#I think we should get our lowest posts too because I know I have like 24 that got no notes and I think it's funny

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

you must have read a lot about them (enhypen) and probably know some secrets🤭 i'm curious out of all the enhypen members who do you avoid or don't think you'll be dating in real life and why?

Well, let me start by saying I have my own issues when it comes to dating as an avoidant attachment style and fear of intimacy, so I have my issues too. Just wanted to say that before I start saying who I would avoid. They may want to avoid me lol But for hypothetical reasons I thought this would be fun to answer based on their energy. I will actually do all of them from MTL.

1.Sunghoon-Sorry hun, had to put you first. I think I said in his boyfriend reading that I couldn’t date someone with his energy, but I can’t remember why, but there is a bit of sketchiness to him that I pick up on from him a lot. What that is I have no clue, but I would keep my distance, also he seems emotionally avoidant, and has his own traumas to heal before being able to be in a healthy relationship. We wouldn’t match because we both have problems to heal and shadow work to do, and just overall don’t see a match here with our energies.

2. Jake- I do like his flirty energy, his softness and sweet romantic charm that he exudes, so that would work for me, but I continue to get manipulative energy from him in my readings, and I can see me falling for his charms like the gullible person I am, so I will keep my distance. I prefer a shallow flirty connection, but nothing too deep. There is a part of me that wouldn’t trust him, also I do get controlling energy from him as well. It wouldn’t be overt. How he goes about it would be subtle, so it would be hard to tell when he is being controlling. He is really smooth about it.

3. Jay-I haven’t done his boyfriend reading yet, will get there eventually, so not sure what his shadow traits are, but overall, we just don’t vibe energetically. It isn’t really any flaw that I would avoid, just that we don’t match for some reason. We would be better friends than anything.

4. Sunoo- He gives off best friend vibes and me the same to him. Also we are both avoidants and do not like to commit, or struggle to do it, or get too deep, so wouldn’t work, as we both have similar relationship styles. So, honestly we both need to avoid another.

5. Riki- He should avoid me, not the other way around lol I would hurt that sensitive Pisces moon of his. He is a bit clingy and needs a lot of self-assurance and tending to emotionally, not for me. I would be more the problem. Although, he acts tough and strong. I don’t get that from him energetically. He is a softy that needs a lot of love and tending to.

So, according to what someone shared with me of who I was most compatible with based on astrology, it makes sense these two would be the lowest here, as they were top 2 for me. Heeseung being the most compatible, Jungwon was 2nd.

6. Jungwon- We are actually very similar. It is kind of scary, but also the reason he became my ULT. Now, we can actually get along very well if we are both evolved, healed and emotionally mature, but if we are not than we should avoid each other, and he would actually be on top, because we can trigger each other’s wounds and the connection could get problematic, but since I am doing the shadow work and healing my wounds I feel I can handle someone similar to me that have similar triggers to me. I feel since we are similar we would just get one another and blend well together and the connection can be quite smooth. I won’t say too much more that I want to say, because I will post his boyfriend reading later today. You can get more from that, because there are some other reasons I could want to avoid him, but for me still not a deal breaker and still wouldn’t want to avoid him all that much.

7. Heeseung-His energy seems the best overall, stable, mature, consistent, the most open to dating and wanting to take it seriously. I think someone like me would work well with him. Also, I feel he has intuitive gifts too, so we would get each other and not really have to communicate. We would know what the other thinks. But also give each other great advice, as we both have that ability as well. I feel this connection would be safe and stable for me, so dating someone like Heeseung would be ideal for me.

[teaboot]

Your post about art vs content got me thinking about the differences between the two. To me there is no difference besides the mindsets. One is of creator and the enjoyer, the other is content and consumer it removes the personhood, the joy/emotion, from the equation. Like a writer or video creator may not see their work as art so content creator maybe a way to refer to themselves comfortably but it sounds so machine, emotionless and lifeless, like a cookie cutter recipe mass producing something verses people lovingly crafting something...then again Disney uses a cookie cutter recipe for the most part and it brings out bangers cause people lovingly make it their own so maybe I'm thinking too hard on this

Does my long-winded rant make sense?

see, I get what you mean, but I still feel like the willingness to entertain calling art of any kind "content" reduces it to the facet of consumption where in reality, the experience of consuming art is not the sole defining trait of it.

Reducing arts like music, writing, painting, dance, voice acting, theater, etc. to the role of "content"- a thing created to be consumed, measured and valued by how pleasant or easy it is to digest- I feel that it was our biggest red flag to herald the incoming tide of AI "art".

Because if art is "content", if arts are nothing but consumable matter, then obviously the key to success is to produce as much soft, tasty, edible paste as we possibly can at the lowest possible expense.

It's the same issue I have with "meal replacements", diet culture, nutrient slurries, twenty-step skincare routines, 24/7 body padding and shapewear and laxative teas and "grind culture". It's not a cause, but a symptom, of the disease that is late-stage capitalism.

Things must be produced at low cost and remain in high demand forever. Things must be perfect and palatable and the new hit trend forever. People must pay hand over fist to consume without asking anything in return, and if they start dropping like flies at the unending unrewarded thankless demand of it all, then that must be treated as a weakness. We should all take pride in how much we can spend, pay, give, produce, and think as little as possible about what we ask for ourselves.

So, who cares if, of two identical paintings, one was made by a person and one was made by a computer program? It's the same work, so what does it matter? What does it matter?

I am an artist. I make art. I ask a question, make a statement, declare something horrific or challenging or upsetting or wrong or grotesque, and when you respond, we are together experiencing a conversation. We are existing, two people living one life and reaching out and touching across time and space. No matter the work, you're at the barest minimum saying, "I'm alive, and you're alive, and at one time or another we shared this same world, and at the end of the day we aren't too terribly different. My heart is worth sharing, and your heart is worth the struggle of understanding."

An AI-generated piece, a computer-generated voice, a CGI puppet of someone long since dead and gone, they cannot speak. They have no voice. Ay best, they are the most chewable, consumable, landlord-beige common denominator possible that you can sit and listen to like the lone survivor of a shipwreck listening to the same three songs on a broken record, and at worst, they're the uncaring vomit of an empty, unloving, value-addled hack wearing the skin of someone I know over their own.

When you abandon art to say that you make content, that should not be a point of pride. That's an embarrassment. That's not sitting down for an intelligent discussion with an equal, that's kneeling at the feet of the crowd and saying, "what do you want to see me do? I can be anyone you've ever loved. I can be them, I can be anyone, as long as you love me."

I can make content. I can be consumed. What do you want to consume? I'll make myself consumable. I'll make myself just like anything you like. And I'll make so much of it that you'll never have to go anywhere else, because it'll all be right here, and under all the cut-and-paste schlock you've seen before I will sit alone in the dark and the silence and I will know that I am safe, because I am valued, because I am desired, and I need to be desired or else I am worthless like a factory that no longer churns out steel or a hen that no longer lays eggs or a cow that is too old to make milk.

Content, the most literal meaning, is something which is contained inside a container. What it is doesn't really matter, and the best it can hope to be is something worthy of being scooped out and used.

Art is an experience that transcends value. Art is something you can eat without paying for. You can make it out of anything and anyone can do it. It can be crude and vulgar and bad, and that's a strength because it means something. It always, always means something, and it doesn't matter if you like it or not. It's not content because it doesn't fill anything. It's a living, breathing thing, and whether you want to birth it or eat it, then you're going to have to be willing to put the fucking work in

[ineffablelara]

Loki and the strenght found in knowing you are loved

Everything started with this post I found on twitter:

translation: When Elena Ferrante wrote: "Perhaps, in the face of abandonment, we are all the same; perhaps not even a very disciplined mind can bear the discovery of not being loved."

Followed by this quote:

translation: As Freud said: "How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved."

And then someone wrote a thread about how that was the reason Thor was always so confident in himself while Loki was so insecure in contrast and let me tell you that's exactly it!!!

(This is going to be a loooong post so come with me for more)

Loki's doubts about Odin's love destroyed his self worth and by extension, his life. Growing up feeling like your own father doesn't love as much as he loves your brother messes with your head, I'm sure Loki always thought there was something wrong with him, that if he fixed some of his flaws and became more like Thor he'd be loved, but that never really happenned and he got consumed by bitterness and hatred.

Thanks to that he was "weak" while Thor was impressively strong, Thor never really doubted himself, at least not in the same way Loki did, even at his lowest when he was banished, he quickly picked himself up and realized that Odin was just trying to teach him a lesson, he didn't doubt his father's love for him, not even for a second, and thanks to Jane's love and everyone else's friendship he reclaimed his powers and became worthy again in a span of days.

Now imagine Loki in his place, banished from Asgard, stripped of his powers and completely alone, he'd never trust the first person that appeared in front of him like Thor did, he'd be boiling with rage and that would be the confirmation he needed that Odin never truly loved or wanted him, he'd be completely broken and lost, unable to trust the people around him and drowning in bitterness, self loathing and hatred, all because he didn't believe he was loved like Thor did.

Because if his own father wasn't able to love him he must be truly unlovable right?

But what about Frigga? You may ask. Well, while I do believe he felt loved by her, I also think he saw part of her affection as pity due to him being neglected by Odin, the person who wrote the thread even mentioned this, Loki thought that maybe she was just trying to compensate for his father's absence and, not to get on speculation territory here, but maybe she still encouraged Loki to turn himself into a warrior like his brother instead of focusing on his magic. Yes, she shared his magic with him to give him something to be good at, to give him "some sun for himself", but that doesn't mean she didn't have other expectations for him too.

I know I never shut up about this book but in Where Mischief Lies Loki talks about how Frigga encouraged him to hide his powers from the court and to try and be a warrior like his father and brother, he said she would advise him to keep his gifts for himself and that being a warrior would be best for his future, he also talks about how she made a constant effort to keep her own powers off radar, and imagine growing up like this? Being told over and over again that you should hide who you are because it would be better if you were something else? The book was written to show us a more innocent Loki before the events of the first Thor but I consider it to be its own universe, still, I think there's a chance that something like that happened with our Loki too.

And like, this is exactly how you destroy someone's self worth, telling them that they should hide parts of themselves, implying that they should be ashamed of who they are and that they should strive to become more like the norm, I won't really dig into this here and I apologize in advance if I'm being stupid or disrespectful but I think this is exactly like how some queer people believe that if they behave like a "good" queer they will be acepted by the homophobic straights while the "bad" queers will be the only ones to be affected by the bigotry, I bet WML!Frigga (And maybe MCU!Frigga) was like: "Son, I love you and I know I taught you your magic, but maybe if you just toned it down a little I think your father and the court would be more pleased with you, It's okay to flaunt your powers while there's just the two of us in the room, but stick with your weapons when you're out there with your brother and the warriors, I'm telling you this for your own good, it's what's best for your future"

And again, growing up like this basically destroyed any chance Loki had of accepting and loving himself fully, there's no way you can learn how to love yourself when someone tells you that some of the things that make you you are better off hidden from society.

But maybe you don't want to believe that this was how Frigga treated Loki and that's okay, still, we can't deny that Asgardians don't really value magic as much as they do fighting and being a warrior, the fact that Loki's abilities were frowned upon and viewed as lesser than by the entire society he was a part of is already proof that he wasn't really encouraged to lean into his magic, and even though he wanted to find pride and strenght in it, it's really hard to go against an entire planet full of people telling you that your talents are not something worth of notice.

So, back to my point of being sure one is loved: I don't think Loki ever really felt like he was entirely loved by his family, not that he thought they all hated him, but he thought that they lowkey wanted to change a few things about him so he would more "palatable" to them; Odin would erase the magic if he could, Frigga would make him less sharp-tongued and more tame and Thor would make him "less awkward", specially around "their" friends. Now, am I saying that this is the Truth? Not really (but I'm also not saying that it isn't lol), I can easily see Loki believing these things, his self esteem getting lower and lower thanks to these thoughts of inadequacy and his doubts towards his family's love for him.

Now let's talk about being loved, shall we? In his show Loki develops a friendship with Mobius, and that becomes what I think it's the most meaningful connection variant L1130 has in his life (yk, since his entire reality got pruned and he has no one else left). But his bond with Mobius isn't meaningful just because Loki has no family anymore, no, Mobius genuinely understands and cares for Loki, he shows him compassion and acceptance, and sure, their relationship didn't start exactly on the best of terms but they evolved with time and their connection only grew.

I swear this is not a lokius post btw, I really think their friendship became sort of an anchor for Loki, especially after the s1 finale, I also don't want to downplay the impact sylvie had on him or her importance in his life but I think they only got more and more distant after the citadel, every interaction they had after that was rocky and uncomfortable, Loki was clearly anxious and nervous around her in the McDonald's scene, and things didn't really get any better after that. The bar scene was one of the few (If not the only one!) where neither of them was really being combative or aggressive with the other, and they still called each other selfish, so that should tell you how great their relationship was after s1ep6.

His and Mobius' friendship on the other hand, only got stronger after that, when Loki arrives at the TVA and finally finds his Mobius he's so relieved, he went from having a panic attack to casually laughing, humoring Mobius' attempts at lying to OB in the R&A, all in a span of minutes

Loki felt comfortable with Mobius, he was the person he was after to start setting things right, Mobius showered Loki with patience and reassurance, doing everything to calm him down and to make him feel better about the situation and it worked! He had faith in Loki like no one else did, even when he was on the gangway, at the risk of having his skin peeled off of him, he plead with OB to wait a little more so Loki could make it back to them, he chose to stay out there and wait, knowing that it could mean his death, all because he believed that Loki would come back, and he did!

Loki felt accepted by him, loved without any changes required and that allowed him to bloom into the stronger, more confident version of himself that we saw throughout s2, he felt seen and validated and because of that he behaved in ways he never had before. Mobius showed him compassion and patience, so he did the same for his friend, when Mobius had an outburst Loki was quick to reassure him that there was no judgment on his part, only genuine concern and immediately tried to comfort Mobius with some pie and a story about that one time where he was so angry at his dad and at his brother that he decided to hold a city hostage with an alien army 😅, yk, just to let Mobius know that he shouldn't be ashamed for losing it, because Loki has done way worse than just slapping a guy when he lost his temper.

It's one of their sweetest moments because after that Mobius kinda praises Loki for being the god of mischief, using his title as something positive and that he should be proud of, and that gives us one of the most beautiful (if not the most) smile Loki has ever had onscreen, this picture literally warms my heart because of how sweet and lovely it is, finally someone is celebrating who he is, someone is proud of him and he never felt more accepted and loved

And that brings us back to the initial quote that inspired this whole post: "How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved", this is s2 Loki in a nutshell, he becomes bolder and stronger, not in a cocky or arrogant way, no, he's confident in himself but in a good, healthy way because he finally has a good self esteem, he has someone who he knows fully believes in him, unlike what he said about Frigga in s1ep3: "She was the kind of person you'd want to believe in you", implying that he really wanted her to believe in him but deep down wasn't so sure about her faith. He found a rock on Mobius and that prompted him to become the God the entire multiverse needed to thrive and prosper, all because he was sure of being loved, for the first time in his long, long life.

(And before someone brings this up: yes, I know his relationship with sylvie had a part in his character development too, but no one can tell me that Loki ever felt like she reciprocated his feelings, at least not on the same level, and as I already said: after the citadel they only got more and more distant and she made very clear that she did not want him around anymore, he accepted that and moved on, but there was no strenght to be found in her rejection, he grew and matured thanks to her too, but strenght in the knowledge of being loved? He didn't find those things in her I'm so sorry)

[writingdevil]

In that post about writing requests, you said you weren't too confident about your ability to write the Princesses, so I'll give you one that might help you flex those muscles: just write a character study of your favorite Princess!

(Oh! That's a good idea! Thanks for the request! Although, I will say that I've never written a character study before, so it's probably going to be really bad and I'm really sorry for that. Anyway, enjoy!)

It's hard to pick a favorite Princess because they've all got a charm to them that I love. I was debating between Nightmare and Razor for my favourite, but I think I could write more about Nightmare, so that's who I'll take a crack at.

The one thing that makes Nightmare my favourite and so interesting (besides the fact that that route gets me my favourite voice-Paranoid) is the fact that I personally feel like Nightmare is one of the most interesting vessels of the Shifting Mound.

The way the Nightmare is, seems so much more different than the other vessels because of what she does to the Long Quiet, even if she's like that because of our fear of her. With vessels like the Spectre and the Beast, it kinda feels like a given that they'll either possess you or attack you like an animal, but the Nightmare does so much more to the player.

The Nightmare paralyzes the Long Quiet and shuts down his body with a touch, to which the only way to snap out of it is to have Paranoid run the automatic nervous system with a chant that somebody has to keep doing. None of the other vessels are that degree of dangerous, to my knowledge.

But then, instead of using a blade or physically attacking the Long Quiet, the Nightmare can just take her mask off and-that's it. You're dead. You can't even really fight against that. All she has to do is take her mask off, and whatever's underneath it kills us instantly before we can actually see it.

The Nightmare is just a different type of horror, in my opinion.

Another thing about her that I find intriguing is the fact that, despite the joy she takes in making us suffer, she wants us to stick around and to not be alone anymore.

'She desires only companionship, but the only thing she knows is how to hurt.'

That's what the Shifting Mound says about the Nightmare, along with calling her an 'abandoned doll.' She can't help the way she is, and she can't help but want someone to talk to and to not die so easily around her, which I find makes her really complex and interesting-the fact that she's so lonely and so desperate for a friend, but her whole existence is around terror and death, and she can't help what she does, but You can actually hold out against her power, so maybe you're all the company she needs.

She's willing to leave and have you by her side, because who else would she want to go with besides the only other person that can handle her?This person must be special, so she can't let them out of her grasp at all.

BUT THEN WE ALSO GET THE MOMENT OF CLARITY!

The MOC is the only other route where you can get all the voices at at once, and as we all know, none of them are doing alright.

But then right before that, there's also that whole sequence with the Narrator, which I'm still not entirely sure is about, but I still love it, especially near the end where the Narrator can't keep talking, because what do you mean you can't keep going?When that happened, I was floored. I couldn't believe it.

The Nightmare seems to have brought everyone to their lowest, including the Narrator, apparently. Even the Hero, who has, for the entirety of the game, gone along and stood behind every decision that the Long Quiet makes and tries to be your moral compass, tells you that you should give up.

Then there's that moment when you're looking at the mirror, and it seems like every voice gives up and surrenders, giving up the piece of them that makes the Long Quiet who they are, accepting death almost.

The Nightmare and the MOC does something to the Long Quiet that makes it seem like an end of everything to them. There's no point in fighting. There's no point in running. There's nothing left that you can do except give up and face the darkness.

The Nightmare is just a fascinating vessel to me, because she wants something that her very being makes difficult to have-a friend, and she drives most of the voices to their lowest point, including the Hero.vShe's horrifying and lonely, and I love her.

(Honourable mention to Razor, because her route is so funny, what with Cheated and The Look, and I also just really like the idea of her having blades in her skin. That's a cool concept. I also really like the way she speaks, like she's very obvious when she's lying, and then she speaks so bluntly-which I, as an autistic person that has a blunt way of speaking, I really appreciate.)

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

What're some Steph Brown moments you think should be talked about more?

Thank you sm for asking me this…

This one is actually really hard for me to answer because I think society should be talking about every stephanie brown moment all of the time. Additionally, I genuinely don’t think I can tell what moments w her are underrated anymore.

That being said I have made a list:

1. This Scene w Crystal in cataclysm

Robin #54

Really shows some extremely interesting parts of their relationship. This is like one of our first indications Crystal and Steph’s relationship might be on the mend. We get a look into how close they are despite their many issues. We have a minute where Steph jokes about Crystal blaming herself for the quake “too” implying Crystal often blames herself for things out of her control, which as I’m always discussing is a Stephanie Brown classic trait. The idea that this is something Crystal might do as well is so compelling to me. And throughout it all, we have Steph trying to protect Crystal, taking care of her, even tucking her in like a parent would their child. (Cough Stephanie brown parentification cough cough)

2. This panel from GK37. The way Batmans silhouette steps forward while Steph’s silhouette stands starkly still. The purple overcast sky with the flakes of snow (the whole weather/environment in gk37 kills me). The emphasis on ‘go to hell’ as after a comic of bargaining Steph finally comes to terms with the fact that she can’t rely on anyone else, that Batman going to her and telling her she could be something, that she could be good meant absolutely nothing to him. Amazing. Imprinted into my brain.

4. Steph’s conversation with Natalia about the stars in Robin 104. Gorgeous panel with an interesting look into Steph’s brain.

5. The Riddle scene in Robin 113, because I’m not smart enough to break down the Riddlers riddles and put together the implications which I assume are there and I want someone else to do it for me. Additionally, the lighting is absolutely gorgeous as we get to see Steph at this low point.

6. Robin #92, the scene where Bruce talks to Steph about the future, deeply unsettling her to the point that months and months later at the very start of war games she’s still thinking about it

7. The moment after Tim Drake’s birthday gaslighting bonanza where he commiserates with Steph abt getting tested by Batman. I’m imagining that he feels guilty for his role in her own test. For the record I’m hallucinating that guilt. I think it’s possible Lewis straight up didn’t know how Tim lied to Steph in Batman Family. But on the other hand the parallels to GK37 are insane and clearly there for a reason. Thinking about this lots. The repetition of “I know” vs “go to hell”. Their reversal of roles…I’ve already blabbed abt this on my blog but I’m still putting it here also bc I’m thinking abt it always.

Robin #120

8. All of GK22 as a reflection of how Batman’s loneliness post officer down is actually inextricably connected with his decision to sanction Steph as Spoiler. But specifically this scene because it makes me sick and ill and because it’s my header. Love the decapitated head side eyeing Batman.

9. Okay last one. One moment I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is Stephanie’s first interaction with Batman post War Games. Like the first thing she says to him after returning from her faked death is her essentially asking permission to patrol in Gotham.

Robin #174

Which is so fucking insane. She was unironically and genuinely spiritually broken by the events of war games. One of the very core tenets of her characterization, her willingness to be Spoiler no matter what regardless of the consequences, is fractured and entirely reversed. I have a lot of thoughts about this, and in general how post war games pre bg2009 Steph has healed physically but something big has clearly changed in her and not for the better. If you ask me, that period of time is stephanie brown at her lowest point. Will be posting abt this more eventually because writing this out has given me worse brain worms than normal.

Thank you so much for the ask again, sorry this took me a second I kept writing out way too much. I’m unfortunately a rambler at heart. Would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on any of these moments or other moments I missed.

[ladyofthebears]

To add this this whole Jace discourse I just want to say this:

I am the result of an affair my grandmother had with a native american man whilst my pappy, who raised me, was in Vietnam during the war.

As a white passing mixed kid, i was not called names often. I was looked down on, i was treated like an outsider in my own family, sneered at with whispers spread behind my and my brother’s backs.

I have been called a mongrel only a few times but i vividly remember the first time it happened.

I was small enough that my brothers could still trick me into thinking i was adopted because of my pale skin and light hair. After a family gathering (of my Pappys side of the family), i asked how everyone in the family knew we were our father’s children immediately.

My brother smiled very sardonically at me and sprouted something about him and our other brother sticking out like sore thumbs. I was confused, because they knew i was my father’s daughter as well, despite how i looked. I asked why they ignored us and were mean and looked at us like grandma looked at the dead snakes in her garden. He laughed at me and said

“Guess life is just harder for filthy mongrels like us”

I remember that phrase so vividly. And maybe my brother meant it to be joking, but those words stuck with me for years. Stuck with me through puberty when i wore even PALER foundation and put blonde streaks in my hair. Stuck with me as i grew up further in a racist religion that specifically makes indigenous people out to be evil. I remembered it when i finally started interacting with more native people in college to reconnect, remembered it when a white girl told me that “if i wanted to be taken seriously as an Indian i should dye my hair black and start tanning”

Those words have haunted me for a long time and they have only helped to make me despise myself and how I came to be.

I hate being stuck between two things- i hate looking white and having all the unfairly given privilege it grants me over my brother. I hate how i am seen as a pretendian for trying to interact with my culture. I hate knowing i can never get tribal affiliation because of the affair.

I know i have immense privilege because of how i look, but those words still haunt me. Because at the end of the day, thats how i see myself at my lowest moments.

I know that on twitter there is major discourse about Jaces words and actions.

And while yes, this is a fictional show, Jaces struggle is one i am intimately attuned to. I said things and did things i regret looking back out of anger for my own situation, i acted in immature and childish ways. But at the end of the day, i can look back and recognise that because i lived through it, and grew through it. I was constantly confused and hurt and torn between differing worlds and families and peoples and it took me a long long time to come to peace with it.

I am still not fully at peace with it.

So- while you may criticise the writing all you want, please realise that Jaces hurt and anger are feelings that can be very very real for some people. Jace, is obviously a fictional character who doesnt have real world feelings. But your mutuals, the people who see your post on discover page are, and your words about a fictional character can hurt them too.

I am not saying mince your words and center your world around sensitive snowflakes- i am saying, have some empathy- even if it is for a stupid fictional character. Because maybe along the way, you can find empathy for other real world people too.

These were the kids that were made to feel like dirty mongrels.

[fushiglow]

Who the hell is Gojō Satoru?

Some thoughts on his character in 236

Seeing everyone arguing about Gojō’s characterisation in 236 over the last week makes me realise just how good the chapter is, no matter how dissatisfied I am with Gojō's death.

When you're upset about something, it's hard to judge accurately whether something is 'bad' or whether you simply don't like it — and they are different things. Interestingly, 236 presented me with a conflict I've never experienced when following a story before. I'm really disappointed with the way Gege Akutami chose to end Gojō's story, but I think 236 will go down as one of the most beautiful chapters of Jujutsu Kaisen. In that sense, my feelings about the chapter after a week of sitting with it aren't too unrecognisable from my initial feelings — just with all of the big emotions that were colouring my judgment stripped away.

I think there *is* value in immediate reactions, and I think much of the initial outrage about the chapter was simply people grieving what was an intentionally shocking end to a beloved character. I hate that people tried to police social media reactions to the chapter, because I think everyone should be allowed to process their feelings in their own online space (as long as they don't bring harm to others, of course).

Aside from the outpouring of emotion, there have been countless arguments about 'who' Gojō was as a person in the end, and that doesn't sit right with me either. I think many artists would be disappointed to hear fans of their work insist that there is one 'proper' interpretation — because the value of sharing your art with the world is in how different people receive it based on their own experiences.

To me, that's Gojō Satoru as a character.

I know lots of people have already shared some variation of the post below (and everyone has moved on to 237 now anyway) but this was sitting in my drafts so I thought I may as well hit post before 237 is officially released!

Gege Akutami keeps Gojō at a distance from both the readers and the characters around him, making it deliberately difficult to know who he is as a person. Despite that, everyone in-universe and out has something to say about Gojō's character, but we've never really known how Gojō views himself until this chapter.

For maybe the first time in Jujutsu Kaisen, we get to deep dive into Gojō's interior world and hear his innermost thoughts when he's at his lowest and most vulnerable. As a result, something fascinating happened across the fandom.

Even when Gojō literally tells Getō that the 'wretchedness of isolation' is something he shares with Sukuna, that he gave everything he had so that Sukuna might understand him and be understood in turn, and that he knows not everyone will get it, some people called Gojō 'out of character' in 236.

And isn't that just so damn meta?!

Akutami loves challenging readers' assumptions through his characters, so while the chapter is shocking, it isn't really surprising. I'd even go as far as suggesting that the journey of emotions the reader experiences while reading 236 is the exact same journey Gojō is going on in-story.

The thing is, I've seen tons of people arguing about whether Gojō was selfless or selfish, whether he fought for the love of his students or for the love of the fight, whether he took strong young sorcerers under his wing from a place of care or simply as a means to an ends — but I think the point is that it's always been all of those things at once.

Because he's human, and humans contain multitudes.

I think we were meant to have our view of Gojō shaken by 236 — the same way Gojō's view of himself is challenged in this chapter. However, just because we can find some truth in Nanami's criticism of Gojō, doesn't mean that his interpretation of Gojō's character is the correct one — especially when it's entirely possible that what happens in the airport isn't even real.

Getō listens with empathy as Gojō confesses his self-doubt and regrets, the solitude of his strength, and the dehumanisation he experienced as the 'Strongest'. He even expresses jealousy when Gojō admits he had fun fighting someone strong enough to understand him. Then, only two pages after Gojō says, 'You can cherish a flower and help it bloom, but you don't ask it to understand you', Nanami appears and calls him a pervert for his approach to sorcery.

It's actually really funny.

Importantly, Nanami isn't exactly wrong for saying the enjoyment Gojō gets from fighting is a little disturbing (and, to be clear, I *adore* this about him) — it's just not the whole picture of Gojō Satoru.

Akutami actually gives us some lovely imagery to visually represent the gulf between those who understand the solitude of strength and those who don't — Gojō and Getō sit on one side of the bench while Nanami and Haibara sit on the other, with each duo facing in opposite directions.

I don't think Akutami is implying that either side is wrong or right — it's just two different perspectives. Nevertheless, Gojō is pictured side by side with someone who understands him, and back to back with someone who doesn't understand him but who cares for him all the same.

Recognising this, he pivots to asking Nanami about something they can both relate to and receives an important lesson in return. What Nanami means and what Gojō takes from it is deliberately ambiguous, like everything that's discussed inside the airport:

Could Sukuna have won without the Ten Shadows?

Who does the 'flower' represent: Gojō, the people around him, or both?

Did Gojō reach Sukuna like he hoped?

Why exactly is Getō jealous?

Does Gojō feel satisfied?

Is Nanami's assessment of Gojō's character correct?

What is the relevance of north and south?

Which direction did Gojō choose?

Is it all in Gojō's imagination or is it real?

Whether we'll receive answers to those questions remains to be seen, but I highly suspect that most of them don't even have a definitive answer.

Once again, it's just a matter of perspective, and I think that's Gojō's character in a nutshell. Whichever side of the bench you're sitting on, whatever you see in Gojō says more about you than it does about him — and that's exactly why it's so fascinating to see the fandom erupt into arguments about who's interpreting the character correctly.

I can honestly say I think the chapter is really beautiful even though I hate what happened to Gojō, and that's an entirely new experience for me. For that alone, Akutami has my praise. Whatever happens in the rest of the story will determine whether 236 becomes my favourite chapter in the whole of Jujutsu Kaisen — isn't that bizarre?

By the way, I found a really thoughtful post about some of the word choices in 236. The poster shared some really interesting insights across a series of posts and they convey the tone of the chapter really well. Well worth checking out!

[chr0macide]

this shit is done because i cant think of anything else to write in it WOOHOO

this takes place right after Break In II: The Novelette (i.e. right after they leave the villain base for those who dont know what the fuck Break In: The Novelette is but i recommend reading all that if you want to understand this better) and its just about the miscellaneous shenanigans that occur while they try to get along with each other hooray

the ao3 link is up there but ill post the fic under the cut here as well for those who like to read on tumblr (this is about 4,000 words long split into 2 chapters)

Intermission

Chapter I – Road Trip

The kids stared down the elevator shaft. It felt like minutes had passed by the time they heard it crash on the lowest floor of the base. Nobody would be following them back up from there now. Larry let the segment of steel rope fall from his jaws as he climbed down from the service platform. He nearly stepped on Stephanie carelessly before Monica pulled her out of the way.

“Are you gonna to tell us where your safehouse is?” Prince asked skeptically.

Larry hesitated. “We need a car.”

Prince made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sigh. “Why mention your safehouse in the first place if we can’t get there?”

“What, you don’t have a car? How did you end up in the middle of the woods?”

“We had a car. It’s totaled.”

“There’s a garage at the east wall. We don’t keep the keys in there, but I can probably hotwire one of the vans,” Isaiah offered, motioning for everyone to follow.

They left the mineshaft’s rickety elevator and made their way back to the base’s entrance building. The tree branches stone-grey sky framed the barbed wire twisting around the edges of its roof. Prince couldn’t help but notice how loud their footsteps sounded, even when they were muted by the soggy dirt. It was dawn in the middle of a forest. Birdsong should have permeated the air, but aside from the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind, he heard nothing. It was too quiet.

Larry lingered behind the crowd, falling into step beside Bradley. “Aren’t your friends going to give you a ride home, Detective?” he prodded, his voice dripping with false concern.

Bradley ignored him. He was supposed to get to the road and call for transportation, but he had come to find that his radio was spitting out nothing but white noise, even after they’d reached the surface. Mary had likely jammed the signal before she’d confronted everyone.

It wasn’t any of Larry’s business, but he seemed to know what Bradley was thinking about. “No signal, hm? Not that it matters,” he chuckled quietly. The sound was like sandpaper scraping against iron. “How many people in your department do you think are spies, hm? They were never coming back for you anyway.”

For a second, Bradley felt stupid for agreeing to come here in the first place, but he brushed it off. Of course he knew there were double agents all around him, but the mafia had just as many spies in their own ranks as his police station did, and he wasn’t getting anywhere without intel. “Considering that none of them work for you anymore, their names would be useful, Mr. Clockturn.”

Larry huffed some steam out of his vents. Before all this, he’d put plenty of his own men in caskets for snitching, but… he scratched at the scars beneath his suit. Some of his valves still felt strange. “I’ll have to think about that.”

They came to the back of the base. The garage door’s circuits sparked worryingly as Larry forced it open. He flicked a switch. Sickly yellow light illuminated the only van stationed there, black with masks emblazoned on the sides. A set of rambars were affixed to the front. He waved Isaiah in and promptly smashed one of the windows, setting off an ear-piercing car alarm.

“What the hell, man?!” shouted Hadrian over the blaring.

Isaiah looked back at him. “What? We don’t have the key. Bradley! You got something I can strip the wires with?”

The Detective tossed him some pliers, but the noise cleared everyone else out of the building and away from the noise. Twado padded to the tree line and busied himself sniffing the cold air.

Hadrian crouched down next to him. “Smell anything interesting?”

The dog kept sniffing. He licked his nose and thrust it into the undergrowth, ambling into the bushes. Hadrian heard hissing. The foliage rustled. An orange cat sprinted out of the leaves with Twado in pursuit. The others in the clearing watched them race across the grass. “Is that Cheeseball?” Prince said incredulously.

The cat darted into the garage just to see Larry, annoyance evident in his narrowed eyes. He hadn’t forgotten that it had launched itself at his face like furry missile twice. Cheeseball skidded across the concrete floor and yowled, trapped between him and Twado. Stephanie ran after them and swept the cat into her small arms. “Cheese!” she squealed, but her face fell as soon as she realized how close she was standing to the automaton. She ran back outside with Cheeseball in her arms. The dog trailed behind her, still trying to inspect the unfamiliar animal.

Hadrian narrowed his eyes at the cat as Stephanie brought him to the rest of the group. Cheeseball did the same to him. They’d left him with a neighbor before leaving for their disastrous camping trip. “What is that thing doing here?”

“Maybe he snuck into the car before we left,” Prince guessed. He gave the cat a pat on the head. Cheeseball merely tolerated it. “I’m glad he jumped out before it blew up.”

Everyone stood in a circle as the surprise wore off. They had to talk, but nobody knew where to start.

There was a pained look on Monica’s face as she glanced at the garage. “So… we’re gonna hop in a mafia-branded van and let the serial killer drive us around?”

Uncle Pete scrawled something on his whiteboard. I think we should go with him. He’s telling the truth. This forest has plenty of abandoned places to hide in. I know there’s a homestead and an old powerplant here somewhere.

“No, this is stupid! We’re the ones who got him into this mess. How do you know he won’t kill us?” Monica protested. Prince pressed a finger to his lips and pointed at Larry. The guy was right there.

Bradley reached into the van to hand Isaiah his screwdriver before joining the group outside. Pete stared at him with his lips pressed into a thin line. Bradley stared back.

“What are you looking at me like that for?”

Pete’s marker hovered over his whiteboard indecisively. What did you find in the base?

“It’s confidential. No need for you lot to worry about it.”

The Headmaster wants them dead. I think we’re long past the point where they don’t need to worry, Pete wrote back.

Bradley scratched his overlarge moustache in thought. “It’s just going to put them in more danger. Imagine if he finds out what they know.” He shook his head. “Imagine if Larry finds out.”

He’ll understand.

“Ha! You think so?”

We’ll be fine. He’s not a time bomb, Bradley.

That was highly debatable. The Detective looked over his shoulder at Larry. They heard Isaiah curse from inside the van as the automaton seated himself on the hood, rocking the entire vehicle. Bradley sighed. “If you say so.”

He turned away from the garage and rifled around underneath his trench coat until he found one of the folders he’d escaped with. The edges were rough and the cardboard had turned yellow with age. Inside was a blueprint, and while the letters and pictographs were blurry after being photocopied so many times, Pete’s eyes flooded with recognition.

I’ve seen that before.

“Uh, I think we all have. Larry’s got one of those things in his back,” Hadrian pointlessly pointed out.

I mean this blueprint. I saw it a long time ago. It’s the original schematic for those things. I never had the chance to read it. What does it say?

“Most of these notes are very vague, but back when Larry was human, that key grew roots inside him. Over here, it says it strengthens whatever host it’s implanted in, but it disrupts certain functions of the brain. Especially the… well, I won’t bore you with the fine details, but mostly parts of the frontal lobe,” Bradley explained.

I guess that explains the bizarre personality shift.

“You talk like you used to know him,” Prince remarked.

I went to school with him. And after that, Purge University. He used to be so normal. I knew it had to be the key making him act weird, but

Pete stopped writing. Even if he’d been able to get his hands on the blueprint all those years ago, he doubted that he would’ve been able to help Larry. He shook his head at himself. Nothing we can do about it now. What else does that thing say?

Bradley’s eyes returned to the file, reviewing it thoughtfully. “Like I said, the notes are ambiguous. It says, ‘key cannot give you full control,’ but it’s not clear who ‘you’ is supposed to be. I’ll have to cross-reference it with some of the other intel I took, but I hope it doesn’t mean he’s a puppet… either way, it seems that his actions might not always be his.”

Pete waved his whiteboard. You get what I’m saying right? This isn’t really him. He was good man. He’ll help us.

Prince and Monica exchanged glances. Pete was overly optimistic, they thought. Sure, they could believe Larry used to be just some guy a long time ago, but what did it matter? Pete was old, and if they knew each other as kids, that meant he’d had that key for who knows how long. Years and years of criminal insanity. They could only guess how many horrors he’d perpetrated between then and now.

Bradley looked around at everyone else. “You don’t trust Larry, do you? Is that what all this is about?” he figured.

“Why would we?” Prince muttered.

“He’s a loose cannon,” Bradley acknowledged with a small nod, “but Pete’s right. About him helping us, I mean. Larry is no fool.” He closed the folder and returned it to his coat. “The Headmaster wants him gone, too, and even he can’t survive that alone. Certainly not during a purge. We’re the closest things to allies he’s got.”

Their Uncle looked at the words on his own whiteboard. His shoulders slumped. He wiped the words away with his forearm and wrote something else. I don’t know what Larry’s gonna do when this is all over, but Bradley’s radio can’t reach anyone. We’re stuck out here. Larry is the best chance we have.

The eldest siblings looked at each other again. This talk wasn’t over for them, but they supposed there were more urgent problems to worry about, and the car alarm had stopped shrieking. The van lurched again when Larry stood up, eliciting another expletive from Isaiah as his head struck the roof. He was scowling as he stuck his head through the window.

“We’ve barely got half a gallon of fuel left in this thing. We won’t make it,” he called out.

Prince knocked a row of jerrycans over with his foot. All empty.

Larry thought for a moment. He pried one of the tool cabinets open and grabbed some supplies. “Unlock the back. We might be able to salvage some gas at the old power plant.” He tossed the equipment inside. The padded benches at the edges hinted that it had been a police raid van before the mob had “repossessed” it. Larry walked to the front and shoved Isaiah over into the shotgun seat before cramming himself behind the wheel. He had to sit hunched over awkwardly, and even then, his head was still pressed against the roof.

Bradley and Pete climbed into the back. Everyone else followed them reluctantly. Twado wedged himself securely in between the front seats. He knew what kind of driver Larry was.

The top of the van scraped against the partially open garage door as he backed out. He brought the car around the front of the base, steering it along the path Prince and his family had come from. They reached the road and passed the fallen tree and the misshapen husk that used to be their car. Larry slowed the van down and eyed the remains. “What did you say happened to that thing?”

“It exploded. I think the tree crushed the engine,” Prince told him.

Bradley craned his neck to look at the wreckage. “Engines don’t explode. Someone planted a bomb in there.”

Prince didn’t reply. It felt like his life was getting worse every time he said something. Some criminal mastermind really, really wanted them dead.

They drove around the wreck. Charred scraps of metal crunched under the wheels. Larry sped up and rammed through the fake construction barricades. The impact would have sent Stephanie airborne, but Monica caught her and fastened the seatbelt for her.

“Who decided this guy was going to drive?” Prince complained.

Larry glared at him in the rear-view mirror. “Oh, are you the one who knows where the power plant is?” he sneered.

Isaiah sighed and switched the radio on. He tried tuning the frequency to a local news station. There was only static. He tried a different one. Nothing… but one of the music stations seemed to work. “No local radio. Your signal isn’t jammed, Bradley. I reckon whoever’s in charge of the purge this year knocked the power grid offline early,” he guessed. He put his feet on the dashboard and left the music on. It was better than listening to these nutcases bickering.

Larry grumbled. “Get your shoes off my dash, kid,”

“It stopped being yours a year ago, old man.”

“Tsk.”

Isaiah tapped his foot on the front window. “Who do you think the purge leader is this time?”

Larry shrugged. “Certainly not Miss Gearwise anymore… did you know she was supposed to kill me a year ago?” he laughed. “The Headmaster is going to be pissed when she tells him I’m still-"

A brief violin solo came through the speakers. Larry’s glowing eyes dilated. The van swerved dangerously, throwing everyone on the benches out of their seats. The automaton pulled his fist back and punched the radio hard, silencing the music and accidentally launching a shard of plastic at Isaiah’s eye. He slammed on the brakes at the same time. The tires screeched. Everyone ended up in a pile at the back of the vehicle.

“What the hell was that?” Prince yelled as everybody disentangled themselves from each other. Hadrian grimaced as he pried Cheeseball’s claws off his leg.

Larry didn’t respond immediately. He opened the door and staggered outside instead, smoke billowing from his vents. Isaiah had managed to end up folded almost in half underneath the dash, but he squeezed free with some effort and got out of the van as well. “Larry? You good?” he whispered, reaching out to steady him. Larry pushed him away.

“I’ll be fine… you drive this fucking thing. I have a migraine now,” he groaned.

He limped over to the other side of the van. Isiah took the driver’s seat. “Take the next right. I’ll tell you when you need to drive off the road,” Larry said. He put his head against the front window and shut his eyes.

Isaiah glanced at him. He didn’t know what Miss Gearwise had done before she’d decided to cut out his heart, and while there were clearly lingering effects, Isaiah wasn’t stupid enough to ask about what happened to him back in that base. Nobody else was, either. The ride was as eerily noiseless as the rest of the woods.

Chapter II – Last Stop

The power plant looked even more ancient than the base did. Prince could hardly see it at all through the vegetation ensconcing everything. The decay on the walls was hidden by thick blankets of moss. He could see through the broken windows that the insides hadn’t escaped nature, either; the walls were discolored by mildew and weeds had slowly inched their way across the grout between the floor tiles. Even the tips of the turbines were concealed by creeping vines. It would have been beautiful in an otherworldly kind of way if not for how grey all the foliage looked in the dawn’s pale light.

“You think there’s anything left to salvage here?” Prince said to nobody in particular as everyone climbed out of the van. There were a few somewhat car-shaped lumps of moss and flora in the area, but in a place this old, chances were someone else had already siphoned any gas left in them a long time ago.

Larry led them to one of the buildings, though nobody else could tell what it used to be. He pulled some ivy away from the entrance. The rusty hinges produced a grinding noise as he pushed the door open and ducked under the frame.

The inside was a labyrinth of scaffolding and handwheels and corroded pipes, some small and some more than large enough for a person to fit inside. With the windows blotted out by greenery, the only sources of light were the holes in the roof. Patches and ferns and grew on the floor wherever the light touched. The sound of dripping rainwater echoed through the boiler house.

Larry heaved a metal hatch on the floor away from the opening it guarded. “There were a few supply stores hidden here. I’m sure at least one of them still exists. The rest of you can wait up here,” he said as he descended the ladder.

The basement was completely lightless, but Larry stepped over the smashed machinery as if he could see just fine. He heard someone trip on a discarded toolbox and turned towards the sound, golden eyes glowing in the dark. Larry squinted in irritation at the sudden flood of illumination as Bradley decided to switch his flashlight on.

“It’s just a power plant, Detective. What are you expecting to find?” Larry snorted.

Bradley brushed the dust and debris off his trousers as he got to his feet. “This used to be one of the mafia’s fronts, no? You wouldn’t have caches here otherwise.”

“Psh. It was, 50 years ago. You’re just wasting your time at this point.”

The Detective shone his light around the maintenance room and did a quick once-over of the trash pile at his feet. He pocketed a bullet casing and a fragment of someone’s identification card. Larry felt an unpleasant combination of contempt that Bradley would waste so much effort on what must have been a cold case and respect that he could spot anything useful amongst all that junk.

“If you insist on being here, some of the supplies are behind this thing. Why don’t you get over here and help me move it?” Larry said, motioning to the tall steel crate at the end of the room. Bradley stood next to him. They slowly pushed it out of the way, revealing a cavity in the wall. Amongst the resources, they saw the fuel they needed, but Larry’s eyes narrowed. There were smudged footprints just inside. Fresh ones. The mud was still a little wet.

Bradley’s flashlight beam swept around towards the other end of the room and fell upon the figure above them, reclining atop one of the boilers. Like so many of his associates, the mafioso’s face was obscured by a mask, but they knew only one mobster with unnaturally enlarged muscles and orange-dyed hair.

“Hi, boss,” the Wadren waved. Bradley reached for the gun under his coat before remembering that he’d run out of ammunition months ago. “Relax, Detective! I’m not gonna hurt you,” the Warden laughed.

“Markus? How the hell did you get out of the base so quick?” Larry questioned. Mary had locked down all the exits except for the one they’d just destroyed. Anyone else who wanted to leave would’ve had to take the stairs all the way to the surface.

Markus smiled wryly beneath his mask. “You know how long I had to work at that shitty hideout? I remember override codes that even she didn’t know.”

“What happened after we left?” Bradley demanded, eyeing him suspiciously.

“After Larry woke up? Some people thought he’d take the base back”—the Warden gestured at the automaton—“and some people didn’t like that. I told them to calm the fuck down. Sure, Mary was a bitch, but there was no point, you know? I told them you’d never stick around after everything that… happened to you,” he said to Larry. “But you guys saw the fight.” He took a swig from the can he’d swiped from the cache. “No idea what their fuckin’ problem was.”

Larry chuckled at first, but… “Markus, you just abandoned your post right before the next purge.” Surely the Warden didn’t think he’d make it alone.

Markus sat up. “I was hoping I might ride it out with you,” he told them, looking both men up and down, “but you’re walking targets, now that you mention it. All of you. I’ll figure something else out.” He drained the last of his beer. “But hey, since we ran into each other, I think still owe you a concussion, Detective. How about a rematch?” he suggested, crushing his empty can between two fingers and tossing it aside.

Bradley gripped his umbrella a little tighter, but Markus laughed again. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” the Warden said. “It was you or me back there. I get it.”

Larry picked up a couple of jerrycans from the stash. If Markus had made it out of the base, others had probably followed the trail of functional elevators he’d left behind, and chances were that not all of them would be so friendly. “We need to leave before anyone else shows up. Are you going to help me carry these back up or not?” he asked Bradley.

Bradley picked up another can and passed it up to him as he stood at the top of the ladder. Markus waved goodbye. “See you guys later, maybe,” he said before Larry dragged the hatch cover back into place.

“Was someone else down there? We heard a lot of talking,” Prince inquired as he picked up one of the fuel cans.

“It was Markus. Don’t worry about him. He’s an alright guy,” Larry claimed.

Prince side-eyed him. “The Warden? He tried to dissolve us in your acid pit.”

“It’s not an acid pit. The substances I used were very alkaline,” he replied, because that was more important than Markus trying to kill them.

The troupe trickled back out of the building. As Larry started to refill the gas tank, Isaiah cast a sour look at the boiler house. “So, Markus made it out, huh? Thought I heard his stupid fucking voice.”

“Come on, Isaiah. I’ve had worse lieutenants,” Larry grinned.

“He was such a dickhead after you left. I get it,” he snapped when Larry opened his mouth to speak. “He didn’t like Miss Gearwise. None of your guys did after she took over. He didn’t have to make it everybody else’s problem.” Markus would toil all day if it meant nothing got done. Isaiah had been screwed over by his antics plenty of times, and he wasn’t the only one by a long shot. The only reason he was never demoted was that Mary couldn’t be bothered to find a replacement.

Larry shrugged. The mob was filled with all sorts of psychos like himself, sure, but Markus wasn’t one of them, despite his… abrasiveness. There were just as many regular people who were surviving in the only way they could. “He’s not a bad guy. An asshole, maybe. But not bad,” he said as he removed the spout of the spent can from the fuel tank’s opening and inserted a second one.

Near the boiler house, Prince and Monica were watching Cheeseball bat at Twado’s nose. As the pets cavorted and rolled around in the tall grass, Prince found that he felt jealous of them, in a way. They must have had no idea what was happening. He laughed at himself inwardly. Envious of pets.

In the silence, Prince’s own mind absorbed him. He thought of Hadrian as he saw him wading through the tall grass and talking to the animals as if they could understand him. Prince knew he shouldn’t be as surprised as he was by how normal he was acting. Plenty of people wrote his younger brother off as an airhead, too dense to realize when the world was burning down around him, but Prince knew he simply lived for today. Hadrian had once asked him why people bothered worrying about things they could never change. He had no answer.

Whatever happened to Hadrian would happen.

Prince thought of Stephanie, as he had so many times. She was only six. His little sister scarcely said a word since they’d been trapped in the base, and now that they were out, she was still the same way. How much did she understand what was going on? He had lost count of how many deaths she had witnessed. What would she become when she grew up? If she grew up?

As if on cue, Stephanie wandered over to them, dragging her teddy bear behind her. She reached up and tugged on Prince’s jacket. He crouched down. “You doing ok, Steph?”

“Are we going to die?”

Prince couldn’t do anything but stare at her for a second, but then he pulled Stephanie into a hug. He couldn’t look at her wide, hollow eyes right now.

“Are we?” she asked again flatly.

 “Larry is going to take us somewhere safe. He’s not as scary as he looks,” Prince lied. He turned his eyes towards the automaton to see that he had already been looking at him. Dried blood stained the front of his suit. He returned Prince’s stare unblinkingly. “We’ll all be fine. I promise.” The words tasted like ash. Larry was out of earshot, but he had seen the boy’s expression on a hundred different corpses. Prince saw the corners of his serrated mouth upturn into a thin smile.

Larry pulled the last jerrycan’s spout out of the fuel tank’s port and threw it aside. “Everyone back in the van! We’re done here,” he called out.

Prince felt like he was stepping into a hearse.

[jaychrilo1144]

Ramble post 2927269272

Topic: Im. So. Fkn. Sick. Of. Men. ALSO IM BACK BITCHESSS

Okay Hiiii, Ive been gone for a while, my life got insane for a bit and now here I am again!

And Im crashing tf out. YAYYYY!!! AS WE ALL AREEE!

Okay this crash out is about Men. So those of you who may know, Im still technically in the closet. EEHEEEE 😀- PAIN. And I have reached the breaking point. Im naturally a very very private person in my outside of tumblr life, and I dont really tell people im gay unless it comes up in conversation. See I thought I dressed gay enough or just radiated the vibe BUT APPARENTLY IF U DONT TELL MEN UPFRONT THEY ASSUME YOU'RE STRAIGHT

BECAUSE OF THAT!!! I am known as the heartbreaker between my friends because of all the men who have liked me and ive turned away. LETS FKN COUNT THEM SHALL WE?? 1, 2, .... 7 JUST IN THE PAST 2 YEARS 😀😀. But I have reached a breaking point. This gonna get really fkn crazy and weird so lock tf in pookie.

For context! Because I dont feel sexual or romantic attraction to men, I feel comfortable to be open, myself, and just jokey with them. I dont mind play fighting cuz I have a brother and its what we do.

So, I went to a pool party recently. A guy named Jeramiah was there, and imagine like a super american italian type guy, a player, very right winged, religious, tall, muscular guy. Objectively hes a good looking guy... thats it thats all I got. We all played football in the pool I can see him warming up to me. Cool. Then later in evening, we play a game called jackpot in the pool. Someone throws the ball yada yada, if jackpot is called and u catch it you automatically win. So my best friend calls jackpot, I have the lowest points so jeramiah grabs at it as I do too.

Were fighting for this ball. This ball is the last serving at dinner. This ball is the cookie that my brother is gonna steal from me any minute. Survival mode on. I hug that ball and grip it with all I got. Jeramiah is behind me kinda like bear hug holding me and the ball and we are battling. Hes lifting me up outta the water to grab it tryna dunk me down, its all out war. I fight back cuz I aint no pussy. This goes on for 3 and half minutes XD. I won 😎.

Im just reveling in my win, and I hear "I've never met a female fight like that before". Im proud of myself, I wanna rub it in his face but I don't lol. Thats all im thinking about. Well-

My best friend Emily comes up to me later joking that I should give Jeramiah a chance cuz she thinks he likes me and I was getting the same vibe- she was joking about giving him a chance she knows im gay- she was like "did you not feel it go, yk, boink ✊️☝️" NO??? BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT WINNING NOT BEING CLOSE TO HIM??? TF??

But now its like UGH girl cant even play ball anymore without a man thinking its hot. Wtf. So at the 4th of july party I gotta say it bluntly or itll go over his head again and I dont want him getting any ideas.

I just hate having to come out to every single person I meet like I literally just bought a wlw necklace to make it as passively obvious as possible.

OH YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS IT?? BUCKLE TF IN CUZ HERES THE CRAZY PART!

For reference. My best friend Emily is dating my "cousin" Ryan. Ryan has 7 siblings, were both second born. We all grew up together cuz our parents knew eachother since middle school. They are family. Period.

The oldest brother, T, is in prison for a crime he didnt commit, but I'm not going into it.

Okay. So yesterday I went to get the mail and inside is a yellow envelope addressed to me with T's name on the corner. Um okay hes been in prison for a year, this is random, I wondered if Emily and Ryan got smth too. I take it to my room and inside here 2 letters with some stuff at the bottom.

I read the first one- this is paraphrased, I no longer have them in my possession. "Hey (my name)" the i's in my name have hearts above. "I can't believe I never realized how beautiful you are until I saw you in court." Aww thats sweet of him...🙂

"Things suck here, but everytime I get down, I remember your smile and Im okay again." Okayyyuh? blink blink 🙂...

"I dream about you sometimes, I guess you can say you're the girl of my dreams."🙂...🙃 FUCKING WHA T???? FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

THE ACTUAL FUCK????

Im sitting there shaking as im not even reading the letter intently anymore im just skimming through it at this point, catching bits and pieces.

"I hope you enjoy the flowers I made you, maybe sometime I can get you new ones and take you out." I pull out 3 colored toilet paper made flowers. A plus for creativity, but what the fuck??

Second letter. He tells me hes been working out so he looks better. This one is just about his daily life there. And then he days "Ive been thinking about writing this letter for a year now"... "Ps Happy 21st birthday. Pps, heres another heart I made in case I melted yours. (Pulls out red paper mache heart). Hope to hear from you soon."

AGAIN. WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK- I call Emily and we meet up later that night where i show her everything. Lemme give you EVERY reason y this is wrong 1) Technically cousins so I see it as incestuous. 2)He a man. 3) The age gap is 8 years... hes known me since we were children... at one point I was 8, and he was 16... WTF. 4) He doesnt know a SINGLE thing about me- not even that im gay because we never really talked. So he doesnt actually like me, he feels desire for me which makes it 100x worse. 5) Big tall muscular men scare the crap out of me. 6) he has a son whos 3, i aint getting involved. 7) HES IN PRISON!! 8) ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT.

Im so beyond disgusted. I want to vomit, crawl out of my skin, feed it all to pigs, and hope my exposed body incinerates in the sun.

Its the fact that he was arrested a year ago. He thought about writing this for a year. And supposedly had thoughts about this before he was arrested. I was freshly 19 when he was arrested at 27. Um...

SO APPARENTLY THIS IS WHERE INAUTHENTICITY GETS ME! What if this whole time I had been more open about being gay?? Would he still want to talk to me?? I have no fucking clue. No im not gonna blame myself for his actions, but I am so SO SOOOO fucking sick of these men thinking I like men, or them liking me because I feel comfortable around them MAYBE NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT SENDS THE WRONG FUCKING MESSAGE.

Literally, a girl can't even try to support her cousin in a false case anymore. A girl can't joke around with guys without it being perceived as flirting. Im so sick and tired of this shit that I dont even care about consequences anymore Im just gonna tell people straight up and be honest cuz you mean to tell me ive been hiding for 21 years of my life?? My grandma died this year at 67 and ive spent 21 of those years not telling people the truth??? Im done im at my fucking wits end.

No im not gonna send him anything back and apparently when I showed Emily and Ryan the package, Ryan knew smth about T liking me but thought in his words was a "nothing burger" and he didnt think hed take it this far. LIKE BRO RYAN, BRO#3, AND I LITERALLY MADE A PACT AS KIDS THATS WE'D NEVER EVER GO FOR EACHOTHER. Emily has the package in her possession in case we have to file a restraining order in the future- and the package messed with the vibes in my room.

Omfg im just UGH. Im so beyond frustrated at all of it.

So! I have 3 years to get a girlfriend 😀😀😀.

Lol anywhore thanks for actually reading ted talk, I hope you enjoyed this disgusting ass chaos thats been my life the past week hope yo see you yall again and fear not, I will definitely be bringing back marauders content 🙂‍↕️

[thequeenofthestorm]

D&D Armor in Elden Ring

A Fashion Showcase & Advice

Read Part One here

Introduction

Hello! It's me again... already. Yeah I should just make these videos instead of rambling on Tumblr about them. Would you guys watch these as videos? I'm not making much content on my YouTube channel anyway. I can decide that later. Anyways, if you read my post from last night, you would know that I use the twelve different D&D armor types to make my character designs in Elden Ring. Well, I want to go over some different designs I've put together for each of the armor types. I want to use this to show some inspiration to those of you who may not know where to start, and to help show some techniques you can use to make characters with even the lowest endurance wear what looks like plate armor without going overloaded! :D

Before we get into it, I want to introduce our model. This is Tempest:

She's a copy of my original 100% playthrough that I used for my first DLC playthrough. As such, she has the most DLC armor of all of my characters, so she'll be our model for today! As one last little thing: if you haven't you should totally try other races rather than just standard humans for your tarnished! I've got a half wolf for example. I also have one who lives in death, multiple nightfolk, and Tempest here is a Draconian! It can be a fun way to tie your build to your character's design. Without further ado, let's get into it: starting with padded and ending at plate. We, of course, don't need to do unarmored because I'm sure you know how to do clothing. The image descriptions will have the pieces in each armor set, as well as their Elden Ring weight class (unarmored, robes, ultra light, very light, light, light medium, medium, heavy, very heavy, ultra heavy, and oversized)

Padded

Gambeson and Particularly Thick Cloth

Leather

Armor Made Of... Leather...

Studded Leather

Leather Armor With Those Tiny LEGO Bricks

Due to there only being one studded leather set, this is the only example I made.

Hide

Armor Made of Thick Animal Furs and Pelts

Chain Shirt

Shirt Made of Interlocking Rings

Alright, so if you read my last post you're likely looking at the right set a little weirdly. I've been deliberately using chestpieces from the lists of armor in each type until now, so why did I use a suit of armor from full chainmail (briar) for the chain shirt. Well, if it wasn't already obvious, it's because it still LOOKS like a chain shirt when used in this context. The lists are great for full sets, but it gets a lot more nuanced when you start making your own sets. As you'll see throughout a few more types of armor, I'll be trying to use chest armor that's not in the same category I'm building for. Thinking outside of the box a little really helps, as the armor on the right fits for a Raya Lucarian Battlemage with the coloring and the mask, while also being heavier than the armor on the left.

Scale Mail

Armor of Metal "Fish Scales"

Breastplate

A Fitted Metal Chestplate, Without Much Extra Protection

As with the chain shirt, this set's right outfit is using a chestpiece from outside the breastplate category. As with the chain shirt as well, this is to show that you can use sets from other categories to make armor of a desired type. For example, here we used the bloodhound knight chestpiece, which is half plate, but basically any suit of half plate or even full plate can be combined with some light greaves and gloves to make a breastplate with higher defenses! :D

Half Plate

The "Greatest Hits" of the Superior Plate Armor. High Torso Protection with Moderate Limb Protection.

Just like with the breastplate, I used a heavier chestpiece to make the armor on the right. This time, it's a full plate set of armor to make half plate. Just change out the legs for something with only about half of the legs protected, and you can make the gauntlets lighter too without compromising the type of armor.

Ring Mail

Armor made of large rings on a leather backing

You need to get very creative to make ring mail, and use armor that can be mistaken for ring mail. There's no ring mail in the game, so I used the shadow militiaman chestpiece for this, as even I'd mistaken it for ring mail originally when writing my first post on this topic.

Chain Mail

A Suit of Interlocking Metal Rings

So you'll notice that neither of these sets use one of the three chain armor sets in their chestpieces. For the left armor set, it's because the surcoats are individual pieces of armor, which I didn't sort in my last post. For the right, I used the common soldier cloth armor as a tabard, in a similar way the surcoats are used. With the way the armor is laid out, it's implied that chainmail is under the cloth.

Splint

Metal Strips Riveted Onto a Leather Backing

I'll be honest, the Gaius one was a challenge on my part. Gaius's chestpiece kinda sucks to work with lol

Plate

Full-Body Coverings Made with Shaped, Interlocking Metal Plates

Those two armor sets above use chestpieces (and just primarily armor) from the plate armor category. I want to show below two examples where I use robes to make the illusion of plate armor

Both of these use armor in the first two sections to make armor that gives the illusion of plate armor while being significantly lighter. Sure, you lose out on the poise and defense that a plate cuirass offers, but you still get more defense than if you built an unarmored setup using these. This same technique can be used for basically any armor type, but it tends to have the most effect with plate and chainmail. As a quick tip from me before I wrap this up as well, use Blaidd's or the Young Lion's gauntlets to make plated armor even when the sleeves roll up on the robes you're using, as they have enough reach to hide the majority of your skin. This works even better when playing as a draconian, nightfolk, etc. due to their dark skin tones. I betcha didn't even notice the back part of Tempest's forearm sticking out of the armor on the left.

Conclusion

Welp, I hope that read wasn't nearly as long for you as the last one. If you want to see the first post, click here to see it! I hope to make one last part to show the fashion of all of my characters, which totals to roughly 16. I want to show their armor and explain what type of armor I think they're wearing and why. Just like this post, it'll also contain the armor pieces used for each one in the image descriptions! If you made it here, thank you so much for reading. This time, I WON'T be getting sleep because it's only 1525 and I have the rest of the day ahead of me, but I'll probably relax and play Elden Ring while I wait to see what the feedback is here! Goodbye :D

[misty-memories09]

Hello, everyone, I once again offer an analysis on S.P.E.W. Previously I had commented on it's failure but this time it's more on the slavery itself and why it's weird, gross and every aligning adjective when I see ‘it was fine because they wanted to be enslaved’

If you see this post before you see the failure of S.P.E.W one, you can check it out here if you wish. In that post I do only speak of where I believe Hermione had gone wrong in her approach.

With all of that out there, let's start —

There are two possibilities when we look at house-elf enslavement. 1) they are magically engineered creatures, 2) mass brainwash.

Now see, I do not think the first option is too likely. Although it is the wizarding world, speaking realistically magically engineered creatures are a cheap cop-out.

If we look at the possibility no.2 imagine the things they'd have done to reach the point of mass brainwashing of house elves. It's something really gross whenever I see the book characters or fandom say that the house elves are happy to be enslaved.

Which at first you could say is absolutely correct but then you're completely ignoring how issues aren't black and white and never will be. It's incorrect to say such a thing as enslavement will never be in anyone's nature everyone strives to be free. Freedom is by default something precious to every creature out there.

But there's also this one thing, this one VERY important thing which I don't know if I should state or not but these agruements have been continuously used by slave owners, and it is actually very important to the analysis I have made.

It's natural that some people are slaves. This argument says that some people are slaves as part of the natural order of the universe, or as part of God's plan, and it is wrong to interfere with this by abolishing slavery - nobody nowadays regards slavery as a natural thing.

Source

I recommend going through this whole article as it contains multiple agruements used by slave owners which are used in the books alike. I also recommend going out to look for articles for credible sources to get a better grasp on this topic if you want.

This is the essence of the arguement for slavery used by our fictional pureblood wizards and actual slave owners historically. Which is why the house-elf deal sits so wrong.

It's because of what it represents. It represents pure oppression to the point where the oppressed class itself feels that it was meant to be opressed — as if it was born for the need of slaves. This idea has been drilled down the minds of house elves for ages. The oppressed class in our case is the house elves.

Now pardon me for involving Indian history here which might not seem related but I will make the connection quickly —

In India, you may or may not know that the major religion is hinduism. The system I am talking about was officially abolished in 1950 but even still, many people still practice this especially in rural areas.

Namely, it is the caste system — at the top are the Brahmanas, these are the priests of our temples and are regarded as ‘holy’. Then comes the kshatriyas (this is a hard to pronounce word if you can not speak Hindi, I suggest not trying lol because the k sound is there but it is also simultaneously silent), these are the ruling powers, the authority. Then comes the shudras, these are at the second lowest, still not marginalised even though they have faced atrocities, these are the farmers and artisans.

The caste we will be looking at is ati-shudras, the lowest of the low, the marginalised and the 'untouchables'. These are the workers that cleaned streets and did the so-called dirty work, they also are ones that would burn the corpses.

Now, I do not intend to credit jkr as a genius, honestly, I'm not so sure where she was going with this because it was just hanging there and the topic wasn't talked about enough, it was gone in book five. No more. Genuinely, I think she just wasted a very complicated and very interesting sub-plot set up but all we see is kreacher and then dobby die.

In our case of the fictional world of Harry Potter we can look at the house elves as the ati-shudras. When we look at this caste system, we must also consider that it has been deeply ingraved in the minds of many Hindus. There are many recent news of 'honour killing' for the simple reason that there daughters liked a man that was not from a desirable caste or well, an acceptable caste.

I do not mean to ramble, but the connection I wish to make here is that it is very possible to have a massive brain wash, and for someone so-called 'dirty' to feel dirty as well as if they were born dirty and are meant to be treated as low level garbage.

It's all because it is a heavily agreed idea upon. There are so many instances of characters agreeing upon this idea that house elves are dirty, below them, meant to be enslaved — Ron, Percy, literally every single pureblood, half-blood and even muggle borns that it is hard for even the house elves themselves to believe that they are not dirty, untouchable and that there validation as a creature is only there as long as their masters are pleased with their work.

This is why winky has such a hard time coming to terms with the fact she had been sacked. It wasn't just a job it was her life. I believe getting 'sacked' used to be much much more violent in the start of house-elf slavery. There's also a gross aspect which is totally possible during the times of early house elf enslavement — killing the ones that do not follow through their terms. Take this and there could also be the aspect of the idea starting out as a 'movement' as in, the wizards at the time had this idea mass agreed upon and treated every single house elf as below them.

The point is, the wizards are the upper, better, cleaner ones than the house elves. They are the Brahmanas, Kyshatriyas and the Shudras (this actually kind of checks out because Shudras were also treated poorly just better than the ati-shudras) while the House elves are the untouchables. The ones above them in this unjust caste system feel superior to them while they feel inferior which was purposefully crafted by the so-called superiors.

Now think about this, the concept of caste system has been officially abolished in 1950, it has completed seventy-five years since then but it is still deeply rooted into society, still has an effect on how many people live there lives. House elf slavery hadn't even been abolished. This problem still would've been there because this is, unfortunately, how people work. This is how people have been working when it really shouldn't be.

Yeesh, that was much that I just unpacked! I still have more thoughts on this topic which I would possibly post in the coming future.

[mozzzz05]

What do you consider to be middle class and what are some characteristics of this demographic?

I’m guessing this is in response to my previous post about people shaming middle class individuals whose parents help them out at Uni. So thanks for giving me the opportunity to expand on this. The shaming thing is something I’ve been guilty of when I first went to Uni because it was one hell of a culture shock.

I, for example would consider myself middle class, I’ve grown up with a holiday most years, my stocking was always full, my dad likes to wear Ralph Lauren & it doesn’t make too much of a harmful dent etc

But when I met my flatmates at Uni I was honestly shocked for a number of reasons. Wales gives its students nearly 12k a year maintenance loan, this is more than enough to cover rent and food & the fact I have it makes me feel incredibly fortunate. My flatmates however, being English, got a different loan & they got the lowest one possible, 4.5k - based on household income. This wasn’t even half of our first year’s rent, I was appalled, even if you’ve got savings from a job, is it really another 4k?

And then I found out their parents were helping them, which I was shocked by (my parents might pay for rail travel if I’m going home, and I consider myself incredibly lucky that they are able to do that) Both flatmates parents were paying the rent and the 4.5k they had was left over for food etc. (Which was more than I had once you’d deducted my rent from the overall loan)

(One girl also had limitless access to her Dads bank account which shocked me)

This was something I couldn’t relate to, if I had to have the English loan, I would admittedly have a couple thousand more than them but I still wouldn’t be able to go to Uni. At least not away, I’d have had to go to the Uni closest to me.

Going back to qualities that may define the middle class - this is of course not the be all and end all because that would be ridiculous. But it’s the way you save money. If you buy Ralph Lauren it will last your years longer than something from somewhere like Primark - seriously my Dad has got shirts older than me. There are often wine sales at Tesco - you can get several really nice wines for maybe £50 that you might have spent £100-150 on otherwise (I’m not saying working class people’s priority is saving money on really nice wine, I’m not delusional, but it’s an example of the types of deals you can get)

This sort of thing - getting really good deals/ buying better quality clothing is actually a fantastic way of saving money in the long run (I’m not kidding when I say my dads got shirts from the early 90s - he has therefore had to buy far far fewer shirts- it’s actually weird to see him in new clothes) but it means paying larger amounts up front which is not something that is necessarily accessible to working class people. It’s one small thing (of many many other factors) that keeps people down but allows middle class people a step up. It’s the same sort of thing where you have the choice to pay in instalments with interest or pay up front - obviously the interest means you’re spending more, but paying up front is not an option for everyone.

(I’m aware I’m doing that middle class thing of - let me explain how I don’t have much money but please see where I’m going with this)

All this to say the class divide is incredibly complex, whilst I’m not working class & I’m not about to pretend I understand the struggles and complexities of that background, I also don’t identify with those flatmates (of which there are plenty at Uni) who you might consider upper middle class. I think, and I know I’m privileged to say this, we should focus our energies more on the 1% or people around that mark that run this country (still) that don’t have the interest in benefiting working class people & also widening the perspective of the middle class, particularly those who are ignorant without shaming them to the extent they feel the need to downplay their privilege.

(I am aware that there are plenty of middle class people who do this for the “aesthetic” or because they genuinely don’t see how a skiing trip each year makes them privileged, I’m not talking about them)

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Hello,

I’ve just had this on my mind for so long and have no clue who to go to to let it out to so I hope you don’t mind me doing it here, just to let this off my chest. I had a childhood best friend, we grew up as neighbors. We’ve always been close, like peas in a pod, since we practically learned how to walk basically. I did always get the inkling feeling that she doesn’t see me the same way as I do. I was also warned of this by people around me quite a lot, telling me that she doesn’t value me as much as I did her and that she only comes to me when convenient. I refused to believe anyone. Until, she moved away for college….without saying a single goodbye. No hug. No I’m gonna go now. Mind you, we practically live next door. I didn’t even get a text or a call about it. On the other hand, she even had a goodbye dinner with her other friend that lived in a different city and even posted pictures and stuff. But she couldn’t even reach out to do so much as say goodbye before she left to me. I wouldn’t even have minded us not getting to hang one last time cause I know she was probably also busy packing to move. But if she could go hang with her other friend, surely she could’ve at least reached out and said bye right? We knew each other our entire lives btw. The type where people associated us together because we were always together. Nearly two decades worth of friendship, and she didn’t even say bye. I found out she left through her mom’s Facebook post…. In retrospect, I’ve always had a feeling she felt more superior than me in the duration of our friendship. I always wanted to fit in and be close despite our different interests. But I feel like she doesn’t value me as much as I thought she did. She would sometimes not even so much as extend an invitation to an event her family is hosting but would invite a bunch of other popular people she’s not even that close to. I constantly blamed myself, I thought it was because I wasn’t interesting enough, didn’t have enough similar hobbies as her, wasn’t as rich and popular as her other friend, wasn’t cool enough, etc… But now I’ve just come to realize maybe it wasn’t a me problem after all. But, although there are definitely things she had done that were not nice, there were also tons of times she was the only one that comforted me at my lowest and understood me the best. We always had endless things to talk about. Yet, I still always felt like she’s so out of my reach. I do miss her. We’re not necessarily on bad terms or anything, she just carried on living her life normally and since we are in the same friend group, we all still text sometimes in the group chat, but I don’t recall having a proper convo since. It’s also very confusing to see her just up and leave without saying goodbye yet still be wishing me happy birthdays and replying back to my texts in the group chats like we’ve always had. Because the moment she made the choice to not say goodbye and leave, I haven’t viewed her the same since. It sucks knowing that I’ve been mourning this friendship endlessly and been having a hard time moving on from this, whilst she is probably completely unaware and unfazed about how much impact her lack of action has on me. She probably thinks I still see her the same way (or maybe she can’t even be bothered to care anymore since I am of no use anymore to her). Although reaching out to her and talking it out may be an option, but I don’t feel like it’s worth it. If she doesn’t even value me enough to do this, then I don’t think I want to reach out and rekindle our friendship. Why should I be the one to reach out and beg for her attention when she couldn’t care less about me? Or am I just overthinking and looking too deep into this. Do you have any tips on how to learn to move on from a friendship that didn’t serve you well? I’m really sorry for the long message, I have been crying my eyes out and really needed an outlet. Thank you if you read through all this. I really appreciate it.

Lots of love

That's a really poor way to end such a long friendship and I'm really sorry you had to experience this. Even if you want to move on, some situations definitely call for a proper goodbye - and this ain't it!

[operationnope]

In a way, I love that we Ozzy girls are being reduced to a T; that’s kind of what happens irl too. No one’s right for everyone, so I guess this is a bit of “natural selection” (the good kind).

Anyway, back to what I was saying before and the reply you got on the post - I’m the anon from before. I understand why people are upset (as I’ve already said), and I don’t blame them for it. When I sent that ask, I was just sharing my own and very personal opinion. I know that a lot of people - most people honestly - don’t feel that way, and that’s okay. But I feel what I feel, and I wanted to share it so that we weren’t all being sad about what happened today, but also trying to share some positivity.

(Now, being okay with it, that’s another thing entirely, and I’ve never said anything about it).

And speaking of my opinion, I also feel like Ozzy not having just the CA kiss “to explain” puts things into perspective, rather than making them worse.

Because if it was just the CA kiss, sure, that could’ve still happened because Ozzy was hurt and confused, but the storyline would’ve been much weaker (even more so in a route in which MC doesn’t return his feelings). But when you add Ozzy’s problems with Grace to his feelings for MC AND his desire not to hurt either of them, that’s when you get - under CA’s uncertain and peculiar circumstances - a pretty explosive combination.

Honestly, that’s the point and that’s what Ozzy’s whole storyline has been building up to. If someone doesn’t like it to the point that they want to switch routes, they have every right to do what’s right for them and choose someone else (seriously, I’m not saying it to be mean, everyone should do what they feel like doing).

Overall, I think Ozzy really needed to get to his lowest point to understand that good intentions do not always lead to good actions. Sometimes, hearts need to be broken, no matter how sad one can feel about it (by this I mean with words, before things escalate). Now, FB’s poor execution of this entire storyline - and their need to add very random and dramatic elements - didn’t help, but that’s not on Ozzy; it’s on them.

I guess we’ll see what happens going forward, but really, we’ve been through so much worse - every Noah girl or general s5 player knows what we’ve been talking about. And y’all who stuck with Levi after everything, you were brave.

Ozzy came with a warning label. We knew his route would be messy. And coming off the last season, the writing has been… let’s say lacking. We shouldn’t be surprised by this. Believe me, I was surprised, but we really should have expected something like this from FB.

And I get all the emotions people are feeling. We’re invested in these pixels, for better or worse, and when they let MC down we feel let down, too. But this game/story is based on a reality tv show where things like this happen ALL THE TIME. And most of the time it’s worse!! As the MC of our story, we don’t want it to happen to us, but sometimes it does- in fiction and irl. Relationships are never straightforward; there are bends and turns, high and lows. And Ozzy has led us to a ledge. And we all get to choose if we want to continue or not.

So if you still love Ozzy, love Ozzy. If you think he’s trash, that’s ok too. And I 💯 agree- the Ozzy drama has been building this entire season so something had to give. Just like irl, when you push your feelings down, things have a tendency to explode. And it’s never cute. I suppose I should give FB some credit for giving him depth of character. Did his freak out have to be so massive? That was a choice.

And I am a Levi stan, I’ve played for Henrik and Noah, and I even liked Finn. For me, it hurts so good. But that’s not everyone’s vibe, so there’s Bobby and Bruno and multiple LI’s this season who are loyal. We get to give our pixel hearts to the pixel LI of our choice, that’s the beauty of the game. Then we get to see if they’ll hold it sacred or break it. And then we can replay!

Thanks for your insights, anon 💖💖

[zetaro]

Rambly lil post about some things going through my head. TW: depression stuff

When I was a kid, my friend got hit in the face with a basketball. Me being ever the 9 year old comedian joked about getting them an ambulance, maybe to distract them from the pain, maybe cause I didn't know how else to deal with the situation, maybe cause I was just being a lil shit, I no longer remember. What I do remember, and what I probably will remember for the rest of my life, is what they said next: "you can't help, you can only be sarcastic". and they were right, I was not helping in that situation. I don't think I had the tools nessicary to help. My friend was in pain, and I had failed to help them.

That feeling, and those words, stuck with me. At times, it lead me to isolate myself from the people around me. If I couldn't improve thier lives in any way, the best thing I could do for them is keep my distance. A lot of lonely bus rides home were the result of this line of thinking. Those words would play out at my lowest moments and worst of failures. "You can't help" became "what are you even doing here? You can't help and will only make things worse". It made me question my worthiness to even exist.

Other times, these words would make me into a door mat. "You cant help" you say? Ill show you, ill be the most helpful person this side the Mississippi. Id bend over backwards to anyone who I might be able to prove my worth to. If they needed a light I would set myself ablaze just to help them see. Needless to say I burnt out. And when you are in a state where you can no longer help yourself, it is near impossible to help others in any meaningful way. So we cycle back a paragraph and shut ourselves off from the world.

Even though i have grown a lot since then, I still find myself slipping into these old hats every once and a while. Id like to think that i am a generous person, something that I don't intend to change, but I now realize how there are unfortunately people who are too eager to take advantage of the kindness I offer. I also still turtle up in my shell when things get tough. If I am unable to help others, then I should be alone, or at least that's the thinking process. It's made asking for help difficult, but I am still learning and growing. And even though I really want to help others as much as I can, I now realize that I need to be solid aswell. It takes a balance, one that I am still trying to get right.

I think its quite interesting how little events from our past, seeming innocuous to others, can shape the people we become. I'm thankful for what my friend said that day because it made me want to be a selfless person. But at the same time, those words haunted me, and every person I let down that voice re-appeared. "You can't help". And you know what? Sometimes I can't help, and that is okay. I am trying my best to help however I can whenever I am able. And even though I will not always be able to help, I will do my best to try, and I hope that is enough. "You can't help" becomes "you didn't help, but you tried, and maybe next time you will".

So I guess if you are reading this then thanks for hearing my thoughts, I hope they were somewhat interesting. The takeaway is idk try and do good but if it doesn't work out then don't sweat it too much. Mission failed we'll get em next time kinda energy. Change what you can, accept that you can't change some things.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I found out someone I know who had anorexia had a lower weight than mine. Like a lot lower. And it’s making me feel like so insecure that they’re sicker than me and that I didn’t do it right to deserve to recover. Like I know in my head I was sick and that I weighed less than I should have but this person’s lowest weight was like a bit more than half of my lowest weight.

You're definitely not alone, anon, anorexia can be such a competitive disorder and it can be so triggering when someone else "achieved" something that we, in our sickness, wanted so desperately. But just because they were thinner doesn't necessarily mean they were sicker. Not that it's a competition to be the sickest - I've posted a few times about how you don't have to wait until it gets worse in order to deserve healing and to want better things for yourself. Still, it's important to remember that all bodies work in different ways. It can be hard to conceptualize this in your mind when it's been drilled into your head that fatness = eating more, but there are some genuinely fat people who have restrictive eating disorders and have been pressured to do a lot of damage to their bodies in pursuit of thinness, ultimately getting very sick without their disorder ever being truly seen. The fact is that different bodies work in different ways due to things like epigenetics, metabolism, other pre-existing health conditions, or the body's existing reaction to previous periods of food scarcity. That means that some bodies lose weight more easily than others, and it doesn't say anything about your quality as a person - sick or healthy - if you were not at a certain degree of thinness when you were sickest. I know that can be hard to accept when you spent so much time and energy tying in your identity to your thinness and degree of sickness, but that's not how you have to identify.

Anon, there's no "right" way to "do" an eating disorder, nor is that something you need to achieve. I know it's hard to feel that way, but keep gently reminding yourself and the knowledge will come more naturally in time. And just as there's no singular way to have an eating disorder, there's no singular path to healing. Your healing journey is your own, and it's beautiful because it's yours. Your eating disorder was yours, too, and it is valid. Your pain and sickness were valid. If it happened to you and it hurt, it was bad enough to count. But if you must frame it in terms of "I didn't reach the level of sickness I think I could have" maybe you could try turning that around into a positive? Tell yourself "Luckily, I was able to get out of the trap of anorexia before that level of sickness had taken hold, and that means all the less lasting damage was done to my body and mind."

Your pain from sickness was real, anon. You don't have to compare it to others in order to deserve your healing.