#I tried using an online piano but it didn't work :/

[walkingstackofbooks]

A song about grief, and losing Jadzia Dax.

I've always felt her death was severely under-mourned in the show, and so here's a song remembering her, from the point of view of her crewmates.

Once again, it's not a perfect recording, for I do not yet have the patience when my wish to share it is so strong ❤❤ I'm just a bean who likes singing and DS9 and who's been bitten by a creative bug recently. ^_^

I would LOVE to hear what you thought? A comment in the tags would actually mean the world!

Lyrics under the cut:

This place doesn’t feel the same: It’s emptier, heavier. You made us feel alive, So tell me what’s next?

Here’s where you played your games,  Laughed at us, urged us on, Is the ghost of your smile All that remains?

And it aches, this hole in me. I’ve been shot, I’ve been beaten and all that hurt less Than this pain - I can’t believe. I wish I had died instead. I wish you were here.       

But I can't regret missing you, Even when I know it means That my heart won't lighten again. Even losing one memory Would be the death of me: You were magnificent, and I won't forget that You were magnificent and I'll keep remembering you.

Wise words came easily, You’d long mastered bravery, You led with your heart, No matter the cost.

The stars themselves knew of you, Their glimmer’s diminished now, Without you to guide and chide us to explore.

And it hurts, it’s agony: My heart is torn open, your presence ripped out. When I dream, it’s you I see, But I have to wake up, and th’illusion breaks down

But I can't regret missing you, Even when I know it means That my heart won't lighten again. Even losing one memory Would be the death of me: You were magnificent, and I won't forget that. Oh, you were magnificent And I'll keep remembering you.

No corridor’s long enough to escape your phantom touch. Our lives were so intertwined; I never realised how much. I won’t complain - I’ll face these flashbacks face-on.  If I still hear your voice, are you really gone?

There’s so much we still need you for, Please come back from Sto’Vo’Kor, We’re fighting a war here, don’t say you forgot. 

And you should’ve worn the Niners’ shirt, Helped our heist, been a flirt, And held in your arms a small spotted Klingon.

And it hurts, what could have been.  Your future cut off in one bat'leth-sharp beat. It’s not fair - no, nothing is.  Can we have one last joke, one last bet, one last drink? ‘Cause I hate how my heart still thinks you’ll reappear.

But I can't regret missing you, Even when I know it means That my heart won't lighten again. Even losing one memory Would be the death of me: You were magnificent, and I won't forget that. Oh, you were magnificent And I'll keep remembering you.

[murderdogwater]

Random headcannons for the Bachelors and Bachelorettes

Tbh, I have nothing today... so here's some scattered headcannons

If the A.S.S crew (Abigail, Sam, Sebastian) isn't available and Maru is busy, Haley is probably the best person to go to for computer troubles. She's done enough shopping online to know at least a little bit about computers to help a little.

Haley, Alex, and Sam used to hang out a lot as kids because they all lost their parents at the same-ish time. Now, when Sam can't hang out with Abigail or Sebastian, he hangs out with those two.

Alex and Shane trade around sports trading cards. Shane has a massive collection (it's probably one of the few well-kept things in his room)

Elliott taught Seb how to play the piano (They’re the only people in town who know to play a keyboard)

Harvey, Leah, and Elliott build models together. Elliott builds ships, Harvey builds planes, and Leah whittles.

Penny has tried running dnd games at the community center to break out of her shell (It’s kinda working)

Emily and Haley both used to take dance classes as kids, and they hated the classes but still love to dance.

Leah hangs out with Maru to learn how to make animatronics

Sebastian helped Maru code her robot from her 10 heart event. He didn't know what she was building, but he helped because she looked like she was struggling.

Penny, Leah, Elliott, and Harvey all have a book club.

Emily helped Abigail dye her hair the first time before it became permanently purple.

Haley and Alex share hair products.

Harvey knows Sebastian smokes weed because they have the same dealer. (Being the only doctor in town is stressful.)

[obeyme-lost-thought]

Angst: MC come back

Most of people show an aspect of MC that is different towards the brothers after coming back.... I show an MC that is broken and ask Lucifer for help. Sort of a general spoiler of Nightbringer

A little of Mc×Lucifer

________________________________

It passed some days form when MC returned to the present. All the while they never managed to utter a word. That's why Lucifer decided to get to the bottom of MC's feelings.

As he slowly enters the room, he finds the little human looking up at the tree that stands in the center of the room. They have a lost gaze, accentuated by dark circles under their eyes.

Lucifer: "MC, how are you? It's been more than 3 days since you locked yourself in this room. You need to have a full meal."

...

No respons

Lucifer: "Please talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

...

Mc: "I... am tired. When will all this end? When will I be able to stop worrying if this is really my room? What will I find if I go out?"

"I fought so hard to help you sort out your family dynamics. Now that I had done it, I thought we could enjoy this peace. Yet I found myself in the past."

"You were cold again towards me; Mammon didn't involve me in his plans; Levi was shy and avoided me; Satan... how could I deal with him?; Asmo could not look at himself in the mirror; Beel didn't know how to deal with this constant feeling of hunger, and Belphie still hated humans"

"It was you, but you weren't my family! Maybe it's just me, but I can't help but consider you my family. I just want to be with you, no worries or problems."

"You know how hard it was to wake up every day and keep from hugging you? I missed the good mornings and goodnights given on our chat. In the afternoon I didn't know what to do, having no homework to do. I'm serious Lucifer, I missed homework!. I also missed gaming nights with Levi or piano sessions with you. I missed the loud silence of the livingroom while watching DDD by the fireplace. I missed the impromptu dinners because others always showed up and we never had enough to eat"

"The others… You know how hard it was having to remember to be more formal with Diavolo? He also said for a long time that he had to send me back to the human realm. What was I supposed to do centuries or millennia in the past ?! Luckily Barbatos was inclined to let me stay. Besides, he couldn't stand Solomon. What the heck had he been up to at the time. But in the end I missed the afternoons spent at the castle talking of this and that over a cup of tea"

"Not even with Simeon and Luke was the same. I didn't help Luke in the kitchen and Simeno didn't ask me for advice on how to use the DDD. Only Salomon was a fixed point in all that chaos, but it wasn't like here in the present."

"I'm tired Lucifer. I was tired of fighting, I just wanted to come home here with you. And I'm worn out even now by this perpetual fear that it's not finished. That if I leave here I will be your "DevilSitter" and not just MC"

"Please.. Tell me it's all over. Tell me I can rest. Tell me that you are my family and that you love me"

As the human began to cry aloud, the Avatar of Pride could do nothing but embrace them. His mighty wings came out to wrap around their fragile bodies as much as possible.

Lucifer: "It is all right. You're at home Mc."

"If you go out you will find Mammon who is looking at the DDD sitting on the floor in front of your door; Leviathan in his room refusing to leave until you do too and checking your team games online to see if you are logged in; Satan is sitting on the couch in the living room near your favorite seat; Asmo is preparing a skin treatment for when you get out of here; Beel tries not to eat all the meals he has made for you these days; Belphie is sleeping next to Mammon on the floor, waiting for you. "

"Even Lord Diavolk comes constantly to find out how you are. If he can't come, call and send Barbatos. Then this one is working day and night to find out who did this to you. Luke cries every day in front of your door begging you to come out. Have you ever heard him? Simeon should console him, except that he stands at the door of the corridor praying that Luke's requests are heard. Solomon he said at the beginning that we had to give you time to get used to it, but now he too is starting to worry.

"And I'm here for you MC. I'm here for whatever you need. You're done dealing with us, now it's our turn. You just have to go out and get pampered."

"You are home MC, with your family"

________________________________

Little but sad. Lucifer big brother/mom

[study-with-aura]

Wednesday, January 8, 2025

Back to busy days! Eating a quick snack since I just got back from ballet and ate a light dinner five hours ago, and then it's time for a shower and finally bed.

Studying went fast today. There wasn't as much copywork as usual, which gives my hand a break. The copywork is also what always takes so long. I could print everything so I didn't have to copy all of it, but I remember better if I copy it and it allows me to work on handwriting, which I know, strange given the digital age. I would love to work on stylistic handwriting one day, but until then, I will work on my own personal style which is a tad sloppy but legible nonetheless.

Tasks Completed:

Algebra 2 - Reviewed exponent rules + learned to solve exponential equations + practice

American Literature - Copied vocabulary terms + read about Ralph Ellison + read about Ellison's novel Invisible Man + read about using rhetorical strategies for persuasion + read through a list of argumentative writing topic ideas and tried to narrow down what I want my topic to be

Spanish 3 - Reviewed clothing vocabulary + browsed a Spanish online clothing store

Bible 2 - Read 2 Chronicles 31-32:1-19

Early American History - Read more about the War of 1812 + went through a timeline presentation of the battles of the War of 1812

Earth Science with Lab - Watched a short documentary about Jupiter and the outer planets

Art Appreciation - Read about imaginative seeing and completed activity

Khan Academy - Completed Algebra 2 Unit 6: Lesson 5.1-5.2

Duolingo - Studied for approximately 15 minutes (Spanish + French + Chinese) + completed daily quests

Piano - Practiced for three hours

Reading - Read pages 38-72 of Threads That Bind by Kika Hatzopoulou

Chores - None today

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Luke 12)

Group Bible Study + Devotional (Job 17-20)

Ballet

Variations

Journal/Mindfulness

[putschki1969]

2024/02/19 Blog post by Wakana ふむふむの日2024を振り返ろう♪〜映画と衣装と肩の骨〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Looking Back At February 6 2024 ♪〜Movie, Dresses And Shoulder Bones〜

The other day, I went to see the movie "Golden Kamuy" with a friend 😊I received a special git at the cinema! A panel drawn by the original creator＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／ I was so happy because I didn't expect to get something like this! 😍 The girl I went with is a big fan of the original work, actually, she is such a hardcore fan that she and her husband have even gone on a proper pilgrimage to Abashiri which is a place from the manga. I also enjoyed the manga so I decided to go and watch the film with her! The visuals were so powerful and the music was so wonderful that (despite the fairly fantasy-like setting) I felt a strange sense of reality that made me cry many times... It was the first time I watched a movie at the cinema since ``The Boy and the Heron'', I had a lot of fun! 😆 (By the way, the girl who went with me was the same friend who went with me when I watched “The Boy and the Heron” for the second time♪) Being at the movie theater for the first time in a long while got me really excited, initially, I only wanted to get some oolong tea at the snack bar but then, I ended up with all of this😂 How did this happen? When I looked at the menu, I got really excited 🤣I got a large popcorn and a hot dog *laughs*

Hello, this is Wakana (0￣▽￣0)／

I couldn't finish the giant popcorn and had to take it home *laughs* I quietly stuffed my mouth with the hot dog before the film had even begun🤤 Even though I had told myself that it would be better to wait until the film was over to avoid getting tired...🥺 Such a fickle nature🥺(Thankfully the movie was so interesting that I didn't feel sleepy at any point)

Now, I would like to talk a little about my “Wakana 5th Anniversary “Prologue” ~Premium Online Live~” which was held on February 6th! Here I am together with Saku-chan who joined me on the piano 😊We also made sure to take a picture where we look a bit cool📸 With this premium online live I celebrated a milestone, the 5th anniversary of my solo debut. I wanted to start my celebrations together with everyone from my fan club! For some reason, those five years actually feel like a longer time... or rather, it feels like a lot more years have passed already. I included the entire “journey” from my solo debut up until now in the setlist!

M-01 Yureru Haru M-02 Tsubasa MC M-03 Ai no Hana M-04 Aki no Sakura (Acoustic ver.) MC M-05 Orange MC M-06 Haru wo Matsu (Kalafina) M-07 Shirushi MC M-08 Kinmokusei M-09 Flag MC M-10 magic moment MC M-11 Sono Saki e

There are songs from my 1st album "Wakana", my 2nd album "magic moment", my EP "Aki no Sakura" and my 3rd album "Sono Saki e"! I ended up cramming in as much as possible since I wanted to create a setlist that would allow me to look back on the past 5 years.😊 During my MCs I tried to express my feelings from each period, hopefully I was able to share some fresh thoughts with you.

I once again realized that the "chat" may be the best part of an online live performances! At live performances with an actual on-site audience it's not really possible to have a real conversation, but online, everyone can talk about all sorts of things. Of course, even if there are no words exchanged between us, I know that people are watching and supporting me but I always feel very relieved when people say a lot of things in the chat (*´- `) It's honestly so reassuring to know that everyone is watching and listening (^-^)

Despite all of that, my surprise lyric mishaps keep happening, whether it's been 5 years or 15 years, I will never get rid of those...😂Why? ? 😂 I could really feel everyone's surprise and kindness from the chat messages, it was a special sense of gratitude that I probably couldn't experience at a live performances with an on-site audience. Thank you again to everyone who watched and supported me! ! My 5th Anniversary celebrations have only just begun. At my upcoming band live on May 12th, I would like to have the time to reflect even more on the past five years ! Details will be posted soon! Please be patient a little while longer~･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

Lastly, I would like to post some pictures of my dress from February 6th 😆This is the same dress I wore on the cover of my 1st album "Wakana"♪ I also wore it during the encore for my ``VOICE'' tour, at that time, it was altered a bit so it would work better for a live performance 😍 I had my hair down, which is quite unusual for me ♡ The makeup artist also added some sparkling hairpins 😍

I always wonder why my shoulder bones are so prominent...🤣 I think it's a skeletal issue because I am pretty sure not everyone's shoulder looks like that, right? 😂 I don't have any particular pain or problems in this area but I always feel like there's just a lot of bone sticking out. I envy people with smoother shoulders🥺

Anyway, I'm glad I was able to fit into a dress from 5 years ago ･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+ For some reason, that got me super excited! 😂😂 Easy peasy🤗 Yay!

So, that’s it for today! Until next time~ ☆( *'▽'*)/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

『Wakana 5th Anniversary Live』 Details Revealed

To commemorate the 5th Anniversary of Wakana’s solo debut, a special band live will be held for the first time in 3 years! Once again, Wakana will be joined by Satoshi Takebe to deliver a unique live performance together with other musicians. Please look forward to it!

Title: “Wakana 5th Anniversary Live (tentative)” Date: May 12, 2024 ◆1st Stage◆ Open 14:45 / Start 15:30 ◆2nd Stage◆ Open 18:15 / Start 19:00 Venue: I’M A SHOW (capacity: 398 seats) Starring: Wakana, Satoshi Takebe (Music Director/Piano), etc. 【Ticket price】 All seats reserved 8,500円 ※An additional 600円 drink fee will be charged at the venue

Advanced Ticket Lottery for BL Members

[Ticket Sales Service] SKIYAKI TICKET ※To apply, you will need to register your SC ID at "Botanical Land" and your SKIYAKI ID on the SKIYAKI TICKET site/app. Pre-registration is possible, so it is recommended to do this before the application period starts. Please note: The registration procedure includes a verfication via text message which apparently does not work for some overseas phone numbers. ※On the day of the event, present the screen displaying the QR code issued to the SKIYAKI TICKET app (no prints or screenshots permitted); Please note: To display the electronic ticket, a separate app is required

Quantity limit: Up to 2 tickets per person Payment method: Credit card/convenience store payment Ticketing method: Download the dedicated app to issue a QR code ticket Application period: February 21 to February 27 Announcement of Results: March 1~ Payment deadline: March 8

[angeleyeswide]

White Trash Christmas

Going over to my mother's is simply dreadful. It smells distinctly of Lysol... Masking the horrible amalgamated scent of rot, cats, apathy, shit, delusion, and piss, inherent to the very being of her trailer now. The scent will never come out of the softened particle board cabinets and floors under peeling vinyl squares - it looks like a wet, warped cardboard box inside. I have to shower as soon as I get home and immediately wash my clothes.

Now that I've been out in the world, interacting with other humans and slowly becoming acclimated to them, the entire experience is incredibly alien and overstimulating.

I remember when I would unknowingly sleep over black mold growing from the wall under my bed... And when I found it, I was amazed that it was protruding so far- at least two centimeters from the old paint.

Now the place that used to be my normal is so disgusting to me. I can't fucking stand it. It makes me so sick that I grew up in that.

And what's worse is the constant negativity. I developed severe hyper-vigilance. I always memorize footsteps now, so I know who's coming. I would wake up to my mother screaming or yelling for us to get up, ready to have another tirade of some kind.

I had a phone she didn't know about, too. So I could try to have some contact with the outside world. And unfortunately, that came with its own set of consequences... Like being sexually exploited online as a teenager.

All of these painful memories... They flood back into me when I visit as an adult and steel my body. The tension coils up inside me - a stifled breath, a held in scream, a trip outside for fresh air, a bare minimum reply to another one of my mother's repetitive rants.

This is how I feel every single holiday. I go to her house and it's always a shit show. Something small goes wrong and it's the end of the world - a screaming match ensues.

And the impending doom of the impossible burden sets in... ready to crush me like a piano, splattering me across the pavement - I will have to clean up this mess once day. I'm the only one of my siblings able to work or live a semi-normal life. I will have to care for them as well. All three. When I can barely take care of myself.

That's not even half of the shit, but... Well, that's what I think about during the holidays. I get pretty depressed this time of year. All this to say... I don't really like Christmas. I really wish I could. But I can't. Just like a food I've tried to like because everyone else swears it's so good, that's what Christmas is to me.

I look at my mother's dilapidated trailer, trash piled and strewn about the yard and I sometimes think to myself, "I guess it doesn't get anymore Southern Gothic than this, huh?" Dysfunctional family. Cyclical destruction. Unspoken secrets. Festering decay.

Anyway, I hope your Christmas/holiday is going a lot better than mine. Cheers.

[louisupdates]

EXCLUSIVE: Inside Louis Tomlinson's Faith in the Future tour as support act praises 'mentor'

Louis Tomlinson has been entertaining his stateside fans with his Faith In The Future tour and up-and-coming singer and support act Andrew Cushin has heaped the praise on the star

By Jamie Roberts | 3 AUG 2023

Louis Tomlinson has once again been wowing the crowds as he continues his hugely successful solo career.

The former One Direction man, 31, has recently finished his immensely popular stateside leg of his Faith in the Future tour, playing at some of the most iconic venues the country has to offer - and having his shirt ripped off his back along the way. One man who has been up close and personal with the singer over the past few months is fellow musician Andrew Cushin.

The confident English rising talent was selected to be a support act on a number of the shows, playing in the likes of Chicago, Las Vegas and New York. It's been a dream come true for the talented Newcastle native who has opened up to Mirror US about the epic experience.

Labelling Louis a "mentor," Andrew - who is signed to Pete Doherty's record label, Strap Originals - explained he has been able to lean on the star for advice at times on the tour, and admitted it had been "such a good learning experience".

📸 Stephen Lovekin

He's a busy lad as you can imagine," Andrew said. "We've spoke and we've had a couple of drinks and all that and there's been bits of advice when I've needed it. So it's good that I know that he's there if I ever need anything. He's been there and done it all, so he's been a very good tour mentor."

Andrew continued to say he had been extremely impressed with how everything runs on a tour of this magnitude. "Everybody's such a seasoned pro on this tour," he admitted, revealing how it seems nobody is fazed by anything.

He said the entire behind-the-scenes staff show such a high level of professionalism which in turn has given him a huge aspiration and something to work for.

"There's things that I can look at on this tour and take to my own gigs which will make a massive difference," he added. While Andrew has got a big following of his own building nicely at home in the UK, he admits Louis' fans have been nothing short of phenomenal as he tried to turn them into fans of his own - something he seems to have had big success in doing, with homemade signs, bracelets and even tattoos being shared in support.

"These fans really are so, so dedicated to everything that Louis is doing and it's an absolute pleasure to play for them. I was a bit nervous for the first few shows to see how it was going to go down because I'm here without the band and all that and I didn't know if it would have the same effect just me and an acoustic and piano but it's getting the same reception, so it's just a credit to the audience. It's been amazing.

"It's been one massive learning curve and it's so much fun and I'm enjoying it."

Andrew, whose previous tune Where's My Family Gone featured former Oasis man Noel Gallagher, has also released two records during his time with Louis. It's Coming Round Again has been winning rave reviews online by those at the gigs and was filmed at one of the concerts, so too has newest hit Wor Flags.

[holly-fixation]

Sharing my first FFVII experiences for fun: (spoilers for a 25 year old game below)

-I have no idea when or how I learned who Sephiroth was. I just knew "oh yeah that's Cloud Strife and Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII". "Cloud has a big sword called the buster sword. Sephiroth has a big katana". Literally Cloud got into Smash and I'm like "Oh cool it's Cloud" But I knew NOTHING

-let me be clear, I haven't played a kingdom hearts game either. WHY I knew them both, I do not know.

-my brother introduced me to to One Winged Angel about a year after Cloud got onto smash. And I fell in love immediately. With the song. Yes, the song. He said "hey you should learn how to play this on piano". It took me 2 years to learn but that's besides the point. He showed me the Advent Children fight and I thought it was cool and all but it was really the SONG that got me.

-soon after he showed me Aerith's death. Why? There's this mash up of Spongebob's "stepping on the beach" and OWA and it WORKED?? But in the video they photoshop spongebob's face on Sephiroth when he kills Aerith. Then he kinda had no choice but to show me the actual scene (again, I had no context)

-So my brother bought me VII after he played it under the condition that I do not look anything up. No online walk through or anything, He was my only guide. He didn't want me spoiling myself with anything else that happened in the game, which was fair. Because he purchased VII for me, I listened. He was my only source of help.

-This lead to a few problems. Recruiting Yuffie without a guide is just AWFUL. I got lost and confused so many times. I never learned how to breed chocobos. I never got Knights of the Round. I didn't understand that stronger summons were just summons you got later, not a higher level materia. I didn't know about the single save point you can set in the Northern cave.

-Most inportantly: I never met Vincent.

-I had no idea how good of a healer Aerith was, so losing her abilities hurt. Yes her death still made me sad even though I knew it was coming. Ill argue it hurt the same amount because I watched every piece fall into place up to her death knowing what was at the end of the tunnel. But after it, I was so mad I had no good healers, I made Cloud my healer so I'd never lose them again.

-Two words: Black Materia. God I was not ready.

-Because I played it on a modern console, it had cheats like max health + limit breaks at all times, turning off random encounters, and triple speed. I did use triple speed a lot for farming sessions. And Though I made it through most of the game without the (basically) god mode, I did use them for the two robots in the elevator of Shinra Tower.

-I also used them through the entire Northern Crater because I didn't think the game was over yet. The third disk just started, I went straight down into the crater, and I didn't see a single save point. This couldn't be the end of the game, right?

-I literally did not acknowledge this was truly the end of the game until One Winged Angel began. I turned off cheats immediately and genuinely tried with what might possibly be the worst materia set up possible.

-I used Ramuh against Sephiroth. RAMUH. The man was doing so little damage it was pissing me off because "This materia is maxed out! Why isnt it doing more damage??"

-So after probably 10 Supernovas and at least 45 minutes, I turned cheats back on. I did not care anymore. NONE of my characters/materia were strong enough for this and I'd been playing for probably 4-5 hours straight at this point.

-anyway I had already seen and not understood any thing that happened in Advent children, so once I finished the game, I watched the movie again a few days later.

-Skip a few years and now we're here.

-oh I also never got that scene with Zack in the bottom of Shinra Manor.

-use a spoiler free strategy guide, kids.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Twilight Advent Calendar Day 5

Dec. 5 - What is each Cullen's favorite college major so far? What new major should they try someday?

Carlisle's favorite: Neurology. I think that Carlisle is someone who connects his faith and his medical practice together, and learning about the brain from a medical standpoint would have fascinated him. I see him studying this in Europe in the late 1700s/early 1800s, and then again in the very early 1980s.

Try someday: I'm going to say Pediatric Oncology. He's never specialized in children's medicine before, and the oncology specialty is particularly difficult because of the amount of loss associated with the department. But if he can use his abilities and lifetime of skills to get one child diagnosis or treatment a little bit sooner, then it's worth it. But the emotional toll would affect his family, so he hasn't tried yet.

Oh, or something revolving around English History, with a specific focuses on religion's role. He'd like to examine that part of his past from an analytical and academic perspective.

-

Esme's favorite: Interior Architecture. It's one thing to decorate a room, which Esme enjoys, but it's a totally different thing to build the room from scratch to capture a specific kind of light, and be a specific shape, accentuate the sound of Edward's piano, and work with the movements and behaviours of her family. She just loves how she gets to create this sanctuary from nothing. And getting to explore that across residential and commercial spaces was magical to her. It's also one of those degrees she gets to use regularly.

Try someday: Languages. Like the rest of the family, she can speak quite a few, but she'd love to go back and get a formal qualification so that she could do translation work professionally. Esme always seeks out her favourite books in foreign editions to compare the translations, and would love to work on book translations.

-

Edward's favorite: Music. It's his passion, and he loves to be able to study it so in depth, and get feedback from an academic and practical perspective from someone with a similar interest and passion. Carlisle insists he can only study music once every two decades to encourage diverse interests and prevent a connection being made between identities, so he really savors it when he gets to study it again.

Try someday: Family Law. As as a way to honour his biological father, but Edward has no use for more money or fighting for the prestige in law school, so he likes Family Law the best. It would also come in handy for the Cullens' cover story, and with his gift he believes he could make sure children are protected. Realistically, though, he would only get away with practicing for a year or two, so he keeps putting it off. With the rise in video conferencing and online consultations, though, there's potential for the future.

-

Rosalie's favorite: Nothing will ever take away the joy and pride Rosalie felt graduating from her very first Engineering degree. It's the one degree she prizes over the others because she was one of the first girls allowed in the program, and she graduated with honours (second place in the class because the school didn't want controversy, but Rose knows they fudged the grades.)

Try someday: Either Social Work or Early Childhood. Rosalie would love to advocate for women, especially those struggling, but she also recognises her bad temper would probably make a mess of the situation. Maybe one day. Early Childhood is more likely; it sounds wonderful but it's still hard - a little easier after Renesmee, but something she's working towards in the future.

-

Emmett's favorite: Video game design - he loved every aspect of that because it was such a great mix of hardcore coding and computer work combined with more creative aspects. He also loved the diverse applications of it, and explaining how it was valuable for medicine and engineering. His final project was technically a failure because it ran too fast and the controllers were buggy according to his professors, but it was also the first vampire-speed video game to be made and he still adds levels to it every so often.

Try someday: Emmett puts a bunch of degrees that sound mildly interesting or really weird in a hat and draws one out each time. He claims that this creates diverse interests and keeps him on his toes. He just loves the looks at his family's faces when he announces that he'll be tackling a degree in Turfgrass Science or Amusement Park Engineering. Gunsmithing and Surf Science have both caught his eye, though.

-

Alice's favorite: The very first fashion design degree she ever took. She went from being a girl that stole most of her clothing and wore them until they were destroyed, to learning how to choose fabric, how to draw patterns, cut and sew her own clothes. She learnt about designers, about how fashion shaped society, and it allowed Alice to build herself up from nothing - clothing is such a comfort to her, and being able to make it from scratch is just another level of security.

Try someday: Finance Law. It would be useful for her own wheelings and dealings, since most of her education in finance is from the 50s and 60s night school, playing the stock market, and what she gets from her visions. Having a formal degree in that area would also streamline a lot of stuff for the family. It's just so dry, Alice keeps putting it off. And yes, there would be major Elle Woods vibes if she gets around to it.

-

Jasper's favorite: Philosophy. The boy does love a little bit of navel gazing and contemplation about humanity as a concept. It's helped him deal with a lot of things that happened in his past, and the choices that he made, as well as how to move forward. He loves getting out the old books and sinking into them for days; it's the only study area where he's actually worked as an online professor.

Try someday: Forensic Psychology. Jasper would love to understand what makes people tick, especially abnormal ones. He would love to understand how he became such a monster, and if it was inevitable or if there was a trigger. And he would really enjoy figuring out the motivations behind crimes. Everything about Forensic Psychology appeals to the strategic side of him.

-

Bella's favorite: English literature. Bella loves it. She loves classic novels, and getting to study them is a dream. She loves discussing them in depth with other people who are just as passionate about them, and examining the difference in language and media portrayals, as well as the reflections from the author's real lives. She gets to shut herself up with a stack of her favourites, write about them, and get graded on her thoughts. It's perfect.

Try someday: Education or publishing. I think Bella would enjoy teaching literature to high school students, especially at a selective school where the kids were high achievers and invested in their education. She'd be a deadly serious English teacher, maybe even aim for a year or two teaching at a college-level. Or I could see her going into media to get into publishing and editing, allowing her to commit extensive time into reading, but also helping shape future books.

[lv-iceprince]

~about me🫧

so since I have now passed 200 followers i feel like i need to actually introduce myself. against popular belief i am not a robot 🙃 without further adieu here is...me?

this is a bad description of me but this will have to do until i have more time.

online alias~ wren

real name~ ty

age~ 23 (24 on the 12th of october)

gender~ dude

nationality~ australian

race~ indigenous australian, tongan and scottish

mbti~ entj-t

hogwarts house~ slytherin

occupation~ creative industries music student and a pending foreign language student

hobbies~ i actually have too many hobbies because i'm such a perfectionist i dance, sing and produce, but i absolutely love photography and art. i'm a water colour artist and i spray paint. i''m into studying and knowing as much as possible, i'm a gym junkie but i am also such a nerd for videogames, science and visual novels.

extra facts~

i nearly die a lot, it's kind of normal for me (so far i've nearly died 22 times)

i have 3 pet rabbits and 3 pet cats but my cat vanya is my favourite

i am the best chef fr

i know the languages i know now because i tried to go online and get a foreign girlfriend or boyfriend~ it didn't work :')

i slipped as a kid and nearly cut my eye out but now i have this awesome scar

i'm a radio trainee but i still need to actually finish my training

i was a horror writer since i was six years old but it wasn't until after my writing hiatus that i started to write smut and romance

apparently i stand like hyunjin from skz?

i used to be a soprano in a youth choir

i was a film student for 3 years

my mum is training me to be an assistant florist so i can fund my music career

i have resting dead behind the eyes face

i once got checked out and air fingered by hyunjin at a concert and that is my proudest moment

i know 8 languages to various degrees but i am studying more language so i can be more fluent

i play the piano

i nearly joined a religious cult

besides kpop i am like really into david bowie, prince and michael jackson and i am a guilty lana del rey casual listener, i also like troye sivan, barkada, beyonce, jonas brothers, atarashii gakko!, metro boomin', miley cyrus, chase atlantic, disney music, some musical stuff but not a lot, conan gray, grant knoche, joji, lil uzi vert, finneas, pinkpantheress, ayesha erotica and any other hoe slut cunty energy artists

biases~

stray kids... felix and hyunjin

ateez... hongjoong and mingi

txt... soobin

monsta x... hyungwon

twice... momo and jeongyeon

seventeen... mingyu, woozi, scoups and jun

ive.. liz and gaeul

newjeans... hanni

gfriend... umji

nct... mark, jisung, haechan and jaemin

itzy... yuna

p1harmony... soul and jiung

enhypen... jay and heeseung

[audio-luddite]

Serious Listening? Maybe.

I got the streaming Nano thing running and decided to try it out. Hey I spent the money, I suffered the installation drama. What do I get for it?

So streaming from the couch here I go.

Using my iphone with it set to lossless I played several pieces to get a feel for it. The lossless symbol was displayed so lets assume it was that. Apparently even older Iphones will do Airplay 2 (Hi Rez) if they have recent IOS versions and mine does.

I started with a stream selection of solo piano. It sounded like piano alright. I gave the system about an hour to get happy with that.

I have a cover album by Morgan James of Joni Mitchel's Blue. Just a singer and piano. It sounds like it is one continuous take. It is wonderful music. It is on file on my iphone as I bought it. Sounded very nice. Extremely simple production.

I then tried streaming some tunes I am familiar with on LP or CD. Tony Bennett and Faith Hill from Duets 2 has some tiny things on LP I was looking for. I did not get them. They are like the lip parting sound. If I was going full geek I should have run the LP right then to compare. That would have been the audiophile thing to do. I didn't.

Next I tried "Postcard Blues" from Trinity Session by Cowboy Junkies. Here I noticed something interesting. There seemed to be a bias to the right speaker. I may have done that in the configuration, but shifting a bit over on my couch helped. Usually not that critical.

All the sounds were there, but different. Recall I have the original CD and a fancy LP of this album. Those sound very similar to each other, this was different somehow. Less room sound?

This was a quick and dirty exercise so all first impressions.

I then tried "Soul Cages" by Sting first song "Island of Souls". This sounded pretty good. I have an LP of this and the album is processed with Qsound which is a quasi binaural trick. And it worked pretty well. Some instruments sounded far out past the speakers both left and right. The LP has a less prominent rendition of that. Qsound uses phase shifting and filtering for its effects. So the feed was pretty accurate I suppose.

Summary of impressions: I feel something is missing. The sound is clear, and clean, but there is a but. I am not sure what it is. Maybe it is too quiet? Maybe something is actually missing. Maybe lossless aint?

One thing I feel disoriented by is there is too much available online. If I put an album on the turntable the document is there and I only decide if I want to flip it in 20 minutes. I have time to think about what is next. On a stream you can change your mind instantly and go from classical music to Jazz to pop in seconds. That is stressful, this is supposed to be fun.

I am old.

I recall a comment from somewhere that a person said streaming is for background music. Serious listening is better some other way. I can see truth in that.

I pay for apple music so I can explore and consider albums for purchase. Maybe more obscure works by composers. Also sometimes background music is a good thing.

Next challenge is getting my Wife's iPhone rigged into this thing.

[joeabdelsater3]

Rendering and post-production

In this wrapping-up stage, it was finally time to start rendering my cinematic video. Before doing so, I had to add all Niagara particle systems to the level sequence and animate their automatic spawn and visibility by adding keyframes. Following that, since I had previously configured different levels for atmosphere and lighting for the first scene, I had to switch the visibility on or off for each lighting scenario depending on the camera rendering. The render settings were relatively basic, with an Antialiasing value set to 32 and a Warmup render count set to 100 to give enough time for cameras to adjust t the exposure of the environment and the particle systems to start spawning.

Then came the time for post-production and editing. The first thing I did was working on the voice over narration in Adobe Premiere Pro. I had asked my cousin Joyce if she would like to do the voice acting for Kaia and read the script I had written, and she agreed to it. The main task was to clean up the recording a bit by reducing noise levels and adjusting the pitch and volume so that they didn't fluctuate an lot and remained stable. I tried out some echo and voice effect presets but decided to keep it simple in the end as it felt too distracting.

In Adobe After Effects, I ordered the renders according to the chain of though based on the script, and added some simple fade in and fade out transitions using solid layers. I played over a royalty-free piano soundtrack I found on YouTube that added a cinematic calm atmosphere similar to anime films. The rest was just adding other copyright-free ambient noise and nature sounds also from YouTube. In the end of the video, I added the "Solark" game title I designed last semester in Adobe Illustrator, as well as my name.

Resources:

BreakingCopyright -- Royalty Free Music. (2020). ♾️ Free Piano Music For YouTube - ‘Purpose’ by Jonny Easton 🇬🇧. YouTube. [online video] Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZEczfSAjVQ

[superhotsongs]

Various Artists - Brias & Ivy [1970]

Probably one of my favourite folk albums, published by a school. Normally most of the folk albums from a school I hear are in Japan but this is a American one. Which is amazing! it makes finding information about it way easier.

This album was made by Briarcliff High School which is based in New York City. It's a very rare collector item. Most copies usually come with a generic cover, A small amount of them actually do have a proper cover. There is scans of it online but there very low quality...

Brias & Ivy - Cover

Despite it being made in a school, the music is better than I thought. the producing of, Gordon Lee & Peter Glazer are very good. Gordon Lee actually has worked on other music and played in multiple bands. Which is surprising. You don't normally see producers who work on stuff like this credited much. is a American jazz pianist. Sadly Pater Glazer isn't credited anything other than this album on discogs.

Gordon Lee

Each track is from a different student in the school. There is some really good vocals in this album, really powerful and emotional stuff.

The combination of amateur innocence and skilful producing makes for a great album. It might be a corny opinion to have but i think the lack of skill doesn't really matter in music like this. To me it's all about the passion you feel from the artists. And i feel a lot of passion from this record. Peter Glaze and Gordon Lee's track, "To Get By" is a brilliant example of that. It probably has my favourite production on the album. The vocals sound emotional and personal. I also love the jazzy piano in this track, it has a really good solo that you hear halfway through the track, that I just love. I wonder if Gordon Lee recorded it. That would make sense since he is a pianist.

"I met you in the morning" By Annie Nininger Reminds me of the works of Karen Brook with her soft quiet vocals and even her guitar playing is similar to Karen Brooks playing. I do think Annie Nininger's playing is slightly more cleaner than Karen Brooks but the simplistic playing is still very similar.

Even though it's not my favourite track heck i didn't even enjoy a lot of the parts in it. The finally track is a massive 15 minute monolith. And i respect a lot of what it tries to do. The track has a prog rock sound too it. It starts off with a flute and a bass. Next you hear a chord organy synth not really sure what it is but you do tend to hear it a lot in 1970/1980s folk music. Later on you hear these muddy vocals not really sure what there saying but apparently it's from a book called, "The World of Christopher Robin" by A.A.Milne Specifically the poem in the book, "The Engineer" Its a very short poem. It's about a young child who doesn't care about the rain's because they have a train that they customized. The train works in weird ways it jerks because the break was made with a string type thing. The wheels also don't work because it was made with a break. Obviously the kid used the wrong parts... 4 minutes in and I started to actually really like it the intro felt a bit long and unnecessary but once it picks up it's pretty enjoyable. Not really sure how much of A. A Milne work they used but apparently a guy named, "Steve Worthy" also wrote some stuff for it.

High recommend checking this album out. The full thing is available on archive.org so you might as well give it a listen.

[yuki-tsunodas]

The Player's Tribune: I will never forget the tears I shed that day

Article published 25 March 2021, originally written by Yuki Tsunoda in Japanese.

I translated the article with help from Google Translate and Naver Translator + my own interpretations of their rubbish translating, so apologies in advance for any mistakes! Anything I had trouble translating will be bolded with a (?) next to it!!

　I think that was the last time I cried in frustration, in regret.

　Four years ago, I was only 16 years old and was a student at Suzuka Circuit Racing School. It was the final selection to join Honda's Driver Development Program. If I pass, I can run in Japanese F4 the following year, but if I failed...I was thinking of quitting racing at that time.

　Now, I'm standing at the entrance of the stage called F1. Looking back, that was the turning point of my life.

　Of course, I didn't know if I would pass that year's trial because there were not only those who had already run in F4 but also some drivers who had come back from overseas.

　However, I've been racing in karts since I was four years old, and I've been doing well. That year, I was the youngest ever podium finisher in my debut race in the Japanese F4 championship, which allowed me to participate in the spot (?) race, and won the Super FJ Japan's first championship. At the selection test, there were good results until the final round of selection, and I was in a position to compete for first and second place overall. So I thought I could afford to make a big mistake in the final selection, and I was confident that I would still be in the top two in the end.

　I am a strong driver. But if you can't get results here or if you can't fascinate the judges with your running, it's already known (?). So I was prepared to give up my racing career if it didn't work. I think there were many other routes to go, such as running in other training programs or non-formal races, but I don't like it when it's not the direction I want to go. I decided to live a different life rather than to do it half-heartedly.

　However, the worst result awaited. At that time, I was very weak mentally and, of all things, it showed in the final round. Even before the race, I found myself tense and stiff. My fingertips were also stiff. I was not my usual self. I started like that, but suddenly I was flying...I had to drive through the pitlane and then rejoin the course. I felt like I was running alone, far away from the previous group. I felt sorry for myself, and I didn't even feel like running anymore. As a result, the points in that race were almost zero, and Tsunoda lost in the final round.

　I was so frustrated that tears welled up naturally on the train home. It was the first time since I started racing in earnest. I was the youngest among the participants, but I was shocked because I was confident that I wouldn't lose, and I couldn't imagine anything even if I tried to think about the future. I still remember clearly that I was so depressed that I didn't even want to see my parents on my way home from the Shinkansen.

　But there was only one faint hope. That was what the then Honda F4 coach said in an interview after the screening.

　"As a training driver for Honda, you will not be able to participate in the race next year, since the Formula 4 Honda has four cars. Maybe I can put you in one of the remaining two cars running as Suzuka Racing School."

　That was because former Formula One driver Satoru Nakajima recommended me. Mr. Nakajima was the principal of the school at that time, and at the time of the final selection, he was watching us run in the final chicane.

　I was given a penalty at the start, and I was racing without emotion, but I was running hard so that I wouldn't regret it. Through the visor, I saw Satoshi Nakajima standing in the final corner. I didn't want to show Mr. Nakajima a careless run. It was a hopeless ranking, but I thought I should not give up until the end and keep running toward the group in front of me. Then the road opened.

　In 2017, Suzuka Racing decided to enter me into F4 instead of making me a training driver. Then, I suddenly ranked 3rd overall in the annual overall ranking, and the following year in 2018, I was selected as a Honda Formula Dream Project driver, and was able to become the champion.

　It's all because I was frustrated at that final selection.

　The most unusual thing is that I think it's mental. Until I had a setback, I had a feeling that I would do well until the end without doing anything. I knew I wasn't good at starting even though I failed in the previous round, and I had time to practice before that, but I didn't. There was something sweet about overconfidence. And at that time, I was afraid of making mistakes, so I didn't know how to grow up.

　After failing the selection, I realized that I was still not perfect and that I had to be faster. I realized that it is important to make a lot of mistakes without fear of making mistakes, and to make new discoveries and grow from there. Therefore, I didn't feel impatient when I didn't get points as I wanted in the early part of the F3 and F2 seasons last year after I went abroad. Rather, there was no hesitation in the process of making a lot of mistakes first and learning a lot from them.

　Takuma Sato, a former Formula One driver, now driving in Indycar, is famous for saying, "No attack, no chance," but I think that's exactly right. If you don't try beyond the limits of any sport, you won't find the future, and if you don't try, you'll stop there. Therefore, even if there are times when I make mistakes or get no results, I don't feel strangely distressed. Even if you make a mistake, it's up to you to take it. Mistakes make me want to investigate the cause. If you think that you can overcome it, you can be faster than if you regret the mistake, and you can always face it positively.

　Now that I can race in F1, I feel grateful to my parents. I've liked to move since I was a child, and I played swimming, soccer, mountain biking, and also, not sports, but piano. Now that I think about it, I feel that my father and mother were letting me do what I was interested in. And the reason why I started driving karts was also influenced by my father. My father liked motorsports and played gym carna himself. One day, at the circuit venue I was taken to, I was allowed to drive a real cart. That was the first time. Actually, I also experienced a pocket bike at that time, but after trying two, I said, "The kart is more fun." I don't really remember at all (lol).

　But there were times I got sick of karts...

　For example, when I was about seven years old. When I was playing a game while waiting at the track, my father told me to "focus more on the race," and my game was taken away, and I felt like, "I don't like it anymore." Then my father became getting tougher and tougher on me to improve me, and he scolded me for many things. To be honest, I didn't really appreciate my father until I was 15, and there was a time when I hated him. 'This is "The Rebellion Period".' I think I was in the middle of it.

　Not only my father but also my mother was strict in terms of academic matters. I was always told to study in case I didn't succeed in motorsports. My junior high school was not a public school (?), so after the race, I would go home on the day, get ready for school, go to school, study, and take the test. To be honest, it was hard and I never liked it, but I continued to study anyway.

　At that time, I couldn't thank my parents, but now I have the opposite feelings. I think I am what I am now thanks to their harshness, scolding, and teaching me a lot of things back then. Thank you so much.

　I didn't expect to be able to get to F1 this quickly. Not only are there few Japanese drivers, but they are also those taking the shorter route compared to foreign drivers.

　When I first went to see F1 at Fuji Speedway at the age of seven, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso were running. At that time, I wasn't longing for it, but I thought "I wanted to race with drivers like this someday", and those feelings are still the same. Hamilton is already a legend, and it's an honor to run with him, but when I get on the circuit, both Hamilton and Alonso are just drivers. Think of them as enemies.

　It's the same for Max Verstappen, who I think is the fastest and strongest opponent in Formula One, and Pierre Gasly, who's my teammate in Alpha Tauri. I want to know as soon as possible how well I can handle Verstappen and how well I can compete. Gasly was active in Japan's top-category, Super Formula, when I was running in Japanese F4, and I hope I can learn a lot of things from him, but I think he's also my biggest rival that I have to beat someday because we're in the same machine.

　'In the world of F1, "speed" is ultimately required.' No matter how fast you say you are, if you show off your speed, you can make an impact, and if you have speed, you can get back in front in the second half even if you were overtaken or separated from the pack in the beginning of the race. However, it is actually the most difficult to show "speed" in a situation like this. My biggest strength is speed, so in addition to that, I want to learn more of what I lack.

　Come to think of it, at an online conference held this off-season, my goal came out big like, "I'll be a Formula One champion more than seven times, the most ever tied," but that's not what I meant.

　I haven't done a single race in Formula One yet, so I can't say that (bitter smile).

　What I'm thinking about right now is to give the best performance I have in the first race, and to get as many points as possible throughout the season. Just like F2, even if you go up to F1, you will make a lot of mistakes from the beginning to the middle of the season, but I want to learn a lot by making new discoveries there. After saying such a thing at the press conference, there was a question like, "What is Tsunoda's ambition?" So I replied, "Maybe I'll win the championship seven times like Lewis Hamilton?" which became a big headline.To be exact, I really want to concentrate on everything in front of me now, and I hope that my ambition will come true as a result of that accumulated effort.

　What kind of scene will I see in the future? I want to improve my ability and become a race driver representing the F1 world, and I think it will be a different pressure and motivation, so the expectations of the fans may be even higher.

　That's why I want to never forget how I felt when I drove in Formula One for the first time in 2021. I want to cherish the current feelings of a rookie and continue to make mistakes to my heart's content, learn a lot from them, and enjoy them.

　I don't think I'll shed tears like I did four years ago in the final selection. I will never forget the tears I shed that day. But if I were to cry from now on, what kind of tears would I have...?

　I think it's realistic to say when I first win the championship. It's very difficult to get to Formula One, but it's going to be a tough road ahead. It's really hard to win, so if I'm going to shed tears, it's probably not "regretful tears" but "happy tears".

[officialromaniantranslatiuni]

doamna mea, badeiuta draga, cred ca este timpul si vreau sa ma re-orientez spre educatie - chiar daca in alta tara toti copiii tot la fel de trantori si teribilisti sunt so :))) does it bother you if i ask - what are the pros&cons of your job si la ce grupe/varste predai?

*baditica pliz

pros:

- at a very personal level: i can't have kids so it was quite cathartic for me to work with them and i eventually grew to realize that i don't really want them and if I ever change my mind, I'm fine with adopting

- I didn't agree with many teaching ways during my younger years and as a grown-up I don't agree with parenting methods, so I'm trying my best to shape the kids in a non-traumatic way while still shaping them and not leaving them just be like their parents do (of course, I don't think that I am 100% right but I keep learning more and with each generation,

- the many opportunities they have nowadays (though it makes me feel so jealous because I had that post '89 messed up and poor childhood experience so no piano lessons, no fencing, no karate, no french lessons, no Chinese lessons, no tennis) i love seeing them bloom from buds to flowers

- always feeling young and up to date with everything even when you just have to face the fact that you're old and you don't like/care about any of the things they like

- idk I just like teaching

cons:

- I hate all the paperwork and I'm always behind

- the lack of patience and lack of response towards anything that implies using logic - kids go through anything so fast and they are so superficial and don't appreciate anything anymore, making me feel as if I'm surrounded by baby sociopaths or rabid rabbits sometimes

- THE PARENTS

- mostly the extracurricular activities... i mean I love them but it's so much work to do

- the fact that many of them are just like a sandcastle - it took me a lot of time and work to shape them and they'll just disappoint me in a couple of years and make me feel as if I have wasted my time

- THE SILLY LIES I CAN SEE THROUGH THEM AND I FEEL INSULTED AF

- the fact that I became one of those "ugh phones and videogames make kids so lazy and aggressive" people (really now... i kid tried to snap another one's neck because he saw it in a game and I have kids who didn't attend any online lesson because they'd rather be on their phones, bothering their classmates with nonsense conversations)

---

also, my kids are 4th graders right now (they're organizing a prom and I can't miss it unless I die or something) but I became their teacher when they were 3rd graders and I might have first graders next year because someone got pregnant and I'm the new girl

[swiftieloversdaylight]

Hey, everyone. I know this is long, but I would really appreciate you reading this, even for like a second, and reblogging. I've had a real roller coaster of a semester and I think it's gotten to the point where I really just need to vent to my fellow swifties. And, to be honest, I just wanna tell you guys more about myself.

So, my parents were immigrants. They came to England to study their PhD and my sister came with them (she was 6). I was actually born here though, in Sheffield. I live in Manchester now because I study pharmacy at uni. Living as immigrants was really hard for my parents because they would often be made to feel like outsiders and it was harder for them to engage properly with people. They went from a bustling, busy, social life to a place where they felt completely alone. Other than that, we had a lot of financial issues, and still do. People who have money often don't appreciate just how demoralising and difficult it is to live without it. At school, I would often be bullied about it. 'You're poor', 'your mum is weird', 'why does your mum wear a headscarf?', 'why don't you have a car? Why don't you have a nintendo? Why are you brown? Where are you from? Why are you poor?'

It was really, really hard. It was hard for me to blend in because of the fact I was Iranian and I had different food and a different culture. I would sometimes feel ashamed of my background and my parents. But I also knew how hard it was for them and hated myself for feeling that way. It was a lot for an 8-year old to deal with. At the same time I was trying really hard to do what all the posh kids were doing. I got reimbursed for music and swimming lessons. I learnt to play the flute and piano and music quickly became my passion. It was a way for me to escape all the torment. I was entitled to free school meals at school and some of the other kids would not let me forget it. I felt embarrassed and really alone. I could trust nobody other than my very close friends. They were the only ones whose approval I didn't have to fight for by acting more 'white'.

When I was 9, my dad moved back to Iran for work reasons. My mum and dad are still together, but they had to live apart. This put pressure on all of us. It was also a tough loss for me because my dad and I were so close.

It was around this time I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD. I exhibited a lot of different symptoms and the played around with what it might be. They later realised that I have something called BPD. Getting through the years was rough.

But there were also some really great things that happened. I got really into my music and started to compose pieces. I got into acting and singing in plays and stuff. I joined an orchestra on a bursary and played for them. I was part of an engineering team in sixth form and we worked with engineers to create some awesome tech. And then I got into uni! Pharmacy is a really hard degree and can be so hard to enjoy sometimes.

Then over summer, something bad happened. It has taken a lot of courage to speak out about this.

I was abused my lab supervisor on a placement. This was crushing and triggered one of the worst mental breakdowns of my lifetime. Over the past 6 months, I experienced extreme depression, panic attacks, OCD and agaraphobia. I was withdrawn. I didn't know what to do. At one point I even tried to kill myself. It was awful.

But I will say this: during this really dark time, I joined tumblr. I knew there was a swiftie community, but I'm a bit of a grandma so I came late to the game. But then I saw a lot of people with similar stories, all supporting each other, and Taylor supporting them. Maybe by stanning Taylor I am trying to fill a hole in my life. But, honestly, I have met so many incredible people online. I don't have instagram or twitter, so this is mainly where I come for swiftie stuff. And, actually, it's lovely.

Taylor's music has really been a comfort to me since I was a child and I love her so much for it. 'Mean' was a song I often listened to after a bad day. 'Ours' made me feel so warm because I felt like Taylor was one of the only people in the world who wouldn't put me down for my ethnicity or economic background. I love her so much.

And thank you to all my online friends! You are amazing. Special thank you to @emilyandelissaswift for being so kind and thoughtful. You have lifted me up in the worst of times and I am so so happy we met. Thank you @miellekingsleigh for sharing my story. Thank you thank you thank you. I really do think things are looking up.

I really do believe that I am on the road to healing. ❤

Thank you @taylorswift

You really are a gem x

Please please reblog! Thank you xx