#I want to be the best version of myself for the people in my life
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Okay, I'm getting on here to be a little bit pissy. I'm sorry in advance.
I am so in love with the headcanons regarding Steve's hearing, whether it be that he's hard of hearing, actively in the process of losing his hearing, deaf with a hearing aid, or just completely deafâevery version is fucking fantastic. I'm hard of hearing myself, it's fucking great that this representation is being written or drawn. I love it.
However, I'm going to hold your hand as I say this, stop using language such as "when he learns to lipread" or "eventually learns to lipread." Please stop.
He shouldn't have to learn to lip read. That shouldn't be an eventual skill he learns.
And, gonna give you a little bit of history here, it's historically ableist to require a deaf/hoh person to learn lip reading. From the late 1800s and into the late 1960s, there were literally programs across America that would force deaf children to write, speak, and lipread Englishâthey were punished for signing to others in their schools, in public, in their dorms. And that didn't change until "Total Communication" was brought forth as a possibility, a philosophy that declared children would learn better using their preferred communicationâwhether it be oralism (the practice of writing, speaking, and lipreading) or via signing. However, oral schools that implemented total communication into their core programs had sign language that was structured with English grammar, this is commonly known as Exact Sign Language, or Exact English Sign Language. It's not American Sign Language.
Also, children who were approved for Coclear Implants in the early 1990s, were sent from residential deaf schools into day schools (public schools) that had a primary focus on oral teaching; pushed into day schools with little to no support, were discouraged from signing with even their parents. This was due to the fact that it was believed that signing at home would slow down their learning.
I am such a fan of deaf Steve or HoH Steve, but you have to be careful the language you're approaching his character with. If he has a sign language interpreter, then he most likely already knows sign language and will, also, most likely rely on an interpreter for communication with hearing people. If he is going deaf (maybe because of head trauma, maybe he gets into a traumatic accident, maybe he gets sick and just loses his hearing, maybe he listens to music too loudly and damages his ears that way), Steve will most likely already have the skills to write and speak in English, but lipreading is a skill that's difficult to garner.
I'll say, too, lipreading is fucking difficult because hearing people are so used to speaking (most of the time. I'm not talking about non-verbal hearing people in this conversation)âhearing people will typically talk fast, which makes lipreading muddy and indecipherable. I've been trying to learn this for years and I'm fucking over it, I can't do it. I speak and write, but I also use ASL, too.
Saying that Steve needs to lipread, that's ableist. Saying that he eventually or finally learns to lipread, that's ableist. Fuck it, I'm gonna say this, tooârequiring or not giving Steve the option to decide whether or not he wants a hearing aid or implant device is also inherently ableist. Deaf people are (and should be) allowed to have a choice on having to hear. My own sibling made the decision recently to stop using the cochlear implant they've had their entire life because they weren't even given the choice to get one in the first place (and decided they were done with it), they hated the feedback the cochlear had, and it was just irritating in the sense that it would fall off, the volume control would change all on its own, and they just didn't like it. That's their choice. It's important to give a character that choice.
I let this get away from me, but I despise how people talk about his options for communication sometimes. It just rubs me the wrong way. And I think it's best we all reanalyze how we approach his characterization, especially how we can approach crafting the characterization without alienating a group of people.
*this post has been approved by my deaf sibling (who was born deaf), and obviously by me (somebody who can only hear out of one fucking ear. seriously be careful about volume control on your ear buds. and also wear ear plugs at shows. it hurts like hell to damage your ear drum.)
Here's a whole Wikipedia article about deaf education in the US (just in case you wanted another reason to hate America, but also if you're curious. definitely something everybody should learn).
#stranger things#steve harrington#deaf steve harrington#hoh steve harrington#sorry. can you tell that I'm passionate about this subject?#and also I need everybody to know that I'm not trying to smush somebody's head canon.#this is me just saying you need to be more careful about your language. y'know. before you sound ableist.
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Something painful Iâve realized about POTs is that itâs alienating. Specifically, when everyone else has a head full of thoughts, when in a episode, itâs as if when I talk to them Iâm not there. Mental connections are few and far between, and when in an episode, I might say things and voice insecurities that I otherwise wouldnât. So when Iâm in that position, I just donât talk to people anymore. In a group, everyone will continue talking, but because it takes so long to piece what Iâm truly thinking together, and so much effort to say it, I wonât bring up my thoughts or opinionsâand thatâs Bad! For relationships! Iâve realized that I have an unhealthy well of jealousy for people who are able to connect to each otherâthe able-bodied and able-minded. Itâs not kind, and itâs not sustainable. Yet, I have to continue living with this condition. No option there. No cure, just a million little micro-adjustments in the hope that they bring me closer to myself and others. A gallon of water, testosterone, adhd medication, blood pressure medicationânone of it separates me completely from the struggle to think and speak and move. Iâm divorced from my own intelligence and intuition.
At the end of the day, Iâm responsible for the insecurities I bring to the table, and those are formed within a situation outside of my control, and so unique that it doesnât relate with the majority of people. Built in neurosis. Maybe this is why disabled voices are so important. I donât know anyone in my own life who struggles to participate the same way I do, or if they do, their struggle is as invisible to me as mine is to them.
#I want to be the best version of myself for the people in my life#but unfortunately the best version of myself isnât there when I go looking#and I try! if I wasnât trying it wouldnât hurt so much#but I find myself responsible for this body and mind despite my best efforts to distinguish myself from it#itâs entangled in me#awful awful#I know that if I didnât have pots or even had a less severe case#Iâd be better to the people in my life#more responsible for my needs and desires#and a more fulfilled person in general#so I feel guilty about my disability#and donât want to share myself with people because they arenât getting the version of me that I relate to the most#if I could go back to the woodshop and build me different I would#because i struggle to accept the burden that is a neurological disability in addition to neurodivergence#like how can I tell people that I feel like Iâve been walking around with a brain tumor without them being freaked out? I canât#so I have to either hide what Iâm going through or justify it to people because of their misunderstanding and internalized ableism#and often people arenât even aware that theyâre living with that#invisible disability#my beloathed#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#pots#potsie#had a bad last few hours at work#and feel guilty about my disability#it sucks#I want to be free of this#fated to struggle. destined to longing for the little things.#disabilities#disability#I hope cognitive behavioral therapy can account for this lol.
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âbeyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people iâve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.
#i have left so many people throughout my life#and#if someone would ask me if iâd regret any choice iâve made i would say no#i regret hurting people yet i wouldnât change a thing if i could#without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say iâm proud of#whenever i read the question âwould you want to be your friend if youâd meet yourself?â deep down my answer was no#i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone#but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing iâve done#i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my âbadâ traits were just as extreme#my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didnât allow me to have any control over them#i used to be so terrified of being alone. all iâve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me#until iâve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me#they werenât good for me anymore just as i wasnât for them#since that day iâve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself#i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself#all iâve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need.#without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldnât have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it#without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life#i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt.#but iâve learned how to choose and to choose the right people#i donât need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special#i can finally say that i love the person i am today and canât wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending#I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms#an open mind and an open heart#above all the most precious gift iâve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul.#everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning#and itâs beautiful.#being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing#alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it#alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.
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#maybe in another universe I kept every promise we made. and I made a life I could be proud of#and my friends didnât forget me. and Iâm not ashamed to let people see me#and Iâm not too prideful to reach out first#and we stayed in each otherâs lives in some way all this time#maybe in that universe instead of crying in my room alone. or being curled up next to someone who didnât even want me#I was having a dinner party with all my friends to celebrate my accomplishments#maybe that other version of me is the one thatâs engaged#maybe Iâm a good cook and I have interesting hobbies and I love to laugh and my spirit is free#maybe Iâm not so afraid of getting older because Iâve built something for myself and I donât feel that all my best days are behind me
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you donât find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody elseâs work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isnât fucking deranged but i canât#like yes itâs just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. iâve never been this happy writing anything. and itâs entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things iâm passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers iâm in because itâs fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but iâm so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i donât want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two iâm not sure anyone would even notice that iâm gone but i still worry about being rude#though iâm not entirely sure i didnât get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#itâs been gnawing at me#ok no if iâm being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it wonât happen but itâs nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. iâve always felt like this but itâs been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour itâs very disgusting#theyâre all lying around me as iâm typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me thatâd be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. iâm sorry#also doesnât help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because itâs always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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#so there's this girl#and there's this conversation I had where I told Prettyboy about a coworker whose version of polyamory is#'she says she needs me back in Washington but I don't have a job there. I keep telling her to get another boyfriend while I'm out of town#just make sure he's not around when I visit so I don't have to fight anybody'#That tickled me. And the conversation ended with me getting like a third of a hall pass. I gotta call if anything happens.#Call so Prettyboy feels like he's part of my romantic life even when the romance isn't him#Which is the opposite track of the one I was giggling about okay yeah#But like my best friend here is. Super pretty. Ridiculously pretty.#And kind and works hard and takes care of the people she loves. She's always finding ways to help me.#And she's vegan and loves my cooking and that's my love language okay#I wanna make sure she eats I wanna see what happens if she's given full reigns on dominance I want I yearn#And we talk for hours about nothing but it's been weeks since I've been like one third available and I dunno how to tell her#Or if I should or if I'd be just another person in her life who wants her for what she can do for them#I think my intentions are good but it's lonely. The long distance and the seasonal work and the isolated town up in the mountains.#And maybe I just want to be held.#I know she's grey ace and a lot of the romantic relationships she's had in the past were very manipulative and not what she really wanted#Maybe that's what's pulling me in so hard like am I just insecure and want to prove myself yet again#I've always been drawn to flaky people#I wanna be the one person they show up for#This is the thing that I actually need to process in therapy and can't just lsd the anxiety away#Though that worked for most things#Take hallucinagens. Once.#I'm such a hugger but only worked up the courage to hug her a few days ago.#We've been talking (lowercase t) for months.#And I know she has her own long distance unicorn relationship back in Kentucky. I'm hoping the subject will just surface again.#And then I can say hey#I think you're really pretty
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Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im đł what.... Wha
#miranda talking shit#I always say this but holy shit what the fuck i didnt think medication could have so much impact#I thought be being numb would be the best case. But here i am like đ life's not so bleak. I have loved ones. There's more for me to see#Like what the fuck.... Ive been sucidal since i was 11... I thought that would just be permanent for me... That it would kill me one day#But here i am just.... Like...living?#I mean im still not living life to the fullest mainly bc im still not used to just ... Be and not feel like garbage#I still have many problems and inner battles but they don't .... Send me into the abyss or worse#Anti medication people can probably argue if im ACTUALLY happy or just high of my meds or something but i...#I just feel like myself but ...kinda like when you put on glasses after being without them for a while#You see things clearer again and you had forgotten that your eyes were bad#I see the same things who would make me smile for 1 second. Now i see them and they make me smile for half a minute or more#I feel i think a lot more and notice smaller things. Smaller delights. A little cute bug flying by. An pretty flower outside. Someone#Laughing with their friend. A child playing outside. They all make me happy now and i just ... Yeah.#I am not the most positive person alive or am super happy all the time... But having actual ... Normal days#Actually be just... Just fine. Not 'i have managed to not cry and kept my mental health in check somewhat etc' but actually just#Things are fine. On an scale more in tune with others version if fine. Im used to my okay days just being like... Oh i was awake today#I ate a meal today. I didn't cry. But i still had my usual bad mental space but it was fine bc it was a bit more manageable#That was a fine day. Now I'm like... Id describe my days now as great days. I usually have one or two of these days#Per year ... Now i have them like daily... Theyre just fine. It blows my mind...#Ive always been positive to medication despite not finding one that helped me as much as i... Wanted. But now it's like#Holy shit yeah. Wish i found this medicine at age 15 when i started and not 10 years later but man im glad i finally found it#So glad i decided not to just settle with the one i had. When i brought up i wanted to try new medication again#Doctors were like what... But why? And it's like.... Yeah that one i had was.... The best i had found at the time and i had kept it for 3#Years. But it did only help me to stabilize some. I still felt like garbage... And explaining that to a doctor is like... Idk how to do that#Like id say my old medication helped 25% i know it helped mostly with my general anxiety. But it wasn't like to a point i felt#It was a GOOD medication for me. Just ... It was the best i had tried so... It was fine...
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You will all be inflicted with superior story before the âcanonâ one if I have anything to say about it, by the way.
#shut it ya damn bird#this is both a promise and a threat by the way#yes this is about the book coming out on September 3rd#I still canât believe theyâre going with Ralph and also that they STOLE MY WHOLE DEAL FROM LIKE 2015???#you can take the Minotaur out of the psychological torture labrynth but you canât take the psychological torture labrynth from the Minotaur#so I am gonna have to show up the big man myself. feeling like some sort of hubris laden hero.#I wonât lie the off brand fauxne guy in the aniversary game did not give me confidence in this book getting anything right#the characterization was way off. I didnât spend TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE dedicated to disecting this character just for him to be slandered#in the canon material#also I hope youâve got a good stomach for gore because sixteen year old me had some ~issues~ and decided that inflicting fictional trauma#was the best way to deal with that#maybe Iâll make a⊠more⊠canon consistency version⊠less blood and guts (lame) for people who arenât in to that sort of thing but still wa-#want to see what I have to say#actually those people can shoot me a message and experience it first hand the way god (I) intended; via rp with a stranger
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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?
#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk#vent#'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was#already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better#to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him#floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time#and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it#I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy#so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he#evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't#be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him#and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14#in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character#to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way#to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris#often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it#at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa#ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people#laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche#i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make#fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off#what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet#my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes#along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to
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I know I just need to go to bed but.
#i want to die#i cant tell if like. if i feel like the last real person on earth and i am in a fake version of my life#OR if i am the fake version of myself and the real world continues around me#does this make sense?#my best friend out here told me i needed a hobby because the people in my phone were never going to be enough#but when i go outside when i meet people it's just. i can't stand it.#what is this
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Thewizardliz sayings to remember and repeat
It's about you; you are the main character of your life.
Sometimes you need to get uncomfortable to get comfortable.
People who get angry at you for putting yourself first are the same people who benefit from you putting yourself last
You are allowed to say, "Nah, that's not good enough."
Stop wasting energy that you can use to become your best version.
Becoming selfish is the best thing I ever did.
I can make myself fulfilled, and whatever he gives me is just an extra.
Start now with what you have.
Enough crying, enough being sad, enough saying "tomorrow".
Sometimes you lose people that are not meant to be with the highest version of yourself, and you have to let those people go.
You vs. you, honey.
Some people just don't deserve you. Not mentally, physically or spiritually.
I don't argue with people because most of them are stupid.
People don't really care what happened to you or what you went through. They really care about what you can do for them.
Only here to impress myself.
When a Queen does not like her situation, she plans her exit.
Manifesting is a lifestyle.
The best revenge is creating a better life for yourself.
I started prioritising my own needs and wants; whatever I want goes first. That's it; I do not care anymore.
I could honestly go on forever since Liz has so many great things to say, so let me know in the comments if I should make a part 2! <3
â©â§â*:ă»love ya :*ââ§â©
#thewizardliz#malusokay#girl blogger#aesthetic#dream girl#it girl#coquette#pink blog#that girl#pinterest#pink pilates princess#wizardliz#manifestation#loa affirmations#loa blog#positive affirmations#affirmations#feminine energy#dark feminine energy#confidence#mindset#glow up#glow up journey#my queen
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whenever i see romantic content i mentally see like, me and my friends in it. its like. i know its supposed to be romantic but these cute like nice situations and shit im like yeah. my besties. like songs and stuff. like yeah they are the only exception. i would move to or from a city for them. loving them is like a fairytale.
#this is def an aromatic moment#shits platonic asf#theyre my family#i trust them with my life#im happiest with them#i feel safest with them#i think theyre all the most beautiful people in the entire world#i rlly with strong platonic love and bonds were more normalized#i want to tell them that i love them more than anything#and that theyre my soulmates and my favorite people#and that i love them so fucking much#and i want to be with them forever and that they make me a better version of myself#i want to tell them how fucking important they are without it being weird#and hug them everytime i see them#and tell them i love them 50 fucking times a day#and i dont want them to think anything like that#think that thereâs something thatâs not#theyâre just my best fucking friends.
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A Bargain To Remember
Kinktember Day 13: Car sex
(G)I-DLE Miyeon x male reader smut
words: 4,950 Kinktember Masterlist
"Finally, a face to the name."
You know all about Miyeon, of course. She's the type of girl whose face is plastered on every screen and every street in every corner of the galaxy, a darling of the interplanetary conglomerates. From the spaceports to even the most downtrodden of back-alleys, you can probably find her face on some poster or flyer or some massive digital billboard high above youâthose corporate powers that be sure want to squeeze as much out of her as possible.
The surprise is that she knows you.
Of course, it's on those screens, or the ones at home, or the ones in their pockets, that most people become acquainted with a girl like Miyeon. Those glossy eyes, her effervescent smile, her delicate but fierce features, of course, they leave an impression. They sell you dreams, products and promises. That's why you can find her all over the placeâbut the versions of her you can interact withâ ones to purchase and enjoyâare another beast altogether.
"Can I help you, miss?" you feign ignorance of her identity as she takes the chair at the other end of your desk.
"I would like to make a purchase."
"A purchase? From me? What could I possibly offer to someone like you? I sell scrap electronics to junkies and fix the broken implants of low-life thugs. How could that possibly interest you?"
She crosses her legs, and says, "Don't play with me. I have seen your work, quite the artist you are, though I wouldn't say you exactly have my mannerisms down. The curve of my mouth, the cadence of my voiceânot exactly up to par with the real deal. But as fakes go, you do well with what you have."
You scratch at the back of your head and then catch a bead of sweat forming at your temple, "Think you have the wrong guy, miss. You're talking AI and Virts here. Not my thing, definitely not my forte."
She's quiet as you look around at anything but her face. The grey concrete walls and steel beam of the roof are awfully fascinating suddenly, and then the holos playing on loop above the screens of your makeshift boothâreally anything than to have to admit that your life's work consists of making and selling forgeries of people like her. She knows why she's hereâthe least you could do is be brave and admit to your craft.
"I tried your work myself. Quite the experience. Can't say I ever planned on fucking myselfâbut well, there's a first time for everything I guess."
There's enough power across your desk to not only shut you down and make it so the only tech you would ever touch again is a pair of electrified cuffs at best, and at worst she could have you put down and silently disposed.
Miyeon continues, "As I say, it wasn't entirely accurate, I'm not actually that loud or aggressive, for the record. But it was fun, so if you're thinking I'm about to expose you, not the caseâI'm actually here to invest in your skill. Your art is fun, and I dare say your tastes in women, are spot on."
You let out a small nervous laugh and then say, "I don't usually take requests."
Her pink-painted lips, the gloss shimmering slightly from the bright fluorescent overhead light, form into a delicate, mischievous grin. "I'm willing to make you an offer, one you won't refuse. You get me what I want, and I'll license your work. Think about it. An official Miyeon VirtueXâą, think of how lucrative an asset that could be. The whole galaxy's lining up to get a tasteâand you would be the only real supply."
You lean forward in your chair to peer at her and ask, "Let's say I was who you think I am, what is it that you want from me?"
"What I want from you," she pauses and tilts her head, her eyes glance across your features briefly and her tongue traces the edges of her teeth. "Is to show me the past." She places a drive on the deskâold-tech, the kind that would never run on any kind of systems that are sold today. "You can get this working, right?"
"Is that a government stamp?" You point to the symbol on the drive. "I plug that in and I'll have execution squads here in under a minute."
"It's all above board. Officially disposed and untracked. I just need to live it, once." Her voice is quiet and pensive.
"Alright. Deal. But those two lumps of metal you call bodyguards have to stay out there, and you're coming through to my studio. If I'm gonna help, you have to play by my rules."
She flashes you a winning smile. You thought you had her pegged down but all this has proved you wrongâthere was more to Miyeon than the flashy clothes and the blinding lights, a lot more. And your curiosity is getting the better of you now.
"You know, you're only the third person to ever step in here," you open up the secret passage into the back room, and gesture for Miyeon to step in.
You close the door behind you both and feel the heavy metal slide lock with a hiss.
"The first was me, naturally, and the second left it in a body bag a few years ago."
She doesn't flinch, just brushes past you and sits on the edge of your desk, running a finger along the steel as if surveying the conditions of your equipment. "Hard to imagine you make the stuff you do from a place like this," she says.
"The drive," you say as you hold out a hand.
She passes it over and you examine the shape and material. Most drives these days are designed to interface with neural implant ports or organic docks directlyâthis is true vintage work. It might have been what some would have called groundbreaking tech a hundred or so years ago. You hook the little device up to your primary work machine and start running tests.
She slides off the table, her hands resting on your shoulders. She bends down, her body pressed into yours as she murmurs near your ear. "How is it?"
"A mess. But a fixable mess. Should have something you can use soon enough."
Miyeon breathes gently in your ear before placing a hand on your arm, "Please, whatever you do, do not look at the contents. It's personal, just let me view it, and live it, one last time. Then you can lock it away again for all eternity and erase the copy from your server. And then you get exactly what you want from me."
You breathe in deeply, a mixture of her perfume and the thick oily scent of hot electronics flooding your brain. "Whatever, it's none of my business anyway. Now take a seat will you." You nod to the chair on the other side of the room.
The drive whirrs softly and a data scan runs to gather all the fragmented encryptions left behind on the device. Miyeon lies flat back on your chair and waits for you to connect herâshe holds out her forearm expectantly.
"Come on then," she smiles sweetly and pulls a loose curl behind her ear.
You clamp your eyes tight and inhale. "Here goes nothing." You run the system at the push of a button and all the data you scraped compiles in a memory, one for Miyeon and Miyeon alone to relive. You walk over, drawing the connection from the chair and readying to insert it into her arm. "Connections like these, they can hurt, okay? Are you ready?"
"Do it." She's insistent.
A quick stab of your fingers later and the tiny prongs slide into the barely visible organic slot on her skin. Her head tosses violently and for the first time, there's fear on her face. But as soon as you have her connected, her eyelids begin to flutter. You sit a while, watching her as a million synapses all spark to life behind rolling eyesâwhatever the moment is, she is in it. You leave her in peace and sit back at your workstation, waiting.
There's an artificial sensation of the atmosphere becoming slightly humid all around, the lights are a soft pastel blue, and the world is swathed in cotton wool. Silent. You find yourself completely frozen in time. It drags and yet somehow comes to a finish just as you're still adjusting to the quietude.
Miyeon's connection beeps and you turn around, removing the port from your system. She pulls the connection from her arm.
"So, tell me, was it worth the trip down memory lane? You get everything you wanted?" You unplug the old-school hardware and await the confirmation that all the corrupted data's safely expunged from your hard drives.
"Almost everything. But most things, in the end, never get a happy ending, do they?"
"Sounds heavy. The stuff that happened on there, pretty rough, huh."
Her pupils are dilated, the whites of her eyes flooded red. "Like you wouldn't believe." Miyeon climbs from the chair, finding her feet back in the real world after living in another for a precious few minutes. She blinks twice and there's a distinct film over her corneas.
"So that's it? My end of the bargain was fulfilled. And I get my licensed content?"
Miyeon turns and you wonder if that's a tear that's been cast down her cheek. "Sealed and guaranteed. Now let's give you some real data to work with. The right anatomical model, an authentic Miyeon behavioural pattern, every single unique vocal calibration, every erogenous spot, every subtle expression in real-timeâhave it all. One more condition. I have another memory, a real one in my head, if you make me relive that, you can record it and scrub every detail you need. Are we agreed?"
You nod. "Done. Sit there and we'll connect."
"You're going to manually record?"
"How do you think I get it all so accurate?" you tell her with a smug smile.
She sits and gives a nod. "If it's got to be done." You take a seat behind her, and you both reach over your shoulder to pull the neural connector into your napes and slot them in.
A brief flash of many realities as you slip into her consciousness and she welcomes you to her memory.
A calm setting, sitting in a car, you were driving and she's in the passenger seat. You're parked beside a winding hillside road and looking out over a city. A city you don't recognise. Miyeon's fingers dancing across your thigh with a suggestive gentleness, a sly smile.
"Where are we?" you ask.
"Seoul." Miyeon smiles.
"When are we?"
"2024."
"2024? That's over seventy years ago!"
She laughs. "Yeah? You wanted the real authentic Miyeon, didn't you?"
"Sure, but in 2024? That's just unbelievable. You look the same. How are you soâ"
She leans close and traces a finger across the line of your jaw. She stares directly into your eyes and says, "We'll worry about the details later. Right now, you want what I've promised, and you've come this far, so you know what has to be done. We're already where we need to be."
Your senses are engulfed in an emotion and memories that are not your own. All a simulation and all a vivid and overwhelming experience. You're in love with her, that's the overriding feelingâthe feeling of whoever she was really with at this time.
"This is the memory of the best sex of my life." She leans close to whisper to you. "So do try your best."
"This is just..." You don't get to finish, she's grabbed your shirt and pulled you close. She kisses you deeply. There is nothing of the daintiness or composure that you're used to, you've lost all your will and she is dragging you out of control. You find yourself consumed with an overwhelming and perplexing ecstasy and the idea of restraint or of reason seems unimportant now. You're driven purely by passion and by instinctâshe has to have you and you have to have her, it's almost a compulsion. She's yanking off her seatbelt and reaching for your trousers, clawing at them desperately.
And just like that, you're scrambling at each other's clothes, almost frantic. You have the sensation of her breath across your face, the heat of her lips against your skin. Hands, everywhere. Exploring the curves of her body. A hungry desperation to peel back every layer of fabric to feel more, and more of her. She bites your bottom lip and looks at you with pleading eyes.
"I want you and I want you now." Her lips move like liquid lust and her hand like electricity, the energy tingles when she wraps her fingers around your cock and pulls it free from your pants.
She gasps and then giggles as if pleasantly surprised, a cute and kittenish squeal, she hums with her own approval of her actions.
"I'll be gentle," she whispers, her eyes shining with mischief. She rubs you from tip to base, taking the full length, slowly and teasingly over and again until the blood's pumping and you're at full salute. She's on her knees in the passenger seat and leaning over you. A smirk on her lips, she goes lower and lower still, her tongue warm and wet. Taking your crown into her mouth and enveloping you, her pace slow but sure.
Your hand in her hair, not to control or pressure, just to feel her in the moment. Encourage her, caress the back of her neck and appreciate every moment of pleasure. She takes you deep, deeper into her throat, the heat of her lungs, the power in her movements as she comes off and plunges again and again. It's effortless and instinct, and not for anything other than her own desire to please, and that itself is thrilling, you have to admit.
It's a strange new world for you to have sex without the enhancements of technology. It's so raw.
You sigh and whimper at every suckling pull, your nerve endings raw and singing. Her palms firmly pressing down onto the tops of your thighs, her movements grow slower, more sensual but she sucks harder, the vibrations from the moans of her enjoyment humming through the root of your shaftâfuck, it feels so fucking good, too good. She releases you with a slight gasp for air and a drooling line of spit.
She wipes her lips with a knowing glint in her eyes. "Outside, now." Miyeon doesn't hesitate. Her shirt pulled off and tossed into your face and she's leapt over to the rear passenger door, flinging it open wide, the warm night air rushes in to greet you, along with the sound of crickets. She slams the door shut and you open yours.
You climb out and head to meet her at the front of the car, she's already leaning against the metal hood. The car is one of those muscle cars from back at the time, a real classic ride that suits a woman like her. "Hey you," she rubs her hands against the metal as she leans forward and sprawls herself over it. "Get behind me already," her tongue dancing across her red-stained lips, her chest heaving in excitement, you're as hot and as hard as you'll ever be.
Miyeon tilts her head, watching you closely with half-opened eyes, her pretty pink tongue sticks out between her perfect teeth, and a teasing wink follows. She wiggles her hips, an inviting gesture, her skirt raised to reveal the gentle wobble of her cheeksâshe doesn't have underwear, what a perfect minx she isâall bare for you.
She runs a hand down over the hem of her skirt and then raises it fully up over the top of her ass. As glorious as the very stars overhead. You have an overwhelming urge to run your hands across her bare flesh and as you take the first steps towards her, you find your arms reaching and touching and tracing every inch of skin that's exposed.
You run your hands over her cheeks, spreading them, kneading them, Miyeon's letting out soft little noises, encouraging you, inciting youâbut fuck, this view... it's exquisite. It's so clear now, that all those fakes, the painstaking hours of recreation, simply did not live up to the real deal, and not just the view, everything is magnitudes superior.
You smooth your palm between her thighs and you part them, pulling her ass to the edge, sliding her legs open, watching as her wetness shines. "Just how badly do you want me?" you ask her.
"Look at me, how can you say something like that? Of course, I fucking want you. I hate having to wait. Come and fuck me."
You guide your cock to sit between her cheeks and rock into it gently, enjoying how those perky cheeks cradle your length and the way her whole body rocks with every movement. "Is it wrong that I love watching you squirm?" you ask, running the palm of your hand over the bare skin, digging your fingers in, grasping a handful and appreciating how it yields under your fingertips.
"Only wrong if I mind, and I don't," Miyeon groans, lifting her hips against you and smothering your dick in her deliciously juicy flesh. She is irresistible. "So what are you waiting for," her voice soft and suggestive. "Go on, you know you want to. You know how much I need it."
You grit your teeth and trace her lips with the tip of your cock, and it's like lightning flashing between you both. Fuck. Her lips are so wet and hotâthey're so tantalisingly puffy. She wiggles and gyrates against you as you rest inside her opening. She groans and you're shuddering.
You slide the first few inches and gasp. You both moan softly together as you glide in, she's so much tighter than you had imagined she might feelâevery inch that slides inside makes her clench you more.
"Yes," Miyeon is urgent and breathy, her muscles are contracting as though attempting to swallow your entire length. And she's hungry for it. "That's it baby, nice and deep," her words as electrifying as the sensation of her snug walls quivering as she clings on with greed.
"Like this?" you whisper in her ear as you lean over and pin her petite frame against the metal, letting her feel you, all of you. Every inch. And as she moans and shivers under the weight of your body. Your hands reach her shoulders and your fingertips find her neck, circling and caressing and massaging in all the right placesâshe turns her head as far round as she's able to gaze at you as she hums and gasps with each rolling movement of your hips.
Her teeth biting her bottom lip, her cheeks flushed pink, a complete dream in motion. Her body arches as she urges and wills herself back on you. You groan in return. Everything about her feels unreal in its perfection. She's squeezing against your cock, and her most hidden recesses begin to melt for you.
Miyeon cums like this, and it's without warning. She tenses, her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs openâher silky tunnel clamps tight as a vice grip. And the way she gushes all over you, covering you, she can barely breathe, she can barely let out a cry or a single noise, only ragged breathing as you hold her firmly in place and fuck her through it.
You fuck her without shame or inhibition. She whimpers, a feeble cry, every thrust powerful and deliberate. Miyeon moans what feels like your name and you give another forceful snap of your hips, both hands firmly on her slim and shaking waist. There are no words that can possibly encapsulate her.
"That's it," her breath erratic and shaky. She grinds her ass into you with every forward push, working into a perfect rhythm and going balls-deep with each pump. "Hard." You slam against her ass, the clapping sound of skin against skinâit fills the warm and humid air.
Miyeon cums again. So fucking easy to make her cum. Her beautiful brown eyes are desperate with desire. She shakes, she is panting, "Just like that, keep doing exactly that and I'll lose my damn mind. God, you feel so fucking big."
She's limp now, just taking rough, powerful and blissful strokesâher cries a series of hoarse grunts and weak moans.
You grab her by the waist, hard, she lets out a yelp, and then you're manhandling her, throwing her delicate figure over onto her back. There they are, those perfect little tits, grown red being forced against the metal of the car. Her soppy mess drips out from her thoroughly fucked hole.
"This, is all you wanted right?" You gather her legs and thrust them roughly up and over your shoulders, sliding easily back inside. Her pussy gushing and absolutely soaking. "A good rough fucking. You just love to be used don't you, baby. This is the side of you I've been missing, seeing how you have always been so prim and proper in front of everyone."
"That was your problem, all those homemade VirtueXs made me all commanding when I really just love to be taken." Her breaths are ragged.
"Maybe that's just how I'll be selling you in future then," you say.
She gives a throaty chuckle. "Do whatever the fuck you want, but for now," Miyeon takes a tight hold of her knees, and draws them against her chest. "Make me cum again, please."
You have her absolutely filled with every inch of cock and stretched tight with every savage drive of your hips, again, and again, and again. Sweat forms a light film over every curve and groove of her form. She's gorgeous, she's taking it, and she's loving it. "Let me feel you cum," she breathes between pumps and thrusts, her fingers kneading the flesh of her thighs as she spreads herself as open as is physically possible.
A combination of pressure and adrenaline, you're hammering deep. Miyeon is groaning and pleading. A loud moan, a series of short sharp exhales and whimpers. Those narrow hips are trembling, her slim thighs shake, toes are curled. Her orgasm and invitation for you to join her come as a surge.
You explode. Locked, sheathed so deep and full, you fill her. "Cum so much..." Miyeon sighs in awe. Your climax is euphoria.
Both a sweating, quaking mass of interlocked limbs, you pull away and your drenched cock slips out. "How are you real," you exhale. "Never felt anything like you."
"I am one of a kind." Miyeon laughs gently to herself. "Now let's get back in there and you can fuck me some more."
You're in the backseat now, Miyeon's slender body climbing all over you. She leans in and takes your lips, her sticky lip gloss and the sweet taste of her mouth as she invades with her tongue and leads yours into a frenzy. Her fingertips drag down across your chest. She's positioning herself over your cock.
The beauty of simulation is there's no recovery, only the chasing of the next orgasm, and she's keen to provide the means. She takes you with her eyes closed, a small, grateful moan and she slides herself slowly up and down. Your head arches back with a cry as she holds onto your shoulders and glides her lips down over your shaft.
"Gonna ride you," she whispers as she rocks herself in time with the rise and fall of your breaths. "Ride you until you explode again." Your fingertips squeeze into the supple curves and muscles of her torso.
It is a euphoric ecstasy. Miyeon looks perfect riding a dick. She sinks down low, grinding back and forth. She moves like waves, her hair stuck against her cheek. You take hold and move the strands out of the way, before trailing down the bare skin of her neck and to her tits, groping them firmly.
"Been so long since I last got to do this. Missed how big you are." She grasps the headrest as the speed and intensity of her motions increase. "Yeah, that's it, baby."
Her eyes flutter and her head starts to fall further and further back. Erratic, out of control, wildâshe starts slamming her ass down hard. Fucked-slack and oozing, her juices dripping down. She's growing quiet and you watch her expression transform, her eyes turn glassy. You watch her face strain in her pleasure, it's a wonderful sightâpure bliss. Then she erupts into moans as her body convulses and spasms, and all you can do is hold her steady, her hole throbbing tight around you. She gasps, desperate for oxygen, every fibre and nerve singing in harmony.
From one, right into chasing the next, Miyeon lifts herself, turns, presents her ass to you and sits back on your cock. You watch it slip up between her cheeks and disappear inside her cunt once more, she hums a content sigh and leans forward. Miyeon braces herself against the window of the car, looking over her shoulder as she moves.
Her groin rocks and grinds on your shaft in a rolling motion and it's heaven itself. That cute, perky ass smacks on your groin in a sensual motion. Her hand snakes between her legs. Her moans grow in strength and volume. Wet, slippery, soft, Miyeon's fucking you and riding herself to her own orgasm. She starts to tremble. You start to tremble. She's squirming wildly, desperate for her climax, that gorgeous cunt squeezing every inch and driving you crazy.
And you lose it. Another intense explosion that makes you clasp onto her ass and hold it steady. A groan rips through your entire body, and you empty everything you have. She cums the instant she feels the heat spread through her. A unified orgasm. Pure heavenly relief. The energy seems to drift into the air and the car rattles beneath you both. It is incredible. The euphoria is otherworldly.
"Tell me that was good," she asks softly.
"Like you wouldn't believe."
"Again. Again. Please, one more time?"
"It's your head, sweetie. Have at it."
"Hmm, I suppose it is. Then I want to sit on you, and I want it in my ass." Miyeon giggles and slips herself off you, a mixture of your cum and hers falling down her thighs.
"Whatever the fuck you want," you groan, delirious as Miyeon pulls you up to the seat and then takes her place on your lap, she spread her legs out over yours and you take her hips, guiding her ass onto your cum-soaked cock. Everything is a fucking blur but the sensations are turned up to eleven, and there is nothing else that is comparable.
You plant kisses on her hot, sweaty back as you slide her down onto your length. She's twitching, and squirming. You hear her let out a soft gasp of delight at the invasion. The tightness, the constricting squeeze is just...
"Oh yes..." Miyeon breathes softly. "Let me... let me do the work now, let me fuck this big hard dick with my tight ass." She circles her hips, drawing on your cock with a slow, tight, merciless motion. Your world starts spinning all over again. She's slick with sweat, her cheeks grinding on your thighs, the scent and the sex drives you fucking wild. "What a perfect dick. I could do this all day."
You lean your head forward, and sink your teeth into the muscle of her shoulderâa flurry of loud moans from Miyeon as she bounces on your shaft. The sloppy sounds, the music of her pleasures, the clapping slap, it's insane and exhilarating. You lick her sweat from her flesh, tasting her.
She's slick and stretched, clamping around your cock as her pace quickens and turns ragged and urgent. It's a whole other level, it's unparalleled and all-consuming. You're just about ready to blow inside her ass.
"Hold onto me," She pants, grasping your left wrist and bringing it over to her mouth, placing your fingertips upon her tongue and sucking. It is lewd and erotic and exciting and your insides begin to churn and ache.
There's no stopping you now, you erupt again, gripping her waist as your hips buck up on instinct, jamming yourself deep and blowing. Miyeon moans around your fingertipsâtaking your load while still rubbing her swollen little clit.
"Yes, I love it when I make you cum like that," she murmurs, sliding herself slowly off your half-mast cock and crawling off your lap. She throws herself down on the seat in a heap, peering down at the thick mess of cum dripping out of her freshly fucked orifices, a dazed smile, satiated.
You blink and try to get her into focus but it's to no useâshe blurs and vanishes before your eyes. And soon, you're back. Your workshop, in your chair, and still hooked into Miyeon. Still sitting back-to-back, your foreheads damp, breathing hard and ragged. The lights flickering a bright electric blue.
"Incredible," you breathe.
Miyeon sighs. "Yeah..." She detaches the link from behind her ear. Miyeon climbs to her feet, shakily making her way around your workspace. "I'm such a mess," She says, touching under her dress.
"Fuck, yeah me too," you sit there trying to process what just happened.
"I want a copy. The whole thing." Miyeon places a card down on the desk.
"I'll get started."
#kinktember#kpop smut#Miyeon smut#gidle smut#kpop fanfic#male reader#m reader#smut#Miyeon x reader#Cho Miyeon smut#(g)i dle smut
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sometimes i see peoples posts that make sweeping statements about specific demographics with absolute certainty and its just like. man you truly just not have had many good people in your life huh
#this is not a callout just a random thought#saw a post abt parents#you really truly think everyone thinks like that? seriously?#because god that is so sad#that the world has only shown you its worst parts and you havent experienced some actual good#or just people who genuinely try to be good#i havent had the best of experiences but i know i have absolutely not had the worst and that ive lived a good and happy life so far#so i know my worldview reflects that#but idk#im thankful im at the point where i now actively seek and recognize the good before the bad#things are much more managable that way#this got away from me#but yeah#its like those posts abt creating mean and innacurate versions of ppl in your head due to your own insecurities#just. that cant be fun. or happy to live like that#and it makes me sad that this is what life and the world is like for people#this is all very naive and vent-y and rant-y#but i genuinely just want people to be able to find happiness in the world and their lives#working on myself and my mental health has rlly made me feel this#like damn. i just want us all to be okay and not fearful of the world
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Going from "I'm not one of those trans people who do x or y" to "I am so one of those and I should have not judged them and I am glad that I got rid of the normative judgemental attitude I used to have".
Going from "I'm just a lesbian so liking trans men is wrong i don't want to deny their manhood" to "My sexuality is weird and that is fine, I like who I like despite the theoretical implications of it and I am not denying anyone's identity because I like them for who they are and respect them no matter what".
Going from "I'm just a regular binary she/her woman" to "I'm a girl and a woman but my dissociation and life experiences also make me feel impersonal so I can use it/its and I'm not weird for it, i wouldn't even be weird if I had no justification either, I can even use doll pronouns because I like them and they make me feel warm and happy and that is what matters".
Going from "Ok so these are all the labels with their very clear definitions and meanings and everything else is internet quirky stuff" to "I literally would not know how to explain what you are and I won't force you to explain it if you don't want, I don't need to understand it to accept you, you are valid and loved. If you instead want to explain it to me I'll do my best to learn and defend it whenever I can".
Going from "I am so sad, frustrated, angry and in pain because I will never be or look cis" to "I actually don't like the cis normative look, I don't want to cispass, I like trans beauty but specifically I like me beauty, the one where I am still myself but a more me version of myself. The world constantly told me what I should aspire to be and look like and like and I was brainwashed for so long but now I've broken free and am free to fully love myself and everyone else in this world who ever thought they were weird or ugly because my eyes find so much beauty in everything and everyone!"
Going from "Ew furries" to "I don't want to make fun of people who deviate from the norm because that is exactly what happens to me and we should all be together or else we are treating ourselves as exceptions and exceptions are easily revoked, I will learn to love everyone against a brain poisoned with conservativism and "normality". I like rats I should make a rat fursona or smth it would be so cute it'd so represent me :3".
Going from "I am useless, lazy, falling behind, a disappointment" to "I am physically and mentally disabled, there have never been accomodations for me in any aspect of my life and the intersectionalities of gender, sexuality, economical situation, etc. have made my life extremely difficult, I forgive myself for both failing and for blaming myself, I will seek help and advocate for myself to the best of my abilities and I will respect my limits in this world that was not made for people like me".
Learning is hard, changing is scary, but it's mostly just your brain being a conservative for the sake of commodity, safety and self-preservation, sometimes you need to fight your brain in a war of attrition but when you finally win you'll be so much happier.
I am so much happier now, my world is bigger and brighter and I see everyone and everything with a new, beautiful light. I look back on how I was and how I thought and how the world works and it all looks so much worse and grey, I am not going back there, this new mind is my home now.
And the best part is that I know I will keep learning more and changing more and the world and this life will keep getting better and betterđ„°.
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Cant believe im getting rbs on a post about junepei when yesterday I went on a big rant shitting all over junepei đ”âđ«đđ°
Akane who sacrifices her entire life, and her loved ones lives, and the lives of many others, all in the hopes that she can forge a timeline where she and Junpei can be together and live a peaceful life, only to have traumatized Junpei so much in the process that he doesnât want anything to do with her in the end
#zero escape#i look like a dumbass now!#even though this post isnt exactly me being positive towards the ship its more me being like#âahaha isnt this FUCKED UP????â#which ive said again and again is the only aspect of this ship i dont hate#just cuz its the only part of their dynamic that feels interesting đ#me thinking about this pairing i hate is making me fixated on my girl rebecca gales cuz idk#they kinda do the whole âchildhood crush thats kinda not healthyâ thing so good#she reminds me just a bit of junpei cuz she was best friends with ash as a kid and has been in love with him since#and she gets kinda really possessive of him and misses out on a lot of life#all in the hopes that one day ash will reciprocate her feelings#and even though ash DOES love her (even if its not romantic) he isnt good at being what rebecca needs#to the point where its like okay so why the fuck does Rebecca like him so much if he acts like this#and its pointed out that hey girl maybe you have this idealized version of your childhood friend that doesnt exist anymore#because both of you have grown up and changed a lot and youve met new people#and thinking youre meant to be with him and wasting so much of your life yearning for him isnt actually love#but rather an unhealthy obsession thats turning you into a bit of an asshole#and then rebecca has to sit on that and realize that hey maybe its true maybe she shouldnt let her world revolve around this one guy#idk just reminds me of how junpei literally wastes his whole life looking for akane#and despite her supposedly loving him she really does disregard his feelings all the time#and ignores him their whole lives#and theyve both changed so much to where its like okay junpei you dont even like akane anymore#youre just obsessed with who she used to be because she was like your best friend and first love#and youve never let yourself grow outside of her since youve based your whole identity around her#im not necessarily saying ze does that dynamic badly but i cant understand how id be expected to find them so owo cute together cuz#they arent đ€#anyway i just wanted to remind the world that i love rebecca gales more than myself shes so fucking good
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