#I thought the desolation ep was my nightmare

[ciaomarie]

ESCAPING INTO A SHIP

So what exactly made me latch onto the Sydcarmy ship like a leech on a water buffalo?

It was unexpected (for me)! Yes, the very first meeting between Syd and Carm did make an impact. I thought "Oooh, what's this?!" However, Carmy was/is such a mess that I quickly dismissed it. And Sydney just seemed to want his professional approval and a partner in making something great after the soul-crushing failure of Sheridan. So, the first season I personally didn't feel a mutual sexual/romantic tension, more like an automatic respect and shared goals/passions. Sydney nor Carm were obviously trying to flirt. Most slow burns on TV are 100% obvious like a Jeanine and Gregory (Abbott Elementary), Nick and Jess (New Girl), Jake and Amy (Brooklyn 99), Jim and Pam (The Office)...Until Braciole Ep. 8 that is.

S. 1 Episode 8- I won't get into everything but Carmy was desolate. Yes, he became a psycho chef and two people quit in Ep.7. However, he mourned Sydney more than Marcus. She was in his flashback/nightmare (?), then the way he told Tina that she looked like Syd (the poor pup), him texting her before opening the note from Mikey, and finally the most gorgeous locked gaze scene since Pride and Prejudice (2005). The soft lighting, the music, the colors, the mind-reading...magical. I still didn't get it initially. Silly, blind me.

Mentorship where??? Season 2 Carm and Syd's "mentorship" dynamic is pretty much over. They are true partners and spending more time together. They're dressing alike even when not in uniform, finishing each other's sentences or talking in unison. Sydney is opening up more of herself and Carm is asking to know more. They use the ASL sign for sorry with each other and no one else until ep 10. Then there's that locker scene in ep. 1 or 2, when they almost hang out just cause. However, Carmy misses the moment and there's the return of the kicked pup face. Before being on the ship I was delighted with all of their scenes and was looking forward to the food tour. They just ROCK together on screen.

Classic Love Triangle- Who's Claire? She's "Claire Bear", the prototypical "cool girl", who is willing to chase an socially awkward, wrong-number-giving man, despite being a pretty ER resident with no shortage of options. Did a CW writer get hired? Anyways, why was her presence used almost exclusively to put strain on Carmy and Sydney's relationship instead of The Bear generally? We could have had scenes with Nat, Richie, and Marcus arguing with Carmy about him being distracted due to Claire. They saved 99% of that for Sydney. They CHOSE to insert her in between or just after scenes with him and Claire. Showing Sydney's tattoos and her getting dressed with the stained chef's coat juxtaposed with them was WILD.

I LOVE that both believe their interpersonal problems are solely about The Bear/business partnership. In most "slowburns" the characters are far more conscious and actively work to keep things platonic. Jeremy might be a smidge aware that Sydney means more to him after the panic attack, but I bet he's shoved it down. All he knows afterward is that being with Claire feels wrong hence ignoring her call and recommitting to SYDNEY. He could of said "You all/This/The Bear deserve my full focus etc..." He was also nagged into greeting Claire at Friends and Family, seemed anxious when Fak brought her up right before The Table scene, and also while explaining that "she's great" to Sydney. He was at peace when focused on Sydney in the moment below.

The actors: Jeremy and Ayo's real life friendship is warms my soul and their chemistry onscreen is amazing. DON'T WASTE IT!!!

Jeremy smolders on screen. I want to see Carmy continue to stare, yearn, fall, then eventually confess and for Sydney to reciprocate his feelings. Anyhoo, does anyone else melt when Carm means business?! They do this twice in season one and it's not good for me. Whew, I need to clean my whole house or run a few miles.

Finally, there's so many other parallels between these two. They are fearful avoidants, have a missing or dead parent, jacked up stomachs, use sarcasm, but are generally very earnest, they struggle with anxiety, are compassionate, are perfectionists, peace-makers, give people multiple chances, are workaholics...so much more. A lot of that is also ME, lol.

Sydcarmy is my Roman Empire. I love them as much as you can fictional characters and they deserve the most tender, angsty, triumphant, romantic best-friends to more love story.

[thesleeptokenarchive]

Music Release: Fields of Elation, November 10 2016

While not an official single, Fields of Elation from the forthcoming 2016 EP One, was posted to YouTube on this day in 2016. It is one of those rare songs where we are provided with official lyrics.

The daylight recedes In unison, this room Buries the hours Like death, in motion Nobody else can pull me out The fields of elation quiet and loamy Your name is a sin I breathe, like oxygen Caught in the careless Arms, of lust again Nobody else can pull me out The fields of elation quiet and loamy Nobody else can pull me out The fields of elation quiet and loamy I'm losing my faith in our lives apart

In the description of the video, there was additional early lore provided.

Facebook: / sleeptoken BUY NOW on Bandcamp: https://sleeptoken.bandcamp.com/ Instagram: / sleep_token Thanks to MindHackTV & Nyxea Illustrations Sleep Token are a masked, anonymous collective of musicians; united by their worship of an ancient deity crudely dubbed "Sleep", since no modern tongue can properly express it's name. This being once held great power, bestowing ancient civilisations with the gift of dreams, and the curse of nightmares. Even today, though faded from prominence, 'Sleep' yet lurks in the subconscious minds of man, woman, and child alike. Fragments of beauty, horror, anguish, pain, happiness, joy, anger, disgust, and fear coalesce to create expansive, emotionally textured music that simultaneously embodies the darkest, and the brightest abstract thoughts. He has seen them. He has felt them. He is everywhere. Sleep Token, led by the perpetually tormented, supremely talented Vessel, creates music that brings to the fore our most submerged thoughts and feelings, coaxing them from the desolate, terrifying caves of our subconscious mind.

[jolene757]

DBD and TMA

!!!!SPOILERS TMA EP 111!!!!

So with the latest addition of The Strang... ehem I am sry the Unknown I think I need to put my thoughts about the alignments of the dbd killers

I'll start with the most obvious ones:

The Stranger: Unknown (this shit has "glue" time with nikola on Wednesdays),Clown(listen listen listen, not just because clown not just because clown but also the dizzying drug)

The Web: well actually I think the Entity itself because of reasooons(the blood web, the appendages on the hooks and the ones that drag the survivor to the other plane), plus the Pig(the reverse bear traps just change your entire playstyle and just give the pig a new way to control survivor behavior)

The Dark: Dredge (at the earliest montauk episode when I heard the description my brain immediately used dredge as a placeholder, plus... nightfall I mean it's kinda damning)

The Corruption: The Plague (literal disease), Hag(The mud and the fact that she looks like she emerged from a swamp)

The Eye: Singularity(cameras), Scull Merchant(radar and drones although just barely not Hunt)

The End: Nemesis (zombies)

The Burried: The Executioner (the prison just thinking about experiencing it steals my breath--somewhat claustrophobic)

The Flesh: The Cannibal, The Cenobite(the chains make the survivors feel like chunks of meat)

The Lonely: The Wraith, The Spirit (both separate themselves from the survivors and are alone)

The Spiral(my fave): the nightmare (just yoinks you into dreaamland) and the doctor (cause madness)

The Desolation: Onryo(due to the affliction and her special mori--not going to elaborate further)

Finally, we have the 2 most popular categories(unfortunately I can't place any killer anywhere near the Vast) which are mostly differentiated in their priority to hunt or to hurt.

12. The Slaughter: Hillbilly, Legion, Twin, Knight, Good Guy, Trickster

13. The Hunt: Trapper,Nurse,Shape. Huntress(!!!), Ghost Face, Demogorgon, Oni, DeathSlinger, Blight, Artist, Mastermind, Xenomorph

[akumugolen]

SOLITARI [(EP-Ø) PAST OF REGRETS]

|Phantom, the protagonist and regressor of the story. A tragic soul that had died once, to be given another chance. Using his memories from the future to alter reality to save the world, but was that really the case? Memories distorted and back at the beginning of where he used to live, ESTERIA. A fantasy land full of strange creatures taking place in a medieval setting that uses magic to advance its technology and world. Gates that were once used to also appear in ESTERIA due to the mana in the atmosphere causing them to link to other worlds called dungeons to gain valuable resources and items. One day, a tremor could be heard through out ESTERIA as a certain gate ran amok and summoned the races onto Earth. Phantom Golen was one of these people, through fortunate or bad luck, it was a matter of how fate decided it. He planned to prepare for the invasion that would happen in the future from his past so that his friends wouldn't die again in his second round.|

-Description Continues In The Next Book-

[PROLOGUE, START OF FORMIA]

(AMELIA'S POV)

A dazzling day, bright as the sunlight. Two years ago, before this all happened. But now...I had no choice but to participate. I really couldn't imagine how or what made the world like this. Why was it so cruel? So...complicated? Unfair? It really was something that was so complex to understand in the first place. Was it destiny for this to happen? Did fate somehow already choose this outcome? 

"Huff..."

My breathing unstable, my body weakened and I was standing amidst this place on the verge of exhaustion. This place was probably pushing with greenery and wildlife, but now it was nothing more than a desolate place for a battlefield. 

"Tmp." "Tmp."

A hellish scenery awaited me as I traveled through the war zone, bodies laid before me all scattered across the battlefield along with weapons near them that were stained in blood. I stood alone, under the sky that was seemingly now a scarlet color as if it was a sea of blood. Knowing I could die any moment was terrifying...honestly, the thought of it was already to much to bear. But this was what I sighed up for...

"COUGH."

Dust clouds kicked up with the wind as it blurred my vision, I could barely even see in front of me as I could hear the screams and war cries in the distance. My footsteps felt like they were gradually getting heavier as it was getting harder to move.

"CLANG!" 

I swerved my head around, using a minimal amount of magic on my eyes to see through all the dust as I scanned the area for enemies. There was only one person, thankfully. I leaped up in the air as. They still hadn't noticed my presence, crashing down on them with a downward slash. I had cut their body in half

"THUD."

"CLANK." 

They had fell to the ground with a metallic sound ringing from their armor. I didn't even know what was right to wrong anymore. I questioned the one thing, the one thing that kept my mind stable.

'Was I a murder? Was killing okay? Is what I'm doing right?'

The thoughts echoed in my mind as the war only continued. I stared at the lifeless body I made, the blood spilling and all the gore made me feel nauseous. I had already killed so many, why hadn't this all ended yet?

"Haha..." I giggled, I really was out of it. The pressure was so immense that I could feel every inch of my body shaking. This was so hard to do, it was a sick action. A nightmare I wanted to wake up from. I can't believe this meaningless bloodshed was once something I admired because of my family. Time passed ever so slowly, seconds, minutes, and hours eventually passed as the sounds of fighting soon came to an end. I was mentally and physically exhausted, my mama had been drained up and expended. I felt so...tired...

"THUD."

'Ah...the ground is near my face now...'

I had fallen forward and collapsed on the ground, completely unable to move or lift a single finger as I closed my eyes. I just wanted to rest...a sudden warmth could be felt as I slowly opened my eyes to see the sun rising from the horizon. 

'So...warm...'

Was this...something I...

"BOOM!"

The sound was like thunder, my eyes diverted towards the noise as I saw a brilliant white ray of light descending from the clouds.

"Amelia!" A familiar voice called my name as they picked me up and put me on their back as I recognized them

"Sygrid...?" I muttered her name, my voice hoarse and weak as Sygrid loooked at me with concern. I was too tired as it was taking me all I had to stay awake during this moment

"I'll bring you back to base. So rest up." Sygrid said, all I could do was blink in response. Sygrid started carrying me back until-

"You know something's wrong..."

It was that voice again...I couldn't remember when it began talking to me. But a strange sensation told me to go where the beam of light was as I tried getting off of Sygrid's back.

"Amelia! What are-" Sygrid began to say until she saw my expression, I felt desperate and the voice in my head. They were always right about everything...without any more words exchanged between Sygrid and me. She ran towards the frontline where my father was and where the ray of light was also located. We soon reached our destination, noticing a shocking sight.

"Dad?" I called out as Sygrid dropped to her knees

"Let me go." I said, gritting my teeth as tears slowly began forming in my eyes.

"DAMN IT!" I yelled in a frustrated tone, forcing my limbs to move as it hurt. But I couldn't stop myself now

"Dad, please tell me this is a joke..." I started crying as I ran towards my father who was standing still inside the beam of light that was shining on him

"Please don't..." I sobbed as I was only a few steps away before my legs gave out. I could only stare in despair, seeing my father unmoving as I sobbed. A sword was stuck in his torso, with my father not showing any signs of life as he looked like a lifeless statue.

"DON'T DIE ON ME!" I screamed pitifully

"Amelia...my daughter..." Father spoke as I looked up at him, he was smiling. Why? At a time like this?

"Dad...!" I said, relieved he wasn't dead as mother arrived.

"Amelia, go look after your brother. I'll be back soon." Mother said, teleporting away as I sighed. It really was...

"THUD."

|A FEW HOURS LATER...|

As I opened my eyes, I noticed I was in the infirmary. I didn't really feel like moving, but I also couldn't. I guess I sustained some major injuries...

"Oh, you're awake. That's good. How do you feel?" Someone asked, they came over to me as it was Vanlore. I recalled that he was a miracle worker that belonged to the imperial family, and my family's personal doctor. He was our country's best medical healer...

"Hey, make sure to take it easy. Blink once for yes, and twice for no." Vanlore advised worriedly as I blinked once, he smiled with a sigh.

"I'll explain what's happened so far during the days you were asleep." Vanlore mentioned, my eyes widened when he said days.

'I was asleep for days?' 

"A...!" I tried saying something, but it seems my throat was having trouble with talking. My vocal cords might be messed up...

"You've only been asleep for a week and a half. You'll need only a few more days until you can move again." Vanlore informed, all I could do was listen as my eyes darted around the room. It was quite loud and busy from what I saw, so many people were running about.

"Your father wanted to leave you a message...he hasn't woken up ever since he went unconscious. But I assure you that he's fine." Vanlore said with a slight smile, I was so relieved knowing my father was alive. 

"There's also a few visitors wanting to see you, I'll leave you alone." Vanlore chuckled, he walked away as I waited. A couple minutes later, he had brought my mother and my little brother.

'Phantom! Is he hurt?!' 

"Sister..." Phantom said with the same emotionless look on his face ever since two years ago, but he hugged my arm as I couldn't help myself but smile.

"Phantom's been doing fine. Your father is still in coma. But other than that, how are you?" Mother asked in a soft tone that she would often use when she was sad 

"I...I'm...fine..." I managed to say, stuttering a bit. Mother nodded in response, patting my head as she rubbed the top of my head. Ruffling my hair, it really was over...the war was over...it was so...

"Sister...?" Phantom called my name, wiping my tears as I just smiled happily. The two years I spent in that war zone...it was finally over...!

"I'll be checking on your father for now. So rest well, Amelia." Mother spoke softly as she kissed my forehead and Phantom's as she walked off. I just really couldn't stop smiling as the tears streamed out of my eyes.

"Everything's going to be fine..." Phantom said as he rested his cheek against my hand, the warm sensation was so comforting that I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep once more...

|A WEEK GOES BY...|

"You're all ready to go." Vanlore informed as I started standing up again, it was a bit weird since I've been laying down in bed for the past two weeks. But I was finally released from the infirmary!

"Oh, Vanlore...could you let me see my dad?" I asked him as he nodded, he guided me to the back of the infirmary where another room was located. I saw my father in a chamber, he was lying still inside, not even moving an inch.

"Do you know when he'll wake up...? Mom never told me when I asked her..." I said, Vanlore looked rather concerned as I awaited his answer.

"Haa..." Vanlore sighed, scratching his head.

"Maybe after a few years or so...we figured out the sword that struck his body was an item made from one of the _ _ _ _ of the dungeons. So his recover process has been slowed, we're currently trying our best." Vanlore informed me, I was shocked because...a _ _ _? Who, what, why, and how did one obtain such a thing? There was a third party involved or was there-

"We also concluded that...they were the ones who caused the ruin of Thieriot 2 years ago as the same time when this group attacked our continent." Vanlore mentioned, anger coursed through my veins as Vanlore immediately calmed me down.

"Please...don't do this here." Vanlore advised, I looked at my father and all the other patients in the other room as I nodded.

'I almost did something reckless...dad would scold me if he was awake...' 

"I...guess I should be going now, huh?" I smiled, but it was a fake expression as I was frustrated of how I couldn't do anything back then and now. I clutched my arm, gripping it tightly as Vanlore looked worried for me.

"I'll bring-" Vanlore began to say as I shook my head

"You should focus on helping our people, after all. That's what you should be doing, no?" I grinned as Vanlore's expression brightened up, I took my leave heading home via wrap stone. Walking through the corridors of the imperial palace, I soon arrived at the teleport pad.

[WOULD YOU LIKE TO SELECT A DESTINATION?]

"The Golen household, please." I said clearly, stepping onto the warp stone as I teleported at the front entrance of my home. The mansion looked the same as ever, before the fire...

"Welcome back, lady Amelia!" My servants greeted me, I knew all of them as I smiled. They all rushed towards me, giving a group hug as I felt overjoyed.

"Where's my mom?" I asked with a smile, the servants gave me space as Sean Cordell stood in front of me. He was the head butler, and an old man that was like a grandfather to me.

"The madam is currently deep in political work due to the absence of your father. The lord. Madam Illuminel often tries visiting lord Pyredon. But you should relax, your friends are waiting for you inside. I told them to stay in the guest lobby...but they were very eager to see you." Sean informed with a happy expression, my eyes lit up as I grinned.

"Really?" I said cheerfully as he nodded, I quickly ran into my house as when I opened the doors. All I could see was confetti

"Happy birthday! It's a bit late, but better now than never. Don't'cha think?" Xena chuckled as I hugged her

"Woah! You...really missed me, huh? I missed you too, Ame." Xena smiled, she was speaking in such a fragile voice that I wouldn't believe it was her.

"Amelia! It's nice to see you up and well." Luoka said happily as I saw Damiren behind him

"Damien..." I called his name, Damiren walked towards me, joining the hug along with Luoka.

"Thank you guys..."

|TIME PASSES...|

I stood alone on the balcony, gazing at the stars as someone walked to stand beside me.

"Heya, Ame." Xena grinned, waving at me.

"Xena, I never asked but...how have you been?" I asked curiously with a small smile, Xena looked away from me as I was a bit confused.

"Xe-"

"Really, gosh." Xena said, her voice shaky as I was worried.

"Hey, are you-"

Xena hugged me, her silent tears falling out of her eyes and down her face. It was a quiet moment, but it was also peaceful. We stayed like this for a while longer, hoping moments like these would never pass.

"So, catching up without us?"  Damiren said as Xena and I broke the hug, we turned to look at Damiren as we were surprised to see him. Luoka was behind him, waiting for a chance to speak.

"Well, there's still some time left. Let's just...hang out." Damiren suggested

"...Okay." Xena muttered with a flustered look on her face which was really rare, but that meant she trusted me.

"Sure." I grinned happily. We caught up on the past, talking about our lives. The time we were all separated, now we were back together again. This group of friends, my precious friends...

"Doesn't this feel like old times...? Though we're old now." I giggled as Xena groaned

"Yeah, we are. Life really is like a mess when you're all grown up." Luoka sighed heavily as Damiren didn't say a word

"Don't remind me...it gives me headaches." Xenia grumbled, I giggled as Xenia pouted. I'm sure my friends knew...that they were the most precious people I have ever met in my life without me saying so. After all-

"That said, we could just focus on the present. Since I was..." Damiren began saying as we looked at him curiously, awaiting his response. I notice Luoka's eyes widen, which just made the suspense even more intense.

"Oh, come on! Even I realized what you're going to do. This is a perfect moment! Unlike some idiot who messed it up." Xena teased, looking over at Luoka. She bumped her elbow into his arm as I looked at Damiren who was smiling

"Damiren...are you going to..." I started to say, my mind thinking rapidly. Damiren was long at me with such a honest expression that I felt my face turn a red color

"My one and only person I vow to love. Amelia Golen, would you please bestow this honor upon me?" Damiren proposed in a formal manner with a happy smile that I would rarely see him with as I grinned.

"I would." I accepted his proposal with the most joyful expression I could've ever had. Damiren brought out a tiny black box, handing it to me as I opened it up to find a gorgeous pink diamond ring inside.

"Damien..." I gasped, calling him by his nickname. Xena and Luoka watched as Damiren put the ring around my ring finger

"Hey, can I-" I began to say, pulling Damiren's face closer to mine before Xena and Luoka stopped us

"Hey, get a room!" Xena said, blushing a bit as I felt ashamed. I almost just-!

"Dami?" Luoka said his brother's name who currently was flustered, I didn't expect such a reaction as I found it rather embarrassing.

"Well, let's end this day flashily." Xena suggested with a big grin on her face as she activated her mana and drew lines with it in the air.

"...Really...thank you all..."

|THE SUN RISES ON THE NEW DAY...|

I woke up like usual after what I thought was the end of my party to still find birthday gifts in my room. I went about my day as usual, eating breakfast and...hanging out with my brother. It was nice to have times like these after everything...

"RUMBLE!"

The ground felt like it was moving as I kept Phantom close to me. Was it a earthquake? The rumbling only got worse as my head started spinning, the pain was bearable...but when I couldn't last any longer. I had passed out

'Where am I? I lost consciousness and...'

"Dip."       "Splash."  "Splish."

'...Is that rain? Why are my memories so blurry? I'm not dead seeing how I can still think...'

My thoughts soon came to a stop as I opened my eyes to find myself in a place I didn't know.

"Mom! Phantom...?! Anyone there?!" I yelled for help, hoping that someone would hear me. I checked the surroundings, noticing that I was inside a wooden house. It was rather empty of people, but stacked with supplies and other items. And then something warm had touched my hand as I almost leaped from where I was

"Sister..." Phantom said as I crouched down to meet his height while he tugged my sleeves

"Phantom, are you hurt anywhere?" I asked worriedly with Phantom responding with a no 

"Thank goodness..." I sighed in relief, but this also meant we weren't the only people here since...!

"Mom is the only other person here besides us, she's upstairs currently." Phantom informed me, I was a bit surprised but he would do things like this time to time. I thought nothing more of it or my little brother just being a genius since he was one

"What about dad...? I'm guessing he didn't get sent with us." I guessed with Phantom nodding, this really was all too sudden...

"Mom, you can come out." Phantom said without warning as mother came out from the shadows, her face looking tired but also showing concern.

"Mom..." I began to say, but I then noticed something behind her.

"...I should've told you two earlier..." Mother sighed, two children around Phantom's age hid behind her as they looked...!

"Mom, did you...actually..." I speculated, but one of them looked very similar to us while the other had purple hair. I looked at mother to explain this as I was very confused

"They're...children I raised in secret. It was when-" Mother admitted as I stopped her there, it was probably a really big secret but...they were my siblings huh...?

"I see why you weren't home often now..." I said, mother didn't say anything as I picked the red haired girl up. She was so small and...

"squish."

I touched her cheek with one finger, it was very soft and smushy. The little girl looked at me curiously, not scared anymore as I found her adorable.

"That's Nebula, this is Hiro." Mother mentioned, so the girl with red hair is Nebula and the purple haired boy is Hiro...

"How old are they?" I asked out of curiosity

"Only a year younger than your brother." Mother informed, I was a bit stunned by the news as I kept quiet. I felt someone tug at my clothes as it was Phantom, my little bro-actually...I had two little brothers now didn't I?

"Here." Phantom said with the same emotionless expression he always had, handing me a book. It looked very unusual and it had the word...Earth on it? The letters looked similar to the language on Esteria

"Amelia, come over here." Mother called for me as I walked over after putting Phantom with the other small children. Mother was looking out a window and...

"This...!" I gasped, this wasn't...Esteria. There was barely any Mana in the atmosphere, outside was an endless snowstorm with a barren and lifeless land. This was...a bad situation, I couldn't say that it was the worst, but it wasn't the best either. I guess...we would just have to make do with what we had.

[letuce369]

I’M SCREAMING

Imagine the hilarity if Manuela had survived and found herself ruling over gay baby jail. She wants to enjoy the dark but there's a zillion kids running around and screaming, and Manuela does not vibe with it. Jon and Martin find her begging to be smitten because she did *not* get her degree for this, and she doesn't understand why Callum keeps calling her "Karen" and saying "ok boomer"

hgsdka;jfas Manuela accidentally becoming Callum’s mom is Really Funny,,,, the Potential 

[elmendea]

the Episode of Unnumbered Tears

 semi-personal Ep 7 thoughts.

I spent the majority of this episode bursting into tears, which is...not like me at all. I think the only TV show that ever made me cry while watching it was Eleven’s seasons of Doctor Who (I literally wept into a pillow for three hours the Christmas that Eleven regenerated and ended up getting a migraine from it. Second most embarrassing nerd-fact about me. Most embarrassing nerd fact is that apparently I yelled “I WANNA BE IN LOTHLORIEN!” in my sleep once.) ROP has managed to make me either tear up or outright sob at least once every episode, so far.

Key moments, that may or may not have involved tears, you’ll never hear it from me (images and spoilers beneath the jump):

- the devastation of the Southlands was chillingly familiar on two fronts: firstly, it looked like what happens to bush and country towns during my country’s bushfire season, which hit a note of terror so deep in me it’s practically innate. But as Galadriel wandered around the desolation, I was reminded very sharply of the scene from “Threads” where (TW for the following link: animal death and general absolute nightmare fuel, I am so serious about this) Ruth wanders through what was Sheffield. Either way, it horrified me on every level.

- Isildur’s horrified bewildered numbness at Ontamo’s death; the fact that he could barely walk away...

- the Stranger trying so desperately to help with a power he can’t control, and causing peril again, completely by accident

- Elrond pleading with King Durin...just pleading. and being desperate enough to, well, de-elf himself. god I got some “that boy probably is thinking about Elros rn” vibes from that scene.

- the tears in Dísa’s eyes when begging Prince Durin to do something. she’s just. she is everything. I love her.

- the questioning look and then the broken realisation on Elrond’s face, that barely-there trembling

- the “namárië” exchange and both Elrond and Durin’s utter devastation; Elrond’s forced smile feels like a knife to the heart

- the look on Galadriel’s face as she realised while talking to Theo that she could see too much of her own situation in his, her insistence that this was her fault and drowning in that guilt

- Elendil’s soft, adamant “Where is my son?”

- the horrifying, stomach-dropping moment of realisation that Míriel had been struck blind, and her begging Elendil to keep walking

- Nori handing the Stranger an apple and just...the both of them, not being able to say anything, the emotion trapped in their eyes. The way Nori set her jaw and lifted her chin against her own sorrow as she watched him walk away. And the numbness that set into her later on. That was painful to watch.

- (also, the little flower that sprouted up from the tree...I thought it was an elanor blossom, at first! Wrong number of petals, though.)

- Theo’s questioning Galadriel, especially asking what the hell the divine plan is in losing his home -- that hit me where it hurt; I absolutely lost it at that point. I’ll elaborate on why someday. not today.

- Durin attempting to tell Elrond his secret name, and Elrond insisting he save it “for the far side”. I wanted to scream at that point. Elerondonya, dearest heart, wisest one, you of all people should KNOW that reaching the far side may never be an option! don’t be foolish!

- the look on Elrond’s face when he was cast out of Khazad-Dum. fuck, if he ever cries onscreen, that’s it, I will be obliterated. you’ll have to pick pieces of my heart up for days.

I can’t believe that I was so worried for bloody months about Elrond’s portrayal. Rob Aramayo is killing it. what a waste of life that was. I love him.

- Durin’s conversation with his father was horrific for me to watch. the fact that sometimes, just sometimes...your parents can be wrong...is such a heavy burden. especially if it seems they’ll never realise it. especially if you still love them despite that. that whole damn scene was wonderfully awful.

- the way the Dweller moves is sinister. She hasn’t even uttered a word and she’s dripping with malice. She terrifies me.

- Elendil pleading with Beric, the pain in his voice. the absolute flatness in Valandil’s response and the resignation in his eyes when Elendil curses picking Galadriel up. that boy gets it, he gets the guilt and the pain and the rage -- he’s the perfect lieutenant, really.

- the medical tent scene ALSO gave me the screaming horrors “Threads” vibes...this time, the (TW: same deal: absolute nightmare fuel) hospital scene. damn, I’d love to pick Charlotte Brändström‘s brain about her film influences; it would be so fascinating.

- Theo hugging Bronwyn...then hugging Arondir. and being the one to initiate the hug. and the look on Arondir’s face as he hugged him back. I am a sucker for chosen families. I am a sucker for chosen families that are absolutely bound by love.

- the naked, raw pain on Galadriel’s face upon seeing Míriel, eyes bound, still upright and proud.

- Míriel touching Galadriel’s face and NOT breaking, drawing strength from her and vice versa.

- Elendil turning away and breaking down just ripped my heart in two. we all know Isildur isn’t dead, but I hurt so much for him anyway.

- Poppy stepping up without hesitation when Nori makes to leave. without a moment’s hesitation. friendship goals, right there. Plus Marigold becoming a real mama bear, and Malva being hilariously blunt and not half as much of a cow as we thought she was. I can’t help it, I do love the Harfoots.

- yes, I know the leaks say Halbrand is Sauron, but...I just can’t see it. it’s too odiously obvious if it’s true. (and, y’know. leakers CAN tell lies.)

- okay, but can we talk about the big helping of character development we got from Dísa the Glorious this episode? she has no qualms about disagreeing with the king, whatsoever. we can also see her...I want to say greed, but I don’t think that’s the right word -- more the hunger she has for her husband to rule, and I think it’s out of love for him, and for the hope she has to move her people forwards. We’ve seen the steel in her since we first met her, now we are shown the fire.

- I literally yelped out “ohhhh SHIT!” when the Balrog flamed up. Durin’s bane is in the house. well. in the mansions of the dwarves. :(

- screw Adar and all his murderous little children. screw Mordor. we hates it, precious. but...just...who is he, really? 

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 10

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Alina begins to realize that Aleksander is lying to her.

Chapter 10

A few weeks passed. It was long enough that Aleksander felt comfortable walking with Alina in the gardens. He hoped she liked some recent additions he’d had placed for her. With her arm through his, he could feel her warmth radiating through to him. He would do anything to keep that feeling.

Behind them, a soldier approached Ivan. Aleksander found that since the assasination attempt, he was acutely more aware of their surroundings and who was coming and going. Before Ivan even caught up to them, he could tell it was good news. It was in his heartrender’s step. Ivan approached from the side, leaned in, and whispered in his ear. He couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips or the sheer joy that overcame him.

“You’re happy,” Alina noticed with a teasing smile. “Must be good news to make you feel like this,” she marveled. The connection between them, their powers, their souls had grown increasingly stronger. His joy brought her joy, and then it echoed between them.

“My men have found signs of the herd.”

“They have? That means it will happen soon? We’ll be able to destroy the Fold. You think … we’ll be able to, right?” There was a nervousness in her voice. She sought his reassurance.

“Yes,” he agreed. “You’ll be strong enough.” They were going to find it. He could feel it. It was destined to be. It would strengthen Alina, and then nothing could stop them. They would have the power to protect Grisha. No one could hurt them again. It would be the moment he’d waited his entire life for. He could get his revenge on Zlatan, demonstrate that they could control the Fold to protect them from their enemies, and then no one would mess with them again. All Grisha could be safe.

Confusion came over her face, and he replayed his words to try to figure out what had caused it. “Aleksander?” she asked. “We’re going to destroy the Fold?”

He carefully avoided that question. “You will be strong enough. Alina, what’s wrong?”

But the stress in her features only intensified. She looked lost, and then her eyes narrowed with understanding. “You’re lying.” Her eyes searched his for an answer.

“What?” he asked, trying to play it off.

“You’re lying. Why? Aleksander, I can feel it, in the responses within us, I can feel it.”

With growing dread, he realized that their bond had grown so strong that she could feel that too. How had he not realized that she’d be able to … Their connection had grown stronger and stronger. They had been feeling each other more and more. When they touched, the power flowed between them, and their emotions constantly ebbed and flowed between each other. He hadn’t realized, though, she would get attuned to him enough to detect lying, or rather misleading. He had, of course, planned to talk with her about how they would use the Fold, but not for some time, not until she had the Stag around her neck and was safe and their power was assured. He needed time to truly explain to her what was at risk if they just did away with the Fold. She wasn’t ready for this conversation, so he had to convince her she was wrong. “Alina, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re imagining things, likely because of your own self-doubt. I know you’ll have the power to destroy the Fold once we find the Stag.” He tried focusing on a truth. He tried not to think of how he was denying something that was clearly happening between them or how he was exploiting her vulnerabilities to get her to deny her own senses. Even as he said it, though, he could feel the guilt in his heart that she would surely feel as well.

She gasped and shook her head. The confusion was still there, but now it was met with anger in her eyes. And then she did the most unexpected thing. She slapped him. Full force, no holding back, she slapped him clear across the face. The shock of it affected him more than the pain.

He felt Ivan’s power surge behind him, and he quickly held up his hand to stop his heartrender from using it, but it was too late. Alina collapsed in front of him as her heart briefly stopped pumping blood to her brain and she began to faint.

“Never harm the girl!” he growled at Ivan as he rushed to her side.

“Oh I’m ‘the girl’ now, am I?” Alina spat back. She refused to take his hand and tried to help herself up. “Kirigan, I think you’d better tell me what’s going on.”

He took hold of her arms, whether she’d accept his assistance or not, and pulled her up into his embrace. “Alina …” How did he quickly help her understand the horrors that might await Grisha if they simply destroyed the Fold?

“Tell me,” she begged.

“We will destroy the Fold, eventually. We can certainly use your power to make sure that no Grisha ever dies in crossing the Fold again. But for now … destroying it? Alina, the general of West Ravka tried to have you killed. He is still trying to kill you. What do you think will happen when we tear down the only barrier between us? What will protect you, when the Fold is gone? If we just use the Fold for a little bit to establish our power …”

“Grisha. Grisha will protect me. The palace. You.”

“And when the Shu Han come? And the Fjerdans? They torture Grisha before they kill them. Did you know that? On the pyres. They keep the fires going slow and low to cause the most agony before they slowly raise them, so the Grisha feels every inch of their skin burning bit by bit. What will protect Grisha when we lower the Fold and they all come for us? We know the Fjerdans are working with the West Ravkan General. What do you think they will do to Grisha when the Fold is gone? But if we used the Fold, we could control it, Alina, you and me. I could create a Fold as my ancestor once did wherever we needed one. And your light could open it back up. I think it could be possible, Alina. I think we could do it. We could move it where we needed, close it when we needed the protection, and open it if we needed to cross. Then nothing and no one could harm Grisha again.”

She shook her head in horror. “You’re mad.”

“We wouldn’t use it to harm anyone without reason, Alina. Just for our protection, for Grisha.”

She pulled back and shook her head again. “No,” she said firmly. “I won’t … I will not use my power to help you create more desolate scars across Ravka, across the world. I won’t!”

“Alina …”

She yanked her arms from his and ran. He stood, trying to think of the right words to call after her to make her understand. He’d thought he’d had time to perfect his persuasion before this discussion was needed, but she’d seen right through him.

“Sir?” Ivan asked from his side.

His eyes followed Alina. She wasn’t running to the tunnel that would lead her away from the Little Palace. She was running towards the lake, perhaps to clear her head. “Let her go,” he commanded. “Just don’t let her leave the grounds. Have guards follow at a reasonable distance to make sure no one attempts to harm her. She’ll come to her senses.”

“She’s naive, sir. She doesn’t understand making difficult decisions. She doesn’t understand the consequences.”

“I don’t want her to ever go through what we have to understand why we have to make those difficult decisions.”

=======

Who wants to guess who finds her?! The next chapter is my very favorite chapter, and I can't wait to share it with you all.

[patricksilverrose]

My Favorite Albums of 2020

It’s that time of year again! I’m a bit late on this since it took me a bit to finish off my list of new releases, but it’s time now! Here we will be looking at my top 10 favorite albums of 2020. I also did a post on my top 5 favorite EP’s and you check that out here!

Before we get into this, let me explain my system. I compile a list of majority of the releases I checked out over the year and have them separated into three categories: the good, the ones that have potential to be favorites, and the favorites. The good will have ** marked next to them and the potential favorites will have *** next to them. I didn’t have many releases this year that didn’t make it onto my list, which is great to hear.

As always, let me give some disclaimers. First and foremost: these are my personal thoughts and opinions on these releases. If you think a release should be higher, lower, or not even on my list, that is on you. Second: I am a metalhead, so most of the releases you will see on here are metal releases.

Now let’s first see the honorable mentions!

Semblant - Obscura** Amberian Dawn - Looking for You** Temperance - Viridian** Catalepsia - Inheritance** Kesha - High Rode** Thy Catafalque - Naiv** Deathwhite - Grave Image** Fluisteraars - Bloem** Clouds - Durere** Burning Witches - Dance with the Devil** My Dying Bride - The Ghost of Orion** Fallcie - Bad Blood** The Order of Chaos - Maniacal** Ad Infinitum - Chapter I: Monarchy** Miracle Flair - Synchronism** Caligula's Horse - Rise Radiant** Her Chariot Await - Her Chariot Await** Carach Angren - Franckensteina Strataemontanus** Haken - Virus** The Wise Man's Fear - Valley of Kings** Volturian - Crimson** Thy Despair - The Song of Desolation** Reasons Behind - Project M.I.S.T.** Psychotic Waltz - The God-Shaped Void** The Naked and Famous - Recover** Ravenscry - 100** Cult of Lilith - Mara** Smackbound - 20/20** The Anix - Graphite** Silentium - Motiva** Darzamat - A Philospher at the End of the Universe** Davina Michelle - My Own World** Walk in Darkness - On the Road to Babylon** DGM - Tragic Separation** Ulver - Flowers of Evil** Strvngers - Zayka** Goldenhall - Collide** Memoira - Carnival of Creation**

AfterTime - The Farthest Shore*** Rina Sawayama - Sawayama*** Diabulus in Musica - Euphonic Entropy*** Myrkur - Folkesange*** Ignea - The Realms of Fire and Death*** Vile Creature - Glory, Glory! Apathy Took Helm!*** Dark Sarah - Grim*** Lady Gaga - Chromatica*** Angel - A Woman's Diary: Chapter 2*** Aleah - Aleah*** I Miss My Death - MYSTO*** MoonSun - Escapalace*** Ayreon - Transitus*** Mikaela - Nocturne in Red*** Eleine - Dancing in Hell*** Light Field Reverie - Another World*** Veil of Secrets - Dead Poetry*** Invocation Array - Arctiinae*** Lindsay Schoolcraft - Worlds Away*** Black Crown Initiate - Violent Portraits of Doomed Escape*** Draconian - Under a Godless Veil*** Seven - Interdimensional Acts I and II***

Now let the fun begin with the top 10!

10. Nightwish - Human. :||: Nature.

Ok, hear me out Nightwish stans. This album wonderful, but given that I don't listen to disc two and that there's a song on here that I don't like has it this low. Just be glad this one made it onto my list unlike their last album. Also his album was in a three-way tie for 10th place in my list. Anyways, this was a strong release from them. I love how they really figured out what it was they wanted EFMB to sound like. It's different, more symphonic, a bit on the gentle side; all while still maintaining that fairytale essence that we've all grown to love from them.

Favorite songs: 1. Shoemaker 2. Noise 3. Tribal

9. The Birthday Massacre - Diamonds

I'm not gonna lie, I fell off these guys a bit in recent years since their newer music wasn't doing enough for me. This album definitely changed that. This album is so lovely. I definitely love how they're going in a more ambient/shoegaze type of direction now. It really adds such a lovely dimension to their sound. Yeah I miss hearing the stronger sides of Chibi's voice, but this more delicate side is really lovely.

Favorite songs: 1. Crush 2. Parallel Worlds 3. Run

8. Ani Lo. Projekt - A Time Called Forever

This is a band that I discovered this year through their record label. I was blown away by just how strong her voice was. They definitely skew more towards progressive power metal than symphonic progressive metal, but I still definitely love this release. It's very strong, a lot of fun, and has a very solid production. Also wasn't expecting her to go full mezzo-soprano at times.

Favorite songs: 1. A Time Called Forever 2. Walk Alone 3. Back to You

7. Aeternam - Al Qassam

This is another band I discovered this year. A model/performer/singer I like, Mahafsoun, was featured in a music video for this album so decided to give them a go. I'm a sucker for oriental metal bands. The strong production, beefy riffs, and lovely orchestrations really make this release for me. And their frontman has such a lovely voice.

Favorite songs: 1. Hanan Pacha 2. Poena Universi 3. Al Qassam

6. Operus - Score of Nightmares

Once again, this is another band I discovered this year. After really liking the first song I heard from them, I decided to check out more from them. Such a great decision. This is the type of power metal I love. Dark, a strong symphonic element, and their frontman doesn't sound like every single power metal singer out there. In fact, he's a tenor! Yes, another male opera singer fronting a metal band! He doesn't go full tenor often, but when he does I always lose it.

Favorite songs: 1. La Llorona 2. Ruin 3. Lost

5. Dool - Summerland

This album is so lovely. If you've never heard of this band, the best way I can describe their sound is if Black Sabbath and Fleetwood Mac had a baby. It's dark and doomy, while still having a light and airy production. I feel this album really shows off just how diverse and beautiful Ryanne's voice is. It's haunting, fun, pretty, and most importantly dark.

Favorite songs: 1. Dust & Shadow 2. Summerland 3. Wolf Moon

4. Snow White Blood - Hope Springs Eternal

I had such high hopes for this release and it definitely didn't disappoint. Something that I love about this band is that they don't rely on the fact that Uli is a soprano and don't have her going full soprano in every song like most symphonic metal bands do. The fact that their lyrics are about fairytales, but they're still able to give the song such a dark spin at times is always great. The power and beauty this band exudes is so wonderful.

Favorite songs: 1. You Belong to Me 2. Never-Ending Waltz 3. Drop a Stitch

3. Oceans of Slumber - Oceans of Slumber

I was a bit worried about this release at first given how different the singles were. But after giving it a full listen many times, I quickly realized I had nothing to worry about. It's still very different, but it still sounds like them. It has the heaviness of Winter and the darkness of The Banished Heart, but they also played with soul and low key have a country song on this release. It's such a unique release for them, but those haunting vocals and dark landscapes remind you it's them.

Favorite songs: 1. Pray for Fire 2. A Return to the Earth Below 3. I Mourn These Yellowed Leaves

2. Arkan - Lila H

I was not expecting to love this album as much as I do. I had a feeling I'd really like it, but nowhere to this degree. It's so powerful and intense while still managing to maintain a level of beauty thanks to Manuel's cleans. The dualities between beauty and intensity play so well together on this album. I also love how proggy this album is compared to previous releases. It gives it such a fresh feel to it.

Favorite songs: 1. Black Decade 2. Shameless Lies 3. Crawl

1. Delain - Apocalypse and Chill

Am I biased given that Delain is my favorite band of all time to have them be my favorite release of the year? Yes. Do I care? No. The production on this album is so good and I love how much they experimented with new things (having a choir, Charlotte screaming on a track, leaning into djent a bit more) while still staying true to themselves. And the theme of the album is really great look at the world, especially given how shit this year was overall. And just a heads up about the favorite songs, Masters of Destiny isn't on there since it was on Hunter's Moon which was released last year and I listed it as a favorite off that release.

Favorite songs: 1. Burning Bridges 2. The Greatest Escape 3. Combustion

And that’s all for 2020! Although this was a pretty shit year, there were definitely some amazing albums to come out of it. 2021 is already starting to look like a fun year for music and I cannot wait to hear what amazing gems will come out of it. But until then, I hope you all enjoy this list!