#I wanna do it all at once no matter what
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Trying to tell myself that studying full time & interning at the city’s largest Alzheimer’s research center & doing orgo research & volunteering at a refugee center for middle eastern refugees weekly & also volunteering at a clinic for at risk people weekly & juggling a part-time job (like actually having a job for the first time in my life) & hitting the gym 5 days a week & learning to meal prep are all within my capabilities & are in fact pushing me to have amazing time management skills & that this interim of discomfort is okay and natural & that it’s fine if I’m only ever home to crash or study
#I’m fine.#these are all things I have willingly signed up myself for and don’t have to do so I’m grateful excited etc#but a bitch has to be tired on the dash for a second.#never underestimate the power of cute outfits and soft curls and pretty nails to keep ur mental health intact#AND UR SKINCARE ROUTINE. I attribute so much of keeping it together to my am and pm skincare#this is also on me for never being able to say no to doing something#I wanna do it all at once no matter what#p
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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not a fan of dadow but shit man it does kinda make sense sometimes idk
#i mean if you were immortal and had a friend from the future wouldn't you look for them once they're born just to at least see if they're#doing okay??#like idk what dadow is about in the fandom bc i dont really care about that content like it sounds so wrong and bad when were talking about#shadow and silver from the timeline where silver goes back in time all those times bla bla bla but in a fixed future? where he never does#cause they've fixed the past and made sure it's okay and silver is born and its like an alternate universe i guess? time travel fucked up#i mean shadow would probably check on him i guess#and knowing that child he would be alone eating rocks and drinking gasoline from the streets no matter if its a good future or a bad one#so shadow would either take care of him or find someone who can#lmfao i dont wanna say knuckles but fuck man i do wanna say knuckles but also idk
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"it's always hating on rhaegar for rhaenys and aegon's deaths never tywin" because rhaegar was their father and had a responsibility towards them that tywin did not, stay in school
#personal#anti rhaegar targaryen#fandom critical#like one it's because tywin's blame is very uncontentious#it's just everyone and their mother going 'yeah he ordered it' and agreeing that he sucks for it#i have my thoughts on tywin's culpability (mostly that i do believe he didn't mention elia if only cuz she never crossed his mind)#(as he's a raging misogynist and i do believe that he was annoyed that lorch and clegane were as brutal with children)#(since it's not the best pr)#but it never extends to a lack of culpability on tywin's part#meanwhile rhaegar stans (why does he have them? who knows couldn't be me i'm normal) wanna pretend like this isn't his fault#when it IS#he was elia's HUSBAND! he was rhaenys and aegon's FATHER! it is his JOB to keep them safe during a war HE STARTED!#rhaegar had a responsibility to do whatever possible to ensure the safety of the children he chose to bring into the world and their mother#instead of going off to fuck a girl the same age as most high school freshmen!#rhaegar chose to abandon his family to the care of his violently crazy and racist father#who he knew was violently crazy and racist#unless he was dumb as rocks he was not unaware that no matter what this was not going to end well for elia and rhaenys and aegon#but he did it anyway and that does make him culpable for what happened to them#he had a responsibility to all of them ESPECIALLY his toddler and fucking baby and he FAILED that responsibility#and it is his fault that they were murdered#that is on him#it is not solely on him it is also on aerys for not letting them leave the city even once the cause was doomed#and it's on tywin for ordering their deaths and on lorch and clegance for doing the killings#but it is ALSO on rhaegar not just for creating that situation but abdicating his duties to his family to be a fuckass predator#this is like sixth grade reasoning honestly#i think some of you are just incredibly stupid
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It's always "character who will do anything to protect their loved one, even commit horrific acts of violence, learn kindness and mercy at the request of their loved one" and never "merciful character who hates violence and fighting makes an exception because they love someone so much they will disregard their own morals and values to commit horrific acts of violence if that's what it takes to keep their loved one safe"
#'he wouldn't do that because he canonically hates violence-' well maybe he SHOULD do that. as a treat.#i simply think that if we can write about characters becoming nicer we should also write about characters becoming meaner#more corruption arcs they're good for the soul#even better if these are simultaneous within the relationship#one of them learns mercy. kindness. other ways to settle conflict solely because their love hates violence and they don't wanna disappoint#the other learns violence. they don't like it normally. but they love their partner so much they'll do anything for them. anything.#one gets better the other gets worse#just once i want the kind sweet pacifist to go batshit. to see rage in their eyes as they promise to destroy whoever harmed their loved one#and make them feel every painful second of that destruction#and this isn't like them. they know it isn't like them. but their partner is more important#(and maybe this never would've happened if they didn't convince their partner to be more merciful in the first place)#i don't even need them to go full villain arc i'm fine with them still hating violence and choosing mercy most of the time#it's just for one person that they decide there are no limits to what they would do to keep them safe#threaten anyone else and you'll be met with mercy and compassion#but bring harm to That One Person? hellfire upon your head would be kinder#'is this about a specific ship-' PERHAPS..... BUT THAT'S IRRELEVANT AND WILL GO WITH ME TO THE GRAVE#doesn't matter anyway bc I'm right and I should say it#it applies to all ships that follow this dynamic hope this helps#oh look she speaks
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""inconsistent"" art styles are for boys Being able to do a lot of things at once is for Men
#text#i wish people wud stop being afraid of that occurence in their art ; but i do get where it's coming from#maybe it's easier for me to say cus i think i'm pretty trained in my art and have a clear image of what it Is if that makes sense#i'm guessing people wanna have a clear staple of what their art looks like first and experiment later#but to me it doesn't matter anyways; bc for ex. no matter what i do my art will always look like my art#your art will always look like your art#even if you can do many things at once#even better if you can make something and have it not look like yours at all
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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
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Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them
#i am not a sneakerhead#i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot#i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally#bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe#and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential#once i got these rlly nice shoes#ive worn them once when i was trying them on#and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty#BUT I HATE THAT#some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT#im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one#i can understand why they can#like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have#like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live#like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like#yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house#chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes#any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes#and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them#random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that#u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are#or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know#the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u#anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do#anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally#he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys#which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today#but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO
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hmm...
#vent post#seari talks#i feel a little scared... just thinking about the stuff i need to do... and i got a message that i cant answer on my own and the person who#i need the answer from wasnt... helpful... i dont know what to say now... i should say i'll look into it or something... but...#sigh... the whole situation is difficult since i have to... *big sigh* fuck...#if this goes wrong... will they blame me? what will happen to me?... i did ask back in the day... i have the messages... so technically im#safe but... sigh... how stressful...#and i have to check all of this other stuff too...#... i dont like this... i so dont like this... but its okay its gonna be okay... its just the beginning that its scary but once we actually#start running everything will get easier and easier and more comfortable and.... sigh...#for now... lets do what we- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck who sent me a message fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#i dont wanna open the message#*checks* okay everything will be okay... everything will be okay.... yes... *sigh*#IM OKAY EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!!#i just have to focus on the matters at hand. i reported this so its gonna get reviewed now. and what i need to do is this other thing...#and study i have to do that too... and read that too... okay thats not difficult ive got this
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ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹
#im really trying ok :'))))#im journaling im watching youtube and doing mindfulness#im going on walks i even met up with my kinda friend yesterday#some moments im like ok maybe i'll be ok soon like#it isnt at all like i've only ever been in love for real once in my life#and i cant imagine not being that close to this person who i find absolutely amazing#but sm moments i just... feel pain 💀#bc everything reminds me of this person#like everything... the soft summer breeze makes me think of all the imaginary walks i wanted to go w this person#books i read i wanna talk to him abt... movies shows etc....#and i think of how i just blew it so badly even tho i meanwhile said 'dont ruin this dont ruin this dont ruin this'#and thats what happened..... i just cant imagine ever wanting anyone else#like just thinking abt sex or being close to anyone else makes me grossed out#and like being w someone who i feel a rush just going to the store with???#i lost smth truly rare and smth i want more than anything just bc ?? i was scared to accept love#fuck me.... im so miserable everything hurts so bad#but im trying!!!!!!!!!! i just cant feel anything and evetything feels so bleak and meaningless#he also gave me like... appreciation for everything. it's like my feelings for him made me see everything in a different light#and i felt hopeful and etc etc it doesnt matter#now all of that is gone and i just feel miserable as fuck
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i am at the looking-at-dolls-as-self-soothing part of the night. i definitely wanna beef up my bratz collection since unboxing my alwayz bratz yasmin was just like... oh... oh man... and... and i didn't think it'd be like that for me man i didn't think i had as much nostalgia for bratz as i actually do not just buy owning some but by touching them and playing w their clothes and their hair.
and one of my issues of course is that i'm a redhead and as a redhead my Default Lookalike Doll is meygan (not that having a doll that looks like you is the most important part of bratz, but it is so much of the fun right? the fact that there's a character out there for just about everyone?). and i like meygan as a character well enough, that's not the issue. but of the meygan dolls that have been reproduced, there's none of them that are like, hardcore needs for me except for sweetheart meygan. and i did not buy sweetheart meygan in time. i was not really collecting at that point. that was like 2022. i had a few... na na na surprise dolls at that time. which is funny bc i have four of those that i got all either on clearance or w giftcards and i do really like them even though a lot of doll collectors thought they were kinda dumb, and they were. i just liked the gimmick of the fabric bodies and there were just enough dolls i thought were really cute that i kinda caved at one point. i also knew it was a brand i wouldn't go overboard with. anyway. we were talking about meygan...
sorry meygan back to you girl. i know original 2000s bratz that have not yet been reproduced at crazy expensive on the secondhand market and it's genuinely out of control. but sweet heart meygan, both the repro and the original, are selling for triple digits on mercari, ebay, what have you. that's just ridiculous. frankly. i'm not buying her at that. i don't even like her enough to hunt for her regularly, if that's how it's gonna be. there are plenty of more readily-available bratz dolls that are either regular retail price or clearancing online andin stores. did you guys know alwayz bratz jade is going for 15 bucks on amazon right now? that's crazy. the other always bratz dolls aren't going for that low if they're even marked down yet. that release wasn't even that long ago. anyway i'm thinking of getting jade from that line bc i know some ppl thought that alwayz jade was a let-down, but i thought she was cute. yasmin was my favorite from that line and that's why i got her but jade was my second fave there easily.
i also wanna get the kumi they reproduced sometime and maybe girls nite out cloe since i see she's still available. it's funny there aren't that many core girls i've wanted from the repros but if i go for any of the cloes, new or old, it's gotta be girls nite out. cloe isn't even usually my favorite character no offense blondes she's just kinda. she's just kinda cloe to me. idk i love her but i'm not gagged over her most of the time. these are still bratz standardz we're talking about here so obviously i love her.
there's nothing going on in the world right now other than my bratz dolls. and if someone we won't mention wins the election, i'm definitely going doll crazy. i'm gonna be buying dolls after this anyway, but i'm gonna justify spending an unusual, nearly-irresponsible amount of money. you know. bc i'm an adult and i can.
hey also and of all the lines they could've reproduced why is their most recent slumber party? why? why? when the poll posted by mga had tokyo a go go WINNING? bc tokyo a go go is the correct option? i mean the slumber party line is cute and i like the base dolls and the accessories especially the stuffed animals are cute. but. everyone knows the bratz audience these days is adult collectors. which adult collectors are losing their minds over dolls in pajamas and bathrobes? again they're CUTE. but why. also why did they reproduce bratz babyz when those things were nightmare fuel
#tales from diana#yeah and i have the jimmy paul pride two-pack w roxxi and nevra arriving tomorrow :)#i'm still probably gonna buy all these dolls i'm talking about at some point but i'm just gonna space them out#now is a pretty good time to be a budding bratz collector bc there have been AFFORDABLE OPTIONS once again#but they are not all that way#and i'm so happy for my own sake that i had no emotional investment w the mean girls dolls bc that shit was ridiculous#fuck mga for that one for real#yeah the bratz i have now are the alwayz yasmin and the campfire felicia repro#i should've unboxed felicia first bc i honestly like her better and her hair (being braided) would've been way less of a mess#i have to wash yasmin's hair and im worried about it bc i've never washed doll hair before#but i'm gonna be so honest w you. the state that shit was in? was borderline unacceptable. lol#it's so hard and gelled that i cannot just brush it or anything#the back ie what you could not see in the box is especially nasty... like come on#the alwayz bratz as much as i do like them overall are not the same quality as 2000s bratz. i have to say#not just bc they don't come w a second outfit but the fabric quality and construction just isn't what it used to be#they're still good dolls don't get me wrong. but i feel like they're less pressured bc of how cheap barbies are nowadays#they don't have to put in the same elbow grease to be 'better'#anyway i'm glad i'm talking about bratz dolls which are the only thing that matter in the world to me right now#la la la la la i'm plugging my ears. la la la la la nothing is going on#i have to get a sasha at some point too but idk which one i want? and i want one that's on shelves now not a secondhand. not dealing w that#i think i'll hold onto the hope of tokyo a go go being reproduced bc that's one of my favorite sashas. & she's the best in that line imo#her hair and makeup are just gorgeous and her outfit is adorable#that's like peak sasha and peak bratz to me#but i also like the new pretty n punk sasha. idk. i will wait for suuuuure. don't rush diana#i don't think i wanna have more than one doll of any character before i have a more extensive bratz collection#so who i choose to get for the core 4 is vital... i'm happy w my current yasmin though. the other 3 are kinda up in the air
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WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!
Name: Neptune
Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Trident
Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)
Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.
Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!
Name: Triton
Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son
Pronouns: He/they
Age: 24
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Twin sai
Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)
Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.
Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.
Name: Otrera
Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 32
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Brass knickles
Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)
Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.
Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.
Name: Naos
Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Modified crutches
Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)
Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.
Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.
Name: Aitne
Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 27
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor
Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)
Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.
Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.
Name: Ariel
Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 16
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: Baton
Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)
Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress
Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!
Name: Maru
Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)
Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others
Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin
Name: Ahra
Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)
Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness
Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.
Name: Pipoltr/Pip
Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."
Pronouns: Whatever really?
Age: 8
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Giant lollipop
Ethos (Power): None yet!
Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.
Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....
#finn's ocs#finn's art#oc references#FINALLY POSTING THIS SET#there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right#i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found#but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol#his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3)#so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol#the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw#also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters#i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all#hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!)#and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW#also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif#but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them#omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not#i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque#also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult#and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol#and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before#bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match!#plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things#like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical#otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit#the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too!#she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type#aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake#but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side#and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!
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okay what i have to say is lowkey embarrassing but i wanna bitch and it’s probably only embarrassing to me bc im shy about this stuff anyways the moral of the story is i wanna bitch and u should probably just ignore me. god bless
#honestly halfway through the wedding i did see this guy i thought was rlly cute#like. REALLY cute (so fucking embarrassing)#but i’m too shy to talk to hot people and i’ve never approached anyone before and no one’s ever approached me so i don’t know what to do#idk how to talk to people to begin with let alone like. try to flirt or something#but as the night went on (this is so embarrassing) for some reason i literally couldn’t stop looking at him (kill me)#and he probably definitely noticed me looking at him so he probably thinks im some like. crazy creep or something#but like usually when i see someone attractive im just like oh wow and admire them from afar#but i COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT HIM! WHY! and for some reason i felt like i just really wanted to talk to him#but i didn’t know what to do! i just felt this urge to go try and start a conversation but i just. i couldn’t#and every time i thought i would work up the courage either my sister or my grandmother would come back and hover over me#and i didn’t wanna be like ‘sorry gotta go i need to go embarrass myself in front of this cute guy’#OR he would get up and start taking pictures again. it’s like he knew#he wasn’t even the official photographer he was just one of the guests who clearly wanted to take photos of his friends wedding. which like#is so endearing to me. he has HOBBIES. WOW. (kill me)#idk j can’t even put everything into words i just feel like screaming into a pillow AAAAAAUGHHH#i felt like i was in hs again there was a point i even excused myself to step outside just because he was out there#but he was talking to some old lady. so i was just sitting outside in the grass moping#i feel so stupid i dunno. why am i so worked up about this. i had a few opportunities to approach him and i didnt. because im an idiot#i feel like i’m down so bad which is so STUPID because i don’t even know his name and ill never see him again in my life#so it doesn’t even matter! and every time im like oh oh well it was just random infatuation clearly it wasn’t meant to be#but then i just get upset and all blushy cause he was SO CUTE! and i wanna know more about him! why!#i haven’t felt like this in FOREVER i just feel so stupid for even feeling this way#i know ill be fine in a few days or something but im just like. i wish i could have at least spoken to him once#sigh. idk what’s wrong with me#maybe he’s already dating someone anyways all the cute people seem to already be in relationships#except ME im the only one left. who am I supposed to date!!#i want to jump out the window#snow.txt
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i wish i could just sleep forverr or maybe just be able to rot in bed every day every hour but i cant and it makes me so sad
#vent#vent in tags#<- yah#im just so#im so miserable#all i do is think about suicide and sleep#its all i really wanna do anyways#i get out of bed. i brush my teeth. i drink water. i eat if i feel i deserve it (i dont). i pace i walk. i feed my dog i let her out.#and what else#nothing interests me anymore but then again thats like. thats been the norm for awhile i guess#i make myself do the things i love because i hope it'll make me happy but it just#it doesnt#it distracts me#just for a little while#but once i stop i immediately go back to nothing.#when i was younger i never understood when therapists asked if i felt 'empty' i thought it was silly but now#that's the only way i can describe it#if im not miserable and suicidal i'm just nothing#the only thing i can really feel anymore besides misery is guilt that fades faster than it comes and anger#if im lucky i'll get a taste of adrenaline but#kicks rock#is it too much to ask to just feel something other than#yeah#just for a moment#thats all i want#im so sad#i dont want to get better anymore but i do but wouldn't it be so much easier to rot?#i'll die before 20 either way so what does it matter
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everyday i face the question as to whether or not i should make my own inumaki smau
#i love smaus#like that is the main form of jjk content i consume#but my heart aches knowing there are NO inumaki smaus#like a series devoted entirely to THE toge inumaki#dont get me wrong i love consuming content no matter what creative paths the authors take#i will eat it all up#i love seeing people make stuff and put it out-esp when u can tell the author really cared ab it and put sm work and effort into it#but the number is so small that ive either read them already or they were discontinued/havent been updated in forever#none that ive found anyway#taking toge smau recs🫶#but anyways i sometimes think about making an inumaki toge smau#but i haven’t thought about how i would do it or what the plot would be yet#if you have any suggestions#or ideas#or if youd be interested in a new inumaki smau#lmkkk#i think it would be a really fun thing to do#i cant really promise regular updates since i AM a student and i tend to get very busy#but i think i’d wanna try at least once#toge inumaki#inumaki toge#inumaki smau#toge smau#toge inumaki smau#jjk smau#jujutsu kaisen#jjk inumaki#toge inumaki x reader#inumaki x reader#CC‼️
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ha
#this nigga never even took the time of day to comment or react to the shit i post like sable does. 5 seconds. takes 5 seconds#nor did he ever take any interest in ANY of our MULTIPLE shared blogs and things#never fucking added to any of it. never helped me maintain any of it. didnt even fucking draw with me half the time#this nigga was a BUM straight up#he was good at getting me material things but thats not even what mattered in the long run its just the simple shit#of showing that you care and showing that you wanna move forward in some way that isnt just in your head#i couldnt even ever be booed up anywhere with him because of how hostile theyd get to fucking everyone around them#just like with everyone else it was all about what *they* fucking wanted and what *they* fucking wanted to do#all the shit i like? the shit im interested in ? fuck it its stupid straight up#oh but its repulsive the way i wanted to seek out comfort and care somewhere else 😐 thats “emotional cheating”#bitch please be forreal for once in your life. and the fact this all went down like this while we were broken up is crazy.#like ur not my nigga. i can kiss up on whoever i want. if ur behavior keeps driving me away from you after we split... well#thats just not my problem btp#“what you did to that poor boy” bitch you better get outta here with that fukin nonsense that is a grown ass man first of all 😭😭#but go ahead and keep babying him since thats ur job now and not mine LMFAOOOO bet youll get tired of it real fast#this whole situation is just goofy
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