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rosewind2007 · 1 year ago

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Ha!

Some people have asked in the last 48 hours:

“Like why the hell would anyone ship Murderbot and Gurathin?”

(I like to imagine them like ART clutching its function in Artificial Condition—“Ship Gurathin and Murderbot? That is irrational!”)

So, let me explain…no, there is too much. Let me make a few points:

This really starts out by asking the question: why did Gurathin want to know how the PresAux SecUnit was spending its time? Which is a really odd thing for him to want to know if you think about it.

The SecUnit is, as they have been told, merely a tool: it’s an adjunct to the SecSystem and HubSystem of the habitat, it’s a company device, a tool, a product of corporate surveillance capitalism and authoritarian enforcement. Up until the worm incident some of the PresAux team didn’t even now it had a face. Mensah didn’t want to rent it as part of the bond guarantee agreement, and called it (basically) a “hellish compromise.”

So, the rest of PresAux are in varying states of awareness about what Murderbot is.

In Future of Work Compulsory we get some insight into common knowledge of SecUnits: the workers are unaware they can speak, in fact adamant they cannot:

Asa took her arm gently. “They can’t talk,” he told her.

She [Sekai] shook her head as her friends steered her toward the access bridge. “No, it talked. I heard it.”

The PresAux team know their SecUnit can talk, it gives them a security briefing. Do most of them think this is the equivalent of a recorded message, delivered rote?

Surely Mensah, having seen its face and knowing of its intelligence (that hellish compromise) can’t think it’s anything less than a slave? But that aside: I am talking about Gurathin. And what what Volescu says Gurathin wanted to know:

Then Volescu said, “Gurathin, you wanted to know how it spends its time. That was what you were originally looking for in the logs. Tell them.”

Funny thing to want to know, like do you want to know how your roomba spends its time? Okay, this is Tumblr, possibly the wrong place for this question.

So Gurathin is suspicious, apparently right from the start of the book since on page 33 he first asks it a question:

“What about your systems?”

I would note that Gurathin asks MB two questions about how it is functioning, both just after it does something that goes against its governor module:

The other good thing about my hacked governor module is that I could ignore the governor’s instructions to defend the stupid company. “They’re supposed to be able to, but equipment failures aren’t unknown.”

Next thing anyone says is:

Then Gurathin said, “What about your systems?”

Later:

It was one of those impulses that comes from my organic parts that the governor is supposed to squash. I said, “As the only one here with experience in these situations, I’m your best resource.”

Gurathin said, “What situations?”

This looks to me like someone who either detects that MB is acting unlike a SecUnit should, or even that he can tell a governor module is being defied.

HOW does Gurathin do this/know this? He is after all augmented, perhaps he is detecting something in the feed? In Rogue Protocol when MB is spying on Miki via a drone it has taken over, Miki realises something is up:

Miki didn’t move, still staring into the dark with the opaque surface of its eyes. The feed was clear, it couldn’t know I was here.

Then Miki sent a directionless ping

I think Miki does know (Miki stares at the drone); and I think somehow Gurathin also knows.

This seems to indicate that Gurathin may know more about SecUnits than he’s giving away—but whatever: this is someone who has been closely watching Murderbot.

Like, really closely.

I think an absolutely reasonable reading of ASR is that Gurathin has a bit of a fixation on this SecUnit, and it’s a fixation that started before the worm incident.

He’s watching this piece of company equipment with unusual intensity.

I am happy to headcanon that this started with the security briefing, that Murderbot couldn’t keep its feelings out of its voice. I mean, can you imagine Murderbot doing the in-flight safety announcement on the plane? It brings to mind project mayhem’s replacement safety handouts…

Did Gurathin hear Murderbot’s real voice bleed through? Cynicism and sarcasm, a dose of irony?

It’s a thought. He never seems to doubt it’s a person. The fact that Rathhi says: “This is no more a machine than Gurathin is—”perhaps says something about how he sees Gurathin too.

I would note that Gurathin and Ratthi aren’t friends in All Systems Red—something which surprised me a little (I didn’t think they got along as well as they do in later books, but when I looked into it I was surprised!

Gurrathi Meta

So when the team heads off to DeltFall Gurathin is very suspicious and watching SecUnit, which it reports upon but doesn’t seem to spot the significance of—which is rather unlike our paranoid Murderbot.

Gurathin is the only member of the team not to express enthusiasm for MB going on the trip.

Gurathin was the only one staying behind who didn’t say anything

MB is actually about to start poking around to figure out what Guarthin is up to when the feed drops out (probably trying to figure out what’s wrong with it).

If anything I think Gurathin acts oddly about his rogue SecUnit suspicions.

If he knows SecUnits he will probably have heard the propaganda, which MB believes:

To quote MB: “I sure as hell would have reported me. Rogue SecUnits are fucking dangerous, trust me on that.”

I wrote a little essay on how Gurathin is right about a lot of things when it comes to Murderbot:

Gurathin was right

(It’s called that because he is)

Perhaps the strangest thing is that he just tries to immobilize it, and then makes his case. He doesn’t try and have it shut down whilst “unconscious”, and doesn’t even mention the (fairly critical information) until pushed. Gurathin’s expression was stiffer than usual. “This Unit has killed people before, people it was charged with protecting. It killed fifty-seven members of a mining operation.”

At this point MB believe this is true, and it lies to the diary about it, by omission at any rate: “What I told you before, about how I hacked my governor module but didn’t become a mass murderer? That was only sort of true. I was already a mass murderer.”

So: I honestly don’t think Gurathin’s behaviour here makes a whole lot of sense if you read it in a lot of ways—the way I think it makes more sense is that he is fixated. This could be sexual: perhaps when:

[Gurathin] said, “Why don’t you want us to look at you?”

My jaw was so tight it triggered a performance reliability alert in my feed. I said, “You don’t need to look at me. I’m not a sexbot.”

Well—perhaps MB is picking up something about the way Gurathin looks at it?

My personal reading is that Gurathin has become obsessed, an obsession perhaps sparked by MB’s anomalous behaviors? He is watching it intensely. It doesn’t have to be sexual, humans can get fixated without sexual attraction.

And then he so quickly accepts the rogue unit into his team! It holds him up against the wall by his neck (I mean, wow—one of the most intense bits of physical contact in the book). But Gurathin is rapidly team SecUnit: and he never sees it as “not a person” he isn’t kidding when he says.

(“I do think of it as a person,” Gurathin said. “An angry, heavily armed person who has no reason to trust us.”

“Then stop being mean to it,” “Ratthi told him. “That might help.”)

Gurathin and SecUnit work together to overcome GrayCris, Murderbot even grudgingly admitting Gurathin’s help:

“Gurathin had figured out how to use the hack from their HubSystem into our HubSystem to get access, but he needed to be close to their habitat to actually trigger their beacon. ”

“(Last night Gurathin had said this was a weak point, that this was where the plan would fall apart. It was irritating that he was right.)”

So: that’s some of the reasons from the first book, All Systems Red

#murderathin #murderbot ships #the murderbot diaries #Murderbot diaries #shipping #murderbot shipping #Gurathin #dr gurathin #gurathin my beloved

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pen-observing · 3 years ago

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request: how lucifer, mammon, satan, belphegor and diavolo react and find out about you having 'I now own your soul' under the terms and conditions of a webpage.

Lucifer:

While Lucifer is certainly busy all the time, and tries to balance it by having you in his study as he works, he can’t hide how tired he has actually been for the past 4 weeks.

All you know is that Diavolo has made the meetings more frequent and they are taking a toll on him

And since he means that much to you, regardless of if you wish to acknowledge it or not, you have to ask what is going on once he stands up and walks over to reach for another bottle from his shelf Lucifer does not drink that often and he certainly doesn’t try to avoid work by drinking.

Just what could be making him act this way?

“Lucifer, you have to tell me what is going on.”

He stands on his side of the desk just pouring another glass down.

Curse him for being elegant and showing his forearms while doing so!

And then he dares to look at you with full focus and furrowed eyebrows and he is about to say something and he looks like-

‘no. You are human.’

Fuck.

“Come on! You know I won’t tell anyone!”

He does trust you at least after so long.

"Very well. I will tell you since it has something to do with a human. If, by any chance, you spread the information, the price you pay will be a heavy one."

He can’t intimidate you that much but you know when he is serious.

"You see, recently, Diavolo has had more issues than ever with someone we like to call ‘code soul stealer"

“Uhn,, and that is?”

He takes a sip of his drink and holds the glass while looking at you.

“Apparently, a pesky human added ‘I now own your soul’ in their terms and conditions on a web page and some application. With this, they have stolen many souls and Diavolo has grown even more concerned these past few weeks since the page is just gaining popularity.”

Oh fuck, oh fuck. Thats you that he is calling a pesky human! You only did it as a joke because you saw a meme! It wasn’t supposed to make an enemy out of you to the prince of hell!

How are you supposed to tell Lucifer that? How will he react?

Maybe if you do tell him it will actually create more good than harm?

Or, you could hide it for the rest of your life and- no! The honest way with Lucifer is the best way. He trusts you enough so you have to trust him too!

“Lucifer...I am the pesky human you are referring to...”

He drops the glass.

“I swear I had no idea souls were actually real and now I own a lot of them! O-On the good side I went viral 4 weeks ago so...oh, that is why you’ve been so busy....sorry.”

Lucifer says nothing.

He just falls into the chair in the most dramatic way you’ve ever seen.

He covers his face with both hands and groans into them loudly.

If you were not ‘code soul stealer’ you would laugh at him right now. But he has to figure out a way to protect you now.

Mammon:

You see, dating Mammon means that you two will bicker plenty.

However, it is usually silly stuff that you bicker about like; are gold or silver lines better on this cup of tea or not?

He just loves you too much to get into a serious argument with you.

However, Levi dragged you both to play a spy/heist game that just came out and Mammon cannot accept to lose such a challenge.

He is not proud that people call him thief, but he is proud and believes he has the skills to back up his many enrichment-plans

So the fact that you won against him for 3 times in a row is UNNACCEPTABLE under this dark, dark sky.

Mammon denies it all. ‘i went easy on you’; ‘I did it cuz you are happy when you win’ and ‘please, don’t you know who I am? I am THE Mammon!”

And while he is cute while bickering, sometimes it becomes unbearable.

So, you do what any normal human would: you challenge him by listing your biggest ‘heist’ ever.

“You don’t know who you are talking to! I have created a heist unlike any other! I have stolen a million souls so far! The DevilTV refers to me as – unstoppable soul collector!”

Levi left long ago so Mammon is standing there completely stunned with the stupidest look on his face so far. He kind of looks like a blowfish.

Still, he runs and puts a hand over your mouth and whispers:

“Don’t yell! We don’t want others to know that we run that business!”

Excuse him? Who is this –we- he speaks of?

“You will add your boyfriend to those plans, won’t you?”

Mammon will not let shock stand in the way of money or souls. You can explain to him how you managed that later but for now – just add him as your accomplice.

Satan:

You love your boyfriend.

You really, really do.

You love seeing him so excited and focused on finding clues to the newest Devildom mystery that you chose to let him have his fun by not telling him YOU were the one he was searching for.

And while you love him that much, you are about to ruin the whole game.

Why does he think it is appropriate to own 48 pairs of the same Sherlock Holmes outfit with THE UGLIEST MATCHING HATS YOU HAVE EVER LAID YOUR EYES ON.

First, he wore them in his ‘detective office’ only. Also known as the Lamentation house storage room for cleaning products. And that was fine, it was.

But then he started to wear them inside the house and in the garden. The saddest day was when a cat knocked the ugly hat off and ran away with it. Oh praise that cat! Praise the little paws!

However, he has gone too far.

He knows no bounds and shows no signs of stopping.

He started wearing the outfits OUTSIDE! In the middle of cobblestone paths of the main street while you were trying to have a nice date!

"Who knows where the soul snatching culprit could be hiding? I must wear this outfit everywhere to catch their clues. Trust me.”

That is it.

If one more iguana-looking-ass demon points their finger at you two and snickers as you walk past – he will have a rude wake up call.

How is it possible that he is trying to catch the culprit that is you but doesn’t pay any attention to you?

So, when you arrive home and he walks into the mop closet to add another unrelated photo to his crazy whiteboard as a clue – you tell him to sit down for a moment.

“Satan, honey, I have something to tell you about your soul snatching culprit.”

That definitely got his attention.

Finally! He is actually looking at you!

You lean down and gently kiss his head.

“I am the culprit you’re looking for. How does it feel to completely miss something right under your nose?”

He freezes up and throws a pen towards the whiteboard. It just bounces off and hits him in the back.

“You....you mean to tell me that,,, the biggest Devil Mystery TV phenomenon is ACTUALLY YOU?”

You are met with complete disbelief. Satan demands a detailed explanation on how you did it. He even tells you to use his whiteboard to retrace your steps!

...good luck...

Belphegor:

Will Belphegor ever actually publicly say that he has changed because of you? No.

Will he ever actually admit that to other brothers besides Beel when they’re talking in the late hours of the night in their room? Oh, absolutely not.

Will he tell you? Yes.

Yes but.. He will leave something out.

Sometimes Belphie looks at how you smile and remembers things that make him famous in this realm.

Yes, he is one of the most powerful demons and yes, he has a reputation of rebellion and the biggest steak of unattendance in RAD but

He is also a fairly famous scholar.

His papers and research are cited on the regular.

But when you smile and say a witty joke – he remembers that most of them focus around him proving just how dumb or naïve humans actually are.

But, you’re human and he hopes that you never see those.

Except that you do.

Because he is so famous it is no surprise that while looking for research papers to reference for your next assignment you saw his name while browsing through

And while you love him - you will not allow him to just diss the whole mankind.

So, you grab one of them from the library. Walk home, go to the attic while he is napping and open it up, putting it right on his face.

It takes a couple of seconds but he feels something is wrong and his hand reaches for it.

When he pulls it away, he is met with his thesis that was further developed from the seduction speech class assignment.

It sets it up as: ‘Seduction speech as a matter of blatant deception that humans always fall for but could never recreate.’

You are not even that mad at it to be honest.

But proving him wrong is always fun. And little does he know about your biggest secret ever.

“I will cut right to the chase and say – fix your bangs I want to see the way your eyes look when I tell you this!”

“I wonder who messed up my bangs with the academic paper in the first place?” is what he replies but his hand is already on his forehead.

“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed! I am the one the elders of the devildom are always ranting about on TV! Yes, I am the ‘pesky little human’ who is stealing away ‘edible’ souls! How is that for your thesis now? Is that not true deception?!”

He likes your smile still. You’re standing in front of the bed looking at him with sparkling eyes and clenched fists while striking a pose. It is silly really but he smiles.

Because you are.

And while he will ask you a bit more about that claim, he is just happy to know that maybe his next academic paper (which everyone eagerly awaits) will be tad more positive to your kind.

Diavolo:

You got an urgent call from Barbatos.

On the doorstep he told you that Diavolo needs you in his study.

What could you do that Barbatos can’t and will help Diavolo? Does such a thing even exist?

You walk inside of his office and are pretty sure Barbatos did not want to go inside because of the fact that a rat could be hiding under the mountain of papers that are all around the room.

Usually, Diavolo immediately stands up, lights up the room with his smile and stretches out his hands for a hug.

Now? He hears the doors open and looks at you with a weak smile while his head is resting on his elbows from behind the desk.

He has never looked worse.

“Barbatos said you called for me?”

You are unsure where to begin with this so you state a fact while thinking of questions to ask.

“He has? I have done no such thing?”

Great. Now both of you are confused.

“Can you tell me what is going on?”

Diavolo sighs and his smile is still nowhere to be seen.

“The elders have been so annoying lately. I understand that the biggest threat to the Devildom and everyone’s life here still has not been identified but there is nothing I can do except search!”

Just what threat is that? What could be making Diavolo so miserable?

“They keep comparing me to my father without actually offering any ways of fixing this!”

“I will try to offer some way if you tell me what the threat is!”

There you are, making a grand exclamation and promise while trying to avoid papers on the floor. Diavolo sighs again.

“A human is ruining our business! They somehow set up a page that allowed them to own souls by consent in some application under the terms and conditions. I mean, this has never happened before! Humans were never expected to think of that or have access to such means! And the name they used was fake. How am I supposed to find them and then burn them in the darkest pits of hell as the elders want me to?”

You stop trying to avoid the papers.

Did...did he just say darkest pits of hell? Did he just say the elders want YOU burned?!

How are you supposed to fix this? It was a fucking joke! You did not imagine this could ever happen!

“Diavolo you promised you would protect me no matter what, right?”

His eyes are serious when you say that. “Yes. I will. Is something amiss?”

“Diavolo.... I am the enemy your elders want to burn.. PLEASE DON’T LET THEM! MY SKIN JUST ADJUSTED TO THIS TEMPERATURE!”

Diavolo looks at you and laughs like never before. It is cute, it is childlike. His laugh finally lights up the room.

He thinks you are joking.

He thinks you are joking and abruptly stops once he realizes that you did not join in on the laugh.

You were just trying to crack a joke and make him feel better, right? There is no way that is true, right? But judging from your reaction he knows it is.

So, he grows serious once more.

He runs to embrace you.

“Please tell me you are willing to make a compromise because the elders do not care about how your skin adjusts to the temperature.”

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sokkalore · 3 years ago

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Would you perhaps want to list your favorite xie lian simping for hua cheng moments? Like we all know HC is a major simp but XL honestly is too and I love it

this ask makes me so happy that i decided to dedicate an entire highlight color to annotations of characters acting like whores . ok here we go.

xie lian's obsession with hua cheng's legs, hands, etc. this starts even before he sees hua cheng's face, in any form:

"Those black leather boots were wrapped tight, and going upwards there were a pair of long and slender legs, looking extremely beautiful as they walked." this is chapter 8.

in chapter 16 hua cheng just. picks up a bag of junk and walks away with it and, "He watched as the lanky youth walked away with his giant bag of junk as if it was the most natural thing to do in the world, and it made him mutter 'forgive my sins' inwardly."

when they're actually in the banyue arc properly: "Xie Lian turned to see San Lang striding with his lithe long legs towards him." like we get it bestie we get it.

he also describes hua cheng's hand as, "...long and shapely, clean and elegant, a beautiful hand. It wasn't a vulnerable kind of beautiful, but rather, there was a strength hidden beneath the muscles. It was a hand that one wouldn't want to have choking their throat."

physical attraction aside, xie lian is just absolutely obsessed with hua cheng's sense of humor. hua cheng raises an eyebrow and xie lian is like, "he's the funniest person to ever exist." some examples:

when hua cheng lies about the general's tombstone saying everyone should kowtow before it three times just bc they were laughing at the general's death and xie lian is like "why are you so mischievous?" and hua cheng sticks his tongue out and they both share a little giggle

it would take a while to find every example of this but open up to a scene where hua cheng is making fun of someone (probably fx or mq) and you will find xie lian giggling to himself or smiling fondly

xie lian always just wants to be. near hua cheng:

he gets legitimately sad when they're apart for more than like, 48 hours. this happens after the banyue arc, after the qi rong beat down, in the very small space between their ghost city date and them meeting back up again for domestic puqi shrine times, in between mount tong'lu opening and the end of brocade immortal arc like...any time they're separated for a short amount of time (or a year) xie lian is NOT happy about it. clingy!

but even when he is literally with hc, he likes being as close to him as possible. in gambler's den, "Xie Lian was content to just watch from the background, but the moment he heard Hua Cheng's voice, he started trying to push himself through the crowd."

xie lian is constantly grabbing onto hua cheng's hand. to the point that when he instinctually reaches for it post CPR attempt/coffin scene he has to like. shake himself and be like stop. you whore. stop it. that's too much.

the part when pei ming is like hey is it? convenient? to have a red string dangling between the two of you? and xie lian gets legitimately SAD when hua cheng makes it invisible

this ended up more romantic than simping which is what you asked for so. to finish off, a few more moments that i have highlighted purple for whore:

when they're in qi rong's lair and the way xie lian tells us that hua cheng is now in disguise is, "...the one standing next to him wasn't the exceptionally handsome red-clad ghost king he knew,"

every time xie lian gives us a detailed description of hua cheng's widow's peak

in sinner's pit when he describes hua cheng's jawline for like three paragraphs and is only interrupted when ke mo starts yelling

when, in the aftermath of the underwater kiss, xie lian says, "Every time they met, Hua Cheng looked good in different ways," and (here's the start of the widow's peak mentions), "...above Hua Cheng's forehead was a widow's peak, and it made his face look even more shapely and alluring."

when hua cheng wore all black and, "Looking at him, Xie Lian couldn't help but remember the saying: 'for men to look handsome, they must dress in all black.' He thought deeply about the truth of that statement."

like two chapters later when xie lian literally can't focus on sqx being missing because hua cheng keeps changing outfits and xie lian cannot stop staring at him

in mount tong'lu when they're running from bwx and hua cheng says something like oh if he kills one of my butterflies i'll make ten more, i'll never back down, let's see who's left standing in the end and we get, "Xie Lian's heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, '...Oh no, this is bad.' Even though Hua Cheng's expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his."

when qi rong said that hua cheng only got attention from girls in puqi because it's a remote place and xie lian thinks to himself, "Even if Hua Cheng was dressed like a beggar, Xie Lian believed, should he go begging, he would collect a mountain of gold."

OK I'M STOPPING HERE BECAUSE THIS POST IS SO LONG but. this isn't even close to a comprehensive list but i hope it satisfied what you were looking for 😭

#tgcf spoilers #i guess? sjfdlks idk.#tgcf #long post #i'm so sorry would you believe i actually edited this down from its original length..#batshit moments

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lesbianrobin · 4 years ago

Note

hello em i have a request. can u please rate mr harrington's looks/outfits i just feel like u have the best takes and i'd LOVE to know how you'd rank his choices 👀

this is the single greatest ask i’ve ever received. i will be ranking the outfits, not steve’s moral alignment or actions in each scene. in order of appearance:

The Introduction

4/10

hair is tragic

steve copied this entire fit from a mannequin in the ralph lauren polo outlet store

would honestly be a 0/10 except for the obvious valiant effort being put forth by his lower half to resist the sexless curse of khaki pants. the devil (st costuming department) works hard but by god steve harrington (joe keery’s body) works harder

nice brown watch that certainly came from a department store

also gains points for being next to nancy’s anemic librarian fit, thus looking better by comparison

The Rich Bitch

8/10

thank god he ditched the khakis

hair looks much less demonic

it’s a simple look but the sweatshirt rides up when he shotguns the beer

he also gets wet

solid 8 for sluttiness alone

The Whore

10/10

wet

please note that his chest is waxed. keep this in mind.

The Heterosexual

2/10

hair looks like he dipped his head in glue

bold choice with the grey pants. unfortunately that choice was wrong

matching outfits with your comphet girlfriend isn’t as cute as you think it is stevie

you only get points because despite that ungodly pastel stripe pattern the polo’s decently fitted and makes your arm look kinda nice

The Dickhead

3/10

glue head pt. 2

at least the stripes aren’t pastel this time

The Cuck

6/10

hair slightly less glue-y

yet another striped polo is peeking out unfortunately

but! it’s green and green looks good on him

finally wearing jeans like a normal fucking human instead of weird slacks

pivotal moment in steve’s fashion evolution from preppy male model to sexy morally upright king

his morals are stored in the denim

The Final Girl

9/10

an outfit with a character arc to rival steve’s own

pretty fucking good hair if i do say so myself!!

it’s fluffy!

that shit looks like if you touched it it’d be soft... no glue here!

finally not copying from the goddamn l.l. bean catalog

iconic green slut sweatshirt? check! jacket and nikes? check! fucked-up gorgeous face and baseball bat full of rusty nails? check, baby!

looks good on its own OR with some blood on top

overall a very solid look

The Darling Little Drummer Boy

7/10

babe no... please don’t go back to the khakis... they won’t treat you like jeans do...

not quite glue head but not his best

apparently steve owns a single green sweatshirt, a thousand striped polos, and one very precious christmas sweater

almost makes up for prep-related khaki crimes by being really fucking cute

The Simp

8/10

glue head is DEAD

further evidence that steve harrington’s entire closet is just striped polos

this is his fifth unique striped polo

most of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

actually all of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

he’s finally let go of the fucking pastels thank jesus

and you can’t see it but he did wear jeans with this fit i just forgot to make sure they were pictured and it’s 4:15 am so i don’t feel like going back to remake this collage

cannot tell if this is a lighter blue version of the jacket he wore three times in s1 or if it IS the jacket he wore three times in s1 and the color grading is just that different

either way he loves jackets and i think that’s very sexy of him

The Intellectual

9/10

i’ve been waiting for this one... turn it up!

literally invented vests

excellent hair

loses a point for unfortunately introducing steve’s SIXTH unique striped fucking polo

i can’t see the collar but i know it’s there i know you’re wearing another fucking polo steve you can’t hide from me

can’t decide if he looks gay or just really preppy but either way he’s got some repression going on

still a very solid look

The Oh No Oh God It Hurts I’m Looking Away I Can’t Watch This

10/10

yes that middle picture is absolutely to show off the texture of his blazer and not at all me making sure that if i have to see his heartbroken little face then you all do too

anyways i Know that blazer cost at least $100 like i Know that shit’s expensive

excellent gorgeous soft-looking hair that someone ought to run their hands through but only people who haven’t dated him for a year while pining after someone else

emotional devastation... but make it unbelievably fucking sexy

stevie baby i know you’re a colorful guy but please wear more black

The Meathead Jock

9/10

aw christ whatever happened to standards?

introduction of the blue nikes <3

god his hair looked fucking good here

could have gained that final point by using tube socks with blue and GREEN stripes to tie together the shoes and the gym uniform :/

shorts could be shorter but are an altogether appropriate and enjoyable length

fun sweatstain to customize the look <3

The (is there a word for victim of bullying?) Serious Athlete

8/10

the yellow stripe was more fun

still cute though

The Sudsy Boy

11/10

wet

suds indicate that he’s washing his hair, presumably with faberge organics. is this why he’s being bullied?

steve brings his faberge organics shampoo and conditioner and his farrah fawcett spray to school with him whenever he has basketball practice

steve either has shampoo, conditioner, and hairspray in his backpack at all times, or he has a separate gym bag that’s mostly haircare products

just need to make sure we all know that

excellent freckle showcase

his chest is still waxed. please, i beg, keep this in mind

one of his strongest looks

The Babysitter

10/10

his most versatile look to date

a different jacket than the one(s) he’s worn before but it still has the same kind of collar. steve found a jacket he liked and bought it in at least three colors

the whole thing fits So fucking nicely! shirt, jacket, jeans... baby boy is TAILORED

return of the white nikes with the red check indicate that they are his fashion nikes, while the blue nikes with the white check are his sport nikes. interesting.

this fit lasts like 48 hours and steve simply looks sexier as time goes on which is a testament to its quality as well as his inherent power

every new accessory elevates his appearance. roses, nail bat, rubber gloves, blood, sweat, band-aids, bandana, goggles... each element complements the look in its own way!

an overall win

The Chauffeur

8/10

we can’t really see the whole fit but he’s not wearing a striped polo so i’m calling it a win regardless of what’s on his bottom half

cannot give him a 10/10 though because he might be wearing khakis

red is such a nice color on him when it’s not just from his blood

i lied when i said he should wear more black he should wear more colors

that plain sweater absolutely cost $85 or more

hair looks very nice and soft

excellent look!

The Sailor Man

9/10

very precious

absolutely the best hair i’ve ever seen

baby boy got highlights for his hot girl summer!

bright colors make his very red lips pop

shorts could be shorter

love the little accents! especially the white pockets and belt

excellent color coordination on steve’s part with the blue sneakers (notably different than his s2 blue basketball nikes) and the red bruising/blood

i hope you remembered that steve’s chest was waxed. as you can see his chest is now unwaxed. some change between s2 and s3 drove this decision, presumably either his breakup with nancy or the fact that he no longer showers in front of other guys at school. up to your interpretation

shock blanket at the very end is a nice touch so we don’t forget he’s traumatized

The Drowned Rat/The Man Overboard

10/10

wet

shorts could be shorter

the decision to purchase and wear a hoodless raincoat is absolutely ridiculous and stupid

however it is also very steve harrington and i value self-expression

The Chick Magnet/The Flaming Homosexual

100/10

what can i even say about this fit?

the absolute best pants he’s worn thus far. amazing fit, excellent classic wash. i say this as a former american eagle outfitters associate and the winner of my freshman year dorm’s “best at folding jeans” award

manages to make blue jeans with a half-blue denim vest work effortlessly

bold primary colors make him stand out without being too gaudy

excellent pairing of t-shirt with simple stripes and vest with simple color blocking to create a complex yet cohesive and flattering look

simple brown belt gives the look a put-together yet down-to-earth vibe

hair has only gotten better

still wearing that same brown watch that he’s had since the introduction

this man looks like he waxes his chest

this is steve in his final form

thank you for your time

#em talks #asks #long post #steve harrington #stranger things #battleonthedeathstar

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jaeminscoffee · 4 years ago

Text

Promises

Pairing - Wong Lucas x reader

Genre- Fluff, smut

Warning- Fingering, praise kink. That’s about it

Summary- Balance of mutual love and understanding is what keeps a relationship tact for long time. Lucky for you, you have the most caring boyfriend who never rushes anything. So for your 5th anniversary, you gift him something special that will stay in his mind for a long time.

This particular oneshot was requested!

Requests open ♡

Lucas was stuck in office even for your 5th anniversary to a point where he had to facetime you that morning because he wasn't able to wake up next to you to give you a loving kiss and hold you tight in his arms.

You didn't mind though, you needed time to think of what you'd gift him anyways so as sad as it was to not have him beside you on your anniversary, you could live with it.

Lucas is a very caring lad, would take everything according to your pace , only proceeding in things initiated by him if you were comfortable with doing so.

That was mainly the reason you have never had things get intimate between the two of you. Sure there would be a very heated make out session but nothing more than that.

Over the 5 years of your relationship, Lucas would make sure that you'd feel all his love through every single one of his actions. But not today you thought, you wanted to give him something special. Something that would leave a permanent memory in both of your minds. Something more than just a make out session, you were ready to give yourself whole to him so why not?

You were going to be the one initiating things this time.

You took a shower and head into your closet, reaching for the top shelf where you had kept the first ever set of lingerie that you'd bought but could never wear.

It's almost as though you had already planned all this because the set happened to be of his favorite color. Baby pink.

The light pink baby doll set fitting gracefully gave you a very innocent image. He was going to love this and you knew that.

It was late in the evening at around 8:48 or ish when you'd finished dolling yourself up for him, wrapping a bathrobe to hide your surprise, when you made your way to the kitchen to make his favorite dessert, when you heard the door open from the hall.

You walk over to the sink washing your hands before resuming your activity, you felt hands wrap around your waist, a head resting above your head.

"Hey" Lucas spoke in his deep voice, pressing a kiss on your temple. You turn around, his hands still around you, wrapping your own arms around his torso leaning in resting your head on his chest.

"Someone seemed to have missed me a lot" he said, letting out a chuckle as he started making his way to the living room, dragging you along. "Hey the cake!" you squeal, not trying to put up a protest, letting him pull you along.

"That can wait". Seconds before reaching the living room, Lucas removed his neck tie, "turn around" he said, turning you around himself not waiting for you to do so as he tied his necktie around your eyes "Is this really necessary?" you ask, laughing slightly. "Yep" was all he said before abandoning you in the middle of the hall.

"Lucas?" you turn around looking, a stupid move considering the fact that you were blind folded. "Hold on for a second baby". His voice sounded distant, like he was in another room, which, he was.

After what seemed like minutes, You felt a hand tug yours straight ahead until you were finally made to stand still once again. You hear a little shuffling all over the place.

"Alright take your blindfolds off when i count down from 3" Lucas said, starting the count down, right at 3 you removed his neck tie from over your eyes, looking ahead and then down to see Lucas on his knees, with a ring in his hands. "Don't say anything, let me do the talking for now" he said as he saw your eyes widen and lips quiver. "This isn't exactly a proposal ring, no, this ring is definitely not worth that much for an occasion as special as that so. This is a promise ring, a promise ring that marks us as each others, a ring that has to be on the finger where our engagement ring is soon going to be." he pauses for a second to get back up on his feet.

"So my love, what I'm trying to get at is that, I promise to love you, and only you till the very end, i promise you that i am yours and truly yours only. This ring, i should see you wear this ring every single day, every single hour, every single minute and every single second until it's replaced by me. Because you're the one, who I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with and life without you is one that i cannot get myself to imagine. You're the reason i wake up every morning with a smile on my face. You're the reason i get back home, stress free and happy because i get to see you again, and now i want you to be the reason why my heart's going to beat for the rest of my existence. So Y/n, do you promise to be mine for the rest of your life? To only love me till the very end?" he asks, taking your shaking hand into his, waiting for your reply.

You couldn't say anything, you were hyperventilating at his heart touching part promise -confession that all you could get yourself to do was choke out a tiny 'yes' before throwing yourself completely at him, pulling him in a tight embrace, which he gladly returned.

The two of you stay like that for what felt like hours before Lucas pulled back, once again taking your hand into his while slipping the ring up your finger. It was a ring with his initials engraved on it and it was absolutely beautiful. He lifted your hand up, looking at the finger with the ring in it with so much adoration before lifting his own, showing the ring that adorned his finger with your initials engraved on it. "Happy Anniversary beautiful".

He lowered your hands, placing his on your cheeks pulling you close, "I love you so so much" he said, placing a tiny peck on your lips before placing soft kisses all over your face. You stop his demonstration and remove his hands from your cheeks, instead placing yours on his. "I love you too" was the only thing you said, before pulling him in for a kiss.

His hands automatically found your hip, yours wrapped around his neck.

The kiss started off slow and sweet, your lips molding perfectly against each others until you bit his bottom lips, tugging at the hair behind his neck. He let out a low grunt, dipping in lower to pull you closer.

It started to get pretty heated. You broke the kiss, gasping for air, a crimson color painting your cheek. You take his hands in yours and started leading him away from the hall to your shared bedroom.

Upon reaching the room you once again pull him in for a kiss, this one being much intense and needy than the last. You stand on your toes for better access, deepening the kiss, when he let his tongue swipe your bottom lips, asking for permission to enter, to which you gladly allow him to, a soft moan leaving your lips.

You reach for his office shirt, unbuttoning it one after another until there was only two still intact when you press your palm flat onto his toned chest. He broke the kiss this time, panting, and you took this opportunity to kiss up his chest where your hand layed, marking the territory as yours. You bit down onto the skin to which he groaned, tucking at your hair slightly , he pulled you away looking straight into your eyes. "Babe, what are you doing?"

"Something i should've done a long time ago" you say, getting back to your previous actions, which he stopped once again. "What?" he asked, letting out a small moan as he saw you pull his hands away from your hair, to your mouth, first gently kissing the finger which adorned the ring with your initial, the slowly taking his finger into your mouth, sucking on it gently.

"I need you Lucas. I really need you" you say, voice raspy. Something about the look in his eyes changed, the color turning ebony dark, he let out a few incoherent words. "Say it again honey" Lucas said, after seconds of looking all over your face to see if you were uncomfortable with carrying this forward, shoving you towards the bed softly once he found that you weren't.

"I need you" You say a little louder than last, the words clear as day as he smashed his lips right back onto yours, laying you down gently on the bed, hovering above you, unbuttoning the last two buttons of what remained on his shirt, pulling it off his shoulder, discarding it somewhere behind him as he deepened the kiss further, this time not bothering to ask permission as he let his tongue enter your mouth. You moan out his name at the roughness of the kiss.

"Fuck babe, do that louder, you sound so hot moaning my name" he said placing his hands on your waist, his knees between your legs. "Are you sure you want to do this?", Lucas asked you, placing a light kiss at the corner of your lips after breaking the kiss for the nth time that night. You were far too into the pleasure to even think of backing out now. Not like you planned on doing that anyways.

"I've never been so sure about anything before" you say in a seductive voice, the look in your eyes mirroring his. Lust taking over the both of you. "Stop me if it gets too much to handle" Lucas said, planting a kiss on the crook of your neck before reaching out to the rope that kept your bathrobe together, removing the knot.

Upon seeing what's underneath it as the robe slid off you, Lucas backed away from the bed, pulling you up, breathing out a low 'damn'. You giggle, seeing him look at you as though he was head over heels for you, which infact, he was. "Do a quick twirl for me, will you?" he said, looking at you, letting go of your hands before sitting back onto the bed.

You do as he say, twirling as slow as you can, before doing it quick, revealing your panties. Lucas groan at the sight, his dent now clearly visible through his pants it almost looked painful. He did nothing as you stand still after the twirl, so you make your way towards Lucas, sitting on his lap, right on top of his bulge.

You start rocking your hips back and forth his clothed member, his hand finding your hips as the pressure on his bulge helped reveal a little tension. His grip tighten as you pick up a fast pace, moaning at the feeling on your clit. You could've cum right then looking at Lucas' contorted look that took over his manly features.

The air hot and steamy in the room with nothing but your moans blending in together was enough for his last straw to be pulled as he dipped his hands low, placing it on your ass as he moved you faster. He let go of your ass with one hand, moving it under your lingerie and over your clothed clit, gently applying pressure.

You let out a loud moan which encouraged him to do it once again, running his hands up and down your clothed pussy, finding a wet spot on your panties "Does that feel good baby?" Lucas asked as he slipped his finger into your panties, the pleasure doubling as you feel much more pressure without the cloth barrier. You didn't answer, instead grind onto the pad of his thumb which was toying with your clit. He let you have your ways, as he dipped his face forward, kissing his way up your neck to your cheeks and then placed a soft kiss on your lips before removing his hands from you panties, hearing you whine at the loss of contact, moving you so that you were standing up. "Answer me princess, does that feel good?" he said, removing the lingerie, leaving you bare in front of him with just your panties on. He pulled you back onto his lap, your back connected to his chest as he wrapped his hands around you, taking one of your hardened nipples and twisting it.

You throw your head back, resting it on his shoulder, nodding vigorously "Yes it does, sh-shit", he smirked, letting go of your nipples before letting his hands roam all over your body, finally placing it back onto your slit. You let out a loud moan as he draws slow, small circles on your clit, kissing your shoulder as you sigh out of content. You relax back onto his chest as he presses harsh kisses on your neck making sure to leave marks, continuing to play with your clit.

Taking notice of you drifting into your subspace at his slow pace, he entered a finger into your slit, taking you off guard. You gasp out of suprise, clutching onto his hands "Lucas oh god" you moan, he curses under his breath as he watches you writhe out of pleasure in his arms "That's right baby, that's my name" he said in his low voice, which seemingly sounded deeper than usual as he set a normal pace, pumping into you.

It wasn't until he felt you gently clench around his fingers when he decided to add another into your hole. "f-fuck babe" was all you could say, feeling him curl his fingers inside of you as he quickened his pace ever so slightly, hitting one particular spot over and over again. "That's it baby, you look great all fucked up in my arms, c'mon moan louder, let me hear your beautiful voice" Lucas spoke barely above a whisper.

His words mixed with his actions only added more onto the knot you felt growing tight in your stomach. You moan out a litter louder than all previous, pressing your head hard onto his shoulder, giving him an easy access to mark you more as he let his free arm grab your breast, kneeding it gently.

"Oh my god Lucas I'm so close. So so close" you ramble out in a high pitched voice. He feels you clenching around his finger more frequently as he fastens his pumping, adding more pressure into kneeding your breast, pinching your nipple every now and then, pressing harder kisses on your neck. You scream as the pleasures feels oh too good as you grip his thighs hard. "Cum for me baby" he said not bothering to slow down.

You felt the knot come undone as you squirm harder in his arms, squeezing your eyes tightly shut. Gasping as his fingers continue rubbing circles on your clit.

He finally stops, removing his fingers out from inside of you, bringing the cum coated finger right into his mouth. You moan at the sight. "As expected, as sweet as I'd ever imagined" he said. As he turned around, placing you gently onto the sheets, getting up from the bed.

He stands straight up, his hands finding their way to his belt, unbuckling it.

"You can take another one right baby?" he asks as he let out a groan at the way your body layed flat on the bed.

You couldn't get yourself to verbally answer so you just nod. Once he was all rid of clothes, he hovered over you for the second time that night, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

"I promise you I'll make sure you remember this night for a long long time, princess"

Was all he said and oh was he good at keeping promises.

It's an open imagination ending! Hope you liked it and I'm sorry if anything came rushed, even though i wrote a suggestive oneshot the last time, this is the first time i write a smut so please do let me know if anythings out of place! 💗 (not proof read ✌)

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shaggi · 4 years ago

Text

if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.

#attack on titan #eren yeager #shaggis writing #shaggis cloud #soulmarks #eren x y/n #eren aot #snk #eren fluff #eren angst

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cinaja · 4 years ago

Text

Before the Wall part 48

Masterlist

A/N: This chapter took ages, I'm really sorry. Last week week was kind of bad for me, so I didn't really feel like writing much.

----

Mor sits on a fence in Jurian’s camp and silently glares at Jurian, who is talking with one of his captains. Andromache’s army has been stationed here for over two days now, which means that Mor spends more time than she wants to in Jurian’s company.

As if sensing her attention, Jurian turns around to look at her. Mor quickly averts her eyes, but Jurian is already walking towards her. He leans against the fence next to her. Mor turns her head away and pointedly ignores him. Unfortunately, he seems intent to ignore the hint.

“You got a problem, Mor?”

She presses her lips together and makes herself turn around to him. “Yes,” she says, voice sharp, “I actually do have a problem.”

He is the problem. Him and his stupid nonchalance. He doesn’t even pretend to feel bad about what he did.

Jurian gives her a small smile, sharp as a knife. “If my presence is so unbearable to you, you are free to leave. No one forces you to sit around in my camp and glare at me as if my presence personally offends you.”

Mor bristles. How dare he act like she is the one in the wrong? When he is the one who did such terrible things to Clythia and doesn’t even feel bad about it. She jumps off the fence and turns her back to Jurian. She is about to walk away, but she can’t do so without further comment, can’t let him have this victory.

Over her shoulder, she snaps, “And you wonder why Miryam left you.”

She stalks off, but before she makes it more than a few steps, Jurian grabs her by the arm and spins her around to face him. His eyes are dark with anger. Mor rips her arm out of his grip and glares right back.

“You think this is why Miryam left?” Jurian asks and lets out a sharp laugh. “You don’t know her at all, do you?”

Mor presses her lips together. “She would never stand for torture.”

“Miryam,” Jurian says, each word clipped, “understands what is necessary.”

And if she gets tortured and killed because of you, will she understand that as well? Mor thinks. She longs to throw the words into his face, but both Andromache and Drakon told her to never, under any circumstances tell Jurian the true reason why Miryam got captured. So she swallows the words and merely turns around, walking off towards Andromache’s tent.

The guards waiting at the entrance are proof enough that Andromache is inside. Mor walks past them into the tent. She firmly closes the door behind herself, then turns around to the queen who is sitting in her desk.

“Why are we coddling him?” She asks, each word biting.

Andromache puts down the letter she was looking through. She looks tired – as far as Mor knows, she hasn’t slept since Miryam vanished. “Jurian?” She asks.

“Yes, Jurian,” Mor snaps. “He is the reason Miryam might be getting tortured and killed, yet you and Drakon have nothing better to do than coddle him like he’s some innocent child.”

It’s infuriating. Who cares about Jurian’s feelings? He caused the trouble they are in right now, yet all everyone seems to care about how he might suffer under the truth. Even more infuriating is that Andromache simply shakes her head like she is being unreasonable.

“Jurian,” she says, “is suffering and you know it. And making him suffer further won’t save Miryam.” She frowns at her. “It’s unlike you to want to make him unhappy just to punish him.”

Mor taps her foot against the ground in annoyance. Now, the problem is her? Jurian tortures and slaughters a woman, and somehow, she is the one to blame for being angry with him for it? Has everyone lost their mind?

“Maybe I simply do not like men who nail women to things,” she snaps.

Andromache taps her quill against the table, wincing slightly. “Sorry,” she says. “I get that this situation might be… difficult for you.”

“I simply don’t understand why you treat him the way you do!” She says. “It’s bad enough that Jurian is terrible now, but I don’t understand why everyone insists on acting like he’s the victim in this!”

It’s driving her crazy. All the lines are getting blurred, and nothing makes sense anymore. Even Drakon seems to be mostly concerned with making sure Jurian is well, and Mor just doesn’t understand.

“But you must realize that this is not the same thing,” Andromache says. “It’s not like Jurian went and murdered some poor, innocent girl. Clythia was a Loyalist commander. She killed and tortured thousands of humans!”

“This isn’t about her actions, it’s about Jurian’s.” Mor glares at her. “That she was horrible doesn’t make what Jurian did acceptable.”

How does Andromache not understand this? It doesn’t matter that Clythia was terrible, Jurian shouldn’t have done what he did. He is meant to be the good guy, a member of the Alliance, her friend. One of them. Yet what he did to Clythia wasn’t good at all, it was terrible, and he doesn’t even have an explanation for why he did it.

So that must mean Jurian is an enemy now. He did a terrible, unforgivable thing, after all. Yet she seems to be the only one who sees it that way.

“It doesn’t make it right,” Andromache replies, “but it certainly means I don’t feel a lick of sympathy for what happened to Clythia. I’m never in favour of needless cruelty, but that doesn’t mean I don’t also think that Clythia got what she deserved.”

Mor shakes her head. She can’t believe this. Clythia was the one who got murdered. She cannot, by definition, be the one who was in the wrong in that situation. Andromache shouldn’t be saying this, she shouldn’t be defending what Jurian did.

This entire situation blurs the lines. It blurs the lines in all the wrong ways.

“No one deserves that!” Mor snaps. “Just because she owns slaves – “

“Just?” Andromache cuts her off. Now, any hint of understanding, of sympathy, is gone from her voice. “Just slavery? That is how you see it?”

“No!” Mor wildly shakes her head. Dread shoots through her body, turning her blood to ice. “No, I didn’t mean that. It came out all wrong, I was just trying to –“

“And anyways,” Andromache cuts her off, “it wasn’t just owning slaves, either. She actively fought us to keep owning slaves. She spent centuries torturing humans with delight. And don’t get me started on how absolutely fucked her interest in Jurian was.”

Mor lifts her hands. Her heart is pounding. She has seen Andromache this angry before, but not with her. Never with her. She shouldn’t have said it like that. Cauldron, why did she say it like that?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” She doesn’t know how to finish the sentence.

Andromache shakes her head. “I think I’d rather be alone right now,” she says. “I’ll talk to you later.”

----

Drakon can’t sleep.

In fact, he hasn’t been able to sleep much ever since Miryam got kidnapped. He keeps jolting awake, drenched in sweat, unable to shake off the images of Miryam tied to the ceiling in a torture chamber, Miryam bleeding and screaming in pain as a faceless man approached with a knife.

According to Sinna’s sources, Miryam isn’t being tortured, but that knowledge barely manages to ease his worry. So he keeps tossing and turning in his bed, shifting from one position to another. The images keep rising, and no matter how hard he tries, he doesn’t manage to chase them away.

A few hours past midnight, he gives up. If he can’t sleep anyways, he’ll go for a walk around the battlements. There will surely be some night guards around and they usually appreciate having company.

But when he opens the door to his rooms, the guards waiting outside step into his way. They exchange nervous glances. Lisi, one of the newest captains in his guard, seems to be in charge of the team tonight, and she looks entirely uncomfortable in her skin.

Drakon arches an eyebrow at her. “Am I grounded?” He asks jokingly.

“No, of course not, Your Highness,” Lisi says, stepping from one foot to the other. She seems distinctly uncomfortable in her skin.

Drakon looks between her and the other guards for a moment. This behaviour has only one possible explanation. And it means that Drakon needs to have a conversation with Sinna about which orders she can and cannot give his guards. Right now.

“I’ll go visit Sinna,” he says and shoulders past his guards. At least they don’t try to stop him, although Lisi looks more than a little uncomfortable in her skin.

The room Sinna and Nephelle share is just a few doors down the hall. Drakon only remembers that they are likely sleeping after he already knocked sharply at the door. To his surprise, it flies open almost immediately. Nephelle stands in the doorway, already fully dressed.

“Drakon,” she says. Surprise colours her voice and the smile she gives him is half-hearted at best.

“I wanted to talk to Sinna,” Drakon says.

“Oh.” Nephelle winces slightly, eyes drifting over to Lisi. “Uhm.”

“Nephelle.” Drakon looks between her and the guards, who suddenly seem to find huge interest in their shoes. “Where is Sinna?”

----

Lying flat on his stomach, Rhys stares down at the fort below. His army is waiting behind him in a ridge, safely hidden from the eyes of the guards standing along the walls of the fort. But Rhys wanted to get a good view of the terrain before the battle begins, so he climbed up the side of the ridge and found a viewpoint behind a small boulder.

From up here, the fort doesn’t look like much. It’s carved into the mountain, sure, but it doesn’t seem to be much better protected than the average castle. At least the mountain is nowhere near as massive as the one the Hewn City is built under. Really, Rhys doesn’t know what all the fuss is about. Even the wards aren’t that great, at least as far as he can tell from up here.

The Heseia Fort, he decides, is far less impressive than its reputation.

Carefully, Rhys slides down the slope, wings flared to keep his balance. Little stones loosen under his feet and roll down the mountain. His soldiers stare at him as he walks past. He can feel the anger boiling under the surface, but the Illyirans under his command have learned not to question his orders by now. Strength and brutality are the only languages they care to understand, and Rhys spent the past years teaching them in that exact language that he doesn’t care to be questioned. (Sometimes, Rhys feels a stab of embarrassment at it, but it is necessary. Even if most of his current friends probably wouldn’t understand, but that’s just how they are – too soft.)

His captains are standing together by the edge of the makeshift camp. They are mid-conversation, but fall silent when Rhys approaches. They even incline their heads, although he can see the anger in their eyes.

“Is the army ready?” Rhys asks.

“We are Illyrians,” one of his captains says gruffly. “We are always ready for battle. But you had the army flying for ten hours straight to get here. Giving them rest before battle would improve their performances.”

“And any moment we wait increases the risk of being discovered,” Rhys counters. “The moment of surprise is our biggest advantage.”

Amarantha likely knows by now that the Alliance chose not to save Miryam, so she won’t expect any action from them. She’ll likely keep tabs on both Jurian and Drakon, but with both of their armies still firmly at their intended positions, she’ll have no reason to suspect an attack. And that is exactly why Rhys will succeed where no one else would.

“We attack now,” he says firmly.

His captains exchange looks. “And you are truly asking us to risk our lives to save that…” His lips curl in disgust. “…that witch?”

That is perhaps the one detail of the plan that angers his soldiers the most. They don’t fear death, but apparently, dying for a witch is a dishonour. Rhys couldn’t care less for their stupid superstitions. There’s really no difference if they die in this battle or in another.

“I’m not asking,” he says in a voice he copied from his father and that usually gets people to do what he wants. Just to top it off, he also flares his power. “I’m ordering.”

“You, or the council?” A second captain challenges. “Because so far, you’ve never been put in charge of a battle on your own. Why now?”

Rhys doesn’t have a convincing lie ready to explain why the council suddenly gave up its absurd dedication to keeping Rhys condemned to the side lines, so he simply stretches out a hand. Dark power shoots from his fingertips and wraps itself around the captain who spoke up. The man grits his teeth, a vein bulges at his temple, but he bears the pain in silence.

“Last I checked,” Rhys says coolly, “I did not need to explain myself to you.”

He might need to explain himself to the council when they find out, though. And to his father. He doubts any of them will be pleased to find out about what he did.

But it won’t matter. Once this battle is over and he freed Miryam, no one will care that he went against orders. He will be a hero. After more than six years of war spent as a grunt, following orders and never being allowed to do anything on his own, this will be his moment. After that, everyone will know him as the one who freed the leader of the Alliance, who managed to do so against all odds and when even the most brilliant generals like Jurian and Sinna did not dare.

This is his chance. And he won’t let anyone keep him from it. Not his captains or his father, not the council, and not Sinna and Drakon with their exaggerated caution.

Even if he really doesn’t understand why Sinna refused to act. For Drakon, it makes sense – although Rhys would have thought his mate getting captured would be enough to get him to give up his usual caution. But apparently, Drakon entirely lacks the edge it takes to lead an army, or a country for that matter. One of the biggest mysteries in Rhys’s life remains how someone like Drakon ever managed to get this popular amongst the young Fae (if not amongst the older ones). It’s not that Rhys doesn’t like him, but he’s… well, not quite sharp enough for his taste. But Rhys was sure Sinna would press for action.

Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like he needs their approval.

He releases his hold on his magic, allowing the captain to sag to the ground. “We attack,” he says. “Now.”

----

“I don’t believe this,” Drakon mutters. He stops his pacing and turns around to Nephelle, who sat down on the couch. They are alone in her quarters, the guards happily remaining outside. “You didn’t.”

Nephelle shakes her head. “Sinna left four hours ago, together with ten of her best soldiers.”

A part of Drakon is still waiting for her to laugh and tell him that this is a joke. Unfortunately, she doesn’t.

“You mean to tell me,” he says softly, “that my High General takes a group of my soldiers on a mission to save my wife, and no one thought to tell me?”

Nephelle winces slightly. “Sinna didn’t want you to worry,” she says.

She didn’t want him to worry. Well, that’s just great, isn’t it? Slowly, he lets himself drop to the couch next to Nephelle and presses his hands against his face.

“How does she even plan to get Miryam out?” He asks, face still pressed in his hands. “Not even Sinna will be able to take the Heseia Fort with only ten soldiers.”

“There will be a diversion,” Nephelle says. She shifts around in her seat. “I wanted to go with them, but Sinna wouldn’t let me.”

On another day, Drakon would have tried to comfort her. He is about to do just that, but then, he remembers that Nephelle helped Sinna and his guards and everyone else with lying to him and remains silent.

“What kind of diversion?” He asks instead.

If Sinna took part of his army… But no, she couldn’t have. The ability to winnow is rare amongst Seraphim – it is actually not a Seraphim ability at all, but people with distant High Fae heritage sometimes get it – and Sinna would never have been able to get more than a hundred soldiers to the Heseia Fort this quickly. Which means that somehow, she got her hands on another army.

Nephelle winces slightly, looking more than a little guilty. “Rhysand and his army,” she says.

----

It takes exactly thirteen minutes from the first arrow being fired for Rhys to lose control of his army completely. It all happens so quickly that he barely understands what is going on, let alone give orders to avoid it.

The first five minutes went well. Rhys ordered the attack, and from there, everything worked flawlessly. He did everything just right. And really, he couldn’t have known that there was a trap woven into one of the wards around the fort. How could he have known? Breaking the ward was the logical choice, and what happened afterwards was not his fault.

Still, the blast of pure energy it set off killed a good fourth of his soldiers in one go and sent the rest into complete panic.

“Reform the lines!” Rhys roars at them, but now, arrows are raining down on them from the fort. Their tips are made from a blueish stone, and they pierce Rhysand’s shields easily. “Get back into formation!”

No one listens. Rhys isn’t even sure if his captains are still alive. They were likely at the front lines and got hit by the blast, while Rhys himself hung back to provide magical cover. Not that it did them any good so far.

He raises his hands and sends a wave of dark power crashing for the fort walls. It sizzles out uselessly against the first layer of wards. Their enemies don’t even bother with open combat, they just keep raining arrows, boulders and cans of burning oil down on them.

“Commander!” Someone yells far too close to Rhys’s ear. He spins around and comes face to face with one of his captains. Seems like at least one of them survived this far. “We need to retreat,” the man pants.

“No!” Rhys shouts back.

He can’t retreat. He can’t. Not after everything he risked to get here. If he returns with half his soldiers – maybe more by now – dead and nothing to show for, he will be done. They will put him on trial for disregarding a direct order, and his father will make sure he gets the highest possible punishment.

Another volley of arrow comes shooting down from the fort. One of them hits Rhys, slipping through a slit in his armour and burying itself in his arm. He hisses in pain.

“We need to retreat!” His captain repeats. “Or we will all die.”

No. No, he can’t do this. “There’s no honour in retreat!” He doesn’t care about honour, just about the consequences this might have for him, but this might convince his soldiers to keep fighting.

“There is no honour in stupidity!” The captain shouts back at him. “If you don’t order a retreat right now, we’ll all be dead within minutes!”

Rhys looks around the battlefield, then. All around him, his soldiers are dying. They aren’t even attacking, can’t manage to get through the wards, but they can’t run, either, not without his permission.

There are so many dead soldiers on the ground. Half his army. More.

The realization hits Rhys like a punch to the stomach. They aren’t getting into that fort. It is completely and utterly impossible. This entire mission is doomed, has been from the beginning. And if they stay her for a moment longer, they will all die.

“Retreat!” Rhys shouts. His voice barely manages to rise over the general noise, but his soldiers pick up the call soon enough. “Retreat!”

There’s nothing orderly about the retreat. They simply turn and run.

They don’t even make it a hundred feet before the first soldiers slam into an invisible barrier. A ward – one that surely wasn’t here before. Rhys sends his power barrelling into it. The air shimmers for a moment, but the ward doesn’t shatter.

And still, the arrows keep flying. Rhys looks around wildly, searching for a way out, but there is none. He is trapped and now, he and his soldiers will die.

Suddenly, the onslaught of arrows stops. Rhys looks up, startles, just as a woman steps onto the battlements of the fort. She is wearing black armour and a helmet, but her red hair is unbound underneath and it flies in the wind like a flag. General Amarantha, if Rhys’s guess is correct.

“Look at what we got there,” she says, voice carrying easily over the crowd. “Not quite the quarry I hoped for. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?”

Silence is her only answer. The Illyrians that are still alive – a bare third of the soldiers Rhys arrived with – seem to relish the pause.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Amarantha calls down at them. “Whichever idiot is in charge of this army should probably announce their surrender now, before I decide to let my soldiers use you sorry lot for target practice.”

----

“Your Highness,” a muffled voice says through the door. “General Sinna is back.”

Drakon tries to sit up too quickly, gets tangled up in his wings and nearly falls off the couch. He manages to flare his wings and regain his balance just in time. By the time he manages to get his feet back under himself, Nephelle is already on her feet and halfway to the door.

She rips the door open so hard it slams against the wall with a bang. “Where?” She asks the servant who brought the news.

Drakon is glad she asked, he doesn’t think he would have been able to get a word out. Sinna is back. That must mean she’s alive. But Miryam… She has to be alive as well. It must have worked – Sinna’s plans always work. She is simply too stubborn to fail.

“In the medical wing, My Lady,” the servant replies.

Nephelle nods and sets off at a full sprint. Drakon follows, easily keeping up with his longer legs. His heart is racing. In running, he catches a glimpse of a pink sky and the rising sun through one of the windows. Sunrise. Him and Nephelle spent the last six hours trying and failing to control their rising panic as they desperately waited for a sign from Sinna.

They round a corner and Drakon narrowly avoids colliding with a guard. “Sorry!” He calls over his shoulder, but he doesn’t stop running.

The medical wing is five stories down on the other side of the castle. By the time Nephelle and Drakon arrive, they are both out of breath and Nephelle’s wings tremble.

There is a small commotion in front of one of the treatment rooms. At first, Drakon can’t make out individual people in the chaos. Him and Nephelle just stand frozen in the hallways, desperately scanning the small crowd.

Then, Nephelle surges forward. “Sinna!” She shouts, voice rising over the noise.

A figure breaks apart from the group. Drakon barely catches more than a glance at Sinna before Nephelle crashes into her arms. Sinna catches her, stumbling back a step under the impact.

“It’s alright,” she whispers to Nephelle. She says something else after that, but it is too quiet for Drakon to hear.

Nephelle keeps clinging to Sinna, as if she’s scared that she will vanish if she lets go. Sinna runs a hand through her hair, then kisses her on the spot between her eyebrows.

Drakon remains rooted to the spot. He wants to walk over, wants to see if Sinna is alright, wants to ask after Miryam, but his body won’t obey. He is completely frozen, unable to move or speak. Even when Sinna gently frees herself from Nephelle’s grip and turns to Drakon, he doesn’t manage to get the question out. Did you succeed?

Sinna simply looks at him for a moment. Then, she inclines her head towards the room to her right. “She’s in there,” she says.

And just like that, Drakon snaps out of his stupor. He is at the door before he truly realized he is moving. He rips the door open and comes face to face with three startled healers.

Miryam lies in the bed behind them. She looks scarily frail under her white blanket, frail and far younger than she usually does. There is a fading bruise on the left side of her face. And other injuries are hidden by the blanket someone draped over her.

Slowly, Drakon steps forward, but one of the healers steps into his way. “I’m sorry, Your Highness,” they say. “But you can’t be in here.”

Drakon slowly shakes his head. “But I need to…” He needs to be there for her, he can’t just go and leave her on her own. Not while she is hurt and he doesn’t know if she…

“You can wait outside, Your Highness,”

“No.” Drakon tries to step past them, but the healer gently takes him by the arm. “No, I need to… I need to see…”

“She isn’t going to die,” the healer says firmly. With a start, he realizes that he’s trembling. “None of her injuries are lethal, Your Highness, she will be fine. But I generally do not permit family to be in the room while I work unless explicitly demanded by the patient. So you will have to go wait outside while I do my job, and I will come talk to you after I am done.” They smile at Drakon. “Is that alright with you, Your Highness?”

Drakon nods numbly and allows the healer to gently push him out of the room. Sinna and Nephelle are both gone from the corridor. Somehow, Drakon ends up sitting on a chair somewhere on the hallway, staring down at his feet.

Miryam looked injured. Their spies might have reported that she didn’t get tortured, but maybe they were wrong. They might have been wrong. And then…

A pair of leather boots appears in his line of vision, making Drakon look up at the owner.

“You alright?” Sinna asks. She is still dressed in her armour, the grey leather splattered with dried blood. There is a bandage around her left arm and a shallow slice marring her cheek.

Drakon nods slowly. He isn’t sure if he can speak right now.

“We should probably talk,” Sinna says. “But not here. Come on.”

Drakon wants to object that he can’t go, that he needs to wait for the healers to finish, but he has been waiting for at least an hour now and no one came to talk to him. For all he knows, it might be several more hours before he gets any news, and he assumes that should the healers finish their work while he is gone, they will simply send someone to fetch him.

They don’t go far, anyways. Sinna pulls open the next best door and steps into a supply closet. Neatly stacked boxes line the walls, each with a label marking its contents. Bandages of varying sizes, alcohol to disinfect the wounds and dried mushrooms against the pain.

“We used our contact to get inside,” Sinna says. “It was rather easy, with everyone so focused on the attacking army that they didn’t even notice us. We had to kill a couple of guards, but that was it. In and out within just over an hour.”

Drakon just stares at her. He has no idea what to say. How is he supposed to react? What kind of reaction does she want?

“Rhysand’s army has been defeated,” Sinna announces. “Half of his soldiers are dead, the rest captured – him included, if my sources are correct.”

Drakon slowly shakes his head. “Seven hundred soldiers,” he says. He can’t manage to keep the shock out of his voice. “You sent seven hundred soldiers to their deaths?”

“I did no such thing,” Sinna says. She sounds far too detached. How can she talk about this so neutrally? “I did not tell Rhysand to take his army on some suicide mission trying to take a fort with less than half the soldiers that would be required to actually pull it off. I told him not to. I told him they would all die, and Miryam with them. But it was painfully obvious that the idiot boy wouldn’t listen. And if he was already going to get himself and his soldiers killed, why shouldn’t I at least make sure they don’t die in vain?”

Drakon can’t stop shaking his head. “You could have stopped him,” he points out, even though he doesn’t know if he would have wanted her to.

All of his morals tell him that it is wrong, completely and utterly wrong, to let hundreds of people die to save one. And Rhys might have chosen to risk his life, but those soldiers certainly didn’t. Sacrificing them was wrong. But at the same time, selfishly, Drakon is glad Sinna acted the way she did. Sacrificing hundreds of lives for one seems far less wrong when the one live belongs to the person you love and the hundreds are mostly strangers.

Only those strangers will have families and friends, too. People who care about them, people who lost their loved ones tonight.

“You’re right,” Sinna says. “I could have. But I didn’t. I chose to save Miryam, because she is important to this war and important to you.”

Drakon just stares at Sinna. He doesn’t know what to do, whether to hug her or yell. He is torn between gratitude and anger, both feelings so intense that he is nearly choking on them.

“Would it help if I apologized?” Sinna asks.

“Are you sorry?” Drakon asks.

Sinna seems to consider it for a moment. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” she says. “But as for the rest? I would do it again.”

“Then no, an apology wouldn’t help,” Drakon says drily. Now, anger is winning over gratitude, if narrowly. “You should have told me.”

“Possibly,” Sinna agrees.

“Certainly. You can’t just…” He shakes his head. “You can’t just go behind my back like this. On purpose. It’s not like I require you to discuss every little detail with me – we both know you’re better at this than I’ll ever be – but this, you should have told me about. And you knew, since you conspired with my guards to keep me from finding out.”

Sinna crosses her arms. “I didn’t conspire,” she says pointedly. “I merely asked them to keep you in your room for the night, if at all possible.”

This is decidedly the wrong detail to focus on. “You should have told me,” Drakon repeats.

“But I didn’t,” Sinna says. “And because I didn’t, you will be able to look Miryam and Morrigan and anyone else who might ask in the eye and tell them that you had no part in sending Rhysand and his soldiers to their deaths and it will be the truth.”

“Well, I’d rather be able to tell people that I’m in charge of my own country and have it be the truth.”

Doesn’t she understand this? Drakon might not care much about his reputation and what the other royals think of him, but so far, he could always safely say that the things they said about him were lies. But if Sinna is ready to go behind his back so easily…

Sinna presses her lips together. “But would you have wanted to make that choice?” She asks. “I did not send the soldiers working for Rhysand to their deaths, but I willingly accepted it. I traded hundreds of lives for one. Is this the type of choice you would have liked?” She puts a hand on his shoulder. “Trading lives like this is never easy, and these choices always stay with you. Forever.”

Drakon’s stomach twists, but he shakes his head. “But making those choices is my duty.” It’s not about choice, not about what he wants. And maybe it’s stupid that he has the final say on military matters when Sinna is so much more experienced – maybe he will change it one day – but for the moment, this is his duty. “You do not help me if you try to shield me from it.”

“You are too young,” Sinna says. “You shouldn’t be forced to make these choices.”

Drakon doesn’t say that Miryam and Jurian are also young, and Andromache, Mor and Rhys aren’t that much older than the three of them. “But you can’t change that,” he says softly. “I am Prince, whether you like it or not. These choices are mine to make. Just as any guilt they might bring is mine to bear.”

----

Andromache knows she has been too sharp. She knows that what her father did to her still haunts Mor, knows that it sometimes makes her snap. When that happens, her emotions run wild with her, making her say things she doesn’t mean. Maybe a better person than Andromache would have taken it with grace, would have let the comment slide.

But Andromache also has her sore points, and one of them is Fae – especially High Fae, and especially High Fae nobles – so clearly favouring Fae over humans. And for all she knows that Mor didn’t mean what she said, she also can’t shake the thought that no one says anything like this without meaning it at least a little bit.

“What did the two of you argue about, anyways?” Yanis asks. He is lying sprawled on Andromache’s bed, which is probably his unique interpretation of being on guard.

Andromache shrugs. “Jurian,” she says. “Mor doesn’t like what he did.”

“You don’t like what he did, either,” Yanis counters.

Andromache crosses her arms and turns around to him in her chair. She doesn’t have a reply to that, at least not one she can properly articulate, and she hates not having a reply. The thing is, she doesn’t have a problem with the fact that Mor dislikes Jurian’s actions, she has a problem with the how.

“She can just…” She shakes her head. “Sometimes, she’s so…” She gestures around in the air, searching for words. “Fae,” she finishes, hoping that Yanis will know what she means.

She doesn’t fault Mor for being Fae, not at all. But sometimes, she does things that make it painfully clear that she isn’t quite like her. Which, again, Andromache wouldn’t mind, if she wasn’t so…

Yanis sighs. “Anny.” It’s her childhood nickname, and one he hasn’t used in years. At least since she became queen. "Do you really think that Mor's problem with what Jurian did is that he's human?"

Andromache makes a face. She doesn't think that, not really. Probably. At least not consciously. Mor certainly isn't like Shey and these other bastards on the council, but still, the way she judges Jurian doesn't sit well with Andromache.

"She doesn't have a problem with torture when Azriel does it," she says. "Or when Rhysand beats his soldiers because he's too incompetent a commander to get them in line through other methods."

And that's probably the core of the problem. (Well, that and the "just slavery" comment.) She would have no problem at all with Mor judging Jurian if she was consequent about it. But she is completely fine with torture when her Fae friends do it, even though their actions are arguably worse since they keep doing it and don't have the excuse of not being entirely in control of their own actions.

"Why is she fine with it then, but has a problem when Jurian does it?" Andromache asks.

"Because she can pretend that they only act that way because they don't have a choice and that they aren't actually like this," Yanis says. He has always been the more perceptive one of the two of them, the one who managed to look at things from all angles. "Rhysand has this entire thing going about how him being an asshole is only a mask, and Azriel can claim he's made to do it by his High Lord."

Andromache snorts. Of all the excuses she heard, 'I was just pretending to be an asshole' always seemed like the most idiotic one. If you torture someone, saying that you were just pretending certainly doesn’t make it right. You can’t just pretend to hurt people, you actually hurt them, and your reasons will never be able to ease the pain you caused.

“Mor,” Yanis says, “likes clear lines. Good and bad and little in between. And stupid as her friends’ reasonings might be, they allow her to still place them in the Good category. What Jurian did blurs the lines, and she doesn’t like that.”

Now, Andromache feels really stupid. Yanis is right, of course, and she can’t believe she had to let him explain her own partner to her. She knows that Mor generally sees people as either good or bad, no in-between. Anything that blurs those lines tends to make her upset, so of course she wouldn’t be fond of what Jurian did.

“Talk to her,” Yanis says. “Unless you are so upset that you want to end things, that is.”

Andromache flinches at the notion. “No!” Of course she doesn’t want to end things. It was one argument – one she already feels stupid about, if she’s being honest. She certainly isn’t fine with what Mor said, but she should have just dropped the topic instead of allowing it to escalate.

“Can you winnow me to Telique?” She asks. She originally hadn’t meant to leave the camp, but Jurian has been remarkably civil in the days since Miryam got kidnapped. He seems content to wait around for Amarantha to arrive, and he shows no sign of wanting to change his strategy, so she can probably risk leaving him alone for an hour.

Yanis slowly climbs out of her bed, yawning. “Sure,” he mutters.

Mor is in her suite in Telique, as some of the palace guards inform Andromache when she arrives. Yanis leaves her behind to go visit his sister who works in the stables, and so Andromache is alone when she stands in front of Mor’s door. She allows herself a moment’s hesitation before she knocks.

Mor opens after only a moment. She freezes in the door when she sees Andromache, then gives her an awkward smile. “Hello.”

“Hello,” Andromache echoes. “Can I come in?”

It occurs to her that this is their first real argument. They had smaller disagreements, like the one about Mor’s interest in her powers, but they never really argued until yesterday.

“Sure.” Mor steps aside.

Andromache enters the spacious receiving room that belongs to the emissary’s suite. Mor closes the door, and then, they both stand around awkwardly, staring at each other. Andromache opens her mouth to apologize, but after the just slavery comment, she actually feels like it’s up to Mor to make the first step. Which she fortunately does.

“I’m sorry,” Mor says. “That comment I made… I didn’t mean to say it like that, it came out all wrong.” She shakes her head. “I was trying to say that torture is never okay, no matter against whom.”

Andromache sighs. “I know.” Even if that comment still echoes through her mind, and will likely remain with her for a while yet. “And I’m sorry, too. It’s just… I spent the past few days trying to get the council in line, which really isn’t easy without Miryam. And all the Fae who went on and on about how horrible Jurian’s actions were only seemed to have a problem with it because he’s human.” She offers Mor a half-hearted smile. “So you kind of hit a sore spot there.”

“Oh.” Mor winces. “I didn’t know that. Sorry.” She gives Andromache a tentative smile. “So we are still fine?” She asks in a small voice.

Andromache takes her hands and squeezes them. “Of course we are,” she says softly.

Mor smiles, eyes glittering wetly. Then, she throws her arms around Andromache and hugs her. Andromache absentmindedly trails her fingers through her light hair.

Perhaps Jurian isn’t the only one who’s slowly falling apart. They are all struggling, all desperately grasping for any ways to make this world of theirs more bearable. And if Mor likes to divide things into neat categories, if she doesn’t like to see that order interrupted, maybe that is fine.

A knock sounds on the door. Mor quickly lets go of her and steps back, putting some distance between them. She discreetly wipes her eyes.

Andromache waits until she composed herself, then calls, “Come in!”

To her surprise, Yanis steps inside. “Sorry to interrupt,” he says, glancing between them. “But I thought you might want to hear this.”

“What?” Andromache asks. Her throat suddenly feels tight. If there’s one thing over six years of war taught her, it’s that urgent news are usually bad. Mor silently takes her hand, as if she, too, is bracing herself.

“I just got a letter from Drakon,” Yanis says. “He didn’t give any details, but apparently, they somehow got Miryam out of the Heseia fort. She’s alive and safe.”

Andromache is silent for a moment. Slowly, she turns to look at Mor, who seems equally shocked. Then, she slowly begins to smile. Andromache begins grinning herself, and then, they are hugging, holding each other tight.

Some good news. Finally some good news.

“There’s something else,” Yanis says. Now, he is looking at Mor only. “I’m sorry, Mor,” he says, “but your cousin got captured by Amarantha.”

----

A/N: I don't like Rhys, and I hope the veiled criticism came across in this chapter lol. (I also wasn't very enthusiastic about the entire storyline of Miryam getting kidnapped, so I'm glad that's done now.) And I DO like Mor, but I still felt like I needed to hint at her having some characteristics (a certain tendency to divide into “good” and “bad” and ignore the nuances) that allow her to be a part of a government like the Inner Circle later on.

Tags: @croissantcitysucks @femtopulsed

#i'm still very proud i came up with a way to make rhys an ass in this entire kidnapping situation lol #it was generally set up to make him look great but I managed to turn it into the opposite #before the wall #miryam #jurian #drakon

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howtosingit · 4 years ago

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Fic: my love, he keeps me warm

“Wait, don’t pull away just yet.” * The 126 gives TK and Carlos matching gifts for their one-year anniversary.

1.6K | Also on AO3

A/N: This is inspired by yesterday’s Tarlos selfie because everything related to these two makes me emotional these days.

- - - - - -

TK and Carlos’s one-year dating anniversary ends up being a surprisingly popular occasion, and not just for the two of them.

They’ve been planning their weekend getaway for weeks, each putting in time off of work and renting a lake cabin outside the city. TK cannot wait to get his boyfriend into bed the minute they arrive, with no plans to leave it until the weekend is over. He can already tell that it’s going to be incredible; he loves any time that he gets to spend with his best friend, but it’s always so much better when they don’t have to wear clothes. In his opinion, a person hasn’t lived until they’ve stumbled sleepily into the kitchen to find a butt-naked Carlos Reyes hovering over the stove, frying eggs and dancing to music.

TK will never forget the first time that happened, the image of his boyfriend’s backside branded onto his brain for what is sure to be the rest of his life. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, and he’s really looking forward to recreating that image over and over again throughout the next 48 hours.

But, the really surprising gift is how big of a deal their anniversary is for the rest of the 126.

His team plans a whole surprise party at the very end of their Friday shift, right before the getaway - complete with a big pot of Grace’s famous chili and a cake that says “CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE BOTH STILL SICKENINGLY ADORABLE ALL THE TIME!” in blue frosting. There’s music and laughter, and even a highly intense game of foosball between Mateo and Judd that ends with Mateo dancing on top of a table in victory.

Carlos shows up an hour in, having just finished his own shift, and the screams and cheers that ring throughout the room as they greet one another with a hug and a quick kiss are enough to make them both blush all the way down to their toes. The police officer seems just as surprised as TK was by the unexpected event, and when Carlos spots the cake on the table, he laughs so hard that tears appear in his eyes. His smile is so stunning, so beautifully bashful, that TK just wants to wrap him in his arms and never, ever let him go.

Later, when Carlos finds himself wrapped up in a conversation with Paul, TK pulls his dad off to the side. “Why did they make such a big deal about this?” he asks, gesturing to the room and all of the people gathered for them. “It’s just a dating anniversary, I didn’t think people really cared about those.”

His dad just gives him a small smile, clapping a hand down on his shoulder. “Because they love you, TK,” he states simply, like the answer is obvious. “And they love Carlos. They’ve had front-row seats to the two of you getting your shit together and falling in love, and I think they just wanted you to know how happy they are for you.”

TK doesn’t say anything, blinking back uninvited tears. His dad pulls him closer, pressing a kiss into his hair. When it becomes clear that TK can’t respond, his dad moves away without another word, giving him time to collect himself before rejoining the party at Carlos’s side.

Things begin to wind down when the evening crew leaves to respond to a call, leaving just their small team, along with Carlos and Grace. TK knows that they should probably leave soon, or else he’ll be up late packing for the trip. Carlos, naturally, has been packed for two days; he’ll be gloating all weekend if TK loses any sleep because of his procrastination.

They’re sitting side-by-side on the couch, fingers linked, talking to Grace and Nancy about their “weekend plans” - the fake ones that they’ve created to share with other people - when the rest of the crew approaches them, mischievous smiles on their faces. TK notices that Marjan and Paul’s hands are hidden behind their backs.

“Why do I suddenly feel unsafe?” Carlos asks, clearly having noticed the same concerning signs that TK did.

“We got you guys something,” Paul says, his eyes almost twinkling. TK wonders if it’s too late for him and Carlos to escape from their own party without being noticed.

“You really didn’t have to do that,” he replies, sharing a look with Carlos. His boyfriend’s eyes are wide as saucers, his eyebrows rising further up his forehead the longer TK looks.

“I think once you see the gifts,” Marjan pipes up, laughter clear in her voice, “you’ll see that we absolutely did have to do this.”

At the same time, Marjan and Paul pull identically-wrapped boxes from behind their backs, handing them over. TK and Carlos unlink their fingers to take them and, with one more look back towards the crew, they tear into them.

From the box, TK pulls out a soft, black hoodie. His mouth drops open when he sees what’s printed on the front: above an illustration of Carlos’s face are block letters that read “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY?” and below, “IT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY, I JUST WANT TO TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.” TK feels a smile pull at his lips as his face heats up, his mind immediately understanding the joke.

A month or so after they started dating, TK and Carlos developed a habit of seeking each other out when they were on calls together. Before they lived together, it was one of their few ways of seeing each other around their busy schedules. Even after TK moved in with Carlos, they made it a point not to leave a scene without at least saying a quick hello to one another. Sometimes, depending on the nature of the call, they don’t get a chance to speak at all, and those times always leave an uncomfortable itch under TK’s skin. It’s almost like his body can’t make sense of being near Carlos and not touching him at least once.

His team quickly noticed how they would gravitate towards each other on calls and, after one instance when TK returned to the truck with a deliriously happy grin on his face, they had questioned him endlessly, wanting to know what was going on. “Carlos just wanted to tell me he loved me,” TK had shrugged nonchalantly, moving on to put his equipment back on the truck, not realizing his mistake in sharing that tiny detail.

Ever since, their friends have teased the two of them endlessly, telling TK to go collect his “I love you” from Carlos so that they can finally leave a scene, or reminding Carlos in passing that he should consider sharing his “I love yous” with other members of the team who also deserve positive affirmations. It’s gentle ribbing, and TK secretly loves it.

Which is why his brain is going insane over the gifted hoodie. “Oh my god,” he hears from next to him, and he turns to find Carlos with an identical black hoodie. The only difference is the image of TK’s face between the words instead of his own. TK bites his bottom lip to try to hide his smile, leaning in to press a kiss to Carlos’s fire-red cheek.

“Okay, okay, put them on,” Marjan interrupts, and TK realizes that she’s pulled her phone out. He spots Judd filming them behind her, Grace at his side. “We have to get a picture.”

Carlos groans, but TK can see a brightness in his eyes and he knows that his boyfriend is a little touched by the gift. He understands completely, feeling the same emotions himself.

They both sit up on the couch, pulling the hoodies over their heads. TK is unsurprised to find it really soft and comfortably warm. He looks over to discover Carlos looking absolutely adorable in his own hoodie, and reaches for his hand to link their fingers together again, the need to touch him in some way too strong to ignore.

“Get closer, act like you like each other,” Paul jokes, reminding them of the task at hand. Carlos leans back again and TK presses into his side, smiling up at the camera. He hears multiple shutter sounds as Marjan takes dozens of pictures on her phone.

When he’s sure that she’s finished, TK moves to rise off of the couch, ready to start saying his goodbyes, but he’s stopped by Carlos’s tightened grip on his hand.

“Wait, don’t pull away just yet,” his boyfriend says. TK turns back to him, taking in the soft gaze on Carlos’s face, the way his smile stretches wide, laugh lines appearing at the corners of his mouth. He looks so warm and cuddly, and TK can’t help but to sink back into his side, their faces inches apart as Carlos wraps his arms around him.

“I love you, TK,” Carlos whispers, giving him a wink. TK huffs out a laugh, realizing that he’s staying true to their long-established habits, now documented on the hoodies they’re both wearing.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back, leaning in to press a kiss against Carlos’s inviting lips. It’s just a quick one, but it sends a wave of sudden heat from his ears down to his toes. A kiss from Carlos always feels like a sudden electrical surge coursing through all of his bones, lighting him up in ways that nothing else can.

“Ugh, you two are shameless,” Marjan scoffs from nearby, but TK ignores her and everyone else around them. Instead, he takes in the crinkles at the edge of his boyfriend’s brown eyes, the way his entire face is alight with love and affection as they stare openly at one another. Then, because he just can’t help it, he leans in for another kiss, this one deeper than the one before.

It consumes him completely, the warm feeling of being loved always and forever by Carlos Reyes.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #I wrote a thing #my tarlos one-shot collection

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hold-me-sickfics · 4 years ago

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Okay guys, as promised:

Day 1: Namjoon💜

Prompt: Namjoon’s been up since 2:00 a.m. with a stuffy nose and a pretty rough cough. His throat is killing him, and can someone please bring him the lotion tissues? His nose is bright red from how many times he’s used that old t-shirt in the floor. Thankfully, he’s been given permission to stay home and rest for the day, but that’s just impossible for him. He’s supposed to be the leader of the pack, so how can he just abandon them right before an interview? What if they need him? What if the interviewer only speaks English? What if Jungkook loses his shirt 5 minutes before they go in? What if Jimin and Taehyung accidentally reveal what the new album is called? What if… well everything happens? Or… what if… just maybe… the leader needs loved and coddled but instead he’s all alone at the house all day...

TW: Food, this fic is more snz focused than anything (Note: if anyone sees a trigger I missed, please let me know and I’ll post a warning for it too!)

—————-

“Namjoon, why are you in here? I thought I just told you to stay in bed until I got your breakfast.” Jin lightly scolded the leader. Namjoon had been up since 2:00 feeling pretty sick.

“I know but I wadted to bake sure you didn’t deed help with breakfast.” Namjoon shuffled over to the coffee maker, and poured himself a mug of it.

“Joon, down. No coffee. You’re sick, so the last thing you need is coffee making your stomach hurt.” Jin took the mug from him, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Here, just sit down and rest okay? How about you make a quick call and see if you can get today off. I’ll make you some hot tea. We’ll see if you feel like eating once your sinuses open up a little, alright?” Jin eased Namjoon down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

Namjoon had to admit, he felt terrible. His nose was stopped up and running at the same time. His throat felt like it was tight and on fire. His muscles ached, and he felt cold. His skin felt so sensitive; even Jin touching him earlier had hurt. But still, having his hyung so close did help him to feel safe and cared for, so he had endured the pain.

Namjoon picked up the phone, and dialed the BigHit office number, asking to speak to his scheduler.

Jin listened closely as Namjoon struggled to talk. He grabbed a bottle of honey out of the cabinet and poured a tablespoon into the tea he was brewing on the stove. Sympathy pain took over his chest when he hear Namjoon cough to clear his throat. The cough was wet, and thick, and had nearly even made him gag.

Just then, Taehyung and Jungkook came running downstairs.

“I AM EATING THE BACON! YOU CANNOT STOP ME!” Taehyung screamed.

“I WILL JUMP ON YOU!” Jungkook swung over the railing.

Surprisingly, the maknae managed to land perfectly on Taehyung’s back, causing him to hit the floor- hard.

“Ah!” Taehyung let out a harsh cry.

“Shhhh!” Jin pressed a finger to his lips. He mouthed the words “Joon’s on the phone”

Both the younger boys apologized immediately, and then bolted to the refrigerator. Jin couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“Yeah, I cad’t breathe well.”

Namjoon coughed again. This time wasn’t as thick, but Jin could tell there was enough snot in his throat to fill a bucket.

Hoseok came downstairs in his bathrobe, hair still dripping wet from his shower. He too, heard the last cough, and decided to inquire about the situation.

“Jin, he sounds awful.” Hoseok glanced over at the leader. He immediately noticed Namjoon’s red nose, puffy-pink eyes, and pale skin. A sheen of sweat covered his face and upper chest. His hair was half-matted to his head in sweat as well.

“He’s been like this since 2:00. He’s trying to get today off so he can stay home and rest.” Jin took the tea off the stove and poured a decent-sized amount into a small, blue mug.

“Okay, thank you.” Namjoon hit the “end call” button, and set his phone down. He rested his head in his hands.

Jin carried the mug to Namjoon and set it on the coaster. He took the chair beside Namjoon and stroked his hair softly.

“What’d they say?” Jin leaned down to try and meet Namjoon’s eyes.

“They’re letting be stay home... but you all have an interview today... I cad’t stay here and just let you guys go alone.”

Though it hurt to have someone touch his skin, he leaned in closer to Jin, trying to take in some of his strength.

“Joonie, you have to stay home today. You look like you feel awful, and I know you do. You’ve been up since 2:00 this morning, and I know you’re exhausted. We’ll be back by dinner, okay?” Jin carded his fingers through the younger’s sweaty blonde hair.

Namjoon was about to protest when his chest broke into hacking, heaving coughs. His ribs hurt from coughing so much and his throat felt like it had been run up and down a cheese grater. Tears came to his eyes as he finished his coughing fit.

“Take it easy Joon-bug. Sip on this for me. It’s got honey in it. It’ll help ease the pain a little. And hopefully it’ll open you up too.” Jin lifted the mug to Namjoon’s hands and helped him lift it to his lips. Jin couldn’t help it, he had a soft spot for all the members, but it was really bad when Namjoon didn’t feel well. It seemed that Namjoon was all he could think about on those occasions. Perhaps since they were paired together so often in games and such. They’d just gotten really close as oldest and leader of the group.

Namjoon gratefully accepted the beverage, and sipped it down. He was visibly relieved by the warmth and smoothness of the liquid. It nearly made him forget that he had to let the group be on their own today.

Aaaaaand that’s when he remembered.

“Jin, what if they don’t have a transblator? Or like, what if Judkook can’t find his shirt again? Or what if...” Jin cut Namjoon’s worries off short.

“I’ll take care of it okay? You just rest today. And if I come home and find you doing anything but resting, I won’t be very happy.” Jin gave him a gentle look, telling the leader that he was just doing what was best for Namjoon’s health.

Namjoon wanted to debate, but he just couldn’t. He wasn’t feeling strong enough. He nodded, and they went through the rest of breakfast pretty smoothly.

An hour passed, and Namjoon was currently being tucked in by Jin.

“Okay, I put a bottle of water on your table. There are two extra blankets in that chair over there. I have cough drops over here beside the water, but if you end up needing more, they’re in the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet. I know you didn’t want to take medicine, but I left it here anyways. Send me your temperature every hour, unless you fall asleep. If you fall asleep, then take it ten minutes after you wake up. We’ll be back by 4:30 p.m. If you need me, call me. I’ll have my phone on while we’re there except when we’re shooting. Other than that, I’ll most likely pick up on the first ring. Oh and-“

“Jin?” Namjoon interrupted him.

“Yeah?” Jin realized he might have been rambling.

“Thanks.”

Jin smiled. “No problem. Just rest okay? No doing stupid things. Don’t try and do housework, don’t work on songs, don’t make calls unless absolutely necessary... or well you know, unless they’re to me.” Jin’s eyes softened. “Feel better Joon-bug.”

Namjoon nodded, and rested his head on the pillow as Jin closed the door.

He heard the other boys close the front door, and suddenly, he was alone in the house.

He felt lonely almost instantly. Turning on the tv was supposed to help, but it didn’t. After one episode of “Housewives of America,” he turned it off and tried to sleep.

He woke up slowly, and turned to face his alarm clock.

“Please be 4:30, please be 4:30...”

The clock read 10:48 a.m. They’d been gone for 46 minutes. Namjoon whined loudly to himself.

He tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. His nose kept running and his throat hurt badly. He finally just decided to get up and get something to eat.

That task proved to be harder than he originally thought it would be. The moment his feet hit the floor, chills ran cold up and down his spine.

“Aish,” he wrapped his shaking arms around his body. Luckily, he remembered Jin’s statement about the extra blankets, and he was able to turn one of them into a nice cape for him to wear around the house. With that, he trudged to the kitchen and opened the pantry door.

“I deed food.” He sniffled as he eyed the contents of the small room.

Namjoon finally decided on a pack of blueberry muffins, and...

He glanced back at the coffee machine, recalling Jin’s strict warning about the coffee being bad for his stomach. But... Jin wasn’t here soooo....

Namjoon did a sneaky little dance of shuffling over to the machine with a mischievous smirk on his face. When he got there, he took the filter out and there was a small post-it note inside.

“Morning Joonie. I hope you’re feeling some better by the time you read this. I figured you’d come for coffee after I left, so I took all the coffee with me. There’s some tea in the refrigerator that you can warm up for your throat. Remember to rest up, and I’ll see you when we get back.

Ps. If I get home and find out you bought coffee and had it delivered, I will remove our address from every coffee shop record between now and last October. Remember to send your temperature every hour. *hugs*

-Jin”

As much as Namjoon knew that Jin was doing this in his best interest, he really wanted that coffee.

Within the next thirty minutes, he was on the couch with a coffee in hand (thankfully, they delivered). He sipped the beverage happily and took a few nibbles of the muffins he’d gotten from the pantry earlier.

The hot coffee felt great on his throat, and actually helped the muffins to go down easier.

When he’d eaten enough, he checked his phone just to see if he’d gotten any new notifications.

And that’s what he’d forgotten.

11:06 Jin: “how’s that temp bud?”

Okay now he was in trouble. Jin wanted his temperature, but if he gave it to him, his mouth would be wayyy hotter than normal because of the coffee... Then, he had an idea.

11:09 Namjoon: “I’m 99.3. I don’t feel like I’ve got a fever so I think it’s just a little cold.”

Thankfully, he’d remembered that you could take your temperature under your arms too. He meant to wait and see what Jin would say back to him, but he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and decided to take a shower.

Fifteen minutes later, he came out of the shower feeling a lot better. Jin had texted back saying “good, make sure to stay hydrated and rest.”

He smiled at how caring his hyung was, and then turned his phone down. He thought it was best to go ahead and take a nap while he could still breathe. Maybe his symptoms would even be gone by the time he woke up!

Well, as hopeful as he’d been, he was wrong.

Namjoon woke up at 12:45, with his throat hurting more than ever. His nose was so stuffed, he had to breathe through his mouth, which felt like glass scraping his throat brutally.

On top of that, he had started feeling bitterly cold. A couple minutes passed and he took his temperature.

“101.4” Could be worse but could be better. The only problem was, Namjoon had a tendency to get really emotional when he had a fever higher than 100. This was no exception.

Namjoon’s eyes flooded with tears. He wanted the other members here... he wanted Jin here. But they couldn’t be... they had to work. He desperately wanted them home, but he knew they’d have to finish before they could come back. So, he decided to text them.

12:56 Namjoon: “I’m at 101.4.”

12:56 Jin: “Okay. Are you feeling worse? Or just the fever?”

12:58 Namjoon: “I feel bad Jin... my throat hurts, and my nose is stuffy and I can’t breathe. And my stomach hurts.”

As soon as Namjoon hit send, he regretted it. His stomach was starting to hurt because of that coffee from earlier, but Jin would be furious if he figured that out.

Before Namjoon had the chance to defend himself, Jin had texted back.

1:02 Jin: “That’s what I thought. We’ll be home in a few hours okay Joon-bug? Just lie down and drink water or tea until I get there. There are some fever reducers in the cabinet. Only take one, and then in thirty minutes it should start working.”

1:04 Namjoon: “You’re not mad at me?”

1:05 Jin: “Namjoon, you’re sick. I’m not going to fuss at you even though I probably should. I’m not entirely heartless you know.”

Namjoon wiped a hot tear from his cheek. More than anything in the world, he wanted Jin to coddle him.

1:08 Namjoon: “Please hurry home. I need you.”

Namjoon set his phone down and cried a bit into his crab plushie. He would take fever reducer, but it hurt to move. His muscles ached and his skin was so sensitive that even his pajamas seemed to prick him.

His soft cries tightened in his throat. He was in so much pain. Only one thought crossed his mind:

“Please come home Jin. I don’t want to feel this way alone...”

———-

Jin put his phone back in his pocket. His chest was tight with sympathy. There was nothing he wanted more than to hold Namjoon close and tell him it would be okay.

But for now, he had to push that aside. He had problems that were a bit more pressing...

“Jin Hyung! Have you seen my pants? I can’t find my pants.” Jungkook yelled from the other side of the guest room.

“Jin, my snack bag is gone and Hobi is gonna explode if he doesn’t get a sprite in the next 12 seconds.” Yoongi was scrambling around the room.

“Hyung, have you seen my other earring?” Jimin looked totally lost and Taehyung was trying to help.

“Aish. I’m coming just hang on.” Jin then set off to solve all the problems that had been named off. The interview was in 20 minutes and everything that had been mentioned was nearly life or death.

ESPECIALLY Jungkook’s. He really needed to find pants before he just decided to go on without them. Because, he definitely would if given the choice.

——-

Namjoon had managed to fall asleep.

Jin had rushed through everything as fast as he could, and had quickly thanked the interviewer and called for the bus early.

4:00 Jin: “I’m on my way Joon-bug. Hang in there for me.”

When Namjoon actually fully woke up, he felt a hand on his back. It hurt against his skin, but he hoped that it meant Jin was back. He turned over, and sure enough, it was.

“Grande? You had to get a grande coffee? You’re gonna take out that stomach of yours.” Jin was smiling, which told Namjoon that he wasn’t really upset with him.

“I really wadted it Jin. Like, really really.” He sniffled. His nose was back to running.

“Yeah yeah I’m aware.” Jin popped out a fever reducer pill and grabbed a bottle of water.

“Now take this for me. I’d check your temperature again but just feeling your forehead earlier told me enough.”

Namjoon did still feel chilled, even under three blankets. His throat was sore, and speaking was hard.

Luckily for Jin, this meant he couldn’t protest taking his medicine.

“Alright, open up for me.” Jin placed the tablet on the younger’s tongue and then lifted the bottle of water to his lips. When he’d taken it, he eased Namjoon back down onto the pillow.

“How’s your throat feeling?” Jin asked, taking the leader’s hand in his own.

Namjoon didn’t want to speak so he just shook his head sadly.

“Alright bug. Just wait here, and I’ll go warm up some tea. I’ll probably put a little something in it for your stomach too since I can literally hear it bubbling from the coffee still.” Jin patted Namjoon’s hand and then got up from the bed. He closed the door and started to walk up the hallway.

Namjoon just smiled. Since Jin was home, he knew he’d be better in no time.

#rpf #bts sickfic #snz fic #Jin caretaker #Namjoon sickie #lots of sweetness and fluff #Day 1 Fic #Food TW

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marauder-exe · 5 years ago

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AU list!

hi! These are a bunch of Au’s that i could write,and you could request! (reposting because it didnt work the first time)

General

Fake dating (My personal favourite)

Soulmates

Coffee shop

Modern Royalty

Rockstar

Running From The Police

Rebel Against The Goverment

High School

University

Law school

Delayed-Flights-And-Were-Stuck-In-The-Airport-And-Its-Like-2Am

Roommates

Road Trip

Arranged Marriage

Im-Arranged-To-Marry-Your-Brother-But-Were-In-Love

Amnesia

Tattoo-Artist-And-Coffee-Shop-Worker

Loved-Since-Childhood

Professor-Student (of age)

Met-On-Holiday

More detailed

21.You were singing/playing guitar/etc. in the park to protest the war and a policeman tried to dismiss you for 'disturbing the peace' but you argued that you were promoting peace and things got heated and next thing you know you're being arrested for assaulting an officer. You intrigue me, so I'm here to bail you out and maybe take you on a date?

22.the nice one who everybody loves with the grumpy and strict one that the students hate and the students wonder?????????how what the fuck

23.we just had a one-night stand but a massive storm hit so now we’re snowed in, hello awkward

24. i sit at the rental booth at our local ice rink and watch you teach children how to skate

25. alternatively, i watch kids teach you how to skate because you’re a terrible skater

26. i’m running late to an important interview/meeting and you accidentally spill your hot cocoa all over my outfit

27. you’re my hot ski instructor and i’m failing the bunny hill

28. i slip on some ice and you’re the stranger who catches me

29. i gave my winter coat to a homeless person and come into your store to warm up

30. our friends rent a cabin to go skiing and we’re the only ones who stay inside

31. you’re the asshole of our group and we don’t get along, but then i find out you make soup for the local shelter

32.we’re waiting in line for the club when you complain that your roommate stole your gloves so let me warm your hands up with mine

33.my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and i’m so sorry

34.the power goes out in our apartment building, but i’m not prepared for this, and you come to check on me

35.i’m having a snowball fight with my friend in the park and i hit you instead

36.a storm is delaying our flight home and i’m afraid of thunder, please talk to me while we wait

37. we’re both in small claims court and i got into a huge fight with the person suing me but you stepped in to hold me back before security got there

38. i drove two hours to the closest video rental store that’s still operating and you were checking out the only copy of the movie i was after

39. i hit you with my car but luckily you’re okay, but we should still exchange information i guess

40. i was worried about buying something off of someone creepy from craigslist but oh no you’re hot

41. my friend talked me into playing a drunken game of spin the bottle even though we’re all adults and now we have to make out

42. we both decided to take a [yoga/fencing/cooking etc] class and we’re the only two assholes not taking it seriously and everyone else is giving us dirty looks but we keep grinning over at each other

43. my date just made a scene in public and got arrested and now i��m stranded in a city without a ride home

44. sharing a cab together

45. you’re trying to get me to sign a petition and i have no idea what you’re talking about

46. you’re drunk at this festival and dancing on the table and when you eventually fell i caught you

47. we both play this stupid game online and you keep beating me every single goddamn time so i called you out and you are pretty cute but can you not

48. im a bartender and you just came in here without shoes sat down and ordered a chocolate volcano and idk what the fuck that is and im scared to ask

49. we are neighbours and every night at 3:14 am you start yodeling for no fucking reason??? why???? is that you yodeling??? its been 2 months???

50.im a pizza delivery person and i just delivered a pizza to someone in the middle of a satanic ritual and they gave me their number???

51. i woke up this morning to find you sitting in my living room with a goat in a poncho??? who are you??? why is the goat wearing a poncho??? how did you get the goat in here i live on the 12th floor???

52. we work out at the same gym and you always look super legit but i know you sing hannah montana in the shower and you know i know

53. im a cashier and i saw you stuffing you pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit

54. its 4 am and im drunk as fuck in a mcdonalds and you have been watching my trying to eat this burger for 30 minutes

55. i was playing beer pong with a coin and i accidentally threw it right into your eye at a party

56. i’m at the beach and some kids thought it was funny to bury me in the sand when i dozed off can you please dig me out

57. it’s unbearably hot and we’re both fighting over the last handheld electrical fan at the shop at the amusement park

58. hey i just met you, and this is crazy, but i get sunburned really easily so can you please help me put sunscreen on my back?

59. thunderstorm after a menacing heatwave and we’re both getting weird looks for dancing in the rain

60.i have no idea who you are but you just fainted right in front of me holy shit dude you need to drink more in this heat

61. we both chased after the leaving ice cream van like ten-year-olds and now we’re both out of breath and a bit embarrassed

62.i clearly reserved this deck chair by putting a towel on it why on earth are you lying on it who the fuck do you think you are

63. My friends bet I wouldn’t buy these three weird and questionable items and you’re my cashier.

64.Once a week I go visit the pet store just to stare at the cute kittens and puppies and you’re the nice employee who always lets me hold them and wait I think I’m going to cry hold on.

65.You’re the DJ of the University’s radio station and every time you give an opinion on a current event I have to call and argue with you because could you seriously be anymore wrong?

66.We both wait tables at the same restaurant and you’re always mad at me by the end of the night because I make more in tips

67.We have the same class and once a week you wear this graphic shirt I don’t understand and I really want to ask you about it.

68.We both work at the same craft store that literally has no customers so we have nothing to do and I’m always reading at the register but you always have to criticize my book choice what the hell?

69.I’m working the concession stand for this week’s home game and this is the fifth time you’ve come back for snacks wait are you flirting with me?

70. we’re at a bookstore and you and I seem to have similar taste in books have you read this one? How about this one?

71. you look like you need help and I’m a professional roller/ice skater but I don’t want you to feel bad about how much you suck but wow you suck

72. You ordered your food before me and they gave you a drink you didn’t want so you gave it to me

73. We’re sitting at adjacent computers in the library and I’m taking extra care not to look at your screen out of respect but what the fuck do you keep laughing at

74. as a joke I yelled out “happy birthday to someone!” in this store and you called back “thank you!” who are you

75. You heard me talking about a TV show in class the other day and now you’re passionately yelling at me about how good it is we’ve never actually spoken before

76. It’s 10:30 at night and I left my glasses at home so I can’t read any of these labels and you’re one of the only people in the grocery store and GODDAMMIT DO YOU HAVE ANY TOMATO SAUCE WITHOUT CHUNKS

77. We go to the same support group; I have social anxiety and you’re a kleptomaniac who sorta stole my heart

78. You thought you were alone at the bus stop so early in the morning so you started passionately singing Fall Out Boy but your Patrick Stump impression could use some work and I’m not really afraid to point that out

79. I’m an artist and you have a really nice face so would you mind if I drew you?

80. We’re rival up-and-coming singers and every time one of us releases a new single the other does a cover to try to make it better; we’re always trying to top each other and out-cute each other, but half our fans aggressively ship us; our agents use this to their advantage and decide we should do a duet because it’ll be popular; unfortunately now that we’re in the same studio and I’ve seen what you’re like I really wanna know what your lips feel like

81.PLEASE I REALLY CANNOT FIND MY CAT AND I KNOW IT’S THREE A.M. BUT NEIL CATRICK HARRIS AND I WOULD BOTH APPRECIATE THE HELP

82. We were both stood up for dates at the same nice restaurant so we decide to eat together and split the check but I dunno you’re pretty interesting aside from your distractingly enormous eyebrows

83. We met at a mutual friend’s cheesy masquerade party and we agree that the only good thing about this party is the masks so you can’t judge a book by its cover only now that we’ve been talking I want to see your face but I don’t know how to ask

84. You used to date my friend who absolutely hates your guts after a messy breakup and now you’re flirting with me and I really shouldn’t be so interested in you but I am

85.We pass each other every day while we’re biking on the same path so we’ve started smiling at each other and one day you’re stopped because you’re having an asthma attack so I offer you my extra water bottle and now we’re talking and now I’M the one who’s breathless

86.I lost my little sibling in IKEA and I need your help finding them

87.I'm a private detective hired to follow you, but you're endearingly boring and mostly I just like watching you and oops, I sort of find you adorable.

88. You've been sketching me for half an hour now, and just shuffled up to hand me the finished product and it's TERRIBLE but you just wanted an excuse to talk to me.

89. I'm at an art exhibit and I just badmouthed the art, because I don't get it, okay? And it turns out you're the artist. I'm so sorry, maybe I could get you coffee and you could explain what it was supposed to be?

90. We're the only two people who turned up to an underground gig and it should be awkward, but the band is amazing and you asked me to dance and hey, there's nobody watching but us.

91. You live in the apartment next to me. We're not supposed to have pets, but I KNOW you have a cat. I'll make you a deal, I won't tell, if you let me pet it.

92. I punched you because I thought you were insulting my friend, but it turns out you know each other and it was an inside joke and I'm so sorry, let me drive you to the hospital?

93. We both wanted to rent a bike for an hour but the only one they have is a tandem bike

94. I’m on a terrible date and you’re my waitor please help me

95.Our dick landlord just evicted us both

96.I’m your neighbor and I can hear you fucking someone who shares my name

97. You’re sort of famous and we vaguely know each other through bumping into each other all the time but the media thinks we’re dating

98. Your roommate cheated on me and I just threw your laptop out the window thinking it was his

99. It’s 2am on the night of my 21st birthday and we gotta fix this fucking mess by morning or else we’re fucked

100.Fuck you and your bee farm I’ve had enough

Feel free to use any of these as your own! If you wanna request you could drop an inbox saying ‘ could you do ____ AU with this character’!

#remus lupin x reader #sirius black x reader #james potter x reader #lily evans x reader #cedric diggory x reader #regulus black x reader #fred weasley x reader #george weasley x reader #hermione granger x reader

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gaiapaia · 4 years ago

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Kermit and Friends: Lizzie with Flesh-n-Bone and Onision

Fun fact about Gaia Paia: I grew up a fan of hip-hop music as far back as I can remember. It started innocently enough at 5 or 6-years-old when MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice were at the top of the charts. Fast forward a few years later, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony would release Crossroads and I was hooked from that point forward. My mom let me get the single on cassette since there were no curse words and the song was about Heaven... I played that thing non-stop.

So when Elisa told me Flesh-N-Bone from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony would be a guest this week, I was pretty excited!

Flesh did not disappoint. He was open and candor about his feelings regarding the current political environment in America. More importantly, Flesh shared about his past troubles with the law and how he lost 10 years of his life to prison due to a false conviction. Despite that and his very rough childhood, Flesh remains a big positive ball of energy just looking to improve the World in the way he personally believes it should be improved. He was very inspiring, honestly.

Flesh has a beautiful recent single/music video out called Dedication, which you can check out for yourself by clicking this sentence. It’s very Crossroads like, so any fan of that song should love this one.

Flesh was absolutely tremendous and it’s awesome to see him become one of Kermit’s new friends. I have a good feeling we’ll be seeing him back on the show very soon. Maybe we can get him to perform a live rendition of Dedication!

Lizzie Harding also joined Kermit and Friends this week. She was featured on Andy Dick’s first KAF appearance back in January (you can read about that here) but it was Elisa’s intention with this episode to allow Lizzie to get into more detail about Lizzie’s unbelievable story.

Lizzie’s story includes her being falsely arrested multiple times, being held in solitary confinement for 5 days despite never once seeing a day in court, having her kids kidnapped from her, her husband allegedly being a pedophile while her kids remain with him, her rental house being burned down this past week after appearing on Infowars, and having all her money stolen by her husband.

If this sounds like an absolutely crazy story.... it is. Most of the chat didn’t believe Lizzie’s tales but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because A) she was so sincere and passionate, and B) her husband is an extremely successful, high profile lawyer in the state of New York. If anyone can get away with truly heinous crimes, it’s people in his powerful position.

However, after dealing with Lizzie first hand... I’m starting to believe she creates delusions about her situation. Don’t get me wrong, Lizzie genuinely believes what she’s saying, but that doesn’t necessarily make it true (if it is all true, I would feel horrible about saying this stuff... this is why #BelieveAllWomen is a thing).

A good while after Lizzie’s interview, Elisa would play an Eric masturbation video as she’s been doing every week. Lizzie flipped her lid and started texting Elisa in a very harsh manner, saying we promised Lizzie that there would be no sexuality on the show. That is 100% a false statement by Lizzie.

I talked to Lizzie after the show and told her had we knew something like that video would offend her, we would have put it off for a week. Lizzie told me to read our past messages to prove she warned us, so I did and there was nothing about that or anything close to it... yet, she still believes we had this conversation that we never had even though she cannot provide a screenshot of the things she claims we discussed.

Regardless of all that, I wish Lizzie well and hope she gets in a better place soon, both mentally and physically. She’s in a lot of pain right now and that’s always sad to see. Plus, Lizzie was an amazing guest before jumping off the rails, sharing her compelling story with unbridled passion. I doubt we see her on KAF again but she’s someone we will NEVER forget.

Onision made his return to Kermit and Friends this week as well if you can’t already tell from the title. He mainly ruffled Flesh and Lizzie’s feathers by questioning their stories and political opinions. Not to say Onision was disrespectful by any means... he was not, but they did not like his line of questioning, especially Lizzie. However, Onision was terrific because Elisa’s not the type to challenge and question someone on their beliefs or the stories they tell. I think there’s great potential in Onision bringing that kind riveting content to Kermit and Friends regularly if he chooses to become a mainstay like I hope he does.

Everything about this episode was a rollercoaster blast except for one part.

Elisa admitted that she checked herself into the hospital a few days ago. Apparently she had some serious chest contusions and was having trouble breathing. After not finding anything wrong internally, the doctors chalked it up as an anxiety attack after forcing Elisa to stay there for over 8 hours.

To give you a timeline of events... last week, Elisa finally had enough of Andy Dick after he moved in for a few hours and treated her like dog crap. Or did she? It wasn’t 24 hours after last week’s show when Elisa was tweeting “Hi” to Andy, trying to get his attention. It was about 24 hours after that when Elisa was on a date with Andy on his Instagram stories. Then about 48 hours later, Elisa is getting checked into the hospital thanks to the anxiety she claims Andy has brought into her life.

So what happened on that date and the days following? Unfortunately, we didn’t get any answers. Maybe we will next week. But I’m truly fed up with seeing Andy bring so much heartache to Elisa’s life.

Elisa wrote this very beautiful song and made a sweet video tribute to Andy and played it during the show. Why? Why does he deserve that? Maybe it’ll help give Elisa a sense of closure and she’ll be able to move on from him. Maybe not. If so though, then I’m all for it, but part of me doubts that’s the case.

Unfortunately, Elisa is not a fan of my take on Andy right now, which is that she needs to stop trying to help someone who doesn’t want to help himself and who doesn’t treat her kindly. Elisa needs to focus on HER mental health and HER personal hardships rather than burdening herself with Andy’s, which just piles on and on relentlessly until boom... you’re being checked into a hospital. It will only get worse if she keeps putting effort into this guy.

Andy’s lover Lucas called into the show to try to pawn off Andy to Elisa, doing his best to guilt trip Elisa into taking Andy back. To Elisa’s credit, she told Lucas no and it seemed like she meant it. However, last week it seemed like she meant it when Elisa said she was done with Andy, so who knows if she’s serious this time.

It’s very tough for me to watch Elisa destroy herself all because of this poisonous clown Andy Dick. I guess you could say I should take my own advice and stop trying to help someone if they’re not willing to help themselves. The difference is, I’ve loved and supported Elisa for 6 years. I’ve been there for her at times when I know for a fact no one else was there for her. Not because I want anything from Elisa, but just because I genuinely love this woman and I want to see a beautiful/wonderful soul like her be happy.

Elisa has known Andy for not even 6 months. She loves a version of him in her head that does NOT exist. She cannot turn Andy into the person she wants him to be, and the harder she tries, the more heartbreak and devastation it’s going to bring to her life. So I pray Elisa can find the strength to move on from him and any other person in her life that’s dragging her down.

Moving on... Johnny B did a great karaoke performance of What A Wonderful Word by Louis Armstrong, Laurie was back to do the KAF Wrap-Up Show even though she had no clue who Flesh-N-Bone is and didn’t want to look him up, Kermit made a new friend named Alex G, Sharmin Smith went on a passionate rant about COVID, and Hud Isaacson fell asleep during the show with his new girlfriend by his side.

Let me just reiterate that this was a classic episode. I really mean it. Flesh was awesome, Lizzie was mind-blowing, Onision was perfect, and the chat was the most active it’s been since the Spreecast days. I don’t like kissing the ass of chat because sometimes they think they’re more important than they actually are... but they deserve to have their asses kissed after yesterday’s show! Chat was absolutely on fire and that’s really all the validation you need to know that this Kermit and Friends episode was a very special one.

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aventurasdeunatortuga · 3 years ago

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Laredo Part 2 Week 2

First photo is yesterday’s grocery haul. Second and third photos show our stock of underwear and boys’ clothes. Fourth photo shows our COVID isolation building, the last photo is the church hall that has been converted into an emergency shelter to accommodate the 200-300 people staying each night at La Frontera. The main shelter building can only accommodate about 150.

I’ve been back in Laredo for about 2 weeks now, which is how long I stayed the last time I was here. I still have about 2 weeks left. Last time I was here I remember being completely and utterly burnt out by the end of 2 weeks and I can feel myself burning out again now.

I’ve been splitting my days between the two shelters, La Frontera and Holding, and they are so different. At La Frontera I feel very welcomed and involved and useful and the people seem a bit friendlier, but the flip side of that is that there is so much chaos and lack of organization it honestly stresses me out so much. There are just so many people in such desperate need all the time and there are maybe 3-4 volunteers each day trying to prioritize which crisis needs to be dealt with first. Usually that ends up being transportation and food. Things like clothing and cleaning and toiletries and organization have fallen by the wayside. We’ve been getting hundreds and hundreds of people in really terrible conditions clear until 2:30 in the morning every single day and we just simply do not have the people needed to make it run smoothly, so volunteers in the evening have just been opening the closet and letting folks grab what they need at random, which results in even more chaos and disorganization. The last few days when I’ve come in there have just been enormous piles of stuff all over the floor and garbage everywhere. It is really stressful.

Yesterday we realized that no one had gone grocery shopping, and there wasn’t much food left in the pantry. I don’t know how that system normally works, if there even is one, from what I can tell it is random volunteers buying food and occasionally community members donating food. We cooked all the food there was and served as many people as we could but here were about 250 people at breakfast who hadn’t eaten in several days.

Most of the groups that come in haven’t eaten in several days, but this group looked truly, truly desperate for food. The children were all screaming and the adults were trying to hold themselves back so as to not push or shove but I could tell it was hard. The heartbreaking part was that we didn’t have enough food for all of them, and about 50 folks went without food. We didn’t even have anything like granola bars or bread slices or cereal or anything to offer them.

Me and one of the nuns went to the grocery store and bought two fulls carts worth of food, we bought this yesterday morning and already today it is almost all gone. I feel frustrated with the leadership at this shelter, it feels like there is none. One of the directors is constantly out of the building driving people places and doesn’t answer her phone and the other is constantly putting out fires with border patrol and the police and the hospital and the city government, etc so she is never there either. The entire shelter depends on the 3-4 community members and out of town volunteers that show up at irregular hours and most of whom only stay for a few days.

The worst part is seeing how this lack of organization impacts the people coming through, who are already dealing with a lot of trauma and I know the chaos here isn’t helping.

But there’s only so much we can do. I started falling apart this morning after wading through so much garbage to try to get through the kitchen. I got very overwhelmed and started getting snappy at people, which doesn’t help anyone. One of the newer volunteers stepped up to help while I took a break. When I came back the both of us were able to get a number of the folks staying at the shelter to help us. We got folks to clean up all the garbage and clean the tables and sweep the floors and help us with the food. They were happy to help and were appreciative of what we were doing.

I’ve been at La Frontera shelter from 9-2 most days, which is usually when we finish serving lunch. Then I head over to Holding Community Center until about 7pm. The difference between the two shelters is night and day. While La Frontera has only 2 paid employees, Holding has 18 employees, most of whom are on site for the entire day 7 days a week. It makes an enormous difference. The flip side of that though is that I don’t feel super helpful there and the people have kind of set systems in place and a few staff members don’t seem very open to volunteers coming in to help as they are overwhelmed and don’t want anyone upsetting their system. It’s also different in that all of the folks staying here stay outside or in the vacant classrooms at the community center, the volunteers all work in a separate building and very rarely directly interact with the folks staying there. So while I’m there I essentially sit at a table and organize baby wipes and baby food for 3.5 hours straight. Then I help serve dinner and then I’m done for the day. We aren’t allowed to directly interact with the folks staying here because there are a lot of cases of COVID on the buses, the folks staying here tested negative but were still exposed so we’re trying to be very careful, but still it is kind of frustrating when folks knock on the door and ask for things like a bottle of water and to hear that I’m not allowed to give them water until a specific time or else everyone is going to be trying to get one. It’s definitely two ends of a spectrum.

I’ve been trying to interact with folks by doing a ‘diaper cart’ every afternoon. I load up a cart with diapers and formula and wipes and just walk around outside offering things to people.

Today I helped serve dinner to the main group of COVID negative people, but then I was also asked to bring dinner over to the group of people who tested positive for COVID. They are being quarantined in an empty warehouse across the street. They have nurses there and everyone wears masks. They have to quarantine for at least 10 days, and receive one change of clothes and a hygiene kit when they first arrive. They get a blanket and a cot and stay there until they recover. I hadn’t been over there before and was a bit nervous about it.

It was truly terrible to see. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more miserable place. We stood in the doorway while folks lined up by the door. We handed food off to the nurses and they then handed the food to the people waiting in line. There were at least 100 people in there, packed wall to wall on cots and all of them coughing and looking so sick.

The medical team was treating them well and they had the basics that they needed, but it just broke my heart seeing so many sick people in one place. The hospitals will not accept them because they don’t have health insurance. Most were exposed to COVID in ICE detention, because ICE does not test the people they detain and keep people confined in close quarters for extended periods of time. If folks get extremely ill the hospital will accept them for 48 hours. The shelter is the only place in town that will accept them, if the shelter was not there ICE would have just left them on the street.

It’s been a really long week. I’m trying to not let all of this get to me. The most difficult part I think is seeing all of these problems and feeling so powerless to help. At La Frontera shelter it seems like a neverending crisis and lack of resources and organization that me as a part time volunteer cannot realistically fix, which is really hard to accept. There were some rooms I came across today that were in such a state of disarray I just had to close the door and walk away, because there was no way I could take that on. At Holding, there are enough resources and organization, but seeing the people quarantined and seeing the busloads that come in each day of more and more sick people breaks my heart. Right when I was walking out the door at 6:45pm today a busload of 130 more people arrived, and staff was trying to decide if they should feed them or test them for COVID first, because the medical staff and the food team were leaving for the night and they didn’t know what to do. It was hard to accept that there wasn’t really anything I could do in that situation.

I’m trying to do what I can. I’ve been fundraising and have raised around $750 so far. I’m planning on using most of it for underwear and food for La Frontera shelter. Both shelters depend entirely upon donations though and I know that even if I spend all of that money today that all of the donations bought from it would likely be gone by the end of the week.

What really needs to happen here is systemic change. There needs to be drastic changes to our immigration policies, ICE as an institution needs to be shut down or at the bare minimum be investigated for their treatment of folks being detained by them. The fact that people come out of there exposed to COVID and without having eaten for several days is unconscionable. There needs to be government funding and disaster relief teams for folks seeking asylum, it is absurd that a bunch of random volunteers and community organizations are having to take on a humanitarian crisis of this scale.

I’ll go into this in a later post, but the United States is almost entirely responsible for creating the conditions that have caused so many folks to flee their home countries. It is the absolute bare minimum that the US can do to accept folks that are fleeing the situations that we created. They do not want to leave their homes, they are being forced to.

Rant over.

Until next time,

#laredo #texas #borderlands #immigration #asylum seekers

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feather-dancer · 4 years ago

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Writing in 2020

Instead of a “Here’s how progress was this month” on my writing, with it being the end of a year figured have a look back on everything I’ve done instead and currently working on. Honestly I’ve written so much this year it’s silly? I’ve had so many pain days, physically cannot art right now because of the cold (Been struggling near a month now) yet there’s all THIS just from this year that bar one is all brand new things! 2020 is the year of being constantly stressed out yet write a lot particularly of the AU bent it seems.

Masks We Wear, Lies We Share (Strickler fic) was started in 2019 and had a second chapter back in January this year but has been rather quiet ever since because I got sidetracked. There has been a half written third chapter for months, the first chapter had a big update though it still to me feels like it has touches of getting back into writing after a good few years of not doing. I do want to keep at it but for now it seems very dormant.

Ghosts he left behind (Ghost!AU) was the one I got sidetracked with after getting a terrible idea while doing a puzzle one year ago tomorrow. Three chapters in, least two to go the thing is an absolute beast that absorbs words like it’s going out of style. It’s one of the biggest projects I’ve undertaken despite the time frame it’s self only being a humble 48 hours before dooms day and not something I tag lightly. For me personally touching on themes of mental health, LGBT+ peeps without labeling them for easy points and banding together despite issues are still lurking about is important though often tackled by people with such a vague understanding any of these end up getting treated like an on off switch and not part of what people are. I hope I succeeded anyway, the next chapter is Hope after all and I think we need that.

Things Unsaid is partially done though paused for Ghost!AU related hiccups but has an entire removed scene in it so yanno? It’ll come out eventually but it’s sitting here awaiting it’s moment in the meantime.

A Collection of Daises - Tumblr prompts Man I feel terrible I’ve got multiple prompts to go after but despite the first one being done very quickly the second is partially done as my brain just would not push forward for some reason. It won’t go off of course but I still feel guilty for the disappointment I must be causing.

You weren’t there (Douxie oneshot) is bit of an odd circumstance one if I’m honest though was sparked by Wizards coming out to be started originally. This takes place on the Eternal Night (Day 2) and because Ghost!AU Chapter 3 is the day before (Day 1) I kept getting really confused which event was when to the point of writing the wrong things in each file. Now chapter 3 is finally out I should be able to work on it again as the problem has now been averted! The final quake hit when I put it on pause so you can probably guess what the culprit was.

Savouring memories was a drabble with legs that happened entirely because I woke up with the line “I was feeling nostalgic I guess” one morning and... Ran with it. End result was a final conversation with Morgana pre fall and dealing with the grief of the after... A very personal thing in many ways.

These thoughts of you was the second drabble with legs after just6 had the idea of Douxie meeting Zoe but Archie was in his lap and couldn’t move. Traction wise it’s done the worst of all things I’ve posted but personally I like it? It was nice to have a bit of historical dabblings where neither of them have met their first century just yet.

Along came a word - A writing meme collection 36 drabbles of varying lengths, a song and a range of subjects are in this thing and it scares me. I’m still not entirely sure how I did it as quite often many of these came in mass produced in a few days.

As long as there are stars in the sky another very unexpected appearance sparking from somebody tossing a question of wondering what Trollhunter Douxie would look like and I just ran off with it. Chapter 2 has been started and got all my notes ready, I’m still hugely enjoying the breaking canon to make it work element plus three trolls are still alive so I can write them it’s great! Can’t wait to get stuck into troll lore more than I already have.

A Heart of Glass is the other unexpected appearance though this one coming from me linking Revenge to a friend, they made a comment and off I went dragging multiple people into this thing where the Order ends up getting Douxie. Choosing to write it as things grab me was the best move for certain because I’m not beholden to a timeline though it still exists in the background. I started chapter 2 and ended up writing two pages in a scarily small amount of time a few nights ago it was weird. It’s fun if angsty, he’s still him even though he’s a traumatised mess and the title is very literal.

In the media spotlight is 100% @ice-demigod-skrael‘s fault that I started writing this yesterday thanks to a mood board for his Fashionista AU I fell in. I don’t even know what I’m doing I just wanted to WRITE and add to my backlog apparently it must be payback for all the Heart of Glass stuff. It’s just gonna be a short thing (I genuinely do mean short) but I’m invested damnit.

#Writing #Ghost!AU #Stars #Heart of Glass

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wirewitchviolet · 4 years ago

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We really need 1:1 time passage in games.

I play a lot of games. I particularly play a whole lot of RPGs, strategy things, survival games, and these all tend to be games that try to create an extra sense of immersion with hunger, thirst, and a day night cycle. And WOW do they ever end up doing the exact opposite with the implementation!

Like, let’s just start with food. If I am playing a survival game, and I choose not to eat for a while, my little hunger meter will bottom out, and I will start taking damage then eventually die. This tends to take like, one real life hour/in-game day, give or take to kick in, and then death comes within like, maybe 5 minutes if they’re generous? And I stave this off by... usually finding, killing, cooking, and eating, 2 entire turkeys per real hour/in-game day.

So... what the hell is any of that!?

So we have hunger, and we’re representing it as this slowly draining meter you have to keep an eye on. Already, that’s just weird. In my experience, you can go an entire day, not eating a damn thing, and not feel a thing out of the ordinary. But when you do actually get hungry, it can be overwhelming and impossible to ignore (have you eaten yet today by the way? My meal schedule’s gotten totally weird). Nothing about that makes sense to simulate as a slowly lowering bar. If you want realism, you have absolutely no onscreen hunger meter, and then like every 4-24 hours or so you have some incredibly distracting hunger indicator kick in and stay kicked in. Like, activate rumble packs and leave’em going at a steady pulse sort of annoying. And it gets worse when you’re actually preparing food.

Also feeling hungry is not an early indicator that you are going to suddenly die of starvation, or even that you’re anywhere near that point. I had dinner 6 hours ago, I’m a little hungry now. It varies a lot, but actually starving to death can take upwards of going TWO WHOLE MONTHS without any food at all. Like if we’re representing that as a meter, “hungry” kicks in when it drops to 99% full. Starvation is not a particularly common cause of death. If you’re dying of starvation, either someone is intentionally starving you to death, or some horrific catastrophe has just wiped out completely absolutely every potential food source in an area you somehow cannot wander your way out of even if you have months to do so. Relevant real world fact- Any time you see stuff about people dying of starvation, that’s never “farming just is not a thing that works in this area,” it’s “some malicious tyrant is actively preventing these people from accessing food in a deliberate effort to cause them to starve.” It’s really not actually a concern in any sort of survival story, unless we’re going real long term.

Meanwhile, have game designers ever actually, like, eaten food? Like I said, 2 whole turkeys per real hour/game day seems to be the going standard and like... have you had a turkey? I live in America, there is this tradition on Thanksgiving to go get a turkey, spend a day cooking it, and serving it as part of a meal served to one’s whole extended family. You’ve got that one turkey (granted, generally with a lot of side dishes) feeding like... a dozen people, easily. And at the end of the day, you’ve only MAYBE collectively made your way through like half a breast. You carve up a bunch more and send everyone home with a ton of leftovers. Then you’ve still got this giant mountain of turkey left, and you’re eating it for like the next week until you’re completely sick of turkey and throw the rest out, with plenty of meat entirely uneaten on the bird. Or hey, do you eat hamburgers? You know how the standard for a really kinda too big to responsibly be ordering it hamburger is “a quarter-pounder?” Which refers to the 0.25 lbs. of meat on the bun? Just quickly googling “beef weight” and copying the preview text from the oddly named first hit, on beef2live.com... “An average beef animal weighs about 1200 pounds and has a hanging hot carcass weight (HCW) of about 750 pounds.“ I can’t honestly say I know what “hanging hot carcass weight” is and I kinda doing want to, but I’m assuming that’s how much you have to work with after stripping out all the bones and organs and such. Multiply that by 4 to get how many oversized burgers you get out of one “beef animal” (why does it not say cow? I’m growing increasingly unsettled)- 3000 burgers. Give or take. You go smack that one Mnecraft cow with your sword, you should be fine for like 5 years. At least assuming we’re not simulating food spoilage. And if we are, HEY THAT TAKES SIGNIFICANTLY LONGER THAN ONE DAY, 2 IF YOU SALT IT!

And I mean, on top of that, we’ve got this whole standard I keep citing of 1 real world hour/1 in-game day. That kinda seems to be one of the more common standards for the passage of time video games use. That or 1 minute=1 hour. And I... really don’t understand why we have these scales?

Like, the earliest example of a day/night cycle in a game is Dragon Quest 3, where 1 steps on the over world map=12 minutes passing, or 120 steps=1 day. That’s a weird scale I’m having to use, but that’s because as the most traditional of JRPGs, DQ3′s sense of both time AND space are super abstracted and walking a short distance across the world map is this super compressed and simplified conveyance of a big long epic journey through the untamed wilderness. The first games I can think of offhand to really do it as a real time elapsed ratio thing are like... The Sims and GTA 3? Let me look at each of those in turn in a bit here.

So, The Sims has to pass days pretty quick, because that’s like, the whole idea. We’re watching this little household drama unfold in a compressed time scale... but the scale is really messed up? Like, we start off pretty simple. Sims work their shifts of like 9-5 on the in-game clock, need an appropriate amount of sleep... but then MOST things have timing based off having animations play at a reasonable pace, which is to say, 1 to 1 time, not 1 to 60. It takes like 3 in-game minutes for a Sim to get up out of a chair, several more minutes to walk to the kitchen and even start cooking, altogether just getting up, making a meal, cleaning up, and sitting back down is going to end up being this hours long affair, most of that being travel time from one room to another. It’s weird, and practically speaking you end up having them eat one meal, use the toilet once, and take a shower once per in game day, because less than that problems occur, and more than that, it’s a huge pain. And forget conversations. Those are like 12 hour commitments.

And then we have GTA3, where 1 real minute=1 in game hour... and this isn’t tied to anything in-game at all really. You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, nothing really has business hours to deal with, the whole day/night cycle is just there to give you a nice cycling change of scenery... and also again, breaks immersion, because the animation speed is 1:1. According to a video I just watched, walking end to end across the map of GTA3 takes a full 48 in-game hours (121 in GTA5). And I mean... there’s races, and high speed chases, and all this other stuff that according to the in-game clock are at such slow speeds you can barely tell anything’s moving. It’s weird and arbitrary! And also unnecessary! Like, I’m pretty sure I sank at least 80 hours into my first playthrough of GTA3. I definitely spent enough time cruising around any given island that if time passed in a 1:1 ratio, I’d still see what everything looked like at every time of day. And hell if you rigged it up to a real world clock I could plan around that, do all the cool missions right at sundown.

But I mean, also, there’s these things called movies and TV shows? You may have heard of them, because it’s where games get a whole bunch of terms they use all the time. Like camera, and scene. So the thing there is, when, say, a movie switches to a new scene, they’ll often arbitrarily jump the day/night cycle ahead by several in-movie hours, or even days, so the lighting is appropriate to what’s going to happen in that scene. You can actually just... do that in games, too. It’s OK. Nobody’s going to stop you or say it’s breaking immersion. I talk to this guy to start this mission at what’s clearly noon, then we fade to back, and I come back out onto the street late at night so I can do this daring nighttime raid. That’s.. OK. You can do that. Honest. No need to have the sun doing crazy fast laps in the background.

Anyway, other games since have all copied that time scale, because blindly copying things from GTA3 was kinda... how people made games for a good stretch of time (and yeah yeah yeah, Elder Scrolls was probably already doing it, whatever... hell so was Robinson’s Requiem I’m pretty sure, and Drakken I know was paced something like that). But anyway, we mixed that sort of time scale with Survival Gameplay and we’re just kinda mashing these problems together. We’re doing everything in this one to one time scale, but the in-game clock is running at like 60 times that, and our already ridiculous food intake needs are downright absurd, and suddenly we’re destroying absolutely all life on sight to sate our ever-present ravenous hunger (and possibly never sleeping).

And like... survival games don’t actually need that? Like the interesting bits of the angle are finding sources of things like clean water and shelter so you don’t die of exposure once the sun’s down and stuff. And these are things you really just need to do once and you’re set. You could... basically set up a whole game, running in real time, where these are early potential fail states. Get some kind of shelter set up within the first 5 hours or so, sleep to advance straight to the next day after pulling that off, then you have like 3 days total to find drinkable water, and... honestly at that point we’re talking like a good 45 minutes of gameplay and you could really end it there, or start your last goal. But instead, no, we’re making some kinda crude axe/bow and killing everything to eat.

Not only is it not realistic, not only does it take me out of the experience by checking the math, the whole affair feels kinda like I’m being put through someone’s weird hyper-masculine cargo cult fantasy of what it would have been like if they grew up Hunting With Dad and like.... OK people who actually do that still kill like one animal, then drag it home, throw it in a big fridge, and eat it for quite a long time, or sell it, or leave it to rot because they’re just really into ending the lives of innocent creatures and don’t want weird gamey meat at all.

So yeah, just let time be time, and don’t ever actually make me eat if we’re trying for some kind of gritty realism thing. I really don’t get hungry nearly that often and fill up quick.

#game design #survival

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