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qoldenskies · 3 months ago

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Thinking about Rise Splinter hate… it always makes me kinda sad. Like YEAH, it wasn’t right the way he treated the boys. But like, Rise is really good at expressing subtle familial dynamics, and one of the big ones for me is the fact that like… there’s always an undercurrent of “It’s complicated” to their interaction with Splinter. IRL, it always pisses me off to see people casting judgments on people’s relationships with their family, because you don’t know!! Yeah, they hurt you, but not everything’s black and white. It’s complicated. Because you love them, and sometimes you get to understand a little bit better why things happened as you get older.

In a matter of smaller importance, hate for him loses so many opportunities in his character… even things that might just be kinda off-handedly mentioned.

He fought for SEVEN years—give me Splinter with chronic pain. Splinter relating to his boys with their neurodivergence—it’s HIS fault they have it!!!

That was seven years of imprisonment, or even simpler, an abusive relationship. What did he learn from that? How did he change? What things are skewed in his worldview?

His childhood! We saw his relationship with his grandfather a bit, but how did Splinter grow into his dream of being a movies star? HIM BEING A MOVIE STAR. He was both a rebellious team and a literal celebrity, this guy probably took empyrean at some point without knowing it, just like. Recreationally or something LMAO.

I maybe just need more of his old man knowledge. Him being so loser-core was a great move by the Rise team, and I could SEE where his story was going—ROBBED. We were ROBBED.

splinter hate is CRAAAAZY when he's such an INTERESTING character who does actually have a lot of obvious depth. like he's goofy and he's objectively flawed as a parent but he does go out of his way to improve himself and LEARN throughout the show, and he does listen and apologize when he knows he's messed up. his issues are so similar to leo's actually, leo's a kid so he's got more leeway to be shitty but idk when people act like its endearing on him and not on splinter. splinter's hilarious free my man

on the other side of the coin i dont really like when people make him a perfect loving parent either,,, i think people going for all kinds of interpretations in order to serve whatever story they need is fine but i do prefer kind of messy parent splinter, i think its kind of sad to see him reduced down to bad or good. he LOVES his boys so dearly and he would NEVER intentionally want to hurt them, but he's quick to cast judgement when he's angered/feels disrespected (evil league of mutants comes to mind, but also in turtle dega nights when donnie first stops the tank) and he's really a lot more inattentive than he should be. but there are REASONS behind this, coming out of an abusive relationship, fighting in bloodsports against his consent for years, you could probably count the whole draxum thing as traumatic (its presented as kind of silly in the show, but considering what it lead to,, its a pivotal moment in the backstory. its one of those things that i reasonably feel can be recontextualized because its so essential) and then dealing with crippling body dysmorphia and being forced into the sewers with no company other than his children,, it really adds up

idk like ,,,, you can still be extremely traumatized and be a horrible parent. in fact trauma can be a direct CAUSE of being a bad parent because that kind of thing influences every facet of your life and if youre unprepared emotionally, yeah. but splinter isn't the kind of person to double down and become more overtly nasty when he feels cornered. if he gets the feeling that his kids are actually upset with him, he backtracks. this is actually kind of a key trait of his, that he does try very hard to correct himself when he messes up. he's communicative and apologetic, and he tries very hard to be that way.

and also this is maybe something that i just have a wider problem with when it comes to the way people interpret things in cartoons at times but splinter's actions in eps like lair games (especially in lair games) and flushed but never forgotten are meant to be like. jokes. its absurdist comedy that's meant to catch you off guard. there are more serious emotional beats in rise you can use but i think when youre adapting this world and characters into a more serious tone you have to keep that kind of thing in mind because some things are meant to be surprising and absurd for the sake of making you laugh. i think the best comparison i can think of is how in musical movies they're not actually singing (in most cases, sometimes the fact that they actually are is played for laughs it depends. but yk what i mean). the joke is that this is kind of a shitty thing he's doing but taking the actions themselves seriously in a vacuum in order to cast shame on a character has always been odd to me. that'd be like calling raph abusive for rolling up the window on mikey's neck in late fee. or calling the teetz murderers because they caused a robot mass suicide that one time. it just doesnt make any sense

#ask #i do actually think the oiled up splinter scene in lair games it was Weird and i do NOT like it #i have a problem with it overall. i cant tell if its moral or if its just a disgust thing its just a very ... Interesting choice #but i always look at people funny when they act like this actually makes splinter a bad parent #i think finding jokes meanspirited or offensive is understandable though tbf #you can not like a joke. you can even not like a character because of jokes like that #but i do think in shows with this kind of tone you have to understand the border #if a show were to go back and recontextualize moments like these to take them seriously i would not like it!#im vaguing two things saying this lol i dont like when media does that. slapstick comedy can stay as it is #like i do think there's a hint of truth in some stuff like this because its still the characters at the end of the day #but if they are not meaningfully challenged by the narrative in the episode #its probably because youre not meant to take it seriously

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mtkay13 · 1 year ago

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Wen Kexing!! My focus here was to channel his coolness even through warm colors, and to get his... "essential vibes" through one picture. More (rambling) below! (this is essentially a post about WKX's personality)

A big case can be made about "who or what is the 'true' Wen Kexing". So; let's be real, I don't know if anyone makes a "big case" out of it, but I sure have seen people seemingly arguing against a vague 'common opinion' regarding Wen Kexing's personality. The """common""" opinion (allegedly): the true Wen Kexing is [insert one of WKX's facets] (or something along those lines) The case against it: all Wen Kexing's are the true Wen Kexing Now I do agree with the fact that "all Wen Kexing's" are Wen Kexing, technically. For clarity, let's list and name those various facets (most are commonly accepted, some I'll just name on the go): - Wen Kexing: I'll use his full name for the personality we're first met with in the book. Someone cold, rather quiet, analytical and distant. Giving off strange vibes in social situations (ZZS thinking he's weird, other jianghu figures being creeped out by him or thinking that he's up to no good), contemptuous - Philantropist Wen: The more extravagant, (bullshit) storyteller, outrageous and shameless flirting enthusiast version of WKX. - Valley Master Wen: cold, calculating, quiet, cruel, unbelievably patient, dislikes fun and games, barely feels anything - Wife Wen: The over the top dramatic wife whose life is made difficult by his difficult and shameless husband, essentially a lot of roleplaying the good littol domestic wife and whatnot - The wooden man: similar as Valley Master but demure and apparently subservient? (for calculated purposes) Okay they could be more I guess, but the point is, we have an array of WKX personas and personalities and the actual consensus (I think, my sample is like 10 people so....) is that every one of those is "true" to WKX and that not one of them is a fully constructed persona. Now, while I agree, I guess that what I wonder is: what is WKX in his resting state? If nothing is happening and that he's not in a particularly social or specific situation, what do we get to see? I think that the answer mostly resides in extra 4, which is an INCREDIBLE retelling of TYK from WKX's perspective; someone who thinks quite a lot, and for long, someone who observes things with distance and little to no emotion. Someone who is used to having one goal (revenge, taking care of ZZS during his coma), and who will probably go through a lot of quiet thinking when finally faced with the void of not having one specific thing to aim for. Someone who will have to learn to find joy/happiness, and who probably doesn't... get there "naturally"? (and by that I mean, without ZZS or without directly following ZZS around). Someone whose ties to his own emotions have been severed a long time ago, I guess. Someone still quite contemptuous of many things and people and who has a whole life he didn't plan for or even consider ahead of him. Which is............ what I tried to draw............ here..................... (That and also I wanted to draw a pretty looking hanfu in sepia colors) (but I SWEAR that was not the main goal) (I think) (anyway please ignore me)

#tyk #wen kexing #tian ya ke #wkx #meta #design

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phoebefrench · 4 months ago

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Slowly, like honey

Summary: She often heard that photography would lead her to nowhere. In retrospect, it became clear that many simply lacked the ability to recognize the beauty that surrounded them. Fortunately, she had two people in her life who truly understood and celebrated every facet of her being.

Featuring: Charles Leclerc x Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Google translate used for the french and dutch

All Y/N wanted to do when she got back to Max's apartment was curl up in bed and take the world's longest nap. It all started when she woke this morning an hour past her alarm, her boyfriends already gone, and she spilt coffee all over herself while rushing into her digital photography class. Walking through the front door, she was greeted by the sound of cooking in the kitchen and light talking. She slowly walked to the kitchen, stopping to pet Sassy and continuing on. Before making it all the way, arms wrapped behind her slightly scaring her as she was suddenly turned around. Closing her eyes and catching the scent of her boyfriend, she relaxed into his arms. "Hi Char," she mumbled. Slowly letting go, he responded "Mon chéri, how was your day?" She sighed, the day hitting her like a truck as tears starting welling in her eyes faster than she could stop them. His eyes tracked her face quickly, trying to figure out what was wrong, "Chéri, what happened, what's wrong?" Max, hearing the slight commotion and the suddenly worsening tears turned sobs, rushed out. He quickly walked to the two of them, taking her into his arms, "Schatje, come here. What's wrong, hmm?" She buries her head into his chest and just lets it all out, "It's so silly, everything that could have went wrong today went wrong. I slept passed my alarm after you both left, I spilt my coffee all down the front of my shirt, and on the way home I realized I left my portfolio at my desk in class." Max and Charles shared a look over her head and started silently figuring out how they could fix this. Charles starts by moving them to the kitchen, “how about we eat dinner and move onto the living room for a movie, hmm?“ Nodding she sits down, allowing them to dish the pasta Max had made, smiling slightly when they sat down as a bowl was put in front of her. They ate dinner silently, with both boys giving her some time to process her day without overwhelming her. Moving onto the couch, Max to her right and Charles directly to the left, both holding her tightly to them does she finally start to calm down. “How was your guys day?” She asked looking up at them both. Charles looked down and grinned, “Just another media day, mon cheri.” Max hummed in agreement, adding “It was an endless amount of people asking of us the same things,” he continued “did you get to work more on your project?” “Yes, I’ve finally figured out a location for the shoot and I’m excited to actually start shooting next week!” She responded, perking up at the fact that she was another day closer to presenting this project and have everyone see what she has been working hard on. Max and Charles both smiled, satisfied with the fact that their girlfriend seemed to being cheering up, and that they would soon see the gallery that their talented Y/N has been working hard on. “I can’t wait to see them, you have to tell us the date so we can make sure to be there,” Max stated. Charles nodded his head in agreement, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She nodded, her eyes slowly closing as the movie in the background got quieter, “You both are the best thing to ever happen to me” while snuggling down deeper into them. Max and Charles looked at each other, smiles shared as they responded, “Us too, love.” Just this moment was enough to completely erase all the small things that had piled up throughout her day as she thought about how lucky she was to have these amazing boys both with her as she slowly fell asleep.

———————————————————————————

This is my first time ever publishing fanfiction! Please let me know any suggestions, but please be nice!

I will take requests!

Should I make this a series?

#f1 #charles leclerc x reader #max verstappen x reader #charles leclerc x max verstappen x reader #short fic #blurb #x reader #first fic #please be nice

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mweothe11e · 9 months ago

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PAC: "What are you in denial about?"

After a long time of doing ask games, I finally got to sit on my procrastinating tush and try making another PAC reading.

We all have something we struggle to accept about ourselves, things we are subconsciously in denial about. It can be a habit, a little quirk that we're lowkey embarrassed about, or anything about ourselves that we tend to struggle to openly admit.

So, I want everyone who sees this PAC to know...

"Every facet, every aspect of yourself, even the parts that you struggle to accept or find a hard time resonating with, every little thing that makes the whole you, is worth loving and accepting.

Always remember, you're never too much or not enough for the right person."

(Note: this is for entertainment purposes only. Feel free to accept the parts that resonate and leave what doesn't. Never forget that you have free will.)

Choose the picture that you intuitively feel called to:

(the images do not belong to me.)

(TW: Some piles mentioned heavy topics, like pain, trauma or ab-se. Don't read through this pile if you're already going through tough times.)

Pile 1: 8 of Wands, Page of Swords, 6 of Wands

Hi Pile 1, the first thing that you are in denial about is how cutthroat your cut-off game is~ You’re the type that doesn’t really need a lot of time to recover from any terrible/unfortunate situation in your life. You’re not the type to cry over spilled milk.

For you, the world doesn’t stop spinning regardless if you cry your heart out or eat a whole tub of ice cream under your weighted blanket, so why get stuck with what ended?

Another interpretation for the first card is your ability to make sound decisions on the spot. This applies to your career. If a certain opportunity shows up in front of you, you can make decisive actions then and there, whether you would accept it or redirect this opportunity to someone who fits their description more.

With this specific interpretation, I picked up that Pile 1 is ambitious but not greedy (which is considered as rare combo in this day and age). If you happen to encounter a chance opportunity that will greatly benefit someone else, you don’t hesitate to recommend that person instead of taking the opportunity yourself.

It would seem that this pile subconsciously knows that opportunities are everywhere and it doesn’t run out. So why take every opportunity in front of you when you know one of your peers better fits that opportunity's requirements and skillset? You’re the pile that loves to share your blessings because sharing is caring~

The last tidbit interpretation for the first card is you’re in denial about your impulsive shopping addiction, thinking of ordering something impulsively online when you’re just about to sleep. I can already sense some of you are in denial about how many items are there in your online shopping cart~

The next thing you’re in denial about is your knowledgeable, witty, and chatty side. This card actually made me feel sad because it seems that you were made to feel that you are too talkative, some of you might be bullied about being a know-it-all.

This pile was made to believe that knowing a lot doesn’t make a lot of friends. That people who know less than you have more friends, so if you really wanted to make more friends, you were told to “dumb down” to make you more “relatable”.

There’s nothing wrong with having multiple interests and wanting to talk about it. Knowing a little bit of everything makes for an amazing conversationalist. So please, don’t let yourself be pressured to be stupid just to make friends. If the people around you aren’t interested in your niche, there’s the rest of the world that would gladly hear you talk about your interests.

Finally, the last thing you’re in denial about is you don’t feel worthy of the success and victory you aspire to achieve. Pile 1, please I beg you don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t have to suffer to deserve the abundance you’re working hard to achieve, okay?

You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to have your hard work be recognized. You owning up to your achievements and success doesn’t make you an arrogant person. You simply know your worth, more like, you’ll soon know your worth. There’s nothing wrong with giving credit where it is due, okay?

(this concludes your reading, Pile 1. Thank you for reading the whole interpretation of your cards. I do hope you give yourself the time and space to accept yourself, your flaws, and flaunts)

Pile 2: Queen of Swords, Hermit, Ace of Cups

(TW: I might unintentionally call your pile out. I do this with love, but seems my words might be a bit too blunt. So... sorry in advance)

Hi Pile 2, from the first card, it seems that you are in denial about your capability to be independent. It seems that this pile might be my parentified, burnt-out eldest child, “I can’t rely on anyone but myself; yet into too tired, so I just decided to give up on trying in life” kind of group. Could also be my fellow millennial pile~ The whole, “I was robbed of my childhood” pile.

Pile 2, it seems that you’ve seen that being a reliable and mature child brought you more headaches and early signs of grey hair, due to overwhelming stress and dysregulated nervous system. You’re like, “Screw it, I’m done being reliable, so I’m gonna start not taking the lead and just hole up in my apartment and enjoy being a NEET.

Being overly independent made a lot of people unnecessarily dump you with everybody else’s problems, which made you the community’s unofficial unpaid therapist. Being such a people pleaser, tending to everyone else’s needs led you to disregard your own well-being and sanity, to the point when you’ve had enough.

So now, you could have probably stopped trying because overachievers are forced to be people-pleasing over-givers, and you have had enough of that collective abuse of your giving and understanding nature. So you just stopped trying altogether. This led you to your current situation. Either in a dead-end job, having multiple part-time jobs that barely pay the rent at the end of the month, or unemployed. I should include a trigger warning on this pile before posting.

So with the first card alone, you’ve become hopeless and resentful of the world outside your four walls. Because when you took the initiative and did your best, instead of appreciation, you were buried with responsibilities that were never yours from the very beginning. Pile 2, you were unappreciated, that’s why you’ve reached your limit and stopped trying. But because of this self-sabotaging approach in life, you suffer due to a lack of resources, which then would further aggravate your already pessimistic outlook in life.

But here’s the thing, Pile 2. You know what you need to do to get out of your situation. You have the ability to make your life better. One way to ensure that what happened to you before won’t happen again is by establishing healthy boundaries with people around you. Yes, my chronic people-pleasing pile, I’m gonna hold your hand (in spirit) and tell this rather hard pill-to-swallow suggestion, Learn to Say NO.

I know, it sucks because it might be something you were never taught that you are allowed to do when you grew up. Either you have Pisces, Cancer, or Libra in the 4th house or you have prominent Pisces, Cancer, or Libra personal placements.

I really hate to be a bringer of bad news but in establishing healthy boundaries, you will finally learn which people in your life benefitted from your lack of boundaries previously.

Clue: they get mad that you told them No and they said that you changed in a rather condescending manner. That’s just a little clue, my Pile 2.

So from giving up on life to starting over again and owning up to your ability to be independent, it’s not an overnight change, this is a continuous journey of turning your life around for the better. So my dear Pile 2, be kind, patient and compassionate towards yourself on your path to independency.

Your whole body was so used to be in survival mode, then it went to freeze mode, so you need to work hard to regulate your nervous system to learn to be okay to put yourself out into the world again. That it’s safe to try again. That it’s okay to live your life the way you know works best for you.

Just always remember, to establish strong and healthy boundaries first, and then learn to soften a bit with selective people, every now and then. Use your discernment who deserves to have access in your life and be firm with your boundaries whenever some unsavory character tries to ruin and poison your peace.

You know what you can do, and you know what you’re capable of achieving. Regardless on how old you are right now, as long as you live, you are allowed to start over again.

Another thing you are in denial about is your natural ability for self-reflection. Some people have to learn to be self-aware enough to reflect on their actions and their impact on others, but you Pile 2 are a natural at it.

You might have experienced some sort of ostracization from your peers because you didn’t let yourself immediately conform and fit in. But you knew that doing what everyone else is doing, isn’t something that’s aligned with you. It’s like every cell in your body rejects any peer pressure that doesn’t align with your goals and belief system.

This could also be interpreted as you are in denial about being comfortable with being socially withdrawn. Being in isolation for so long, you’ve learned to be okay by yourself. This leads back to the first card about your ability to be independent. Since you can do things on your own, you don’t really rely on others, which is a jab towards people who crave constant external validation.

Your ability to be good on your own is frowned upon by a society that heavily advertises a collective, community-centric system. This ruffles a lot of feathers of those who heavily depend on others to decide everything in their lives. Basically, people with a sheep mentality won’t like you.

Which, in all honesty, it’s a great thing that people who can’t think for themselves don’t like you. Take this as a compliment, not an insult. Why would you want to conform when you know you have the ability to curate your life by your design? Why do you have to conform to look like everyone else, when you can be you for free? Think about that~

Of course, you need to take time to get to know yourself first and the process to that has a series of ups and downs, so just ride the wave with a surfer’s mindset. You’ll learn that their projections of you were never your responsibilities to begin with. Those are mere insecurities they actively decided to inflict on others. It was never your cross to bear. So why be bound by others’ fears when you have your own life to live according to your will?

The last thing you’re in denial is having opportunities to start again. This one felt rather odd to interpret because it feels more like a mindset issue. Particularly, you’re held back by your scarcity mindset, thinking you don’t have any opportunities to be abundant, when in reality, you do, it’s just that, it’s in a way that you never thought was possible. Okay, I think I’m starting to make sense of how this card is being interpreted.

So, do you about how the law of assumption works? What do you assume becomes your reality? It’s kinda like that but, it’s more of your reality unfolding to what you believe in. So let me try to break it down further with an example.

So if you assume that you don’t have a lot of going for you, then your mind will naturally find reasons/proofs around you to back up that belief. Your mind would like to reason why you don’t have a lot. Does this explanation make more sense for you? Do let me know in the comment section.

With that, the reverse is the solution. If you want to find reasons why you are having a great life, phrase your affirmations into questions. So for example, instead of saying, “The universe loves to take care of me”, rephrase it as “How is the universe showing me that it loves to take care of me?”. So when your brain hears that, it will look for signs, proofs, or shreds of evidence around you that will answer that question.

Another affirmation that you can turn into an ASK-firmation is “My life is amazing” into “Why is my life so amazing?”. Just try turning your affirmations into questions, read it first thing before you go to your phone, like any typical affirmation practice. Let me know how it goes.

(So this concludes your reading, Pile 2. I just want you to know that no matter what your age, race, socio economic class is, you have every right and opportunity to try again.)

Pile 3: World, 7 of Wands, King of Wands

(TW: I did not expect how unhinged the call-out is in this pile. So… like always, I’m sorry in advance)

Hi Pile 3, based on the first card, it seems that you’re in denial of your desire for belongingness. It’s giving, “I don’t care what anyone else says because I got me; then I cry myself to sleep because fck, I’m so lonely and feels so unwanted.” Yup, this pile needs a trigger warning too.

It could be that picked on you because of your uniqueness or nonconforming personal values. Another potential interpretation is being of mixed race or being in an environment that’s predominantly occupied by a different socio-economic class. There’s this heavy Uranian, almost Aquarius dominant energy in this pile.

Now, you don’t need to have the placements I’ve stated in your chart, this is just the initial vibe of this pile, the socially awkward and outcast pile. Now, as human beings, we’re social creatures, though varies depending on a person’s preference to live more introvertedly or extrovertedly. Even introverts have friends.

So with this pile, you might have been used to this prevalent shadows of alienation and ostracization by your peers/community because of the aforementioned clues above. But just because you’re used to it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt you or affect you in a negative way.

You know that it’s impossible to be liked by everyone, but it’d be nice to have a few like-minded individuals that you resonate with on a soul level. It’d be nice if you find your own supportive community too, which is absolutely normal. So please don’t shame yourself for wanting to belong. But you also need to remind yourself that if you have to change and dim your light to be accepted, you’re serenading the wrong crowd.

There’s this really niche suggestion because, in this economy, it’s not that easy to just pack up and leave into a different city/country that you feel called to, but if you have the means and you’ve thoroughly done your research, then by all means, pack up and go where you are appreciated.

Basically, the line goes, “Don’t dwell where you’re unappreciated.” But you still need funds, so if it helps you be motivated to get out and move away, try to do as much research on that city/country while working to save up for the necessary expenses you’d likely incur in your first 6 months in that new environment. If you need to learn the language, self-study in your spare time. Slowly find little ways to integrate the culture there into your daily life while preparing to leave.

But yes, pile 3, you’re not asking too much to wanna feel like you belong. There’s nothing wrong with you. So don’t apologize for wanting this, okay?

Another thing you might be in denial about is your overly defensive responses like easily triggered knee-jerk reactions brought about by denying the existence of your unhealed trauma from childhood. Damn, I really should put a trigger warning for this pile. Pile 3, you guys okay?? Still alive, barely breathing??

Seems to me that if you chose this pile, you got a whole lot to unfold. I can’t even make silly jokes to lighten the mood a bit. So the only thing I can do for you so that whatever time of your life you’re reading this, I hope you know, at least one person in the world wants to give you a Long Distance warm hug. I might not be there physically, but I am in spirit. But if you actually feel something holding you when you’re alone, then that’s a whole different spirit that you need to deal with personally.

So, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. What I’m saying is to be unaffected in public and execute your sassy vengeance in the shadows. LOL. But if you’re the type to be patient enough to let karma do its thing, then just wait and let the sht hit the fan when karma’s ready to come swinging.

Finally, the last thing you’re probably in denial of is your ability to take charge and lead. Pile 3, it seems that you’re the type that struggles to see yourself in a positive light. With how harsh and unemotionally draining your formative years may have been, you’ve been told too many times to suppress and conform that you ended up losing a little bit of yourself after every critique and degrading insult.

I’m here to tell you Pile 3, you have every right to feel what you feel. Don’t run away from it. Don’t deny it. Don’t shove it so far down your subconscious that it becomes a self-depreciating core belief that you’d struggle to heal in the future. Owning your power, accepting your light, harnessing your capability to lead and go forward. These things are way out of your comfort zone. Yet you know that these are things you are absolutely capable of. Let’s call it “Talents in statis”.

For you to awaken such latent abilities, you need to be gentle and compassionate with yourself in this journey. Self-development is a series and cycles of explore, experiment and re-strategize. So, if one approach didn’t sit well with you, there are other ways to improve that would best fit you. Curate your life as you see fit. Don’t just focus on working on the actually work need to be done. Work on improving and mastering your skills. The more you learn how to lead yourself, the more you’ll learn to feel more confident in leading others.

Don’t view mistakes as some irreparable stain in your soul. Mistakes are lessons guised as challenges for the purpose of character development. So, like a child that still learning to walk, feel free to do it messily and clumsily. It is in these attempts would you be able to harness and fully acknowledge your capability to influence and lead with conviction.

(This concludes the end of your reading, Pile 3. You know yourself best, both strengths and weaknesses. So you know what you need and have to do in order for you to learn to acknowledge the things you’ve been in denial about.

If you struggle to figure out how to start, do your research that you feel best addresses your current state of being. As always, take it slow, show compassion towards yourself, and always remember that “It’s only cringe until you make it.”)

Pile 4: 8 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Fool

(TW, yet again: This pile mentioned certain terms that might be triggering. So, if you intuitively feel that this is truly your pile, pause now and then. Let yourself just sit and breathe.)

Hi, Pile 4, the first thing you’re in denial about is that you are actually in pain. This pile feels like my self-sacrificing modern-day martyrs, particularly people who are or were in an abusive relationship. Another interpretation is being in denial of your codependency towards people who are doing wrong by you. Could also being in denial of being stuck in some mental cage of scarcity and limiting beliefs.

Damnnn, I need a trigger warning in front of this reading. This is giving “I can fix them” and “They’re not actually that bad until you get to know them”. Another vibe I can feel in this pile is accepting people for their potential. Also, this pile is giving “unappreciated hero martyred at the plaza pyre” vibes. The type that doesn’t realize just how much pain endured in hopes of acquiring the idea of someone. This is giving “limerence turned discarded puppet” vibes.

I’m sorry Pile 4 but the people who harmed you chose to stay for the benefit of their convenience, not out of love. They knew what they were doing to you was wrong. So please stop deluding yourself and remove those rose-colored glasses to see them for who they truly are, the master puppeteer of your demise.

Oh dear, pile 4 I really want to give you a hug! Please be brave and ask for help that you need. Report to the authorities and ask for their protection/assistance. Seek therapy. Talk to a friend. Do anything. Don’t leave yourself in a constant state of confusion because of their prolonged gaslighting had you questioning if you really being treated right or being suck dry of your energy and resources.

If you’re still confused if the amount of pain and trauma you’ve endured is normal, tell it to a trustworthy friend who can hold a safe space for you to speak your truth. Don’t leave out details. And listen to what they have to say after you’ve said your piece. You’ll know just how bad you’ve gone through with the help of their insight.

Another thing you’re in denial about pile 4 is your warm and loving nature. This could cause you to be shocked that this is something you’re in denial about because with everything you’ve gone through, you wonder, how can you still be warm and loving after all the pain you’ve gone through? But that’s the thing of pain, right? It highlights a clue as to what needs to be addressed.

When highlighting a certain issue that needs your attention, it’s expected that you subconsciously disregarded outer aspects of your life. Like, with how much pain you’ve endured, you’d question, how can someone with a broken spirit that lost hope, be considered as warm and loving.

Maybe, prior to the unfortunate series of your life, you were this warm, kind and nurturing person, that won’t hesitate to gave to someone else in need. Maybe the version of you before those pain is the version of you that’s warm and loving.

But I’m telling you right now, Pile 4, if you truly aren’t as warm and loving as you claim to be, then why didn’t inflict the pain you’ve sustain to other people? Why didn’t you pass your pain to someone else? Why do you still wish for a better and happier life? Why do you still have hope? I’ll leave this for you to answer whenever you feel like it.

Bad people wouldn’t feel bad nor wouldn’t contemplate if what they did or said could unintentionally hurt someone else. See? You’re not as bad and hopeless as you perceive yourself as. So, please pile 4, and never forget that once you get yourself out of that unfortunate situation, it’s safe for you to exist. It is safe for you to put yourself first. It is safe for you to try again.

Finally, you are in denial about your sense of wonder and innocence. It might have been because you had experienced quite a bit of betrayal from people who mistook your kindness for weakness in the past. Because of how you were played the Fool for seeing the potential in people, these manipulators used your sympathetic heart against you, making you guarded and distrustful.

You might have hated how you wanted to share your kind and giving heart when you were surrounded by a crowd of traitors. This made you resentful and closed off from the world to the point that you don’t see any reason to want to try socializing again Pile 4.

You are not at any fault for wanting to see life in a better and more positive light, Pile 4. We are living in a time where gaslighting and manipulation are the unfortunate societal norm. So being your authentic wonderful self takes courage and strength in this confusing period in time. As hard as it is to do, please don’t like the toxicity of the world corrupt your heart.

There’s nothing wrong with who you are and who you want to become. Embrace this innocence with open arms as this is actually one of your superpowers.

(This concludes the end of your reading, pile 4. Admitting to yourself that you’ve gone through pain doesn’t make you weak. Believing in the goodness of others doesn’t make you stupid. Treating people with love, compassion and respect is an unfortunate rarity in our modern world.

So let yourself feel what you’ve denied acknowledgment before. Be the safe space you want to exist in. Do take care and don’t feel bad for standing up for yourself.)

Always remember, this is for entertainment purposes only. If you are going through stuff, seek professional help.

#divination #tarot #pac tarot #pac reading #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a photo #general reading

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dubiousanon · 1 month ago

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Shikamaru have Nara fixation chefs kiss

More Nara Fixation Headcanons (ShikaNaru edition) 🦌🍜

-Shikamaru doesn't even try to hide it. He doesn't see the point. Every time he pushes a little further, Naruto gives way with a big smile. He's rubber, malleable and easygoing, and nothing Shikamaru does fazes him. As long as he has a friend, he doesn't even care.

-Is it a little weird that the first time Shikamaru comes over, he goes into the bathroom and sniffs every bottle of soap, shampoo and conditioner? Checks his toothpaste brand? Opens all his cabinets and digs through his dishes? Looks at every single article of clothing in his closet and dresser, and unscrews the cap of his detergent just to sniff that too?

-Like, yeah. But Shikamaru is his friend, so obviously it's fine. He probably has a good reason

-His good reason is a slowly rising obsession that gets worse and worse. Because at first, there's plentiful information to be learned. So many new things to find out and discover, but what happens when that starts to slow down? When he kinda knows everything? When he picks apart every piece of Naruto's life and existence?

-He still wants more.

-So then it moves into wanting to know the shape of Naruto's teeth, and the best way to know that would be to trace them with his tongue. He wants to know what he tastes like all over. He wants to know the feel of his skin. What do his muscles feel like when they ripple? How far can he bend? What noises would be make if—

-The point is, Shikamaru starts to run out of things to learn. And he wants to know it all. Happy Naruto, sad, angry, hurt, overjoyed, emotional, confused, pleased. Every facet of him, Shikamaru wants to swallow it whole and commit it to memory.

-He brings Naruto new foods just to see how he reacts to them, what he likes, doesn't like, the faces he makes as he considers it. Naruto thinks it's a bit weird that Shikamaru wants him to describe what the food tastes like to him out loud, but he does his best to explain anyway.

-Shikamaru buys him new clothes in a million different colors too, all to see what Naruto looks like in them, what he thinks of the fabric, how they flow on his body when he moves. He has Naruto describe that too.

-Naruto never even really asks why. Just kind of squints at him and is like "well, if you insist. Anyway so these shorts like—"

-It helps that Naruto can talk for hours upon hours nonstop. Shikamaru wants to hear everything he has to say, no matter how mundane. Anything Naruto wants to jabber on about, Shikamaru is right there ready to absorb every word.

-Naruto going about his life while Shikamaru is just there, shadowing him every step of the way and watching his every move.

-Naruto's friends listening to Naruto talk while Shikamaru casually pokes, prods, tugs at him, runs his hands through his hair, etc: 🧍

-And Naruto is just like "Oh, don't worry! He's just putting his hands on either side of my neck so he can feel the way it flexes when I pronounce words!"

-Like... baby, that's freak behavior.

-Naruto thinking this is normal best friend behavior because he has absolutely no good frame of reference for what a best friend is aside from Sasuke, who he now admits is a pretty shit example.

-It doesn't help that Naruto is like "isn't that a little weird?" and Shikamaru just straight up lies and is like "Nah, all really good friends do this."

-If Naruto needs something, Shikamaru already has it. He's so in tune with Naruto that he can just predict and tell.

-A few people ask Shikamaru's parents if they're concerned but they just shrug it off like ah, Nara Fixation. What can you do?

-Shikamaru is always wary of taking it too far but also, in his head he and Naruto are already married.

-Basically just Shikamaru being weirdly obsessive, borderline stalkerish (but with boundaries?), and wanting that cookie. Thank you for coming to my TED talk 💖

#naruto #naruto uzumaki #shikanaru #anonstoryplots #down bad shikamaru #shikamaru #shikamaru nara #nara fixation #he wants that cookie so effing bad

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maybeiwasjustjade · 3 months ago

Text

Things I wished SJM had done instead regarding the Night Court post-ACOFAS (which has been exactly 1 book, but we all know she won’t be heading in this direction anyway):

1. Have ACOSF be about Nesta, and Nesta alone.

Make it about her healing journey + the formation of the Valkyries, instead of being a book about Stockholm Syndrome and essentially beating a woman into submission

If the Dread Trove needed to be in the book, let it be a byproduct of Nesta’s journey in exploring her magic. She can’t heal if she’s still terrified of its existence, and the Dread Trove primarily calls to her.

2. Have Nesta learn healing magic

Make and Unmake; Life and Death. Two sides of the same coin. If Nesta is Lady Death, why can’t she also be the Mistress of Life?

Feyre’s pregnancy: having Nesta learn healing magic ties in to Feyre’s pregnancy problems. It gives her a goal and a reason to explore the many facets of her abilities that isn’t just its manifestation as silver flames (that she eventually lost anyway)

Which brings us to issue number 3

3. A Court of Silver Flames should’ve been about, you guessed it, the silver flames

Why was Nesta forced to become a warrior instead of being taught to hone her magic? Amren couldn’t do it, but that doesn’t mean she was the only option. SJM literally had every means necessary to circumvent the story to find a way to make Nesta learn proper magic. It’s not like the physical training was consensual; they should’ve given her another option.

Eris: the random throwaway plot involving Eris just to make it about Cassian’s many many insecurities. Let’s be fucking for real right now. It should’ve been about Nesta—especially if they were going the route of what Nesta wants vs how she was raised. And lemme tell ya something really funny: Cassian’s hardly any different than Eris, status-wise.

Eris vs Cassian: SJM should’ve had both of them train her. Cassian can remain as her yoga instructor for nonconsensual boot camp, but have Eris teach her fire magic. At least then the whole Neris plot/proposal has an actual point, and it’ll give Nesta some reprieve from her forced proximity to Cassian. Eris is also fortunately in a position to understand her quite well.

4. Nyx should’ve been a daughter and not a son

Oh that would fuck with them alright. Have Feyre and Rhysand conceive a son because of the vision….only for the child to not only have wings (that were conveniently missing, how strange) but also be a girl. So not only is the child more Illyrian than High Fae, she also can’t inherit the magic

And even if she could, do we honestly think Feysand would know how to raise a daughter to be the heir? Feyre doesn’t even know how to rule or do taxes or make policies 😂. Chances are, Nyx would grow up to be another Mor—who does nothing involving her job and just runs around having fun like a stereotypical rich daddy’s girl.

Which, sorry to say, means that more than likely Feysand will want to try for another child soon. Remember, these are the same idiots who willingly conceived a child knowing that they made a death pact. They are in fact, reckless and selfish enough to do this.

And finally, in preparation for the clusterfuck that will be book 6:

5. Nyx having wings and no magic

My favorite theory truly, is having the child that Feyre and Rhysand nearly died for due to their own stupidity, be absolutely powerless and incapable of inheriting the HL magic. Genetics is funky for a reason; Nyx can be born primarily Illyrian and it still would be possible. We don’t know what having Night Court magic does to Feyre’s genes after all or if shapeshifting also fucks with DNA (like it does in Animorph).

Having an Illyrian heir would be absolutely hilarious because it would be a complete mindfuck for the IC aka the people who absolutely look down on and LOATHE the Illyrians. Despite you know, having three of them in the group. And Illyrian Nyx means they have no choice but to confront the issue that is Illyria. Feysand would never let their precious son go through the training or the Blood Rite or the poverty. Nevermind that they couldn’t care less when it’s someone else’s sons and daughters, but I digress. Either they fix it, or they ignore it and watch as it bites them in the ass in about 20 years

#acotar #acosf critical #acotar speculations #nesta archeron #nyx archeron #anti rhysand #anti ic #anti feyre #anti nessian #eris vanserra

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arjwrites · 10 months ago

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Hi there! Found your account through a moot and wanted to maybe request a Sam x nephilim!reader where he finds out that she had been keeping that she was a nephilim a secret to try and protect him, but the truth comes out when they're on a hunt together? Maybe with established relationship?

Heaven Hellbent- Sam Winchester x Nephilim!Reader

Summary: When a hunt goes wrong, Sam discovers a secret you've been keeping for years. Part 1 of the series!

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: F!reader! Canon-level violence and language!

A/N: THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE ON THIS! I literally loved this request so much but really desperately wanted to do it justice, so it took me a little while. Seriously, this was one of my most re-written fics so far. I really wanted to finally get something out to you, but I have a lot more to write on this topic so I AM MAKING IT A SERIES!! This is a bit out of canon context but I really really hope you still enjoy, thank you again for such an amazing prompt and for your patience!

Ever since you had come into Sam's life, things felt lighter. You were this warm, radiating presence that had wrapped itself around every facet of his life. Sometimes, when you lay together late at night, when he would trace your body with his fingers and plant soft kisses on your forehead, he would silently pray- he still did that from time to time- addressing God, fate, the universe, or sometimes simply to whom it may concern, thanking anyone he could for the miracle of you.

You were one of the most skilled hunters Sam had ever encountered. It felt like even having your presence on a hunt was an asset- when you were around, cases were solved quicker, monsters went down easier, and everyone walked away with far fewer injuries. He expressed this to you once, in your early years together.

“It just feels like everything clicks when you’re around. How is it that you make everything so easy?” He had asked you, eyes so full of admiration and innocence. Sweet, clueless Sammy.

“Hmm, I must be a pretty serious good luck charm then, sweetheart. Better keep me around,” you had purred, eliminating the space that separated you in a sensual attempt to change the subject.

Sam chuckled. “I like to think of you as our little guardian angel. My little angel.” Sam ducked down, meeting your lips with a soft, open-mouthed kiss, but not before his words sent a pang of anxiety through your body. It took a moment for you to reciprocate Sam’s kiss- you had to focus all your energy on keeping the lump that had formed in your throat from spilling to the surface.

Hiding your true identity from Sam was the hardest thing you had ever done, and yet the easiest choice you had ever made. You had been with him for years and had watched him and Dean go through so many horrible things. There were so many times you had wished you could step in- so many nightmares that could have been avoided if you had used your powers. But being a nephilim, you couldn’t. Because if you had, you would’ve had Heaven hellbent on your trail. And not just yours- anyone you had ever known or loved. Just the knowledge of your existence was a ticking time bomb, and the last thing you wanted to do was put yet another target on either Winchester’s back.

It wasn’t without hard work that you had gone unnoticed this long. Keeping under the radar had been much easier before you had met Sam. You had spent more years than you could count traveling, reading, learning, anything to fill your seemingly endless time. You didn’t use your powers, didn’t meddle in matters of Heaven or Hell, you just kept a low profile. That was, until you crossed paths with two of the highest profiles out there- Sam and Dean Winchester.

Falling in love with Sam was the last thing you had ever planned to do. But the more time you spent with him, the more you were drawn to him. You marveled at the fact that anyone could meet him and not fall in love- a man so inherently good, so kind, practically an angel in his own right. Sometimes, it felt as though there were three forces that worked to keep you alive- your soul, your grace, and your love for Sam Winchester, all three intertwined, braided together to tether you to the Earth.

So you stayed. You fought alongside Sam and Dean through every battle they faced. You did everything you could, finding ways to use your powers that would go undetected- by heaven and by the Winchesters. You could weaken demons and cast protection towards the boys, speed their healing subtly so that they wouldn’t notice. But there would be times when it would be far too dangerous to even let a glimpse of your powers show. Those were times that you would watch in agony as the man you loved faced horrors beyond your imagination. And those were the times you swore to protect him whenever you possibly could.

Sometimes, however, things wouldn’t go to plan. You and the Winchesters were hunting a demon that had been causing trouble in a nearby town. Dean had suggested the three of you split up to try to catch the demon by surprise. You had protested, but the moment he barked the order, him and Sam had split, leaving you behind. You cursed to yourself, silently willing that you would find the demon first so you could smite him with ease and not risk either brother’s safety.

Unfortunately, it hadn’t quite worked out that way. It had been well over an hour with no luck as you searched the stretch of abandoned warehouses. And neither you nor Dean could reach Sam’s phone. Fear set into your heart, a cocktail of worry and grace coursing through your veins. Your whole body was buzzing- normally, you would stop to calm it to avoid revealing yourself, but a horrible intuition left you no choice but to use it as fuel.

Meanwhile, Sam’s eyes blinked open, the dull pain in his head sharpening as he regained contact with his senses. There was a rope tied around him, anchoring him to a rickety chair and rubbing abrasively against his biceps.

“Sam Winchester. Good to see ya, champ. Rare to find you without your partner in crime these days.” Blinking back the spots in his vision, Sam’s eyes focused on the man in front of him- scratch that, the demon, as revealed by a quick flash of black.

Sam, struggling against his restraints, retorted. “Dean will be here-”

“Who said anything about Dean?” The demon cut him off, cocking his head. “I’m talking about your other little… friend. How’s it been, running all around town with that pet abomination of yours?” His smile was sickening, and there was something sinister about his words. He knew something Sam didn’t, and that was never a good thing.

“What are you talking about,” Sam hissed through clenched teeth.

“Nice try, Sam. Better get talking.” The demon sent Sam’s chair flying back into the wall to punctuate his command.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” The demon pulled Sam’s chair back to him.

“Oh, you really don’t know? Scout’s honor?” He paced a lap around Sam, lurking over him as spite radiated off his every stride. “That crafty little bitch. That’s too bad, I was hoping to ask you a few questions… I guess I have no use for you, but why not break the news before I kill you? Secrets don’t make friends, right?” He knelt, drawing himself eye to eye with Sam, before practically spitting the words. “That pretty little girlfriend of yours is really a-”

Before the demon could finish the thought, he was flat against the wall and screaming his way back to Hell. Sam, still tied to the chair, had a view limited to the empty room in front of him and the vessel the demon once possessed, now slumped in a pile on the floor. He released a breath, having watched the danger dissipate, before tensing back up. Whatever was behind him was powerful. He could feel every hair standing up on the back of his neck as his pulse began to pick up rapidly. Something was screaming inside him, begging him to get out, get away.

“Oh, Sammy. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” called the creature from behind him. The words hung heavy in the air, tinged with heartbreak. Sam froze. He knew the origin of the voice, but it couldn’t be. He whispered your name and you came running.

“Sam, sweetheart. Are you okay?” You knelt to the floor in front of him, unsheathing your knife to cut away his binds.

Sam simply stared in response, mouth slightly agape and confusion nestling into his furrowed brow. He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off.

“Cat’s out of the bag, I guess. I’m sorry. I really didn’t want it to happen this way.” Guilt weighed heavy on you, as if you had done something horribly wrong. No, it was always to keep him safe, you reminded yourself.

Sam sat dumbfounded a moment longer. “What are you?” he finally coughed out. It was as if asking the question had triggered his brain to process the situation, and he tensed in preemptive self-defense.

This was it. No going back now. “I’m a nephilim, Sam.” Saying the words out loud felt like lifting the world off your own shoulders and watching it crash down all around you.

Your confession melted Sam’s expression into a series of reactions. You watched him work through the idea as if he was tossing your heart back and forth in his hands, weighing its pros and cons.

“Please tell me you understand why I didn’t tell you, Sam. Why I couldn’t-”

Sam’s tone was tense- his lack of reaction almost made things worse. “There’s no way you didn’t tell me about this. I’ve- we’ve known you for-”

“For years, Sam! Before you knew there were even angels, before Dean went to Hell, before you had any idea about the bigger picture! That just goes to show you, Sam- I’m not part of any of this! I’ve kept my head down for thousands of years, not raising any flags or drawing any attention to myself. And then I met you- I met you and I had to love you, Sam, I had to. And then I had to watch you go through so much pain and suffering and all I wanted to do was help however I could but I-”

“But you couldn’t. Because it would put you in danger.” If Sam had landed on a stance, you sure couldn’t decipher it. His voice was soft and gentle, but his jaw flexed and his expression narrowed.

“It would put you in danger too, Sam. And Dean. And everyone else.” Your response was quick, calculated. You had played this conversation out too many times in your head. Except you never had thought very far beyond the why didn’t you tell me and into the well what the hell do we do now?

There was silence for a beat.

“The demon knew.” Sam spoke somberly, like he was hand-delivering you a death sentence.

“And now you know,” you contended, defeated. A heartbroken breath wracked through your body, shuddering out of your lungs as you stabilized yourself to avoid teetering over. It was like the wind had been knocked out of you- like you and the man you loved most in the whole world had been plucked from safety and tossed out into open season.

“So what does this mean?” Sam’s tone sat on the fence between concern for your apparent emotions and the fear and confusion that had characterized the rest of your exchange.

“It means you can’t tell a soul, Sam. Not Dean, not anyone. Anyone who knows is at risk. And it means I… should probably leave.” Your stomach churned as you spoke. All of your worst fears were materializing in front of you. Try as you might, even your powers couldn’t zap them away. Your eyes rose to meet Sam’s, and finally, you could read his expression with clarity.

“No,” Sam shook his head.

“Sam, I can’t put you in danger-”

“And I can’t lose you!” You recoiled at his outburst. “I can’t lose you.” The second utterance was softer, bearing a greater resemblance to the sweet words Sam often shared with you.

“Sam, if anyone finds out…” you pleaded. As much as it broke your heart, you couldn’t bear to put Sam in any more danger.

“They won’t. Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.” Sam’s gaze was intense as he studied you. It was as if he was learning you all over again- like you were someone brand new to him. And yet, you could still see the love in his eyes. You were still you, after all. This was just a new layer of you. Sam had promised to love you, all of you. And if nothing else, he was a man of his word. He lifted a hand to your cheek and ran a thumb over your cheekbone, as if maybe you might feel different under his touch. And when you didn’t, his last scraps of hesitance melted away. Tears welled in your eyes.

“Just… promise me not to tell Dean until we figure this out.”

“Promise not to tell me what?”

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teopatra · 2 years ago

Text

Holaaaa

~ choose a meme for a channeled message // this is not a tarot reading .. happy Virgo season and happy Mercury RX 🥵 feel free to choose multiple groups-

Why do ppl love/hate u ??

Group 1 : si or yes

People do not know how to read you. The decision most people would immediately jump on you take the time to consider and really weigh your options. People hate that about you bc they think you’re too good but it’s lowkey a subtle flex bc it shows you have options. People feel like you get too many chances or things come to easy for you and almost like it’s not fair like you always win. If it’s a situation where you always win people feel like you don’t even try. For example at school it can be a random drawing and your name can get called in an assembly or in the morning announcements and people know you didn’t even try and they put so much energy into hoping they’d get it. 😂

Folks pay a lot attention to you bc you always seem so oblivious yet you’re so rational. You say the most intelligent things and overall you make people feel stupid because a lot of times people assume you’re slow or have dumb blonde energy when half the time you’re not even paying attention. But the other half of the time when you seem like you’re not paying attention you actually are you’re just very strategic. Life is like a game of chess for you and this can make others feel like you’re sneaky or have the intention to one up them by using information when it’s convenient for you. You give non chalant energy but not in a rude way in a calm at peace type of way. People leave you out because you make them realize they’re lowkey thirsty or pick Me’s since you don’t jump at every opportunity like they would, but you teach others about the vastness of life by being patient. Others see you as abundant and before you come into peoples lives even if you’re not close to them they see things as very black and white, this or that, left or right, but you being a multi faceted perspective energy to things. I’m getting mutable energy especially gemini, or heavy Jupiter energy or aspects to your Jupiter or 9th house.

People do love that you kind of don’t care about things BUT YOU DO😂 people really don’t understand you, but the crazy thing is with you it’s what you see is what you get but people swear that you’re hiding something or people may ask you what’s wrong a lot and you’re like nothing????? You don’t have the typical type of resting face it’s more of a stare into the distance because you’re trying to remember if you unplugged your flat iron or turned off the TV before you left the house. If you’re in school you may forget about assignments or homework and end up having to do them on the bus, in the bathroom or in other classes and people hate that they’re tying to fill you in on things but you seem so preoccupied like you don’t care but girl you’re just trying to passss.

EVERYONE wants your energy meanwhile they’re all gossiping about you lowkey bc you’re so interesting and they don’t have anything better to talk about in the sense. But not bc there isn’t anything to talk about it’s just you’re so mysterious. You’re a popular loner like people will try to leave you out just to tell you about it later and you’re like 😃 ohmygosh that’s so wonderful and they’re like BIH you should be jealous like… people really wanna make you the villain. The type of look you have is very girl or guy next door but effortlessly sexy. You actually do alot of self care and you’re intentional with getting dressed but you’re subtle. It’s just a I washed my face and brushed my hair type of thing. You could have a chiseled jawline or symmetrical face. I’m seeing Reggie’s fine self from riverdale. It reminds me of the main character from clueless also how she’s very girl next door almost typical looking but still very standardly pretty. Don’t get me wrong you’re gorgeous and you eat everybody up on your normal day to day. I feel like you actually plan to really make yourself look nice n the mornings before you go to work too but half the time you’re almost running late bc that sleep just be too good.. you focus mostly on your dental health and I see you putting drops n your hair like hair vitamins or oil so your hair must be long and light brown. OHHH you’re giving me Ariana vibes , “no tears left to cry” like people love that you’re unproblematic but that’s the problem lol who do you think you are to be so unbothered? Meanwhile you’re oblivious 😂

Signs: STRONG Scorpio, cancer, gemini, Pisces too actually all water

Side note: People love your hair and be wanting to play with it, when you flip your hair it’s smells like Garnier fructise or something like that like not the new style shampoos that smells perfumy the old type shampoos that smell fruity but still that tumblr era shampoo smell . Your hair puts people n a trance everyone stares at the back of your head when you’re not looking so keep protection crystals around or evil eye

Group 2 : eeyuh?

People love how talkative you are; you’re funny as hell like why you be saying crazy stuff. Even teachers love you or superiors look up to you even if you’re younger. Your supervisors or older colleagues could have crushes on you because you make them feel young like you. People love your light hearted youthfulness it makes them feel comfortable being themselves. This causes people to get clingy and obsess over you. People may send you random messages through the day like when they’re at the store shopping like Ohemgee this reminds me of you haha and it’s like a notebook or some random stuff they have at 5 below and you’re thinking uhmmmm ohhhkay should I be offended orrrrr…? Lol people make themselves uncomfortable with how much they love you because everyone kinda volunteered you as tribute to be THEE it girl or HIM, and you’re like Ohemgee I’m the main character but you just keep that to yourself. People feel like bc they praise you or put you on a high pedistal that you owe THEM something 😂 it gives you wouldn’t be here without me energy almost like you’re a local celebrity and if it wasn’t for your fans that you would be a nobody. You mind your own business and sometimes you can’t get time to yourself bc someone is ALLLLLWAYS calling your name and you’ve gotten caught a few times trying to avoid people n the halls, office, target or whatever and those people feel slapped by will smith n the moment bc how dare you. Next thing you know you’re shadow banned irl by everyone. You have this very magnetic control on folks to where everyone’s energy is the EXACT SAME towards you it’s almost scary sometimes cuz you’ll think dang did someone pass away? Cuz the energy is HEAVY; you’re left confused as if you didn’t get them memo then BOOM almost as if paparazzi announced the new issue of YOU is dropping and everyone needs the scoop and now you’re bombarded at once. Angry mob vibes almost. Heavy air sign energy I’m sensing Kanye, Doja, trump even tho you prob can’t stand either of those 3 ppl the example is to show how they can have such a strange cult like following and be hated but followed at the same time.

Back to the funny thing where you end up being like the class clown bc once people get your joke which it’s not like you’re trying to be funny but you’re very theatrical in how you talk and communicate and it cracks people up and those laughs just fuel you. People hate that you’re so funny they don’t want you to stop but then they realize so much time has gone by that they’ve spent laughing at you they’re now mad bc THEY got distracted 😂 people hate how you disappear or you like to eat alone people be literally wanting to watch you eat. People hate how obsessed they get over you because they start to feel like the feeling isn’t mutual but even as outgoing as you as you tend to be a bit reserved at times especially when you’re trying to focus. You have very good time management skills and you type fast lmao. People hate how fast you finish your work and how fast you run 😂 you’re a runner you’re a track star 😂 you be runnin from people huh lol people will literally chase you like this old school Disney channel movies where the fans chase the pop star.

People love love love you but they hate how lost in time you make them feel and everyone wants to be your best friend and people may try to make it seem like you’re mixy or you’re just social for attention.You actually made yourself be social to help with your shyness or anxiety; only your close family would realize this and you almost live a double life like Kim possible or Hannah Montana where your family would be so surprised to see how much of a starrrrrr you areeee. You may like to read books or do skits; I’m hearing theatre kid or you like to sing old pop or rock n roll. I heard “that’s just the way we roll” by the Jonas brothers 🥺 I love them they’re actually having a concert n my city this week 🫶🏽😭I’m getting more Pisces and gemini vibes like group 1, also Leo and Sagittarius

Group 3 : doj

People hatteeeee how fine you are 😂 you will catch people staring at you and you don’t know why? You also can be super tall or super strong and if you’re a workout girly people like staring at your muscles or buttocks lol . People hate to see you in the gym or gym class bc you can do so many reps OR it’s the fact that you’re not the typical type to look as strong as you actually are and there’s a saying/ word for this but I can’t remember what it is. You could be very slim or maybe more thicker or big boned and if you’re on the heavier side you’re super beautiful and people have never seen someone plus size be that beautiful. Sorry if that’s triggering but people are superficial. People hate that you look better than them even tho you’re big 😂 BIG SEXYYYYY . For my plus size girlies and gents you have a lot of confidence and everyone loves you and people hate that bc you make them feel small no pun intended but n the sense that they try to put you down maybe by making a fat joke or a skinny joke and it just makes them look lame bc you’re actually the total package you’re smart, creative, strong mentally emotionally and physically and all they can do is comment on your weight 😂 people actually wish you were their friend bc you sound so smart when you speak it makes people feel slow bc you’re very wise.

People love how you dress and they love your shoes and the bags you carry. If you get pedicures pay attention to when you get a fresh set bc I’m hearing it be looking good and people lowkey wanna copy they wait for you to get a new color. Or you have gorgeous looking feet it makes people stare it them in a weird way lmao and you may catch people staring at parts of your body even if it’s your face and they feel awkward and may try to make a 😒🥴 face because you looked at them back bc of how hard they was staring like 🙄. Your family or friends may be very well known and you’re very quiet which for some reason attract a lot of rude people to you like someone may try to cut you off in line and you call them out now they’re embarrassed. You could have to deal with confrontation a lot or have disciplinary hearings like someone was always telling on you trying to get you into trouble 😂you’re literally so quiet half the time but you also speak multiple languages so you could be part foreign and people assume you’re dumb bc you’re foreign smh.. you could be into spirituality or some associates from school or your neighborhood could have seen you in your traditional dress maybe you’re of Asian/Indian descent or you’re Muslim … if you’re into spirituality people actually watch your YT, tiktoks or listen to your tarot readings and may blame you for being right like😂 I was just trying to warn you. People really do not like you sometimes and you honestly don’t even do anything aww 🥺 PLEASEEEE don’t let this make you feel bad bc tbh your lil feelings would be hurt n the moment but after about 5 to 10 minutes you don’t even care 😂

Like you’ll go home and forget that even happened and if you are sensitive and it hurts your feelings people are threatened by you and sometimes that’s just life and both life and people can be sucky but you’re not here n this lifetime for people your here to share your research findings and your creativity/art. Especially if you’re a tarot reader, a yogi, a herbalist, spiritualist or any type of healer , you heal those who have negative energy around or towards you bc they cannot transmute the energy in their own. It’s not your job to transmute energy for others tho bc if you do that people will only become codependent off of you then turn on you. You have to build up strength and boundaries and if you have been doing so or done that already then good. People will try you sometimes and just don’t even let it get to you bc they are projecting onto you but people love your advice they just hate that it’s you giving it 😂 you really bother insecure folks

Big libra, Capricorn vibes .. also Taurus or Saturn dominants /aspected Saturn

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patrebka · 2 months ago

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TKNP REC LIST HAND IT OVER

omg... thank you to the mysterious anon who asked me this. I do wonder who you are...

okay so I'll start with the best hockey rpf author to ever do it... makeit_takeit the beloved. everything they write is boomshakalaka slam dunk gold. everything! but these are my favourites.

in from the cold | makeit_takeit — this is my favourite fic of all time in any fandom ever of all time ever. in any lifetime I would find it. it's a masterpiece. show stopping. revolutionary. life changing. brilliant. spectacular. this is from makeit_takeit's journeymen series, the premise being that Nolan is in the league still (in various cities across North America) but Travis is decidedly not a hockey player. in this case he's an oil rig worker up in Edmonton and Nolan is on the Oilers. they meet on grindr and thus we enter a whirlwind of passion. omfggggg see now I'm making myself want to reread it right now, heh. I took this fic to my penthouse and I freaked it.

never been dipped | makeit_takeit — more journeymen, yay. here, our beloved Travis is a kind of cowboy gay-lothario line dancing Canadian redneck and he seduces a deeply guarded Dallas Star Nolan in a cowboy gay bar in Texas. yeehaw!

last ones standing | makeit_takeit — as a trash reality TV lover this thrills me. we follow Travis and Nolan meeting for the first time at the altar on Married at First Sight: Winnipeg! and it's everything I could ever want. this fic is so funny and charming, and has a facet to it that is one of my favourite aspects of any fic I've ever read. I won't mention it further because it kind of spoils the ending. but it's just so well done and is exemplary of the kind of incredibly creative and professional writing in this story and all the ones I've mentioned above.

happy endings | makeit_takeit — an exercise in seeing a little bit of humanity in someone with a dark, hateful, and unhappy soul... aka Nolan Patrick, LOL. this fic follows a deeply closeted and self-hating Nolan in this new characterisation of the post-burner era. he's unemployed and gross and mean, and encounters Travis in a happy endings massage parlour spa type of place. it's so good. I've converted people to be (mild in some cases and full fledged in others) tknp enthusiasts with this fic. my bestie Autumn read this in her car at work when the second chapter dropped. it's just that good!

living things [ONGOING WIP] | makeit_takeit — get ready to have your life and mind changed. when you start to read this series, makeit_takeit (the great one. Gretzky who?) will open up your unsuspecting mind and pour abundant light within. everything will alter around you and things like sunlight through trees or a bird’s footprints in snow will suddenly seem so much more beautiful than they ever did before. every song and poem and painting will hold a more divine meaning in your eyes because this story just changes you, down to the soul. and I've never met a hyperbole I didn't love but I'm so serious about this one. imagine being alive when Tolstoy was first publishing Anna Karenina serially, imagine eagerly waiting for the next excerpt of something that would go on to be considered by many to be one of our greatest artistic contributions. I don't mean to sound like a pyramid schemer when I say that you (person reading this. yes! you!) have the chance, with this fic, to be in on the ground floor of something great. we have, as of writing this, three parts of a seven part saga published so far. but don't wait... just start reading! the writing here is so absurdly good it makes me want to walk into the ocean. this story is the magnum opus of somebody that has about 15 fics on their page that would easily be considered once in a lifetime, striking gold masterpieces from anybody else.

okay, my makeit_takeit worship session is over now. although it may not seem like it, I do actually read things other than their stories so I'll stop yapping and lavishing praise at their feet now and will move on to talking about other things!

ratter | toxotes — this isn't even fiction to me. this is, like, fan fact or something because I really do believe events such as these are happening in Nolan Patrick's life. up and until the blossoming romantic relationship with TK, of course. this fic is hilarious and dark and captivating in every good way. when I first read it I was completely enthralled, and stayed up way too late reading it TWICE. and I then read a passage aloud to my family in a restaurant where we were getting breakfast the next morning, because I was deliriously tired and still deep in the honeymoon stage of obsessive love with this fic. I may still be in this stage!

port stanley is for lovers | manybumblebees — I love this fic so much yay. it's so sweet and funny. I once read it aloud to someone on a long car journey (this person does not gaf about hockey and had never heard of any of these people) and they were laughing a lot and genuinely enjoyed it. huge W for tknp nation! the fic's premise is Nolan visiting TK in Port Stanley over the summer and realising that everyone there thinks they are a couple. maybe they should be! maybe they will be! omg read and find out.

dusk breaks light | loveleah — this is really unique, and a very tender and sweet story. this is a favourite of mine for reasons I can't quite put my finger on, but Travis and Nolan are mining for gold in a group of guys in the 1960s, and it's just very sweet. this is Brokeback Mountain for girls who know who Biz Nasty is.

red wine supernova | donderwolk — as a ceramicist myself, I had to include this one! Nolan is out of the league and is dragged by his sister to an amateur pottery class held by one very charming and artistic Travis Konecny. I love how this fic covers Nolan's relationship with his parents, it's really well done. this is an all-timer! it's so sweet. and it's definitely one of my favourite Nolan characterisations.

save your first and last dance for me | manybumblebees — this is, like, so cheesy and so good. I think this is one of the first tknp fics I read, and I loved it so much. I didn't even realise until making this list that it's written by the same person as my beloved Port Stanley fic... wow. small world! anyway, this is just a really good time. Travis and Nolan going to various weddings together and falling in love along the way... what's more fun than that?

it's only gay if you blow him back | isozyme — I just read this recently on the recommendation of my friend Autumn (hey girl👋) and I really liked it. Travis and Nolan go fishing and get into it over the scary concept of being gay and what it would mean if one of them were to stray from the path of heterosexuality. it's more of a character study than it is about any, like, romance between them, but I think it's great.

the flush of the known universe | springsteen — I started to read this in the car on my way to the ice rink about a year ago, and then was so captivated by it that I just sat on my ass in the Papa John's seating area next to the ice and read the rest of it, instead of doing any of the skating I had paid to do. I loved this! Travis works on the training staff for the Flyers and goes for a getaway in nature after quitting his job. Nolan is a guide in a national park and they meet on the trail. it's a real slow burn story that doesn't feel dragged out, just natural!

hagfish, or primitive jawless marine vertebrates | polyabathtub — please don't run scared from the bestiality tag on this LOL, it's really not like that. I mean, it kind of is. but not really. the animal is TK, who turns into an eel-like fish in a werewolf type scenario. all he wants in his fishy form is Nolan, and Nolan obliges. it's really funny, while still being sweet. this is another one I read recently, and I found it really charming and funny. I don't know how anyone would ever think of this idea but I am glad that this author did because it brought me such joy to read!

I'm probably forgetting some big-hitters but I can't think of anything else. I'll put some non-tknp recs below the cut, because I am also an avid reader of other pairings!!! I'll read anything that's put in front of me.

all caps | makeit_takeit | Nic Dowd/Tom Wilson — okay, so I lied before about not saying any more about makeit_takeit. but, would someone really do that? just go on their blog and lie? what a scary thought. anyway. Tom Wilson has a micropenis... need I say more? this is a series and it's very sweet and also funny. it strikes a perfect balance of humour and sincerity about something kind of silly. it's a line that is walked perfectly here and that I tried very hard to walk when I wrote my one fic, which was somewhat inspired by this! #selfpromo #ad

3 ways to know if you're a third wheel - wikihow | jamiemoriartys | Sidney Crosby/Claude Giroux — I could be including this one because of recency bias because I did only just read it, but it made me laugh a lot. I kinda love reading fics where the narrator (in this case, Nate MacKinnon) is super clueless about something that's blatantly obvious. it makes me cackle out loud and kick my feet while reading, so. this did that!

gold rush | claraxbarton | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — this is an all time fav for me. we see Leon at probably his most mean and bitchy of all my mattdrai recs, which for a girl like me is a heavenly scenario. the premise here is another one where you're kind of yelling at the screen because the narrator is so dumb, except here it's Leon (yay) and he can't figure out that the unsaved number texting him flirtily is Matthew Tkachuk. this fic is funny along the way and then I found it to be quite moving at times. I love love love!

muscle memory | blaahaj | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — this is a fic that could be considered tropey because its premise is basically: what if Matthew Tkachuk got AMNESIA! and FORGOT! his weird RELATIONSHIP! with LEON DRAISAITL? but it's sooooo good. this is one of my favourite fics I've ever read. I just love Leon so much, here (and always, heh) he's so sweet and, like, lame. aw, my little German cringelord.

slip under the tongue into translation | lighthousetowers | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — das ist so gut. es ist eine meiner lieblingsgeschichten! thank you google translate. here we must ask the question of how far Matthew Tkachuk is willing to go to get under someone's skin. if this fic is accurate then the answer is: very far! MTkachuk learns German to more effectively chirp Leon on the ice and accidentally becomes obsessed with him. aren't we all! I remember this being so funny.

barons | dilangley | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — Matthew has retired from the league after an injury and ends up coaching a new NHL team in Houston. Leon, who is old (like, 37) and seeking a Stanley Cup win before he retires, signs there. and it is so good. I loved how it characterised Matthew, especially. I particularly remember this one moment where Matthew is kinda waxing poetic about how he can't understand why everyone isn't in love with Leon, and whoever he's talking to is like, 'um. because he's an asshole?' yeah. I love their asshole4asshole swag. this is so, so, so, good. a definite recommendation for those who don't even gaf about mattdrai. you will after this!

growing into someone | blaahaj | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — another blaahaj banger. set in a lockout, Leon and Matthew are both playing hockey in Germany for the Haie, Leon's childhood team! it's kind of a classic enemies to lovers and I really, really liked it. it's kind of like, they have this little whirlwind in Germany and then, of course, the lockout ends and they have to go back to their real lives, and decide how much of whatever they've built to take with them or to leave behind. I love it so much.

well. that's all she wrote. I don't have anything else to say and this list took me three and a half hours to make because I take this hockey rpf shit seriously. byeee

#hockey fic rec #tknp #mattdrai

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disarmd · 18 days ago

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I adore listening to you talk writing! Truly would love to just sit in a coffee shop and pick your brain for hours about it. Since I can't actually do that, I thought I'd do the next best thing and send along some questions that you can feel free to answer or not :) 1. Have you or do you write original fiction? I'm being a bit nosy with this one but I'm so curious because of the way you talk about writing, etc, etc ^_^

2. Per chance do you have any tips to avoid procrastination? I really like writing but I have such a hard time just getting *started*, I find I do everything but the writing! And then sometimes I have the opposite problem, I'll get started but I won't be able to finish. I'll put it off and put it off and next thing you know a month has gone by and I haven't written more than a few sentences. Wishing you all the best with your current writer's block! I hope you can work through it ASAP!

You are truly so so kind for sending me this ask, nonnie, thanks for chatting with me about writing. I’m absolutely pretending that we’re having a lovely latte in a coffee shop with a massive greenwall ☕️🌿

1. I’ve written original fiction in an amateur way, but I’ve never had a go at getting published or anything. I was majoring in writing in my first undergrad before I switched, and then in my twenties I did a lot of continuing ed writing classes, and had a writing circle where we met every two weeks and workshopped each others’ stuff, but the volume of fanfic I’ve written is much higher than original. I’ve obviously thought a lot about it so I’ll just share where I landed, but I’d be really curious to hear what you or anyone else thinks on this topic!

So for me, I’ve thought before that I should try to focus more on original stuff mostly because of the secrecy around fanfic. I can’t talk about writing with rl people, so I have this hobby that I spend so much time on that's completely secret. I do sometimes wish I was able to show people the stuff I write (or like… some people, occasionally, anyway). But if I think about what you “get” from fanfic vs original, it’s like. Fanfic: community. Tons of people to talk to about the thing you're interested in. A level of interaction with people who read your stories that you wouldn’t get for original unless you’re like the 0.01% of successful writers. even if you get like three comments, i think that's probably three more than the average short story author is going to get. And you get to write exactly what you want, in exactly the way you want to do it. Vs with original, you’d be able to talk about it in real life. theoretically there would be some monetary compensation - but there is no chance I could earn as much writing as I get from my actual job. And you lose that complete freedom to just write literally whatever you want because now it’s become a commodity. For my writing in particular, I know I’m not as good as great writers and what what I write is not widely appealing, so I don’t think that it would be possible for me to be published, but that’s my rationale for not even trying haha.

Anyway, I'm so curious to hear anyone’s thoughts on this - I’m assuming it’s something many of us have thought about before and I’d be really interested in where others have landed.

2. Re: tips to write more... there are so many different facets to this! if you mean you have trouble getting started writing, maybe just create a routine. write 15 minutes every day at 8 pm or whatever. If you mean you have trouble starting a story, i think there is a feeling that comes with the wanting to write a specific story that is very motivating compared to the feeling of just want to write, in a vague way. having a particular story you want to tell and knowing all the aspects of the story, not just a concept - like you know the characters/settling/conflict/plot arc/etc. the full story. makes it much easier to start writing that story.

to the second part, in terms of finishing: there has to be motivation to go through the work of writing, so it really helps to have someone that you’re excited to share it with. It’s very common for people to share drafts with friends to get that encouragement to keep pushing through to the end. I sent Liza the first 5k of In Abidance like a month ago, and then the next 5k after that, and it helped because a) it motivated me to finish drafting those continuous sections of the story so now I’m not thinking about The Full Story; the first 10k are done and in the different gdoc with Liza where they’re safe, and b) having a nice friend say encouraging things makes it feel a lot better compared to being completely alone in the gdoc. I reread the comments Liza left in the gdoc as a comfort when i'm spinning out about writing more. and then my motivation for writing the story at all is that i want to write it for odds, who's been the kindest, and made the experience of writing this series so completely satisfying. they left this incredible comment last night and it got me so excited that i wrote 800 words before bed.

so not writing to an imagined audience or trying to please hypothetical strangers, but writing is an act of communication and i don't think anyone would finish anything if there wasn't one person they planned on sharing it with. have a writing buddy that you share your writing with every week or month can be very motivating. if there's a story you know one person wants to read, then you can write it for them... and you feel so much more motivated to actually finish it, for them.

but to also consider things a bit more broadly, if you like writing but are having trouble doing it - is it because you've been working at a difficult job all day long and don't have creative energy left when you get back home? are you too burned out from following the terrifying and unrelenting current events and don't have capacity to write on top of staying regulated? or, on the more fun side, is it that the other stuff you're doing instead of writing is just genuinely more appealing and that's where you want to spend your time? because that's fine too, like we don't have to write if there are other things we prefer. or if we're burned out or otherwise don't have capacity.

I'll be a bit more vulnerable because this is a long post and probably not that many people are still reading, but I don't have writer's block - i've been writing an average of 2,350 words/week for the last two years straight (I checked the actual stats on ao3 haha. and that's only published fic, it would be higher if we included all the wips). i'm not blocked from writing, it's just i've been feeling quite sad, which for me looks like self hatred, so the unpleasantness of continuing on while the mean voice says very cruel things. the reason why i muse about writing so much is certainly because i find it interesting, but it's also that i'm always trying to figure out how to be better because i feel tormented by all the ways i suck.

with the way people talk about productivity on social media, I could tell you that my "hacks" are to try to write a bit before bed almost every day and have some longer writing sessions on fri-mon (weekends & work from home days haha), and to move around throughout the story to write what is most urgent and interesting to me, and to only start stories when I mostly know the ending, and to set deadlines for myself that i have to stick to, and to motivate myself by sharing with friends, and all of that is sort of true, but i can make myself do almost anything because i have a nonstop internal monologue telling me that if i don't, i'm worse than worthless.

the myth of productivity is that you can reach a point where you feel like you've done enough and you just have to keep pushing until you get there, but in fact that point never comes.

so i'll just end with that, because any time I talk about anything with an achievement orientation (writing more! writing better!), i want to acknowledge the full picture.

#thanks for this lovely message nonnie i am cheersing imaginary coffee mugs with you #replies #anon

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safsunderc · 28 days ago

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Brokeback Mountain (2005)

There are probably a lot of films out there that don’t get made, for lack of funding, support from producers/directors, a lot of artistic direction which goes unused, untold, uncared for; one of the miracles of life is that Brokeback Mountain, of it all, is something that exists.

For Annie Proulx’s short story to have been so widely acknowledged and both praised and criticised in 1999, for Ang Lee to be able to direct a feature length film adaptation of it in 2005, starring two young talents whose careers would be defined by these beautiful performances, for it to win three academy awards, to be nominated for five more: every bit of it comes to me as a miracle.

My favourite element of Proulx’s collection is that she so starkly characterises the Wyoming state as though it can’t possibly exist, entirely fantastical, an extremity, a farce. Namely in People in Hell Just Want a Drink of Water, wherein a disabled, mute young man dies from an infection because his neighbours castrate him with a dirty knife. My personal favourite is The Mud Below, all about a short, smart-ass rodeo cowboy who throws his life away in pursuit of 8 second glory, destroys his body for, nothing, he finds in the end. The collection ends with Brokeback, arguably the most normal and human story, of course the novelty being in the protagonist’s sexualities. And you can feel the fantasy in this film still, the setting, the huge, empty, middle-of-nowhere places Jack and Ennis sneak off to, in Ennis’ recollection of Earl’s corpse as a boy, even in Jack’s death, which we do not truly know the reality of: these all provide some myth to Brokeback, that make you consider perhaps no one lives like this, no one has ever been beaten to death with a tire iron, because Wyoming is not a real place. Interested mostly in geography, Proulx does not hide that the sparsely-populated state comes alive through her stories, and Ang Lee I think does an impeccable job of translating the sentiment. The gushing rivers, empty roads, fierce and strong animals, the unbelievably tiny population, clunky vehicles, characters’ accents, the costuming - each of these factors express the importance of location cleanly. It’s Wyoming that prevents the two coming together as much as it is the thing which puts them beside one another: Wyoming’s storm forces Ennis inside the tent, Wyoming’s hardened landscape keeps his mind small and heart afraid.

Wyoming does something else, too: it condemns them both. That was Proulx’s prime concern in writing the story and surely Lee’s interest in it, too, since Ennis’ fear and internalised homophobia dominates the narrative so intently. What’s not interesting is the external homophobia they face, because no one is interested in bigotry. The film’s charm is how brazenly homophobic Ennis is, both to himself and Jack. No matter how many times I read or watch Brokeback, I can hardly reconcile just how staunchly familiar the shame, guilt and self-loathing Ennis is so practiced in. His quick and easy violence, the minimal speech, how low he keeps his head: it’s obvious to anyone he loathes himself. But he’s self-righteous, too, and prideful, and determinedly masculine, while strikingly curbed by this self-hatred - it’s a hell of a job from Heath Ledger to have performed so beautifully, an eternally moving piece of art from an insanely talented actor. I think part of what makes Ennis feel so real is this multi-faceted denial and guilt, his queerness and masculine identity coming to a head over his bursting desire and love for Jack, and if you can’t fix it, you’ve got to stand it; Ennis stands it by making himself tough, being gruff and hard, just like Wyoming likes its men, can hardly even keep a woman to stick around, because he is too hard to make love to anyone.

Wyoming makes Ennis rough, but Brokeback Mountain itself softens him completely. The entire film is freezing cold, the snow storms and frosted rivers and chattering teeth, but that first night Ennis willingly goes to Jack, the glow is warm and he is unclothed and there is heat for once, heat and desire. This intimate scene is my favourite of the whole film, one that doesn’t exist in the original story, and conveys so solidly what is it about Brokeback that gets me so wound up. The pair are only 19 when they go up on Brokeback, but they look younger in the small glow of the tent, namely Ennis of course, whose bashfulness and fear make him so young and sweet. While Jack lies there shirtless, whispering “Its alright, it’s alright,” Ennis yearns to be held, and that is what he cannot reconcile, that he desires comfort and closeness, he doesn’t want to be lonely anymore, and Jack can provide him with that. But a man isn’t supposed to feel lonesome or tired, he is supposed to endure. But "the imagined power of Brokeback Mountain” isn’t strong enough to reach him once he comes off that mountain long enough to fix it, so he stands it, and lives alone in his trailer as an old man, dreaming endlessly of Jack Twist. Although an intimacy scene, Ennis remains clothed, likely because his connection to Jack is not solely sexual; perhaps if it was he would not have been so afraid and ashamed. That scene brings a lurch to my stomach no matter how many times I see it because, in all, shame is almost a pre-requisite for desire, and there’s a staunch hesitation that surely coexists alongside vulnerability.

#film #movie review #cinema #letterboxd #media analysis #queer media #brokeback mountain #ennis del mar #jack twist

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 6 months ago

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The people who are being overly pressed about this are probably the same people who are flabbergasted over guilty as sin lol. My immediate reaction was good for you girl and also duh kind of obvious.

yeah like, I don't actually want to get into discourse over this on my blog so this will probably be the last of it because it's such a nothingburger and obviously just there to drive clicks.

But there's a reason why So High School is on the album, and it's there as a foil for Guilty As Sin? and Smallest Man and The Manuscript, about many things but for the purposes of this discussion specifically about sex.

The purpose of Guilty As Sin? isn't to shock people that Taylor Swift (or any woman really) engages in self-pleasure. It's that she's left to do that because her partner has neglected her in just about every facet of their relationship, including sexually. (Not that one needs a reason to engage in it, just to be clear. You do you y'all.) She's left so despondent over the lack of intimacy in all aspects that she caves to this fantasy that's sparked by someone whose intents are deceitful, because it's all she's got left-- and is the only way for her to feel anything.

The Smallest Man also details how sex coming from this place left her feeling empty and used and manipulated and needless to say, completely unsatisfied. (And other things, but flying too close to the sun.) And The Manuscript is the origin of all this shame around sex, how her early adult experiences in it warped her sense of self and of relationships and love and everything.

So then you have So High School where everything feels brand new in every way: she's giddy like a teenager (without a traumatizing history) because for once there aren't any games being played, she's not being toyed with or kept in the wings or discarded when inconvenient. Her needs are being met, and that act is exciting! It's a turn-on! They can have sex whenever and wherever they want because it is a place of safety and connection and exploration and joy! Possibly in a way she's never felt in her life! Is it any wonder that her third eye opened and over the last year she's been feeling herself in ALL the ways?!

(Not to say having sex means you automatically want to show off! But for HER her confidence in herself and her body has skyrocketed and as many around here have said, when someone keeps telling you you're the hottest thing on the planet AND THEN SHOWS YOU THEY MEAN IT, that can unlock a lot of things in your brain.)

Sorry didn't mean for this to turn into a soapbox lol. But in summation:

#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey #Anonymous #writing letters addressed to the fire #the tortured poets department

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tino-i-guess · 6 months ago

Text

Need some opinions/help

TLDR; In October, in a somewhat impulsive decision, I started worshipping Athena and Hermes. I am having doubts and feelings of inadequacy due to not being as invested as some other people. Does all of this mean I should leave the religion or stop for the time being?

I am quite new to hellenic polytheism. I've always had an interest in polytheistic religions, occasionally doing some research but never really doing it heavily. I knew the very very basics of hellenic polytheism, since a friend of mine practices. In the beginning of October, I had a slight breakdown. I have been struggling with school a lot and was feeling completely lost and abandoned by most people in my life, so I did what looking back on it was a rush decision. I made an altar for Athena and prayed (more like begged, I'll be honest) for some kind of help. I made a small offering based on what I knew and that was that. It wasn't a completely unexpected decision, since I had been thinking about it for a while.

Well, it worked. I did quite well on my upcoming test and felt calmer in general. I decided to make a small altar for Hermes too and do more research. For the past few months, I have thus been trying to do as much research as I can, pray and make offerings based on what I know the best I can. However, recently I've been having some doubts.

I feel out of my depth and overwhelmed. I've never been religious, nor has my family ever been religious. Every time I try to research more, I feel overwhelmed and tear up with all the new facts and seeming rules. Things are contradicting each other and I have no one to check with because my friend is also pretty new and we're not very close. I feel as if I'm constantly messing up. A lot of the practices relies on instinct and reading between the lines. I have anxiety and I'm autistic so these two places are my weaknesses, in some cases even impossible for me without direct guidance. I'm confused on so many concepts that everybody else seems to find obvious.

I feel inadequate. Everybody I have seen talking about the religion seems really fully into it and devoted to it (something that I think is amazing and wonderful) but I feel like that cannot be applied to me. I feel like I somehow don't believe/love the Gods as much as others. I don't want religion to take up a big part of my life, at least not as I am currently. Additionally, I don't have much free time or energy in general, so I am not able to make offerings and pray properly every day. I also struggle with intrusive thoughts, which makes prayer and worship extra hard. However, I do love the Gods and the thought of taking down their altars and just stopping makes my heart squeeze. But then again, I don't feel as close to them as a lot of people I have seen, tho that might be a time issue. Part of me is definitely stopping me from getting closer to them by constantly saying how ridiculous I look trying to 'bond' with them. I want religion to be a casual facet of my life, to be able to make a weekly offering and pray once a day maybe without much worry or anxiety, to learn about the religion and Gods more and more.

I feel upset and stressed about this whole situation. I don't want to stop but part of me feels like I am being constantly disrespectful. A small part of me also feels like I have somehow offended Athena specifically. I also am hesitating stepping back, lest I upset kharis, if somehow I've managed to establish it with my flaky track record. I want honest, hard opinions and advice. Am I simply not cut out for this? Is this just a beginners rut sort of deal I need to power through? Did anybody else feel like this? How did you deal with it?

I am sorry if anything is unclear. Writing this made me quite emotional and my thoughts are all over the place. If I haven't mentioned a crucial detail or something, please ask and I'll happily respond and give more details on some things. Thank you in advance, χαίρε.

#hellenic polytheism #helpol #greek gods #hellenic worship #hellenic community #hellenic gods #hellenic deities #beginner helpol

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jimpagne · 4 months ago

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hello! in the past you have written and translated about some moments from Are You Sure? (which i thoroughly enjoyed, thank you) and i wanted to ask if you could make a post about how you started learning korean? as a native english speaker it is a bit intimidating to me but seeing how you were able to succeed in the language, it gives me a bit of courage. i know that is not your usual content but i wanted to send an ask anyway. hope you are having a lovely day! and thank you for your response.

Oh, I would love to talk about this topic! Thank you so much for sending in the ask ;p

Also fair warning... this will be a REALLY long post.

In the Beginning...

I began "learning" Korean waaaay back in 2017 (holy shit, that was EIGHT years ago??), back when I was still a high schooler and setting alarms to wake myself up for Mystic Messenger chatrooms. I grew up in a very diverse area with a considerable Korean population, and I had a lot of Korean friends who decided to share their language with me. First, they spelled out my name in Hangul, and in my free time, I decided to learn the rest of the alphabet.

The rest is history, really.

Of course, throughout this time, I felt really intimidated. I mean, where do you even start? There were so many Korean resources online, and it felt like I was entirely lost and overwhelmed by the huge responsibility of taking on a language like Korean, one that is drastically different from the ones I know.

So despite starting my journey in 2017, I really didn't start making a breakthrough in my learning until 2021, where I enrolled into a formal Korean class at my local university. I researched a few things here and there, knew some pretty basic grammar and vocabulary, but again, I was entirely scrambled in the directions in which I was acquiring the language. So finding a professor to steer me into the right direction was incredibly helpful.

But, what do you if you can't afford or have the time for private lessons or university classes?

Even though I have had the immense privilege of going to university, I still found that the burden of learning Korean mainly fell on myself. Language classes are one thing, but you need to have the drive outside of the class to learn as well. If you only become familiar with your textbook, you'll never learn. So, outside of an academic environment, I've learned many things when it comes to teaching myself the language.

Obsessions, Interests, and... Autism?

One of the main things that really propelled my Korean learning journey was integrating the language into almost every relevant facet in my life. I have autism, so I hyperfixate on things to the point of annoying my relatives and close friends. I don't really think they care about the linguistic harmony of Korean characters as much as I do, but I can't help but fall in love with the language every single day.

I made it a goal to learn as much as I could about Korean culture, and through this I picked up a lot of vocabulary. In my personal opinion, I think what really stumps a lot of learners is that they get stuck on the "pop" culture part of Korea. It's nice and all to like K-pop and K-dramas, but if your heart is not in it beyond that, you might find yourself struggling to stay motivated. If you're going to learn Korean, you're going to need to delve into the culture, history, and every day life itself, because a lot of the language will start to make more sense.

You don't need to become an expert in those things, but you'll find that Korean people appreciate this a wholeeee lot more. I speak Korean at my workplace with Korean customers, and they'll usually ask if I learned because of K-pop. However, when I tell them otherwise, I watch just how much brighter they become.

I also enjoy writing (fics and other personal projects), and a lot of my research could not be found on western websites, so I had to start googling IN KOREAN to find what I wanted. Through this, I also mastered the Korean keyboard and I don't need to look at it to type anymore.

I started documenting Instagram captions and comments from my favorite idols, made song diaries, read children's short stories, and watched Korean YouTube channels. In my opinion, I think having physical books or physical notebooks are better than virtual ones when it comes to learning a topic.

I also made plenty of personal flashcards, and if I was using a virtual set, I would make the quiz option entirely in writing. The more you practice spelling a word, the more likely you are to remember it. I would do these quizzes over and over and over again until I could spell and remember every single one of the words in the set.

Now, if you give me a set of 50+ new Korean words, I can have it memorized in less than 10 minutes.

Resources I Personally Like

Spoiler alert: It's not Duolingo. Duolingo is probably one of the worst resources that you could use. I hate that green bird.

I would also like to preface that I use an adblocker, so I'm not sure if any of the websites have ads or how invasive their ads are. So, if there's like ten billion ads on one of these websites, I didn't know! I would marry my adblocker if I could.

The reason why I put emphasis on the word personally is because at the end of the day, how people learn language is entirely a customizable process. What works for me might not work for you. People just have to find what works.

How dependent you'll be on these resources that I'll list also depends on your current Korean level. A lot of what I will provide will be more beginner friendly, but eventually you'll find yourself doing your own research or making your own resources.

Also, it is incredibly important to note that language learning is not one skill. As someone who also studies language acquisition, imagine Korean Fluency itself to be an empty box with different shaped cut outs. There's a star cut out, a circle cut out, a square cut out... etc. You need to fill the box, but in order to do that, you need to fill it with different shaped pieces.

Speaking is a separate skill. Reading is a separate skill. Listening is a separate skill. Writing is a separate skill. Your mastery in Reading won't always bleed over into your mastery of Speaking. These are muscles that must be exercised separately. Of course, they can help each other, but you need to know that just focusing on one facet, or one cut out shape of the language will not be enough to fill that box.

How To Study Korean 한국어를 공부하는 방법

First of all... this person is incredible... The person who made this website is a foreigner who learned Korean, and I think that's an incredibly valuable perspective to take on when you're also a foreigner learning Korean. Their explanations are very precise (they've saved me during so many of my Korean exams), and they also grouped many grammar concepts into digestible levels, so you can start from level 0 and progress onward in a way that makes sense.

I honestly almost feel offended that all of this is free. Thankful, but offended. It's seriously such an incredible resource. If you're looking for a clear roadmap, this is your website.

GO! Billy Korean

Again, if you're looking for a foreigner to explain it in a way that makes sense to your English brain, this guy has some pretty good videos. If you go to his playlist section, he has clips from his livestreams where he teaches Korean grammar and concepts in depth. Some people might not learn that well from just reading, so a video format is perfect for those craving a more personal touch from a teacher.

Talk To Me In Korean

You probably saw this coming. There's a reason why these guys are the best! I know a lot of their options have recently become paywalled, but they still have a lot of valuable lessons on YouTube and they also offer free podcasts on Spotify if you'd like to take a listen. You can also take a level test on their website to determine which course might be best for you. I have a couple of their physical books, some of my favorite being....

Easy Korean Reading For Beginners: this book really introduces you to easy concepts and basic vocabulary, but it also showcases Korean sentence grammar in a very clear way.

My First 500 Korean Words: This book is exactly what the title is. However, in addition to the 500 words, they give related vocabulary, crossword puzzles, reading exercises, and they also break up the words into a weekly manner, so you don't feel overwhelmed to learn everything in one go. Vocabulary is so, so, so important. And anyone learning Korean will tell you that usually its not the grammar that's the issue, its the sheer amount of WORDS that you have to learn...

KoreAnt

Incredibly underrated but very good, especially for beginners trying to expand their listening practice! KoreAnt has cute little visuals where they showcase real Korean scenarios, and they also explain the grammar and vocabulary used in their videos.

Integrated Korean (3rd Edition)

This is a traditional university textbook for English speakers, so you can buy it from multiple different platforms other than the one I linked. It's produced out of one the best university's in the United States for Korean language learning. The entire Integrated Korean series is very well put together and the main meat of the course is separated into four textbooks, Beginning 1 & 2, and Intermediate 1 & 2. Like I said, it's a university textbooks that many of my American friends use (and they all like it), so it might be on the more expensive side. Also, this textbook has sound files on SoundCloud where you listen to workbook or textbook conversations and narrations.

Since it is a textbook, it also has a workbook to pair with it, so if you want to quiz yourself or do additional exercises, you can consider looking into that as well.

그냥 한국어 Just Korean

Now this isn't super beginner friendly, as it is a YouTube channel that teaches Korean concepts... in Korean. It's a great listening resource, however, and she does provide English captions that you can turn on. So you can learn Korean grammar at the same time as listening to it be taught to you in Korean. I think that's pretty cool.

Korean Wiki Project

This is a big hub of archived information and they have a lot of fun wiki pages that you can go through. They also have some pretty solid yet concise explanations on the Korean language, and they also delve into some more colloquial topics (like common slang/texting forms). A little bit of a warning on this one, not everything is super detailed, so if you're looking for a full on lesson other than a quick overview, this is probably not the source for you.

Technical Resources

These are the resources that I recommend for like... typing, general help, or dictionary usage. Things like that.

Naver Korean-English Dictionary

I just really like this dictionary. There's something about it... Something that soothes my soul. They have conjugation settings in there and also you can add stuff to a personal list on this dictionary and quiz yourself over it. 10/10 gets me through school.

Papago

I like to use Papago for quick translations when I'm on the go and don't understand something immediately. It's far more accurate than Google Translate, however it does have its pitfalls. After all, you shouldn't be using Papago as a means to speak/learn Korean, it's just a quick resource -- and since it's artificial intelligence, it can definitely mess up and it will mess up. But if you need to translate something quickly for whatever reason, this is a better resource.

Hancom Taja

I discovered this after I mastered Korean typing! It's a typing website that a lot of Koreans actually use to practice English typing, but they also have Korean options for Korean learners. You can play fun games and select the length of the words/sentences. Fair warning, it sometimes hates working for whatever reason, but when I do get it up and running, I find the overall experience to be a lot of fun.

Language Reactor

This is a Google extension that allows you to have both the Korean and English subtitles running together at the same time over your favorite K-dramas. You can hover over words for instant dictionary translations, get full excerpts of television shows, and you can save/add words to your personal dictionary. I'm not a big TV fan, but I find this resource to be incredibly helpful whenever I am studying Korean off of a drama.

Korean Reddit

I know that the word Reddit might send chills down the spines of many, but in all honesty, you can find some pretty good help on this subreddit. Have a question? Just type up something and get some pretty good feedback.

How I Take Notes in Korean

Do you feel like you're back in school again? I remember I always hated sitting through those "useless" lectures about how to take notes... but in actuality, how you take notes can easily help you understand a topic much better.

I know you already got a taste of my note taking style from my 이게 맞아?! post, but I thought I might explain it a bit better here. Korean, in my opinion, has a lot of solid foundations, and once you work yourself up from those, learning other parts of the language become almost like second nature.

Let's do a quick example:

You might come across a 100 Common Phrases in Korean post, which great! We all love posts like that. However, when you're taking down the notes for what you've learned, you might not be getting the most of what you can get from the content.

Ex) 좋아해요 - I like you.

This is pretty standard, right? Well, how can we expand on this very simple phrase?

좋아해요: I like you

좋아하다 (verb: to like) conjugated in the polite present tense form (~어/아요). Both the "I" and "You" can be inferred due to the high context nature of the Korean language (aka, as long as the speaker and the listener both know what it's about, you can omit pronouns).

You don't need to take it exactly like that, but we've now classified the root verb, how it's being conjugated, and how the cultural behavior/structure of the language impacts its usage. These small changes can really make a difference when you're taking notes.

Also, like I did in the post I mentioned above, I went outside of the material and connected it to other forms that I might've known about. So if you were looking at 좋아하다, you might think of 좋다 (adjective; to be good), or 사랑하다 (verb; to love). Maybe you'd think of Korean pet names and you might want to do more research on Korean couple practices and vocabulary. Make connections. Build your web. It's very important to keep practicing concepts you might already know.

When you are taking notes in Korean, I think it's VITAL that you classify something as a verb or an adjective. Multiple Korean forms change based on this factor, so it's important to label it accordingly. Actually, I'll tell you a quick hack as to how you can master every single Korean grammar point (even if you don't know it yet). I'm not kidding.

To master Korean grammar, all you have to do is ask yourself these four questions.

Is it an adjective, verb, or noun? for particle usage & forms that might use ideas of continuity (adj. do not have continuous states)

Does it end with a vowel or a batchim (final consonant)? for forms that might connect with ~(으) or ~아/어 conjugations, general connectors like ~(이)라...etc

Does it end with a bright or dark vowel? for forms that might connect with ~아/어 or have irregular forms like 으 & 르 verbs.

(if writing) What tense is it going to be in? for general forms that follow the basic ~았/었 & ~(ㄴ/는/ㄹ) rules

If you know the answer to all four of these questions and you know the behavior of these forms, boom, you've mastered the general science behind several Korean grammar points!

Most Importantly...

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

I know this is a common phrase you've probably heard a million times, but it is incredibly true. Actually, the reason why adults struggle so much in learning foreign languages in comparison to children is because of this concept of shame. Children (other than having advantages in cognitive freshness and free time) often lack this idea of having to be perfect. They make spelling errors, they jumble up their words. But they still communicate. They still try.

Adults often have this feeling that they need to be perfect, so they often shy away from the idea of potentially messing up. You are learning something new, you are meant to mess up.

And that's okay.

(Most) Koreans don't really care how GOOD you are at their language (unless you're trying to work at some formal company in Korea... sorry guys, the concept of Emily in Paris is just not realistic...), they mostly care about the effort that you're putting into learning it.

So don't be afraid to ask a lot of questions. I mean A LOT of questions. After my class time, I would go up to my Korean professor with a whole new list of words/cultural contexts/grammar points that I wanted to ask her about. She never saw it as a burden, and she was more than delighted to educate me about her home country and tongue.

But before I go, I just wanted to say that I was thinking about doing more Korean posts, but I'm not exactly sure what to focus on. I was thinking about doing a fun Linguistic-centered post about Korean, but that might not be super beginner friendly. If you have any topics you might be interested in or you might want me to cover, I'll look into it and see if I can make a proper post about it.

That's all I have for now... if you have more questions, just shoot me an ask!

#ask #korean #korean learning #bts #bangtan #한국어 #jimin #jungkook

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