#again you can love tsoa I am not saying you can’t

[marsdeathdefiances]

Do you like The song of achilles? Why or why not?

This is a complicated and lengthy answer so stick with me on this one. I have a very love-hate relationship with tsoa for several reasons, like the characterization of various characters or how it seems like x, y, z characters can never do anything wrong and it’s everyone else (that’s at least how I’m interpreting it, granted everyone has different takes and views on things) and all that. Now I might be biased because I did read the Iliad and the Odyssey and was already very thoroughly into Greek mythology before I read tsoa, but still. And also let me preface this by saying this is all just my interpretation of the book, you don’t need to have the same thoughts and feelings and opinions on it that I do. I don’t care. Like we’re not all going to have the same feelings and opinions on it and that’s okay. This isn’t me trying to sway anyone’s opinion on it. If you love it you love it, if you don’t you don’t.

Like I have serious beef with the way Patroclus is written in tsoa. Like in the Iliad he wasn’t the scrawny, flower boy, pacifist equivalent shadow of Achilles that we get in tsoa. Like tsoa does get right that he was a good healer and that a lot of people liked him and all that. But there was a lot more to him. He was very friendly and sociable and well had a life outside of Achilles (granted tsoa is about them, I’ll give it that, but still). Like in the Iliad Patroclus is referred to as ‘equal of Ares’ for a reason! He fought too, he didn’t just stick in his and Achilles’ tent and all that. So yeah, I have beef with that characterization and think we still could’ve gotten the beautiful story of their relationship even with Pat not being watered down to Achilles’ shadow.

I also have some beef with Achilles’ characterization and that’s just…I don’t like how Miller tried to justify (idk if that’s the right word here but I’ll go with that) everything Achilles did. And again this may go back to my bias from having read the Iliad and all that beforehand. Because technically all those characters are supposed to be morally grey. And I think that keeps it more interesting and compelling. So when you run behind a character trying to justify every little thing they do even if it doesn’t need to be or shouldn’t be then it just kinda…makes the character and story less interesting. Like and this is beef I have with all modern retellings of Greek mythology in some capacity because we are looking at these characters through the moral lenses of our time then clocking them into modern boxes based on our definitions of good, bad, neutral, etc. and personally I am a firm believer that the Iliad is an anti war story and all the characters in it kind of portray certain things that come with war. And to me Achilles’ character is the dangers of pride. Like he was mad that Briseis was taken from him so he withdrew from fighting and we all know what follows. So when Miller kinda runs behind him to justify things or unjustly vilify him (however you wanna view it) it kind of takes from that and I think it makes his character and his story much more interesting when you leave that morally grey/let’s not explain the reasoning for his actions kind of stuff. Again, that’s just me and my take on it.

And yes I also understand that tsoa is a YA story and again it’s about him and Patroclus and their relationship and all that but again I think we could’ve left some of that in and it still could’ve been good.

Now this is an opinion of mine that most people usually have beef with me over, and that is I hate the way Thetis, Deidamia, and Briseis are written. Hate it. And yes I’ll grant you Thetis’ characterization in tsoa makes the end (where she finally puts Pat’s name on the tomb) much more emotional and poignant, like I get that 100% but to me it seems like all the women were written to be just…in the way. And that kinda irks me a bit. Like he’s every mother wants best for their son but I fail to see where Thetis would reasonably do all she did like for a mother who was written to always want the best for her son and want him happy she sure did have a lot of unnecessary beef with Pat even when he was a child lmao. And the whole Skyros thing was to protect Achilles from getting pulled into the war but in tsoa it’s kind of also written as trying to get Achilles away from Pat which is weird and rubs me the wrong way. Like the Skyros thing is very interesting and is probably one of my favorite pre-Troy writings. Like I love it. I do. But tsoa also ignores the whole part where canonically (if you want to call it that) in some versions Achilles was ready to just reveal himself for who he was on Skyros. Like he was over it. He’d pretty much accepted what was going to happen and felt the whole thing unnecessary and weird and all that. And I think that could’ve made the story much more interesting.

I also hate the Deidamia situation. For various reasons and if you’re familiar with the original myth you’d know why. And again I recognize tsoa is a YA story and it’s about patchilles but still I have my beef with it. I hate who she’s just seen as annoying and rude and entitled and somebody that’s just in the way of our ‘main boys’. She’s actually quite a complex character herself and even in a few versions of the original myth she disguised herself as a man and follows Achilles to Troy! Or she’s the one who keeps him from revealing himself too soon! Like again we have someone that’s a good strong solid character that’s just…watered down.

And last but most certainly not least there’s Briseis. Another character that’s seen as in the way. Now this is gonna piss a lot of people ofc most likely but technically Briseis and Achilles did love each other. He even goes so far as to consider (if not call her) his wife. And I feel like that chemistry only adds to the whole decision of his to withdraw from the war when Agamemnon takes her. Otherwise in tsoa it doesn’t make much sense. Like in tsoa he had almost nothing to do with her at all. And I know it’s a pride thing but in tsoa he really didn’t care much about her and only did because Pat liked her. And (if I remember correctly it’s been a bit since I’ve read it) he kind of saw her as something of a threat. Something that was getting between him and Pat. So like…why was he mad that she was taken? Let alone mad enough to pull back from the war? It makes no real sense to me.

And I think she does just kinda miss the complexity and multifacetedness of all these characters. Like a lot of them to me seem very one dimensional and that makes for a boring story to me. Like I have never in my life read a flatter Odysseus and that’s saying something because Odysseus is an inherently complex and interesting character. Same with Agamemnon. Same with literally everyone. Like yes Pat is a wonderful healer and we know that from the Iliad but he is just as capable of taking life as he is saving it and he did both.

That’s really all I have for the beef I have with tsoa or at least the issues that I have a huge problem with (problem enough to talk about it) but otherwise I do think it’s a cute story. Y’know it’s an easy read that I can get through in like 2-3 days. I love seeing them growing up in Phthia and on Pelion like I love all the Pelion scenes and seeing their relationship go from one of friendship to a romantic one. Like I love that. I do. But it could definitely use some doctoring up in my opinion. So would I say that I hate it? Not entirely. But like when I recommend it to anyone I recommend they read the Iliad afterwards. So make of that what you will.

And again if you love it and have no issues with it, that’s great. I have no issue with that. Again we all interpret and see things differently and I’m not gonna bash anyone for enjoying it. Cause again it’s a cute story. And it’s tragic and all that. Like it still has that part down but how can you have patchilles without tragedy? Y’know? But I do just hope somewhere down the line comes maybe a better version of something like tsoa. Granted it would probably have to be for but if an older or more mature audience but still. Like I think it can be done and done well.

So, yeah. Sorry for my little tangent but I hope this answered your question and again I did say I have a complicated answer. Also tsoa and Hades are the only ‘modern retellings’ (if we wanna call Hades a modern retelling idk but like y’all know what I mean but as much as I love Hades I do have my beef with it as well but again I’m looking at it from the perspective of a Hellenic polytheist and somebody who has always been very into Greek mythology so I am definitely biased) that I am familiar with like I have read Circe or Percy Jackson or Lore Olympus or anything like that so if you wanna know my feelings on those I wouldn’t be able to give a good answer because I’m not familiar with those.

Thanks for the ask!

[luckydragon10]

And now my thoughts that I hope will bring you at least some enjoyment

Kinn being seven and joyful and playing with his mark is something somewhat so personal to me and I love how you're describing it.

"Years went by. Kinn learned many lessons." Ways to break my heart with only two sentences, wow.

"Kinn met his father’s eyes, and in them he saw agreement" i just know this motherfucker was "gently nudging" Kinn in the direction of removing his seed and it makes me angry.

So first chapter broke my heart even more on the reread then the first time, good job.

Porsche and his attitude about soulmates hits way harder at the reread too when you know things, and I'm barely stopping myself from tearing up at work, damn Nemi, stop being a good writer.

Does Kinn not knowing that he and Porsche are bonded and not getting why Porsche wants his contacts breaks my heart? Yes it does.

Porsche being like all the angst and then angry at the world because no one told him he's bi somehow made me feel lighter. My precious himbo.

Aaaaa Kinn being like "this guy owes me for the disrespect" and Porsche being like "he owes me for *waves at the whole mess*" makes me so emotional because they never simply be strangers, even now when they want nothing to do with each other they feel like the other is indebted to them, connected even more so then the bondmark says. And then they heard "what do we owe to each other?" And said love and affection and I'm grrd

Oh Porsche rejecting Kinn's hand with the mermaid costume hurt unlike the gay panic™ Kinn had in the show, I am just drowning in angst.

Okay but Kinn regretting giving Porsche away immediately because of how happy Porsche is to be resigned to Tankhun? Delicious.

Okay but friendly Marsh and Porsche interaction my beloved, I can't help, I just like this slutty twink a lot.

The angstification of every soft Kinnporsche moment continues and my heart is breaking. Thanks Nemi once again.

"...or were you planning on knocking and running?” funny motherfucker, I lauged out loud.

Kinn describing Porsche as being the brightest thing in the bar when they're out after Mes mess can be so personal.

""Without looking back at him, Porsche said, “Kinn.” 

Caught by surprise, he asked, “How did you know it was me?” 

Porsche turned his head and put his cheek on his knees to look at Kinn. “Didn’t you know? I can smell rich people.” "" I'm not saying TSOA quote, the one with "I could recognize him by his steps alone" one but I AM saying exactly that.

The angstification of the pier kiss always hits me, it's just such a precious moment to me and you made it hurt and i love it but also whyyyy.

Porsche's would you take me back also hits way harder because now he already has been rejected once even if Kinn didn't knew he was rejecting him and I want to hug my boy very tightly.

"Because I’m stuck in this in-between place that I can’t get away from," this made me feel things and I want to write a poem about it

Shit the after auction handling with drugged Porsche is just so tender but also painful and you can just feel the yearning that Kinn is feeling for this man that he thinks will never be his. I am deceased.

Also you're right it is very funny to imagine that Tankhun actually did give Porsche to Kinn and noone believed him.

Kim first thought being smitten, second paranoid and third smitten again is so in character for him ssksns

"Many people claim that the size of the bondmark is indicative of how many past lives the individuals have shared. "

Okay I need you to know this made me positively crazy, like the first time I skimmed through the facts at the beginnings of the chapters and now I'm throwing a brick at myself because maybe it would prepared me for this. Like I have such a thing™ for Kinnporsche and multiple lifetimes like I wrote so many things abt it and always include it in my fics this made me crazy screaming. Do not mind me.

The more I read the more I really like feel for Kinn who just keeps getting rejected, every kind gesture after kind gesture is met with rejection and he doesn't know why, meanwhile Porsche is panicking and also he's shrugging off touches (his ways of showing affection) therefore he is deprived of them and I am screaming.

"Kinn wanted to overturn the chessboard. He put the pieces back into place." SMASH THAT THING, honestly still can't believe we didn't get any chessboard smashing in s1

I just want you to know that reading Porsche's punishment and the line "You’ve all taken enough from me, you pieces of shit" just after Kimchay interlude where Kim says that he is giving instead of taking with Chay, creates delicious contrast between the two blossoming relationship. Kimchay being sweet and a fair give and take meanwhile KinnPorsche being bitter and Porsche feeling like he's selling off more pieces of his soul away with each day. Delicious angst™

"He thought of how his name sounded when Kinn said it with a soft question mark after it." This makes me want to write a poem too, something like you say my name with a question mark after it, a sweet question, gentle demand of a response. I ache with all the answers I want to give you.

PorscheKhun feels hitting me rn, I love them so much.

"Porsche wasn’t his — couldn’t be his. He would forever be bound to someone else. " the bitter yearning hits again and I want to scream.

Brother bonding between the Kitisawats my beloved.

"Not only that, but Kinn owed Porsche for the juvenile teasing he’d received over the fire-starting attempt, the fruit, and the fishing spear. " again with the owning, I'm screaming.

"Kinn didn’t have it in him to hate Porsche’s soulmate. All he had room to feel was greed." greed also being the reason he kissed him? I'm, Nemi I'm screaming, this is my undoing. This fic is meant for binge-reading and rereading.

". I can have this. I can have at least this much.  " the forest being the time the script flips and instead Porsche feeling like Kinn is taking more things from him and instead into him feeling like he gets to have Kinn is very fitting.

Porsche being a brat after the forest my beloved, like yess, go boi, be joyful and snarky and happy!

Porsche revealing his mark must have been so hurtful for Kinn at the beginning because he thought he was about to see the mark of someone else on Porsche, a proof that he doesn't get to keep him and I'm aching with that.

Tay my beloved, I love how we all agreed that Tay hated Tawan's guts. It's just how it goes.

"Grinning, he reviewed the pic. He looked cute, horny, and very explicitly marked as private property. " the money i would pay to see this pic 🤤🥴

"Porsche: How big do you think it’ll eventually get? ;)" are you asking about the bond mark or Kinn's dick? Because the answers to both is pretty fucking big

"Mine. This wild, bright thing is mine." this line also does funny things to me

I love how you write sex scenes, like just the way you convey the atmosphere and emotions through your wording and how you describe the actions, I'm in awe 💕

Kittisawat's destroying Korn propositioning schemeing plans by being their chaotic selves is something I think we all needed

Also Tankhun, Tankhun my beloved

The bondmark growing on Porsche is something that just destroyed me, it's such a sweet ending!! I loved that idea.

So here comes the end of my reread again, it was a pleasure and by god reading it a second time felt even more angstier somehow and I loved it even more, thank you once again for writing this 💕

O.O Full fic reaction. Posting for posterity so it doesn't languish in my Ask box or accidentally get deleted. (The fic in question: The King's Tree)

I'm not going to respond to all of it, but I want to elaborate on a couple things!

Okay but friendly Marsh and Porsche interaction my beloved, I can't help, I just like this slutty twink a lot.

I wanted to write a "conclusion" for Marsh, with him texting Porsche to take good care of Kinn, but it really didn't fit anywhere. So, just assume that at some point off screen, Marsh sent Porsche this text:

Marsh: gratz on bagging Kinn. if you ever need help keeping up with him, lemme know 🍆😈

I'm not saying TSOA quote, the one with "I could recognize him by his steps alone" one but I AM saying exactly that.

Actually! *holds up a finger* Porsche didn't recognize Kinn by his steps. His bondmark started growing, so he felt that and knew it was Kinn. 😁

The more I read the more I really like feel for Kinn

I'm very, very glad about this, tbh. I have a LOT of empathy for Kinn in this fic. He's hurting so badly and completely cannot figure out what's going on. Yes, he was the cause of his own suffering, but he was never prepared for this, to have his subconscious and conscious minds at complete war with each other.

Also Tankhun, Tankhun my beloved

The hero we needed AND deserved. 💖

😭😭😭

Dom, thank you so much for sharing this reread-reaction with me. This is SUCH a gift to get to see what you gleaned on a second viewing, a rare treat. This isn't something that just happens every day for an author.

Thank you, thank you. I am hugging you and patting your head and giving you delicious cocoa. 😭

[writeblrfantasy]

excerpt from a council of golden swords: tattooed cairic king

planned this scene weeks ago, forgot about it, enjoyed writing it immensely. poor kayani, they're so in love

anyway i hope you love this as much as i loved writing it, acogs has been kicking my ass this week and this was a nice battle won

~

Asma crosses her arms. “Take off your shirt.”

Kayani chokes on their own saliva. “What?”

“I’m going to paint you. Take off your shirt.”

Kayani stares at her, open mouthed, a thousand indignities resting on their lips. Asma taps her foot, paintbrush held between two fingers, frowning impatiently. No excuse, no argument, no plea will ever sway her. She is unmovable.

Kayani stares at the floor and loosens the laces of their shirt before whipping it off. They ball it up and stand there holding it until she snatches it from them and tosses it on the sofa. “Sit on the stool,” she says, “and for Cai’s sake, stop looking so stiff. Actually look like you want to be here. You don’t even have to smile. Just look a little less queasy.”

Queasy for a different reason, Kayani thinks, but obediently sits on the wooden stool in the center of the red, blue, and gold room. The yearly trip west, spent in close quarters with almost all of the Cairic army, has driven the modesty out of them, but everything is different with Asma.

She sits on the ottoman and drags her easel closer to her, a tray of paint pools sitting beside her on the sofa. The easel legs scraping against the floor makes Kayani startle. “Relax,” she orders in a tone that’s anything but relaxing.

Kayani folds their hands and tries not to slouch. The hairs that itch when they fall into their eyes will be the least of their worries over the next few hours. Why else would Asma paint them shirtless if not just to torment them?

Once Asma has everything apparently set up to her standard, she looks up and rakes her eyes over Kayani’s torso. Her breath hitches. “You have so many tattoos. I forgot you would.” Her voice disturbs the quiet of the room, breaking a sacred peace, or however peaceful the two of them alone can get.

“Isn’t that why you wanted to paint me shirtless?” Kayani asks. “Why else would you?”

She hides her face behind the canvas and doesn’t bother with an answer. Kayani prepares for a long set of hours filled with waiting, an aching back, and keeping their walls firmly up.

After ten minutes of silence, Asma working quietly, she asks, “What does that one on your chest mean?”

Kayani resists the urge to look down and earn themself their first don’t move, idiot. They could trace the lines of the * in the darkness, in their sleep. “The death of my mother.”

She gasps. “You got tattooed when you were just a child?”

They shrug. “I’ve known some babies who got tattooed after birth because of a difficult or scary pregnancy, complications that should’ve killed them. Parents, too. We use our tattoos to cope with many things, many emotions, but prominently grief. For many people, the experience itself of sitting there for ten hours while a needle pokes into your skin—it helps.”

“By enduring pain?” Asma asks.

Kayani shrugs. “Some people find solace in pain. It’s something real they can grip onto.”

“That’s the funny thing,” Asma says, peering out from over the canvas. “It isn’t.”

Kayani’s eyes drift to the tattoo on her forearm, she follows their gaze and pulls her sleeve down. Kayani remembers it all too painfully well—her poorly stifled tears and cries while getting it, their own desire to comfort her squashed by the hatred in her eyes. It’s their fault she has it.

“What about that one?” she asks, gesturing to the wings covering their shoulders.

“Are you asking because you’re genuinely curious,” Kayani asks, “or just trying to fill the air?” They want to poke further into her reasoning, but they don’t want her to change her mind and throw them out. Alone time with Asma is bliss as much as it’s torture, and they’ll take every last bit of it.

“I got the wings one year after becoming king,” Kayani says. “To celebrate not being assassinated.”

She snorts. “Get better guards.”

“I am my own best guard besides Ajar and Samad. I didn’t want to trust anyone else. The palace guards on rotation can only do so much against an assassin hired by someone who was angry I became king and not my sister.”

Asma rolls her eyes, the soft strokes of her brush soothing to listen to against the faint chatter of birds. “And the one on your back?”

“You’re not painting that one. You can’t even see it right now.”

“Answer the question, dimwit.”

Kayani grins. As much as they love to nag Nikolai about being attracted to the ones who seemingly want nothing to do with you, they’re no less guilty. “I got the first part done after I survived the Trials.” After healing up upon their return, they went straight to the royal tattoo artist. They knew exactly what they wanted: Ajar and Samad standing side by side, blue eyes pointed to the moon.

The two of them are right outside—if Kayani’s quiet, they can hear them scratching at the door—but an ache for them runs through their chest regardless. Sometimes they’re convinced the three of them share a soul.

“I would’ve gotten the outlining done before I left for the Trials for good luck and gotten it filled in after I came back, but I didn’t want to deal with unnecessary pain. I got the second part added on after I came back from my first trip west with the army. That time, I did do it in two halves for good luck, like many of my soldiers.”

Going to get those outlines and later the full lines done with their soldiers had been one of the most rewarding experiences of their life. Sitting beside ten others in a salon, all laughing or grimacing or telling stories to work through the pain reminded them that they could still mix with normal people. Winning the Trials didn’t make them special in the soldiers’ eyes, and Kayani liked it that way.

Their second back tattoo consisted of a light brown stag leaping across the center of their back, over the dogs. “Each trip after was another add on.” They’ve since added a grassy field for the stag and the dogs to rest in, stars for the moon, flowers and sparkles in a mix of reds and browns.

“Your entire body will be covered by the time you die,” Asma says.

“That’s the goal.”

As the hours go by, Asma asks, and this? What about this? That one? What are the ones I can’t see? Kayani answers her every question, shares every story, every memory. They don’t tell her about the one on the back of their ankle, small enough to miss. A golden paintbrush.

Finally, when the sun is halfway to setting and Kayani’s lower half has gone numb, Asma announces she’s done. Kayani wobbles to their feet toward the canvas, but she picks it up before they can see it. They sigh quietly but don’t question it—until she turns around.

She’s painted them in a background more heavily red than the wallpaper behind them. It brings out the red in Kayani’s tattoos, which are obviously the star of her painting. The edges of Kayani’s muscles are blurred, but the lines of the tattoos are as clear and sharp as they are on their skin. Their eyes are halfway open, tired, and Asma captured their faint smile at something she said, maybe some memory that took them away.

The sun from the glass wall behind them drips golden light onto light brown skin, a glowing backdrop for the tattoos. Kayani sat with their left forearm up, right hand holding that wrist, but Asma painted the opposite to hide the tattoo there.

Kayani has never had the eye for beautiful artwork, nor the time to study why people devote their lives to it, but this makes them reconsider. Not because it’s them, of course, they’re not that vain. Because it’s Asma.

“I will call it ‘Tattooed Cairic King’,” Asma says. Kayani can’t take their eyes off her nonchalant expression, the casual way her fingers grip the canvas. She completed this in a day and she acts like she’s holding a piece of cheap furniture. Doesn’t she know all of her artwork will be studied meticulously after her death merely because she’s a queen?

Not just because she’s a queen, Kayani thinks. Because she’s an incredible artist. They wish they had the courage to say so, but knowing Asma, she’d make some crack about their narcissism.

“Where are you going to hang that one?” they ask. “Which guest room or dining hall or office will get the pleasure of seeing my tattoos?

She fixes them with a look. “My suite wall.”

The floor seems to swim under them.

“I thought you hated me,” they manage. “As you pointed out, last time we were together you told me to never come into your sight again.” They gesture to the canvas. “I think that violates your rule.”

For once, Asma’s silence seems to be because of her loss of words, not dramatic pause or the bother of answering a question. “It’s some of my finest work,” she settles on. “I’d like to admire it often. Let people admire it when I’m dead.” She closes her eyes and runs her finger along the top of the canvas. “Also, I’d like to do your back sometime."

“What?” Kayani sputters.

“Oh, come on. If you can survive a needle pricking your skin for ten hours, you can survive sitting still for another six.”

That’s not the problem, Kayani thinks, but only nods. Cai have mercy.

~

kayani being shook by asma's ability to Art is me @ all the talented artists here yall rock

also if you noticed the tsoa inspiration for "and this?" then props to u

acogs taglist (lmk to be added/removed) @magic-is-something-we-create @inkflight @spencer-nyx @writing-is-a-martial-art @ashen-crest @wisteria-eventide @nikkywrites @denkis-phone-charger @myhusbandsasemni @lynolord @ettawritesnstudies @golden-apple-s-blog @chazzawrites @pen-of-roses

[dilfbatman]

YOU'RE DESI!!! ME TOO❤️❤️ AHHHHHH also I love how y'all going from pjo blogs to tsoa blogs. Because TSOA🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I just have a weekly breakdown thinking about tsoa

YES HELLO DESI FRIEND <3 JSKDKD tbh i still like really LOVE the character of percy that’s the whole reason i joined this place bc i read a character that was just like me! and then i found great friends and it genuinely sucks that the author simply can’t find the heart to apologize for what he’s done and chooses to remain ignorant & the fact that people here can be quite ignorant/racist/overall idiots so like... i still love pjo but at the moment i think imma step away slightly from it! who knows - i may go back to perseusjacksonlover again hehe but for the time being it has been a bit like tainted :/ but i have great friends and we all enjoy what we enjoy! and my interests vary so pjo, tsoa, jason todd, other great books/shows/whatever! not to be long winded but yeah hehe idk why i’m saying all this it’s 2 am and i’m in bed drinking soda <3 BUT YES the way tsoa has lived in my mind rent free for YEARS sometimes my brain short circuits and thinks about achilles & patroclus and how achilles feels like he could eat the world raw <3 lemme know if y’all ever want a book rec post bc i have a fair few! and if you have any you wanna rec me!

[keroujack]

For the fanfic asks!! (I literally wrote the ones I wanted to ask u about on a Post-It note because there were too many to remember. I am That Person™️. Anyway) 5, 6, 8, 19, 26, 27, 43, 47 ❤️ Love you long time -imyoursandthatsitwhatever

ahhhHHHHHH i seriously love u so much, THANK YOU 🥰❤️

5. How would you describe your style?

hM well i mean. i like short phrases. so short sentences, long sentences split up with lots of commas to keep the phrasing short within them. i also like repetition a lot, so i like to find a theme or a set of words to build motif around because i find that really grounding, like it helps keep me focused and helps keep a piece on track

6. Where do you usually find inspiration?

music. 100% music. i’ve had more than one idea come from a song i’ve heard that’s made me think of a situation i wanna write. or i have songs that i associate with fics or playlists i’ve made for fics that i listen(ed) to whenever i have a hard time moving forward (my ycaib one, gigantic Oof)

8. What’s the biggest “challenge” for you as a writer?

focusing. i can know exactly what i want to write, but sometimes i can’t get myself to sit down and do it. either that not getting bogged down when i don’t like one (1) little thing. i’ve spent weeks looking at a document because a sentence pisses me off and i can’t figure out why

19. What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors?

ahhhh okay we’ll go with ao3 names bc i don’t know if their tumblrs are the same, but sarahstarkiller, lymricks, regionals, ohmybgosh, aspartaeme, brawlite/toastranger, kate_button. there are so many talented people in this fandom i s2g and i know i’m forgetting so many, but those are just some that have written stuff i’ve bookmarked!

26. How do you find out what you like to write?

it’s usually just what i want to read and haven’t seen done before asjkf;sa. i like to try and be a little different bc there are so many widespread fandom ideas that people do (and do so WELL) that i don’t wanna repeat anything. why fix somethin that ain’t broken? that and sometimes i just,,,, like to project. that peanut butter fic? projecting. east of eden? my favorite book. that fic about billy liking the Doors? entirely mE

27. Are there any writers (ff or not) that have inspired you to start writing?

i mean. i’ve kind of been writing forever (not Well, but i’ve been Trying lmao) but in the last couple years, i’ve found a lot of inspiration in madeline miller. i LOVE the way she writes and tsoa is one of my absolute favorites, just as far as storytelling and style go. the way she’s able to play with emotions? bruh. unreal

43. Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you wrote?

i cried more than once writing you’re cold (and i burn), but like, the reunion at the mall? billy finally being there for real after all that time? it was just sort of surreal because i wrote the chapter in april, but i hadn’t written billy in real time for that fic since DECEMBER. and i’d been like. really excited to bring him back and see him again and when they finally touched and he said, “hey pretty boy”? i cried like a baby. over that specific line. i don’t know why, but i can hear him saying it and it puts me flat on my back whenever i think about it

47. What’s your favorite thing about writing?

that it’s a way to escape. if i’m writing, i’m not thinking about other things and i can just put my head down and forget about all the shit that’s going on in my life, at least for a little while. i find it really cathartic

[hawberries]

anoms

sorry again abt how slow i am at answering these – if you want a quicker reply, please send it off anon! *-*

i got a lot of questions about this piece (the TAZ balance tribute) – here are the characters in order, from left to right: paloma, cassidy, roswell, ren, june, klaarg, lucas, N03113, carey, killian, davenport, lucretia, merle, avi, mavis & mookie, angus, magnus, steven, kravitz, taako, garyl, lup, garfield, barry, sloane, hurley, joaquin, jess the beheader, and graham the juicy wizard!

hi!! as soon as i saw that disarm post i knew i had to come here immediately and tell you i am absolutely in love with it its such a beautiful idea! your laurent and damen are so pretty and soft i love them. quick question: your store says closed, does that mean existing orders can go out but no new ones, or rather that you'll just be adding more stuff later in the year and we're free to order whatevers there now? sorry if you've already answered this before, i would love to buy something soon

thank you, i’m glad you enjoy my work! i’ve disconnected my store from paypal, so you can’t make any new orders at the moment. it’ll reopen next month with a few new things!

how do you resize your drawings? because in your FAQ it says you use a noise filter on the resized image and i have no idea how to do that and couldn't really find an answer on the internet. thank you so much!

um i just resize it to whatever i need in Photoshop, then go to filters > noise and set it to 1.5%. you need photoshop or another program with a noise filter for this.

Hi Phee!! Do you have a PO box or somewhere we can send you stuff??

sure! Leonie Li PO Box 3707 Marsfield NSW 2122 Australia

would u consider doing ur taz charms like ur taz prints (paying for cost of production)? theyre so cute!

im just worried bc SO many people will probably want them, and charms generate a lot more labour than prints, even just to pack! but i may do some preorders at some point! v_v

hey phee! i was wondering how you go about preparing for cons in other states/cities, as in travel-wise and fitting everything in your suitcase, etc.

i buy 40kg of check luggage space and cry… basically i stack all my small stuff and put it in boxes, and either tie or tape the boxes! and i have a3 display folders for my big prints!

are you selling those otayuri polaroid charms like I NEED TO K N O W

ya they’ll be on my store when it updates/reopens!

I haven't reached ep 39 of TAZ yet so when I read the first paragraph of that anon's ques response, I deadass thought that Angus lost his nose. Suffice to say that when I realized you were being sarcastic I wasn't sure if I was relieved or a little disappointed.

i was sassing that anon, but the boys really do a “got your nose!” joke with angus in episode 39 haha

your ootd is super cute! I hope you don't mind if I stole your look some time?

bich go for it… i am not a revolutionary of style i basically just wear high waisted things and hope for the best

would you ever draw anything for tsoa

i haven’t read it yet… got to ch6 but the narration style pissed me off so i’m taking a break!

[katiemcgrath]

hello darling, i recently saw a post about you complaining about people making edits about white patroclus since he's supposed to be poc? well, i'm greek and a lot of us are tan, however we're still white. please stop stating that greek people are poc and stop bending GREEK mythology just so you can use it for social justice, because it's very disrespectful to actual greek people. i'm not trying to attack you, i'm just saying that you can't apply the usa standarts to european countries.

I’m not American. I am European. Yeah, us “social justice” brown people are everywhere. Taking your jobs and bending your mythology. Ah yes, the age old white argument of “tanned Southern Europeans”. Here we go again. Just ‘cause it’s set in Greece doesn’t mean that Patroclus isn’t a POC. I know it’s a shock but brown people are e v e r y w h e r e. [See Briseis. Or is she white, too?] We’re everywhere! And immigration isn’t new. Why can’t people just cast a brown person when making TSOA edits? I don’t see the whole bullshit drama around it. He is a POC in the book, why y’all gotta make up these reasonings to justify this crap? Why can’t you just allow for representation? Why, though? Why do you have to see something where there is finally a representation of POC and just destroy with white nonsense. How can you be so set in your ways that you can’t recognise that Patroclus being brown/black in a mainstream YA novel means the world to people who just don’t get that representation in mainstream writing/films/shows? 

Bending Greek mythology? You realise that IT’S NOT REAL, right? Also, no offence, but “because it’s very disrespectful to actual Greek people”???? LOL. I’m sorry, what the fuck? What the fuck, man. I can’t believe you just typed that. Awwh, poor little Greek people, thinking they get a pass for being prejudiced. Also, for the love of God, I specifically said THE SONG OF ACHILLES, as in the BOOK by Madeline Miller. Not The Iliad. You can go ahead and cast a white boy for an Iliad edit, and I won’t say shit. And you can go ahead and cast a white boy for your TSOA edits, and I won’t directly say shit, I’ll just judge you from afar.  

If you look at a map of the world, you will see scary black people with boats just opposite Greece coming to steal your mythology about this one god who puked up all of his children, but the God can’t be brown ‘cause that’s not historically accurate. 

[moviegroovies]

oof. in the last few days, i’ve watched five (5) new movies, at least three of which i have opinions on i’d like to share. for convenience’s sake, i’m going to start with the most recent, and work back from there. 

so: troy (2004) 

as someone who was coerced into studying the iliad at a liberal arts college, this movie enraged me. as someone who likes to enjoy himself while watching movies, this movie horrified me. all around, i’m going to rate it a solid 3/10, and that might be generous, but there WERE a few things i liked, which i’m going to talk about, because what else do i do here, anyway.

i’m not even going to get into all the ways this was an unfaithful adaptation of the source material, because there just is not the fucking time, and i’m sure other people before me have done it, so let’s just say that the moment they cast brad pitt as achilles, all hope was lost. i will comment that they of course no-homo’d achilles and patroclus, but had i gone in expecting to see any representation in this movie, i would have been an even bigger masochist than i am. that does not mean i wasn’t still a little disappointed, though.

troy takes into account much more than the actual span of the iliad, beginning (long) before the start of the epic and ending after it finished. in this way, we see the full span of the story, which i suppose is a good thing, although it did stretch this painfully milquetoast adaptation into an agonizing three hours. we see everything from agamemnon’s quest to unite all the kingdoms of greece together underneath his rule to the sacking of troy, meaning we also get to see paris seducing helen, achilles’ death, and the sacking of troy with the trojan horse, all of which the iliad does not include. being that the actual content of the iliad isn’t quite so battle-focused as the general public might think, these things are all probably good for the telling of an actual story. i can forgive most of the changes to the story that we did see, because i think that, given that you don’t know the source material, it makes for a cohesive and satisfying narrative, all in all. menelaus’s character being changed to make helen’s choice to leave with paris more sympathetic made the choice to have hector kill him a cathartic one. even better was briseis getting to take her revenge on agamemnon for his treatment toward her and, more generally, the fact that he was the one who brought war and soldiers to her front door. sure, that totally ruins the play orestes, but that was never going to be the sequel we were waiting for, anyway. 

side note, i think of the actors, agamemnon (played by brain cox) was the best. he just had a really good love-to-hate-him thing going, and played up his part pretty excellently. orlando bloom also felt like a good choice for paris (i would for sure leave menelaus for him, for instance), and vincent regan as eudoros was sort of a dark horse in the cast for me; i’d never heard of him before, and his character was small, but there was something striking about him. maybe it was just his eyes. 

in the movie, the siege of troy went from spanning ten years to like... maybe a couple of weeks? that was the one change from the source material that i really couldn’t abide, but What Ever I Guess. if they had just begun in the 9th year of the siege, it might have made the casting of then 40 year old brad pitt as achilles make a little more sense. as it stands.... whatever. sure. do whatever the fuck you want. i can’t stop you. 

generally, i like brad pitt in things (one of the other movies of the five that i watched, for instance, was se7en, although i don’t really have any particular comments on that other than, it was good, i liked it, i probably won’t choose to watch it again just on a whim), but i really could not get behind this particular performance. it had some of the same problems as him at the start of interview with the vampire; i think he kind of warmed to the role with that one, but the scene with him as a dissociating human felt... off, in terms of acting, but maybe that’s just me. either way, i’m not sure he ever really warmed to being achilles. 

and that sucked, because achilles could have been such a good character. 

obviously my personal bias is being taken into account here (yes, i read TSoA, yes i am letting it influence my perception of the dude), but if troy’s achilles had been prepared to put the raw emotion latent in the iliad’s achilles into the role, i think the character would have hit harder than he did. i personally didn’t love the expanded romance with briseis that they shoved in, but there was potential to see some tenderness there, and that could have been played up more, especially since she acted as the catalyst, here, for achilles to consider accepting the happy but unremarkable life he could have lived, instead of dying for glory in troy. failing that, i think patroclus’ role should have been more pronounced, and i’m not even saying that as a proponent of the patroclus/achilles relationship; even if they kept the two of them as cousins as they did in this setting, i think we needed to see a lot more interactions than the ones we did (although there was a fair amount, and given how long the movie turned out, i understand why it wasn’t fleshed out better) to really justify how hard achilles took the death of patroclus. there WERE some times that achilles got to exhibit emotions other than like emotionally stunted badass soldier either brooding or being pissed off--and that’s one of the highlights of the film, i’ll get back to that in a second--but the emotional climax between achilles and hector didn’t live up to my expectations. for one thing, in that scene in the poem, achilles didn’t just fight hector in retribution for the death of patroclus. he fought EVERYONE, up to and including hector, and more than that, a fucking RIVER DEITY. it was wild, unabashed grief that made him do horrible things. i would have personally loved to see an unhinged rampage, and instead, it got boiled down to one single fight between achilles and hector that lasted, i think, far longer than it should have. achilles was more powerful than hector, no matter how good hector was. i think it might have been more to my taste, at least, if we were shown that achilles had the strength to kill hector in a second, hardly taking him on to fight, and simply hadn’t before this because he was never given a reason to. 

all i’m saying is, movies are more interesting when characters are allowed to fully break, fully snap, just go buck fucking wild. but that’s just my onion.

i said i was going to come back to the “more emotions than emotional constipation” thing, and let’s do that now. one thing i DID like about the choices made in this film was that achilles was allowed to cry on screen, and he did, several times. i don’t know how to express how refreshing it was to see the archetypal badass soldier, the best of the greeks, break down into tears, especially when you consider how few movies really show men crying, much less movies of this particular genre. it’s kind of one of those “don’t give them props for scraping the bottom of the barrel” things, but i liked it, and since there were so few things i really did like about this movie, i’m going to give them props there. not just that, either--i also liked the way that paris could not face his death in his fight with menelaus, and crawled, terrified, back to his older brother. i liked that, while he degraded himself for the act later, the narrative and other characters never treated this like the wrong decision. sometimes, it’s impossible or incorrect to be noble at the price of yourself, especially in something like the fight over the hand of a woman who made her decision on where to go. paris did not win the fight, but he had a brother who loved him, and menelaus couldn’t understand that. and he died.

interestingly enough, paris also loses that fight in the epic, but rather than going to hector for protection, he’s whisked away by aphrodite before he can be killed. this was changed, naturally, because at no point in troy do the gods, who play by all accounts very important parts in the trojan war as told by the iliad, actually appear in the movie. they’re discussed throughout, and achilles’ mother, a goddess in the epic, appears to speak to him before he leaves for war, but it’s never affirmed whether or not she is divine, whether apollo is truly taking revenge for achilles’ desecration of his temple, whether godhood can be trusted or not. this is a theme that’s discussed and subverted many times, bringing in a type of ancient agnosticism to both the characters of achilles and hector, but ultimately it’s left unsolved. since they went the route of not being including the gods as characters, i’m happy with that conclusion. one of the more powerful bits of screentime between achilles and briseis was when he confided that he believed the gods were jealous of humans for their mortality, so ultimately, it was fitting that this story was told about the humans and the heroes, a celebration and examination of humanity, rather than throwing in divine intervention and cheapening the plot. 

there was a theme of love in the movie which i liked pretty well, especially for the fact that it wasn’t focused entirely on romantic love. the war began because helen ran back with paris, but not really: agamemnon was itching for a war anyway, and was happy to use his brother’s missing wife as a reason to begin the fight with troy he had been craving. menelaus clearly had no problem being cruel and unfaithful to helen, so her leaving him is not framed as a slutty and frivolous choice as it has been in other media. she goes off with someone willing to give away everything (up to and including his family and his palace) for her, and it’s honestly hard to blame her for that. plus, the war could have also been averted by hector turning around the ship and returning helen to her husband, which he very nearly does, except that if he did, he knows paris will try to fight menelaus for her and die, and he cannot bear the death of his brother. therefore, the war begins with two sets of brothers and two sets of lovers: helen chooses paris because he genuinely loves her, hector allows it because he loves his brother, and agamemnon profits off his brother’s loss because he loves nothing more than power, and the loss is a chance for that. achilles nearly costs agamemnon the war because he’s ready to leave and live his full life thanks to the love of briseis, until his love of patroclus and his grief at his death take that option away. priam gets a speech toward the beginning about there being worse reasons to fight a war than for love. i think this is honestly kind of simplistic and missing the point of what war is in general, but it was a nice scene to play into the theme.

outside of that, other things i enjoyed were odysseus’s narration book-ending the action, because he’s my favorite character of homer’s, if not in troy (i honestly don’t like sean penn in the role, but that’s my own personal cross to bear), the scene around patroclus’ death where eudoros looks on in horror when he thinks it’s achilles and then gives a visible sigh of relief, even as it’s mixed with the horror of patroclus’ death when the helmet is removed and he sees it’s not, the part where agamemnon looks on at patroclus’ funeral and comments how “that boy just won [him] the war,” which was such an asshole thing to say but also honestly what i was thinking, and that one little scene with paris giving the sword of troy to aeneas as a fun little shoutout to the aeneid. i could go into other things i DIDN’T like, but after watching that movie for three fucking hours, i think i’ve put enough time into that as it is. 

coming soon: pointless commentary on the first back to the future and fright night (1985)! get hype!!!