#I try so hard but I just!! cant connect with people! in a meaningful way!

[bare1ythere]

eepy

[aspd-culture]

hey, so i recently did some research and took the mmpi and a few other tests that i knew were well regarded as diagnostic tools by professionals, as well as self reflection and matching myself with criteria. (all tests found free probably illegally online via links on reddit cause i dont got that kind of money) and it appears that i have aspd.

I consider myself a good person, i try to always be good to everyone which is a lot of effort because it’s something i dont do naturally, and imo that makes me better than a “normal person” but i digress

finding this out, while relieving in the way that it explained a lot of stuff, has also made me feel more alienated. i cant tell anyone im close to because theyll just hear “sociopath” and think i dont care about them or ive been manipulating them this whole and leave, and i wont be able to find new people because im bad at connecting with others so ill be alone. and no one online with aspd seems to have my experiences (also a lot of the online spaces are filled with pwBPD and pwNPD using our tag lmao and i dont relate to them either obviously) so i feel alien here too.

I dunno, finding this out was helpful in some ways but in others i just feel worse.

I guess it’s a net good now that i know that my way of thinking and going through life doesnt make me a bad or manipulative person its just how i naturally think bc of my disorder, and as long as im choosing to be good to people it shouldn’t matter. i just wish it wasnt so stigmatized to have, and i wish people would realize that i am capable of being a good person just as much as they are, i just have my own way of doing it.

I actually dont get why having it Come Naturally is such a good thing anyway, isnt it more meaningful if someone isnt “good by nature” but actively chooses to be anyway? I think it means less and is less reliable if someone is good by nature because then it means that they don’t actually know how or why theyre doing it, and if they have a moment of fluctuations in their empathy then they could be worse than any of us disordered folk who had to learn they why and how of this stuff.

lmfao ok uh sorry for having a character arc in your ask box you can delete if you want idc

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

Plain text below the cut:

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

[crippled-peeper]

hey morg, im sorry for such a heavy ask in your inbox but ive grown increasing unsafe with myself because of my lack of medication for mental health and my physical conditions worsening. ive been a vague friend of yours for a while and im struggling to tell you myself how much im struggling because i feel like a burden to absolutely everyone around me despite being told im loved and valued. im even told im not a burden but i somehow cant believe it anymore. i wanna live so badly but somehow dont believe i deserve it because my ability to function is decreasing. when im even aware, i just feel so much guilt at anything i ever do or say even if it's not harmful in the grand image of it all. i dont know if you want me to try and message you instead at seeing this but im so desperate to try and break my warped view of everything.

I wish I could give you a big hug and make you soup because it sounds like you are going through the worst time mentally and I’m not sure if any kind or intelligent words will help . you’re totally allowed to DM me too

when people are depressed it can be really hard for them to see how far their perspective has shifted because it just affects so much of your thoughts. It can be much more difficult to remember good times. It can feel impossible to imagine things getting better. but that doesn’t mean they won’t or can’t improve. it doesn’t mean things ARE worse. they might certainly feel that way though and that is hard to live with

it’s especially difficult to feel valuable and to feel wanted if you are disabled and getting worse. But even if you can never work or study again though you can still make friends and connections with other people that are deep. there are lots of other ppl on here going through this very same struggle of wanting to have a meaningful life with close relationships while still being disabled and fighting loneliness

I hope you make it through this anon and that you feel better and can find value in your interactions cuz the world is a better place with you in it

[flameraven]

i cant stop wondering how a predator like ga*man was able to write the most beautiful romantic wholesome perfect love story ever with gomens. how. (and i believe the women i just wanna make that clear)

only way i can imagine it is that it was terrys idea for the sequel theyd planned and with that it wouldve been easy for the people working on good omens to help with that. like so much of these characters and their love story is the way michael and david act these characters out and the seasons have been co-written with other writers like finnemore etc so its never been a "ga*man" story ya know ? in all the other books i read of him he never wrote an actual love story based on mutual respect and care. its only gomens. it took me a while to figure out what was so different abt it and i think its truly more terrys story than ga*mans

Not sure why you sent this, or if it was a response to a specific post, but I thought it was worth answering, especially now that we know there's a 3rd accusation against him. Mostly, if you didn't see this post that I reblogged recently, I think it's worth a read. I think it's a comforting thought to try to categorize people into Good People and Bad People, and to write off the Bad People as doing Only Bad Things so they can be safely ignored. But I think the more uncomfortable truth is that people are complicated, and sometimes the same people who make brilliant, moving art also do terrible things. Gaiman is a very skilled writer and many people have found that his work was meaningful to them and touched their lives. I am one of them-- I have been a fan of Gaiman's work for something like 20 years. Sandman and Good Omens radically changed how I thought about religion, and Sandman showed me a whole new way comics could be used to tell stories. The TV show of Good Omens has made an incredible difference to my life and I've found a lot of value and community in writing fanfic of it and connecting with the fandom. AND, it's also true that Gaiman seems to have behaved terribly towards these women. Even if the relationships had not involved assault, pursuing much younger women is a creep move. He's hardly the first male celebrity to do so, and I'm sure he won't be the last, but I did expect better from him. But then, we don't really know anything about celebrities. We only know the persona they show us. Good Omens was a collaborative effort, and I don't think it's fair to dismiss Gaiman's writing contributions because of his personal behavior. But it's also true that the TV show is more than just his efforts -- Michael and David and all the actors and producers and crew worked hard to tell the story that affected so many people. If it helps you process this situation to think of those contributions, or Terry's, rather than Gaiman's, I think that's a valid approach. People have a lot of complicated feelings about this, and everyone has to sort them out in their own way.

[blueiight]

I was reading your tags to dre's published ask. Do you think while writing about these blood sucking monsters, Anne deliberately made one of them a former slave master? I mean the way this man during his mortal times had benefited by preying on the black race and the reflection of it in his fate where he is now in literal terms an entity who survives by preying on people? Or is it like twilight ( movies) where Jasper's past as a confederate soldeir is just dropped as if it's the most casual thing to shrug away.

( something is up with vampire media and all of them being connected to slave trade my god. Either it is a social commentary or people really do not have any self awarenesses?

i dont know about twilight book or movie to make a meaningful comparison to louis’s book counterpart. i wish i knew. and tbh, its hard to prescribe authorial intent on a dead woman who wrote a sprawling epic of 20+ books for 50 years , especially with shifting perspectives , namely pivoting away from louis to lestat as her MC bc of what fantasy/POV was more interesting to her. but i think in the first book there was some intention there, i cant just say how much. lestat wants to hunt the runaway slaves along the freniere plantation, and louis discourages him from doing it not out of compassion for enslaved people (which would be condescending and abysmal writing for a slaveowning character), but for his proximity to the freniere’s as fellow planters. ive talked about it a lot how its really interesting in the first 2 books that the american planter is created both literally + vampirically by the european aristocrat.. and theyre both parasitic beings in relation to the enslaved people, eventually draining them+ burning the plantation down. iwtv early book louis is resentful of lestat in part bc he thought lestat wanted his plantation, but when he learns who lestat is + where he came from, the power and will he has. hes far more genial to him. its a very dark book, and i think the fact that these characters are so vicious + melancholic is intentional on the authors part. i dont know how much race based chattel slavery is meaningfully explored from the perspective of the slaveowner, but book louis thinking of people in his captivity as fixtures, as creepy ‘things’ more proximate to the supernatural bc of their ‘african nature’ (that had yet to be ‘trained’ out of them) is a very probable, chilling, and haunting perspective of a former slaveowner to take even a hundred and some years removed from it. or if we take it as book louis immersing himself in his perspective @ the time. either way. and its pathetic when fans try to flatten book louis into ‘he was a good slaveowner’ cuz at that point theyre just conflating the movie with the book. i kinda joke that book louis is the vampire it girl bc he was such a terrible mortal LOL. im still indeterminate on the exact mode or purpose, or how much it was just about the aesthetic of gothic horror (re: the earth’s a savage garden). especially bc later books fixate on very discrete modes and metaphors of servitude/subjugation ‘being a slave to the blood’ is a recurring motif running antiparallel with the motif of ‘purifying the african/asian/foreign’ (through ‘admixture’ with the ‘european’) (s/o poacher bro gabi + talamasca bro dave ig) and in later works, theres the cycle of slavery through marius & armand.. marius, whos mother was a slave, purchases armand. chattel slavery took inspo from the romans in the idea of maternal based slave caste inheritance.. idk. idk. ive had very long rambly convos w ppl on here in the past (& im still a bit embarrased abt it) on this, but i think the reasons why fans dont rly get into it is cuz most ppl got into these books at a young age + was just into the cool lore or the queer shit and were able to handwave things as just aesthetic/era/quirky anne things etc. idk.

[kisaraslover]

Do Mokuba and Kisara have any activities that they like to do together? Is Kisara more of a gal pal to him, or more like a big sister?

hello! so sorry for the late reply, if its any consolation i opened it on my phone and hallucinated my response multiple times before going "ill reply on my laptop later"

to me its definitely a case of "you cant just slap on Traditional Family Dynamic on all platonic relationships" Kisara the woman isnt motherly or nurturing, i know most people want her a "big sister" figure to Mokuba but her themes are social outcast, benevolent yet lonely, angry yet merciful, self sacrificing but hard to connect, shunned and worshipped woman of unknown origin. shes pretty much a wet pathetic meow meow on the surface. that much is impossible to miss so no matter how or when they meet Mokuba would be the one looking out for her. in the soft ways a young boy who grew up too fast tries to care for someone older than him.

think about it. shes scaredgirl core even when all the logical signs in her speech and her actions point to her being calm, coldblooded, levelheaded person, her body language is caving into herself, turtlenecking, backing out until she hits a wall, her self preservation hard to miss. Mokuba would immediately take notice of it (he used to too. though now its Fake It Till You Make with the kaiba bros) and regardless of how calm she might seem i can see him very subtly caring for her in small ways. he'll be more animated and loud if shes embarrassed, he'll step in front of her in a crowd so she can follow, in all joke fights or general seto bitching, him and kisara are a unified front. tho their win rate against him is crazy high theyre never NEVER above dramatically hugging each other, sinking to their knees, begging this tyrant to stop abusing his two very soft and kind family members (guilt tripping older siblings on how they used to treat you is always morally correct. im the older sibling its fair ok)

from there its easy to see him turning to loving her really deeply. while her connection to seto is significant and mokuba is happy for it, kisara herself is a fun, strange little lady, always down for his shenanigans, easily excitable about trying new things. mokuba, as the self proclaimed jack of all trades kaiba brother needs to try out many hobbies, learn about all subjects on earth, taste all arts he can and kisara is a wonderful partner. shes down to earth and humble in a way that puts things into perspective (she has that effect on both kaiba brothers lol. world wont end if you lose this game. there there) and mokuba would enjoy the chilled out nature of her because the kaibas are EXTREME.

anyway so the boyish ways he carefully regards her go both ways, she would be very attached him (dragon!) but she'd not care for the ages at all. she'd be like "OMG MY BEST FRIEND MOKUBAAA!!!" in her mind whenever she spots him. if all goes well and she is given a happy ending, she only enjoys companionship later in life. i like to imagine her having meaningful and rich relationships with different types of people as an adult but it WOULD be missing something important. monkeying around. silliness. and the eternal youth swagTM of mokuba kaiba would be her precious childhood silliness she missed out on. she would get to experimentally Commit To The Bit. her smart humor and his sharp wit, when they get together, leaving behind only the dumbest bits... their chemistry.

best trios are ones where all the members feel like the thirdwheel and knowing how seto-kisara and seto-mokuba are its only fair kisara-mokuba is LINKED for life.

[elysian-drops]

Hello!! Thank you so much for taking time to answer my questions. For resentment part, I get it but still i think i'm having a hard time how she is being forgiving over her parent's death. Wouldn't that kind of hate and resentment last forever? He killed her parents, took away her family and a life that she couldn't even imagine. But I do get 'preserving herself' and the apathy. Her life is traumatic so this is how she survives.

Oh and the children. I do agree, it would be a disaster especially now(or soon). But my imagination goes like this: Minimum ten years later, Harri somehow got away from him(yeah its impossible) and raising her children on her own far away(and then she is coming back!! How? Why? Where? What happened? Nobody knows haha) Its an impossible scenario but yeah. I feel like even though she'd have lots of issues with 'being a good mother' i think she yearns to have a family. She'd try to give her children everything she didn't have. Would she struggle? Definitely, a lot. And as for V, yes, i just cannot see him as a father. You are so right about him seeing children as a competition and a threat. I guess she'd have this kind of family with Draco maybe?? *sighs* I just want her to be happy and content at the end but so much for living with the devil. I just cant stop thinking about their children and in my mind, they are twins -a boy and a girl- and they are the perfect image of 'royal' pure-bloods. I imagine they'd have the deadly grace and cunning of V and, spirit and braveness of Harri. Super powerful and eventually will clash with their father(my brain cells are writing their own story at this point haha). Anyway, they are living in my head rent free and its your fault for writing such a good story!! I can't wait for the next chapter!

Hi!

You’re so welcome 💕 Thanks for asking! 

That’s totally fair you’re having trouble understanding why Harri is forgiving when it concerns her parents’ death. I think a lot of people are, especially since canon!Harry’s loyalty towards/love of his parents was a pretty defining trait that shaped a lot of his experiences and how he related to others in the story. However, when writing Appetence, I was thinking quite a bit about developmental trauma— especially for children who have lost their parents at an early age— and how this can often manifest in a complete detachment as a way of coping. And for Harri, that’s really what has happened. We get some insight as to how she frames their death and how she has removed herself from it. For example, there’s a point where she mentions that she doesn’t think of Lily and James as individuals or as her parents, but more-so as a vague concept— and that it’s difficult for her to mourn them when she doesn’t possess any memories or awareness of who they were as people. I believe it was in Chapter 51 (??) when she’s walking with Snape in the maze that this gets brought to the forefront. In Harri’s inner-dialogue, she mentions how she can’t bring herself to miss James or Lily because they might as well have been strangers to her. Everything she knows about them comes from second-hand sources, and when you think about your own life— such as hearing stories of a friend’s friend that you don’t really know—  it’s hard to care about them on the same intimate level that you may care for someone you personally know. This is compared to Snape who has pretty intense feelings of grief when it comes to Lily as he grew up with her. For Harri, however, she never had that chance to make any meaningful connection with her parents and this has resulted in a pretty apathetic, detached stance. 

Of course, while she does think about, and sometimes mourns, the idea of what having parents may have been like— what life could have been— when it comes to hating Voldemort for specifically killing Lily and James and taking that away, she doesn’t feel that. But it’s like I said in my previous answer: she doesn’t like to expend the resources on entertaining the could-have-beens and constantly resenting not having them be true. It’s not productive, and she knows it— she has to keep moving forward and try to be content as she can with reality. After all, it just would be a waste of energy to always be upset with Voldemort for something that can't be changed any more. That being said, however, if Voldemort did end up killing someone close to her— like Sirius, for example— yeah, that would 100% result in a great deal of hatred and resentment. This is because she knows Sirius as a person and has made certain attachments that she doesn't have towards Lily and James.

However, I totally understand why you have a hard time relating to Harri when it comes to this issue. For a lot of people who grew up with their parents or with some form of parental love (which Harri also did not get until far too late in her life), this sounds foreign. But it’s a rather real phenomena for those without these connections— or where these connections were severed prematurely— that detachment becomes the defining characteristic of their attitude towards their deceased or absent parental figures. And frankly, I just thought it would be a fascinating idea to explore— an alternative to canon!Harry's mentality towards his parents.

Also, just as a side-note on making the Voldemort and Harry ship work as well, there definitely needs to be either an element of detachment/apathy— or forgiveness— on Harry’s end when it comes to dealing with Lily and James’ death. You know, you can’t really have their relationship move forward if Harry constantly feels an overwhelming amount of resentment towards Voldemort— which is why I believe Harry/Tom is a bit more popular and, perhaps, easier to write than Harry/Voldemort. It’s less complicated at times— because, let’s face, Harry/Voldemort is such a messy, messy ship 😂 But that’s why we love it. 

Anyway, regarding the children, wow– that’s an interesting scenario, for sure! I know that actually is a pretty popular trope/outcome for many fem!Harry plots— the boy-girl twins, especially— and, if Appetence was a different type of story, then maybe it could work. But unfortunately, it’s just not a viable outcome in this universe 😭 Though perhaps it could be an AU (an AU of an AU? 😅😂). I like hearing your thoughts though and your take on what Harri desires/wants, especially when it comes to potential motherhood and a family. It’s always interesting to read other’s interpretations, especially when they differ somewhat from my own! But thank you for the compliment— I’m flattered that my story could inspire your imagination! 💕

Until next time 😊💕

[honeycoveredpaper]

2 7 9 32 36 for the dr asks

2) Least Favorite Game?

okkk i wont take the easy way out and pick a spin offff. its probably THH. dont get me wrong I LOVE THH i mean obv. i wouldnt be this obsessed with danganronpa if i didnt like it. i legit played it in one week while muting all my online highschool classes (it was 2020).

but i just didnt connect to the cast on an individual level like i did with the others. like i love the cast as a whole and do have some characters i really like, but for the most part i like the characters less than the other games. thats really the only reason i put it at the bottom of the 3.

7) Favorite Class Trial From All The Games?

well i like the 2nd games trials the most and this is probably gonna be weird butttttt probably chapter 4's trial. the funhouse one. when i played it i actually paused playing danganronpa for like a month or something in the middle of the trial and then came back to it. i dont remember why, maybe i was frustrated but i dont think that was the case? anyway that trial is just so self contained and silly because of the setting that it just really sticks out to me.

9) Favorite Execution?

ok this is a hard one. i love kaitos cause of how meaningful it is and the fact that it references literally the opening of the first game. i also like makotos cause of how crazy it is in the first game to be like "wait am i gonna die??" i think people forget about how cool that moment is because of kaedes death. but if we are talking about like the mechanics of the execution i really like pekos cause of how it represents her seeing herself as being a tool cause shes being controlled in her execution.

32) Favorite Culprit?

i meannnnn kaito? lol cause like THAT CHAPTER AND INVESTIGATION IS JUST SO GOOD YOU GUYS!! but lets say that doesnt count cause of the nuance in it. probably celeste tbh. her plan was really complex but like realistically complex? i like that about the first game, the murder plans were some what more realistic. and hers was so active and just fun to be involved in as weird as that sounds. like i kinda knew something was up cause she was so active in it but i still liked how she did it.

36) Favorite Antag Character?

god this is so hard... i go back and forth between nagito and kokichi so much. i think nagito is more of a looming threat and just works better in the overall game as an antag. cause kokichi isnt really a real issue until he makes gonta kill miu. like he causes issues before but they aren't that serious. which tbh is just the difference between their characters. cause i believe kokichis words that he didnt actually like the killing game and was just playing along to try and stop it. which makes sense why he would be more observant at first rather than active. nagito is just all about getting the ultimates to prove themself, the killing game is more just a tool for him rather than something he is focused on. so it makes sense why hes active from the beginning. soooo idk i cant choose lol they are both so good. i love byakuya too but out of the 3 hes at the bottom.

[thelegendofhino]

More speculating and making stuff up because that is so very fun, perhaps hino is just very deeply lonely and doesnt realize it, or is actively repressing it.

Tldr autism makes personal connections difficult and routines very appealing, the moon essentially makes up for the inherent loneliness of being unable to connect with others in a meaningful way, but his inability to connect may be because he focused too much on the moon.

In botw especially, its odd that hes the only person that always stays at the dueling peaks stable that doesnt have a twin, other than sagessa who points out that almost everyone there has a twin (which she finds creepy), and its odd still that hes at that stable despite it having an arguably not very good view of the moon, at least compared to plenty of other places. Many npcs dont really talk about their personal lives unless they live in a town or have a relation to another npc, so its hard to say what his life may have been like up until now. I dont personally think he had a twin at some point, but it would be interesting, but unfortunately neither him nor domidak and prissen, one of the set of twins at that stable (the moon moves in the opposite direction now, so it no longer goes where hino was looking in botw), are still at the stable in totk, so it doesnt seem to hold as much significance.

Hino seems to regard the moon and the blood moon as two seperate entities, despite clearly being aware that they are one and the same, and the blood moon is just something that happens to the moon for reasons unknown to him. In totk especially, he refers to the moon with she/her pronouns, unless its a blood moon, in which he only uses it/its or just says "the blood moon". In botw, he uses it/its for both cases, and seems to have a slightly less personal attachment to the moon than he does in totk. For whatever reason, however much time has passed between the two games, hes gotten even more obsessed with it and the blood moon, even going so far as to repeatedly put himself in danger with little to no sign of considering any other possible option for his studies. I still believe the upheaval did... SOMETHING to him, though i really cant tell how much time is supposed to have passed between the upheaval and link waking up on the sky island.

Hino doesnt really seem to tell anyone about anything that hes doing unless he is asked, in which case he will tell them absolutely everything he knows. He doesnt seem to have learned much of anything new between the two games, and he also doesnt just simply ask other people for how they may have observed monsters, probably either because its never occured to him to do so or just that hed rather use his own judgment. I personally completely understand why he would be that way (autism) so i do think he just has trouble connecting with people, especially if he only really cares about the moon, and he is literally the only npc who puts any focus on it at all so its not like he could find anyone else to talk about it with.

So, when you go and repeatedly save him, he comes to the conclusion that he doesnt need to worry about whatever the monsters might do to him when hes captured because you'll just come in to save him, like a sort of routine, instead of coming to the conclusion that maybe he should try to go about his research in a much safer way. But maybe hes subconsciously doing it on purpose. Youve consistently been the only person to talk to him and listen to him (i know its implied that other npcs have spoken to him before, but i mean consistently) and to go out of your way to save him, so clearly you must care about him (i do!) some amount.

And with that said about routine, the moon is EXTREMELY consistent. So is the sun, but its not very easy to look at the sun. The moon is consistent with the time it shows up, and the phase that it changes to after each previous phase. The only thing that throws it off is the blood moon, which may be why hino regards it differently, but even so it has its own consistent schedule, happening once every ~7 in game days (though this can be postponed in various ways). This is also why hino is upset when it rains. Sure, he can always see the moon the next night, but thats not what its about. The moon is too important to him to not feel upset when he cant see it. Even if it rains in the morning, the only thing he can think about is the possibility of it continuing to the night, preventing him from seeing it. The moon runs on a schedule, the weather does not. And that is upsetting to him. Not just because rain is unpredictable, but because the moon is too personally important to him for anything to get in the way of it.

Maybe, just maybe, hino developed his special interest on the moon as a sort of replacement for a lack of company. Its there every night, as if it were watching over him. It doesnt seem to matter to him to figure out why the moon changes phases or why it shines so brightly, what matters to him is that he can see it. Even a new moon, where you cant see it, as long as its not raining he finds comfort in just knowing its there. And hes grown even more personally attached to it over the years, possibly because its all he feels that he has, whether he realizes that about himself or not. Maybe hes too far into his obsession that he wouldnt be able to meaningfully connect with anither person at this point and maybe, deep down, he knows this. Maybe he feels he cant connect with another person because they wouldnt understand his love for the moon and his interest in the blood moon, and we do see that nobody else in hyrule has that focus on it at all. Maybe hes just really, really lonely, and its hard for him to truly realize it because connecting with others is difficult, especially when youre autistic. So to him he doesnt need to feel lonely, because the moon is always there every night, like clockwork. Its familiar, its consitent, its intriguing, its beautiful, and most of all, its his company. And hes even acknowledged that he cant reach the moon. Its a company that he knows is too far away to ever touch. But just seeing it is enough for him, as long as he doesnt acknowledge that it is just... the moon. And im sure hes aware of that, but what it means to him is very real.

[royjamierot]

#oh man oh boy dont dont get me started on this because i dont even know the thoughts i have its all emotion but i can try #like so many ppl say oh you lot wanting ted and jamie to be something when they have crumbs #like yeah but no because thats the point #and also the point of all of us ranting against the mary poppins shitty analogy for ted #ted is human and flawed and has issues #and carries SO MUCH pain inside him #and works so hard in overcoming his obstacles #and many of these issues and pains actually accidentally connect to jamie in a way ted cannot control #and this is why as op says sometimes he misses the mark #because he gets blinded by his own experience and thoughts and feelings and unresolved aches #that he accidentally links to jamie but do not Work the samne way #ted tries honestly and genuinely to help jamie and he DOES help him but not without his own slightly off center misses #i mean do you not remember how jamie was focus front and center when he had those emotional distressing situations? i want them to have moments together and i want them to connect and be so meaningful to each other #because they have an incredible potential to be absolutely wonderful to one another #to be immensely comforting and healing and simply good for each other #and i truly believe they would fit beautifully #idk if its clear enough that i fully agree with op here im basically repeating what they said lol #and maybe i take it too far because you know im from the jamie is teds second son agenda ppl but it is what it is cant control my heart #ted lasso #jamie tartt #like no for real ted projecting his issues while genuinely trying to help other people with their own is such a humanely painful thing @strawberry-peach

YOU'RE SO RIGHT YES THANK YOUUU you explained it sooo well like i can't add anything i just want to share your tags literally thank you for adding this onto my post. i just feel so much about these guys.

i dont think people talk about ted and jamie enough bc ted's advice to jamie is so often informed by the loss of his own dad and to some extent his son. he wants so desperately to help jamie but he can't because of his own issues with his father. he tells jamie that maybe his dad's abuse made him a better player, even though jamie said himself it was never about him, it was about his mom. ted wants jamie to have his dad back in his life because he misses his own dad. ted isn't perfect, far from it, and this is a perfect example. he can't properly separate his own self image from jamie, leading him to give jamie shitty advice about his dad. i don't think he genuinely wants jamie to forgive his abuser, he just wants jamie to have a dad because he misses his own. he wants jamie to forgive his dad because he wants henry to forgive him for being absent.

[gay-jesus-probably]

ok genuine question

how can someone identify as a woman?

not all women share experiences, the only thing we truly share is being of the sex capable of producing ova. (not that all women do, just that our reproductive system is set up for it, even if it doesn’t) how do you identify as a women? there is no “woman feeling” so how can you feel like a woman?

we cant truly define woman in a meaningful way while excluding biology. i’m not trying to attack you, i try to educate myself on both sides of an issue so i would like to hear your answers.

...I mean, you've kind of figured it out yourself already here, you just didn't quite connect the dots. Biology doesn't actually work as a hard definition for gender, because intersex people exist. Even putting them aside, let's be real here, humans just don't have much in the way of sexual dimorphism; ovaries are just internal testicles, and a clitoris is just a very small penis. Hell, it's not unheard of for a man to be declared AMAB at birth with nothing to suggest otherwise, and then decades later get an x-ray and discover surprise, he was also born with a uterus, bonus organs for him. There's really no good definition of 'woman', beyond just 'someone who has decided they're a woman'. Gender is just a social construct at the end of the day; concepts like male and female carry weight because we've decided to attach all this baggage to them. But without all that social conditioning and gender roles and whatnot, it's just a label that's applied to you as an infant, and when you get older you can choose to keep using the label if it fits you, or try to figure out what identity suits you better.

In regards to the concept of a 'woman feeling', I mean I assume that feeling like a woman is a common experience for cis ladies, and even more so for trans ladies because they're paying more attention to it. But I've never experienced those feelings myself, because ayyy, not a woman. It took time and experimentation, but eventually I worked it out and realized I just don't have gender feelings at all, and agender is the identity that works best for me (though ironically, when people recognize me as Not Cis IRL, they usually clock me as a trans woman, just cause I'm very tall/broad and have a deep voice, but keep my hair long and dress vaguely femme). And like, if you're also AFAB and have never once felt 'like a woman', then I'd recommend doing some self reflection and experimentation with gender - maybe you're trans, maybe you're enby, or maybe you are actually a cis woman. Any outcome is great, because at the end of the day you have a better understanding of yourself, which is always a good thing. Same goes to AMAB people who've just never felt 'like a man'.

No offense taken anon, this was a perfectly understandable question to ask!

[thefanficmonster]

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’. 

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered. 

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet? 

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia! 

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

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[cabinetkillerz]

I think you should go for it! ST fans can be sort of... intense but honestly if they cant handle criticism of their fav series then they should just like. not interact with the post (or get blocked if theyre assholes abt it). Also I'm interested now that you mention it!

ok ok. cracks my knuckles

i would talk about the racism issue solely, but it’s a fundamental problem with the 2nd season as a whole. it is sort of imbedded deep in the season and there’s no good way to properly discuss it without bringing up a lot of other stuff.

overall i do think season 2 is a great season of television. it just happens to be the worst stranger things season, but at the end of the day it’s still rlly good! a lot of iconic parts of stranger things originate from s2, steve’s redemption and his relationship with dustin, el and hopper’s relationship, the introduction of max and billy, etc. however, you can tell this season was written in under a year with all the questionable turns they took and the choices they made (cough cough what they did with billy and whatever 008’s deal was cough cough) but i’ll get to that.

a big issue with it is the pacing. its very long and drags on and the different storylines are not as interconnected as they are in the 1st and 3rd. 9 episodes and they spend a lot of time trudging onward toward the actual plot, the whole existence of episode 8 and that awful fucking cliff hanger, yeah.

unlike in the 1st season and the 3rd, the characters are split up because the duffers are aware that if they had been together from the beginning everything could have been solved immediately. compare that to the other seasons and the characters are split up because they are tackling different chunks of the same big mystery, them meeting up in the end and exchanging information feels more natural.

that also connects into the whole plotline with eleven.. it was set up beautifully but fell flat on its face almost immediately. i feel that the stuff with her mother was extremely well done, the cold opening with 008/kali was top tier and rlly gets you excited for everything. and then they deliver the “spinoff pilot” episode; it has good moments sure but kali as a character (and her gang as well) feel like badly written ocs. their dialogue is also Atrocious, good god. kali also has no real connection to the lab aside from being a number and getting her angsty edgy revenge? she doesn’t rlly teach us anything new about the lab or her and el’s backstory, which is a damn shame :(

there’s also max. i do rlly like her but her “not like other girls” introduction was a little bit gross imo. i think they did a good job rounding her out by the end; the romance plot with lucas was a little unnecessary and weird tho lol. that’s about it with her, otherwise i see why she’s a fan favorite :]

and then of course there is the elephant in the room, billy. it’s kind of a hard thing to talk about because there was so little tact in writing him and this entire thing. i just feel like, billy is a pretty tragic character overall, not just because of what they did to him but his purpose as well? i don’t know if most people are aware, but billy’s whole purpose and the reason behind his introduction was him getting possessed and dying (though, they didn’t have the full plot for s3 down yet). he was a character brought in to uplift steve and make him look better, he was created solely to be a piece of shit. honestly, it feels a little sucky to me.. he was written to be a 2D bully/villain, which rlly sucks because as far as i can tell a lot of the characters are not set up to be so two dimensional.

the characters are a big part of why the show works so well, they feel incredibly real and fleshed out (aside from the russians in s3 but thats a whole different topic, idk if i’m fully equipped to cover it). his actor had to come in and ask them if billy could have a little more to his character than that. he was trying hard to make this character meaningful and have a little more to him than just being a 2D jackass. i feel like his character would have been a total waste if not for the changes they made to him, especially with how talented his actor is. god and the decision to make him vaguely racist? Fucking Awful.

from what i understand the duffers were the one who wanted the subplot in the first place. kind of gross because they are two very white men who wouldn’t even begin to understand what goes into a subject like this, let alone how unnecessary the whole thing was. i like the show but at the end of the day it was still pretty immature at the time and not built for such heavy subject matter.. and the way they executed it really fucking shows that. they drop vague hints but never actually commit, the scenes are incredibly uncomfortable and not in a thought provoking way like they wanted. if they did talk with black writers and try to understand their experiences, or hell just have them write the damn thing, it really doesn’t show.

it also just fucking sucks for lucas as a character. they do so little with him and then they subject him to a very prominent trope in media— they couldn’t just let lucas be a black main character in a cool sci fi horror setting, something that is incredibly rare mind you, they HAD to make being discriminated against a part of his storyline. as a black person it honestly just breaks my heart that he and other black characters are reduced to discrimination and always in such a tasteless way.

for the third season, they somewhat retconned the whole thing. probably due to backlash. on one hand i’m incredibly grateful because the whole thing felt rlly disgusting and i like billy as a character. but on the other i am disappointed that they did. they made a shitty decision and instead of committing and writing it better, they just swept it under the rug.

this is all a matter of opinion though, if any other black users find anything wrong with my statements about the use of racism in the show feel free to let me know.

the whole thing just kinda sucks, this show is pretty great otherwise. but something like this is only inevitable in any popular media.

again these are all just my opinions. i have a lot of opinions about stranger things, it’s one of my favorite medias ever. but at the end of the day i’m still critical of it because u have to be, yknow.. i will never understand people over the age of 12 who blindly obsess over smth lol

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Andrew Clark

(Not my gif)(Requested by @mpmarypoppins​ )

(I’m sorry this took so long! It took more work than I was expecting!)

- You technically met Andrew after the two of you were placed in the same class though; since you weren’t in the same social circle, you didn’t talk to each other. Well, you didn’t talk to each other until the teacher was late to class one day; something quite common for said teacher, and the delinquents who sat behind you decided to pick on you.

- Usually, it really didn’t bother you. You’d ignore them and the teacher would arrive and they’d be forced to shut up. But Andrew wasn’t used to that sort of thing and he certainly didn’t like it so when the goons started to berate you, he turned around and told them to shut up.

- They made a smartass retort back at him but did as he said, settling in their seats just as the teacher finally showed up. Throughout the rest of the class, the two of you took turns sneaking glances at each other and pretending like you weren’t when the other happened to look. 

- Neither of you mentioned the event to each other and you’d figured that that was the end of it. And for the time being it was, but a few days later that wouldn’t be the case. 

- Once again, your teacher was late and the assholes who sat behind you began their familiar attempts at bothering you. You caught Andrew glancing back at you, watching to see your reaction; you’d assumed, before he finally turned fully around and told them to knock it off …though this time they didn’t.

- The ringleader of the group made a comeback, turning on the boy and asking “what he was going to do about it”, prompting Andrew to stand up, threatening to “wipe the floor with” them.

- The boy stood up as well, grinning as he made a comment about the two of you dating, and subsequently an obscene remark which made your face turn hot. Before you knew it, the two boys were one the floor, Andrew pushing the kid to the ground, asking if he was finished and demanding he apologize.

- He released the boy after a moment and they straightened themselves out, stumbling backwards without saying anything, hoping to dodge the extra humiliation of saying they were sorry.

- You saw that Andrew was about to say something; most likely once again telling the boy to apologize, so you delicately grabbed his arm and told him it was fine, thanking him for sticking up for you.

- He eased up as the other boy and his group of friends made their exit, turning to you more calm then before and asking if you “just let them do that to you”.

“Nothing much I can do. If I say something they’ll just keep doing it because they get a rise out of me.” You explained.

“If you don't fight back they’ll just keep bothering you cause you’re an easy target.” He insisted.

“I’ll be an easy target but I’ll also be boring. The only way to win is to wait it out and let them get bored.” You replied, turning through your notebook a bit uncomfortably.

“No.” He shook his head.

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“No,” he replied. “They bother you again, you tell me. I’ll handle it if you don’t want to.”

- His offer made you smile but proved to be unnecessary as the boys moved seats and refused to say anything to you after that day.

- The two of you hadn’t talked in a few days so it sort of shocked you when he approached you in the hall and struck up a conversation, asking how things were to which you were able to report that the guys had left you alone.

- He gave you a small smile and a “that’s good, that’s good” before going quiet for a moment. You were about to say goodbye until he turned to you and told you about a party that one of his friends was having, suggesting that; maybe, you’d like to go before offering to pick you up.

- Taking your only chance to attend a real highschool party; and spend more time with one of the most popular and handsome boys in school, you agreed, writing down your address for him and returning his smile as he said goodbye. 

- As it turns out, parties aren’t really your thing and surprisingly not his either. The two of you ended up spending most of your time sat outside, talking in the dark and nursing cheap beer.

- You’d been telling him a story when you noticed that his eyes were locked on you. You’d dismissed it for a while before you turned and met his eyes, your story quickly becoming meaningless and trailing off into thin air.

- You watched as his eyes shifted down towards your lips, pausing there before he began to lean in. You began to lean forward as well, tilting your head so that he could connect your lips properly.

- The two of you shared a long, soft kiss before you pulled away, a warm, fuzzy feeling filling you as you took notice of the lovestruck sorta look on his face. The two of your faces lingered close to each other’s for a moment, neither of you wanting to pull away.

“You should probably take me home, it’s getting late.” You whispered.

“Do you want to go home?” He asked quietly.

“No.” You smiled, laughing softly.

- A small smile found its way onto his lips as well before he leaned in again, kissing you with a bit more fervor than before, his hands tightening their grip on the jacket; his jacket, that you were wearing.

- Cliques and stereotypes be damned. He loved you and he sure as hell wasn't letting you go if he could help it.

- He’s been taught to be a gentleman so he keeps his pda light and innocent. He doesn’t need the entire school watching him shove his tongue into your mouth.

- Soft kisses.

- Handholding.

- Temple, forehead, and head kisses. 

- Attending all of his wrestling matches and cheering him on. He always seeks you out in the crowd and shoots you a smile.

- He’s prone to trying to show off and impress you. Taking off clothes, flexing, athletic tricks, acting tough; whatever he thinks will get your attention.

- Giving him genuine, meaningful praise. 

- Shy compliments from him. Sometimes, he gets genuinely awestruck over how pretty you are. 

- He doesn't use too many nicknames, maybe a babe here and there but otherwise he just calls you by your name. He thinks pet names are sorta silly though he cant help but smile when you use them on him; as long as its in private. 

- He insists on escorting you to class. It’s certainly useful, the hallway crowds all but part like the red sea for him and his Varsity jacket. 

- Your books? In his arms. Your entire body? In his arms. Hey, he’s got muscles for a reason; he’s gonna put them to good use!

- Getting used as a human dumbbell. It’s somewhat scary yet fun though you’re pretty sure he copes a feel every now and again. 

- If you ever have any food you don't want just slide it over to him. You don’t even need to say anything, he’ll grab it and kiss you on the cheek before you can anyways. 

- He fiddles with things when he’s bored so expect to just randomly feel him playing with your hair or witness him doing something adorably stupid in an attempt to entertain himself. 

- Playing finger football and other hand games in class/lunch. 

- Dancing together.

- He loves having you right by his side. He’ll literally pull your chair closer to his while you’re sitting in it just because he wants you as close as he can get you.

- Sharing inside jokes and secret smiles with each other.

- He’ll either lay between your legs and lean back against you, his head on your stomach/chest, or he’ll lay his head in your lap and let you mess with his hair. He “secretly” loves when you play with it.

- You usually cuddle with your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around you. He’s sorta not used to cuddling so it’s gonna take a little bit of time for him to warm up to really snuggling with you.

- He hasn't really figured out who he is yet. He’s an amalgamation of everyone he’s ever had to listen to so you’re gonna have to try and help break him out of that, and become his own person. 

- A part of him yearns to feel accepted and that’s going to cause him to do whatever he can to please you, unless, perhaps, it goes against pleasing his father. It’s just something he does without really thinking about it so you’ll have to sort of keep that in mind since you don’t want to take advantage of him. 

- Going out and acting like idiots, living in the moment and actually enjoying yourselves instead of worrying about what other people think. 

- Being there for him to rant to when he needs. 

- Helping him study so he doesn't fall behind in his academics while trying to excel in sports. 

- Wearing his jacket. He thinks you look adorable when you put it on and will always toss it to you when the weather gets cold.

- He’s hot blooded so if you get cold then just move in closer, he never minds. Either that or throw on the clothing that he’s pulled off of himself.

- Being invited to the “popular” parties, even if you really aren’t yourself. He’s not a big fan of them but you being there makes them more bearable.

- Becoming friends with the members of the breakfast club, specifically Claire since she’s in the same clique as Andrew and you wind up hanging out in the same places. 

- He genuinely likes you for you. You may think that you have to change something about yourself but just know that he loves you either way, whether you do change it or not. 

- He thinks you’re the greatest. Even if other people see your actions as “nothing” or strange, he finds them endearing.

- He’s always willing to fight to figure out what's wrong, pushing you to talk even when you try to defensively push him away. Instead of judging or trying to give you halfhearted advice, he just relates and makes you feel accepted.

- Carnival/theme park dates. He likes taking you places where he can win you prizes and the two of you can spend the day goofing off. 

- Arcade dates but the cool kind. 

- You know how hard it is to strip off clothes and makeout with his layered fucking circus act? Man has on like five shirts at a time. He’s immune to strip poker and pussy. 

- He sorta acts like your father. He’s been conditioned into acting the way he does, behaving like he’s a teacher/parent and telling people what to do, repeating the same dribble that he’s been told. In some ways its endearing, in others its infuriating and sad. 

- He isn't too keen on introducing you to his parents and you understand why. You don’t take offense, knowing that he isn’t keeping you away because he’s ashamed of you. 

- Making sure to step in and ensure he doesn't beat peoples asses. You’re one of the few people he listens to when he’s angry.

- He gets extremely jealous, particularly when he knows someone has a thing for you. And when he gets jealous, he has a habit of getting aggressive; either threatening or full on fighting guys when they don't back off. 

“You don't talk to her. You don't look at her. You don't even think about her.”

- Overprotective; he’s always ready to jump to your defense even when he really doesn’t have to. 

- A lot of your fights are due to outside pressures. He’s constantly under a lot of stress so fights can erupt at any time, even if neither of you mean for them to happen. 

- He just loses it, sometimes throwing an insult/harsh word or two at you that he doesn't mean. After he has some time to cool down he feels absolutely horrible and chides himself for being such a jerk. 

- He might show up at your house or try to approach you at school the next day but its up to you on whether you'll just take him back. He’ll ask to talk to you and tries to offer a genuine apology whenever he’s in the wrong. 

- Quiet, earnest “I love you’s”. He’s sort of shy about saying it but you can certainly tell that he means it when he does.

- You don’t really talk about the future all too much but he’ll occasionally bring it up. He certainly wants to marry you. He’s praying that you want the same and that you’ll end up being his highschool sweetheart. 

[wolfsneedles]

im sorry but otis and maeve exacerbate the goodness and badness both in each other and this makes them special and more connected with their glimpses, gestures and inability to stay away for longer. unless ur telling me there are other superior ships too but the ending of s3 ep7 was so so special. Otis and Maeve's ending lines in the rain scene is pretty PRETTY indicative of who at least should be with whom, when its always been them in each others mind. Now idk what would writers do or make of it in s4 and cliffhanger like ending, but all love interests added were poorly added and gave us false hope for both characs to be with someone else like isaac/ruby thing, however the entire thing as eric says too, "happened bcs of otis and maeve coming together with special diff traits and bonds to form the best clinic that offers pretty feasible and amateur like opinions which in turn polished otis' skills of helping people more and also for maeve who was already pretty smart and bright ahead of her times, in her speech and tastes" and this was entire reason and beginning of the best season which led to clinical education, awareness for teenagers while otis and maeve also navigate through each others lives and troubles and love and ways of communicating since both have a different way of communicating and both adhere to each other and also give each other space more, (or maybe bcs i do prefer that ship more than others, im just so hyped at every scene and moment). However the best moment for me wasn't the bus scene kiss moment in france but when otis and maeve were both kicked out of sexed class for open and different opinions against or anti to whatever prude and harsh concepts Hope was instilling in people, a lot of ppl and characters owned up to their sexuality and rebelled but Otis and Maeve rejecting the idea and challenging and arguing but then also being kicked out of class is very special moment and a parallel between them that so many perhaps don't notice, It also tells how differently in choices, they are so connected in thoughts, Maeve never shrugged off otis and he doesn't bother her only and until they both knew they couldn't really stay away and he made an effort even after f_cking up to stay in his life, and apologized and competed rather foolishly with isaac but all this bottled down again to ruby and isaac just used for story development and then removed from scenes but in a way i think, it is best for them since otis and maeve are both confused about each other & overall relationships, i think they both would take things v slowly and they are that kind of patient couple if they are a couple.....which i cant see hope of. It all actually just started from them too, which led to graffitis and sexual topics to be embraced and accepted more, bcs idk if someone also noticed how otis has so much of jean in him, and even if he is embarrassed by his mother sometimes, the genes just reflect in him. He is good at articulating and smooth and i think maeve picks it up quickly, they don't even guess when they are together, and they both have innate desire to help ppl esp maeve under that hard rock shell of an exterior, she is the most selfless and forgiving person, maybe too much, and lets go of a lot of stuff, always looks forward to future and is quite pragmatic even but in sense of otis, they both are always inexplicably drawn and held together to each other by some bitter false or sweet ripe memory of their previous days and its so funny or adorable to see them actually cling foolishly to their past encounter messages, moments, talks, and dreams/jokes of having a clinic. We see eric as bestfriend of Otis rooting for them too, and so does Aimee (which is weak evidence or parallel since writers are putting hints like this always but it is always jeopardized somehow in the end too so im not hoping or keeping too high hopes on anything).

The rain moment in s3ep7 is the most heart-warming because maeve now doesn't push otis back and neither does she falls back on isaac somehow, and she welcomes his opinion again, only this time they actually confess in pretty open words & expressions which is more meaningful and rigorous and sparkling than the RainmomentInFrance which i think was, meaningless or maybe just a way to bring them close together.

You cannot tell me this is excellent dialogue exchange and yet so simple with breath your name by Sixpence playing in the BG,

Otis: "It was never about the clinic, it was to be close to you – and even if we aren't romantically together, id like to see you everyday, Nothing feels right when you aren't here"

This is more about companionship and soulmate-ism too than just a sexual relationship or deep crush situation. Even if they aren't together romantically, and still wanting to be close to her is big big thing & detail for at least something good and warm for them in future, because he hasn't confessed this to anyone or ruby even which was initially a casual relationship even. This explains pretty well that even if they aren't together or intended to be together, - the staying close + together or near each other is enough to make day.

Maeve: "It wasn't about the money for me, it was also to be close to you too

Maeve doesn't say much but a) smiles when he says we can be team and due to nearness to her he wanted to work on further and b).she exclaims and rebuts his claim that she was in it for money only when she has never been lucky in family/financial dept and wanted to be close to her too, but also how this was method for her to earn money too so like double benefit because maeve does need money and we cannot reduce her to romantic person only but the hardworking intelligent and practical persona she carries and embodies! and wants to rise academically and also does it selflessly, doesn't obstruct or infringe on someone's rights like most people do. But she also does admit at the same time it wasnt just for the money. With the background music score this moment might be the best cliché end or romantic confession even if in future it doesn't mean much because words...are winds and fade away, but i cannot deny the canon visible goodness these both characters bring out in one another, its like they do compliment and fit each other which i always find quite evident from s1 until s2 made their friendship too sour but its about what they bring in each other and only think abt themselves in each others presence. When they are with someone else they think about other things clouding their mind yet sometimes when they talk to each other, its like they both do comfort each other or it wouldn't have pained the writers to show how visibly hateful they are if they were. Perhaps the abortion moment in s1 was also very warm and changed my mind so much abt them, its like how otis is always there in worse situations for maeve along with aimee too ofc, and sometimes its childish to see him try so hard and desperate to be there but she eventually lets him in.

[zhuhongs]

dear god, i’m going to lose my mind. 我為什麼是這樣的人！！！

I can’t do it. No matter where I go, I can’t connect with others. I try and try but I cant fucking do it. I try my best, I know all the correct answers. I know how to make people like me but still I can’t manage to do it. It almost feels like it’s too late. I’ve established myself as the person who keeps to herself and only knows how to respond, never initiate. i want to change. I want to do better but why am i scared. Why do i care what other people think?!??! In 6 months time I won’t know absolutely any of them!! Why should I care? I shouldn’t yet I hesitate. I miss out on potentially finding a good friendship because I refuse to put myself out there. I always do this, nothing has changed at all. Just like with teaching, I thought if I forced myself into an environment where I would be uncomfortable, i would find it easy to change. But I can’t. I’m to comfortable staying as I am to make any meaningful change. I scrutinize those around me when i myself am just as pitiful. I laugh at my roommates who spend so long getting ready when in a way I wish I was like them. But in a way I don’t want to be them. I know the way they talk about others and I think that while on the outside they seem nice and agreeable, they are very judgemental, cruel people. They’re the exact kind of young woman I hate the most. Yet I live with them so I might as well be pleasant, and they will be too even though I’m sure we have a mutual unspoken dislike of the other. But still, why can’t I just stop caring?!

 I feel the overwhelming need to scream. I’m so painfully lonely even though people are around me at every waking second. Some days are good and I can be myself and not care. But the days that are hard are very hard. I want to do things and be amazing, and social, and enviable. But I cannot do anything. I’m always isolating myself somehow, and I don’t even realize it. I came here to run away, bc I mistakenly thought that it was just that my area didn’t suit me, surely I’d thrive elsewhere if I gave it a shot. But as I should’ve known from the countless books, and movies, and media I’ve consumed before -- I cannot run away from myself. My sadness will not change if I move, if anything it may only get worse. I mean think about it? Where I always lived may have been lonely at times, but it was a loneliness I knew how to manage. I had a support system, we just only met briefly due to life. But here, everything is lonely. Everything is knew and hard, even the things that I should know how to do. It’s difficult to buy food and get from school to home sometimes. That’s really hard on a person, to go from knowing your world like the back of your hand just for everything to be pushed to the right. It’s just similar enough that you feel like an idiot for not knowing how to do it, but different enough that everything is hard. And add onto that, I don’t have a space of my own to call home -- god. Yea. It’s difficult. 

But I feel like a spoiled brat saying this is hard, knowing that it’s an experience very few get to have. It’s a privilege. I know that. Back in High School I had a close friend that lived in Hong Kong for a year, and she talked about how difficult it was. All the adults praised her for being so strong to navigate hong kong alone as a teenager that didn’t speak cantonese. But I remember thinking that she was lucky. She got to live there because her dad was a rich pilot, sure she was alone but that was the experience of a lifetime, she should’ve taken advantage of it and enjoyed it more. Now here I am, doing something similar. I mean, I am learning the language. But sometimes it really is hard. I feel like going back in time and slapping my past self for being so ignorant. Thankfully I never said that thought to my friends face. I get it now, I mean, she was still a spoiled rich kid, but I get it. There really is a special kind of loneliness living alone in a foreign city that’s so different from your own. Right now I want a friend so bad but it frustrates me to no end how hard it is for me to make any sort of bond right now. 來慢慢的，慢慢的。

I feel like I used the fact that my cousin lives here and my two friends will be returning next year as a crutch to shield myself from making any real friends. Now I regret that, but it’s also nice to have. Maybe I would’ve been like this anywhere, so at least having them is a saving grace. I don’t know, I just feel so strange about everything. Almost helpless. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for someone to approach me, even though I know I need to grab hold of what’s in front of me in order to get what I want. Why can’t I make that step forward. Why can’t I throw away my pride and just become shameless for a second. It doesn’t even matter in the end. Why not treat this as a trial run for all the potential versions of myself I can become without any of the strings attached. 

I hope someday soon I can do that, but for right now I keep running and running trying avoid others. But my efforts of running away will always fail me. Just like right now I went to a cafe to try and get some peace and quiet but turns out my roommate went to the same cafe and now I am awkwardly trying to avoid her despite being 10 feet away from her. And I even tried to ask her which cafe she was going to, to avoid this sort of situation. My intuition never fails me. I know it. i fucking know itttttt. Life is so funny is it not?