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[cryptidotter]

I don't think I'll ever be able to stop thinking about how fucking misguided Gideon and Harrow are when it comes to their feelings for each other.

Gideon's convinced that the love of her life is only capable of feeling the way she wants her to feel about herself, for the Body. Harrow loves Gideon in a way she could never love the body. She covets the body, she childishly adores Alecto.

But she isn't willing to destroy herself for Alecto, she isn't willing to shatter her mind to ensure Alecto's survival. She lobotomizes herself to save Gideon, and I don't believe that she would do the same for Alecto.

Harrow meanwhile, is a complete disaster zone at expressing and communicating her feelings. Her note to Gideon, her letter, the one that would be given to Gideon with the assumption that Harrow was going to get Gideon into a body at some point could have explained it all plainly.

How she feels about Gideon, how she loves Gideon more than anything. How she's going to do everything she can to get back to her. How she needs her so badly.

Instead she hides that all behind the cryptic message, their message for sure, but Gideon misses it. "One flesh, one end."

Girls please?!

[cryptidotter]

[cryptidotter]

this one part from harrow the ninth always made me really upset. so i made a four page comic out of it!

[cryptidotter]

Something I love about the romance in The Locked Tomb is how Gideon as our first POV narrator is like "this is Harrowhark Nonagesimus, she thrives on scorn and ambition and death" and as a seasoned enemies-to-lovers fan, my first reaction was "I love it, I support women's rights and wrongs, and I can't wait to see this cold evil character discover feelings eventually" but then the plot twist is actually that Harrow is a pathetic desperate emo who barely needs an excuse to say the most romantic shit imaginable. Which is already a good payoff and the characterization is superb, but then you see inside Harrow's head in the next book and discover that despite her trauma and 35 mental illnesses, she is so much of a fucking soft marshmallow simp that not even her DIY lobotomy can keep her from indulging in a coffeeshop AU (?!?!) to soothe her yearning soul. Which makes rereading GtN delightful because now you can read between the lines and realise like "oh wow, she was down bad the whole time and Gideon just didn't notice". It gives so much lesbian Pride and Prejudice that you can only fully appreciate during a reread. I adore it.

[cryptidotter]

knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is it casual now?

[cryptidotter]

I'm only halfway through but means so much to me that not only does Nona the Ninth depict a character with profound intellectual and developmental disabilities with compassion and depth, she is surrounded by love and support. Her family may occasionally be frustrated or exasperated (pencils aren't FOOD Nona) but they never get upset, never make her feel stupid or useless, they challenge her without depriving her of support, and love her unconditionally.

At school the teachers are unfailingly kind and give her jobs that are within her capabilities and make her feel helpful and competent.

She is not required to go through a gauntlet of social trauma in order to earn friends. There is loving teasing among the gang but she is accepted and valued as who she is.

Even in the interactions we see with random strangers, she is viewed with kindness or gentle humor (with the one creep exception), not the disgust and aversion we so commonly see people with disabilities treated with in our culture.

So much can be written about how, even in the midst of The Horrors, Nona finds love and support, but right now I'm just holding the simple beauty that she gets to experience that people can be good.

[cryptidotter]

[cryptidotter]

The more I see the phrase “eldest daughter syndrome” the higher it raises my hackles. It’s just parentification. It’s parentification and if you call it parentification it’s a lot easier to explain, and it’s a lot easier for the younger siblings or only children and children of any gender to identify it happening to them too.

Like I get that oldest sibs are more likely to be treated as accessory parents of their youngers, and I get that in a lot of families girls are pushed into caregiver roles, but fucking hell man parentification can and does happen to any kid regardless of birth order and gender, and while situations vary from family to family, there isn’t really anything the parentified oldest daughters are experiencing that the other parentified kids aren’t.

[cryptidotter]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[cryptidotter]

[cryptidotter]

i don't "date" and i don't "chill" and i don't "hang out." i make pacts. i swear oaths. i forge unbreakable bonds. this makes me a cool breezy person to take on road trips et cetera

[cryptidotter]

I do not understand people who have beef with Harrow because I'm sorry, that's a traumatized adolescent, I'm not holding her to the standards of an adult when she fucks up. You know who I do have beef with? Ortus Nigenad. Because what do you mean you're a 35yo man and you've just been watching these girls rip each other to shreds without parental figures your whole adult life and you did nothing? You could have parentified yourself a little bit, my man. Just a smidgen.

[cryptidotter]

Ianthe awful nasty girl Tridentarius

[cryptidotter]

i do not at all mean this in a perjorative manner, but i do think it’s important to be able to consume a piece of media and go, “i’m not the audience for this” and be able to just walk away 

there doesn’t have to be something wrong or “problematic” about something for a person to not like it. personal taste is personal taste. but something not doing it for you doesn’t mean it automatically has to be wrong or bad. it’s just not for you. 

[cryptidotter]

people are so obsessed with the idea of fake friends. look lots of people aren’t going to like you and also aren’t going to hate you so much they feel the need to pick an actual fight with you so they’re just going to be like. friendly. when you’re around each other because that’s what adults do. and probably not invite you to their birthday party. this is not a grand betrayal you do this to other people too

[cryptidotter]

I'm always going to be an stalwart defender of both high art and complete trash. I also personally think that the best way to really open yourself up to the highs of the former is to be open to the guiltless pleasures of the latter.

[cryptidotter]

-Marina Tsvetaeva

[image ids: three images with screenshots from star trek featuring spock and kirk, with a quote overlayed. (1) Kirk, looking fondly at Spock with the text ‘No one has ever stared more tenderly’ and Kirk, looking at Spock with wonder after his resurrection with the text ‘or more fixedly after you…’ (2) Spock, looking at Kirk with a smile and Spock and Kirk holding hands from the motion picture, with the text ‘I kiss you’ (3) Kirk, holding Spock’s body closely, with the text ‘across hundreds of’ Kirk from the reboot movies, with Spock Prime’s hand on his face to preform a mindmeld and the text ‘separating years.’ :End id]