#I think depression was a big part of why I just. Did no art last year

[ladykailitha]

The Caged Bird Still Sings Part 14

Hey guys! Welcome back! So this chapter is getting a little heavy on the angsty side, so just a heads up.

Things have been going great for all the stories especially the Christmas one.

This will be the story that keeps its usual schedule next week. Every other posting day will be finishing up the Olympic Swimmer one. So be on the look out for that.

Also super long chapter!

Steve tries out some hobbies, Joyce pushes, and Steve gets depressed.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

~

Steve would like to say he got right on the job search the next day, but he really didn’t. He woke up refreshed and feeling good about himself. After a run on the treadmill and big breakfast he had already talked himself out needing to.

But instead he decided that he wanted to learn new hobbies. He had the money and pretty much unlimited time so why not?

The first thing he tried felting. Yeah, he had a lot of money, but he wanted to start with something cheap in case he got bored with it.

Taking the kit out of the box, he already ran into a problem. The leather finger gloves were much too small. Like he didn’t have fat fingers or anything but they were much too tight to fit on even his pinkie fingers he turned them inside out to see if he could make them bigger somehow.

He only succeeded in ruining the finger gloves. He tried rubber thimbles as replacements but still the sharp tool would pierce even the tough rubber.

The kit sat abandoned in a corner of his hotel room until one of the porters saw it and asked if he could have it. His sister did the felting all the time and she was having trouble finding colors she liked.

So Steve let him have it. Three days later the porter came back with a bright yellow canary and a female robin. He proudly displayed them on his nightstand next to the phone and alarm clock.

Robin loved them, but refused to take the robin. She said they shouldn’t be separated at any price.

Steve loved her a little bit more when she said that.

The next thing he tried was painting.

That lasted all of six hours before they got handed off to Will. It was a beautiful oil, acrylic, and water color set, with all the paint brushes and pallet and metal wood-handled pallet knives.

It lasted that long was because that was the time it took for Steve to set everything up, including an old sheet Rosa let him have, start painting and promptly knock everything over. The water, the paints, the easel. Everything. He broke the easel, knocked a hole in the canvas, and smeared paint all over the apron he had bought just for the occasion.

Will was happy to receive the paints, but in turn he gave Steve a simple notepad and pencil and taught him how to draw.

Steve liked that.

It was just for doodling and making silly pictures so it didn’t make him feel like a failure. He went to the bookstore and bought a bunch of books on how to draw certain things. Animals, the human figure. He even found this great reference book on clothes sorted based on the English monarch who was in power at the time the were wore.

Which was all well and good, but it wasn’t exactly what he wanted.

One day while he was over at Will’s talking art and whether or not kneaded erasers were worth the pain they caused if you dropped, Ellie introduced him to a new hobby. Will was against the things, Steve was for.

Jonathan huffed, “That’s probably a class issue as Steve here can afford to replace them and Will can’t.”

Steve and Will stared at each other in complete shock, but had to admit that Jonathan was probably right.

“Yeah, okay,” Steve huffed, “that’s fair. I guess I really didn’t think about it because it’s not my money I’m spending.”

“Have you tried looking for a job?” Joyce asked. She didn’t like that someone was paying to keep Steve safe. As nice as it was, in her experience the well tended to dry up when you least expected it to.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Yes, Mrs. Byers.” Which he had. Yes, he had been focused on trying to learn things that would keep his mind from atrophying, he had also been looking. “If they seen me coming they take down the sign or if they don’t get to it in time, they say it’s an old sign and that they forgot to take it down.”

Joyce’s shoulders slumped in sympathy. The rumor around town is that because Mr. Harrington was the landlord for a lot of the properties that the businesses were on, he had threatened to raise their rent if they gave Steve a job.

Something that all the adults promised not to tell Steve so that he wouldn’t get so discouraged as to not try at all.

But surely Clint Harrington didn’t own every business in Hawkins and she told Steve so.

“No,” Steve huffed. “But he’s friends with ones that he doesn’t. I’m going to try the mall next. Most of the them are franchises and have their main bosses outside of Hawkins.”

She let out a little sigh of relief. It showed that Steve was trying and actively thinking of these types of pitfalls.

Steve shifted uncomfortably. “What have you got there, Ellie?” he asked trying to shift the focus off of him for a moment.

Joyce was watching Ellie while Hopper was at work.

The young girl held up long satin strings of embroidery thread. She had three shades of pink, a white, and a red. She tied the ends to a safety pin that was pinned her leg.

“I’m making friendship bracelets for me and Max,” Ellie said proudly. “The pink is for me, and then I have these colors for her!” She held up blues and purples.

“That’s way cool!” Steve said scooting over to sit next to her.

Jonathan and Will shared a smile. Steve was lost to the shiny allure of friendship bracelets.

“I could teach you if you like,” she said with a smile. “I also have boondoggle!” She held up shiny plastic strips. “I make key chains and other things that need to last a lot longer than the thread.”

Steve really lit up, but then frowned when he saw out intricate it all was. “I’ll never be do anything that fancy.”

Ellie sat closer and pulled out a little paper that she had in her caboodle. “I couldn’t at first either, so I went to the library and took out a book on all the different ways you could plait and how to do boondoggle. Then I copied a couple of the pages I wanted to try.”

She handed it to him and pointed to the easiest. “That’s the one I started with and it will probably take a little bit to get the spacing right.”

Steve tilted his head. “Is this like braiding hair?”

“Yes!” Ellie said excitedly. “That’s right. I forgot you braid Max’s hair all the time. So then it will be easy for you.”

Soon they were off in their own little world.

Joyce watched with her arms crossed and a concerned expression. Jonathan spotted her and shook his head. He stood up and went to stand next to her.

“You’ve got to let it go, Mom,” he said gently. “You aren’t his mom and even if you were, he’s still an adult. As near as anyone of can tell, whoever is footing this bill isn’t in it to exploit Steve, just making sure he’s taken care of.”

Joyce breathed out through her nose as she tried not to snap at her son. She didn’t know that as a fact and Hopper’s reassurances weren’t enough. She hated having to take his word that whoever this was wouldn’t harm Steve. And that galled.

“It’s all the expensive gifts,” she tried to explain. “The car, the unlimited credit card, cash drops weekly, the gold necklace, the hotel. It’s just not right, it’s not decent.”

Jonathan shook his head. “What about all the non-expensive gifts? Things this benefactor thought Steve would like or get a kick out of? Like that little canary with top hat that he keeps on his dashboard? Or all the music tapes they send, thinking Steve might want to try something different. Hell, according to Steve until they left the country, they talked once or twice a day. That doesn’t sound like someone out to hurt him.”

She let out a shuddering sigh. Because Jonathan was right, that didn’t sound like someone trying to use Steve. “I know.”

Jonathan patted on her shoulder and then went into his room, probably to call Nancy. Another person like his mom who worried Steve was being taken advantage of. But even if he was, that was a lesson he was going to have to learn the hard way.

On his own.

Will had long since left to go hang out with Mike while Ellie and Steve made friendship bracelets. He made four. A black, red, and dark grey one for Eddie, a red, a brown, and a light grey one for Robin and two yellow, white, and black ones. So he could one each to Eddie and Robin.

“Those are really pretty, Steve,” Ellie congratulated him. “Those are some interesting color choices.” Spoken as though she was silently judging, but too polite to say so.

He blushed and held up the first one. “This is for my special friend, they are his favorite colors.” Then he held up the second. “And this is for Robin. The colors remind me of a female robin and the last two represent who I am now.”

Ellie blinked for a moment as she took in the information. “I can see that now. Thank you for explaining it to me.”

“I get my thread at Melvand’s,” she said serenely, “if you wanted to continue to make more, that’s where you would go to get your own.”

Steve kissed the top of her head. “Thank you, Ellie.”

He didn’t stay much longer than that, now that both of the other boys were gone, Joyce was keeping too close an eye on him with Ellie. He knew it wasn’t the gay thing as she didn’t mind Will being around her. And it wasn’t being a barely legal adult considering she would gladly leave Jonathan to look over her.

Nope.

It was entirely because she didn’t know who Steve’s mysterious benefactor was. And the thought of this unknown, probably male, person might hear about Ellie later? Yeah, that’s where she drew her invisible line.

Which was bullshit, like with Robin’s mom, Eddie wasn’t going to prey on little girls. He was freaking out about Steve might be underage when they met in the club. But it wasn’t like he could tell Joyce that. She might revoke his time with Will and Ellie if she learned he had been underaged drinking that night. The night Eddie saved him.

Steve went up to his hotel room and flopped face first into his bed. He was tired. Tired of all the questions about finding a job and getting out from under Eddie’s thumb. Like Eddie was financially abusing him or whatever.

He just wanted to bring people to his hotel room and show them all the little things Eddie sent him just because he walked into a gas station and saw something cute he thought he would like. The keychain from Kansas City with his name on it. The bright yellow shirt that said “I don’t take no shit” and had the Iowan state bird of the American goldfinch. That one came with a little note explaining that it was a canary, but the black on the wings reminded Eddie of the deliciously tight black leather pants.

Steve blushed for hours after that one.

He wiggled onto the bed and crawled under the covers without having taken off any of his clothes. Maybe he could hibernate until Eddie got back in America.

~

Steve managed to bury himself under the covers before the porter with the felting sister ripped the blanket off from over his head.

He stared blearily up at the porter. “Martin?” He struggled to sit up, but flopped back down on the pillow in distress. “Just leave me alone.”

“It’s Marty actually,” the porter huffed. “The only people that call me Martin are my boss and my mom. You’re not either.”

“Marty, I just want to go back to sleep.”

Marty pulled the rest of the blankets and yanked Steve off the bed. He went with a startled yelp. He leapt to his feet to fight him, but he saw that Bob and Rosa were standing by his bed with looks of concern on their faces.

“I have the shower running,” Bob said, “you will get in there and at least clean off the sweat you reek of. Then Rosa will change the sheets. Marty will bring up some food while you are showering, then the three of us are staging an intervention, because this isn’t like you!”

Steve opened his mouth to refute that statement, probably something about how no one called the whole time he as sulking.

Bob pulled out a stack of messages. “I have thirteen messages, and that’s only because the answering machine is full.”

Steve looked behind him and sure enough the machine was blinking complete with a full tape.

“Oh.”

He meekly went and did as he was told. He was only going to do a perfunctory wipe down because they were waiting for him, but once he got under the water it felt so good that he began to thoroughly scrub himself down. Normally going without a shower for a couple of days really didn’t do much, but because he had barely moved to pee, he was covered in thin layer of sweat.

He washed his hair and got out of the shower. He dried himself off and put on the long robe Eddie had gotten him. He opened the door and was instantly hit with enticing aroma of chicken noodle soup. He moved out of the bathroom to the main room, lured by the scent of real food.

The sofa was full of the hotel employees so he grabbed his bowl of soup and spoon and sat down on the armchair curled up as small as he could make himself.

“You frightened us, mi corazón,” Rosa huffed. “You weren’t answering your phone, you weren’t ordering food. The only way we could tell you moved at all is that occasionally the cup in the bathroom would be wet or you would be on the other side of the bed.”

Bob nodded. “We were told to look after you, money was no object. That’s what we were told, but you turned out to be kind and generous and frankly better than ninety percent of the patrons here. You treat us like we’re human, so it became our pleasure to serve you. So when you weren’t opening your door to anyone or answering your calls, we knew something was wrong.”

“Sorry,” Steve muttered into his bowl. “I just got so tired of everyone trying to find out who is bankrolling my life style and telling me to get a job that I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore.”

“It’s none of their business,” Rosa huffed. “They’re just jealous that they don’t have this life. I know your papa wants to hurt and all this for you protection, but it seems to me your friends just see the money you...” she snapped her fingers. “What’s the word?”

“I’d use ‘splash around’,” Steve said with a shrug.

“Ehhh,” she knew it wasn’t the word she was looking for but it would have to do. “They see the good. Not the bad. They see new car, but they weren’t there to see you give up your old car. They see the fancy hobbies, but they don’t see your big room and no one to fill it with.”

“She’s right,” Marty said. “I don’t think even the girl that comes with your gifts from Eddie Munson quite understands the crippling loneliness and isolation you have to be feeling right now.”

Steve sniffled into his soup. “Thanks, guys. I don’t know how to impress upon them how dangerous this all is for me. Like the only ones that remotely understand are the Hendersons and that’s because my dad showed up on their doorstep. But even then I don’t think Dustin quite grasps the enormity of it all, but then he’s thirteen so...”

“The only reason your father hasn’t penetrated hotel security,” Bob said with a grimace, “is that the owner, Dr. Sam Owens hates business men like your father. Otherwise, his hold over this town would have extended to here, no doubt about that.”

“So this is what’s going to happen,” Marty said, “if you need to sneak out and just go for a drive to get out of your head, call Bob and he’ll arrange it. If you need someone to talk to ring up Rose or myself. We’re here for you. We understand that Mr. Munson is out of the country right now and it makes it harder, but we’ve got you, okay?”

Steve nodded and said weakly, “Okay!”

~

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @beelze-the-bubkiss @blondie1006

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @sticknpokelightningbolt

9- @scoops-aboy86 @kurofuckingshi16 @watermelonmite @eyehartart @dreamercec

10- @little-birch-boy @yearningagain @micheledawn1975 @sadisticaltarts

[shima-draws]

Big shoutout to One Piece for awakening my motivation and inspiration to draw when it was dormant for *checks calendar* over a year

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko chapter 166 thoughts - the end of all things

So uh... the only positive thing I can say here besides the beautiful Ai art is that I felt sad reading the page where Miyako was hugging Ruby. Everything else left me completely empty

This chapter is either:

A) A self-aware ending meant to show that life is suffering and the idol industry will suck out your soul if you let it

B) Outsourced to someone who skimmed OnK for 30 seconds on Wikipedia before putting pen to paper

It has to be A, right? You can't tell me that the same author wrote both of these pages without the right being ironic

But I don't think so because big brained Akane is the one clumsily narrating this crappy montage masquerading as a real ending

Aqua died for nothing. His sister is now a soulless cog in the idol machine

Ruby is mimicking Ai's speech - "Lies are an outstanding kind of love... We pile on the lies and no matter how hard things get, we sing and act happy onstage. It's a fun job!" But she forgot the rest of it: "Only, I'd like the 'being happy' part to be real. Nobody notices, but we have hearts and lives of our own. Happiness as a mother. Happiness as an idol. Normally you'd have to pick one, but I want both. Ai Hoshino is a greedy girl"

Ai wasn't only a misunderstood girl who worked hard to please her fans. That was a big part of her story but she also broke the rules to create her own family, her own happiness

Ruby, on the other hand, seems to have no real desires anymore, she's just following a path she believes her mother and Aqua paved for her. Never mind that Aqua only wanted it in the end because she wanted it and Ai just wanted her kids to be happy

You can tell that Akasaka is patting himself on the back for making a cyclical narrative where Ruby becomes Ai 2.0 by being commodified, scrutinized, and idolized like Ai was

But it's such a flimsy parallel when it comes to the theme of lies because lying to hide your grief =/= "lies are love" which was the only way Ai knew how to frame her genuine desire to love

And Ai's "I love you" to her kids was true whereas Ruby has swallowed her own lie that being an idol is fun even when you're just doing it to outrun your pain

What this chapter showed us is that the meaning of Ruby's life is to be Ruby of B Komachi and she was put on Earth to sing pop songs. Because that's what Ai did, right? If I remember correctly, her final words were "I'm so glad I got to be an idol #blessed"

My God was the Dome concert soulless. Miyako and Ichigo crying happy tears is a punch to the gut. Doesn't Miyako know her daughter is still hurting?

The last scene is so fucking depressing

Ruby, are you okay? Blink twice if you still remember your life outside the idol industry!

The last two pages work really well as horror. She has a brilliant smile but you can tell that she's dead inside. She's got more merch on her table than photos. Why doesn't she have a corkboard of family photos? Although I more or less have this Ai plushie and it's pretty cute so I'll give this a pass because it's hilarious

I guess the takeaway here is to live for others and life is painful so just grin and bear it. Oh yeah, and inspire other young women to join an industry where they get to act happy and lose their humanity. Cool

I mean I get that it's supposed to be about moving on with your life even while grieving and that's a good message, sure, but Aka's insistence on using the word "lies" multiple times as if saying it makes it make sense ruins the whole thing

The most insane part is that this chapter is a wholehearted endorsement of the lies sold by the entertainment/idol industry

I haven't even said anything about anyone besides Ruby because what's the point? Aka didn't have time to do justice to any of the characters I grew to love

It's clear something went wrong with the timeline of wrapping up OnK. No artist wants to execute a final chapter like this. I'm convinced the film reel edges are Aka and Mengo's way of telling the reader, "we know this is a shitty clips show so don't @ us on Twitter about it"

But it's so much worse than that. Aka really decided to tear to shreds everything he worked so hard on for 4 years. Damn

This is my favorite manga and I'll always love that it gave me Ai, my most beloved character of all time, but this leaves an extremely bitter aftertaste. It's really hard to believe that the same person who wrote vol 1 wrote this.

OnK has been pretty important to me. Reading weekly, chatting with fans, and reaching dangerous levels of Ai brain rot has actually been a helpful distraction. TBH I've been a little too invested in it but sometimes you need escapism. So it's crazy that I'm kind of glad it's over.

But this is why fanfic, fanart, and your own headcanons exist. In another universe, this manga wrapped up beautifully and I was depressed for weeks because I couldn't look forward to it anymore. In this universe, at least we're all suffering together here at the end of all things.

And at least the little Hoshino family is still adorable. Too bad Ai is dead, Aqua is dead, and Ruby desperately needs grief counseling. But NEVER MIND. Look at Ai's smile and the twins' faces. This was the Oshi no Ko I really loved.

[the-east-art]

IDK if this counts as a Hagstone ask, but what is Hagstone? Could you give me the rundown? Or do you have a post where you explain the basics already?

Yes!!! It definitely counts!!! Let me tell you about my OCs and their story!

Hagstone is a story that I've been working on with @browniefox on and off for about seven years now! We've made at least one or two complete drafts of the first book, and I'm currently going through and rewriting the first book for (hopefully) the last time! and then it will be done! Hagstone is intended to be a duology, so just two books long.

enjoy this seven year old art when I was first developing the characters! The tag is Hagstone, but to find ALL the art I've ever done on it check the tag wtgp - it had the temporary title of 'Way to go Paul' for like... four or five years, referencing a Vine which I can't remember why we did that haha. There aren't any characters named Paul in it.

The story is about Kyle - a recent college dropout - who has to find new housing after an Event at his old place. He moves in with the eclectic Eldan - and over the course of the book gains new housemates (none of who are actually human) and discovers a dark danger lurking under the town.

(are by @browniefox) The story itself focuses on themes of struggling to let go of the past and face the future, dealing with grief, depression, and combatting loneliness.

One of the reasons I wrote this story was that I was really tired of stories that constantly have a 'normal' character who later realizes they're Secretly half witch or a fea or whatever so a big part of the story is the fact that Kyle is a very Human person with no magical abilities and how he interacts with the magical world.

The main characters are Kyle (of course) an anxious, depressed, and self conscious guy with a special interest in bugs and anger issues.

Eldan - the oldest living Fae who always seems to know more than everyone else and has been reportedly 'in a funk' (didn't leave his house) for many decades leading up to the story.

Marion - An acerbic vampire only a century or two old with trust issues and a secret soft side. He has been ostracized by the local vampire covens for reasons not yet known.

Ollie (Oleander) - Hailing from a family of monster hunters, Ollie is a sweet boy who can transform into a giant beast. His family are technically a line of Gargoyles but many centuries ago Eldan blessed them, hence the furriness of the transformation and the lack of being made of stone. However, something has happened recently causing him to go to Eldan on behalf of his family for help.

and Jonah! - Jonah is the ghost that haunts the house with few memories of his time alive whose death is connected to the darkness that lurks under the town.

(if you look you can see that Jonah and Ollie were recently renamed. Ollie was originally Leander but that read and wrote too similarly to the name 'Eldan', so we changed his name to Oleander and have him go by 'Ollie'. But THEN that was too close to the name Odon, so we changed Odons' name to Jonah. I'm much happier with these names and I think they are now distinct enough from one another, but it may be confusing if you're looking at old stuff)

That's the basic so please feel free to ask questions about the story, the characters, or if you want to meet some of the side characters in the story!

[bigbisickle]

So I made art for my fic 🥺👉🏾👈🏾 and theres the link if you're interested. It's just an au where the apocalypse never happened and Clem was sent to Ericson but with angst cuz I can. I've only posted one chapter but I'll update (eventually). I kinda made it a secret as to why Clem is there but if you want to know why, check under where is says spoilers.

Here's a line up of the trio but idk if I'll draw all the other Ericson kids cuz my hand would die. Clem is so hard to draw. I have so many versions that look like mandarin and tangerine but a Clementine?? Impossible. Also first time drawing Louis and I think he turned out alright and Violet is so simple to draw. Also this is set in 2012 which is why their fits are a little lame.

And yes there's romance in this but I'm still on the fence on with who. I feel like I'm just gonna pick Violet but idk part of me what's to see a Louis route. (lol it's probably gonna be that mean hunched back lesbian)

Spoilers for the fic under

Why she got sent to Ericson in short:

She brutally beat her bully with her crutch and was legally required to go to Ericson or be criminally charged while her guardians pay the girls medical bills. She's also been acting out by smoking weed, sneaking out, and according to Carley "abusing her medication". While in Ericson she has double therapy with her old therapist and an Ericson therapist. She's not allowed strong opioids and has to take anger management. She has her crutches but heavily relies on her prosthetic and hides her disability from the Ericson kids.

Long version below:

Here's the backstory:

Clem's parents died in a home invasion (robbery gone wrong) and she was later adopted by Lee. Lee later met and married Carley and they later adopted Aj. They moved to West Virginia for Carley's job. In this, Luke is Carley's cousin and he babysits for her. When CarLee were out of town, the house caught fire (from what? idk yet). Clem saved Aj but got trapped inside, Luke went back in to save her and did but died in the process.

(Ik the coloring of the scars is wonky but it was something doodled last minute plus I couldn't find references)

Clem saw Luke like a big brother and his death haunts her along with the death of her parents. She's severely depressed, has night terrors and survivors guilt. She, along with Aj, got burned in the fire and is covered with scars from severe 3rd and 4th degree burns and is a leg amputee. Shes actively hiding her scars and leg, and in a way is acting like the fire never happened. Shes given a therapist to help her cope but she is repressing her feelings.

[incognitobobcat]

The Earthrealm Boys and Female!Reader who is laughing hysterically with the below poster involved:

Warning: swearing (for the younger eyes) and subtle mentions of suicide and depression.

Johnny Cage

“Ah! Hsbfhhdhwbhwjssnjjkiakkkk!!!!!!!” You cussed internally as the nerves of your fingers couldn’t take any more of you literally pounding sand, a big basin filled with hot sand, which was part of your Shaolin training. You were careful not to actually cuss in the Wushi Academy for obvious reasons.

“Looks like you wanna tell yourself to go “pound sand!”” Johnny called out to you, laughing.

You glared at him, blowing a lock of hair off your face before retorting, “You pound this sand, then!”

“Oh, no no NOOO!” Johnny laughed, “I’m good! I’ve had my fill of that!”

You groaned pathetically, not wanting to go on, as you have been doing that for the past half hour. You listened to your sore, red hands, waving them in the cool air to alleviate the pain.

Johnny beckoned you by waving his hand towards himself, “Hey, I’ve got a gift for you!”

Curious, you followed Johnny. He led you to a tree, where there was a large sign. The first thing that caught your eye was the wording inside a large circle in the centre that read “Bang Head Here”. You then read the rest of the poster before bursting out in hysterical laughter.

“It’s something for your noggin to get it off the pain. You’re welcome!” Johnny exclaimed before walking away.

Raiden

After a full day of training, the last task being crawling forward down several flights of stairs built on one of the downhill slopes as fast as you humanly can, all you wanted to do was throw up from the pain.

How you held it in was a miracle. You wanted to cry, and cry you did. You contemplated your life choice, which included joining the Shaolin, wondering why on earth you thought it was an excellent challenge to upgrade your skills, as it seemed brutal and unforgiving so far.

You found yourself walking down a trail lined with trees until you spotted Johnny’s “gift”. Your sadness transitioned to you being greatly amused as you walked towards it, chuckles intensifying to laughter.

Before you could stop yourself, you banged your head against the poster, not hard enough to hurt yourself, of course.

“Y/N! What are you doing??”

Your laughing subsided some as you turned to see Raiden walking towards you with a concerned expression. Your face softened a little.

“Don’t do that! You’ll hurt yourself!” Raiden chastised you gently.

You waved a hand in the air reassuringly, “Oh, don’t worry, I was just having a bit of fun with myself while contemplating my life choices. Look what Johnny got me! Isn’t that hilarious??” You gestured towards the poster nailed to the tree.

Raiden approached the sign and read what it said silently. Then he sighed, shaking his head.

“Johnny!” Raiden exclaimed in an exasperated tone.

“I think it’s the best!” You laughed hysterically, then held up both hands when you saw Raiden’s concerned face turned towards you.

“Not to minimize your concern, Raiden! I totally appreciate your concern! It’s just a little humour and fun in a stressful situation. I promise you, I’m not hurting myself!”

You appealed with a reassuring and apologetic look for worrying him.

Sighing, he relented, “Alright, I’ll let it go this time. But if you need to talk to de-stress from training, I’m here.”

You nodded appreciatively, “Thank you! I’ll keep that in mind.” You felt bad that your amazing human of a friend worried about you, though.

Kenshi

Another day of gruelling training meant another day of extreme pain. It never seems to get better over time and you were frustrated as hell from what you perceive was a lack of improvement. It has been months since you joined, and though you had a martial arts background you were no spring chicken either.

In order to release yourself from any self-loathing, you need some senseless and random humour. That was how you you’ve always countered any “tragedies” (over exaggeration) of life; that or listening to Sum 41, Linkin Park, Rammstein, and the like, which was not allowed in a Buddhist institution. By the Elder Gods, you missed your music!

You headed to a wall where the “Stress Relief Kit” was tacked on, hidden from the masters as best as it could be. Sighing, you started head banging on it, repeating, “No…no…no…” in sync with each banging.

Without warning, you yelped as were lifted of the ground and were sent flying a few yards before landing on a soft patch of grass with a thud.

Confused, you scrambled onto all fours as you saw Kenshi walk past you.

“There are other ways to distress, Y/N,” he said with a stoic expression without looking at you. He continued to walk and he disappeared into the trees.

Out of all reactions, a bout of hysterical laughter hit you once you processed what just happened.

Kung Lao

Whenever you were paired with Kung Lao as a sparring partner, you had so much fun. Even though Kung Lao had an ego, it was the kind of ego that a child has when he wanted to be praised for his attention-seeking antics.

He was an absolute riot. You didn’t know if lost more calories and got flat abs from training or from dying of laughter.

That does not mean that he wasn’t a good fighter. In fact, he’s got an awesome fighting style, even without the hat.

“Hey, Y/N,” he began, beaming, “You know that sign that Johnny gave you? Where is it?”

”Oh! It’s on a wall!”

“Go get it! I’m gonna show you something amazing!”

You quickly went to retrieve the letter paper-sized metal poster, then you handed it to Kung Lao.

You followed Kung Lao to where there was a long wooden plank of about an inch thick and six feet long that was held up on either side by stone pillars of around four feet high. Kung Lao placed the poster on the centre of the plank.

“Now, watch and learn, Y/N,” Kung Lao said with bravado and a grin. After taking off his hat and handing it to you, he stood up straight with his arms on his sides, closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and then-SNAP! At lightning speed, he broke the plank in half with his head.

It happened so fast and you stared at him with jaws hanging open and wide-eyed. Kung Lao smiled at your reaction as he took his hat back from you.

“OMG!! Teach me! Teach me!!” You exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down and pumping your fists in front of you.

Smirking, Kung Lao took another plank that was leaning against a wall and set it on the stone supports. He then took the dented sign that now resembled a bowl and flattened it as best as he could before placing it on the centre of the plank. He gestured towards the plank.

“Your turn,” he said.

You eagerly stepped in front of the plank and mimicked Kung Lao’s stance and breathing before you have at it. You smashed your forehead against the wood with all your might and, no surprise, nothing broke.

“OW!” You screamed as you fell on your butt, laughing hysterically while massaging your head.

“Y/N, a word.”

You recognize the voice of who called to you. Uh-oh.

Liu Kang

You clumsily scrambled onto your feet, trying to kill your hysterical laughter, but failing miserably.

You struggled to muster the most apologetic expression.

“Lord Liu Kang,” you greeted. Kung Lao, who was behind you, also bowed respectfully.

“Follow me,” the Fire God instructed.

You intuited the seriousness of the mood, so your laughter significantly subsided to a smile. You were led to a quieter spot of the area before Liu Kang spoke.

“Y/N, what is this I hear about you banging your head against hard surfaces?”

“Oh,” you began sheepishly, “It’s something fun that I have been doing to relieve stress. It’s for humour’s sake, I’m not really hurting myself!”

“While humour has its time and place,” Liu Kang began, “Further harming oneself as a joke to relieve stress has no place in training. There have been a few who have brought your behaviour to my attention. And, what is this “stress relief” poster?”

“Oh, Johnny gave it to me as a joke,” you quipped, slightly lighting up, “To lighten my mood!”

“Please retrieve this gift, Y/N.”

You did as you were ordered and handed the bent poster to Liu Kang who looked as it before sighing.

“I will have a word with Cage. In the meantime, I don’t want to see or hear about any more of this behaviour from you. If the intense training is more than you can handle, perhaps consider a break.”

“No, Lord Liu Kang. I will manage,” you replied, “I’ll bear it.”

Liu Kang nodded, “Good. One more thing, Y/N.”

You nodded expectantly, “Yes?”

“Don’t always follow whatever Kung Lao wants you to do. He has been training for far longer than you, and while his skills are indeed impressive, you are not yet at his level. The last thing we need is for you to needlessly injure yourself. It would be such a loss to Earthrealm. We need you, Y/N.”

Touched, you bowed deeply, “I apologize, Lord Liu Kang. It will never happen again.”

Smiling, the Fire God nodded, “ I trust that it won’t.”

He turned to walk away and you sighed in relief. As gruelling as Shaolin training was, you were glad that you didn’t get kicked out.

Sub Zero (Bi Han)

You and a couple of trainees were taking turns sparring each other in the courtyard of the Lin Kuei palace, where it was unrelentingly cold. Not only do you have to train under hard conditions and get your human bodies used to it, you also have to endure the dead serious attitudes and moody atmosphere.

You knew that you and a few others would love to let loose and be yourselves, but that can only happen out of the sight and earshot of your battle-hardened seniors, especially the frigid Grandmaster.

Luckily for you, the two trainees who you were sparring with were somewhat like-minded in terms of a sense of humour.

“I’ve got something to show you!” You said to your mates in a sing sing voice. It was your break anyways, and you took advantage of the situation. Your mates looked at each other then back to you with quizzical expressions.

You grabbed your bag and pulled out a metallic Stress Relief Kit sign and held it up. It only took a few seconds before the two erupted in hysterical laughter, followed by yours.

“If unconscious, cease stress reduction activity?!” The first mate said, “I think that’s a given!”

“Where are you gonna put it?” Asked the second one.

“Here!” You exclaimed, pointing to the nearest wall. You held the poster in place at face level, “Go ahead! Try it!”

“Excuse me??” the second one said, “It’s your poster. YOU do it!”

“Yeah! You do it!” the first one said, taking your place in holding the poster against the wall, “Go on! Show us how it’s done!”

You stood in front of the poster, braced yourself, and then banged your head against the circle three times. The three of you erupted into hysterical laughter and you were high fived.

“What’s the meaning of this?!” Came a harsh and gruff voice.

It’s safe to say that the hysterics stopped and the three of you froze solid with horrified looks, turning gingerly to face your Grandmaster.

If looks could kill, all three of you would be shattered ice statues by now.

Bi-Han eyed the three of you coldly, then he saw the poster held against the wall by the first mate.

His scowl deepens and he growled before speaking, “The Lin Kuei is an elite of highly trained assassins and warriors. We have a reputation and an image to uphold! I do not tolerate foolish and frivolous behaviours that will drag the Lin Kuei name down to the level of idiots! Conduct yourselves with dignity or face my wrath! And dispose of that at once!”

With a last growl, he turned on his heels and stormed off in a dignified manner, muttering, “Bird brains!”

The three of you just stood there staring at each other with held breaths. You guess you wouldn’t be having fun for a long time.

Scorpion (Kuai Liang)

It has been a few months since you became an initiate. Since the inception of Shirai Ryu, there was an urgency to expedite everyone’s training to get all of you where you needed to be, which is why the new clan was very selective of their initiates. Where time is if the essence, quality counts.

Since you had a friend who was accepted in first, she had dropped your name and were approached to become an initiate. You were lucky to have made the cut, since you had years of martial arts training.

While the training was held to very high standards, Grandmaster Scorpion was also fair and took into consideration a reasonable work-life balance. Because of the nature of your current profession, it only makes sense to include as much laughter as you can, while you’re still alive.

When you and your friend were still room mates back in college as international students, you had this one Stress Relief Kit poster for good laughs. Now that you were both initiates, that poster had found its way on the wall of your group’s designated dojo.

Everybody seem to have a great laugh out of it, but the most frequent user seem to be you, which put you and your friend in hysterics every time. That is why you got called into the Grandmaster’s office one day.

“Have a seat, Y/N,” Kuai Liang gestures towards the chair in front of the desk. You sat down, feeling anxious.

“How are you?” He began, looking you in the eye.

“I am well, Grandmaster,” you replied, slightly shifting.

“Is training going well?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Good,” he replied; then, “Is everything alright with you?”

Confused, you nodded, “Everything is ok.”

“Are you sure?” He held eye contact with you, expression serious.

Confused even more, you nodded, feeling uncomfortable.

“It has come to my attention that you’re engaging in self-harming behaviour,” Kuai Liang said seriously, “Your team mates report that this often happens during training.”

Your face softened, “Oh,” you began.

“They reported that you are “stressed out” and that the frequent banging your head against the wall to music of a questionable nature is catharsis,” Kuai Liang began, “If that is the case, that tells me that your mental health is affected to the point where I am concerned. Do you need to talk to someone, Y/N?”

The genuine concern in his eyes made you feel guilty and cornered like a child being questioned about bad behaviour by a parent or a teacher.

“Oh, no, I am fine Grandmaster,” you began explaining about the poster that you and your friend had since college, and that the poster was meant for nothing more than lighthearted fun.

After you finished, Kuai Liang kept eye contact with you, and you can’t help but feel like he was a human lie detector. He finally spoke.

“Y/N, the Shirai Ryu takes training seriously. We hold ourselves to high standards as we are now one of Earthrealm’s protectors. We also need to be vigilant as the Lin Kuei can strike us at anytime. Our bodies and minds need to be in top condition in order to withstand the stresses and dangers of this way of life. If you feel that you cannot handle the stress that being in our clan brings, maybe this is not the right fit for you.”

Feeling bad, you reassured the Grandmaster that you are able to handle the stress of training, and the poster, again, was a joke to help cope with stress. You are indeed fine.

Kuai Liang seemed to accept your answer, and continued, “It is imperative that we check in with ourselves and each other. Your team mates did the right thing by coming to me. Do not hold this against them. Also, be mindful that you’re in a different country and therefore you need to be sensitive to the culture and its nuances. Many people may not understand your sense of humour and may take offence at it.”

“I understand, Grandmaster,” you affirmed, nodding solemnly, “I apologize for my actions.”

“Good,” Kuai Liang nodded, “ You are dismissed.”

You stood and bowed with both hands clasped in front of you respectfully before exiting the office a changed person!

Smoke (Tomas Vrbada)

Long before the above meeting with your Grandmaster happened, you were having just another typical training day, where part of it was spent training with your group, and the other half was either working out and honing your skills on your own.

You and your friend were sparring. Since it was just the two of you in your designated dojo, you whipped out out your iPhone and went through you play lists to play some music while training to hype things up.

“Oooh! That’s a good pick!” Your friend exclaimed with eyes wide as she hovered over you shoulder while you tapped the screen to select your music. You turned the volume up to a reasonable degree as rhythmic clapping started, shortly followed by the guitar riff, then the drums and the rest of the instruments.

At this point, you were both head banging to the music going, “Yeah!” “ I miss this song!”

“Wake in a sweat again

Another day’s been laid to waste

In my disgrace.”

The opening lines of Linkin Park’s “Given Up” were sung; hyped up, you each picked up your bo staff and worked on your technique and form taking turn as offended and defence. Sticks clashed seemingly in beat to the music as both of you eyed each other trying to read each other’s moves.

There were more clashing of sticks, grunts, cries, spins, evasive maneuvers, and deflections with your intense sparring.

You felt a hard whack at the back of your calves as your friend swept her staff at a low angle, knocking you on to your back.

As if on queue, you heard Chester Bennington sing, “I’VE GIVEN UUUUUUUUUP!” This elicited hysterical laughter from the both of you. As your friend helped you up, you leaned on her shoulder for support, struggling from laughter.

Your friend was far more skilled at the staff than you were, as so far, you’ve lost count of the number of times that she’s knocked you on your back.

“Aaaaaaaah!” you cried out, heading to a specific spot on the wall. You started to bang your head to

“PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY

PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY

PUT ME OUT OF MY

PUT ME OUT OF MY FUCKING MI-“

Your head banging was halted when your forehead suddenly made contact with something soft and warm.

“This again?”

You looked up and locked eyes with those of your Sensei, Smoke. The Shirai Ryu’s Second-in-Command had an amused look on his face as he placed his hand between your head and the wall that was home to the Stress Relief Kit.

Still in hysterics, you struggled to stand straight so that you can bow in greeting.

“At least you didn’t progress to the “unconscious” part,” Tomas chuckled, reading the poster, “And what an interesting choice of music to train to, Y/N.”

You managed to control your laughter enough to give an answer, “We miss this song from our college days.”

“You know,” Tomas began, “I have been noticing that you’ve been having a little too much fun with this.” He knocked a knuckle on the poster twice.

“It’s called catharsis! You should try it!” You quipped back.

“I can think of other ways that you can destress besides head banging against a poster on a wall to this kind of music.”

“What do you mean?” Your friend countered, “It’s frickin’ epic!”

“If you think about it, don’t you think that it’s counter productive to train hard to survive to music about giving up on life?” Tomas asked, “Are you Going Under?”

“What do you mean?” you asked, looking to your friend then back to him.

“You know, like, you want to stay in love with your sorrow, but God, you wanna let it go through “catharsis”?” He looked at you deadpan this time.

You paused for a minute before answering, “Aren’t you poetic, Sensei.”

You got a stare back in return, his expression still serious, but his eyes with a hint of teasing, which confused you.

“if you ever feel like you’ve tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter, my ears are open,” Tomas offered.

”Geez, I’m fine!” you protested, feeling more annoyed about being teased.

“You don’t have to hide. We’d rather you talk, rather than you walk alone on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.”

Something about what he said sounded familiar, then it clicked! That’s when your friend started howling.

“Oh! HAHAHAHAAA!! I see what you did! That’s very clever, man!” Your friend raised a hand to Tomas, which he returned with a high five.

Tomas cracked a smile, chuckling a little.

You shut your eyes in relief and laughed along. He had a sense of humour after all!

“I was, like, what’s going on?? Then, I’m like, “Oh, gotcha!!” You choked out.

“You’re fine,” Tomas lightly shoved your shoulder. As he turned to leave, he stopped and warned, “Y/N, being goofy is fine, just don’t overdo it. I might start getting worried, then I would have to have a serious talk with you one day if it continues. Remember, safety first!”

With that, he disappeared through a doorway leading to the next room.

Both of you were in high spirits and still giggling. It was a pleasure to see this subtle and humorous side of Smoke, which you hope you’d see more of.

**Can anyone guess what songs Tomas was quoting from? 😁😁😁

[euphoriaslux]

hello!

hi everyone, so sorry i have been mia this month your girl had a wee bit of a depressive episode but you know what we're BACK! I'm going to get back to writing daily so i can feed you guys and stop focusing so much on perfection because ultimately i am writing smut about fictional characters who do not know who i am, why do i care so much!!

anywho, here's a little snippet of my part two for "two's a party" that will hopefully come out very soon :) this is mainly angst but there are three separate smut scenes in the whole fic because I'm sick in the mind. my vincent fic will also hopefully come out soon, i have had such trouble writing him for some reason so i think i need to rewatch aoaf and get an idea of his characterization again... ANYWAY enjoy this snippet and let me know if u guys have any requests :p

The sun has set, and you find yourself standing outside of the tennis courts. You passed by gaggles of students on their way to parties and bars, wearing tight clothes and big smiles with the scent of cheap liquor stuck them like a cloud. Hearing the sound of tennis balls clanging against the metal gate, you open the door to the courts ever so slightly, peering in to see Art grabbing neon green balls from a bucket before slamming them with his racket, making you cringe at the harsh smack it makes when it comes in contact with the wall. 

There’s no one else in the courts, likely because it’s nearly sunset on a Friday.  You try and close the door quietly behind you but it makes a loud sound as it goes back to its original position, and you shake your head slightly as Art turns around, meeting your eyes. He’s wearing a Stanford Tennis sweatshirt, with his blond locks peeking out from the black cap that’s backwards on his head. He stands, staring at you for a few moments before he puts his racket on the floor, walking towards you. Your heart starts thumping in your chest, so fast that you’re scared he’ll be able to hear it through your ribcage. 

“Hi,” you smile, hoping your nerves don’t show. You hug your arms as a particularly strong wind chill passes through, feeling the goosebumps start to form. 

“Hi,” he parrots you, slightly breathless. 

“You haven’t been to class lately, just wondering if you’re alive.”

“That’s a good excuse to stalk me,” he grins, and you feel your shoulders drop at the sight. 

“Good to see your confidence hasn’t taken a hit,” you say as he takes some tennis balls from the pocket of his sweatshirt and tosses them into the bucket before taking a few steps closer to you. 

“Nope,” he says, his mouth popping at the p. 

“I think that may be impossible.”

“What gave you such an impenetrable ego, Art?” you cock your head and he shrugs, smiling as he puts his hands on his hips.

“Don’t know, maybe being great at hitting a ball with a racket your whole life does something to your brain chemistry. The jury’s still out on if it’s a good thing,” 

You hum, stifling a laugh. The two of you stand quietly for a few moments before you talk.

“Last weekend, if I did something wrong-”

“No, you didn’t do anything,” Art cuts you off, sighing at the topic. “Patrick and I-”

“We got into a stupid fight. It doesn’t matter.”

You play with the skin around your nails. 

“That makes me feel like it was my fault.” You take a deep breath before talking again.

“What you and Patrick have, how you know each other. How you’ve grown together, and play together. I would feel awful if I played any part in messing that up.”

Art scoffs. “No need to be melodramatic, we’re not fucking dating or anything.”

You nod, unsure of what to say. 

“I saw he has a match this weekend…” you prompt, and Art nods.

“Are you gonna go?,” you ask gently. Art says nothing, and you decide not to press him. 

“Okay, well I’m going to go,” you adjust the strap of your backpack. 

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

Art looks you up and down before he takes off his hat and then brings his sweatshirt over his neck, tossing the sweatshirt into your chest as he puts his hat back on. 

“Don’t want you getting cold.”

“It’s fine, Art-”

“You’ll give it back to me next time.”

Feeling the fabric between your fingers, a grin crosses your face at his words.

"Alright, next time.''

Art watches as you walked out of the tennis courts, leaving him alone in the quiet noise of the sunset. He’s forced to remember that morning with Patrick.

 

It was a couple of minutes before seven, the sunlight just starting to creep through the blinds of the hotel window. You’d just shuffled out of the room a couple hours ago, your shoes in your hands and your shirt on backwards. Art was laid across the two twin beds that they pushed together, his hand on his stomach as he watched Patrick grab his shirt, pulling it on and buttoning the bottom three buttons. 

“Can’t find my pants,” Patrick muttered as he stopped his movement, his eyes scanning the room. Art snickered from his position on the bed. 

“They’re on the chair,” Patrick turned at Art’s voice, grinning as he walked across the room to find his jeans perched on the wooden chair. He could feel Art’s eyes on him as he tugged his pants above his thighs, zipping his jeans and leaving a sliver of his boxers visible. 

This continues for a while - Patrick haphazardly packing and stressing about his tennis game tomorrow as Art falls in and out of sleep, slightly jolting when Patrick closes a drawer particularly hard or trips over a piece of clothing on the floor. Art was almost asleep again when he heard Patrick’s voice, muffled by the bathroom door. 

“Can I use your razor?”

 Before he could think, Art yelled back “I have a new one in my backpack, just use that.”

Patrick’s movement stills for a moment before he pops his head out of the bathroom door, his hand raised with the razor and a slight furrow in his brows. 

“I can’t use yours?” he asks, and Art doesn’t like the guilt that the question causes him, and doesn’t know why the ask makes his mouth dry. 

“Just use the new one. You won’t get my hair on you.”

“No sweat,” Patrick moves to go back to the bathroom but is cut off by Art.

“Use the new one, Patrick.”

“Jesus Christ Art, I just need to use your damn razor,” Patrick’s smiling, but his voice is a little sharper, a twinge of hurt playing on his tongue. 

“Fine, use it. I don’t care,” Art sighs as he rises from the pillow to sit up, pinching the place between his eyes.”

“My dick was in your mouth last night, in case you forgot.”

Patrick rests against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest, Art stares at Patrick for a few moments, feeling the skin on his face get warm. Of course he remembers last night, but hearing it out loud makes him feel a weird mix of rage and embarrassment. Art stands up and moves towards the dresser, grabs his clothes, and starts to put them on. 

“Dude, is it so insulting to think you wanted to fuck me?” Patrick says through a laugh, watching Art intently. 

Art pulls his arms through the sleeves of his sweater, staring at his brunette counterpart as he stuffs his wallet into his pocket. 

“Patrick. Don’t think I did anything last night that wasn’t just to fuck her, alright?” Art gives a tight-lipped smile as he grabs his keys. He tries to move towards the door but Patrick is faster, cutting him off as he blocks the door. 

“C’mon Art,” he playfully taps his chest. 

“It’s just me. You can be honest.”

The soft tone Patrick uses, the implications, the stuffiness of the room and the sight of Patrick’s slightly tousled hair infuriates Art. 

“What the fuck did you think was gonna happen today, Patrick? I mean, what, we were gonna walk out of here holding hands, drinking a milkshake with one straw or something?” Art chuckles dryly, seeing the change in Patrick’s face as he realizes what he’s saying. He knows he’s being mean, but he doesn’t know why. He’s too far gone, now. 

“I don’t want to be with someone like you, and I thought you knew that.”

Art’s words stick in the air as Patrick chews on his lower lip, slightly nodding. 

'“Good luck tomorrow,” Art pats Patrick’s shoulder as he pushes past him to open the door, but Patrick grabs his wrist right after the key clicks open. 

“You know, you have so much going on in your head,” Patrick points his finger into Art’s face, any humor in his voice long gone. 

“That you let it rule your whole life. Well, I’m done letting you infect me with it. I won’t let you turn me into a pathetic coward too.”

Art slams the hotel room door so hard that a couple from across the hallway creaks their door open, asking if Patrick is okay. He doesn’t answer.

[quaranmine]

Art Symbolism in The Incandescence of a Dying Light

Okay, I want to talk about art symbolism in Firewatch AU tonight, so I can finally add this post to the masterpost. This is something I did accidentally at first, and then on purpose later when I realized how perfectly I set it up. It's a happy accident that I ran with. I wish I'd incorporated it more clearly throughout, but as it stands it's a nice little small detail.

Visual art is used throughout the story as symbol of healing and recovery. I think I can speak for most of my fellow artists/writers/etc that not only is our art an important part of our lives, but it helps us process things. I know it's that way for me. Tracking the mentions of art throughout the story paints a picture (lol) of Grian's journey.

Specifically, the very first moment we're introduced to Grian, he's drawing.

He's doing this as part of his job, but it's implied in this scene that he's not drafting anything technical and is just coming up with exteriors. He enjoys the drawing. But significantly, this is a scene before Mumbo disappears. It's a snapshot of the before, a snapshot of normal.

The next time art gets brough up is in chapter four, when Grian learns for the first time that Scar is an artist (while having his breakdown about Mumbo.)

He says, I used to draw. This is an intentional revealing of Grian's mental health in the AU, because depression will literally steal away all your creativity and desire to engage in things you love. I know that from experience, and I'm sure many readers do too. Grian used to draw, but now he doesn't. He used to be an architect--a career he loved--but now he isn't. That's all a mark of his past, which is a person he doesn't feel like he is anymore.

But once we get to chapter eight, after a few weeks of getting closer to Scar and chipping away at finding Mumbo we get:

Scar asks Grian to draw something for him, and Grian actually does it. He picks up the pencil again. This is also when we start to dip into Scar's backstory, because this leads into Grian asking Scar why he's an artist. Scar picked up the hobby after his accident, as something to help him. He stuck with it. (Scar also offers to mail Grian a painting here, an idea that gets "satisfied" in the last paragraph of the story.)

But really it's just...the act of picking up a pencil here that does it for Grian. It's an indication that he's already in a slightly different mindset than he's been in for the past year. He's not healed yet. But he's tangibly in a different place than he was before he met Scar. He's not only willing to try and draw something again, but also listen to a friend's suggestion (after famously ignoring his other friends for months in an attempt at self-destruction.)

It's not a perfect drawing. He throws the first attempt away. But he actually tried again!

Then in chapter twelve we get more art related things, starting with Grian getting to see more of Scar's paintings. We also get another mention from Scar about how picking up art helped him:

For Scar, art is a big part of his identity now. It's a passion he's held for years, and it was something that he could fall back on to help process his trauma and grief. He has insecurities about his art (he's not all confidence all the time) but it is something that he finds important. He finds it important enough to recognize that it would benefit Grian, too.

Then, of course, we have Grian giving Scar the picture of his lookout that he drew in chapter eight. I just knew I had to fit it into the last chapter somehow, to bring it full circle. It's sort of a physical thank you.

It's not just a drawing Grian is giving him. It's the first thing he drew again after months of motivation went down the drain from grief and depression. It's the physical signfier that Scar had a huge impact on his life. It's the proof that maybe Grian can salvage this. He's not going to be his old self. But he doesn't have to abandon everything. He can keep engaging in art. He can get his career back. He can draw a new life for himself.

[luciawithoutj]

It is 2 am so sorry if what I am writing doesn't make any sense but I finally realized what vibe Joker Out songs give me and why I like them so much. Also english isn't my first language and I have dyslexia so I am sorry for any spelling mistakes or if my thoughts sound like they are all over the place.

It is a bit long post so I put the cut.

First I am gonna talk about Vem Da Greš because I am listening to it right now and it got me thinking. That songs feels like those teenager (or even childhood) nostalgic memories of late august or september until beginning of october (depending on where you live) or later spring when days are getting longer. But basically that time of the year when it is hot enough to be outside and wear summer clothes but chilly enough to not die from the heat. That song feels like evenings in those months. It feels like those moments when you are just going home from the beach while the sun is setting down. It feels like those evenings when you are sitting on the balcony or in some park with your friends and just chatting and laughing. That song is so summer sunsets colored. It makes you feel really warm inside but at the same time deep inside of you you feel a bit of sadness and stress crippling in because you know that these beautiful moments won't last forever so you try to enjoy the moment and take most of it into your heart. It feels like those last free day before school starts on monday. Also this songs are really small suburbs or small towns or even villages vibes.

And a lot of their songs give major evening - night vibes and that is why they concerts work so great during those time of day and they are perfect for small venues because you feel it on more personal level then when you are part of huge crowd. (maybe other people have different experiences, this is just mine from concerts I went too). Their songs make you want to make memories but not just to post them on social media but to actually be present and enjoy the moment while it lasts. Take it all in. Be human and enjoy life.

But they have those songs that have more darker themes which are so gloomy late nights coded or have vibes of afternoon in winter months when it has been dark since 3 pm. And some of them really go for those balkan winter vibes that some westerners that see those "eastern europe aesthetic" videos and call them sad and depressing but we who grow up there feel warm, at home and nostalgic. In that darkness, concreate, coldness, rainy weather we see some kind of harsh beauty. Those songs really gives those big cities with lot of concretes that feel empty and lost in time during winter months. It feels like you are stuck in still picture forever and you are drowning and can't get our but in a way you maybe don't want to escape and want to keep drowning and losing yourself until you become nobody just a dark figure at 3 am sitting on a cold bench, smoking and drinking while you think how everything went downhill. Basically those songs are just big cities where you go to chase better life but end up losing.

Barve Oceana and Tokio are only day songs in my mind. They are only really light and pastel and colorfull. And for some reason ngvot for me is especially really really early morning song that gives me hope for new beginnings (but that is maybe because that song got me into fandom and because of it I made my first (kris guštin) poster and joker out fanart in general).

Overall they make type of songs that feel really nostalgic for diffrent times in my life and they make me appreciate life more, both the nice part of it but also the moody and dark part becuse both have their special vibes and beauty.

Honestly I am not sure what did I yapp about and if anything makes sense but one day when my art skills get good enough I want to make joker out fanart that perfectly capture those summer evening with friends in small neighborhood and alone winter nights in big concrete city vibes.

If you came this far thank you for reading all that mess and thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[0heartangel0]

Many months ago (March-May), I played and beat Tactica. From when I hit 'start' to when the credits rolled, I had many thoughts on this game, and for a while, I was too afraid to share them. But after these past few months of ruminating, I've finally wracked up the courage to come out the closet to say:

I hate it. It's not good. It was frustrating from beginning to end. I don't even think the dlc will change my mind on things if I ever think of getting it.

Now, before you raise those pitchforks, I'm not saying you should also hate it alongside me. If you like it, that's okay, and all the power to you to do so. I'm just here to go into too much detail as to why I personally don't have the same opinion. Much like my last big post, I'll be doing this in parts because I have a LOT to say. So, strap in, 'cause

PERSONA 5 TACTICA IS NOT GREAT: A VERY ODDLY-CONSTRUCTED RANT

Pt. 1: The Positives

Okay, I'm not gonna be entirely negative here. There are a couple of good things, believe it or not.

For starters, the art is very good. I know some people might not like it for how it not only strays away from the original's art style, but is made to be more cartoony, but to that I say that that's a rather close-minded way of looking at it. In its own right, it at least has an identity of its own outside of the original, and the cartoonish art style gives way for more expression on the characters, both face-wise and pose-wise. Each still of the characters breathes life into them, and there's even some unique ones depending on the circumstances of the scene.

There's even some moments of full art pieces, and they're gorgeous:

I heard some people compare the art style to that of Persona Q's, but I'd say it's more on the lines with Panty And Stocking's, and I love its art style!

The cutscenes.....well, it depends on which ones you're talking about. Most of the 2d ones are good, but some are dragged down by not-so-good blocking and camera work, especially one in particular (don't worry, we'll get to that one...). The 3d cutscenes...aren't great. My biggest gripe with them are how the mouths move, which looks so weird and awkward, and you notice it from the very first cutscene (skip to when Yusuke and Futaba start talking). The shading and lighting also seem off, but I think that's just me.

Oh, right. Positives. Positives! POSITIVES!

Uh...OKAY! As much as I don't like the vast majority of the characters in this game (I'll elaborate on this in the next post), three of them are handled really well: Futaba, Yusuke, and (surprisingly enough) Lavenza.

Futaba still reigns supreme as p5's best girl (and by 'best girl' I mean out of the PT girls, she's the most entertaining and interesting one. To me), and retains her usual quips and personality. But not just that. Out of all the PT, she has the best chemistry with Toshiro. Not only does she have the most/best banter and talks with him, but they even have the most emotional interactions together.

Before fighting Yoshiki, Futaba tries reassuring him that his mother did love him, due to her own experience of the brain tricking her into thinking hers didn't love her, either. However, she dances around even talking about her own mother, and is super awkward the whole time.

This makes sense, considering the game takes place about 6-7 months after she joined the PT, so she'd still be very socially awkward. It's also a big contrast to Strikers, taking place about a whole year since her joining + having recently started attending high-school, so she's shown to be much better with communication by then.

Another good interaction is after Toshiro finds out the truth behind what happened to Eri Natsuhara (God, that name...), and gets super depressed, requesting the thieves just leave him behind to die. Futaba then does what I wish I could do, which is slap him across the face. She then tells him that she knows what it's like wanting to die, thinking you're the cause of someone else's misfortunes, but if she climbed out of that, he can too. She later makes him coffee with Yusuke, who reveals to Toshiro that she needed help with it, much to her embarrassment.

As bizarre as it is, I do love their chemistry, and I love how Futaba's handled in this game because of it.

Yusuke is rather bizarre for me, because (and I must be honest), he's a character I don't focus on much in comparison to the rest of the Thieves in P5. That isn't to say he's a bad character by any means; he's great! It's just, while he has his funny moments, I always found Ryuji as the character to give me the most laughs. He has his emotional moments, but characters like Futaba I would resonate with more.

But in Tactica, my God, is he entertaining. Out of every character, he has given me the most laughs (aside from maybe Lavenza, but we ain't there, yet), and still stays true to his character. His most notable moments are in Kingdom 2. For instance, when the gang are trying to save a bunch of citizens while acting like Samurai/Geisha, picking team Samurai will result in Ann using her terrible acting skills to get a drunk aizen to cough up the information, only for him to obviously be confused with the way she's acting. Yusuke then uses this opportunity by claiming that Ann's just drunk, and needs somewhere to lie down. Oh, the place where those citizens are is the perfect spot! Where was it, again?

The aizen falls for it, and tells them where it is. But just as he's sobering up, and is about to report them, Yusuke knocks him out, saying:

Love this scene! (And yes, I know this scene is optional, for you can choose to go with the geisha group instead (Haru, Makoto, and Erina), but I preferred to go with the bois + Ann (and can I just go off on a tangent to say having Ann be a Samurai is so smart and refreshing? As a character that's always depicted very feminine, seeing her in more masculine garb is really fun and great. Also, she's adorable in the getup)).

Later on, in order to get inside Yoshiki's palace, Toshiro devises a plan to dress all the townsfolk as the Phantom Thieves as distraction. The real kicker is that Yusuke was the one to come up with the designs to them, much to everyone's horror:

So, in conclusion, Yusuke's great. Love him.

As for Lavenza, wow, did she get an upgrade! I might go as far to say she's the only character to get improved upon in this game. For most of the first game, she's split into Caroline and Justine, and we're only properly introduced to her by the end, where she serves her purpose as help for the final battle + exposition (I hear she gets more in Royal, but only played Vanilla, so can't exactly comment). However, she's given more screen time in Strikers, which would've helped to expand on her character.

EEEEeexcept she's instead left there to exposit on how there's an impending doom + fusions. That's it. The most memorable scene she has is right after Zenkichi awakens to his Persona, where she drags you into the Velvet Room to explain to you what the Apostle Arcana is (I don't think she does this for The Hope Arcana, which makes this scene more unnecessary and ironically hilarious).

So it was a huge shock when she popped up in Tactica, exuding a personality that was merely hinted to us when she was split into two people. And a welcomed shock, at that, because this personality is fun and downright entertaining.

For one, she is full-on chaotic. With the current state of the Velvet Room, she takes advantage by modifying and testing it out through....violent methods:

She even dresses to match with the theme of it being an armory/forge, wearing a blacksmith's apron and welding mask.

Her hammering down the melted-together gears that form the newly-fused Persona is really cute and more energetic than that of a traditional Velvet Room fusion. Also, the fusion accident cutscene is something that has to be seen. You won't regret it.

She even makes guns for you-

Well-

Not for free, anyway.

Yes, she still reprises her role as the exposition-dumper, but they at least gave her more of a character that might make you more interested in listening to said exposition.

Also, she almost runs over Ryuji with a train:

(Let's play a game: who'd kill someone the quickest: Haru when driving a car, or Lavenza driving the Velvet Express?).

I would show more examples, but Tumblr is mean, and won't allow me to have more than 30 images per post (the reason why I made my Shibuya Arc Zenkichi rant into 4 part posts in the first place). Just know that Lavenza is cute and unhinged, and is the best she's ever been in this game.

The other thing I like about this game is....is....uhhhhh....OH!

The voice acting's great as usual, including the voices for the new characters!

Leeana Albanese gives an energetic and spunky performance as Erina, while MacLeod Andrew's delivers a more serious, yet goofy performance as Toshiro. The casting director (can't find the credit for that) made the right calls for their newly-required cast!

And.....and..........AAAANNNNDDDD I like the secondary Persona mechanic! Not only does it allow you to further modify your other party member's Personas, but Joker can finally keep Arsene for the entire game, instead of fusing him for the first hour or so! YAY!!!

There's also......also.........also.................

Okay, I got nothing else. That's all of the positives I could think of for this section. Everything else is just a bunch of cons.

Mourn this part of the discussion, because we're not seeing anything else positive (maybe some decent bits at most, but that's about it for me). Let the negativity begin!

Pt. 2

Pt. 3

Pt. 4

Pt. 4.5

[darth-sonny]

(i am so sorry i keep sending asks, i'm just very excited for all your AUs)

For Weary and Wild AU:

Is Casey jr clise to any of the brothers? Considering he has his peepaw back..

Was it Donnie who figured out that four was with big mama?

After the final "failed" attempt on retreaving Leo, what happened to the fam? Does Donnie officially have a full on resentment hatred for F!Leo? Is Mikey broken.. bcz he thought he was too late?

Hc that Four likes getting pet by big mama and One, also One and Raph/Donnie has a rivalry on "best sibling on Leo's book" and that when Four and Donnie reunite four almost bite his whole hand off but Donnie is too emotional to care

For your Prime Leo AU:

Who does Leo meet first out of all his Yokai friends? ..koya?.. Natsu?

Can Koya fly? Since in the idw she lost her ability of flight.. (also bcz i'm a sucker for a disable meeting/helping another disable)

How panicked was the fam when Leo "disapeared" and who broke the most things in their panic (i'm betting on Donnie) ?

ahh~ no probbles!!

for the Weary and Wild AU:

he's close with them, yes, and he's close with Lee too. obviously, he's known him his whole life. but there's this...tension surrounding them in part due to Leo. everyone heard that it was him that closed the portal, and while they don't blame him, Casey fully blames himself and kinda believes that everyone is just acting nice to not hurt his feelings. and he doesn't know if he perfers that to them outright hating him

Donnie, surprisingly enough, isn't the one who figures out Four is alive and is staying with Big Mama. that honor goes to the one and only......... Sunita *jazz hands*

after the final attempt, everyone just sort of went...numb. they got the biggest lectures of their lives by Draxum but they were too despondent to hear it. Raph doesn't know what to do with himself anymore, Donnie's officially entered a depressive state, and Mikey has now been banned from practicing mystic arts for the unforseeable future by both Draxum and his dad. watching them is like watching zombies walk about

YES!! Four does love pets!! i did say he acts like a cat, so he loves chin scritches a lot

as for title of "favorite sibling". hmmm...i'd say Donnie would like to have a fight for that title. One doesn't really care about her status in Four's favortism (she already knows), and Raph wants to pretend he follows her thinking but he secretly wants to know who Four likes best too

for the Prime Leo AU:

the first friend Leo met was Kōya!! they met when she kinda sorta accidently kidnapped him (unknowingly) to help their team win some sort of race. Leo, after a full minute of trying not to panic, thought "eh? why not?" and decided to help. they've hung out ever since <3 (Bludgeon was second, and Natsu was last)

i've finally made up my mind about that tidbit and the answer is: no~!! i decided to skip the amulet thing bc i had no idea how to write that into their character. so yeah. Kōya can't fly due to an accident when she was small (tot age) and they help Leo when it comes to his disabilities

when Leo snuck out for the first time, no one noticed. he did it all sneaky like (not with his portals bc those are pretty on the fritz thanks largely to Prime. they'll go back to normal dw, but his ninpō is pretty unreliable after Prime). but when he met Kōya he stayed out far later than he normally does. Casey was the one who found out that Leo wasn't in the lair anymore, but Donnie (as you said) was the one who freaked out about it the most (followed very closely by Raph)

[yayforocs]

OLD ART PART 3!!! WHEEEEE!!!

still in february 2015 :VVV

i made a gif!!! of myself!!! look at that why did i never post this anywhere!!!! hello!!!!

i'm like 99% sure that i drew this bc of the production of aida that my brother was in, but it was like way back in 2009 or something so maybe we dug up the dvd and watched it?????? dunno but i'm pretty certain that's supposed to be amneris

and i did post the tiny here but i never posted the full pic!! which. i can see why sdfkljs but also i do like the interaction itself so i'm posting it now anyway

...a coresilence douglas that i never posted???? huh.

march 2015 V:

this used to be my mobile banner for ages just bc i wanted something to slap on there dklsgs

wasn't sure i'd ever get ahold of the original pic again but yO!! here we are!!

this one is just titled 'why bother' :( unfortunately i went through A Lot mentally around this time period, and there are quite a few doodles i think i made around this time and the next couple years that i never posted anywhere bc they were Too Edgy or Venty or just plain depressing to me. i honestly don't quite remember why i drew this, i think it had something to do with feeling like i was losing friends? maybe? i'm not quite certain honestly.

april 2015 :0

core and i did a little doodle rp character funsies exchange between robin and douglas and this was a response i drew but ended up never using :V

may 2015!

a couple different banners apparently! probably for my rp blog. i don't remember using either of these, but i'm assuming i probably did, atl for a little bit

ahaha oh wow i genuinely have no memory of this huh. absolutely no idea on why there's a jarring disconnect between the first eight and the last two but shrugs!

-oh this has made me realize i now have Much More to post on robin's toyhouse huh

i've also got a lot from july 2015, but uhhhh i say it's a lot bc it's for a lyric video i wanted to make to jason walker's echo :VV there's quite a lot done and HONESTLy i thought i'd lost all of it bUT the firealpaca file!!!! i've got the firealpaca file!!!!!!! aaaa!!!!!!!! so it's all here!!!!!!!!!

there's also this kdlsfjds

and then we skip all the way to march 2016, which is the last folder i have :(

literally my first attempt at a nuzlocke and i'm dying i can't believe i never posted this dlkjfskjl God what a run

hey does this technically mean i've made a complete nuzlocke comic? --shot

anyway that's not actually from 2016! that's just when i scanned it, i made that wayyy back in 2011, possibly even 2010 :V but there's no way i'm not including it in these posts sdklghs

ok so i did actually post this a while back, but then when i started working on locke'd in i went through and deleted all my nuzlocke art posts even slightly relating to it bc of 'spoilers' or w/e, these are some of my mons from a different run that... i dunno, i guess i just restarted or something? not actually sure why i didn't finish this one. i think i was going to cameo these girls in the comic or smth so i poofed the original post

atl i think, i could be thinking of any of the other like. five different teams i was planning on cameo'ing.

GOD THERE'S MORE BUT IT'S FNAF AU AND IT'S BIG BIG SPOILERS DO I. DO I POST.

I AM WARRING WITH MYSELF SO BAD OVER THIS.

I DON'T THINK I CAN LET MYSELF POST IT AUGH

but GOD i kinda want to :waugh: one day..... one day i will post EverythingTM

buT YEAH THAT'S ALL OF IT!!!! THERE'S SO MUCH RECOVERED ART I'M!!!!!!! :WIGGLE:

dude i didn't even start looking on this flash drive for art i was looking for old writing sdklfjdskjl

[notallthosewho-wanderarelost]

Ahsoka 1x01 1x02 Thoughts/Questions

Spoilers for Ahsoka of course, and spoilers for Star Wars Rebels.

WHAT IS SABINE’S CAT’S NAME???? This is unironically my number one question. What if she named it Ezra.

Where is Jacen? My broccoli boy 💚

Wtf is up with Morgan Elsbeth being a nightsister? She’s very clearly human and not the same species as Talzin, Ventress, and Merrin, etc. Is Dave bringing back the concept of a group of human Nightsisters from the EU? (In which case, I’d like to see Teneniel Djo please.) Morgan says she’s a “descendant of the witches of Dathomir,” does that mean she could be part Nightsister but mostly human? Worth noting she is clearly able to do at least a bit of Nightsister magick in the scene with the map- she summons green smoke while opening it. Why the inconsistency in species? It seems silly to suddenly have a human Nightsister character when it’s needlessly confusing.

Also, the instant she said she was a Nightsister and a survivor I was like “who does she think she is ripping off Merrin like this?!” I will not tolerate this dollar store knockoff wannabe.

Update: checked the wiki and apparently there were a few small human Nightsister clans (the Singing Mountain clan is apparently still canon!), but mostly it was the big Dathomirian Nightsister clan led by Mother Talzin. Morgan could be from one of the smaller human clans. I think she just feels annoying to me because it’s like someone saw how cool Merrin is, thought she’d be a good villain for this, and then took the character concept wholesale for a piece of Star Wars media that’s more mainstream, but didn’t put in the work so it falls flat. And then her being human just makes it weirder. I wonder who made the decision to use the Nightsisters for this storyline, because doesn’t… fit. Even Morgan’s name is odd. Just feels like no effort was put into the character.

How did Ahsoka find Huyang? I’m so curious when and how this happened. I’m really happy to see him in this though, I loved him in Clone Wars.

Ahsoka can do psychometry now! Can we please get some canon Ahsoka and Cal Kestis interactions? Rebellion era would probably be best but I’m not picky. Obviously Cal’s abilities in that area are a lot stronger, but it’s nice he’s not alone and it’d be great to see them interact. They’re almost the same age, but just far enough apart that their experiences since Order 66 have been radically different.

Mando/Din spending seasons raising a Jedi foundling and Ahsoka taking on a non-Force-sensitive Mandalorian as a padawan is so funny to me. The irony of the inverse.

It’s also the perfect continuation of the disaster lineage attitude imo. Obi-Wan “I’ll train the kid you all say is too old to train” Kenobi, then Anakin and Ahsoka’s… you know, Anakin and Ahsoka-ing, and now Ahsoka’s like “I’ll take a regular non-Force-Sensitive person as a padawan.”

Merrin and Sabine would get along, I think.

Sabine being like 30 and still acting exactly like a rebellious teenager feels like a cry for help to me. :( I’m glad Hera seems to have her back, and it’s good that she has a cat, but I’m worried about her. It makes sense, but gosh poor Sabine. I’m sensing depression. She’s had such a tough life and a tough time with the concept of family, it feels like losing Ezra was the last straw for her emotionally.

Actually, where is Sabine’s biological family? Are Ursa, Tristan, and Alrich okay? Or did they not survive the Mandalorian Purge? (God no I WILL cry. Also @ Dave where is Korkie, why is Bo-Katan calling herself the last Kryze.)

So wait, the rest of the crew has spent 15 years thinking Ezra’s dead?? He said to come find him! I always felt like he was pretty clear he wasn’t dying when he pulled his purrgil stunt. Did they all just turn pessimistic and lose hope? That’s so sad.

I actually really love Sabine kind of being the Republic’s version of Thrawn as an expert art analyst. Continues the Sabine/Thrawn contrast Rebels started where Thrawn analyzes art in a more academic fashion and treats the culture it came from as a curiosity- he’s very into cultural appropriation!!- while Sabine makes her own art and is more capable of stepping into other people’s shoes to appreciate their art.

Ahsoka refusing to train Sabine because she’s too busy being sad and lonely, and Sabine refusing to talk to Ahsoka or train (or give speeches) because she’s too busy being sad and lonely. This is so sad and I want to hug them both.

It works because we have a new actress playing Ahsoka, but I’m so curious what this would have been like animated. Ahsoka feels similar enough to herself but very different, because she’s in such a different place emotionally, and I’m curious how this would’ve felt in animation with Ashley doing the voice.

There were a few scenes where I felt like I was watching a live action Rebels episode and it was the best! The entire sequence with Sabine on the hover bike getting away from her own New Republic squad lol, Hera in the Phantom with Chopper chasing after the ship and planting the tracker. Chopper not being able to find the tracker until Hera told him where it was felt SPOT ON.

The T-6 actually looks pretty roomy and comfortable so far. Like, not the best living situation, but it looks way bigger than the Falcon! Heck, it looks bigger than Ezra’s tower that Sabine’s living in.

That said, Ahsoka having not had a real home since leaving the Jedi Temple is killing me. She really has some abandonment/attachment/commitment issues she needs to work on. Extremely understandable issues given what happened, but it’s like after the end of Rebels she just… quit. Maybe finding out Kanan was gone and then coming back to find Ezra gone was the last straw for her.

I also feel like her giving up on Sabine’s training was because of how her own training ended and Anakin’s fall shortly after. She doesn’t feel capable of dealing with the feelings stirred up by having a student. So she just doesn’t.

Sabine’s collecting little brothers. :) Tristan, Ezra, and Jacen.

I yelled at Senator Jai Kell!!! Good for him!!!

Had a watch party with my friends for this and we all screamed the instant Chopper showed up!! And here I was thinking maybe he was off babysitting Jacen.

What in the world is with the map showing another galaxy?? Yuuzhan Vong vibes. (The way they were almost canon because we were supposed to get a Clone Wars episode with them… :’( )

Why DO the Nightsisters have a map to another galaxy? Didn’t they mostly stay on Dathomir? I can buy them having outposts like the ruins where Ahsoka found the map in an era when they left the planet more, but a map to whole other galaxy seems a bit off. Space exploration on that scale doesn’t seem like something they would do. I wonder if maybe the map is a relic from someone else that they picked up. I like the Rakata theory I saw floated by someone. I could see the Nightsisters picking up a Rakatan map. Those guys left random stuff everywhere iirc.

Does the Eye of Sion have anything to do with Darth Sion? (Of KOTOR 2 fame)

WHERE IS MORAI??? This is a really big question for me!!

Also wondering where Ahsoka’s Gandalf the White outfit is? Guessing she won’t get it until the end of the show. She has to go through her journey first. I wonder if the if it’ll mirror the Topps cards Filoni did after Twilight of the Apprentice at all.

It’s really sad to me that this show is coming out during the strike, because I really need Filoni commentary on things. Actor commentary would be great as well. This is ridiculous, the studios need to pay the people who make things a fair wage.

Shoutout to Natasha Liu Bordizzo’s portrayal of Sabine so far. She feels JUST like Sabine and it’s great. We haven’t really seen enough of Hera yet for me to comment on Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s acting. (It was so weird seeing Hera be taller than Ahsoka though lol.) And Sabine had much more of an arc in these two episodes than Ahsoka did so I can’t really comment on Rosario’s Ahsoka either. Will say she’s been excellent so far, especially in her first appearance in the Mandalorian episode. Looking forward to seeing more!

[chaoticrobotics]

Please don't rush your comics take it slow and steady I know many people are eager to see more from your comics but please don't forget your human you need to take breaks from time to time art burnout isn't a joke I myself was once a artist and i quit that because it didn't bring me much joy anymore because of excessive burnout so please from one artist to another Take a breather maybe plan what your gonna do for the story going forward maybe take some inspiration from the game or something though whatever the outcome I will honor it.

Oh don't worry about the story itself. I have it all planned out and am absolutely not changing it (other than possible dialogue changes, I have the major plot points all set though). So that's not the issue.

It was the actual art itself. You are right, art burnout isn't a joke, and honestly I'm pretty sure I've never been closer to quitting art than when I was making Security Alert. The only difference with me is, art is one of the very few things that bring me any sense of joy. It's literally either a select few video games, or making art/stories, and at the time of making Security Alert I was in a video game burnout too and struggling through college.

All of that built up to make me miserable to draw and probably super depressed looking back at it (though I wouldn't hit a true low until my last semester, if I was still trying to do the comic then I don't think I would have made it).

Anyway, thank you for your words. I do appreciate them! I am going to take my time with this comic. Maybe even try out a different format or something. Smaller parts or less detail in the art. I just want to get the story out, and since I am not a writer, I have to draw it. But I'll definitely be taking my time when drawing it.

I'll be honest, I don't know how many people might have realized it, but I am a serial procrastinator that needs deadlines to get shit done, and I get stuff done all in one go or not at all. So all those big parts I posted? Those were all done in basically one sitting. Some of them were done in 3 days with me getting a total of like 3-4 hours of sleep on the weekend, not even counting the editing I did for videos. So you can probably see why I started to resent the comic and start to burn out from it.

I'm literally just rambling now, but I wanted people to know a little bit about what I went through since I know not everyone will be as understanding as you or other people who have sent in kind words to me in the past. I've learned my lesson then, and since I am not in college anymore, I won't feel rushed to get things out before the weekend is done or be rushing myself to make people happy.

It honestly all really sucks because I was always so happy to post the comic/tiktok and pass out finally, then to wake up to a flood of nice messages. But it would all too soon go away because only a day (sometimes not even) after posting people would be demanding the next part. It just sucks since I did have fun a lot, but also had that fun drained away just as quickly.

I don't even know what I am trying to say anymore. Thank you for the nice words. I will keep to my word about not rushing myself or pushing myself too much. I do feel like I am, at some point, going to try doing what I did before and pull all nighters and fuck up my sleep schedule drastically, but I'm hoping I will recognize the signs this time and take a step back once I possibly start doing that.

So don't be upset (saying this to the general audience/whoever reading this, not specifically you) if at some point in the future, if the comic does continue, that there might be another hiatus. Will definitely try not to go on a basically year long hiatus like I did last time, but depending on how my mental state is, it might be a pretty long one.

[unsleepingtales]

Ravening War episode four reactions! I finished the episode last night and then fell asleep editing the tags of this post lmao.

Before we even start I am so excited and curious for what the gang have done in the time skip. I love when there’s downtime and we get narration of their lives.

Anjali’s earrings are really pretty

Lou clearly feeling No Guilt Whatsoever about killing the little rot creature

Amangeaux and Karna’s relationship kills me

This is a transaction is such a heartbreaking thing for her to say

Oh goddddd the family dynamics of it all

Aabria crying at the table you are so real <3

The theme of a woman who has been ignorant or foolish in the past encountering a trial and coming out on the other side of it determined to be smart and learn everything that might have helped her is so meaningful to me actually

Not a single eraser is making it out of this season unscathed

I know all the reasons why Amangeaux had to do what she did but I’m also upset on behalf of Karna

Caramel and Oats!

The clock is ticking on getting slammed down big style!

She’s new in town :)

The archbishop??

Everyone has a crush on Ariana. Everyone.

I feel like I’ve lost track of ages. Would Karna be 19 at the end of the time skip?

Yeah what’s Raphaniel been up to?

Oh he’s a husk of a man? Cool.

We all are beginning to see who we really are indeed. Showing true colors etc.

Raphaniel and Karna’s vibes. I have so many thoughts but I cannot verbalize them.

You’ve already died girly???

This world cannot be the one that matters. SIR.

Escaped your grasp is such an interesting way to put that!

Oh he’s so scared

He’s lost everything he believed was important in his life and he is Scared

Creepy!!!

She was bent almost in half for decades holy shit

Holy shit

What a chill reaction!

YES go FULL frollo man hell fucking yeah

Devout for the first time in his life holy shit

How does one even begin to try and trigger this apocalypse

Necromantic Raphaniel is so cool

EXHUMING CORPSES NOW??

Mans fully creating his own faction in the church in order to fuck with the Sanctus

To spend the rest of his days????

Demoted??? :(

Ok so he’s just a random old guy now.

COLIN MY BOY

What’s up with my boy?

Colin and Deli :(

He doesn’t wanna fight. It’s not worth it.

GOD him realizing that his secrets aren’t worth this. Fucks me up.

This really feels like a breakup

So Colin definitely has ties to the royalty/coup in the dairy islands

Base level trust!!!

‘I hope you find what you’re looking for but I don’t think I can be part of it’ tell me this isn’t as emotional as any romantic breakup

Raphaniel and Colin feels Uncomfy and Bad and I cannot place exactly why

From Skald to Sir

The saddest most depressed “come on, provolone”

The stress of Raphaniel & Colin is directly contradicted by the joy of Brennan & Zac

Second time Raphaniel has referenced the FDA as foxes!

He’s looking for the banana’s family?

Oh my god

Colin :(

Listen to your mother I’m gonna cry

“Ew you’re nice” literally same

Deli’s turn!

Man’s haunted huh

Abandoning his mother? Becoming chief? Oh my god?

Aw Deli and Karna moment

Ok so she’s 21 I think

Yessss Karna glow up

Deli glow up too ok go off

YOU NEVER HAD TO ASK

Oh the tension is gorgeous

Dome! Antics! Yeah!

Ok so the kid is (theoretically) safe that’s good

It was not stated but I personally believe that Amangeaux also got a glow up

The first thing she has ever desired beyond her own survival I’m gonna cry

Yeah no she looks Good

I was right, Amangeaux looks good!

I’m so glad we get new art!!

He’s so sinister eeeeeee

Oh Karna’s a skald now???? Ok neat

Aww he and Karna have matching lost eyes

The dramaaaaaa

Yeah it’s just unsettling!

Shoo. Eat a snack.

Just the absolute worst time for a breakdown

Maybe some celery water will fix him

There was a cheese and radish smoothie, and it was good 😭

bLeSSiNgS

Amethar!!!!!

Awww amangeaux cares about them

OH SHIT ANOTHER ROT THING

Drink your celery water old man

Follow meeeee

I greatly appreciate the levity they’re bringing right now

She would do anything for him oh

I simultaneously really want and really Don’t want art of these things

Oh good more spores

Ooooooh this is so fascinating

Saprophus (research)

SHATTER

[cfsten]

So far in this little introduction to the world according to Sten (that's me, btw) I've told you that I did have a plan, but the universe decided to be a dick and set fire to it. Figuratively speaking. I've talked about amassing an impressive amount of debt in order to acquire a degree, aka the key to the creative and cultural industries where artistically minded introverts may be gainfully employed. I've also mentioned that I've struggled with gargantuan levels of anxiety and depression since childhood, possibly due to undiagnosed neurodivergence.

Today, I thought I would build on that by talking about why, as someone who recoils at the thought of being in the spotlight, I became an artist. And that takes us all the way back to a six-year-old boy who didn't quite fit into the stereotype of what he should be like. 

I remember seeing two boys in our pre-school bonding over their love of drawing, and they had so much fun I wanted so badly to get in on that. Initially, it was all about the camaraderie, but as a child with anxiety and a speech impediment, I think I was drawn to creative expression. Over the next six years I fell in love with arts, games, music, and storytelling and spent most of my time immersing myself into fictional worlds. It paved the way for me to attend a local arts college (where I got my GCSE's and A-levels in arts, photography, and design) before moving on to university. But herein lies the problem.

The point of any creative endeavour (outside of what we do just because we enjoy it) is to put our work, and by extension, ourselves, out there. The work is not complete until it's published. I understand that, but the idea of "success" has always scared the hell out of me. I have had many opportunities to grow a bigger following and capitalise on my skills, but I have a tendency to self-sabotage and keep myself tucked away in the cosy comfort zone that is my home, my family, my girlfriend, and my cats. I love it here, but I want more.

Moving to a new, safe, and affordable place was a big step forward. There is no more external chaos to hide behind now, but I still have daily battles with my old friends, Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome. They keep telling me I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve to have what I'm dreaming of, and that privacy is better than failure. Truth is, there's a part of me that believes them, but with coaching and some degree of gentle arm-twisting, I've spent the past few months taking stock of my situation and weighing up my choices.

I could go look for a better paid job and accept that I have a ridiculously expensive hobby. Alternatively, I could put myself out there and do what I was planning to do from the start. It may sound like a simple choice, but it wasn't. Still isn't. Anxiety really is a bitch, and the thought of going pro with all that entails makes me feel sick, but I do believe it's time for me to finally speak up about my dreams and aspirations. To nail down my goals, keep myself accountable by sharing them, and learn to acknowledge what I've accomplished instead of hyper-focussing on what I haven't.

It was a co-incidence that I stumbled across this Ko‑fi Sharetember challenge last night, but the timing could not have been better. I am going to do this, and here’s how and why I think it will help me:

I have a dream: I want to work and I want to settle down with my girlfriend. I believe in the projects I've been working on, and in the ones I have on the slush pile. It would take some time, but it's not entirely unrealistic to think I could make a living out of this. Like art, dreams have to be shared and this challenge is based on the idea of building a platform and sharing it.

I need a challenge: I could easily get stuck just thinking of all the problems and obstacles I'm going to face, and I've turned self-deprecation into an art form. To make my dreams come true, I need a space where I can share my artwork and other digital products. If I can stick to the challenge, I may actually have a fully functional Ko‑fi platform by the end of this month. 

I want to share: Well, want may be too strong a word here, but I’m not going to shy away from talking about mental health. It's hard to put yourself out there when you are your own worst critic, and I know many people have felt the same at some point or to some degree. I’m still figuring out how to live with my issues and be creative, and I think it would be helpful to share the journey with anyone who can relate. And anyone who just wants to be supportive and tag along to see where this road leads.  

It's been a very long time since I could post 25 random social media updates in a month, so this is taking me way out of my comfort zone. I'm not just doing this for the sake of the challenge, though. This is to hold myself accountable and force myself to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

So, here we go. I've just taken another step and earned my first check mark on the challenge card: 

✅ Introduce yourself