#I thought they were being insensitive
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PSA: If I talk slowly to you when I'm upset, it's not because I think you're stupid. It's because I have a nervous stutter. It's mostly only apparent when I'm flustered, and I have to slow way down to get a word out. I'm not the only one, so maybe times when you thought someone thought you were stupid, they actually didn't? I hope that helps.
#My apologies to that pharmacy tech that I made cry#i'm so sorry#I didn't understand it until someone explained it to me a year later#My coworkers used to call me Captain Kirk#I thought they were being insensitive#but they probably thought I was being an asshole#anyway#nervous stutter#I don't think you’re stupid
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Buried Beneath The Laughter They Ignored
Tim is totally fine. Ridiculously fine, actually.
It didn’t matter that he woke up feeling this bubbling, manic laughter in his chest, like everything was suddenly so fucking funny. It didn’t matter that he’d woken up from another nightmare last night, crying, calling for his mama—not the mother he lost, but the mother he gained, Harley Quinn. And it didn’t matter that most days, he felt more like Joker Junior than he did Tim Drake.
It didn’t matter that no one else seemed to fucking care.
He shoved down every bit of laughter clawing up his throat, because he knew if he let even one chuckle slip, they’d all give him that look. The one they always did. Disapproval masked as concern. They didn’t like Junior. They didn’t want to believe Junior was still in there, clawing his way up every time Tim breathed.
It didn’t matter that no one ever asked him how he was doing. They didn’t want to talk about it. Because talking about it would make it real, and they preferred pretending it wasn’t. They expected him to be fine, to push it down, to carry on like nothing happened. If he tried to bring it up, they’d say he was being insensitive—insensitive to Jason's trauma. What fucking irony, he thought bitterly. As if it wasn’t insensitive to be stepping all over his by not letting him speak.
It didn’t matter that he caught them glancing at him sometimes, like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to snap, waiting for Junior to come out again. But they never asked. No one asked what was going on in his head. No one fucking asked.
It didn’t matter that when he finally snapped, when he finally screamed at them, sick and tired of pretending, they had the nerve to act clueless. As if they didn’t know.
It didn’t matter that Dick, of all people, screamed back. Yelling like he was being unreasonable. Like he was the problem. He screamed at Tim, demanding answers, to ask what the hell he meant by Joker Junior, as if—
As if they didn’t know.
They didn’t fucking know.
This whole time, they hadn’t known.
They didn’t know Tim had been taken. They didn’t know Tim had been missing. They didn’t know Tim had been held prisoner at the hand of the Joker for months, tearing him apart, piece by piece, until Junior was the only thing left of him. They didn’t know he had screamed for them, begged for someone to find him, but no one ever did.
They didn’t know how much he had suffered. Alone. They didn’t know how much he had changed. They didn’t know that every time he woke up now, it felt like he was still Joker Junior, just wearing Tim’s skin.
And they didn’t know how much it hurt—how much it broke him—to realize that they had never known.
Tim wasn’t fucking okay. And it mattered—oh, it mattered—that they didn’t fucking know.
Because if they didn’t know, it meant no one ever bothered to look. It meant no one ever cared enough to notice.
#tim drake#batfam#joker junior tim#tim drake deserves better#tim drake as joker junior has some sort of chokehold on me i swear#i think the realization of the bats finding out would be disastrous in a very angsty way#at surface level they would all feel like they've failed tim because he had thought they all knew and just didn't care about him#i think bruce dick jason and maybe alfred would take it the hardest because of past personal experiences#like jason would be angry at himself (and bruce lets be honest) for letting another robin fall to the hands of the joker#but he'd also be super upset at himself for never noticing tims signs of trauma#and also for never giving tim the impression that he could come to him for comfort and support as someone whos also suffered to the joker#which the idea that tim saw the way everyone was cautious and careful ariund his trauma while not realizing that they were totally being#insensitive and completely disregaring his just makes him feel shittier#the tags are already pretty long so i wont do the others but i think its a really interesting concept to analyse
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mňau 🤨
#being born in another country then moving to america makes me feel so different compared to the people around me#90%#of ppl here are either born and raised in this city or in the military#and i can tell.#does that make sense?#i can tell that im different than them#ive had people talk about how russia killed my people#which isnt true??#czechia isnt a post soviet country.#if you payed attention in history then you'd understand that germany took our land and killed czechoslovakians before czechia and slovakia#seperated#but you dont pay attention so youre over here asking if i know russian bc im slavic#no! i dont! 😁#and then seeing people describe their style as boho and bohemian#oh my fucking god#i lose my mind every time.#not only was it first used to degrade the roma people in france because they thought they were coming from bohemia#but now any time i say i'm czech bohemian and not czech moravian#people act like im crazy#like ok die!!! 😸#i just think its crazy how insensitive people around me are to immigrants#i know i'm a dual citizen and i feel like that shouldnt matter bc its my business#but i have people telling me im an illegal immigrant like oh!!! no????#and then my ex boyfriend would constantly make fun of me saying my country wasnt real and i was just russian#which is in no way true!#i was born in the pardubice region in czechia 😸#and my country is real!#czechia was around during the roman empire#české knížectví was a monarchy!#kats chattin shit
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𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
#it hurts but it is natural and im not oversensitive and im allowed to feel this way#the future i had envisioned and hoped for and believed in was just.. suddenly gone and im allowed to mourn the loss#because for an entire year i've been wanting this. and imagining it and thought of ways it could be real#and i didnt base my feelings only on imagination but on his words and him saying that we should figure out whatever was between us#and in the way we talked and what we shared and how he did start treating me as 'his girl'#which i also do not think was irresponsible nor am i upset by that. bc i wasnt 100% present bc of my avpd stuff#but it was so amazing and he was so amazing and i'd been having feelings for him for half a year before and then i only fell more and more#im trying to be as non specific as possible bc like i can only talk abt *me*.. but there were just sm other things and circumstances#so it got less and less intense.. and i wanted to give him space and patience and not push smth on him and be insensitive#then i told him abt being in love w him and wanting to be there for him w his struggles and working it out together#and im embarrassed af but i had honestly thought... that would be met well and with reciprocity...#(i understand that feelings cant be forced & im not upset or feel betrayed i just felt v sad bc i was so sure he would want me to be his gf#but i got neither a clear rejection nor much of what he was thinking abt me and what was between us. mostly just that it wasnt a good timin#so again i wanted to respect that and not keep push it. even if i tried bringing it up sometimes it never got anywhere and it didnt feel#right to just keep and keep on doing it. then there were times when i /felt/ rejection and got more hope based on interactions#truly i've been walking around for a year believing that this was smth that would come true if only we could talk#and i've been waiting and hoping and loving. and i've really been thinking of it as a real future#i even tried telling him a few months ago that if he wants me he can have all of me but he told me to stop so i did#and now i've learned that none of my devotion or hope was returned... i've been in this waiting room all alone all this time#i thought i was patient bc of all the other things but he couldnt give me a chance but he did for someone else and that just hurts#idk it hurts bc this love and connection meant so much to me and i wanted to do anything to make it work#and when u realize all of a sudden that it was only u who felt that and that future u so badly thought would happen isnt real#.... i feel extremely lost and despairing. plus it just is how i feel but i've only been this connected to him#honestly it might sound weird how i can feel this much for someone i've never met irl but he has been my only hope and comfort#for the past years he hs been my only comfort and the only thing making me feel good and ok and hopeful.... so it hurts it hurts it hurts!!
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Can we have a throwback to you manifesting Dubas onto the penguins because that had me on the floor
Dubas Shanahan breakup poem!!! What a time!! Also the fact that I found out from this text:
Anyway. Here's another Dubas poem for old times sake:
— Hesitate to Call, Louise Glück
#i was so nervous about posting that first poem#thought people were for sure going to yell at me for being insensitive about a guy possibly losing his job#kyle dubas#brendan shanahan#toronto maple leafs#hockey poems
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so I'm enjoying watching Castaway Diva a lot more than I thought I would and like along with the main questions (who is jung ki-ho, where is he, is he one of the brothers) I'm really thinking......... did she eat her dad
#castaway diva#kdrama#seriously though did she eat her dad#is that insensitive? yes#but also like.#its a possibility#i mean probably not though - if only because he was (spoilers) dead when they washed ashore#(that's if he WAS dead - like could you imagine the trauma of being stuck on a deserted island with the abuser you were trying to escape???#(like on top of the trauma of being stranded anyway.... yeesh)#but yeah by the time you’ve given up hope of being immediately rescued and you’re foraging for what little food you can find...#dad's gotta be pretty decomposed at that point right?#she probably didnt eat her dad#but the thought would be there though wouldnt it#ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE CIRCUMSTANCES but damn if her little tropical island wilderness camp didnt look cosy af tho#anyway im highkey reminded of those guys that were lost at sea for a week or w/e where upon being rescued they said#it was a pretty nice break away from it alll#like yeah i can see that#the fucking shit she came up with though - she built a HOUSE#real tarzan shit#anyway yeah watch castaway diva its cute and pretty good#cannibalism#should have tagged that earlier whoops#also wait im coming back to these tags to say#god but just imagine the flipside of not eating him - you have to make your home with your dad's body decomposing by the shore#or you have to bury him yourself#just imagine the seagulls flocking around for a meal while you're trying to survive#how horrible
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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
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one side effect of everything that's happened over the last few days is that I've completely lost track of our normal routine and now keep forgetting to take our meds and brush our teeth and stuff like that (I'd finally gotten back into the habit of brushing my teeth consistently after the shit that happened in January so I'm really fucking upset about that in particular) but we're also now too exhausted to do the stuff we were supposed to be doing to make sure we're not too overwhelmed in the summer when we know we'll be struggling because trauma stuff
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I know I'm venting a lot about this but wow the last few days have been fucking awful#and the way people are treating us is really fucking triggering in a way that's making us constantly anxious and on edge#I'd just fucking started getting back into a routine that was actually letting us function decently well#but fuck that I guess#it's horrible because I know we needed tests and stuff but then people have been using that to dismiss us being upset#as if we're not allowed to be upset about all the negative effects of this because ''it was necessary though''#I've had to repeatedly try to reassure people while I was mid-panic attack because they said something triggering and then felt bad#as in they said stuff that was really fucking insensitive and made the whole situation about how stressed they are about our health problem#I'm kind of just starting to process everything now that I'm less dissociated and realising how bad it's actually been#on Wednesday we were kind of just amazed by the fact that we actually got so many tests done so quickly for once#and yeah the staff were great (mostly) on Wednesday but then yesterday they were fucking awful
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I think Dead Internet Theory is a bit overblown, at least in the online spaces I'm in. I for sure know bots could NOT be coming up with most of the stuff I see around, and they're expensive to maintain anyway.
Most of us are human, and if they're a bot, they're usually shilling some product. The Internet is not dead, it is alive and festering as always, with a couple of bots here and there.
#i just think it's a bit exaggerated these days#it could become real in the future but right now the proportions of human users and content to artificial users and content are massive#yes some twitter reply sections are strange and filled with bots but twitter is far from being the entirety of the internet#and if i were to guess it's to farm followers to sell accounts#nothing as dark as 'we're all alone on the internet and it's just a few bots liking my posts about dragons'#unless it is and you guys are all bots in which case my apologies for being insensitive#dead internet theory#thoughts#bots
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#im trying really. really hard not to make a big deal out of this#knowing that i made things worse when i was trying to be thoughtful and comforting is really hard#i’ve fucked up and missed triggers before. said or done things that were insensitive without realizing they were insensitive#that was agonizing to realize and i’ve been working really hard to be aware. but now im too aware and bringing up bad memories#offering comfort before it’s been asked for and drawing attention to the fact that it’s a potentially triggering situation#when they might not have made the connection if i hadn’t been so obvious about it#is everything i do wrong. will i ever get this right#can i do it right without being corrected and feeling hurt#personal
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Never underestimate the power of subtle body language to help those around you without causing a scene.
I use “stepping in front of insensitive/nosey assholes to block their view of a person they’re starring at” a lot. No words exchanged. Just getting between them (sometimes while starring back at them if they’re being extra weird) and they always seem to either realize what they’re doing or be jolted out of it. Either way it has never ended in a confrontation, just silent looks.
A kinda weird use of body language happened some time ago while I was standing at a bus stop near a train station. Right next to me stood a very short woman who I guessed to be from India based on her looks and dress, and around us were nothing but men. I’m very standard height for a Scandinavian woman so I’ve never felt short or tall in any group, but she looked tiny next to all these men packed tightly around us. I’m not sure why but I felt like she was uncomfortable with all these men towering over her and for some reason my response to that was to subtly change my stance so my front faced her a bit more. Not full on, but the way most friends stand next to each other, while still looking away from her. I don’t know why I thought that would be comforting to her because it could just as easily have come off as threatening, but after a few seconds she moved a bit closer to me. And then a bit closer. And then slightly closer. All without anyone else in the group moving. We stood like that until the bus arrived and then we went to separate seats.
So never be afraid to silently signal to strangers that you’re on their side or that they can fuck right off. People tend to respond better to that than words in my experience unless they’re already looking for a fight.
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i was raised by a catholic deacon so as a kid - maybe ages 7 to 14 - i would have told you that abortion was only okay in exception cases like rape. i didn't even really understand any of the terms at play here, only how to parrot that there were "few and far between" exceptions, but abortion-as-a-whole was irresponsible and evil. i believed it was a bad form of birth control.
for context's sake - i still had a flip phone. google wasn't really a thing back then. the whole narrative was akin to the apostle's creed: i don't know that i ever thought about what the words meant, only that this was what i was supposed to say when asked. i remember being in 4th grade and having it down pat - abortion is evil, except in cases such as rape. my father wasn't insensitive, after all - he acknowledged there might be medical necessity to end a life.
what changed was that at 14 i learned how hard it is to prove that a rape has happened.
it was a boy, actually. and his piano teacher. and him telling me, crying, that nobody believed him that he didn't want it. and what if she gets pregnant?
this is the mark in a lot of our lives: at some point, someone will confide in you, and then you see exactly how often it happens. how it happens so fucking loudly, and nobody says anything. how often your friends, nervous, will shakily admit that while they love their partner, there are a few times that they didn't really consent, that they didn't really want it. for others, there are nights half-remembered in bars. for others, they married their partner at 15, so now it's "fine", legally. for others, there are yes moments that felt like a no. there were no moments that were never acknowledged. you say no but are told you actually said yes because of what you were wearing or because he is good at swimming and his life would be ruined or because he's a nice guy or -
in the last 8 years, my father has become radicalized. he now believes in "no exceptions".
but the truth is that there was never going to be a true "exception" clause. there was never going to be a grey area. i am not even really sure they believe in the concept of rape. and if they did - how would you ever prove it? in the six weeks you have to state your case - when it takes years in a court of law - the "rape exception" would simply evaporate under the continued pregnancy. you were never going to have a moment where you could privately tell a doctor - it's because of a rape. there was no box you could check. there was no form you could file. it was always going to be assumed consensual until proven malignant. it was always going to be your fault.
they also knew they couldn't actually sell the rest of us on this idea of it's always blessed. they knew in their hearts that every pregnancy should be wanted. they knew going in that plenty of us - even raised catholic, even having had this shoved down our throats - plenty of us still had too many questions about what ifs.
it's just they just didn't want to come off as monsters. they patted our heads and taught us they weren't insensitive. they just had these beliefs. and then they put their hands on our bodies. and said if you don't listen, i'm going to force them.
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White Lines & White Knights
Rafe Cameron x Reader
Warnings: NON-CON, DUB-CON, pr*stitution, power imbalance, classism, mentions of death, jealousy, humiliation, revenge p*rn, drug dealer!Rafe, drug use, Pogue!reader
➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | ➥ divider by @firefly-graphics
summary: You and Rafe are using each other until you decide that's not what you want anymore, and the spoiled rich kid will do whatever it takes to have his expensive toy back in his bed.
⭑
Your door shut behind you with a resounding click, and once in the comfort of your home, you took the time to decompress. You took advantage of your much needed reprieve, the back of your head grazing the wood as you allowed your eyes to fall closed. Your heart was still beating wildly in your chest, and you wondered if a day would come where it ever wouldn’t. After all, this wasn’t exactly “new” anymore…
It had been five months since you buried your mom, five months since you discovered the mountain of debt she’d done an impressive job of hiding from you, and five months since you thought you’d be homeless on the street in less than one. In two weeks, you’d dealt with a loss you didn’t think you’d have to for at least another forty years or so and took on the kind of responsibility you didn’t think you’d have to for at least another three.
Your mom died 152 days ago…
…and you’d started fucking Rafe Cameron less than a month later.
You liked to pretend to not know why you slept with Kildare’s prime rich boy that fateful Saturday night, but you were far more self aware than you wanted to be. Even if you weren’t, it wasn’t exactly some mysterious string of decisions that lead to being tangled up in the sheets with Sarah’s asshole of an older brother. You didn’t need to pay someone to diagnose you.
You were grieving.
It was really just that simple, and the monetary stress on top of that drove you to find comfort in strange drinks and hard drugs. To this day you still didn’t know if Rafe just happened to be at the right place at the right time or if he heard whispers about John B.’s best friend snorting pills and getting shit faced when her usual crowd was looking the other way, but either way, the stuffy Kook clearly saw an opportunity to kill several birds with one stone.
“First two lines are free,” he’d told you that night, the bass of the music downstairs muffled by the expensive walls of some girl’s house.
You remembered how you’d chuckled, drunkenly shaking your head.
“Well, two lines is all I’m doing, I guess,” you’d murmured, throwing your hands up.
Rafe’s smirk had been cruel, a mocking glint in his blue eyes.
“What?” he’d dragged out, head tilted. “Spent all that life insurance money, already?”
Any other time and Rafe’s insensitivity might’ve upset you, but at the time you’d been drunk out of your mind and looking for more ways to forget the sudden absence in your life.
“I can’t imagine why Sarah hates you,” you’d sarcastically replied, approaching the impressive desk and leaning over to inhale a line.
You wiped your nose as you straightened, lashes fluttering as you ignored the feeling of Rafe’s gaze on you.
“I’ll be lucky if I even have a house to live in next week.”
The words had come out slurred, accompanied by a light chuckle, and deep down you’d felt the flutter of stress that you’d been desperately ignoring for weeks. You’d quickly snorted the other line, closing your eyes for a moment.
“Turns out my mom was skilled at hiding more than just illnesses…”
You remembered the silence—from both you and Rafe—and how in that moment you’d allowed yourself a solid four seconds of lingering on the reality of your predicament. In those four seconds, your eyes had watered and your lips had trembled and your throat had tightened, and after those four seconds, you were turning to Rafe with a haughty smile.
“Guess you won’t be finding a new client in me, huh?” you’d wondered with a shrug, finding a seat on the desk.
Rafe’s blue gaze had been unreadable as he eyed you, sitting in the chair at the desk, legs spread as he ran his eyes over you—slowly and in a way you didn’t hate at the time. You hadn’t been able to tell what he was thinking, although looking back, you wondered how it wasn’t so obvious to you then. Maybe because it was just too cruel of a thought, and while it was no secret Rafe was a spoiled asshole, you had never once thought of him as cruel.
Rafe had merely shrugged.
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” he’d slowly said, the corner of his pink lips curving upwards just a tad. “Besides…”
You’d watched him stand, rounding the desk to come and tower over you where you sat.
“I like to think of myself as a pretty ethical kind of guy…”
You’d started to snort at that before his gaze met yours again, and you found yourself swallowing whatever you were about to say. You hadn’t done a thing when Rafe reached up to touch your arm, the feel of his finger so light. You hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the way your heart skipped a beat at both his close proximity and the change in atmosphere. You hadn’t been able to ignore—however—the heat that settled in the pit of your stomach.
“...and I’ve been known to meet people halfway. Accept whatever they can offer…”
You remembered your internal conflict that night.
You’d been drunk and high and sad…not stupid. You knew exactly what Rafe was insinuating to you, and you’d struggled with the idea of really sleeping with Rafe Cameron for more drugs. The man was far from unattractive, sure that if drugs weren’t involved you’d still consider sleeping with him. If you’d believed in any of that, you’d imagine that your mom was turning over in her grave. At the time though, you hadn’t been quite sure as to what you believed in, so when he took your silence for consent, leaning in and touching your nose with his…
You hadn’t stopped him when he closed the distance.
You hadn’t even known whose house you were at, only internally apologizing to them for having sex on their expensive desk. You didn’t know if it was the drugs or the alcohol or simply Rafe Cameron, but it was easily the best sex you’d ever had in your life, and at one point you’d really considered how much better it could possibly be to fuck him without the condom.
You had no idea that you’d eventually find out.
Once dressed, you’d walked home with a small bag of pills and a satisfied grin. You knew that your friends would host some kind of intervention if they ever found out, but all you’d been able to focus on was the simple fact that fucking Rafe Cameron for a little coke and pills wasn’t sounding like the worst idea. Of course, if you’d known that you’d eventually start fucking him for your livelihood, you might’ve made different choices that night.
You pressed your hand to your face and pushed away from the door, eager to start the shower and scrub the stench of him off of you. Per routine, you took the money out of your pocket before getting undressed, eyeing the wad of one hundreds that now sat on your nightstand. Two grand was nothing to someone like him, but to someone like you, it made all the difference in the world.
…and Rafe knew that.
He’d known that when he handed you a thousand dollars one night, the coke in your system just starting to hit. You’d looked up at him from where you sat in confusion, hesitantly wrapping your hand around the money as you alternated between eyeing it and eyeing him. You hadn’t known how to feel about it, especially since it had only been moments ago when he was inside of you…and there he was handing you a grand in hundreds.
“Don’t look like that,” Rafe had chuckled, walking to his dresser in search of a shirt. “You know you need the money.”
He wasn’t wrong…and that was the problem.
Unless you hit a lucky streak in life, you’d always need the money, and that was exactly why you were in the predicament you were in—four months later and putting up with the monster that was Rafe Cameron just to keep a roof over your head. The thought brought tears to your eyes, positive now that your mom could see you and was beyond disappointed in you.
Her disappointment could only be outdone by your own.
You were in a situation that you couldn’t get out of, on the verge of ending this arrangement so many times before asking yourself what better way could you pay your mom’s debts and survive? It wasn’t easy money by far, but it was fast money, and it was the kind of money that would take months to make at whatever low paying job you’d find around Outer Banks. Someone like you rarely got hired at the country club or working for some rich snob who wiped their ass with the kind of money you needed.
Rafe knew this too.
Tears kissed your eyes as you scrubbed your skin raw, wishing that you could scrub away the nasty bruise right along with the sweat and grime. You winced every time you touched it, cursing the blond and feeling one of those moments where you considered blocking him and moving on from this pathetic era in your life for good.
Fucking Rafe Cameron for drugs didn’t seem like a bad idea at the time, fucking him for money seemed like an even better one…until that entitled attitude started to extend to the woman he was paying good money to have access to. You remembered the first time you opposed something he wanted to do, the way in which he ignored you, the way he merely pressed your face into the pillow to shut you up.
It was the first time you felt truly icky about this whole situation.
Not even just icky.
…but afraid.
“I don’t pay you to tell me what you will and won’t do in bed,” he’d chuckled at you like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.
You’d still been trembling and wiping mascara from your cheeks.
“I pay you because I want to fuck you,” he’d slowly whispered to you, leaning in. “...and you let me because you don’t want to be sleeping on the beach.”
He’d held your gaze for what felt like too long, impressing upon you the true dynamic of this arrangement, and you remembered the unease that had festered in your gut that day. Maybe all the drugs and alcohol hadn’t allowed you to fully look at this arrangement for what it was and the power imbalance here, but you had for the first time that day, and you hadn’t liked it.
You liked it even less now, wrapping the towel around you and wondering how you were ever going to get out of this predicament you’d put yourself into.
“My family’s going out of town for the weekend,” the familiar blond mumbled to you as he inhaled a familiar powdery substance off the back of his hand. “Pack a bag when you get home, and I’ll pick you up tomorrow night.”
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at that, huffing instead.
“I can’t spend the whole weekend on Figure 8,” you told him. “I have plans.”
Rafe nodded, and you hated the smile that danced across his lips.
“Okay, uh, be ready at 8, I don’t want-.”
“Rafe, I’m serious,” you cut him off, shrugging. “I can’t stay at your house all weekend.”
You watched him watch you, slowly swiping his tongue between his lips as a frown started to take over. His dirty blond hair kissed his brows, and the longer the silence stretched, the more nervous you grew. You watched as Rafe glanced away, seemingly deep in thought before those baby blues of his rested on you, much colder than they were a few seconds ago.
“What the hell am I paying you for?” he whispered.
The question was rhetorical, and you swallowed.
“Rafe…I’ve barely seen my friends in months. I finally made plans to meet up with them for more than five minutes and-.”
“...and whose fault is that?” he shrugged.
You frowned at him.
“Nobody told you to go off on a bender when your mom kicked the bucket…” you blinked at his callousness. “Maybe you should’ve been finding comfort in your friends instead of drugs and vodka…and me.”
He finished his sentence with a soft—and yet cruel—smile.
“I pay you good money—great money even!—to be available when I want you to be, and unless you’ve found some other rich asshole to open your legs for, which I doubt…be ready tomorrow at 8.”
He was standing, now, looking down at you where you sat on the bed. The harsh reminder of your roles here had you looking away, and Rafe turned away when he rightfully took your silence as confirmation. You stared at the wall for a few moments before turning to stare at his back, thinking to yourself that this couldn’t go on much longer. Whether it took 1 or 5 jobs, you couldn’t keep relying on Rafe Cameron forever.
What was once a weekly occurrence had turned into something entirely other, and it hadn’t bothered you so much when your mother’s death was still so fresh and you were seeking solace in the worst coping mechanisms known to man—including isolation. Now, however, you were waking up to the choices you’d made and you hated the feeling of being inebriated and being surrounded by people you barely knew.
You hated being away from your friends.
“I didn’t even know you’d gotten a job,” John B. said to you hours later, looking disappointed but understanding. “JJ’s gonna be real disappointed. He’s been talking all week about having you try some new weed he got.”
You gave a light laugh at that, a pang in your chest at how much you missed doing stupid shit with them.
“Yeah,” you sadly said. “The world—and bills—doesn’t stop just because my mom died.”
The brunette grew quiet at that, worriedly eyeing you now.
“You doing okay…?”
You sighed at that, looking out over the yard of The Chateau, fiddling with your fingers as you thought of a certain blond.
“I’ve been better, but…I’ve been worse too.”
Your answer was honest, and you briefly wondered what John B. would think if he knew just how bad ‘worse’ had been. You didn’t think any of them would hate you if they knew the full extent of just how far you’d fallen, but you knew they’d have a hard time wrapping their head around it. The drugs and alcohol were one thing, but Rafe Cameron was entirely another. The man was the worst example of a Kook if there was one, representing every bad trait attributed to them.
Your friends would not understand you essentially sacrificing your self respect for money and drugs.
Sometimes you didn’t understand it either.
Most especially when Rafe had his hands around your neck.
He picked you up at 8 on the dot Friday night—a man of his word if nothing else—and less than a hour later you were bent over his father’s desk as he pounded into you. Your head was hanging off of it, fighting hard to not scrape your nails against the dark mahogany. It wasn’t the first time Rafe fucked you on Ward’s desk, and you doubted that it would be the last time. There’d even been a few rare occasions when he fucked you in the older man’s bed, and you didn’t know what complex the blond had that fueled these decisions, but you weren’t a psychologist so you figured it wasn’t anything to concern yourself with.
Despite the tight grip on your throat, a choked moan managed to escape every time Rafe pushed his cock into you. Sweat made his skin glisten, and you were sure you fared no better. His hair wasn’t so neat, now, and you had the stray thought that you preferred it that way. Rafe being so far from ugly definitely made this arrangement easier to swallow down at times, but other times it just made you angry.
How was it fair that someone seemingly had everything, including the big dick to match?
Rafe walked around like he was God’s gift to the world, possessing one of the most rotten personalities you’d ever had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of, and he seemed to be rewarded with it with everything the average person could only dream about. As if any of that wasn’t enough, you practically rewarded him with even more by essentially telling him he could do whatever he wanted so long as the price was right.
It made you disgusted with yourself at times.
When he pressed a hand to your stomach, hips slowing to a pace that made your breath hitch, you squeezed your eyes shut. In the quiet office, the sound of his cock disappearing between your folds was loud, the wet noise telling you that there’d no doubt be a mess left on Ward’s desk when this was all said and done. You heard Rafe curse, and you didn’t have the energy to lift your head from where it hung off the desk.
“...and to think,” he panted from above you. “You were going to pass this up to sit around with those dirty Pogues.”
At this, you did attempt to sit up, a hand against his chest and one on the desk as he thrusted into you.
“Those ‘dirty Pogues’ are my friends,” you forced out, lashes fluttering. “...and clearly you forget that I’m one too.”
Rafe merely chuckled at that, perfect teeth winking at you as he grinned.
“Yeah, but you’re my dirty Pogue so it’s a little different.”
His words had your frown deepening, disgust filling your chest at the way he talked about you while literally fucking you. Completely turned off, you turned your head away, attempting to separate yourself from him. That haughty laugh reached your ears, and to your dismay, he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer.
“What…?” he lazily drawled. “You don’t like the sound of that?”
“You’re being an asshole, get off of me…”
He jerked his hips against you, making you gasp, and you squirmed in his arms as you fought to get away. Rafe leaned in to harshly nip his teeth at your cheek, his movements growing rough, causing the desk to shake.
“I’ve spent too much money on you to not say whatever the hell I want,” he evenly said. “So, yeah, at this point, I’ll confidently say I practically own you.”
Tears kissed your eyes at the disgusting words, and fed up with your resistance, Rafe merely placed a hand between your breasts before harshly shoving you back down. You winced at the action, but you had no time to fully linger on it as Rafe started to roughly plunge his cock into you, the sound of his skin slapping against yours reaching your ears. He wouldn’t allow you to sit up, both of his hands wrapped around your wrists now as he leaned over you.
This felt too reminiscent of the time he’d pressed your face into the bed, telling you to relax as he pressed the head of his cock just above where your folds were. You recalled the uncomfortable feeling and the tears that stained the pillow as he slowly fucked you in a place no one ever had before. The deja vu of it all had your mind wandering, eyes defocusing as you just waited for it to be over. It seemed like Rafe’s grunts sounded from above you forever, and when he finally came onto your stomach with a low moan, you didn’t move for some time.
You were slow to sit up as he got dressed, trembling as you steaded yourself for what you were about to say.
“I don’t wanna do this anymore.”
The words came out whispered, but in the quiet study, you might as well have yelled them. Rafe didn’t acknowledge you, and you knew it wasn’t because he hadn’t heard you. Frustrated with his refusal to take you seriously, you hopped off of Ward’s desk, angrily grabbing your clothes.
“I’m serious, Rafe. After this weekend…this is done,” you continued, voice firmer, now. “Don’t call me or text me or worry about any more money. I can’t rely on you forever anyway.”
By now, Rafe was actually listening to you, and you avoided his gaze as you got dressed. His silence was loud, and when you were finally decent again, only then did you lift your gaze to glance at him. His visage was unreadable, and after some time, he merely blinked at you.
“If I remember correctly, per your own words, your mom had enough debt ‘to file for bankruptcy’.”
His words made you sharply inhale, and you bit your tongue as he ran his hands through his hair in a poor attempt to tame the damp locks.
“Don’t ruin your life just because you’re pissed at me,” he coldly added.
You crossed your arms over your chest, pulling your lip between your teeth.
“Personal feelings aside, I can’t rely on you forever, Rafe. That’s just the truth. I have to figure something out eventually, and there’s no time like the present,” your voice shook as he fixed you with an unnerving stare. “I miss my friends, and I don’t want to be the sad, damaged girl running to Rafe Cameron just so I don’t feel anything anymore.”
The blond followed your lead, folding his arms over his own chest as he leaned against the wall, staring you down with that annoying crooked smile.
“...and where exactly do you plan to find a job that pays you what I do?”
“There are jobs, Rafe. I’ll find one.”
You didn’t appreciate his tone nor the look he was giving you as he studied you. He was looking down on you, and yes while that wasn’t exactly an unusual occurrence, this time was different. He was looking down his nose like he didn’t believe in you, like he expected you to be crawling back to him in no time, begging him to fuck you again.
After a few moments, that crooked smile curved even more, and you didn’t miss the glint in his eyes.
“Well, I wish you luck…”
His voice didn’t match the words that came out of his mouth, and his gaze most certainly didn’t.
“I literally called this morning and was told over the phone that you all were hiring...and now I get here, and I’m being told you’re not…?”
You tried to keep the skepticism out of your tone, but your frustration at your predicament was bubbling up and threatening to be unleashed on the lone man before you. The inside of the country club was practically empty—a slow Tuesday—and you briefly glanced around at the two staffers in the whole room. Sure, you could write it off to a slow day that didn’t need a full staff, but something in you told you that it was more than that.
You didn’t believe the man in front of you.
“Look, I don’t know what else to tell you, miss. Whoever you talked to got it wrong. I’m sorry for the miscommunication on our end,” was his only explanation.
You didn’t dare bother to point out that both he and whoever you’d spoken with on the phone sounded damn near identical.
When it became obvious that this conversation was over, you turned away with a small huff, breezing outside to a familiar dark car. Kie was standing by it, arms uncomfortably crossed over her chest, glaringly obvious that she’d rather be anywhere but here despite being from ‘here’.
“Well…?” she wondered as you got closer.
“They’re not hiring,” you mumbled as you slid into the passenger seat.
She joined you inside the vehicle a moment later, a frown on her face.
“...but you called.”
“I know.”
There was a beat of silence before she scoffed, reaching for her door handle.
“If this is because you aren’t some rich snob looking for play money…”
She trailed off when you spoke up.
“No, I don’t…I don’t think it’s that,” you stopped her. “Let’s just go.”
She eyed you for a few moments, frown deepening.
“Are you sure? Y/N, this is like the fourth place you’ve been to today,” she pointed out. “...and I don’t want to add my stress to your stress, but it’s kind of fucked up.”
You didn’t have the heart to tell her that it wasn’t possible for you to be any more stressed than you already were, simply signaling for her to drive. You could feel her eyes periodically landing on you as she did, and you chewed on the inside of your cheek, wondering why the universe had it out for you.
It had been weeks since you’d last seen or talked to Rafe, weeks since you ended your little arrangement, and weeks since you’d had a consistent source of income. It wasn’t a pretty nor respectable way to make money, but you’d been making money nonetheless. However, you couldn’t find it in you to continue sacrificing your self respect to keep sleeping with Rafe Cameron. You’d also been telling the truth when you told him you didn’t want to be this messed up sad thing anymore.
You had long let go of the drugs and cut back on the drinking, and now you’d dropped Rafe too.
You’d had hope…but now it was dwindling.
No one would hire you. In fact, no one had even allowed you far enough to officially apply just to get a foot into an interview. It was always the same. You’d call ahead so you didn’t waste your time, they’d tell you they were looking for people, and then the moment you actually showed up and introduced yourself, it was an entirely different story. It didn’t make any sense to you, and the thought of ever proving Rafe right made you want to be sick.
“How bad is it?” JJ asked you a few days later, the both of you away and isolated in some corner of some guy’s party.
You looked down at the weak drink in your hand, contemplating on whether or not to be honest.
“It’s…manageable.”
A whopper of a lie.
“...then why don’t I believe you? Come on, Y/N, it’s me. I know your mom wasn’t the best when it came to funds, and when she died…” he scoffed. “You weren’t exactly in any shape to march down to anyone’s job and fight for work just to keep things afloat.”
You looked away at that, throat tight.
“I’m honestly shocked you’ve kept it up for this long.”
If only he knew…
You felt his gaze on you as you wondered just how truthful you should be, but you reminded yourself that this was JJ. If he knew the full extent of everything, he’d be likely to rob a bank. Nevermind the fact that it would just make him ask more questions, like how you’d even managed to keep things afloat all this time. You didn’t think you could lie to him, and you didn’t think you could handle being on the receiving end of whatever look JJ would undoubtedly give you if you told him you’d been sleeping with Rafe to pay your bills.
You didn’t know if it was fortunate or unfortunate that the subject of your thoughts walked through the doors to prevent this conversation from continuing. His presence shouldn’t have shocked you—the party was pretty mixed with people from all sides of the island after all—but it still gave you pause, and JJ noticed.
“This asshole,” you heard the blond murmur, rolling his eyes.
You were inclined to agree, and you shrunk in on yourself with your drink, unable to ignore the knowledge that Rafe was at the same party you were at. In the weeks you’d been free of him, you’d had time to really ponder on your dalliance, and while you’d long accepted your hand in your own life choices, it was now hard to ignore Rafe’s own opportunistic choices in the situation. Sure, yes, you fucked him for money…
…but what did it say about him that he was perfectly happy to enter an arrangement in which he kept you off of the streets so long as you opened your legs for him?
If he was a good guy he’d just…keep you off the streets.
Like JJ would if you ever told him the truth.
You’d just decided to stop hiding in the bathroom when you came face to face with the man himself, heart skipping a beat at his presence. He was leaning against the wall next to the door, and you had the sneaking suspicion he hadn’t been waiting for his turn.
“How’s the job search going?” was how he greeted you, and you hadn’t been able to keep the ire off of your face.
He softly laughed to himself at that, nodding.
“I figured you’d look a little something like that.”
“Fuck you,” you breathed, and Rafe frowned, tilting his head to the side.
“You were, remember? And then you stopped…and that’s how you found yourself back at square one,” he reminded you.
The music traveled from downstairs into the dimly lit hallway, and you looked away from him just as he heaved a tired sigh.
“Do I need to apologize for calling you and your friends dirty Pogues? Is that what this is about?” he lazily wondered.
You didn’t dignify that with a response, and when you lifted your gaze, Rafe was rolling his eyes. He fixed you with a look, reaching up to touch your hair with a tsk.
“Come on, Y/N. You need me…”
He leaned in.
“We both know it, and you’re never going to find a job in this town.”
“You don’t know that,” you fired back, slapping his hand away as you took a step away from him.
Almost instantaneously, Rafe’s entire expression morphed, and you swallowed at the shadow that passed over his features. His pink lips pressed together, and those blue eyes hardened in a way you’d never been on the receiving end of. You watched his nostrils flare.
“Oh, trust me, I know.”
The combination of his tone and his expression and his words gave you pause, and your brows pulled together as you stared at him. For a moment, the music in the house faded into the background as Kie’s words came to your mind. ‘It’s kind of messed up’, she’d said, and while you hadn’t given that much thought to the statement then…you certainly were now.
“What did you do?” you shakily asked the blond, skin growing cold.
Rafe didn’t answer right away, and when he did, it was a lie anyway.
“I don’t know what you mean,” was all he said, one brow raised.
You felt tears kiss your eyes, and you felt silly for not putting the pieces together earlier. You didn’t know how, but somehow, Rafe had a hand in your lack of employment. It seemed exactly like something he’d do, but the only thing you couldn’t understand was why. Why do it? Just to see you fail? Just to feel like he’d won?
“Look, this little rebellious act…it’s cute and amusing and all…” he shrugged off with a small smile. “...but it’s silly. We both know you’re just going to end up right back under me.”
“You’re such an asshole,” you hissed, moving past him.
“Yeah, and you knew that when you let me fuck you for drugs on some guy’s desk,” he threw at you, making you flinch and slow down.
“I was going through things then, Rafe! I didn’t…” you huffed a sigh, turning to glower at him. “I didn’t care about things I most definitely should have. It’s different now.”
You threw your hands up.
“I’m different, now, and I don’t want to keep sacrificing my dignity and self respect just to keep a roof over my head. I don’t want to sleep with someone who views me and anyone like me as beneath him. It disgusts me, and unlike you, I have no interest in sleeping with people who I claim disgust me.”
You watched Rafe’s lip curl over his teeth.
“Yeah, that’s real respectable and noble and all, but I wonder how noble it’ll feel when you’re being evicted,” he spat at you, moving closer. “You’re not getting a job in this town, that I can promise you, so you keep this up for as long as you want to, but we both know how this ends.”
You leaned away from the finger in your face.
“I fucking own you,” he bit out, roughly grabbing your arm and yanking you close despite your resistance. “You named your price, and I paid it-.”
“For a service! Not a person,” you harshly whispered.
Rafe’s chuckle was cold as he stared you down, perfect teeth winking at you.
“You think you’re the only girl in Outer Banks willing to spread her legs for some money? You think I’d have to pay any of them half of what I paid you?” your stomach dropped at his words. “I’ve been a lot more generous than you realize.”
He roughly let you go, practically shoving you away from him, and you stumbled. He eyed you with an expression filled with promise, and when you turned away to finally find your friends and hopefully leave, you descended the stairs on unsteady legs.
You pushed against Rafe’s arm and chest as he held your chin in a tight grip. The vehicle you were next to hid you both from view, everyone on the beach none the wiser to what was happening in the parking lot. Your feet tripped over one another as he forced you back, trapping you between him and the metal contraption.
“Is that what you came up with? You think that pathetic Pogue is going to pay your bills? Give you a place to stay when that eviction notice is taped to your door?”
“Get…off…of me,” you snarled, finally shoving him away with difficulty.
Your breathing was heavy as you glared at the blond, lips trembling and heart racing at the downright evil glint in his blue eyes. You glanced over his shoulder for any way to get away from him, your frustration growing as he moved closer.
“Color me curious, but is it somehow more dignified to fuck someone like JJ instead of me?”
The jealousy dripping from his every word threw you for a loop, and you weren’t in the right headspace to even linger on how strange that was.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but we’re not like that,” you drunkenly choked out. “I don’t know why you feel like I need to answer to you about my personal choices.”
It had only been thirty minutes ago that you were dancing with your friends. JJ—ever the flirt—had gotten a bit handsy, but it was nothing unusual. He could get handsy with a tree, and you’d merely smiled at the behavior, ignorant to the heated gaze that was hyper focused on you. You hadn’t even realized he’d been following you when you went to get a drink from Hayward’s truck.
“Butt out of my life already. You’ve already done enough,” you hissed at him, moving to get past him when he stopped you.
“We’re not done talking-.”
His words were interrupted by your hand, the sound of the slap echoing in your ears, and he’d just harshly pushed you against the car at your back when a familiar voice interrupted you both.
“Get off of her!”
Kie was suddenly there, helping you in shoving him away, and she looked at Rafe like he’d lost his mind—like she’d bore witness to an even sinister side to him. The blond didn’t seem all that fazed by her presence, barely sparing her a glance as his jaw clenched, his eyes on you. Clearly he felt that whatever he was contemplating wasn’t worth it, because without another word—but not without a final scoff—he made his way back to the party on the beach.
Kie wrapped her arms around you when you started to cry.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
What a loaded question, and you realized that the truth was just on the edge of your tongue. Unable to stop yourself, you threw your arms around her, collapsing under the weight of all your choices and what had led you to make them.
“Kie,” you started, voice trembling in her ear. “I have to tell you something.”
If she was horrified by the truth, she didn’t show it much. You could tell she was shocked as the words tumbled from your lips, her brown eyes stricken and face draining of color. You didn’t know what bothered her more—the drugs, the prostitution, or that both involved Rafe Cameron. As it turns out, it was none of those things.
“Why didn’t…why didn’t you let us help you?” she tearfully wondered, looking between your eyes. “We know how hard it’s been for you, and we wanted to be there for you, but you…you just disappeared. You barely came around, and John B. heard things, but he didn’t want to believe them.”
She whispered that last part, and your chest ached at the thought of your friends hearing about your out of character behavior but feeling powerless to stop it, accepting it as part of your grief.
“Rafe’s a demented asshole,” she finally spoke on the elephant in the room. “...and we won’t let him win, okay?”
There was conviction in Kie’s voice, the kind of conviction that made you want to believe her, and so you nodded at her words.
She helped you straighten, wiping your face and taking you back to the party, quietly promising you that she wouldn’t say anything about any of this to the guys. She stuck to you for the rest of the night, and a week later, she made good on her promise, her parents shaking your hand as they welcomed you to their staff.
“We could always use the extra hands,” Mrs. Carrera told you one Friday evening. “It gets crazy busy, especially on the weekends.”
All the noise in the restaurant only validated her statement.
You’d been working at The Wreck for a week, and while it was nothing like what Rafe had been paying you, it was a job. It was a means of earning your own money that didn’t involve lowering yourself to the likes of Rafe Cameron. It was grueling, sure, and you sometimes wondered if it was truly worth the money, but then you’d think of the alternative, and you’d decide that it was worth something and that’s what mattered.
You hadn’t been paying that much attention when you approached your last table for the night, looking up from the apron at your waist and stopping in your tracks.
“Hey, I didn’t know you worked here too,” Topper said, a fairly neutral greeting.
Topper may have been just as much of an asshole as his friends, but he at least played nice for the public. Your gaze traveled around the table, quickly looking away when it connected with a familiar blue.
“It’s…a fairly new gig,” you finally said, getting your notepad ready.
“Hey, if you’re going to use your friends for anything, might as well use them to become a productive member of society,” he told you, his tone now making you frown.
Opting to ignore the comment, you asked them what they wanted. You didn’t make eye contact with Rafe when he gave you his order, hand unsteady as you wrote it down. When you left them to go and get their drinks, you weren’t surprised to hear the scrape of a chair behind you. You were focused on rounding the counter, reaching for some clean glasses.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
You didn’t forget your last encounter with the rich blond, tempted to ignore his presence altogether, but you were unfortunate enough to know how Rafe operated. Pausing in your movements, you turned to look at him, not surprised at all by the unhappy look on his face.
“I’m working, Rafe. What does it look like?”
You eyed the way his jaw ticked, finger gently tapping against the counter as he simply…stared you down. You glanced away, realizing that he didn’t have any power over you anymore. No, you weren’t completely out of the woods, but you had a secured source of income, and you’d happily struggle and scrape over sleeping with Rafe ever again.
“Go find some other struggling girl to take advantage of,” you finally said to him, grabbing their drinks and making your way to their table without a backwards glance.
Working at The Wreck was hard work, and no matter how many shifts you covered and how many tips you got, it was still long and hard work for half the money Rafe had ever paid you. You knew this when Kie came to you about the job, but on the other side of it, you were so beyond grateful for it. You were still stressed, of course, your monetary problems not going away anytime soon, but it was the normal stress of the average working twenty-something.
It wasn’t the kind of worry that came from a violent and abusive lover.
Rafe had been by the restaurant a few times since that day, and each time was more nerve-wracking than the last. Sometimes you served him, sometimes you didn’t, but it didn’t really matter because his gaze always found its way to you either way. On the days when Kie worked too, she’d ask you if you wanted her to do something about him, but you always declined.
After all, what reason would you have her give to her parents for kicking out the son of Ward Cameron who—to their knowledge—hadn’t done anything to warrant it?
Maybe you should’ve listened to Kie though. While you didn’t know if that would’ve changed things, you at least would have felt better about attempting to do something. Perhaps it was the mere sight of watching you work—watching you earn money independent of him—that made him snap, made him drop all pretenses completely. Barring him from the restaurant while you were there might’ve triggered some out of sight, out of mind response. It might’ve forced him to slowly get over whatever this thing was that he had about you.
It might have…
…and it also might not have done shit. Perhaps nothing would’ve changed, and you still would’ve found yourself tearfully staring at Kie’s mom as you took off your apron for the last time.
It was a normal Saturday when the texts and emails came through. The busiest day of the week, the most packed the restaurant ever would be for the next six days, and you’d been placing some fries down in front of some family’s kid when the noise in the restaurant…changed. You hadn’t been able to pinpoint how it changed, but if you did your best, it was like the chatters went from excitement about their food or whatever happened during the week to something else entirely.
One single thing that everyone was talking about.
You weren’t getting paid to mind your patrons’ business, but you started to think differently about that when the people at the table you were next to started to heavily eye you. The whole restaurant was loud with hushed chatter, so you couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the glances between the phones in their hands and you had you frowning.
You were slowly glancing around—realizing that that table wasn’t the only one—when you were yanked by your arm off the floor.
“What are you doing? What’s going on?” you worriedly wondered the moment Kie had you hidden from view.
The look on her face was hard to read, but her parted lips and wide eyes told you that she was horrified. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, seemingly unable to get the words out before slamming it shut, swallowing. The combination of her expression, her silence, and the lack of silence out there had a ball of dread forming deep in your gut.
“Kie,” you softly said. “What…what’s wrong?”
It took her a moment to speak.
“It’s Rafe,” she softly said.
Your confusion only grew, still not quite understanding.
“What happened? Is he bothering you? Did…he do something to you?” you hesitantly asked, fearful that your former tormentor had turned his sights onto your friend.
“Not to me.”
That simple sentence started to put the pieces together, and you turned your face towards the front of the restaurant, recalling the stares and whispers and listening to the excited chatter. Your skin grew cold, goosebumps erupting all over you, and that dread was long gone. It was instead replaced by nausea.
“He sent everyone something…”
“No,” you heard yourself whisper.
“...a video.”
You turned to her with wide eyes, shaking your head in disbelief. Glancing down, you caught sight of her phone in her hand, and before Kie could stop you, you’d snatched it out of her grip. You moved out of her reach as she extended her arm, desperately trying to protect you, but it was too late.
You felt like you were weighed down by bricks as you stared at the two familiar faces on the screen.
It had to have been taken months ago, during one of the first few times you’d slept with him. You both were in Ward’s bedroom, and you remembered the day all too well, recalling the feel of his palm striking your skin and his voice in your ear before pulling your head down to his lip. Of course, it was that one and not one of the ones where he’d held you down and forced you to take his thrusts.
Your hand was empty, not even realizing when Kie had taken it back, simply staring into space at the memory of what was on that screen.
“Y/N, when my parents find out—and they’re going to find out—they…”
Her words died in the air at the sound of footsteps behind you, and you flinched when you heard a familiar voice call your name. Mrs. Carerra didn’t sound happy, and her expression fared no better when you turned around. You couldn’t stop your tears from spilling over as she gestured for you to follow her further into the back of the restaurant. You knew what was coming, what Kie was trying to prepare you for.
It was what Rafe wanted, after all…and he’d gotten it.
It was hours later when you were sitting with your back against your door, your phone turned off, overwhelmed by the influx of missed calls and messages from your friends. You’d only gotten a glimpse at them before finding your head bent inside of your toilet. Every single one of them bar Kie were shocked, their horror and confusion clear as day through their words. Only Pope had eventually sent a text that asked if you were okay.
…and the truth was that you weren’t.
You were so far from okay.
Rafe had won, he’d gotten exactly what he wanted, and even though Mrs. Carerra had expressed sympathy for your plight—more angry at the situation than anything else—she’d still had no choice but to let you go. Every other business in town valued the Cameron family way too much, and the only place that had been willing to hire you had been swayed by Rafe too in the worst manner possible.
It was well after midnight when your door shook from harsh knocks. You hadn’t moved in hours, just blankly staring at the wall, and you closed your eyes at the sound, positive it was one of your friends. You didn’t have the strength to face them, to answer questions and either break down or pretend you felt far better than you actually did.
You did, however, have the strength to face Rafe, your gaze lifting when his voice met your ears, demanding that you open the door.
His fist was still in the air when you swung it open, looking at him like he was something you’d find on the bottom of your shoes. He looked as put together as ever, completely unfazed by what he’d done. And why wouldn’t he be? This wouldn’t hurt his reputation and success in this town a bit. If nothing else, the video would have even more girls falling at his feet, but for some reason he didn’t seem to want that.
He preferred to force your hand instead.
“What is wrong with you?” you tearfully asked him, throat tight.
He didn’t respond right away, touching his tongue to his lip as his gaze roamed behind you.
“You gonna let me in?”
Your eyes almost popped out of your sockets, and he gave a haughty laugh.
“It’s not like I’ve left you with much of a choice, now, have I?”
He sounded so…proud of himself, and all you could do was cry as he brushed past you. He closed the door for you, noticing that you were struggling to move, and he kept his hand on the wood, his chest grazing your back as he pressed his face into your hair. You heard him deeply inhale, and you squeezed your eyes shut.
“I told you how this would end,” he whispered. “I gave you a chance to be smart about this.”
You went to move away from him, but his other hand shot out to grip your arm.
“You’re the one who made things way more difficult than they needed to be.” he continued. “We had a good thing going…and then you had to go and get sensitive and sentimental.”
When he forced you to face him, you kept your eyes on the collar of his shirt. The silence stretched as you refused to look at him, and you eventually heard Rafe heave a sigh. He let your arm go, and you watched him reach into his pocket, disappointed but not surprised by the roll of one hundred dollar bills he pulled out. When he straightened, he took your hand and placed the money in your palm, clasping your hands together.
A few more tears escaped when his fingers threaded through yours.
“Do you still feel like fighting this?” he quietly asked. “Let me know, right now, because I have all the time—and money—in the world.”
He slowly pulled you closer.
“You don’t.”
You shakily exhaled, reluctantly lifting your gaze to meet his own. You stared at one another for what felt like too long, and when he leaned in, taking your silence as defeat, you let him kiss you. It was a salty kiss, your own tears mixing in, but Rafe didn’t seem to mind, moving his lips against yours with a growing smile. His arm snaked its way around your waist, and the animalistic noise he let out told you just how excited he was to have you back under his thumb.
The couch seemed sufficient enough for him, bringing you both to it as he peeled your clothes off. You shuddered as the air hit your naked skin, thoughtlessly moving closer to his own body heat, and Rafe pressed a kiss to your shoulder as he laid you down. It felt like ages since you’d last slept with him, but you knew that wasn’t why you were trembling.
You were trembling because you finally realized you were sleeping with a monster. Before, Rafe had just been an opportunistic asshole to you. Rich, spoiled, selfish, the list went on, but now he was so much more than that. He was now someone who’d raped you on more than one occasion, and who had proved that he’d do anything to make you completely reliant on no one but him.
How else could he ensure that you’d never leave him? Never have any other choices but him? You’d eventually have to leave Outer Banks one day, you knew that to be true if you ever wanted a life independent of him, but that video could follow you around for the rest of your life, and very probably would.
When Rafe sheathed himself inside of you, stretching you out in a way that was regularly familiar to you, you gasped. The blond wasted no time in adopting a steady pace, fucking you hard against your couch, his fingers pressing into the arm of it. His grunts were soft in your ears, and despite your combined hatred and fear of him, you weren’t able to swallow down the whimpers that escaped your lips too.
You didn’t know what kind of hard on Rafe had for fucking someone he deemed so far beneath him, even more so to go through so much trouble of forcing you right back into his bed. You didn’t understand it one bit, and part of you never wanted to. You didn’t want to understand a thing that went on inside of his head, didn’t want to understand the thought process behind doing what he’d done to you.
His fingers scraped down your thigh before yanking you forward as he sat up some, looking down to where his cock disappeared into you. He was focused on the sight, lips parting as he panted from above you. He didn’t lean back down until your leg was over his shoulder, preventing you from moving much as he used you to chase his high, hips repeatedly curving against yours and forcing you to grip the couch.
“I missed this pussy so much,” he murmured, lips grazing the corner of your mouth as he spoke. “You drive me crazy, you know that?”
You hadn’t before, but you did, now.
When his hand landed on your throat, it didn’t hurt, but his thumb applied just enough pressure to keep you alert.
“I’ll stop calling your friends dirty Pogues if that makes you feel better,” he whispered, a gentle kiss from his lips to yours. “...but you still belong to me.”
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#dark!rafe cameron#dark!rafe cameron x reader#obx fanfiction#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron imagine#obx imagine#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks I'm
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i can do it with a broken heart [guilty as sin part three] | charles leclerc social media au
pairing: charles leclerc x fem sainz!reader
life goes on after a bombshell but this silence isn't mysterious it's ominous
MASTERLIST | GUILTY AS SIN MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,304,509 others
yourusername: don't tell lies about me and i won't tell truths about you
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user164: oh holy moly this is so much worse than i thought
user165: i don't think i can ever look at those men the same ever again
user166: SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS FOR FAVOURS?
user167: my mouth dropped open when i read that
user168: so like not to be insensitive but like who do we think it was
maxverstappen1: so like y/n obviously can't talk on this because she needs her silence but my big mouth will remain open they tried it on me that's why she mentions that she managed to make friends.
user169: what the fuck
maxverstappen1: they thought that i would be an easy target because i was so young but jokes on them i've always been taken advantage of so i saw that from a mile away (also y/n didn't want to so that obviously helped)
user170: that is actually insane like her and max are the same age so that would've made her so young i hope to god that they didn't try it with anyone older
maxverstappen1: they did but by the time they realised that it hadn't worked on me y/n had allies and fernando and seb were not about to let any of that happen
user171: thank the lord she had some friends when people control your money you'll do anything
fernandoalo_oficial: she became my daughter the moment that i saw them try and offer their family to some of the older men in the paddock
user172: i am actually in shock this was a "oh gosh this is so dramatic situation" but now it's just "holy shit i kinda need to see these guys in jail"
fernandoalo_oficial: me and you both
user173: i'm going to need ferrari to let charles out of the cage for this one
user174: kinda expected him to be in the comments supporting her i'm not going to lie
user175: he's in the likes?
user176: girl? his girlfriend is being sued by his own family and is confessing that she was offered round the paddock like a prize cow i feel like he should be actively voicing his support
oscarpiastri: you're loved and have the full support of the paddock
maxverstappen1: we're behind you 100% of the way
olliebearman: nothing but full support for you mum
pierregasly: we're all here for you no matter what we're allowed to say
fernandoalo_oficial: 🫶
sebastianvettel: it'll all work out in the end
user177: still no charles ???
user178: eh i feel like pierre is confirming charles' support in his place
maxverstappen1
liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 835,923 others
tagged: yourusername & charles_leclerc
maxverstappen1: i'm missing my best friend has anyone seen her?
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user179: oh good i was just about to lose it from y/n and max withdrawals
user180: at least one of the trio of dumbasses is keeping us fed
yourusername: i miss you toooooooooo :( (reply fast my lawyer has gone to the bathroom)
maxverstappen1: hurry up and win your lawsuit so we can go back to kicking ass and drinking gin and tonics
yourusername: i'm trying 🤞
maxverstappen1: and if i said it's time to red wedding them?
yourusername: i think we would be swiftly arrested
maxverstappen1: they can't arrest us our face cards are too strong
yourusername: well one of us is currently in court so what does that say about my face card
charles_leclerc: THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL REGARDLESS FUCK THEM
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this comment was deleted
user181: so is that like confirmation that charles is back in PR jail in maranello
user182: right i understand that he's literally employed by them but like he's also a grown ass man who can speak up
user183: like i know max isn't obviously at ferrari and isn't contractually obligated to be teammates with carlos but even he's out here slamming him
user184: and oscar who's only in his SECOND year in the sport
oscarpiastri: bold assumption that you're the best friend max
maxverstappen1: let's not get too rowdy piastri i can deal with you as the 'child' - you cannot be a bestie as well
oscarpiastri: i don't think that's the exact rules
maxverstappen1: you'll soon learn that I MAKE THE RULES AROUND HERE BUSTER
oscarpiastri: i can't wait for y/n to kick their asses so she can come back and KICK YOURS FOR ME
maxverstappen1: she would NEVER
oscarpiastri: okay maybe she wouldn't, but my dad on the other hand ...
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user185: charles just PLEASE GET ON THE MIC
user186: i'm about to lose my patience i'm not going to lie
user187: guys we have to remember that this is a complicated situation with a lot of different moving parts, as long as charles is there for her in REAL LIFE it doesn't matter what we're seeing
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carlossainz55
liked by landonorris, user190 and 308,994 others
carlossainz55: what was it you said? all is fair in love and poetry.
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user191: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
user192: not the childhood dog too ???
user193: these are unbelievable levels of hating
user194: i'd be impressed if he wasn't such an asshole
maxverstappen1: get fucked
carlossainz55: she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it
maxverstappen1: she fell in love ?? and you thought that was a good excuse to take everything she's ever had
carlossainz55: she cost me my dream
maxverstappen1: as far i can remember, she's not on the fucking FERRARI BOARD GENIUS
carlossainz55: it's her pussy-whipped boyfriend that's the problem and she deserved this as soon as she choose him over her blood
maxverstappen1: you're insane and history will always remember you as the biggest crybaby loser to ever grace this sport
user195: so this ^^ is definitely referring to y/n's poetry
user196: are we living through scooter braun volume two
user197: @taylorswift PLEASE HELP
charles_leclerc: EAT SHIT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL
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charles_leclerc: you are the lowest of the low and you will get what is coming to you
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charles_leclerc: there's only so long i have to stay silent and the people will know just the type of person you are
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user198: so is like carlos deleting this comments or ferrari?
user199: i bet it's ferrari
user200: 1. can they stop being allergic to fun 2. i think this has gotten past the need to uphold image like these are your employees and this is serious actually
user201: also like silencing charles when its CARLOS BEING THE MESSY ONE HE IS ACTUALLY STILL YOUR EMPLOYEE
yourusername: old habits die screaming
carlossainz55: you can spout all the 'poetry' you want it'll all belong to me anyway
yourusername: i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning
user202: stealing poetry? now that's a new low
user203: i'm gonna need someone to take one for the team and put a cheeky front wing in his tyre
georgerussell63: well this sounds like a job for me
charles_leclerc
liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 893,450 others
charles_leclerc: lets go racing.
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user206: is this even charles? where are the emojis? where is the excitement
user207: i think we might be witnessing a lil PR takeover after his deleted comments tirade under carlos' recent post
user208: you'd think they'd at least get his tone right like the rest of his account is RIGHT THERE
user209: charles leclerc's PR team we now have beef
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maxverstappen1: ugh you people are useless
oscarpiastri: i'm not going to lie i'm losing my patience
maxverstappen1: for real i'm gonna need this court case to finish up fast so we can get back to being a united front of haters
oscarpiastri: and then we can also wrestle charles' phone back by force
olliebearman: PLEASE KNOW THIS ISN'T ME I LOVE Y/N AND WE WILL LIVE TO KICK ASS AGAIN
user210: oh so they quite literally took his phone?
olliebearman: whoops
user210: ollie coming for kid of the year
olliebearman: i can't be told off for accidentally leaving my phone out while in the car and accidentally making my password something easy to remember and accidentally telling charles that his PR team had posted something - accident i swear
user211: @maxverstappen1 can you confirm they're still grossly in love?
maxverstappen1: i do have the letters to prove so but i think he's going insane with withdrawals
user212: that's it GET ME TO MARANELLO RIGHT THIS SECOND I HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE
user213: yo i know we just got some confirmation from max but i can't help but think how lonely this must be for y/n
user214: for real if i was being sued by my family and had everything stolen from me i'd want more than some 'confirmation' through her bff in an instagram comment
carlossainz55: i hate to say i told you so @yourusername but that would be a lie i'm enjoying this so much
maxverstappen1: i want to fight you so bad but my therapist said that's bad
oscarpiastri: it's also illegal?
maxverstappen1: what's the point of being a rich white man oscar if i can't use to it to traverse the justice system and defend my bestie's honour
user215: @charles_leclerc get a backbone and do it like these two ^^
user216: i still have faith that he'll rain hell on that family when he's free
user217: well can he hurry the fuck up cause he's really shaping up to be the worst boyfriend of the year
user218: he has to get fucking loud HE CAN'T PROVE CARLOS RIGHT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD
yourusername
liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 934,520 others
yourusername: i can do it with a broken heart
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user223: no no NO WE'RE NOT DOING ALL THIS GUESSING GAME SHIT WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?
user224: it's finished?
user225: that's what the spanish media are saying
user224: well in that case Y/N WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE YOUR POETRY BACK?
maxverstappen1: a wine evening without me? prison changed you
user225: SHE'S IN PRISON?
yourusername: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M IN JAIL
maxverstappen1: want me to put some money in the commissary so you can buy cigarettes?
yourusername: i don't even smoke and i'M NOT IN JAIL
maxverstappen1: now you've done time can you employ some stricter parenting on oscar and ollie, they've gotten unruly with both parents absent
yourusername: i'm not an absent mother :(
oscarpiastri: SHE'S VERY PRESENT SHE'S BEEN TO EVERY RECITAL SHE CAN IN HER CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES
maxverstappen1: did you just refer to literal FORMULA ONE GRAND PRIXS AS RECITALS?
oscarpiastri: maybe i did
yourusername: he's allowed to call them what he wants
olliebearman: i feel sufficiently supported by you mum x
yourusername: i'm glad
olliebearman: family dinner when dad gets released from ferrari's top secret base jail?
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maxverstappen1: did he just get sniped by ferrari's PR?
user226: okay cool got the main kids update but WHAT ABOUT LEO?
user227: please tell me he's been been in good care
yourusername: he's been my rock 🤞
user228: not the dog being more present than charles - it would be funny if it wasn't so sad :(
user229: so are any of you going to address the literal caption of this post
user230: there's two options here she either lost the court case or her and charles have actually broken up
user231: the fact carlos is not in this comment section actively gloating makes me think she might have actually won?
user232: but i don't want it to be the other option... charles and y/n are end game :(
user233: but he's been so so silent and that BULLSHIT response in the press conference
user234: idk the delusion in me has this theory ... she won the case but like t swift, doesn't have access to her old work so maybe she's heartbroken over losing that and then it's just exacerbated by her boyfriend's useless bosses that are holding him captive in italy (also he was totally coached to say that shit in the presser it's written all over his strangely expressive face)
user235: at this point i might go to italy and just prison break him out of there this is ridiculous
fin.
note: DON'T HATE ME YALL i promise it'll get better we must have faith in the man (i know i hate to put my faith in men) xx
extra note from me here. first, i will fix this tag list at some point idk why it's not working rn. secondly, i have been made aware by multiple people that there is a series just like this one down to characters and the name of the series on here and i can't lie i'm bummed about it. as i said on the first part (?) this is an idea i've had since the release of TTPD (and people will back me up on this) so it bums me out that there are blatant copies coming out! i'm all for inspiration but sometimes there's a difference between taking inspo and copying especially when my masterlist was posted ages ago and my first part was posted on the 9th of may.... anyways that's all i have to say! enjoy xx
taglist: in comments!
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#f1 social media au#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc fanfic#guilty as sin?#astonmartinii
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Yandere Batfam x reader who cant feel pain
HEhehehe i just remembered a disease and I just had to write about a reader with it x yandere batfam.
Have you guys heard of CIPA? Its "Congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis" which is basically a genetic condition when a patient cant feel pain to any noxious stimulus and can also not sweat, and yall are probably like "but SNoWWW, that doesnt like a diSEase. More like a superpower!!!" um no. You need to be able to feel pain or else you wont know what part of your body has been injured and get help before its too late. You could have thumbtack plunged in your foot and u wouldnt know unless it got infected and u probably saw ur foot changing color.
And now yall are like "but SNoWw, the anhidrosis part, where u cant sweat, sounds nice! who would to look like a sweaty pig in this age????" NO! Sweating is a necessary physiologic phenomenon because it lets your body cool down as it releases heat. If you dont sweat, you'd overheat and DIE!
Okay now that we've covered the basic info, lets get into it:
So, Batfam finds out about reader when she's just running into danger with little to no care for self preservation, and they dismiss it as you being just another dumb teen wanting to be hero and "change the world". Time passes by and Bruce is impressed by your passion and decides to take you under his wing.
It isnt until months later that Bruce discovers something odd about your behaviour. You were standing in the kitchen with the rest of the batkids, laughing and having a good time when he saw Dick had pulled out a hot pan of cookies from the oven and placed it on the aisle. The pan slipped, and without thinking, you had grabbed the hot pan with your bare hands very calmly and placed it back on the aisle, without so much as a hiss of pain or even a sweat.
And now that he thinks about it, Bruce has never seen you sweat. Not during training, not during summer, not even when after you ran laps around the mansion.
With a quick search on the Internet, he finds out about the disease and of course its Dick who he confides in first about his suspicions. Soon, the rest of the batfam has heard the rumours and now they're all watching you keenly to see if its true.
But Jason is the one who tests out the theory quickly by spilling some hot tea on your hand when you were busy talking to Tim about the importance of sleep. The room goes dead silent as they watch your hand turn red, yet you fail to react. It took you a few seconds to realise that they're all looking at you, and when you follow their gaze, it takes you a few seconds to react.
Or fake a reaction.
You shriek, pulling your reddening hand as you run to the sink and run it under cold water, your mind trying to come up with an excuse. But you know its too late when Bruce's hand comes to clasp your shoulder, pulling you away from the sink as his eyes examine your injured hand and... you.
"Bruce I-"
"I know, Y/n." He gives you assuring nod, carefully bandaging your hand as you sat in his office. "You have CIPA, hm?"
You looked down. Why bother lying? He's Batman, he'll find out anyways.
Bruce lifted your head and smiled gently at you. "Its okay. I'm not disappointed in you. I just... you could've told me." You shook your head. "If I did, you would've treated me differently... like a freak."
He sighed. "You are different, but I would've never treated you like a freak. You're not a freak. If anything, between us, I'm more of a freak than you." He was talking about being a hero, but you giggled at the thought of him referring to being a rich dude who cosplays in spandex.
Bruce cupped your cheek and smiled. "I promise, no one will treat you like a freak. But we will have to take some precautions for your safety."
-
He lied. You've never felt more like a freak than you do now.
Every single day would start off with Dick waking you up and sticking a thermometer in your mouth because he needs to make sure that you're not overheating, even though Bruce has set a thermostat in your room that he controls and he's programmed it to turn your room temperature change by the hour.
Then Dick would start checking you all over for any bruises or injuries, even a scratch, that you may have caused yourself in your sleep. Originally, Damian was the one who had a whole checklist as he examined your body, but that all ended the moment you smacked him when he asked you to lift your shirt. Dick would just have you go and check yourself in the bathroom and trust you when you said you're all good. Also, you're much nicer to Dick than you are to the rest of the brothers (its his puppy dog eyes and that sweet voice that compels you to do as he asks. He's just too nice.)
Dick would then lead you to down for breakfast with the family, where Alfred already has your glucometer out because of course, they must check your blood sugar level every day, lest they find out you're diabetic or something. Only then would you be served your meal, which is a highly nutritous, perfeclty seasoned, balanced dish because they want to make sure you dont have any vitamin deficiencies (because how would they know???? you dont feel pain). But you cant eat just yet. No no, whichever brother is closer, most often Jason, will first taste your food to make sure its not too hot to consume (because you dont realise you've burned the roof of your mouth that one time when Tim ate a slice of pizza that was fresh out of the oven and huppahhuffpuhh the morsel out). Jason would then give you the go to eat and you finally do. You make sure to finish the whole plate (because otherwise Bruce will make note of it and then interrogate you "medically" why you didnt feel like eating all of it?)
After breakfast, while the rest of the batkids get to go to school and work, you dont (because Bruce thinks that your immune system could be weak and he cant risk you catching any diseases from the outside.) No, you get a special trip to the infirmary where Bruce and Alfred do a more thorough medical check up, taking your vitals, JOTTING IT DOWN, while Alfred hooks you up to an IV drip of vitamins. And even though they go to such extents to ensure that you're healthy, they still take you to a skilled doctor once a week for regular check ups. Bruce wanted to keep the doctor in the house to do daily check ups, but you talked him out of it that you dont want to feel like a lab rat who has her blood taken every day. Once a week is fine, Bruce.
Once the medical check up is done, Bruce would then take you with him, either to Wayne enterprises where you sit in his office as he imparts you "business education that no school can teach you." which you believe because... well he has managed to triple the Wayne wealth even after his parents death. If he's working from home, then he'll let you accompany him in his home office where you can either read a book he chose for you (because Bruce prefers to homseschool you himself) or do a puzzle/case he created specifically for you. If he's working in the batcave, then he'll let you tag along but you can only work here by brainstorming or doing some computer research, but in no way are you allowed to ever go on field and fight. No, not since your last incident.
Just 2 months ago, you were patrolling with Jason (because Bruce refused to let you go alone now. He just wont risk it) and you encountered some bad guys who were a little more well equipped than you two had expected. A fight broke out, and in the process you got hurt badly. Of course, you didnt realise it because you didnt feel any of the punches or the bone fracturing. Jason could only look at you in dread as you smashed your head against the villain's head until the guy passed out, all while your nose bled, you were covered in bruises from top to bottom, AND you had a bone sticking out of your arm.
"Jay? I think I'm hurt?" You asked as blood coated your teeth.
After that, Bruce forbid you from going out on the field altogether because you just dont know when to stop. If it werent for bones sticking out or blood dripping down your face, you wouldnt know that you've been injured.
Anyways, at lunch, almost everyone has returned from work/school and you get yet another balanced meal (temperature tested by another brother). You're now scheduled for some exercises, usually conducted by Damian (under Dick's supervision because otherwise, you'd just be smacking that devil's spawn.) You guys use the gym in the basement, where Damian makes you run on the treadmill for some time, during which he does not take his eyes off you once because he needs to know when he should stop you, especially since you dont sweat or are even huff. If he didnt keep time, you could probably run for a long time and not realise that your legs or lungs are begging you to stop and take a break. As you hop off the machine, he's immediately taking your temperature. He does it after every exercise he makes you do.
After that is done, you spend time with Tim who likes to have you try on little gadgets that should "help you feel pain", but so far, he hasnt had any luck (but he doesn seem to be doing good in disguising trackers in your daily wear things). Oh and Damian loves to join in because he gets to sneak up on you and prick you with needles to help Tim see if your sensory pathways work. They dont, but you dont need your pain receptors to detect Damian coming up behind you as you smack him when he tries to prick you.
Then dinner is served, and then you're ushered straight to bed where Dick, or more often- Bruce has you do a self check like the one Dick does in the morning, but Bruce also makes sure to check your eyes to see if you "accidentally scratched your cornea" or whatever, tucks you in, tells you that he's so proud of you for how youre handling this and that you can come to him anytime, for anything. He kisses your forehead, wishes you goodnight, and leaves.
Half an hour later, Jason sneaks into your room with the goodies- junk food and video games. You two have the strongest bond because Jason is the one who treats you the most normal, and Jason does it partly to piss off Bruce but partly because he cares about your mental health. He knows it cant be good for you to be cooped up in the mansion under supervision like a bird in a gilded cage.
So sometimes, he sneaks you out of the mansion and takes you out on late night rides on his bike. You can even watch him fight villains, but you're sat far away and can never interferre.
Unfortunately for you two, this sneaking out will have to end because Bruce had recently decided to set up some cameras in your room because he wanted to make sure you slept well without any abnormal breathing patterns. Bruce hopes he doesnt have to use restraints on you, because he's not blind. He knows you're uncomfortable with this intricate routine and knowing your impulsive self, you'd probably break your own bones to get out of these restraints. And then he'll be forced to use sedatives and he really doesnt wanna rely on drugs... he likes your company when you're not droopy.
And as Bruce had anticipated, you broke down. You finally tried to leave, and he could see the color draining your face as you realised that there is no leaving.
"Why isnt the door opening?" You asked Bruce, as his four sons slowly surrounded you.
"You dont have to run away, Y/n-" He tried to calm you down but you flinched away, eyes wide as you looked at him like he was going to harm you.
"Bruce, why isnt the fucking door opening?" Your voice trembled, shooting him teary glare before focusing your eyes back on the boys who were closing in on you.
"You're meant to stay here, inside, where its safe." He answered, heart aching at the alarmed stance you took, your fight-or-flight was going to kick in. He took another step towards you, hands raised in surrender. "We can keep you safe-" thats all it took for you to bolt as the boys began chasing you. Realistically, you knew you couldnt escape them but something about their intensely concerned calls for your name had you jumping out of the window.
Glass shattered and sharp shards embedded themselves in your skin and feet, but you didnt react to them. No, your brain wasnt screaming in pain, it was screaming for you to get out!
Adrenaline pumped you to run into the dark woods surrounding the mansion, but you were soon knocked to the ground by Dick, who cushioned your fall by placing you on top of him as his hands wrapped around your form like a cage. "Y/n, calm down and listen-"
You began thrashing in his arms, screaming in agony. "Let ME GO! YOU'RE HURTING ME-!" Dick's arms loosened instinctively and you took that as a chance to elbow him in the throat and run, thanking some deity for letting Dick forget that you cant feel pain.
But your relief is short lived as Damian catches you and pushes you to the ground harshly. "Damian! Be careful! She could break a bone-"
"Bones can heal, Drake." Damian barked back, pulling you up before he pushed you against tree. "Let me go, you maniac-" Damian's hand clamped around your throat, making you shut up. "You're the one who's a maniac. Look at you! You've fucking hurt yourself because if your astounding stupidity!"
You whimpered, clawing at his hand wrapped around your throat. "Dami- p-please let go- you're hurting me!" You cried out, but your eyes went wide as he squeezed your throat and bared his teeth at you. "Not falling for it, dumbass." So... fooling Damian wasnt as easy a feat as it was fooling Dick.
You stopped the act and looked at him dead serious. "Let me go, Damian, or-"
"Or what?"
Or what? Or what? Did he think you were out of options? Out of escape plans?
You dont know why, but that triggered something inside you.
Damian and Tim could only watch as you suddenly slammed the back of your head against the tree. "Y/n-" He gasped in horror as you leaned your head forward before slamming it back against the hard rough surface. This time, Damian's hand that was wrapped around your neck felt your blood around his fingers.
"Its my life and I get to decide how I should live it." You sneered before raising your head again to bash it, but Damian's hand quickly slipped from your neck to the back of your head, cushioning it when you smacked it back, the skin on the back of his hand breaking as it made contact with the bark.
You pushed him away and tried to make a run for it, but Tim grabbed your wrist. You tried to pull away, but he had a death grip on it. "Y/n, stop! You need to listen-"
"Oh is that so? I think I need this." You used your other hand to punch yourself in the face (because Tim would've dodged it if you punched him), making your nose bleed. But you didnt feel any pain, and now you were acting like a super soldier zombie that has no concept of self preservation who is going through fucked up lengths to prove her point.
Your eyes caught the sight of a glass shard poking out of your thigh. "Wanna see something cool?" You pulled out the shard, not paying mind to the blood oozing out. "Y/n, stop-" Tim begged, and you saw Damian froze in the back as you raised the shard.
They didnt know what your next target was- slashing your wrists, slitting your throat, or stabbing your stomach, but fortunately, they didnt have to find out as Jason came up behind you and injected you with a tranquilliser.
Sadly, you never felt the prick or sensed the hero sneaking up behind you.
thoughts? also, what other diseases would u guys like me to write for. i just adore these cool medical abnormalities lol
#yandere batfam#yandere batman#yandere batboys#yandere bruce wayne#yandere jason todd x reader#yandere jason todd#yandere dick grayson#yandere damian wayne#yandere damian x reader#yandere tim drake#yandere#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere family
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— ๋࣭ ⭑࿐ leaning on you ˚ ༘✶ ⋆。˚ ⁀➷
read other parts first!!! : part 1 — part 2
pairing: lee know x reader
summary: you somehow managed to cross the line with your bunny, can it be pleasurable for the both of you?
tags: 「NSFW! 18+ only! smut | hybrid!lee know | referring to lee know as minho | hybrid wanting to mate | needy!lee know makes a return | humping/thighjob | nipple play | unprotected sex (i dont condone!) | anal | orgasms for both^^ | cuddles are here i promise | reader has no gender」
word count: 2.5k
a/n: hello! i severely apologize to all of you who have been waiting for this part to come out :( ive been struggling to find time to continue to write, and the motivation with it... but here it is! seriously... i can't explain how much i appreciate all of the love you guys have given to my stories♡ im so happy you guys love bunny lee know so much! i also wanted to keep this as neutral as possible regarding the reader (hence the anal) but you can switch it out in your imagination! (i wanted to have all readers to be able to enjoy!) also this is my first smut story being uploaded... i hope you guys have a good read><!!!~
(special shoutout to @omgsecretsecret for helping me edit this part♡)
+ stylized lowercase, missing punctuation (not done on purpose), and minimal revisions
"so do bunnies like you experience everything a human should?"
you didn't know why your mind was drifting towards this direction. for as long as you had minho in your house, you were sure your relationship would be 100% platonic. he was adorable as hell, eased your mind whenever any worries came to you, and was always there by your side. did that give you clearance to make a move on him? you didn't want to ruin the perfect relationship you two had, but you have needs, and you were wondering if he had the ability to share those same needs.
minho paused for a moment, sitting oddly still while you sat above him. you were sitting on the edge of your bed, playing with his hair while he sat on the floor with his head leaning against the mattress. his head was almost at a distance where you could press your thighs against each side of his face, but you resisted enough so the lingering thoughts of teasing him went away.
he turned around briefly to face you, "what do you mean by 'everything'?"
your face began to flush after you realized how insensitive your question could've been.
"not to pry or anything but... aren't bunnies known for... having a high sex drive?" you spat out quickly before your confidence faded away.
his eyes widened, this is the first time youve seen him this shocked at your words. he was too shocked to even reply to you, not that he had anything ready in his mind. you could feel his presence tense up and you wanted to steer clear of whatever dirty path your mind seemed to wander on. he didn't say anything and just turned back around, finally leaning into your thigh. he wrapped one arm around your leg, feeling your cool skin calming down his burning face. having him so close to you when you wanted to run away in shame felt strange. you were always used to being close to minho, but the sudden affection, especially after that moment, was out of place. your leg started to warm up because of his face. starting to relax a bit, you realized that it wasn't the right time to head across that line.
you smiled and started to play with his hair again, looping each little section around your finger into curls. they eventually sprung back to its natural shape once you let go. minho loved this time with you, when all you did was leave your worries for that day and focused on him. it was his favorite thing to do while being with you. he still carried the thought in his mind, 'maybe something would happen during my need for mating'. only time could tell the new moments you two would experience together.
during the late night, you and minho were cuddling in bed. it wasn't strange for the both of you anymore. you knew that minho felt more comfortable knowing that you kept him safe. cuddling with him was the least you could do to comfort him.
this night felt different though. the question you asked earlier felt like a reach into unwanted territories. you wanted him to expand on his feelings, but at the end of the day he was a shy bunny who got flustered easier than you thought.
unsure of your next thoughts, you closed your eyes and tried your best to go to sleep as soon as you could. feeling rustling from behind you, minho's presence inched closer to you. the movement didn't stop, you could feel him shaking now. was it too cold in the room? you stayed as still as possible, trying to make out the noise coming from him. he was whimpering softly, almost like he needed something desperately.
"m-minho?"
you turned around to face him, tears were welling up in his eyes. he was clearly distraught about something but you had no clue what happened. your heart sank, was it because of the invasive conversation from earlier?
he sniffed softly, trying to make out words but ultimately getting choked up.
"i... i need..."
his eyes glanced down to the bottom half of his body. tentatively scanning his body as to what he was trying to point out, the last and most obvious thing you noticed was a slight twitch coming from his crotch, the cloth sticking up as well.
'fuck... is this really happening?' you thought to yourself. you managed to repress and bury all the inappropriate thoughts you had about minho, but he was about to fuel it once again. his face was as pink as ever, in desperate need for your warm touch.
"is this what i think it is?"
"mating tendencies... yeah... i-ive never experienced it while being human, i dont know if it will feel the same. but i r-really need..."
he was huffing between words, stuttering as well.
"let me think for a second."
you turned facing away from him. rubbing your thighs together, trying to hold back the good aching feeling rising within, you couldn't help but panic for a second. would you help him out because he's in pain and needs to relieve himself? how would this moment affect your relationship moving forward? would it be a normal occurrence, or only during his need to mate? would it be better to just ignore it and try hold on to whatever you two had going on when you first met?
your rushing thoughts were interrupted by something warm, sticky, and hard. something poking at your thighs, trying to squeeze itself in between.
you couldn't help but let out a small yelp. that feeling began to rise in you. there was no way things were going back to how they used to be. the movement kept progressing, you glanced down in front of yourself to find the head of minho's cock against your thighs. you wanted nothing more than to take him, take his body, and pleasure the both of you were bound to have.
"minho please.." you reached down towards his cock, ready to progress. he misunderstood and took it as you wanting to stop. he pulled away, hesitantly, already missing the softness of your thighs.
"mm sorry... i j-just need.."
"hey," you turned around slightly to grab his face. you flashed him a small grin, making sure he didn't feel guilty for acting this way around you. "it's okay."
a tear started to stream down one side of his face. your reassurance made him slide himself back in between your thighs. you wondered how it was possible for it to feel so good on your bare skin. you had shorts on but it all of a sudden became more hot under the blankets. your thighs were coated in a thin layer of his precum. he gripped onto your body for a better stroke pattern.
sweet little moans erupted from behind you. minho was the one engulfing your body with his tall stature against you. however, you felt like you were in charge at the moment. letting your sweet bunny try and cum from your body was more than enough for you to start to get horny yourself.
slipping a hand under your shirt, you began to play with your nipples slowly. you shut your eyes and leaned more into minho's chest, hoping that he wouldn't catch you in the act. sweet little huffs turned into loud groans, he was in a trance and he hadn't even started to properly explore your body. he had ultimately noticed you leaning more into him, even arching your back. he wanted you to feel comfortable and not worry as much about trying to relieve yourself on your own. although you were the one trying to help him, he wanted to be the one to help you with your release too.
"let me.. please?" he said while placing his hand on top of yours, wanting to take your place on your chest. you moved your hand down in defeat, it was impossible to say no to him. his hands felt warm on your bare skin. swirling his fingers around you and occasionally pulling, your nipples hardened more and more. your breath started to get unsteady as you wanted more. shivers ran throughout your whole body.
gently breaking the contact of his cock and your thighs, you turned your whole body around to face him. you locked eyes with him and all the guilt and doubts you had in your mind about you two went away. his cock began to twitch at the loss of warmth. you suddenly placed your hand on him, slowly stroking and gliding on him, your hand becoming a sticky mess. he let out a strong huff and tilted his head back. you both were seeing stars. minho was unable to fathom that you were finally touching him, taking in all the strength to not cum right then and there. you were also shocked at how good you felt. seeing his reaction made you more comfortable and ready to move further.
grabbing your face with both hands, he placed a passionate, wet kiss on your lips. his tongue was determined and he kept moving his mouth in ways that sent you to heaven. pulling away to see your reaction, he smiled, "im still all yours, remember?" his voice just became more sexy to you than ever. you quickly locked lips with him again, smiling through it all. his lips were soft and plump from all the action, he bit the bottom of your lip to signal he needed some air. both of you sharing the same blushing expression.
he tried to drag your body back around but ultimately needed assistance. helping him out, you turned around immediately. sticking your ass out on his bare cock, you moved your hips up and down. minho was at his breaking point. he nudged his mouth near your ear, slowly dragging your shorts and underwear down. "please? let me put it in... i need to feel you.." his breath was hot and low on your ear. you were surprised you hadn't melted into a puddle yet.
you didn't say anything. you were too drunk off of the bliss feeling lingering throughout your whole body. you placed a hand on top of his that was resting on your hip. he took that as a sign to start.
not a second to waste, he lodged his entire length into your ass, letting out a deep moan into your ear. you arched your back more and almost choked up on the intense yelp you let out. he filled you up so good, it barely hurt from all the precum he was dripping with. he also took his time on the first stroke, pulling out his length so you knew how its absence would feel. you squeezed his hand, wanting more.
he slowly stroked back in, his high coming back harder this time. you felt like your heart was going to explode. his slow rhythm became more loud and sloppy, the wetness spreading throughout your bodies. syncing your moans with each pump, you instinctively rolled your tongue to hang out and pant more. you wanted this feeling to last for as long as possible.
the pace began to increase, and minho wasn't holding back on his moans. this whole time he was in his human form, but this much work was bound to make him change. you didn't notice at first, but his bunny ears appeared and drooped down, gently caressing your face. being in his hybrid form made him more bunny like, it made him go faster. the rhythm was so irresistible, it was fast but gentle, hitting you in all the right places. you felt yourself being filled with more fluid, gliding himself became easier than before.
he held onto your body even closer and tighter. minho started to felt bad about involving you in this situation, but you did want to be closer to him in this way. he wanted to make sure you felt satisfied, so he held himself back and focused the pleasure going to you. the final stretch of your rising heat and the steady rhythm snapped you out of your trance.
"s-slower, please minh-ho," you whined out. you couldn't tell, but he began to smirk at the way his name sounded in that tone. it drove him crazy, the fact that he was actually making you a complete mess. you wanted to savor this addictive feeling, but the slower strokes made your body greedy.
it all came rushing in at once, you let out one last yelp as you rode through your high. minho helped you by holding on to your shaking body.
the sight of your worn body filled himself with so much pride, he was shocked that he hadn't came yet. "did that feel good?" his voice was low and velvety in your ears again.
"y-yes," you managed to whisper out. still sensitive, you could feel him twitching around your walls, which made you choke slightly between breaths. he was trying his best not to move too much, but his body wasn't on his side.
you wanted to help him, but first you needed to recover. he moved his head to your neck, slowly sucking and kissing around to make sure you were okay. his sweet behavior was very calming, especially after the first orgasm you experienced with him.
"dont you want to cum too?" your question snapped him back to the situation at hand.
"can i?"
you nodded lazily, about to doze off at any minute. however, minho was quick to return to his rough pace, making your eyes steady again. he buried his head back onto you, acting like the shy bunny you knew too. the deeper and harder he pumped, he suddenly whispered a quick 'fuck' under his breath, pulling out of you. he grabbed his dick and painted your ass with his warm, thick cum.
it was beautiful, seeing how happy he was to finally get his first orgasm as a human. he pressed his body up against you, getting all the cum and sweat on his body as well. he didn't mind it though, he was too tired to clean up.
he looked drained, you noticed the beads of sweat all over his face and body. he was glistening with a new aura, and he looked like the most beautiful thing in the world. he still managed to give you a crooked smile, letting you know it was a good experience. you started to get flustered, even though you two just experienced the most intimate action ever.
you changed your position, letting your face sit on his chest. you buried and hid your red face from him. he gently reached up to pet your head, soothing you to sleep.
waking up to minho distanced away, you couldn't help but pull him back into a cuddle. he had quickly turned back into his bunny form to recharge from the actions that took place last night. he didn't flinch at all from the movement, he just slowed his breathing down as he was surrounded by a sudden warmth. you couldn't help but feel a little sorry about the sacrifice he took today. you pet his body slowly, kissing his head gently. you wanted to apologize for the state he was in now, but he was the one who made sure that it was okay to go through with in the first place.
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© nmn-yty ★ 7.15.2024
#pics are not mine!#stray kids#stray kids smut#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#lee minho#lee minho smut#lee minho x reader#lee minho imagines#lee know#lee know smut#lee know x reader#lee know imagines#kpop smut#kpop imagines#kpop x reader#hybrid smut#skz smut#skz x reader#skz imagines#ohmygod im so scared
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