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johnwickb1tsch · 7 months ago

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Vino Veritas

A Destination Wedding Frank x Fem!Reader Fic

Attending the wedding of your ex-fiancé gets slightly better when you meet someone having just as miserable a time as you... Warnings: Nothing too serious holy shit. Cursing. Broken engagement. Nihilism, existential bullshit, copious amounts of sarcasm. Eventual nsfw, not this chapter. Angst. Grump/sunshine trope. Loosely based on the movie but I'm not that smart. Or bitter. chapter map.

The Gate to Hell

You’re not sure what it is about airports, that somehow makes them feel like a special little extension of the circles of Hell. Or maybe purgatory, is more the like. All you do there is wait, and wait and wait, praying that soon it will be time to move on.

It probably doesn’t help that you’re absolutely fucking dreading your destination ahead.

Frankly, it will be a miracle if you survive this weekend with your sanity intact.

And then, there’s this dude behind you. You keep seeing him out of the corner of your eye. He just keeps pacing back and forth, rolling his stupid bag with him, and you just want to whirl and tell him to be still or sit the fuck down.

Instead, he comes to stand next to you.

You give him a glance. And then, you’ll admit, a double take, because he is stupidly handsome, even while frowning, staring churlishly at the flight monitor as though it had personally insulted him. And, to add insult to injury, he is tall. And well dressed in jeans and a button down and a nice sports jacket. And you inwardly sigh for some indefinable reason that has to do with longing and your acceptance that the universe does not bestow such gifts upon you for free.

“Nice dress.”

You blink, not having expected him to speak to you.

“Thanks.” It’s a 50’s style robin’s egg blue halter swing dress, your favorite color. You needed some bright color therapy, to face the hell you’re about to be stepping into.

“Is there a sock hop in San Luis Obispo I’m missing?”

You guess with your cat-eye Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses, you do look rather on brand.

From his sardonic tone you’re not sure if he’s making fun of you. “All the cool kids are going.”

You kind of deliver it like a dig, and you see the corners of his mouth twitch. “Ah. That explains everything.”

You look him over. He…really is ridiculously handsome, if you’re being honest. High cheekbones. Trimmed beard. Piercing eyes. Casually well dressed. A bit older than you, not that that’s ever stopped you.

“I hope our flight’s on time.”

You check your phone app for the airline. “Supposed to be.”

“Let me guess. You’ve got an app for that?” The way he says it, just this side of snide, like you fucking millennials—it kind of pisses you off. And maybe you’re overly sensitive to patronizing comments from older men, but with your history you have a right to be.

“Do you have a problem with me?”

He stands up a little straighter. “What?”

“Like what’s your deal? I was just standing here minding my own business, while you’re creeping around behind me—”

“I was not creeping. I was trying to see the board.” He gestures at the display screen by the gate.

You look him up and down. That’s a tall drink of water, if you’re being honest. “Because Mr. six foot six over here can’t see over my head—”

“I’m only 6’1”—”

“Okay, 6’2” in your shoes, and then you come up here, give me a backhanded compliment, and make fun of me for having the means to keep track of what’s going on with our plane?” You glare at him. “Holy shit, are you trying to neg me?”

“I don’t…even know what that means.”

“Ok, boomer.”

“I am not a boomer.”

“Whatever.”

Then he has the gall to step away—in front of you.

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“You’re going to butt ahead in line too?”

“On a flight that holds eight people?”

“Wow. Ok, be my guest.” You wave him on, and he rolls his eyes. Then you have to stand there, and look at his stupidly broad shoulders in that nice sports jacket, and his dark softy waving hair that just brushes his collar…you’re not going to look at his butt.

You’re not.

Your eyes slide down.

Fuck, but that’s a nice caboose.

The Fight Or Flight Response

As you sit in your backseat of the plane, there is one seat left beside you, and when you see who boards last you want to throw yourself down the stairs before they close the door.

“Anyone want to trade seats?” he asks, bent over practically in half, he’s so tall and the plane is so small.

Crickets.

With a resigned grumble he settles into the seat next to you, as though the world might end if he has to spend a handful of minutes in your general proximity.

Then, of course, the universe further conspires to embarrass you by sending you a defective peanuts bag, which you cannot for love or money get to tear open.

“Dear god, tear it at the notch,” grouses the rude man beside you, driven insane by you fighting with it.

“There is no notch.”

He’s there with his big hand extended, making an annoyed give it here gesture. It’s distracting, truly, how long and elegant his fingers are.

“Give it here.”

“I’m fine.”

“Give. It. Here.”

You’re so disgusted with this whole day, you hand it over. Then watch with smug delight as he can’t get it open either. Finally, he uses his teeth in his frustration, undoubtedly spitting all over it. When he tries to hand it back to you, you raise an eyebrow at him. “Really?”

With a sigh, he offers you his less molested bag.

You take it like accepting his sword on the battlefield.

You both make faces as you quickly find that the seasoning on the nuts tastes like hot trash, and you reckon it’s probably a metaphor for how the next few days are going to go.

This is going to be the weekend from hell.

“So what brings you to San Luis Obispo?” the man asks resignedly, almost like he can’t quite stop himself from talking to you. There is an exhaustion in his tone that would have pulled at your heartstrings, if you weren’t so generally pissed off.

“You don’t have to try to talk to me.”

He shrugs, throwing up those big, beautiful hands in a gesture of annoyance. You can’t help but stare at them��they really are a menace.

“Just trying to be pleasant.”

You can’t stop the bark of laughter that escapes you at hearing that. He frowns over at you, and you cover your mouth, hiding your smile. You know you must look like a crazy person—but it’s just too ridiculous.

“Was it that funny?”

You sigh, and for some reason you feel better after the involuntary outburst. Okay. Maybe you can make an effort. No one is ever in a good mood at the airport, after all. “I’m actually going to Paso Robles.”

“Row-bulls.”

“It’s pronounces ro-blays.”

“Everyone says Row-bulls.”

“Well, not the fucking Spanish who named it.”

He looks away again with that thunderhead of a frown. Why does he have to look extra handsome, when he’s pissed off?

You sigh again. “Look, I’m sorry. I swear, I’m not always such a bitch. It’s just…this fucking wedding I’m going to.”

This catches his attention; he turns to look at you like a hawk zeroing in on a mouse. “Not…Keith and Anne’s wedding?”

“How do you fucking know Keith and Anne?”

“Keith and I share a mother.”

“Holy shit, you’re Frank?”

“Who are you?”

“I was engaged to Keith, years ago.”

“Oh my god, you’re y/n.”

You can sense by the way he says it that you’re infamous in the family’s lore. It’s been a long time, but still, it fills your heart with a familiar leaden despair.

You close your eyes, and look away.

“You’re just as horrible as Keith always said,” you say to the window.

“I find you equally disagreeable, I assure you.”

waiting for death the car

“There was supposed to be a car,” Frank grouses the second you exit the airport. Patience is clearly not his strong suit.

“The flight was early.”

“But it seemed so long.”

It’s a good dig, truth be told, and the corners of your mouth twitch despite yourself. You sit down on a bench, and to your surprise he sits on the other, though on the side closest to you. “So what the hell are you doing here?” he asks. “Didn’t Keith break your heart?”

“Shattered it into bits.”

“Well?”

“I was invited.”

“And…you’re a masochist?”

“Look, I’m not…whatever Keith must have said I am. I was practically a fucking child when he started dating me. It was not…” It was perfectly legal, of course, but the imbalance of worldly experience, looking back, had not been kosher.

You feel the tide of all the pain and insecurity that man caused you raise up in your heart. Usually you’re pretty good at shoving that shit down down in the deepest dungeon you can, like a healthy person, but the wound is feeling a little fucking raw at the moment, considering.

“Keith is an asshole who only cares about himself. I am aware.”

You sigh, and the tide miraculously recedes. Goddamn. It almost feels like he’s on your side. “Okay, yeah. There you go.”

“Why do this to yourself?”

“You know, before he broke it off, we had a fight the night before because I told him I would never get breast implants, of all fucking things, and Keith told me I would never amount to anything without him.”

“Sounds like something asinine he would say.”

“I wanted to go back to school, and he didn’t like it. He wanted a Stepford wife, and I was becoming alarmingly aware of the world outside his own making of it, the way children do when they grow up. If you’re wondering why he dumped me.”

“That tracks perfectly.”

“He invited me to be a shit and rub my nose in it, so…I’m here as a fuck you. I wanted to show him I’m doing fine.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, actually.”

“You do seem rather well adjusted.”

“Yeah, fuck you too.”

This, surprisingly, makes him smile a little.

A few moments of slightly less awkward silence pass before he asks, “So what did Keith tell you about me?”

“Oh, he told me plenty.”

“Such as?”

“What does it matter?”

“Don’t do that,” he snipes. “Don’t dangle the tidbit then refuse to deliver it.”

“Fine. He said you’re a grouch who hates everyone.”

“Oh. I was afraid he might have said something untrue.”

You glance over at his ridiculously well-sculpted profile. He glares ahead, his brows furrowed, and you strangely get the sense that maybe…he’s a little sad for it.

At fucking last, the shuttle car from the hotel arrives.

Tbc...

#destination wedding #keanuverse fic #frank x you #frank has no last name!#destination wedding frank x you #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves x reader #destination wedding fic #vino veritas destination wedding fic #part 1 #i think there will be maybe 5 parts?#frank x reader #frank x y/n #keanu reeves #enemies to lovers #sunshine x grump #frank reeves x you #frank reeves x reader

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jolynesmom · 6 months ago

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I hate to share this but I don't have anyone to talk. It's been so long I've discovered about void and since then I've always wanted to manifest "family Change " in the void cause my mother. I don't want to make her the villian in my life but I can't help she literally abuse me everytime and says the filthiest, dirtiest things which I swear no parents says to their children and even my dad doesn't stop her . Everyday I having a mental breakdown and I go to bed with the hope that I will enter the void and I don't have to face the same day tomorrow again. To be honest I don't know how can I enter void at this low . I've been literally loosing hope. I feel like the void actually a void which will never come to me

hey I’m so sorry to hear that :(( my heart breaks every time someone comes to me saying they’re abused by their family. it’s such a disgusting thing and I’ll never wrap my head around on how someone can do this to their child

I really wish I could do something for your situation, but all I can do is give you a few words of advice

before anything I want to let you know that you shouldn’t feel guilty for villainizing your parents. such things are not normal and should not be excused. your parents should be thankful that the only thing you want from them is a healthy relationship after what they’ve put you through

let’s address the first issue. you’re not motivated to enter the void because you’re brought down by your circumstances. a lot of you seem to forget that the law of assumption exists and you can use it to successfully change your circumstances instantly without entering the void state. hell, you can use law of assumption to enter the void!! use the law of assumption to make your parents leave you alone or to even do a 180° in their behavior

I was actually in a similar position before entering the void where I was demotivated to even try because of my dad’s behavior towards me, so I used the law of assumption to make his stop being so harsh towards me. not only did he start to be nicer to me, but he even moved back to our home country due to some circumstances while I stayed in the uk, since then I’ve only known peace

if you don’t want to use loa to change your circumstances (which you should) then use the negativity in your life to fuel your motivation to enter the void. like ‘everyone treats me so bad, let’s see their reaction after I fulfill my desires and they’ll remain miserable here’

I feel like a broken record because I’ve said it so many times, but entering the void is embarrassingly easy. like I mean it, it’s so easy once I almost tapped into it while I laid down for 3 minutes waiting for my food to heat in the oven. and the great part about the void is that you don’t need a great mindset or to be overly motivated to try a complex method that will take you 3 hours to finish, you can just say ‘I want to enter the void’, fall asleep and wake up there

this is why I don’t like those challenges people do to change their mindset, affirm 100k times per day, listen to subs 25/8, do complicated meditations, vaunt or whatever. if you want to do them and feel like they’ll take you closer to the void, by all means go off, but you absolutely do not need them lol

when I entered the void for the first time I didn’t do anything special, I actually didn’t even think it’s possible to do it without yoga nidra then I tapped into it instantly when I was in a state between asleep and awake and said to myself that I want to enter the void asap

so yeah, use loa, treat everything with indifference and persist even if your circumstances are unfavorable

I’ll link some posts below that will hopefully give you some direction and motivation to persist

sending you lots of love and positive energy 🤍

🫐jani’s law of assumption guide

🍓 manifestation/loa is your bff

🥝psa: you can manifest anything

🍊 manifestation in 3 steps

🍑 doubting the void?

🍒 lullaby method to enter the void (personal favorite)

��distraction method to enter the void state

🍇 arlinski void state method

I also suggest you to check out @/tia-222 on tumblr because they have amazing posts which helped me master the void state in less than 3 weeks

#void state #void state advice #how to enter the void state #desired reality #law of assumption #loa

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artdecobish222 · 2 years ago

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✧ PICK A CARD- What do you need to let go of right now? ✧

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵

instructions: look at the images, close your eyes, take 3 deep breathes, and pick which ever image you are drawn to! Use your intuition!

I use my intuition for readings and the literary witches oracle deck! enjoy the reading!!

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵

pile 1-

cards pulled: the subconscious, white dress, elixir, eye, the future

pile 1 there is something that your holding onto subconsciously. You need to do some deep introspection and find out what it is your holding onto. Whatever it is, it is buried deep within your subconscious. Maybe it’s a past relationship or ex your holding on to. Whatever it may be please let go of it. Pile 1 you also need to let go off society’s expectations on you. You may be scared or hesitant to express yourself or wear that shirt you’ve been dying to wear. Fuck other people’s opinions. Because they don’t define you pile 1. Don’t try to live up to society. Why do you want to be like everyone else? Be unique. Stand from the crowd. Let go of society’s opinions and expectations of you. Some of you may struggle with gender norms as well. Maybe struggling to tap into your feminity or masculinity. Whatever it may be it’s stressing you out. Let go of gender norms. There must be a balance within everything. Balance your masculinity and feminity. Let go of control. Pile 1 you may also have some toxic habits. In the long run, this can affect your health negatively. Spirit wants you to let go of those toxic habits. Maybe it’s drinking, smoking etc. You may be trying to seek answers about someone or something. You guys are trying to be the detective in this situation. You need to let go of whatever this is. It is holding you back. Stop thinking too deep into it. Because it will not benefit you. Some of you may also be overly judgemental, so try to give other people chances and see what they have to say before judging them right away. Pile 1, you have been thinking about the future. Worrying about the future. Maybe worrying about your next job Or career choices. You guys need to stop worrying about this. Let go of control in this situation. Trust yourself and the universe, the universe with reply and give if you are open and ready to receive. Let go of worrying about your future.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵

pile 2-

cards pulled: mushrooms, wolf, cauldron, perspective, spider, solitude

similar to pile 1, some of you may have a bad habit of getting high all the time or getting high from mushrooms, spirit wants you to let go of this. You may be overly independent, and spirit wants you to know that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to receive. Instead of giving so much try receiving. This pile reminds me of pile 1, some of you could resonate with pile 1 as well. Let go of your dominance. Some of you may need to go with the flow, loose up a little, trust the universe. You guys are used to doing things on your own without the help of others, spirit wants you to let go of this. You guys need to let go of your old ways of thinking. Positive affirmations will be beneficial for you guys. You guys have new beginnings and changes coming towards, you must change your ways of thinking and shift your perspective on the world to receive these blessings from the universe. Lastly, pile 2, some of you may not have many friends, and you have been in solitude for awhile now. Get out the house, go to a party, open up more, like I said earlier go with the flow. Spirit wants you to get out the house LMAOO. Some of you may also need to let go of your silence. You may be holding your tongue or speaking up or saying what you truly want to say. Let go of this.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵

pile 3-

cards pulled: transformation, devotion, justice; the soul, wall, eel

alright pile 3 you need to let go of the facade and mask you put on in front of others. You may be afraid to show your true self and that others won’t accept you for you. But that is not true. You need to let go of the boundaries and barriers you put up to protect yourself. Open up to others. You guys may be overly devoted to your job, work, etc. whatever it may be you need to rest. You guys are fighters. You are the type to never back down from a fight. You may always feel the need to defend yourself or feel like it’s you against the world. Let go of this mentality. Spirit wants you to let go of your defensiveness, your tough walls and barriers. You don’t have to fight for yourself. Not anymore. You are safe and divinely protected. There is something in your inner world that may be bothering you, let go of this. Some of you may be sneaky and lie a lot. You need to let go of this toxic trait. Learn to be more open and honest, not only with others but also with yourself.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵

Wow omg you made it this far!! Thank you so much for reading!! I am so grateful for all of you. I really enjoy making these and I hope you enjoy them as much as i do!! Thank you again! 💖

xoxo J 😽

✼　 ҉ 　✼　(ꃋิꎴꃋิ) ✼　 ҉ 　✼　

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desinyschildrenjkjm · 5 months ago

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I think Are You Sure? is reminding me how much I love them, and trying to enjoy it with social media is really driving home how much I hate over-analyzing things to death.

I do miss the days when I just watched bts content alone, with no connection to fandom on social media except for maybe some youtube comments. It sucks to have so much fun, love the content and want to get excited with other people but come up against a wall of ppl nitpicking each detail down to tone of voice or phrasing (in translation) that proves or disproves this or that or that...almost like they aren't watching it but are studying it for ideas for posts or are waiting with baited breath for something to be upset about and thus seeing it everywhere and blowing up every small thing. It just isn't enjoyable.

If I nitpick I want it to be for things to be happy about...and hey, lucky me to have it so so so easy to find the happy things when I'm into a group of people who give me so much joy every day. I really want to uncomplicatedly enjoy this show as much as I truthfully do, without running everything through a lens picking apart what I'm afraid haters will say or defending things or letting my feelings be clouded and influenced by everyone else.

I may post still, but if i don't really seem so conversational part of it is me just distancing a bit from other opinions and basking in the show until I won't be swayed...even still i don't really see a point of entertaining negativity. It just bores me to argue in circles, explain to people who don't care, or be angry all the time. I don't want to see everything with negative spin to get angry or upset about or be anxious to defend, especially vague things we don't have all of the context to or rumors or things random internet people who might be 12 are saying. It's just so much easier to let go of the things you can't control or don't know, ignore nonsense, and let myself enjoy what I enjoy and think what i think.

people who are upset can talk to each other about their upset but I won't pretend to be upset if I'm not and I won't entertain it either when I don't agree or don't care. it's really that simple in the end. being a jikook missionary isn't my thing either so idk i guess i just don't care too much about debates about phrasing or details or vibes or timelines...when it is no longer fun speculation and slips into anger it really just isn't worth it.

I don't see the point of overly identifying with particular details or theories to the point of emotional upset and anger or arguing all of the time just like I don't see the point in going in circles trying to explain what I think to people who won't ever understand or agree...other opinions aren't worth more to me than my own...people may make good points or sway me but ultimately I have all the power over my perception and I won't give it away or waste energy defending it.

some people are just stressed about everything and obsessed with being right or obsessed with being afraid to be wrong and look at every single thing like a piece of a puzzle and I don't want to get that deep into it. Whatever the truth is, it isn't something we are likely to know details of...that's fine, that's boundaries, that's their choice, also it's fine if I'm wrong, even if i'm wrong about everything my opinions don't sway reality...it matters very little if I'm right or wrong as long as I am not being hateful or too attached emotionally to my interpretations.

Fandom is meant to be fun, it's really that simple. The second fandom/social media/discourse starts making me loose the joy BTS bring me....I'm out. I'm protecting BTS for myself, BTS are way more important to me than fandom and I won't let strangers on the internet sour them for me.

#discourse #it sucks bc on one hand its fun to share what you love #but on the other i was so excited about jikook and this show and loved the eps...only to come online to disappointment #i don't want to ruin what i love bc of stress about what ppl are saying online #i think i need to just ignore more things #it feels like fandoms used to be more fun and now everything is the 'fandom wank' tag #the internet has for sure gotten more angry and hostile in recent years

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bl-bracket · 2 years ago

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Hello! thank you for running this fun bracket. Having done similar fandom events before I'm not sure other folks know how much work it is behind the scenes so I wanted to send my appreciation.

I wanted to preface this with a thank you because my comments have nothing to do with anything you've encouraged or can control but if you can share with the voters who follow you:

It really does ruin a light-hearted fandom poll when people choose to be rude and entitled over it. It has nothing to do with hurting someone's feelings over a fictional character and everything to do with people choosing to be rude to others. It's fun when people make posts advocating for why their pick is so (insert characteristic) but it's no longer fun when people start insulting the other side and their fans.

I've seen it getting worse and worse with rounds with it being especially bad this round so I'm hoping if you share this message and remind participants that it's just a fun poll but the people you're being rude are real, it'll encourage people to focus on the fun part of cheering on their favorite character instead of being rude to others in fandom.

Thank you and good luck with the next round!

Firstly thank you! It means a lot!!!

And yeah, I noticed things were starting to heat up a lot more in the final few rounds. Another tournament blog I follow was also having to deal with people getting a bit more aggressive so it has been on my mind for a bit! I also received WAY more asks than I have ever received in the past in a very short period of time which was also a lot to deal with on its own, so I was planning on making a post like this regardless!

It is really important to me that things stay light-hearted and fun on here for me personally as BL and dramas in general are a fun hobby for me and not something I wanted to get all bogged down in negativity. I'm not saying that there isn't a time or place for more critical/less positive discussions or opinions on these things, this just isn't the space for that.

Competition can be fun and I don't want to limit the competitive aspects of this, but I do want it to remain a fun space where all fans can enjoy themselves regardless of who wins or looses!

I'll try my best to not respond or repost to anything I find to be a bit too mean or harsh or that subtracts from the fun of it all, but also as someone who can tend to be more sensitive, I also can tend to overcompensate and assume that things that may come off as a bit rude to me, might not to others and not want to restrict something that is otherwise fine. That's just to say that I'm probably going to make mistakes and not be prefect at avoiding more inflammatory posts, so please just be patient with and know that my messages are always open if you find one of the propaganda posts offensive or overly-aggressive.

I have lots of fun doing this, and I know many others have fun participating so I just hope that we can all continue to have fun together and not let things go overboard!!!

#answered ask #I'm going to write and post some more detailed guidelines for propaganda soon! sometime before the next bracket starts!

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year ago

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Hi Femme! I always refer to your blog as the award winning blog because of how good your advice is. You’re changing lives! I hope you’re doing great this week!!

I have a question about how to feel young and youthful? Unfortunately due to trauma of my past and adultifcation (I began taking care of my mom at 17 due to medical reasons she has)- I feel old.

I’m nearly 26 and I can’t connect to people my age because I had to grow up fast and I’m mentally so much older and mature than most people my age. Because of this I get so sad and frustrated.

I try everything to try and connect with people my age but they either don’t want to hang out with me because of my responsibilities (I still take care of her and sometimes I am not available to hang out). And those old friends would mock me for taking care of my mom or throw it in my face that I have too much I’m dealing with. They have little to no responsibilities so I’m left by myself. I noticed a pattern.

So now I just FEEL old.

I don’t know what I can do to get genuine friendships for my situation (maybe having older friends— mid late twenties etc). Or maybe it’s the spaces I’m in? I want to travel and be around more like minded ambitious people for my field of work (journalism/events).

I also want to feel young, like my age. Idk what I would have to do activity wise or etc. I’m at a lost and so depressed.

I go to work and I’m the oldest cause it’s summer jobs and I’m surrounded by 15- 20 year olds and I chat and I’m nice but I can’t connect like that and they don’t with me.

I always knew something was different about me because of my trauma and what it’s done.

Thank you a bunch! :)

Hi love! Oh my gosh, this comment made my day. Thank you so much for these kind and supportive words! So glad to hear you find my content/advice to be highly valuable <3 Hope that you're having a great week as well!

As a fellow parentified child/teen in the same age bracket, I empathize with you regarding how to feel young, youthful, and feeling our age. For context, most of my friends tell me they think of me as their mid-30s-something friend (lol), so I know the feeling of being jaded and overly deliberate with your time, energy, and actions. If these people are in their mid-20s, it honestly says more about them than you that they're judging or resorting to mocking the fact you take your responsibilities seriously. So many people our age have full-time jobs, households to run (single, in a relationship, even married with kids), and all of the logistics that come with being an adult – albeit being in the "young person" category. These people sound immature for their age, honestly.

I would say the best ways I've found to feel a bit younger and more youthful include:

Taking time to let loose and enjoy the moment

Dancing around in your room without a care in the world

Engaging in some child-like activities you enjoy such as drawing, painting, or pottery

Having a fun and dynamic dating life

Going out for fun dinners, drinks, lunch, or coffee dates

Taking a workout or dance class

Strolling around the streets with fun music and an iced coffee

Going to a dog park or playing with friends/families' animals, etc.

Consider how much of an advantage we have when choosing to indulge in these activities: We have the wisdom to deliberately and more strategically enjoy these pleasures rather than partake in these activities from an ignorant headspace, which can lead to more negative or potentially dangerous situations. Understanding that engaging in this carefree headspace at certain times is essential for your mental health reframed my perspective and was a game-changer in my happiness levels, honestly. I hope this insight invites a similar positive change for you as well.

Reconnect with your childhood dreams and aspirations. Consider how you can explore them now that you have the emotional maturity and legal freedoms of adulthood. It's never too late to make even the smallest steps to actualizing these dreams. For example, getting a stuffed animal that reminds you of the pet you always wanted growing up. It can be a healing, self-nourishing experience even if it sounds a bit silly on the surface.

For finding friends you connect with, I would say the late 20s/early 30s tends to be the sweet spot, too. Some ways I think are beneficial to connect with like-minded people in this mid-20s-early 30s age group with similar goals are to:

Go to meetups, events, panels, exhibits, etc. pertaining to your current/desired field and interests

Join clubs and take classes/workshops in your areas of interest. Go to the same workout studios/art workshops/coffee shops/bars, nail salons, etc. you love regularly. Seeing familiar faces often will invite you both to eventually strike up a conversation – you already know you have something in common

Network both in IRL through events/people you meet and even on LinkedIn to see if you can invite people for informational interviews/informal coffee chats (either in person or over a video call). It's a win-win situation because you both get to expand your networks and sometimes, you just click!

If you haven't read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson and Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa yet, I HIGHLY recommend them!

Hope this helps xx

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earthstellar · 1 year ago

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Oh hell yeah, we’re talking about the toyline? Let’s goooo, this shit has been making a lot of people insane, and I agree.

I have some positives and some negatives:

I think the Earthspark toys that have fully unique molds like Bumblebee and Elita-1 are great; This Bumblebee is the best Bee figure we’ve had in a long while in my opinion, a rare 10/10, although Elita-1′s figure has a bit of an overly complicated transformation process which I’m not sure benefits the figure, although the root mode is pretty solid.

That having been said, I don’t know why the Cyberverse figures are being so extensively re-used.

I feel like it may be related to Hasbro’s general preference for “Evergreen” molds; It seems like they’ve chosen the Cyberverse molds for Seekers and Shockwave in particular as their go-to for these characters.

What bothers me in particular is that in the Earthspark Starscream they didn’t bother to repaint the eyes, which would have been a paint application swap-out that wouldn’t affect the mold choice.

So why not do it, especially if other paint elements and colours have to be changed anyway? Making his eyes blue would have done so much to make the Cyberverse figure feel much more like Earthspark even with blatant differences otherwise.

I’m aware of production/budget/technical limitations when it comes to paint details etc, but why would Hasbro avoid making a new mold for a toy line for their brand new show, which they are promoting heavily world wide and clearly intend for it to be successful?

They’re even about to start airing it on CBBC over here in the UK, even though it’s already been available on Paramount+ internationally, so they really are pushing for the series to reach a wide audience. It’s not cheap or easy to get a show cleared for broadcast on a BBC network. I know they had to put some work in for this.

Which is a great thing, I’m glad to see them supporting the show so much! But then why keep backing down on bringing out more new molds for the toys, if they want the new Earthspark line to be a hit?

A lot of collectors and adult fans will avoid getting a good few of the Earthspark figures simply because most already have Cyberverse versions, and kids will notice the blatant differences between the toys and the show models (although parents might not).

Making a new Earthspark mold even just for the Seekers would go such a long way, but even if they don’t want to go that far, they could have at least tried to do more with changing up the paint details.

The red eyes on Earthspark Starscream is just baffling to me, because optic colour is significant in the Transformers universe, and the fact that Starscream has blue optics in Earthspark is a big deal and a very noticeable difference from what we usually see him with.

The Cyberverse molds are great, especially the Shockwave one (I have a Cyberverse Shockwave and I love that fucker, although his balance could be a little better and his stability isn’t so great with slightly loose joints in the legs), but it’s still a good mold.

But I don’t think the “Evergreen” approach is helpful when it comes to Earthspark.

The character designs, proportions, details, etc. are just too different from the Cyberverse models, and it makes re-using those molds way less effective than I think they’re hoping for.

They’ve done a great job with the Earthspark Bumblebee figure in particular, so we know that they can really achieve some great designs and make some beautiful looking figures with great transformations and high playability/poseability for the Earthspark character models.

Honest to god, the Bumblebee figure for this line is quickly becoming my favourite Bumblebee toy ever. It’s so much better than I had hoped for. So why not put this level of engineering and care into the rest?

To be fair, I’ve only gotten my hands on Bumblebee and Elita-1 from this line up so far, so I haven’t had a chance to personally try out the others yet.

But we know Hasbro can do great things, and the designs for Earthspark seem to generally translate into figure designs extremely well. Even Elita-1 with her complicated transformation sequence looks great, and very on-model with her appearance on the show (save for the last of her GHOST emblem).

Something I do appreciate is the little “finger puppet” toys they’ve come out with for Earthspark, which cost only £5 in the UK (making them highly affordable) at a slightly smaller than Core Class size, with most of the emphasis being on alt-modes as the primary intended mode for play, with little fold-out root modes nested inside.

For kids with families on a tight budget, I appreciate the inclusion of simpler but still interesting toys like these.

But I think everyone’s complaints about the Cyberverse molds being the “evergreens” for a few main characters are totally fair, given that they’re being treated like evergreen designs when they very much are not. The Cyberverse figures,with the exception of perhaps Shockwave if you don’t look too hard, are very clearly different designs from what you see on screen in Earthspark.

It’s jarring, and people want figures of the Earthspark designs, not just repaints.

It’s mostly Decepticons getting the recycled-Cyberverse treatment, too, so there’s a sense of imbalance when it comes to which characters are getting repaints and which ones are getting fully new figures.

I’m hoping the sales numbers will help Hasbro figure out how to approach future waves of Earthspark toys, but we’ll see.

I would fucking love an Earthspark Arcee figure, but as far as I’m aware, she’s not on their list at the moment (although I could be a little behind as I’ve been quite busy lately).

This is probably because they can’t just repaint a pre-existing Arcee mold owing to her unique alt-mode in this series, but giving her a unique figure for Earthspark would be fantastic and would open up the mold for future repaints which might get really creative and interesting if they ever want to do any special editions etc.

Imagine a 1950s teal Earthspark Arcee, that alt-mode would look killer with the whitewall tires!!! Shit like that is fun, and gives extended life to molds like this.

This is such a fantastic bot mode too and it makes me so disappointed Hasbro isn't supporting this series with a proper toyline

#toy talk #earthspark #tfes #tfe #transformers earthspark #maccadam #maccadams #long post

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eurovision-del · 4 years ago

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At long last the national final season comes to an end tomorrow, with the final of Melfest. Here’s my ranking:

Clara Klingenström - Behöver inte dig idag

The Mamas - In The Middle

Dotter – Little Tot

Arvingarna – Tänker inte alls gå hem

Danny Saucedo – Dandi Dansa

Tusse - Voices

Alvaro Estrella - Baila Baila

Charlotte Perrelli – Still Young

Paul Rey – The Missing Piece

Anton Ewald – New Religion

Klara Hammarström - Beat of Broken Hearts

Eric Saade - Every Minute

I listened to all the songs as they were released, but didn’t feel the need to do a full retrospective ranking - most of them I just didn’t care for. I will give honourable mentions to Lillasyster and Eva Rydberg & Ewa Roos, however - Pretender was my favourite song of Melfest this year, it was a really solid rock song and I was pleased to see it make Andra Chansen, likewise I was glad to see Rena rama ding dong get there, that song was my clear second favourite just for the performance - the singers were having so much fun and I couldn’t help but enjoy it too! I was really hoping both songs would pull through to the final but it wasn’t to be.

The blow of losing Rena rama ding dong was softened however, by it being beaten by Behöver inte dig idag, which is probably my third favourite of all the Melfest songs, and clear favourite of the final. This is a breath of fresh air in a competition otherwise filled with mostly heavily produced English-language pop songs. I really like the melody, the chorus stuck in my head after the first time hearing it, and I like the simple staging too, just Clara with her guitar, it makes it feel a bit more personal and intimate than a lot of the other performances.

The Mamas were my favourite last year, I was overjoyed when they won, and although I do like their song this year, I agree with the overall fan consensus that it’s not as good as Move was. It’s still a strong gospel-pop number, and The Mamas remain incredible vocalists, but I don’t think In the Middle is very impactful. I do enjoy it a lot though!

Rounding out my top three is Dotter. I didn’t get the hype over Bulletproof last year, and even though Little Tot isn’t my favourite I do at least get what people see in it this time. I like the way this sounds, the burst of sound with the vocal harmonies at the start is really great, and I like how the stripped back sections contrast the more textured ones. My problem is I think I like this song in theory more than in execution - the topic is a really unique and interesting one, a recognition of the failures of the current generation and a plea for the next to do better - but I’m not sure about the lyrics here. ‘You don’t want to be like us’ is powerful, but I don’t like ‘when you grow up sort out what’s right’ - it feels like the song’s shifting all the responsibility to the next generation without considering that it’s us who has the power and opportunity to actually start improving the world right here and now - by the time the next generation does grow up it will be too late.

Overall, while I’d be overjoyed to see Clara snatch the victory or The Mamas to pull of a second upset in a row, I’d be happy enough to see Dotter win. Other than that, I don’t have strong enough opinions on any of these songs to care much whoever wins, with one exception - I really don’t want to see Eric back at Eurovision, not with this song. I don’t think Sweden have a Eurovision winning song in this selection, but if they pick either Dotter or Tusse they’ll probably have no problem keeping up their Top 10 streak.

#eurovision #esc2021 #nf ranking #I have a lot I could say about Eric's song and staging #mostly that they do not fit #that choreo isn't great and why is he wearing what I can only describe as a white cricket jumper #the whole performance with the white square then the shadow person feels like it's trying to be artsy #then the song is about wanting to have so much sex #and his voice does not mesh well with the autotuned 'nanana'#there's not a single think I like about that song or performance #hopefully he doesn't win tomorrow and I'll move on #but if he does #oh boy #I try not to be overly negative but I will let loose

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flightfoot · 2 years ago

Note

You think Ladybug will ever tell Chat about having Alya(Rena & Furtive + Scarabella) as a second partner who is also her Co- guardian since prett much the beginning of her guardianship, or has that ship sailed?

Seeing that plot thread still not being touched upon for no reason while Marinette has Alya with her each and every day to talk to (most importantly the CATACLYSM incident for which Adrien conveniently never needed support for. Support that Marinette on the other hand got from Alya :/), but Adrien is stuck with Monarch his abusive Father now trying to groom him and a best friend who for some reason doesn't quite understand enough how dangerous Gabriel is to his son... it just continues to sting while watching. I just wanna watch this show normally again without it STILL leaving a bitter taste in my mouth for Adriens sake, can this just be over now? Can this boy just have SOMEONE on his side besides Plagg and his own (overly taken advantage of by the show) out-of-this-world resilience?

Even Nathalie is not entirely save to rely on bc she still on the evil side and yeah, ik Adrien has Marinette now but

Man I just wished that boy was allowed to have anyone else really on his side than just Marinette and Ladybug in what sadly limited support he can get from her often bc of the usual circumstances. I get that he's her love interest and it's HER show but the story is just straight up refusing to give Adrien any other options to get help besides Kagami that one time in Determination and thank god for that one

What reason is there at this point to not have Ladybug tell Chat about Alya in a mature (LONG overdue thanks to Multiplication) conversation so they are a team of three? It just feels like complete secrecy towards Chat out of principle now. Monarch KNOWS. Just TELL HIM so Chat has ANYONE he could secretly visit too when he needs someone to talk to! How hard is that? Marinette wouldn't even "loose" any time with Alya, Chat can just join their sleepovers they seem to be doing almost daily now. So you can still even include Marinette in that! *yells into the void for 10 years out of frustration*

And I would just be more bothered by this whole situation if that secret is only allowed to come to light by force somehow in the Kwamis Choice or some other plan Monarch had. That's just gonna force Adrien to find it out in the worst way possible AGAIN and he has to mostly swallow it down and be nothing but supportive for Ladybug AGAIN bc him finding out is gonna make her sad so that has to be priority, which will be it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! I don't wanna be so negative about this but I'm so annoyed Dx Why does this show always have to be so one-sided in all of this?

I think the ship has sailed on Ladybug telling Chat exactly how involved Rena Furtive has been, and for how long. Chat knows that she was around more than he'd been told about, and I think that's all that's gonna happen with that story thread. Chat is very content to let sleeping dogs lie. So long as Ladybug needs and wants him and does appear to be trusting him with information now, I can't see him poking at old stuff. He is forgiving and understanding to a fault.

And yeah I wish Adrien could have more of a support network! I'm glad that Marinette has Alya, because she needs someone to talk to about everything secret identity related, but Adrien doesn't have that same luxury. I agree, he does have out-of-this-world resilience, which I wish he didn't need as much as he did. Let the boy break down and not be okay, and have someone there to catch him - and not JUST Marinette, as much as I like the cute scenes between them.

I did love Kagami in Determination. She's very to-the-point and forceful, she's not exactly a comforter, but she wants the best for Adrien and will help him to get what he needs. I'm rooting for her to become Adrien's confidant, especially since it'd explain why Adrien lied to her so often. If Luka gets to be aware of why Marinette couldn't tell him the truth, then Kagami should get that same luxury.

I don't fully agree about Ladybug telling Chat that Alya, specifically, is her confidant though. There's some secret identity problems there. If Chat gets mind-controlled, he could spill that secret, and then Monarch's even more likely to go after Alya than he already was, and to learn Ladybug's secret identity by doing so.

I do really want Adrien to get to have some breakdowns and need comfort and have that comfort get to actually be the priority at some point. To not have Ladybug have a breakdown at the same time, and Adrien to have to force himself to be strong for her. I really want him to get that kind of comfort and love and to just... not HAVE to be super resilient all the time.

#ask #miraculous ladybug #ml analysis #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste

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pretty-amorphous-blob · 3 years ago

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Apartments

Karl jacobs x reader

Slow burn from roommates to lovers, because idk man. As slow burn as you can make a oneshot.

Tw: reader is selectively mute, and is touch averse. Panic attacks and night terrors are described as well, negative self talk and abandonment issues.

Excuse any weirdness with this, I based the selective mutism loosely on what I’ve experienced

You saw all the people around campus laughing, talking, having fun. You knew that wasn’t for you, people just never took time to understand. They didn’t have patience to wait for you to croak out some small words, or write a note. So you stopped. You did your college assignments, emailed your professors, and didn’t speak, except to the professors, and sometimes the counselor. Speaking requires trust. Trust in an individual to have patience, to wait until you are ready. It was something you learned nobody had time for.

You didn’t like roommates for this reason. They always tried to pry you to talk too early, they knew you could, they’d seen you talk to professors, so why not them? They would get frustrated, and irritable. It wasn’t their fault, not really. You just…you just couldn’t speak. If they allowed it you would pass notes, but even then those little conversations were feeble. So, you always lived alone, it was less hassle anyway.

Unfortunately, when you had decided to look for college apartments so you could move out, only a few showed up. Out of those few only one was a studio, and taking one look at it, you understood why it was still available. Mildew crept up the walls and around the ceiling, the floors had enough water damage that they would crumble like a graham cracker under furniture, and that wasn’t even accounting for the smell. The apartment smelled like someone had let milk spoil and mixed it with the most chemical floral scent you had ever smelled. Probably the landlord is trying to cover up whatever atrocities the previous tenant committed.

So, of course you took a two bedroom apartment. The apartment was nice, you had to give it that. There was a small kitchen as you walked into the living room with plenty of cooking space and an oven. A big window with plenty of bright sunlight streaming through the cream colored curtains sat on the other side of the apartment. A hallway appeared on your right as you walked further away from the entryway, complete with three doors. Not too terrible, you supposed.

You noticed there were some decorations around, and you assumed the roommate was already there. As you walked in you noticed a beige rug to wipe your shoes on, and small posters hung on the walls, of bands, shows, etc. not too bad. The landlord was sweet and asked simple questions, which you appreciated. Not having to get out your notepad every five minutes was nice.

Days after you first looked at the apartment, you had all your stuff in a car ready to move into the apartment, leasing was signed and everything was in order, now you just had to unpack. It took about thirty minutes to get everything all situated in your room for unpacking, so you shuffled out to the kitchenette in a tired haze with your school bag, intent on getting some English done.

Suddenly a fluffy haired boy poked his head out of his room and you nearly screamed. “Hello, you’re the new roommate I assume?” you nodded in response to the overly bubbly person, turning away before he said anything else. “Ah I see.” He giggles awkwardly and moves out of his room to stare at you. “My name’s Karl by the way.”

He seems to be waiting for you to respond, to which you only give a nod and set down your bag.

“Uhm do you need help with any boxes or anything? I’d be happy to help.” he steps closer and you shake your head as you fuss over your bag. He moves a little closer towards the kitchenette to grab some water or something, and you haul your bag back to your room. Nowhere was sacred.

It was a while before he tried to initiate conversation with you again, seeming to get the memo quickly. It had been around a week and you picked up on some of his odd habits. The boy drank monster energy like he would die without it, he painted his nails (you thought they were pretty but he would never know), and he giggled at everything. But all good things must come to an end.

So, as you were finishing up editing a piece for your English course, he knocked on your door, jolting you out of your concentration zone. You give an affirmative hum and he cracks the door open.

“Hey…uhm I was gonna watch a marvel movie in the living room, if you wanna…I dunno…” his sentence tapered off into a puff of air as you looked back at your work. You hummed gently, staring at your paper. It was almost finished and it wasn’t due for three days, a movie couldn’t hurt.

You look back and nod at him and a grin grows on his face. Apparently he didn’t mind you being a little quiet. You still kept your guard up though.

“I have candy and popcorn if you want it, and some extra blankets.” He seemed incredibly happy just watching a movie, but hey, free popcorn wasn’t something you’d pass up.

Nodding, you follow him to the living room where disney plus is queued up and plop down on the sofa as far away from Karl as possible. You might’ve imagined it, but he seems to slump a little at that. As soon as you take notice it’s gone, replaced with a bubbly persona. Karl starts the movie and relaxes into the couch, and you can’t help but quietly snort at how he practically melts into it. At some point you reach for the candy bowl, noticing it’s filled with your favorite, and your brows furrow. Strange.

The movie was good, and Karl falls asleep during it, his lashes look unfairly pretty. They aren’t really pretty though, just…they’re aesthetically pleasing to look at alright?

After that you notice a few more things. Karl randomly leaves pieces of candy on your desk while you’re out of the apartment, and he doesn’t try to have conversation. He does offer meals together, and movie nights. You take him up on the movie nights, the dinners are too much face to face for you at one time. He also occasionally sings songs from bands you’ve played out loud while making food for yourself.

It’s odd. You thought you would be more weirded out by it but, honestly it reassures you more than anything. Sometimes the lump that rests on your throat eases up a little when you’re around him, sometimes enough to almost say something. You never do.

Karl understands though. He knows you don’t talk at this point. He also knows you don’t touch, ever. You made that very clear when he rested his hand on your shoulder as you cooked. The way you whipped around and held the sauce spoon to his neck told him all he needed to know about your preferences on physical touch.

He asks yes or no questions, and always makes a little noise when entering a room so as to not startle you, and you appreciate it.

The lump keeps getting less and less tight around him, and sometimes, during movies, from the opposite end of the couch, you whisper his name. It hurts, it feels like coals burning down your throat, and every time you speak, alarm bells go off. You fight it every time, because it feels so good to just utter something, anything. You never say it loud enough for him to hear.

One day, you make dinner and knock on his door. He opens it with a weary smile. “Hi, what's up?” you offer the plate to him. “Oh! What the honk? Thank you so much!” he moved to shut his door, thinking the usual exchange was over, but you stopped him, motioning to the coffee table by the sofa. “Oh, okay, yeah, sure!” he looked at you curiously, this was new.

You decided the dining table was too much, so the coffee table would have to do.

“Th-” you were interrupted by a couple of coughs ”thank you.” Karl’s fork clattered onto the plate, his eyes wide in shock. You huffed a laugh at his stunned expression

“You can talk?!” he exclaimed.

You nod. You start to write on a piece of paper from your room you brought out. ‘Selectively mute. I can’t always, only with people I really trust, most people write me off and don’t even try.’

Karl nods looking away from the paper. “I appreciate the thanks, but it’s just human decency. You have a pretty voice by the way..” his cheeks were pink and he seemed flustered. huh.

You hum in response.

After that Karl seems more comfortable around you, hovering in the kitchen as you cook, sitting in your room as you work, inching a little closer during movie nights, never close enough to touch, but close enough to be a presence. He continues to get you candy and stuff, but now you stock the fridge with monsters, as unhealthy as it may be for him.

Everything was great, until one night, about four months in, you had a night terror. They weren’t common, but they all involved the same thing. You woke up soaked in cold sweat, sheer panic coursing through you. Icy sheets of fear washed over you nonstop and you hadn’t realized you were screaming until you heard Karl run in.

“Are you hurt? Are you okay?” he paused, being familiar with anxiety and noticed the terror gripping your face and how your arms were bleeding with sratch marks. “hey, hey, come back to me, c’mon, you’re here. This is your room. What you’re seeing isn’t real, I promise, you are in your room.” he shushed your whimpers until you saw Karl properly.

That in itself sent you down a hole again, knowing he saw a panic, how would he still wanna be there with you?

“-ere, c’mon, breathe, sh-sh-sh, it’s alright, c’mon sunshine, breathe, you can do it, in, out, in, out” you finally came to, seeing Karl clutching a corner of your blanket, obviously restraining himself from touching you.

“G-go. pl-” another coughing fit interrupts you, “please.” Karl’s head hangs as he hears you, big blue eyes full of something you don’t recognize. He slowly pulls himself up and walks towards the door, turning back to look at you once as you curl in on yourself with shame, before shutting your door.

It was a full week before you looked him in the eyes again. You avoided movie nights, locked your door at night, and ate in your school cafe, no matter how expensive it was. It felt terrible to rip away the one person who brought you comfort, but it was your fault wasn’t it? You let him too close. He was too close.

Eventually Karl got sick of it and slept on the couch one night until you left for class in the morning. When the door inevitably woke him up, he cursed himself for sleeping through the alarm he set for your wake up time. He missed you. He missed the little laughs you let out over random moments in movies, or how you not-so-subtly hoarded your favorite candy during movie nights, or how concentrated you would get on your studies, he just missed you.

He got used to your pots clanging around at 6:30 pm when you made dinner, he got used to your little dances when you were taking a break from work, he got used to how messy your hair could get, he got used to your huffs of indignancs and your attitude.

Now they are gone. You were gone, and he felt horrible.

That evening Karl stood at the kitchen counter tapping his fingers against the fake granite. You were due home any second, and finally, finally, the doorknob jiggled.

You walked in and he swore you were gorgeous. Even with the eyebags and stooped posture and sullen expression.

“Hey.” he blocks the hallway and you huff at him.”can we talk?”

You look at the window, almost as if you wish you could jump out of it. Honestly considering the crushing rejection you might face, it seems more and more appealing.

“Look, I’m sorry about the other night. I know you have some hard boundaries about your space, and I try to respect them, I do. But I heard screaming and I literally felt my blood run cold. I…i didn’t know what that saying meant until now. I was so scared.” he peers at you, gauging your reaction.

You held your sides in a hug, waiting for the inevitable pitfall, the ‘what the actual hell man, that’s weird as hell.’ kicking out speech. The one where they say you being completely silent was fine but the screaming was too much. The one where they say it’s ‘too hard’ to be friends with a mute person. The one where they avoid your eyes, and laugh awkwardly, and shy away from you.

It never came.

He paused and said “I care for you, you know?” your head shoots up, and confusion laces your features as your arms loosen from their iron grip around your ribs and waist. “Did you expect me to be mad?” His face shows surprise and concern.

Looking at the window again you give a slight nod. “M…most people…”

He waits, looking at you with wonder. When you don’t speak he grabs you some water and looks at you again expectantly, waiting for words or a shake of your head. His face is a little pink and he seems concerned.

Well, the lump was fairly loose today, and you didn’t feel like you were dying that first time, so maybe you could… “people…avoid me…they think I…that”

you pause. This was hard. It burned like fire. You knew there wasn’t any real damage but you felt scared. “That I…don’t want to talk…I guess.”

you turn towards the couch, away from karl. “I…went through some stuff…I didn’t…I couldn't…talk after. It ruined me…the psychologist said…it was a…something response...trauma maybe?” you blinked away tears you hadn’t remembered coming.

“I want…I want to talk…and laugh…and be normal…I do. I suppose, people don’t…I don’t think they see me as a person.” you curled into yourself more, hunching over while facing the window.

“Wow. I-I mean that makes a ton of sense now, but I’m so sorry. That’s harsh, people shouldn’t write you off and do that to you.” he sighs and runs his hand through his hair. It was gorgeous, lit by the sunset coming through the curtains. “People suck.”

You shrug nonchalantly.

Karl droops and lifts his arms slightly before dropping them with an unreadable expression on his face. It's gone as quick as it comes. “Okay, are you gonna do movie night again then? Because I really missed that.”

You rolled your eyes and nodded, plopping onto the couch.

Things continued as normal after that, but Karl began to invade your space even more. You noticed his love language was physical affection from all his friends you saw, and you felt a little guilty. It wasn’t like you were withholding affection, it was just hard for you. You tried to make it up in other ways, making food, doing dishes, spending time with him, getting him monster and his favorite foods, leaving affirming notes around, and more. It still wasn’t enough though, at least you felt like it wasn’t.

Karl on the other hand was absolutely over the moon. He kept the little notes under his desk in a small cardboard box. He treasured every second you spent with him, every can of monster, every meal, every clean kitchen. He loved it. He also knew you were trying to make up for your inability to deal with physical contact. He hated that you felt that way but he felt like if it needed addressing, you would tell him.

This little dance lasted weeks, you being too afraid to take a leap, and him being too respectful to indulge when you leaned too close during movie nights. The dance felt electric, the almost touch of fingers reaching for the remote, the hips almost touching in the early morning coffee scramble, the hand hovering over the shoulder as you both studied for various exams. It was intoxicating and suffocating. You wanted contact.

You were desperate for human touch, a craving you hadn’t experienced in a really long time, you couldn't remember the last time you had touched someone willingly. You yearned for a soft hand brushing hair away from your face, a hand on your shoulder as you did something, maybe an arm around your waist as you poured coffee. Oh, you longed for it so much it hurt like someone was squeezing your heart every time he was around.

Karl didn’t see it, and you resented it. Yes he was respectful, and that was all well and lovely, but dammit you wanted a hug. You hadn’t wanted a hug in forever, but now that you wanted it, it was all you needed. You felt like you were simply insane for wanting something as docile as a hug so badly.

You started with baby steps, brushing his hand as you gave him his coffee, and you swear he gasped softly as he looked at you.

Karl didn’t notice until you brushed his hand, and what the honk? How were they so soft and warm? He looked at you with starstruck eyes, as his breath hitched. You had touched him. Willingly.

Purposefully. Normally there was an arrangement when passing things to each other. Avoid skin contact at all costs, and that was that, until now. You had just broken the barrier and he wanted to pull you in and hug you. Maybe sway with you to some stupid song after movie night, but he would take what he could get, and if that was hands brushing over a coffee mug, then so be it. He would savor it.

He started brushing against you, all the time. Any chance he had, his body was next to yours, his hand passing over yours. Coffee in the morning? He would gently hold your hand over the cup for a half second. Homework? He would have an arm against yours for a tiny second, leaning over to see what you were working on repeatedly. Cooking? He was grabbing spices and handing them to you, rubbing your knuckles softly as you took them.

You were going to die. This was the end. You had what you wanted, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted to cry. So you did. Late at night you curled up under your sheets and let the saline drops fall. It was a strange sensation, something you hadn’t done in a while. Your sobs were quiet but Karl heard you. Again. He was stupidly perceptive.

“Sunshine? Are you okay?” you sniffled under your covers, trembling and hiccuping. You felt quiet sobs wrack your body. Unlike last time, Karl didn’t restrain himself from sitting on the bed, clutching the sheets. “ Can I hold you?” His voice was soft with compassion and something you dared not name. Not yet.

You sniffed and nodded against the sheets still facing the wall. You felt him scoot closer behind you and brush your hair away, tracing your face softly. His arms moved to gently flip you over and pull you into him, holding you around the middle. One of his hands traced patterns on your back, as the other played with the hair at the base of your neck.

Oh.

that was amazing.

It felt like anything you ever needed, everything you ever wanted, and you felt safe. Safe, and warm, and held. All you could think of was how secure you felt.

You felt a fresh wave of tears start and Karl, ever the sweetheart, move away slightly in fear that he’d upset you. You quietly whined and pulled him closer so he couldn’t leave, and he giggled. That beautiful, warm, melodic giggle. Soon you both fell asleep, peacefully dreaming.

That became a new norm. Either of you would have a bad night and you would walk across the hall, and stumble into the other’s bed. It was nice to wake up with Karl. his fluffy brown hair surrounded his head like a halo in the mornings, and you adored it.

Karl enjoyed waiting for you to sleep, seeing your eyes slowly open and close, blinking owlishly, until finally he would shush you to sleep, saying “It’s alright sunshine, you can sleep. I’ll be here.”

There were also hugs, and such. You would feel Karl come up behind you and curl a sleepy arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him. Sometimes you would hug him as he did video editing for projects, a small drape around his middle, which he always giggled at profusely. Sometimes when you were both a little sleepy, you would hang off eachother, just embracing wherever you were.

Karl absolutely thrived off of the attention. He was so happy and giddy when you were around and you noticed. You began to say a couple sentences a day, to Karl’s growing surprise, and eventually you were able to say hi to classmates too.

It was so sweet, yet so, so bitter. You knew what the word you wanted to use that night was now. Without a doubt. And it hurt. You felt like your chest was caving in, and every time he held you, you wanted to sing, but you also wanted to sob. You loved him. You loved him truly, deeply, and wholly. This was what you were afraid of, the fall. You flew too close to the sun and it terrified you.

What you were unaware of however, was Karl’s mirrored struggle. He felt like you were his everything, his favorite person in the entire world, he’d rather lay in bed and hold you than do anything else. He loved all your little habits, and he loved how you looked. He loved your little huffs and expressions, and he absolutely adored your voice. He became enamored anytime you spoke, feeling absolutely entranced.

You both skittered around it. Soft spoken words were exchanged in the early morning and late evening, when inhibitions were down and you felt comfortable speaking. Soft touches were a common occurrence, excused by hairs being out of place, or food on cheeks. It was beautiful, in the same way a string instrument slowly builds a sweet melody. It was torturous though, the push and pull killed you both inside.

Soft touches eventually turned into forehead kisses when one night Karl absentmindedly leaned over as you cooked and kissed your temple. You both turned away and blushed severely at that, and Karl was quick to ask if it was okay. You hummed and nodded in response, brain still short circuiting from the kiss.

He would come up behind you now and hold your waist, kissing the top of your head fondly. You always blushed at it, and if Karl enjoyed seeing you a little red and embarrassed, well that was his business. Karl continued to kiss your forehead, until one day he stopped. He still hugged you, and held you on bad nights, but he didn’t kiss you. It confused you. There was no warning, no 'I'm uncomfortable', just, stopped.

You of course internally panicked, after a few days you thought for sure he was mad, you had done something wrong. He felt weird about you and was slowly taking his affection away, inch by inch. You knew logically he’d never do something like that, but your brain was being a little irrational at the moment.

You started to shy away from touches, and Karl was hurt. He had only stopped kissing you because you hadn’t done it back, so he’d assumed you didn’t want them. He tried to hold you, to hug you like you both normally did, but you avoided it. He could tell it wasn’t because you wanted to avoid him, you weren’t subtle. You piled blankets on at night to keep warm and account for the body heat you had lost by sending Karl away. You sat close on the couch during movie nights, fidgeting, and squirming like you had somewhere to be. You hovered in his room or in the kitchen anytime he was doing something, like you wanted to ask for a hug, but decided against It. was unbearable, Karl could see you were longing for affection, so he decided that breaking boundaries for the sake of both parties’ sanity was okay.

You were doing dishes in the kitchen when you felt his arms around you, and his face sank into your shoulder. You tried to slide them off, but he remained firm. “Why are you avoiding me?” it was barely a murmur, but you felt it through your shirt.

“M’ not” you reply simply

“Liar.” he breathes into your shoulder.

“We still hang out, right?” he huffs in response “I don’t know what you mean Karl.”

“Every time I go to hold you, you push me away!” he had lifted his head up and you heard the soft tone of betrayal in his voice.

“It was like that before, I don’t see an issue.” despite your cold tone you were absolutely loving the warmth on your skin, hoping he wouldn't leave for maybe a couple minutes.

He sighs. “Sunshine, please tell me what I did wrong?” you bristle at the nickname. That was for when he held you after panics. Not when you were washing dishes, what was going on?

“You didn’t do anything” that was a half truth, he had kissed you, but now he wouldn’t and you were scared all the other nice things would leave too. The candy on your desk, the movie nights, the little touches, the sweet words, the comfort and solace you found in him. You were scared it would be ripped away, so you had pulled away first.

“Obviously it’s something.” he pulled you tighter against him, pressing his face against the top of your head.

Frustration of having him so close yet needing to push him away overcame you, despite how much you enjoy his arms pressed against you and his head in your hair. “Fine. Okay, if you must know, I was sad that you stopped.. Uhm…the…” you felt him smile

“The what?” he huffed a laugh

“You know, the things” you look down embarrassed. This was humiliating.

“No, I don't know?” Karl did know, he was just being difficult. It was so cute, seeing you all red and flustered, however, he figured that was enough teasing. “Oh! You mean this?” his face moved to the side of your head where he kissed your temple softly, pulling away slowly. “Is that what you meant?” His tone was soft, and a sweet smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“I…uhm, yeah. Yep.” his head returned to your shoulder.

“Good. I’m glad it wasn’t anything serious, I was really worried you were mad at me or something.” he pressed his face into your shoulder. “You should finish the dishes”

“I kinda have a leech right now, so it’s a little hard, you know.” he huffs dramatically and slowly loosens his grip, so he can go sit on the counter.

The dishes take you about twenty minutes and Karl is immediately back to hugging you like a leech again. His arms are tight around your middle and his face is pressed into your hair.

“I really, really missed this.” he breathes into your hair. A hand moves to your chin to turn it softly towards him, and he presses another kiss to your forehead, lingering as you lean into him. He pulls away softly and looks at you with unmistakable adoration. “ You know you’re incredibly beautiful right?” you blue screen at that and he giggles at the deer in headlights expression.

“Well so are you!” you retort, turning back to the sink as his hand falls back to your waist. His arms tighten slightly as he slumps into your shoulder.

“Shut uuuuup” you giggle and reach to pet his hair, to which he responds by lolling his head closer to your hand.

“You’re literally like a puppy” you laugh out and he groans.

“Mm alright then.” you hear a mischievous lilt to his voice and before you can ask he’s kissed your clothed shoulder so softly you'd barely feel it if you weren't paying attention. It sends a jolt of electricity through your spine, leaving you a little breathless. “Is that alright?” His voice is soft like when he kissed your forehead, a little lower and raspier. You can’t help but melt more into him. you nod shocked and a little floaty from all the attention he’s giving you. He giggles at your soft behavior, and moves a bit closer to your neck and kisses bare skin “is that?” another nod. Your brain is mush, he's holding you and kissing you, and you're on cloud nine.

His hands turn you around to face him, and you see his cheeks are dusted vibrant pink. You want to say something, to comment on how nice and safe and warm he makes you feel, how his kisses don't make you scared, but all you manage to say is “pretty”

He giggles and stares at you. His eyes flit down while he nibbles on the corner of his lips. He looks back into your eyes, and he's gone. They're so pretty and you're just standing there, against the sink, looking amazing like you always do and he can't help himself. “Can I…just, can I maybe kiss you? You’re so pretty and I just really wanna kiss your lips, yeah?”

“Yeah.” you stare at his blue puppy dog eyes and you are gone. This man could steal your heart and you’d thank him. Scratch that he already did. And you did thank him, maybe not for that, but it counts.

He moves closer and he’s so warm and oh my gosh he’s right here, smiling softly at you, “Yeah?” you can feel his breath on your lips and the proximity is so addictive you could melt.

“Please just kiss me already.” you sigh and close your eyes. His lips press to yours and you feel warmth. No butterflies or flutters, just warm, sweet and safe. he tastes like monster energy and chocolate, and it's the best thing ever. He pulls your waist closer if even possible and he keeps kissing you softly, and you can't breathe but it's alright. It’s wonderful, so wonderful. It's the feeling of sunshine in the morning when you sleep in, it's the feeling of comfort food, and late night movies, it is everything you want, and everything you need.

When you both pull away he kisses your cheek, and then your temple. “So can I call you mine now? Because if I can’t, I'm actually going to die.” you laugh and nod, and Karl pulls you close, rubbing his fingers up and down your back.

In the end it seems like renting a two bedroom apartment wasn’t so terrible after all.

#Slowburn #this is longer than my research paper what the hell #karl jacobs x you #karl jacobs x reader #bruh how the hell did i write this #like i swear i zoned out and zoned back in and there was 11 pages of writing in google docs #okay #but yeah have this #idk man #its alright for a really long thing #angst #hurt/comfort #selectively mute reader #trauma responses #idk

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astrologanize · 4 years ago

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2021 for the ascendants

aries ascendant: man, it’s like you’ve forgotten what you want for the past few years but you’ve been trying with all your might to run through a list of desires with the hope that eventually something will provide you with contentment. worry not, you will be met with situations that highlight your principles so that you are able to decipher what it is that brings you oneness. ask yourself if the company you keep is meeting expectations and if there are behaviors you’ve been allowing, but more importantly, ask yourself if you are leading by example and what you are leading with. this is a time for you to make sure that you are taking the proper initiative towards your own fulfillment, if you’re feeling a disconnect then maybe you should seek for an understanding of the objective; how can you expect others to meet expectations if you aren’t doing the same for yourself? why are you tolerating what you shouldn’t have to? it’s time to up your ambition and strive for resolution by making sure that you are setting yourself up for greatness. “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”

taurus ascendant: life has been a slippery slope for the past couple of years, the way life can change in the blink of an eye and the way we can get carried away without intending to is something you’re awfully familiar with by now. you’ll feel like you’re getting somewhere, you figure things are on the up ya know, and then of course something totally stops you in your tracks and it makes you question yourself - which has only made your taurus ascendant self clam up harder buuuut you’ve been trying to process it. you will be met with situations that allow you to reap the benefit of your efforts. it is time for you to go after what you want, this is prime manifestation time so if you are desiring change to circumstances make sure you are working towards it and utilizing the power of affirmation. if you don’t have a job then i would strongly advise this as a time to obtain one or attempt to obtain one; if you do have a job/are in a career then expect there to be change that is ultimately positive for you even if it may not seem like it at the time.

gemini ascendant: you guys have been on a mission of self-discovery through the numerous voids we utilize to dissolving other parts of ourselves, i’m getting very “cranes in the sky” by solange - “i tried to drink it away, i tried to put one in the air, i tried to dance it away, i tried to change it with my hair” (etc. read the rest of the lyrics if you’d like!) sometimes in us getting caught up in excessive behavior we’re able to understand that there’s a bigger issue at play and we’re acting from a place that is without authenticity. you will be met with situations that reveal the answers that you’ve been searching for and your perspective will begin to breakdown and reform. this year you should try to think before you speak, in fact, let your actions speak for themselves so that you don’t have to start running off at the mouth. absorb and filter through the information that you have so that you are leading with the facts; no more following unreliable curiosities, bouncing back & forth, and wallowing in careless behavior.

cancer ascendant: for a while you’ve had to take a hard look at family, support systems, what you bring the to the table, and how you can find liberation for yourself in relation to these things. it’s been easier for you to fall into a pity party because you’ve had to deal with and be met with responsibility in a new way, a way that has showed you where you’re needing to grow up, and this can make you want to sink further into your shell with all your vices of comfort (those ‘security blankets’ can be so pesky). you will be met with situations that can soften out your old ways and in doing so provide you with a chance to have a legitimate regeneration. finding acceptance and embracing vulnerability at it’s most candid is how you will find your footing. this is a time to try to re-evaluate your patterns of behavior so that you can work on creating new, healthier habits for yourself so that you are able to lay down those roots of security that you long for. you have been receiving the tools you need and all you have to do is utilize them instead of trying to shield up and be overly defensive.

leo ascendant: i feel like life for you has kind of felt like someone took you out of your home, drove you to a forest in the middle of nowhere and dropped you off with the bare necessities and said, “okay, now figure out your way back.” thankfully you are getting a groove back for yourself and taking on a new outlook of the hindrances in your life. you will be met with situations that make you reconsider the way you’ve been carrying yourself, what you’ve been allowing, and the situations that you have been placing yourself in. it’s time for you to be more selective and imagine what you want for your life, what is your ‘dream life’? - answer this question and start taking the steps to getting there, decide what isn’t aligning with this dream, what you need to pull back from, and what is worth the effort. if you have family or a support system then examine your relationship with them - are they holding you back or are they willing to work on things with you and vice versa because it could be you who is needing to be more deliberate with people. if your home (life) isn’t ideal then find a way of to move elsewhere or renovate your space by getting rid of what has no use in your life so that you can add or rearrange accordingly.

virgo ascendant: ah, attachments and feeling withdrawn, dissatisfied, ineffective are issues that you have been dealing with but this year you will be tending to the source of this by learning how to keep momentum. though you have been putting in effort, it’s you working harder and not smarter because you’re working from a place of inadequacy instead of working from a place of ingenuity. along with working harder and putting in unnecessary effort is you nitpicking to the very last crumb when really this is you just, again, being dissatisfied with where you are in life. you will be met with situations that force you back down to earth and emphasize what it is that you have been evading or how you’ve been evading. this is a time to make the transitions that you’ve been yearning for, this is not a time for waiting things out, if you want something then you need to act on it. you’ve been in your head in a very unhelpful way, you’re like “nope, this won’t work for me because xyz, i can’t do that because of abc, this is too wrong, this isn’t lmnop enough, blah blah blah” and it’s been excuse after excuse. get out of your own way and revise!!! make the best with what you have!!!

libra ascendant: gosh, why has everything felt like it’s been crumbling away? things are supposed to come together, not fall apart, right? as of late your efforts have felt as though they’ve been in vain - other people aren’t taking to you, you’re not attracting what you want, and everything has felt unfair. this balance beam has been feeling anything but balanced! you will be met with situations that bring you back to the notion that what we attract is based around what we’re putting forth. have you ever pointed the finger at yourself? are there any issues that could be stemming for you? maybe it’s you who is needing to learn how to keep yourself in check. after all this crumbling away you should be able to start piecing together the leftover fragments to gather an understanding of what life has come to be. omg i just envisioned the mulan scene: “when will my reflection show who i am inside” - this is your mulan moment!!! negativity has clung and been projected from you in recent years and it’s on you to mend those behaviors and in doing so your paths will narrow down, the indecision will cease, and you’ll see where you can go, where you’d want to go.

scorpio ascendant: feeling as though you’ve missed something is not something you’re that familiar with because you like to think you have awareness but unfortunately recognition has not been your strong suit as of late. you’ve reached that “who am i?” stage of rock-bottom and the “what in the hell am i even doing?” but what a year 2021 will be for you in terms of being able to end certain cycles, which is a pretty major thing for your ascendant. you will be met with situations that force you to gather your bearings and revise your demeanor, which can be a nerve-wracking thing for someone who doesn’t like to adhere to what they would consider the follies of others. it’s a time for openness so lessen your grip and consider the possibilities rather than feeding into your sensitivities and fixations. how can you transform if you’re too busy digging yourself in deeper? the way scorpio is able to bring together both boldness and vulnerability is what you should be striving for, the self-sabotaging is for the other birds - you’re a Phoenix!

sagittarius ascendant: i extend my deepest condolences for the past couple of years but you’re starting to get a better idea about the part that you play in matters and what you’re needing to improve upon so that you can find a direction, or better direction, in your life. hopefully you have been paying heed to the areas in your life that have accumulated to the point of no return and are planning a big ol’ yard sale because it is time to bring back some decency. you will be met with situations that test your ability to make the right choices/decisions by infringing upon your lifestyle. this is a time to explore inwardly and address the emotions that you’ve kept tucked away, seeing as your decisions are too often dictated by these unturned emotions. you’ve done enough wandering by now, these upcoming days should be about you tying up loose ends and bettering the circumstances you currently have so that you don’t feel the need to flee. don’t let things go unexpressed this year because this baggage is what is hindering you and freeing yourself of this as much you possibly can would be in your best interest.

capricorn ascendant: ah, those dark feelings of being misunderstood and having a chip on your shoulder because let’s be honest, you’ve been having an identity crisis and haven’t been the most reassuring person to have around. all i’m hearing is “it’s my life!” and envisioning a person who is refusing to be told what to do, we get it - you think you’re above cooperation. you will be met with situations that challenge the security within yourself and in your life through having to face your own inability to properly articulate yourself to others. it’s time for you to take on the mindset of a novice. everything you’ve established or think that you’ve established? yeah, leave it at the door. try your best to pretend that you know nothing and that the world is brand new because it’s your own preconceived notions that are clamming you up. other people won’t be receptive to you if you’re not being receptive to them. not everything is about standing on the mountain or being ready to die on a hill, you should be enjoying the process and experimenting and considering alternatives because that’s how you find what works.

aquarius ascendant: so you guys have totally recoiled into yourselves to the point of being lost within, huh? i just know y’all have been going full weirdo and doing shit that probably even you can’t grasp because it’s been coming from such a subconscious place. once you’ve hit a low point it’s easy to become a bitter betty and partake in not the greatest of coping mechanisms because you’re feeling alienated from yourself. there is a reason for this though - you have unacknowledged feelings! have you had any regrets or lingering emotion towards people or towards situations? perhaps these are stifling your ability to feel present. you will be met with situations that turn you inside out by taking away the option of preparing yourself so that there’s no time to go robotic about it. this is a time for you to revel in activity, get out of your ~woe is me, nobody wants what i have to offer~ and start showcasing your abundance! give for the sake of giving, have fun with your generosity, try to tap into that aquarius energy of playful but well-intentioned nonchalance.

pisces ascendant: well, you have been trying to work on your celestial flow and have dove deeper into your visions and idealisms for life but your moods have never been more easily swayed. these have not been the sort of tides that you have cared to ride because they don’t lead anywhere! they crash and dissolve, crash and dissolve, crash and dissolve - when will they carry you somewhere you’d like to go? your escapisms and illusions have been getting the better of you and floating is a pretty accurate way to describe where you’re at. you will be met with situations that question/alter your reality and reveal to you what you’ve been overlooking. i imagine it as your *record scratch* *freeze frame* “yup. that's me. so you're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation.” moment. it’s time for you to gently pull back and take note of what you’re investing your energy into and what this has been producing in return. your energy is best left being funneled into yourself this year so that you can thoroughly examine where you’ve been pigeonholing yourself; in you examining such you will be able to tap into your intuition in a way that you have not been able to before, it’ll be like unlocking a new level of your own consciousness.

#2021

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ayamturd · 4 years ago

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yourself│awesamdude

summary: love is precious, love is pure; how insecure thoughts and concerns trouble a scared lover, and how to convince one they are deserving of said love

warnings: descriptive insecure + self-deprecating thoughts, slight angst to fluff

pairing: in-game c!awesamdude

a/n: couldn’t stop thinking of this concept, i wouldn’t physically sleep till i wrote it all out lol

pls know you are loved, that you matter and are important. even if it doesn’t feel like, i’ll say now that i do, i love you. i don’t need to know you to know you deserve love, you deserve to know you are amazing for being yourself and for simply trying your best by existing for what it is <3

wc: (2.1k) - m.list

“Why do you love me?”

It was late. Very late.

The sky was pitch black and the forest held nothing but a ringing silence to screen, the brief sounds of woodland creatures along with lurking monsters occasionally breaking through. While the night was alive by the stir of the wind, the world above was obscured beneath the depths of the newly discovered mineshaft.

You were tired, your body aching and sore from the continuous grind along side your lover for the past few hours now. Unbeknownst to you, the early morn had been replaced with the midnight sky, the twists of the cave’s darkness becoming so lost to your sensitive eyes.

While you were resting on a large boulder, Sam’s stamina was relentless as he worked to mine into the next cave tunnel. He was beautiful, to say the least.

The ever so flicker of nearby torches illuminated only the best of his features, his usual mask hanging low around his neck due to the cramped and tight spaces underground. His brows were furrowed, the gentle concentration that pulled onto his face strangely handsome to observe.

His hair, the dark yet notable green shade, was seemingly drenched with sweat. In spite of how dreadful the thought could come across, it only did him wonders when weighing his locks down to frame his face. It curled around his eyes, the sage emerald-color contrasting his light skin tone while emphasizing the dark glisten of his squinted eyes.

Through his intent and determined grunts with every swing of his blade against the course stone, his stance was firm and strong, each strike crumbling beneath him from pure strength and integrity.

Moments like these were random, but reoccurring. Moments where you could stop to stare at him for hours on end, appreciate him for what he was and all that he did, yet question on why he was still here.

Why someone so talented and earnest in his work could even consider you as someone special, someone worth his attention and love to be with.

You spoke before you could stop to process your words and what possible answer he could imagine. Your curiosity got the better of you, and your insecurity blinded your perception. It didn’t seem like he heard you initially, and as you began to take it as a sign to forget the question entirely, his diligent swings stopped and his heavy panting filled the air.

He carelessly rested the large tool on top of his shoulders, twisting only his head in your direction while wiping the salty sting of raining sweat from his eyes.

“Huh?”

“Why do you love me?” you asked again.

Pushing yourself up, you glanced down while fiddling with your pickaxe, the old wrap around its handle fraying ever so lightly despite its lack of consistent use. You’d need to replace it soon.

“I just- it’s hard sometimes, you know? To think why you’ve stayed with me for so long or why you even want to stay with me altogether.”

You suddenly lost all courage, and couldn’t dare look him straight in the eye from your admittance. There was an unfounded trust your relationship, no doubt, but trust can only go far when comparing yourself to others. This was a question of worth, of importance when believing one has nothing special to give to someone who deserves the world.

“Love…”

Shaking your head, you turned away from him to face the arching gem wall, driving your pickaxe into the thick, shimmering stone with a slam before wrapping your arms around yourself. You bit the inner side of your check, loose and anxious thoughts raging wild to come through in the vulnerable space.

Your hands shook in unpredictable expectations, fingers twitching against your pounding chest.

“I know you’re going to dismiss it as some kind of nonsense, ‘insecurity’ thing and honestly, you wouldn’t be wrong. But I can’t help it when you’re you and I’m me.”

The pause that followed was unbearable. Steady breathes pervaded the tense air, and after what felt to be an entirety in harsh, prolonged silence, you heard the shuffles of his feet when cautiously approaching you from behind.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His tone was serious, yet his voice soft. Like he was cornering a scared and injured animal, he seemed mindful of his volume for your own concern. Another quality to consider: he was too kind than for what you rightfully earned.

There was so much to say, yet so little at the same time. You were at a loss for words on how to explain something so broad and conceptually troubling to see through. How does one explain how little they matter? How meaningless they are in the grand scheme of things to someone that only tries to see the best of them.

Someone that would refuse a truth for the sake of your troubled mentality.

“Well- you know…”

He stood directly behind you now, his radiating warmth encompassing your entire being, leaving you to shudder from the sharp contrast in the freezing underground. Hands hovering your rigid shoulders, he contemplated touching you but decided against it. He dropped his arms to his side with a sigh.

“No, I don’t. What possible reasoning could you have for me not to love you?”

His pleading whisper was left unanswered, your body frozen to the guilt that consumed you from worrying him over your own problematic assumptions. As if he could read you, he began a different approach to break through to you.

“Why do you love me?”

His unexpected question immediately caused you to go in defense. Spinning around, you glared up at him with resistant eyes, the response to trade your unsure gaze with ones that screamed in flipped concern for his own good.

“Don’t do that.”

Sam’s own eyes remained just as hard, the unnatural line from his neutral expression pulling further to create an evident frown. He was just as serious as you.

“I’m serious here. What reasoning do you have to love me? A screw up, that does nothing but hurt others no matter how much I try in opposition to protect.”

Admittedly shaking your head, you unconsciously reached to grab the front of his chest plate, the enchanted armor glowing beneath your bare hands as you forcefully pushed him in disagreement.

You knew what he was referencing to, and how hard the events became for him. No matter if Tommy would never forgive him, he had yet to forgive himself in any reasonable sense.

“You know that’s not true. Mistakes are mistakes that can’t always be avoided or your fault.”

Tilting his head, Sam’s nose scrunched aggressively to your argument with a scowl.

“Can’t it?”

While your face dropped from his jarring snap, he only sighed before bowing his head away, rubbing the back of his head with a tired exhale and dropped shoulders. It was his turn to struggle with his own words as you stared intensely for his explanation.

His voice were soft again, and wavered slightly in the near beginning.

“I’m not perfect, far from it actually. No matter how many times you try and reassure me of the fact, I’ll never truly believe anything there is good to say about me. I only see the worst of myself,” he murmured. Although a majority of his speech could have easily been missed from his airy quiet, your ears were strained and focused solely on him.

As you tried to step closer to comfort him in some way or another, he finished his final thought then, causing you to freeze once more.

“And when that negatively becomes too much, I look to you as my light.”

Sam sheepishly faced you, his bashful grin completely deviating from the conversation at hand. An unexpected heat rushed to your face, causing you fall apart by the mere power behind his words.

He gave an airy chuckle, closing his eyes with a gentle smile and opening to reveal such fragility in all he had to tell, eyes watering from the sight of you.

“You give me more hope than I think I could ever deserve. From your shining smile to the smallest forms of affection, you give me a love irreplaceable by others and unconceivable to consider.”

Biting your lip, your eyes also began to tear from the overly tender conceptions. He knew better than to let your thoughts run wild and interrupt him, so he continued before you could open your mouth in protest.

“I love you, for everything you’ve sacrificed and lost. You are my strength that pulls me through, inspires me to continue even on the hardest of days. You teach me to forgive myself and work through my hardships for a greater objective at play.”

Steadily nearing your emotional state, Sam carefully pulled your hands into his own and caressed your knuckles with his callous thumbs. He squeezed them tightly once, before reaching a singular hand against your cheek, catching the fallen tears that escaped your adoring eyes.

“Even if you unintentionally did, you became that objective to pull me through it all.”

A sob escaped you, and Sam was quick to pull you into his chest. He kissed the top of your head earnestly while resuming to whisper his declaration against your hair.

“I love you and all that you do. Everything that I said now, everything that I know how to express, it does nothing to how much you truly impact by merely existing as yourself.”

“Sam-” you had tried to interject, stop him from tearing you to complete bits as an over sentimental puddle, but he chose to speak over you instead.

“I don’t love you simply because you’ve given so much to me, that you’ve went through notions with my sake as priority. I don’t care for any of that in all honesty. I love you, because you do all that you do as yourself.”

Shudder breathes caused you to shake beneath his firm hold, his only response to pull you inhumanely closer if possible.

“It doesn’t matter why or what pushes you to do what you do, it’s the fact that you exist as yourself, that that beautiful heart of yours goes beyond any and all expectations anyone can conceive of you and never fails to the most of any situation to come.”

“You amaze me, y/n,” he hummed. Pulling you back, he raised a single finger below your chin to lift your face to his. He leaned a near breathes away, with an indescribable admiration that caused more tears to spill.

“Why do I love you?” he re-asked.

His own tears coursed down his dirt stained skin, and you habitually moved to cup both of his cheeks.

“Because you’re able to love me, and not even know the adverse effects you cause to those around you.”

Bringing your forehead to his, he kissed your scrunched nose as he released a small whimper, for he had nothing left to express through words.

“If ever you question yourself again, ask yourself how are you able to love someone like me, and know that that same confounding thought shakes my very core and beats my love-stricken heart for you.”

Bonus:

Pathetic giggles bounced around the gem filled enclosure, the high of work finally wearing you both down into a helpless mess of two exhausted, yet stubborn lovers.

You leaned heavily into Sam’s hold, his own stance faltering from the unexpected weight you gave in as he groaned from the fast movement.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m about ready for some rest, wouldn’t you say?”

Giving out incomprehensible whines smothered into the crook of his arm, you raised a lazy hand to give a subtle thumbs up. Sam laughed loudly, and took your silent gesture as an answer.

“You ready to climb back to the surface then?”

Mellow wails spoke for themselves, and he shook his head in joking disbelief to how drained you easily became.

With you still in his arms, he maneuvered around you to grab both of your pickaxes and gathered resources, them too heavy to physically carry for his next course of action. He pulled out his Enderchest and swiftly packed everything away.

Once everything else was settled, he worked on the actual situation in hand; literally, it being you basically asleep on your feet against his balanced arms.

“Here,” he spoke. Lifting from your waist, he placed you on top of an overgrown gem stone and steadied your footing before quickly turning. He gripped your thighs, and even in your tired state, you instinctively jumped onto his back.

He sighed when adjusting you, before making the trek back up the stair incline.

“To think I choose to love you.”

You yawned loudly, and to his surprise, comprehended his words enough to respond.

“Mmmm, that sounds like a ‘you’ problem.” Head propped between his neck, he glanced down at you with a smirk.

“Maybe, but a problem I welcome nonetheless.”

#dream smp x you #dream smp x reader #awesamdude x reader #awesamdude x you #awesamdude x gn!reader #awesamdude imagine #awesamdude x reader fluff #mcyt x reader fluff #mcyt x reader #mcyt x you #dsmp x reader

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liquorisce · 3 years ago

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idk how u feel about eremin or ereminmika but I haven’t been able to get this out of my head 😩

I think during time skip the dynamics between them changed and mika somewhat became the center of their group, Eren and Armins relationship fraying while Mikasas remained strong with the both of them 🥺

Armin having somewhat of a resentment towards Mikasa too, in a I love you so much and you’re the best person in my life but you ruin me type of way. He doesn’t understand how she can still love Eren so freely while he suffers from the same love he shares for the other boy. Their sexual relationship starts on accident but keeps itself alive through Armin taking his frustration out on her despite it all and her taking it, just wanting to just feel him because he’s the only one out of her boys who’s even expressing things to her even if it is negative bc at least it’s not the indifference erens seems to have taken to them 😩

Armin and Eren get to fuck too 👉👈 I think Armin would bring up the fact that he has Mikasa, that Mikasa might love Eren but she loves Armin as well and that at the end of the day it’s him who gets to fuck her and Eren the selfish bastard he is hates that even if he too loves them both.

They’re both overly dominant imo 😭 they don’t contest to one another. Eren is just Eren and Armin refuses to back down bc wasn’t it Eren who was always telling him to fight back. Both trying to show that they’re better than the other while mourning the love they share at the same time. They look to hurt each other in this moment.

i absolutely adore ereminkasa or ereminmika or ema or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. they were my OG OT3 and I am committed to them for life. i wrote amoral virtue with this in mind in 2015, and I swear I was such a shy 20-year old, me rn would have totally made them fuck. i also wrote "thinking out loud" with the ambition of playing out this love triangle but I took it off ao3 bc I am probably never gonna finish it >.<

ANYWAY on to your godly headcanon, I love it!!!

i just love the idea of armin having been silently in love with mika his whole life, and when he still sees her pining after him when he's obviously out there being asshole#1, he just looses it. Mikasa would totally give into him tbh bc she does love him, he's armin, he's all things good and she trusts him more than anyone. so overtime all things he tells her actually starts to sink in... T_T

Imagine - threesome ema where armin and eren are so fucking competitive! fighting to see who can make her feel better. armin wins maybe, makes her orgasm so many times bc by now he's figured out the formula.

But eren's a biter, and the next day when eren's marks are still on Mikasa's neck you bet he's not gonna let armin live it down.

#anonymous conversations #ema

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arcadejohn127-9 · 4 years ago

Note

How would the demon brothers [+ undatebles if you can no biggie tho if not] be with an MC who is plus sized and is super insecure about it? Like they try to get skinnier but can't and they get upset about it or get teased by other demons for being bigger. Side note: your writings are INCREDIBLE. Just like you 🤗💜🎆⭐

Thank you for the request and the compliment! You're too kind!

Oof weight lose and being bullied for my size is something I know abit too well, I always feel sad when I see plus sized people Insecure about their weight

I'm all for people wanting to lose weight to be healthy or just wanting change but when it stems from self hated and an unhealthy mindset - I just can't stand it

Demon brother's with a plus sized MC who's insecure

Warning: angst with fluff

Lucifer:

He isn't a man who's to shy away from being rude and blunt to people

He wouldn't date someone for pity or lie

When he learned you were trying to loose weight

He and the other brothers all treated it how Asmo's diets go, he tries and fails and everyone makes no real effort to not tempt him with food

When he found you crying in your bedroom however

"What's the matter? You're crying, what has upset you?"

"You." Was all you said, trying to calm yourself

He, of course, wanted to know what he did

He kept pestering you until you finally snapped at him

"You're treating my wants like it's a joke! I want to lose weight and none of you are being supportive of it! Why can't you just let me do something for myself?!"

He was taken back

He sat beside you, taking your hand in his

"Why do you want to lose weight? This plan has come rather unexpectedly."

"Because I'm too big! Everyone thinks so! No matter what I do all nothing works! Don't you think I'm ugly?"

"Since when did being big equate to being ugly? Are your height makes you ugly?"

"my height...? What does that-"

"Weight isn't something we can always change like our height, some people just can't change their physical appearance, it can only happen naturally and even then it may be a small amount gained or lost."

"I think I get what you mean."

"I hate admiting this but- I'm not good at this kind of thing but I think you look wonderful, if you really wish to go on a diet I'll support you but it needs to come from a healthy and non destructive mindset."

He poked. your forehead before kissing your hand

Mammon:

"Mammon? Don't you get embarassed when you're out with me."

"You are pretty embarassing sometimes."

He wasn't pay too much attention, not catching up on your tone

"Oh.....I see....maybe I shouldn't come out with you tonight."

You already didn't want to go out, the outfit Mammon got you - whilst it looked expensive - was tight on you

"HUH?! now what's this all about? You trying to quit on the great mammon?!"

"Well- I'm much bigger than the demons you hang around with, aren't you ashamed? They're way more attractive than-"

He rushed to your side, gripping your arms

"Don't even finish that sentence, ya hear?! Who told you - you didn't look fucking fantastic?! No one talks to my baby like that!"

"But it's true-"

"I swear on Goldie that isn't true! You are the most stunning jewel I've seen, I'm so lucky to be with someone that looks like you! You're personality is already top notch - your body is like a shiny bonus I don't think I deserve!"

He pulled you into a hug, holding you like you were the most valuable thing to him

"You're gorgeous, just tell me who's been bullying you and I'll make sure they know their place, I never want you to feel like that."

Levithan:

Levi was showing off this cast of anime style chatacters from the game he was playing

All of them were so thin and muscular

Everyone had the perfect curve and ideal bodies

"We should cosplay these characters! Don't worry, you don't need to know everything about them - I think you'd really pull off this one, you two already have the same personality."

You looked down at yourself and then back at the Character

You frowned, clutching your stomach

"Really....? But they're so- well look at me!"

He looked at you, raising a brow as he tried to find what you were getting at

"They're a warrior who saved the universe with a knife, it's not supposed to be realistic-"

"I'm talking about my shape, levithan! I'm fat! I'm disgusting! They're built like a god!"

"YOU'RE built like a god! There's plenty of Gods from your worlds stories that are shaped like you! What's the issue?"

"you didn't even deny I was disgusting, those demons were right-"

"What demons?! Are you seriously letting some normies tell you you're gross? What do they know? I'm the luckiest demon alive to be with you and those demons can choke on salt water - you point them out and I'll get my army on them!"

"you really think that? You wouldn't like more if I looked more like your smile chatacters?"

"Media is based of toxic media where they focus on only one type of beauty standard, it's a problem within the game world that they don't add plus sized chatacters."

"i- yeah I guess so....I didn't expect you to really care about that."

"of course I care!"

You both sat in silence, you were processing his words and leaned against his shoulder

"Do you still want to cosplay together?"

You paused before nodding

You both went through the game he's playing, whenever the overly vain chatacter came out levithan would argue with them

Claiming you to be the most gorgeous being in the world not them

Satan:

"I heard some rumours today, have demons been bothering you about your weight?"

You froze as Satan closed his book, shifting in the seat

You stepped back, avoiding eye contact, regretting coming to your room instead of helping mammon with some silly plan

"No...there's been no issue."

"Oh? Then why is there laxatives and diet guides in your school bag? You know I don't like it when you lie to me especially if it means you could be putting your body at risk."

You noticed your bag beside his feet

You immediately grew frustrated as you knew you were being called out

"Why did you go through my bag?! That's my own bussiness-"

"you said I could get my textbooks back, I found them in your bag - I'm sorry I went through your stuff but this isn't fine! You're going to force your body to push itself unnaturally."

"I just- i just want to get thinner, no matter how many times I try it doesn't work! I'm tired of seeing myself in the mirror and people telling me that you don't actually love me-"

"Some people just don't have it easy when it comes to weight lose, going on a diet isn't the best - I can go on cooking duty more often and make sure you have healthier meals."

He was at your side now, stroking your face

"Do you love me....? Truely?"

"of course I do, I've never loved anyone as much as I love you - you make me feel things I never thought i would, your size is the last of my concerns, I'm just scared you're going to hurt yourself."

You nodded, tearing up as you let him hold you closer

You tried to apologize but he silenced you, telling you that your emotions are valid

Asmodeus:

"Darling~! Let's take a bath together, I just got a new bath bomb and some soaps!"

He shook the mini basket filled with bath product's

"really...? Are you sure you want to do that, I'm not sure, I feel really bloated today-"

You were desperate to avoid getting naked Infront of him

Every once and a while he would ask to take a bath together, he respects your discomfort but wants to keep the offer open

"Oh, that's no issue~ we can have some tea Barbatos gave me, it's great for bloating!"

"why do you wanna see me naked so much? I'm not anything to see - wouldn't you be uncomfortable?"

"Uncomfortable? Why would I feel that?"

"In not the smallest person around-"

"Means you got more to love! I love your body!"

"But you're so gorgeous and slender, why would you ever love my body?"

He couldn't understand your feelings; confused on how you could see yourself in a negative light

"because I love you more than myself, I'm still the most special demon around but you're just something else, something I could never stop adoring!"

Beezlebub:

"Do you want to go eat with me? hell's kitchen is having a party."

Beel peered into your room, showing the hell's kitchen site

"I'm not sure about that, I've been trying to cut down on my eating."

"what? Why? Are you sick?"

He immediately got concerned, shuffling over to you

He placed the back of his hand on your forehead

"No- I'm not sick, I just think I should loose some weight."

"oh....then you can still go eat with me, I'll just eat more of your portions."

"you don't have any issue with me losing weight?"

Your insecurities started to chew at you

You weren't really sure what you wanted; you wanted him to be cruel and straight forward about hating your body

It would make your feelings feel more grounded

But you couldn't bare it if he didn't like your body

"It's your choice - should I be concerned?"

"no way! It would be for the best anyway, right? Atleast then I'll look better-"

"What does your weight have you to do with your looks? I think you look fine."

"you don't think I'm too big? Wouldn't you prefer someone more petite? I know you like small things-"

"I like you, I don't see any issue with your body."

It did feel a little ridiculous to think the avatar of gluttony would be bothered by your size but you still couldn't help but feel worried

He suddenly picked you up, kissing your cheek

"I can hold you in my arms just fine, your size will never stop me from liking you, I think you're beautiful."

Belphegor:

He was laying on your thigh's, watching a video comp of people falling over and getting hurt

"Should I loose weight?"

His phone was suddenly dropped on his stomach, staring up at with you surprise

"Why do you ask? Besides, it's not my decision to make - it's your body."

"yeah but wouldn't you prefer it if I was, ya know, thinner?"

He looked at you as if you just said something stupid

Adjusting his position snuggled against your thigh's

"Why would I prefer that? You wouldn't be as comfy."

"is that all you care about? If I'm comfy? Would you be upset if I did lose weight?"

"No, because I love cuddling you so I don't care about your size but I like you the way you are."

"it can't be that simple, there's no way you just like me when I look like this."

"I'm not sure why you're thinking of it like it's complicated maths, I like you- no I love you and very happy with the way you are."

You wanted to argue, trying to find a way to figure out how he's wrong

But you couldn't

"You're my favourite person in this house - don't tell Beel - I wouldn't trade you for the world."

#obey me #obey me shall we date #gamingclubpresident #obey me mammon #aracadejohn217 9 #obey me mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me beezlebub #obey me satan #obey me levithan #obey me luficer #obey me belphegor #obey me imagine #angst #cw: body image #cw: fatphobia #cw: angst #obey me x you #obey me x mc

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yandere-society · 4 years ago

Text

Love L(eyes)

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female Reader

Synopsis: He was a bit odd, quiet, mysterious and studious, but you liked him. Found him more agreeable than some of your other coworkers. Besides, you were never the one to judge, no matter how strange the rumors around him were. This is why you happily accepted his slightly childish, secret Santa-exchange Christmas gift. And being so incautious is what caused your own undoing

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Attempt at Black Comedy, Yandere themes, Stalking, Obsession, Mentions of Smut, Riding, Orgasms, Voyeurism, Blackmail, Y/N Stupidity, Unedited

Admin: @roses-ruby

Request:

“Looks like someone’s had one too many Hawaiian-flavored shots again.”

Your coworker remarks at the girl in the distance hogging the karaoke machine and tearing her lungs out to Wham’s Last Christmas. You huff humorously at her and at your other colleagues who became shitfaced to overly spiked punch as an excuse to get loose in their normally constrained work environment. Some other time you would have joined them, but this week had been especially exhausting for you.

The supervisor, after zealously creating the holiday season itself, had sprained her ankle 2 days ago – leaving you in charge. As if it wasn’t chaotic enough thanks to her dedication for winter festivities, it was now all in your hands and the both of you couldn’t have been more different. Whereas she was Mrs. Claus wrapped in jubilant, giddy and imaginative red wrapping, you were a nonchalant grey piece of paper. Which is exactly what you decided to do with everything she had planned out for the office’s Christmas party:

Caroling? Those who want to sing can go ahead.

Gingerbread house competition? Literally not happening.

Secret Santa? Just give the presents when you can.

It may have been uninteresting but as long as adults had their alcohol – you eye the elated faces of your coworkers – it wouldn’t matter.

“___?” You jump slightly, spinning around when you heard your name being spoken in a low, almost intimate timbre.

Namjoon stood a few inches away from you, holding what looked like a present in both hands. Your coworker, Jin, raises an eyebrow at him.

“…Mm…this is for you.”

“Oh!” You were starting to think you had been left out of the drawing hat, “Thank you so much, Joon!”

Gently grabbing it from his arms, you hold it out and give it a little shake.

“Can I open it?” You ask, trying to follow ‘gift etiquette.’ He stares at you for a moment with an unreadable expression and makes you wonder if you had said something wrong.

“I would prefer if you wait until you got home.”

“Oh-uh, alright. Thank you.”

With that, he turns to leave.

“…Happy holidays, Joon!”

He shifts his head to give you one last look, a small smile on his plump lips.

“Thank you. Happy holidays.”

When he’s out of hearing range, you hear Seokjin sigh loudly.

“I mean…he’s hot but isn’t he kind of weird? It’s such a waste.”

“He’s not weird…”

“Girl, listen to this- you know the office slut?” He kindly refers to Lisa, one of the female secretaries, “She was all over him last summer until she finally got herself into his room. Turns out he lives in a fucking warehouse in the middle of nowhere! I don’t know exactly what she saw, but she’s been spooked out ever since and avoids him as much as possible. Like just last week, I was lurking around and thought I saw the both of them make eye contact while passing each other in the hallway and that poor girl! She looked as if she almost soiled herself.”

“Those are just rumors, Jin.” You roll your eyes at his exaggerated tone, “Maybe she got rejected? And as for Joon…I think he’s just a little shy.”

“Whatever. All I’m saying is don’t be too shocked if you find a woman’s head in that box.”

You snort at his ridiculousness, placing Namjoon’s gift on your work desk. The drinks you had before the party start catching up to you and you excuse yourself from Jin to head to the restroom. Once you’re in the stall, you sigh, placing your palm against the wall of the stall and leaning towards it. Perhaps you were slightly more tipsy than you had originally imagined.

Just then you heard what sounded like two pairs of kitten heels walk into the foyer.

“Fuck.” You mutter as you hear them talk about whatever the fuck. Social gatherings really weren’t your thing and you wanted to go home since privacy was nonapparent in this office. When you just about became mentally prepared to empty your bladder and scramble out of the building, you heard your name being called, pulling your attention away from the matter at hand.

“___ scrapped the Gingerbread house idea, isn’t it crazy. The supervisor lets her get away with so much even though they are worlds apart.”

Ah yes, gossip. How easy it was to spread misinformation. What they glossed over was the part where the supervisor hated your guts, however, you just happen to be two grown, working women who were able to reach compromises for mutual benefit. The gingerbread project was scrapped because you managed to convince your jolly boss lady that it was an impossible occurrence to accurately judge without her gingerbread expertise. And it was nothing but the truth.

“Well, whatever, I didn’t want to participate in that dumb event anyway. But you know what really irks me? It’s when she thinks she’s so special and unique.”

Special? When have you ever-

“She honestly thinks she’s so different.” The girl continues, “Plastered on the wall each time we throw an office party- whispering and giggling with men. Did you see her with Namjoon and Jin today?”

“Isn’t Jin gay?”

“That’s besides the point.” She sounded exasperated, “What I’m saying is that her lack of interest in everything makes her uninteresting! She may think she’s above us when she pulls all these stunts but she’s so boring, it’s almost painful to watch.”

“Pfft, you’re a bitch.” You hear laughter and the clack of compact powder before their footsteps retreat from the foyer.

For a minute you just stand there, thinking about nothing. Sure, you didn’t expect everyone to like you, but you were on friendly terms with everyone in your office. Even as a number 2, you’ve never raised your voice or demanded anything unreasonable. The saddest part was that you knew exactly who those two girls were and had conversed with them on multiple occasions.

You were definitely sober now as you felt a small prick of annoyance stab at your heart.

A girl who tries her hardest to not be like ‘other girls.’ A boring girl. Is this truly what people thought of you?

It’s not too late when you get home – but it feels like you’ve been away for ages.

You groan as you remove your heels, tossing them somewhere near the entrance area as you trudge further into your studio apartment. With weary arms, you throw the gift onto the bed and fling yourself besides it, listening to the mattress creak for a second before silence surrounds you once more. Although you decided to sleep as soon as you got through your door, you knew you would just overthink and confuse yourself by remembering what those girls said.

It shouldn’t matter…it was just casual conversation…not like they wanted to kill you or something, you rationalize. Also, if you were someone who cared so much for what others said, then you couldn’t have continued bearing such a laidback personality for this long, could you? Still, something about the confidence they had in their malicious words bothered you.

“Ugh,” You grumble, sitting up and placing the gift on your lap to distract yourself from all the negativity. Trying to clear your head, you tear open the bright colored wrapping as swiftly as you could. A smile crosses your face when you think about cold, silent Namjoon carefully handling vibrant Christmas paper over this box. Didn’t seem like him.

He always had a peculiar reputation around the office, but he was never anything but duly courteous towards you. Though you never thought much of anyone from your workplace, you did think well of him and his kindness. They denied it like crazy, but everyone had a crush on the smart and mysterious Namjoon, even Jin. You tear off the tape connecting the flaps together and carefully pull out whatever was inside. And that’s when you come face to face with a…stuffed teddy bear.

Really, just a regular brown bear with soft, fuzzy fabric – nothing fancy. Now you were even more confused. Did you ever give him the vibe of being a stuffed-animal lover? Actually, aren’t there some guys who give this kind of stuff to girls, like on Valentines? Joon probably didn’t know what to get you and went with something generic, you deduce.

You stare into its eyes. Plastic black orbs lifelessly leer back at you. When you began to feel oddly uneasy, Jin’s story suddenly flashed through your mind. There wasn’t a head in the box like he said, but it didn’t mean this bear couldn’t be an ominous gift.

What if…it had a small camera stuffed inside the layers of cotton like in those horror movies?

As soon as you conjure the question, you shake your head, cringing at your own thoughts. Just because some people found him disagreeable didn’t mean he was an actual creep who would do that. You, of all people, knew how quickly false notions spread throughout that office. If they were wrong about you, then they were definitely wrong when regarding the quiet Namjoon. He was a simple, introverted man your insufferable coworkers picked on and this was just an innocent teddy and nothing more. Exhaling through your nose, you were about to throw it back in the box and forget about it when a memory abruptly froze you.

“-she’s so boring, it’s almost painful to watch.”

Ok…as a rational individual, you know there’s no camera in this toy, you know that. But if there was a camera – it would mean Joon wants you in some fashion. Would you want to ~secretly~ watch a person you didn’t have a crush on? Exactly. If there was a camera, it would also mean… that when those bitches from the restroom see you, someone plain and inconsiderable in their eyes, be the object of ‘office hottie’ Kim Namjoon’s desire…

Wouldn’t they eat their own words?

The thought instantly sends endorphins throughout your brain. How satisfying. Little old, boring you being stalked by the sexiest, most capable man in the office.

“Hmph.” You smirk at the bear before looking around your room. There was a shelf on the wall facing your bed, stacked with some novels you read back in college. Pushing yourself off the mattress, you walk up to the shelf and lightly thrust away some of the books before placing the teddy bear on an empty spot.

This was silly, you think, gazing at the bear in amusement. Although you were certain there was no camera, the mere thought about spiting those women made you ignore all the red flags which were present in your head since you grew up as a woman in a male-dominated reality. Honestly, you were too caught up in your silly revenge dream to even care.

This was silly, but…strangely fun.

Since then you did everything which requires adequate privacy in front of the bear.

Sleeping, getting dressed for work, masturbating, changing underwear and even when you just had to get out of tight jeans and into sweats – you did it all in the once place you knew you had the potential of being ‘watched.’ For some reason, you couldn’t take these actions seriously. Everything was just a game to you and you were actually starting to have fun with the conception of someone observing you round the clock. You started to feel ridiculous sometimes, especially when you tried to act sexy each time you stood in front of your bed.

This was definitely something you had no idea you’d be so into. It was as if you were really beginning to believe there was a camera in the fucking bear. Well if there is – you hope Namjoon likes black underwear as much as you do.

“Nnh- ahh-” You moan as you slam down on your boyfriend’s stomach. He grunts in pleasure, tightening his hold on your flexing hips as you arched your spine out further. With your head thrown back, you slightly open an eyelid to peek over at the “spycam” teddy bear on the wall shelf.

A camera’s lens should be wide enough to catch this angle, right?

“___,” You look back at your boyfriend when he groans your name, suddenly remembering he was under you, “You’re so into it today.”

“Um, y-yeah…”

What else could you say? Tell him the truth about how you’re some pervert who’s currently getting off on the idea that there might be some creepy hot dude watching you bare-naked, fucking another man right this minute? ‘Yeah’ was the only logical choice of words you could invoke. Your boyfriend was a nice guy – someone you met on a dating app. You weren’t exactly looking for anything long-term, but you did want to get off without the hassles and dangers of a one-night stand. It’s been going on for two months now and although you don’t think ‘he’s the one’ or anything, he was calming to be around.

“Oh-oh cumming!”

You stare as his mouth becomes unhinged and his eyebrows knot in frustration. As you said, he’s a nice guy but you wish he wouldn’t look so strange each time he reached his high. If someone was watching you both, this kind of thing is embarrassing.

Wait, what? You stop moving on his dick as soon as the thought crosses your mind. Why are you even thinking about something like that? After a few seconds, the pressure on his chest releases and you mindlessly move off of him, joining him on the mattress. He glances at you in confusion as you stare at the ceiling.

“But you didn’t cum.”

“It’s fine, I’m not really in the mood.”

He sits up, head still turned towards you as he removes his condom, “Uhhhh…You sure?”

Instead of looking at him, you turn your head in the direction of the wall where the bear was placed. Dark orbs gazed back at you.

“Yeah.”

It was just a game to you, but it was starting to get strange.

You stretch your dormant muscles as you sit up in your chair.

It was your first day back from the three-day holiday break and you were already in a state of mental detriment. Existing in the same room as people who probably hated you was awkward. Not being able to accurately work through your sudden Christmas impulse of voyeurism also weighed you down. You passed out last night, but the first thing you would do once you got home is throw that stuffed bear away. The game had gone long enough, three days to be exact, and it wasn’t fun anymore. Not when you were involving others.

A part of you felt bad for Namjoon, but you’re sure he wouldn’t actually care.

His obsession with you was just your own delusion after all.

With a groan you get up, gathering the coffee mug from your desk. Maybe some caffeine would help you get it together. You slog into the breakroom, walking up to the freshly brewed coffee pot and pouring a large dose into your cup.

As you’re about to take your first sip, you hear the breakroom door creak open. You’re surprised to see Lisa, but she seems even more surprised – astonished even – when she meets your eyes. For a moment she just stands there by the door, not moving her hand off the handle as she leers at you as if you were a ghoul.

Any other time you would have been confused and creeped out, but right now you could only mentally sigh. Did she perhaps think badly of you as well? It would explain why she always avoided you.

“You should…stay away from Kim Namjoon.”

What?

“Uh…what?”

“I…you should stay away from him. He’s…to you he….”

You squint as the girl stares at the floor, struggling to form words. Why was she suddenly talking about Namjoon and you in the same sentence? In that moment, a look of assurance built up on her face and she looked back up at you, parting her mouth.

But then you see her eyes widen in horror and her shoulders stiffen as she takes a step back.

“Lisa?”

“I- uh- I have to go-” She says, sprinting out of the room before she even finishes her sentence. What the hell was that?

“Good morning, ___.”

Fuck, you recognized that low timbre. You spin around, almost spilling the hot brown liquid as you do, to meet with the one face you were dreading all day. Namjoon stood by you, holding onto his own mug and smiling at you quietly. After every stupid thing you’ve just done in the past couple of days, you really didn’t want to meet him. But you couldn’t abruptly run away either.

“H-hi…Joon…G-good morning.” You mutter, side stepping so he has better access to the coffee pot.

“Cold out, isn’t it.” He makes conversation and you hum along, taking a sip of caffeine as you dwell on how to run back to your desk without seeming too crazy. Namjoon continues to talk about the weather while your anxiety grows. Why were you suddenly so nervous? Were you maybe still delusional; convincing yourself about how he is madly in love with you?

He stops talking for a moment then, and looks over at you who is not present in reality at all. You don’t notice his dark gaze rake over your body nor his grin at your worry.

“You know,” He mutters, almost inaudible, “I do love black underwear as much as you.”

“Yeah.” You sigh in fake amusement, not really processing what he just said. Until you do.

It takes you a minute or two of staring at your coffee to finally register his words into your brain. You slowly look up at him, no traces of amusement or even the previous pointless uneasiness apparent on your current expression.

“What?”

“I said,” He turns his whole body towards you, “I do love black underwear on you.”

“I…” You take a step back, suddenly feeling very small next the man glaring at you, “I’m sorry?”

He raises his hand and fear instantly paralyzes you. When he touches the hair on your head with his fingers, you wanted nothing more than to shove him off and run away. Instead you were caught – irreversibly immobilized by the way he captured you in his gaze.

“Don’t look so surprised, didn’t you want me to see?”

A million and one curses just flash through your mind. This wasn’t real, this was not happening. He was not saying all this. You were probably lying dead next to your boyfriend and still dreaming. That had to be it, because there was no way. No way Namjoon was saying what he is currently in the middle of saying. It was a game; it was just a game.

“Honestly, I thought you would have thrown away such a silly thing as soon as you found it. Did you know it costed me a total of $30? I can’t believe such a cheap investment worked.”

Your breath hitches as you listen to him speak. Mom always called you a fucking idiot, but wow you were a fucking idiot. You were warned, you heard the rumors about him and you should have known. There was a difference between the gossip of drunk girls in the spur of the moment and the account of a very sober and concerned homosexual friend. Still, not wanting to face the present moment, you continue to deny it in your head.

“Nn- uh-” You move back, getting ready to make a run for it. Wishing Jin’s loud ass would somehow interrupt you both.

“I would stay still if I were you.” Namjoon smiles with a warning tone, making you halt, “You see I happen to have a lot of…information. Information which can end up in places it’s not supposed to. I’m sure both of us don’t want that.”

Tears prick the corner of your eyes. You knew exactly what he meant. He recorded you, he has footage of everything you did and he was threatening you. Every time you got undressed, slept, pleasured yourself and – fuck – you and your boyfriend. He’s seen everything. If those recordings end up online, you’d be finished. Forget about your boring girl reputation, if anyone saw those recordings, you wouldn’t even maintain a reputation to defend. And haven’t some women gotten fired over something similar?

“W-why?” You sob to him, not wanting to lose everything.

“Sshh, it’s okay.” He takes you in his arms, hugging you in a soft but firm manner. What else could you do but let him touch whatever he wanted. Although you couldn’t lie and say you were 100% certain the bear didn’t have a camera, you still passed it off as a joke. You messed up, bad. And around you stood the consequence.

“Aren’t holidays great?” He mumbles into your hair in a low, intimate timbre.

____

A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! Have a wonderful day -- 🍑

#yandere society #yandere bts #bts #yandere namjoon #namjoon #namjoon x reader #yandere namjoon x reader #bts x reader #bts christmas #bts fanfic

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