#I was already so excited for s2 and now I am just SO READY

[xoxoemynn]

my serotonin levels after that panel 📈

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[lewis-winters]

I am so ready I look like a dog waiting for its owner to get the leash off so they can Jesus-walk on a pond to catch that motherfucking squirrel. Hit me with it

This whole shebang is in reference to this quote from Biggest Brother!!

Anyway, I personally think!!!! that maybe Dick was a little miffed that Lewis came back all riddled with trauma and actively suffering the effects of PTSD when Dick was excited to tell him that he got demoted to a position he'd be happier in!! One that'll give him a reason to be with Dick all the time!! And if we're operating on the logic that they're together in the romantic sense... then Lew being Battalion S3 and hanging around Nix would be less suspicious than if he were still Regiment S2, ya know? To Dick, Nix's demotion is cause for celebration! So why does he wield it like a weapon later on in the scene?

Let's back track a little bit. Dick is a little possessive, is the thing. We keep saying that Nix wants to be around Dick all the time, when the opposite is also very true! Dick wants Nix with him all the time!! He says it in Bastogne, when Nix got the ticket back home; "How will your leaving help me?" He never complains that Nix is always around on the front lines, ergo neglecting duties up at Regiment or Battalion. He WANTS Nix around. He wants this so much, in fact, that some times he can't quite see past it. Which is kind of the case with that scene in the beginning of episode 9.

I mean look at the way he comes into the room-- he's no where in the house when Nix enters. Must mean he comes running the second he finds out Nix is back. He sees Nix, fails to read the room, and immediately launches into a joke ("You dog! making combat jumps with the 17th while I'm in supply briefings all morning!"). He's eating a fucking pastry while Nix is having his 10th existential crisis in a week. He's so relaxed and so playful in that moment. He's not Major Winters, there's nobody here he needs to perform for-- HE'S TALKING WITH HIS MOUTH FULL AND HIS JACKET IS UNBUTTONED LIKE--

the man was HAPPY to see Nix back and came bounding over like a puppy to see him, and he just... didn't read the fucking room like. RICHARD.

RICHARD PLEASE I know you're fucking blind when it comes to Lewis Nixon but c'mon, now. C'mon. That man is fighting for his LIFE and you're just happy to see him, like. I--

And then he reacts badly when Nix doesn't meet his energy. I've written about it before... it's somewhere in my #bob meta tag, you'll just have to dig bc I'm too lazy to go get it but like. Dick is also very depressed here and ALSO suffering from PTSD, he's just repressing it really well (also unhealthy). And like, yeah he's happy to see Nix, but it's the kind of happy that's like... he's grasping on to the nearest life saver to pull him out of the darkness. Nix is that life saver... but what happens when that life saver is also compromised? Some people get frustrated, they lash out. Or they shut down. Dick did both, and it's... well. You already know how I feel about that, lol.

Anyway. Yeah. HAHAHAHAHA that's it.

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 9 (Epilogue)

Chapter 9 (Epilogue): There’s Some Kind Of Heaven Just Around The Corner

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Suicide, FLUFF, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, INFECTED, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 2k

A/N:  After many months of not writing, I present to you the epilogue of S1 for TLOU. Thank you for sticking by me with my silly little stories, I can never express how grateful I am to have you all. I’m horrified and excited at the thought of S2, maybe the reader could change the important ending… who knows. Stay safe everyone <3

Song: Intermission by Sleeping At Last

Previous Chapter -> Season 2 | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD 2023

SILVER LAKE, COLORADO TO SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH – A FEW WEEKS LATER…

The cool breeze of the evening brushes against your face as you sit on the porch of the farmhouse, strumming the strings of the guitar Joel now treasures. The people of Jackson have embraced you warmly, welcoming you back into their community. The topic of the Fireflies remains unspoken, a shared understanding between you and Joel. It lingers in the background, a memory that only surfaces when necessary.

Life in Jackson has brought a sense of normalcy, a semblance of the life you had before the chaos consumed the world. But this time, it's different. This time, you feel like you belong, like you are loved. The little family you've formed with Joel and Ellie has found solace within the walls of this farmhouse. As the seasons pass by, a routine settles in, and the farmhouse pulses with life, as if it has its own heartbeat.

The bugs begin to retreat once again, signaling the transition from summer to autumn. You find yourself on the porch, the guitar resting gently on your lap. It was a gift for Joel, a token of appreciation and love, but it also earned you a playful scolding. Joel made it clear that you should never leave Jackson without informing him first. It was a testament to his protectiveness, a reminder of the bond that has grown between you.

At this moment, the world seems so simple. The rush of blood through your veins transports you back to your youth, when fear and uncertainty were distant notions. Seventeen again, you find yourself unafraid of death, daring to dream once more. The curve of the valley before you holds a profound meaning. Happiness emanates from within as you gaze at the serene surroundings.

As the words echo in your mind, they bring a smile to your face. Joel's voice resounds in your memory, "I'll never let you go." Those five words hold a depth of emotion, a promise that transcends the hardships you've endured. In this tranquil moment, you realize that you have found a home, a place where love and safety intertwine. You are content, knowing that Joel is by your side, ready to face whatever challenges may come.

The future may hold uncertainties, but for now, you bask in the stillness, cherishing the connection that binds you and Joel together. The world may be broken, but within the embrace of this farmhouse, you have found solace, love, and a renewed sense of purpose. And as you continue to strum the guitar, the notes reverberate through the air, carrying the harmony of your newfound happiness into the world.

Lost in the nostalgic melody, you find yourself humming a tune that holds a special place in your heart. The tranquility of the moment is interrupted by the gentle reminder that you're wearing one of Joel's shirts, two sizes too big. It's a simple gesture, a symbol of the closeness you share, but it also serves as a reminder that nothing is certain in this world. Doubts linger, even as you begin to feel at home.

The passing year has been arduous, and its weight lingers in your mind. The slow progress makes you question if you're truly moving forward. Trust is a scarce commodity, earned by only a select few. The scars etched upon your bodies, remnants of battles fought in your youth, serve as a constant reminder of the dangers that persist. And yet, the revelation of a collapsing sun and rising seas, of crumbling buildings, brought about a new understanding of the fragility of existence.

As you continue strumming and humming, Joel stands by the door, captivated by the beauty that radiates from you. The sun begins its descent on the southern horizon, casting a warm glow on the scene. Unable to resist any longer, Joel quietly approaches, his footsteps barely audible. He wraps his arms around your waist, his presence causing you to giggle. His lips press against the side of your neck, the scruff of his chin tickling your skin.

"Joel!" you playfully chide, a mixture of surprise and delight in your voice. He responds with a hum, his voice filled with affection, "My sweet Birdie..."

You quickly place the guitar on the side, and in that tender moment, you realize that despite the uncertainties and doubts that surround you, you have found a sanctuary in each other. Joel's embrace offers a sense of security, a refuge from the storms that rage outside. You feel a rush of gratitude for the love you've found amidst the chaos, and a renewed determination to protect what you hold dear.

Basking in the warmth of Joel's affection, you turn your head to meet his gaze, curiosity tugging at your thoughts. "How was the patrol today?" you inquire, wanting to know about the world beyond the safety of Jackson's walls. 

Joel plants gentle kisses on the side of your head, your cheek, and finally on your lips, his love conveyed through each tender touch. His gaze locks with yours, his southern accent subtly peeking through as he responds, "Today was good, darlin'. Nothin' for your pretty head to worry about."

A sense of relief washes over you, knowing that for at least one day, the dangers that loom outside haven't posed a threat. But your thoughts naturally drift to Ellie, the young woman who has become an integral part of your lives. You can't help but bring her up, knowing that Joel's bond with her is unbreakable.

"What about Ellie? How's she doing?" you ask, genuine concern lacing your words. Ellie's resilience and determination have become a source of inspiration, even amidst the darkest of times.

A soft smile tugs at the corners of Joel's lips as he replies, his voice filled with fondness, "Ellie's holdin' up. Been keepin' busy, learnin' new skills, and takin' care of herself. She's got that fire in her, just like you."

The mention of Ellie's fiery spirit brings a wave of admiration. You can't help but feel proud of her growth, of the strength she embodies. In this broken world, the relationships you've forged hold immense importance, anchoring you to hope and reminding you of the enduring power of love.

Nestling closer to Joel, you rest your head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart a soothing lullaby. "I'm glad she's finding her way," you murmur softly, your voice filled with genuine affection. "We're lucky to have her in our lives."

Joel's arms tighten around you, his voice brimming with tenderness as he responds, "Ain't that the truth, darlin'. We're blessed to have each other, and no matter what comes our way, we'll face it together."

Feeling a surge of love for Joel, you lift your head from his chest to meet his gaze. The twinkle in his eyes tells a story of unwavering devotion, and a mischievous grin plays upon his lips. You can't help but become enveloped in his warmth, finding solace in his presence.

"I don't tell you enough, Joel," you begin, your voice filled with sincerity, "but you mean the world to me. I love you.”

Joel's expression softens, his gaze locked with yours. He brushes a strand of hair away from your face, his touch gentle yet purposeful. "You know, darlin'," he replies, his voice slightly husky, "you mean the world to me too. There ain't a day that goes by where I don't thank my lucky stars for bringin' you into my life."

The vulnerability in Joel's words tugs at your heartstrings, and you lean in, pressing a tender kiss against his lips. It's a gentle affirmation of the love that binds you together, a silent promise of forever.

As you pull back, a playful glimmer dances in Joel's eyes. "You know," he says, a mischievous grin spreading across his face, "I reckon I'm the luckiest man alive. Not only do I have the most beautiful person by my side, but I've also got a hell of a good kisser."

His words elicit a giggle from you, the sound filling the air with pure joy. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you whisper, "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Miller."

The two of you settle into a comfortable silence, relishing the closeness and the unspoken language of love that flows between you. With each passing moment, the world outside fades into insignificance, leaving only the warmth and tenderness of this intimate connection.

A gentle breeze rustles the leaves overhead, the delicate dance of foliage creating a symphony of nature. Your fingers entwined with Joel's, each touch a testament to the warmth and tenderness that envelops you in this serene moment.

In the ambient glow of the evening, the air pulses with an almost tangible affection. The space between you and Joel becomes a canvas painted with an unspoken promise that transcends the limitations of words. In the delicate interplay of shared vulnerabilities and profound love, you find a sanctuary where the concept of time fades, replaced by the eternal embrace of this connection.

In this fleeting instance, bathed in the gentle twilight, you take solace in the richness of your conversation. Despite the shadows that loom from past events and the uncertainties that await, the presence of Joel beside you becomes a steadfast beacon, guiding you through the dimly lit corridors of life.

The embrace continues, a dance of shared whispers and laughter, a rhythmic exchange that weaves together the tapestry of your lives. Amidst the harshness of the world, the cocoon of your love becomes a refuge, a source of strength, and a testament to the formidable power of unity.

Yet, beneath the surface of this idyllic scene, a quiet ache persists, a shadow that lingers in the corners of your consciousness. There are nights when Joel lies peacefully asleep beside you, unaware of the storm that rages within your mind. In those quiet hours, memories materialize, hazy and elusive, casting a spectral glow on the canvas of your thoughts.

You can see him on the porch, the soft strains of a guitar accompanying the melancholic melody of your recollections. The air is charged with the bittersweet echoes of a past that refuses to be forgotten. There are nights when tears silently trace the contours of your face, the weight of remembered endings pressing upon your heart.

Joel, the silent guardian at your side, remains oblivious to the tempest within. His presence is a comfort, but the specter of a different ending, an alternate narrative, leaves you restless in the quiet hours of the night. The story, once written in ink, now seems to bleed into the realm of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.

And so, in the embrace of the night, you grapple with the dichotomy of love and loss, finding solace in the tangible warmth of Joel's presence, even as the ghosts of untold stories linger in the shadows.

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale  @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m @ohjoelmiller @coalix @taestrwbrry @avengersheart @gyllord @valentine-babe@missdragon-1 @ponyboys-sunsets @ipadkidsworld @otternanamilolo @issybee0611 @technicallysassyfox @cupcakemachete @manuchyy @darkened-writer @andyrazzledazzle @glossythor @virtueassassin @witchy-jadda @imonmykneessir @norr1e @mando-bix @thicficbich1 @adoringanakin @lalla-04p @reallysparklychaos @hollywoodmariposa @mando-bix @lunatic1012 @davosmymaster

[astral-prawn]

Green Brothers s4 - 5 lore drop? Please? I am so excited about this AU!

Of course! It's a bit long

So Zane dies still at the end of s3. Morro had already been distant and angry since the end of s2 but watching one of his best friends die was a huge tipping point like it was for the rest of the guys. When Lloyd goes gathering all the ninja, Morro just happens to be working at the Chen's Noodle House they go to. He's there to witness the invitation to the island and got one himself.

The plot still basically goes the same. Spy plot. Skylor still covers her tattoo and is the spy. But now there's 2 spies. The ninja would never have guessed it was one of their own. Morro is on the side of Chen to the point he has an Anacondrai tattoo.

Morro is only revealed during the transformation spell. He's there with Lloyd and the crew. Garmadon falls to his knees in pain and Morro also collapses. Everyone is shocked of course and that's when Chen and crew swoop in to take the blade copters and Roto Jet. Morro takes off and joins them without an explanation.

Lloyd is of course devastated because why would his cousin (doesn't know is actually his brother) join Chen. Garmadon assumes Chen manipulated poor young Morro with a promise of power. They're not mad at him yet, just disappointed.

Cut to Morro overhearing Chen tease Garmadon about the letter and he's horrified but also extremely upset. That man is the reason for his family issues. So he takes off on his own. He's upset at himself, upset at his family, upset at Chen. That was the last poor Morro was seen alive.

Chen and the other fake Anacondrai are sent to the Cursed Realm and Garmadon sacrifices himself. Lloyd asks if anyone has seen Morro but he's nowhere to be found. Wu and Misako still don't tell Lloyd about Morro fully. He just lost his dad, he can't have them telling him he could've also lost his little brother.

Meanwhile, Morro is running. He gets as far away as he can. He disappears into an old yet familiar set of mines. The Caves of Despair. Perfect, he thinks, exactly where he belongs. Morro curses himself. He's angry and sad. He's then trapped in a cave during a localized earthquake and can't get out. Rocks fall and hit him in the head, the cave starts to fill with toxic gas. Morro slumps down against a rock and passes.

Sometime passes and Lloyd is still trying to find Morro when he's summoned to the museum. Strange things occur and once the ghost reveals himself, Lloyd is horrified. There's Morro. A ghost. Attacking and now possessing Lloyd.

Season 5 still plays out basically the same. Morro reveals that Lloyd is his brother, yells at Lloyd that he took everything from him, and that he's going to have his revenge.

At the end when Morro gets grabbed by the Preeminent and gives Wu the Realm Crystal, Wu apologizes to his son and begs him to come back to them and that he forgives him. Morro cries and takes up the offer and gets pulled out to safety. Lloyd comes back out of a Realm portal, sees Morro and gets ready to attack, but Wu stops him and tells him Morro is ready to apologize and reform. Then the whole family hugs and apologizes. Morro finally gets a full family hug. And that's how season 5 ends

[elliespuns]

What game 2 scenes are most excited to see brought to life in the show?

For me personally, the first scene I want is the prologue. It's so important to see Ellie already distancing herself from Joel and him trying his best to win her over again, showing her how much he cares with a song because he can't find the words. 

Another scene, and a very important one, is the porch scene. I swear to god, if they make Ellie act all bratty towards Joel in that scene, I will lose it. In the original, Ellie is mad at him; she even calls him an asshole, but you can still see how much she hurts to hurt him this way. They've already made Ellie bratty in the show (more than necessary); I just hope they won't keep it up. But with what I know about game Ellie from Part 2, I worry they might make her a little more 'hostile' towards Joel in S2, no matter what scene. They've already done everything they could to foreshadow Ellie going on a killing spree in S2 by giving her a 'violent heart' (ugh, I still hate that). I'm just gonna hope they won't do that. Because it would fucking kill me to see Ellie be too mean to Joel in the show. I just see Pedro's curls and his sweet, sad face, and I can't...

Another scene that MUST HAPPEN is the SPACE SHUTTLE scene. Like, for real. If they don't include it (they have to, really; it's the number one favorite moment for ALL OF US) I might cry and never stop. One thing that is more beautiful about this scene than the moment itself is the fact we will be able to experience it again. My heart is happy just to think about it. This must happen. The whole birthday flashback must.

And of course (I don't want to sound like a masochist), but Joel's death scene is important too. That's going to be such a rollercoaster, and hearts will bleed because many of us won't be able to cope after that scene. Especially those who never played the game and had no idea that Joel died. It will hurt me immensely, but I need to see it on the screen. It's too big of a scene that should be done with respect. And it's needed to happen in the exact same way it happened in the game, because otherwise Ellie and Joel's conversation on the porch wouldn't give us what it's supposed to give us. It's in this scene where we realize that Joel died knowing Ellie was ready to forgive him (which we wouldn't know for the whole game play until the very end).

Who am I kidding, though? I need to see the weed den scene with Ellie and Dina too. If they are not gonna add it- now I'm just repeating myself. Well, give us the scene, okay? And when you're at it, make the make-out scene a little bit longer, k? Also, let's not forget the winter dance scene. I need to see the kiss. I need to see it.

They should also give us some scenes with Ellie and Tommy. In the game, we only saw them bonding when Tommy was teaching her long-distance shooting. But they will have a lot more opportunities in the show to give us Ellie and Tommy in many other scenes. At least I hope so.

Also, Ellie beating up Nora? Fuck me, that is going to be so wild. I am shaking just thinking about it. The scene where Ellie's mask breaks and Dina finds out she's really immune will be so awesome in the show too.

When it comes to Abby, I would love for them to maintain her bond with Lev because it was my favorite thing about Abby's part in the game. Lev is such a purely lovable character, I bet a lot of people will like him once he's on the screen.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep2 Musings - At the Chateau

More random musings; this time specifically about The Hunt at the Chateau.

I hate these two wenches specifically, but NGL, they look cool here.

Ohhhh, AMC knew what they were doing, going RIGHT for my ovaries! 😍 DADDY TUAN PHAM! 😍😍

Sincere is one thing. HONEST is another, though. Y'all knew those Americans were sus, Armand. They're not buying that "Bruce" BS, Louis, don't sleep on them!

I am SO BUMMED that we didn't get to SEE this scene; I was so excited!

Now I'll never get to see Louis so bored out of his skull by Santiago's thespian charms that he starts snoring in the middle of the play. U_U

Mr. I Could Not Prevent It, what were YOU doing to protect your man? You slaughter random innocent fledglings just for blinking, but you let your whole coven plot Louis & Claudia's demise right under your nose?

Bull frikkin crap!

Daciana been knew. U_U

Who is the coven LEADER, and the coven MASTER?

"COMPLICIT" finna be my favorite word this season, istg.

SO well said, Louis; as this beastly monstrous coven has TWO heads, these SNAKES, this immortal Hydra that only dies when Hercules cuts its head off and cauterizes the wound.

I am SO ready.

I loooove this transition frame; the Moulin Rouge as the most famous French theatre in pop culture, as Louis snaps his sad photos and Claudia whoops and the Theatre Louis sets on fire takes them hunting to a chateau they'll set on fire.

Reminds me of what Lestat said: "there is a veil between us; but it is a THIN veil." Louis will never be "one" with y'all. He's already bound by "a cord you cannot see, but it is real;" all your Mind Gift's mindscrewing can't un-screw Lestat out of Louis' blood! 😜 Louis drags that camera EVERYWHERE, ducking behind the lens, seeing the world thru a Glass Darkly; a warped perception of time & space. Cuz he's STRUGGLING; looking for God; looking for ("the wrong kind" of) love in all the wrong places.

Look at the things he takes pictures of! He's documenting DEATH; a MASS MURDER--"you are chronicling a suicide"--as the coven rides their bikes to the house they're gonna KILL everyone in. This isn't a mere road trip; this is a HUNT.

Equestrian statues & triumphal arches--monuments of blood-soaked imperialism & colonialism.

Hedonistic bacchic revelries. "I want food, I want sex, I want to go home."

Meanwhile, Claudia's high as a kite, on cloud 9.

EVERYBODY, Claudia? As they pan to Louis? "I hate you both!"

I wanna throw up when I remember Claudia's ashes got mixed with the coven's when the Theatre burned down. U_U No justice, and no peace. Claudia, I would've become the most notorious Parisian poltergeist in history--the Pope himself would've had to come up to perform the exorcism, on god I'd make my death everyone's problem.

But the LOOK on Louis' face, omg.

Whole 5 stages of grief in reverse:

Acceptance: he TRIES to "be one with us," taking on the "collective hunger;" smiling (fake AF) as he tries to soak in Claudia's ecstasy; riding in Armand's sidecar, flirting with the "Maitre," cozying up with his potential new beau

Depression: knowing full well he hates the rampant bloodlust & violence, the carnage in the chateau on fire behind him

Bargaining: Mr. I Only Eat Once Every Other Day, refusing to take part the the slaughter but still standing by--you are all COMPLICIT--while they were being killed; and agreeing to have Armand teach him how to be a better killer by honing the Mind Gift, etc.

Anger: The Fire Gift WHENNNNNNN? Foreshadowing AF! Claudia, you WILL be avenged!

Denial: Lestat WHO? Being told straight to his face that Armand knows he's lying, knows he's been collecting alimony & child support checks from Roget, knows Claudia wants to join the coven that set up a frikkin shrine to the dude, knows Santiago's a cheap imitation of Lestat, knows DreamStat's gonna keep haunting the narrative, I can't

An EFFED UP Gothic Romance.

The book stans who keep complaining about this show are just willfully ignoring what AMC's doing here. There is PLENTY we can complain about absolutely! But overall this adaptation is a slam dunk.

[starseneyes]

Spock / Nurse Christine Chapel - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S2 Eps 4 & 5

Folks, this is a wild time to be alive. Since we had bits and pieces leading up to 2x05, I'll touch on those first, and then we can get into the meet of a super uncomfortable, yet hilarious episode.

SPOILER ALERT: If you're looking for a friendly non-spoiler glimpse at this ep, please do not click through! I am a spoiler queen, and I go deep.

There's a tiny sliver of 4, so I included it in this recap, but it's primarily episode 5 in all its cringey, hilarious glory.

Everyone squared away and ready to play? Let's dive in!

"Among the Lotus Eaters" AKA "Who Am I, Again?"

"Hi, Spock. What's happening?"

He's the lieutenant currently in charge of the Enterprise, but she's totally conversational with him, here. She's got bigger things on her mind, which is why I think the formality escapes her.

Una Fumbles for Words

Spock looks to Christine to see if she's on the same page, but she's way ahead of him. I love these little wordless interactions of theirs. It shows that they're still them under these complicated emotions flowing between and through them.

"Charades" AKA "Hijinks Part Deux"

After watching the sneak peek, the promo, and reading the episode description, I came up with what I thought was going to happen:

Spock/Christine crash near beginning of episode

Spock loses his Vulcanness because some alien wants him and Christine to match like collector dolls

Spock's "What the F-" leads into main credits

Christine spends the whole ep working the problem

Spock has very little interaction with her, all things considered, as a human

Christine has to appeal to an alien entity to get Spock back to himself

Spock and Christine share a moment of truth before he is returned to himself

Possible Spock/Christine kiss to end the episode

IF Spock/Christine kiss, they were kissing before "What does this mean?" from preview

How did I do? Well, if you watched the episode, you know already. And while I didn't get all the details right (you'd have to be inside my brain for that bit), I think I did petty well!

Chistine's Log

It's great that we're getting a look into her mind, what she values, and how she organizes her thoughts. And I have to applaud Jess Bush on the voice work on this one, because her inflection on her lines has always been a treat, and it's just as wonderful via VO.

Christine is excited about the Kherkovians and excited about her possible fellowship. What I love most about the montage is how we see everyone rallying and supporting her.

This is Christine's "Elle Woods Studies for the LSATS" montage. And as we go through matching cuts (this director seems to be a huge fan of them), we eventually arrive at a table with friends... and shots!

And can we talk about these three boss ass bitches hanging out together and drinking together? Like, I love that we're back to that idea that a starship is a family, and that these people are the people you actually like and want to be around. It's so bloody glorious.

"I don't get it. Your interview is with a Vulcan. So why aren't you practicing with Mr. Spock?"

Yeah, Christine. Why aren't you spending alone time with Mr. Spock? Of course, that's not what La'an means, but you can see how Christine blanches at the mention of their pointy-eared friend.

"Oh, things are kind of weird between them."

Erica. Ortegas. You did not just do that! M'Benga would never.

But, I'm personally glad Christine opened up at least a little to one of her best friends. We saw her hesitating back in S1 to tell Erica about her crush on Spock.

So, at some point, Christine opened up enough to Erica that now her friend's spreading her messy maybe-relationship to their mutual friend.

"Weird how?"

Erica's smirking while Christine's in shock. Christine doesn't talk about her feelings. She shoves them deep down where she doesn't have to deal with them and pretends they don't exist.

Friendships are great for Christine. Friends-with-benefits? Hell, yeah! But talk about the potential for a relationship? Or having feelings rather than simple attraction? This is outside of Christine's comfort zone.

She buries herself in her drink, much as she did in the first season with Erica when she said, "It would have to be the right man."

Well, honey, I don't know if he's the right man, but he's definitely the man in your mind right now.

A Scientist, A Doctor, A Nurse, And a Turbolift

The turbolift scene is brief, but impactful. Christine tries to catch his eye because she wants to assure herself they can get back in their boxes. But Spock cracked open Pandora's box of emotions. There is no going back.

Spock is praising himself for his emotional control. But he was almost tripped up by crumbs. Crumbs. What would he do if he was face-to-face with the woman he wept over right now?

As Spock leaves without a single word to the two of them, M'Benga and Christine look at one another.

And I thank God I was watching this on my bed at 3 in the morning and not during my lunch break, per usual, because I'm pretty sure my drink would've shot through my nose at M'Benga's face.

Seriously. If you haven't rewatched this brief scene, go back and do it if only for his look after Spock leaves. It's hilarious.

Spock's Log

The temperature firmly established on Christine's present goals (prep for interview/avoid Spock), we now get a glimpse into Spock's mind and life via montage.

He is hanging out with friends, cooking with Pike, and trying not to murder Kirk for crumbs. In short, we're getting a glimpse at status-quo Spock so we can later compare and contrast.

Spock has always enjoyed being around his friends. I think of Spock in his later yeas camping with Kirk and McCoy (my personal favorite classic Trek character). He has always enjoyed being surrounded by people he trusts.

And I posit that's part of why he's so committed to Starfleet. On Vulcan, he is reminded of his father's disappointment in him, the conflict with his older sister (though they resolved it), how Vulcan children bullied him, and how he must perform as a full-blooded Vulcan despite being half-human or face derision and discrimination.

In Short: It's a lot.

But as a member of Starfleet, he spends time with people from many backgrounds, cultures, languages, and creeds. He doesn't have to be the perfect version of anything. In general, his friends take him as he is without asking him to be anyone or anything. He can simply be.

Though there is one notable exception, now. And it's not her fault. It's simply a necessity of reality—Spock feels he can no longer be himself around Christine.

Nearly losing her in 2x01 when his emotions were still quite raw and exposed was devastating. He literally wept over her lifeless body and had to endure the agony of potentially ordering her death.

Spock is trying to fit himself back in the Vulcan box because he's worried about what he'll say or do around her. He wants to be true to his fiancée and everything he's promised her. He knows to do this, he must suppress everything he feels for Christine.

But this isn't like a fresh herb he's never smelled (see next scene) and can't miss through his suppression. He knows what it is to kiss her, to taste her, to hold her, to want her, to mourn her, to save her, to hold vigil over her.

In short: He's so screwed.

"I am afraid my nasal suppressants inhibit my perception of scent."

Forgive the fangirl flail, but my two favorite characters of Enterprise were Trip and T'Pol—apart and together. So, getting a bit of confirmation of the Vulcan's keen scent that we first learned via T'Pol made me kick and squeal a little.

Reminder to Self: Gotta read that fix-it book, at long last, to save Trip from his Enterprise fate.

A Passenger

The whole conversation with Pike reminds me of the last time Spock was having concentration issues—when T'Pring was busy looking up human sex.

I find it fascinating (sorry, Spock) how much T'Pring throws him off. Whether it's his human side or Vulcan side, she tends to spring things on him that send him spiraling.

"I am fine, Captain."

Why call this out? Because "I'm fine" is going to come back later in this episode, and I find it fascinating (again, apologies, Mr. Spock) that it first presents itself here—when Spock is decidedly not fine.

And now he's getting a passenger. Of course, we're gonna cut straight from the line to the person for impact. But, oy, Spock's having a rough day.

He's already distracted with his relationship issues. The last thing he thinks he's going to get is more relationship issues.

A Nice Day for a Shuttle Ride

Christine ides alongside Spock, both of them facing forward. But Spock can't help but catch a glimpse of her.

This isn't a short ride in the turbolift. This is an entire mission together, in an enclosed space, with nowhere to escape.

He tries to approach her as a Vulcan—with tact.

"It is good to see you, Nurse Chapel."

Ah, now he's going to try to be "normal" because they're in a forced professional situation, and not talking at all would be ridiculous considering they have to work together.

"We did see each other in the turbolift the other day. You seemed busy."

This is such a passive aggressive line from Christine. The dude literally stared at the doors the entire time. But, it's also an "out" that she's offering him.

She doesn't want to talk about this anymore than he does.

But a small part of her wants to know if she's imagining it. She doesn't think so (M'Benga's reaction is confirmation enough), but she wants to hear it from him.

"I have many duties. If I offended you, I apologize."

He speaks without emotion, without emphasis, straight facts. But it's still hurtful. And he knows it.

Watch how he closes his eyes, admonishing himself. Do better. He tries to talk to her, really talk to her, like he would before he realized he was falling for her.

"You are here for the fellowship you are applying to? Archeological medicine?"

Note how his cadence and timbre have changed. This is how he normally talks to her—honest and open. It's how he wants to talk to her, but he's afraid of what will come out of his mouth if he opens it to speak.

Remember, Vulcan emotions are reportedly stronger than human emotions. And he's removed some of his control when he fought the Gorn. So, while he is making progress on regaining control, he's still terrified of what emotions Christine Chapel might unleash.

But he's choosing to talk about work. That's safe.

"You know, the Vulcan Science Academy would be lucky to have someone of your experience."

I love the use of "You know". It's so... conversational. It's true Spock slipping through. And this is a true sentiment. He means it.

"Thanks. It's, um, it's nice of you to say."

Ah, yes. This is nice, right? Just two coworkers talking about coworkery things. No reason to get emotional, right?

But Christine's struggling with this whole thing, and it's hard for her to believe what he's saying. Is he saying it as a nicety? Does he believe it?

There's too much weirdness between them right now, and she feels pushed to clear the air.

"Spock? I don't usually read into this sort of thing much, but, uh, it's felt like you've been avoiding me." "Has it?"

Welp, the plan to keep it professional backfired. Because while Christine doesn't want to have this conversation, she can feel the shift in their dynamic. And she doesn't like it.

She had put them into a happy little box of Friendship, and until they started making out on the Bridge of the Enterprise, they were doing a pretty good job of staying thee. Even later in the season, they seemed to have regained their footing.

But Hemmer's death set off a tidal wave of emotions in Spock that are still churning under the surface. Christine isn't blind to that, but I don't think she understands how much this Vulcan man feels for her.

He almost started a war for you, honey. You gotta mean something to him, right?

Spock's fortunately saved by the scanner, but even then, it takes a second for him to switch back into work-mode.

"I should... initiate scans."

Christine acknowledges the shift, no longer pressing for answers. But, did you see the way she checked him out when he stopped close to him? I mean... hubba, hubba. Christine's jonesin' for her coworker.

And, look, I am not a supporter of adultery. I applaud how Spock has tried to keep his distance while Christine has tried to keep him in the friend box. Neither of them want to do something they'll regret.

But this tension's reaching a tipping point, pushed over that edge by two major events in this episode that overlap and intersect.

The tension in the room shifts from, "Wow, I want him/her and shouldn't" to "holy shit, we're gonna die" in a matter of seconds.

The first time watching it, I noticed how Spock reached for a dial at the last second. My first thought was, "Oh, that was an intentional movement, there, but I bet we'll never know what it was for."

Folks, I was so excited to be wrong.

We'll get into what Spock was doing in that moment, but I love that the last thing he heard was Christine saying his name.

There's an intimacy to how Jess Bush says it—putting so much emotion into a single syllable. What do you say when you're about to die next to the one person you wish you could tell everything, but can't?

Do you break that invisible barrier of civility to tell him how you feel? Do you lament you didn't have time to sort it out? What can you say?

Genetic Manipulation Steals Spock's Eyeliner

He does have it in other shots as a human, but for this closeup, it's very jarring to go from Spockliner to none. All part of the illusion, folks!

"I feel... strange."

I love that the first words out of his mouth as a human are, "I feel." We talk so much about Vulcan emotions and Vulcan feelings, and he knows from the first moment that something is off.

"What happened to me?" "We don't exactly know."

It's almost a question on "know" that is so much fun. Jess Bush really has some incredible deliveries as Christine, and I adore it. There's such a dynamism to her deliveries.

I love that one of the first details is Spock investigating his hands. Why? Vulcans are touch-telepaths. No doubt, his hands feel strange without that ability coursing through them, even if he's touching nothing.

"Remediation was made. The beings now match."

This. Says. So. Much. Because so often in the history of this blighted country, we've seen racism tell people they can't be together unless they're the same. Heck, I've seen it in faith, too.

And these beings have the idea that making them match is the right thing to do. But they miss that having differences is part of the joy of connection.

Yes, you can be from the same country/speak the same language/worship the same way and have a beautiful relationship. But that isn't required.

Sameness does not equal compatibility or value. As Star Trek says, Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

"Nurse Chapel is already working around the clock to find a way to reverse your genetic alteration."

Because she's the expert. Hell, yeah, that's my girl!

Now, we can play the "Christine's falling in love with Spock and that's why she's killing herself over this" all day. But the truth is that if this had happened to any member of the crew, Christine would be the one dealing with it because she's the expert.

It's simply juicier because she was the one with Spock when it happened, and she happens to be falling for him.

"Emotions must be new to you." "Vulcans have emotions. We learn to suppress them. These human feelings are different. They're intense and they never stop." "What you're going through, it sounds a lot like being a human teenager."

I love this whole explanation of what's happening with Spock. He hasn't changed who he is. We've watched him going through the exact same montage as before, but this time his control is gone—because human emotions work differently from Vulcan.

Through the Vulcan experience, he could suppress his emotions and box them up. Human emotions work differently. He lacks the chemicals in his brain to behave as he did before.

Remember, Vulcans are wired differently than humans, and while genetically Spock descends from one human and one Vulcan, dominant genes are at play.

For example, of my three children, only one looks like me with olive skin, dark brown eyes, and dark hair. My other two children take after my husband with strawberry and sandy blonde hair, pale skin that easily burns, and one even has hazel eyes!

Same parents. But different amounts of each of us and our genetics.

Spock's anatomy presents primarily as Vulcan, which would apply to the chemicals in his brain, as well. He's lacking those chemicals that retrained his brain to deal with emotion in a controlled and suppressed manor.

He is still the same person at his heart, but it's as though he were born entirely human in his genetics. Problem is, he didn't grow into them. They were thrown upon him as a grown man who was used to entirely different genetics.

It's not odd, to me, that while his core principles remain unaltered, how he approaches them is partially informed by the tools he has and/or lacks with an entirely human anatomy.

"Have you been here all night?"

Of course, Christine would do this for any member of the crew. But the pain she feels is amplified by her belief in her responsibility, and the fact that it's someone she cares about, deeply.

"If I hadn't been there, then maybe they wouldn't have done what they did to Spock."

Oh, there are so many layers to this. The obvious take is that she feels guilty that the aliens modified Spock's genetic code. But I think there could be another layer.

Because Christine was not initially on that mission with Spock. When La'an called her out on not talking to a Vulcan about the whole thing, I think she decided to prove that she could handle it, and requested to be added to the mission.

What if her ulterior motive for joining the mission was to prove to herself that they could be okay? That she could be okay around him? That it was all in her head that he was avoiding her, and that there really is nothing between them?

Because, that's what she wants. She wants for there to be nothing between them. She's tried to will it into being.

And what if her desire to prove they were nothing but platonic coworkers was what brought such pain to the person she truly cares for? What if it's her own hubris that brought this on?

Of course, we all know that M'Benga is right when he says that her presence might have been what preserved Spock's life at all. With "mixed instructions", who knows what the aliens might've done without Chapel's example.

And yet another example of just how biased our own medical system can be in this country. Did you know we are just now seeing medical diagrams and training materials that take different levels of melanin into consideration for bruising, bleeds, and reactions?

Sorry, back to the story—Christine's hurting.

"Survivor's guilt is easy to spot from the outside. But it's not fun from the inside."

I love their relationship. These two are deep friend who truly understand one another.

"Are you forgetting something important?"

Oh, shit! The interview!

"What? We're done?" "I have all I need. We will contact you."

I feel like all the other Vulcans in this episode are a reminder of why Spock is different, and special, and why we love him so much. It's not that he's a half-Vulcan. As Angel would say, that's not what this is really about. It's because of who he is.

No matter what version of himself he is, he cares about his friends. He loves his work, and he pours himself into it. He tries to do what is right, even if he sometimes gets it wrong. He's loyal, and patient, and kind.

Now, human Spock doesn't have impulse control, as we've seen. But if he were trapped in this state forever, I'd like to think that's something he could learn.

"Christine?"

First off, woah. Spock avoids saying her first name because of how intimate that is... and I have a theory...

See, Vulcan emotions are reportedly stronger than human, right? We saw what happened when Spock tried to let a little anger out with the Gorn... he went postal. He couldn't regain control. It was a flood that he couldn't stop.

What if he's kept such a tight rein on those emotions as of late because he's afraid of the flood to follow?

Spock's humanity is offering him the opportunity to talk to her, to engage with her, to be in the same space with her without losing all control.

His human emotions are a bit out of sorts, yes, but he can work in spurts and starts with them. Once a Vulcan emotion is unleashed, it won't easily be bottled up.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

She starts to say the canned line we're taught to say whenever someone asks how we are, "I'm fine." I hate "I'm fine."

Unless you're talking about how you look in your favorite outfit, when you say, "I'm fine" I wonder if you're telling the truth or bowing to society's standards.

"Vulcans can be such jerks."

The iron of that statement. Christine smiles at him, because she really needed that laugh. But it's also so strange a statement as she's working to restore his Vulcanness.

Insert Awkward Hug

In the history of awkward hugs, that might be one of the most cringe between two characters I actually adore together. He enters into it with the best of intentions, but once he's there, it's really awkward for both of them.

While Christine loves being near Spock, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like him.

"It felt like you needed that. Did I read the moment wrong?"

This moment really struck me, but for very personal reasons. See, I have an Autistic son, and hugging is one of those things that, God bless him, is a big part of him.

He likes to go up to strangers and hug them. And while they all smile because he's a super cute 8-year-old, someday he'll be an adult and they might not think it's as cute. So, we work on asking permission and understanding situations.

I know sometimes people liken Spock to being Autistic-coded, and while I don't know if that's true, this moment really struck me.

"It was really nice. It wasn't typical for you." "Is that okay?"

As M'Benga would say, there's technically nothing wrong with it. But it's not him.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

He's echoing back her words to her, but it also feels like growth. At the top of the episode, he declared, "I'm fine" when he wasn't. This response is far more honest and realistic.

Also, my mind drifted back to my first Human/Vulcan lovers, Trip and T'Pol. Their mutual confession of feelings scene is one of the funniest, sexiest, and most beautifully written/performed scenes in Star Trek, to me.

It's Season 3, for anyone who wants to relive it, but I'd do so before Paramount+ removes it like they did Season 4.

Spock's Elle Woods LSAT Montage

Echoes of Christine and Spock.... and how the team all rally around him, now, to help.

"We better hope Dr. M'Benga and Nurse Chapel come up with a cure before the mind meld"

Fascinating that he's going professional on her name with his mother, and I think that makes sense in the moment.

Despite what Spock may feel for Christine, even in his human state he's trying to stay true to T'Pring and his Vulcan obligations related to their engagement. That's important.

Because Spock is still Spock. He's altered, but not gone.

"Yes, I'm way ahead of you."

I love this. We need the reminder of the Chapel we met on Day One, "I know I'm good at what I do". This is where she excels... and she can't make it work. And now she's on a time-clock of her own.

Also, I love how she and M'Benga talk as equals, here. There's no ego in what they're saying. He's trying to offer solutions, but she's already way ahead of him—because this is her speciality.

She respects his, and backs him up, and serves as an amazing assistant when needed. But right now he is the assistant, even though he carries the "Doctor" designation and she the "Nurse".

Let me tell you, I've often experienced Nurse Practitioners who were better in their field than Doctors. This is a nice reminder of that reality while also showing how it can work in a practical situation without bias. Ah, the utopian vision of this era of Star Trek's timeline.

Christine Interrupts Dinner

Look, these two just got their meals, and in comes their sweet-but-oblivious-to-her-feelings friend begging them to go on a mission with her to save her not-boyfriend.

And it makes sense that now that Spock is beyond the help of (most of) his friends the team swivels to helping Christine, again. This is their episode, after all.

"Look, I can't ask either of you to risk your lives for this. But if there's a chance to save Spock, I have to try."

She's willing to risk her life for him. Golly, they are so similar. Because she's in a shuttle craft on her way to the anomaly where he once chose to risk his life for her... but she doesn't know that, yet.

"He didn't choose to be live this."

I remember when I was guessing at what would happen in this episode that I really thought his choice was going to have more to do with it. I guess the writers thought it obvious that he wouldn't want to continue being human.

Yes, we've seen that being human is impacting his life in negative ways, but it could also impact it positively. That's the dichotomy of life in all its facets—it's beautiful and terrible.

"So, we're doing this?" *Uhura touches her shoulder* "We're doing this."

I really think those two bonded when Christine held Uhura after Hemmer sacrificed himself. But I also love this moment of Christine feeling the warmth of sacrificial friendship. She's growing closer to everyone with this civilian post.

We know that in childhood Christine didn't have a lot of friends. She was bullied. She was different, somehow. It's one of those points where she and Spock always related.

Christine also tends to rely upon herself rather than others. Trusting others means letting them in. Letting them in means opening herself up to potential pain.

But as she goes on this mission to help one friend, she's in the company of two others. And you see the moment their friendship washes over her and she relaxes into it.

"This is not going well. How is the cure coming?" "We've hit a roadblock. Nurse Chapel went to find the Kherkovians" "She what? And you just let her go?" "You and I both know that when Christine sets her mind to something, she is hard to stop."

I love the transition from professional to conversational, here. M'Benga is one of the few people—if not the only—privy to the fact that Christine's feelings aren't unrequited.

Yes, Christine's girlfriends have clearly picked up on how she feels about Spock. But even Christine is unsure about how he feels.

But that last line is so bloody powerful. Christine can be a bit like a bulldozer when she's locked onto something. What happens when she locks onto Spock? What happens if she locks onto something else and leaves him behind?

"What is your relationship to this being?" "Um... He's my friend." "Friends are not allowed complaints outside of the response period." "What? Why not?" "Because they do not have sufficient connection to the being in question."

Holy shit, they made HIPAA a character on Star Trek.

Think about it. My best friend can't go into the doctor's office and make decisions about my medical care if I'm unable to speak for myself. But my husband could.

Blue and Yellow might as well be documents you fill out when you show up in the waiting room. They're contractual, factual, literal, benevolent beings.

"You are each other's caregivers?" "No. Well, sort of." "This would answer a question we had. During the crash, the other being diverted shields away from himself to protect you." "He what?"

She finds out that he was willing to die to protect her. This is a huge shift for her. She had a malamute sticking up for her as a kid. A malamute, people! But now there's a man literally willing to die for her.

And he couldn't bear the thought of her dying, again. Rather than watch her die, he chose to increase her likelihood of survival, thus minimizing his.

When she was searching for last words, he was soaking in that last look at her knowing it might be the last thing he saw.

"What is your relationship to this being?" "I don't know." "Oh my God, Christine, come on!" "Seriously. You do know. Tell them." "Tell them what? I don't know what to say." "Tell them you like Spock, that you have feelings for him." "Are you so obtuse that you don't even see that?"

This is the line that broke me. Because Ortegas knows her. Erica has been through a lot with Christine, and knows how she handles relationships—poorly.

Also, Erica has a tendency to notice things before Christine—like the fact that Dever was going to become a problem for Christine's sensibilities.

So, I love that while Uhura is just as fed up with Christine's inability to put it into words (my husband beside me said, "It's now or never") with Spock's genetics on the line, it's Ortegas whose words strike me hardest.

Because Erica knows that Christine's not trying to be difficult. She's been hurt, before. She's afraid of relationships and love. She's tried so hard to follow her rules of dating. And with all that programming, it's difficult for her to realize what she's feeling.

"It's complicated." "Then make it simple. Because if you don't, he'll never be like how he was again."

Damnit. The future rests on Christine facing her feelings head-on. She soaks in Uhura's words, knowing they're true. If she can't convince the aliens that they have true connection, then she can't save Spock.

That means she has to tap into what she really feels. She has to acknowledge it. She has to allow herself to feel it.

But she can't do that with everybody watching.

She motions for Uhura and Ortegas to turn around, which they do with much eye-rolling. As much as Spock's dealing with the emotional maturity of a teenager, Christine's just as stunted, in some ways.

"Spock is..."

The emotions strike her before she can get out more than two words. Because, there's what he is... what he isn't... and what she wishes he could be in her life.

"He's my friend. And, maybe, sometimes, I wish that we had... more... connection."

She's reaching for the words the aliens use, trying to keep this controlled.

"But when you healed him, you changed him. You made him, um, easier to talk to. Someone who probably, um, understands my feelings a little better."

There it is. Her feelings. She's finally acknowledging her feelings. But in this heartbreaking realization of her feelings, she's admitting that Spock in his full self may never understand her feelings.

Restoring him to his former self means stripping his current understanding away. But it's the right thing to do. It's the right thing to restore Spock so he can live the life he was meant to—even if that means Chapel helps him complete his Engagement Dinner to another woman.

A tear slips out of Christine's right eye, and she wipes it away. And while I know these things are random, I can't help but smile to realize it's the same eye that Christine's tear fell from in TOS when Spock wiped it away.

"But, um it's not him. At least, it's not all of him because you took away the other part. A part I was connected to. And I miss him... as he was."

Connection. In the history of Starfleet and all our many stories within that world, connection is always emphasized. It doesn't have to be romantic. In Christine's case, she feels it never will be between her and Spock, no matter how she feels.

But they are still connected. Just as she's connected to everyone in her inner circle. As he is to his. They have found community and connection with one another.

And Christine was able to bring her thoughts back around to save Spock. Because their connection—no matter how deep or shallow it will become—will always be there.

"Mr. Spock. I have your vitamins."

Spock's, of course, grateful. Christine is alive and she beat the clock (barely... thanks, Pike, for the charades!). As he joins Christine in the bathroom, T'Pring watches them thoughtfully. She's had suspicions that something was going on, but I think this is when she's almost sure.

Not that she thinks these two are going to hook up in the bathroom, or anything, but that she's on the outside, yet again, with her own fiancé.

"Uh, the Vulcan genome should start coming back immediately, and physical changes may take a couple hours."

We know that Christine can rearrange and manipulate genetics temporarily, but Spock's body is about to go through a massive change. His arteries and internal organs are going to shift. His ears are going to grow back to their normal state. His blood's gonna shift from red to green.

I'm gonna take a wild guess that those Kherkovians put some heavy painkillers in that cocktail Christine's about to shove in his neck.

"I'm glad to see you're okay. I was worried about you."

This is completely consistent with character, except that he would not have vocalized it before. We know Spock worries about her. We know that he's relieved when she's okay. We've seen it.

"Why did you do it? On the shuttle, you moved the shields to save my life." "I... it was the logical choice. As a Vulcan, I had a higher likelihood of survival." "Just logical, huh?"

She normally wouldn't call him out like this, especially when she should be rushing to give him these meds so he can get into that Mindmeld. But she's raw, and she's hurting, and she's confused.

Her nerves are exposed and a part of her needs to understand if she's reading too much into the situation.

"Christine, I feel many things. It's confusing." "Yeah, I know. For me, too."

Welp, they're both confused. There's something.

They both look down, and I'm grasping for what motivated it. I'm guessing he took her hand, but we're in a shoulders-up shot, so we can't actually see what's happening.

I'm going to go with him taking her hand. It makes the most sense. And it's fucking bold of Spock.

"I have to tell you-"

Christine shuts him up with the hypospray. Because, if you're going to hear a love confession from someone you care about, you want it to be when they have all their faculties. If they're under the influence or inhibited somehow by something outside their control, it's hard to know what they really think and feel.

So, Christine stops him. But, from Spock's perspective, it feels almost like rejection.

"Get back out there. You have people waiting."

But he's frozen in place. Vulcan emotions are rushing back in, and they have to be compartmentalized and suppressed because he feels the pain of that rejection.

Christine walks out, instead, but she's hurting just as badly as he is. Because even if he said all the things she wanted to hear, it wouldn't have been him. She might have lost her only chance at hearing what she wants, but it was the right thing to do.

Spock Decides to Talk with Christine

I have to call this out because of where we last left these two—heartbroken. Spock was opening up to Christine about how he felt when she stuck a hypospray in his neck to shut him up.

She did it because she felt she had to—to restore Spock, that meant restoring him to the "honest man" who wouldn't pursue her while he had a "girlfriend".

For Spock, he had to endure that moment of all his suppressive abilities sliding back into place while simultaneously recognizing Christine pushing him away.

And yet, here he is, making the decision to go to her.

Now, let's be clear that this would not have happened if T'Pring had not said she wanted time apart. Spock has done everything that he can to stay away from Christine, to avoid what he feels for her, to suppress what he feels.

In a strange twist, T'Pring's actions have created a scenario similar to the one he just experienced—freedom from expectation.

Now, I've seen the "we were on a break" arguments, and I think it's up to Spock and T'Pring to define what that means for them. I can only hope there's Vulcan precedent to help guide them on what is (and isn't) acceptable during their time apart.

Because I hate cheating.

I've had friends who were cheated on, and it was the bloody worst. I don't like it in media. So, I'm hoping my assumptions are correct in that this is accepted within the constructs of Spock and T'Pring's separation.

Spock has been stewing on the events of the day and his mother's last words to him. Despite Christine pushing him away earlier, he makes the decision to seek her out. He needs to talk to her.

"I'm here."

The way she says this is so adorable. There's such optimism and openness in it before her more cynical nature kicks in to shut it down.

And why is she here? She's the one who walked away from him, before, but I like to think her own emotions and feelings are swirling inside to the point she can't think.

As she finally had to be honest about it with herself, she's sought out Spock to be honest with him. She doesn't expect anything from him.

But Erica once told Christine that she should spend her next relationship being more honest from the start. So, she's going to be honest.

"What were you coming to see me about?"

Spock wordlessly steps into his quarters, inviting her in. As he stops, he turns sharply over his left shoulder to face her.

In the hallway after Hemmer's wake, he turned over that shoulder, away from her. In Sickbay as she slumbered he turned over that shoulder, away from her. But today, he turned over that shoulder to face her.

He's no longer avoiding her, and his body language tells us before his words.

"That T'Pring and I decided to take some time apart." "And how do you feel about that?"

Christine, the queen that you are. This reminds me of their conversation at dinner, of their chat in the hallway, of every time she makes space for him and how he's feeling.

She doesn't make any assumptions about what he's saying. She leaves space for him to speak, even though we can see her initial reaction was elation.

She tamps that down to be sure she's reading the room correctly, and give Spock the opportunity to correct her initial assumption, if needed.

"I feel badly."

Christine nods, ready to be in friend-mode.

"But also, it was necessary. I am conflicted because I have feelings for someone else."

He said it. He fucking said it.

"A Vulcan with feelings?"

Classic Christine to deflect. But it's also a flirt. You can hear the smile in her voice as she says it, because she knows he has feelings.

She's the one who's talked to him about his emotions, wiped the bloody tear from his cheek. She knows that Spock has emotions, but it's so her to deflect a little in this moment.

Nearly losing her forced him to confront his feelings in 2x01. In 2x05, Christine faced losing Spock, and it similarly forced her to face what she'd been avoiding.

But she didn't imagine he'd feel the same way.

"We do have them. They are more powerful than human feelings which is why we suppress them."

Translation: My feelings for you are so strong, I had to suppress them.

He's explaining why he's been MIA. Suppressing this emotion has meant avoiding the cause of it. This isn't a messy table he can clean up and forget.

Yes, I've talked about love being messy before. And I have a feeling this is about to get very messy. But I hope it'll be fun along the way.

"I don't want to suppress this one any longer. I want to feel this."

The emphasis on want is incredible. And he's telling her without doubt that he is choosing them in this moment. He's choosing to embrace whatever this is, without allowing logic to dictate it.

Christine watches him, and this time it's words failing her. Her lower lip is trembling as she listens to him. It's too good to be true.

And I swear there's a smile in Ethan Peck's eyes when he says that last bit.

Christine's lack of response isn't because she doesn't share his emotions. We know that she does. But I posit she's told herself so much this was never going to happen that even as it's happening, she's struggling to believe it.

It reminds me of my response to my husband when he proposed. I literally said, "Are you kidding?"

Folks, he planned a four-hour scavenger hunt through multiple cities, calling friends in England and California, finding hidden notes, all to end in a black box theater he rented with a bloody light plot, dozen roses, and a poem he read to me.

After all of that, I was still convinced it would never happen. So, as he knelt before me, I fumbled to believe... even then.

"What did you come here f-"

His voice drops to a whisper. So intimate. So afraid to hope that she's there because she feels the same way. He got a hint of that when she gave him the hypospray, but it's not the same as confirmation.

Christine launches herself at him. Her hands grab his face, drawing him to her, but he already sees her coming. His eyes close before her lips meet his. Christine's take a little more time to close, and I like to think she was watching to see if he was into this.

Christine, honey. He's so into this.

As they kiss, the camera swoops around them, and I mourn the tightness of the shot. I've never been a fan of tight shots for kisses, to be fair. This is purely personal preference. I want to see the hands.

I have two communications degrees, and as an ambivert who was quite introverted in grade school, I spent a lot of time observing people.

I feel like the lack of hands takes away from how I can rate Spock's true engagement in this snog-fest... which might be the strangest sentences I've ever written in a Meta.

For any Rose/The Doctor fans, you must remember the clone they made of him and how they kissed, right? That kiss looked emotionless and cold filmed as a head-shot to me. I never believed Rose was into it.

But the behind-the-scenes where we could see the hands!? Hubba, hubba!

I really wanted to see Spock's hands to better gauge his interest and response. Especially after reading an interview with Ethan Peck about how he had to determine if Spock kisses a human differently than a Vulcan. I wanna see that in action!

Christine drops off tip-toes as the camera settles, and Spock moves with her, his lips still locked on hers. They're already moving as one.

But the part that guts me in the best way is the little kiss after they start to pull away.

Remember their first kiss on the Bridge? Of course, you do. Who could forget that!?

Welp, I didn't notice until long after I wrote my first Spapel Meta that Christine lingers momentarily after they part—as though she wants to go back in for more.

This time, they both have that same instinct. And this time, they actually get it. That little micro-kiss is one of the hottest things in this scene to me.

Why? Because it's a fulfillment of an unspoken want to have such intimacy that you can share something so small and have it mean just as much as the big, sweeping kiss before.

And as they share this moment, Christine's fingers trail down Spock's Vulcan ear. And while I doubt Vulcan ears are as sensitive as Ferengi, I'm sure that felt pretty damn good, too.

Because Christine accepts all of him. She doesn't have to tell him, "I'm okay with you being Vulcan" because it's not a matter of her trying to convince him. It's implied. It's understood. It's apparent via their interactions.

And during this episode, Christine showed it in how she fought for him to regain his Vulcan half—even at her own expense.

Think about it... Christine spends a lot of her time helping Spock with T'Pring. And even though there was a countdown clock to the diminishment of genetic plasticity—Spock's biggest concern was his engagement dinner with his fiancée.

Christine fought to restore him not for her, but for him. Yes, she is attracted to Spock in his fullness of self, but she recognizes that restoring him meant restoring him to the half-Vulcan who has been avoiding her for weeks.

To be here, now, with him is beyond her wildest hopes. She's tasted him once, but this time there is no pretense. This time, their attraction is so much deeper. This time, it's all real and honest and open.

Christine opens her eyes almost immediately, but Spock's remain closed as he revels in the feelings he's experiencing. He's soaking it in. This time, there's no awkwardness. Nobody's watching (besides, well, us).

And the fist time I listened to this moment with headphones on, my heart about stopped. It's. Their. Song. The same theme that played during their first kiss on the bridge is playing as they kiss, now.

Our doomed lovers have their own theme.

Christine looks to Spock with new desire, her hands finally free to touch him, her mind finally free to wander to the places she didn't dare. Girl is ready to go! Look at how she's taking him in, letting her fingers explore his skin.

And Spock's taking the logical role of hoping to define what this means.

"What does this mean?" "I don't know. Shut up."

His eyes close before her lips meet his as she pushes him away from the door and deeper into his quarters.

Spock and Chapel are gonna get some tonight!

And, did I see this coming at the beginning of the season? Honestly, no. I thought they'd sleep together at some point in the run of the show. But definitely didn't call it this early! Especially when we all know it's going to implode/explode/end in tears.

I'd be remiss if I didn't at least address the separate-yet-similar arcs of our two lovers. Both of them are on arcs of understanding themselves better, just in different ways.

Spock has been made fully human. This has always been a part of him, but not something he could even imagine experiencing. He had the opportunity to see life through human eyes, to feel human emotions, to smell like a human, and to better understand his own mother.

And major props to whichever character decided they should meet in Pike's quarters with Pike present so the smell of humans might be explainable, even with Vulcan suppressants helping.

But in his journey to navigate life as a human, he started to see his mother's journey. He saw all the pain she suppressed over the years to give him a life of joy. And I'm not saying that we, as mothers, should have to suffer for our children. But I know all good parents often make decisions that are to the betterment of our Little ones, even at our own expense.

Spock finally understood the sacrifices she made. It reframed his own quest to be "Vulcan enough". His mother was never Vulcan. Could never be Vulcan. And yet, so much of what is good in him came from her.

I think that's part of what gave him the emotional freedom to declare himself to Christine in that final scene—freeing himself from the expectations of others. He realized he could thrive without compromising who he is. It's something Angel—for all their flaws—was trying to teach him.

And being released from his obligation to T'Pring by T'Pring freed him up to go after Christine. Again, I'm really hopeful that in the framework of Vulcan culture this is not cheating. I don't like cheating. But, I do like Christine and Spock.

Christine's arc is similarly about defining herself. Somewhere in the mess of the past year, she's lost a bit of her trademark confidence. And I think the problem of trying to solve Spock's genome issues was especially disheartening.

If you're the expert who can't expertly do the one thing in which you're supposed to excel, how much of an expert are you?

The initial rejection of the fellowship deals yet another blow to her psyche on a bad day. But after embracing who she is—a badass scientist, a loyal friend, an innovator, and even a woman capable of romantic love—she enters her second interview more confident in herself.

And I want to be clear that loving Spock doesn't make her who she is. But it's a part of her. It's a part of her she was denying and avoiding.

By releasing the burden she'd been carrying, she freed herself up to so many other things, including regaining her confidence in he prowess in her field. She's a badass. And now she's remembered that.

When they come together in that final scene, they've both been on journeys of self-discovery in their own ways.

Christine remembered that she was born to stand out in the best way, that she is capable and strong, but that she can also be vulnerable.

Spock learned what it is to be truly human, and finally understood the sacrifices his mother made for him.

And they were both surrounded by the love of their shipmates. In an episode all about connection, we witnessed so many different kinds: Familial. Friendship. Romantic.

Connection is more than tonsil hockey, despite what some media might say. Connection is when two hearts meet and feel kinship. That is what both Spock and Christine have found on Enterprise—with each other, and with their beautiful friends.

The over-arching theme of Season 2 thus far seems to be, "Who am I?" You can see it in different characters in every episode so far. It's a universal question—one that so many of us ask of ourselves at many points in our lives.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope you know that you are beautiful, have intrinsic value, and matter more than you know. May the next morning bring light and love into your life like never before. See you on the next.

[winxwannabe]

Do you have any sparxshipping fanfict recommendation? I feel like I have read everything good out there and that there aren't many new ones.

So this anon is months old at this point, and at the time I didn't answer because I didn't really have new recs. That's no longer true, so here are the fics I'm reading now (not counting tbhtbh because that's like assigned homework):

I've gushed about Damn the Dark before, but @mira-meraki has a continuation now called Break the Silence. We're only 3 chapters in as of answering this, but it's already everything I could have hoped for in a sequel and more. It's got a post S3 team-up, we're exploring Darkar's Avalon & Shadowhaunt's overall impact on Bloom as a person, and Baltor is a simp for her the entire time. There's literally nothing to dislike. (My mind automatically equates S2 stuff with Darkar, he's not involved, I'm bad at words sometimes)

To play with a master went up post-receiving this ask, and the final chapter was just published. I've only read chapter one, but that's enough for me to recommend it. It's already been a dark, twisty road and I am full speed ahead. Beep beep, bitch.

@bloomvalyria is also working on The Dragon Queen, which I am beyond excited for just based on the prologue and the freaking comic she made for it. I don't know what's going to happen (she won't tell me) but I am ready for it.

[artemiseamoon]

Me, barging in to get your opinions on things:

Narcos: Mexico for the fandom ask game? 👀

Ooooo 😍 ok, let’s go -

The first character I first fell in love with: Amado

I fell for this tall drink of water on day 1. Yes, he still has a chokehold on me. That’s my man right there.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Walt!

I was already a Scoot fan going in. Not only that, I’ve always had this little unexplainable crush on him. So going into this, I was excited to see him, excited to see his role, but never knew I’d love (and want to slap sense into him) as much as I do. I wanna hug him, shake him, then make him dinner. 😂

Honorary mention: Smash & Grab crew 2.0. Those are my boys, like, I had no idea they would become so important to me. They are not side characters to me. Though I already wrote a fic featuring them, I want to write another cause I love that group so much. Especially Ossie and Sal.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Hmm, I don’t know. I think I like or don’t mind most popular characters…can’t think of one I hate. I’ll have to come back to this.

I can say who I didn’t care for, like whenever they were on screen I was like ‘meh’: Kitty, Andrea and Mimi, plus those annoying brothers, the rich kids.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

Okay, the terrible truths and real events aside (which as we know we’re awful bad bad bad and bad people), I didn’t mind early S1 Miguel, wouldn’t say I liked him, but I didn’t mind him. BUT I despised him S2 on, and by the end I was ready to kill him myself.

The character I would totally smooch: 

Oh too many to name. Let’s go with wifey. Isabella was too obvious of an answer bc I think every one knows how feral I am for her. So let’s give this one to Maria. But I’d also smooch Dina - is my bisexuality showing? 😂

The character I’d want to be like: 

Mi amor Isabella (minus the drug world obviously) look at this goddess! Imagine being this level of bad bitch 😍 stylish as fuck and hot as hell🥵

The character I’d slap: (can I use more violence?)

I HATED this guy, like I wanted to crawl thru the screen and rip his face off. I wanted to stomp him out. When he finally got killed I cheered. So more than a slap, can I shank him????

ALSO

HATED Sofia. Can I punch her in the face? Then push her off a ledge? I’m getting mad just seeing her face.

A pairing that I love:

Not gonna lie, for a second I thought Dina x Barron which is all @hausofmamadas doing and not in the show 😂😂😂 (the power couple vibes!!!)

If we go canon, I thought Kiki x Mika were cute. I adored Victor x Tenci. I also liked the short lived Dani x Walt (still mad at him for throwing that away but I just imagine she’s happy and with a better suited partner). Oh Min and his wife of course, so cute.

Oh and though I didn’t like the season as a whole and I was disappointed, I really loved Amado and Marta. I was rooting for them. In my mind he got away & they lived a happy chill life. Go be happy bbs.

A pairing that I despise: 

Hands down this shit. If Sofia has zero haters i’m dead.

Send me a fandom

[raayllum]

Before s4 came out I didn't follow anyone here (didn't know you guys existed) so I was sitting there trying to point out parallels between Callum and Viren and how wild it would be if in a canon divergence au they would forced to work together and how horrified they would be as they slowly realized shit we are alike, and maybe even a good team and all of my friends were like????? Honey, sit down, maybe to watch something else, touch grass outside?

Which, fair. BUT NOW HOWEVER I know I'm not crazy 'cause your posts are in my dash to not only say yeah, those two nerds have their similarities but to point out so much other things I wouldn't have guessed like never, so all this rant to say thanks, now I can go back on my bullshit with your beautiful gifs as cientifical proof I'm in fact so right

Hello & first off, welcome to the fandom, I hope you're having a great time!! And thank you for sending this ask in because Viren-Callum parallels are literally one of my favourite things in the entire show!!

And have been for quite a while (as this post documents, from post-S2 onwards back in Feb 2019 I've been chugging that sweet foils juice and only getting continually more fed), I always figured S4 would majorly ramp it up (just like S2 did from S1) but I am still thrilled beyond my wildest dreams that the foil dynamic is becoming this richly layered / complex / overt, y'know?

I think in terms of personality presentation Viren and Rayla are very similar as well (which I still need to do a S4 update for them whoops) but in terms of narrative weight and arcs and Viren's personality beyond his independence/paranoia? It's Callum all the way down, 100%

Like, they were already tied together as mages with Claudia's loyalty to each of them pit directly against one another (with Viren unsurprisingly winning) as well as brothers to the king (Harrow, Ezran). As Callum lets go of titles and calls Harrow Dad, Harrow insists on Viren using his title formally (which Viren already often did so) and Viren forsakes him as a brother. The plume of Harrow's funeral pyre in 1x04 going into Callum's primal stone transition shot; Viren going to the butterflies to de-corrupt himself while Callum looks at the Star primal on the cube, etc.

I've always been fond of Callum having to work with Claudia or Viren if/when the two mages come back across the moral horizon line, purely because those dynamics are so complicated and tainted, and yet they are also two people who can uniquely understand Callum's headspace and attachment to magic (or perhaps not unique understanding, but like, mirroring, haha?) I've written Callum and Claudia doing so before but idk if I've written Viren and Callum (although I have written them being on friendlier terms in "looking for a way to break in," although it's a very small part of the fic). I may have to write a canon divergence at one point where Callum is taken on as an apprentice to Viren (or Viren's old mentor Kpp'Ar even) but we shall see

Because like, they're both smart and clever and research focused, and just pragmatic enough to not be completely opposed (if they had a common goal) but Callum would have some lines he isn't willing to cross to the same capacity, which would keep Viren in check, and Viren could bring in knowledge/experience Callum doesn't have by virtue of just being so much younger. As well as primal mage (and friend of Xadians) Callum having access and knowledge of things that may surprise Viren and teach him a thing or two in addition

I think what makes me the most excited though is a couple of things stacked on top of each other, tbh

Viren's speech in 4x04, regarding, "I have always been ready to do anything to protect my family, however dangerous, however vile. In the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgivable, you can never forgive yourself" just as Callum finds a new consequence for doing dark magic way back when

We see Callum in 4x07 is later horrified of the possession mostly because "I'm afraid he'll force me to do awful things. Or hurt people I care about" (as Callum has already done, if not vile, then dangerous things to protect his loved ones, notably Ezran and Rayla)

The fact that Viren doing something awful to save Soren as a kid is now working it's way in the show (also in 4x07) of "You would be dead without Dad's magic" to be explored further in S5

Callum also having to inevitably fail to free Aaravos, with all the symbolism behind the idea ("Accidents happen" "On purpose" / "I hope it was worth it to you, putting everyone's lives in danger" / "This doesn't end well for you" / "It's the key of Aaravos, no good will come of it") that he may have more of an active hand in purposefully freeing him under coercion, also possibly in S5

Like if Callum and Ezran start being tested in s5, and Callum saves Ez at any cost (thus leaping over how Viren and Harrow failed each other bc those sweet generational parallels? Gold). Or Viren wanting to save Claudia and not wanting Aaravos to be freed, with perhaps Callum freeing Aaravos in order to save someone like Rayla but

Just having parallels with Aaravos thus far hasn't been the main reason, it seems, to have such an intense foil relationship between Viren and Callum, but there's still gotta be a bigger reason, and it really feels to me like this aspect of Viren might be why he and Callum have been so contrasted with each other

Other posts u can show ur friends if you want to:

My general Viren-Callum foils tag

A pre-S4 breakdown of all the ways they parallel each other season by season

A post-S4 breakdown of how they parallel each other with some bonus foil stuff

[draumstafir-blog]

litg s2 | saying nope | chapter 2

pairing: mc x noah

you clacked through the halls of the villa, your strappy party heels already causing major discomfort, but so early into the evening you looked too good to take them off. the other girls were still getting ready, the dressing room quickly becoming a warzone of sprays of all kind. you stole away to the outdoor kitchen for a brief moment of quiet before the inevitable splash of the evening. you’d seen love island before, and had a few guesses as to what was about to happen, but you ultimately decided to cross that bridge once you got to it.

picking up the still-warm kettle, you began making yourself an instant iced coffee. perhaps you should’ve been hurrying, as the evening party was about to start at any minute, but the stillness of the sunset sky had too strong of a calming effect. your metal straw clinking around in the cup, you turned your attention to the orange gradient sky, keenly aware that you’d truly never know which sunset would be your last in mallorca.

gary: what you sayin, (Y/N)?

gary waltzed over casually, already in his party outfit: an unbuttoned flannel over a gray tee with acid wash ripped jeans and well-loved timberlands. it was simple yet masculine and charming, not unlike gary himself.

you: you know, i’ve never understood why guys say that.

gary: well, guys from london say it for one reason or another... but honestly, i just say it to sound like them.

you: you’re not from london, are you? then why feel the need to try and fit in like that?

gary: i’m from chatham, yeah, but the lads i went to uni with were ruthless about teasing anyone different. love em to death, but it was rough at times. i kinda had a “good boy” reputation because i’d always go home every weekend to help my nan out.

you: i did hear you say something like that to hannah. it’s honestly such a nice thing to do, and so mature to take on that responsibility. does your nan live near the rest of your family?

gary: nah, i’ve got an uncle in guernsey, but since i was about 10 it’s just been me and my nan. she was a saint and even offered to help me get a job at some fancy marketing agency, but i dropped out of uni, and i’ve been a crane operator ever since. can’t complain though, it’s well fun.

you: well, i think it’s cute that you’re still so close with her. and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. it makes sense now that you said romance is meant to be realistic, i totally get that.

gary: bloody hell, at least someone does. don’t get me wrong, hannah’s a nice girl, but she’s already talked my ears off about romance novels and prince charming... even if i was head-over-heels for her, i could never give her something like that, you know?

you nodded silently but understandingly, taking another sip of coffee and swirling the ice around in the glass.

gary: listen, (Y/N), the others are all gonna be here any minute but, i just wanted to say that you’ve really caught my eye and i hope we can get to know each other.

you chuckled bashfully, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

you: i’m not closing myself off to anyone at the minute, so feel free to talk to me as much as you’d like.

gary: hmm, if you keep that mindset, you might have a lot of talking to do. i can’t lie, it seems like all of the lads are interested in you.

you: well now, how can i trust that you’re not just saying that so i get too comfortable and get sent home?

gary: jesus, (Y/N), calm down. i’m not marisol, you know.

you: am i missing something? is everyone in agreement that marisol is a psycho? because she seems perfectly sweet to me.

gary: then maybe it’s not just the lads that are interested.

gary sent you a cheeky side smirk, and in that moment, the rest of the islanders clambered into the kitchen area.

rocco: i’ll be on champagne duty for tonight, guys!

a chorus of excited squeals and chants filled the back garden. noah helped rocco get out all the champagne flutes and people milled around while the drinks were being poured.

bobby: hey, (Y/N), i hope this isn’t too forward, but you look absolutely stunning tonight.

you: thank you so much, bobby. and you don’t have to worry about being forward, in this setting it’s especially reassuring to get compliments.

bobby: i’ll bet, how are you feeling about all of it so far?

you: you know, i could definitely get used to living in this villa. but the competition is another thing. i feel like it hasn’t even set in for me yet.

bobby: well, hey, it’s only the first night. let’s not worry about all that then. we’re both here and we’ve got each oth-

bobby’s eyes went wide. you felt a bit guilty that he was always so nervous around you, but the color of his irises really popped against the lilac of the blossoming night sky. you gave him a sympathetic smile, wanting to say something reassuring, but hope promptly cleared her throat before you could do so.

hope: everyone! you lot are all so chill - and peng - i genuinely could not imagine a better group to be experiencing this with. so here’s to our first night with each other, and hopefully many more!

everyone cheers’ed in unison and raised their glasses, with hope dragging noah off to the beanbags before he’d even put his down. they were both smiling and giggling though, so perhaps she’d be the one to get noah out of his shell.

bobby: is that your coffee?

he pointed to the mostly empty glass on the kitchen island.

you: er yeah, i’m kind of a freak and i love coffee at all hours of the day.

bobby: well, if you tell me how you like it, i could bring some to you in the morning.

bobby scratched the back of his neck gingerly, as you felt another stupid grin wash across your face, your cheeks heating up in tandem.

marisol: hey, (Y/N), do i hear you’re a fellow coffee snob?

you: oh, yeah, maybe not a snob though. the one i was just drinking was from instant powder that’d probably gone off in the naughties.

marisol turned to face bobby directly.

marisol: is it cool if i borrow your bird for a chat?

bobby happily obliged, gesturing at the path to the fire pit, where marisol led you to sit.

marisol: so, have you spoken to each of the boys? who are you feeling so far?

she was very careful in setting down her glass, her outfit for the evening being a pure white blazer and matching pencil skirt, complete with a lack of any shirt underneath.

you: call me crazy, but i think i actually have an ok read on all of them so far... except maybe noah. i only talked to him alone in the very beginning.

marisol: give yourself some credit, hun. it doesn’t exactly take a phd in psych to see the different archetypes at play here.

you: oh really? what have you to say about ibrahim then? i feel like you’ve been chatting to him all day and he’s only said about two full sentences.

marisol: well, he’s a professional golfer, and he keeps bringing it up because it’s something he’s very confident about. honestly, he’s just very shy in general, and it is cute but it makes him keep his cards quite close to his chest. i’d love to know more about him, but that’ll have to come when he decides he wants to tell me.

you: interesting analysis... what about noah then?

marisol: what about him?

you: don’t you think he and rahim are somewhat similar? i mean, in a mysterious way, i guess.

marisol: well, one mystery i can solve for you right now is that they’re not as alike as you’d think. i mean, look at noah.

marisol tried her best to gesture to where hope was sitting with noah, in an unobtrusive way. nothing had changed from the last time you looked that direction - just chatter and laughter.

marisol: babes, it takes two to tango, and noah isn’t leading. if you want his attention, you’re gonna have to take charge. don’t give him an out.

you fumbled with your words for a moment, probably overthinking what marisol had just said.

you: who said... i want... noah’s attention?

marisol: i saw hope steal him from you this morning. not to sound too much like lottie or anything, but i wouldn’t have done that to you.

you: thanks, hun. that’s definitely nice to know, but i don’t want to get petty about stealing each other’s men, or breaking girl code, or whatever. this isn’t primary school, it’s love island. hope has to play the game just as much as i do.

marisol: i know that. and who’s to say when hope comes to me for advice, i won’t tell her the same thing i’m telling you?

you: wow, i think gary was right, we’re becoming a little too paranoid for the first night.

marisol: i’m only teasing you babes!

she playfully pushed your shoulder. off into the distance, the sight of bobby talking to ibrahim caught your eye. marisol had busied herself readjusting the strap of her shoe, but you noticed the look on ibrahim’s face. he was quite stoic through all of it, whereas bobby seemed animated, perhaps in the middle of telling a story. and perhaps if you were a psychology student like marisol, you’d be able to decipher what it meant, but you ultimately turned your attention back to noah. he had the same way about him; clearly not getting a single word in during the whole conversation.

marisol: (Y/N), i hope you know you can trust me... you kinda swerved my question earlier about who you were feeling - and if you don’t wanna tell me that’s totally ok - but in one way or another, we all really are here for love. i want you to find it.

you: aw, come here babe.

you put your champagne on the floor in front of you and pulled marisol in for a hug.

you: and the truth of it is that i really don’t know who i fancy right now. obviously, noah was my first choice, but bobby’s given me no reason to jump ship so far. and i feel like i owe it to him to see how things go.

marisol: of course, babe, the best thing you can do is trust your gut. don’t let anything other than your feelings affect your decisions.

lottie: oh good, you guys are already together.

you and marisol both turned to see that lottie was starting towards the fire pit, hannah and hope in tow. a quick glimpse back to the beanbags revealed that noah was there alone, and he looked to be sighing to himself. he raised his eyes and met your gaze for a short moment, though it felt to you like an eternity. as your cheeks turned pink, all you could do was throw a wary smile in his direction. once he stood up, he waved back to you, rearranging the beanbags and heading over to chat with the other boys.

hope plopped down on the bench next to you.

hannah: we’re gathered here because lottie’s called a girl council meeting.

marisol: that can be a tentative title, right?

lottie: look babes, no matter what happens tonight, i think it’s important that we all form some kind of agreement. and go ahead; say it’s love island, say it’s a competition and we can’t just walk on eggshells around each other all the time. but the way i see it, we’ve all bonded as a group and we should have each other’s best interests at heart. removing the boys from the equation entirely, i don’t wanna see any of you guys get hurt or go home before your time.

you: lottie, that’s really sweet of you, and i’m sure all of us feel the same way. but, any time there’s an elimination, someone’s gonna have to go. i personally would rather force myself to try and save my own arse, and go home knowing i did everything i could, rather than leave my problems to the girl squad.

marisol: i’d have to agree. and if someone in here can’t find love, they can’t stay. them’s the rules, hun.

lottie’s eyebrows furrowed and her lip began quivering slightly. you suddenly became aware of the fact that she seemed incredibly frustrated at how the girl council was falling apart. but before she could say anything, a phone went off.

ibrahim: I GOT A TEXT

islanders, please get ready for your zesty surprise. as promised, citrus sangria is going to be served... and by none other than estate agent priya.

gasps, ooh’s, and ah’s echoed from all different locations in the garden. suddenly, the back door of the house opened, and a slender, curvy figure holding a pitcher of sangria came strutting through.

priya: hey, party people! how are you tonight?

most of the boys were already sat at the breakfast bar, right next to where she’d sauntered in. rocco and gary were not far behind, shuffling in from elsewhere. you couldn’t make out what they’d been saying, but the boys seemed very excited to greet her. and judging from her silver cutout bandage dress, you had two guesses as to why.

hope: come on, girls. we should go over and say hi.

you proceeded to get up from the bench, straightening out your outfit and watching marisol do the same, until you noticed that lottie was sitting perfectly still. hannah seemed reluctant to go, but her face admitted that she also felt bad about remaining with lottie.

hope: are you guys coming?

lottie: in a minute. i’ll catch up later.

lottie punctuated her sentence with a long sip of champagne. you exchanged glances with marisol, until she shrugged, and led the group of three over to meet priya.

priya: hey, you alright, hun?

priya’s lips wore a warm smile, and the tone of her voice was rather melodic. she took turns hugging all the girls, as the boys got started pouring the sangria she brought. hope went down the line introducing everybody.

priya: are the other girls coming?

you: oh yeah, they’re just talking about something. don’t worry about it.

priya: talking about me, huh? i shouldn’t be surprised. honestly, i totally get it.

hope: babes, we don’t want you to feel threatened or anything like that. we were just saying it’d be nice if all of us girls were a team, that’s all.

priya: aw, i do like that idea. i certainly don’t wanna come in here and cause drama for you all.

marisol: but you’re here to break up a couple. don’t feel bad about it, i was just saying it’ll happen to all of us eventually. we’re all playing the same game.

hope seemed visibly annoyed. you thought to yourself that maybe drama was about to become inevitable, with or without a girl code.

you: marisol has point; it is just a game, so we should make it fun while it lasts!

you pulled out a barstool for priya, take her arm gently and giving her the seat of honor.

you: so... who do you have your eye on?

priya took a moment to scan the faces of the boys. she looked back at you with a slightly overwhelmed stare, but managed to laugh it off.

priya: obviously, you guys are all gorgeous! i mean... gun to my head, if i had to name names right this second, i think ibrahim and bobby are both a bit of me.

the two boys in question fist bumped each other. it was the first time you’d seen bobby so self-assured. clearly, he had to have a certain degree of confidence to maintain his class clown-ish persona, but when he spoke to you, he never displayed it this overtly. although, he did still look to you for approval, which you gave with a slight grin. you tried to convey genuine happiness that he was finally recognized, though he seemed somewhat anxious again after making eye contact.

lottie: hey hun, you look stunning! i’m lottie.

hannah: i love your hair. i’m hannah.

priya: it’s so nice to meet everyone! needless to say, you all look amazing as well. i’m actually really excited to talk to you all and get to know everyone individually.

just as the whole group was finally together and it finally seemed to be turning into a nice moment, priya’s phone sounded off.

priya: oh no, what could this be?

priya, now that you’ve met your fellow islanders, you will have to steal one of their boys. in 24 hours, there will be a recoupling in which priya will choose a partner, leaving one of the girls single and vulnerable.

a heavy silence fell over the atmosphere.

you: priya, i really am so sorry you have to be the one to do this. it can’t be easy, and i want you to know i won’t take it personally, no matter what happens.

marisol: i second that.

priya had kind eyes with deep double eyelids, with irises that seemed to sparkle when she met your gaze. she did her best to smile, but even still, her expression was so dejected. the situation was not helped when lottie decided to take one of the glasses of sangria off the counter, scurrying off somewhere and not waiting for the rest of the group to cheers.

hannah: i’ll go talk to her.

and one by one, most of the other islanders had left priya’s side, even some of the boys who would’ve surely benefitted from talking to her further. you, marisol, bobby, and noah remained at the kitchen island.

you: so what were you looking for from this experience?

priya: well, i’m already 29 and i’ve never had a serious relationship. i usually struggle to commit and i was kinda hoping the right person would change that. i know it might be stupid to expect my problems to magically go away like that, and even more so coming from the grandma of the villa.

the group erupted in laughter.

bobby: priya, i’m the one in this villa who bakes bran muffins for fun. i don’t think you have anything to worry about there.

marisol: i think it’s nice that you’ve come here to take a chance. when i used to watch this show with my friends, i’d always get so annoyed at the people who talked like love island was some sure-fire way to meet the guy of your dreams. i think it’s healthy to know that the right person might just not be here, and that’s ok.

noah: and if you do find the right person, it takes something more than magic to make things work. i definitely learned that after my last relationship.

priya: oh my gosh, i just realized i didn’t even ask! who all is coupled up with who right now?

marisol: well, i’m with ibrahim, noah’s with hope, (Y/N) and bobby are together... and the rest of them can tell you on their own time.

priya: wow, then, i can’t tell you how much i appreciate you girls sticking up for me. i’m really not trying to start anything with anyone... except maybe a relationship with a guy, but you get it.

you: it’s really nothing, babes. all of us girls really should be rooting for each other.

bobby: and any of us guys would be lucky to be your pick.

bobby got up from his seat and turned his body toward the gazebo.

bobby: that being said, i think we should discuss some couple-y things. do you mind, (Y/N)?

you got up and excused yourself, following bobby over to the secluded area, and watching as he twiddled his thumbs once priya was out of eyesight.

you: what’s up?

bobby: ah, listen, i just wanna make sure you’re totally comfortable with our arrangement and stuff. i know we both said some things earlier, but i just wanted to check in and see where your head’s at.

you: i mean, i do remember saying that i wanted to give us shot and... i don’t feel any differently now.

bobby: you don’t?

his face lit up, even in the darkness.

bobby: well then, was it ok that i kissed you in the challenge?

you: of course, bobby. i was honestly glad to hear that you fancied me.

bobby: you were?

you: yes, bobby! i’m really keen on getting to know you more.

bobby: i feel the same way. so then, are you comfortable with sleeping in the same bed tonight? because i can crash on the couch if it’s too soon, or anything like that.

you: i’m ok with it if you are.

bobby: i am... definitely...

a pink blush slowly crept across bobby’s cheeks as he tried to avert his gaze from yours. you found it intriguing how he could go from a typical cheeky chap, to the next minute, completely melting into a puddle at the sight of you. you replayed in your head the moment when bobby told you his ideal type. you remembered it not sounding like you at all, in fact, his taste made it seem like he was more interested in a magnet than a woman.

“often finds herself the center of attention without asking for it.”

you couldn’t remember ever being at the center of anything. but, you reasoned, if you could find yourself at the center of a bit of drama between girls, that might be a baby step in the right direction. you straightened your back, holding your head up high, and got up from the cushioned sofa you were sitting in. you extended an open hand to bobby, feeling in charge like marisol suggested.

you: let’s get ready for bed then, yeah?

with an eager smirk, he gladly accepted your hand, pulling himself up and following you triumphantly through the garden. a few of the other islanders turned to look at you both, and finally realizing you had become bobby’s type, you welcomed the attention.

lottie and rocco were already in the bedroom, clad in their pajamas, they seemed to be strategizing about which bed to take. hope and noah wandered into the bathroom shortly after you, noah looking particularly toned in a white v-neck he would be wearing to sleep in. you accidentally made eye contact with him in the mirror while both brushing your teeth. awkwardly looking down right away, you were forced to confront the fact that noah would not be an option for you at the given moment. and perhaps it was the right move to place him just out of your top priorities. at the end of the night, he’d be in bed with hope, and you with bobby.

rocco: hey, (Y/N), if you don’t mind could i grab you for a chat?

you were staring into the abyss of your own pupils in the mirror, absentmindedly rubbing moisturizer into your cheeks when he interrupted you.

you: oh. yeah. for sure.

you took a second to fluff up your hair, catching a glimpse of marisol, was entering the bathroom. when she saw you following rocco, she raised both eyebrows and gave you a congratulatory punch on the shoulder.

rocco led you through the bedroom, onto the balcony where he beckoned for you to sit.

rocco: how’re you doing?

you: not too bad, yourself?

rocco: i’m pretty excited. it’s been a long time since i was too restless to sleep; it’ll be interesting to have a once-in-a-liftetime experience like this.

you: well, don’t get too worked up, or you’ll forget to actually experience it.

rocco: (Y/N), have you forgotten you’re talking to mr. live in the moment? it’s not everyday you feel such a weird cocktail of emotions... i can’t tell if i’m a kid in a candy store or a bull in a china shop.

you: to me, it feels more like i’m one of five bulls competing to break the most china.

rocco: you’re right. what if it’s a third thing? what if i’m actually the invisible man on a nude beach?

you: if there is a third option, i’m not sure it’s that...

rocco: you’re a smart cookie, you know? that’s why i wanted to speak to you.

rocco paused, shifting his gaze toward the night sky an acute moment.

rocco: since this morning, i thought you were the fittest girl in the villa. i think you’ve got a cool vibe and i wanna hear more of what you have to say, so i wanted to let you know - respectfully - that i’m considering you as one of my options. it’s very early days so... no eggs in anyone’s basket yet, but, i feel like i’d be a massive idiot to close myself off to you.

you: i think that’s a good mindset to have, erm... not to toot my own horn, but, it’s pretty much what i’ve been saying.

rocco: so would you wanna get to know each other?

you: i’m not saying no, but i do just have to warn, a few of the other boys have asked me as well. and i’m really trying to give bobby a fair shake, i feel like we owe it to each other as a couple.

rocco: ah, so your attention is a hot commodity. i might just have to make an investment.

you: you know, you seemed like the gambling type to me. you might wanna watch your ass-ets.

you got up from the conversation stifling a giggle, and subconsciously excited to tell bobby about the stupidity of your joke. rocco scoffed playfully, following you back to the bedroom, where the others were milling around before bed.

lottie: i see girl code is officially dead in the water.

you: lottie, as much as i want all of us girls to end this experience as a big, happy family, you’ve lost all right to talk about girl code after tonight.

lottie: what about tonight? i haven’t done anything wrong!

you: it’s not about what you’ve done wrong, it’s about what you haven’t done. for someone who preaches team unity at every turn, you were so unwelcoming to priya. it’s already a very scary thing coming here - a real team player would’ve tried to make things smoother.

you felt your neck and face heat up as the words left your lips without second thought, bobby’s face appearing to your side. you had never been one to embrace confrontation, but perhaps finally embracing being the center of attention, meant that this had to change too. although, your gas tank for drama had been swiftly and completely emptied. bobby did a quick motion with his eyebrows, subtly beckoning you to come to bed.

you: whatever.

though you were relieved at dropping the conflict, you couldn’t help but feel like a petulant toddler lashing out. your face was entirely red as you shuffled over to bobby.

you: i don’t know what got into me just now, i’m so sorry.

bobby: no sweat. you backed yourself the whole time, that’s not something to be sorry for.

he busied himself rearranging the extra pillows, returning the timid smile that you sent him, as he apparently had a knack for reassuring you.

priya: hey (Y/N)! can i offer you some spritzes of a pillow mist? it’s scented with lavender and sandalwood; totally good for putting you to sleep.

you: bobby, what do you think?

bobby looked surprised, stuttering for a split second before answering.

bobby: i mean, why not?

priya developed a giddy grin and happily spritzed away at your and bobby’s respective pillows. bobby quickly lifted the duvet and climbed into bed, but priya skipped to your side of the bed, gently grabbing your arm and almost whispering.

priya: thanks again. for everything, (Y/N). it’s nice to feel like i have a friend in here.

you: of course, babe. i’m glad to hear we’re friends too.

you added some extra eye smile to pat your sentence on the back. priya sauntered off to her bed, where she was sleeping alone. you sat on your side of the bed, your back facing bobby, taking a moment to process of the events of the day. to your surprise, noah crawled into the bed directly next to yours, laying on his side and facing you.

noah: hey. sleep well.

you: you too.

you got under the covers and placed your head on the pillow, flopping around slightly when you realized you’d be facing noah if you slept on your side. your eyes drifted to the lone ceiling fan. perhaps it would take a lot more work to truly become comfortable with receiving so much attention.

[televinita]

Things I Am So Excited To Do With My 1-2 Days Off*!!!

*1-2 days not yet guaranteed but I got to quit at 2:00 today (have to go back for at least part of tomorrow) and I am ready for a weekday break before the next project because I have crammed in soooo much fun lately, with more on deck, that I can barely remember it all at this point.

1. Process The Fall Guy: queue gifs, form some words about it maybe?, novelize!!!! do u know how long it's been since I loved something on screen enough to transform it into narrative for myself. (I do. Seven months, Loki S2. I used to have stuff, multiple things!, every week) Also figure out what actual romance novels I want to find to finish working through it.

1.5. Probably also watch it again. Maybe even in theater?? oh shoot I would have to do that tomorrow for the cheap tickets...

2. Process the Abbott Elementary finale, which somehow was incredible and actually made me ship Gregory & Janine again after the season from hell so bad that just last week, I actively declared that I was so done with them and their excruciating secondhand embarrassment and cringe interactions that I would actually be angry and icked out now if they got together??

3. Process the Survivor finale and the 2700 feelings I am having about EVERYONE in the final 3 (so good!! which I would not have believed at the beginning of the season if you'd told me) and, once again, the several novels through which I would like to process this.

4. Reading triage? / generally process the absurd amount of library checkouts I already have and yet just replenished again so I can make some kind of reading plan to actually enjoy them

5. Sit outside and read! (I did this for a bit today, was great)

6. Write Goodreads reviews (I am like 10 behind)

7. Find a new movie to watch because I finally splurged on a bag of fire-roasted sweet corn flavored popcorn and omg the flavor is amazing, even better than the best microwave popcorn. I've only let myself sample a small taste so far because it would be so perfect with a ridiculous movie.

8. Process the (possibly absurd) number of things I found at Half Price Books this weekend during their 20% off sale because i did something bad (pretended I did not already buy an absurd # of books at library sales last month and went to four locations. but all their clearance sections were so full and fruitful even on the 3rd and final day of said sale!!)

9. Clean?? I would like to clear the area around the work table enough to vacuum it out. The entire dining nook, if possible. Maybe even move the table all the way off the rug, shake it out and vacuum underneath that? (this is definitely a full-day project...but I also have two books I'm specifically interested in listening to as audiobooks, at regular speed)

10. Write my book posts for the other blog for June 11th & 18th, two weeks I will absolutely be too busy to focus on for such fun Top Ten Tuesday topics.

11. Off #7, sample the many delicious things that either I or my husband have bought lately (we each have our favorite grocery store that the other basically never goes to, and we have cleaned UP on sales and/or splurged on limited-edition items lately. it will actually take me multiple days to work through even trying them, so as not to overload my system with too much junk)

12. Visit parents

13. Get books ready to sell to Half Price (there's no way I'm going even make a dent in undoing the absurd hauls, but I gotta at least try! the thrill of the new books pushed at least four titles I was on the fence about relinquishing firmly into the "bye bye bye" camp)

14. Take at least one nice long walk; the weather is so good this week!!!

15. LAUNDRY

16. I have to return at least one library item and make two pickup stops also (but I think, I hope??) that's it for the errand-running I have to do at least

17. Catch up on BookTube!! Ohmigosh I've been so busy having fun offline I haven't watched any videos in like a week.

[feuqueerfire]

Island Part 1 Live Blogging

I didn't watch anything last week because of being overwhelmed and busy for the past 10 or so days but finally I'm ready to once again start a new show when I should be studying.

My main reason for watching this is really just Cha Eunwoo because I miss seeing his face. People seem to really like his character and say his acting improved so I'm even more excited. I wanted to start Korean sff shows anyway so might as well start here even though I got spoiled for a biiiiig thing that happens at the end of S2 and also people's reactions have been like good but not great.

Ep 1 (Mar 14)

ah they're toast

oh they're not speaking Korean

hello my beloved Eunwoo

i never know whether to trust this type of old man who is the lady's father's butler man and is some sort of mentor to her as well

oof the wedding dress monster killed and ate someone?

isn't there gonna be a fuss about the dead body

ah so the lady is a reincarnation of the woman in the white dress who previously died? and the man is the one who's been living at Tamara since then?

olden times Jeju - the guy was a child and was forced to become half human half demon. where's the other kid who became that way too

oh bulter sir where are you going and what did the student see?

lol we already saw the man being selfish and self-absorbed so that's not doing anything for me but ig he's also gonna become a demon now? also i originally thought the assistant who she told to look into those two men was him but ig it's a different man

A pretty meh first episode tbh

Ep 2 (Mar 14)

damn they really did this shit to the children

beautiful beloved Cha Eunwoo <333 I am very fond of him

oh the bulter mans is Miho's protector

the slug things are so fucking disgusting

these action scenes are so boring because they go on for too long, I don't care enough about Miho, it's only ep 2 so I know she's not gonna die or really get hurt, and the immortal guy is gonna come save her each time like bro move on why are the action and chase scenes so long

yknow I find Miho endearing when she's praying to God, Buddha and being nervous to go to sleep and her nervous mannerisms when the man in the dark comes to her room and I think it reminds me of Saras played by Ae in PS I Hate You

actually she's endearing when she's trying to get Van to sign the contract

damn is Van the one who killed Miho in her past life

also pretty meh for me, I don't care about the action, but I'm glad to see a bit more of Eunwoo and also I'm starting to be endeared by Mino

Ep 3 (Mar 14)

why the fuck is there a domestic abuse plotline fucking hell It's like I gotta either watch women being terrorized by men or turn to watch BL where they also sometimes treat women as evil caricatures like I can't

fucking hell and blackmailing her with her nsfw photos too I actually am so fucking annoyed why can't I fucking watch just a fantasy show

this is so fucking sad bro

I love Yeon-ji already

if Yeon-ji or Suryeon actually die or anything I'll be so fucking mad btw

(Linguistics) ahh I love Johan tryna get away with using banmal and referring to Miho as chingus but being shut down lol can't wait to hear him say noona

I don't care about the romantic hints toward Miho and Van whatsoever tbh

(Linguistics) please the way Miho is all wide-eyed and belatedly adds the -yo when she asks if he's really a priest

Johan is so cheeky I love him

Suryeonnnnnn if Bujille does something to her I'm gonna kill this show

nah the better save suryeon

the failed exorcism was pretty cool

This ep finally picked up. I'm glad we get our characters around each other now and some interesting things have started to happen beyond just "oh monster chases Miho and Van saves her." Most of all, I love Johan being daring and cheeky and beautiful and fun and eager.

Not a super big fan of female suffering due to an abusive boyfriend and threats of nudes/nsfw photos being leaked though like I wish it was just something else.

3 eps in a day oof

Ep 4 (Mar 15)

oh was the light-haired guy the other half-demon from the old days

omg the big devil tree-looking monster being maneuvered by Lee Suryeon

I know it's supposed to be funny that Johan was choking while Miho and Van were arguing but :) I dislike such incompetency and callousness for the sake of humour like first of all Johan was trying to help Miho, second of all we're supposed to think Van doesn't gaf but it's not like we're supposed to think Miho is like that too considering she's trying to convince Van to save Suryeon - so it's annoying that she has no worries about Johan

It's so fucking boring that we're on episode 4, both Van and Johan get to do cool action things and even if Johan gets caught, he can hold his ground for a bit with his cool sword, while Miho has yet to even improve in her hiding/escaping/running away techniques despite already being good at fighting and training. If she was at least able to get through to Suryeon with kindness or whatever, that'd be like something but she can't do that either and yells for Van constantly like okay I'm bored

well okay at least she got to speak to Suryeon and I guess some fucking light inside her made the Benjulle disappear

Ah Johan is so irritating when dealing with Van, ah so endearing

oh van calling upon Benjulle again for Suryeon's revenge

heh Van and the Gramma testing each other are so cute

did Johan leave the shrimp croquettes for Miho or is he just gone to the bathroom and will find them gone lol

I don't fully understand why Johan's doing this with Van? to test his strength? and also he wants his name? Edit after reddit thread reading: Someone said he wants to bring out the demon so that he can see if Van can control it enough so that the prophecy of him killing Miho again will come true or not. He left the shrimp croquettes so that she'd be busy eating those and not come looking for the two of them. that makes sense.

oh this is how Van had previously killed her. by his demon side coming out and stabbing her. oof Johan what have you done

A more interesting episode. I wish we got to see the weirdo abusive ex being ripped to shreds at least a little bit or maybe his dead body since we got to see Suryeon's bruised face and her vulnerable photos.

The Johan and Van fighting was pretty cool, one of the action sequences that I thought was actually fun because it involved things more than just chasing or saving Miho.

Also, I'm at least glad that Miho's rich and has connections because otherwise she'd be so fucking useless but then again, she's pretty useless with it too. She didn't seem to give a fuck when Yeomji first came to tell her that Suryeon was being abused, so I didn't think the 'empathy and kindness' would be her forte the way it is for so many female leads but then after she saw the state Suryeon was in, she did start to care more. I thought her having money would mean maybe she could actually get revenge for Suryeong but in the end, Van had to ask Bujille for help. Miho can't save herself which is irritating still 4 episodes in especially when she's been shown to know how to fight but she also can't help Suryeon much despite her status and money. What the fuck can she do by herself then except whatever pureness is inside her and whatever the prophecy will dictate?

I wish we got better-written, more interesting female characters. Yeom-ji is interesting so far, maybe she'll appear more later

Ep 5 (Mar 15)

blocked by own arm is expected

oh our affable Johan has shaking hands

I love the horror aspect of the tourist murder and organ extraction, please have more scary things

Miho fr went outside by herself in the woods after 1) the Dujille incident and 2) the Van incident? girl you are generally useless, why would you fucking do that

oh she's tracking Van's phone

Miho sounds stupid as hell with the "you promised to protect me and you did :>" like at least make her be like i believe you will overcome it or like something that doesn't sound so naive

and i wish they didn't have a romance because it doesn't make sense

pls not all the girls following behind Johan because he's so beautiful and he's relishing in that for sure oh this priest

Johan's a priest right, he likes girls fawning over him but he's not gonna fall for Miho right? I don't want another romantic line

Suryeon and Yeomji are fr best buddies, so cute I love them T.T

omg give me Johan backstory right now

so the Fox Demon is extracting livers until he finds 'his' and is aided by the evil half-demon? and then sometimes sliced up?

so this is Johan's brother at current time?

Guntan is the other half-demon

no but what exactly did that call that Johan got tell him? that they can't find his brother yet?

we're spending too much time at this orphanage and thinking about what Johan would say to his brother, so I... somehow doubt they'll actually get to meet oh no

girl this is so lol like Sujin's fiance probably gonna die and Johan's brother probably gonna die

like first of all after the lust demons have nearly killed her multiple times + Suryeon's lust demon infested Bunjille due to it trying to Miho, I feel like Miho should have enough brain cells to be like actually don't come near me

oh the husband died but at least Johan got to meet his brother; though he may die soon too who knows

Ep 6 (Mar 15)

more Johan and brother backstory

oh they're adopted by white people who have a sick child.... omg

they're gonna fucking do something to the kids T.T

I don't fully understand what happened but did they try to get Johan's brother's liver for their sick child? is that why he was sick also before they took Johan away? but why was Johan also clutching his stomach and blood on his shirt? Did the operation with the older sibling and white child not work so they tried it with Johan too? Is this white sick child the one searching for the liver now as the Fox Demon or smth? or is it Johan's brother since his liver would be missing, though that doesn't quite make sense with what happened with those other people that the brother worked with right?

ah the siblings are having a heart to heart but uhhh I feel like the "let's stay together" yearning of Johan is not gonna be long-lived

oh fuck the brother is so definitely working for Guntan or something rip

oh did Wonjeong betray Guntan and Van somehow? or accidentally betray them but Guntan believes she did it on purpose?

oh beautiful stag? reminds me of Shadow and Bone

why the hell on earth would Miho leave her friend at the funeral crying alone like

I so don't give a fuck about Van and Miho irritates me

oh the brother Chan-hee can't remember killing those people while he's a lust demon?

ah fuck Chan-hee asking Johan to kill him T.T

bro first I felt emotions for Suryeon and now Johan T.T poor guy

filing a teary Eunwoo on his knees looking desperate for later when I'm not feeling sad for him and he's not a priest

ah fuck desperate, desperate Johan but the lust demon wants to kill Wonjeong/Miho

poor fucking Johan really having to kill his brother

my beloved Johan nooo T.T

wait a second were there scenes after the title card each time?

oh Guntan has a fucking cult

oh what the fuck my beloved Yeom-ji T.T

Also, the thing that Chan-hee was getting and saying "It's not mine" is probably kidney and not liver lol I thought liver because they said that's what the Fox Demon stole but Chan-hee was not that.

Overall Thoughts:

The main female lead was whatever, wish she was just good at something. Whether it be at fighting demons (understandable that she isn't), was fighting back via kindness and empathy (I'll be forever floored that she's apparently feeling soooo much for fucking Van while her reaction to being told about Suryeon's situation was like hmm whatever just tell the cops), actual power due to her status/wealth/connections (but she couldn't even fucking put the abusive ex behind bars and couldn't keep her promise to Suryeon to get revenge for her and then dared to be like 'hmm idk how I feel about this' when Van got him killed), or her smarts (miss girl kept going everywhere in the woods by herself, including in the dark; she couldn't tell her friend to not come to her at night like this). She's not the worst ever because she can still stand up for herself and she has personality but I mourn that they've written her like this. I also just hate that the only other girl we've paid any significant attention to was Suryeon and I had to see her go through an abusive relationship; why can't we get some cool suffering, why do I have to see girls and women be tortured at the hands of men in this way every time?

Van is just fucking boring and I don't care. He's kinda cool but like he's not fun or interesting or endearing or tunning at my heart strings (except him as a child when he was being abused as he was trained T.T)

My beloved Johan <3333 Cha Eunwoo was my main reason for keeping an eye on this show since I watched True Beauty and was into Astro for a few weeks. He did so well <33 I liked his charming, cocky, beautiful character who was so intrigued by everything going on as if he really was 20 and curious about everything but also I liked his apprehension when it came down to it. The storyline with his brother was so T.T He had him for such a short time and it was so sad seeing him trying to do everything to save him and yet having to kill him in the end.

Also curious to see the evil brother half-demon Guntan and his sidekick niece Yeom-ji. They're both pretty cool compared to our 2 main characters. The Certified Noonas were talking about how cool Guntan is and all I could think about was "So, what if he's the devil, Rick? At least the devil has a job. At least he's active in the community." because mans is really active and murderous and a cult leader.

I wish the show flowed better in terms of the sequence of scenes and pacing and the main characters were more intriguing.

Rating: 6/10

[shunshuntaiga]

i hate it when life gets in the way of me dicking around on tumblr with my favourite people. truly homophobic of the universe to give me serious stuff to do instead of just letting me ramble in your asks about spadi and aure >:( but anywaaaay, i'm back!! *really animated finger guns gestures* how have you been, dear? all hood, i hope. <3 may the new year treat you kindly. ok, so, i HAVE read a bunch of suburra fics in english, and i stand by my statement. yours is one of the best, you can't change my mind. 😌 the only thing i agree with is that suburra fic writers DO go hard af. them insane, talented folks don't mess around, bless their hearts. :)))) Oooh!! the whole thing starting after Lele's death and Aureliano's admission would fuck so hard, i like it. s2 and s3 aurelia is more.. polished, more distinguished. i feel like he would handle the hook up better than the s1 blond disaster. i have been laughing my ass off thinking about the absolute CLICHE that is aurelia getting knocked up in the back of the car lmfaoooo. it would be so in character for s1 spadeliano, it's Perfect!! ... oooh... i just got hit with a thought... what if he doesn't realize right away, what with all the stress of the situation back then. and even once he does, he gets the opportunity to tell spadi that night on the beach, after livia.. so, in a way... he lost his family, but also he has gained a new one... kind of... if that makes sense... i love love love your big, smart brain!!! the loop starting to manifest more and more for aureliano the more he looses spadi is si cruel and insane and i ADORE it <33 “No matter what I do it always ends the same way, where I’m on that fucking boat and you’re dead in my arms!”---- well... ouch... thank you... i didn't need my heart anymore anyway... :') AGHHHH i am so so glad the idea clicked with you too!!! one i finish my self-indulgent post s1 fix-it, i might give the time loop au a shot too... like you said, it's a good au and there is not enough of it in this fandom. <33 good luck on your fic, dear!! may you have all the inspiration and time to write you heart desires. :33

Doing much better anon, once I saw your charming little unknown user icon appear in my asks! Seeing your messages gives me so much serotonin❤️❤️

Life is so unfair certainly, I was prevented from writing because I had to do adult things as well. Though hopefully I can get back into tonight! I'm already working in chapter two of the loop fic because all our dicking around via anons (lol) has me so excited to write it!!

We're definitely gonna see Spadi go a bit feral at some point during this one, and I CANT WAIT to write it.

Right though? Season 2 + 3 Aure is polished. He's a little more mature in some ways, and I really like that version of him.

But the car scene.... hooking up in the car.... it's so tempting lol

But I also want the two of them to be emotionally ready for a baby, you know? And I feel like season 1 Spadi and Aurelia, as much as I love them, are NOT. It's the last thing they need lol.

Maybe I'll save that idea for a different fic.... ?

But yes! Loosing Livia but gaining Spadi and Rubina would be the perfect sort of full circle moment. He's definitely gaining a much better family.

Oh gosh, but that could be the thing that somewhat forsee him to grow up a little and become that polished version.... the possibilities are limitless and you are so good at making me think of them all!

And anon you're gonna have to drop that fix-it when you're done with it👀👀 I crave it.

I'd absolutely LOVE to see what you'd do with a time loop as well! It's such a fun idea and it's totally consuming my brain right now.

*I didn't need my anymore anyway*

Lol that is high praise to me. I know it's terrible but I do enjoy making people deal with my angst-y fics or ideas (knowing full well of course I'm a sucker for a happy end and I'll always write one)

[now-i-know-that-sounds-bad]

I have been thinking a lot of what Hunter will do after Phillip (I will not be calling him with a name that gives him power, fucker does not deserve it) is defeated. Like… what will he do? I don’t think many people has talked about this before.

So here’s my headcanon.

He’d probably want to help the adults with the government stuff; now that the Emperor is dead, well, I bet there is a lot of shit to do. But of course, being the fricking decent adults they are, they tell him that he deserves a break from all the excitement and relax. Take some- actually, no, at least a LOT of time off from government duties. Preferably forever.

But he can’t just… relax. His entire life he’s been out doing errands for the Emperor’s Coven. He’s been out there being active and working. He wants to help, if it’s organizing the government, helping out on missions outside the castle, patrolling, hell, even if it were just some paperwork! He just wants to be useful.

Most of all, he wants to redeem himself and do something to correct all the terrible misdeeds he’s done under Phillip’s orders.

So, after a conversation with Flapjack, he knows exactly what he’s gonna do.

He’s gonna open a Palisman adoption shop.

Think about it, it’s perfect! When he was the Golden Guard, he spent a lot of his time trying to find ways to help Phillip with his “curse”. He kidnapped palismen for him (S2 E6). But now having a palisman of his own, he feels really guilty and wants to make up for it.

After all that chaos with Phillip and what-not, when they finally settle down, I think Flapjack could tell Hunter about the Bat Queen and the hundreds of palismen she takes care of.

I bet Hunter would want to help BQ, as an apology to what he’s done to the palismen. So, he goes to talk to her. Of course, BQ already knows Hunter from the other palismen and immediately doesn’t trust him, but Flapjack defends him. Maybe some trials happen, maybe not, who knows? But eventually, BQ starts trusting Hunter and lets him help caring for the palismen.

Maybe one day, Flapjack tells Hunter how the palismen long for a witch partner again, that they’re ready to help a witchling again. So, after another conversation with BQ, he comes to a solution.

Make a palisman adoption shop!

He’ll take care of the palismen in the shop and help any witch that comes through. And BQ could help, like in the Hunting Palisman episode! Something like that!

Of course, Hunter will need help, and I bet Luz will totally be ON FUCKING BOARD with this plan, like. HECK yes. And Eda too! Since she was the one to come up with the “Palisman Adoption Day” at Hexside. Darius would help fund it and all the good stuff!

Gosh this idea makes me stupidly happy. Like, imagine Hunter just. Owning a palisman shop and just taking care of them and being happy and maybe or maybe not get teary-eyed when a palisman gets adopted like. GAHH THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY

I would write about this but i have commitment issues so someone pls write this I beg of you I’ll pay you.

Alright, brainrot over, ill be back in three hours since i am currently in a plane.