#I was expecting sad but jfc!!!

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

that last dandadan episode had me actually crying by the way

[djarinova]

I've gotta be honest guys i don't know how many more "i just have to make it to next month and things will be better"s i got left in me

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

mum's reaction to the kitchen was "wow" then "very clever" and then just a lot of nostalgia for her time spent in london

i'm still pretty much casually impressed. as a debut, i really like it. and yes, i'm a daniel kaluuya stan at my core but that's not why i liked it. i really loved the humanity of it, the characters, the visuals. i would have wanted a few things tweaked for like. maximum impact but i saw daniel talk about how sometimes you can't get the perfect shot when you're limited on time and money and like. fair. it's a debut.

i also really enjoyed the visuals of london pre- and post gentrification. it's a dystopia but the feeling is accurate right now, too. and shooting it in london was such a good choice bc it just tugs at my heartstrings immediately. like. the way those glass boxes creep closer to the communities where people live really fucks me up as a london lover (brick lane my beloved) and i loved seeing it. the coldness and drabness of the luxury flat. the wanting to leave but not actually, not really bc it's not the place that's shit. idk if that makes sense.

i wonder how people not in london feel. or people not affected by gentrification.

[payslipgig]

…

[bingus35]

“Man one piece has been depressing lately, I need to read some other media to take a break. Right, time to catch up to Arknights” <- last words of a fool

[crest-of-gautier]

video editing is so fun... (specifically cutting down hours of gameplay into a highlights format)

[emilyofmindelan]

I always thought people were being silly and overdramatic when they were like "I'm going to cry so much when this song plays at a concert" because concerts were more about the hype for me and music was a comfort or a joy but never the thing that got me through it all so I never cried at concerts...

And then I saw Regina Spektor after aggressively loving her music 10-15 years ago and I genuinely cried my way through 4 songs. It was so undignified. Help. I have no more legs to stand on.

[lost-romantique]

Avoidance vs. Vulnerability

I love how so much of Blitzø’s character development is rooted in his body language.

Lets examine:

"IT WAS NOT A BREAKUP! You need a relationship for one of those and we never had that... and we never will."

Blitz, after yelling at Millie's face clarifying to her that it wasn't a Breakup, only to immediately turn his head the other direction because he doesn't want to see her face.

This is Blitz being avoidant and trying his damndest to keep up that facade he always puts on.

Despite the fact, that his voice breaks when he says the words "... and we never will," Blitz is making sure Millie does not see his face. Showing to us the audience that Blitz still has his walls up around Millie.

Millie makes a joke to Blitz about "trying to not be our third anymore," fully expecting Blitz to make his usual spastic joke, deflecting the situation as he always does...

But the thing is, Blitz doesn't make a joke to avoid the question, he simply states very seriously, "No, not anymore."

Millie is confused and shocked, almost with a sad expression on her face. Millie has never seen Blitz act so seriously before and it shows.

However, with the complete obliteration of his walls caused by the trauma he suffered by Rolando, Blitz now feels comfortable enough to let Millie see the real him.

Millie states the elephant in the room, "The bird got you that bad, huh?"

Or in other words...

Wow, you really have feelings for this guy...

And Blitz simply states the words, "I guess." Showing to us, in the most simple, bare bones way that yeah, he does have feelings for him.

I love how Blitz looks straight at the camera when asked this question, he doesn't make an effort to look at Millie and he still averts his eyes the other direction showing to us how uncomfortable he is with being vulnerable.

But the biggest thing Blitz does in his body language is the fact that he doesn't try to purposely hide his face away from Millie, he just dejectingly looks off into the distance, because even though he's accepted and acknowledged his feelings for Stolas, he's still aware of the fucks up he made in Apology Tour.

Millie makes one last good-natured joke towards Blitz to lighten the mood, and Blitz simply averts his gaze Millie's direction with a grateful smile, almost giving her thanks for not dwelling on the conversation for too long.

(Stolas I get it, I am also down bad for this man. JFC if you don't want him, can I please have him?)

Blitz with relaxed eyes, simply plays into her joke, "Well you know, your husband is still a little fuckable."

I love how Blitz doesn't fully play into Millie's joke, he makes sure to add that little there to NOT downplay his feelings for Stolas.

Ghostfuckers is my new favorite episode of Helluva Boss, and one of the reasons why has to be the amazing character development Blitz and Millie went through this season.

[toto-the-cactus]

Primarchs + Daughters (2)

Finally finished the damn part two. Been kinda busy here and there with my new job but lo and behold, the one yall asked for. Soon enough, yall find out why it took me a while writing this one for the two main guys I had to add here.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Konrad Curze

A’right, I’ll open this one with the fact we all know that this man shouldn’t even be legally allowed to have children. I’m gonna be real for a hot second and admit that I stared at the screen for HOURS not knowing what to write because any poor little girl that is born from this guy will have the dubious privilege of being the most sheltered and hidden secret the Primarch ever kept close. With all those visions of death and inevitable doom mixed with the sudden power rush that fatherhood gave him, it left in its wake a perfect storm for this lunatic to develop a paranoid and obsessive need (NEED) to keep his daughter safe; something hard to achieve when he already knows the essence of his Legion. His fatalistic nature regarding his own future would suddenly clash violently with the Primarch’s new found protective stance concerning his child. It's almost sad to consider that this poor man GENUINELY wished to avoid becoming the monster his visions showed, but knowing that he’ll be balancing in the thin line of one day hurting his precious girl (or worse than that) it'll put him in the hard decision of having to let go of her eventually. He is no Perturabo, for that matter. In the rare and far away moments of lucidity, I can see Konrad choosing to protect the innocence and life of his child by trusting in the last person ANYONE might expect the Night Hunter would seek help: Vulkan. Honestly this is just plain sad, man.

Sanguinius

This is it! The golden boy, yall! We all know the kind of person Sanguinius is, but add a precious little daughter in the equation and all you get is the perfect example of textbook girl dad. No matter how busy this man is, somehow he’ll squish some playtime with his baby and enjoy every bit of it. Seriously, this guy acting like a dedicated father is worth being in a stockphoto image. His baby girl asks him to play tea party? Some astartes will find their Primarch hunched over, awkwardly holding a comically small cup between his thumb and index while his precious princess pretends to pour more tea for herself. The daughter of Sanguinius doesn't go a single day without knowing that her papa loves her a lot and when the man isn’t around, the Blood Angels Legion are close to keep her company to the point that even she calls them ‘big brothers’. No one is safe when she wants to play dress-up. The single problem I see with Sanguinius when raising his little girl is that he sins of being completely oblivious to the more mortal side of his daughter’s needs. He easily gets so wrapped up in his role of The Perfect Angel that he doesn’t realize his tiny princess has boundaries that are being constantly crossed, but since she feels the need to prove that she can be like her father, endures all those problems and refuses to seek help about anything. It becomes a kind of toxic mix considering how much Sanguinius is loved and adored by others, to the point that his daughter becomes like a coveted gem too by relation, making her need to prove her own ‘perfection’ an unconscious action the older she grows. I’m not even gonna touch with a ten feet pole the “fun fact” called the Red Thirst on this one because, let's be fair, that would require for me to write more than 3 pages with ONLY Sanguinius and his daughter in the spotlight and that’s only assuming his baby girl didn’t inherit it. I specialized in visual arts and marketing, not psychology jfc.

Ferrus Manus

It took me a while but after some investigating and more reading I can safely put this man in between the Papa-tier and ‘tough love’ guys. His practical mentality and belief of the strongest are (oddly enough) healthily separated from his parenting skills. This is one of the few Primarch that can see their daughter as an individual of their own and makes sure to be as present as possible in her life but the loyalty of this man to the Emperor is his own flaw. Not in the case that he’ll choose the Imperium before his little girl, but because it’ll put him in the dreading and guilty notion that he’ll always prioritize his daughter despite his oath to serve for the Great Crusade. Most of his brothers (except maybe Jaghatai and Konrad) just assume or don’t even think about the long term future of their daughters or simply presume that they will become a great part of the Imperium’s well oiled structure. Not exactly their fault since they never grew up with anything resembling normal. On the brighter and wholesome side (whiplash change!), this is a man who finds handmade gifts more meaningful and always makes sure to explain the reason behind them mostly out of the enjoyment of watching his little princess look so amazed at her papa’s skills. More often than not, Ferrus’ belief of the strongest would falter a little as he perceives the true fragile nature of his daughter and, even if she share the resilient blood of a Primarch, that isn’t enough to convince him that she isn’t vulnerable but instead of letting the worry fester, he’ll try to teach the girl the art of fighting. That’s where the ‘tough love’ kind of guy I mentioned comes out to light. He will not spare kind words during those moments of teaching, as he wishes for his princess to prevail any difficulty but he’ll make sure to always end any sort of training with “I love you so much that the idea of one day not being there to protect you, pains me beyond any form” to make sure that his harsh actions have a reason behind. Honestly, it's the kind of father-daughter relationship that possesses so many shades that makes its own drama novel. Good thing that uncle Fulgrim is always there to smooth the hard edges that may come in the future and makes up for the lack of spoiling the little girl deserves. Ferrus is not amused by it. Forgot to mention that the Primarch will be even more motivated to take off the metal of his hands, for he has yet to truly feel the warm and soft flesh of his baby’s hand. It's the one feeling he keeps missing and craves so much.

Angron

Oh man, another of the hard ones. Okay, if I managed with Konrad, I can tackle this bitch too. You need to comprehend that we are talking about a guy that has been so intimate with the meaning of pain that it's amazing he’ll be capable of ranging through other emotions that don’t involve fury into that combo too. That being said, this whole shitshow of being the father of a young girl can only be described as sad AND tragic. First off, Angron’s daughter wouldn’t even be allowed to leave her chambers at The Conqueror for obvious safety reasons and having her stay on Terra can’t be an option too, as Angron would rather be death than leave in a silver plate this one single pittance of good he helped to create under the light of the Emperor. That being said, any little girl born from Angron would be terribly isolated and one can’t even blame the Primarch for that as he, despite his disposition, finds his daughter as a genuine reflection of what he could never ever dream to have or be. That sometimes results in him feeling short and spontaneous moments of anger from the impotence of not being able to be close to his daughter, let alone console her with anything resembling compassion. This is a man that is horribly aware that he’s away from one sharp stab of the Nails to his brain to end up killing his little girl in one single swat of his hand. The moments of anything resembling fatherly love are few and very tense, for Angron has to constantly be focused on not letting the pain control his actions and that always looks as if he’s dismissing his child’s love language or actions. What else can I say that most people don’t know already? This is just a sad story waiting to end in tragedy and had it not been for how Sanguinius ended during the heresy, I can see The Great Angel taking Angron’s daughter under his care as the only consolation and promise to his corrupted brother before his demise. After becoming a Daemon Prince, Angron’s only genuine and foggy memory of his little girl is her crying while calling him with heavy despair. Goddamn I almost tear up with this one.

Roboute Guilliman

Look at my big nerd! One of the few guys that actually is humble enough to feel more human than any of his brothers… sometimes. I gotta say it, Roboute has the vibe of what happens when someone incredibly autistic suddenly becomes a parent; expect lots of books to try and be prepared for what entails to take care of a mortal baby. He’ll have a wholeass strict routine of activities and diets that you AND the baby must follow to ensure both of your health along with “fun facts” regarding a toddler’s development that half of the time lack the keyword ‘fun’ in there. Honestly, Euten will be a BLESSING sent, for she’ll be the one railing back the most extreme attempts of her adoptive son to try and raise his little princess like she was just another task of paperwork. Over all his quirks, the Primarch of the Ultramarines is absolutely trying his hardest to be a good father just as the one that raised him, but this is a man that half of the time ends up clumsily trying to spend time with his little girl only for it to backfire as he simply doesn’t understand how to entertain his daughter. Good thing the child will simply be happy to spend time with her papa despite his weird personality. More often than not, some of the astartes will see the young lady at her father’s chambers in a little booster chair beside him, doodling on some papers to pretend that she’s a big girl helping her papa with his very important job. It's probably the most adorable sight anyone can ever get the chance to see. Just like most of his brothers, Roboute isn’t that good at expressing his love towards his daughter with words, so he simply let his little princess be on his lap and hug her as if it will be the last time.

Mortarion

I’ve written enough of this man being a father that you all can get a wild idea of how he will be when confronted with parenthood. Even if he believes himself to be undeserving of anything resembling happiness thanks to his perception of being nothing but a tool of the Emperor, this guy will only need to see his precious little flower and feel like everything in the world can be forgotten, including his ever festering negative emotions. His daughter is the single light of love that he selfilish believes is his right after such torturous upbringing although that mentality rarely affects his princess, as he simply shows nothing but care and tenderness towards her. He may be a nervous trainwreck, fully aware that his Legion and himself aren’t exactly safe-hazardous, but that never has stopped him from doing his utmost best to protect the little girl from anything that may hurt her. Like most of his traitorous brothers, Mortarion would not hesitate to bring entire worlds into devastation if it meant that his family can be safe, even if that’ll end up making a terrible gap to grow between him and those he loves. It's quite terrible and sad to know that, unlike Fulgrim or Angron, Mortarion was the closest to his daughter and showered her with as much genuine love as he could in an attempt to avoid being anything like his supposed father (adopted or creator equally), so when he turned into a Daemon Prince, the festering and rotting resentment that consumes him sometimes simmers down when he remembers the laugh of joy his little princess often released when he would carry her up in his arms. Oh yes, some good ol’ gut-wrenching emotional damage, teehee.

I will not apologize for being a mean bitch by writing sad shit. XOXO

[rubra-wav]

[ Entry #10 ] What it would be like actually dating Vox hcs

A/N I love Vox, but the reality of it is that he'd be terrible for a lot of reasons and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it in here like at all.

Me when theoretically very complex but ultimately still extremely problematic character: *foaming at mouth*

I love him.. but God I also hate him... but I also love hi-

This is a long one jfc.

Cw: Nsfw - no smut but strong themes, discussion of toxic relationships, manipulation, discussion of emotionally abusive/controlling behaviour, insecure aa toxic cis man behaviour, suggestive at one point

Someone asked me what I thought he'd be like with a yes-man reader so here it is

The worst out of the way first

The thing about Vox is that he's got a fuckton of baggage and bad traits that need desperate management, and they would sure as hell not be being managed by him on his own choice.

As his partner, you would NOT be able to be a pushover or shy away from any kind of confrontation about actions that have upset you because if Vox had a partner like this? He'd become the absolute worst version of himself in your relationship because you would not be calling him out or enforcing boundaries with him.

- He's insecure, and it's in the worst way possible.

And not in the 'aw he just needs to be loved and then he'll be healed' way. I'm talking in the 'toxic, refuses to remedy his own behaviours, becomes very emotionally abusive abt it if you don't pull up your boots and confront him abt it and make sure he actually does shit about it' way.

The fanfic community likes to portray him as a victim in the relationship with Val, and while it's true Val is certainly worse for obvious/overt reasons - He's still not just a victim in that situation. He's also terrible.

Just for reasons that are less overt and are thus overshadowed a lot. Acknowledging that doesn't make the shit Val (at least seemingly thus far. Vox side-stepped the drink being thrown pretty fast and seems accustomed to violent tantrums) does to him any less terrible, it's just the truth he's not a poor defenceless victim in that. (Vox literally goes to try use his mind control power on Val the second he seems like he's gonna damage their image then throws his lowest earners under the bus.)

- In the beginning if you aren't giving him attention at all times, do something that reminds him of Valentino even slightly, or if you do something that he just mildly doesn't like; then he will be passive aggressive or straight up aggressive as absolute fucking hell.

The second he feels slighted even a little bit, he's going to be so pissy.

- And he can't communicate for absolute shit. He thinks you are doing shit on purpose to piss him off or hurt him. This is due to his relationship with Val, but it's not him being a sad sob story kind of thing (not all around at least), he will be awful to you if you allow him to ever be just a victim who can do no wrong.

- He will project all his bs heavily onto you in the beginning with complete self awareness and no thought given to managing his own shit.

If you ask what's wrong when he's acting up he probably would be the type of bitch to go 'nothing's wrong' and will then proceed to ruminate upon it until he ends up exploding about it later on. Or, maybe he'll even do the 'you know what you've done' type of shit.

- He would probably expect you to be a mind reader and when you inevitably aren't aware of wtf is happening because he hates being emotionally vulnerable at all and can't describe what's going on properly for himself, he will be an absolute bitch about it. (Carried here from my other hc that he has a bunch of self-imposed toxic masculinity he needs to deconstruct)

- If you call him out, he will likely try to convince you he's not doing it.

- He'll become increasingly more self-aware of his behaviour you are aware of and will just be even worse because he hates that you could see something about him he doesn't want you to see.

Basically, he feels embarrassed as fuck about it, and cannot apologise because that's humiliating as all hell to him, so instead of turning inwards and dealing with his crap he then proceeds to consciously project shit onto you even when he knows he's in the wrong.

He'd rather argue the wrong point and behaviour than admit he's capable of making mistakes.

He will probably also try to hypnotise you into forgetting anything he thinks is undesirable you know about him too.

- You will need to actually teach him real consequences for his actions, but also need to be assuring him that you aren't going to do shit like Val would have or leave him for someone else and shit like that simultaneously.

He needs to essentially be taught consequences, boundaries, healthy relationship behaviour, etc. From absolute scratch. I would literally pay for this cunts therapy atp istg.

- And this is gonna be an absolute fucking nightmare because again, he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing and that he's in the wrong. All that interferes with his image he wants to put out at all times in your relationship with him.

He's got masks on masks. Even one for your relationship. The second that cracks in any regard, he's gonna be rushing to compensate for that, and if that doesn't work, he's gonna be pissed and most likely end up pushing that onto you.

- Speaking of image. I mentioned this in a fic, but he'd most likely be extremely controlling over your freedom to disclose your relationship, too. If he thought you would look poor as a partner for his reputation (ie. Low status, bad reputation), he'd most likely never want to publicly reveal your relationship no matter how much he loves you - he'd likely hide this completely behind you having privacy but if you say you want people to know anyway he's going to slowly become more and more overtly pissy about it.

And, if you are openly known to be in a relationship, he will be wanting to control your own image as well.

If you step one foot out of line of what he deems perfect, good lord he will be an absolute nightmare.

- Also mentioned in another post, but he would absolutely also watch you through cameras you don't know are there. Same as what he's seen doing with Val.

- He's got practically zero qualms in the beginning of your relationship with violating your privacy or boundaries if he thinks he'll get away with it/that you won't find out about it. This also likely goes for things like checking your texts, calls, and search history without permission.

- The possibility that he'd try to interfere with your personal relationships if he thought they would try drag you away from him or if they take up a lot of your attention is also pretty present.

He's an incredibly jealous person (as seen by him seeming jealous of Angel with Val of all people), so the second he sees you giving someone else positive attention? He's gonna be fucking furious.

- Again, you could not be a pushover in your relationship with him because he'd be absolutely awful. You'd have to basically be reality checking him every three seconds - it's NOT for the faint of heart and even if you're incredibly patient you will probably be going insane from it at points.

Implying you can actually get him to change tho he would become a lot better - he's gonna be fighting you on practically everything because the second he feels out of control of a situation or himself he's gonna be freaking out.

He will probably be straight up terrified if it seems like you are making him 'change', even if it's for the better and will ultimately ALSO benefit him too.

The SECOND he feels out of control of a situation in any way, he will be terrible.

- Also, if you manage to push him on the path to behaviour management this cunt will be looking smug and proud of himself as all hell the second he even slightly does what you ask and will be a bitch if you don't rain down praise on him for it. 💀

- He's so positive attention motivated it's actually pathetic lmao

With that out of the way - the slightly better/good other stuff

- Vox works fucking nightmare hours with his position in hell, and he hates not being able to be around you much so he's almost always trying to make it up to you.

- He'll be on calls with you or texting you most hours of the day (even when he probably should not be) because he's honestly clingy as hell.

If you don't like having a million notifications from someone blowing up your phone with random shit then you are not going to like being apart from him because he is chronically on his phone.

- Another thing is the gifts.

If you want a sugar daddy aa boyfriend? This is the man for you because my God will he shower you with the most expensive gifts you have ever received. New phones, cars, jewellery, clothes, so on so on.

It's bad if you don't like consumerism and want to keep devices even if newer ones come out because the second something new comes out he's getting it for you - even before it becomes publicly available to the rest of hell, it's in your hands. He wants the best stuff and only the best stuff for you. How would that make him look if his partner didn't have all the best stuff? To you and also others

- Also, the second you mention you actually want or need something? It's there right in front of you. Bro has personal delivery drones, and it will be there in under 15 minutes delivered to you or someone's getting shot.

- I've seen a few people imply gift giving is his primary love language, and it's certainly up there, but I personally think that it's more likely acts of service.

This man never does anything for anyone unless it's to keep things from being annoying to him, self gain, or damaging his image. So for him to do things for you that he knows you want from him even if he doesnt particularly want to? He is well and truly in love with you, and that would be how he'd let you know that even if he isn't self-aware of it, lmao.

He doesn't like being told to do things, but he's really good at picking up on what people want usually (unless he's being delulu) so if he notices something or you mention stuff off-hand? He'll try to do it/get it/whatever it is for you.

Material things are just material things. He's rich, it doesn't mean that much to drop thousands for him. Him actually doing things for you, though? Even if it doesn't benefit him at all? That's something else entirely.

Will be annoying asf if you don't thank him enough for it, though. Ie. "Well, you're welcome then." While pouting at you.

- As for spending time with him:

I believe he constantly wants to be alone with you and only with you when he actually has time to do so, so he only wants dates to be one-on-ond most of the time.

There aren't exactly limits upon that, though, like at all.

He's absolutely rich and has ridiculous privileges so you could be on comfy home dates where you two just stay in and cuddle after eating dinner, or seeing concerts/watching movies/etc exclusively where they are not available to just anyone, or something fucking ridiculous like eating a fancy dinner at a custom designed restaurant just for dates under a goddamn aquarium (very likely ngl)

The second he gets to show off his power, he's gonna do it with a smug grin.

- He's also extremely big on physical touch but would never admit it. I already go over this in another entry, but he's gonna have a hand on you at all times (hand on your waist, hip or shoulder, purposely brushing against you more then he logically has to be, etc)

Brief mentions of sexual stuff here

I feel like he'd love someone big on physical touch - both in a sexual way but also especially in a non-sexual way.

He's not used to getting someone cuddling him or holding his hands or literally just touching him at all without some underlying ulterior motive, so he'd probably just melt into your touch.

Also I'll link the post bc there's further takes on this in it but they are ✨️sus✨️

- He would be extremely protective of you- this can absolutely become one of the blue sections really easily- but if you're in a relationship he's gonna be constantly concerned about your safety and whether you are at risk.

I mean, you're in hell. Just about anyone could turn out to be some maniac (ironic he would think that 🤨)

Anyways, point is, you'd be safe from any other maniacs. He would give you the best security and protection probably in hell.

Another thing is that he's gonna be super paranoid at all times about whether you're safe or not. Which would probably get honestly annoying rather than endearing at a point. 💀

- Even though he's really against revealing his more vulnerable parts and what he doesn't think are desirable of himself, he's absolutely craving emotional security with someone.

So when you get him passed that? He's gonna be so goddamn clingy - even more then before lmao.

Ending note

He's an absolute nightmare who's high maintenance asf and could become extremely abusive emotionally, but he really also needs to be romanced properly for that to actually get better by a partner who won't take his bs and knows how to take him down a peg and put him in his place when he's being awful.

And definitely therapy.

The fact that I think all this and know how much an awful person he is and still love him this much as a character has gotta indicate some sort of insanity/j

[ Masterlist ]

[cryptidotter]

I know it's always "being sad about these kids" time in The Locked Tomb but, uh, I just put all these Harrow quotes together and need to share the sadness with everyone else:

So the Reverends told Harrow about the child genocide when she was THREE? jfc

Tamsyn why do you give us distressing facts like this?

And as I sit here with this, it makes me think of how many times I've seen people be frustrated or confused by Gideon being kind to Harrow in the pool scene after this revelation. Where for me, also a religious cult survivor, I would have expected nothing else.

Because it's not that Gideon thinks this new backstory EXCUSES what Harrow did. That's not the kind of forgiveness happening here. It's the realization that neither of them deserved to have their childhood stolen like that. Neither of them deserved to be so dehumanized, treated as nothing more than tools who should feel guilty for never being good enough.

But before that moment, Gideon clearly hadn't realized how fucked up Harrow's life had been, so she hadn't ever seen them on a similar level of victimhood.

Harrow lived an exaggerated form of the standard religious trauma that kids like me and Gideon experienced while growing up. The whole, "you, yes you, toddler, are sinful and deserving of eternal torment unless God shows you undeserved grace" experience.

I think it's easy for a fellow victim of that to sympathize like Gideon does, knowing so intimately how that kind of trauma fucks up a person. Even when a person turns their trauma into a weapon against others like Harrow did for so many years. It doesn't make the bullying acceptable, obviously, but it does make it worthy of sympathy instead of pure condemnation. Gideon finally realized that Harrow didn't act out of personal sadism, and that meant a lot for Gideon and how she sees Harrow.

Anyway there's just something inherently relatable to me when one victim sees another one, even and especially an imperfect victim, and still chooses to humanize them. Because that act of compassion is a rejection of the system that broke them both.

[theallianceofcelestials]

Okay, so apparently people have been harassing Kat, Earth's VA because they... don't like the characters she plays and how she writes for the show? The actual fuck?

Like don't get me wrong, perfectly fine to look at a character and decide you don't like them, even hate them potentially, but you don't go and harass the people responsible for making the character. That's just plain dumb. I hate/dislike characters from some of the shows (Bonnie from Moon and Sun Minecraft for example), but that doesn't give me the right to go and harass their VAs. BECAUSE IT'S JUST A CHARACTER FOR A SILLY LITTLE SHOW PEOPLE MAKE FOR FREE! IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS! Sure I may rant about the character, but NEVER badmouth the actor, because them being able to achieve such a visceral reaction out of me by just looking at the character, makes them so incredibly talented.

Like how can you be so fucking terminally online, that you decide to harass someone because "I Don't LiKe ThE chaRacTeR"?! Like that's no valid reason to do that! Go and touch some god fucking grass, my god! I swear it's actually good for you!

Like this is just straight up disgusting behaviour in general. It's unacceptable, and shows just how much of a coward these people actually are, because there're no consequences for THEM. And well, they clearly don't fucking care about their fellow human beings, so like jfc.

And like the shit Kat does is for FREE! She doesn't charge us money for her services! She just went and did some amazing stuff for us, and now some idiots're feeling butthurt because they hate female characters or something.

I sincerely hope it was only a couple of individuals at worst, and a single person at best, because my faith in humanity is already rather fragile, and this is just ridiculous and pathetic.

So like, if by some miracle the person/people who harassed Kat is/are reading this, I want you to know this says more about to how sad and pathetic you actually are, and how you peaked back on the playground as a bully and didn't manage to develop into an actual fucking person, than it does anything about Kat. I hope you realise just how stupid you are, but I know you likely won't. Because people like you lack brains, so you can't comprehend basic fucking concepts like how the sky is blue, and 2 + 2 is 4. Or how grass is not your fucking enemy.

This isn't about just just Kat, because from what I've heard, other female characters' actresses get similar bs, and their characters get tremendous ammount of hate compared to male characters that potentially did incredibly horrid stuff, but I don't really follow the other TSBS to know what's going on. But my gods. That's so disappointing.

Why are fandoms nowadays so toxic? Back in my day, and I'm not that old myself either, and joined fandoms later than most people in said fandoms, since I'm a not native english speaker, but back in the day fandoms were so much more positive. Sure, there was the toxic minority, but they were just that. Loud small group of jerks. Like when did we start catering to these people? When did we decide that these toxic people were whom we should listen to, and explain every little thing we do to them? Like why do I have to explain why I like villian characters or whatever to internet strangers? I think people are more than smart enough to realise morality should not be taken from media!

And when did fanart and fanfic start becoming expectation, something the fanfic writer has to do, the fanart artist has to do? Instead it being the expression of joy and feelings the consumed media gave them? When did shipping become life or death? When did a headcanon or an AU become so fucking serious that lives apparently depend on it with how people jump eachother? Why can't we just relax and have fun? Like do what fandom is meant for?

This is obviously not for the people who didn't do any of this shit, but the fact I need to clarify that or someone will get offended is disheartening. Like people please deal with your anxieties! If it's not your shirt, don't put it on as a saying in my native tongue goes!

Sorry for the angry rant, it's just so disappointing, especially because Kat is such a talented person! I really enjoy how she plays these characters and I love her writing! So I thank her for deciding to not just quit altogether, no matter how understandable that would have been! I hope stepping back will make things better!

I just hope her mental health doesn't have to suffer more, because this shouldn't have happened to her in the first place. She's been doing amazing work, for free I'll say once again, and I'll forever cherish it! I hope things get better for her!

If by some miracle this reaches Kat, thank you for sticking with us for as long as you have! I hope things'll get better for you! Take care of yourself! :)

[boreal-sea]

We were talking about "kids these days", but not in a "fuck them" kind of way, in a "jfc they desperately need help and I guess that's gotta be me" kind of way.

This fall was the first group of incoming college freshman who'd spent most of their highschool years in COVID lockdown, and y'all. You struggled. And I'm sad you struggled. I didn't have a lot of control over the class I taught this semester, it was all online and the content was pre-made.

But I'm getting hired (I hope) as a full professor next fall, and I have many ideas.

Week 1, we're going to learn how to use the online learning tools, even if it's an in-person class. A lot of students this semester missed 10% of their grade because they couldn't find some of the content. So you guys need help learning how to use these systems, and that's definitely my job.

Also Week 1, I'm going to introduce note-taking tools, methods, and techniques. A lot of kids have no idea how to take notes. It's a skill you have to be taught.

Week 2, I'm going to start them on how to find real sources online, and how to vet the sources they're reading. Someone I talked to today said "the problem isn't that they can't find information, it's that there's too much information, and most of it isn't true". So that's going to be a theme for the whole semester.

Some time before the first test I'm going to teach studying techniques. Again - a lot of kids just don't know how to study. How can I expect them to do well on a test if they can't study for it??

And then, throughout the semester, I'm going to teach a mix of computer skills, including file structure and navigating the system, saving files as PDFs, using Acrobat, Word, Excel, PPT, and programs like that. I'm going to introduce them to Zotero and how to integrate it into Word because the sooner you learn how to do that the happier you will be when you're writing big term papers in your 400 level courses.

Anyway. Those are my starting ideas.

Did anyone else struggle this semester? What do you wish someone had taught you how to do?

[magpiefngrl]

2024 Book Review

In 2024 I read 80 books (including my current read); sort of average for me. My challenge this year was to 1. read the Vorkosigan saga, and 2. To read no (or very few) US authors besides Bujold, and I succeeded in both. The word I'd use to describe many of the books mentioned below is unusual. It wasn't intentional but a lot of these reads were weird (complimentary). I also reread a lot of books, such as CaPri (again!), Dark Rise/Heir, the first two novels of Lymond Chronicles and a great deal of KJ Charles romances.

The Vorkosigan Saga

A sci-fi space opera series of 16 novels plus several novellas, published from the 90s onwards. I read all of them, except one novella. Go me! It's a fantastic series and its reputation is well deserved. Some books were more exciting or to my taste than others, naturally, but they were all easy to read, well paced and well characterised. The stretch of books from Brothers in Arms to Civil Campaign was my fave. I tore through those novels in a few weeks. Mirror Dance, Memory and A Civil Campaign are some of my fave reads of the year.

9 other books that stood out

Vita Nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko. JFC. What a novel. What a mindfuck. I didn't know what was happening most of the time but it sure was compelling. The story was weird as fuck, incomprehensible at times, with trippy magic, full of body horror and a menacing mood and dark academia vibes, and it was unlike anything I've read. It's a fantasy but not a typical one; it resists defining and needs to be experienced.

The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera. The second most exciting book of the year. An unusual, mesmerising fantasy with incredible worldbuilding and lush prose.

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. Finally read this celebrated novel and it was nothing like I'd expected. Though, idk what I expected. Definitely a book that stays with you. I'm sure a lot of the references to the time period flew over my head. One to reread.

Faithful Place and The Secret Place by Tana French. Grouping these together as they feature the same characters. Tana French is a huge favourite of mine and I can't imagine reading a novel of hers that doesn't end on my fave-books-of-the-year list. Gorgeous prose and a deep dive into characters make her books less than typical murder mysteries.

Swimming in the Dark by Tomasz Jedrowski. An atmospheric, mesmerising read about young queer love, with beautiful, lyrical prose and a hefty dose of history. I loved the portrait of Poland in the 70s-80s.

The Will of the Many by James Islington. A fantasy novel I devoured within days. Some of its elements are very traditional fantasy (secret identity of main character, tough academy to attend, end of graduation big event to complete, Roman inspired architecture and names) but the worldbuilding with the Will as a measure of power and the Pyramids is unique and fascinating. This is a hefty 600+ page novel, but easy to read and briskly paced. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

The Vegetarian by Han Kang. A Kafkaesque novel, layered and deep, with an ambiguous ending. The kind of work that leaves one unsure, full of questions and barely-glimpsed thoughts like silent things swimming in dark water. I'm keen to read more from this author.

Dark Heir by CS Pacat. Last but not least is the sequel to Dark Rise. I enjoyed it a lot more than the first novel; and in fact, I immediately went back and reread Dark Rise and enjoyed that one more the second time round--and then I read Dark Heir again, just days after my first read. To say I'm gagging for the third novel is an understatement. This one got under my skin, guys.

KJC Sad War Boys reread

On a discord I used to belong to, some fans took all the characters KJC has created that used to be soldiers and ranked from least sad to most sad. I thought that was a perfect idea for a reread, and so I started with the Henchmen of Zenda (what a fun novel! And Jasper isn't much cut up about his army service) and moved on accordingly towards the one with the saddest war boy, which is also, as it happens, possibly my fave KJC romance.

Other Notable Reading Accomplishments

Finished The Witcher series! Hooray!

Finally read Aliette de Bodard's Dominion of the Fallen series, which I'd bought many years before. I can't say I loved the 3 main novels (though the worldbuilding was interesting) but I did enjoy the two novellas featuring a fab new ship: Stab Husband and Dragon Husband. I love these two so much. (The novellas are: Of Dragons, Feasts and Murders, and Of Charms, Ghosts and Grievances)

Read THREE new KJ Charles novels. We've been blessed this year.

I read 6 novels by Keigo Higashino, who writes murder mysteries unlike any I've read. Superbly plotted and always unusually structured.

Finally got around to reading my pal's (and former drarry author) YA novel, Tim Te Maro and the Subterranean Heartsick Blues, which was as delightful as I'd expected.

Some stats

I might have read 80 novels but not by 80 authors. I went over my spreadsheet and saw a lot of the same names popping up. I thought I'd make a count, so here goes: I read 19 books (novels and novellas) by Lois McMaster Bujold, 15 books by KJ Charles (mostly rereads), 6 by Keigo Higashino, 5 by Aliette de Bodard (plus a short story), and 5 by CS Pacat.

Onwards to 2025!

Previous years:

2015 2016 2019

first half of 2020 top 5 books of 2020

2021 2022 2023

[loopyren]

can i say something about inukik & inukag lol

For context, I’m a latecomer to this series. I just finished it last month in the year 2023. And “Did Inuyasha love Kikyo more or Kagome more?” is sort of a weird debate for me.

Because it's sort of implying that "love" could be quantified or something. Like it’s something you can point your finger at and count. But from my, ahem seasoned expertise, that’s not how it works.

So I want to look at it in a different way.

Let’s get it straight. Love is not quantifiable. Inuyasha loved both Kikyo and Kagome the best way he knew how. He was genuine about both of them. His feelings were earnest and true.

But you can’t deny his love somehow feels... different between the two of them.

So what is it? What is this difference?...

*deep breath* please bear with me I need to get this out of my system

+

Inuyasha loved Kikyo. But their love felt transactional.

Kikyo showed him kindness, didn't try to kill him, treated him like a normal person for once. But... she was kind of in a sad place in life. In protecting the jewel, she felt robbed of a normal life. So, she asked him one day, "Will you become human and destroy the jewel? For me?" Kind of a tall ask, but I don’t blame her. She was feeling miserable. And Inuyasha's like, "Yes, of course!"

But then she died. And got resurrected. And Inuyasha's like “well shit, now I REALLY need to do something for her. She DIED because of me.” That's really what's driving his love (is it love anymore? idk) at this point. It feels like he's chasing to pay off his debt.

That's what I mean by “transactional.”

Okay, so Inuyasha loved Kagome too. But their love felt unconditional.

Kagome also showed him kindness, didn't try to kill him, treated him like a normal person etc. just like Kikyo. But she doesn’t really need anything from Inuyasha, right. She’s content with her life and all. So... she didn't ask for anything back. She just gave kindness to him and went on her merry way. Ok ya, sometimes she gets a lil grumpy (she’s human) but she always believes in him, trusts him to do the right thing, supports him when he's weak, yada yada... and like, that's it. Inuyasha even tries to make himself look like the bad guy, steals her shards, freakin’ pushes her into the well to get her to go home (cuz he didn’t want her to get hurt anymore), but Kagome comes back HUGGING him LMAO

Kagome is giving him literally nothing but love and trust and support. Not really expecting anything in return. She just wants to see him be his best and do his best. Encourage him during hard times. Even when she sees him with Kikyo lol… Clearly it hurts her and she realizes she caught feelings (oops), but she accepts that about herself and holds on to her desire to support him through and through.

She kinda says to him, "Hey… I know my place (in relation to Kikyo), but I still want to support you. I want to see you smile and be happy. Will you let me stay by your side?"

DAMN. Inuyasha says, "You’ll stay for me?" (well, in the anime in Japanese that's what he literally says, I replayed that scene like 500 times to make sure I heard it right). And she's like ya! Let's go!

CMONNNN. His brain is probably like “NO STOP! I OWE MY LIFE TO KIKYO!” but his heart is already saying “JFC THIS GIRL. I LOVE HER.” And he wants to do everything for her, not because he's indebted to her. It's not a transaction he needs to pay up. He does it because he really wants to.

So like, people making a ruckus about “Inuyasha Loved Kikyo!!!” vs “NO INUYASHA LOVED KAGOME!!” And I’m just sitting here going, uhh. I mean y'all both right! He... loved them both? Hello? And he loved very adorably for both of them. He’s such an honest lover.

But the circumstances in which he loved each girl are totally different. 

With Kikyo, the circumstances were pretty dire. They were both deprived of something important to them. Her, a normal life. Him, just basic love and affection. They weren’t able to love each other with no strings attached bc they both still had stuff internally to deal with (her: the need to be liberated & him: insecurity). But, regardless, they shared a special bond that can’t be replaced. That’s a given.

Kagome... gave him better circumstances to love. Her love made him feel light. It felt so good and positive. She taught him a lot on what it means to trust and love someone unconditionally. He could show her all his ugly and she accepts that about him. She helped him meet lifelong friends too, Miroku, Sango, Shippo... And he really treasures her for that. They also shared a special bond that can’t be replaced, literally no one can replace bc he basically screams out loud (in the Meido) she is his soulmate. :’) suh cute

I think at the end, yeah, Kikyo might’ve got some smooches and our InuKag friends are like D: But… I’m romantic ace so maybe I see it differently, but it’s just a kiss. I never doubted that the only kiss that would truly make his eyes light up, the only kiss that could cause his entire soul to leap out of his own mouth and stun him into silence, is a kiss with Kagome. And Rumiko Takahashi did that without actually providing us a kiss scene (in the manga). 

Takahashi made me trust Inuyasha like how he and Kagome trust each other. :((((

That’s... incredible. Standing ovation character building 👏🏼

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 12

chapter 22:

1. 😟😟 all james wants is for sirius to be there for james the way james ALWAYS was for sirius

2. 😟 james wished hodge happy birthday even though hodge died yesterday. i- i am not okay

3. “Regulus never fails to look up. Evan would be proud of him for that, he thinks.” 😧 that was vile to put in there

4. james has resorted to BEGGING for medicine from sirius and can’t understand why sirius won’t send any. this hurts so bad

5. nope. i’m done. i can’t read any more. james started looking forward to death cause he would be out of this arena and out of pain. jfc i’m done

6. anyways. i’m back cause i couldn’t stop reading.

7. REGULUS AND JAMES ARE REUNITED!!! THANK GOD!!! 😊

8. 😧 wait nevermind. james just mistook regulus for sirius. “James has never, not once in his life under any circumstances, mistaken Regulus for Sirius”

9. james is delulu from medicine and reg just found out that the plan has always been to get reg home. this hits like a motherfucking truck

10. james is high as a fucking kite, can’t figure out why “sirius” is being mean to him, cause he’s never been mean to him. and is also wondering why “sirius” is oddly attractive for being mean

11. it takes james half a chapter, and reg cutting his shirt for james to realize it’s not sirius. cause sirius has different scars. i love james sm 😭😭

12. “What was Sirius thinking? Drugging James? In the middle of the fucking hunger games? That might be the most idiotic thing Regulus has ever known his brother to do, and this is Sirius he's talking about, so that's saying a lot. Sirius once flipped a cigarette in the air and tried to catch it with his mouth while it was lit, and kept doing it until he could actually consistently manage it, no matter how much it burned him. Though, in fairness, he can still do that trick to this day.”

LMAO WHAT??? that’s so random and i love it

13. 😧 legit sobbing. reg says that james lost the spark in his eyes. and he’s the one person he expected to never lose his spark

14. reg reveals that they both can go home. james’ spark is back. i’m sobbing harder now. they’re so in love

15. i eat, breathe, and dream those author end notes. bizzarestars writes their end notes the way my brain processes the fic. <33

chapter 23:

1. starting the chapter off with pain, i see. losing vanity changed james. like. horribly changed him.

2. “What Regulus hates more than James is his suffering.” jfc he’s so emotionally constipated

3. james is sad and all reg can think is hmmmm i want him to start flirting with me again, because it meant he was happy bitch wtf

4. awww they’re cuddling and just got a package! my babies are gonna make it out!

5. reg realizes he has to put on a show, so he offers to feed james. and wants to gouge his eyeballs out for offering that. 😭😭😭😭

6. i’m dying from embarrassment but this is also so fucking funny. reg is like. let’s talk about our feelings. for each other. and james is just like *head tilt* ???

7. “"You weren't my first crush, James," Regulus whispers. "You were my first love."”

james didn’t just make reg feel good, he made reg feel and i am NOT okay.

8. “This whole time, Regulus has been steady on the fact that he wouldn't kiss James to save his own life, but he's apparently willing to do it to save James'.”

JFC why is he so emotionally constipated???

9. THEY KISS????? james is gonna be heartbroken when he realizes it was all an act

10. oh thank god james realized. at least it broke his heart now and not in two weeks

11. *squints* now reg has never wanted anything more than this kiss. girl. please. realize.

12. god, i’ve never read a kiss more beautifully and emotionally desperate written.

13. 😏 reg called him baby again!

14. oh god, maybe i’m just as bad as everyone in the hallow. maybe i’m just as bad as them. cause i enjoy their romance. i enjoy it so much. maybe i’m just as bad as the hallow for that. i- i think this every time i read the hunger games.

15. “James wants to sink his teeth into Regulus and leave the deep imprints of his teeth from one jutting hip bone to the other.” sometimes i forget that jegulus is a little unhinged in ways like this. and every time i’m reminded, I LOVE IT

16. “"You treat me like I'm stupid for daring to see good in people, but if there's no good in anyone, then what's the fucking point?"”

this entire section. this. this is what james is all about

17. 😟 authors note just told me i’m no better than a hallow. for my excitement over jegulus. and- yeah. i guess so. i’m so sorry y’all