#I want a story with similar premise I guess but with the child's parents still currently alive so she has to grapple with that fact

[yeetus-feetus]

Because the foster system is absolute shit, and I'd imagine Gotham's foster system is probs 10x worse, I've had an idea.

We know Stephanie's baby is not Tim's. But we also know Tim was willing to step up and help with the baby regardless, we know he was there for the baby's delivery too.

We also know Stephanie is not ready for a child, and that's okay. She was still basically a child herself at the time and she also feared for her babies safety if she ever was to keep it. It's okay for her to choose to give it up.

But I propose maybe Tim is the one who gets too attached here. And he's confused with himself because this child isn't even his. But he loved Stephanie, he still does though it's platonic now, and I just think he'd see that baby and immediately love it just as much.

And Tim knows he could never take this baby on just by himself, and Stephanie would never let him because again, their jobs are too dangerous.

Tim is also aware of how trash the foster system is, especially in Gotham.

So I'm imagining Tim somehow convinces Ma and Pa Kent to raise this little girl, because he can't imagine anyone else more trustworthy and qualified.

They're always down for a new kid. Ma had wanted a large family all her life, but unfortunately she was never able to have kids of her own. Clark was a miracle sent to her from above and Kon was a blessing in disguise, Ma thanks the powers that be for the chance to raise both boys.

But the Kent's have never had a daughter, and I feel like they would welcome this baby in with open arms. A little girl for them raise and dress up, and Ma's already started crocheting her a cute little cardigan.

And I think Stephanie was more worried than her child's safety than anything else too, so I think she would feel a lot less anxious handing the baby over to the Kents.

Like think of the story potential of the Kent's raising this little girl. She's safe away from all the vigilantism, and she has a normal childhood with two stable parents, just like her mother wanted for her. And then the heartbreak of that vigilante lifestyle still finding this girl despite all this anyways.

Just imagine how devestating a storyline that could be. You sacrifice a relationship with this child so she can have a better life, and it's all for nothing, because there's your little girl in a Kevlar suit swinging from the rooftops.

It was inevitable really, vigilantism is in her blood. Gotham is in her blood.

It doesn't matter that all she's known are the rolling fields of farmland, the soft embrace of a small country town, Gotham is still something living and breathing inside of her, and no one from Gotham can ever truly leave.

And you can't even be mad at the people who raised her, you can't fault them for this because they have done everything within their power, they've been good parents.

All Stephanie can do is despair. Because Tim promised her, he promised this child would never have to know the struggles of their own lives.

Her daughter will never be safe on the crumbling rooftops of this cursed city.

But here she is anyways, despite all efforts and sacrifice.

Also I feel like, if this girl is raised by the Kent's, when she does eventually come back it will be much easier for her to build up a real relationship with her mother when they reconnect. Because as someone with complicated family, I feel like it's very common for a child to want to seek out their bio-parents even if the parents who raised them were super loving and caring.

Sometimes you find your bio-parent/s and you regret ever looking for them, regret ever asking the people who raised you to help you find them. But other times you get welcomed back with open arms, wet apologies, and a good reason for why they gave you away.

I just think it'd be something nice to explore. More representation ig. Like all of Bruce's kids have known their parents before being adopted. But we've never gotten to explore what it's like for a lot of people who never even knew their bio-parents.

I mean sure, we got a glimpse of that desperation to fill the feeling of a missing piece with Jason, but we all know how that ended for him. His mother was a really bad person, and she's the reason he ends up 6feet under.

But I really want representation that shows not all parents who give up their kids are bad people. Some of them are actually doing what's best for that child because they have the maturity to understand that they wouldn't be able to provide a safe and stable environment for a kid. They're puting the child's needs first.

And I'd really like to see the struggle of a child who's only known the people raising her as her parents and despite how good they are, still feel like something is missing.

[lampmanliveblogs]

Ah, I see The Collector used his space magic to summon a book filled with the completed version of all the fanfics I’ve never finished. I know I always say it’ll be a miracle if I ever get all my ideas written down, but I didn’t think it’d take an actual miracle.

You guys might think I’m exaggerating, and I am for comedic effect, but not by much. Just today, I started jotting down yet more notes on my phone while eating lunch at work. What if Masha discovered that they had psychic powers? I have so many unfinished first chapters, short snippets of dialogue, and premises for stories written down on my computer, phone, in various notebooks, pieces of cardboard, and reciept paper lying around. It’s honestly a bit ridiculous.

Oh wait, the pages are stone slabs? Or maybe they’re supposed to be clay tablets? That’s kinda cool actually, brings to mind the earliest stories written down by man in our own world. You know, like the Epic of Gilgamesh.

…hold on, I gotta go get myself a drink to dramatically spit out in shock and disbelief, give me a sec.

…

”Right, now where was I?” I say as I sit back down with a refreshing beverage. I rewind the video by a few seconds and hits play as I take a sip of my drink.

”Collectors live long, we watch things pass.”

”Pfft!” I spit out my drink in shock and disbelief, spraying my computer screen with liquid. ”What!?” I exclaim between coughs. ”Other Collectors?

I mean yeah, sure, The Collector is a child of the stars and whatnot, I kinda figured there’d maybe be some subtle hint at a larger pantheon out there, but, uh… I guess we get it confirmed right here, right now. I was even thinking of including a joke about The Collector’s parents being Mother Nature and Father Time, I just couldn’t figure out how to work it in.

Alright, calm down Lampman, think…

Based on this short summary, it appears that the collectors are if not gods, then at the very least god-like beings. They travel the cosmos and collect specimen of various lifeforms to preserve them in their collections. That in and of itself doesn’t sound all that horrible… but, ah… that second paragraph is a bit concerning.

Should the mortal beings they collect begin to meddle in the affairs of the Collectors (like, oh, I dunno, maybe NOT wanting to be turned into a collectible), they’ll scorch the planet and wipe them all out. Which… yeah that sounds about right for gods of mythology.

Our little Lord of the Fireflies doesn't like that mentality though, they’d rather play games and have fun and make friends (though evidently, The Collector still don’t care too much about what the mortals want).

Right of the bat, this does make me wonder something: is it possible that The Collector we saw in the Owlbeast’s flashback in Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door wasn’t THE Collector, but another collector? Cause that’d explain why that one didn’t look a whole lot like this Prince of Plastic

It also makes we wonder if maybe The Collector ISN’T the Grand Huntsman worshipped by the Titan Trappers, but rather, another collector (or several of them). Indeed, we see at the bottom of the page, three collectors looming over several worshipping humans. Because’s I’ve been wondering about that; aside from calling King’s dad a bully for putting him in divine time-out, The Collector really didn’t seem to have much against Titans from what we’ve seen thus far. Heck, he was super excited to meet King. So could it be that The Collector was not the one responsible for wiping out the Titans, but rather some other collector?

What I’m thinking right now is that The Collector is the divine equivalent of a kid that ran away from home. And their family either doesn’t care, doesn’t know, or enough time has not passed for them to notice.

(hm… a kid that ran away from home because they didn’t fit in with their peers… where have I heard a similar story before…?)

(the book mentions that the collectors would scorch the air… the demon realm planet is covered in a boiling sea… perhaps scorching the air is a more poetic way of saying ”set off a bunch of volcanoes”? In real life, the worst mass extinction event known was caused not by the meteorite that wiped out the non-avian dinosaurs, but a massive flood basalt taking place about 251.9 million years ago, colloquially referred to as ”The Great Dying.” Volcanoes are good at killing stuff, is my point. and undersea volcanoes spewing out lava would explain why the sea is always boiling)

I mean, look at this face. Does this look like the face of someone who could wipe out a race of giants? Look at him! He couldn’t hurt a fly.

Except Belos, but he doesn’t count.

And I guess they did turn an island’s worth of people into puppets and force them to play along in their games, hmmm…

[antiadvil]

what's childhood trauma au?

WIPs

So I think I’ve talked about the background of the idea here but not much about what the fic actually is. I’m trying to be mysterious because all I have is an outline and like 400 words and I don’t want to disappoint people by never finishing/publishing it. But I'll talk a bit about the premise and maybe share something from the outline.

the backstory is that my best friend did not remember having any friends growing up until her parents revealed that one of their neighbor kids came over a lot, and her parents found it annoying so they starting telling the other parents that my friend was grounded and couldn't play. Because it was more convenient for them if she was playing quietly alone in her room, I guess. Which, I don’t think I need to say, is incredibly fucked up. After her parents told this story, she remembered some bits and pieces of this, but before her parents brought it up again the entire memory was sort of repressed.

And here is where I’m going to clarify that I’m writing all this with my friend’s full permission bc it sounds kinda fucked up to jump from that to “anyway so now I’m writing a fic about that” 😭 we both have similar attitudes towards most of our trauma which is: humor and fic are really good coping mechanisms actually. So I thought she might enjoy a fic based on this premise (I was already planning to write something incredibly specifically tailored to her tastes for her birthday and it’s hard to get more tailored than this) but because it is a pretty intensive project to just drop on someone I asked if she thought it would be a good idea and she said “yeah you have to write that the author’s note would be so funny.” So here I am though admittedly I think this is too big of a project to actually complete by September and I may need a different idea for this year’s birthday, unless I start posting before I finish which I’m meh on since the outline could still change (but I’ll see how things go once I finish my hospital fic and start focusing more on this).

So, yeah, it’s a fic where Dan and Phil are childhood friends, Dan’s parents drive Phil away, Dan represses the memory, so he doesn’t actually remember Phil as anyone other than that neighbor kid, while Phil remembers being friends and then Dan just suddenly not being there, and Phil assumes it was Dan voluntarily pulling away. The story follows them reuniting in high school.

As you can probably imagine, this wasn’t a one off thing. Dan’s parents just suck. There are a lot of weird fucked up things my parents did to me as a child that I didn’t realize were weird and fucked up until I talked to other people about it. There were many other things I did know were weird and fucked up. Living in that household caused me severe mental health issues, and I still have minor siblings who live with my parents. So, yeah, mainly this fic is about that. I literally made a list of fucked up stories from my childhood and gave them to fictional Dan. Not all of the things that happened in this fic actually happened to me (and a lot of the ones that did are exaggerated in some way) but many did.

I don't have much writing done yet (400 words is an overstatement actually) but I do have it fully outlined, here are some fun notes from my outline document (mostly actually funny even though the piece is actually very angsty because out of context none of the angst makes sense/is angsty/i wrote it in a way that sounds funny even though it is not):

phil has a friend group. they will need names.

lots of chances for gay trauma in gym class. as a treat for my hyperfixation brain i’m going to let them take a weightlifting class. phil seems like the kind of student to leave his PE credit for his senior year and need it to graduate

and finally this incredible dialogue exchange in my notes:

phil: so like do you wanna do that again

dan: RIGHT NOW?

phil: no wtf i’m trying to have a conversation about our relationship smh

(The conversation is extremely minimal)

[mayflowers116]

Being continued now.

Grace & Noah

These two share some very similar yet opposite canon circumstances, with notable similarities and contrasts that make them perfect for swapping like this.

Grace is the adopted child of the half-immortal Greg. She was raised in a cult, until that cult's creation- Damian- murdered everyone in it, with Grace being the sole survivor to escape. I'm not quite sure what happened after, but eventually, she wound up in the custody of Greg. After a few years of trying to find Damian (for reasons I have yet to fully decode, POSSIBLY to kill him) while training to grow stronger, she found out that Damian had been killed. She learned vague hints about who the killer was, and resolved to find them; her goal is to learn why they killed Damian, and to apologize, as she harbours great guilt over his existence. She was raised as part of a group that worshipped him, and which created him; she sees herself as culpable for all the pain he caused, and presumes that whoever killed him had at least some personal reason to.

She attends Moperville South where Greg teaches, and is very social (as we've seen canon Grace be as of late). She is fairly popular, and although she hates hiding who she is (a human/uryuom hybrid seyunolu who knows magic), she still manages to make friends in spite of this. The one friend who does know a decent chunk of her secrets is Matt Cohen (taking canon Melissa's place), but we'll discuss him later (he's not terribly important anyway).

Noah Scuridae, on the other hand, was born as part of project lycanthrope, alongside Guineas, Hedge, and Vlad/Vladia (they might be sex-swapped and trans in the other direction in this universe, IDK). Scientists tried to train him to be a killer, until Damian came along and took possession of him and his siblings. Under these conditions, he learned to hold his tongue, and choose his words carefully; he faced a great deal of stress, trauma, fear and abuse, resulting in a fierce angry hatred as well as an ability to control himself to avoid "punishment" (we saw in canon how saying the wrong thing to Damian could result in getting hit).

Eventually, he somehow escaped, and after finding out about some kind of "goo incident" involving Nanase, went and met with her, resulting in him coming into contact with the Verres' parents as well, and him official going into hiding for now. While canon Grace wanted to stop her siblings from hurting people, Noah's goal is to kill Damian (out of perhaps justice, and definitely vengeance). Eventually, shit happens, and Noah ends up responsible for Damian's death in some capacity, and from there, re-evaluations of some sort and a lot of issues I'm not yet certain of, but that sort of "how would they develop differently" is part of the point here.

Some other things of note: Noah eventually starts attending Moperville South with Susan (and Tedd and Lucy); Noah and Nanase start dating early on, with Noah desiring physical affection (see: Archie from Ellen's second life, and Noah's canon relationship with Melissa), and Nanase wanting to prove that she's not a lesbian (this will fail). Part of what inspired this whole AU was just the premise of "Noah and Grace swap places," and I'm excited to play more with it.

Matt Cohen & Melissa

AKA "I needed to make Justin's backstory make sense when that story is applied to Lucy (a woman)."

Matt Cohen is a minor character in canon, most well known as Moperville North's student body president and that guy who (quite respectfully) asked Susan out on a date (and was rejected). Here, he attends Moperville South, and was childhood friends with Lucy... we'll discuss what happens there shortly, when Lucy comes up. Otherwise, he's friends with Grace, and is basically the only one of her friends to know her shit, so yeah.

As for Melissa... I guess she's Mopereville North's Student Body president? I guess she's gonna ask Elliot out at some point and get rejected? This swap is really just supplemental, meant to help support other characters... so yeah.

Lucy & Justin

Oh look at that, time to explain Lucy and Matt's history!

Lucy was bullied as a kid for being such a tall girl; then puberty hit and she was harassed for having big boobs. She gained a generally negative view of others, but had a few friends, most notably Matt Cohen. Eventually, in late middle school, the two tried dating, and Lucy realized she was a lesbian; she told him in confidence, they broke up, it was all fine and well but Matt was sad about the whole thing. A friend of Matt's asked him why he was sad and single, kept pestering, and Matt eventually told them why he and Lucy broke up. This friend (I don't know who they are) then proceeded to maliciously (for as of yet undetermined reasons) spread around the fact that Lucy was a lesbian. This not only destroyed Lucy and Matt's friendship, but largely ended all of Lucy's friendships, and resulted in even more bullying and harassment than before. That negative view of people grew far worse, she suffered isolation, depression and abuse, and it frankly all sucked.

One day, at the mall, some of her classmates started bullying her. Diane happened to be there as well, and started walking over to defend her when Lucy threw the first punch. To make a long story short, police were called ("youth's are fistfighting at the mall!"), Diane defended Lucy's actions, it was a long day, and eventually, Lucy and Diane were both picked up from the police station by their parents, with plans to meet up later. When they did, the two became friends (and Lucy might have started developing a crush on one of the only decent people she'd known in a while), and Diane suggested she join the sword-fighting classes and and Tedd were taking, and thus Lucy started learning magic, swordsmanship, and some type of formal self defense perhaps (she's not as good at the magic stuff as Tedd and Diane, but she is great with a sword- just like canon lol (yes, this is PART of the reason why I swapped Raven if I'm honest)).

She now has Tedd as a friend at school, and is doing significantly better. She's openly gay (not that she had a choice in the matter), and she and Tedd tend to stick to themselves. She has a semi-open crush on Diane (not that Diane's noticed... Tedd knows though), and still generally thinks by default that people are shit. She's been on less dates without Diane's long term influence, and is a bit nerdier nowadays with Tedd's influence (Xena TTRPS for the win I guess, lol).

Also Tensaided might be a family friend and she might work at his video store. I'm not sure.

Then there's Justin, who has managed to hide in the closet... mostly. He has two main friends, as well as two people who know his secret: his bisexual pal Ashley, and his girlfriend Ellen. Ellen is effectively the protector of Ashley and Justin, helping them both hide in the closet whatever way she can, and in Justin's case, it means she's his beard ("beard" meaning a fake romantic partner meant to demonstrate heterosexuality and hide same-sex attraction).

He's got less muscle in this world (no reasons to start martial arts like in canon), but recently had a bit of a growth spurt in any event. Very nerdy in his interests, and spends a lot of time at his uncle's comic shop (not that he works there, or if he does it's less of a thing compared to canon). He's worried about being openly gay, and at Ellen's worried suggestion and her unexamined hatred of status quo change, he's not yet pursued any real relationships. Not sure what else to say with him, eventually he'll break up with Ellen (like, actually break up their false relationship) and come out of the closet (equivalent to when Lucy and Diane started dating in canon, basically), but otherwise, who knows? (Also he is likely going to thirst over Elliot when he finds out about him- "Man version of my fake girlfriend? HELL YEAH!" probably).'

Rhoda & Ashley, Sarah & Catalina

I'll be honest: I have little idea how these ones are going to go.

Rhoda taking Ashley's spot means she wont be relevant to the plot until much later, and I'm not sure how. She'll probably become a "wizard by technicality" like canon Ashley, but who knows?

Next is Sarah (because this order makes certain things easier to discuss), swapped with Catalina. This means she's a student at Moperville North and a friend of Susan Elliot, who eventually asks him out (and gets rejected, because while this Elliot does NOT see her as a sister, this Elliot has his own issues with ANY hypothetical relatioinship right now; if they do start dating (and that could happen), it'll be bad for both of them until Elliot can get some specific character development done). She later ends up in some kind of boar incident or some such with Ashley, and the two become... friends. She'll get a magic mark later probably.

As for Ashley... well, I've already discussed Justin and Ellen. She's the third member of their crew (equivalent to the canon trio of Diane, Lucy and Rhoda). She'll nearly be killed by a boar or something, be given a magic mark by Pandora Jerry, and will turn out to be colossally powerful by surprise. Additionally, the boar incident will result in her becoming friends with Sarah, as well as her developing certain feelings for Sarah; she'll recognize how Ellen would respond to the suggestion of her dating Sarah ("It's not worth the risk, people could figure out you like girls and then you're outed; Justin might even get outed by proxy somehow because of that"), and as such, keeps these feelings hidden from Ellen and Justin (for now). As for Sarah herself, well, the two will continue spending time together, and eventually... something will happen. Probably romance, slim chance it's not, but who knows; they'll play around with magic together in any event. I imagine they end up dating (possssssssibly inspired by a fanfic or two I've read...), but who knows.

Finally, Catalina. She's childhood friends with Diane and has a crush on her, and best friends with Elliot (a chaotic mix to be sure). She'll be in on the magic shit from the get go, but it'll be quite a while before she can have any sort of magic of her own probably... I'll be honest, I thought I had a bit more for her than this. I love Catalina, and am excited to just put her into situations in any event.

To Be Continued

All that's left to explain is Jerry and Pandora, and how Magus' role gets filled here. Alas, I must shower and eat and such, so I shall be off, only to return soon.

Me, writing an EGS Swap AU: "Oh, what if Greg and Raven swapped? That could work, it'd line up well with other swaps, it could be funny... Sure let's do it!"

Me, actually trying to write that swap AU later: "Oh yeah. Raven wanted to be a soldier, but his narrative position prevented that... huh."

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

My Top Ten Overlooked Movies With Female Leads In No Particular Order

Note: When you see this emoji (⚠️) I will be talking about things people may find triggering, which are spoilery more often then not. I mention things that I think may count as triggers so that people with them will be aware before going in to watch any of these.

Edited: 3/16/21

Hanna (2011)

So, before I get into why you should watch this movie, I just want to take a moment to say why it's near and dear to my heart. Growing up as a queer kid in the early 2000s, seeing portrayals of people like or similar to myself on anything was rare at best. It was mostly in more "adult" movies or shows that my parents would occasionally let me watch with them that I'd see any lgbtq+ rep at all. Often times they were either walking stereotypes, designed to be buried, evil, or all three.

Then here comes this PG-13 action thriller with a wonderfully written main female lead who, at the time, was close to my age, and who got to kiss another girl (her very first friend, Sophie) on screen in an extremely tender and heartwarming scene. To say the least, it was a life changing moment for me personally.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, Hanna is a suspenseful movie about a child super-soldier named, you guessed it, Hanna (played by Saoirse Ronan) and her adoptive (?) father Erik Heller (played by Eric Bana) exiting the snowy and isolated wilderness of their home and taking on the shadowy CIA operative, Marissa Wiegler (played by Cate Blanchette) who wants Erik dead and Hanna for herself for mysterious reasons.

It also has an amazing soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers, great action scenes, and it has an over arching fairytale motif, which I'm always a sucker for.

⚠️ Mild blood effects, some painful looking strikes, various character deaths, and child endangerment all feature in this film. However, given its PG-13 rating, a majority of viewers are presumably able to handle this one. Still, be aware of these going in.

Sidenote: It's recently gotten a TV adaptation on Amazon TV, although I have not watched it, and do not know if Hanna and Sophie's romantic/semi-romantic relationship has transferred over.

A Simple Favor

A Simple Favor is a "black-comedy mystery thriller" centered entirely around the relationship between two mothers, the reclusive, rich, mysterious, and regal Emily (played by Blake Lively), and the local recently widowed but plucky mommy blogger, Stephanie (played by Anna Kendrick). When Emily suddenly goes missing, Stephanie takes it upon herself to find out what happened to her new best friend.

It's a fantastic and entertaining movie throughout, with fun, flawed and interesting characters. The relationship between the two female leads is also implied to be at least somewhat romantic in nature, and they even share a kiss.

⚠️ The only major warnings I can think of is that the movie contains an instance of incest and one of the main plotlines revolves around child abuse, although both of these potentially triggering topics are not connected to each other, so there is thankfully no csa going on.

Edit: I legitimately forgot there was drug use in this movie until now. So, yeah, if that's a trigger, be careful of that.

I Am Mother

I became mildly obsessed with this movie when it came out. I Am Mother is a sci-fi film that centers entirely around a cast of two woman, and a female-adjacent robot who is brought to life on screen with absolutely amazing practical effects.

The plot is such, after an extinction-level event, a lone robot known only as Mother tasks herself with replenishing the human race via artifical means. She begins with the film's main protagonist, Daughter. Years go by as Mother raises her human child and the two prepare for Daughter's first sibling (a brother) to be born. However, on Daughter's 16th birthday, the arrival of an outsider known only as Woman shakes Daughter's entire world view. She begins to question Mother's very nature, as well as what's really going on outside the bunker she and her caretaker call home.

⚠️ This movie features child endangerment and reference to child death.

Lilo and Stitch

When I decided to add a single Disney film to this list I initially thought it was going to be hard but almost immediately my brain went to Lilo and Stitch, and specifically about the relationship between Lilo and Nani.

On the surface, this film is about a lonely little girl accidentally adopting a fugitive alien creature as a "dog," but underneath that the story is also about two orphaned sisters and the older sister's attempts to not let social services tear them apart by stepping up as the younger sister's primary guardian. Despite its seemingly goofy premise, Lilo and Stitch has a very emotional and thoughtful center. It's little wonder how this movie managed to spawn an entire franchise.

Despite the franchise it spawned (or possibly because of it), I often find that Lilo and Stitch is overlooked and many people only remember it for the "little girl adopts an alien as a pet" portion of its plot, and I very rarely see it on people's top 10 Disney lists.

⚠️ This movie could be potentially triggering to people who were separated from their siblings or other family members due to social service intervention. There's also a bit of child endangerment, including a scene where Lilo and Stitch both almost drown.

Nausicaä and the Valley of the Wind

Unlike the above entry, I did struggle a little bit with picking a single Studio Ghibli film. Most media of the Ghibli catalogue have strong, well-written, unique, and interesting female leads so selecting just one seemed like quite the task.

However, I eventually settled on this particular film. In recent months, Princess Nausicaä has become my absolute favorite Ghibli protagonist and I'm absolutely enchanted by the world she lives in.

Set in a post-apocalyptic world overun by giant insects and under threat of a toxic forest and its poisoness spores, Nausicaä must try to protect the Valley of the Wind from invaders as she also tries to understand the science behind the toxic forest and attempts to bridge the gap between the insects and the humans.

For those who have never seen the film, I think Nausicaä's personality can best be described as being similar to OT Luke Skywalker. Both are caring, compassionate, and gentle souls who are able to see the best in nearly anyone or anything. She's an absolutely enthralling protagonist and after rewatching the film again for the first time in well over a decade she has easily become one of my all time favorite protagonists.

Whenever I see people talk about Ghibli films, they rarely mention this one, and when they do mention it, it's often in passing. In my opinion it's a must watch.

⚠️ This movie contains some blood, and the folks who either don't like insects or who have entomophobia may not appreciate the giant bugs running about throughout the movie. (Although most insects do not directly relate to real life bugs, and are fantasy creatures).

A Silent Voice

A Silent Voice is an animated movie adaptation of a manga of the same name. While I've never had the pleasure to read the manga, the movie is phenomenal. It covers topics such a bullying, living in the world with a disability, the desire for atonement, social anxiety, and depression in a well thought out manner that ties itself together through the progression of the relationship between its two leads, Shoya and Shouko. It's also beautifully animated. Although very popular among anime viewers, I've noticed that it's often overlooked by people who watch little to no anime. So I suppose this is me urging non-anime viewers to give this film a chance.

⚠️ As mentioned above, the movie deals with bullying, anxiety, and depression (with this last one including suicidal thoughts and behaviour). If discussion of those topics are triggering to you, than you may want to proceed with caution or skip this movie all together.

In This Corner of The World

Another manga adaptation, this one taking place during WWII-era Japan. In This Corner of The World follows the life of a civilian Japanese woman, Suzu Urano, as she navigates simply living and her new marriage as the wartime invades nearly all aspects of everyday life. I think this movie is a good representation of what it must be like to be living as civilian in a country at war where the fight is sometimes fought on one's own soil. It was also an interesting look into pre-50s Japanese culture in my opinion. It's also beautifully animated featuring an art style I don't see often.

Despite it being well known among anime fans, I never really see it be brought up, even among said anime fans themselves.

Side note: I've seen many WWII dramas centering around civilians but they've almost always been about American or UK civilians. This was the first movie I'd seen that features the perspective of a Japanese civilain.

⚠️ Features the death of a child and limb loss. There's also a disturbing scene featuring a victim of one of the atomic bombs near the end.

Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki

This film follows Hana, a Japan-native woman who fell in love with a magical shape-shifting wolf-man, and her trials with raising their children, who can also magically shape-shift into wolves, on her own. It's a very heartfelt movie about a mother's love and the struggles of doing right by your children when you have limited resources to actively guide and care for them. All the characters feel unique and alive in my opinion. Also, the animation is so good that my sister and I initially mistook it for a Ghibli film.

Again, like the previous two anime entries, I don't see it ever brought up outside of anime circles.

⚠️ There's some child endangerment present in the film, although none of it is the fault of Hana as far as I can remember.

Roman Holiday

Roman Holiday is about the fictional Princess Ann (played by Audrey Hepburn), who while on a whirlwind tour of Europe, finally reaches her breaking point over having her entire life be one big schedule and all her words and actions being rehearsed. In the spur of the moment, she runs away in hopes of experiencing what life is like for other women. Unfortunately, she was previously given a sedative, meaning she doesn't get too far before it takes effect. Fortunately, she is found by the kind reporter Joe Bradley (played by Gregory Peck). Believing her to be drunk and unable to get an address from her (because she has none) he ends up taking her home for safety's sake and allows her to sleep off her suppose drunken stupor. The next day, he realizes who she is, and decides to take her on a fun sight seeing trip across Rome in hopes of getting the big scoop. Along the way, they begin to fall for each other.

This is my favorite black and white, old romance film. I think the relationship between the main characters is absolutely beautiful and I have a lot of fun watching it.

⚠️ I'm not entirely sure what kind of warning this film would need. However, it was released in 1953, so values dissonance will probably be at play for many viewers to at least some extent. For example, early in the film Ann is given sedation drugs by her doctor for her behavior, something that is very unlikely to happen today. Also, Mr Bradley deciding to take Ann home to keep her safe rather than call the police or an ambulance is a very pre-90s decision in my opinion.

[verytiredblob]

My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!

[waystobuild-blog]

Top 7 CN Shows That Would Work Better in Live Action than PPG

So I think everybody’s talked about why CW Powerpuff Girls doesn’t work, whether or not it’s a real thing or not? Who even knows. But while thinking about how this:

is kinda awful for Powerpuff Girls, I got thinking what shows that this style of a reboot would work for. In which it’s live action, the character is depressed and has sort of resentment towards their childhood now and that sort of thing. 

So what are the top 7 shows that I think this

Number 7:

Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends

At Number 7 we have Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. Seems fitting that we’d start the list with another one of Craig McCracken’s biggest hits. Why do I think the premise of “Oh, life sucks now and I kinda wasted my childhood” would work for Foster’s? For the plain and simple fact that for a few episodes of the show, there was a focus on Mac growing up and whether or not he should leave his friends at Foster’s behind him. You could play a lot with that concept combined with the live action reboot thing. Maybe an older version of the character is dealing with whether or not to let go of both Bloo and the past and move on with his life. Frankie being a young adult during the time of the original show could also be a pretty instrumental character since it was a matter of living there, caring for the friends, having that job and balancing this life with the life that she had outside of the house.

Not quite a coming of age story but a sort of “Hey, my life has gone nowhere and where could I go with this now? Do I keep the friends I loved and cherished as a child or move onto other things? Is there a way to do both?”

Only thing I wouldn’t want though is CGI monstrosity friends. Those would be kinda the worst…

Number 6: 

Okay, let’s actually talk about a real superhero show this time around. Or would this count as a superhero show? Well, they certainly do a lot of cool time travelling so I’m gonna say it’s a superhero show. Of course, I mean Time Squad.

Now if you haven’t guessed, I don’t have the most experience with this show but I know enough to think that this is something that could actually work well. I mean, Otto was a kid who was basically running around all over history protecting the balance of time with a stuck up robot and a dude who is a little too into all of this. Imagine if he just sorta did this for all of his childhood and realizing as a young adult that “Crap, I didn’t really have a childhood.” With the dynamic of the squad, the potential to expand the greater organization as a whole and just all the time travel shenanigans that could happen, I don’t see a reason not to do it.

Plus, CW already has Legends of Tomorrow and that’s awesome so even less likely to screw it up if they’ve already got a model to do it off of right?

Number 5: 

The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack

Yo ho ho, it is a sailor’s life for me. And in this sailor’s life we’re coming in with Number 5: The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. Now this is a bit of an odd choice, right? But hear me out.

Flapjack as a child kinda had only Bubbie and K’nuckles as guides for his life. While they mostly spent their lives at Stormalong Harbor, they also constantly spent their lives looking for Candied Island. What if they never stopped looking and eventually, little kid Flapjack is a grown up now and he’s like “Oh wow. I wanted adventure but I was kinda manipulated to follow this creepy old man’s dreams of candy.” I think going heavy and hard on this sort of found family between them would be kinda fun. How K’nuckles wasn’t the best role model and how they’ve still only got each other in this world, that sort of thing.

Plus, a live action Stormalong would be sooooooo cool.

Number 4:

Ben 10

As the old saying goes, it started when an alien device did what it did, stuck itself upon his wrist with secrets that it hid, now he’s got superpowers he’s no ordinary kid, it’s Ben 10.

And unfortunately in CW’s Ben 10, he’s not a kid who just wants to have fun. Nah, he’s got a lot of emotional stuff to deal with and all of that depressing stuff. Isn’t it great? Now I do think that this could work especially if you work it in where maybe Ben enlisted into the plumbers after his summer vacation and it just kinda escalated from there to the point where here he is now.

Say what you will, but at least with Ben 10, we’ve seen it hit a more grounded and emotional place with Ben 10 Alien Force and Ultimate Alien so I don’t believe that this would be too far of a stretch with how that show worked and a lot of people happened to really like those iterations of the show.

Granted, I actually do want a CW styled Ben 10, but less edgy Arrow style and more along the lines of The Flash, but I’d still take this too.

And now before we get into the top 3, let’s get into a few honorable mentions.

First up, we’ve got Steven Universe. Now honestly, this could work really well, the only issue with that is that we’ve kinda already seen this story told and that was with Steven Universe Future. Good stuff and a lot of potential, but we’ve seen it and I don’t think we need to see it again with a live action coat of paint.

Next up there’s Codename Kids Next Door. Honestly, I think the only real spinoff we need for Kids Next Door is Galactic. That’s it. Anything else is unnecessary. Still, with this sort of concept an older KND who has been decommissioned and feels like there’s something missing in their lives that they just don’t understand would be really cool. Although maybe that would work as like a movie or special or somethin’ I don’t know.

And finally for the last of the honorable mentions we’ve got Teen Titans. While I am trying to keep this list to CN Originals, I couldn’t help but bring this one up. How Long is Forever is one of my all-time favorite episodes of the 2003 series so I think seeing a series taking place in that timeline or something similar would be a lot of fun maybe for like a miniseries or something. And honestly, anything’s better than Titans.

With those three out of the way, back to the list.

Number 3: 

The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

In a world full of monsters and demons, June is the only one who sees them. This is the Life and Times of Juniper Lee and it makes number three on my list.

Now, like Time Squad, I didn’t watch much of this show. But what I do know about this show is that June is cool and she’s got this whole legacy and destiny by being the newest Te Xaun Ze, which are basically the magical protectors of her town. Only problem, and why I think that this direction for this show would actually be kinda cool, is the whole thing that the Te Xaun Ze is never allowed to leave the town at any point in their lives and oh boy, you could actually go really hard on that with this format since it’s literally built into the show.

Juniper Lee all grown up and just straight up depressed because she’s got the cool powers and grabs all the monsters but everyone around her has moved on in their lives. Friends have gone off to college and started all their lives and she’s got nothing but her family in Orchid Bay. You’d have a story of someone who once was big on their destiny who has accepted it but wishes that it wasn’t theirs anymore. I do know the show dealt with this a bit but with a new continuity and an older version of the character you really could just go in and deep on this.

I stand by that this would actually be pretty cool and kinda want it. Honestly, I like this idea so much that I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the number three or the number two spot, but y’know what? The next show told me a little secret that gave it the edge.

Number 2: 

The Secret Saturdays

That’s right, it’s the Secret Saturdays. 

Zak Saturday went all around the world with his parents discovering ancient cryptids, protecting the world and everything. He got some cool siblings in Fiskerton, Komodo and Zon. And then to add on top of that that he’s also the reincarnation of an ancient cryptid set to rule and control all the cryptids in the world? Yeah, that’ll do it. Definitely not the type of life he asked for and kid went through a lot because of it especially after losing those powers and apparently getting them back if we’re to count the Omniverse crossover TGIS to be canon.

But having parents like Zak’s, everything with the community of Secret Scientists and not really having many friends his own age or well, his own species will do that.

Exploring Zak and maybe Argost coming back for powers he might not want anymore and learning to embrace his destiny while also trying to patch up the Saturday family would be awesome.

Number 1:

Dexter’s Laboratory

Now while I know we already have a live action Dexter and it was an incredible hit, I- Wait, not the same show.

Ahem, Dexter’s Laboratory makes the top of this list. Partially because of it being PPG’s sister series but also partially because of the whole thing of there’s a lot you could do with Dexter’s character in terms of depression. If someone with such a high intellect were to somehow lose it all or just in some way, never really got forward in life, that would do it. Dexter could be a type of character that’s too stuck inside his own head in order to move forward. Alternatively, maybe Dexter is highly successful but has found there’s something missing in life or something. I dunno.

But whichever way you decide to go with Dexter’s character, you could have Dee Dee be pretty much the opposite of that. Maybe she’s found herself a place in life that she’s content with and Dex doesn’t understand why but wants it. I think going deep on this sort of emotional aspect of his life while also having all sorts of fun crazy science stuff would be a good watch.

All in all, gimme a Dexter’s lab show but we gotta make sure he keeps some form of an accent. No accent is a dealbreaker.

Although, I think that at the end of the day, animation should really just stay animated and that we don’t need to go live action for anything. All of these ideas I’ve presented, I’d of course rather prefer as cartoons with a more balanced tone more than anything but I figured with the announcement of a PPG show, this would be a silly but fun idea to talk about rather than ranting about it like most have. Granted, I’ve got some rants of my own since I still think it’s a bad idea. Haha. But you know how it goes.

At any rate those are all the shows I think would make better CW PPG style reboots than CW PPG. When it comes to the edginess and potential for drama, I feel these shows fit the bill better than the innocent, buttkicking action that was the Powerpuff Girls.

But what do you all think? Do you have any shows in mind that I haven’t mentioned? Do you think I’ve opened Pandora’s Box and given The CW more awful ideas? 

Now, this was originally a YouTube video so you can probably see that in the way that this post, especially the ending was written, but I just still don’t really have the energy to edit stuff so have this post instead. It’s something I really wanted to discuss and just decided, hey, why not make it a Tumblr post?

[travel-hopefully]

A collective post of everything I watched on Netflix in 2020

I finally found the watch history function on Netflix which I wanted in order to reminisce over the TV/film I watched over the last year, including the good and the bad. I’ve included a little round-up of my thoughts for each, as lockdown has got me with plenty of time on my hands. If anyone has watched any of the below feel free to give me a message- happy to discuss anything!

Travelers (season 3) - this was an unforgettable show with some great characters and definitely put me through hell (in a good way), I am a David x Marcy shipper for sure!

IT Crowd (season 4 & 5) - my favourite comedy show ever, and I mean the UK version

Explained (random episodes) - interesting bite-sized episodes on a variety of topics

Sherlock (season 3 & 4) - it kinda went downhill from season 4...and doesn’t help that there is no season 5 in sight

Unforgettable - must be pretty forgettable cause I couldn’t remember watching, a typical revenge plot romp I think

The Mind, Explained - same as for Explained above, except more pyshcological

You (season 2) - binge-worthy! I love to hate Joe Goldberg.

Don’t F**k with Cats - wow, this was disturbing but so gripping.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle - geniunely a good remake and rather amusing

Sex, Explained - as for Explained but a little more intriguing ;)

The Stranger (season 1) - full of suspense and a good binge watch but ultimately full of plot holes with an unsatisfying conclusion

Gavin & Stacey (season 3) - a classic which I only started watching in 2019

Sex Education (all of it) - comedy gold!

Unbelievable (limited series) - very harrowing, an emotional rollercoaster based on a real-life rape case

Atypical (all of it) - light-hearted and fun to binge

The Sinner (season 1) - it was okay... wasn’t spectacular compared to other similar dramas I’ve seen

Love Is Blind (season 1) - cringey but satisfying

In the Shadow of the Moon - I hardly remember this one :)

Dunkirk - a stand-out historical movie

The Stepfather - typical killer stepfather plot but rather enjoyable

The Super - an interesting premise, but not that super

Saw VI - all gore not much plot

Doctor Who (random episodes) - no words needed :D

Louis Theroux and Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends (random episodes) - I love his style of interviewing - what a man!

The Revenant - a lot of... well, not much

Nightcrawler - it was decent, but something was missing which I couldn’t put my finger on

How To Get Away With Murder (seasons 1-5) - probably my biggest new watch of the year, a rollercoaster of suspense, drama and murder, another season to go...

Ocean’s Eleven - fun but cheesey

Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare - creepy faces and an interesting ending

Eli - it started one way then went another, I wasn’t convinced

Star Trek (2009) - I couldn’t really get into this one...

In the Tall Grass - a lot of running around in grass

Bloodride (season 1) - i loved this, a quirky idea, i binged it

Apostle - intense, a satisfying religious cult horror

The Platform - great idea, not sure on the ending

What Keeps You Alive - what happened in this one again?

History 101 - didn’t watch many episodes :P

The Prodigy - a decent child possession horror

Into the Night (season 1) - really enjoyed this, a highlight of the year for me, hoping for a season 2

It - pretty chilling and creepy, but a tad cheesey

Jurassic World and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - the first one has a brilliant dinosaur fight scene, the second one has too many plot holes and inconsistencies to take seriously

Knowing - a Nicholas Cage sci-fi/apocalpytic classic, pretty decent

Stranger Things (random episodes) - i tried to get my bf into the show but sadly he still isn’t much of a TV fan

Miranda (random episodes) - such fun!

Black Mirror (seasons 1 & 2) - another one i introduced the bf to, i got a bit further with him on this one, the very first episode being the highlight

The Last House on the Left - a decent remake, but nothing outstanding

Dark (season 3) - this, my friends, is one of the greatest shows of all time. want a timey-wimey story where everything is connected and has an amazingly satisfying conclusion? this is the show for you!

The Silence - a bad ‘A Quiet Place’

Geostorm - i’m a fan of disaster movies but this one wasn’t in the same league as some of the greats

Panic Room - a mum and kid hides in the panic room when a group of thugs break into the house, it was enjoyable but not all that memorable

Prisoners - a very long film with some enjoyable parts but overall unsatisfying

Girl on the Third Floor - it was okay, i can’t remember much of it

The Woods (season 1) - another Harlan Coben adaptation- not as good as ‘Safe’ or ‘The Stranger’ but still a gripping thriller

Time Trap - a fun time-travel film with some interesting turns of events

72 Dangerous/Cutest Animals (random episodes) - just ‘cause i love animals

Slasher (all of it) - some very gory deaths, especially in season 3. quite disturbing but keeps the suspense up throughout.

2012 - a guilty pleasure of mine, realistic or not

Kingsman: The Secret Service - a fun spy film, will be looking to watch the second one soon

Blackfish - this was harrowing, it really made me think, but overall i’m on the side of tilikum

Unsolved Mysteries (season 1 & 2) - watching some of these my jaw dropped, love theorising on this kind of stuff

Down to Earth with Zac Efron (season 1) - Zac is great in this, he seems so chill and literally ‘down to earth’

The Call - I love this film, seen it 3 times now

Contagion - very relatable right now, interesting to see the parallels with todays situation

Next in Fashion (season 1) - i didn’t get too far with this, i found it a little superficial

Searching - another of those internet web-cam based films. decent but not memorable.

Non-stop - another Nicholas Cage classic, this time a suspense thriller

Freaks - as the title suggests this one was rather weird, i didn’t quite gel with it

The Perfection - wow, that was an experience. definitely memorable, even if some characters make questionable decisions...

Extraction - not usually a fan of action-type thrillers, but i actually enjoyed this one, plus it has Chris Hemsworth in it!

Line of Duty (season 2) - full of suspense, a great build-up in the first 5 episodes, but the way they tied it up really grated on me 

Insidious - watched this one with my sister. a genuinely good horror film on rewatch with an amazing cliff-hanger

A Quiet Place - another one watched with my sister. labelled a horror but its more sci-fi, either way its a classic. bring on the second film!

The Dark Tower - disappointing mostly.

Gladiator - i’d never seen this before and now i understand the hype- what an epic movie!

Criminal UK (season 2) - didn’t disappoint following the exceptional first season

Venom - a fun comedic marvel film, definitely need to watch more from Marvel in the next year- i need an order to watch them in as don’t know where to start

Our Planet (season 1) - chill David Attenborough to put on in the background

The Equalizer - a great action revenge thriller plot with a badass Denzel

Merlin (random episodes) - who doesn’t love a trip down memory lane with some nostalgic bbc merlin?

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) - pretty scary remake

The Witcher (season 1) - rewatched in order to familiarise myself again before season 2 - i didn’t realise how funny the show was until this time round, gotta love Jaskier!

American Murder: The Family Next Door - this was haunting

The Haunting of Bly Manor - phenomenal, emotional, creepy, heartbreaking - i much preferred it to Hill House

Abducted in Plain Sight - seriously, how naive are the parents in this? i could have a rant for hours about this!

The End of the F***ing World (seasons 1 & 2) - very bingeable, Alyssa makes me laugh too much, i love how relatable the show is

Fractured - didn’t expect much from this consipiracy-type film but it kept me guessing right till the end

The Ripper (limited series) - very intriguing, but the mysogyny in this was shocking

Inconceivable - a typical mother looking for her baby revenge plot but still entertaining

The Midnight Sky - i’d heard rave reviews for this but was disappointed by a lacklustre plot which was sacrificed for award-winning cinematography

Killer Women with Piers Morgan (season 2) - a pyschological interview series which looks into the mind of murderers, rather interesting

May the Devil Take You - scarier and jumpier than i thought it would be!

So 2020 obviously gave me a lot of time to watch a s**t load of stuff and looking back at it i feel like i got a decent amount of my watch-list ticked off! And obviously this is not including shows watched on other media so there’s that too (a special shout-out to the William Hartnell era of Doctor Who which I watched this year on BritBox). In all, 2020 has definitely introduced me to a few new fandoms and progressed my love for others. 

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Ashes”

After The Joker’s daughter accidentally drowned, his relationship with Y/N fell apart: they were guilty of failing to protect what they loved, blaming each other and themselves to the point of no return. The sole palpable proof of Emma existence is her ashes encapsulated in glass pendants her parents wear and that’s hardly a memento able to help in such a difficult situation. Ashes are not meant to bring people together.

“Happy Birthday, Pumpkin Pie,” The Joker grumbles. “Here’s Charlie: I thought you would like to see him,” he places the purple hippo on Emma’s headstone.

Today his daughter would have been 4 years old. Instead of the usual party filled with laughter and presents he’s at “Eternal Peace” cemetery early in the morning for a different kind of festivity.

J never celebrated birthdays before yet once she showed up in his life the anniversary got a fresh new meaning: Y/N ensured that The King of Gotham was aware of how lucky they both were to have her. And he did learn to care about that tiny being he created who first called him something similar to “dada”, then a cute “da’y” and finally the word he craved to hear every single day until she was gone: “daddy.”

Being a father thought him a couple of things, but the most important was quite stunning: the index finger from his right hand wasn’t only meant for using a trigger; it was also his child’s soother.

Emma would keep it prisoner when she slept from an early age; of course all babies do it although in this case it didn’t go away once she got older.

And he misses that…

A lot.

Actually, he would give up on a robbery or anything that involves him holding a gun if she could clutch to his finger one more time.

That’s how much he misses The Princess.

“Sir, sorry to interrupt,” Frost gets him out of trance. “There’s movement at the South gate. We have to go…”

J snatches the plush animal and follows Jonny on a path behind the crypts when a woman walking on the alley leading to Emma’s grave catches his attention: although she has a red wig and sunglasses on, her disguise doesn’t fool him. It’s Y/N.

She’s carrying a small cake and intensely stares at the pavement, unaware of her surroundings.

The Joker can’t really tell what she’s doing once in front of the tomb, nevertheless he guesses she’s singing “Happy Birthday” while wiping the tears strolling down her cheeks.

He didn’t see Y/N in about 4 months. They went to the cabin by Moon Lake after Emma’s drowning and things were so rough he left immediately. She never followed, called or texted.

J didn’t either.

Why bother? They were guilty of failing to protect what they loved, blaming each other and themselves to the point of no return.

Today is extremely difficult to deal with, especially since the catalyst binding them vanished forever.

The sole palpable proof of Emma existence is her ashes encapsulated in glass pendants her parents wear and that’s hardly a memento able to help in such a difficult situation.

Ashes are not meant to bring people together.

***************

After 2 Hours

“Hi,” The King of Gotham drags his feet on the porch and takes a sit on the chair next to yours.

“Hi…” you whisper, surprised to spot him after such a long absence.

Complete silence, then he utters:

“I’m here for the cake,” he points at the sweet treat resting on the wood table: vanilla- strawberry combo, your daughter’s favorite.

“Are you?”

“Yeah, I crave the taste…”

You lean over and cut two slices, sharing Emma’s birthday cake with her dad. It’s really painful to swallow the morsels knowing your baby can’t; it seems J is in the same boat.

“I can’t make anybody happy…” The Clown mumbles under his breath and the randomness of his statement makes you wonder what’s going on in his mind.

“Me neither… Sweet Pea was happy, wasn’t she? She was a happy kid…”

The Joker moves his plate towards you, hissing:

“She was and she would still be with us if instead of flirting you would have watched her!”  

“… … W- what?!...” you glare at him, astonished he has the nerve to pop up and hurt you in such a manner. “Since when talking to somebody is flirting?! Where were you, huh? Where were you??? In your goddamn office plotting more schemes in order to get more money because nothing is enough!” you raise your voice and burst out crying in the next second. “She was ours to protect, the only treasure that mattered! I just… I just took my eyes off her for a few moments, I had no idea my baby was drowning in that pool …” you keep sobbing at the horrible memory, heartbroken. “I could have save her…Why didn’t I…?…”

The Joker can’t understand what you’re saying anymore, yet he doesn’t reply to your accusations or remorseful confessions.

How could he?

He’s equally responsible for Emma’s demise but it’s easier to attack her mother.

You abruptly get up and rush inside the cottage, abandoning J to his own demons. He doesn’t know if he should bail or stay, thus he continues to gaze at the lake numb to everything.

Still… The quietness is becoming unbearable so he finally gathers the strength to stand up and search for you.

“Y/N?...” he shouts. “Where are you?”

Silly question since the cabin is a little area with a kitchen/living room combo, one bedroom and bathroom: easy to find what you’re looking for.

No response but the shower is on which queues him Y/N must be there.

The Joker approaches the bathtub, unwilling to remove the curtain and talk to you face to face.

“It was my fault too…” he admits a fact that tormented him since the accident. “I should have kept an eye on her… I couldn’t predict she’ll sneak out to play by the swimming pool… I would give away a fortune if I could fix it… Do you believe me?...”

You sniffle and cover your mouth, trying to avoid his trap: if you engage, he will probably bite more and that’s the last thing you need.

“I have Charlie in the car; I thought you might want him tonight,” J reveals the true purpose of his visit. “Drop him off tomorrow at 3pm, I’ll be at the warehouse on 17Th Street. You can’t have the toy, it belongs in her room…”

You hear his steps receding and gasp for air, completely crushed by despair: the agony of grief is stronger than any consolation a stupid purple hippo could offer.

But it was Emma’s favorite and The Joker is willing to share a token of what you both lost; now that you think about it… you really missed Charlie…

**************

Next Day, 2:05pm

“Where’s everybody?” you mutter whilst entering the code at the gates. Usually there are at least 8 henchmen guarding the fence and no sign of them so far. You drive up the unpaved alley, curiously checking out the landscape: same trees, bushes and trucks you’re familiar with, except you can’t discern a single goon patrolling the perimeter.

You honk to get the crew’s assistance without any success and you wonder if The Joker tricked you; I mean, you should have seen it coming: he is probably attempting one of his convoluted strategies to punish you for the tragic past.

You stop in front of the building, intrigued to notice it appears deserted.

Suddenly, a powerful blast shakes the ground and you watch part of the roof collapsing on the north side; a few windows shatter also.

You jump out of the car, totally confused at the strange occurrence.

“Hello?” you yell. “J???”

There’s smoke coming out of the opened metal door and you hesitantly walk in the warehouse, coughing at the suffocating odor.

“J?...” you scream. “J!!!!!”

A faint knock in the distance prompts your attention.

“Y/N!!”

“J??” you run towards the source of the noise only to find him under rubble next to the south entrance. “Oh my God!” you kneel by his feet buried under bricks. “What happened?!” The Queen frantically removes debris as he groans in pain.

“Explosives, that’s what happened. Shit, I think I fucked up my legs!”

“Where are the guys??!!” you inquire, managing to free his feet enough for him to move.

“I gave them the day off,” The Joker’s explanation puzzles Y/N. “Hurry up, please!! Another detonation will follow shortly!”

“Jesus Christ!” you quicken the pace and push the last bricks out of the way. “Can you stand?”

J rolls on his side, unable to comply.

“No, you’ll have to haul me out of here!”

“Come on!” you place your hands under his underarms and start pulling. “The exit is right there!”

You huff while straining to get to safety as The Clown aims to aid by lifting his body off the ground as much as he can.

“Behind the truck!” he urges once you’re out of the premises and you barely have time to hide behind the vehicle when a second bang levels half of the construction.

“This didn’t go according to plan,” J admits in a low tone, panting a storm after the ordeal.

You asses his wounds, pressing on the ankle and he immediately growls.

“The bone’s fractured,” you wipe your sweaty forehead.  “What plan?”

“It’s actually your fault for all of this; I told you to swing by at 3 o’clock. You’re early!”

“Huh?”

“You were supposed to come when I told you then boom! Before you reached the building it would go up in flames: you would flip thinking that I’m dead and then I’ll show up and ask you to come back home. You would be so excited to see I’m alive you couldn’t refuse. Yet you ruined everything: you appeared out of nowhere, I panicked and messed up: you know I’m not good with this stuff!!”

You can’t even process the plot he’s throwing your way.

“What kind of plan…”

“I just told you I’m not good at this stuff,” he interrupts. “You know I’m not.”

You touch your chest, baffled at the ridiculous story.

“My pendant!” you exclaim when you realize the chain is not around your neck anymore. “It’s gone!” Y/N desperately searches the grass. “My baby, where’s my baby?” you part the green lawn on the verge of crying. “I can’t find my pendant! Maybe I dropped it the building,” you whimper and prepare to flee when J grabs your jeans, firmly holding on.

“Don’t go; the poles might cave in and whatever is left standing will squash you!!”

You don’t comprehend why he’s so worked up and his plea catches you off guard:

“Don’t go! I’ll give you half my ashes, ok?”

The Queen debates on The King’s proposal, conflicted by his candid offer.

After all, if ashes tear people apart, how come they can’t bring them back together?

Also read: MASTERLIST

https://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

You can also follow me on Ao3 and wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[baebeyza]

Heya! ~

First of all, thank you for everyone who voted! Didn’t expect 44 people and it sure helped me in places to decide on things and being able to think of more plot :D

Lemme just go through all the questions under the cut:

1. Big or small cast?  Big cast but only caring about few does suit me! If it were a small cast, I’d probably have gone with a plot structure similar to Beast Wars. Like this, I can make the premise more like TFA (the premise is like TFA in a lot of ways btw).

And it does suit me as well to not have to figure out an arc for too many characters, I don’t want this whole thing to be too long. 

2. From which continuity would you like characters? This is a little hard to decipher, but suffice to say, most people want more G1 characters. Beast Wars and Japanese G1 have more votes as well! To Beast Wars: I love Beast Wars and its characters, however, I do not like to draw them. Their designs are cool and it’s not like I can’t draw them, I just prefer not to. So if I were to bring Beast Wars characters into this, I would change their designs for me to feel more comfortable drawing them. On another note, I also don’t like drawing animals (at all) so I’d probably give them a mechanic alt-mode with animal features in their robot mode (like the Breast Force in Victory)

As for Japanese G1, I do have quite a few planned! ~ As for G1 characters which never appear in another show...gotta say, most of those I don’t care for either. Some I do, but most not. Might bring them in somehow, but don’t expect them to have bigger roles. (exceptions exist, like Springer, love me the dude!)

3. Choose a dead Prime who ruled before Optimus! Sentinel won! Did like some of the extra choices as well though, like Prowl. Also noteworthy to me, no one voted for Arcee xD Guess no one wanted her dead.

4. Choose an Optimus Prime squad! So, for this I wanted to pick the two most voted guys and girls! And coincidentally, those happen to be the most of voted of them all! For guys, we have Jazz (not surprised by this) and Hot Rod, and for the girls, Elita and Arcee.

Guess that’ll be the squad.

Also, note here: A few people voted Ratchet as a custom answer and do not fret! He will be in this! This Optimus squad is simply a little group of Optimus and his close friends, and since I want to have a young Oppy, I want his friends to be in the same age range. On the same note, just because some characters aren’t in the friend group, doesn’t mean they won’t appear at all. Windblade and Jetfire for example are gonna be in this!

5. Choose a Megatron squad! This is about Megatron’s generals btw - characters who aren’t in this group can still appear! (examples are Cyclonus, Megaempress and Sixshot)

And again I want to choose equal part guys and girls, so for the guys, it’s Soundwave (boy getting loved I see), Starscream and Shockwave, and for the ladies, we have Nightbird, Blackarachnia and Strika.

A little note here: Because a friend commented on this I wanna make it clear: Drift/Deadlock will be based on the Aligned version, NOT on the IDW version. I had made it clear in the poll that I don’t like IDW1. (which I guess some people didn’t read, given that Tarn was given as a custom answer)

6. One love is story is planned, want any more?

I feel like I should have specified who the love story is about - It is about Megatron and Ultra Magnus. Big time. As for the answers, yes I can live them all! They don’t contradict each other anyway :D

7. Any ships you wanna see in this? Okay, the tricky stuff - as I said, the main love story is Megatron x Ultra Magnus, so any ship-wish that includes Megatron or Magnus here, sorry, not happening. I mean most don’t care, but for those who do:

- Dratchet: I know it’s an IDW thing, I can still think of something with the versions I have in mind if you still want that. - Windstream: Friends of mine wanted this, and I will try my best to make something nice out of it!

- JazzWave: Gotta see, so far I wouldn’t know how to include it

- Giving Arcee love: Got something nice and sapphic planned for her!

- Optimus/Elita: Again a friend wanted this, and I too would like to see them in a truly romantic light, so I’m going to include it!

- Happy ones, for the bad guys as well: Hell yeah! - Simpatico: I do not have Percy or Brainstorm planned in this

- Hot Rod/Arcee: I had another idea for Arcee, sorry! - Anything with Jazz: Good to know, if I can’t make it work with Soundwave, I’ll try with someone else (Hot Rod perhaps)

- Strika/Lugnut: Why not? Something in the background, as I have no plans for Lugnut - Windscream: Thing is, there are people who had this ship in the “Do not want” question that follows. Personally, I am indifferent to this ship, but since more people don’t want it (and because I have plans for Windstream), I’m going to pass on this. WaveWave: Gonna see how it goes with Jazz!

8. Anything you don’t want? Most people don’t care, which is nice, as for the things people listed: - Sparklings: Never planned them anyway, I want to go for something else to get parent/child dynamics. - Windscream, MegaStar, MegOP: See upwards, not going to happen here, same with DooP, since I wanna go with OpLita - “If functionalism exists, please don’t make the oppressed characters the villains for fighting back”: NO WORRIES, IS NOT PLANNED! Megatron’s backstory has no freedom fighter motive whatsoever. - Manipulative/abusive ships: Not planned - Bumblebee: Good luck, buddy, I didn’t have him planned either! xD - Slash: Tough luck, buddy, this will be one hell of a MagsMegs ride!

- Negativity directed at me: Thanks, pal! I do not wish for that either! :>

ALRIGHT, that would be it!

Again thanks for everyone who voted! I do hope to start with this in the near future and I hope it will be something enjoyable! <3 If there are questions about this, go ahead! <3 I’d be delighted :>

[justanoutlawfic]

Skin to Skin: An Outlaw Queen Ficlet

Summary: Regina volunteers at the NICU and melts when a baby is placed on her chest.

Based on an interview I watched, with a similar premise.

Also on AO3

Robin knew his wife very well. He loved his wife with all his heart. He knew that she had a rough exterior, but saw how it melted whenever she was around kids. In a minute she could go from yelling to someone on her cell phone, to cuddling a baby with all the love in the world. It’s why it broke his heart that they struggled so much to conceive. In the earlier days, he watched as she agonized over methods and temperatures, tracking her ovulation like a madwoman.

 After three years of trying, they turned to adoption. They were open to any form of it, but ultimately the birth parents that selected their profile chose to keep it closed. Regina and Robin never even met them. One day, they went to the hospital and got to meet their son, Henry. He became the best part of their worlds. Their hearts felt full, but they also knew they weren’t done.

 3 years later, they turned to surrogacy. It was something they had thought about and saved for, for quite a bit. Their good friend Marian volunteered to help them. She wanted no kids of her own, but could see how much they wanted to make Henry a big brother. With the support of her wife, she carried their second child. Roland came into the world and once again, their hearts were filled with delight. Marian and Mulan stayed in their lives, being the fun aunts to the boys that they had always dreamed of being.

 For 5 years, Robin and Regina were content with how things were. They chased their boys around, worked hard at their respective jobs and found time to make their marriage work. Robin thought occasionally about adding to their family, but he honestly wasn’t sure if it was the right move. Regina never mentioned it either. She loved their sons and would roll her eyes at the question “When are you going to try for a girl?”

“Why do we need a girl?” She would ask Robin later on. “Even if we did try again, we could end up with a boy.”

 And she was right. It wasn’t the gender of the child that would make their family complete. Still, he could tell that she wasn’t completely closed to the idea of adding to their family.

 Then Regina heard about a program at the hospital where people could volunteer to give skin to skin contact to babies in the NICU. Her step-sister Mary Margaret volunteered at Storybrooke General and had a pamphlet on the program. She explained that some of the infants didn’t have family members to do skin to skin with. The more Regina looked at it, the more appealing it seemed. Skin to skin had been the one way she had been able to bond with her babies after they were born. It allowed her to give them a connection that they didn’t have since they hadn’t grown inside of her. There had been studies on what a benefit skin to skin did for babies and it broke her hear to think that some didn’t have it.

 So, she signed herself up.

 “You’re going to come home with a baby,” Robin teased.

Regina rolled her eyes. “No, I’m not.”

************************************************************

Regina followed the nurse down the line of incubators, trying not to think about how small the babies were. Henry had been on the bigger side when he was born. One of those chubby babies with expressive eyes. Roland had been a normal weight, with lots of dark hair. She had seen preemies before, but not so many at once.

 The incubator they stopped at contained a baby of a relatively normal size, though she was much smaller than Henry or Roland had been. She had the standard hospital hat on her head and wore nothing but a diaper. The name card read “Margot”.

Regina settled into the rocking chair next to the incubator and unbuttoned the flannel top she had worn for the occasion. The nurse lifted Margot out of the incubator and placed her onto Regina’s chest. The sudden warm body against her chest caused a bit of a shock. Margot squirmed a bit and Regina placed her hand on the small of her back. She looked down at her shut eyes, letting out a tiny breath.

 She was in trouble.

 “How old is she?” She asked the nurse.

“3 weeks.”

“And she…”

“Ward of the state.”

 The nurse left Regina to cuddle the baby. She peaked up the hat to see wisps of strawberry blonde hair. She smiled a bit at that, wondering if it would stick or turn completely red when the baby was grown up. Or perhaps it’d revert to a darker blonde.

 “You are too cute,” Regina mumbled, patting the baby’s back. “I promised my husband I wasn’t going to bring a baby home.”

 Margot’s big blue eyes opened. Her tongue partially stuck out a bit, touching Regina’s bare skin.

 Regina sighed. “But I guess I wouldn’t be able to take you home just yet, so I wouldn’t have lied to him completely.”

**************

The next time Regina went to visit Margot, she brought Robin with her. He was doing his best not to say “I told you so”.

 He definitely didn’t say it after he held the little baby and fell in love with her.

 They talked about the logistics. They had donated all of their baby stuff to Mal and Ursula after they had theirs. The boys were both in elementary school. It’d be starting over, completely. They didn’t know Margot’s full story. It’d be starting completely over. Sleepless nights, dirty diapers, red tape and paperwork.

 Two days later, they went to see her again. The following, they called social services to talk about the procedure.

 Henry and Roland were ecstatic at the thought of a new baby sister. Regina and Robin tried to not get them too excited. There were still home studies to complete. They would have to foster her for a bit. Nothing would be finalized for quite awhile and there was a chance it would fall through.

 Margot came to live with the Locksley-Mills family when she was 3 months old. Regina’s office had been taken down and in its place was a pastel pink nursery. The boys fell in love with her as fast as Robin and Regina had, wanting to show her off to all of their friends. Roland didn’t quite get why she couldn’t play with him yet.

 It was two years of late nights, lullabies and unknowns. A social worker visiting constantly to make sure that Margot was in a stable home. Regina and Robin loved watching the little girl go through each and every milestone, but they couldn’t help but fear it might be the last. They had her for a long time, but they weren’t her adoptive parents yet. She could be taken from them at a moment’s notice.

 And then shortly after a fox themed birthday party, they got the call. Margot had her first (and hopefully only) court date. She was going to become an official Locksley-Mills.

 The court was filled with their friends, family and loved ones. Margot barely let Robin or Regina hold her as the judge tried to talk about the importance of found family, adoption and love. She just wanted to get down and play with the toys that she knew her mother had in her purse. Henry reached up and gave her one, to try to calm her down. Regina shot him a thankful smile.

 Finally, the judge said it. “I hereby announce that Robin Locksley and Regina Mills are the parents of this child, Margot Olivia.”

 Robin and Regina tearfully kissed each other, before planting one on either side of Margot’s cheeks. She finally managed to squirm out of her mother’s arms and dash to her purse to swipe some more toys. Regina let out a watery laugh, leaning into her husband.

 “Told you that you’d bring home a baby,” Robin whispered.

Regina shook her head. “Last time I don’t listen to you.”

[hufflepirate]

Why I Cried About the New Dixie Chicks Song

Ok, alright, so I’m having Extremely An Emotion about the return of the Dixie Chicks, and I know a lot of folks on here are either too young to remember the blacklisting or weren’t in the country scene at the time, so here’s the whole story the way it felt to a 12-year-old girl who loved them.

You should love and support them!! This story is why!! The vague recaps of the situation in articles about the new release don’t cut it!

*********

So. Let’s start at the beginning (for me). It’s 1998. I’m 8 years old. My parents aren’t really into Christian radio, but we’re also Good Southern Baptists, so obviously the only radio we really listen to is classic rock/oldies and especially country. You can’t trust those pop music stars these days. Or, God forbid, rappers. They don’t make music the way they used to. (Yeah. I know. But I’m just telling it like it was.)

I hear “There’s Your Trouble.” The singer’s boyfriend is constantly comparing her to his ex and she is Calling Him Out and I have never thought about such a thing before because I am 8, but I am deeply certain that any woman deserves to be loved by somebody who sees her for her. This is important to me. I don’t understand why.

It’s still 1998. I have recently moved west and I am still only learning to process the new geography. I am a child. I do not yet feel the full impact of “Wide Open Spaces” the way I will come to as an adult. And yet... already the idea that part of freedom is having “room to make a big mistake” matters to me. Instinctively, I know that one day, this will be a thing I need, even if I don’t right now. I am right.

We don’t get the album. That’s fine. They’re on the radio a lot. They top the charts multiple times. They win grammys. They sell more cds than all other country groups combined. They are, if you read writeups of them, “not yet political,” but there’s something about the idea that a girl can not only want but need space and independence, need it as a necessary part of growing up, that is setting the stage for what they will become, at least from the perspective of someone who grew up hearing ‘feminist’ used as a dirty word for women who have been brainwashed by... someone?? into having a victim complex. (Again... just telling it like it was.)

The next year, I am 9. They drop Fly. I am never the same.

The first single to hit the radio is “Ready to Run.” It is bouncy and happy. The singer is not getting married, because she does not want to get married. She knows what she wants and she won’t be pinned down by expectations. I am Living, and the feelings I did not yet have about “Wide Open Spaces” are Here In Full because it is hard to imagine being a grownup for the first time, but it is easy to imagine taking off to be yourself instead of doing what everyone else wants and it makes me feel alive.

“Cowboy Take Me Away” is deeply romantic and makes my little 9-year-old heart swell with feeling. It will be years before I realize that is because she is living her life and talking about what she wants and he is just... there. She is doing what she wants and he holds her when they sleep and smiles at her in the daytime and that is all we know. It is the peak of romance, and I, too, want to walk and not run, skip and not fall. I too want to grow something wild and unruly and that thing I want to grow is me.

My parents buy the album.

“Goodbye Earl” is released as a single and starts getting played on the radio. I grab the CD out of the basket we keep them in and it lives in my CD player until my mother begins to worry about the degree to which I am obsessed with this song about murder. I do not have the words to explain that the appeal is not the murder, it is the solidarity. I am being bullied very hard in school. I have only one friend, and she is often mean to me. It will be many years before I understand the true extent of the truth they are dropping in this song, but the details are chilling and honest and disturbing and when Maryanne flies in from Atlanta on a red-eye midnight flight, I feel something I cannot put into words.

It has been 21 years and I still do not have the words to explain “Goodbye Earl.”

Trigger warnings for domestic abuse and I guess also for poisoning domestic abusers and like, murder is bad or whatever.

The album is a masterpiece. It is an experience. I am 9 years old and I do not want to fall in love, because I am 9 years old, and I am learning right now that if a boy falls in love with me when I clearly do not want to date him, that is his own damned problem, and I am singing at the top of my lungs to tell the world that I don’t want to fall in love but if I do, then screw them, I will drag everyone else down with me.

There are limits to how many vids I can drop in here, so I was just gonna drop in the ones that were important to “Hey, you should love them!!” but I can’t resist dropping this one in. This one was never a single but also like... y’all. Do you know how many times in my life I needed songs that told me it was ok to not be in love/pursuing love/dating people? And I’m not even aro/ace? Anyway, this one sounds so sad but feels so good. An indulgent vid choice, but this is my post, so??

Also the album had some bops. These will probably not convince you to like them if you don’t like the country sound/genre, because the Dixie Chicks sound was always very country, but I dug the sound of 90s country then and I dig it now, so here you go.

Some Days You Gotta Dance

Sin Wagon (Fun fact about this one, which is like........ aggressively country I can’t even. It was not a single but it did get enough radio play to chart anyway.)

And then. The end. (For then.)

It’s 2002. They drop a new album in August. I am 12 and their cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” has me all up in my feels on the radio. In December, they drop “Travelin’ Soldier,” a cover of a shmaltzy song about an 18-year-old soldier who dies in Vietnam after writing letters back and forth with a high school aged waitress who loves him. It’s sad. It features a couple young enough to be relatable to a 12-year-old. I am not so foolish, at 12, that I don’t realize even though they say Vietnam, I’m supposed to be thinking about the fact that we’re at war in Afghanistan and they’re talking in the news about how we might go to war with Iraq and Congress had passed a resolution saying we could.

Here’s the thing that sometimes gets lost in things about what happened next. This song was popular. It’s anti-war, but it’s not particularly toothy. The actual text of the song is just that a young soldier goes to war, a girl he met right before he left gets his letters and is faithfully his girlfriend because... soldiers?? and then he dies and she’s sad. It’s not supportive of war, but you have to be pretty far out there not to agree with a premise like “We should be sad when soldiers die,” or “There is/should be someone who cares about every individual soldier even if other people just see them as one of a list of names/a statistic.” The song charted. The album sold well and won awards. And I missed all of it, because it takes a while for things to trickle down to a 12-year-old whose friends, at that point, listen almost exclusively to showtunes.

On March 10, lead singer Natalie Maines told a London audience, “Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence. And we’re ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas.”

Country music listeners lost their shit. Some people didn’t, of course, but a lot of people did. They called radio stations. They dramatically and publicly destroyed or threw away their CDs. People in the industry got involved, many of them in abusive ways, but I didn’t know much about that. All I knew was that one day they were ubiquitous, and the next, they were completely banned from the radio.

My local country station, or at least, the one my family listened to, was owned by Cumulus Media, who instituted a 30-day ban on the group’s music at all of their country stations (though not their general top-40 ones, apparently? I did a google this morning.) Other large media corporations mostly let their individual stations decide, though Cox Media also did a general ban. Lots of stations banned them individually, some for much longer than 30 days.

My parents didn’t make me stop listening to my beloved Fly. But the clampdown was, at least where I lived, intense and immediate. It felt like all of a sudden, they were gone. Dead in the water.

It fundamentally did not make sense to me. My parents shrugged it off with a similar attitude to President Bush, whose response had been, “The Dixie Chicks are free to speak their mind. They can say what they want to say,” but also, “They shouldn’t have their feelings hurt just because some people don’t want to buy their records when they speak out.” This was all, to me, baffling. Sure, people could decide they didn’t want to listen to them anymore, but why did they get to decide for everyone else that we couldn’t? Why did they get to ban their music?

I was 12, soon to be 13, and this whole thing was, to me, the antithesis of what freedom of speech was meant to be. I believed in freedom of speech. I believed it applied to everyone. I believed that even though, in my confused, hurting, terrified, post-9/11 12-year-old mind, I liked the President and thought we should go to war, no one should be stopped from saying we shouldn’t. I believed freedom of speech was a moral imperative, a principle for interacting with other people and respecting them even if you disagreed. I believed it meant protecting people you disagreed with, because otherwise who would protect you when the disagreeing one was you?

It was utterly baffling to me that one comment - one comment that she apologized for, because she said she’d phrased it too harshly - could so utterly shut me off from something I loved. I assumed, when she apologized, that even though she said she still didn’t believe in the war, that things would soon go back to normal. They didn’t. I turned 13 a few months later, and the Dixie Chicks were still not on the radio in my town.

By the time they put out their next album in 2006, I was running with a crowd that listened to CCM and classic rock and never country, and when I listened to country at home, the radio still wasn’t playing them, not necessarily formally, but certainly in practice. I heard that Natalie Maines had come out and said she wasn’t sorry about what she said, after all, and I didn’t like that she’d said she didn’t think the President deserved her respect, but I didn’t even realize she’d said it in the context of new music.

The 2006 album, Taking the Long Way, was a commercial success. Their song about the event “Not Ready To Be Nice” also did very well....... but not on country radio. I was still listening to country radio at the time, not exclusively, but enough that when I looked up songs that had topped the charts, I recognized more of them than I didn’t, by title alone.

I never heard the Dixie Chicks’s new album on the radio.

Here’s what my local station didn’t play. What they were too scared to play, maybe, or maybe what they didn’t want me to hear:

So, yeah.

That happened.

Badass.

But it happened without me, because the radio station was instead still playing “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk,” a song about women’s butts that a bunch of men wrote in a club in an hour while, presumably, staring at women’s butts. A song that sparked slogans on t-shirts in a little t-shirt shop my friends and I visited that year on a school trip. A song the middle-aged man who worked there (and with whom we were alone) referenced when he leered aggressively at my 16-year-old friend and made suggestive comments to our whole group (4 teenage girls) that made us run out of the building and race back toward the fast food places nearby where we hoped to find some of our teachers.

Country music was never the same for me after the Dixie Chick blacklisting. I knew it didn’t believe in freedom, even as it bandied the word about aggressively. I knew that it relied on everybody saying the same things and believing the same things, and it didn’t have room for me not to agree, and that was not then and is not now any kind of freedom. As the years went on, there were more and more Honky Tonk Badonkadonks, and I was less and less willing to give men a pass for being sexist and disgusting and entitled.

I miss country music, in the sense that I miss the Dixie Chicks, and I miss women like Jo Dee Messina and Sara Evans who were singing similar stuff at the time and might still be but aren’t on the radio because they’re over 40 and not also white men. I miss the way county music women made me feel in the 90s. I miss women who called out the men who’d done them wrong, who stated their own value and self-sufficiency, who sang about independence and made me believe in it. But more than anything, I miss believing in them. Some of that is of course still happening. But as much as I love Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert and Kacey Musgraves, I can’t ever get back there. Not really.

The thing is, I believed the Dixie Chicks when they told me I could have the space to make mistakes. I believed them that women could and would stick together. I believed them that I could be single and happy about it, that I could say no to men I didn’t love, even if they loved me, that if I wanted to fall in love, I could find somebody who would love me without ever tying my wings. And I believed I could be and do those things and still fit into the culture of country music.

I still believe the rest of it. But I’ll probably never believe that last part again.

Anyway tl;dr you should love them because they tried to be themselves and tell the truth and because they tried to buck the system, and you should love them because they never backed down, even when the system pushed back so hard that, from where I sat as an impressionable preteen, dependent on my parents and the radio, it completely destroyed them.

[pellicano-sanguino]

Today I went to see a play that’s based on the Little Vampire books by Angela Sommer-Bodenburg. I know, it’s embarrassing for an adult to go see a play for children, but I have a strong nostalgic connection to these books. They introduced me to the concept of vampires and got me hooked on the genre. So, here are some random thoughts about the play.

I should probably say a word or two about the books first. The first book came out during the 80s and after re-reading it a while ago, I must admit some parts of it haven’t aged that well (also, I’m no longer the intended target audience). I will give Sommer-Bodenburg credit for not watering down her vampires into child friendly versions. There are a lot of childrens’ vampire fiction where they clearly just wanted the aesthetics of vampires, not the actual brutal reality of vampirism like blood drinking and, you know, the whole being undead thing. Angela Sommer-Bodenburg doesn’t pussyfoot around the creepier aspects of vampire culture. Her vampires drink blood (except Anna, who hasn’t grown her fangs yet), and they talk about their deaths quite frankly and openly, including that they were turned by their own family members. 

The basic premise is a small boy named Anton befriending some vampire children and them trying to hang out with each other while keeping it secret from each other’s families. The play is based on the first book of the series and I think it’s a pretty decent and quite faithful adaptation. They’ve changed some things, but not much and the plot follows the book accurately.

Not gonna lie, the actor playing Anton was really wooden and fake, like a cardboard cutout. That’s the problem of having grown adults play small children. I know theater is all about suspending your disbelief (like in Takarazuka, believing that the clearly female otokoyaku are in fact male on the stage), but somehow I just have trouble buying Anton’s performance. Doesn’t help that he speaks in a very formal version of Finnish that no child speaks in real life. He tries so hard to make his voice and body language appear childlike, but it’s just not working. 

Rydiger on the other hand is fantastic. He’s quite different than the Rydiger from the books, but I don’t mind. In the books, Rydiger was my least favourite of the vampire children but here he is the best one of them and the best actor in the whole play. Instead of being a bratty, insufferable gremlin, he has elegant mannerisms, pleasant voice and he’s the most reasonable and caring of the vampire siblings. It’s not book accurate, but I approve. I especially like how this Rydiger talks and uses his body language. Unlike Anton, who shouldn’t be speaking in formal Finnish, Rydiger was raised over a hundred years ago and so was taught different kinds of speech and manners. He really comes off like a creature from another time. I love his little hand gestures, and his costume is so stylish and much more nice looking than the ragged gremlin-Rydiger from the books. Despite his adult-like mannerisms, Rydiger still acts like a child, much more accurately than Anton.

I fail to see what this cooler version of Rydiger sees in the boring, wooden block that is Anton. I totally see what Anton sees in Rydiger, who wouldn’t want a stylish little vampire friend. In the books I criticized Anton’s reasons for keeping up his friendship with Rydiger. In the books, Rydiger was a rude little shit, constantly making fun of Anton, stealing his books and being generally a real jerk. I thought, that if Rydiger wasn’t a vampire, Anton would never put up with such a lousy friend. Anton only tolerated Rydiger’s bullshit because he was a vampire and having a vampire friend was cool. Kids, don’t keep up friendships with people just because you like what they are, the more important thing is who they are. Anyway, in the play I can more easily buy their friendship (yes, Rydiger gets his moments of being a jerkface, but not nearly as badly as in the books). The scene where Rydiger teaches Anton how to fly was very adorable. And because the child characters were being played by grown adults, also kinda...  romantic?

“I’m flying, Jack! I’m flying!”

Anton’s parents were your token Normal People (TM) of the show. Both in the play and in the book they make fun of Anton’s interest in vampires, especially his mother (I swear, Angela Sommer-Bodenburg must have had some mother issues). It’s very sad to see parents mock the interests of their child. I know the feeling, it’s one of the reasons I always place the books I read down cover first so that no one can read the cover and call me stupid for liking a book like that. I’m so conditioned to do this, I do it even when I’m all alone at home. Do not mock your childrens’ interests, people, it will have long lasting effects. 

For whatever reason they changed Geiermeier the vampire hunter’s name to...  I don’t quite remember, Kalmankulma or something similar. Anton’s surname was changed to a Finnish name too, and they’ve updated the story to modern times, since they talk about euros instead of marks. But Anton’s family still has a corded phone, and Anna could call them from a phone booth. It’s weird they updated some parts but also kept some things that have become obsolete tech since the 80s. 

Man, did they fuck up Anna. I hated the look they gave her. What is up with that white, poofy hair, she looks like an old granny, not a five or six year old little girl. And why is her dress so short, we do not need to see her legs all the way up. Ugh, and how they failed with her character. Everything good that I said about Rydiger they must have cut off from book-Anna. In the book, Anna is the kindest, smartest and most humane of all the vampire children. The boys are selfish assholes who treat Anton like a fun toy, but Anna actually genuinely cares about the feelings of their human friend. She is also a strong independent young lady who has a fiery temper and will not tolerate any sass from her mean spirited brothers. Her only downside is that she’s a victim of a really annoying childrens’ book trope, namely that whenever there’s another female character around she becomes jealous of Anton and is unnecessarily rude to the other girls. I get it, kids can be bratty and jealous, but can we please stop teaching little girls the stupid lie that all girls are each others’ enemies and must fight for the attention of boys. For fuck’s sake, let girls be friends with each other, thinking they can only be friends with boys is ridiculous and misogynistic!

Well, Anna of the play is not smart, caring or strong (unless you count annoying, noisy hissy fits as strength, I guess). She has turned into a brainless diva, who simultaneously is smitten by Anton and also doesn’t care what he has to say about anything. Why would you do this to my favourite character!? In the books there were some really heartfelt scenes between Anna and Anton. Like, when Anna proposes the idea that when she gets her fangs she could bite Anton and turn him so that they could be friends forever, and Anton makes it very clear that he has no intention of ever becoming a vampire. This saddens Anna, because it means that Anton will grow to be an adult but Anna and her siblings will forever remain children, with no one to play with. These two must come to an understanding that while they like each other very much, they belong in two different worlds and they must accept that it means they will one day have to say goodbye. All things come to an end, it’s only a matter of when and how. So, why wasn’t a meaningful scene like that in the play?

Finally, we have Lumpi (whose name was changed to Leo in the play). I think he was fine, maybe suffering from a tiny bit of overacting, but still an ok performance. He doesn’t get much screentime, because in the first book we don’t get to see him much. Which is a shame because he is my favourite right after Anna. 

If you thought Claudia from Interview with the Vampire was the most tragic of all child vampires, then clearly, you have not met Lumpi von Schlotterstein. He was turned right in the middle of going through puberty. And so, he is doomed for all eternity to suffer from acne, breaking voice and mood swings. Truly, a lamentable fate is his.

Adding Lumpi to the vampire children friending Anton added a lot of dramatic tension to the group. Because of his mood swings, Lumpi was unpredictable and sometimes even downright threatening. Out of all the vampire kids, he had the least control over his vampire instincts and there were several moments where he considered drinking Anton. So scenes with him could be really intense. Also, he was supposed to be the vain kid with style, being especially proud of his long, sharp fingernails that he cared and filed constantly. They took his style and gave it to Rydiger, they took his vanity and gave it to Anna. Well, he still had a nice, red shirt that went well together with his white scarf and black cape.

Rydiger’s grandmother Sabine also makes an appearance. Strange that they added Sabine and not aunt Dorothee, who was the most dangerous, most blood thirsty of all the von Schlotterstein vampires. In the books Dorothee is the one the kids need to look out for whenever Anton’s visiting their home in the graveyard. There’s a scene where Anton has to hide in Rydiger’s coffin because of her and in the play they do the scene with Sabine. Well, maybe they thought any old vampire lady will do. Also they clearly wanted her to be more comedic relief character, not a threatening, blood drinking monster. Just like Dorothee in the book, Sabine commands Rydiger to go back to sleep and he has to cram himself into his coffin with Anton still there. Once Sabine’s gone, the boys get out and sigh in relief, and Lumpi comments “Well, did you take advantage of the opportunity, brother?” Look, I know he means blood drinking, but these kids being played by adults I can’t help but think about gay vampires sharing a coffin. Doesn’t help that Rydiger replies with a disgusted “Of course not! I’m not like you!” Which enrages Lumpi, because “W-w-what are you implying!?” I’m sorry, my mind is in the gutter, but I can’t help it. Carmilla and Anne Rice have made me see lesbian and gay vampires everywhere.

Well, for a small budget childrens’ play, it was a fun show. Wished they hadn’t changed some of the characters so drastically, but overall it was pretty book accurate, which was a relief (I was worried they were going to make a story of their own and just use the characters’ names, like that awful movie version). A nice nostalgic visit back to the first vampire books I ever read.

[phoebtcnkin]

ABOUT ME.

NAME/ALIAS: Kayla / Satan 

TIMEZONE: PST (for now, but don’t ask me where we’re moving next LOL)

RANDOM FACT: I was adopted when I was three, am 11wks pregnant with our newest and long awaited wee one, and shamefully have over 10,000 likes on this blog with zero chance of ever fully clearing them out lmfao

CHARACTER ONE.

NAME: Lauren “Ren” Victoria Livingston (29)

FACECLAIM: Phoebe Tonkin, my queen.

in COCONUT GROVE you’ll find LAUREN LIVINGSTON who’s lived there for FOUR YEARS and they spend their days working as THE MANAGER OF NATALIA ESCABIAS LUXURY SPA AND A FREELANCE WRITER. They’ve been described as ROUGE STAINED MARLBOROS STUBBED OUT IN ANTIQUE CAVIAR BOWLS, POSTCARDS SENT FROM PLACES SHE’S NEVER BEEN, CHAMPAGNE IN SOLO CUPS, AND UNMET DEADLINES by the people that know them. Which makes sense when you consider that they can be ENGAGING + ADVENTUROUS but also IRRESPONSIBLE + IN DENIAL  

BACKGROUND.

grew up with a single mom who could never weave the same story twice about the origins and subsequent disappearance of her father.

lived on the cusp of wealth but didn’t actually have it… her mother, jane, was presumably from old money, but either the family lost it ages ago or she’d been cut off for reasons unknown.

they were ‘adopted’ by an older wealthy couple without children of their own when ren’s mother was pregnant with her aka given permission to live out of the guesthouse on their property for basically free

went all over when she was younger to “soul search” and sort out her life. basically just bummed around with a bunch of other barely legal adults who ate gas station food and drank expensive champagne and just a whole bunch of other nonsense

is approaching that age / stage of life where she’s meant to have her shit together but really doesn’t.

is still spending her money and maxing out credit cards on stupid things she can’t afford and doesn’t need. skips rent to go to fancy clubs. probably abuses something bc she can and she’s #lostandbroke inside

claims she’s an aspiring writer, and she’s trying she really is (sometimes), but doesn’t have anything to show for it if ppl asked

basically put together and #fine on the outside but a disaster on the inside

HEADCANONS.

HOMETOWN: Newport, Rhode Island

BIRTHDAY: tbd

NICKNAMES: almost exclusively goes by ‘Ren’, but a small few may call her L.V.

ORIENTATION: bisexual

MUSE SONGS: Girls Like You by The Naked and Famous, rock bottom by Caro, tba

CHARACTER TAG: can be found here.

PINTEREST BOARD: can be found here.

on any given day the only things you’re likely to find inside of ren’s fridge are a bottle of something alcoholic, a gel eye mask, and one of many credit cards frozen in the freezer.

in a similar vein, her oven is absolutely full of half clothes, half books.

is literally always on the verge of eviction bc, as mentioned above, she prioritizes p. much anything over responsibilities.

will 1000% justify buying five pairs of shoes she can’t afford bc she got them at a sample sale for the price of one at full retail

once upon a time she excused bad habits and terrible choices under the premise that they were hands on experience for the sake of her writing... except all these years later she’s still on her bullshit and hasn’t written anything of quality in ???

can’t be trusted to keep a pet rock alive let alone anything else

has never, not once, been able to say no to anything made of silk or velvet

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

this is already crazy long so i’m going to be making a sep. post for these and will add the link as soon as it’s finished, but you can expect to see things like: neighbors, coworkers, friends she’s met since moving to miami, the people she hung around during her years of travel and shenanigans, messy exes, drug dealer, former (kinda) sugar daddy lmfao, secret family, etc.

CHARACTER TWO.

NAME: 👑 Alicia Josefine Palmeiro (30)

FACECLAIM: Ana de Armas

in CORAL GABLES, you’ll find ALICIA PALMEIRO who’s lived there for ONE WEEK and they spend their days working as A (CURRENTLY UNEMPLOYED) LAWYER. They’ve been described as SHARP GLANCES, RUNNING IN HEELS, AND THE SCENT OF ACRYLIC PAINT FAINTLY LINGERING BENEATH ARMANI PERFUME by the people that know them. Which makes sense when you consider that they can be ELOQUENT + AMBITIOUS but also MATERIALISTIC + INDIFFERENT.

BACKGROUND.

comes from one of those richer than god families that have a library named after them somewhere and flaunt it. grandfather was the former governor of NC and her father is the current state attorney there

basically grew up with anything she wanted under the sun aside from attention and love. she was more of a business/brand investment than a beloved child in their eyes. rafael and gabriella (true monsters, lemme tell u) had her entire life mapped out and signed in blood before she was even conceived.

thought it would be really fun once to get a boyfriend in HS and hasn’t been able to get rid of him since. pls don’t call the cops if she threatens to light jaxon on fire bc she’s not serious. except for the one time she prob almost did.

speaking of things she almost did... she almost ran away with him after hs graduation in the pursuit of true love and following her dreams

daddy blackmailed jax into leaving her without a word, though. he listened (with good reason). instead of being happy and painting to pay rent, ali sucked up her tears before her mascara could run and went off to duke.... u guessed it.... exactly as her parents planned.

years later ran into jax again and they had an affair while she was engaged to another man. it ultimately led to their birth of their now 1.5 year old son

wyatt is probably the only thing she cares about more in this world than birkin bags and lingerie and shoes. on wednesdays she’ll let jaxon grace the list, but only if he leaves his muddy boots and potato chips at the door.

they’ve just moved to miami in a panic bc she found evidence against her father that proved they weren’t safe around him anymore (can share deets, but it’s chalk full of triggers so i won’t add it here)

HEADCANONS.

HOMETOWN: Wilmington, North Carolina

BIRTHDAY: August 16th, 1989

NICKNAMES: Ali, Princess, Queen Alicia P.

ORIENTATION: attention and diamonds (no but really she heterosexual)

PERMANENT PAIN IN THE ASS: Jaxon Martins

CHILDREN: Wyatt Martins, 1.5 years

MUSE SONGS: Me Too by Meghan Trainor, tba

CHARACTER TAG: can be found here.

PINTEREST BOARD: can be found here.

currently living in the penthouse suite at the biltmore hotel while they house shop for a mini mansion up to ali’s standards

is the stomping parrot when jax refuses to give her the attention she wants. or when she’s giving him the silent treatment but wants him to know she’s still mad.

thinks $20 t-shirts are just the result of misprinted tickets.

might cry if you try to take her inside of a dollar store or walmart.

couldn’t cook a meal to save her life and will absolutely get something catered and then take the credit when you tell her how delish it is.

has extreme trouble expressing her verbal emotions, so her displays of affection typically manifest in the form of gifts. ali will secretly obsess for weeks over finding the perfect present to fit the recipient 

not saying she’d throw u in front of a bus but…. if she doesn’t like u she prob wouldn’t hold out a hand to save you either.

is actually a warmhearted arsenic laced cupcake with a painter’s soul beneath her icy shield and devil blood. she does care. stg. mommy and daddy just never taught her how to show it.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

just like before, i’m going to be making a sep. post for these and add the link as soon as it’s finished, but you can expect to see things like: neighbors, family local to the area (depending on from which side, would also need to be discussed with @fcntastical​), new friends, artsy friends she can be herself around, mom friends (gimme a real housewives of miami club pls), people connected to her father and all his maniacal ways, fr/enemies, etc.

[kuiperblog]

Most band kids are “conveniently gifted”

Talking to people who were part of middle school bands, there’s a story that comes up again in various forms.  Here’s one example:

Jimmy always liked the idea of being a trumpet player from a very young age.  But musical instruments are expensive (both to rent and to buy), and so are private lessons, so his parents weren’t about to plop down four figures based on the whim of a third-grader.  As a public school student, Jimmy long-anticipated his elementary school graduation, because middle school was the first point at which he could get a publicly-funded education in music, with lessons and instrument both provided by the school.

During the summer between 5th and 6th grade, Jimmy and his mother went to meet with the middle school music teacher to talk about Jimmy’s involvement in the band program, and to get him signed up to borrow one of the school’s trumpets.

However, when Jimmy and his mother arrived to talk to the music teacher, the music teacher sized up Jimmy and remarked, “You know, with arms like his, I bet Jimmy could play the trombone.  Take this mouth piece and blow into it for me, would you?”  After a demonstration of Jimmy’s lung capacity, the music teacher offered another approving nod.  “Good breath, and good square mouth, too.  With lungs like his, he could be a great trombone player.”

Jimmy and his mother, of course, are both ecstatic to hear this.  For years, he had dreamed of being a trumpet player, wondering if he had what it took, but all this time, his real unique gift was being a trombone player.  Both mother and son walk out of the classroom, beaming smiles on their faces, as they take the school trombone home so that Jimmy can spend the rest of the summer practicing.

“Jimmy’s got a real talent for the trombone,” mother immediately begins telling all of her friends.  “The music teacher could tell it from meeting him.  He’s got a trombone player’s arms.  And those lungs!”   Jimmy feels special in a way that he hasn’t since the early days of elementary school.  All his life he dreamed of being a musician, and at last an authority in the world of music has vindicated his dreams.  Granted, things deviated slightly from how he originally planned them, but the change in instrument has only renewed his vigor and enthusiasm for music.

Jimmy then goes on to have a fairly unremarkable career as a trombone player.  He enjoys the experience of being in band, but his talents are fairly unexceptional, and by the time he gets to college he’s moved on to other extracurricular pursuits.

And then years later, he looks back fondly on his memories of being in the school band, and recalls, “You know, I was the only trombone player in my middle school band.  It’s funny, because there were five trumpet players, but I was the only trombone player.”

And then he flashes back to the meeting he had with the band teacher and realizes, “Oh, I didn’t actually have a 'unique talent’ for playing the trombone that the music teacher saw within moments of meeting me for the first time.  He just had too many trumpet players, and no trombone players, so he steered me in that direction instead.”

You might think that this would lead to a fair degree of disillusionment, as Jimmy’s entire career as a trombone player in the school band was premised on a lie, but I’ve never heard a version of this story where people come out bitter and resentful about having been denied their right to play their favored instrument. Your dreams and aspirations matter far less than the time you put in, and by the end of the summer, Jimmy’s two months of practicing the trombone had pushed him further down the trombone path than years of fantasizing about the trumpet had pushed him down the trumpet path.

(Jimmy’s story here is not so different from my own.  I played the clarinet not because I had any particular inclination toward the clarinet, but because my older cousin had a clarinet, and so if I wanted to play in the high school band, it was either play the clarinet that was already in the family, or spend several hundred dollars a year to rent an instrument instead.  I just happened to know from the start what Jimmy realized only in retrospect: his “choice” of instrument was really just driven by what instruments were available.)

There are times when I have gotten trapped in my own head, playing out the alternate versions of my life.  What would my life have been like if I’d gotten into my number one choice of college, instead of number two?  What if I’d majored in computer science, instead of mechanical engineering?

Increasingly, I’ve come to feel the same way about the later parts of my academic career that I feel about music.  In the same way that my college years had basically nothing to do with what instrument I played in the school band, my adult years have had basically nothing to do with which college I went to and what I studied.

At this point, what matters most about my high school band experience isn’t the musical skills that I practiced, but the memories I formed during that period (and maybe the broader skills of teamwork, discipline, and “learning how to learn”), While I learned these things by playing the clarinet, I could have learned them playing other instruments.  Likewise, I learned a lot of things in college, but the most important things I learned were not part of the curriculum, and I probably would have learned a similar set of lessons by attending a different school or studying a different subject.

Of course, my position is far from universal.  While my decision to start playing the clarinet at age 12 didn’t have a big impact on the trajectory of my career, Jimi Hendrix’s decision to pick up a guitar turned out to be pretty important to his career. (There’s a Pepsi commercial based on this premise: what if a young Jimi Hendrix hadn’t chosen the guitar?)  Likewise, my college roommate ended up getting a job at Google, so his decision to study computer science probably mattered a great deal.

The things is, you don’t know what the inflection points of your life would be.  Go back in time and ask teenage me which of these 3 life choices would be most important: 1) what college I attended, 2) what subject I studied in college, 3) what video game forums I spent time on after graduating from college.  One of these choices resulted in the career that I have today.  You get two guesses as to which.  Hint: I now work in video games.

Life is a series of high-consequence and low-consequence decisions, and oftentimes the things that appear to be high-consequence decisions turn out to be low-consequence, and the things that appear to be low-consequence turn out to be high-consequence.  (For examples of the latter, see stories of people who went out one night on a whim and happened to meet the person who eventually became their spouse.)

As a personal footnote: I think I spent my younger years assuming that I knew what the high-consequence decision points in my life would be, then at a certain point I realized that I didn’t know where they were as well as I thought I did, and since then I think I’ve made peace with that fact.  I think over time, I may have developed better intuitions and better sorting mechanism for what’s really going to be a high-consequence decisions, and my models are based more on my own observations and understanding of the world rather than axioms drilled into me by the authority figures in my life.  (Why did I believe that college was so important?  It was largely because starting from around third grade, teachers -- who are one of the main authority figures in every child’s life -- had drilled into me the importance of getting good grades so that I could get into a good school and get a good job.)  Now, I still have a certain amount of respect for “authorities,” but my definition of “authority” tends to be more, “This guy succeed in the field that I’m trying to succeed in, maybe he knows a thing or two about how I might achieve that success,” and less “This person gives instructions that I’m supposed to follow and if I don’t follow their instructions then I get punished, so I guess I better do what they say.”

[smolbeandrabbles]

Science & Faith - Talos/Keller (Captain Marvel: AU)

I AM NOT FOLLOWING CAPTAIN MARVEL CANON. For reasons that will be obvious if you’ve seen it / when you read this.

Author’s Note: Special Thanks to @my-world-of-imagines for our AU discussion! 😘 Okay.  I was dumb enough to write this before seeing the movie.  I was dumb enough to think this was going to work out for me.  I can’t just leave it sitting on a word document on my computer. Because it deserves to be read... I wanted to give you this, not because it follows canon. But because one damn picture inspired this...!

Gonna tag it with spoilers just in case. But I wrote it essentially right after his poster was released. (HOW COULD I NOT!?!?) Not x Reader... But I didn’t want to waste her... Just... uh, I’m flexing a few writing muscles here...! 

Disclaimer: She is my OC baby, she is all I have!  setting in an AU to Captain Marvel for obvious reasons. I’m really not into Keller, I’ve called him Jonathan Richards Comic Canon! For TOO long! But, Keller it is! Premise: Talos is no ordinary man, but he can’t tell her that... If he does, he will break her. If he doesn’t, he risks destroying himself. Word Count: 2467  Warnings: Sexual Relations hinted at. Deceit

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope You won't find heart and soul in the stars You can break everything, down to chemicals But you can't explain a love like ours.

It's the way we feel, yeah this is real. ---

Talos studied her from the doorway as she stirred under the sheets. The sunlight streaming through the open blinds bathed his white, clinical apartment in a dazzling haze. He'd thought about vocalising it more than once, who he really was... He'd gotten so far as to being half way through a confession before he'd stopped. He couldn't. Not with the way she looked at him when he was in this form. He himself had never really expected to fall for her either. She came all the way from Xandar, though, she herself was not Xandarian. And she'd told him, or, she'd told Jonathan on more than one occasion that she was surprised that she would fall for a human. Problem being, she hadn't...

Her ship had crashed in a remote part of the US and he just so happened to be the lead of the S.H.I.E.L.D team sent to investigate. After being tasked with studying the ship, they had found her. She looked human enough; only three things distinguished her - her natural shades of pink and purple pastel hair (though. In the day and age...) her blood - thicker than many races he’d seen, a deep blue-purple - not unlike his own, and the distinctive patterns of light that rolled over her skin when she experienced heightened emotions - or was with a lover. But she had to have their DNA for that. Which in the long run he hadn't been so unwilling to give.

 At first they had captured her and taken her back to the lab to study. But for something that looked so human he had soon put a stop to something so inhumane. He had decided to study her on his own terms. At first, he had allowed her to wander as freely around his S.H.I.E.L.D research facility as she wished as long as he was accompanying her. He'd ask all the appropriate questions, blending what his job description was with furthering future plans for the Skrull empire. It made him more than uneasy that she was not hostile about answering him; perhaps she felt humans posed no threat to her. He guessed that she would be right - but he was a shapeshifter, and knew he could do her more harm than her him. But it was when she began asking questions back that startled him. Why would she want to know anything about humans? About Earth? He'd perfected blending as a part of his race, his very DNA... But she didn't need to. And yet she was fascinated, with him in particular. Talos had given Jonathan Keller a back story, a life he'd never really had - but the more he told her about it, and the more she wanted to know. The more he found himself believing that it WAS his life...

 She called herself Maliyah Saal. A name he recognised (but of course pretended he didn't) from Garthan Saal; head of the Nova Corps. The strongest military power in her sector of the galaxy. He was related to her by name only - she had come from a dying planet and had been adopted by his parents on Xandar. She'd travelled very far in her short life span; flitting between planets and jobs like it was nothing. She'd been a prominent member of the Nova Corp herself, before being sick and tired of being tied to one place and looking for adventure, had joined a crew of Ravagers - before eventually settling in with Yondu Udonta. She obtained her own break out crew within a short period of time after that, and, after what she called a disagreement but he could already tell was so much more, broke her small crew away and began treasure hunting - essentially sounding to him like being a Ravager without the attached title. Then she'd given her crew a break and linked back with her brother at the Nova Corps - stolen a ship to explore the galaxy and had proceeded to crash to Earth. Only for him, of all people, to find her.

 Maliyah had a child like innocence about everything she discovered on Earth. 'What is that...?' 'What are you doing?' 'Oh! We have something similar back home!' 'Really!? That's SO cool!' And an Elders lament about everything Earth didn't have '...Dollars?! Pounds!? Euros!? Why so many damn forms of currency, just use credits..!' 'You know if Earth didn't spend so much time caring about itself it would be intergallactically trading by now' '...Is this what you do with all - sorry, Aliens? - that crash to earth? If you spent less time studying us and more time letting us help you your tech would be vastly superior. Then you'd actually get to GO to Xandar. And you should! You humans don't know what you're missing."

 Eventually Talos knew he couldn't keep her locked up in the S.H.I.E.L.D base, so in a moment of recklessness - which hadn't as yet cost him anything - had transferred her to Jonathan's apartment. Bare and clinically white she instantly added the colour it needed. And she started telling him things about home her home, both the planet she came from and her house on Xandar. It felt less like he was studying her when she wasn't in the lab, and the conversation flowed much freer. He wasn't prepared to let her explore yet, but he knew she wanted to go into the open world every time he watched her stand on the balcony. Sometimes she glanced at the stars, but she never talked about going back. Something was keeping her here, and he hadn't been naive enough to believe it was him.

 He crossed his apartment to her, buttoning his waist coat and straightening his tie; the one problem with keeping her here was that he still had to work at the lab. He missed her any time he wasn't with her. But he could only make a working from home excuse so many times a week, this wasn't one of those days. She was still lost in dreams as he brushed her hair from her face delicately with his fingertips. When he grazed her skin the patterns that ran nearly the entire length of her body began to glow faintly in his colours. Every mix of DNA created a different pattern, and a different set of colours. Maliyah had her own that would run with her emotions. But every time he touched her it was his all over her skin - her race could sense emotion too; so every time his emotions ran into extremes she would know about it. She would also glow when he was in proximity, if their bond was strong enough. And part of him wanted that - but she had not entirely let him in yet. He wondered what she was really reacting to; he didn't have Human DNA as such, but had the physique... wouldn't she know if she was mixing her own DNA with a completely different race? Skrulls and Humans must feel different to her? Must feel emotions differently? Did she even know what a Skrull was? He couldn't believe she didn't.

She stirred under his touch and opened her eyes; he perched on the bed and let his fingers linger on her skin. She turned those purple-blue eyes on him as she focused, then she sighed in discontent; "You are leaving..?" "I would stay. You know that." She sat up quickly; "Well. Hurry home." She always said it like they were really living together - and not cohabiting. "I miss you." He looked away from her for a second, it tore him apart nearly every day. The way she looked at him - Jonathan Keller she trusted… she loved... Would she look at Talos in the same way? Every second he didn't tell her, that he let her believe the lie that Jonathan was the real him would give her so much more reason to hate him when he finally had the courage to tell her what he really was,  "I know you do..." She placed a hand to his cheek, brushing his hair into place around his glasses. Her eyes searched his for something more than that, for something he couldn't give her. Until she smiled, leaning forward she pressed her lips to his and the soft colours on her skin burst into life; dancing across the white walls of his apartment for far longer than the kiss lasted. She pressed her forehead to his "Be careful." He chuckled; "Maliyah... What about my job is dangerous?" He stood, easing himself into his gun holster "This is merely precautionary." "Because you're human... And when you've seen as many lifeforms as I have that could crash here like I did..." She eyed his gun, weaponry was about the most dangerous thing humans had and she didn't like that he had to carry it. "...I would just hate for you to have to use that. Or get called out and not come back..." He slid his jacket on and smoothed it out; "Maliyah, that's never going to happen... Trust me." "I DO trust you." And it was her one mistake. She tilted her head; "Only, with your eyesight I just..." It came back to his glasses again. They had been little more than just a stylistic choice. However, Talos' eyes didn't accustom very well the amount of endless small print reading he had to do. He needed glasses. And Maliyah was fascinated. Apparently she'd never seen any other life form with them. He had, once or twice, they weren't exclusively a human invention. But glasses whose function was not fashion or that didn't hold a technological dynamic. Glasses that you had to wear all the time or you couldn't SEE!? To her it was a completely a foreign concept. He raised an eyebrow; "You think just because I don't have 20:20 vision I'm going to miss?"

She made a shrug like she didn't know what he was talking about. He knew she was just making excuses. He liked to feel like he could at least defend himself. And all S.H.I.E.L.D agents had to wear one, it was the rules. He could tell by the look on her face she wanted to ask him something more, but she wasn't meeting his eyes - chewing her lip. He bent as far as his perfectly tailored three-piece suit would allow. Which, he had to give credit to Humans, was pretty far - and took her hands in his; "Maliyah... I want you to be happy... What can I do to make you happy? What is it you aren't telling me?" The words cut both ways, look at everything he wasn't telling her. She laced her hands with his; "Every time you walk out of that door you are too far away." Her statement hit harder than his ever could; and his eyes betrayed him because he hadn't expected it. Did she even realise what she was saying? He sighed and looked to the polished wood floor. Then to his balcony... Maybe, just maybe...

"I'll make my excuses as soon as I can. I promise you, I'll be home early..." He nodded to the outside world "I'll take you out of here..." She turned, and he saw her breath catch, the smile on her face; "But you have to do everything I say, alright? Not everyone is going to understand who and what you are..." He stood, running his fingers over the colours on her skin; "...They will not understand this...." She nodded. She knew. Every human was the same, afraid of what they could not comprehend. Afraid even of things they could. His race had infiltrated easily because they COULD; if his race was incapable of seamless blending no doubt humans would more than fear them. He gathered her hands to his chest; his heartbeat. "I know I am too far away. But I promise you, it will not always be this way. Someday they WILL understand you..." He tilted his head "I get the feeling, Maliyah, that you will not be the only shooting star to fall." He meant it as a compliment - but also in reference to the necklace she wore. Jonathan would call it a North Star; for that is what it resembled. Maliyah referred to it as Nova. Jonathan would say Super Nova - the final hurrah of a dying star... Talos didn't know what Nova was - It wasn’t an obvious link, despite the name to the Nova Corps or Nova whatever considering her planet of origin - but it was obviously Xandarian. Never the less, she smiled at his reference. So, he made another, "You are... a Super Nova..." She stood then, a glint in her eye told him that meant far more to her than just a scientific expression. "...Jonathan... I..." She let it go, whether important or not he would never know, but he wanted her to call him by his own name. His real name. His heart ached as she wound her arms around him again. Instead she opted for an even more devastating sentence. "I love you." And by the look in her eyes she really meant it "If something ever happened to you... I..." He could tell by the way the lights on her skin changed that she was making herself sad. So he silenced her with a kiss. "I know..." But in truth, he didn't. "Nothing will happen to me Mali..." He loosed himself from her embrace reluctantly and collected his bag - pointing back to her as he exited his apartment. "I promise you that." And he was glad he could make Jonathan sound so sincere. She nodded, like she believed him. "I'll be back before you know it." He added in reassurance as his apartment door swung closed. Then he breathed out, his heart was being pulled apart... running his hand through his hair he stared at his door for a few more seconds, it crossed his mind more than once to walk back in there and tell her, tell her NOW. Instead he took a step back, and then another. She loves him... How could he promise her nothing would happen to Jonathan? Jonathan was a mirage. Jonathan wasn't real. This visage was unsustainable; Talos couldn't stay like this forever even if he wanted to... How could he make a promise like that without thinking it would have consequences? He stepped into the lift and stared hard at the reflection in the polished steel, he looked down at himself - this body... these finger tips. All of it foreign to him... But every little thing she truly loved. He closed his hands into fists, then opened them flat again and placed his head in his hands.

All he knew right then - Is that the only promise he could ever make to Maliyah. Is that he was going to break her heart.

And it would destroy him. Because he loved her too.

Geez, can someone just GIF every Keller scene for me ASAP?! Will be #ForeverGrateful 😘❤