needs to know what those characters are doing in middle age. We left them in a nice place. Nobody needs to see that Pacey’s back hurts. I don’t think we need that update.”

And Jackson doesn’t need Dawson’s Creek. From Mr JJ Abrams’ sci-fi series Fringe (2008-2013) to the Golden Globe award-winning The Affair (2014-2019), from Ms Ava DuVernay’s ground-breaking true-crime drama When They See Us (2019) to the recent Ms Reese Witherspoon and Ms Kerry Washington-produced Little Fires Everywhere (2020), he has commanded the small screen – with a collection of dynamic and diverse work – ever since.

His latest role as Mr Christopher Duntsch, the Texas surgeon convicted of gross malpractice when 33 of his patients were left seriously injured after he operated on them and two of them died, in chilling Peacock crime drama Dr Death, is only stepping his career up another gear.

“I’ve never played anyone irredeemable before,” says Jackson, who is joined in the eight-part series (based on the 2018 Wondery podcast of the same name) by Messrs Christian Slater and Alec Baldwin. “He is charming, gregarious and has a high-level intellect, but he’s also a misogynist, probably a sociopath, certainly a narcissist and a complete incompetent who is incapable of seeing himself.”

If Duntsch is terrifying, then Jackson’s portrayal is even more so. The artist formerly known as Pacey is virtually unrecognisable (thanks to prosthetics) in the opening scene, but the real challenge for Jackson was allowing himself to view someone who is so “spectacularly evil” as a human being in order to walk in his shoes. “It’s a more damning portrayal of the man to make him into a human being, rather than just make him the bad guy,” he says. “He really believes he’s the hero, he’s the genius and that he’s the victim, so once I got past my own judgment, all the other things fell into place.”

Jackson might have his pick of stellar roles – and challenges – now, but it has not happened by accident. Take it from someone who has been in the business since landing his first job aged 14 in Disney’s live-action movie series The Mighty Ducks, opposite Brat Pack alumnus Mr Emilio Estevez.

“You try to make it look like it happens accidentally,” he says, “but there is no way to do this and not be ambitious. I’d say I’m extremely ambitious because I’ve been doing this cutthroat job for nearly 30 years. I’m in the pay-off phase of my career now. One of the benefits of surviving for as long as I have is you get to learn from your own mistakes.”

Such as? “I wouldn’t say, ‘I wish I hadn’t done that,’ because it all becomes bricks in a path, but [after Dawson’s Creek] I was not choosy enough about the things I was doing. You get stuck. You start trying to perform the performance you think people are hoping to see you do. I was so used to working all the time that I just worked all the time. There was definitely a conscious moment in my mid-twenties when I realised I wasn’t really enjoying the work that I was doing. My manager at the time just said, ‘Take a breath. You’re burnt out.’”

The turning point came in 2005, when Jackson was offered a role in the two-hander Mr David Mamet play A Life In The Theatre, opposite Sir Patrick Stewart. “God bless him, Patrick could have made my life miserable because I had no idea what I was doing, ” he says. “I hadn’t been on stage since I was a kid and now I was in the West End in over my head. But it reminded me that I actually enjoyed being an actor, that it’s not about the red carpet or travelling around the world. What I really enjoy is working on good material with good people.”

It’s no surprise Jackson’s time on Dawson’s Creek led to a career crisis. From the ages of 19 to 24, he lived with his fellow cast mates in Wilmington, North Carolina, filming day in, day out, in an arrangement he likens to college. “You get to the end and they’re like, ‘Here’s your degree. Go live now. You’re an adult. Go out into the world,’” he says.

But most graduates don’t have to deal with global fame. “It’s transitory. You’re only ever cool for a moment and then you become much less cool. I was always pretty dubious about flatterers,” he says, recalling a time he was stung in London in the mid-2000s. “I went on a date in Hyde Park with a woman whose name I will not use – she was socialite-famous – and she was acting completely bizarre, looking over her shoulder the whole time. I came to find out that she had hired a photographer to follow us through the park and gave a whole story to the tabloids about how I was going to meet her family.”

It was his growing fortune, rather than fame, that caused Jackson the most anxiety. “Suddenly, at 19 years old, I was making more in a week than most of my friends’ parents would make in a year,” he says. “It was lovely to have the money, but it was that feeling of nobody is worth that kind of money. You feel like a fraud and it took me a long time to forgive myself for not being the thing that I was perceived as.”

Born in Vancouver, but raised in Topanga, California, until he was eight (before moving back to Vancouver following his parents’ divorce), Jackson bought his childhood home in 2001 and lives in it today with his wife, British Queen & Slim actor Ms Jodie Turner-Smith, and their 15-month-old daughter.

“My father unfortunately was not a good father or a husband and exited the scene, but that house in Topanga was where everything felt simple, so it was a very healing thing for me to do,” he says. Fast-forward to 2021 and his baby daughter now sleeps in her father’s childhood bedroom. “There was a mural of a dragon on the wall in that room that I couldn’t believe was still there, years later. The owner [who sold him the house] said, ‘I knew it meant a lot to somebody and that they were going to come back for it some day.’”

Becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic sounds stressful, but it afforded Jackson months at home with his wife and child that his normal work schedule wouldn’t have allowed.

“I now recognise how perverse the way that we have set up our society is,” he says. “There is not a father I know who works a regular job who didn’t go back to the office a week later. It’s robbing that man of the opportunity to bond with his child and spend time with his partner.”

Despite his obvious career ambitions, fatherhood has changed Jackson’s priorities in “every possible way”, he says. “It’s 100 per cent changed how I approach my work and my life. That has been made so clear to me in this past year. For me to feel good about what I’m doing day to day, my family has to be the central focus.

“There are plenty of things left for me to do, but now the thing that gets me excited is experiencing the world through my daughter’s eyes. I can’t wait to take her scuba diving. I can’t wait to take her skiing. I can’t wait to read a great book with her. I’m not worried at all she’ll be a wallflower. She’s been a character from the word go.”

Jackson met Turner-Smith, 34, two days after his 40th birthday. He had been single since his 10-year relationship with German actress Ms Diane Kruger ended in 2016. “I was not looking to fall in love again or meet the mother of my child, but life has other plans for you,” he says.

The couple met at a party. Turner-Smith was wearing the same The Future Is Female Ejaculation T-shirt Ms Tessa Thompson’s character, Detroit, wears in the 2018 film Sorry To Bother You. “That’s what I used to break the ice. I shouted, ‘Detroit!’ across the room. Not the smoothest thing I’ve ever done, but it worked. We were pretty much inseparable from the word go. It was a whirlwind romance and I can tell my daughter I literally saw her mother across a room and thought, ‘I have to be next to this woman.’”

A self-confessed “useless” shopper, Jackson gives his wife full credit for his current wardrobe. He is jewellery-free, apart from a wedding band and a gold signet “JJ” ring on his little finger (a present from his wife), and discovered tailored sweatsuits (by Stampd and Reigning Champ) in the pandemic.

“Jodie has influence in the way that a wonderful wife encourages you, through love, to dress well. She was like, ‘We’re going to throw away all the sweatpants from your past and I’m going to get you some that actually make you look like an adult male and you will still feel comfortable around the house,’ and I’m like, ‘What an amazing idea!’ Who knew you could get sweatsuits that actually look good on your body?”

Jackson’s style has evolved, he says, “from slovenly teen to it’s-nice-when-your-clothes-actually-fit-you”. The penny dropped after he auditioned for his former co-star Estevez, who was directing the 2006 Mr Robert Kennedy biopic Bobby. He said to me, ‘You only got this job because I know you. You came in here to play a very well-put together 1960s political operative and you’re wearing jeans and a hoodie.’

“I had to grow up a little bit. We are very much raised in Canada to never, ever show off, so it took me a while to recognise it’s OK to look good when you go out.”

Still, when you’ve grown up in front of the camera, “every pimple literally documented”, and lived (very successfully) to tell the tale, you can probably be forgiven for the odd fashion faux pas.

“I wore a silk Ascot to an event once in Paris and I still have nightmares about it,” he says. “I looked like Fred from Scooby Doo, but you live and learn.”

[eviclair]

thanks to @starlit-pathways for the tag!! love talking about myself, 10/10

last album: i consume 98% of my music through the random shit spotify yeets at my face every week so i dont really ever listen to full albums BUT

Lei Line Eon by Iglooghost : iglooghost and his beepboops have been gluing my mental health together since like 2014. lei line is the most recent album but please know i am listening to his entire discography all the time forever

Afterburner by Dance Gavin Dance : last year prisoner was my most binged song and the only reason thats not still the case is because the i realized the rest of the album was Also great and i just let the whole thing play now

what i DO listen to cover to cover are soundtracks!! constantly!! this weeks favorites are

Made in Abyss from Kevin Penkin : you could not pay me to finish watching this series but mr penkin sir i have feelings for you

Final Fantasy XIII / XIII-2 : this year spotify told me i was in the top 2% of masashi hamauzu’s listeners. this is distressing. who is in the top 1% if not me, i just want to talk.

D4: Dark Dreams Don’t Die : man don’t @ me about this i just wanna live in a world where i can get the serotonin hit from theme of d4 without being hit by crushing cancellation sadness

Endwalker OST from Soken: its not officially out for me to link but please know of the 25 hours a day i spend logged into the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV with an expanded free trial which you CAN’T play that covers the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award winning Heavensward expansion up to level 60 for free with no restrictions on playtime, about 15 of them are spent healing vanaspati. there is no reason for this. my whm is at cap. i just want that orchestrion roll and i am willing to experience unlimited amounts of violence to obtain it.

last movie: spider-man nwh. it was certainly a movie! i did have fun! 98% of that was my pea brain going OOOH WOOOOOAH ITS SPIDERMAN I LOVE THAT DUDE and not much else, which i guess is the point!! will not be consuming another marvel property until spiderverse 2

currently reading: i miss books, man. miss being able to read real actual physical literature without feeling like my brain is trying to escape out my ears but here we are!! what i CAN still read is uhhhh horrendous amounts of fanfic so here’s the top picks of late

Pedestal by Digital Skitty (Pokemon): area child begins their pokemon journey with the most broke-ass team (derogatory) conceivable. You Won’t Believe What Happens Next ! i dont know anything about pokemon now and i didnt know anything about pokemon eleven years ago when i read this on ffn but skitty’s puttin in on ao3 now so its a good time to say: pedestal is the fucking best. i’ll die on this hill. pedestal fucked me up as a human so bad i now own this persons actual published books. go go now

The Tourist’s Guide To Aselia by ritzcracker (Tales of Symphonia): y’all already know im a huge slut for inserts and godddd this one is just excellent. oc is chefs kiss, worldbuilding is chefs kiss, scenery description is unparalleled. mx ritzcracker if youre reading this i love you

the call of yesterday by MargaritaDaemonelix (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) : new game +++ byleth vs Her Actual Job but make it hurt me so good. god GOD god i love gen. prayers in chat for op’s grades tho 🙏

i am accepting fic recs 24 hours a day 7 days a week. i am in love with your ocs specifically.

up next:

A Clash of Kings by George RR Martin : i have been trying to read the asoiaf series with minimal success for like four years. it is going to happen. it is GOING to happen. there is simply too much happening in that ao3 tag for me live out my days in ignorance. its just that every time i open this fucking book all i can think is WOW what a fantasy series, so horny, really makes me want to read the vastly less sexual and incomparably better

Cry of the Icemark by Stuart Hill : high fantasy feral teenager has to figure out how the hell to be Queen At Thirteen while gathering a supernatural army to fight Literally The Roman Empire. i’ve read this book maybe thirty times. i will read it perhaps thirty more times. thirrin freer strong-in-the-arm lindenshield, my beloved

currently watching:

Jujutsu Kaisen : i’m way behind the curve on this one, i know, i just finished the junpei arc and im suffering

Mo Dao Zu Shi : i did not know the mdzs donghua got a part three until like yesterday. where were you all in my time of need. i have so much to watch

currently craving:

not the catboy. i mean yes the catboy but i have thought of almost nothing else but this donut basket for... weeks. i think a lot my problems could be solved by a picnic basket full of pastries (and also the catboy) but all the bakeries around here have been so slammed for the holidays it just aint worth it til after new years

tagging:  do you also like to talk way too much about your interests?? lucky for you i like to read abt them!! if youre reading this then i tag you

[official-michael-afton]

Wait what's the recent event and news things?

Let me not only explain but also give an initial reaction to things!

Tw: US Politics, mentions of transphobia, homophobia, and racism

WHAT WE KNOW: A few hours ago, today (June 10, 2021), a tweet was released explaining that Scott Cawthon had donated thousands of dollars to various Republican parties including Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell prior to the 2020 US Presidential Election. You can find the tweet here.

This source can be accessed here

WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THIS INFORMATION: While not 100% certain this is our Scott Cawthon, it's safe to assume so. The location and occupations line up. This site also appears to be legitimate, though I cannot confirm with certainty. But considering it's a whole database and not just a screenshot, I think it's safe to assume it's a legitimate source unless proven otherwise.

This is the facts, from this point on I will give some advice on how to handle this.

WHY THIS IS A BAD THING: To many people, this seems like a non-issue. People have the right to their political beliefs and I will forever argue that cancel culture is absurdly toxic. However, when ones political beliefs actively harm minorities, they're more than just "beliefs".

Many of the people that Scott has financially supported have pushed anti-LGBT bills and have pushed homophobic and transphobic ideologies. Many of these people have also pushed bills for voter suppression(often in largely democratic and/or POC communities) and pushed racist ideologies as well. Unfortunately, by financially supporting these candidates, one is actively causing harm to minority groups.

Scott has the right to use his personal money how he wants, but there's no denying that FNaF is a major source of income for him. And he likely used a lot of his profits to support these parties. It hurts to say it, but it's very likely that by financially supporting fnaf, we gave him the funds to support the very people trying to hurt us. Thats where the problem is.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

I encourage people to take some time to deal with this news. Because it's big and it's heavy. We shouldn't form parasocial relationships, absolutely, but it's very reasonable to feel hurt by this. I've supported Scott since I was a teenager, since 2014, and to know that, while this whole time I've realized I was a man and started transitioning and everything... I've been giving my money to someone who likely used that money to support the same people who fight against my right to exist. I'm sure you can understand why that's painful. Many people grew up on this series and many of us are POC, LGBT, and/or other minority groups that have been harmed by far right political parties.

So take some time to comes to terms with this, find out what this means for you, and how you want to move forward, there is no right answer.

That being said, this is very new news. There may be more that gets revealed, so I encourage waiting to hear more. I want to wait until I hear a statement from Scott or enough time passes that- he just won't. The biggest problem with cancel culture is the idea of dropping someone like a hot potato without even knowing why- so take the time to find out more if you can.

DO NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. HARASS ANYONE IN THE FNAF COMMUNITY FOR STILL LIKING FNAF. It does no good for anyone. People have been in this fandom for literal years, and to expect people to just ditch it is not only unreasonable, it's unproductive. People are still allowed to like this series, own merch, make content, etc. Your mutuals are not the enemy.

SHOULD I STILL LIKE FNAF?

I have 2 points I want to make about this question

I encourage you to stop financially supporting official fnaf stuff. Again, knowing that my money is quite possibly being used to support the people who want to harm people like me and my mutuals, I can't in good conscience continue to give my money to Scott. I won't harass anyone over this, but I encourage you to do the same. I recommend instead, if you have the money, to support fan creators! Commissions, fan merch, etc- that way your money goes to supporting minority creators instead! (If you already own merch, there's no point in throwing it out. I mean you won't get your money back so it doesn't make a difference one way or another)

That being said, I personally believe that you are still allowed to enjoy the fnaf series. The series doesn't push any problematic ideologies(the worst is an insensitive joke here or there, but that's literally every media ever), so I believe you're not doing any harm by liking it still. It's like how people can still like Harry Potter as a series, but refuse to give any support to JK Rowling.

Honestly if you still want to consume new content/games, I recommend watching a let's play or something where you're not spending any money. *Puts on Camp Counselor Voice* And remember kids, don't ever p*rate things, that's bad *wink wink*

Again, this is all very new, so take your time to deal with it, okay?

TL; DR- It's extremely likely that Scott Cawthon has financially supported far-right Republican parties such as Trump, McConnell, etc. Supporting these parties does active harm to minority groups- especially POC and/or LGBT+ communities. This is all very new, so I encourage you to take your time in reacting to this. I encourage you to stop financially supporting Scott, and instead support fan creators instead(if you're able to of course). I believe it's still okay to continue to enjoy FNaF though, and encourage you to support your mutuals instead of dropping the series like a hot potato, if you can.

Remember to practice self care, and please don't discourse on this post. This is just the facts and how I believe we should react to this in the most productive way we can. Love you! 💜