#my depression is really rhe most debilitating thing of everything i have because it leaves me unable tk do anything for others and
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aagh this sucks
#every time ive asked for reassurance from someone lately i havent gotten much in the way of comfort.#just one or two stock phrases telling me not to worry and nothing about asking me about my feelings#like you know what? looking back on it#im kind of drawing the short end of the stick!!#the only time ive ever truly liked someone and didnt rush into a relationship bc of infatuation#and that backfired becajse i was taking it too slow so like. how do you do this lmao#bc i was trying to do it right this time so i dont seem like a crazy ex ultimately#but i really think bc of how long it takes for me to actually start liking someone enough to want to be in a relationship#combined with the worse and worse depressive episodes ive been having that leaves me distant and constantly having to patch friendships up#and just not being able to mask all that much anymore#kind of dont think im gonna be able to get into any relationship till im like 40 if i survive that long#sorry to pour all this out on tumblr#trying to organize my thoughts so i dont have a breakdown in my dads car#my depression is really rhe most debilitating thing of everything i have because it leaves me unable tk do anything for others and#forces others to center whatever rverything else around me bc its always fucking all about me#and i KNOW how exhausting that can be to others#and ckmbine it with my fucking 'i am uncomfortable when we are not about me?' personality trait. how do i make friends like that again
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