#they are so goofy and silly but have songs that leave you zoned out for hours while you rethink your whole life and meaning of it

[luciawithoutj]

It is 2 am so sorry if what I am writing doesn't make any sense but I finally realized what vibe Joker Out songs give me and why I like them so much. Also english isn't my first language and I have dyslexia so I am sorry for any spelling mistakes or if my thoughts sound like they are all over the place.

It is a bit long post so I put the cut.

First I am gonna talk about Vem Da Greš because I am listening to it right now and it got me thinking. That songs feels like those teenager (or even childhood) nostalgic memories of late august or september until beginning of october (depending on where you live) or later spring when days are getting longer. But basically that time of the year when it is hot enough to be outside and wear summer clothes but chilly enough to not die from the heat. That song feels like evenings in those months. It feels like those moments when you are just going home from the beach while the sun is setting down. It feels like those evenings when you are sitting on the balcony or in some park with your friends and just chatting and laughing. That song is so summer sunsets colored. It makes you feel really warm inside but at the same time deep inside of you you feel a bit of sadness and stress crippling in because you know that these beautiful moments won't last forever so you try to enjoy the moment and take most of it into your heart. It feels like those last free day before school starts on monday. Also this songs are really small suburbs or small towns or even villages vibes.

And a lot of their songs give major evening - night vibes and that is why they concerts work so great during those time of day and they are perfect for small venues because you feel it on more personal level then when you are part of huge crowd. (maybe other people have different experiences, this is just mine from concerts I went too). Their songs make you want to make memories but not just to post them on social media but to actually be present and enjoy the moment while it lasts. Take it all in. Be human and enjoy life.

But they have those songs that have more darker themes which are so gloomy late nights coded or have vibes of afternoon in winter months when it has been dark since 3 pm. And some of them really go for those balkan winter vibes that some westerners that see those "eastern europe aesthetic" videos and call them sad and depressing but we who grow up there feel warm, at home and nostalgic. In that darkness, concreate, coldness, rainy weather we see some kind of harsh beauty. Those songs really gives those big cities with lot of concretes that feel empty and lost in time during winter months. It feels like you are stuck in still picture forever and you are drowning and can't get our but in a way you maybe don't want to escape and want to keep drowning and losing yourself until you become nobody just a dark figure at 3 am sitting on a cold bench, smoking and drinking while you think how everything went downhill. Basically those songs are just big cities where you go to chase better life but end up losing.

Barve Oceana and Tokio are only day songs in my mind. They are only really light and pastel and colorfull. And for some reason ngvot for me is especially really really early morning song that gives me hope for new beginnings (but that is maybe because that song got me into fandom and because of it I made my first (kris guštin) poster and joker out fanart in general).

Overall they make type of songs that feel really nostalgic for diffrent times in my life and they make me appreciate life more, both the nice part of it but also the moody and dark part becuse both have their special vibes and beauty.

Honestly I am not sure what did I yapp about and if anything makes sense but one day when my art skills get good enough I want to make joker out fanart that perfectly capture those summer evening with friends in small neighborhood and alone winter nights in big concrete city vibes.

If you came this far thank you for reading all that mess and thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Across 110th Street (Bobby Womack)

Across 110th Street/Pimps trying to catch a woman that's weak/Across 110th Street/Pushers won't let the junkie go free/Across 110th Street/Woman trying to catch a trick on the street, ooh, baby/Across 110th Street/You can find it all in the street

"I grew up hearing my father play this song during car rides, but I fell in love with it last year after watching the Jackie Brown movie. It is such an earworm! I cannot get it out of my head. And I'm not complaining--it's great."

Epliogue (The Stanley Parable)

"Every single one of my friends know that I’ve bawled my eyes out at this song at least once. I’m a sucker for strong music, and the fact that I’m hyperfixated so hard on this damn game does not help. Listen. This game is a rollercoaster. From start to ‘end’, it is a rollercoaster. It presents itself as goofy and lighthearted, haha there’s a British guy following you around who reacts to your choices. It’s very silly, the jokes are funny, it doesn’t take itself seriously. Until it does. The Narrator, who supposedly created the game and takes great pride in it, is showing off his game’s success and reminiscing over the thing it used to be, in a place he calls the Memory Zone. Then, he stumbles upon a collection of negative reviews that make him realize that his game may not be all that he thinks it is. He’s desperate to please his players, and so he sacrifices himself and his time and creates a skip button, so that players who don’t want to hear his voice can skip through his dialogue. The time between skips gets longer and longer until he’s gone. Stanley is finally able to leave the room he’d been trapped in, and is met with open desert. A wasteland. He still hasn’t learned his lesson, even through billions of years (someone did the math) of solitude, and how much that affected him (and potentially killed him), he still desperately wants to please those who play his game. And so he puts together an expo to show off his ‘new features’. As he prepares to present it to Stanley, there’s a swell of hopeful and triumphant music. This is important. One of the exhibits is these figurines. If you collect all of them, there is supposedly ‘no reward’, but it actually unlocks an ending where the Narrator decides to release Stanley for good. This is the last step to unlocking the Epilogue, given to you by a mysterious entity who greets you every time you open the game. In the Epilogue, it’s mostly cutscenes. Stanley wanders the desert wasteland, while this music plays. The Narrator is not present. The Epilogue is a culmination of everything Stanley and the Narrator have gone through together, against each other and then against the world. The Epilogue takes place when the Narrator is gone, leaving Stanley to only wander alone with his memory, with no silly voice to keep him company. It’s a time where Stanley can only bring back memories about the Narrator as he faces survival in the desert. Alone. I cry every time the music swells during the sandstorm bit of the cutscenes. But at the very end of the song, when the music dies down, Stanley once again stumbles across the Memory Zone. The place that the Narrator once held dear, that held all his favorite memories, now dilapidated and half-buried in the sand. The place where the Narrator once enthusiastically showed off positive reviews of his game. The place he was proud of, hidden away where the developers would never see it. And. And do you know what this song does. When the Memory Zone comes into view. It fuckjgn reprises the song from the Narrator’s expo, once triumphant and swelling as he showed his creations off with a grand flourish, now quiet and sorrowful as you come across the memory zone without him present. And if the swelling of the sandstorm scene doesn’t hit me first, this bit fucking floors me. Every single time. The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe is a silly game about choice. It is also a game about companionship, and trust, and hurt, and grief. And during the true ‘ending’ of the game, before everything starts anew, when that music is playing, it’s the result of every single moment these characters have experienced, come together in one song, and a bunch of cutscenes. THAT is why this song fucks me up. sorry i dont know wtf possessed me just now but yeah. This game is a little obscure and many MANY people who have played it have not made it to the Epilogue, so I highly doubt it’s gonna make it very far into the tournament. But fuck if it can make me cry,"

[weelittleweasley]

Say It | Draco x Reader

Prompt as requested by anon: You and Draco both have liked each other since year four, but neither of you want to admit to the other how you feel. So you decide a friendly game of hard to get will make Draco confess his feelings. 

Warnings: None!

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: I’ve been trying to CRANK out these imagines for you guys and getting your requests out there. I am going to close requests for the rest of the week, so I can really deliver the content for you guys and do another multipart imagine for the weekend hehehehe...

A pair of ice blue eyes gazed at you from across the table as its owners smiled softly to himself at the sight of you, writing away in your notebook, taking diligent notes in preparation for exams. He watched as you pushed your hair away from your face, getting annoying and giving in to tying it back into a low ponytail. You bit down on your lower lip, concentration on the material sat in front of you. You were in the zone. You finally acknowledged that someone was indeed staring at you and you didn’t have to look up to know who it was. A small smile danced on your lips as you spoke, “Take a picture. It’ll last longer, Malfoy.”

Draco let out a light chuckle. “I can’t enjoy the view?” he asked you.

You placed your quill down to take a look at the boy sat in front of you. “Haven’t you heard?” you sarcastically ask. “Staring at people without them knowing is creepy.”

“You didn’t know I was staring at you?” Draco teases which makes you blush. He always knew how to come back at you.

The two of you liked each other and it was clear as day. Everyone around you knew it. All of your friends, all of the students in your year, even your professors picked up on it. But the two of you were so stubborn that neither of you wanted to admit your feelings to the other in fear that they would be admitting defeat. This has been going on since year four and now you two were in year six, still not together. You hadn’t even kissed. Nothing. 

Shaking your head, you return to your work, a smile still plastered on Draco’s face as you continued your studies. There were lots of things that Draco liked about you. Obviously, you were beautiful. But it was more than that. He liked how strong willed you like himself. You were driven and ambitious. You weren’t afraid to stand up for yourself and others, putting people in their place with just a glare. Draco adored how strong you were on the outside, but a complete mush on the inside when it came to your family and friends. There was so much to like that it made Draco unable to think straight at times. 

Draco so desperately wanted to make you his. He wanted to tell you everything about how he has felt about for the past two years. But even though he knew how much you liked him, he still feared rejection. That you would think he wasn’t worthy of someone like you. That you would prefer someone who’s family wasn’t so snooty or prestigious. These thoughts often circulated throughout his head and could drive him close to insanity, wondering what you would do if he asked you to be his.

“Haven’t you had enough studying for today?” he whines as you continue to keep your head buried in your work. You didn’t take exams lightly. Although you liked having fun as much as the next person, your academia always came first. It was your responsibility to do well in school and be better than the next student. You didn’t feel obligated to do it for anyone; you were a good student for yourself. You wanted to prove to yourself that you were just as capable of being brilliant like other students similar to Hermione Granger. “You could use a distraction,” Draco teases.

You roll your eyes, “Are you suggesting that I may be more interested in what you have to offer?” Draco raises his hands in defense. You chuckle, closing your book, surrendering to the blonde Slytherin in front of you. “Well, let me hear your sales pitch, Malfoy.”

Draco sits up in his chair, eye staring into yours. Merlin, you had beautiful eyes. It’s like he saw the galaxy in your eyes. Such a beautiful hue, blinking with joy, curiosity, and cleverness. “I don’t know what to do to sell you, (Y/L/N),” Draco confessed. Which was true. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. What else could he possible do to prove that he liked you and wanted to make you his?

Sucking on your teeth, you feign disappointment. “Not the words I was looking for. What a pity,” you tease as he grins. “Just means I’ll have to postpone buying your product longer than anticipated.”

Before Draco can even ask what that means, you had grabbed your things and left the library with a saucy smirk on your lips. “Merlin, she’ll be the death of me,” he breathes out. Draco sits there, thinking of what he has to do to prove himself to you.

-----

You return to your room, peeling your cardigan off of your body as your roommate, Daphne, sits on her bed. She catches the goofy grin on your face as you place your things away, tucking them into their respective drawers. “Smiling about Malfoy?” she laughs as you ignore her. Daphne knew first hand how much you liked Draco. Ever since year four, you would ramble on and on about him and how much you liked the boy. She would roll her eyes and tell you that you should make a move as your eyes would widen in fear and earn her a ‘are you mental?’ in response. “(Y/N), you like the bloke so much and you know how he feels about you. How many hoops are you going to make him jump through?” she sits up as you plop yourself next to her. 

“It’ll come to an end soon,” you confess. “I’ve planted the seed. Now, we wait,” you tell her as she furrows her brows, confused. “Meaning, I told him he needs to sell me on reasons I should want to be his girlfriend. I’ll give him a hard time about it, but I’ll give in.”

Daphne just laughs wildly at you, now your turn to be confused. “Oh, silly little (Y/N). Do you know what you just got yourself into?” she asks, placing a hand on your leg, trying to reassure you about the decision you’ve made. “You challenged Draco Malfoy to a game he will crush you in. I remember when Draco had a two week crush on Tracey Davis and he sent her owls that carried roses to her room every morning and night. And that crush lasted two weeks! Yours has been two years in the making.”

Maybe Daphne was right, this was a mistake. But you kind of wanted to see just how far the boy would go to show you how much he wanted you. That night you went to sleep with excitement and nervousness about what Draco would have in store for you tomorrow.

The morning came quickly as you awoke, still groggy. You slide on your slippers when there is a knock at the door. Yawning, you open the door and on the floor near the door is about six dozen red roses and a small card on the top of the pile of flowers. You open the white card and in Draco’s handwriting reads: Challenge Accepted. Xo, Malfoy

You can’t help but smile. 

“You’re bloody joking,” Daphne says from behind you as you shrug, picking up a flower, sniffing its pleasant scent. “I am not picking that up. Malfoy has a crush on you, not me.” 

After getting ready in uniform and ready for the day, you make your way to the Great Hall for breakfast. When you sit down with Daphne, Draco is immediately sat to your left. You sip on your pumpkin juice as Draco starts, “Receive anything interesting at your doorstep this morning?”

Hiding your smile, you turn to him and furrow your eyebrows. “Pardon?”

Draco rolls his eyes and scoots closer to you. “Did you get my gift?” he asks.

You scoot away from him, teasingly. “No, actually. There was absolutely nothing in front of my doorstep today. A big pile of nothing,” you tell him as Daphne almost spits out her juice. 

Draco recognizes what you are doing as just shakes his head. He then leans in closer and whispers, “This is nowhere near over,” in your ear. The motion brings goosebumps to your skin before he leaves just as quickly as he came.

Sitting there for a moment in silence, you let your heart rate calm down before sipping on your pumpkin juice again and taking a bit of your toast. “I told you this was a war you didn’t want to get involved in,” Daphne sing songs as you kick her underneath the table. “Ow! What’s that for now? Just because you two are stubborn doesn’t mean you have to take it out on my shins!”

-----

And oh Draco wasn’t lying when he said it wasn’t the end. If flowers weren’t enough, he sent you boxes of chocolate, a new pair of shoes, a dress he knew you liked from the shoppes at Hogsmeade, and he even had the audacity to get the Frog choir to serenade you at dinner one night. It was getting absurd at this point. But with every gift Draco gave you, you played it off like it was nothing. Although Draco didn’t have to do all of this, you just wanted to push his buttons.

Draco on the other hand was running out of ideas quickly. He has thought of everything under the sun that was creative or show stopping to get you to be his. What was next? Did you want him to buy you Hogwarts castle? He could probably do it if he tried hard enough...

He was beside himself. Tonight, he laid on his bed, staring at his ceiling, just wondering what you wanted out of him. He thought of you in his mind’s eyes and all of his worries seemed to melt away. The thought of you laughing and smiling made his chest warm and head fuzzy. He dreamt of you snuggled up to him on his bed, him kissing the top of your head, drawing small circles into your hip bones. He wanted you to be his so desperately. It was a deep need. He knew that if you asked him, he would go to the ends of the world for you and come back with whatever you wanted. Draco didn’t want to admit it, but deep down he knew he was in love. No other feeling was this strong. 

You sat on your bed, looking at the gifts that Draco had gifted you over the course of the past week. Every single one more beautiful than the previous one. But none of this wanted to make you run into his arms and say yes. That just seemed selfish. Although you wanted to do this to tease Draco and drive him a mid mad, all you really wanted was to hear Draco say the words, “I want you.” That was it. Simple as that. 

But of course, it was in Draco’s nature to overcomplicate things and get showing affection confused with material items. You couldn’t blame him though. That’s how he was raised by his parents. They showed their love for him through gifts and material wealth. But in turn this made Draco believe that that was the only was of showing affection rather than using his words or other actions. 

Sighing, you place his gifts elsewhere, out of sight as you tuck into bed for the night. “Nothing?” Daphne asks as you shake your head. “He’s going to say it. Mark my words, he’ll do it, (Y/N),” she says as you can only hope he will. “He’ll come around.”

-----

The next day rolled around and you weren’t as well rested as you had hoped. You had stayed up tossing and turning, wondering if Draco was thinking of you the way you were thinking of him. You begrudgingly get dressed and imagine what gift Draco has for you today. You’d be surprised if he could top the Frog choir. That would be an achievement. 

But there was no gift today. No flowers, no chocolate, no clothes, no Frog choir, nothing. You waited for something to catch you off guard, but your day was normal. Which kind of worried you. Did he plan something for the evening? But at dinner, there was nothing. You ate your meal with your friends at one of the Slytherin tables, waiting for Draco’s arrival, but nothing. In fact, you didn’t see Draco at all that day. 

You started to get a little concerned. Did something happen to him? Is he sick? Did he get hurt? Is he looking for you? Thoughts flood through your head, but you take your mind off things by engaging in conversation with the people around you.

Finally, you return back to your dormitory for the night, surprised that nothing happened today. Completely uneventful. It was a bummer; you looked forward to teasing Draco again today. 

You slipped into your nightclothes and took your hair down from its ponytail, shaking it out along with the worries and anxieties of the day. As you pull back your sheets, you hear a knock at the door. You had assumed it was Daphne, considering she wasn’t back in the room yet and she had forgotten her keys yet again. “Daph, you have to remember your keys. I won’t always be home,” you look up and don’t see Daphne, but instead Draco. “Oh. Hi.”

Draco looks exhausted. Like he hasn’t gotten sleep at all. He has bags under his eyes and his face looks a little paler than normal. He stands before you in his clothes from yesterday. Your concern for his well being rises. But before you can say anything further, he talks. “I don’t know what else to do to prove that I like you, (Y/N). I’ve done it all, but I’m going to do one last thing and if you still don’t want me after this, then I will stop by all means,” he says as you just watch him. “I thought about what I wanted to say to you all day and all night, but all I can say is this. I am my happiest when I am around you. You never fail to make me laugh. You make my head fuzzy and my chest warm and you make me want to be a better person which is just absurd,” he confesses making you giggle. “I like you, (Y/N). I want you to be mine. Please. Be mine.”

And with that, you waste no time in kissing the poor bloke in front of you. The moment your lips touch, his arms are wrapped around you. Your hands cup his face, pulling him close. The kiss is full of all of the longing and wanting you both had been doing for the past two years. It’s sweet and kind and passionate and hungry all at the same, making your head reel and your stomach do flips. It felt otherworldly. 

As you pull away, the both of you breathless, you say, “That’s all you had to do. You just had to say it.”

Draco’s face drops. “You’re bloody joking,” he huffs. “I spent so much money on all of those gifts and you just wanted me to say some sappy words? That’s the dumbest things I’ve ever heard!” he exclaims as you laugh, kissing him again, sweetly. “I guess it was worth it,” he shrugs. 

That night, you both fall asleep in your bed, Draco cuddling you from behind as you both have the best night sleep of your life. As you sleep, Daphne comes it and notices you two curled up together. “Finally,” she exhales with a smile.

[deadlygoddess85]

Perfect Love

Pairing: Yunho x reader

Words: a few

Genre: fluff - cute little family life.

Song suggestion: Light - Ateez

You’ve been awakened by the muffled sound of your son’s laugh and a “shhhh!” as loud as a whisper coming from outside your room. You roll over only to find an empty spot next to you in the bed. Lifting yourself to sit down, you rub your sleepy eyes trying to get the drowsiness away. A quick look at the small alarm clock standing on your nightstand makes you pout: 6:30 am. “It’s too early” you whine.

It takes you another 5 minutes before you decide to get up. In your PJ, you drag your bare feet down the hallway. You make your way to the kitchen where you see your tall husband making a mess with your 3 years old assisting him, standing on a chair next to him.

“MOMMY!” screams the little boy when he sees you. The tiny man carefully steps down the chair and runs your way, his arms wide open for a hug. You pick your son, covered in batter, in your arms and lay a kiss on his chubby cheek.

“Look mommy, we making pancakes!” he says showing you his dirty hands. 

You smile amused and turn your gaze to your husband, who’s now facing you with his goofy smile. The whole kitchen looks like a pancake bomb exploded, getting both your husband and son on the way. Yunho walks toward you with puppy eyes:

“We are making pancakes” he chuckles before laying a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I can see that!” you say half amused and half discouraged at the idea you’ll have to clean the whole mess. You carefully walk in the war zone, trying not to step on anything. “What the hell happened?” you ask your husband, setting your son on the same chair he was previously. The tall man wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and lay a soft kiss on your neck:

“I’ll clean it up, I promise” he whispers.

“Mommy! Daddy said he’ll bring us to the Canival!” Your son says excited, while trying to lick the pancake batter from his fingers.

“Oh really? The carnival!?” you asked surprise. Yunho ruffle your son’s hair, shifting position to face you, he lay his hands on your hips:

“I thought it would be nice to get out. Haechan deserve to have fun” he leans down and lay a tender kiss on your lips.

--- After breakfast and a good hour of cleaning, you change up and get ready to go out. Haechan is so excited you can’t get him to put his shoes on.

“Puppy! Please stay still.” You repeat for the 30th time. 

You are about to give up and just let him go barefoot, when Yunho grab the boy in his arms making him “fly” across the living room. The tiny boy laughs so hard, you can’t help yourself and laugh too. After a minute of fake superman flying, Yunho place his son on his shoulders. The tiny man wraps his arms around his father’s head, holding to his chin for safety. In this position, your son’s feet are easily accessible. So you take advantage of the situation and finally put his shoes on. You mentally applaud yourself at this little win.

Yunho helps you with the baby stuff. While you carry your purse and the diaper bag, he will carry your son and the stroller. Teamwork!

---

You can’t remember when the last time is, you went to a fair. The smell of popcorn, cotton candy and all the other delicious carnival food, makes your mouth water even if you just had breakfast.

“There daddy! I want go there!” yells Haechan, who was still on Yunho’s shoulders, his little feet are kicking his father’s chest. You are not surprised to see the Carrousel with the pretty horses going around in a perfect circle. Your son loved horses. Yunho comply to his son’s demand.

“Wanna come with us babe?” he asked you. You shake your head smiling.

“No, I’ll watch you two have fun!”

He smiles back and lay a quick kiss on your nose, before walking to ticket booth and buying two tickets for the ride. The tall man let his son choose the horse he wanted and as Haechan chose a beautiful white horse with blue ribbons, Yunho sit on the fake animal, his son comfortably leaning against his chest.

 As the ride go around, your two men make different goofy poses to make you laugh. You feel a warmth surrounding you as you look at your husband and your son, who both looks so much alike, goofing around with their puppy eyes and silly smiles.

“Mommy!!” Haechan called, sending you tiny finger hearts. A thing his dad taught him.

They got off the ride after a few minutes, Yunho walked your way, your son in his arms. You can’t stop smiling at how handsome he looks.

“What?” he asks blushing. Without a word you simply wrap your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest and hugged him tight.

“I love you” you simply answer, breathing his sent in. Yunho smiles, laying a kiss on the top of your head:

“I love you too babe”.

You then feel tiny hands play with your hair, as your son hug you as well.

“Love you too Mommy”.

The three of you hugging in the middle of a sea of people, felt perfect. You wouldn’t change this moment for anything in the world.

----------------------------------------------------

“A bit different from my first story, I hope you like it! Leave some comments!

All right reserved to deadlygoddess85, do not repost or copy!

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[retvenkos]

congrats on 2.5k! i'd like to ask for a 🔥for ATLA, Harry Potter and Narnia :) I'm an asexual girl attracted to guys, and I like acting (big theatre kid energy lol), singing, writing and drawing. An INFP Hufflepuff who has ADHD, I get way too attached to video game animals and characters, and sing showtunes with my friends whenever I get the chance. Thank you, and I hope you keep growing even more! ♡

ATLA:

I ship you with Sokka!

okay, first of all, sokka is probably one of the few characters who can handle and match your theatre kid energy, and that’s very iconic of him

also, sokka is in constant awe of your drawing abilities and you two will draw together sometimes because you are one of the few people who won’t be critical of his efforts because you are thoughtful like that

and i think what’s super great about your relationship is how the two of you are constantly there to support the other in ways that are exactly what the other needs.

you are super in tune with sokka’s insecurities and he knows how self-critical you can be, (and honestly relates) so he is always there to hype you up.

plus! the two of you would be so goofy with you - he would 100% break out into song or practice lines with you dramatically.

you both probably have some of those super optimistic or romanticised ideas of what being in a relationship is - ideas like the other person being your “better half” or that you’re “soulmates” - and i think it’s good that neither of you are paired with someone who’s super cynical, because that would just crush your spirit, y’know?

besides, what you may lack in practicality, sokka will make up for since he’s so detail and “plan” oriented.

i honestly think the two of you would be able to balance out the other really well.

and let’s be real here,,, sokka is constantly looking for his dad in every crowd, so in a modern! au he will 100% get emotionally attached to video game and movie characters, too. it’s all in that quest for a father figure™ (and probably a mother figure, too).

give sokka a family 2k21.

also, in a modern! au, sokka kills it at video games, the two of you will definitely play together and he’d get very competitive.

i just think the two of you would be neat. you compliment each other really well, and i’m a sucker for couples who are similar to each other but bring needed stability.

Harry Potter:

I ship you with George Weasley!

now george is always seen as the more subdued of the twins, but i think that’s more in line with what you need. someone who appreciates your high energy but is also willing to take some downtime, seeing as you are an introvert.

george has a lot of energy, too, and i imagine he would love to sing with you in the dormitories, dancing wildly. and when the two of you crash, you just flop onto the bed and talk.

george is probably big on hand holding and tracing the lines on the palm of your hand. he just likes to feel you close, and get to know the tiny details of who you are.

and that’s something great about george! if you are slow to opening up, he won’t ever push you, just take whatever you give him and praise it to no end.

and george is honestly so positive? 10/10 a good boi.

i also headcanon that george has a lot of his fathers interest in muggle things, so when you introduce him to video games, he immediately falls in love with them and will beg you to teach him your ways. and he’s probably comically bad at it in the beginning, but he’s so quick to pick things up.

he definitely boasts about being good at video games too, talking about how amazing you are to have taught him and just know about it in the first place.

and you most definitely help the twins with their pranks! you probably cover for them a lot, making up really random and out there stories as to where they are, and george is really good at expanding upon your stories? together the two of you can make random but airtight alibis.

i also think that you would get along with ron a lot, which is good because george adores his siblings and definitely wants their approval.

also, if you are ever conflict-averse or just don’t want to get into a fight, george is always there to fight it for you - his loyalty is so strong and he would never leave you high and dry to fight your battles alone.

george would just love you so much, it’s what you deserve.

Narnia:

I ship you with Peter Pevensie!

i imagine you were friends with lucy, first, and the two of you hung out often enough that peter really started to enjoy your presence. something that you know edmund and susan teased him about, constantly pushing the two of you together to do simple things like make dinner or get the groceries.

and when peter is with you, he is the definition of the heart eyes emoji, listening to you ramble about your interests like 😍😍😍

i also headcanon that lucy has adhd, so peter would understand you really well and would never get frustrated. this man lives for others, and he would treat you right.

and the songs that you sing? he 100% listens to them and one day lucy catches him and she thinks it’s silly but very romantic of him.

and you know that peter is trash at video games - he has a lot of siblings, and edmund and lucy are constantly playing, so his skills are rough. he would love to watch you play, though.

also, peter is a wonderful cook and baker, so he will make the snacks while you play or maybe the two of you will cook together. it’s very endearing.

also! i have always stated that peter is a hufflepuff (with some gryffindor tendencies, true) so in a hogwarts! au the two of you would be that hufflepuff couple that everyone loves.

peter is so family oriented, so he’s not at all fazed by the fact that you’re more emotionally driven and a little more difficult to get to know - peter is so supportive and patient and he’s so comfortable to be around. he’d never push you past your comfort zone, and if that isn’t boyfriend goals, idk what is.

and since peter was literally a king, you know he has an appreciation for the arts. he will love it if you ever do any acting or if you join a choir - he’ll always be in the front row, cheering you on.

take part in my 2.5k celebration

[princecharmingmendes]

Paris | Day Two

When your parents decide to travel with your best friend’s family that you haven’t talked to in a while, who you have a massive secret crush on, what could go wrong, right? Right?! (best friends to lovers)

*Word Count: 2,5k

*Warnings: cursing, drinking, and I guess that's it.

*Posted: December 12th, 2019. 

      day one

                                                         -*-

Sleeping is amazing. Probably one of the best things on the planet. And I swear to God that this is one of the comfier beds I’ve ever laid on, and I would spend the whole day laying on it. And that’s exactly why I completely ignored Shawn alarm on the other room and nuzzled my face even more in the pillow I was hugging tightly, zoning off again.

“Y/N?” Someone I am going to murder somewhere outside my room called and I only groaned in response.

Silence. Also something great to add to my sleep.

“Oh, c’mon, Y/N, get up” Shawn’s voice said a lot less muffled by the walls, sounding almost as if he was in here with me “honey?” This time I felt his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly, and that’s when I opened my eyes.

Shit, this isn’t a dream, he’s in here.

“Hm?” I only hummed in response, closing my eyes again.

“Get up, we have breakfast”

“Mhmm”

“Since when you’re that hard to wake up?”

“Since this bed is nice and I’m tired” I said with the sleepiest voice possible, and I’m pretty sure he couldn’t understand everything in that sentence.

“Okay” he said and I was already happy that he was going to give up on me and leave me, but than the mattress behind me sunk with his weight and I felt him getting under the duvet with me.

“Whatcha doin’?” I groaned annoyed.

“Making sure you’re getting up” he said wrapping his arms around me and pulling my back flush against his chest, making me hold my breath involuntarily.

“Mhm” I said closing my eyes again, but when I was about to fall back asleep, his hands lifted my shirt a little to expose my stomach and started tickling me, making me shrink against his chest, trying to avoid his hands, bursting into laughter “no, no, no, no, no, please stop”

“Say you’re getting up and I’ll stop, baby”

“Please, Shawn, please stop”

“Just say the words”

“I’m getting up, please” I said whining between giggles and trying to breathe all at the same time, and the tickles stopped magically.

“There you go, honey, see, that wasn’t that hard” he said chuckling softly and placing a kiss at the back of my head.

“I hate you” I said trying to catch my breath.

“I know you don’t, now turn around for me, honey” he said and I did it, regretting instantaneously.

Okay, nothing new when it comes to me saying that he’s the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever met, but seeing him like this is just cruelty. The room was not bright enough for me to see the details, the only source of light was the door between our rooms since he had already opened his curtains. But even like that, he could kill someone. His hair was a mess, his curls were everywhere, his face was lightly flushed, he wasn’t wearing the hoodie that I saw last night, making my mouth go dry with the sight of his bare -built like a god- torso, but still looking so soft since he just woke up.

“Hi” I said extremely softly, scared to say anything else that could ruin the moment, where I was laying in his arms, his body warmth making me wanna stay forever like this.

“Hi” he said flashing me those perfect aligned teeth “good morning, honey, are you ready to get up?”

“I wasn’t, but now I am” I said getting out of his embrace and sitting on the bed, rubbing my eyes “do you know what’s the plan for today?”

“I guess we’re going to the Eiffel Tower and than grab lunch, and maybe later to a museum of something like that”

“Okay, I’m gonna shower and get ready, the one that gets ready first goes to the other room?”

“Deal” he said getting up and going back to his room, closing the door lightly, not locking it.

It took me around twenty minutes to shower and change into my outfit for the day when he knocked. I was sitting in the sink applying some make up with the bathroom door opened and some Britney Spears song playing in my phone.

“Come in”

“Hi, honey, ready?”

“Almost” I said applying the fifth layer of mascara carefully to not look all stuck together.

“Okay, he said and threw himself on the bed again.

Five minutes later I left the bedroom and grabbed my cute winter boots, putting them on and patting Shawn’s leg for him to get up.

“Let’s go” I said grabbing my purse and tossing my phone and keys inside it.

So we went downstairs to have breakfast and we met my sister and Aliyah, so we ended up eating together. And forty minutes later we were walking to the Eiffel Tower with our parents and laughing. We ended up taking amazing pictures, and Flo convinced me and Shawn to take those cute couple pictures to copy one that was right beside us, which resulted in cute pictures but extremely funny memories.

Then we had lunch and headed to Musee d’Orsay, where we got to see amazing artwork and obviously, more goofy pictures. After that, we got to the subway and got to the hotel pretty quickly.

“Okay, kids, we’re too tired to leave and go somewhere to eat something, so we’re going to our rooms and meet here tomorrow? We’re going to Versailles Palace at 10”

“Deal, goodnight” I said as they got in the elevator.

“What are you guys doing? I don’t feel like dressing up and shit, but I still wanted to go somewhere and grab something to eat” Flo said and Liyah nodded.

“We could go to that market on the next block and grab some stuff and eat upstairs” Shawn said.

“That’s actually nice, dude” I said and he stared at me.

“Hm, okay, I’m just going upstairs real quick to change my shoes, these are killing me” Liyah said.

“Oh, I’ll go with you, my phone’s dead”

“Of course it is, you spent the day listening to music, how could any battery last, Flo?”

“Kiss my ass, Liyah”

“Language!” I said as both got in the elevator and Flo just gave me a cynical smile “do you want to go upstairs or... what?” I asked as a noticed that he was still staring at me with a funny expression.

“Did you just ‘dude’ me?”

“Hm, yeah, I guess, what’s wrong?”

“‘Dude’? Seriously, Y/N?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m not just your dude!”

“You’re not?”

“No! I’m... I’m... I’m more special than that! I’m your best friend!”

“I know that, sweetie, of course you’re more special than that, but why can’t I call you dude?”

“You can, it’s just, oh, forget it”

“Shawn... it would be weird if your girlfriend called you that, but I’m just your friend”

“First of all, I’m single, just for the record, and second, you’re much more than just my friend, you’re you!”

“Okay, sorry for calling you ‘dude’, Shawn” I said giggling to cover the butterflies fighting to get out of my stomach.

“Okay, I’ll forgive you if you give me a hug” he said and I just wrapped my arms around his middle, laying my head on his chest and he did the same, rubbing my back up and down, making me wanna melt in his embrace and just stay there forever.

“You’re cute” Liyah said approaching with a huge shit eating grin in her face.

“I know” Shawn said flashing a cocky smile.

“Wasn’t talking about you specifically, but you both, as a couple” Liyah said rolling her eyes.

“We’re not a couple, kiddo”

“But you could be” Flo said winking.

“Not really, we’re best friends since I was born basically, he has a girlfriend, and we don’t have this kind of feeling for each other”

“Honey?”

“Hm?” I said leaning my chin on his chest, to be able to look at his face.

“I’m single”

“Oh, sorry, but anyway, hmm... we’re just friends”

“Yeah, we are just friends, Liyah”

“Can we just go? I’m starving” Flo said.

“Sure, let’s go” Shawn said grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the lobby and to the street.

“Hey, be careful, I’m not a doll”

“Sorry” he said giving me a sheepishly smile, scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s okay, big guy”

“What are we eating again?”

“Maybe we could get a few croissants and some cheese, and wine, I don’t know”

“That would be nice” Flo said smiling “some chocolate too, right?”

“Yeah, sure” Shawn flashing her a smile and Flo chuckled.

“That’s why I love you, Mendes”

We reached the market pretty quickly with light chatter and giggles, and Shawn kept me incredibly close the whole time. Like, literally, he would never let go of me. If I was trying to reach the top shelf, he would come from behind me, lay his hand on my waist and then grab the thing for me. And this is just driving me insane. Especially now that I know he’s single. Shit.

So we ended up with a few different types of cheese, bread, chocolate and candy, and of course, we bought soda for our sisters and three different kinds of wine. Obviously not all for today, but maybe for different occasions, and they were all cheap, so whatever. We headed back to the hotel and went back to our bedrooms to shower and change into something comfier.

About an hour later we were all gathered up on Shawn’s room, spread on the fluffy rug near the balcony, so we could see the tv and the beautiful view his room had. We were on our second glass of wine and stuffed with food, laughing about silly stories of our early lives. I was laying on the ground, with my head on Shawn’s lap, Aaliyah was leaning with her back against the wall and Flo was laying on the ground with her feet against the wall.

“So... everyone here is single?”

“I guess so”

“Guys! This is the first time in years that this happens!”

“Hm, yeah...? Should we all cry together to celebrate how we are all alone?” Flo said chuckling.

“You’re so dramatic!” I said laughing

“She’s your sister, of course she is”

“Shawn!” I said smacking his chest playfully.

“What? I’m not a liar, baby” he said with his face a little flushed due to the wine, and suddenly, the room fell incredibly quiet and I could feel all eyes on me.

“So, we are all single, we should go out sometime, like we used to do”

“Yeah, we definitely should!” Shawn said grinning.

“Okay, sure”

“Everybody shut up, I love that movie!” Flo said rising from where she was sitting on the floor, moving to the spot in front of the TV while Coraline played on the background, making everyone chuckle.

“Honey?” Shawn said barely a whisper a few minutes later, starting to play with my hair.

“Hm?” I only hummed in response, closing my eyes.

“My back kinda hurts, do you mind if we move to bed?” He asked softly, still running his fingers through my hair and I just shook my head and sat, getting up and crawling in his bed.

“You’re making yourself at home, right, Y/N?”

“I’m tired, Florence, fuck off” I said nuzzling my face deeper into the pillow.

“Where’s your room? Why don’t you just go to bed, we don’t mind if you’re that tired”

“It’s the one beside his, through that door” I said pointing to it and they both eyed me curiously.

“Really? Isn’t that funny?”

“What’s funny?” Shawn said sitting beside me with his back against the headboard and placing my head on his lap again.

“The fact that you too are inseparable again in less than 24 hours and extremely touchy, and your rooms are next to the other, I mean... you guys would look amazing together” Liyah said turning back to stare at us and I could feel my whole face burning.

“Liyah, we’ve always been this way, that’s just us, okay? We’ve been best friends forever, and she clearly said that is literally all she’s ever felt for me, so just drop it, okay?” Shawn said and I sat up to just stare at him.

“What I felt? Have you ever... I don’t, felt something different than this?”

“Me? No, I love you, like, so much, but it’s not like that, ya know... I just don’t want you to leave me” he said and I nodded, laying back and closing my eyes again.

“I would never leave you, Shawn, don’t be dramatic” I said lazily and he just chuckled.

I never noticed that I drifted off, only moments later when I heard something shuffling around the room.

“So we’re going back to our room, we are really tired, are you going to let her stay?”

“Of course, I would never be able to deny her anything”

“Just be careful, don’t fall harder than what you already did, bro, I don’t know if she feels the same”

“Me neither, she never talks to me about this stuff, ya know? And I’m her sister, for Gods sake”

“Yeah, I know, but I love her, I always did and always will”

“Yeah, whatever, we’re heading to bed, you should do the same, goodnight, Shawn”

“Night, Mendes”

“Goodnight, lemme take you guys there”

And with that, I heard nothing more, just the click of a door, and that’s when I knew I was asleep. Shawn is not in love with me or whatever. That must have been the craziest dream in my like.

“Honey?” I felt something caressing my face forcing me to stir awake “honey, it’s one in the morning, I didn’t want to wake you, but also didn’t want you to feel awkward in the morning since you never told me if you wanted to sleep with me... I mean, here”

“Hm, okay, I’m getting up” I mumbled with my face buried in the pillow.

“Do you want to stay?”

“No, I’m getting back to my room” I said sitting on the bed rubbing my face.

“Do you want me to carry you there? I don’t mind”

“No, it’s okay, I’m fine” I said stretching and getting up, grabbing my phone from the floor and turning around to say goodnight, but almost chocking at the view.

He was shirtless, with his flannel pijama pants hanging low on his hips and with the ends of it tugged in his socks. He looked so effortlessly hot that it hurt. He’s just like a freaking Greek God. Like, holy shit, who looks like that?

“You sure? You’re just standing in the middle of the room”

“Yeah, totally fine! Oh, do you need help cleaning the room?” I said looking around and seeing it was spotless.

“The girls helped me”

“Now I feel worthless”

“No, you’re just tired and none of us had the heart or the need to wake you”

“Oh, okay, I’m going to bed, I’m sorry for not helping at all”

“It’s okay, goodnight, honey, now come here and give me a kiss”

“Goodnight, Shawn” I said hugging him and kissing his collarbone, which is what I could reach and he laughed, kissing the top of my head and then letting me go.

And I just went back to my room, with butterflies flying on my stomach, but I was really tired to fight them, so I just crashed on bed and slept.

                                                        -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I'll know if I'm supposed to keep posting this series thing.

*I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo*

-🌙

                                                        -*-

[kayteewritessteve]

Hey! Perfectly Perfect (fantastic title btw) was exceptionally wonderful, I would have never guessed that was your first time writing smut and I adore the way you included the little side thoughts cuz it’s all so true! Don’t sell yourself short on your talent, you are truly an amazing writer!

Hello lovely!

I’m so glad you liked the title! I hear it’s a simple plan song! 🤣 looked up the lyrics and now I sort of wish I’d named this story something different and I kinda want to write a story based off the actual song! But too late noooow haha

And oooh goosh! You are just far too sweet. I’m starting to realize that it’s not as bad as I originally thought, thanks to a select few beating it into me that it’s good. 🤣 but it’s always so so nice to hear others enjoyed it so much! Really helps my writting self-esteem, that’s for sure! I think it’s always just scary when we leave out comfort zones. Writing smut was always something I wanted to be able to do, I just never could until this idea popped into my head and I just pushed myself to finally finish a smut one shot. I want to keep trying at it, and get better at it as I do, so that I can include smut into my series without a second thought! But baby steps. I’ll do a few more one shots and see how that goes first!

Okay, okay, I’m rambling again!

Anywho! I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me this ask. I got it shortly after you sent it, but it made me so emosh and giddy that I just could not find the words to reply till now! But seriously, thank you for sending me this. It made my whole dang week, and I’ll have this silly, goofy grin on my face for the rest of the day thanks to you! ❤️

- Kaytee. (The Queen of TL;DR!🤣🤦🏻‍♀️)

[minyoonkeeks]

Pairing:Jin x Reader

Word Count: 4k

Summary: It was one thing to love him in secret, but when you think he might like you back it changes everything. (90% Fluff, 7% Angst, 3% I don't know what this is)

Warnings: None really, there is 1 mention of throwing up for like a second and a few mentioning anxiety but nothing serious

A/N: This is the first fic I've ever decided to write. I hope it resembles him a bit, but it was fun writing. I don't know if I'll continue either, I just hope I did Jin some justice (:

---

Becoming his friend always felt natural, kind of like mac meeting its cheese, or peanut butter finding its jelly. He was sweet, funny, goofy Seokjin. 2 years younger, but no one could ever tell the difference. He was smart, where it counted. He hated bugs, was extra competitive, and loved marvel as much as you. That made your friendship fun. You would chill in his apartment, play endless games of super smash, and compare recipes whenever you found something new you'd want to try. Because you came from different social groups, it seemed odd at first to your friends. They laughed when they couldn't picture it being real.

"No way _____! Do both of you just have pout monologues? Because I would hate to be in the middle of that blab fest!" Hobi joked as he pictures both of you endlessly going off on each other. You both have certain quirks and apparently over talking was one of them. The more you guys interacted when you were all together, the more your friends didn't believe it.

It wasn't until the first time you had all gone to the movies together as a group. Seokjin sat next to you and you could have sworn all the girls gave the biggest groan, making you turn beet red and Seokjin laugh awkwardly. But once all of your friends realised that's exactly what it was, a friendship, they were quick to stand up for it, because there wasn't anything more. Even when your girlfriends started noticing him.

Sometimes, a lot of times, being his friend was hard. He was a 10 everywhere he'd go, regardless of how nerdy he came off when he spoke. When he wore his dumb round glasses around his beautiful face girls would swoon saying that he looked like a lawyer. Sure, he'd never win with his dumb logic, you thought.

When he would have to attend a fancy dinner in slacks and the same blue button up with white stripes on the sleeve citing that it made him look longer even though you swore he was a whole nother you taller. "Look, you just have to go with me, no one else is fun, and they won't bug me if you go instead." He would insist, telling you his parents didn't mind if it was you going instead of another date. That would sting, you were never the date.

When he'd sit and play guitar to pass the time between picking you up from work and your coworkers would stare out the window and wonder when he would notice them. "How do you even function with him, ______? You clearly have the worst taste in guys if you don't find him attractive" one of them would say. 

"Yeah, sure, if you think gumby limbs are attractive." You'd scoff back, even though deep down you knew he was. Those were the most annoying times. Being Kim Seokjin's friend was definitely not easy.

"Hey, hurry up, we'll miss the next screening of Thor and I don't want to miss the credits!" Jin yelled from the lobby, making everyone turn and glare at how loud he was being, at least until they saw his face and proceeded to gawk at him.

"I know, I know, nerd. I don't get how you can watch this for the 5th time in theaters. Like you have a huge TV at home, why rewatch it here?" You quipped grabbing the popcorn from the attendant who just glared at you for calling Jin something other than Worldwide Handsome.

"I already told you, there's nothing like rewatching it with people who get it. And you know you get it or else you wouldn't have come with me anyway" he teased, making that pout that makes your heart flutter a little too much.

Those were most days with Seokjin and sometimes you couldn't take the stares from everyone. The ones that said "Hey why is that short girl hanging out with Jin all the time? He looks like he's babysitting." "Isn't it her though? She's the delusional one, he's way too good to cut her off though, I bet it's pity." You would overhear. You get it. It wasn't ideal for some tall, gorgeous albeit weird man to be hanging out with you of all people, but Jin didn't care because you were friends... friends. That's it.

And yeah, it hurt sometimes, seeing him go on dates, or staying at his apartment when he would tell you to wait for him, even though he was out with a girl 10 times prettier, he always came back alone. Always came back to you.

You had become a confidante for him. Someone who knew a little more, but didn't judge no matter what he did. You were the cool friend, the one everyone could depend on to be there, the one everyone joked to Jin about when they'd tell him to go look after his noona, and you, being as awkward as you were, always played it off when you'd see the pink hue in his cheeks. It never crossed your mind to think any different of him until your regular movie night Wednesday. 

You were binging Lord of the Rings on his couch, in your cookie monster pajamas left over from last time while you sat next to Jin, tired from working all day.

"I guess an office job can wear you out." He chuckled.

"Definitely in more ways than one. My brain can only take so much annoyance from everyone. I just need Aragorn to murder a few orcs and it'll make me feel 10 times better." You said yawning, while Jin just stared at the TV hands on his knees. He seemed out of it for some reason, but your day being as long as it had you didn't want to pry. Sometimes Jin liked silence, and this was definitely one of those times. 

As you watched the elves on screen, bow and arrow shooting towards the dark, you started dozing off on a pillow placed near his lap. You could feel his fingertips rubbing your scalp the way you had mentioned your mom did when you had a hard time sleeping. You could hear him humming a song, your favorite, especially because he had written it for your birthday last year. Things like this made you wish sometimes that people wouldn't joke the way they do. That it wasn't weird for you to be friends, because Jin got you. He knew you were quiet some days, and extra loud others. He knew when you just needed someone to lean on, and you hoped that's what you were to him.

And there in the quiet, as you were almost asleep, you heard him. Three simple words.

"I love you."

It felt surreal and incredibly intimate. But even though you wanted to look up and tell him you loved him too, you froze. Eyes shut, breathing heavy, and panic setting in. You didn't know what to do. You can't tell if he just meant it as a friend. And if he did then you'd lose him, the one person to make you feel like you belong when you really didn't. He kept stroking your head and you told yourself it wasn't a big deal, that you would pretend to sleep, until sleep became real, and in the morning you'd leave just as friends, how it's always been.

When you wake up, you feel really uncomfortable, not being able to get anything out of your head. Over thinking as always, and if this was any other situation, Jin would be the first person you'd tell. But that obviously wasn't possible, so you got up and grabbed you things, said an awkward goodbye and left him cooking pancakes for the both of you.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" He yelled as you were already opening the door to get out of his apartment.

"No it's fine. I forgot I had a meeting to get to and I have to go change and get ready. I'll text you later." You yelled back, trying to sound casual, and not like you were on the verge of throwing up from the anxiety.

You texted him that night and told him you needed to focus on work, that you'd have to go to a few meetings after and you wouldn't be able to meet up. His demeanor never changed, it was always silly Seokjin, always calm,cool, And sweet Seokjin.

JIN: Hey, no worries you're fine. I have to go to a few dinners too, but since you'll be in meetings I'll have to take Hobi or Tae, they're the only ones that like these events anyway.

YOU: Thanks, you should take that girl that you took last time though or you'll end up old and alone. :P

JIN: Maybe, not sure. I'll text you later though, bye!

It was fine right? You would be fine. And he would go out and be his normal charming cool guy self. Just like always. You just needed a moment to get back into the friend zone. And although you'd just lay in bed and lie to him about where you were, you knew eventually you'd have to see him. 

So the day came, well, he more so showed up at your apartment at two am and you couldn't really avoid him. When you opened the door, you don't look up, even though he towers over you. 

"____ what's wrong?"

You can hear the hurt in his voice as he says your name, and yet, you know that if you look up he'll see right through you. So you stare at his feet.

"Nothing just tired from work. What's going on?" You mumble, trying to keep your composure as you look up as him for the first time. He sighs and looks away, scratching the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say next.

"What did I do? Are you mad? I just, I don't know why you're avoiding me, and you tell me everything. So I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong." He tells you quietly, as if he was reassuring himself to you. That your friendship meant more than just a few races of Mario Kart or a permanent plus one that he didn't have to explain more than just, "yeah, she's a friend." And everyone would just get it, no questions asked. 

But suddenly you were in his arms, and you can smell the fresh cotton scent you've become so used to. You can feel his warmth when he presses into you and you can hear his heartbeat pounding into your ears. 

It wasn't like you didn't miss him, you did, too much for a friend though. And how were you going to break it to him. That you, the one who's supposed to be the cool noona, who doesn't mind just being friends, was in too deep? How could you tell him so he just gives you time to be his friend again? Because losing him would be way worse than anything else thrown at you.

You squeeze your eyes shut as you wrap your arms around his torso in response to his sudden hug. It was second nature to do so, but this time it just felt like it was the last time and you wanted to hold on as long as possible. He brushed your hair with his fingers, and swayed side to side because he knew that made you smile. You took a deep breath, not realizing you had been holding it in since he had first leaned against you.

"It's ok, _______, hey I'm fine, you're fine, nothing's wrong. I know you need space sometimes, but I can't have you lying to me about where you are when we tell each other everything. I didn't mean to scare you. Hey, it's ok don't worry." He pats your head and holds you close realizing for the first time that you're crying. You clear your throat and back away from him wiping away your tears with your sweater paws, trying to regain a little sanity.

"I wasn't lying, I'm just ... tired." You tell him sounding coarse, more tired than you knew. "Work is overwhelming and I just needed some time to myself. You know me, I..."

"No, you don't,not from me anyway. You don't and I know because I know you _____, like the back of my hand I know you." Jin said, sounding louder than he meant to. Taking a step back and breathing once before continuing, "But, I get it. I'm not sure why, but I get that you need space from me." He looks down and sighs, making your heart break a little more each time. He pinches the bridge of his nose and you know it's his form of keeping a level head. He does it when he's mad, or worse, when he doesn't want you to see him cry. 

He looks at you one more time and you can tell. He's tired, and his pleading look is something you thought you'd never be the cause of. But, what's worse? Leaving it here, or telling him the truth and watching him walk out, for real this time?

"Just... give me 2 more days. I just need 2 more days and I promise I'll come back. I just... I just need 2..." you stare at him, but with your own pleading look this time, you words soft and sad. For what, you don't know. Maybe the end, realizing, it might be the last time he visits you?

"Ok, ok _______. 2 days, but when you come back to me I want to know. I really do, whatever you give me. I'll accept it, just like you do to me. No judgement, no worries. But please, 2 days, come back." He grabs your hand and rubs along your wrist, a sign of affection he was used to giving you as he goes in for one more hug. This time he holds you a little tighter, maybe even a little longer, before he clears his throat, takes a deep breath and turns to walk to his car.

You stare at him going down the sidewalk and breathe, 2, 3. He's almost gone ______, and then you really need to get your shit together before you really lose him, you chide yourself silently.

Jin turns and waves, nodding once for goodbye while he smiles softly. His cheeks puff a little in the lamplight and you can see a glare. There was no way he was crying was there? You'd only seen him do it once when you dared him to eat your grandma's salsa that had a little too much jalapeño causing him to cry out in pain. The confused look you had, made him stop for a second before getting into his car and leaving towards his home.

Lying in bed, you kept twisting and turning, feeling way too hot to sleep and nothing could fix it. You walk to the kitchen and pull out some food, but it just gives you nausea thinking about what just happened so you settle for the milk and cereal.

Why'd you have to be so suspicious looking? Like you did something you weren't proud of? I mean, being in love with your best friend isn't a crime, it's just, not common, especially between you two. You went over the scenario in your head again, thinking about what you should have done differently so you wouldn't have to tell him the truth. You look at the cereal and look at the almost empty carton of milk before you grab a bowl and throw everything in trying to stuff your face and forget. 

2 days, 2 days, to figure out how to tell Jin that you love him in a way that isn't the same anymore. And it's all his fault, his, and stupid Lord of the Rings, that you promised to never watch again if this didn't fix itself.

To say that you were productive in trying to figure out the best way to tell your best friend that you were in love with him was a complete over exaggeration. You lied in bed, eating snickers, listening to old Taylor Swift songs- that you hated, but Jin thought were cute, and cried into your pillow like a maniac. There were moments of clarity sure, where you'd write, or at least begin to write, Jin a letter of things you wanted to tell him. Maybe give him a pros and cons list of being your friend still, but you always came up short, Both literally and figuratively. It was frustrating because at the end of the day, Jin had everything. He had his best group of friends, he had girls fawning over him, he had a stable family, a bougie apartment, and a great job. All you offered were some really intense matches of Capcom VS Marvel, and we all know, Jungkook would be a much better opponent. But here you were, trying to figure out where you went wrong, why you had to take his confession in any other way than platonically, and therefore ruin your friendship.

Day 2 came by after a sleepless night. You called Jin and told him as cool as you could that you'd be at his house no later than 8, and to be ready with Captain America Winter Soldier because it was the best and he couldn't change your mind.

"Yes, I get it. Bucky is your dude, no need to rub it in. Don't forget though" his voice getting softer, "I miss you so hurry up"

"Yes I know, you can't live without me and life is unbearable because you have no one warm to cuddle to. Although, I should definitely charge for being your own personal teddy bear." You laugh, as calmly as you can, nerves on the other end running towards you throat to make you sound cringier than normal. 

7 o'clock came and you got ready. Jeans and Jins sweatshirt, not that he would care. Most of them ended up in your house and consequently on you because you liked that his long arms made the perfect sweater paws. You put your hair up in a bun and you told yourself once more through the mirror, "Hey, it isn't the end, everything goes, and if he does too, you'll survive". You nodded to yourself and put the best fake smile you could as you walk towards your car and get in, driving to your version of the end of the world.

Jin opens the door and his eyes light up in the best possible way. You always admired that about him, his true emotions always on his sleeve, and today, you hoped that his eyes would stay like this even after your confession. 

"You gonna let me in or do I have to shove my way through?" You smile as best you can, telling yourself, only a few more minutes until it's all over, just breathe, you'll be ok.

"Nah, you can fight me first!" he teased and went in for a hug. You inhaled his scent like it was the only oxygen you could ever need in life. It was odd, he didn't let go, and although you hated the thought of doing it first, you knew you had to, so you rubbed his back a second went in for the kill, tickling him in his ribs when he least expected it.

"Really!? Wait, no stop! STOP IT YOU WIN!!" He yells as he pulls you in for another hug, He breathes you in for a second, relaxing, "I really missed you. This was way too long, and I don't know how I survived without you" he sighed, his shoulders slouching into you, even when he could easily engulf your whole body in his large frame.

You blush pulling back and patting his arm in the friendliest of ways, "Back at you! Let's go watch Bucky be a beast!" Hoping that he didn't see you cringe to yourself as you said it.

What a dork, you murmur to yourself as you sit on his couch, knocking your shoes off one at a time. You sit cross legged on the sofa waiting for the movie to start before Jin turns off the screen.

"Hey" he says as he sits in front of you on the floor in the same exact way as you. You look at him, a sneer in your stare as you grab a pillow and throw it at his head. He chuckles as he turns away trying not to get hit. But as he turns back you can see the look in his eyes. It's the same one he had 2 nights ago, and it's the one you knew would come back today.

"Yeah, what's up" you tell him, tilting your head to the side,hoping he can just see the tension in your face and leave it alone.

He stares at you for a quick second, thoughts floating in his pupils about what move to make next.

He gets on both knees and gets close to your face, startling you frozen in front of him. You can feel him breathing on you, and you don't know why, but the sudden urge to cup his face with your hand comes out snd you're rubbing your thumb across his cheek. 

He holds your hand within his and closes his eyes for a second, and you can feel him shaking slightly. Is he nervous? Does he think you'll leave him on purpose? I guess it's now or never.

"Jin, I.."

"I know, and if it makes you feel better, I do too."

"Lies, you don't even know what I'm going to say. Do you always have to win? I mean I try my hardest and it's not fair when your fingers are longer than ..." and his lips are on yours, effectively shutting you up from saying something even more stupid than you already had.

You look around the room, feeling like it's spinning, holding on for dear life to his sweater collar because if you let go you'd collapse. 

You close your eyes and and scrunch your face trying to burn it into your memory. A kiss, that's all this is, but it's not. It's his kiss. It's dorky, nerdy, handsome, beautiful Jin's kiss and it's perfect, just like him.

You slowly wrap your hands around his neck as he breathes you in, turning slightly so you can be more comfortable and pulls back to smile at your dumbfounded face. You keep your eyes closed hoping it wasn't just a figment of your imagination before you hear him chuckle, his stupid Jin chuckle.

"What? Why are you laughing? Is this funny to you? How?! How rude" you aim to slap his arm, but he catches it and grabs you by the waist pulling you in for a hug.

"Don't ever do that again, you promise? It wasn't fun, and I don't know if I scared you when I told you I love you because I thought you were sleeping, but I really meant it." Jin kisses your collarbone as he nuzzles into your neck.

"I didn't know, I really didn't, but I'm glad I do now. This anxiety was killing me, and literally the only person I could tell was Tae and we all know how weird he gets when we talk about our feelings. I mean, remember that one time I-"

"Just, here, -" He places another kiss on your lips, then your cheeks, your nose, and your forehead, effectively making you mush. "At least now I know how to really shut you up when you start your monologues"

"Oh shut up and come here" you smile and you pull him up to the couch and snuggle with him under the blanket. 

This was the one thing you didn't think would happen today, and although you lost maybe 10 years from the anxiety alone, it was definitely worth it, you tell yourself as you look at him while he's singing along to the marvel theme song. 

That's my nerd, my Jin.

[petri808]

Zero Degrees of Separation

AU Story, FT Next Gen.  Jerza kids.  4300 words.  I wrote this story for a school assignment. Pics of the kids are on my side blog @petrischronicles

It is summer break before Identical twins Andesine & Azurite Fernandez will be leaving for college on opposite sides of the country. Their family takes their annual summer vacation to the mountains but both brothers are troubled about breaking their connection.  ​

The breeze coming off the crystalline lake was something Azurite Fernandez always appreciated when they visited the summer cabin.  It had that typical rustic quality of earthy scented pine, mixed with warbling birds and chattering squirrels, a beautiful serenity and today was no exception as the warm kiss of mountain sunlight blanketed the family from powder blue skies. He stood there with his eyes closed letting the calming peace and quiet sweep him away for it might be years before he’d be back again.  This was perfect, he mused to himself.  Someday building a house and raising a family in a place like this appealed to his inner nature.

“Azurite, could you help your sister with her bags?”

He opened his eyes and released the fresh moist air from his lungs, “sure mom,” before turning towards his family’s SUV.  Azi clicked his tongue, chuckling as his sister struggled with her oversized suitcase. Grabbing it from her and setting it on the ground he teases, “did you pack your entire room?”

Amethyst huffs, picking up her smaller carry-on and purse from the ground, “not all of us loves this place as much as you do, I needed things to keep me busy.”  

“I’m with Amy on this,” their brother Andesine, Azi’s twin, throws his arm over his brother’s shoulder. “I’d much rather be hanging out with Sage and the others, considering most of us are going to different parts of the country in a couple months.”

“Tch,” Azurite crosses his arms, “then I would just as much prefer to spend time with my girlfriend then you.”

“Alright, alright boys,” their father Jellal chides them as he walks past into the house, “it’s family time, not friend time so just deal with it and make your mother happy for a couple of weeks.”  With a sigh, Azurite simply grabs his sister’s suitcase and along with his sullen siblings makes their way into the house behind him.

That evening as Andi and Amy hole up in their rooms with their phones or laptops, and their parents enjoy the rest of the night in the den, Azurite ventures out onto the spacious wrap around deck, propping himself atop a railing.  With his long legs easily balancing on the beam and his back against one of the pillars, he had chosen the spot because it was a clear vantage point of the nighttime lake.  Dark and ominous waters like at any moment some creature could walk out of its depths ready to strike at the unaware and yet, with the shimmering moonlit surface, instead of a creature, maybe a beautiful water goddess come to grant you any wish you desire.  A slight uptick around the corners of his mouth are the only indication when a few fond memories begin to flow through.  

Such supernatural creatures were common topics when they were little.  Nights like this one spent on the shore sleeping under the stars, trading story ideas, or dreams of heroes and villains come to life.  Just a lot of imagination packed between the Fernandez twins and the seeming link they shared was evident.  One would start a sentence and the other would finish it, an idea for a character would come to mind and the other would simply nod and agree as if they could see it too.  Like words never spoken aloud but through the spirit became secrets only they could share driving their sister crazy because it left her out of the loop.

They used to love fishing with their father, sometimes competing with each other on who could catch the biggest fish, campfire smores with their mom who made sure they didn’t burn their hands, and tag teaming scares upon their little sister.  On sunny afternoons the boys would swim out to the middle of the lake where a platform had been anchored, jumping off or sun bathing.  Hikes with the family in the surrounding forests were a treat to find bugs and other critters or make forts amongst the trees to search for dragons.  

It was quite an enjoyable childhood, but like many kids, as they got older, and their individual personalities developed, different interests and friendships pulled them in separate directions.  They were still brothers that got along for the most part, but no longer peas in the same pod.  Azurite closes his eyes, ‘and the distance is only gonna grow wider when we leave for college.’  It wasn’t that he wanted to be separated from his brother or family, but when one receives a full-ride scholarship to M.I.T, they’d be a fool to decline. Unfortunately, that meant he’d be attending school in Massachusetts clear across the country from Santa Barbara where Andesine had opted to go.

“Will you cheer up Az?” the warm hand of his brothers upon his shoulder, rouses Azurite from his reflections only to look over and see the smug smirk of his twin staring back. Andesine taps his temple, “is the distance really bothering you that much, cause ya know eventually we had to cut the cord.”

“I wasn’t thinking…” Again, Andi taps the side of his head and cocks an eyebrow.  “Okay, sure, maybe I was but that wasn’t the only thing.”

“A…” searching his pockets, he pulls out the only thing he had and holds it up with a goofy grin, “piece of gum for your thoughts?”

Even Azurite had to laugh at the silly antics of his twin, “It’s nothing,” waving his hand, “maybe I’m just nervous about being so far away from everyone.  I mean, aren’t you?”

“Mmm,” Andi tips his head, “not really, kinda excited to see all them California girls!” singing out part of the Katie Perry song.

Azurite rolls his eyes, “You are so bad!”

“And you are too good!” Andi retorts and laughs out loud, “I feel like I need to balance out this dynamic duo!”  Azurite tries to hide the amusement but fails miserably since his brother can read him. “Come on… grumpy gus,” he playfully punches Azi’s arm, “just get some sleep and maybe you’ll feel better.”

After his bother moves out of the way, Azi slides off the railing and stretches out his stiffened back. “Mom guys crash yet?”

Andesine nods, “fell asleep on the couch.  I think Amy too, cause her light was off.”  He pulls out his phone, “I don’t think you realize but you’ve been out here for several hours, see,” showing his brother the time, “it’s almost 2 am.”

Azi frowns, “I didn’t. But why are you still awake?”

“I wasn’t, just woke up when I felt something bothering you.”

“Sorry.”

“‘so’kay man, I’ll see ya upstairs.”

“Be there in a minute.” Azurite watches his brother walk back into the house and takes one more look at the lake...

To the outside world, Andesine Fernandez was the quintessential jokester who never took life seriously.  He did decently in school, had his own aspirations, tons of friends, and fashioned himself a lady’s man, though this last notion might be more in his head than reality.  But just because he lived in the realm of humor, wasn’t to say he didn’t care or pay attention, he simply preferred to live by the YOLO ‘You Only Live Once’ motto.  This stark contrast in personality from his more reticent and bookish twin, was along with their different colored hair, the most noticeable distinctions.  

A few nights later, the family sits around a small campfire in front of the house, relaxing after a long day of hiking around the forest and lake.  Amy and their mother Erza chatter about a Korean drama they both watch, and Andi is only half listening to Azurite and their dad discuss the latest MMA fight in the UFC.  Maybe Azi had a point about the distance, it wasn’t something he’d really thought about until now, probably because, well, ‘I didn’t want to, I mean, it’s only a physical thing!’  But as the dancing flames of the fire crackle and send wisps of burning embers floating into the air, Andesine’s thoughts go with them. His eyes dilate, focusing on the red-orange glow, mesmerized and sending his mind into a distant timeframe.

‘Don’t even think about it, Andi,’ his brother blocks him, ‘mom already gave you a Hershey.’

‘Ugh!  It’s so irritating that you know what I’m thinking!  When we get older, I hope this stupid twin thing stops too!’

‘I don’t really like it either, cause dealing with you is frustrating.’

But their mother had stepped into the argument, chiding her sons, ‘there will come a day when you’ll regret saying that stuff.’  Pulling them into a hug on each side of her body, ‘that special bond means you’ll always have each other to fall back on, even when you’re far apart.’

‘Why would be far apart?’ Azurite asked their mom.

‘Well…’ squeezing them tighter, ‘one day you’ll grow up, go to college, meet a girl, maybe settle down and have a family.  As much as I’ll miss my boys, I want you to be happy and independent in the future.’

‘Sounds good to me,’ Andi shrugged, ‘I can’t wait to grow up!’

She chuckled, ‘don’t worry, before you know it, you will be…’

Andesine’s brows furrow at the memory, sometimes he hated to admit when their mother was right, but damn was she ever.  A night exactly like this one, settled around a campfire, eating smores, except now they were all ten years older.  Amy only two years away from graduating high school and the boysabout to start their adult lives.  Was he really ready for it like he had bragged about?  Did he want to admit that he’ll miss his twin? He snaps out of the reflection, looking around to see if anyone had noticed it, but everyone was still engrossed in their conversations.

He stands up, dusts off his pants and kisses his mother goodnight.  “Are you okay?” she asks.

“Just tired, think I’ll shower and head to bed.”

“Alright, good night sweetie.”

“Night mom.”

He knew from experience that the best thing to do was let his brother process whatever was bothering him in his own way, so Azurite pretended not to pay attention while Andi zoned out or even when he said he was tired.  But as he watched his twin trudge into the house, he had to wonder what it was about.  A smug tugging on his lips, could Andi be just as nervous as he was about the whole separation?  Now that would be an interesting flip.

Andesine tossed and turned.

“Noooo!!!” he screamed as he raced towards his brother on legs that suddenly seemed uncooperative, reaching out and stumbling along the asphalt. The scene blurred through a tunneled vision while the sounds of screeching tires echoed in his ears.  But no matter how fast he ran, the distance remained the same.  

His brother’s head turns seconds before the impact, a tear trailing down one cheek, “I’m… sorry Andi…”

“Azzziiiiiii!!!!!”

Andesine pops up in his bed screaming out of the dream and frantically looking at the other side of the bedroom for Azurites bed.  “What the fuck?”  Because there was no bed, only an empty space where it should be.  He throws off the blankets and hops off his, wildly circling the barren floorboards.  “What the hell is going on!  Where is Azurite?!”

The door swings open and his parents rush in, “Andi, what’s wrong,” Erza asks, “what are you yelling about?”  As Jellal grabs his son’s shoulders to stop his hysterical flailing, “did you have a bad dream?”

“Where’s my brother Azurite?  Why is his bed gone?”  The poor young man is on the verge of tears.

“Azurite?” Erza questions, looking to her husband with concern, “but honey, you don’t have a brother.”

“What!!  Of course, I do, he’s my identical twin!”

“Son, you need to calm down,” prompting the young man towards his bed and sitting him down, “there’s only you and your sister, remember?”

“No, this doesn’t make any sense,” Andi shakes his head, “it felt so real, He felt so real!  W-we were so close, we could feel each other, read each other’s thoughts, I—I…” cradling his head in his hands, “but our…”

“Sweetheart it was just a dream,” Erza kneels in front of him, “we promise you, you’ve never had a brother…”

“No!” he pushes them away and scrambles to get out of the room. This was all wrong!  Why were they lying to him?  There was no way he’d just make up a brother!  Andi bolts down the hallway, stumbling a few times in an effort to reach the front door while the walls seemed to sway and fold inwards on him. He had to get out there now!

As he turns the knob and flings the front door open, a blinding light stops him in his tracks.

His eyes snap open and he sits up in bed.  ‘What the…’ turning, Andesine looks to his left and notices his brother still asleep in their darkened room.  He checks the alarm clock, 3:30am, it was all just a nightmare?  With a groan, he drops on to his back, ‘it was all just a friggen nightmare!’

The following morning, Andesine is still a bit unnerved from the dream.  It was the first time he’s ever had one so disturbing involving his brother and he couldn’t fathom what it was supposed to mean.  Was it a premonition that his brother would die from a car accident?  He’d never had one of those before, or more than likely a subconscious reaction to the whole idea of separation and distance.  No matter what it all meant, if he didn’t get a handle on these emotions, the rest of this trip would be a miserable one.

Andi finds his parents in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast, “Is it okay if I take a hike to the bluffs?”

“I don’t see why not,” Jellal puts another dish in the rack before turning to address his son, “is Azurite going with you?”

“Nah, I kinda wanted to go alone.”

Erza frowns, “That’s not really safe honey…” but when he gives her a sad, puppy expression she sighs, “just make sure you take your phone with you.”

“Thanks mom!” he hugs her then his dad and takes off out the door with a small back pack of water and of course his cell phone.  

He waves at his sister and brother who were lounging on patio chairs and heads north of their rental towards the trail leading up to a mountain peak he enjoyed.  Andi takes a deep breath, ‘Im’ma sort out whatever the hell it is that’s bugging me!’ pumping a fist into the air with a grin, ‘It’s time to go zen!’

The trail itself was moderately rated, mostly because of the final leg up a steep incline to the bluff, but it was completely worth the effort.  Twenty-five minutes later, as he broke through the tree line and made his way up the final ascent, Andi knew he had made the right decision to come here. There were a few fluffy white clouds passing by and the heat was mildly tolerable due to the higher elevation. The ground was thankfully dry since it hadn’t rained for at least a couple of weeks and the bugs seemed to be taking a day off, so he finds a flat-topped rock and sits down ready to get this load off his mind.

Why was all of this bothering him so much now when it hadn’t even crossed his mind before this trip? Sure, he had realized that picking a college thousands of miles across the country would probably make his parents sad, but it never donned on him that it would upset his brother, or himself. They would be in different states not different countries and thanks to today’s technology, distance wasn’t such a burden anymore.  Andi had friends all over the world on social media, and he was excited to finally meet a few of them when he got to California.  Besides, it’s not like he was the only one, Azurite chose a college away from their home state, granted it was because of the scholarship, but still, it was a choice that he made.

Andi closes his eyes and tilts his head back knowing he was skirting around the real issue that none of this had to do with a normal leaving the nest syndrome.  He exhales, both brothers were quite ready and capable to venture out on their own because their parents had done a phenomenal job of making sure they would be.  No, this all came down to their twin connection.  Will it feel weird when they are so far apart from each other?  Will there be some strange feeling like a part of him was missing?  It was this uneasiness that was at the heart of it all.  

‘I’m sure we’ll be fine,’ he finally concludes, ‘nothing to worry about.  I bet we’ll be too busy with college and everything to even worry.’ He was sure that he’d simply let his subconscious and imagination run a little too amok this time and it was time to reign it back in.  

“Yosh!” he stands up, stretching out in a full, arms above his head motion, twisting his midsection and legs.  “Bout time for lunch anyways!”

In a better mood now, Andi slings his backpack over one shoulder, shoves in his earbuds and cranks up his music, starting the trek down the steep zig-zag trail of loose stones and dry pine needle covered dirt.  Dense foliage made a few portions along the path harder to make out and unfortunately one of those spots was a narrow, stepped ledge, carved by the elements into a natural staircase.  Andi slowed down because he knew going down was the most dangerous part.  

Suddenly, the flapping of wings and a stirring of feathers from a startled pheasant takes Andi by surprise just as he is about to set foot on the next step.  The bird scuttles off into the forest, its squawking mixing with his scream as he slips, hands flying up, bag along with his legs going airborne like in a slow-motion scene.  His brother’s name is the last thought in his mind as his back hits the ground and head bounces-off the stony surface knocking him out cold…

Down at the lake, the family is relaxing near the water’s edge with Amy and Erza sunbathing on the shore. Azurite and Jellal dangle their legs off the short pier fishing for dinner while discussing last minute things the young man needs to secure before he leaves for college.  All in all, a relaxing sight despite the glaring midday sun. But just as Azi casts his line again, a cold breeze sweeps through, normally welcomed on such a heated day, but for him, the chill it shoots up his spine catches him off-guard and if he didn’t know better, his name had been funneled along with the wind.  

The fishing pole he holds clatters to the ground as Azurite shoots to his feet, “Something’s wrong with Andi!”

Jellal looks up bewildered, but knows not to question it, “we’d better go then!”

The two men race up the forest trail while Amy and Erza wait at the house ready to call emergency if necessary.  They had no idea what they would encounter but if Azurite was right, and Andi was too injured to have used his cell phone to call for help, they needed to be on standby. Azurite tore up the path like a man both panicked yet guided straight to where he just knew his brother would be and his father simply following, trusting his son’s instincts.  It took them 15 agonizing minutes to reach the spot.

“Andi!”  Azurite clambers up the steep grade, crawling the last couple of feet to where his brother lay prone.  Panic sweeps over his whole being, “Aw, Fuck dad there’s blood coming from his head!  Andi!” he’s about to reach out and pull his brother up but Jellal grabs his shoulder.

“Don’t move him yet, we don’t know how badly injured he is. ��Check his pulse and breathing while I call your mom… and see if you can wake him up but gently.”

With his father on the phone telling their mother to call 911 and giving them directions to where they were, Azurite is using every ounce of willpower he has not to cradle his brother’s limp body in his arms.  He couldn’t believe this was happening, Andi was usually so careful whenever he went hiking but as he scans the area and notices a few stray feathers and his brothers bag lying above and off to the side, he could surmise what had happened in those last seconds.  But all that didn’t matter, whether or not Andi had been spooked or simply slipped, what was important was getting him medical attention as quickly as possible.

Azurite pats his brother’s cheek, “Andi wake up!  Please,” tapping it a few more times, “wake up Andi!”  Moisture pools and clouds his vision, tears leaking down his face in salty rivers.  “Damn it, Andi wake up!”

After ending his call, Jellal slowly lifts his sons head to check the injury and see’s that despite the blood, the wound doesn’t look very deep.  He pulls off his shirt, folds it, and tucks it under to cushion Andi’s head. “Emergency services are on their way so, all we can do is wait.  I’m going to head back down to meet them at the beginning of the trail, will you be alright here?”  The young man manages a short nod.  Jellal puts his hand on Azi’s shoulder, “It’s going to be okay son,” and with a second half nod, the man starts his descent.

Left alone, Azurite retrieves his brother’s bag, so it didn’t get left behind, sitting back down and checking his brother’s vitals every couple of minutes.  It was so frustrating not being able to do anything more, but his dad and their Eagle Scout training were clear on this, Andi was best left for the professionals to handle.  He hangs his head and while his tears had slowed, they were still like droplets of rain along a window pane, dribbling down in irregular waves.

“I swear you really are an idiot Andi, you know how dangerous it is to hike alone!  I don’t know what it was that was bothering you, but it better be a damn good reason for scaring me half to death!  Do you know how it feels, every time you do these foolish things and I have to worry about you…”  Azi lets out a long exhale, “But maybe you’ll get it now?  I hope you’ll see why I was so worried about the distance, I mean if something happened to you and we’re miles apart, I can’t come running like I did today.”  He lays down on his side next to his brother, just like they would as little kids when they were scared during a storm and takes hold of his brother’s hand, so limp and lifeless, bringing it to his chest.  “It feels like… like a sinking weight on my heart…”

“Could you be…” Andi’s voice is groggy and muffled, “anymore… melodramatic…”  He squeezes Azi’s hand back, “I ain’t dead yet.”

“I ought’a knock you back out for that!” Azi half snorts half laughs, for as frustrated with his brother as he was, it felt amazing to hear Andi’s voice again.

“I love you too bro,” he finally opens his eyes, half lidded because of the pain.  “And to answer your question, I do know how it feels.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had the most screwed up dream last night, that’s why I came out here to think…  I dreamt that I suddenly woke up and you weren’t there, mom and dad told me I had dreamt you up.  It hurt so bad like something had been ripped out of me…”  Azi looks up when he hears the sounds of footsteps approaching but is drawn back as he brother keeps talking.  “I do worry too but today I realized that it’s going to be okay.”  He squeezes his brother’s hand again and closes his eyes, grimacing through the pain, “we’ll always be brothers, and even if we’re far apart nothing will ever change the bonds we share.”  

“Just promise me you won’t do anything crazy out in California, because if I have to fly there, I really will kick your ass.”

Andi tries to chuckle but gives up when another wave of throbbing pain rushes over him, “you could try...”  

On the final night of the family vacation, Amy and their parents lounged on the porch playing a board game while the two brothers settled on a log beside the lake shore. Andesine’s head was still wrapped with gauze to protect the stitches he received, and Azurite was teasing him. “Remember,” Azi turns his gaze over to the lake, “When a full moon casts its luminous glow beckoning to any fools that dared to breach its darkened waters…”

“… a creature may arise to strike you down, or maybe a beautiful goddess will appear to grant you your desires.  Forgive me but I don’t think I qualify as a goddess.”

“You’re right, you’re more like a creature from the abyss.”

A companionable silence falls between them, each lost momentarily as the placid nighttime waters soothes their psyches.  Azurite exhales and holds up his arm in a 90-degree position, Andesine sighs, grabs his brother’s hand, squeezing and nodding his head for their zero degrees of separation.  This trip had been long and fruitful and now they were finally ready to move into the next phase of their lives, together.

[analogscum]

HARD ROCK ZOMBIES (1985, d. Krishna Shah)

NOTE: I RECOMMEND WATCHING HARD ROCK ZOMBIES BEFORE READING THIS REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS!

Human ambition is a funny thing. It can lead to great triumphs, but also great tragedies. Without human ambition, we would not have rock n’ roll, the most vital of American art forms. On the other hand, human ambition also lead the Third Reich to exterminate more than six million Jews, Catholics, homosexuals, physically and mentally handicapped, and Romani people. How does this tie in to today’s film, Hard Rock Zombies? Well, for now, let’s just say that it is a testament to both sides of the coin of human ambition that the sickos who made Hard Rock Zombies said to themselves, we’re going to make Hard Rock Zombies…and then actually went out and made Hard Rock Zombies. I’m honestly not sure if I mean that as a compliment or not.

We open on two metalheads riding a T-Bird convertible down a winding desert road. Lo and behold, they stumble upon a buh-buh-buh-baaaaabe hitchhiking. What are they gonna do, NOT invite this bodacious blonde into their sweet ride? We now cut to a dwarf with an eyepatch and a troll dancing around with a guy holding a camera by a river. You read that right. The metalheads and the blonde pull up on the other side of the river, strip down to their skivvies, and do a little skinny dipping. Suddenly, she drowns each of them one by one! And also does something else, because the water turns blood red, but I have no idea what that could be. The camera guy takes pictures of this gristly scene, while the dwarf and the troll celebrate the carnage. They chop off one of the victims’ hands, blondie picks it up and sings “I wanna hold your hand.” Again, you read all of that right.

Cut to: our heroes, the band, whom the movie never bothers to name (seriously, this band has no name), rockin’ out before a sold out crowd. Right away, we’re confronted with the major problem of all of these 80s metal horror movies: these guys just do not sufficiently rock. I mean, they have a synth player, for cryin’ out loud! This was not too long after Van Halen risked losing their metal fanbase by adding synths to “Jump,” because synths were pop, and pop was for pussies. But seriously, these guys make Billy Joel sound like Napalm Death. Oh well, at least the crowd of roughly 12 people seems to be having a good time.

Backstage, the band strip down to their banana hammocks, and their manager, Ron, tells them that they have to have their photos taken with a bunch of groupies. None of the dudes in the band, especially the lead singer, Jesse, seem to want to do this. They’re incredibly ambivalent about potentially sleeping with these women. Which of course is par for the course for 80s metal bands. Most of Motley Crue’s autobiography, The Dirt, is about the dudes politely sipping Earl Grey tea and discussing Nietzsche. We soon get an idea as to why Jesse is not interested in all of these women who want to ride his mullet, and believe me, you’re not gonna like it.

As he’s escaping all of these annoying women who wanna show him their boobs, Jesse runs into Cassie. Now, the movie is not entirely clear on how old Cassie is supposed to be, but let’s just say she’s young. Like, teenage. Like, below the age of consent. She warns Jesse to stay out of the town of Grand Guignol (subtle), where the band is scheduled to play the next night. Jesse instantly falls in love with her, because this movie hates you, and we’re treated to white hot, sexually charged flirting such as this:

Jessie: You're neat.

Cassie: No, I'm not.

Jessie: Yeah, ya are.

Cassie: ...shakes head...

Jessie: Yeah, ya are.

Guys, it’s rare that I make a point of writing down dialogue in these movies that we talk about, but Hard Rock Zombies left me with no choice but to slam that pause button and record some of these lines, because holy macaroni, peep this screenwriting magic:

“I got it from a book. You know, a boooooooook?”

“You guys ready for the show? The loud show? Loud music show? Rock and roll?!?!”

“Oh bullshit, young stupid!”

“You suck, mister! I know it and everyone knows it!”

Eat your heart out, Aaron Sorkin!

So the band arrives in Grand Guignol, and wouldn’t you know it, they pick up the same hitchhiking blonde, who invites them to stay at her family’s mansion. The family is pretty normal, you’ve got blondie, the photographer, the dwarf, the troll, the groundskeeper who, um, is that a Swastika armband he’s wearing, and grandma and grandpa, who speak in thick German accents and we meet them while they’re in the bone zone and the dwarf and the troll are watching them. Oh, and by the way, they’re secretly Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun, and Eva Braun is a werewolf. I PROMISE THAT ALL OF THIS IS TRUE.

As it turns out, everyone in Grand Guignol is a backwards rube who thinks that rock n’ roll is the devil’s music that will lead to “physical sex” (again, actual quote). So they get super duper outraged when the band engages in some antics that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of The Monkees. They skateboard around, do silly dances, and mug for the camera. The sheriff throws them in jail, the town council cancels their concert, and outlaw all rock n’ roll in general, leading to a scene where everyone throws their records and tapes in a pile and destroys them (again, subtle).

Meanwhile, Jesse and Cassie keep running into each other and falling deeper and deeper in love, and the movie keeps rubbing our faces in their obvious age difference, because apparently the overt Nazi imagery wasn’t cringeworthy enough. Just wait until we get to the song he writes about her, because you’ll have to go to jail once you hear it. They practice at the creepy mansion, and the family tries to electrocute them. That doesn’t work, so instead they murder the band members one by one overnight. The drummer is stabbed in a terrible homage to the Psycho shower scene, the keyboardist is felled by werewolf Eva Braun, I don’t remember what happens to the guitarist, I think he falls out of a window or something, and Jesse is crucified and disembowled with a weed hacker by the groundskeeper. This means Hitler is finally ready to turn California into the fourth reich…here we go…no turning back…complete with gas chambers. Which come into play later. THIS IS ALL FROM A REAL MOVIE THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

Luckily, before he croaked, Jesse gave Cassie a tape he made of a bass lick that can raise the dead. Look, just roll with me here, ok? You’ve made it this far. So Cassie plays the tape at the band’s grave, and they rise from the dead, ready to get revenge on Hitler and Eva Braun and co. In zombie form, they all sport weird mime makeup that kinda looks like KISS in the early days before they figured out their image, and they walk around as if they’re doing a combination of the robot and the Macarena. These are both choices that the filmmakers made. So they pretty much instantly murderize the Hitler clan with no problems, but whoops, they don’t stay dead for long, because now they’re zombies too, and they’re attacking all the hicks in town, which makes THEM zombies. Now we’ve got Nazi zombies and redneck zombies running around, which is not an ideal situation to say the least, but for now, the band have to go play their big gig.

This is where we finally get to hear Jesse’s love ballad to Cassie in it’s entirety, and, well, here it is…

“I’m so in love, but you’re so young.” BARF BARF BARF BARF ETERNAL BARF. Anyway, see ya in jail, which is where I live now because of this song!

I’m really loathe to talk about the rest of the movie, because at this point, it takes a turn into goofy comedy, and just completely falls flat. Not that their satirical bits about the PMRC and anti-metal hysteria were all that biting, but at least they were trying to say something, whereas these Zucker brothers-lite groaners are just insufferable. There’s a gag about a girlfriend who’s so possessive of her boyfriend that she won’t let any other women get near his severed head after a zombie rips it off, which the filmmakers obviously thought was beyond hilarious, but is really torturous. Then there’s an even less funny gag where some Pointdexter is like, hey, since zombies are brainless, they must be, like, allergic to brains? So if we all walk around with these giant cardboard cutout heads, they’ll leave us alone? Huh? And of course it doesn’t work, and of course the zombies just eat everybody, and as he’s being devoured, the Pointdexter yells, “Don’t believe everything you read!” Ugggh, read this: you suck, movie.

OK, there is one running gag from this section that I liked: after the troll becomes a zombie, he just eats his own body until he’s a burping skull. I happened to think that was charming and great.

Eventually the townsfolk try to sacrifice Cassie to the zombies, because they read that if the undead feast upon a virgin, then they’ll rest for another hundred years. Whatever. So Cassie is totally about to be gang banged and devoured by zombie Hitler and his gang (wow, what a sentence), when luckily the band shows up, and lures them away by playing that resurrection riff that Jesse learned from a book (you know, a booooooook?!?!) And where do they lure them? Ugh, sorry…here goes…they lure them to the gas chambers, where they’re all gassed to death. You know, like in the Holocaust? I have nothing more to say.

The film ends, in perfect fashion, by spelling co-writer/director Krishna Shah’s name wrong in the credits. Fantastic.

When a movie looks particularly bad, I often like to say that it reminds me of a fake movie meant to play in the background of a real movie. Well, as it turns out, that’s the actual origin story of Hard Rock Zombies. Originally, the film was supposed to be 20 minutes long and featured as the movie the characters in another Krishna Shah production, American Drive-In, go to see. Apparently Shah decided at some point that he could double his profits by turning Hard Rock Zombies into its own feature film. This begs the question: is this where all the Nazi stuff was added? Because it’s easy to imagine characters in a movie occasionally checking in with the drive-in movie and seeing a bunch of rockers rising from the grave, but that Hitler subplot is just so bizarre and so incongruous that I can’t help but think it was tacked on.

Hard Rock Zombies is the craziest film I’ve seen in awhile. It approaches Demonwarp and Spookies levels of what the hell am I watching madness. You genuinely will not be able to predict where this movie is gonna go from scene to scene. However, the tacked on nature of that madness keeps you at arms length a bit, and eventually it just becomes tiresome once you realize it’s not going anywhere beyond mere shock value. I mean, this movie is nearly an hour and forty minutes, and ends with a scene in a goddamn GAS CHAMBER. So, by all means, show this one to your friends, just don’t blame me if they never talk to you again. You may be right, they may be crazy, but in the end, it’s still rock n’ roll to me.

[j-writes-and-suffers]

NaNoWriMo Day Two

Philip woke up to a hand on his shoulder. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, sitting up straighter in his armchair. “Huh? What’s up?”

“I’m afraid I have to kick you out, now. It’s midnight, the library is closing.” A familiar lanky figure was standing over Philip, his eyes in shadow, but his smile visible. All the lights except the one nearest them had been turned off, giving the library an eerie haunted-castle vibe.

“Crap. Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you.” Philip scrambled to his feet, cursing under his breath. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen asleep so early; he’d bring a second coffee with him next time. Gathering his things, he realized his phone was almost dead, and he’d only finished half his lesson plans. He felt like a lazy idiot, and to make it worse, Lucien had witnessed all his incompetence. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he hurried to the door.

Lucien chuckled. “Don’t stress yourself out. I’m not in any rush to leave.” He walked past Philip to hold the door for the younger man. “Have a good night.”

“You, too.” Philip nodded as he strolled down the front steps, “See you tomorrow.” He stopped dead in his tracks. Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that, it was just his default reply to classmates and professors.

“Is that a promise?” Still standing at the door, Lucien raised an eyebrow, backlit and grinning mischievously.

Philip bit his lip, his face flushing as he tried to gauge whether Lucien was joking. “Um… sure?”

“Wonderful. I’ll see you then.” Lucien closed the door behind him, locking it with a creaky old key.

“Yeah. Uh-huh. See you.” Philip bolted off into the night before he could say anything else stupid. By the time he got back to his apartment, it was nearly one in the morning, and he was fucking exhausted. His phone had died on the walk home, so he stuck it on the charger, changing into pajamas in the meantime.

Despite how tired he was, Philip found himself struggling to sleep. There were too many thoughts clattering around in his head. Tomorrow was the first day of Welcome Week - a period of five days prior to the start of school with introductory celebrations, campus tours, and nightly food and games.

Tuesday morning was a pep rally, followed by the induction of all the new students and teachers. In the afternoon, there were games and raffles where school merchandise like shirts, pencils, and mugs could be won. On Wednesday, the clubs, fraternities, sororities, and other organizations put out booths around the school, with recruiters trying to pull in freshman and transfers. Thursday, all the different departments held events, including a documentary marathon by the History Department, go-kart racing in the Engineering Department, and the English Department's poetry slam, which Philip was going to help host. Friday was the students versus professors dodgeball game - an infamously fun but chaotic yearly tradition. Finally, Saturday, there was a school spirit parade through the town, followed by a huge picnic in the courtyard and a bonfire in the evening, Philip wondered if he would see Lucien at any of the Spirit events. He also started to worry whether he would actually have time to return to the library tomorrow. He was helping run games in the afternoon, and wouldn't be free until at least eight or nine. He did still need to finish his lesson plans though, so he decided that even if he was tired and running a little late, he would indeed be back as promised.

He was also wondering if Lucien really wanted him to come back. Was he just messing with Philip, teasing the newcomer for shits and giggles? Or did he actually have an interest in his new colleague, and genuinely want to get to know him. He had seemed pretty sincere when they spoke, and something about his warm, vibrant eyes and subtle coy smile drew Philip in, making him more compelled to trust the older man.

What could Lucien possibly see in him? Philip wondered. He wasn't very intelligent, or worldly, or even funny. He was barely more than a student himself, just an awkward 20-something struggling to acclimate to adult responsibilities. Maybe he could impress Lucien during the week; he was planning to perform a couple of his own poems on Thursday, and he was actually pretty decent at dodgeball. Once he proved that he actually had some talents, maybe Lucien would think of him as an equal, instead of the silly kid he appeared to be now.

Having finally gathered a charge, Philip’s phone lit up as it turned itself back on. He grabbed it to check for messages - nothing new, save for an automated reminder from his cell provider. Even though the digital clock in the top right of the screen read 3:17, Philip couldn’t bring himself to try to sleep. When he closed his eyes, bright green irises hovered in his mind, simultaneously making him excited and self-conscious.

Pulling up Facebook on his phone again, he scrolled through the cute animal pictures and political memes his friends had posted all evening. He found himself laughing at most of the posts, and started to wonder whether he really was any more mature than the rest of his social circle. When he found himself guffawing at a three-second clip of a screaming frog, Philip realized he definitely wasn’t. Maybe that was okay, though. Maybe he had judged his friends too harshly earlier. Being ‘professional’ and ‘adult’ was soul-suckingly boring; there was nothing wrong with keeping a youthful sense of humour.

It was nearly five in the morning by the time Philip finally nodded off, and he groaned in dismay when his seven-thirty alarm started blaring. He should probably have gotten up earlier, to be honest; the pep rally started at nine, and he still needed to shower, eat, and walk to campus. He had thought that two and a half miles would be plenty close enough to live, but as it turns out, that’s still a pretty decent distance without a car. To be fair, Philip technically had a car. There was a vehicle registered to him, and it was parked outside the apartment. He owned the keys, and even remembered where he had left them. However, the car was older than Philip and ran about as well as an arthritic old man. It guzzled gas like no tomorrow, and didn’t even start half the time. Going anywhere less than five miles away just wasn’t worth firing it up.

By the time he had clean hair, pants on, and food in his stomach, it was already eight fifteen. Philip glanced at his phone in desperation, hoping maybe if he stared at the clock hard enough, it would rewind a ways. The clock, of course, did no such thing, simply moving on to eight sixteen as if to tell him, “Nice try, moron. Now run, or you’re gonna be late.” Philip sighed, grabbing his bag and hurrying out the front door.

The clock read 8:57 by the time he reached campus, and it was actually about five past nine when Philip finally got into the gym. Luckily, the band was blaring and the students were cheering, so it wasn’t too hard for one small guy to sneak in unnoticed. He found space to sit near the top of the bleachers, and perched on the edge of the bench. The height was a little daunting, especially since the bleachers were old and none too sturdy, but he tried to focus on the celebration below. Running a hand nervously through his hair, Philip hummed his way through the school song, realizing in the process that he didn’t know the lyrics to save his life. He probably should’ve learned them before showing up, but it was a little late for that now. However, most of the students did know the song, and their belting voices drowned out his incompetence.

When the song was over, the cheerleaders came out to do a routine, and Philip found himself struggling to focus. His mind was on Lucien again, and the height of the bleachers was really starting to bother him. Every time he looked down, his head started to spin, and about halfway through the rally, he gave up, climbing to his feet and shuffling back down the stairs. His hand cinched tightly to the railing the whole way, as he didn’t trust his wobbling legs to keep him upright. Once he was outside and on level ground, Philip managed to calm down a bit, sinking down on a bench outside the gymnasium. He checked his phone to see what time it was. 9:45. The induction ceremony wasn’t till eleven, so he had a bit to relax and compose himself.

He pulled out his phone, grabbing headphones from his bag. Listening to music always helped him relax, and his favourite band had recently put out a new album. He leaned back against the brick exterior of the gym, breathing in the cool morning air. Today was a good day. Today was an important day. He was going to be inducted, officially made part of the Elk Grove family. He was going to be a Stag, and today he’d get his honorary antlers. As silly as the mascot implementation seemed, Elk Grove had a strong school spirit, and the Stag Family was a big part of it. They may not be a big school, but they were a tight-knit one, and fiercely loyal to boot. Being a Stag wasn’t something you grew out of upon retirement or graduation, it was a title for life.

Music in his ears and a quiet breeze rustling his hair, Philip zoned out, the serenity of a tranquil fall morning sucking all the anxiety right out of him. The induction ceremony had initially seemed intimidating - the whole school watching while you made your rite of passage, going from an outsider to one of them - but now, he couldn’t wait. He had always been a bit of an outsider as a kid; small, scatterbrained, and goofy, he didn’t fit in with the athletes, the nerds, or the popular kids. This was finally a place where he could belong and be welcomed with open arms.

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Let Me Drown (Orville Peck)

Never knew where was home I slept a lifetime alone/Yeah, we had it one time but it's gone now, it's gone/Let me drown/I know with pleasure comes pain/I figured we were the same/But as I get older I get more afraid

"It is the best song for a good cry, when I'm down I listen to this on repeat. It so hard to stop listening to, you don't want any other song you want this again. The emotions are so strong you get swept away in it. I first heard this song on a video edit of Edward Teach (ofmd) after Stede leaves him. When he is turning back to his old ways and rejecting all the good in him that Stede brought out. He is throwing away his own growth and returning to the safety of a hard violent facade. It fits this song so well."

Epilogue (The Stanley Parable)

"Every single one of my friends know that I’ve bawled my eyes out at this song at least once. I’m a sucker for strong music, and the fact that I’m hyperfixated so hard on this damn game does not help. Listen. This game is a rollercoaster. From start to ‘end’, it is a rollercoaster. It presents itself as goofy and lighthearted, haha there’s a British guy following you around who reacts to your choices. It’s very silly, the jokes are funny, it doesn’t take itself seriously. Until it does. The Narrator, who supposedly created the game and takes great pride in it, is showing off his game’s success and reminiscing over the thing it used to be, in a place he calls the Memory Zone. Then, he stumbles upon a collection of negative reviews that make him realize that his game may not be all that he thinks it is. He’s desperate to please his players, and so he sacrifices himself and his time and creates a skip button, so that players who don’t want to hear his voice can skip through his dialogue. The time between skips gets longer and longer until he’s gone. Stanley is finally able to leave the room he’d been trapped in, and is met with open desert. A wasteland. He still hasn’t learned his lesson, even through billions of years (someone did the math) of solitude, and how much that affected him (and potentially killed him), he still desperately wants to please those who play his game. And so he puts together an expo to show off his ‘new features’. As he prepares to present it to Stanley, there’s a swell of hopeful and triumphant music. This is important. One of the exhibits is these figurines. If you collect all of them, there is supposedly ‘no reward’, but it actually unlocks an ending where the Narrator decides to release Stanley for good. This is the last step to unlocking the Epilogue, given to you by a mysterious entity who greets you every time you open the game. In the Epilogue, it’s mostly cutscenes. Stanley wanders the desert wasteland, while this music plays. The Narrator is not present. The Epilogue is a culmination of everything Stanley and the Narrator have gone through together, against each other and then against the world. The Epilogue takes place when the Narrator is gone, leaving Stanley to only wander alone with his memory, with no silly voice to keep him company. It’s a time where Stanley can only bring back memories about the Narrator as he faces survival in the desert. Alone. I cry every time the music swells during the sandstorm bit of the cutscenes. But at the very end of the song, when the music dies down, Stanley once again stumbles across the Memory Zone. The place that the Narrator once held dear, that held all his favorite memories, now dilapidated and half-buried in the sand. The place where the Narrator once enthusiastically showed off positive reviews of his game. The place he was proud of, hidden away where the developers would never see it. And. And do you know what this song does. When the Memory Zone comes into view. It fuckjgn reprises the song from the Narrator’s expo, once triumphant and swelling as he showed his creations off with a grand flourish, now quiet and sorrowful as you come across the memory zone without him present. And if the swelling of the sandstorm scene doesn’t hit me first, this bit fucking floors me. Every single time. The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe is a silly game about choice. It is also a game about companionship, and trust, and hurt, and grief. And during the true ‘ending’ of the game, before everything starts anew, when that music is playing, it’s the result of every single moment these characters have experienced, come together in one song, and a bunch of cutscenes. THAT is why this song fucks me up. sorry i dont know wtf possessed me just now but yeah. This game is a little obscure and many MANY people who have played it have not made it to the Epilogue, so I highly doubt it’s gonna make it very far into the tournament. But fuck if it can make me cry,"

[100percentdirtball]

the delightful @possumpossumpossum asked me th’other day about my time at camp, and i just started writing to her, and in the end i’d written a fuckin’ novel, and i know some other folks have been curious, so... here’s this thing.

content mentions: csa, drug abuse, suicide, a whole lot of love

the camp is called camp grounded and there are eight rules: no digital technology of any kind; no telling time equipment or using time; no talking about work, including what it is that you do; no age talk, age doesn't matter; no drugs or alcohol, cigarettes are ok but only in like one little zone; no glow sticks or blinky lights; explicit consent is needed for any kind of physical contact; leave your name behind, use a new name of your choice until the closing ceremony. there were like 350ish ppl there, at this camp in the middle of fuckin nowhere in the redwoods.

it's been a really really huge part of my mom's life, and she billed it like it was going to be this whole big transformative thing for literally anyone, and i thought it sounded a little goofy, my attitude basically was like-- it'll be dope to not have to answer phone calls and see some trees for a couple days. right away tho like right away, it's just... well, once ppl start showing up, you get together with your village. everyone is in a particular village of 20-30 ppl, a little subgroup, if it's a tent village everyone pitches their tents in the same zone, cabin villages are all in the same cabins. i was in jackrabbit which was a tent village and so camp starts with a getting together with your new village and doing some like, silly icebreaker games but also like... pair off randomly by a silly method and make eye contact with your new partner and just like, get intimate for a minute. we talked about how we picked our camp names, what we wanted to get out of the weekend, and... idk, already i just was feeling really good about these ppl

on the bus ride up i was sitting with splash and sunshine who were from philly and we bonded a little bc i'd been there ever, and princess proton and lulu who knew each other from previous camps and this guy pickles was sitting next to me who was kind of a weird dude from colorado and it was his first camp also and after we talked a little it turned out he had gone to a rehab thing in this part of the country so we bonded over bein sober buds

the first jackrabbity ppeople i met were bee bee sting who gave me this AMAZING nametag thing to replace my very bad nametag and the counselor ladybug who like is basically a perfect human??? one of the things we did in the group thing was go over the rules, and talk about why those rules are the rules, and about setting a like intention, a what we hope ot get out of the weekend, and by this time i had been with camp folx for like six hours so i was starting to Feel It&tm and i said my intention was that like

what i do in my life is say no. and saying yes to everything is a ridiculous goal, but my intention was to say no deliberately instead of reflexively, to see if maybe there was a yes hidden in the no.

THIS WILL BE RELEVANT LATER

like, that's the thruline, like i am going to tell you more about camp, but... there were only like two or three times the whole weekend where someone offered connection or activity or whatever and i said no, and it wasn't actually even because of my resolution most of the time?? i said yes bc i felt safe and loved and accepted the whole time, the whole whole time.

like, i don't know that i can describe what it's like to be in a place where at any time, with any person, even a stranger you're passing on one of the trails, you make eye contact and you smile and you say hi and it's a real actual connection, even if it's just for a moment, it's a real being acknowledged as another human spirit, nothing rote or formality about it

it was so easy!@!!! i don't talk to people, like i don't do that, but i was standing in line to get breakfast and the guy in front of me was looking a little like he didn't have anyone to talk to and i didn't so i was just like, hey what's up? it was the last day of camp and i just asked him like, what's one thing you're going to take home with you? and we had like 20m of conversation, and we got into some real deep stuff. and it felt as easy as breathing. his name was sparkle.

i feel like i'm skipping from one place to the other, like there isn't a cohesive narrative here, and that's something i'm always wanted about, but i just don't know how to describe it, i don't know how to show you what it felt like so i just keep pulling little trinkets out of my bag and putting them next to the growing pile and hope if i pull out enough the shape will make sense

there was a talent show, and i think it speaks volumes about how open and inviting the community is that out of like 350 ppl 55 people signed up for the talent show, including a lot of ppl who had literally never been on a stage before. there were people who were, speaking from a critical standpoint, not super good at the thing they were doing, and also legit professional performers, and the crowd!!! responded in exactly the same way for each extreme!!!! and it didnt' feel forced at all

i found out after camp was being broken down that the talent show started at 9 pm, and went 'til almost 3am. it moved from one stage to a smaller stage, and i was like third from last, and still there were thirty or so people in the audience. i closed the stage out, i wanted to be there to the end. at first i was upset about going on so late but it was so perfect, the audience was in just the right place to receive me and i was in just the right place to tell a bummer fuckin story about my shitty granddad. two spots before me a woman named fulfilled got on stage and worked her way slowly and faltering through the story of forgiving her brother for molesting her and her family for covering it up, then a guy named happy feet who did a dance and stream of consciousness about, i don't know, maybe taking too much ecstasy and just wanting to stay high forever, and then me, and then an opera singer, and sprinkle lifestyle talking about his ex-best friend blaming him for her husband’s death, and then a man named rabbi doing a guided meditation about finding your perfect self and becoming it

i cried so much, i already cry a lot but i cried so much, and i cried in front of other people, and i didn't wipe my tears i just let them fall and let myself be red and smeary and blurry and people joined me

at the 90's themed dance they played a song one of my old friends who committed suicide used to play, and bee bee walked me away from camp and just held me and then took me to the typewriter village and i wrote him a letter and then i went back into the place and danced to nirvana

there was a tea spot, a yurt where there were tea tastings and people ended up falling over each other, and i met a woman named scoby and she said "can i put my head on your shoulder" and we watched scarecrow, real name john craigie, and then the set ended and we started walking and she curled her arm around mine and we took the long way and i said, "our eyes will adjust, thank god for the moon" and we sang rent and talked about how we ended up in kind of the same place but by different routes, how she was poly and working on not falling in love so easily, and how i was just starting to allow myself to want intimacy again, and we slept together in her tent all tangled up, we talked about how we really definitely wanted to fuck, but also really didn't want to do that and i looked for her in the morning but she had already left

i was saving the last picture on my disposable camera for a picture of her but she had gone so i took a picture of myself instead, i hadn't taken any of myself

i read tarot, i read for myself and i read for a bunch of other people, and there was a tarot workshop, and i did that and we sat together in a circle and passed decks around and i cried and cried and cried when i pulled the queen of cups. i've seen the queen of cups a lot of times in reading for myself and it's always been someone else, some external force, but in that moment it was me. i had brought my deck, and it was the first time anyone other than me had touched it, and i could feel the hum of the camp in the cardstock when i read for superman later in the day, and justice jumped out of the deck, and i sat with him and his wife danger and we puzzled over the cards and then i laughed and laughed and laughed because he chose to call himself superman and we couldn't figure out what justice was supposed to mean

in the hotel last night i cried for an hour, by myself, walking from the bathroom to collapse on the bed to shuffle back towards the taps, ,how can i leave all that behind? how can i be in the real world again? how can i go back to being closed off, go back to being jack instead of dizzy?

when rabbi walked us through a field holding fallen stars, each one of them a crystal-encased version of ourselves, a past or present or future that could be, and he asked us to find our perfect self, what i saw was how i looked in that moment, i saw the me at camp, the me who everyone says couldn't stop smiling, the me who speaks soft and true, who reads cards and holds hands and says yes instead of no and has a shoulder that looks like a good place for your cheek

[beatmyaudio]

Hay Song Lyrics – Crucial Conflict

Hay Song Lyrics

Hay Song Lyrics From Popular Hollywood Artist Crucial Conflict from Album.

This song is sung by singer ” Crucial Conflict ” in Year 1996.

Lyrics of Hay :

sittin on a quarter p of hay thangs is feelin good today im tore up from the floor up sippin on some crown royal trippin in a circle of wood where everybody smoke they own bud good ol hay how you feel todayfine blowed and dandy silly like im hype off candy gotta big thick chic named sandy in the farm in the middle of the barn where everybodys feelin crazyi went to visit grannys house now i see why dont nobody leave we constantly constantly constantly smokin bs too blitzed to even shake it off but i still got my head up cold hard finna go in the back of the barnand get my big black peter sucked pass the hay you silly slut blaze it up so i can hit that bud git me zoned and ill be on cuz i love to smoke upon haysmokin on hay in the middle of the barn smokin on hay in the middle of the barnthe hay got me goin through a stage and i just cant get enough smokin everyday i got some hay and you know im finna roll it up make a cloud im gonna take my mind away from all the bull crapbump my sounds lay back and roll mack to the freaks thats on the road sometimes i wonder when i was blowed on the streets anybody wanna step to me ima see how rough they bein this session manifesting on my ps and qs never snooze cause i refuse inhale exhale the smell smokin hay all by myself wildstle laughin loud wit my homies by my side if somethin jump off let it rideon my square when time is live everybody throw it up go to the barn and get some hay when i get my choke on fool you know im smokin onhay now hay we smokin up hay in the middle of the barn and im lit up cant get up my eyes are red and my head is spinnin took another pull ridin red bull got the goofies cant stop grinningot a posse full of hoes playin in my braids and we bout to get in em over yonder is the barn where the pals be at and everything funnygotta pause some nigga tryin to blow my high smokin all that hay with no money now truly this bitch wanna do me so i hit the 151 bacardishe high like the sun thick like cornbread and im ready to party that hay got me so goddamn horny but i dont like that tramp the only reason im poppin that coochie cause the hoe had a book of food stamps and i got the munchiesi need soul food collard greens or pinto beans if you smoke hay like the conflict do then you know what the hell i meansmokin on hay in the middle of the barn smokin on hay in the middle of the barnrollin down the block car full of flies and the flies tried to rise up out dat door crack got my niggas in the barn smokin on that hay stack back up on the scene from smokin herbi creeped up on the wall and all i heard was a bud of mine who dropped a needle in the hay with a funky dime word couldnt be myself couldnt smoke wit nobody else if i didnt pass it to the leftnigga would have lost my breath open up the window fore i fall and faint but i cant cause i roll around in dat barn ride rollin up the hootie hoo roughest skin roller on dat west sidenigga come on in i got some hay wont you close dat barn door nigga what you let them flies out for aint nobody to rich we poorlettin all the contact smoke up in the barn the flies keep us chokin thank you jesus christ for all the hay youre givin us cause well keep on smokinsmokin on hay in the middle of the barn smokin on hay in the middle of the barn

Hay Song Lyrics

Youtube Channel Link

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[bowlsister75-blog]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The 24 Best Songs, Ranked From Great to Spectacular

Even without the songs, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend would still be one of the best comedies on TV: a sharply insightful, wickedly subversive, riotously funny rom-com that is fully aware it’s a rom-com. But the show’s original songs — all 150-some of them! — have elevated it into something wholly unique and unmatched anywhere on TV.

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With Crazy Ex taking its final bow with Friday’s series finale (The CW, 8/7c) — no, we’re not anywhere close to being ready to say goodbye yet — we’re honoring four seasons of musical comedy genius by ranking the very best Crazy Ex songs from the entire series. To be clear, there are many, many worthy songs that it pained us to leave off this list. (Sincere apologies to the likes of “Maybe This Dream,” “F—kton of Cats” and, um, “Period Sex.”) But these are the absolute cream of the crop, the essential songs in the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend canon. And what’s great is, even if you’ve never seen the show, you can enjoy these songs as one-off musical comedy sketches. They’re that good!

So grab a Rebetzel’s Pretzel and join us as we waltz, tap and Soul Train our way down West Covina’s memory lane and look back on the very best Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs from all four seasons. Hey, if we keep singing, the show can’t really end, right?

24. “No One Else Is Singing My Song” (Season 4, Episode 1)

Rebecca started out the final season in prison, and sang this mournful ballad about how alone she felt — not knowing that Nathaniel and Josh were feeling the exact same way. (And singing about it, too.) It’s one of the least overtly comical songs in the Crazy Ex songbook, but it packs a huge emotional punch, especially when the whole cast touches hands in a 12-way split-screen. (Even the creepy grocery guy.)

23. “I Could if I Wanted To” (Season 1, Episode 16)

Whoop-dee-frickin’-doo. Back when Greg was still an alcohol-soaked sourpuss — and looked a lot different than he does now — he delivered this Weezer-y anthem for cynical jerks everywhere, boasting about all the great stuff he could do in life if he actually gave two s—ts about anything. Like it, don’t like it, whatever… not like he cares.

22. “Santa Ana Winds” (Season 2, Episode 11)

This insanely catchy doo-wop ditty is a perfect example of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend finding laughs in a highly specific subject: the gusty Santa Ana winds that plague southern California each year. Here, a Frankie Valli-style vocalist — bravo, Eric Michael Roy — sings of the fierce winds of change blowing through Rebecca’s life, which bring with them “whimsy and forest fires.” Good luck getting this one out of your head.

21. “I’m the Villain in My Own Story” (Season 1, Episode 14)

Here, Rebecca goes the Disney route for a tune where she realizes maybe she’s not the beautiful princess in her love triangle with Josh and Valencia… maybe she’s the cackling witch. The music on this one would slide right into the soundtrack of any Disney cartoon, it has fantastically self-aware lyrics that touch on one of the series’ major themes… and Rachel Bloom’s evil witch voice is just impeccable.

20. “First Penis I Saw” (Season 3, Episode 7)

Donna Lynne Champlin has given us more than a few memorable tunes as Rebecca’s trusty pal Paula, but none can top this upbeat, ABBA-esque tribute to her first real boyfriend… and, well, his distinctive genitalia. (You never forget your first, right?) Bonus points for Paula and her bandmates singing into cucumbers and eggplants in the “Suggestive Vegetables” aisle.

19. “A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes” (Season 1, Episode 3)

Along with playing lovable dummy Josh Chan, Vincent Rodriguez III is one hell of a dancer, and he gets to show off all kinds of moves in this charming boy-band number, where he — well, four of him, really — reassure a smitten Rebecca that she can let all of her childhood traumas go. (They are licensed mental health professionals, after all.) It’s sneaky emotional, too; that moment where Rebecca hugs her younger self and dances with her gets us every time.

18. “We Tapped That Ass” (Season 2, Episode 4)

Josh and Greg team up for this snappy tap-dance number where they exchange notes about their, uh, intimate encounters with Rebecca. The lyrics are jam-packed with naughty wordplay (“On the ottoman, you took a lot of men…”) and double-entendres that we’re surprised made it past the CW censors. They even finish on her chest… of drawers, you sickos.

17. “Where’s the Bathroom?” (Season 1, Episode 8)

God bless Tovah Feldshuh. As Rebecca’s supremely judgy mom Naomi, the Broadway veteran unleashes a whirlwind of passive-aggression while visiting her daughter in this rapid-fire tune, demanding to know where the bathroom is while still dishing out backhanded compliments. (“You’re looking healthy/And by healthy, I mean chunky…”) She even judges Rebecca’s bathroom once she gets there! Anyone with a Jewish mother — or any mother, really — can relate.

16. “I Go to the Zoo” (Season 3, Episode 3)

We can’t stop giggling every time we think about this supremely goofy Drake-inspired slow jam about… Nathaniel’s love of going to the zoo? (Hey, it makes him feel better, alright?) The silky smooth beats are a strangely fitting accompaniment for Nathaniel’s ode to his beloved zoo animals. (“My favorite’s probably the cheetahs/But I ain’t f—king with no zebras.”) Just another hyper-specific, hyper-hysterical Crazy Ex tune that we’ll probably hum every time we go to the zoo from now on.

15. “The Sexy Getting Ready Song” (Season 1, Episode 1)

Right away, in the very first episode, Rachel Bloom let us know what to expect from Crazy Ex with this sultry, silly chronicle of all the plucking and scrubbing women do to get ready for a date. (The back-up singers are there to help Rebecca get into her shapewear, at least.) We couldn’t agree more with the rapper Nipsey Hussle (RIP), who has a cameo midway through: This is some “nasty-ass patriarchal bulls—t.”

14. “Let’s Have Intercourse” (Season 2, Episode 11)

Scott Michael Foster joined the Crazy Ex cast late as cocky corporate guy Nathaniel, but he made a great first impression with this Ed Sheeran-esque ballad in which he gets very specific about what he’d like to do with Rebecca. It’s not terribly romantic — he just wants to “see what [her] nipples look like,” really — but the admittedly gross lyrics make for a hilarious contrast with the lilting, sensitive-dude guitar. And the ballroom dancing’s not bad, either!

13. “Settle For Me” (Season 1, Episode 4)

A song for guys and gals everywhere hopelessly stuck in the friend zone, Greg tries to convince Rebecca to forget Josh and give him a shot with an elegant, old-school number complete with tuxedos and gowns. (“Like two percent milk or seitan beef, I almost taste the same!”) As with a lot of Crazy Ex songs, the buoyant music and snappy dancing help to mask the crushing sadness of the lyrics. So twirly!

12. “We’ll Never Have Problems Again” (Season 2, Episode 10)

Who’s ready to disco? This relentlessly peppy dance track is a hilarious examination of the comforting lies young lovers tell themselves about their future — “No more ups and downs/It’s just ups and ups and ups!” — and it also happens to be ridiculously catchy. Besides, any song that gives Heather an excuse to “Soul Train on outta here” is a keeper in our book.

11. “Friendtopia” (Season 2, Episode 6)

Most musical comedies would be happy with a note-perfect Spice Girls parody, but Crazy Ex had to take it several steps further: Rebecca’s cheerfully sinister girl-power jam is actually a full-on military manifesto, with her, Heather and Valencia plotting to take over the world. (“All agriculture will be diverted/Into making us rosé!”) You’ll never hear the term “squad goals” the same way again… and you better like watching Hocus Pocus.

10. “Remember That We Suffered” (Season 2, Episode 10)

In true Jewish mom fashion, this jaunty dirge is eager to remind listeners that the Jewish people have had a rough go of it for, oh, a few centuries now — so don’t enjoy yourself too much! It’s the perfect distillation of morbid Jewish humor, Tovah Feldshuh continues to be this show’s secret weapon — and bonus points for including the legendary Patti LuPone and her even more legendary voice.

9. “A Diagnosis” (Season 3, Episode 6)

One of the least comical Crazy Ex songs, but one of the most emotionally resonant, this triumphant showstopper sees Rebecca celebrating the fact that she’s been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after years of struggling with her mental health. We’ve been struggling right along with her, so it’s cathartic to see her so full of hope here, and Rachel Bloom’s vocals positively soar. A beautiful tribute to a major turning point in Rebecca’s life.

8. “Love Kernels” (Season 2, Episode 1)

We all know Rebecca could live for days off a single compliment from her beloved Josh Chan, and she puts that poignant desperation into song here with a Lemonade-esque torch song. It’s probably Crazy Ex‘s most sweepingly ambitious music video, with plenty of costume changes — our favorite is a tie between “sexy fashion cactus” and “hamster slurping from a water bottle” — but of course, it openly acknowledges how wildly expensive it must be, too. (Hi, Broom Darryl.)

7. “It Was a S–t Show” (Season 2, Episode 4)

Greg’s farewell lament to Rebecca sheds light on a frustratingly familiar romantic situation: They liked each other a lot, but they knew full well they were just terrible together. (“Chernobyl, next to us, looks like a campfire/Hurricane Katrina was just bad weather…”) Like many great Crazy Ex songs, it’s hilarious and heart-wrenching, all at the same time — and man, Santino Fontana can sing, right?

6. “You Stupid Bitch” (Season 1, Episode 11)

Crazy Ex has had four different theme songs, one for each season (we’re partial to Season 2’s “I’m Just a Girl in Love,” for the record), but this ballad is truly Rebecca Bunch’s theme song. Deeply scathing and cleverly meta all at once, Rebecca harshly chides herself for all of her many mistakes… and not for the first time. (Her audience knows every word!) It’s a stunning depiction of the self-hating voice inside all of us, and probably Rachel Bloom’s best vocal performance of the series to boot.

5. “JAP Battle” (Season 1, Episode 13)

Yes, Rachel Bloom can rap, too: This hilarious hip-hop showdown between Rebecca and her sworn frenemy Audra Levine — a pair of Jewish-American princesses, you see — is a treasure trove of cutting insults (in Yiddish, of course) and references to tony New York hometowns. Guest star Rachel Grate proves herself a very worthy opponent as Audra, and the mean-mug faces that Darryl, Paula and Josh make as Rebecca’s backup crew are just priceless.

4. “Don’t Be a Lawyer” (Season 4, Episode 3)

Burl Moseley’s Jim has been a background player for most of Crazy Ex‘s run, but he hit it out of the park with this spotlight number: a sizzling ’90s R&B throwback jam about the perils of pursuing the legal profession. The vintage fashions and dance moves are perfectly on point, and the lyrics are quite persuasive, actually: “The job is inherently crappy/That’s why you’ve never met a lawyer who’s happy!”

3. “The Math of Love Triangles” (Season 2, Episode 3)

This is probably the pinnacle of the classic Crazy Ex formula: Start with a spot-on recreation of a classic song genre — the ditzy-girl tune, a la Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes — and add a brilliantly meta twist to it. Here, a dolled-up Rebecca wants to understand the elements of her love triangle with Josh and Greg, but keeps getting adorably confused by all the “man math,” and Rachel Bloom’s over-the-top breathy vocals make it all even funnier. Whee, a swing!

2. “Let’s Generalize About Men” (Season 3, Episode 1)

The genius of this Pointer Sisters-inspired toe-tapper is that it’s both a “yas, queen” girl-power anthem and a parody of those anthems, pointing out the flaws in painting all 3.6 billion men on this planet with the same broad brush. (“Let’s take one bad thing about one man/And apply it to all of them!”) It’s catchy enough that you could fool us into thinking it actually made the pop charts in the mid-’80s, and the twist ending, when Paula remembers that her sons are also men, is maybe the most brutally funny punchline of the whole series.

1. “West Covina” (Season 1, Episode 1)

Could Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s very best song also be its very first song? Yes, we believe it could. Rebecca’s dizzingly romantic ode to her new hometown — and the guy who just happens to live there — manages to set the tone for the entire series: delightfully clever (the visual gags at the start still make us giggle) and heartbreakingly earnest all at the same time. There’s a giddy, go-for-broke magic to it, and it all builds to a massive dance number featuring dozens of extras and one giant pretzel, as if to say, “You’ve never seen anything quite like this on TV before.” And they were right: We hadn’t… and we never will again.

Did your favorite Crazy Ex song not make our list? Sing it out in the comments below.

Source: https://tvline.com/2019/04/01/crazy-ex-girlfriend-best-songs-list-music-videos-watch/

[davidcarner]

Sarah vs REO Speedwagon

A/N: This may come as a shock to some of you, but I REALLY like 80s music. I was listening to a random 80s radio on Spotify when a certain REO Speedwagon song came on and the lyrics really struck home. I was trying to figure out how to make it work for Pump Up the Jam, but it wouldn't and then I got an idea. Now this may also come as a shock…it's fluffy. Also, there is Charah. I know, I'm stretching so far out of my comfort zone (insert eye roll emoji here). I mean if you're here you know what you're getting. Takes place after the 49 B ends in Chuck vs The Broken Heart, and Sarah doesn't have the info on Orion yet. Goes AU from there.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or fluff…really…

General Beckman's monitor flicked on, and there stood an amused John Casey. "General," he said as a way of greeting. "You may have a….situation."

"Me?" Beckman asked. "I assume this is non-Intersect then?"

"Oh, no," Casey replied, grinning. "It's an Intersect and CIA problem, I'm staying out of it."

"We just did a 49-B, Casey, surely she figured out she can have a relationship with him as long as she doesn't flaunt it. Hell, I really don't care if she does. I don't care if they marry and have children. I just want peace and quiet. What do I have to do, threaten to lock him in a bunker to get her to make a move?" Casey stood there slack-jawed. "Close your mouth Casey, maybe I have some regrets in my life."

"Are you telling me," Casey began through clenched teeth.

"Casey, you're one of the brightest men I know, act like it."

Casey slammed his palm into his face. "Why not just tell the two morons?"

"Because then it will seem like matchmaking, and I can't do that, they might refuse," Beckman answered.

"Obviously, because this way is doing a hum dinger of a job," Casey grumbled. Then he chuckled. "I guess you don't have a problem then."

Beckman leaned forward. "So what has happened…for professional reason of course."

"Of course," Casey replied, rolling his eyes.

-ooooo-

The Incident

"Come on, Chuck, we're almost there," Sarah said, helping him into bed.

"You so pretty," Chuck said, looking at her with a goofy grin on his face. Alcohol waifed off of him. The assignment was simple. A group of gaming nerds were suspected of buying and selling information for Fulcrum. Chuck's assignment was to infiltrate them. He found the group at the bar, overheard them talking about World of Questing or some stupid online game and found out they were talking about literal fulcrums…something to give them leverage about leveling up. Sarah had no idea, but Chuck was smiling and happy while talking to the group. Casey had abandoned the mission, and Sarah told Chuck to have fun, she'd be nearby if he needed anything. That was four hours ago. She played up being the caring, doting girlfriend after she thought he was sloshed enough. She went to retrieve him, earning Chuck high fives from the group, and an invite to join a clan, or guild, or something. She didn't understand it and wasn't going to pretend like she did.

"That's the alcohol talking, Chuck," she said, trying to get him into bed. His hand slipped around her waist as he fell, pulling her on top of him, leaving them in a compromising position.

"No, you're pretty all the time, in here," he said, pointing at her heart. "It's okay Sarah, I know," and he closed his eyes.

"Well," she said, pushing up, and shaking her head, chuckling at the drunk nerd and feeling something swell inside her that she pushed down for the 49th million time. "I appreciate you thinking that, but there's things I've done."

"I know," he said, eyes closed. "I've seen them with my eyes, and in here," he said, pointing to his head. He opened his eyes and looked at her, sadly. "I was wrong." Sarah felt a crushing blow inside. "You're beautiful." She ducked her head and looked away. Damn him, how did he do it? He took her hand and she looked at him. "I also know, and it's okay, I won't be a problem."

"Know what?" Sarah asked.

"I'm gonna take care of it," he said drifting off. "REO Speedwagon helped me figure it out."

"Helped you figure what out, Chuck?" she asked. A snore was her answer. She shook her head. Just like them, the one time she wanted to talk, he was passed out. The 14 million times he wanted to, she didn't want to talk. Chuck and Sarah 101. She looked over at his iPod and then glanced at him. He wouldn't mind her listening to his music, he was her music professor she thought, smirking. She picked it up and search the most recently played songs. There was one on there by REO Speedwagon, Time for Me to Fly. She picked it up and hit play.

I've been around for you

Been up and down for you

But I just can't get any relief

I've swallowed my pride for you

I've lived and lied for you

But you still make me feel like a thief

You got me stealing your love away

'Cause you never give it

Peeling the years away

And we can't relive it

Oh, I make you laugh

And you make me cry

I believe it's time for me to fly

Sarah was crying. It was all true. He had swallowed his pride. What few feelings she let him share he had to almost steal from her. And the lying to his family and friends, all for her. He did make her laugh, and she didn't know how many times she had made him cry. So that was his answer. He was leaving. The question was how? She looked at him. Part of her thought the best idea was to wake him up, but her training kicked in. Spies didn't feel, spies didn't love, and with that, she exited via the Morgan door.

-ooooo-

"Casey," Beckman began, alarmed. "Exactly how does Chuck plan on…well…flying?"

Casey grinned. "I call him the moron, but sometimes Walker makes him look like a Mensa member."

"What are you saying?" Beckman asked.

"That those two could teach a class on all the way NOT to communicate."

-ooooo-

The day after the incident

Casey entered Castle and heard something in the gym. He walked in and saw Sarah going to town on her favorite heavy bag, BL. Casey had a good idea what BL stood for, especially since she never called it that around Chuck.

"The moron, ex-boy toy, or ladyfeelings?" Casey asked. Sarah stopped and turned to him slowly. Casey didn't gulp, but most men would have.

"Why don't you slip on some gloves," she said coolly.

Casey had a million excuses, but he knew that if he didn't handle…well, whatever this was, it was going to blow up in his face. He walked into the locker room, and came out, dressed for action a few minutes later. After the third combo he couldn't dodge and had smacked him silly, he decided to talk before he was looking up at the lights. "Finally mix your chocolate and his peanut butter and it wasn't all you hoped for?" The fourth combo landed, and he shook his head. "He and Morgan aren't actually heterosexual life partners?" The fifth left him seeing stars. "He cried afterwards, didn't he?" A minute later he blinked looking up at the ceiling and seeing Sarah standing over him.

"Do you listen when he plays music?" she asked icely.

Casey grinned. "Ah, REO Speedwagon," he said, sitting up. Sarah squatted down, her elbows on her knees, looking at him intently. "What's wrong, Walker? Spill it?"

"How is he leaving?"

"Bartowski household has been a bit of a mess since Forrest," Casey replied. "Awesome and Ellie have been having…issues." Sarah's face softened. "It's been hard on Chuck." Sarah gave him a look. "What? I do have feelings."

"You didn't before Chuck," she muttered.

"Hid them better, same way you did," Casey replied. Sarah stiffened. "Ellie's been borrowing Chuck's iPod." Sarah's eyes widened. "She likes REO Speedwagon," he said, shrugging. "Her and Chuck have had some…interesting conversations."

"They're both leaving?" she asked in a whisper.

"You know what," Casey said, shaking him head. "This is one of those times you need to talk to him. I mean talk, Walker. Not at him, to him. Quit telling him all the crap, and tell him how you feel, and maybe, just maybe you two can figure this out."

"Casey, that would-"

"What are they gonna do, give you another 49 B and say you're still compromised?"

-ooooo-

"WAIT!" Beckman exploded. "Are you saying, you told her to have a relationship with Bartowski?" "Are you telling me you were playing dumb?"

Casey shrugged. "People think I am, so give them what they think." Casey was grinning.

Beckman shook her head. "It's why you're one of the best," she said chuckling. "So?" Casey grinned.

-ooooo-

"WHY CAN'T YOU STAY IN THE CAR?!" Sarah yelled, as they were pinned down behind a crate by gunfire.

"The car is riddled with bullet holes!" Chuck said, pointing toward it.

"Well at least that's not how you're flying," Sarah grumbled.

"What?!"

"Nothing!" She hit her ear piece. "Casey, we're pinned down."

"Hang on, Walker, I got you," Casey replied. "Guess you haven't talked to him yet."

"I'm being shot at! I don't think it's the time!"

"It's never the time," Casey replied, taking another shot at the box the two were trapped behind.

-ooooo-

"Casey!" Beckman yelled. Casey just shrugged.

-ooooo-

"What's going on?" Chuck asked. "Listen, I know things have been…weird between us, but today in the car you were silenter than usual, which is a feat unto itself….has the shooting stopped?" Another shot hit the box.

"Casey! Can you do something about the shooter?" Sarah hissed.

"On it," Casey said, firing another shot, near but not with any chance of harming Chuck and Sarah.

"Sarah," Chuck began. The tone in his voice made her turn to him. "Did I do something last night?" There was fear in his voice. "Did I…I mean if I did, surely you would have..God I never should have drank, I am so-"

"Chuck," she said, wrapping her fingers around his wrist and feeling heat running from him to her or her to him, did it matter? He looked at her hand and into her eyes. "You did nothing wrong. I may have though."

"Oh?" Chuck asked. He gulped. "Was I…uh…was I bad?" She raised an eyebrow. "I mean…well, let's be honest, I was obviously drunk and out of it, and don't worry I don't think you took advantage of me." Her other eyebrow raised. She knew she should stop him but she couldn't. "Has the shooting stopped?" Another bullet hit the box. "Weird how that keeps happening."

Sarah's eyes narrowed. "Casey," she growled into the mike.

"Got him!" Casey yelled, punching the unconscious thug.

-ooooo-

Beckman was leaning forward, pinching her nose. "Casey," she groaned. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"You?" Casey asked. "Try being in the field with those two."

-ooooo-

Chuck was sitting on his bed, looking at his iPod. He had messed around with it and found out the last time someone had played it and what song it was. Ellie was at work and he was blitzed out of his mind, so there was only one possible person that could have listened to it. His window slid open and he smiled.

"Sarah, you okay?" he asked. She froze. She gained control of her feelings, and shut the window. She turned around and saw him holding the iPod. "I remember something about REO Speedwagon." She looked away. "Ellie's been listening to It's Time for Me to Fly a lot." Sarah looked back at him and he shook his head. "She listened to it, because it's not true of them. They've had a problem, a problem caused by me."

"Then you were just drunk," Sarah said, relief filling her. She looked away, gathering her senses. She was about to tell him how she felt. She had to. It was the only way to keep him there, and damn the consequences, but now, now she didn't have to.

-ooooo-

Beckman was staring at Casey. "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!? AGAIN!?" Casey grinned and shook his head.

-ooooo-

"No," Chuck whispered. Sarah whipped her head toward him. He cleared his throat. "No," he said in a regular voice. "There is a REO Speedwagon song that tells the truth about you. It's all about you, but I don't know if it's my place to tell you."

"Why wouldn't it be?" She asked in a whisper, surprised the words came from her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. "You're my music professor, remember?" She gave him a slight grin.

"This goes beyond that," Chuck said. "This…it could change everything, and I…." He handed her the iPod, and she saw a song was loaded up. "It's up to you, Sarah….it always has been."

Her eyes filled with tears. She knew exactly what he was saying. Casey had said it was time, minutes earlier she was prepared to say things to him she never thought she'd say to any man, especially this man, this good man. She didn't even put on earphones. She simply clicked play.

Oh, I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out this friendship has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

She stared at him. It was all true. Every. Last. Word. She wished she had the strength to tell him.

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever

I said there is no reason for my fear

'Cause I feel so secure when we're together

You give my life direction

You make everything so clear

She blinked away tears. He helped her know how she didn't need the CIA any longer, she never felt safer, or more secure than being around him. Why was she scared?

And even as I wander

I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window

On a cold, dark winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

He was always the reason she couldn't leave, and she was, closer than she had ever been in her life to being happy. To being loved. To being able to say she was in love.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

It's time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

What was the point? The 49 B had come and gone. Why was she saying nothing? Why? She turned the iPod off and handed it back to Chuck. He took it, nodded, and laid it on the table.

"Like I said, I'm not gonna-"

"I love you," she said softly. Chuck's eyes grew wide like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I don't know how to make this work, I don't know how to be what you need."

"Just be you," he said as softly. "I love you." She nodded, and crawled up on the bed and her lips met his.

-ooooo-

"CASEY! What happened next?" Beckman asked.

Casey shrugged. "I turned of the cameras before I needed brain bleach. He had his protection all over him." He thought for a moment. "Or maybe he needed protection." Beckman slapped her hand to her forehead.

-ooooo-

The next day

"Walker, Bartowski, will you please quit holding hands during the briefing," Beckman said, trying to scowl, but secretly please.

"General, I should tell you-" Sarah began.

"I don't care," Beckman replied looking at the two of them and the shocked look on their faces. "Do us all a favor and convince Ellie and Awesome to have a double wedding with you two."

"Wedding?" Chuck choked out. Sarah looked at him. "I mean, it's a bit fast, don't you think."

"NO!" Casey and Beckman yelled. Chuck and Sarah shared a look, grinned, and shrugged.

A/N: So that was on my brain and now it's taken care of. Hope you liked it. Want to publicly say how thrilled I am with all the stories flooding this site right now! To all you writers, you rock! Take care, see you soon, reviews, PMs, or anything, is always appreciated.

DC