#I want to be able to eat like my skinnier friends

[randomravager]

fuckfuckfuck I love my mother but oh god do I hate her and more importantly myself thanks to her

[captain-mj]

Hiiiiiii I was wondering if we could get some more of that fic where ghost and soap switch traumatic back stories ? The story has been playing on my mind for ages and I would really like to see more! (: 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Jumps straight into Soap drawing a naked Ghost. You've been warned.

Simon stripped slowly in front of him before sitting on Soap's bed.

Johnny swallowed. He was still fully clothed, but it felt weird. Slowly, he peeled off his gloves and grabbed his art supplies. "Sit naturally. No need for ya to pose."

Ghost sat back, in just his boxers. He adjusted until he felt comfortable. "Could you live out my scars? I know they're probably not the most attractive."

Soap felt his heart squeeze. He'd never undress in front of Ghost. That was decided immediately.

"Alright. Any other adjustments? Want me to make you skinnier and your tits bigger?"

Ghost smiled at him. "I love how witty you are."

Soap quickly looked at his paper. He started to sketch the proportions and basic shapes of him. His eyes kept glancing up to scan over him and then guide his hand where it needed to go.

Slowly, he found himself lost in the artwork. It wasn't as realistic as he used to be able to do. Something a little off in the proportions. Time passed by and his alarm went off, indicating it was now 7 am sharp. He blinked, realizing they had stayed there for about two hours.

Ghost's eyes had slid shut and there was something restful about him. However, the moment the pencil stopped scratching at the paper, his eyes opened again. He looked at Soap with a smile. Dimples showing. "Can I see?"

"No." Soap closed his notebook. "Get dressed. You're on duty now."

"Yes, sir." Ghost got up and got dressed. "If you want to do this again though, I'd love to." He walked out of Soap's room and directly into Gaz.

Gaz stared at him and Ghost went from the confident, sweet guy he was around Soap to the regular Sergeant he was around Gaz. Soap wondered at times on which one was the real Simon. Maybe neither were. He didn't like that idea, deciding that the Simon he got behind closed doors was the real one.

Ghost turned bright red. "Sergeant Garrick!" He almost saluted before quickly putting his hand behind down.

Gaz look at Soap. "You fucked him??"

Soap stomped past them both. "Enough, Gaz. I'm going to go eat."

-

Soap knew exactly what Price wanted to talk to him about. He just didn't want to talk to him.

Price looked concerned. "What made you change your mind?"

"There was no fraternization, sir."

"Really? He was leaving your room with his shirt inside out."

"I was drawing him." Price paused and stared at him, a clear indication for him to continue. "I was... drawing Ghost. We were hanging out, like we do most mornings, completely platonically, and I got the urge to draw. He posed. That's all."

Price softened. "Alright."

"What? That easy?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to check in. I'm glad you two are friends. You deserve someone simple, just nice to you."

Soap nodded, tugging at his mask. He wanted to tell Price he was wrong. Ghost was a lot more complicated than he let on.

Price smiled. "MacTavish. We have a sniper mission. You and Ghost will be going."

Soap nodded. "Understood, sir."

Price dismissed him and Soap gathered Ghost up. Ghost was the sniper and he was lookout.

Simon turned off the moment he was on scope, eyes sharpening to look for everything. He stayed laying down.

Johnny wanted to draw him again.

"We going to talk about it?"

"What?"

"We kissed."

Soap grunted. "So?"

"Did it mean anything?"

"What are we? School girls?"

Simon looked at him for a moment, frowning. He looked a bit hurt but he turned back to his gun. "Sorry, sir."

Johnny watched him. "Dating me... it isn't a good idea for you."

"I know."

Johnny winced, almost instinctively snapping at him before realizing just how hypocritical it could be. "If you met me before..."

"Don't." Simon said softly. "Just... please. I can handle rejection. I can tell myself you just don't see me that way. That becomes a lot harder when if you tell me maybe another life. Another time. Please, just... reject me and move on."

Johnny wanted to take off his mask. Wanted to kiss Simon again. Feel those plush lips.

As if his mind knew happiness was in his grasp, he remembered the last time he trusted someone. The last time someone kissed him. Skull makeup staring at him.

It was for the best. He didn't want to taint Simon.

A bang.

One bullet.

Simon sat up, taking apart his sniper rifle. "Target down, sir. Mission complete."

"Good job, Sergeant."

[blankiebloo]

I'll try.

I do realize that I have some things I'm already working on, but this popped into my head and felt a little bit more important to me-

Characters: Childe x Gn!Reader, Venti x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of depression, cutting, slight mention of a eating disorder

Venti

You two used to hang around each other almost everyday, but recently, he's noticed that you've started to hang around people less and less. He's noticed all of the changes in your behavior: he's noticed that on your days off, you don't seek anyone out anymore, you're actually not seen at all. And when you are around, you look skinnier than before like you haven't been eating; and your eyes are all red too.

He caught you leaving your house on one of your days off for the first time in a while, he was so happy that you left your house that he followed you, he followed you all the way to Starsnatch Cliff and watched as you sat down close to the edge..too close to the edge.

"You know, it isn't safe sitting that close to the edge," he spoke, finally making himself known as he stepped closer to you. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you sat that close on purpose.." his voice was quiet and somber unlike his normal cheery tone.

You turned your head to the side as you watched him sit next to you. He looked at the sky in front of you, his gaze soft and worried. He didn't need you to tell him what was wrong, and he figured that you didn't wish to speak by how quiet you were.

He turned his gaze to your stiff and saddened expression, you looked so tired. "Do you wish to talk to me, my friend? I know I'm no professional but, I'm sure it's better to finally get your feelings out there instead of bottling them up, hm?" He tilted his head, waiting for you to speak or not.

You nodded and looked in front of you, gazing at the horizon but also gazing somewhere far away, some place no one could touch. You opened your mouth, and the words that you spoke instantly made Venti's heart drop, "Venti, I don't want to live anymore." Your expression was so cold and unbothered, it was like what you said was something so normal, something everyone says.

"[Name], what-" he reached out and touched your shoulder only to pull his hand back when you hissed in pain at the touch. "[Name]. Could you show me your shoulder."

His voice sounded so serious, you looked at him and your eyes started to tear up, your lip quivered as you started crying. "Venti, I-I can't do this anymore! It's getting so hard now, I don't want to live like this anymore!" You hid your face in your hands as you continued to sob.

His gaze softened as he continued to look at you, he reached out and pulled you into him and caressed your head. "Live like what?"

"Live how I am!" You yelled into his blouse, grabbing onto it. "I don't want to live hoping that tomorrow will be better only for it to be the same! I want to be happy and be able to calm myself down when I panic, not cut myself to calm down! It gets so hard to continue on living just for the sake of living, what's the point of living if I'm just going to die in the end?"

Venti's heart sank as he held you closer to himself, "[Name], I may not know everything about you and everything that happens in your life, but I promise you, that your life is worth every breathe I have."

His hug got tighter, but it didn’t hurt; you moved your face to look at his and he was already staring at you. "You deserve to live a life full of happiness, [Name]. Promise me that you'll live, promise me that you'll try?"

Tears started to fall faster as you nodded and buried your face into his chest again, sobbing your emotions out as you tried your best to stable yourself.

"I'll try, Venti. I'll try to do it."

He smiled as he kissed the top of your head. The wind had started to pick up as he sat there with you in his arms, slowly swaying back 'nd forth, he need not play any music to calm you down, for the winds played the song of his heart, and it sang out to you, begging for you to hear it and give your life a chance.

You two sat in silence except for your sniffling. You felt him squeeze your arm twice before he says, "I'd still really like to see your shoulders though, [Name]. I need to make sure those cuts don't get infected."

"Alright." You sit up and loosen your shirt a bit so he can check your shoulders, and as he does so you continue to look up and watch as the sun sets, focusing back on that place you see somewhere far away where nobody else can go.

Childe

Usually when you two spar, he'd barely hold back, but you weren't really sparring back with him. You were more like, slowly dogging and practically hitting him very lightly.

"Comrade, are you okay? You don't really seem to be in the sparring mood today," he stopped fighting as soon as he spoke, not wanting you to get distracted and get hurt.

It's like that question just broke you, and you started crying and sniffling. Childe rushed up to you worried, "Hey, hey, it's okay, whats wrong?" He asked as he pulled you into a hug.

"Childe, I...I want you to kill me."

His eyes widened and he pulled away and stared at you, concern, shock, confusion, it was all over his face as he started to question you fairly loud, "Kill you?! Why would I kill you?! Comrade, whats wrong? Why would you ever ask me to do that?"

You started to sob as your fist hit his chest, "Why won't you?! Why won't you just end my suffering already?! You were so willing to before when you mistook me for the traveler! Why not now?!"

He grabbed your wrist with one hand and your chin with the other as he forced you to meet his gaze, "Because I care for you! I don't want you to die, I want you to live out your life to the fullest and make memories!"

He stepped back and took your hands in his. "I want you to take care of yourself."

"But why should I?" Your tone was bitter. "We all live just to die anyways, why not make it go faster?"

Childe looked stunned. His brows furrowed as he spoke again, "You should live because the world always has a place for you to be happy and free. And you just haven't found it yet, and I don't think you should give up, not yet not ever."

"Promise me, that you'll live, that you'll go out and make your mark on peoples lives and make yourself smile. You deserve to be happy."

You wipe your tears off and look to the side. "I can't promise you that. But I'll promise you that I'll try."

"Try?! But, [Name]-"

"I don't like to make promises that I know I'll go back on, that is why I can't promise you anything other than the fact that I'll try. I'll try because you asked me to." You stare into his eyes, your gaze serious and pained.

He sighs and places a hand on your shoulder, "Fine, at least try. Thank you." He kisses your cheek. "Go home and get some rest, Comrade, all that crying can make you tired." He smiles and walks away with a wave.

You place your hand on your shoulder as you watch him walk away, a pitiful and numb smile lays on your face as you speak, "I'll try."

A/N: I know that this won't fit for all people, but this is how I have felt and I took all of the things that reader has said from my own head.

I get that it's hard, and I was just struggling when I came up with idea to write this, but please, at least try. We're all trying and so am I, try because you never know when it might get better.<3

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99

TPOIF

The next morning Alistar walked into the dining hall, everyone turning to stare at him. He stood awkwardly before sitting down at the seat near the corner of the room. "You should eat, dear," Carol stated as she pushed her plate toward him gently. "I'm not hungry, mom. I promise. I'm fine," He smiled. "You need to eat too," "Alistar I eat all the time. You have problems with eating I want you to eat," Carol muttered. "Mom, i-" Alistar was interrupted when Elias placed a big plate of food in front of Alistar. "You're skinnier than a sword. You won't be able to wield one if you don't eat. You might need more energy to stab me again," Eli stated. "I.. I'm not gonna stab you again.. i-" "Just eat it," Eli stated, looking away uncomfortably and sitting down by his kids. Alistar glanced at Ella's family. And then the food. Carol Gave an encouraging smile before Alistar took a bite of the food, almost crying at how good it was. There was a knock on the dining hall door. "Hello. I'm here for the king and queen's family portrait?" A woman stated, standing awkwardly in the door. "Ah yes! Im.. afraid were in a bit of a luckle as of late. We're about to uh.. defend our kingdom... can you come back another day?" Ella asked as she stood up. "Oh.. uh... actually im... here for a month and the boat doesn't arrive until then... so i...." the girl stated with an awkward smile. "Oh no worries! How about you stay in the castle? You may have breakfast with us if you'd like," Ella stated. "I.. really?" The woman asked. "Dios mio..... I'd love to!" She stated. "Wonderful! And your name is?" Ella asked. "Rosalyn. But you can call me Rosa," the woman, now known as Rosa, stated. "Well, I'm Ella, that's my family. My sister, my kids, my husband, my father and mother and a few of my old friends," Ella stated, introducing everyone. Rosa waved. "And this is alistar," Ella stated awkwardly. Alistar looked up, his plate of food completely finished before glancing at Rosalyn, his eyes widening. Rosa looked at him the same way. Alistar swallowed the last of his food before giving a small smile. Rosalyn blushed. Carol looked between them excitedly. "I... uh... I'm Rosa," she stated, holding out her hand for alistar to shake. Alistar stood up immediately, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. "Im.. Alistar.. its.. nice to meet you," He stated with a blush plastered on his face. Eli rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, causing the two to step away from each other, Alistar sitting back down. Only to stand up again to pull out a chair for Rosalyn.

...... After breakfast, Alistar gave the rundown of his father's castle. Hiding places, crawl areas, and even secret rooms. "Oh so that's how you snuck extra cookies when you were six," Carol smirked. "That was eons ago, mother of mine! I haven't had a cookie in 30 years!" Alistar stated confidently. Ella chuckled. "I remember you brought me some one visit. I thought you said your dad knew," Ella stated. "He did not. When he found out, I was in a world of trouble. He burned off one of my fingerprints," Alistar stated with a clueless smile. Ella's smile fell. "Anyways, so if we go in through the dungeons, we can get through and go to this secret room over here which leads us right into his study. He usually spends most of his time in there anyways," Alistar explained. "But he probably knows you've escaped by now. And he grew up in that castle.. won't he expect us?" Clarissa asked. "That's why I'm gonna go in alone first. He expects me to stay away. Not to join in on battle," Alistar replied. "I don't know if I trust that," Eli muttered with a glare. Alistar shrugged. "Trust me or don't. It's the only chance we get," Alistar muttered. "Everyone gets a second chance. I mean. You and Rosalyn seemed pretty cozy at breakfast," Mia stated with a smirk. Alistar blushed. "What? No we werent!" He argued, his voice going up an octave. The entire group stared at him with raised eyebrows. "Oh cmon guys. Im.... I'm dead. Shes...... I'm gonna be gone after tomorrow when you figure this out, I have no shot. Besides... i...." Alistar trailed off, glancing at ella. "I don't deserve love after what I did," "Exactly," Elias stated. "Doesn't matter. Right now, we need to work on getting into that castle. We've already wasted half the day," Alruna muttered. "Shes right. If we don't leave now, John could strike. We need to get into the castle. The plan has to happen now," Clarissa stated. "Then we leave in 20," Ella replied.

[sar-kay]

Is being skinny worth it ?

To that one skinny friend who always complains about not being able to get fatter. She finally succed but freaked out, saying she wanted to go back, when she realised she has the same weight as me,

To that one skinny hot girl I saw get so much attention even tho she's a bitch, to the boy who respectfuly obssesed over her for years, to the boys who would listen to her for hours, to the social opportunity it's giving her,

To my family who never missed an opportunity to comment about my food, to them who would applause me for eating so much when I was yougner but told me straight i had an fat ass when it started to show on my grown body, to them saying i should stop wearing thight clothes bc my fat shows, went mad at me bc I couldn't bring myself to do sport, then congrats me when i lost weigh then told me i should eat more,

To my boyfriend, a living thinspo, who is always simping for the tall skinny girls or for himself, for congratuling me when I lose weight while telling me he'd be sad if i'd lost my tummy, while calling my thights ugly bc the fat is falling, while reminding me my neck is getting thicker, while a tiny waist is the first thing he notices on people (obvio he's lying ab my body). To him telling me I'm too heavy for him to lift, or i'm the fatest of his exes, to him looking so uncomfortable when he tries to compliment me,

To every classmate being irremediably kinder to the pretty girls, to all their love stories being with the stereotypical hotties, to them treating me like 'one of the boys' and talking about fucking them in front of me, (i didn't want to know that), to every human noticing pretty girls (yes they're skinny) and remembering them as pretty/hot women, giving them fucking free respect,

To every women telling me they wish they'd be skinnier, putting effort into it but failling, crying when they gain weight, for praising the skinny girls, to women braging about their fast metabolism, laughing at thick girls, shaming girls for gainging weight, shaming morbid obese poeple like it's not a fcking deasese,

To the hope of a better life when i'm skinny, to easier social life, to people dreaming about me while i don't even know their names, to my boyfriend liking me and to my friend reminding me i'm skinny in everyway they can, to my family congratulating me, to opportunities opening up, to people listenning to me, to younger me who tried so hard to go away from thoses stereotypical ways of thinking but made me pay the price, i want the weight drop to be a symptom of life getting better, i want to be better

It is worth it

[damien-still-around]

VENT!!

Just had the worst week of my life. Binge back to back. And I tried my best to not binge but it’s like I unconsciously do it. Like that is so pathetic. Like imagine not being able to have self control.

And then my fp just crossed my mind and fuck do I miss him. Cold heartedly. He was the only person who truly understood me and I really feel like if I was skinnier, we could’ve been together. And even if we weren’t together, I would’ve been fine with just being friends. I just loved how someone could understand me. I feel like I’m just a fuck up.

And I’ve been getting sick from eating lately and yet I’ll still stuff my face till my stomach is painfully full. And if I’m not doing that, even if I eat something small like a strawberry, my stomach will ache as if I downed expired milk. Like my body doesn’t even fuck with me. Sad.

Then I rela$ped. Almost everyday now I’m cutt1ng my shit up like a mf. And what makes me mad is that I’m too pussy to go deeper. Like one day I really hope I fuck around and just bl33d out. Like I’m really on my last legs now. I feel like I’m free falling, like it just feels like I’m going in a huge circle.

I feel like I’m nothing. I feel as if I burden everyone. I don’t even like talking anymore. I don’t like to read anymore. I don’t like to draw anymore. I don’t want to live.

[givengoddess]

So, I never really posted much on here but I did used to scroll through these tags daily. I'd get lost in these photos, these wishes and fantasies. I had this ed playlist, label 10.8 . It was called that because one day I saw on that weight on the scale (10.8 stones) and decided that if I ever went above that, that I would kill myself.

That was a few years ago now. I had a bad night, and was looking for music to match my mood and remembered that playlist. I haven't played it in almost two years. It took a while to find it, a good way down in my spotify profile. I made it through about a song and a half, before I found the strength to do something I wouldn't have before and said enough. I stopped it. I refused to go down this rabbit hole and to do this to myself again. Because I don't hate my body anymore.

I don't know what change did it. I got pretty into a martial art and maybe started seeing my body different, as something that worked for me, not I for it. I also finished school and my social environment really changed. Maybe it was just the time passing. I'm not sure, but in these last few years, I have healed.

I don't hate my body anymore. I fought to love the things I used to hate. That little bump of extra fat at the bottom of my stomach that i could never get rid of now makes me feel like a woman. I wouldn't feel right without it. (I decided to believe that, and eventually it worked) I still have the same big upper arms, but now i want them to be strong and functional, not like twigs, that could so easily snap. My legs look like legs to me now, not globs of wobbly fat, even though they are shaped the same. Hell, I'm planning on switching from high waisted jeans to regular. Not because my stomach disappeared, but because I know that it's just a goddammit normal human stomach. It looks fine on other people, why not me?

I used to look at my skinnier sister eating bowls full of buttery cheesy foods and not understand how it worked. But eating full satisfying meals made my body happy, so it didn't beg me to binge whenever my willpower dipped. That urge simply went away. I now eat those same nourishing meals and can enjoy them. I moved out and yet my fridge is not apples and water, because if it was I would not be able to live my life to the fullest. I wouldn't have energy to study, to play sport and to dance and laugh with my friends.

There's this song, on the playlist. Its called "honey and glass" and in it the girl admires the girls capable of dancing in the rain and living life to its fullest, not focusing on how their bodies looked, just existing and knowing they are okay. It ends by promising that one day, you too will be honey and glass .

That line is what inspired me to write this. Because it came true for me. So, I just wanted to promise you it can be true for you too. Someday, your insecurities won't be the most important thing. Someday, you'll be free to dance in the rain, to be honey and glass.

- someone who's been through all this shit, and made it to today, happy and proud at 10.9 stone.

[toothlespoggers]

GUYS I WAS LISTENING TO SUNROOF (the kidz bop version because I love how childish and vibey that specific song sounds in that version, don’t judge me) and I had a great idea.

so you know how I’ve been working on that character Razzle Dazzle for some time now? Getting his lore, comic and everything planned and worked out.

Image for those who aren’t familiar with Raz

Image description thingie: A small round octopus-like creature with a purple body and cyan splotches. One giant yellow eye with a red pupil.

my “fresh parasite” that’s actually just a species of monster native to waterfalls deep water named the Squimic

basically they’re creatures that have the intelligence of a regular small monster and an octopus, they have a mix of octopus and squid traits and can see perfectly in the dark but are sensitive to light. They’re semi aquatic meaning they can survive on land if they stay in a moist environment, they eat sugary foods primarily and survive by camouflaging themselves like a octopus, their natural colours blend right in with the marsh of waterfall and the bioluminescent spots make them look like a mushroom, which not only stops them from being spotted but also helps alert predators that they are in fact poisonous (about as deadly as a blue ring octopus but safe to handle just don’t eat it.)

The plot hole I was having was relating to the idea of the sans having sentience if he took the body of the sans despite not being a fresh parasite, so to fix this I came up with the idea that- instead of taking the body of a sans, he just uses his mimic shapeshifting ability to change his appearance to mimic a sans

it’d explain why his body changes when he meets fresh and decides to copy his appearance and behaviour. How he goes from round classic sans to a slightly different shape- skinnier and taller. He’s a shapeshifter, that’s why he never had eyelights, that’s why he bleeds rainbow. That’s how he’s able to turn from little squid man to skeleton. He’s a shapeshifter.

y’all are free to ask me questions and I can answer them if you want. hopefully everyone will think it’s cool!

I’ve been told by friends and stuff that my whole raz idea is a really unique fresh sans. Since he’s like his own thing ^^

[skinnyminnie1234]

50 reasons for me to keep restricting 🌞

1. I can eat without people thinking I look like a pig.

2. I’ll be able to wear all the clothes I have stored away because I don’t fit in them right now.

3. I’ll be to look good in a bikini this summer.

4. I’ll use less shower gel.

5. (Kinda linked to the previous one) I’ll spend less money on shower gel, scrubs etc and save money over all.

6. I’ll be able to finally see all my feet and toes and knees when I shower.

7. I won’t be the biggest (or one of) the biggest people in my friend group.

8. I’ll look good in selfies even from low angles.

9. My skin won’t break out from eating junk.

10. I’ll be able to wear any Brandy Melville clothes without worrying if I’ll fit into them.

11. I’ll be able to shop in Brandy Melville without being judged.

12. My exes will regret what they’re missing out on.

13. I’ll be able to get piggy backs from people without worrying if they’ll be able to hold me.

14. My future boyfriend will be able to pick me up bridal style.

15. When I have s*x for the first time I’ll be small and delicate.

16. I’ll be able to wear dresses/skirts without feeling the need to cover my stomach with my arm.

17. I’ll be able to wear strapless tops without feeling that my arms look huge.

18. Towels will look big on me.

19. I’ll be able to fit in the shower with my future boyfriend.

20. I’ll be able to wear my future boyfriends clothes (friends too).

21. I’ll be able to stand in front of the mirror without feeling disgusted.

22. I won’t feel as guilty eating.

23. I’ll look delicate.

24. I’ll look feminine.

25. I’ll be able to play netball (or anything other sport) without loosing my breath so easily.

26. I’ll be able to wear shorts without thinking I have thunder thighs.

27. People will be amazed by my transformation and praise me.

28. My face will be skinnier and thus my facecard will never decline 😝.

29. I’ll look like a model.

30. People will treat me better.

31. I’ll be able to sit more comfortably in roller coaster rides.

32. My outfits will look cuter.

33. I’ll be able to feel my bones.

34. My future boyfriend will be able to wrap his hands around me entirely.

35. My annoying ex will regret calling me big.

36. I’ll be more likely to get work opportunities.

37. More people will want to be my friend.

38. I’ll take sooo many more photos.

39. My leggings won’t fall down when I run.

40. More people will be attracted to me.

41. I’ll seem like I’m more in control.

42. I’ll be able to jump into swimming pools and not cause a huge splash.

43. I’ll be able to sit on my future boyfriends lap without crushing him.

44. I’ll sweat less (I’m not actually sure about this one but it makes sense in my head loll).

45. I won’t have to cover my face fat with my hair.

46. I won’t have ugly rolls when I sit down.

47. I’ll be able to fit into Urban Outfitters clothes.

48. I’ll be able to squeeze past people more easily.

49. I’ll look hot.

50. Ill be able to have the dream boys that I’ve yearned for for years.

Lmk if anyone wants any more reasons xx

[nicfeind]

I started taking a medication for adhd a few days ago…… I am fat I always have been and gained so much weight this last year from depression and just doing all the wrong things and I really had lost hope that’s I was gonna get back on track and fix my life (and body) I was 170 maybe 165 at my lowest I had never been so happy with myself

And not even because of how I thought, I looked to other people. It was just how I felt about myself I’ve always been the fat kid and the fat friend. I dreamed about being skinny since I was 5. Hoping and praying by the time I was graduated I’d be thin and that day didn’t start coming until I hyperfixated on trying to be skinny. And it worked but it wasn’t something I was able to keep doing when I moved out on my own. My dad was a super gym rat and is always trying to loose weight and “be healthy” he was so proud of me when I was loosing so much weight. I was throwing up in the shower after every meal and on the cusp of trying to end my life but he was so proud of me.

Even today when I told him I couldn’t eat he said maybe that isn’t such a bad thing

I can’t eat. No food noise no cravings food that I normally like just turns me off. I feel motivated to go to the gym and I feel like I’m getting back on track but I also don’t wanna fall back into full ed again cuz that was a really tough time for me mentally even tho I felt so good and happy I was struggling so much. I’ve been going to the gym 2+ hours a day and walking to and from work (about 2.5km) I’m also a waitress Im moving for 8hours a day. One of my best friends who way better looking then I am started taking this medication too also for adhd but now I feel self conscious and that she’s always gonnna be better then me. I have this secret completion. I am jealous of her. But whatever

I can’t help but feel relieved that I don’t want to eat, I’ve consistently consumed under 500 cals a day. Today it was 350c

I cant wait till people will be proud of me again when they will say wow you look so good. When im not embarrassed to go out with my skinnier friends when I stop looking for someone in the room who is bigger then me I don’t feel so terrible about myself.

[ttcalzz]

Doing this all at once!!

Warning ‼️ novel below

1. Stats

Cw: 143.5lbs 🥲

hw/sw: 165lbs 😧

ugw: 127lbs

2. Height: 5’ 8”. And I would say I do like my height!

3.

I loveeee how small her waist is and how all around slim and toned she is!! She’s also my height so it makes pics of her even more motivating!

4. I really don’t wanna lose my ass 😭😭 I barely have one to begin with! Also I’m scared I’ll slow my metabolism down so I can’t maintain my ugw

5. I am losing weight for me. I want to lose weight because I’m tired of feeling a double chin when I look down, or having to wear “control top” (barf) leggings under skirts so they look right. I want to be totally confident and comfortable in the body I carve out for myself.

6. I do binge sometimes, mostly out of a sense of loss of control. When I’m really in a tailspin, and I can’t focus, food fills the void. I always feel worse.

7. My parents do not know! They know I’ve had an 3d “in the past” so I am keeping this very much under wraps

8. I don’t really have a routine per say, I just do whatever I feel like doing, but I usually do something like

- Clamshells (60 seconds each side)

- 80 squats

- 30 lunges (each side)

- bridges until failure for 2 sets and then pulse and hold until failure for one set

- 3 supersets of 10 reg crunches, 10 crunches w legs in an L shape, 10 crunches with legs straight up, and 15 leg raises.

- 10 pushups (as many standard as possible, then assisted/on knees)

- 60 second plank

- Stretching

9. Kinda. The earliest I can remember is being veryyy little in the pool with my little sister and her asking why my belly was bigger than hers. I didn’t even know what fat meant at that point but it hurt like hell. When I was a little older, I remember my grandma giving me advice on losing belly fat ☹️ like girl pls. My family has commented negatively on my weight loss before though, my dad is convinced I’m “super skinny” and “need to put some weight on”. I’m literally completely healthy?? Girl bffr.

10. The hardest thing? Probably how weak I feel. I know that’s just the way losing weight goes, and it does validate me, but I’ve always been rly strong so losing some of that muscle mass as I lose weight has been hard bc I can’t do as much as I was able to before. Planning to pack muscle on as much as possible anyways bc it makes you look skinnier

11. My fav th!nsp0 blog is probably @c0ke-zer0 , the stuff they post is so motivating 🥰

12. Lately, I’ve been drinking a lot of Fairlife protein shakes (chocolate flav my beloved) and eating saltines w hot sauce (I know it’s weird but it works). I also really enjoy salads, fruit, dumplings, rice, and 0 cal energy drinks. I will eat pretty much anything, I don’t really have fear foods, I just eat a very small portion and try to eat the most of whatever is lowest calorie/highest protein

13. I’m definitely not losing weight in a super healthy way, but it isn’t the worst? I’m hoping to actually maintain my UGW afterwards so I don’t wanna totally fuck my body up rn.

14. My ugw is around 125-130, I know weight fluctuates and my actual ugw is like 128 but it’s never gonna be exactly that every day. I’m hoping to reach it before the end of November! I only have like 13.5 lbs to go!!

15. Nope! I am not vegan or vegetarian, and I don’t think I could do either. Chicken and tuna are such good low cal/high protein foods, I could never give them up.

16. The first time I ever remembered really wanting to lose weight was when I was around 15? My best friend had an 3d and I remember googling it to see what it was and finding tumblr and…. It was all downhill from there 😭 can’t believe I’ve been dealing w this shit for so long bro I need to lose the weight and get tf out.

17. I am not diagnosed with any eating disorders butttt I definitely have disordered eating? If I were to get diagnosed it would probably be something along the lines of 4n@ or 0rthø

18. Anything salty and crunchy 🥹🥹 I will go through a whole bag of takis so fast it’s not even funny. Been avoiding chips as much as possible for this. Also candy if it’s just around? I used to have a really bad habit of just eating mindlessly. I don’t even have a sweet tooth idk why I wouldn’t just control myself. That’s not really any issue anymore tho

19. I work at a fast food-ish place, but I didn’t really eat my last shift so I guess it would have been about 2 weeks ago? Usually when I get something from there I steer clear of the “fast food” offerings and take a banana or a yogurt.

20. My favorite diet is high protein, under 1000 cals. After that idc, I try to eat more healthy than junk foods, but like I said I’ll pretty much take one bite of anything.

21. Clothing sizes

Pants: 4 💔

Shirt: small

Dress: small/medium

I always buy sweatshirts and stuff in xxxl sizes though.

22. My lowest weight was 138 lbs. it was right before a family vacation, so I couldn’t get away with not eating. I ended up gaining back some of the weight and then “recovering” aka gaining all the weight back only to be unhappy and come back to this.

23. Definitely!! I totally remember seeing magazines talking about how fat celebs were and at 10 years old thinking “but I look like that” and generally growing up, skinnier was prettier and better always.

24. i think it’s disgusting. Pr04n4 content is what made me develop this 3d in the first place. It’s one thing to post abt your struggles and seek community, it’s a whole other thing to glorify it and try to make OTHERS sicker???

25. Yes, I have purged before. I don’t do it often. But the first time i was 16 and my family had gotten Taco Bell, I ate like 2.5 burritos and felt sick with myself so I threw up in my trashcan bag and threw it away outside. Horrible memory.

26. I’m so excited to be confident in my skin!! And look great in all the outfit ideas I have planned 🥹 I also can’t wait to have a partner but I don’t see that happening until I lose this weight. When that does happen, I love being picked up and carried or tossed around, so being light enough that it isn’t a burden for my partner. I also can’t wait to have someone pick me up and go “omg you’re so light” or hug me and say “you feel so skinny, did you lose weight??

27. Honestly it doesn’t bother me too much, I work around food all the time so I just sorta go into a work mindset: look, touch, don’t eat. Food is for preparing, food is for serving to others, food is not for eating.

28. Not necessarily! I think it looks nice on a body type with wide enough hips, but on me I think i would have to be skinnier than I want to be in order to have one. Besides that (VERY CONTROVERSIAL) I don’t mind bigger thighs BECAUSEEE they support ass 🫡

29. For me, beauty is when someone or something is fully expressing itself to all it can be. A performance, a flower bloom, a genuine laugh. It doesn’t really matter what those things look like, as long as they form that direct bridge to the soul and show a glimpse of yourself to the world.

30. 10 facts about myself

- I can’t stand cucumber or celery

- I’m in school for psychology

- my birthday is soon!!

- I do art

- I have one younger sister and she’s my world

- I have 2 pets! A cat and a dog

- I love blue and green

- my eyes are brown

- im in multiple f4nd0ms (c3ns0r3d so this doesnt come across n0rm4l túmbIř

- I had a hardcore middleschool emo/kpop phase (yes at the same time)

[geddy-leesbian]

21 41 and 46

These were micro fic prompts from ages ago but finally getting around to them dhayshyddhdh

I'm going to save 21 because I still haven't felt inspired for it, I'll just reblog this when I think of something

41: comfort food

This one really inspired me so more than a micro fic 😅 something set in early 1999 of the sum of my confession/junior high Serrennedy AU, when they've finally reunited after years apart

The months as a Rockfort inmate weren't kind to Leon. It wasn't just the scarred ring around his neck where the tracking collar had dug into his skin, nor was it the other various scars he got in Raccoon City and then his escape from Rockfort. What stuck out to Luis most was his weight, how thin he was. While it was a bit concerning, initially Luis wasn't too worried about it. He knew that Rockfort didn't feed their prisoners much, if at all, and assumed Leon would be fine once he moved in and got access to regular meals. But Leon continued to look thin, and once he started observing more closely Luis realized he wasn't eating much, just moving the food around on his plate. Leon had been scrawny when they first met. He was taller than Luis back then, having hit a growth spurt sooner than Luis, but he was skinnier. He wasn't used to eating much –food was apparently scarce when he was still with his biological parents and most of the foster homes he was placed in were stingy with food– so he didn't eat much of what Luis snuck up into his room. But Luis had eventually found a way to get Leon to eat more back then, and hoped employing that old tactic might work again. Luis knew that Leon had felt like a burden back then. While the foster parents Leon was with at that time were far from the worst he'd been with, they didn't have the nice things that Luis's household did. Luis had his own bedroom with a TV, expensive soaps and shampoos, better food, which he was more than happy to share with his friend. But Leon had nothing to give in return, and so he felt like a burden and didn't want to accept the things Luis would offer him. But Luis knew that Leon liked feeling useful, and eventually managed to use that as a way to get him to eat more. He'd make a frozen pizza, eat a piece or two himself, then tell Leon that he was full but his father would get mad at him for wasting food if he threw too much of the pizza away. That got Leon eating eagerly. If he thought that eating was doing Luis a favor and keeping him out of trouble, he wouldn't feel like a burden. “I won't be able to eat all this myself,” Luis says, setting down a hot frozen pizza on the coffee table. Sherry was over at the Burtons’ for a sleepover, so it was just Luis and Leon home. “So you better help me finish it!” The childhood nostalgia seems to overpower Leon's guilt over not pulling his weight in Luis's household and he eats several slices. “Maybe I should have been fancier and just ordered a real pizza,” Luis muses. “But there's always next time.” “Don't do that. I like the frozen better. Reminds me of you.”

46: shimmer

“Close your eyes and hold still,” Claire commands. Leon complies. He feels the soft bristles of a makeup brush running over his eyelids, covering them in a shimmery blue eyeshadow. “Open your eyes so I can check it looks okay before I move onto eyeliner.”

[tylerjoseph-is-amazing]

7/18/2024

Y'all being sick and not being able to breathe is so horrible😭

I had about 10,976 steps

I had about 1,032 calories I burned about 2,722 but that kinda seems like a lot so I'm not sure my watch is 100% right lol

I'm so fat I can't wait to be skinny then everyone will like me

I have a few friends that have literally completely flat stomachs and they eat whatever they want and don't worry about it at all it's so annoying

And they tell me I'm not fat and that I don't have a big stomach but that's because I hold it in

Just wait I'll be skinnier than them soon

[timefriend]

i think the desire to be conventionally beautiful in accordance with the standards for women is never going to leave me. i am afraid that maybe i will never get over it and that i will spend decades of my life clawing at the walls of my cell . often times i think to myself "i wish i were a woman" although i do identify as a cis woman myself and i think it might be because of how estranged i feel from other women who are conventionally attractive. it might be due to a skewed perception of the world from being chronically online but i really do feel like being beautiful is a requirement to be considered a woman. or, in order to be treated like a person as a woman you must be beautiful. being an """ugly"""" woman gets you treatment that is so drastically different from women who fit standards that it feels like a different gender entirely. and i think it goes back to how the core foundation of Woman as a gender is a role that exists to center + please men aesthetically and through service.

and i feel truly awful sometimes because i am so, so, So filled with envy that im surprised it doesn't leak out my throat and through my teeth as a thick, green and venomous ooze. i feel like this envy keeps me from becoming proper friends with other women in my life. the turmoil that writhes deep inside my chest keeps me from truly connecting with other women in that even while we hang out and have a laugh together, im thinking "you'll never understand" in the back of my mind. sometimes the turmoil is the only thing coursing under my skin ! i feel such visceral resentment that they'll never understand even if it's not their fault. i know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to one another but it's so insanely difficult to do that in a world that is very much dependent on comparisons. like holy FUCK if i could have pretty privilege. oh my god i'd be unstoppable.

below is eating disorder / internalized fatphobia territory SORRY

the desire is so strong that i'm constantly flirting with the idea of eating disorders. being chubby my entire life has only made me hate it i have never once felt appreciated for being chubby. even though my boyfriend has always complimented me on my figure and thinks im hot im always afraid that a skinnier girl will catch his attention. i seldom bring that up bc i don't want to seem insecure but like all i've ever known is that people would rather starve than look like me even if i do have some boobs and some ass. like i'm just MID . it's still so difficult to think that my boyfriend finds me attractive. around skinny friends i always feel like i could have one slip up and then i'll be the fat one (derogatory). like when im on someone's good side im "thick" or i look "womanly" but i constantly feel like that is so so conditional. i have so much internalized hatred towards my appearance that i don't know how to unpack. everyday i feel like i need to get skinny as soon as possible and it feels synonymous with becoming beautiful. like the train of thought that i go through daily is like "once i am skinny i will be undeniably and unambiguously beautiful and i'll finally be able to wear whatever i want without my stomach pouch bulging out or my armpit fat peeking out of my tank tops and without fear of ridicule and without fear of being treated as lesser . and i'll finally finally be a normal woman" i think maybe the fucking socializing worked and now i have this parasite of gender hegemony that lives in my frontal cortex.

Sorry rant over i wanted to post these thoughts somewhere but im very whiny in this . but i hope someone can maybe relate

[kart0]

Venting about me being stupid tw ed and suicide thoughts

...hey

I feel like I should start this by saying I've been actually pretty well lately ! I am drawing again, I lost weight which was something I really wanted, I think I made new friends, and I've been growing a lot on social media - I love the attention btw

So what do I have to complain now ? Dani doesn't this get tiring ? Uhhh yes but it's my blog so FUCK YOU

Anyways, it's exam season and there's a lot of things to do. And I have to mention I am illiterate I do not read nor am good at writing. I guess it has to do with my anxiety, I have a lot of thoughts. A LOT. That keep playing 24/7, so it's kinda hard to write something coherent.

So, I have this class, ceramic class, and I am terrible at it. Like. Super bad. Everything I do looks so bad it's literally disgusting to look at. Ok so we had this essay to do and I did, proudly, and I finish it on time which made me so happy. And I thought I did pretty well in fact !

Hm. Thought. We got our grade today and I got such a bad grade. Like. Not even half of the grade. And now I can't stop crying and feeling so stupid specially because ! Basically everyone in my class uses Chatgpt and gets away with it. And I swore, on my life, that I would never, NEVER, use AI to do my work. To do nothing, really. I have an ego the size of the universe, and I am extremely proud. It's my dignity on risk. What would my parents think of me ? What would I think of myself ???? I would never do that. Instead I keep writing everything on my own, with references of course. I used to think I'd rather get a low grade instead of using chat fucking gpt.

Well, now that I actually got a low grade I am really really upset, and regretful. Why did I have to be so proud and stupidly arrogant with my abilities. I know I FUCKING KNOW I can't write for shit. I keep thinking about how I should've used AI.

And I feel so shitty I skipped dinner tonight. Because I feel like I should starve and die. I do not deserve food. All I have to feel right now is fucking pain, and be miserable. Because I am failing this class. And I know, rationally speaking, this is super dumb. It's just a class and it's just one essay y'know. And I need to eat. Cuz honestly I'm pretty hungry.

But I keep thinking about what I did, and how I could've done so much better. I feel like such a fool.

Such a fucking fool.

And now my thoughts are spiraling, how I should either dropout of college (again btw) or kill myself ! Damn bro. Chill for a second.

And I have been eating less. Too less in fact. That's how I've been able to lose weight. So eating even less each time feels like a sickly accomplishment somehow. And I keep weighing myself everyday, morning and night. Sometimes 10 times a day. And all I want is for the number to get lower. It's so sick I should stop but I don't know how. And I feel so embarrassed and ashamed, I haven't told anyone about this.

I need to lose more weight, I NEED to lose more weight. Keeps on replay, and I work even harder to not eat. It's a game of being unworthy of basic human needs. I am starving myself to death. I know that.

And now I am punishing myself by not eating anything at all because of a fucking essay. Why do I keep doing this. What am I even trying to achieve with this. I keep feeling sick and nauseated and it's so bad and I keep taking pills for headaches and I just feel so... stupid

But I need to see me getting skinnier. I feel proud. And there was a time when this happened before too, when I was 18-19. I was so skinny back then and I did not eat.

And now it's happening again and I can't remember how I stopped the first time.

I don't want to feel sick all the time. I don't want to keep looking at the scale. I don't want to think I have to deserve food.

I don't want to die.

But I want this to be over. So much. And I know it's not the end of the fucking world but why, why does it feel like this all the time. Why can't I be normal, and have normal thoughts, and behave normally, and just be fucking ok for once.

I was doing so well... How did I end up like this again.

When will this ever stop ?

[anareader]

I'm going to start my fast rn since school is tomorrow, so I'll be fasting more hrs, but I'm actually so excited for summer. Not bc I'm going to be able to wear revealing stuff bc I'm literally a fat pig💀 but bc I'm going to eat SUPER clean, like I'm only going to drink water and if i do eat, ONLY salads. I'm also excited bc if I do that and then come back to school when summer finishes I want my friends to notice how much skinnier I look when I go back to school🫠