#I try to have some empathy towards them because I think they grew up without

[skepticalarrie]

.

[lachiennearoo]

How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

[kurov1864]

Opinions on Milgram characters

I've actually been wanting to do this for some time now lmao. Btw this is just my interpretation of each character, followed by my opinion on said interpretation. Feel free to disagree, I love to discuss with other people. (also cross-posted on Reddit)

Haruka: Okay so what I think happened for him is that he very obviously has a developmental disorder of some sort. I'm not sure exactly what, and I don't really wanna speculate because I'm not an expert. So he, as a child, was neglected by his mom and didn't receive enough attention. This led him to become extremely attached to his childhood best friend, which didn't really affect anything when they were both children. But then, she grew up, yet he didn't. She started to act more maturely, and he didn't. They grew apart, and Haruka couldn't understand why. Or maybe he did, and blamed himself. Anyways. Yada yada, he tried getting attention from his mom by killing animals, he did get attention (the wrong kind), kinda went off and killed his ex bestie as well, either out of frustration or for literally more attention.

Now, my general opinion of him? Neutral. I don't love or hate him. Maybe a very mild dislike, but that's only because I find it kinda disturbing how he calls Muu his mom.

Yuno: Abortion. I like Yuno. Not because of the whole "omg girlboss slayyyy you have total control over your body yas queen" thing, because honestly yall have got to stop saying stuff like that. I like her because she wants to be recognized as a "mature adult" who can actually take responsibility for her actions, instead of being degraded into this poor innocent girl who knows what the shit is. She's so impartial to everyone, even herself, yet she knows and acknowledges the fact that she's still human who has emotions and empathy, which is why she sometimes tries to help out. Yet, she doesn't deny the fact that she seeks interesting and new things, leaving behind others when most would feel guilty. 10/10, relatable character.

Fuuta: HATE. He is so... thoughtless?? I absolutely hate people who gets so caught up in their cause that they literally cannot see anything else. They don't stop to think, "oh, maybe what I'm doing is wrong? Maybe there is a better way to go about this?". Now, to be fair, I don't know much about Fuuta. So please, feel free to disagree with me about him, but I cannot stand the way he didn't stop to think that maybe cancelling others would push them to suicide. That just shows his naivety. I acknowledge that his passion is admirable (passion for what I'm still thinking about), but passion without the knowledge to help is just being a stubborn idiot. His impulsiveness is also another very strong ick of mine.

Muu: I don't have much of an opinion on her character, but I do enjoy the concept that she represents. My personal theory is that she represents how somebody can be both a victim and a bully at the same time. She is at her very core, human, but without all those polite manners and social skills drilled into her. She turns pitiful and desperate when disadvantaged, but turns cocky, arrogant and confident when she has power. She is so, undeniably, human. And yet she can also be kind at times. She has such a f-ked up perception of everything, so maybe yall didn't catch it, but she's still trying to be nice in her own warped way.

Shidou: Eh. He's like, okay?? Not gonna comment on his crime because I don't feel anything towards it. But his attitude is sort of annoying. The way that he clings to his role as a doctor in prison after trying to forsake his life, the way he keeps trying to bring up age with Es (yes I know age is a valid point but bringing that up just makes it seem as if you're looking down on Es only because of their age. it's degrading), all that stuff just kinda gets on my nerves a bit. I appreciate what he's doing for the prison,,, but I don't really like him.

Mahiru: Love her. I love the way she tries to stand up for her ideals, no matter how much society + Es tells her it's wrong. She's been hurt so much yet she's still so optimistic, bright and hopeful about love. I love her. Granted, it may be because I also have fucked up views of love like her which is why I gave her such a high rating compared to like, Fuuta.

Kazui: Neutral. I would have wanted to scream at him about just,,, not telling lies, but I can acknowledge how hard it is for some people to not care about their image, especially if they grew up in a traditional household.

Amane: A bit positive and negative at the same time. I dunno, I just kinda like the way that she found a way to adapt to her horrible circumstances. Although that way is by weaponizing her religion to protect herself, but yeah. Unhealthy circumstances calls for unhealthy coping methods. What I dislike is how she doesn't even want to give other thoughts a try. Like she won't stop and think about other options, not even for a little bit. But then again, it's literally been drilled into her since childhood to not betray that religion, so I guess that makes my point invalid.

Mikoto: Why, why is he so popular?? What?? I'm so confused. Honestly I just think he's neutral. Just like, oh look, another victim of the toxic work environment who found a terrible way to cope. I don't have any feelings about John either, although I do admire his dedication to Mikoto. He's just so,,, uninteresting?? Someone please tell me why he is so popular, because I gen want to try to understand and see his appeal.

Kotoko: My wife. I'll try not to let bias get in the way of this one.

Okay I'm gonna be so fr rn I absolutely detested her at first. She's like Fuuta,,, but so much worse. She takes her ideals to the absolute extreme, pushes down all guilts and feelings about others to carry out her "justice". She's so unwilling to admit that she likes the feeling of beating bad guys up, the moral high ground it gives her. She's not only hurting other people, but also herself. Mf thinks she's in an edgy movie where she's the anti-hero who goes against the government and is constantly misunderstood, like girlie stop. Stop and THINK about what you are doing, see the death, destruction and harm you've brought about not just to others but also yourself?? Goddamn.

I'm not even sure why I like her LMFAO. All my opinions about her is just, she's human scum who needs lots of therapy to stop hurting herself and others.

Es: Love my non-binary guard. They care so much for the prisoners, trying their absolute best to understand them while coping with their body and mind being infiltrated by us. I always feel so guilty having them bear the burden of explaining the guilty decisions to the prisoners,,, just want em to be happy and work-free. I admire their dedication to truly, truly feel for the prisoners, try to understand the entire context instead of the one on the surface. Yeah, they act immaturely, they're a 15 year old who has no memories, no clue as to where they are, clinging onto their role as a warden even if it makes them look pathetic because that's the only thing they've ever known. It's their only sense of "identity" they have that gives them power and pride.

Jackalope: HATE HATE HATE HATE GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU IN TRIAL 2 END gOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BACK TO WHICHEVER MISERABLE BASEMENT YOU CRAWLED OUT FROM AND STAY IN THERE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY. JACKALOPE IS A FATHER AND CARES FOR ES?? I CALL BS. HE DUMPED SO MUCH WORK ON ES, ACTS SHIFTY AND MANIPULATIVE ALL THE TIME, DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ES, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO LIKE HIM?????

[limeade-l3sbian]

Can you please talk more about oprah being unhealed? If you have time

Sure. TW for childhood sexual abuse, colorism, and child abuse.

So, while I am heavily critical of Oprah Winfrey as Oprah Winfrey the billionaire, I do hold a great deal of empathy for her as Oprah Winfrey the black woman. Like Tyler Perry, I think this facade of togetherness that she forcibly pushes out to the world is the one thing holding her together.

I had to redo some research because I heard the things I know about her a while ago, but I wanted to get them straight. I'll put the sources below. But Oprah grew up in rural poverty. She wore potato sacks for dresses and was dealing with bullying as well as an abusive grandmother.

She was repeatedly molested by her 19-year old cousin, uncle, and a family friend. As Oprah said: "At nine and 10 and 11 and 12 years old, I was raped by my 19-year-old cousin. I didnt know what rape was. I certainly wasnt aware of the word. I had no idea what sex was, I had no idea where babies came from, I didn`t even know what was happening to me," (wikipedia)

She was six when she had to go live with her mother. And this happened:

Oprah's mother was working as a housemaid at the time, and Oprah can still clearly recall the evening of her arrival at the home in which her mother had a room.

"I remember the first night entering into that house and being told that I wouldn't be able to sleep with my mother and I wouldn't be able to sleep inside the house," Oprah says. "There was a little foyer/porch before you actually got inside the house. I was put outside to sleep there."

Oprah was initially confused by the command, but she later realized that it had to do with race. "My mother was boarding with this very light-skinned black woman who could have passed for white… I could tell instantly when I walked in the room that she didn't like me. It was because of the color of my skin," Oprah says. "I don't know how I knew that, but I did." (source)

She ran away at 13, got pregnant and lost her baby at the age of 14, and years later when she was in her 20s, she revealed the abuse she suffered to her family, only to not be believed.

Oprah is nearly 70 years old and still broke down while talking about the past years of abuse. I don't presume to remotely understand the toll that child sexual abuse takes on a person. I wouldn't dare even insult victims of it by trying to even suggest I know. So that she still has trauma with her is very reasonable. But it is that Oprah speaks often as though she has overcome this through her faith.

And I just don't believe that. You can argue that her obsession with producing black pain (e.g. Precious, For Colored Girls, The Color Purple, The Women of Brewster Place, etc.) are all tales that both help her heal as well as tell stories about the will of black people, specifically women, and how much we survive and push through. But these stories always so hyper focused on the pain. The actors play their roles with an uncomfortable and unnecessary amount of rawness that borders trauma porn.

And this is all my opinion, of course. I don't presume to know Oprah or what's knocking around in her head. But more succinctly put, I think Oprah is only able to truly face the trauma of her past through these stories of other people. She can only really shed tears and really grieve the loss of her childhood through other people's stories. She leans towards stories of black pain because they are mirrors of herself. Religion was all she had. She's said several times that her belief in God is what got her through her worst times. But when you rely so heavily on this thing that requires all the heavy lifting on your end (believing without ever being given proof), you are going to neglect the part of you that needs to be angry. That needs to be vulnerable and critical.

I think for Tyler and Oprah, they think (or know) that if they let themselves be too vulnerable and admit their moments of doubt in the only thing that ever got them through it all, they might crumble in a second.

*I also want to emphasize that Orpah was not credited in For Colored Girls and allegedly did not want Tyler Perry to make the rendition since it was a story about black women. But upon giving her own feedback, she was then on board with it. So she was more of an unofficial consultant. I checked IMDb and Wikipedia and did not see her formally credited.

[miss0atae]

I had to watch something during the beginning of the week because the BL industry right now thinks we deserve their episodes only from Friday to Sunday and it doesn't sit well with me. So, I decided that since GMMTV is going to bring us the Thai version of Ossan's Love (a version will probably won't be able to see if things work out the same way it did for Cherry Magic TH) I would take the time to watch the OG version.

I have to admit, I'm not a fan of Japanese BLs. In general, I'm not a fan of Japanese TV series. I avoid them because they mostly don't appeal to me. I wouldn't be able to explain exactly why. I think it mostly goes with the pacing of the series or the ugly hairstyles I can't stand (controversial opinion I know). It's probably why I missed some gems after all these years. However, with this new trend of BLs only at the end of the week, it was the perfect time to try all those Japanese BLs series.

I'm glad I decided to try some of them because I really liked some. I was also really let down by many. It's true that we can change our mind about things we thought were set in stone.

When I read the synopsis and saw the trailer of Ossan's Love, I was afraid it would be too silly for me. Comedy is not my favorite genre. There are very few comedies that I like. Unfortunately, I feel that Jpanese comedy is even harder to get than comedy from my own language. Knowing that it was a prominent aspect in the series, I felt like I wouldn't like Ossan's Love and I would drop it quickly. It didn't happen. I didn't like the first episode but it's usually the case with most series so I watched the second one and I was hooked without knowing it. I became invested when I reached the third episode and couldn't wait to see what would happen. Ossan's Love surprised me.

So here are some thoughts I had about the series:

▪️Haruta is... Not easy to appreciate. At first, I couldn't stand him... But behind the silly and goofy acts of him, there was something else and I kind of understand why Maki and Kurosawa were charmed by him. With each episode he grew on me. He was braver and kinder than I thought he would be. He did try his best in the end. He also had less fears and apprehensiveness about his relationship with a man when he decided to commit to his relationship with Maki. I decided I liked him in the end even if sometimes I found him incredibly annoying.

▪️Maki was my favorite character at the beginning. I liked him quickly and I'm always very indulgent towards people I like. I mean I like him despite his atrocious hairstyle (a crime against humanity) and clothes (I couldn't believe other characters thought he was very tasteful). I was a bit disappointed when he decided to break up with Haruta because he felt like despite his love or because of his love, he knew better. I hate when gown ups can't communicate properly especially when they are in a romantic relationship. I don't mind a little drama but Maki was introduced to us as a responsible character. I understand he has some flaws and the series doesn't shy from it but I expected more from him.

▪️ Kurosawa was the character I was ready to not like at all. The age gap is not my favorite trope but it was his higher position in the company that made me uncomfortable. I don't like the boss-employee trope. I always feel like the balance of power is not fair. Luckily, the series doesn't truly dwell on it. Kurosawa was really a comic relief and he was sillier than Haruta who was already too much. His love from Haruta is the beginning of everything that eventually happens. He tried his best to woo Haruta and be there for him but in the end knew it wasn't meant to be. I felt some empathy for him.

▪️I also really liked his wife. She was devastated when she learned about her husband and it wasn't easy for her to learn that he wanted to divorce because he loves a man but in the end she was very understanding and even tried to help him. I also liked her relationship with Kuribayashi.

▪️I had some trouble when it came to Chizu. I thought she would stay the voice of reason to Haruta but then we learnt she also liked him and never found a way to tell him. I hate when the childhood friend has a secret one-sided love for their friend. I don't understand how it's possible. A friend is a friend. Friendship is not a tool to get a love relationship. You can be friends with your lover. I just don't see how you can still love your friend and never tell them you love them especially if it's a friend you've known since you were a child. I may be too harsh. I don't know.

▪️There are many other characters but I won't talk about them because they are less important in the series.

To conclude, I would say I've liked Ossan's Love. I'm not sure I would rewatch it but I will definitely watch the sequel if I can and the Thai Version if we can have it outside of Thailand. It's not in my favorite Japanese BL list but it deserves to be seen. Now, what can I watch?

[dropintomanga]

Chifuyu Matsuno - The First Line of Support

I wanted to give a shoutout to one of my favorite supporting characters over the past couple of years, Chifuyu Matsuno of Tokyo Revengers (who won the 2022 Magademy Best Supporting Male Character after Manjiro “Mikey” Sano won the 2021 award).

He’s perhaps one of the best friends any anime/manga character will ever have. 

Chifuyu first made his debut in Tokyo Revengers’ second story arc, the Valhalla arc, where he is seen getting beat up by his gang division captain, Keisuke Baji. Baji was infiltrating Valhalla to help save the Tokyo Manji Gang and had to hurt Chifuyu to get in. Chifuyu would later get to know the series’ protagonist, Takemichi Hanagaki, and the two would work together to find a way to help Baji. Despite their best efforts, it was not a happy ending for the most part. However, Chifuyu and Takemichi’s friendship grew because of their shared concern for Baji. 

After the events of Valhalla and the Bloody Halloween incident that happened during that time, more crazy stuff happens (which I talked about this in the post). Chifuyu tries to comfort Takemichi, who believes he has to take care of all the problems himself. When Takemichi sees that Chifuyu is trying to cheer him up the best he can, he comes out to him that he’s a time-traveler from the future and explains everything. Chifuyu tells Takemichi that he sort of figured it out from some of the things the latter has said about people he knew (including Baji) potentially dying. He even says,

“You’re pretty incredible. You’ve been fighting all alone, right? With nobody praising you or anything. Be proud of yourself, Takemitchy. The results don’t matter! Nobody’s watching, but you stood and fought without running. I respect you, dude.”

Takemichi freaks out a bit and asks Chifuyu if he 100% believed everything he said. Chifuyu coolly replies,

“‘Course I do, dumbass! We’re partners, aren’t we?”

He then swears to Takemichi that he’ll have his back to the very end after coming out to him. Although Chifuyu does some really silly things and can be naïve to a fault, his devotion to Takemichi and his best friends in general knows no bounds. One scene with Chifuyu that stands out to me the most is during the Tenjiku arc of the manga. Takemichi is about to be attacked by the Tenjiku gang in public and a very cool-looking Chifuyu jumps in with a kick on a Tenjiku gang member to save his partner at the last moment.

I want to point to a Magademy judge’s comment about Chifuyu after he won the best supporting male character of 2022. (Note: this is in Japanese)

理想の相棒。千冬のような人に自分も出会いたいと思うし、千冬のように誰かを支えられる人間になりたいとも思わせてくれる。

This roughly translates to the judge saying that Chifuyu is the ideal companion and that the character inspires them to meet and support people just like him.

Chifuyu reminds me of someone who’s coming from a warmline. To explain, a warmline is a phone service operated by mental health peers who have gone through mental health challenges. They are different from crisis lines because when you call a warmline, they will not have police or some kind of law enforcement come in if your feelings sound irrational. Peers from a warmline will listen and won’t judge in any way, shape or form. Although they aren’t exactly “friends,” warmlines exhibit a decent level of compassion and empathy.

I see that with Chifuyu and I really wish we could nurture people like him in real life. Over time, I’ve noticed that there’s a movement that’s pushing communication of your problems towards therapy and not your friends. The narrative goes like this - talking about your innermost problems is only okay with a therapist. Don’t burden your friends or they will judge you (sadly, some of this is true). I think professional help is fine in certain cases, but not every professional will get you and they will NEVER truly be supportive in a way a best friend like Chifuyu can. Friends can definitely bear some of the emotional grunt one’s facing. I hate the many societal barriers that have caused friendships to decline over the past decade (and many more) and prevented people to be able to be great emotional support for their friends.

There’s people who talk about spreading mental health awareness, but they’re not walking the walk in actually addressing what people with mental health problems really need.

That’s compassion, respect, and people to believe them.

Chifuyu does all of this. He’s a true mental health champion in a world I sometimes feel doesn’t have many. If you know someone like this, don’t take their support for granted and treasure them always.

[xxdreamscapes]

diary 040625 | 11:30 am

on the character of privileged people (who often lack purpose);

I don't blame them, but I don't feel sorry for them in any respect. Everything's mapped out, they grew up with everything they needed: safety, space, privacy, enough food on their plate, and sometimes love. You might not know where to land next, but you've always had the luxury of choice.

I've tried to empathize, but what I've witnessed is enough for me to turn my focus towards intentionally conscious friendships. You don't need to be poor or impoverished to recognize when something screams ~ I'm out of touch af ~ . I've watched people. More privileged folks. Everything they do or don't do. How they treat their loved ones and their blessings. You cannot compare yourself to people who exist in a different reality. Here are some of the things I’ve witnessed, oddly specific experiences and my interpretations of them:

Weaponized incompetence. Gross negligence.

Loading knives sharp side up in a dishwasher ➜ they don't have common sense / parents do chores for them

Burning things in an oven and immediately blaming their parent instead of checking inside first ➜ blaming you for their actions before checking themselves

Tucking a garbage bag over a corner instead of the entire bin when their parent asks on multiple occasions ➜ shortcutting in class, the workplace, and/or your friendship.

Cheaping out on buying a GPS, opting instead to drive you around while their phone constantly flies off the dash ➜ your life isn't of value to them (and their main character syndrome) ✧˖°. ₊˚⊹

Lack of consideration or empathy. Dishonesty & Entitlement.

Screaming about you for accidentally dirtying their things instead of just asking you to clean it ➜ you're not allowed to make mistakes, they lack patience, especially with themselves.

Screaming at you for not rolling their mom's suitcase on the pavement the way they’d like when they didn't bother rolling it themselves. ➜ their tendency to keep up appearances/things pristine despite their internal mess (It's almost like some things are meant to be used and loved. I respect people's belongings, but a suitcase... really?)

Charging you for things their parents are paying for.

Talk about how they’re so broke but they constantly go out (bc of FOMO), smash the no tip button with no shame (never worked a minimum wage job in their life), and you’ll always find them on vacation (and when confronted, they’ve magically been saving up money this whole time ) ➜ I don't even know what to say about this one.

Push their shopping cart out into the parking lot or onto a concrete island when the cart return is 2 feet away ➜ again, thoughtless lack of consideration for other drivers, worker safety (weather, age, disabilities, etc) Guess who was the one who went to retrieve these runaway carts….? ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡)

When it comes down to it. All they think all you think about is their money. Because that's all that matters to them. It's what defines them. Even when all you've ever tried to do is be a conscious and empathetic friend. They'll never consider any of your history or bids for trust and friendship. Because they never had to! Never had to think about all of the moving parts and pieces it takes to know and consider someone. To consider all the things you've ever been blessed with. It's all, always, just been available to them.

What are your goals, passions, hobbies, characteristics without the green? They don't know. They never really have an answer. They're nothing without it.

A lot of these people are propped up to be leaders and bosses when they lack the life experience and healthy interpersonal relationships. Nepotism might get you far, but can you really sustain it? Of course I'm a little bitter about these things. As an artist and as a person who is trying to live beyond survival.

It's not just laziness, or privilege, it's a lifestyle. Be glad you're not like this. Be grateful that in all your humbleness and humility, you've developed tangible and realistic goals. Goals based on consistency, commitment, and a drive no amount of money could have instilled in you. Goals that don't ultimately become a rich people dick measuring contest about whose lives are better and fuller. It's exhausting.

xx to the ones who continue to strive for excellence and have to work ten times harder to get half as far, Keep going

[mysticdragon3md3]

🍃💥🌪️💥

So I think I really like Wind Breaker now. ^_^

3:52 AM 2/6/2025

random YouTube watching has gotten me interested in new anime:

Kaiju No. 8

Wind Breaker

People posting compilations of funny clips, actually got me. lol

So I really like watching these clips of WindBreaker and seeing these characters be so kind towards others, while carrying an ethos of True Strength that I believe in. It just aligns with my ideals.

4:19 PM 2/6/2025

Early this morning, YouTube algorithm suggested anime clip compilations to me. So I watched one of Kaiju No.8 then a bunch of WindBreaker.

I think I might really like WindBreaker. I didn't know it was about fighting and characters talking bout the true purpose of Fighting. Characters like Hayato Suo and Kiryu talking about how Empathy is maturity, while they easily dominate fights, therefore implying that they have maturity, while they opponents look childish, and thus reinforcing that Empathy is what's important in a Fight. "Fights are conversations." I was really impressed when characters like Tsugeura didn't just apologize once, but repeatedly, even while the girl he didn't realize he was scaring, was leaving. And they shout or try to teach their opponents to use their physical power for good things, like kindness.

I don't talk about this much, but ever since I grew up on Kung Fu The Legend Continues, and continuing on thru anime like Sengoku Basara, I've always really liked characters and story themes where Fighting is differentiated as a will to continue forward or continually towards Growth, and where Strength is differentiated from Power, and True Strength is defined as doing the most difficult thing of all: Compassion, Empathy, a calm consideration of other people's emotions, at all times. I love that stuff.

That's why I loved that first time I played Guilty Gear and went thru Ky Kiske's story mode. Years of fighting games with barely any story, and when they did, characters just came up with stupid, immature reasons to fight. But here was a character who didn't want things to come to a fight, who had concern and consideration for his opponents, etc.

Does this mean I have to buy that Haruka Sakura Nendoroid now? Maybe. Honestly, I was considering buying him, before even knowing his series, because he just seemed cool. I could also get a lot of use from that blushing faceplate too. And his Nendoroid is LESS than $40!!! That's a steal! ... Oh, I just realized that Sakura's hips allow his legs to kick really high! Do you know how rare it is to get a male Nendoroid with the hip joints actually where real hip joints angle at the hip?! Instead of Nendoroid hips being like short pants connected to leg joints? These higher, angled hip joints are what allows some Nendoroids to SIT DOWN. ... Oh wait. It's not that Sakura's hip joints are higher and angled. It's that the leg can cup over the ball joint and up onto the hip. Still good. I will take it! It's so hard to make Nendoroids sit without the proper shaped hips! ... Gawd, I remember when I'd scoop up any Nendoroid with a gakuran. Those used to be so hard to come by! And I wanted to do Basara Gakuen photoshoots! I can't believe I spent $60 just on Nendoroid Ushio, without even Tora.

8:20 PM 2/6/2025

Oh no. I think I really like Wind Breaker. ;u;

It just has so many themes that align with my ideals and filters them all thru fighting tropes…

I just watched so many clips. I should just binge the series on Crunchyroll. lol

It's got all the ideals I loved from the martial arts series I used to watch, growing up. ;u;

3:20 AM 2/7/2025

WIND BREAKER

E1 - SAKURA ARRIVES AT FURIN

.

3:57 AM 2/7/2025

Oh no. I think I love this show. ;u;

Also, I need to note that, I realize this looks like a series where the fandom is all about BL shipping. There's been a lot of discussion about "Why do fans have to make everything gay?" And while the answer is "Why does everything have to be straight?!", I do need to note as an aroace, that I do enjoy platonic readings of things. Like right now, I'm thoroughly enjoying a platonic interpretation of all the characters and relationships in this series so far, including the clips I saw on YouTube, before watching on Crunchyroll. Because those platonic feelings are important to me too. I know that with a big all-male cast like this, I'm certain the fandom is full of BL fanon shipping. And I myself have been a fujoshi for many years. (And no, "fujoshi" doesn't mean "fetishizes gay men" or whatever guys who bristle at any objectification say to be misogynist. It just means a fan of gay ships. Which I am. What? I'm only allowed to like straight ships? But so many of them are so boring!) But I've said before that I usually like to start with platonic readings, at least. Because I remember what those feelings are in real life. I'm attached to them. I love seeing those feelings in fictional stories, and remembering what those feel like. I love that feeling of someone being admirable and precious, and putting so much intense emotion into it, without it getting romantic or sexual. Because that's what I relate to. But I'm not going to use that as an excuse to police other people's interpretations of a story and dictate how others are "allowed" to turn Art into something that is meaningful to them. That would be dumb, and against the whole Purpose of Art that I value. And who knows? Maybe I'll get super into this series and eventually get a BL OTP out of it. Happened with me and Sengoku Basara. So for now, I want to remember this period of time, when I was thoroughly enjoying the platonic readings of this show.

3:59 AM 2/7/2025

ep2

.

4:03 AM 2/7/2025

Oh my gawd. I don't want to stop every 2min to write reactions, because I'm really enjoying this series. But that "Is your hair white because of stress?" joke was so good, I had to cover my face while laughing aloud.

4:20 AM 2/7/2025

"I just hate weaklings who mistakenly think they're strong." I love this show.

4:23 AM 2/7/2025

These 2... Sakura blushing like crazy and Nire crying his eyes out. I like that a lot of modern Shonen protagonists are very emotionally open. Like Deku and Tanjiro. Sakura is very much tsundere and trying to hide his emotions, and he just can't control his blushing. But I do like a series that valorizes characters who can cry and feel emotions intensely, that aren't just Anger and Jealousy. It's true that a show about a bunch of "delinquent fighters" is in danger of straying into toxic masculine ideas about "being a man by suppressing your emotions" or whatever. And this scene was in danger of going that way, when Sakura told Nire that he shouldn't be a "crybaby" on top of not being a strong fighter. But this is episode 2 of a flawed protagonist, who will eventually Grow past his flaws. So I'm willing to forgive Sakura for that slight implication of valorizing emotional suppression, at this stage of his development. Having already seen later clips of scenes from this series, and seeing what the top guy at Furin is like, I have full faith that this series won't go into "toxic masculinity" territory, at least not without showing how wrong it is.

4:31 AM 2/7/2025

Whenever a character is very Powerful, but what they choose to do with that Power is "True Strength", I'm all in on a series.

4:40 AM 2/7/2025

I'd love to continue to ep3, but I have to get on with my day. I'm so behind... but omg I think I really like this series. ^-^

[vinxwatches]

star trek: Lower Decks season 2

actions pact start. on the one side it's a very interesting conflict. on the other this feels like trying to undo the setup of the finally. ok, semi reset. like the option of them working together, but also maintaining the status quo

i do hope that main guy and main girl don't get together. i just think their relationship is so much better as a friendship. lamp shading animation errors. neat. odd to introduce a new character to just replace him with an old one.

ok. last episode did some lampshading. but if they just undo a major character death then that's just stupid. like maybe it's a reference to another show but that doesn't work in this show on it's own, and if the show doesn't work on it's own then that's a major weakness of the show. like if it's the plot of the episode great. but it better not be just a throw away joke or lampshade. so she's pansexual. it wasn't confirmed yet. yet somehow her being straight or even lesbian would be a bigger surprise. ok, they actually did something with it. more a joke, but at least it's something i can accept.

ok, i'm a very basic bitch. i just love myself some badass lady.

"we call ourselves the redshirts. makes us sound invinsible" even with my Very limited knowledge on startrek i get that joke.

everything tastes like black liquorish... well, being dutch would come in handy there. not like i'm the biggest fan of liquorish, but i grew up with it. random question: is liquorish related to liquor name wise? not much of a revelation. is or isn't he ready? what's their relationship like going forward?

roles reversed episode... but like... one of the big points is the that higher up often do a very meh job. showing their job is hard is stupid ways fails on so many levels. the point has to that it's rigged right? ok, they made good use of it.

so here's something i just thought of: the conceit of this show is that many people want to rank up, going from lowest rung to highest officer. this... well it's stupid. lets compare it to me: i'm a programmer. if the company i worked at worked like this then tough hard work and showing of i could move up the ranks. manager, maybe HR, CEO... i would not be able to do that. well except CEO because in big companies that's not a job. no matter how good i show of to be at making a program that's not the training i'd need to lead a team. i'd prefer the person to lead the team to be a good leader over being a good programmer. of course understanding what your team is doing well enough is part of being a good leader, you can't be a leader in construction and become a leader store management without training and be any good. but a leader wouldn't need to understand how my code works to be a good leader. their method of ranking up makes sense for a show (or a game) as it means the protagonists (or you the player) have something they can work towards. but in reality it's a sign of at best outdated leadership structures. now it makes sense why star trek has it: it's an old show based of submarine battles. so of course it takes hints from the military, which stuck for a long time or even still sticks to going from the bottom to the top instead of training people for different ranks. and as i said it works well for narratives. but it's still worth pointing out.

wait... why is there a door for the spaceport inside which spaceships remain? a massive interior space without atmosphere. i mean, could be justified as keeping it safe from debris, but still seems silly. i mean i was going to save compared to smaller hatches for individual ships, but that would mean multiple gates while this just means one giant gate all ships have to pass trough. still feel silly, but i can make it make sense. i doubt they put this much thought into it.

i feel so much for the lady who got angry over the ballroom dancing competition having to be postponed. damn you empathy.

damn this is a cool setup. and i already know the twist, it'll all be for nothing as the other ship will be able to save itself. either ruining the captains chances for success or making her want to stay on the old ship.

damn good finally already.

damn... that twist though.

[imtrying-butimpissed]

I don't know why but your posts haven't shown up to me in a long while until today. I'm so sorry that treatment was useless for you, especially with how hard it was to get it. That sucks.

I'm sure you already know but recovery is about realistic small steps. I recently relapsed because of money issues (restricting out of necessity and then when I got money again I started over compensating for that) I still crave things that I had to pretty much cut off and I've had more money for several weeks now and my meal schedule is... less than ideal so to say. Right now I don't really know if the cravings are a physical or a psychological need. I did see that being neuro divergent can cause difficulties with intuitive eating and that would explain why this sudden change messed my progress so much, why building back the foundation is so hard.

But as my case workers have said, doing even a little better than before is a sing that I'm making progress. Bad days happen sometimes.

Those who are recovering like us need to be firm with ourselves, but also learn to show empathy to ourselves.

It's a really though road. An uphill battle and sometimes you loose your balance and tumble downwards. Slowing down the tumble is the first sing of progress. Then stopping. And before you know it you feel like you can climb again.

I know it's a daunting task to exercise empathy towards yourself. And it won't change overnight. You gotta consciously train your brain to think more positively. For me it came with writing down a few things that I considered good about that day, with emphasis on things that I did good with or noticed I did better than before considering circumstances or good qualities in myself I noticed. Even if I had already written them down before. After a half a year I noticed that the thoughts that related to my ed were more quiet/far away/easier to ignore.

I'm sure you've tried something similar already. But I wanted to give hope not just for you but for everyone else in the recovery mountain hike. I'm not going to lie to you, it will take time and enormous effort but it's not all down the drain, even when you're tumbling.

Sorry for the rambling. I think I got out the most important parts through.

Good luck everyone! I wish you all enough energy and determination to try your best!

My posts haven't shown up for a while because I just haven't posted for a while. I got a little fucked duo for a bit and needed to step away to avoid posting anything detrimental to whoever was reading. But I'm doing good now! Back in the saddle.

This journey IS tough. And being neurodivergent doesn't make it any easier. Some days I can't even decipher what I'm feeling.. but that's just life, shitty some days, awesome other days.

Being firm with ourselves is a good way to put it. And it's something that needs to be practiced every day, for sure.

Personally I have trouble giving myself empathy and compassion. I will pour it all over anyone around me, but when it comes to myself, I spare myself. I grew up with the mindset that I had the fortitude to not need compassion. That I could handle myself without it. That I'd be okay when being mistreated, because I had to be. Now as an adult I need to work on removing that mindset and just accept compassion, even when I think I don't "need" it.

Thanks for taking the time to message me. Take care!!!

[stranger-rants]

It took me a long while to feel empathy for Billy Hargrove, because that’s how it always is with me. I judge people very harshly before I get to know them and that extends to how I interpret characters in media. Perhaps it’s just a way that I have learned to protect myself. I grew up angry at the world, and the casual cruelty of others fueled my anger. So, Billy immediately put me on edge.

Do you know what broke me, though? What really hurt me and radically changed how I thought about this character?

It was when Billy begged for his mother to come save him and she never came to get him. It was that moment that really did it for me, because from that moment onward Billy didn’t try any more. He was no longer the sweet boy who would do anything to protect his mom from her abuser because her abuser was now his and his alone and no one was going to save him and no one ever did.

And I know exactly what that feels like.

And I am tired of talking about him with caveats. ‘Oh, I relate to his suffering but I don’t excuse him…” No. I’m tired of it, because abuse survivors like myself are regularly trapped in an endless cycle of self destructive shame and guilt for things we said and did when we were surviving and we don’t get anywhere because of it and I don’t think people realize or care that what they say about us matters.

I want to be able to talk about him in a way that instills some empathy in people towards abuse survivors because there are far too many of us who don’t make it out alive. To say people like us don’t deserve to survive, that we can’t get better, or that we’re too far gone to be saved is casual cruelty and you have to take responsibility for that mindset as much as you demand he take responsibility for himself.

You cannot dig our graves and then demand we crawl out of them without any help.

[delic7te]

hi!! may I request a hurt/comfort story with Kit Walker and female reader where she comforts him after he faced some bad situation inside the asylum? thank you sm

love kit with my whole heart, thanks for requesting this!

innocent | kit walker

pairings: kit walker x fem!reader

summary: when kit starts doubting himself, reader is there to comfort him

Having to clean the kitchen by yourself was not as bad as the punishment Kit faced tonight. It was quite peaceful to stay there alone after a whole day of walking amongst lunatics, knowing you didn't belong in an asylum with them. There was only one person you knew could relate and you wished he was with you.

You met Kit Walker way back before Briarcliff Manor at his gas station and you were a regular customer of his, though you were never as close as you are now at Briarcliff. Sticking togheter is what made you both keep going in that dark and horrible place, knowing you could trust one another.

Today, he got in trouble with another patient who was bothering him about the things he was accused of doing. Bloody Face, people called him. They got into a fight and Kit was sent to the court-appointed psychiatrist brought to Briarcliff because of Kit's case, and punishment afterwards by Sister Jude. He was not back yet and it started to worry you.

You were just about to finish, when suddenly the doors opened and someone quietly approached you. Turning around abruptly, you instantly felt relief spread through your bones when your eyes landed on the man you were thinking about the whole time.

"Kit, gosh." You sigh, dropping the cloth you washed the dishes with. Standing closely now, you could see he was as relieved as you were. "They kept you away this long?"

He nods, visibly exhausted. You absorbed his features. He looked absolutely defeated; his hair was a mess, his cheeks all blotchy and dark eyes puffy. You immediately felt for him. "Sister Jude thankfully sent me to join you." Kit explains.

You nodded, staring at him with great empathy. "Rough day..."

To be fair, every day was a rough day. You didn't know for how long you could hold on for, neither did he.

Kit hung his head towards the ground, hiding from your gaze. He grew so extremely tired and sick of this place to the point where he hated the thought of you seeing him every day in a beat state. On the other hand, Kit would not survive without you there.

You gently placed your hand on his shoulder, rubbing it against his skin. The contact between yours and his skin made Kit wish he could be with you outside of Briarcliff. Somewhere safe. Thinking about it sent him over the edge, finally letting a tear trickle down his face.

That triggered your own tears, but you chose to stay strong for him right now. "Kit? What is it?" You sounded so genuine and careful, making him tear up even more.

"I don’t..." He swallowed, hesitantly forming his thoughts into words. "I think I'm goin' actually crazy." He describes, sniffling. "This place... people... everyone is s-so sure I did.. bad things."

"I-I know I didn't. But every day I become more convinced that...", he inhales deeply, trying his best to steady his breath, "maybe I am a bad person."

That confession set off grand anger inside of you, directed at everyone else in the world that got to him with the false accusations and judgment. You sure knew how that feels.

You rapidly shake your head, wiping a new tear that escaped his eyes. "No, no. That is not true." You try lifting his chin, but he continues to reject you so he could pull himself together. "Hey."

Both of your voices were shaky at this point and Kit hated himself for doing this to you. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm so-so sorry." Hiccups suffocated him. Kit would never let anyone hurt you or upset you. He hated seeing you like that, all concerned, especially if he was the cause of your worry.

"Listen to me, buddy." Your hands held the sides of his face, forcing him to look at you. He gladly did. His dim eyes reflected the pain inside of him and you barely managed not to break. "You are not a bad person, Kit."

God, how he loved your voice.

You take a deep breath. "In fact, you're the kindest and bravest person I've met." Sweet words of assurance and a sad smile was the best you could give him right now. Kit calmed down a bit under your touch and if you could make all of his problems go away at any cost, you would.

Disobedient strands od hair fell infront of his hair and your hands started working on fixing them for him.

"What if I'm not... innocent?" He sniffles, looking up at you while you played with his hair.

Stopping your hands, for a few moments you just gazed at him. He's unusually pretty, you thought.

A long sigh leaves your mouth. "Kit Walker, I believe you're the most innocent man who walked through this awful place." You replied with immense honesty, thumb caressing his cheeks and wiping all of his tears. His eyes showered you with neverending admire and esteem.

Kit couldn't take it anymore; he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in a flawless hug and clinging to you with much fragility. You held him firmly in your clasp and he rested his head on your shoulder, letting every ugly thought go.

"I'm gonna get you out of here, Kit." You whisper in his ear, pulling away to give him a kiss on the forehead. He didn't want your lips to leave just yet. With courage, his lips attach to yours, full of love to give. When you split apart, he feels more determined than ever. "I'm gonna get us both out."

[seiyasabi]

Bulls in the Bronx

(So…. long story short, I’m now a hucow simp. Thanks a lot @/biskywrites and @/dark-side-blog2 for making me this way (ﾉД`) lol, all jokes aside, I wanna suck some tiddy milk from a buff man ;)) Anyways, this is Yandere Hucow(Hubull?) Bokuto x Fem Reader ;0 This fic allows me to flex my farming knowledge lol, bc my grandparents owned ponies and dogs. 

TW: !Noncon!, !dubcon!, creampie!, he hits you twice!, somnophilia!, predator vs prey?, manipulation!, cumflation!, breeding kink!, size kink!, ur a farmhand!, lactation!, tiddie sucking!, Asshole farmer Ushi, etc.. 

Please don’t proceed if any of the above are triggering! Also, sorry if Bokuto is too OOC lol) 

“Bokuto got into the lackweed again,” You can’t suppress the laugh that explodes from your mouth. The idea of the biggest hucow (hubull??) on the ranch freaking out (again), because he’s now dripping milk is hilarious. 

“Where on Earth does he keep finding those damn weeds?” The other farmhand laughs as well, stooping down to fill two buckets with water. 

“I think those grass seeds were cross contaminated, the other hucows also started to lactate a lot more than usual. But, it’s kinda funny that our best breeder is dripping like a heifer,” Chuckling in acknowledgement, you can’t help but feel a pang of pity. Poor Bo, he’s probably really self conscious at the moment. 

“Maybe I should go check on him-” Your coworker almost drops the bucket she’s filling, looking up at you as if you just grew three heads. 

“Why would you do that? Did you forget that he’s going in rut soon?” Frowning, you glance down at the floor in mild shame. 

“Well, yes, but he isn’t supposed to start until next week! Plus, I’m not ovulating right now, so I won’t trigger him,” The other girl thinks for a moment, before nodding slowly. 

“I suppose it’d be fine. If anything, he may calm down if his favourite handler is there,” Nodding, you grab two buckets from the shelf beside you. Squatting down next to your coworker, you place a bucket underneath a faucet, turning the circular handle to the left. A gush of cool water rushes out, quickly filling the plastic pail. Quickly switching it out for the empty one, you wait a few more moments, before turning off the rushing water. Grabbing the handles of the buckets, you lift them whilst standing to your feet, using your legs instead of your back. 

Nodding towards the other girl, you bid her farewell. Turning on your heel, you tromp towards the bull pens. The large red barn is quite a far distance from the shed you were once in, causing you to break out in a light sweat. It doesn’t help that it’s mid spring, causing the farm to be quite warm. 

Setting the buckets down on the dirt ground, you wipe your brow with the back of your hand. Huffing out a deep breath, you quickly move the concrete slab keeping the barn closed away from the sliding door, before shoving it open. The sound of the cowbell on the red and white door handle on the inside clinks noisily, queuing a symphony of deep ‘moos.’ 

Picking up the buckets with bent knees, you hurry inside, relishing the feeling of the barn’s fans on your sweaty skin, “Hey guys, is the barn cool enough for you?” Grumbles and shifting of large bodies are all you get in response, causing you to laugh, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Gunning it for a certain grey haired bull’s stall, a bright smile makes its way onto your face, “Hey, Koutarou, how’re you feeling?” 

He’s currently laying on his bed of compact hay, tears sliding down his handsome face. His cute ears are droopy, his bell earring not jingling with life like normal. His tears drip between his septum piercing, and drop onto his well defined abdomen, “Not good, (Your Name).” 

With a small gasp, you set down the pails rather harshly, some of the cool liquid sloshing onto the wooden floor. Hurrying towards him, you sit on the prickly ‘mattress,’ “What’s wrong? I heard that you’re lac-” A small sob leaves his lips at your words, causing you to grab his hand reassuringly, “Are the other guys making fun of you? I can go yell at them if you’d like!” 

The buff bull-man sits up, one arm covering his chest self-consciously, “No! They’re not being mean,” He grips your hand almost to the point that it’s painful, “I-it’s just… my chest hurts, real bad.”

Nodding in understanding, you motion towards his covered pecs, “Let me see, Bubs. I’ll see what I can do.”

His face flushes bright red, “But it’s embarrassing!” You shush him sweetly, releasing his hand to coax his arm away from his chest. 

“It’s okay, I won’t make fun of you! I just wanna help you,” After a moment of hesitance, he obeys, revealing his swollen, red nipples. 

The area around his nipples is raised as well, showing just how much his milk is backed up. 

Eyes softening even more, you delicately rub both pecs, “You’re alright, Bubs. This happens to the cows sometimes when we don’t milk them as much as we need to. If you’d like, I can go find a pump!”

“No! I don’t wanna pump!” You jump slightly, and move away from him, only for his hands to trap your own to his chest. More tears gather in his eyes, as he becomes distraught, “I don’t want my milk to go to waste!” 

Taken aback, you nod, although you don’t understand his reasoning, “Kou, why’re you acting like this? You know we don’t get rid of milk, we sell your guys’ milk at the market.” 

He shakes his head, “I don’t want you to sell it. I want you to drink it,” The look of shock on your face is mistaken as disgust, causing him to cry even more, “Do you think I’m weird? Why do you look like that?” Seeing the bull act so sensitive is adorable, but you feel as though you have to comfort him.

“No, no, it’s okay! I’m not weirded out, I’m just surprised. I’ll go get a bucket-”

“No bucket!” Sighing at his weird behaviour, you cock an eyebrow at him. 

“Then how am I supposed to collect it?” A big grin crosses his teary face. 

“Drink from me! I promise I’ll be good!” Shifting in discomfort, an anxious sweat starts to form on your brow. 

“Ahaha, that’s funny, Kou. You know I can’t do that,” More tears well up in his eyes, squeezing your heart painfully, “Don’t look at me like that, Bubs. I don’t think your owner would like me getting so close-” 

“I don’t mind,” Ushijima’s voice booms throughout the barn, scaring the living daylights out of you. Whipping your head around, you make eye contact with the large male, an uncharacteristic smirk on his face, “As long as my star bull is happy, I’m happy.”

Kou releases your hands, only to grab your face, forcing you to look at him, “See! He doesn’t care! Please, (Nickname), please help me! My udders hurt so bad!” 

With Ushijima’s eyes on you, and Koutarou’s sad and pain filled face, you finally relent, “Okay, okay! Don’t freak out, Bubs, I’ll help. You just gotta let me go.” 

He releases you quickly, before shoving your head towards his chest. The jingling of his earring is heard, telling you that his ears are no longer pressed down on the top of his head. You hear heavy footsteps walk away from his stall, probably gathering the bulls to let them graze outside. 

You try to push away from where your head is being smushed, but the bull gives you no leeway, “Why aren’t you drinking?” The male practically whines, as you whack his shoulder lightly. 

“I’m being smothered in between your tiddies, Kou,” You chuckle in slight discomfort, but he finally allows you up. Moving towards his most swollen nipple (the left one), you pinch it between your thumb and forefinger, causing a small stream of milk to come streaming out. 

A small moan leaves the large man’s lips, as he shoves you once again face first into his chest, “Don’t tease, (Nickname), I feel like I’m dying!” A flash of empathy goes through your heart. 

Removing your hand from his nipple, you take a deep breath, and latch yourself onto him.Your chapstick covered lips are soft against his sensitive skin, causing him to keen. When you suckle, a tidal wave of milk bursts into your mouth. Luckily, it doesn’t taste very bad; his milk tastes like vanilla, causing you start to slurp it up like a babe. 

Your one hand kneads his other pec to soothe him, “Fu-fuck, you’re making me feel so good!” You don’t bother trying to say anything, instead, you just suck harder. Your unoccupied hand squeezes his tit that you’re currently nursing on, causing him to pump out more of his yummy milk. 

After a few long moments, you release his nipple. A drop of milk trickles down your chin, which the large bull laughs at. A thick finger wipes off the excess, pushing itself into your mouth. A tender look is in the grey haired man’s eyes, as he kisses your forehead. 

“Thank you, pretty girl. Can you do the other one, please?” Now that he’s no longer in a painfilled state, he’s back to his normal, boyish self. Nodding, you lick your lips, before latching on to his other nipple. He barely chokes back a moan, his hand gripping the back of your head. 

You suck as hard as you can without hurting him, pretending his nipple was a straw to a thick ass milkshake. Between your massaging and sucking, his teat no longer feels as painful as it once did. 

Pulling away, you give him a wry smile, “There, all better. Well, I should pour your water into your trough now,” Standing up with wobbly legs, you move towards the filled buckets. Picking them up one by one, you pour it in with unsteady hands. Why are you so shaky right now? “Well, I should get going now. I hope you feel better later,” You try to walk out of his stall, only to be yanked back into Bokuto’s lap. Both empty pails fall to the ground unceremoniously, clattering loudly through the empty barn. 

“Don’t leave me, Lovely, I need you,” His warm skin against yours feels nice, and you suddenly feel sleepy. 

“Kou, I’m tired. I think-I think I’m gonna take a nap,” He runs his fingers (through your hair/over your scalp), tantalising you into drifting off. 

“That’s alright, (Nickname), I’ll watch after you,” With a muffled ‘Mhm,’ you fall into a deep slumber. 

-

When you awoke, you woke to your body shaking. Brow furrowing, you blearily open your eyes, only to see a tuft of grey hair in between your bent, spread legs. 

His long tongue is currently fucking in and out of your dripping cunt, his thumb rubbing against your clit. 

“Ku-Kou? Wha-“ He looks up immediately, a look of shock on his strong features. 

“I-It’s Not what it looks like! I-I just wanted a taste!” You groggily push at his head, catching his ears slightly, causing a small jingling to sound throughout the empty barn. 

“You didn’t ask, why, why are you-“ He grabs your hand, kissing each knuckle with a slobbering kiss. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Let me make you feel good! You taste so good,” You yank your hand back, trying to kick off the hand that currently wrapped around your right thigh. 

“Get off of me! Bokuto, you-you’re doing this without my consent! I thought we were friends!” You shout, pushing at his face harshly. He grabs one of your hands, trying to kiss it, only for your other to clap him upside the face harshly, “Don’t! You’ve already done enough.” 

Kicking him away (even though he’s much larger and stronger than you, meaning he just moved away), you stand to your feet, pulling back up your halfway down jeans and panties. 

Snatching up the buckets previously discarded, you don’t even shoot the crying bull a glance, just turning on your heel, and stomping away. 

Tears of your own drip down your face, humiliation and betrayal weighing down your aching heart. 

Forcefully sliding open the barn doors, you run from it, catching the eye of a certain green haired farmer. 

It seems Bokuto fucked up. 

But that’s okay, when he goes into rut, there’ll be nothing keeping him from breeding you full of his massive calves. 

-

You avoided the bull barn like the plague for the next week. The hucows are very pleasant company. They treat you as if you’re their young, making you feel well loved. 

That is, until Hachi asked you why you’ve been avoiding Bokuto. She’d told you that he hasn’t acted the same, in fact, he’s acted depressed and withdrawn. 

Since then, you’ve stuck with aquatic life. The fish, swans, and ducks don’t give you that much trouble. 

But, when you come back from the pond and fish pools, the farm is ensued with panic. Apparently, Bokuto’s finally gone into rut. 

And, unfortunately for you, he’s on the prowl for you. 

So, when your coworker runs up to you, begging for you to calm him, you turn on your heel, and start walking back towards the pond. They can figure this out themselves, you’re not going to sacrifice yourself to someone who tried to take advantage of you. 

Sadly, that doesn’t work out. 

You’re immediately stopped by Ushijima, his broad form blocking you from advancing forward, “Where do you think you’re going?” His arms are crossed, an angry scowl on his usually handsome features. 

“I forgot something at the pond,” You lie, smoothly, “I’m going to go grab it real quick-” 

“You’ll do nothing of the sort,” His strong voice booms, “What you’re going to do, is march yourself into the barn, and make my prized bull happy.” 

Your own scowl forms on your pretty face, “I will do nothing of the sort. Interspecies sex is illegal! You can fire me for all I care, I’m not going in there!” You try to move around his large form, only to be manhandled into a chokehold.

His left arm is wrapped around your neck, your back to his chest, and your face being held in a large hand, “Interspecies sex is legal when a human and hybrid are mates,” He hisses through gritted teeth, and you struggle in his hold, “If you don’t go in there, I’ll drag you in.” 

“Fuck you,” You spit, “I’ll fucking castrate you!” You kick backwards, landing a solid hit on the large man’s groin. With a loud yell, you’re let go, allowing you to run towards the farm’s parking area. Pulling your truck’s keys from your pocket, you haul ass, not bothering to look behind you. 

The barns and sheds fly past you, as you run through the open field leading to the car park. You suddenly hear loud footsteps follow after you, and you assume that it’s Ushijima, that is, until you hear them, “(Nickname)! (Nickname), where are you going? Why are you running away from me?” Bokuto’s voice rings out at top volume, hurting your ears. His voice a lot more gravely than before, and without looking at him, you know that he most likely looks crazed. 

You don’t respond, trying to pick up the pace. You click the unlock button one time, only unlocking the driver’s side door. Because you had a head start, you cleared the field in less than three seconds, allowing you to hop into your truck, and lock the doors. Shoving the key into the ignition, all whilst buckling your seatbelt, you press on the brake, and turn it, only to hear the spluttering of your failing ignition, “Come on! Don’t do this-” Bokuto slams into the driver’s side door at top speed, rocking your large vehicle harshly. His hands and face are pressed against the window, his expression looking like that of a kicked puppy. You then notice the fact that the buff male is completely naked, his impossibly large cock bobbing against his toned stomach. 

“Why are you trying to leave? I need you so badly, pretty-pretty. Why don’t you open the door, and we can figure this out? I promise I’ll make you feel good, after all, us bulls pride ourselves in taking care of our mates,” You cringe in disgust, not bothering to answer him. Instead, you continue to fiddle with your ignition, muttering expletives under your breath. His large hands start to beat on your driver-side window, trying to gain your attention, “(Nickname), come out already! Ushi already cut your fuel line, so you’re not going anywhere! Come on, I just wanna make you feel good-”

It was your turn to cut him off, “Shut up! We aren’t friends anymore, Bokuto, much less lovers! Just leave me the fuck alone! I’m sure many of the cows would love to help you through your rut, why can’t you just ask them?” Tears of frustration dot your eyelashes, as you pop open your glove box and search for your phone. Catching sight of the black cased (phone type), you snatch it from its confines with a loud ‘Aha,’ “Don’t make me call the Farmer’s Union, Bokuto. I’ll report you and Ushijima for-”

“You won’t! You love me too much!” His frantic words raise in volume, as he hit the glass even harder than before, “You wouldn’t put me down! Come on, (Nickname), why won’t you call me ‘Bubs’ anymore? I love you!” You swipe open your phone, and go to the contacts. Pulling up the Farmer’s Union phone number, you go to press ‘call,’ only for the shattering of glass to halt you. 

You scream in both fear and shock, throwing up your hands to protect your face. This, in turn, causes you to drop your phone. In this time, Bokuto is able to grab you by your arms, and drag you towards the broken window. Your seatbelt keeps you in place, causing him to pull you even harder, and making you scream in pain. 

You use your arm to whack his against the broken glass on your truck’s window area. He releases you in a moment of pain, allowing you to unbuckle yourself, and throw yourself to the passenger side. Once there, you unlock the door, and bolt towards the road. 

“(Your Name), come back here! Stop being so difficult!” You pay him no mind, a few meters away from the busy road. Noticing a car speeding towards the area you’re running to, you push yourself even harder, trying to throw yourself into the road. Unfortunately, you’re grabbed by two buff arms that encircle your waist. They use all of their strength to smash you into their chest from behind, knocking the air from your lungs, “Are you crazy? You could’ve been hurt!” You thrash and try to bite at him, causing Bokuto to backhand you across the face, “Now look what you made me do! If you’d been good, I wouldn’t have had to do that!”

To be completely honest, you’re in shock. Bokuto has never raised a hand at you, and that slap wasn’t a warning tap. No, that was him using a good majority of his strength, causing your cheek to throb painfully. 

You continue to thrash and curse after freezing for a moment, drawing the eyes of concerned coworkers, “Let go of me! What the fuck is wrong with you? Put me down!” You try to kick him in the junk, only to kick him on the inside of his thigh. In retaliation, he backhands you again, this time on the other cheek. Gasps and whispers are heard from those around you, drawing the large hucow’s eyes. 

“There’s nothing to see here, guys! Just my mate making a scene,” He shakes you a bit to shut you up, causing you to become disoriented. The farmhands and other hybrids look like they’re about to step in, only for Ushijima himself to show up. 

“What Bokuto said is correct,” His harsh gaze is on you, his hand gripping his dick, “She’s just making a scene. Let them through.”

They reluctantly go back to their business, as Koutarou guns it to the empty bull barn. Ushijima only watches as you’re dragged to the large building, as tears drip down your face in fear, and his fist at his side clenches in fury.

Stomping into the barn, Bokuto makes quick work of getting to his stall. Once inside, he tosses you on the hay mattress, and straddles your waist. With pawing hands, he rips your t-shirt and jeans off of you, leaving you in your bra and underwear, along with your boots and socks. Yanking off your boots, be tossed them out of his ‘room,’ as you try to throw punches at his muscular chest. He grunts, but doesn’t stop. 

With beefy fingers, he yanks off your bra, ripping it in two. Your tits jiggle at his harsh movements, making him lick his lips in enjoyment. He then rips off your cotton panties, exposing your cunny to his hungry eyes. 

“You’re beautiful, pretty-pretty. I can’t wait to see you stuffed with my calves,” You shake your head no rapidly, pushing his hands away from where they rest on your hips. 

“No! Stop it, Bokuto! I thought we were friends!” He tightens his grip on your pelvis, forcing your legs open. 

“That’s Not my name, (Nickname), you know that. Now, you know that I’m way more than just your friend-I’m your mate, and you know that I’ll provide for you and our calves,” With grubby fingers, he rubs at your clit, trying to draw a good reaction from you.

You squirm in response, trying to wriggle out of his one handed grip. You shove at his chest, but he remains unmoved, choosing to press down harder than before, “Stop it! Let me go!” 

He inserts his middle finger into your moist cunny, forcing it in and out. You try to kick him in the head only for him to catch your leg with the hand that previously held your hip, “If you wanted me to eat you out that bad, you should’ve just said so, pretty girl,” Before you can refuse, he throws your legs over his shoulders, and dives in. 

His long tongue fucks in and out of your hole, one of his thumbs rubbing your clit. A loud whine escapes your throat before you can stop it, making you feel a wave of disgust for yourself. Bokuto shouldn’t be making you feel good, he’s assaulting you, after all. 

But, when his tongue brushed against your g-spot, you can’t help but convulse in pleasure. Thighs quaking, you try to stop yourself from cumming. 

“St-stop! I’m, I’m gonna-“ He stops before you can cum, instead, pushing your hips down to where his cock lays against his abs. Forcing the bulbous head against your tiny hole, he pushes harshly, trying to fuck into you like an animal, “No! No! You’re too big! You’re going to tear my-“ With one powerful thrust, he forces his way inside, and you can’t help but scream. 

Tears drip down your face at the feeling, your pussy feeling like it’s been ripped open. Bokuto grabs your head, and forces it against his chest, practically making you take one of his pink nipples into your mouth. You’re immediately met with the taste of his vanilla milk, drinking it up as the hucow starts to buck into you at a lightning fast pace. 

Your teeth bite down on his nipple, but instead of being angry, he just moans in lust, “Yes! Yes, pretty girl, you’re taking me so well!” 

His hand that isn’t cradling your head goes to your tummy, feeling his huge length moving underneath your skin. He presses down a bit, causing another wanton moan to leave to both of you. With this thought in mind, he picks up the pace, practically fucking you into unconsciousness. 

Eyes rolling back, your ruined cunny gushed pathetically, coating you and the bull with your juices, “(Nickname), you’re so pretty when you cum,” He continues his breakneck pace, getting close to orgasm himself, “I’m gonna fill you up so good, that you’ll be dripping with my fun for days! Your little womb will be bloated with my fertile cum!” 

You try to speak, but you can’t, just continuing to suck his yummy milk from his teat. Walls fluttering with another orgasm, you feel yourself clamping down on his enormous cock. 

With one last mighty thrust, he seats himself fully inside of you, cumming directly against your unprotected cervix. A muffled scream erupts from your chest, as you feel your womb expand with copious amounts of beeile cum. Releasing his nipple, you throw your head back, a loud cry echoes throughout the barn, as you squirt once more around his cock. 

Now completely filled to the brim, you pass out from the trauma. Entirely exhausted, Koutarou grins down at your bloated form. He rubs your tummy like a Buddha statue, kissing it tenderly. 

“You’ll be a good Mommy, I’m sure of it,” he then trails his hand up your abdomen, groping your right tit, “You’ll look so pretty all milky and filled with my calves.” 

The sound of a throat clearing gains Bokuto’s attention, as he practically throws his naked body over yours. A loud ‘moo’ of warning escapes his chest, even when he notices that the person is just Ushijima. 

“I see that she mates with you well,” His eyes trail over your sleeping face, not straying downwards, “I hope this means that you’ll enter more shows.” 

Bo smiles, “Yes. Now I need to show off, so my mate thinks I’m an eligible male.” 

Nodding, Ushijima turns on his heal, making his way to leave the barn, “I hope your children take after you in strength. (Your Name) is a lot prettier than you are, so maybe they’ll be pleasing to the eye as well.” 

Snorting, the grey haired man’s ears twitch, jingling throughout the room, “You bet she is. She’s perfect.” 

[ashesandhackles]

Deconstructing Harry: The boy we meet in Philosopher's Stone to the man in Deathly Hallows

I have often seen fans talk about how nebulous Harry is as a character, especially in the earlier books. They can't make sense of who he is as a character and other more colourful, more actualized personalities take over our attention from any traits Harry might display. Harry becomes more defined for a lot of people OOTP onwards where he displays traits that sometimes make him unbearable or unlikable.

Harry, as we are introduced in PS, has a very little sense of self. He is narratively self deprecating or plays down his presence or skills, not that he is aware he has any. He grew up without any presence of him displayed in the house - no photos, no idea about his parents or what they look like or what really happened to them and discouraged from asking questions. Harry as we meet him is neglected, rootless about his identity and longs for escape. For him, every day is a battle against Dudley, who bullies him or Vernon, thus setting a worldview that never truly goes away: him vs adults. But just because Harry doesn't attach traits or values to self, does not mean he does not have it.

It's an effective narrative tool though - for Harry to be our eyes of the world. Only in later re-readings can we get a grasp of the traits that become more pronounced as books go on. Also, it's not surprising that Harry develops a better sense of self when he is removed from an abusive home.

Let me begin with this:

1. Harry is a fighter

One of the things that struck me in later re-readings is that how much of a fighter Harry is, from the very beginning. He will not lie down and take abuse. The narrative presents it as no big deal, because Harry doesn't assign any importance to it - it's every day life for him.

-Verbal standing up-

See his reaction to Uncle Vernon and the letter fiasco. He stands up for himself, even if it falls on deaf ears. "I want my letter - as it is mine!". Later on, in the same book, a completely befuddled 11 year old Harry stands up to Snape too, but in a politer way: "I think Hermione knows the answer. Why don't you try her?". He gets less polite with Snape as books go on. Harry's humor is something he employs liberally with Dudley when standing up to him - "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick" and we see this trait manifest into the sass we all know and love.

- Fight or flight-

He is remarkably good at "fighting himself out of tight corners" as Snape put it. And although Snape attributes it to luck and more talented friends, he is onto something about Harry's ability to worm out of tight corners. He lives moment to moment in a dangerous situation - relying on his nerve, very fast reflexes and athleticism. He is also able to notice things in an environment that will get him out of a quick pinch. You see this clearly in Department of Mysteries in Book 5 where he comes up with the idea to smash shelves, the mad idea to escape on a dragon, the ministry escape where he manipulates Runcorn's image (as he noticed how people were reacting to him) to create chaos and get the Muggleborns and the trio out, Chamber of Secrets when he instinctively understood the diary is the source of power and stabbed it.

Where does the athleticism and ability to spot dangerous situation come from? This boy has spent a decade cheeking Dudley and running away from his gang, spotting when he needs to get out of the way as "long experience had told him to be out of Uncle Vernon's arms reach" or "ducking when Aunt Petunia aimed a frying pan at his head". The instinct to see a dangerous situation develops over the course of the books in his adventures - to the point Harry unconsciously brings out his wand in Tottenham road without thinking too much about it. He is almost always wary and less quick to lower his wand.

When hiding/ escaping is not an option, Harry is not above physical fighting - despite how small and skinny he is in Book 1. Both he and Dudley fight for a chance to listen at the door when letter first arrives for Harry. Dudley wins the fight. Later on, Harry jumps Uncle Vernon from behind and hangs on to his neck to get his letter. He even does the same thing to the troll in the same book. ( Then over the course of series, we see him beat up Sirius in Book 3, Malfoy in Book 5, strangle Mundungus in Book 6 - all of these are related to his fury over the dead, so different context. But still).

- Manipulation/ Cunning-

11 year old Harry even tries sneakily - waking up early to get his letter (unfortunately didn't work). The other sneaky methods he has employed throughout the series is - not telling Dursleys at end of PS that he is not allowed magic at home, threatens Dudley with it in COS, not telling them Sirius is innocent to play up the threat of a murderous godfather to keep them accountable, and also the smooth way he negotiates with Uncle Vernon for Hogsmeade letter. ("Well it will be hard work, pretending to aunt Marge that I go to St Whatsits" ,"Knocking the stuffing out of me won't make Aunt Marge forget what I could tell her"). He similarly displays his negotiation and playing to what he knows about people with Slughorn in Book 6, Pettigrew in Book 7.

The scene with Slughorn is disturbing, with Harry coercing a drunk Slughorn to give up his memory. You can argue that this is the influence of Felix Felicis, but I think the potion acted more as facilitation. The disturbing way Harry brings up his mother's murder to unnerve Slughorn is his own doing. ("Voldemort stepped over my father's body towards mum" "I forgot - you liked her, didn't you?"). Again, in a life threatening situation, Harry plays to Pettigrew's latent guilt: "You are going to kill me? After I saved your life? You owe me Wormtail!"

2. Relational justice over abstract justice

Harry's concept of justice is relational and based on his high empathy for the underdog. He notices power dynamic in a situation and empathises with the victim. This is in contrast to Hermione, who has more abstract, bigger picture view of justice. It's no wonder that Hermione is the one who is the most political of the three.

His high empathy for the underdog and needing to stand up for them is because he feels responsiblility that no one should go through what he went through. He stands up for Neville in PS and encourages him to stand up for himself. When he sees his father bullying Snape, it is not about an abstract "this is wrong behavior". Harry goes further: "Harry knew what it felt like to be taunted among a circle of onlookers" , Harry focuses on young Snape's mismatched clothes because he himself knows what it's like to wear clothes that are not yours or ones that make you look ridiculous. His empathy extends to Voldemort too - understanding why he may not want to go back to his orphanage and desire to be in Hogwarts, wondering why Merope wouldn't stay alive for her son, his fixation with Voldemort's maimed soul in King's Cross chapter and later asking Voldemort to feel remorse (" I have seen what you will become otherwise"). Even his reaction to Dobby in COS - "Can't anyone help you? Can't I?" when Dobby talks about his slavery. Hermione is usually seeing the bigger picture, Harry sees the individual.

3. Pathological mistrust of adults

He is less likely of the trio to take an adult at their words or be assured by them when they say they are taking care of things. He has learnt, from a very young age, that he is always expected to take care of himself. And the times he does take things to adult, they consistently disappoint him - by patronising him or acting like he is a child, neither of which he has tolerance for or appreciates. This is why he takes to Sirius and Lupin, who exhibit neither of these communication patterns. In some ways, Mr Weasley too.

Umbridge's abuse of him for him is framed as a battle of wills between her and him, as if he is an equal. And he loses if he complains - "not giving her a satisfaction of knowing she got to me". Harry's worldview has always been - adult vs him.

His inability to trust adults even extends to the ability of adults he likes to look after themselves. While Sirius is understandably a wreck in OOTP, he has by and large followed Dumbledore's orders. This doesn't register with Harry (Ron points it out: "Sirius listens to Dumbledore even though he doesn't like what he hears") and Harry's fears about Sirius, excaberated by Sirius's tendency for recklessness, comes to play.

He even showed similar distrust in Lupin's judgement in taking a potion from Snape in POA ("Harry felt the urge to knock the goblet out of Lupin's hands" and tries to hint at Lupin that Snape will "do anything" for DADA job). And he shows this once again with the most magically powerful wizard he knows - Dumbledore. ("if I tell you to abandon me and save yourself, you must do so". Dumbledore has to insist on this before Harry nods reluctantly. It's also Dumbledore's wording, but this is a wizard Harry feels safe with almost entirely because of his power - and yet Harry cannot obey an order like this without reluctance). It's not about Harry's own ability to take care of them - he just innately cannot leave people to it.

4. Humor as a value and coping mechanism

Harry has an established coping mechanism by the time we are introduced to him - quip in the face of danger/ dark humor. There are repeated instances of Harry amusing himself with snarky comments in his head when things are really bad for him. Like in PS, when they are in the hut, Harry wonders if the roof will fall in and then thought that if it did fall in, he might be warmer. In the earlier books (before his growth), he seems to value Ron over Hermione simply because he is more "fun". Harry enjoys being around funny people like Ron, Weasley twins, later Ginny simply because there is some dark stuff happening with him and he needs "fun" people for semblance of normalcy, escape. In fact, this desire is so strong, he attaches it to his romantic relationships: Ginny is a "blissful oblivion" and times with her are "something out of someone else's life". His relationship with Cho failed because her coping mechanism is discussing her trauma and Harry's is escaping it.

-dealing with conflict with people he likes, small digression-

A part of his growing up in later books includes valuing Hermione as much he values Ron and we see it in display in HBP, where he is more willing to stand up for her to Ron (something he kind of did more quietly before in POA - "can't you give her a break?" ) and also get confrontational with her instead of using Ron as a buffer between them to fend off her more boisterous/ bossy tendencies. ("let him make up his mind" "skip the lecture" "don't nag" - Ron took the heat in earlier books. In HBP, Harry is more willing to be irritable with her in a day-to-day interaction - "I hope you enjoy yourself" he tells Hermione when she states her intention to investigate Half Blood Prince. Or when she tests the book - "Finished? Or do you want to see if it does backflips?" "Do you have rub it in Hermione, how do you think I feel now?" at the end of HBP. ) In OOTP, his best method to deal with her when she bothers him was lying, avoiding her nagging and if that doesn't work, explode and treat her to display of his temper. There is more to explore here, of course - even with regard to how he deals with Mrs Weasley in Book 4, 5 and the difference of him hugging her in Book 7.

5. Fascination with the dead/ a passive death wish

Harry feels remarkably little sense of betrayal knowing that he was set up to die by Dumbledore. His self sacrificing streak is rooted in his love, yes, but I also think Harry is a little bit too fascinated by death, not surprising considering most people he loved are dead. Him wanting the resurrection stone in DH, him obsessively spending time at Mirror of Erised (to the point he feels feverish and Ron thinking he looks strange) until Dumbledore stops him, him almost wanting to fail to learn a Patronus because he wants to hear his parents voice, the hearing of whispering voices in the Veil in OOTP which only Luna could hear apart from him, the scene at the grave where he almost wishes he was "lying under the snow" with his parents, the possession scene in the book of OOTP has him wishing to die so he can be with Sirius. You can almost argue the Harry has, in many moments, shown raw desire of death. In fact, him choosing to let go of the stone and not go looking for it is a big character decision for him.

I also want to address Harry's temper and how that develops over course of series, the implications of understanding the people he loved and put on pedestal are flawed - but I am afraid this post is already way too long. So I will leave that for some time later.

[turtleboyz]

Character Analysis: 2012 Season 5: Yoshi Hamato/Splinter

I’m going to be honest; I hate this man. yeah, he’s a good teacher, but man, he’s a bad father. It seems like the writers care more about Splinter being a mystery all knowing teacher, then a dad. The only times he were active was when the situation was dire, or he keeps fighting with Shredder.

Splinter grew up in Japan. He’s the eldest son and heir to the Hamato clan. His brother, Saki. Was the sole survivor of the Foot Clan, that the Hamato’s whipped out. He and Saki faught in a war together, and growing up, the two trained together but being reviles. Lasted both men fell in love with Tang Shen, and they fought over her. One day Saki and Yoshi fought and their dojo caught on fire and Shen die in the process of protecting Yoshi.

Yoshi thought both his wife and daughter die, he left Japan and the clan and went to America. There, he bought 5 baby turtles, after a run in with the Kraang in a alleyway he was transform into a rat and the turtles became humanoid. Yoshi became Splinter, he raised the boys, trying to survive and hiding from the Kraang. He started teaching the boys how to be ninja when they were toddlers, after he saw Leo mimicking his moves and Raph trying to help fight the Kraang.

Splinter’s relationship with his sons isn’t good. He’s bias and plays favoritism with Leo. While he does train and love his sons, he seems to be emotionally neglected toward Donnie and Mikey, barely interacting with them, unless training. He try to teach Donnie to not relay so heavy on his tech, and try to teach Donnie not to force April to be with him. With Mikey, he think he has the most potential and that he can easily fight without thinking. But besides those moments, the three don’t inactive.

With Raph, they have some moments, more then Mikey or Donnie, but less than Leo. Both he and Raph have bad anger issues. Splinter try’s to teach Raph how to control it, but goes at it a wrong way. He has the brothers hit Roaj with arrows with insulting him, and Raph has to control his anger. That’s not a way to help with anger, it’s just suppressing it. It’s a shame too, because of how similar the two are with anger, it could have been a great why to show the two interacting more. Like having Splinter do different training with Raph to see what types of anger management works best. Splinter also try to help Raph in season 4 when Raph’s phobia and anxiety gets the best of him. He teaches Raph a phrase and how to breath.

With Leo, they have the most interactions. Splinter teaches Leo how to be the leader. He tells Leo “I knew even when you were a small boy that you would grow up and be the leader of this team. And when I pass on to be like a father as well.”

It’s….Not good, to tell you son, a 15-17 old child to act like a father to his brothers. He also has Leo in season 2, to teach his brothers on ninjitsu. He try to make Leo more tactical and smarter, but it end up give Leo anxiety and fear about being a failure.

With Karia, before he found out that she was alive, he grief for her. He became overprotective of his sons, both because he was afraid they’ll get hurt or become of the Kraang. When he found out his daughter way alive, he was conflicted. He found out that Karai was a foot assistant and was raised as Saki’s daughter. But he also deeply cares about her. When she become a mutant he was upset. In season 3, episode 23, when she’s under the mind control, Splinter doesn’t fight back against Karai. He even uses the Healing Hands to save her from the worm. The two also hug in season 2 when Karai first learns about her family.

With April, Splinter trains he to be a ninja. Both as a way to protect her from the Kraang and become he noticed that she has high intuition and/or empathy. He sees her as a second daughter.

While Splinter is wise, traditional, polite teacher. His ways of teaching his sons are not good. All the training we see, are the boys fighting each other or trying to fight Splinter. Because of his traditions, the boys fighting style are one one skill. In one episode, he has the boys switched weapons then immediately have them fights each other. But! They don’t know how to use different weapons, he doesn’t teach them, yet he expects them to fight well?

He also “play fights” with the boys. Aka sneaking up in then a throwing them, or throwing them into the walls. With Donnie, he repeating tripping him to try to teach Donnie on why it’s bad that he’s forcing his feelings into April. Why not couldn’t he just sit Donnie down and talk to him? Why did he have to make this into some sort of lesson? He also is stern, when Raph was angry about a human record them, Splinter silence Raph and got anger at him. He also talk about ablit Mikey, thinking that he’s unfocused and not very smart.

Splinter’s trauma of losing his wife greatly effective him, and in turn effects his sons. Leo is train to be the leader and to act like a second parent. Raph has anger issues and is seen in his eyes, as second best. Donnie feels useless without his tech or smarts, and Mikey feels like a screwup. Normal I would think that Splinter would grow and change as the season went on, realizing how his revenge and action effects his family. But no! He’s like this until he died for real. He keeps only telling Leo important stuff, he keeps telling Raph not not get angry, he keep doing the same thing over and over. At least with his Rise counterpart, that Splinter had a noticeable character growth and is changing for them better.

Splinter is a ok teacher, he even gives good advice, but because of his trauma and the constant fighting with shredder, he is a horrible father.

[genshinlover101]

Curious request-where reader is an s/o like Keqing-they have a similar problem to her like they begin to doubt themselves and their decisions especially because they’re breaking family traditions,being criticised by those around them and creating their own path in life-so like Keqing is there to be a supportive s/o <3

Keqing Supporting You

Character: Keqing

Warning: none

A/n: Ah yes~ I love the amount of love shown for Keqing recently, she’s been making a frequent appearance on my blog lately  🙇🏻‍♀️

• You began doubting yourself the moment you thought about rebelling against your morals. Your illustrious family had given you everything on a silver platter, only for you to throw it away and seek an outside perspective so you could benefit Liyue better.

• Not only had your family cut off some of your benefits, but your recent actions had began spreading like wildfire. Average citizens of Liyue begun to question your new reforms and how you were ungrateful.

• Keqing however, upon hearing your struggles felt empathy for you. After all, she felt the same, hard work is the only thing that will get you to where you are today.

• If others talked down on you in her company, they will regret it. The yuheng would bring out the attitude that made all her secretaries resign within three months and project it upon them.

“That’s them?” you heard from afar. “Really? You’d think they’d be tougher looking.”

“No, I agree. Given all this luxury anyone would die for only to throw it all away. Talk about ungrateful really,” you clutched the mug in your hand till your knuckles turned white. Man, you were so sick of the same people who used to respect you, end up being two-faced. To add oil to the fire, your father had cut you off your allowance to threaten you. You wouldn’t relent though, you were already too far gone.

The same people continued to talk as if you didn’t have ears. You began to feel lightheaded and delusional, the catalyst probably the gossip. A migraine inching towards your frontal lobe. You started to think if what they were saying was true.

That was until you felt a hand brush over yours.

“I’m sorry I’m late, did I make you wait too long?” She was your sunlight, your outlet, and the love of your life. The only one who supported your decisions full-heartedly. “You look stressed love, is something the matter?”

She was curious until she heard the men behind her whisper, “And that’s the Lady Yuheng, man how did such a social reject get a total babe like her.” Even without an answer, she could put the pieces together.

“Hey, I heard she’s really uptight, watch what you’re saying man,” Keqing’s grip on yours grew tighter, she knew you never liked to see her stir up violence as much as she wished to. She couldn’t be selfish. She used her vision and hairpin to fly into their table, you heard a quick eep before the men scurried in fear.

“You know I’m always here for you right? Say I know a solution- for our next expedition we’ll visit the Wangshu Inn and get Smiley Yanxiao to cook you something.” She never broke eye contact despite your wandering off at times. You knew she really felt for you, trying to support you in every way.

This woman would literally drag you on her expeditions around Liyue to help memorize the landscape and use its natural resources to their maximum. This was an exercise she practiced when she too was going through the same dilemma.

Honestly without Keqing, you wouldn’t have the strength to continue your mini boycott against your family. You would’ve come crawling back to your father like always, but with Keqing you borrowed her unbending will to continue your ‘self-reflection’ as she liked to call it.