#I wanna say yes but I may just be bias | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sharonisthebettercarter · 5 months

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billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

33 notes · View notes

bluexiao · 2 years

Note

Reader who wrote fanfics of them before they met and how they would react😳 dckz

fanfiction writer!reader w/ dckz

THEMES. modern idol au; crack; fluff

NOTES. kinda wanna do this with my babies (anemo boys) as well, any thoughts?

DILUC

Would be quite surprised that someone like you is a fan of his–positively (for you).

Of course, he wouldn’t be showing such a reaction right in front of you. He’ll actually try to control it, probably turn to face his head in another way as an attempt to hide–which turns out to be a failure, but nonetheless, you speak nothing about it.

But it’s not really that hard to spot the scarlet hue on his cheeks, a shade similar to those of his hair, however, it was also quite hard to figure it out at first, especially with how silent he had been right after you reveal it to him.

“I… see…” he clears his throat–was he unable to speak? Or unable to think what to say? Either way, it held the same result.

“I’m sorry… it must have made you uncomfortable… what am I even thinking to say such awkward things to you.”

He notices the way you retreat your form from his and it sends a trickle on his fingers, urging him to reach out and before he knew it, his fingers were wrapped gently on your wrist.

“No, I am not… it did not make me uncomfortable… well, it did came off as a surprise but, I don’t think I can ever be uncomfortable when it’s you.”

He’d most likely create an account and follow yours–if you have one–just to support you–he doesn’t read fanfictions at all but maybe… he’ll make an exception for you.

He’ll just be reading those that were his though, he’ll pretend the others do not exist–no kidding.

CHILDE

Is actually quite surprised but tries to hide it by briefly brushing it off, especially in front of others. Though, if it was only the two of you, he’d still divert the topic to something else as he tries to compose himself deep down and comes up with a suave response. But in reality, he’s actually very flustered.

Of course, he’d try to act tough, how unbecoming of him if he is known to be caught off guard by just something you had said. He has a high pride, you see–well, that everyone can.

“Oh? Really? That’s… quite interesting…” Despite his efforts, however, you could easily tell just by the side forced grin he emitted and how it didn’t even reach his eyes.

Clearly, “You must be uncomfortable, I’m sorry… I just wanted to tell you this since… you showed me interest and-”

Now, CHILDE may have been caught off guard, but at the very least, he wasn’t really that bothered. And he’ll be damned if you begin to think like that and decide to give up on him because he ain’t giving up on you.

“Shh, hey, hey,” he leans in and lifts your chin gently, urging you to meet his eyes and instinctively, you do, only to avert your gaze away, “come on, look at me, babe, I’m not uncomfortable or anything.”

You met his eyes and weakly says, “Really?”

At this point, he had already forgotten what just happened with just that simple look from your face–ah, how can you be this cute? How can he even resist this level of–

He clears his throat and looks away. Maybe he’ll just forget the fact that you said you also write for the others. You two can just… discuss that… next time.

KAEYA

Not something he expected, but is not that very much surprised. But still.

Nonetheless, he would be even more curious.

“Is that so? Then, what do you write about me?” he leans forward to you, arms crossed and a smirk plastered on his face. Amusing, he’d think. After all, he had never truly had the chance to meet someone like you, in a good way, nonetheless.

“Come on, share a thing or two. Actually, what made you write fanfictions for me? I see, so I’m your… bias, then?”

“Actually… uh… I write bias for all of you.”

“All of us?”

“Yes.”

Now if that is the case, he’ll find the situation quite peculiar, but understandable, nonetheless. He wouldn’t have expected himself that he’d be in a relationship with a fan, to which he’d think that you wouldn’t have expected the same–to an idol like him. So yes, understandable.

Doesn’t mean he’ll just let you fall in love with the others though.

Also follows your blog–if you have one–and stalks all of your works–especially those hat were his.

Oh get ready to be teased even more the next day or whenever you post something of his. If you post for the others, he’ll tease you “Why am I not included? Come on, babe, you know how I love your writing”--liar, he just want to be loved, that’s all. And just the thought of you writing for him makes his heart flutter like a freaking butterfly.

ZHONGLI

Thinks that being his fan was the least of his expectations from you, but you…

“You continue to surprise me, dear.”

“Is this surprise… uncomfortable? I mean, I understand if you’ll-”

Before you could go on a tangent about breaking it off–at least, that’s where he thinks your words would lead to, he reaches for your hand and takes it with his own, raising it to place a kiss on its back, effectively shutting you up, flustered over the sudden actions of the idol.

“You did nothing of the sort, my dear,” he says, his voice soothing your worries in an instant, just as how he would whenever you hear him singing, “Say, just as you’ve listened to stories of the past, how about you tell me of the stories you’ve written? You’ve intrigued me with you confession and I do believe I have a lot of time to listen to you, just as you do to me.”

Would actually listen if you tell the stories to him! Or make him read it. Actually, he’d like it even more if your loveable voice would be reading it for him as he rests on your lap or you lean on to his chest, him admiring you either way.

Even if you wrote for anyone else from the other members, he doesn’t particularly mind, but of course, he is pleased with the fact that you have more stories for him–and it shows with how he requests for you to read most of his as he silently listens until the end of the each tale.

He’d be quite of a skeptic though, like if you got his or the other members’ personality wrong or if he thinks they’d react differently, he would openly say them to you, but not in a rude manner, no, no. I mean, you cannot even rule him as rude because this man is very eloquent and respectful with every word he says. He’s merely doing this to help you in your characterization skills! Who knows, you might get a hit on your next writing!

And he’s probably the type to create an account and follow your blog–if you have one–and have his notifications on. Such a supportive boyfriend, we love it.

Reblogs and comments are very appreciated~

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#genshin x reader #dckz x reader #zhongli x reader #kaeya x reader #childe x reader #diluc x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin fluff #blue's works

400 notes · View notes

intheholler · 7 months

Note

I'm finding myself having less and less patience with people who make fun of Southerners and Appalachians (and rural people in general, though I do find it interesting how they always use our accents to mock all rural Americans...)

I follow a few Appalachian creators on tiktok who post recipes and the comments on their videos are always full of people making fun of their accents. "Um, where can I find 'oll'? I went to the store and all they had was oil 😂" or "'Worsh' must be some new technique I've never heard of!" Or even just basic insinuation that the creator isn't smart and that the food looks gross. It's annoying. I always wanna shake these people and make them remember that making fun of someone's culture is shitty! Just because they've been taught not to respect our culture doesn't mean it's not one.

I do also see lots of comments from the other side, though! Things like "You sound like my mamaw! 🥰" or "As soon as I heard you say 'cast iron' like that I knew the recipe was gonna be good' or "Ooh, nobody can make cabbage taste good like someone from the holler!"

I love seeing the kind of pride that comes from leftists like me who grew up there. I love living outside of Appalachia and making the people around me hear my accent and eating my recipes. I love thinking about the gifts that our home has given to people all over the world: foods, technology, music, inventions.

Basically, thanks for your blog. I love the perspective you bring to Tumblr

"as soon as i heard you say 'cast iron' like that i knew the recipe was gonna be good" YES that's what we wanna see when it comes to comments on our accent 🤩

speaking of, i maintain that the best way to change minds is doin exactly what you yourself are doin--sharing the food, culture & the overall beauty of appalachia complete with its inherently leftist ideals... in a thick ol fuckin accent.

dizzy em with cognitive dissonance until they have no choice but to accept they may actually be wrong! back when my accent was virtually undetectable, i used to love dropping the "oh btw, im from the south" bomb on em after they got to know me and respect me

but unfortunately, yeah, it's too easy for those kinds to just keep being ugly. takes far less effort to crack stale jokes, speak ill of us and call us stupid at every opportunity than, idk, confronting bias and growing as a person. i wonder if we'll ever stop being the butt of their jokes. probably not. fuck em.

anyway, amen to all you said. i have exactly zero patience for it now honestly, especially after getting to know yall and having this little community that has cropped up around my humble lil blog. i feel more protective of our home than ever before and i been gettin loud about it

thanks for sharing your thoughts and for being here <33

#asks #appalachia #appalachian culture #appalachian food #appalachian dialect

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saythenameritwika · 3 months

Note

Im a baby carat and it really warms my heart so see someone love them so deeply ❤️ I know I probably just spammed your with all my likes (sorry not sorry) but scrolling through you account just makes me fall deeper for svt and I adore yo(u) for it >3< (yes I think I'm so clever Im really not LOL) here's to more years of seventeen!!! 💎💕

ALSO ASIDE FROM THAT who is your bias & what is your fav era/album/song?? I'm still trying to work through 9 years of discography (pains of being a 2024 carat 😭) and I wanted to know if there are like ICONIC tracks that may be older (since I'm going from most current to oldest) that I need to listen to immediately before all else?

thank you again for being so loving 🫶

Oh, I definitely noticed your activity, lmaoo 😭🤣. I was so surprised because my phone started blowing up on a random Wednesday evening 😭🥹. But thank you!! 🩷🩵😭😭

Thank you for noticing my love for Seventeen!! I mean, it's pretty obvious, but I love that Carats (new and old) can feel the love that I have for Seventeen because I seriously love them so much. They have become an irreplaceable part of my life, and I don't think I have truly loved anything or anyone as much as them 😭😭.

I adore (yo)u too (you are clever, girl 😭😭)!!!! I'm glad that my posts made you fall in love more with Seventeen 🩷🩵! I hope you stick around 😉 because my love for them is only growing, and I'm gonna post a LOT more!

My bias is Dino!! But I get biased wrecked every 2 mins, so I say I'm OT13 while being Dino biased, lmfaoo 😭😭. It's really hard to pick a bias in Seventeen, goddamit!! Though, Dino definitely has a special place in my heart 😭! He became my bias during Hot era, and he has remained my bias since! (Please tell me who's yours when you read this!)

My favourite song...hmmm, I'll have to say I don't have one 😭😭. Whenever I pick a favourite song, another song happens to catch my attention 😭. It's literally impossible for me to pick a favourite song. But if I talk about my favourite song rn, I'll say it's March from the Face The Sun album (if we're talking sub-unit songs, it will definitely be Last Night by JxW!) But that's gonna change pretty soon 😭.

My favourite era is again something I can't pick. Look, it's not my fault that they always outdo themselves, okay 😭😭? But my faves are Attaca era (Rock With You), FML era (Super and FML), 17 Is Right Here era (Maestro), An Ode era (Fear & Hit), Teen Age era (Clap), Semi;Colon era (Home;Run), Director's Cut era (Thanks), etc. I literally just named all their eras lmaoo 😭😭. But as you can see, I can't pick. But you can check out any song or album I just named.

My favourite album is something I can answer, thankfully. I have a lot, though, so bare with me 😅🥹. My favourites are Going Seventeen, Teen Age, Heng:garae, Semi;Colon, Face The Sun, Sector 17, Seventeenth Heaven, Attaca, and FML. Again, I named almost every album lmaoo. But I recommend starting with Going Seventeen and making your way up. They have a lot of good music so you won't be disappointed even by their oldest albums!

Iconic tracks you NEED to listen to would be Fear (a classic), Mansae (another classic and a banger), Highlight (I might be saying this because I'm a performance unit girlie but that song is genuinely amazing), Clap (that song is so iconic omg), Don't Wanna Cry (that song is a masterpiece), Home;Run (the song that drew my interest to Seventeen!), Hot (honestly, just check out the whole album because it's amazing. It was also my first album as a Carat), Thanks (another classic, that song is beautiful), and then you can go in order (either oldest to newest or vice versa!).

Again, thank you for reaching out to me, and I was SO happy to help (though I don't think I was of any help, lmaoo 😭). Hopefully, you grow to love Seventeen just as much as I do, and I hope they become a big part of your life, too. I swear, life after "slipping into the diamond life" is so much better 🩷🩵😅! I recommend going through their content such as Going Seventeen (the variety show, not the album) to get to know them better!

Please continue to reach out to me if you have any questions about Seventeen or if you just wanna fangirl, lmaoo! I'm always open to new Carat friends (I'm in desperate need of them 😅). Once again, thank you for reaching out, and thank you for liking my blog!!

#seventeen #svt #sebongs #carat talk #i love carats #caratland #carat

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maaruin · 10 months

Note

can you explain the bin laden thing and answer the questions you posted that should be "attached" to the letter? im kind of ashamed to admit how little i know about bin laden, but i was also only born in 2001... id appreciate some context on why people are into his letter, why leftists are latching onto it, and how this connects to what's going on in gaza. i'll read as much as you wanna write. thanks so much.

in reference to my previous post Yes, I can do that. Thank you for the ask. And I can assure you, many people who lived through 9/11 as adults don't really understand Bin Laden's motivations all that well either. If you want to read the letter yourself, you can find it here on WikiSource.

First for the questions: 1. Are bin Laden’s descriptions of political events and relations in this letter accurate? What could he have misunderstood? What could he be lying about?

When bin Laden lays out his reasons for attacking America, he says America attacked first and then claims that America is responsible for basically every bad thing that his happening to Muslims (in his view) anywhere. So America is not only responsible for its interventions in the Middle East and military aid to Israel, but also for the Russian suppression of the Chechnyan attempt at independence, Indian control of Kashmir, the Philippine government fighting Islamist rebels, and governments in the Islamic world not implementing Sharia. He implies hostility towards Islam is the reason for America's actions, for example, he thinks American soldiers in Saudi-Arabia were stationed there so that the mere presence of non-Muslims in the country with Islams most holy sites will humiliate Muslims. (When in fact they were stationed there in 1991 at the request of the Saudi government to protect it against a possible invasion from Iraq after Iraq had already invaded Kuwait.) This is classical conspiracy-theory-thinking: Assuming that behind all the bad things that happen to your group there must be a plan by someone (often a particular group) to hurt your group and that the motivation is hatred towards you. You will find bin Laden parroting conspiracy theorist talking points in the later sections of the letter as well, for example that America created AIDS, or that Jews are secretly controlling American politicians. The problem with conspiracy theories is very simple: they tend to be wrong. For example, if you want to explain the actions of the Russian military in Chechnya around 2000, don't look at America, look at Putin's ruling ideology. If you want to explain why Muslim governments don't implement Sharia, think about if it would help or hurt their ability to stay in power. Many problems all around the world start from local conditions, not because there is an evil mastermind behind them. I don't think bin Laden is lying very much in this letter, except maybe to himself. He is just falling to his own pattern matching bias that wants to ascribe all bad thing that happen to Muslims to a single cause - America. (Probably because that would mean if you could just defeat America, all the problems in the Islamic world would go away.) 2. Are bin Laden’s goals outlined in the letter worthwhile? Should Americans implement his suggestions? The latter has bin Laden's requests for Americans. Some are goals that an American may support as well, like stop military interventions in the Islamic world or ending support for countries that oppress Muslims. Though even there he sees American support where there wasn't really support, like the Russian operation in Chechnya. The US government did in fact condemn Russian actions. So this goal is not worthwhile because it is based on false assumptions about reality - the conspiracy theory about American Influence listed above. The hugest chunk of requests however is the demand for America to convert to Islam, end the separation of religion and state, and adopt social conservative policies (ban alcohol, ban sex work, ban homosexuality, ban interest on loans, stop employing women in service industry jobs where they serve man, etc - but he also mentiones that he wants the US to sign the Kyoto protocol, so it isn't 100% identical to what US conservatives want). Arguments for or against social conservatism would make this post far too long, but I doubt many left leaning Americans would be on board for these policies. Right leaning Americans might support some of these policies, but they would certainly not want America to make Islam the state religion.

3. Were the 9/11 attacks and similar operations by al-Qaeda an effective way to achieve his goals? Did the terrorist attack on American civilians lead to Americans wanting to convert to Islam - NO, it made Americans hate Islam. Did it make America withdraw from Islamic countries - NO, it made America invade Afghanistan and Iraq. I have read a bit of context on Bin Laden's goals in the past. During the Lebanese Civil War, a number of US soldiers were killed in a suicide bombing (iirc) and after that the US withdrew its soldiers. Bin Laden misjudged this and thought that an even larger attack on American civilians within the borders of the US would have the same effect on a larger scale. He was wrong and caused the opposite reaction. Killing American troops that are deployed in/are occupying another country does make Americans sour on the war if you can keep it up over time. But attacking civilians, especially in their home country, tends to increases the will to fight in the West (with few exception - spain pulled out its troops from Iraq after a terrorist attack on trains in Madrid). In the last decade the Taliban managed to make the US retreat and took over Afghanistan again by limiting their attacks these way, constantly killing US soldiers and their allies, but leaving civilians in America alone. The Islamic State on the other hand got the whole world into uniting against it by its display of cruelties like the beheading of journalists and aid workers and by its terrorist attacks in France and other countries. So even within his own values Bin Laden made the wrong choice when he initiated the 9/11 attacks. Context on why the letter may have had a sudden spike in popularity recently

The more immediate reason is that the letter talks quite a bit about American support for Israeli oppression of Palestinians. And that is one of the statements in the letter that are based at least somewhat in truth - yes, Israel does oppress Palestinians and yes, the US government generally supports Israel. It is somewhat doubtful if America withdrawing support would make Israel oppress Palestinians less. (In fact, it might make Israel more aggressive because it felt more threatened, but that also isn't for certain.) This is, I suppose, the reason why people ended up reading the letter. But the reason for them saying things like "I now realize he was right" is a specific kind of leftist gullibility/refusal to think. Leftists are opposed to oppression. They see that the United States is the most powerful country in the world and is involved, directly and indirectly, in a number of cases in which people are oppressed around the world. And then they think "If oppression is bad and the US oppresses people, people who fight against the US must be good." But the world of international politics cannot just be divided into good and evil. There are in fact things like better and worse. Bin Laden's letter overestimates the influence the US has and that its ability to change things, his vision for the world is worse than the world looks under US hegemony, and the means he chose to pursue his goals did not even help him achieve these goals - instead it just caused a number of bloody wars that got many Muslims (including himself) killed.

And I just wish leftists would think such things (statements like "Bin Laden was right") through. This isn't the first time. During the protests of 2020 after the murder of George Floyd the statement "Abolish the Police" gained tractions. Probably brought into the protest by some anarchists, other leftists thought "well, if the police oppresses people, abolishing it is the obvious solution". Without considering a) how much support by less ideologically committed people it cost them (it was an extremely unrealistic goal) and b) the risk of institutions arising in the vacuum left by the police could be worse (would private security beholden to cooperations be better than the police?, would a mafia that demanded protection money from you be better than the police?). And right now with Gaza we see the same thing: Does calling the 7/10 massacres "decolonization" make people likely to support decolonization? - NO Does Hamas have a shot at conquering Israel and restoring a Palestine "from river to sea" and did the attack further this goal? - NO If Hamas controlled all of current Israel, would the situation be better for the people who live there or would return there, even if you only consider Palestinians ? - DOUBTFUL

I think some leftists latch on to this letter because they have the same conspiracy-theory-thinking bin Laden had and saying "bin Laden was right" sounds really really radical and that makes them feel good. Their politics are very emotion driven with insufficient though put into it. Well, I hope my long post helped to a better understanding.

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princesslachimolala · 10 months

Text

The Bangtan GC 📱

3. Who’s your bias? 🤔

•••

Synopsis: you (yn 🦊) are in a members-only group chat with BTS 💜

Pairings: platonic! ot7 x gn! reader

Warnings: slight angst

A/n: reader is gn (gender neutral) so read honorific’s as they apply to you, just my interpretation of who I think would bias who in this 8th member fic world, just meant to be fun not serious at all! Enjoy!

•••

🦊: I’m bored someone entertain me

🐻: can you not just leave your room and talk to us? we’re literally right next door?

🦊: but what’s the fun in that? then we can have these texts forever till we’re old and grey🥰

🐹: speak for yourself baby petal I may be getting old but I’m aging like fine wine 🍷

🐨: no one says that about themselves Jin hyung…

🐱: Jin hyung does

🐿: want me to spam the gc with old pictures of us yn-ie? we can reminisce the trainee days…😄

🐥: don’t dare Hobi hyung!! I don’t wanna to see my old hair…

🐰: I second that…

🦊: ughhhhhh

🐰: I felt that in my soul

🐥: ooh I have a fun question

🐱: ??

🐥: it has all the ingredients to properly entertain yn-ie… suspense, intrigue, drama…

🦊: oohh what’s the question minnie??

🐥: oh wouldn’t you like to know

🐰: they just said they did hyung?!

🐻: I want to know Minnie!!!! Ask me!!!!

🐥: if we each were part of army… who would be our bias?

🐨: oh here we go…

🐹: I’d bias myself

🐰: you can’t bias yourself hyung

🐹: that wasn’t a rule kookie

🦊: cmon oppa/hyung we know you’d be a joonie bias

🐥: hmm I think Jin hyung would be a yn bias

🐱: of course he would be

🐰: Yoongi hyung would also be a yn bias… maybe I am too

🦊: don’t be so dramatic guys, we all know Yoongi is a jimin bias

🦊: and kookie you’re 100% a namjoon bias, be so for real…

🐰: why you gotta out me like that

🐿: you don’t keep it quiet koo hahahaha

🐰: Hobi hyung is such a jimin bias too

🐥: he gives Jungkook bias vibes too though

🐻: who’s biasing me?😅

🐥: who do you think Tae? Me and yn obvs…

🐨: did you just admit Tae is your favourite Jimin?

🐻: wow thanks minnie🥹

🐻: feeling the love just waiting for my little one to admit it now

🦊: hope your not talking about me

🐻: who else is my little one? Jk is literally taller than me…

🦊: I would be an ot8 guys sorry, couldn’t pick

🐿: aw yn-ie that’s such a boring answer ✋🏻

🦊: Hobi!!!😭

🐿: I mean it’s sweet but… where’s the drama??

🐰: noona/hyung, you are kinda screaming Tae bias but also Jin bias??

🦊: but I love you all😭

🐱: wow a confession

🐨: we love you too baby petal🫶🏻

🐹: yah just accept your Jin bias status baby petal

🦊: but you don’t even bias me back oppa/hyung…

🐹: I did neither confirm nor deny little one

🦊: so that’s a yes?

🐹: …

🐹: it’s not a no…

🐿: AH-HA JIN HYUNG IS AN YN BIAS

🐱: okay so yn is a Jin bias, Jin is a yn bias, Tae and Minnie are obvs each other’s bias, Kook is a Joon bias… does that mean Joon is a kook bias?

🐨: I would bias the golden maknae for sure

🐰: sobbing

🐨: can you sob over my plants they need more watering?

🦊: Yoongi oppa/hyung you kinda give Hobi bias vibes

🐱: I’ll take that

🐿: thank you hyunggggg

🐿: I’ll bias you back hyung!!!

🐥: wow we’re all being so wholesome, this is not the drama I expected?

🦊: now let’s decide bias wreckers 😈

🐱: 🤦🏻

🐻: I’m a yn bias wrecker… there I said it

🦊: omg I was gonna say the same thing Tae 🥹

🐻: that you bias wreck yourself?

🦊: no- you, silly 🙄

🐻: ah- well thank you 🙄

🦊: you’re welcome 🙄

🐻: you’re stinky 🙄

🦊: back at your bro 🙄

🐻: double back at you, second brightest light in my life 🙄

🦊: wow- heartfelt or what 🙄

🐻: what?

🦊: what?

🐻: I asked you what

🦊: but I’m confused

🐻: it couldn’t be a simpler question

🐨: are yous gonna be a while or?

🐥: I love watching my babies argue 🥹

🐰: I hate watching my noona and hyung/hyungs argue 😔

🐱: we’ve reached chaos again

🐿: I’m gonna admit I’m a jimin bias wrecker hahahah

🐥: awww hyung!!! I’m a Hobi bias wrecker fr!!!

🐰: but I want Hobi as my bias wrecker 😔

🐥: you can still have him koo, there’s plenty of sunshine to go around…

🐱: I might be a Jin bias wrecker if we had to pick…

🐹: I’m a jk bias wrecker and proud

🦊: joonie?

🐨: uh- Suga hyung I guess

🦊: you okay joonie?

🐨: all fine, yn-ie

🐻: no bc no one picked Joon bias wrecker!!

🐻: sorry hyung!! I’ll bias wreck you!!

🐰: that means yn noona/hyung isn’t bias wrecked🥹

🦊: aw it’s just a game guys

🐰: but it’s not fair 😪

🐨: hyung’s okay koo, I just got in my head

🦊: aw joonie 🥺

🐱: we’re all undercover rap monster stans anyways

🐥: BIAS THE LEADER

🐰: NAMJOON IS MY PRESIDENT

🐻: NAMJOON IS MY KING

🦊: NAMJOONING IS MY LIFESTYLE

🐿: awwww look at all your dongsaengie’s joonie 🫶🏻

🐨: thanks guys

🐥: that conversation got more sentimental that I thought wow

🐹: ig we’re all ot8 army’s anyway right

🐿: yes yes 🫶🏻🫶🏻

🐰: I bias you all fr

🐱: this is so cheesy

🐱: but fr I love you all we’re tied by the red string of fate anyway

🐨: hyung- your obsessed with this red string of fate

🐱: because it’s true

🦊: thanks for entertaining me guys I’m sleepy now, goodnight!

🐰: noona/hyung! You can’t just dip like that it’s too early! Come play games with us in the game room🥺

🐥: we’re playing Fall Guys yn-ie 😏✋🏻

🐻: and I have snacks…

🐿: I’m coming to supervise

🐹: me too

🐨: coming too!

🐱: fine I’m omw…

🦊: say no more… it’s game night!! hehehe

🐰: hurry noona/hyung, Tae just stole player one from me🥺

🦊: Tae…

🐻: kookie always gets player one but✋🏻

🦊: I’m coming to sort this out…

🐥: yay ot8 game night!!!

•••

A/n: I have no idea if this made sense or how to end this text thread but it preludes the next proper 8th member fic… it’s game night with Bangtan🫶🏻 hope you thought it was fun!

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dr-spencer-reids-queen · 1 year

Text

Memoriam: Part Four

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Summary: Spencer is investigating the death of his “imaginary friend” that’s not so imaginary. On the other hand, you’re finding out more about your family than you thought you knew. Why are you now getting the ick when you never had this before? What does it all mean?

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

"Thank you for seeing us on such short notice."

"Well, I'm always happy to assist the FBI. Is there a witness you want me to look at?"

"Yeah. Me. I'm trying to recover memories from my childhood. There was a murder."

"How long ago are we talking about?"

"I was four."

"Memories from that age can be difficult to interpret," Jan sighs.

"I'm aware of the limitations of hypnotherapy."

"Then you're aware of suggestion issues. If you've looked into this case, you may have a bias."

"Are you saying what he remembers under hypnosis may not be real?" you ask.

"It's a possibility. Either way, it's a tough sell in court."

"We won't be using this for evidentiary purposes. It's really just for me. The suppressed memories are about my father."

"If it's okay with you, I'd like to be here to watch."

"You want to sit in? I don't normally allow that."

"I want her here, please."

"You won't even know I'm here."

Jan brings you and Spencer to a better room for this kind of thing. Spencer lies down on the couch, and you sit on the single sofa away from them to give them space.

"I want you to hold my wrist in your left hand, and if you should feel any fear, I want you to squeeze, do you understand?"

"Yes."

Spencer looks over at you to make sure you're still there, and you give him a small smile to let him know he is going to be okay. Spencer rests his head on the pillow and closes his eyes to focus on Jan's voice.

"Go back to the night you were just telling me about. You're at home, in your room. You can't sleep because your parents are arguing."

"He's coming in."

"Who?"

"My dad."

"What about him, Spencer? What is he doing?"

"I don't want to be here," he says fearfully.

Spencer's fear is enough to roll over to you, and you grip the edges of the armrests. Tears pool in your eyes, but you have to tell yourself this isn't your fear. Spencer is hurting, and you can't do anything but sit back and watch.

"It's okay, Spencer. Take us to where the light is, to the next morning. The sun is coming up. Where are you, Spencer?"

"Mom? My mom. She's at the window. She's thinking. She's been crying. She saw him."

"Who? Your father? Do you talk to her?"

"No. No, I wanna--I wanna see..."

Spencer squeezes her arm tightly, signaling that he doesn't want to do this anymore. He is full-on panicking right now, and you need this to end.

"What is it, Spencer? What are you seeing?"

"No, you need to stop this. Please," you beg and rush over to Spencer. "He doesn't want to do this anymore!"

"I need you to leave this location now, Spencer."

"Wake him up!"

"I'm going to count backward from five. Five, four, three, two, one, and wake."

Spencer jerks awake, and you put a hand on his forehead to let him know you're here. He is this close to crying, and it breaks your heart into two.

"Spencer, baby, it's okay. I'm here. You're okay. What happened? What did you see?"

"I need to talk to my mom," he pants.

"Okay, let's go. Thank you, Jan."

"My pleasure."

The only person who might be able to help is his mother. Diana knows something, but because of her illness, it's not going to be easy. Spencer saw his mother with bloody clothes on, and then he saw his dad in the backyard burning those same clothes. They know something, and they're not telling. Diana keeps saying the same thing whenever Spencer tries to ask her about it, and this is no different.

"Try to remember, Mom," Spencer begs.

"No, I can't."

"You were there. You watched Dad burn the bloody clothes."

"You had a dream."

"Mom, this was not a dream. This was a memory. It was a memory and I saw you."

"Your mind is such a treasure," she admires. "Even as a baby, you knew about things you weren't supposed to know."

"This is not about me. This is about Riley Jenkins."

"It was always about you."

"Please, mom. Please, just try to remember. Remember Riley."

"Riley? Riley was real. Oh, poor Riley," she gasps sadly.

"Yes, poor Riley. Did Dad do something to him?"

"Dad? No."

"Think, Mom," Spencer says, getting a bit frustrated with her.

"No, no. That's--no, no. Now you're confusing me, Spencer."

"You knew. You knew about Dad, and you didn't do anything."

Something snaps inside Diana's mind, and she starts freaking the fuck out. She starts slamming her hands to her head, and if someone doesn't stop her soon, she will hurt herself.

"No! You don't know! No! No!"

Doctors and nurses rush in as soon as they hear her, and one of the nurses has a sedative that will calm her down easily. Spencer hates seeing his mom this way, and he hates that you're seeing this.

"I'm just going to give you something to relax."

"No... it could have been you," she whispers painfully.

"What? What did you say?" Spencer asks.

"It could have been you."

You two leave to give her some time to calm down, and Derek and Rossi are waiting outside of the building for you two to return. Spencer is too distraught to speak, so you tell Rossi and Derek what happened.

"She's not stable, Reid. You can't put stock in what she says. I don't need to tell you that," Derek sighs. "I don't need to tell you this is textbook. Father reroutes compulsion to molest away from his own son to a surrogate. The woman thought Riley was an imaginary friend until you told her otherwise. That's the mind's way of suppressing memories she doesn't want to face. You're losing objectivity here, kid."

"I'm not trying to say I know what happened or how my dad's involved, Morgan, but my dad's involved."

"He didn't kill him, Spencer. I've looked many murderers in the eyes, even the ones who were trying to hide what they did. Your dad didn't murder or molest Riley."

Spencer looks at you with a look of betrayal, and you can't help but feel bad about this. He needs an answer, so he turns to the one person who makes the most sense, which is also the person who abandoned him. There are underlying issues between him and his dad that go beyond what's at stake here.

Spencer is still hell-bent that his dad has something to do with this, so he drags you, Rossi, and Derek to the same police station that Detective Hyde is in. If anyone is going to help Spencer, it's the detective who was on the case originally.

When you get to the police station, you see Lou Jenkins leave. He looks over at your group before continuing on his way away from it. Spencer is confused as to why he's here, but he goes inside nonetheless to speak to Detective Hyde about holding his dad until he has more evidence against him.

"I'd like to request that you hold Will Reid and detain him until further notice."

"You got no evidence against him."

"A suspect can be detained for questioning for forty-eight hours, regardless of evidence."

"I'm not in the habit of ruining people's reputations on a whim."

"Where's your captain? I want to talk to your captain."

"Spencer," you hiss, but he doesn't pay you much mind.

"Talk all you want. This is a local murder, and your authority ends at the state line. Why don't you just head back over to the Fountain View, have a couple of drinks by the pool, and think about this."

"I have thought about this."

"This guy's your father."

"What's your point, Detective?"

"Maybe you're here to work out some other issues?"

A wave of anger washes over you that's coming from Spencer, so you put your hand on his shoulder and take over.

"Detective Hyde, I understand the circumstances here. It's not every day this happens. We'd really appreciate it if you'd help us out here."

Detective Hyde looks between you and Spencer, and you look at him with sympathetic eyes.

"You've got twenty-four hours."

"I really appreciate that. Thank you."

Before Spencer says something that will upset the detective, you and Derek pull him off to the side to speak to him privately.

"Reid. You gotta keep your head, man."

"He just agreed to it. It happens all the time."

"Spencer, he's right. You're letting your emotions get the better of you."

"That's rich coming from you," he says angrily.

You know he's not really angry at you but angry at the entire situation. It's why you'll let this comment slide. Spencer leaves the police station to get some air, and this time, you let him have his space. Derek's phone rings, and he places Pen on speakerphone once he sees it's her calling.

"Talk to me, Garcia."

"So, this Gary Michaels you asked me to track down seems to have peeled himself right off the grid."

"What did he do? Skip town?"

"Apparently. Maybe he took a new name, too. Everything in his name lapsed from non-use in the year after Riley's murder."

"Maybe he didn't want to stick around for the investigation," you suggest.

"In addition to the indecent exposure wrap, he also had some lewd behavior for trespassing at a nursery school," JJ says. "It's hard to believe the cops never pegged this guy as a suspect."

"Any other avenues to find him?"

"You betcha. They swabbed him in '85 for the exposure thing, so I'm sending up balloons through ViCAP and CODIS."

"If he's offended again over the past twenty years under a different name, and we all agree he probably has, then he will pop up somewhere."

"Alright, keep us in the loop."

"Will do."

Thanks to Detective Hyde agreeing to bring Will in, it's not long before Spencer's dad is brought in for questioning. Spencer comes back in just in time to see his dad go into an interrogation room.

"You still think he did it, don't you?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Well, for one thing, Gary Michaels fits the profile. For another, he fled town after Riley's murder. He's a better suspect than your dad, Reid."

"He's a convenient one. Someone slipped the file under my door, Morgan. What am I supposed to think?"

"Maybe they're trying to help."

"Maybe they're trying to frame him."

"Spencer, think about what you're saying. I think Derek is right here. Your dad didn't murder Riley."

"I can't believe you, of all people, are taking Derek's side on this."

"I'm not. I'm just saying--"

"Well, don't just say," he cuts you off angrily.

Why is he acting like this? He's not even listening to your side of the story.

"Reid, you're talking about someone helping to cover up the murder of a child. Who would do that?" Rossi asks, breaking the tense silence.

"Do you remember how resistant Detective Hyde was when I asked him to bring in my father?"

"So, what, you're accusing a cop now?" Derek asks.

"It was a police file."

"It was a very old police file. Anybody could have accessed it."

"He told me to go back to the Fountain View, have a drink by the pool, and think about things. I never told him we were staying at the Fountain View."

Spencer leaves the group without so much as a look at you.

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

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accio-victuuri · 2 years

Text

CPN : Candies from Sunshine By My Side ( filming wrap ) ☀️

I may miss some minor candies but that’s just how it is cause people may interpret things differently. It’s just so nice to see new content from and XZ, and the fact that Sheng Yang is so cute! can’t wait to meet him!

some things already discussed previously:

night light fake rumor

same sun emoji used

disclaimer : everything below is cpn, speculation and interpretation that is very bjyx bias. if you’re not into that then please leave.

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

I wanna start with ZZ’s general aura and disposition during the wrap, and how happy he was. It’s really nice to see him be among a group of people that seems to dote on him and that he can be comfortable with. You can probably see some double standard talk going around, that yes, during CQL wrap, he was also happy — however, in the last day, there were moments that they both looked sad. Also the airport photos of GG next day where his eyes were swollen — from crying probably. Add one of the CPNs that they both cried when the filming ended inside their car. So yeah. As much as I see him happy, it brings me back to the bittersweet ending of CQL. I won’t add any video/photo evidence of this anymore because it’s a well-known fandom CPN.

I also just remembered how much of a jiejie collector XZ is. LOL. If WYB collects geges, then XZ collects jiejies. That’s what I noticed with his interactions towards his co-star. I think she’s another jiejie who is now doting on XZ. 😂😂😂😂

Moving on to the other CPN clues, starting with some usual fandom symbols that we see. I love adding those to every post because it shows how consistent they are. for example the logo animation of XZS where GG talks about the Moon. like how many times did we make a CPN between them connected to the 🌙? these might be hard to spot for new turtles or those who aren’t into cpns.

sunflower, the legendary fan given by wyb, red heart, apple watch — need i say more? for the drawing, i’m not sure if ZZ made it but the wink did it for me cause he usually does that. i mean, even WYB’s black panther was winking. sooooo… The 10:05 is a given, but the 10:23 is a nice one cause we’ve been associating him to 23 ( Ai Zhan / Love Zhan ). I have also been thinking about this number because for XZS lantern festival game, they are giving away 23 desk calendars. so specific.

this imagery from the vlog compared to WYB’s single video is just so similar. the sunshine allowing plants to grown. whether that me be literal or metaphorical. how they view the world is so hopeful 🤍🤍🤍 and this is why they get along so well. there is really no way they wouldn’t be close, even if they didn’t end up playing WWX / LWJ. I believe that somehow, they would find their way to each other and still have the relationship we think they have. 🌱

and yes, we know that this was part of the filming process. at the start, XZ planted it and during the course of the shoot cared for it and watched it grow. but the similarity in their message to people and to the world. I can’t. this is some next level coincidence and connection.

The use of words that are same/similar to the captions of Hidden Blade’s weibo account is next. It’s one of those things that I think XZ is purposely fucking with us. It’s not like you can claim that he copies HB, because they do not own those captions on their posts. it’s just words. However clowns will know — what are the chances that he is using the same/similar? Mister eloquent himself who also has a team that does his videos. It all seems intentional.

• “plant your own sun” / and then HB is always putting suns on every 100 million they get in the box office. the intention in XZ’s words is like, do it yourself. like a person works hard to get their success. similar to what happened to HB, they have very little backing and it’s because the movie is actually good that it’s getting the recognition.

• 春回大地 the return of spring. It’s from a chinese idiom which means that spring returns to the earth. It is described that the severe cold has passed, and warmth and vitality have come to the world again.

• 逐光而行 follow the light / 与光同行 walk with the light.

there is also a cpn going around about the sound you can hear from the radio. I am the last person to verify things like this but can you hear wuming? 💀💀💀

but I think the correct explanation is, what it’s actually saying is “how do you rate it?” ( or something like that ) and because of the sound manipulation, you can sort of hear wuming. this is not the first time XZ puts things that he purposely wants us to mishear. lol.

that’s all for now. i am still waiting for an actual trailer from this drama + one & only so we can have proper FMVs of Sheng Yang and Chen Suo. The AU / Parallel world Yizhan pairing to rule them all 😂😂😂

-END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here folks im just clowning like i always do #cpn talk

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waitmyturtles · 1 year

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I want to take just a quick second to talk about the Wat x Sani ship in The Eclipse and Our Skyy 2: The Eclipse, which prompted a little conversation among drama friends today. (As well, thanks to the dear @aprilblossomgirl for the lovely reblog and tags partly on this topic, too.)

The teacher/student ship is obviously a controversial one, and citing from my conversation with drama friends earlier today, the boss/employee ship may also fall into this controversial category as well.

WHY? What are some factors that get people jibbly about these kinds of ships?

Clearly, the power dynamic between the dyads: with implied or explicit hierarchy, it may be assumed that the uke in these situations may be heavily influenced by the power dynamic and may feel a NEED to participate in the dyad.

There may also be age bias against a woman, if the dyad is het and the woman is either older and/or a seme.

There may also be what I call implicit or explicit compassion bias against a uke. This is what I want to really unwind in this post.

Do we assume that because Wat is younger than Sani, that Wat should be “protected” from the potential ship, because Sani is older and a teacher?

I think I want to be careful of making assumptions there. WHY? Because I think Golf CLEARLY knows what they’re doing here.

I’d be jibbly of this ship IF Sani is demonstrating behavioral tics that are typical of a worrisome power dynamic, such as grooming and/or gaslighting.

That didn’t happen in The Eclipse: The Series or OS2. Sani is clearly a mentor and friend in this situation. Sani is also closer in age to Wat than we might assume because, remember, she was just starting at Suppalo when the series started. So she might have a better read on what the boys are going through, emotionally, than the older teachers.

Besides Sani, there’s Wat. More implicit in the series, and explicit in OS2: Wat is nostalgic for his time spent with Sani, and how they’ll keep in touch after he graduates.

Now before I jump into my main bias point, I just want to say that I *think* Wat and Sani’s movie bit will indicate that Sani will friend zone Wat -- that’s how I *think* this’ll end. But, to my main bias point:

Last year, when I wrote about Extraordinary Attorney Woo and Utsukushii Kare: Season 1, I noted that Woo Young Woo and Hira are two potential subjects of implicit compassion bias. We as viewers may have unknown sympathy or compassion for Young Woo and Hira -- that may then PREVENT US from BELIEVING that they can make decisions on their own, with their own agency.

Therapists are trained to be aware of this compassion bias. It’s a POWER THING on OUR end as therapists/parents/drama viewers. We might feel SO protective of our simps that we’ve CONVINCED ourselves that they NEED to be protected.

That’s no good. Young Woo was perfectly capable of making all her own decisions and didn’t need our sympathy/compassion. (Jun Ho knew this, and that’s why I think he was so confident in going after her.) Hira may not have had full social awareness for how much Kiyoi loved him, but Hira didn’t need our protection and sympathy. Yes, Hira was bullied, but he could also bully back.

So, to Wat. My man. He knows what he’s doing. He’s calling Sani, telling her his feelings. He’s either an adult or on the cusp of being an adult.

If I’m Wat’s counselor -- or HIS MOTHER, gasp -- I’d wanna know this entire deal. (Okay, as his mom, I’m lookin’ at Sani CLOSELY, but not making a blanket judgment.) I see Sani NOT grooming or gaslighting Wat. I see Sani listening to Wat. I see Sani supporting Wat in his dreams as a filmmaker and giving him advice and guidance.

And I’m letting Wat unwind this. Again: Golf knows what they’re doing. Wat’s an adult. The boys have become adults. Young adults, sure, but they’re adults, who deserve to operate under their own agency.

One thing that I am loving about my road trip through the old Thai BLs -- especially in watching Make It Right right now -- is that these filmmakers are ALLOWING YOUNG ADULTS to young adult. Teenagers have sex. (Oh, oh yes they do, in Make It Right, oh yes.) And young adults may fall in love with older adults! It certainly happens. Young adults may even have their first sexual experiences with older adults.

I like that people like Golf and New Siwaj are letting this happen for their characters, because I do believe it reflects reality, and it challenges some assumed characteristics of dyads that many viewers may feel jibbly about and may not want to see in their art.

These filmmakers are not afraid of the jibbly stuff. Wat doesn’t need our protection. Sani is not behaving in a way that’s concerning. I think she’s being presented as perfectly reasonable and supportive of Wat. Nothing’s happened to indicate that she’s behaving problematically towards Wat. If Wat wants to crush, let’s let him crush, because it’s a safe environment for him to learn about himself. And even if they get together (again, I’m not calling that by what I saw in episode 1 today), I’ll be fine with it, because I think Sani is behaving perfectly reasonably, and I’m aware that I don’t want to have an age bias against her for being an older member of this dyad. (And Wat’s the seme here, btw, clearly.)

That’s my two cents on this ship. I’m supportive of it. Let’s see if it goes tomorrow, and to where.

(CC @lurkingshan, @shortpplfedup, @ginnymoonbeam, @bengiyo, and I don’t know if @wen-kexing-apologist or anyone else might have thoughts on this, too!)

#the eclipse #the eclipse the series #our skyy 2 x the eclipse #wat x sani #sani x wat #implicit compassion bias #our skyy 2

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himbogiants · 1 year

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What's the best thing to do when stressed about exams? Study? No. Write a g/t story until 4 in the morning? Of course! This one is definitely getting a part two. And possibly three. I dont wanna go starting a new story that I'll never get around to finishing as I already have plenty of stories to work on, but I got inspiration and had to write so enjoy. (Side note I was listening to part of your world from the little mermaid before I wrote this so you'll see connections in one part)

4010 words

Part of that world: part 1

The crew had just about wrapped up their game after a good few hours of play when Theo piped up among the conversation after a sip of his drink

"Oh! I forgot to tell you all! Remember how I said I thought this place was haunted?"

Nearly everyone groaned, much to Theos frustration

"Oh okay, because we sit here every weekend playing a fantasy game but ghosts and spirits are off the table?"

Besides him Thomas rolled his eyes with a smirk

"We never claimed the game was real, Theo. Neither are ghosts."

Maisey perked up at that shaking her head

"Well..I mean I feel like there's a possibility ghosts exist just..not here Theo. I'm sure your beliefs are justified!.. and I suppose I may be bias as I don't live in this building so I wouldn't know..but this building isn't very old- and as far as I'm aware, thankfully nobody's died here...yet."

Before anyone else could make their arguments Theo continued

"Yes yes! Well I'll have you know ouiji boards exist and it wouldn't surprise me if one of the neighbours dabbled in the dark arts before, my bets on Helen from 2B upstairs. Anyways!! What I wanted to say was, I bought cameras, for the kitchen to start with. I might get more but the kitchen seems to have the most evidence of supernatural so"

Thomas laughed from across the table

"Dude. You're crazy. You sure you're not high again?"

Henry who never usually pitched into conversations like this even had something to say, in his usual brooding manner- though he was Theos flatmate so his words were necessary in this matter

"You bought cameras and I'm only being informed now? You do realise rent is due in two weeks? You better not have wasted all your money."

Theo made gestures of neglect with his hands, shoving off the comment.

"Oh relax, you'll get the money man. They were off some dingy website. And I only set them up yesterday so no need to worry about privacy. I haven't even turned them on yet. But tonight. Tonight I get my answers!"

Sadie, adjusted her hair and snorted "yep. He's insane. I think the finals coming up are starting to get to you Theo."

Theo stood with a look of finality, clapping his hands together.

"Say what you will, but tonight we shall see, and you shall weep of embarrassment. Ye of little faith. For now, I belive we can wrap up this campaign for this evening, I do need to get these cameras on after all."

And so the crew packed it up, all wishing their goodbyes Thomas pairing off with Sadie, grabbing a box of takeout from the table with them. Maisey after giving Henry a kiss and Theo a hug made her way to the door only to stop before hand

"Best of luck with the cameras, Theo. Despite everything, I'll be curious to see if you find anything. Night guys!"

When all had left Theo shut the door to face a disgruntled Henry who regarded him with folded arms.

"Aw come on pal, don't gimme that. Listen I know you think I'm crazy but just, trust me on this! Things going missing, noises in the kitchen, voices in the walls?!"

Henry pinched his nose and sighed, pushing up his glasses.

"That isn't a ghost, Theon. It's rats. And as for voices, they're either an effect of marijuana or squeaking. Besides, I've already got it covered. You may have noticed the traps I've set."

Theo grumbled at this, his roommate ever so logical.

"Yeah I've seen 'em. Rich of you to comment on me wasting money when you bought all those!"

Henry shut his eyes, it was clear Theo was testing his limits- of which wore thin. He exhaled deeply through his nose

"It's a rational assumption Theon. Especially since rat's are real. And you should know I value cleanliness. I won't have some vermin lurking about if I can do something about it."

Theo took a mouthful of noodles from an open box, finishing it off and depositing it in the trash. He swallowed and met Henry's eyes.

"Well, one of us is right. And one is wrong. Let's let the camera decide."

Henry's face fell flat with a tiresome expression. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Part of him praying the tech would show some full proof footage to finally shut his friend up.

"Goodnight, Theo."

In the end. Both boys were wrong. Though a judgemental eye would say Henry's theory was not far off. Pitter patters raced through the walls, from four small sets of feet. One pair slower than the other.

"Daphne! Wait up!"

But the other pair persisted, destination and goal in mind and on path.

The male voice breathed out harshly

"Come on Daph! You know I'm not as fast at you!"

Suddenly the other pair stopped and the small borrower boy came crashing into them -or rather her- with an 'oof'. But the girl didn't say a thing, only looked out in awe

"There it is Riven. The kitchen.."

Riven came to her side.

"You..you say this everytime you know that?..look, I've got a bad feeling about tonight I think it's best we make this quick."

Daphne turned with a raised brow and smirk to her friend

"You're not getting cold feet now, are you?"

Riven shook his head incredulously

"N-no! Of course not. Just, Daph.. I have a bad feeling is all. You seen the traps yesterday, right? And before you say it I know you'd never fall for them! B-but still! It's.. unnerving to picture. I just wanna be careful about this!"

Daphne wasn't phased by this and only smiled brighter

"Crazy right? Humans are so creative with their traps. I'd love to get my hands on one, I'm sure they'd be interesting to dismantle.."

Riven paled

"I..did I just hear you right? Gods Daphne they're deathtraps! Those things can and will kill us!"

Daphne rolled her eyes shrugging him off, ready to hurry off before Riven latched onto her arm.

"Please Daphne..just..just be careful. I wouldn't want anything to ever happen to you. Plus your father would do a lot worse to me than any trap could ever achieve."

Daphnes features softened and she pulled her friend into a hug.

"Alright Riven..I won't be long tonight. Or even 'foolish'" She mocked her fathers voice on that last word and continued

"Besides, Father doesn't even know we come here. He's too busy with the others. I dont even think he knows we come here. We aren't on the borrowing squad after all." She huffed, deadpanning with a mumble "He made sure of that much"

Riven eased

"Good. Though, no offense Daph..but I kinda get his precautions..no matter how good you are. You tend to get carried away.."

Daphne frowned at this, though her casual smirk founds its footing again, grabbing her friends arms and leaving through their secret exit out onto the counter tops.

Moonlight lit the kitchen and a tickling of a clock resounded through the quiet expanse.

The pair exited, one much faster than the other.

Daphne twirled around in glee as Riven was pulled along.

"Come on! Come on!"

Riven stumbled out almost falling forward, he grabbed his friend for support pulling himself up

"Daph! C-calm down!"

She hurried along, practically dancing about, basking in the moonlight. So many possibilities and so little time! Where to start was the question plaguing her most.

It didn't take long to figure out, Daphne was a very distracted girl after all.

She got loose of Rivens hold and her eyes lit up.

"Oh my gosh..Riven look.." She whispered.

Just before her sat the most peculiar thing. It was circular- almost like a button? But metal? An it had jagged sort of edges.

"It almost like a..bowl? Is that what humans call it?"

She knelt down gently and traced her fingers over it in awe, before picking it up and twisting it over. It's red sleek shine reflected in the dim lighting and as another bonus it was surprising light! On the back there was an intricate design, words?

"C-o-k-e"

She sounded it out coming to the conclusion that it sounded 'coh-keh'

Riven inspected it too tilting his head

"I think it might be off a drink? You know..like a lid thing?"

Daphnes eyes lit up

"It's absolutely beautiful. And it's just.. lying here.."

Riven interupted before she could continue already sensing where her mind was headed.

"Daphne, no."

Daphne pouted

"Oh come on Riv! Clearly it isn't that important. They just left it here after all! And I know just where it will go in the collection."

Riven tried to reason but he knew it was a lost cost, so he resorted to excuses.

"I-its too big though! It won't fit in your satchel and you'll never be able to get past the guards with that button. They think we are scouting after all. If you come back with a borrow that big your father will know."

Daphne once more didn't seem bother by this, if anything she seemed determined.

"Nonsense. Humans leaves stuff outside all the time. I'll say I brought it home as a reward for my labour. You really think the guards will argue with the daughter of the chief?" She quipped.

"Possibly Daph..they're quite rude. Listen, we've never been here during the day. We don't know the humans, their attitudes or routine. Perhaps this cap is here for a reason. And if not that, then it must be some sort of test. You seen the traps. They think they have rats. Maybe they want to mess with them?"

At this Daphne faltered. Her eyes filled with dismay as she heeded her friends advice. Sure, it was amazing. Sure, she longed to take it home..but..her friend mattered more. It was already dangerous enough dragging him here with her. Leaving the treasure could be a compromise of sorts to make sure he kept coming with her. He was her only friend after all, and she would never want to loose him.

"Okay" She sighed placing it down.

"Gods I wish I was on the borrowing squad. If only I could convince father." She turned to her friend

"You know sometimes, they go during the day! They actually see humans..I mean..could you imagine?"

Riven swallowed, clearly not sharing her interest in seeing such large beings up close.

"Humans are so.."

"Dangerous?" Riven offered, to which Daphne chuckled lightly

"Yes.. I suppose..but gosh..just look at this stuff Riv..it's amazing..it's so creative and wonderful. I just..don't see how world that makes such wonderful things, could be so bad?"

Riven gave a look of pity. He took her hand a guided her to the edge, sitting down to which she obliged.

"It's not the creations that's are bad..it's who makes them..sure, there is cool stuff like that thingy, but then again, there is traps. Poison. All sorts of dangers. But I get it, Daph. It is pretty interesting, just dangerous. But for what it's worth, you'd make a fantastic borrower."

He did truly believe it- only part of him hated the thought. She was agile, quick and fast! But she was far too fascinated with humans, and that would only lead to one thing. He shivered at the thought.

They sat in silence as the listened to the clock tick, but with Daphne quiet never lasted very long.

"Yknow, I hear humans are kinda like borrowers."

Riven couldn't picture that. The height difference was staggering enough, but he was willing to hear her out.

"Apparently, when they need stuff, they leave their homes and return with bags full of supplies! It's like they have some sort of hidden storage facilities that has never ending supplies. Could you imagine?"

Riven cocked his head

"Really? I always pictured they traded stuff. Like.." He was shocked to find his next words leaving his mouth "Like us."

"I wonder what they trade then. One time outside I saw the most fantastic object. It was like that shiny red thing over there, only it was a different colour and completely flat! Kinda silvery? Like metal. Oh and it had a face on it!" At her friends bewildered look she laughed once more

"It's true! Anyways.. part of me reckoned they traded with those. I never seen another, so assumed it was rare. And I couldn't take it home because well..Father. It would've made a fine addition to the collection."

Riven smiled, but then a thought came over him. They'd been here quite a while- and this was meant to be a short visit. He did have a bad feeling in his gut after all.

"H-hey..I dont mean to cut things short. But we should head back now."

Daphne faltered as he stood up, hesitant to do so.

"We've only been here a little while!"

She watched his shoulders fall as he released a withheld breath

"I know but I trust my gut Daph..we should head home. Especially if we wanna be up early tomorrow"

It was Daphnes turn to be confused. Up early? Riven raised a brow as if to prompt her memory, but when he got no avail he solved her inner dilemma.

"We've got scouting at dawn, remember?"

Immediately Daphne rose to her feet in shock. "Right!! Oh gods how could I forget? I'm so foolish- come on then let's get out of here!"

Together the pair hurried off, but before they made it to the exit something caught her eye.

A small box with a blinking light. Riven was already in the wall ahead of her, but she stopped.

And slowly made her way over, with awe and caution.

What was this?

She paused before it, it was a big enough contraption, it went up to her rib area in height. She examined the strange box utterly enchanted. How was she only seeing this now?!

She got down on her knees to see an odd glassy circle in its core.

She tapped it once and skittered away immediately expecting a reaction, but it remained still, it's light persistent in its blinking.

She heard Riven coming back as he hopped back through

"Daphne! There you are! You scared me for a sec, I was talking to myself in there and I- what are you doing?"

He approached her before he too came to a halt.

"Um..Daph..what is that?"

Daphne who was starstruck only whispered

"No idea Riv..but its incredible."

Riven glared down at it. Something about the red light felt like warning signal.

"L-lets go Daph..this feels wrong."

She was instant to defend her newest find when Riven assured her they could return to see it again. She hesitantly agreed, as Riven pulled her away from it and guided her back to the wall. The whole way there, she didn't let it leave her sights once.

How peculiar..

Theo awoke the next morning. Ah, Sunday. Such a blasted day. A much appreciated break (if one didn't have to study), but a reminder that college resumed the next day. He lay back in his bed as the morning sun drifted in and bird song whistled about. Now..what was on today's agenda?

The d&d campaign didn't resume until next week when everyone was free again, so his efforts as dungeon master could take a break. He had no assignments. Odd. He was sure there was something about today that was incredibly important to him.

He turned on his phone and a video he fell asleep watching resumed.

'Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Demonic Possession of the Conjuring House

Seemed about right. He was pretty restless last night after his conversation with Henry-

Wait.

He sprung up immediately, his sheets billowing on the floor.

"The cameras!!"

He skidded out into the hall, almost slipping over his pyjamas as he hurried down to the kitchens to his cameras.

He was so excited. Proving people wrong was fun but proving Henry wrong? Now that was a celebration to behold.

This is not the way a normal person should act to their home being haunted- but if anything Theo wanted to witness the wandering spirits more than anything.

He slammed open the kitchen door and instantly scooped up camera one, the view of the dining area. He uploaded its content to his phone and pressed play, watching with bated breath.

Only to falter..in the corner on fast play it read the time. It got all the way to the current hour and absolutely nothing happened.

Ok..not great.

But there was still hope!!

Betting on the second camera he held his phone inches from his face watching for signs of something, anything!!

But there was absolutely nothing. Just the endless image of the cooker.

He felt his shoulders droop as he picked up camera three, questioning if it was even worth it. He sighed sitting back as he played the recording, anxiousness building in his stomach at the thoughts of his friends laughing at him. He usually didn't mind it, his theories were extreme after all. But this time he really hoped to be correct.

And somehow his prayers were answered.

And not in anyway he ever expected.

His eyes widened, his jaw slacked and he stood immediately, knocking the chair to the ground.

"Holy fuck!"

Two tiny figures stepped out onto the counter at two a.m. His heart was positively pounding, the phone fell from his hands, which he scrambled to catch, falling to the floor.

He sprung up almost leaping as he crashed into the cupboards.

"HENRY! HENRY!!! GET IN HERE!"

Henry was tired. In general and of his roommate's shit. He cared for him dearly, but some days he longed to move in permanently with Maisey. Anything to escape his madness- anything to escape mornings like this.

Of course he knew what he was being so urgently summoned for. Theon believed his blasted little cameras saw a ghost. If he were in better moods he wouldve played along to make it easier. But he was rather dull this morning. He longed for caffeine more than anything. Though there was no getting near the delicacy without Theon getting in the way.

He snatched his glasses, a sour expression painted his face. Better get it over and done with then.

He marched out into the kitchen, to find his roommate clutching his head as he stared down to his phone in shock.

"Theon, I swear, you're getting on my last nerve. You didn't see a bloody ghost."

But his friend simply shook his head- in agreement, not taking his eyes off the screen for a second.

"You're right. I didn't."

Henry hitched at this, Theon admiting he was wrong? That wasn't something that happened everyday. He decided to entertain his nonsense.

"Alright. You got my attention. What is it?"

Theon looked up from his phone

"Something much better. Call everyone get them here now. No time to loose. Go quickly!!"

Henry was taken a back, and frustrated to say the least but while Theon usually pulled stunts like this, this one seemed awfully genuine. He grabbed his phone.

It was thirty minutes later when the others arrived much to Theons dismay. They sure did take their time. But in that half an hour he hadn't moved. He simply kept rewinding- annoying the daylights out of his roommate who was getting more impatient about his outstanding discovery by the second. They were so small, so fragile..so very impossible. But it would appear more so, improbable. He dissected each frame harbouring any detail he could. Unfortunately for him the recording was black and white- part of night vision filter he guessed- he couldn't exactly make out their appearances but the were so human. There eyes both glowed from the recording so judging their actual eye colour was near impossible. It was almost the same with skin colour though the boy seemed quite tan, the girl pale. The boys messy hair was definitely dark brown, the girls looked to be a blonde? Or red? He couldn't distinguish it, but it was tied back in a ponytail that swished around around her excitement. Their clothes were also a point of interest, looking like sew scrap fabric. He couldn't imagine having to make his own clothing, albeit he was crafty but not that crafty.

He didn't want to spoil the surprise to his roommate so he kept the volume off, waiting to hear what these two had to say in the company of his crew. If they could even say anything that is.. he really hoped they could. It was eating him inside, if they could speak what language was it? An entirely new one? English? What did they sound like? They seemed to be a different species all together. His patience was at a loose end, he kept asking Henry every five minutes if their friends had arrived yet, which led to no avail.. and almost resulted in Henry shattering his coffee mug in fury.

But then the knock came and Theo sprung up whipping it open and ordering them to follow without any other explanation.

Once he had them all gathered he sat them down in their living room and shut them all up before they could start ranting about time or bombarding him with questions.

"Alright alright. Now I'm sure you're wondering why you're all here at eight a.m on a Sunday morning."

"Yeah, I'd love to know pal!" Thomas quipped sarcastically only for Sadie to continue "This is insane Theo. It's too early for this."

Theo almost faltered but he knew what they were about to see would shut their traps. Maisey yawned from beside Henry

"Please, Theo, it's quite early. I understand you're excited but..just..yeah"

Theo smiled at her, appreciating her acknowledgement only to clap and almost jump with a start.

"Right then. As you may remember for last night I believed there to be ghosts in this apartment. Specifically the kitchen."

"Oh jesus, this?! Man, this better be good" Thomas groveled.

"Well, I didn't find any ghosts, but I found something much better."

He screen mirrored his phone to the TV and pressed play.

Two a.m hit and he slowed it down.

Everyone was silent, and Thomas was about to break said silence when his eyes widened.

He sat up instantly. Henry spat out his coffee. Maisey squeaked. Sadie's jaw was on the floor.

Theos grin went from ear to ear as he finally grabbed the remote and turned up the volume. The big reveal. Please. Please

'Come on! Come on!' 'Daph! C-calm down!' 'Oh my gosh..Riven look'

The group sat in shocked silence, nobody dared interupt the little beings as the girl discovered a lid from a coke bottle. Theo, Sadie and Thomas all found a smile playing at their lips at her pronouncement of the word, the other two looked as if they'd lost all their brain cells- which was terrible as they were the smartest of the bunch. The mini duo marveled at the trash, the conversation moving on to her taking it to her collection. Then to her father- so there was more of them!

Theo couldn't help but catch how the boy spoke of 'humans' with such uncertainty. But absolutely adored how the girls eyes sparkled at the mere idea of them..of people like him. She..she reminded him of himself.

Henry despite his shock admired the boys intelligence for watching out for possible dangers, and could feel pity knowing exactly how it felt to have an over-the-top friend himself. Surely the square cube law outruled any possibility of tiny people yet here they were..

Sadie who too was floored, found the girl amusing, she was a proper Disney princess with how she was acting..all she needed was an animal sidekick. She was so curious about everything and it made her wonder the girls age. She looked old enough but younger than her. Same for the boy.

Maisey was in awe, as was everyone but this was something she couldn't describe..that's science couldn't even describe. She couldn't quite comprehend it all but she was trying her best. A whole society of tiny people.

Thomas was gonna explode. He was like a ticking bomb. This was absolutely insane. Guilt fell over him for his doubts in Theo but knowing how his friend usually was he felt he was justified. He'd been that way since they were kids. This was one of the rare times he'd been right.. not about ghosts..but of something supernatural being in his home. Thomas felt a smile pull on his face as he watched the antics of the duo, reminding him of his own friends. He'd very much like to meet them..

The girl being the daughter of a chief, her awe of human creation, the boys fear of it.. her longing to be on the borrowing squad. And the boys comfort that she'd make an excellent borrower..

Theos eyes lit up as a whole new wave of possibilities and excitement fell down upon him.

Namely when and how he would meet his new little borrower friends.

#g/t story #giant and tiny #gianttiny #giant #tiny #borrowers #borrower g/t

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sharonisthebettercarter · 1 year

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we need to have an honest conversation about hostile attribution bias, honesty, and bullying.

@deliciouskeys i've had enough of this shit. you wanted to piss me off. now i'm pissed the fuck off.

hey, hiiii. friends of hers? critics? whoever you are reading this and willing to hear me out, i just wanna start by saying don't hate on her or anyone for this. don't send harassment, don't send anon hate, don't even unfollow her if you do read this all the way and find yourself upset with the topics discussed or her actions.

or maybe you wouldn't anyway, and you've already decided i'm insane, fine. but if you are friends of hers, don't barrage her with verbal abuse of any kind even if you are disappointed or disgusted, i'm not about that. and good friends won't just coddle and take your side to enable the bullshit, but they won't try to hurt you when you're down either

and to clarify what this is? it is a harsh criticism of ongoing behavior i have faced from her behind the scenes. or out in the open i suppose but mostly unseen or dismissed.

yes, i have the motherfucking receipts. i've tried to condense them to what i found most relevant to the topics at hand without clipping the interactions so much that they would give a biased misrepresentation, but all conversations as of this moment and to the best of my knowledge are still available to view in full context. mine certainly won't be deleted.

i may have some bad takes sometimes cause i'm as perfect as anyone, which is to say NOT AT ALL. but i'll readily admit that and the fact that i work on it, CONSTANTLY. and before anyone decides to dig through my shit to see if they can find dirt on me IRRELEVANT to this situation to DISTRACT from what's being called out?

all i ask is a fair chance and moment of your time to show you what i've been through, because it's something she never gave me from day one. and bear in mind please, that i am pissed off because it's gone on long enough and now she's trying to drag my friends into it while CONTINUING TO LIE BEHIND MY BACK and feign fucking ignorance.

no more.

deliciouskeys? you. yes you, i am addressing you directly this time. i gave you a peace offering with the mike sully meme, and you just kept going.

since i poked my head into the boys fandom, you have been hostile to me, LIED about me, put words in my mouth, accused me of hostility towards you, assumed my intent while not only withholding the benefit of a doubt, but consistently. consistently putting me down and insulting me as some sort of estranged fandom villain who only exists or popped up to oppose you or ruin everything.

i'm not a fucking cartoon character, i am a person. i do not exist to supplant you or whatever weird shit you keep imagining me to be that makes you act like this.

almost every single thing i say to you, instead of actually LISTENING or i dunno, READING IT AT FACE VALUE, you take. hyperanalyze. and immediately give it the WORST interpretation you can. and that's if i'm lucky.

i'm not here for fandom wars and shipping bullshit. i'm not here for your false dichotomy fantasy. i'm here to be a bullshit shipper and have fun and try to get others to be more open and have fun too. maybe throw in a psa here and there for the things i find important.

i'm not here to get fucking bullied either or to watch others get bullied. you can take your assumed hostility and narcissistic PROJECTION and shove it straight up your ass if you think i'm going to tolerate it.

and what is 'hostile attribution bias'? it's this shit.

oh, and you don't have to assume it anymore. i'm fucking hostile. why am i hostile? oh... at this point, i KNOW you KNOW. but not everyone else does, so let's just lay it all out and let others draw their own conclusions. hm?

this was what set you off, right? the automatic assumption that this was someone i knew, looking out for me? i suppose that's possible but that doesn't mean i know exactly who it was or that i put them up to it.

and y'know, i might have even said that anon was a bit harsh and still given you the benefit of a doubt. anon was ANGRY and that's clear, but plausible deniability is so wonderful, isn't it?

but you've gone beyond that point. it wouldn't be the first time someone's noticed your behavior, and i can guarantee that. our first conversation was on my post about the comics and what they meant to me, sparked from an interaction i had with another fan of the show who refused to read the comics but still insulted them directly to me.

the bottom piece is from the post, the top would be the snippet of conversation with the other person prior. all of these are highlighted with slightly adjusted coloring for ease of understanding who's who. and granted, you could argue that i jumped the gun in my first response to you, but then you accused me of being hostile towards people who allegedly read and disliked them. and i had done no such thing, i literally was not addressing those people at all.

that was the first time you put words in my mouth, lied about what i said, and 'villainized' me for 'attacking people' made of straw i might add, when the post itself SPECIFICALLY STATED:

MISCONCEPTION.

so not the people, but the IDEA. an actually legitimately incorrect idea given context. i could go into a rant about how the comics cover one of the single most important and detrimental concepts to humanity (the war machine) and how american media is so piss watered down, propagandized and censored for babies and pearl clutching old people (and before you clutch your pearls over me 'attacking' babies and the elderly, i am not. i am criticizing AMERICAN MEDIA and PURITAN MENTALITY) that the comic itself was relatively tame outside of the american world view bubble, but that's not the point here, is it.

the 'many many' actually refers to people off of tumblr too, though i'm sure there's a fair share here of that mindset as it's found everywhere with everything. even then, i don't condemn the people. minds can be changed for ideas, that was what i was trying to do. maybe i need better methods and i can admit that.

still you chose to lie to my face or what, attempt to gaslight me?? whatever it was, it was enough for someone ELSE to step in and literally ask if you were BULLYING me.

and me, being the naive fucking moron that i am and thinking we ended on a nice punny note and the conversation wasn't so bad STILL gave YOU the benefit of a doubt.

did you extend the same courtesy to me later on? well, let's see.

no. no you did not. snippets of a convo from an anon ask you got on a proposed canon butchlander from when i tried to join in, you immediately accused me of things i have never said or done or even implied. and when i called you out on it, you immediately apologized (good on you, not included here but i DO acknowledge it and DID appreciate it) and i thought, "oh cool! we must be explaining ourselves to try and better understand each other so this doesn't happen again."

only for you to then backtrack and jump back on that ASSUMED HOSTILITY shit you seem to just LOVE huffing. but just for me i gather. maybe a couple others that i haven't seen or don't know about.

considering this is just the stuff i DO know about.

moving on.

you have questions? oh, what a cowinkydink, i have answers. if only you had just ASKED ME DIRECTLY INSTEAD OF PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH AND LYING.

but to give some clarification to the numbered ones.

love the framing here. OF COURSE, WE are ONLY here to be a NUISANCE. must be nice being a real human who can interact with others instead of solely "bother" them. if you'd actually read the post, you might have seen it was about the BULLYING itself, not the bullshit that apparently makes you rabid enough to be a bully. great use of being obtuse.

stop putting words in my mouth. stop fucking lying about me. stop assuming my intentions. stop painting me for your weird ass personal agenda or vendetta. stop making up bullshit about me when you haven't taken two seconds to get to know me. i did no such thing as 'slur the cishets'. proof is in the fucking pudding.

ahhh... i understand why you don't block people. and i think i'm understanding the insidious behavior and bullying too. you're disgusting to people who you don't want to see the content of so that they'll block you while you get to pretend you're still on your little high horse of being the "less petty" or "bigger" person. and that way you don't have to see their content anymore, right? having your cake, and eating it too. it's smart. it looks good on you as long as people don't see the behavior, like you might actually want to solve problems.

although, if i'm to understand all this correctly, you don't want to given the continued hostility towards me regardless of what i do or say. am i getting this, more of that delectable plausible deniability? or am i giving you too much credit? do you even want the benefit of a doubt at this point? because you stated before you'd rather be considered evil than stupid.

oh, my mistake, "disgusting" than "ignorant". let me not do what you do and put words in your mouth. clarify for me, if you want to.

personally, i think ignorance is more forgivable than malice because at least the uninformed can learn better, while those with ill intent will seek to harm again, but to each their own i guess.

and if you actually have brain damage over a nonsensical but ultimately harmless shit joke online, i'd suggest seeking actual help from a doctor because that isn't normal. but i'm going to be generous and say maybe it was a bit much or gave you a recurring nightmare or something, i don't know you, in which case yeah, get help if you need it. i take mental health very seriously so i'm not joking or being sarcastic here. happy healing and sorry for the trouble if that's the case on this specific thing.

but oh! you just don't want to see it, right? TOO BAD BITCH, I GOT MORE TO GIVE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!

and i don't have a problem with you writing your personal views about a pairing, any pairing. if that were all you had done, we probably wouldn't be having this conversation or, if you don't care i suppose i wouldn't be screaming into the void.

but you explicitly stated your point of view was "pretty common", that defaults my view as "uncommon" or in other words, "others" me and those who like bottom billy. don't you dare deny that when you know for a fact it's true.

then citing reasons for why you believed your view was more "accurate". you then went on to claim you were "baffled" when if that were true and you were actually interested in TRYING to UNDERSTAND? YOU WOULD HAVE JUST FUCKING ASKED ME DIRECTLY.

not that i would owe you an explanation or apology, or anything. but i'd have been NICE enough to try and answer anyway to the best of my ability. here, i'll do it now.

i'm not a big fan of bottom homie for the same reasons i'm not at all a fan of (show) homewell. apart from the whole superdick/compressing anus thing, narcissistic abuse/grooming and exploiting someone's trauma for a toxic kink is not only a huge turn off for me, it's super fucking triggering based on my experiences and what i have been through. i've had enough people looking down on me and telling me they "know what's best for me" while trying to rob me of my humanity and use me for their gain.

the funny thing is that i relate to homie in that sense but consider myself a total bottom who also LOVES the 'dom mommy' in certain context, but i also share a lot of similarities with butcher as well and know they both have a lot of very intense differences from me. and homie has a fucking vibrator for a dick. you CANNOT make me want to miss a chance for that, it's just not going to happen. and if i ever want to explore any form of 'grooming' kink from a personal place? i'll stick to thanos and mistress death, thanks.

i also don't find toxic masculinity sexy, that's a red fucking flag for me more glaring than the entirety of homelander, i find POSITIVE masculinity far sexier and true 'top' like. MM has the most of that in my opinion and is the sexiest man on the show, besides the guy who plays black noir under the mask.

i also fully understand the kink on the other end, y'all wanna baby him cause he's never had a mommy and longs for some kind of nurturing parental love, and y'all also wanna fuck him cause he's hot. so ya smash the two together and embrace the infantilization kink (which is seriously not my thing)

and listen, more power to ya. if that's what you like, enjoy it. i'm not judging. i just don't have the same fucking taste and i'm entitled to that. i don't understand why you have to comment on it or be "baffled" by the idea that people can be different from you.

for the record, i don't want to smash the two ideas together, i want to help homie SEPARATE and DEMUDDLE the legitimate problems and confusion in his brain that makes him so vulnurable to women's manipulations, and help him grow the fuck up without wanting to fuck his own mother (if he hasn't already) or keep him baby minded forever. i want to untap his potential and see the man he can/would become depending on circumstance.

because i like redemption and character growth and am a sucker for second chances regardless of liking dark media, and there's a huge difference between "i like you" and " i like that you like me".

that requires a more careful handling than anything suface level, but regardless i don't enjoy exploiting trauma kinks or reinforcing toxic masculinity any more than i would enjoy yiff or snuff. i wouldn't judge someone for having the taste as long as no one real got hurt. but that doesn't mean i have to have their taste.

stop kink shaming me or being "confused" by my preference, i haven't done the same to you. and before you pretend you haven't or that i have.

if you were "seriously trying to understand" you would again, ASK ME DIRECTLY instead of this roundabout bullshit where you talk about it and 'how confused or tired' you are, but can't be bothered to take two fucking seconds to JUST ASK for a more serious answer beyond willem dafoe.

if i wanted to shame you for having a kink, i wouldn't be subtle about it. but i wouldn't anyway because i wouldn't even shame those who have a rape fantasy because i have one and have written and read plenty of it. i file it under 'horror pr0n' with a number of other things, and not every form or 'flavor' of horror pr0n that exists is going to be for everyone, much the same as fucking regular horror. but if it's FICTION, it shouldn't matter.

i understand that and if i judged others for having different tastes or acted... well like YOU, that would make me a hypocrite.

and your friend got it PERFECTLY on the first note. and then decided to enable the bullshit yet again by subscribing to the bane of human unity, tribalism. thanks for reinforcing the idea that this HAS to be a dichotomy WHEN IT'S NOT.

a little healthy teasing and competition? i'm game. it's too bad that's not what this was.

i am not your fucking enemy just because YOU decided i was, YOU do not get to decide that for me. but i'll give them the benefit of a doubt and say they were 'just joking', right?

that's ALL it ever is. "just jokes". but JUST when you or "your side" do it. it's not like you've ever been derogatory and petty about "your side" being the "good side" of fandom.

if you have to constantly reinforce and self assure how "good" you are compared to "others" specifically not part of your niche bubble?

you're an asshole who's not actually "good", full stop. if you have to measure your self worth based on what others do or comparing yourself to them, actually seek help because that's not healthy. just my two cents

but if you want to get technical, NO ONE IS RIGHT AND NEITHER BILLY NOR HOMELANDER IS TOP OR BOTTOM IN A TRADITIONAL SENSE, not just because opinions and preferences can't be right or wrong. because butchlander isn't fucking canon, isn't going to become canon, and as far as we know, both characters are confirmed 100% STRAIGHT within the show with toxic masculinity issues a mile long and would never wanna touch each other like that with a 10 foot pole, and homelander's shown exactly ZERO interest in actually being pegged thus far, so that idea's a headcanon.

even herogasm showed us that 3 on fucking 1 STILL wasn't enough to take him down and homie freaking out over a bruise from an unfair challenge of 3 on 1 because it had logically been a very long time since he'd been hurt makes reasonable sense on a basic surface level. he's then over it by the time maeve makes him bleed and carries on bleeding, and now butcher's dying and is the most vulnurable and literally weak because he's sick of the bunch, so... headcanons? headcanons are fine but let's not forget reality and then laugh at the people who remember it.

and if you had just asked me why i even brought up lovely amazing beautiful cishet women (not at all sarcastic, see above purple posts), instead of YET AGAIN. ASSUMING MY INTENT AND PUTTING A LOAD OF CRAP IN MY MOUTH. you can have that back by the way, what the actual fuck is wrong with you??

or for clarification on why i brought it up? i could have TOLD YOU MYSELF. because unlike SOME PEOPLE, when someone just ASKS a question or gives a neutral or even heated response? I DON'T ASSUME HOSTILITY OR TAKE IT PERSONALLY FROM THEM LIKE IT'S A FUCKING SPORT.

fact (and correct me if i'm wrong): majority of people participating in shipping fandom are cishet women.

this is a simple fact, it doesn't mean anything beyond that, i specifically said both times there's nothing wrong with this.

a majority of people are cishet, so this is to be expected. it still doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the people.

fact: society has issues, ideas, and expectations that affect and harm us all. cishet, or queer. and these issues will and do present themselves in fandom and fan fictions whether we realize that or not. heteronormativity would be one of those. misogyny is another.

and one of my kinks is challenging that, or at least the way i see to challenge that while dunking on redpill idealogy and toxic masculinity because i fucking can.

and i just LOVE how you tout about having the "pReTtY cOmMoN" perception which newsflash, YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO HETERONORMATIVE IDEAOLOGY IF YOU THINK TOXIC MASCULINITY IS A REASON A MAN WOULD NEVER BOTTOM. you'd be surprised what people could get up to behind closed doors. but then you turn around and not only put more words in my mouth, enable anon to put words in my mouth, discourage getting a direct answer from me, accuse me and my friends of being the type to randomly accuse someone else of doxxing??? wtf even is that.

and of course. given your 'pretty common' perception being the total opposite of heteronormativity, it MUST mean that society has resolved all of its issues and come to accept queer people exactly as they are in all forms with no expectations or interference whatsoever, oh yeah. places like florida or uganda just totally don't exist. the u.s. isn't on the verge of becoming an actual fascist hellhole for us, and it is TOTALLY just... no one oppresses us. no one.

ESPECIALLY not the cishets.

and despite all the evidence to the contrary, you especially have done nothing wrong here and its all in my head. is that right? can you clarify for me? do you think that my situations have put zero pressure on me in my day to day life? on my friends' lives? do you think you didn't add to that? do you think you and company are the only ones that feel or react like humans?

imagine being so far up your own ass you tell the queer HOW to queer. or at least be a GOOD queer, right?

oh, i'm sorry let me not put words in your mouth. you were of course only laughing at me behind my back for the 'anti-cishet' things i never said.

and no. OBVIOUSLY i wasn't saying any of the shit you accused. i was saying i prefer SUBVERSIVE themes when i do my tops and bottoms and a more detailed look at that can be found in my purple all over responses or just the posts themselves, but if you still want to ask me anyway, i'll answer to the best of my ability.

and what a coincidence that despite you understanding top/bottom not just being related to penetration and some people will feel certain dynamics may be reductive, how ironic that you couldn't possibly fathom that as one of my main complaints.

you don't WANT to actually understand. you just wanted a circle jerk of confirmation bias.

this anon hit the nail on the fucking head. and you wanted to fight them?? i could have overlooked this but i wanted to touch on something really important because i don't know what anon may have seen but i once saw you answer an ask about homelander's redeemability and you cited "tough love" as a means to get there.

and as a former addict and narcissistic abuse survivor (specifying for context), i can tell you first hand "tough love" is not a real thing, and it's not discipline either because that requires teaching and providing tools for rehabilitation. but don't just take my word for it.

from a psychological perspective and to hear actual professionals go over the concept? "tough love" not only DOESN'T work. it is an excuse to be nasty and abusive to someone under the guise that you are only doing it to help them, when all it really does is make you an abusive fuck.

this would be why the SHOW had HOMELANDER of all people saying it, why what billy did to ryan is presented the way it was with HUGHIE of all people, the guy who was at the time dealing with a huge wad of toxic masculinity issues up his ass, 'got it'. and even BUTCHER'S DAD is presented as the piece of shit that he is who gladly passed on his curse to butcher like it was a 'gift'.

even the comics got this when they present butcher doing his scumlord over 9000 move to hughie and annie saying "cruel to be kind" about his own bullshit. no. no no no. he did NOT do that for hughie's well being. he did it for himself because he was a selfish prick.

and i want to be clear. i am being an asshole here and i fully recognize that. that's for ME to feel better because i am fed up with your bullshit. because you have spent your time poking and prodding me for a hostile reaction. well congrats motherfucker. you got it.

and there ain't NO fucking love there.

i won't be your enemy. but i am NOT your friend either. clearly YOU wouldn't want that anyway.

but because i always have to add in that disclaimer for basic human decency? EVEN WITH HOW I FEEL and what the actual science says about "tough love", i would still never tell someone they can't use it in fiction, presented as a toxic kink or whatever the fuck else. even if it triggers me. even if i have a thousand different reasons to criticize it and voice that in a separate space.

people can do whatever the fuck they want and i can't control that. neither can you.

but i don't have to engage with the content or speak positively on it or keep my mouth shut, and i'm not gonna harrass people or pull the kind of insidious bullshit you do either.

at the end of the day, this is fiction. and if you feel the need to run an entire fucking smear campaign about me over fiction and preferences??

stop lying about me

stop putting words in my mouth

stop talking about me behind my back

stop predetermining who i am for me

stop assuming hostility when i will flat out tell you my intent and you can just ask, that doesn't just go for me.

stop fucking gatekeeping and gaslighting.

I DON'T HAVE A DISHONESTY PROBLEM LIKE SOME PEOPLE.

and fuck you.

neither me nor any of my friends or these anons are crazy and i will not sit around while you try to fucking gaslight me or anyone else. try it again, i fucking dare you.

bottom billy lovers existing is not an attack on you. it never was. you don't own the tags. FUCKING DEAL.

this behavior? is UNNACCEPTABLE.

as for fandom? a few more things i want to cover. i couldn't have said it better than a friend of mine who while a little hectic and crazy sometimes, has been nothing but a sweetheart<3 that i just want to encourage and motivate to art or post pictures of her billy butcher kitty babygirl incarnate but unfortunately due to circumstances may be regressing back into her shell.

a message i will never stop promoting, whatever iteration it comes in, whenever it comes up.

i may disagree with what you are saying or doing, but as long as you are not harming anyone, i will fight wholeheartedly for your right to say or do so.

that is the philosphy of true freedom, THAT is what i subscribe to. and it pisses me the fuck off when i see people trying to punish or hurt people for things that hurt no one. we don't get to decide how other people want to live their lives. we can only navigate and hope we might find a friend along the way.

and THAT is the single greatest picture of captain america ever fucking created. no i will take dissenting opinions.

in regards to assumed hostility or hostile attribution bias, a more lighthearted and easily digestable demonstration is below.

youtube

gais... just don't do it. don't automatically assume that someone means you harm or pain simply because they disagree with you. this is what leads to more problems. this is what leads to human tribalism. this is what divides us. this is what destroys us. this is what leads to wars. fandom shipping bullshit or otherwise.

the fucking stupidest invention of humanity, fought over goddamn unholy wads of paper and scribbles of ink because people couldn't accept that their ideas weren't accepted by everyone else, and anyone who didn't fall in line got the axe. or alienated. or excommunicated. or accused of being a witch. or whatever.

but this is the kinda shit we need to nip in the bud at the most basic level we can, every time we can.

it's called intolerance of the intolerant. and it's how we stop hatred from fostering and the intolerance being tolerated and eventually taking over.

because assumed hostility? it IS intolerance.

people are not made from ideas, it's the people who make or break the ideas, not the other way around. and ideas can change.

that should never be seen as a bad thing because it's necessary for positive changes and better understanding as time goes on.

challenge yourselves and the way you think, listen to newcomers and welcome them, have healthy discussions, learn to agree to disagree. it's not that hard.

and i know, i get it. it's not easy, not that simple either. everyone's on edge, people are sickly addicted to hatred and anger because they are EASY. giving in to them doesn't require self control or any form of discipline, it is as simple as instinct. it IS instinct. but if humanity has ANY hope of moving forward?

we HAVE to learn to give people the benefit of a doubt. we HAVE to learn to listen to each other, *actually* listen and hear *exactly* what others are saying. HAVE to learn to identify the difference between a differing *non-hostile* opinion and actual *intolerance*

because the world has already seen what happens when we FAIL and eventually we WILL run out of chances to get it right.

please at least TRY to give the benefit of the doubt in an appropriate situation.

i'll lead by example.

keys? even you. even now, i'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt DESPITE how you've treated me AND my friends now. because MAYBE you were actually key in the sketch and just having a bad day each time we interacted or MAYBE you have some sort of trauma getting triggered whenever you see my shit or we interact or whatever the fuck it could be, MAYBE you are feeling the pressures of a self discovery coming out journey and it's manifesting badly (yes i did notice that and if this is the case i would still wish you nothing but good will and luck with that, not sarcastic), or some combination, there's a million reasons and i don't know you, so i'm not going to assume or say anything for certain.

unlike some people.

but i don't think you're stupid. on the contrary, looking at your posts, my first 'assumption' was that you are actually very well educated and were just enjoying having fun and being silly. later and based on some things i saw, it occured to me that your education/upbringing may put you at odds or at a disadvantage with connecting with people online or having them understand you, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or them, it just means you're speaking different languages.

even the "tough love" thing could be a miscommunication/malapropism. it could also be internal denial because you had a loved one do that to you and still haven't come to terms with the actual abuse you were experiencing because "they knew best"

i've been there. but maybe i'm the one who's projecting just to give you the benefit of a doubt. is it fair for me to take out my own frustrations on random people? fuck to the NO. which is why i TRY regularly to keep that shit in line and my life private.

so i absolutely will not excuse you for being so blatantly dishonest about me either behind my back or to my face because even if you do think i'm being hostile (when i'm not), there's no excuse for that. no, i wouldn't excuse myself either.

that needs to stop in a general sense, and i know you KNOW you are doing that because you'd have to *actually* be the biggest fucking illiterate moron on the planet to not know at this point.

especially when i reached out to you before to try and resolve this calmly and you ignored me and then continued lying about me, yucking it up with anons and buddies like high school mean girls. officially. unironically. instead of doing an ounce of self reflecting.

and i didn't include those messages, but the continued disingenuity and callous misrepresentation is there. and especially the carving into my character to define me however you want without giving me a voice to speak for myself.

stop it. you know it. i know it. maybe you think i'm some country bumpkin cousin hick fucker who happens to conveniently be queer but is remarkably stupid or an easy target.

and maybe i am stupid for ever giving you the benefit of a doubt, but you don't get to rob me of my humanity or basic courtesy.

because YOU'RE human too. and you have a right to your thoughts and feelings and opinions, and i get that, and i support it

even if by some fucking bizarre coocoo for cocoa puffs alternate reality, butchlander were to become canon the way I saw it? i wouldn't gloat or celebrate or try to rub it in your face.

I would encourage you to keep liking what you like and keep being yourself, maybe even harder than before.

even knowing you wouldn't do the same for me. at least from personal experience. see any of the above. and if you think i'm a self righteous prick for it, so fucking be it.

but if you're going to be an asshole? at least own the fuck up to it.

oh, and by the way? i now headcanon that billy butcher once a month puts on a full body gimp suit and with ball gag to do some strange kinda unholy shit with fruit OR veggies (never both), and it HAS to be a waning crecent moon, because i fucking can. and you can't stop me. ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

gais... don't immediately assume hostility. please. i know tone can be hard to interpret through writing or typic and emojis help, and yeah, i know i can jump the gun too. but i try to take things told to me at face/basic value or read them in a neutral tone and i think it helps too.

but we should never be judging anyone before we know them.

#the boys #homelander #billy butcher #butchlander #bullying #abuse #trauma #hostile attribution bias #disinformation #dishonesty #disingenuous #fans behaving badly #psa #critical thinking #misrepresentation #human decency #shipping discourse #long post #kink shaming

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fairycosmos · 8 months

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do you have any advice on how to overcome internalized homophobia? I’m a bi woman but I have a hard time accepting I’m bi, idk I always felt very strongly about gay rights but didn’t realize until recently I actually really like women and it kind of freaked me out….. the dread that wells up within me is actually kind of terrifying. I have conservative parents who are just casually homophobic but I mean they would never physically harm me or directly confront me about being gay but I think their casual indifference and disdain still left a deep impression on me. I had a girlfriend when I was 16 and my then girlfriend’s mom was really homophobic and to this day it’s painful to think about. Also I guess I always pinged as gay to lots of my classmates because at every school I was enrolled in during high school I always got mocked for being gay/into women. Well. I think I’ve always known I’m bi but not until recently did I realize I actually want to be with women. Do you have any advice how to build yourself up after such instances? How do I extend love to myself and accept myself while still remaining closeted and not having any sort of community in my social life…. I want to move out and live with people my age and make queer friends but I don’t even know where to start. I get so jealous seeing other people happy in relationships with supportive communities and families, which makes me a bad person I know but I just wish I had the guts to actually invest time and energy to build the life I want 😭

i'm going to be very real w you i may not be the very best person to ask. yes, i'm a bi woman whose closeted to my family, so we're on the same page as far as that goes, but i think based on this ask thar you're in a bit more of an extreme situation than me. my parents would describe themselves as liberal as far as economic status goes but they've definitely got an implicit bias towards the lgbt community and it has showed ever since i was a kid......i honestly do not know what they would do if they knew i was bisexual, idek if i would have a relationship with them at all. so I find it hard to offer any concrete advice on building yourself up after coming out bc, obviously, i haven't even gotten there myself - i'm out to some friends and stuff but not to family. i think more than anything we're in the same boat, i daydream about moving out and meeting queer friends too, it is a really really difficult position to be in. i wanna say the only thing i've done in the last 2 yrs go sort of expand my horizons is go to gay bars - though i have to get the train for 40 min to get to to one - and try and get in contact with any sort of lgbt support or community, even online.

something i want to impress is that you don't have to talk about your sexuality to anyone unless you're comfortable doing so. for the longest time i felt like i was betraying everyone by not immediately announcing it - being bi - but i've come to learn that is truly just. my business?? and not even a big deal to most ppl??? i often feel so perverted, so wrong, so just like. ashamed of experiencing same-sex attraction, but genuinely - we don't owe that information to anyone unless we decide for ourselves that it's relevant to that particular dynamic. it's really really hard for me to accept, and i still find it hard to even say "i'm bi" out loud. but i think i just want you to know w this message that i at least somewhat get it and that you're not doing anything wrong by just like. being who you are and doing what you can to get by authentically. sending a massive hug your way - if you want to talk about this more, feel free to message me anytime!! x

#anon

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marsdeathdefiances · 1 year

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Do you like The song of achilles? Why or why not?

This is a complicated and lengthy answer so stick with me on this one. I have a very love-hate relationship with tsoa for several reasons, like the characterization of various characters or how it seems like x, y, z characters can never do anything wrong and it’s everyone else (that’s at least how I’m interpreting it, granted everyone has different takes and views on things) and all that. Now I might be biased because I did read the Iliad and the Odyssey and was already very thoroughly into Greek mythology before I read tsoa, but still. And also let me preface this by saying this is all just my interpretation of the book, you don’t need to have the same thoughts and feelings and opinions on it that I do. I don’t care. Like we’re not all going to have the same feelings and opinions on it and that’s okay. This isn’t me trying to sway anyone’s opinion on it. If you love it you love it, if you don’t you don’t.

Like I have serious beef with the way Patroclus is written in tsoa. Like in the Iliad he wasn’t the scrawny, flower boy, pacifist equivalent shadow of Achilles that we get in tsoa. Like tsoa does get right that he was a good healer and that a lot of people liked him and all that. But there was a lot more to him. He was very friendly and sociable and well had a life outside of Achilles (granted tsoa is about them, I’ll give it that, but still). Like in the Iliad Patroclus is referred to as ‘equal of Ares’ for a reason! He fought too, he didn’t just stick in his and Achilles’ tent and all that. So yeah, I have beef with that characterization and think we still could’ve gotten the beautiful story of their relationship even with Pat not being watered down to Achilles’ shadow.

I also have some beef with Achilles’ characterization and that’s just…I don’t like how Miller tried to justify (idk if that’s the right word here but I’ll go with that) everything Achilles did. And again this may go back to my bias from having read the Iliad and all that beforehand. Because technically all those characters are supposed to be morally grey. And I think that keeps it more interesting and compelling. So when you run behind a character trying to justify every little thing they do even if it doesn’t need to be or shouldn’t be then it just kinda…makes the character and story less interesting. Like and this is beef I have with all modern retellings of Greek mythology in some capacity because we are looking at these characters through the moral lenses of our time then clocking them into modern boxes based on our definitions of good, bad, neutral, etc. and personally I am a firm believer that the Iliad is an anti war story and all the characters in it kind of portray certain things that come with war. And to me Achilles’ character is the dangers of pride. Like he was mad that Briseis was taken from him so he withdrew from fighting and we all know what follows. So when Miller kinda runs behind him to justify things or unjustly vilify him (however you wanna view it) it kind of takes from that and I think it makes his character and his story much more interesting when you leave that morally grey/let’s not explain the reasoning for his actions kind of stuff. Again, that’s just me and my take on it.

And yes I also understand that tsoa is a YA story and again it’s about him and Patroclus and their relationship and all that but again I think we could’ve left some of that in and it still could’ve been good.

Now this is an opinion of mine that most people usually have beef with me over, and that is I hate the way Thetis, Deidamia, and Briseis are written. Hate it. And yes I’ll grant you Thetis’ characterization in tsoa makes the end (where she finally puts Pat��s name on the tomb) much more emotional and poignant, like I get that 100% but to me it seems like all the women were written to be just…in the way. And that kinda irks me a bit. Like he’s every mother wants best for their son but I fail to see where Thetis would reasonably do all she did like for a mother who was written to always want the best for her son and want him happy she sure did have a lot of unnecessary beef with Pat even when he was a child lmao. And the whole Skyros thing was to protect Achilles from getting pulled into the war but in tsoa it’s kind of also written as trying to get Achilles away from Pat which is weird and rubs me the wrong way. Like the Skyros thing is very interesting and is probably one of my favorite pre-Troy writings. Like I love it. I do. But tsoa also ignores the whole part where canonically (if you want to call it that) in some versions Achilles was ready to just reveal himself for who he was on Skyros. Like he was over it. He’d pretty much accepted what was going to happen and felt the whole thing unnecessary and weird and all that. And I think that could’ve made the story much more interesting.

I also hate the Deidamia situation. For various reasons and if you’re familiar with the original myth you’d know why. And again I recognize tsoa is a YA story and it’s about patchilles but still I have my beef with it. I hate who she’s just seen as annoying and rude and entitled and somebody that’s just in the way of our ‘main boys’. She’s actually quite a complex character herself and even in a few versions of the original myth she disguised herself as a man and follows Achilles to Troy! Or she’s the one who keeps him from revealing himself too soon! Like again we have someone that’s a good strong solid character that’s just…watered down.

And last but most certainly not least there’s Briseis. Another character that’s seen as in the way. Now this is gonna piss a lot of people ofc most likely but technically Briseis and Achilles did love each other. He even goes so far as to consider (if not call her) his wife. And I feel like that chemistry only adds to the whole decision of his to withdraw from the war when Agamemnon takes her. Otherwise in tsoa it doesn’t make much sense. Like in tsoa he had almost nothing to do with her at all. And I know it’s a pride thing but in tsoa he really didn’t care much about her and only did because Pat liked her. And (if I remember correctly it’s been a bit since I’ve read it) he kind of saw her as something of a threat. Something that was getting between him and Pat. So like…why was he mad that she was taken? Let alone mad enough to pull back from the war? It makes no real sense to me.

And I think she does just kinda miss the complexity and multifacetedness of all these characters. Like a lot of them to me seem very one dimensional and that makes for a boring story to me. Like I have never in my life read a flatter Odysseus and that’s saying something because Odysseus is an inherently complex and interesting character. Same with Agamemnon. Same with literally everyone. Like yes Pat is a wonderful healer and we know that from the Iliad but he is just as capable of taking life as he is saving it and he did both.

That’s really all I have for the beef I have with tsoa or at least the issues that I have a huge problem with (problem enough to talk about it) but otherwise I do think it’s a cute story. Y’know it’s an easy read that I can get through in like 2-3 days. I love seeing them growing up in Phthia and on Pelion like I love all the Pelion scenes and seeing their relationship go from one of friendship to a romantic one. Like I love that. I do. But it could definitely use some doctoring up in my opinion. So would I say that I hate it? Not entirely. But like when I recommend it to anyone I recommend they read the Iliad afterwards. So make of that what you will.

And again if you love it and have no issues with it, that’s great. I have no issue with that. Again we all interpret and see things differently and I’m not gonna bash anyone for enjoying it. Cause again it’s a cute story. And it’s tragic and all that. Like it still has that part down but how can you have patchilles without tragedy? Y’know? But I do just hope somewhere down the line comes maybe a better version of something like tsoa. Granted it would probably have to be for but if an older or more mature audience but still. Like I think it can be done and done well.

So, yeah. Sorry for my little tangent but I hope this answered your question and again I did say I have a complicated answer. Also tsoa and Hades are the only ‘modern retellings’ (if we wanna call Hades a modern retelling idk but like y’all know what I mean but as much as I love Hades I do have my beef with it as well but again I’m looking at it from the perspective of a Hellenic polytheist and somebody who has always been very into Greek mythology so I am definitely biased) that I am familiar with like I have read Circe or Percy Jackson or Lore Olympus or anything like that so if you wanna know my feelings on those I wouldn’t be able to give a good answer because I’m not familiar with those.

Thanks for the ask!

#dorian speaks #more like Dorian rants #not an incorrect quote #I am nothing if not full of thoughts #again you can love tsoa I am not saying you can’t

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