#I truly am sorry about being late with this

[mortalityplays]

5 years ago I was dirt broke and closeted and destroying my body working full-time in hospitality. 10 years ago I was unemployed and catatonically depressed, living out of a storage closet at my mum's place because I'd expected to leave home after graduating & my insane abusive stepmother didn't want me at my dad's. my sibling was homeless rather than live with either parent. the only thing that eventually stopped me drinking was the critical dose of psych medication I was put on to keep me from walking into traffic.

guess what, there are still times and places and feelings from those years that I miss so bad it hurts, that I mourn like someone died, because I was dead inside and out and couldn't focus on the things that kept me going. my sweet cat who used to wedge himself between my knee and my busted laptop and purr while I was job hunting. he passed away last year. the late night walks I used to take with my sibling just for a reason to be out of the house, when we would talk about art and tag up the walls on the half-constructed tram line at 3am. they have long covid now and can't walk more than a few minutes without getting exhausted, and we live in different cities, and we'll never be that angry together again. sometimes we're both online at the same time in the small hours of the morning and get on a phonecall together, and I know this is another temporary version of our relationship that I'll miss when circumstances change.

I'm sorry you don't have good memories of the bad times in your life, and I am really, truly, genuinely happy that you're in a better place now, but I resent the assumption that this post was written by and for someone who has never suffered. 10 years ago, at my absolute lowest, nothing made me want to blow my brains out more than the condecending You 👏 Are 👏 Valid 👏 tumblr culture of the time that told me everything would be okay and it gets better and I don't know who needs to hear this but you're lovable just as you are. Obviously a lot of people did need to hear that. Fine! But what I needed to hear was what I'm writing to myself from 2025: that the tiny moments of peace you find in the warzone matter, and you don't have to wait for life to get better to appreciate them. pet your cat and memorise the smell of his fur. take a walk, tag a wall. write your name on memory lane.

please can I talk to the people like me without being talked over, without eliding my words into 'the nightmare is 100% intolerable but it eventually ends if you wait it out, just trust me on this one' or 'buck up idiot, do some breathing exercises and be thankful'. believe it or not I have also lived a life, and I know what I'm saying because I said it on purpose.

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

[chdarling]

As we’re getting closer to a truly awful day for America, I just wanted to check in on you. Things are bleak and about to get so so much worse, I want you to know I’m here and many others are here too when you’re ready

This is very kind of you, thank you. Honestly, I have not been doing great. Watching my neighbors elect a racist, fascist, Nazi-loving rapist triggered a pretty bad depressive episode on top of what was already the worst period of professional and creative burnout of my life, so….I’m struggling. Still trying to claw my way out of the dark. I’m deeply appreciative of the kindness of this community and am sorry that I haven’t (and probably won’t for a little longer) been able to engage the way I once did. I will again one day, and I am so thankful to know all you wonderful people online. <3

On a note that is completely unrelated to this gentle ask, I’ve been getting a ton of messages lately asking for a date when TLE3 is coming out and I don’t feel up to answering them (sorry) so I’m just going to tack this on here since I buried my last post on the subject under a mountain of despair reblogs: TLE3 is going to take a while.

I’m still planning to continue with my writing projects (be they TLE or other things), but right now I’m focusing on securing my own oxygen mask, etc. When I finished posting TLE2, I said that I would be taking a break and also that I would not be posting TLE3 until I had written all of it (like I had for TLE1). Even if I had been writing diligently every single day since I posted the last chapter, I still wouldn’t be done, so please understand that it’s going to take a while. It certainly will not be coming in the next 6 months, very possibly not in 2025. I know some people won’t be happy to hear that, but just a fun statistic: OOTP has 257,045 words and took three years to write/publish after GOF. TLE2 has (and this makes me cringe a little) 407,079 words and took roughly 3 years to write as an unpaid side hobby on top of full time work, education, etc. I don’t say this to toot my own horn (frankly, it just makes me desperately want to retroactively edit the crap out of TLE2 lol), but rather to reiterate that writing a book-length work takes a lot of time, energy, and love. I don’t want it to take 3 years (and I don’t think it will, TLE3 will be a more reasonable length), but it’s certainly not going to be finished in a few months. That would be insanity and I am not that talented lmao.

I do know that the requests for updates come from a place of love and enthusiasm and excitement and I really, truly appreciate that. I also appreciate all of the kind words of the asks I haven’t been answering. Please know that I’ve read them, I love you, and I will be back eventually. I just have to focus on my health right now, and unfortunately these days being online is pretty bad for that, so I'm going to try to be logged off for a while.

And finally, on another completely unrelated but perhaps mildly tangential note: if anyone has any books recommendations or resources on processing climate grief, I, uh, could use them. 🫠

[pardonmydelays]

unpopular opinion but i really miss those days when it was all about the music in taylor swift fandom

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Me realizing I'm using my "hobby" as a coping mechanism, and that it's really ruining my perception of things: Darn :(

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

[tenpixelsusie]

i thinkg i, scare people sometimes

[bbeelzemon]

just had paramedics called on me for the first time todayy

[sodaf]

aagh this sucks

[ppulverse]

.

[wishmkr-jirachi]

...

[diaz-fox]

you know what, i’ve had enough of being sad. i’m pretty fucking great and if the people i love and care about can’t appreciate that then that’s their loss tbh

[hannahhasafact]

My level of exhaustion on this Sunday evening does not bode well for the upcoming week

[seungcheorry]

"so...", you say, playing with whatever is in front of you.

"so", minghao repeats on the other side of the line, his voice sounding so soft.

"is it time to say bye?"

"it doesn't have to be if you don't want to", he sincerely says.

minghao has been on the phone with you for over 2 hours now. he told you everything about how the soundcheck went, how his members accepted to record this tiktok with him for his birthday, then the show, then the weverse live...

it's clearly too late where he's at. he clearly needs to rest, recharge his energy before going on with the tour. still, he doesn't even think of hanging up - and he hopes you don't too.

"you sure? you must be tired."

"that i am", he confesses. "but i don't mind talking to you. actually i think i only talked about myself, i'm sorry. please tell me how your day went."

"nothing much", and you mean it. "just work, domestic chores, an asshole cutting the line at the grocery store."

"hope i run into him when i get back."

that makes you laugh, as always.

"i hope too."

it's quiet for a bit. minghao likes to listen to you breathing, it soothes him. and as he starts to hum some unknown melody, you realize his mere presence - even though not physically - soothes you too.

"i might not always say this", you begin. "but i love you. very, very much. i hope you're always happy, my myungho."

"ya...", he chuckles. "using the korean name now too?"

you laugh too.

"it suits you."

"you suit me", minghao sighs happily. "i love you too. thank you for being with me."

"i promise i'll be, for as long as you'll have me."

"great. forever it is, then."

a/n: happy birthday, minghao. i truly hope you're always happy and i wish for your life to be even greater than it already is. thanks for welcoming me into this diamond life, i could never regret becoming a carat when i did because of your talent, your beauty, and when it brought me so much joy. i love you, the8. ❤️🐸

[sunhee27]

☆ Thing Enhypen do at night/ when they are sleeping.

• 엔하이픈 ୨୧ f ! r・fluff established relationship ・kisses, petnames (^-^) pls reblog if you like it and requests are welcome.

(Sorry some of the letters are big, I can’t change it) :(

• 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 (이희승)

-Pouts

The man pouts! Yes he does, especially when sleeping. It’s honestly the cutest thing ever. Of course he denies it, and that makes it even more cute in a way. “I don’t pout!” He whines into your ear after he is begging for a kiss and you tell him that you will only give him a kiss if he admits that he pouts in his sleep. He hugs you and cuddles you while whining. He whines again at you. “Kiss me!!!! >:(“ He ‘cries’ into you ear to which you just give in. You can’t help but give him a little peck on his pouty lips when he is snuggled against you.

-Switching spots

Do you know what I mean here? probably not. But like once you are asleep, you will turn to the other side, which Heeseung doesn’t like because he likes you facing him to hug you against his chest. Or sometimes he likes back hugging you. So when you turn around, he IS gonna scoop you up and put you on his side of the bed, and he will switch to being on your side of the bed, so that he can hug you in his desired position.

(Rest of the members under the cut)

• 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐀𝐘 (박종성)

-Stealing blankets

It’s tiring and it annoys you, but you kinda live for it when he steals your blanket. He doesn’t even seem to notice himself. It’s just a habit he picked up. If he steals yours, you steal his! And that goes on and on. But you don’t complain…only a little. “Stop stealing my blanket at night.” You say. “Man, but yours is always warmer.” He pouts. “Get over it. You can just hug me if it is.” You scoff. “I would…IF I COULD CONTROL MYSELF WHEN I AM SLEEPING.” He argues back pulling you by the waist. “Fine. It doesn’t bother me more than that. But only because I love you so much.” You give up.

-Strokes your hair

When he notices that you have fallen asleep, he will just stroke your hair as a reflex almost 😅 And sometimes you will stir awake, to which he apologises faster than light itself. But honestly you only woke up because it felt nice to have your hair stroked.

• 𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 (심재윤)

-Talks

Who would’ve thought, jakey jakey talks in his sleep. He mumbles and talks, rambling about his day, about you 🥺 You voice recorded him saying that you were his princess. And it may have boosted his boyfriend ego. “Did I say that?” He laughs at it. ”Clearly yeah.” You giggle back, he connects your foreheads. “Do you know what that means?” He hovers over you in the bed. ”No” you giggle again. “That I am obsessed with you.” He smiles.

-Does tasks

Broski think you go to bed too early, even if he is the first of all members to go to sleep. So he will just cuddle up with you until you fall asleep, and then… get ready for bed. Doing tasks, all sort of tasks. And you would wake up slightly, still half in dream land. ‘it’s just an illusion’ he would say when he notices that he woke you up. Because he doesn’t want to make you feel bad for making him cuddle with you until you fall asleep, even if he loves doing it.

• 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 (박성훈)

-Lightly snoring

Idols don’t snore… Bullshit! At least this man does. It’s cute when he makes small noises and groans at night. And he knows that he does it. And only just nervously laugh when the topic is brought up. His members tease him with it too. “I know I snore, but let’s just act like I don’t!!!” He says in an embarrassed tone. “But it’s cute.” You giggle. “No…” he pouts. But you will truly never stop teasing him about it.

-Swings leg around you

He sleeps late, looking at his phone. And out of nowhere he will probably swing a leg or two around you. Like they are heavy man! But you don’t mind it when he then pulls you closer with his legs :D Cute man indeed

• 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎 (김선우)

-expressions

Believe me when I say. I think he dreams a lot. And his face shows it all, happy, sulky, mad, frustrated, scared. And as soon as you notice he is having a nightmare and breath is uneven, you will wake him up. And he will squirm before noticing it’s just his sweet girlfriend who is before his eyes. “You scared the shit outta me. But thank for waking me up.” He would say. And he would ask you to hug him for the rest of the night.

-Go to sleep early and wake up in the middle of the night

The title says it all. He would go early think it would be good for his beauty sleep. But he would then wake up in the middle of the night not being able to sleep at all. And would literally not give a shit about YOUR beauty sleep, and he would wake you up to gossip together until you both fall into slumbers again.

• 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 (양정원)

-Get cold and crawl under the blankets

It’s so cute to watch the little kitten crawl all the way under the blankets at night. Like he would roll himself into a little ball under the warmth of his blanket and then snuggle up to you. “Bllrr, it’s so colllddddddd.” He shivers. “Do you need an extra blanket.” You laugh sitting up beside him. “If you are the blanket, then yes.” He teases.

-Dry lips

Don’t ask me how he would literally, feel in his sleep, that his lips are chapped. But he would a million times in a night. And of course he would make sure to gloss up your lips too. So that his pretty girl is also satisfied with her lips in the morning.

• 𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈 (西村力)

-Moves a lot

He would absolutely destroy you, crush you with his six feet long body. He would roll in his sleep without noticing it and before he knows it you are about to fall of the bed. “Nikiiiiii, you are so heavyyy.” You whine under him. And shit he would wake up and be so embarrassed by it. “Sorryyy.” He would laugh. Definitely forgiven 👍

-Get up and get snacks

He would do something like this. He would wake up hangry. So he would check out the fridge then the pantry and then whatever else there is, before deciding to just toast a piece of bread. And then you would pop up and you would end up sitting in comfortable silence eating bread together.